♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
FROM A JUDGE ANNOUNCING ERIC
ADAMS' TRIAL WILL BEGIN IN
APRIL, TO BOTH HEIDI KLUM AND
JANELLE MONAE COINCIDENTALLY
BOTH DRESSING UP LIKE E.T. FOR
HALLOWEEN.
BUT WE'RE GOING TO DIVE STRAIGHT
IN WITH OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT,
WHICH CONCERNS DONALD TRUMP,
STAR OF "HOME ALONE 2" AND ALL
OF YOUR ANXIETY ATTACKS.
WE'VE TALKED ALL YEAR ABOUT THE
MANY GOOD REASONS NOT TO VOTE
FOR HIM: HIS MASS DEPORTATION
PLANS, HIS RESHAPING OF THE
COURTS, PROJECT 2025, EVERYTHING
HE SAID OR DID BEFORE HIS
PRESIDENCY, EVERYTHING HE SAID
OR DID DURING HIS PRESIDENCY,
EVERYTHING HE SAID OR DID AFTER
HIS PRESIDENCY, AND THE FACT IT
SHOULD BE UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO
HAVE A VICE PRESIDENT NAMED J.D.
BUT TONIGHT, WE'D LIKE TO FOCUS
ON SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN TALKED
ABOUT A LITTLE LESS: HIS
BUSINESS VENTURES.
WHICH, TO BE CLEAR, ARE NOT TO
BE CONFUSED WITH THE UNOFFICIAL
TRUMP PRODUCTS THAT JUST HAVE
HIS NAME SLAPPED ON THEM, LIKE
THIS.
>> HE'S HERE!
EVERYONE'S FAVORITE FISH,
"TRUMPY TROUT!"
>> NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN A FISH
LIKE ME.
>> TRUMPY TROUT IS AN
ANIMATRONIC TALKING FISH WITH A
BIG PERSONALITY.
>> I AM THE HUGELY BIGLIEST FISH
IN THE POND.
>> MOUNT HIM TO YOUR WALL, OR
USE THE BUILT-IN STAND TO
DISPLAY HIM PROUDLY ON YOUR
DESK.
NOW YOU'LL NEVER MISS A TRUMPY
TROUT RALLY.
>> I'M BUILDING A NEW POND, AND
THE BASS WILL PAY FOR IT.
>> John: WE ALL SEE IT, RIGHT?
PLEASE -- PLEASE TELL ME WE ALL
SEE IT.
THEY WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR DICK
IN THAT, RIGHT?
I'M NOT SAYING THAT'S WHAT I
WANT TO DO!
I'M SAYING THAT'S WHAT THEY
WANT ME TO DO.
WHY ELSE WOULD THEY DESIGN IT
LIKE SOME SORT OF BASS PRO SHOP
SPONSORED FLESH-LIGHT?
ALL I'M SAYING IS, LADIES, IF
YOUR HUSBAND ASKS YOU FOR A
TRUMPY TROUT THIS CHRISTMAS,
IT'S OVER.
INCIDENTALLY, ACCORDING TO THEIR
WEBSITE, THEY ALLOW RETURNS IN
THE FIRST 60 DAYS, NO QUESTIONS
ASKED, WHICH FEELS LIKE A HUGE
MISTAKE, BECAUSE I'M GUESSING
THEIR WAREHOUSE IS NOW FULL OF
SPLOOGE-COVERED TROUT.
AGAIN, THAT'S NOT AN OFFICIAL
TRUMP PRODUCT.
I ONLY SHOWED IT TO YOU TO
HORRIFY YOU.
AND NOW YOU HAVE SEVEN DAYS TO
SHOW THAT VIDEO TO SOMEONE ELSE.
BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF
MONEYMAKING VENTURES THAT DO
HAVE TRUMP'S SEAL OF APPROVAL,
AND FROM WHICH MONEY FLOWS TO
HIM.
AND WHILE ALL FORMER PRESIDENTS
END UP FINDING WAYS TO MAKE
MONEY, TRUMP'S IN A CATEGORY ALL
HIS OWN.
SINCE HE LEFT OFFICE, HIS
COMPANIES RESUMED THEIR GOLF AND
REAL ESTATE DEALS ABROAD,
ANNOUNCING PROJECTS IN SAUDI
ARABIA, DUBAI, AND VIETNAM.
HE'S ALSO BEEN HAWKING OFFICIAL
TRUMP COINS, A TRUMP-BRANDED
BIBLE, AND THE "NEVER SURRENDER"
HIGH TOPS, WHICH LOOK LIKE WHAT
MR. T WOULD WEAR WITH A TUXEDO.
EVEN MORE RECENTLY, HE LAUNCHED
A LINE OF TRUMP WATCHES, WITH
ONE RETAILING AT $100,000.
>> THE TRUMP VICTORY TOURBILLON.
THIS ISN'T JUST ANY WATCH.
IT'S ONE OF THE BEST WATCHES
MADE.
IT'S A TOURBILLON WATCH, WITH
ALMOST 200 GRAMS OF GOLD AND
MORE THAN 100 REAL DIAMONDS.
THAT'S A LOT OF DIAMONDS.
I LOVE GOLD.
I LOVE DIAMONDS.
WE ALL DO.
>> John: I THINK THIS GOES
WITHOUT SAYING, BUT THAT'S THE
UGLIEST WATCH I'VE EVER SEEN.
IT MAKES YOUR WRIST LOOK LIKE
IT'S HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS MADE BY
MELTING DOWN KING CHARLES.
IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST
FISTED C-3PO.
AND LOOK, THE FACT TRUMP'S
WILLING TO SLAP HIS NAME ON
RANDOM PRODUCTS IS NOTHING NEW.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN PART OF HIS
M.O.
BUT THE SCOPE OF HIS BUSINESS
VENTURES HAVE ACTUALLY ESCALATED
SHARPLY RECENTLY.
WHICH IN A WAY, MAKES SENSE.
SINCE LEAVING OFFICE, HE'S SPENT
$100 MILLION ON LEGAL COSTS, AT
AN AVERAGE OF MORE THAN $90,000
A DAY.
AND ON TOP OF THAT, THERE ARE
THE MULTIPLE JUDGMENTS HANGING
OVER HIM.
THERE'S THE CIVIL FRAUD CASE IN
NEW YORK FOR WHICH A JUDGE
ORDERED HIM TO PAY $355 MILLION
IN DAMAGES, AND THE TWO CIVIL
CASES BROUGHT BY E. JEAN
CARROLL, IN WHICH HE WAS
FOUND TO HAVE SEXUALLY ABUSED
AND DEFAMED HER, AND FOR WHICH
HE WAS ORDERED TO PAY ABOUT $88
MILLION.
NOW, DOES NEARLY HALF A BILLION
IN PENALTIES HANGING OVER HIS
HEAD MAKE THE GREEDIEST MAN TO
EVER LIVE EVEN GREEDIER?
MAYBE, MAYBE NOT -- AFTER ALL,
TRUMP'S ALWAYS OPERATING AT
MAXIMUM GREED, THE SAME WAY THE
OCEAN'S ALWAYS OPERATING AT
MAXIMUM WET, BUT IT DOES MEAN
HE'S A LITTLE MORE DESPERATE.
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IF HIS
APPEALS FAIL, AND HE DOESN'T
COME UP WITH THE MONEY, COURTS
COULD ORDER THAT HIS ASSETS BE
SEIZED AND SOLD.
SO HE'S NOW MORE INCENTIVIZED
THAN EVER TO BRING IN AS MUCH
MONEY AS POSSIBLE -- AND IF THE
ELECTION GOES HIS WAY ON
TUESDAY, HE'S GOT SOME TROUBLING
NEW WAYS OF DOING THAT.
SO TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK AT
TRUMP'S BUSINESSES -- WHAT'S
CHANGED ABOUT THEM SINCE LAST
TIME AROUND, AND WHAT HAVOC THEY
COULD WREAK.
AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT
THAT WE ALWAYS KNEW THERE WERE
GOING TO NEED TO BE ETHICAL
GUARDRAILS DURING TRUMP'S FIRST
TERM.
UNFORTUNATELY, WHAT BECAME CLEAR
WAS THAT OUR SYSTEM OF ETHICS
WAS LARGELY BASED ON NORMS THAT
COULD BE IGNORED.
FOR INSTANCE, TRUMP WASN'T
REQUIRED TO RELEASE HIS TAX
RETURNS -- SO HE DIDN'T.
SIMILARLY, NEARLY ALL PRESIDENTS
SINCE THE 70S HAVE PUT THEIR
ASSETS INTO A BLIND TRUST.
BUT TRUMP WASN'T REQUIRED TO DO
THAT EITHER, SO DIDN'T.
AND EVEN HE WAS TAKEN ABACK BY
THIS -- HERE HE IS TALKING TO
REPORTERS JUST A FEW DAYS AFTER
HE WON.
>> I ASSUMED THAT YOU'D HAVE TO
SET UP SOME TYPE OF TRUST OR
WHATEVER AND YOU DON'T.
AND I WAS ACTUALLY A LITTLE BIT
SURPRISED TO SEE IT.
>> John: YEAH.
AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW, IF
TRUMP'S NOT REQUIRED TO DO
SOMETHING, HE'S NOT DOING IT.
IT'S WHY HE DOESN'T SAY HE LOST
THE LAST ELECTION OR HUG HIS
CHILDREN OR BOTHER TO LEARN THE
FUCKING DANCE MOVES TO THE YMCA.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOVE YOUR
ARMS ABOVE YOUR SHOULDERS, YOU
HUMAN POT ROAST.
INSTEAD, TRUMP PUT HIS ASSETS IN
A REVOCABLE TRUST THAT HE
COULD ACCESS ANY TIME HE WANTED
-- RUN, BY THE WAY, BY HIS SONS
AND THE COMPANY'S CFO -- A MAN
WHO'S SINCE GONE TO JAIL TWICE
FOR LYING UNDER OATH AND DODGING
TAXES.
SO THOSE WERE THE NORMS HE
BLEW PAST.
BUT HE ALSO IGNORED THE FEW LAWS
THAT WERE IN PLACE.
FOR INSTANCE, THE EMOLUMENTS
CLAUSE OF THE CONSTITUTION
FORBIDS THE PRESIDENT TO ACCEPT
MONEY PAYMENTS OR GIFTS "OF ANY
KIND WHATEVER" FROM FOREIGN
GOVERNMENTS UNLESS HE OBTAINS
"THE CONSENT OF THE CONGRESS" TO
DO SO.
BUT AN INVESTIGATION RELEASED
EARLIER THIS YEAR -- OF JUST THE
FIRST TWO YEARS OF HIS
PRESIDENCY -- SEEMED TO FIND
SOME PRETTY CLEAR VIOLATIONS.
>> THE HOUSE DEMOCRATS' NEW
REPORT FOUND THAT WHILE DONALD
TRUMP WAS PRESIDENT, HIS
BUSINESSES RAKED IN $7.8 MILLION
FROM 20 FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS.
TOPPING THE CHART, CHINA,
FOLLOWED BY SAUDI ARABIA, AND
QATAR.
>> John: RIGHT.
FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS EFFECTIVELY
PAID MILLIONS TO TRUMP, BY
RENTING HOTEL ROOMS OR OTHER
TRUMP-OWNED PROPERTIES.
AND IN ANY OTHER UNIVERSE,
"PRESIDENT ACCEPTS MONEY FROM
FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS" WOULD BE
IMMEDIATELY DISQUALIFYING.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE LIVE IN THIS
UNIVERSE WHERE A CANDIDATE FOR
PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CRIMINALLY
INDICTED FOUR TIMES AND
CONVICTED OF 34 FELONIES THUS
FAR, HIS RUNNING MATE SEES WOMEN
AS WALKING INCUBATORS, AND REBA
MCENTIRE STILL STILL HASN'T DONE
"HOT ONES."
THIS IS NOT THE IDEAL TIMELINE.
TRUMP'S ALLEGED VIOLATIONS OF
THE EMOLUMENTS CLAUSE WERE THE
SUBJECT OF MULTIPLE LAWSUITS
DURING HIS TERM.
THE PROBLEM IS, THAT TERM ENDED
BEFORE A FINAL COURT RULING,
LEADING THE SUPREME COURT TO
DISMISS THOSE CASES AS MOOT.
BASICALLY, HE RAN OUT THE CLOCK.
SO, THERE'S NO EVIDENCE TO
SUGGEST TRUMP WON'T CARRY ON HIS
PERSONAL ENRICHMENT IN A SECOND
TERM.
AND IT'S WORTH TALKING ABOUT TWO
KEY AREAS THAT WEREN'T PART OF
HIS FINANCIAL PORTFOLIO LAST
TIME: SOCIAL MEDIA AND
CRYPTOCURRENCY.
AND LET'S START WITH SOCIAL
MEDIA.
NOT LONG AFTER LEAVING OFFICE,
TRUMP STARTED TRUMP MEDIA.
YOU MAY KNOW OF ITS FLAGSHIP
PRODUCT, TRUTH SOCIAL, THE MAGA
VERSION OF TWITTER -- A PHRASE
WHICH IS NOW TOTALLY REDUNDANT.
TRUTH SOCIAL ADVERTISES A LOT ON
NEWSMAX, WHERE IT FITS IN WELL
WITH THE OTHER COMPANIES THAT
ADVERTISE THERE.
BECAUSE WATCH THIS AD BREAK FROM
THE NETWORK -- AND WE DID NOT
EDIT THIS AT ALL.
>> NO TASK TOO GREAT.
WE ARE AMERICANS AND THE FUTURE
BELONGS TO US.
THE FUTURE BELONGS TO ALL OF
YOU.
>> JOIN THE CONVERSATION.
JOIN THE MOVEMENT.
JOIN TRUTH SOCIAL WHERE FREEDOM
LIVES.
>> DERRIERE.
CABOOSE.
BOOTY.
BADUNKADUNK.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL IT, IF
YOU HAVE HEMORRHOIDS, YOUR TUSHY
IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.
SO DON'T USE A CREAM THAT TREATS
YOUR REAR END LIKE A JOKE.
>> John: PERFECT.
I ONLY WISH THEY'D GONE EVEN
HARDER ON THE BUTT NAMES:
DERRIERE, CABOOSE, BOOTY,
BADONKADONK, CAKES, SWEET
CHEEKS, GLUTE CHUTE, WAGON
YOU'RE DRAGGIN', MEAT SEAT, BACK
PORCH, DEVIL'S CANYON, MOONS
OVER MY FANNY, CINNABUNS,
STANLEY TUSHI, PILLSBURY
DOUGHBUTT, JUBBLES MCSQUEEZE,
AND TROUSER HAMS.
I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH, JUST AN
ENDLESS AMOUNT OF BUTT NAMES
WHILE YOU HAWK HEMORRHOID CREAM
ALONGSIDE TRUMP'S EVEN SHITTIER
TWITTER.
THE CONCEPT OF TRUTH SOCIAL WAS
PITCHED TO TRUMP AT MAR-A-LAGO
BY TWO FORMER "APPRENTICE"
CONTESTANTS JUST THREE WEEKS
AFTER JANUARY 6TH, NATURALLY
OVER CHEESEBURGERS, DIET COKES,
AND ICE CREAM.
PROVING ONCE AGAIN, TRUMP LIVES
EVERY DAY LIKE A TEN-YEAR-OLD
HAVING A BIG DAY OUT.
THE PITCH FOR TRUMP MEDIA AS A
WHOLE WAS TRUMP WOULD OWN THE
MAJORITY OF THE COMPANY WITHOUT
PUTTING IN ANY OF HIS OWN MONEY,
EFFECTIVELY JUST LEVERAGING HIS
NAME.
AND SINCE GOING PUBLIC EARLIER
THIS YEAR, HIS STAKE'S SOARED TO
VALUES AS HIGH AS 5 BILLION,
MORE THAN THE ESTIMATED VALUE OF
ALL HIS COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE
COMBINED.
IT'S NOW THE BIGGEST PIECE OF
HIS FINANCIAL HOLDINGS BY FAR.
BUT CRUCIALLY THAT VALUE IS IN
NO WAY REFLECTIVE OF THE
FINANCIAL PERFORMANCE OF THE
COMPANY ITSELF.
BECAUSE ITS FLAGSHIP PRODUCT,
TRUTH SOCIAL ISN'T MUCH TO WRITE
HOME ABOUT.
IT'S THE 1,174TH MOST POPULAR
WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET, BEHIND
GUITAR CENTER, SPIRIT HALLOWEEN,
AND "THE PORN DUDE" DOT COM.
AND IT'S BEEN A BIT OF A
SHITSHOW RIGHT FROM THE START --
SOMETIMES LITERALLY, GIVEN THAT
EVEN BEFORE TRUTH SOCIAL
OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED, PEOPLE
DISCOVERED AN UNRELEASED TEST
VERSION WITH AN OPEN SIGN-UP
PAGE, AND IT BECAME CLEAR NO ONE
HAD BOTHERED TO RESERVE THE
USERNAME "DONALDJTRUMP."
SO THEY GRABBED THAT ACCOUNT AND
POSTED THIS PICTURE OF A PIG
SHITTING ON ITS OWN SCROTUM.
FUN FACT: THOSE ACCOUNTS WERE
SUSPENDED, SUGGESTING TRUTH
SOCIAL'S NOT SO MUCH A PLATFORM
"WHERE FREEDOM LIVES," AS ONE
"WHERE FREEDOM KISSES DADDY'S
DERRIERE.
CABOOSE.
BOOTY.
BADONKADONK."
AND THE COMPANY'S NOT DOING THAT
HOT FINANCIALLY, EITHER.
THEIR FILINGS SHOW LITTLE
REVENUE AND LARGE LOSSES.
BUT IT'S BASICALLY FUNCTIONING
AS A MEME STOCK RIGHT NOW -- ONE
THAT GOES UP BECAUSE THERE'S A
FRENZY AROUND IT ONLINE, BUT
THAT FRENZY IS DIVORCED FROM ITS
UNDERLYING VALUE.
AND DON'T TAKE THAT FROM ME --
JUST LISTEN TO THIS FOX BUSINESS
CORRESPONDENT.
>> THERE IS REALLY NO PROFITS
HERE TO THIS COMPANY.
ITS USER BASE IS A FRACTION OF
TWITTER.
IT IS LITERALLY BLOWING UP
BECAUSE OF THE NAME DONALD
TRUMP.
NOW MAYBE TRUMP CAN MAKE IT
PROFITABLE.
HE HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT
SO FAR.
>> SO JUST BE CAREFUL ON THIS
ONE.
>> CHARLIE GASPARINO.
>> DON'T SAY I DIDN'T TELL YOU!
>> John: I'D LOVE TO MEET THE
FOX VIEWER WHO, SECONDS AWAY
FROM SPENDING $5,000 OF HIS --
LET'S BE HONEST -- EX-WIFE'S
MONEY ON TRUMP MEDIA STOCK, IS
STOPPED BY THE WORDS OF DOLLAR
STORE TONY DANZA THERE, THOUGH
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT VIEWER
DOESN'T EXIST.
I'M GUESSING ANYONE ABOUT TO BUY
TRUMP MEDIA STOCK WILL ONLY BE
STOPPED BY ACCIDENTALLY
ELECTROCUTING THEMSELVES WHILE
FUCKING THE TRUMPY TROUT.
ARE INCREDIBLY NOT's COVERED BY
FEDERAL CONFLICT OF INTEREST
LAW, TRUMP COULD USE THE POWER
OF THE OFFICE TO BOOST THE STOCK
-- BY, FOR INSTANCE, DECIDING
HE'S ONLY GOING TO COMMUNICATE
THROUGH TRUTH SOCIAL FROM NOW
ON.
BUT THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
AMERICAN COMPANIES SEEKING
GOVERNMENT FAVORS COULD BUY ADS
ON THE PLATFORM.
AND FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS LOOKING
TO SCORE POINTS WITH TRUMP COULD
BUY SHARES.
FOR INSTANCE, THE SAUDI
SOVEREIGN WEALTH FUND COULD BUY
A TON OF STOCK IN TRUMP MEDIA,
CAUSING THE PRICE TO SOAR.
BUT IT'D ALSO THEN HAVE THE
POWER TO TANK THE VALUE OF
SHARES BY DUMPING THEM,
RENDERING TRUMP'S STOCK
WORTHLESS.
THAT'S A LOT OF POWER FOR A
FOREIGN GOVERNMENT TO HAVE OVER
A PRESIDENT'S NET WORTH.
AND AT LEAST WITH TRUMP MEDIA,
THERE ARE SOME LONG-ESTABLISHED
RESTRICTIONS PUBLICLY TRADED
COMPANIES HAVE TO OPERATE UNDER.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE WITH
TRUMP'S OTHER NEW VENTURE,
CRYPTOCURRENCY.
INTERESTINGLY, HE WAS INITIALLY
VERY ANTI-CRYPTO, SAYING THAT
BITCOIN SEEMS LIKE A SCAM.
BUT TWO YEARS AGO, HE VENTURED
INTO NFT'S AND THAT EXPERIENCE
SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED HIS MIND.
AND LET'S TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK
ABOUT THOSE NFTS, BECAUSE
THEY'RE BONKERS.
HE LAUNCHED THE FIRST ONES WITH
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> I'M DOING MY FIRST OFFICIAL
DONALD J TRUMP NFT COLLECTION
RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
THEY'RE CALLED TRUMP DIGITAL
TRADING CARDS.
THESE CARDS FEATURE SOME OF THE
REALLY INCREDIBLE ARTWORK
PERTAINING TO MY LIFE AND MY
CAREER.
GO TO CollectTrumpCards.com
RIGHT NOW AND REMEMBER CHRISTMAS
IS COMING AND THIS MAKES A GREAT
CHRISTMAS GIFT.
>> John: FIRST, NO IT DOESN'T.
IMAGINE THE LOOK OF
DISAPPOINTMENT ON SOMEONE'S FACE
TO FIND OUT ON CHRISTMAS MORNING
THAT INSTEAD OF A REAL GIFT,
THEY GOT A GLORIFIED JPEG.
EVEN THE TRUMPIEST OF UNCLES
WOULD BE LIKE "I DON'T WANT THIS
SHIT, I ASKED FOR A FUCKING
NUTRIBULLET!"
ALSO, REFERRING TO THE NFTs AS
"ARTWORK PERTAINING TO MY LIFE
AND CAREER" IS BOLD.
BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER A TIME
WHEN TRUMP WAS AN ASTRONAUT, A
SUPERHERO, OR HAD THIS BODY.
NEVERTHELESS, THAT FIRST
COLLECTION, SOLD OUT IN LESS
THAN A DAY, SOMETHING THAT
THRILLED TRUMP SO MUCH, HE
RELEASED THREE MORE SETS, WITH
EQUALLY WEIRD IMAGES -- FROM HIM
AS IRON MAN, TO ELVIS, TO A
SUPERHERO WITH LASER VISION, TO
THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE ONE OF
ALL, TRUMP AS A WELL-ADJUSTED
FAMILY MAN WITH A LOVING PET DOG
WHO HOSTS BARBECUES FOR HIS
FRIENDS.
I'M SORRY, THAT'S STRETCHING THE
HUMAN IMAGINATION TOO FAR.
THE GUY WHO GOT TRUMP INTO NFTs
IS BILL ZANKER, WHO CO-AUTHORED
TRUMP'S 2007 BOOK THINK BIG AND
KICK ASS IN BUSINESS AND LIFE.
HIS CLAIM TO FAME WAS FOUNDING
THE ADULT-EDUCATION COMPANY THE
LEARNING ANNEX, WHICH IN ITS
HEYDAY TAUGHT CLASSES LIKE "HOW
TO FLIRT," "HOW TO CHEAT ON YOUR
SPOUSE," AND "HOW TO TALK TO
YOUR CAT," CLASSES I ASSUME
YOU'D NEED TO TAKE IN THAT
ORDER.
BUT TRUMP'S MADE A LOT OF MONEY
OFF OF THESE WORTHLESS PIECES OF
SHIT -- HIS MOST RECENT
FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE SAYS HE
EARNED OVER $7 MILLION IN HIS
NFT LICENSING DEAL.
AND SINCE THEN, HE'S
SIGNIFICANTLY EMBRACED THE
CRYPTO COMMUNITY, AND IN
SEPTEMBER, ANNOUNCED A BRAND-NEW
VENTURE.
>> SO, THIS NEW TRUMP-BACKED
BUSINESS CALLED WORLD LIBERTY
FINANCIAL, YET TO RELEASE KEY
DETAILS ABOUT ITS FINANCES OR
EXACT PURPOSE.
ITS WEBSITE, THOUGH, PROMINENTLY
FEATURES PHOTOS OF TRUMP AND
TOUTS A DIGITAL CURRENCY.
TRUMP AND HIS SONS ERIC AND
DON JR. ARE PITCHING THIS
PLATFORM AS A WAY FOR AMERICAN
HOUSEHOLDS TO BUY OR SELL
CRYPTOCURRENCIES AND TO GO
AROUND, QUOTE, "BIG BANKS AND
FINANCIAL ELITES."
>> John: IT'S TRUE, TRUMP HAS
HIS OWN CRYPTO PLATFORM NOW.
WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY ALARMING,
EVEN BEFORE YOU GO TO ITS
WEBSITE AND SEE THAT ONE OF THE
COMPANY'S ADVISERS IS SOMEONE
CALLED "OGLE," WHOSE HEADSHOT IS
A CARTOON WEARING A GAS MASK,
AND WHO IS FROM AN ORGANIZATION
CALLED "GLUE."
AND LOOK, I'M SURE OGLE IS
AWESOME AT GLUE.
BUT IT'S NOT A GREAT SIGN THAT A
FINANCIAL PLATFORM'S BEING
OFFICIALLY ADVISED BY WHAT
APPEARS TO BE A 12-YEAR-OLD'S
FORTNITE CHARACTER.
ON THAT WEBSITE, BARRON, ERIC
AND DON JUNIOR ARE DESCRIBED AS
"WEB 3 AMBASSADORS."
AND TRUMP'S REFERRED TO AS
"CHIEF CRYPTO ADVOCATE."
AND IF THOSE TITLES SOUND
INCREDIBLY VAGUE, THAT'S TRUE OF
THE ENTIRE ENTERPRISE.
ALL WE REALLY KNOW IS THAT THE
COMPANY INTENDS TO BUILD A
PLATFORM THAT WILL ALLOW USERS
TO TRADE, BORROW, AND LEND
CRYPTOCURRENCIES.
THEY'VE LAUNCHED A GOVERNANCE
TOKEN, WHICH THEY SAY WILL
EVENTUALLY ALLOW USERS TO VOTE
ON HOW THE PROJECT IS RUN, AND
SO FAR, THEY'VE SOLD $14 MILLION
WORTH OF THEM, DESPITE
THE FACT THEY CURRENTLY HAVE NO
REAL RIGHTS AND CAN'T BE TRADED,
BECAUSE THEY'RE
NON-TRANSFERABLE.
ONE CRYPTO ANALYST SAID, "I
DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU COULD SAY
IT'S A SPECULATIVE TOKEN,
BECAUSE IT'S NOT BUILT FOR
ANYTHING YET," "IT'S LIKE A
RECEIPT FOR SOMETHING THAT
HASN'T BEEN MADE."
WHICH IS SO DISAPPOINTING,
BECAUSE THAT'S NOT THE STANDARD
YOU'D EXPECT FROM A COMPANY
BEING ADVISED BY OGLE.
NOT OGLE FROM GLUE!
APPARENTLY, ONCE THE BROADER
PLATFORM IS LAUNCHED, 75% OF NET
REVENUE WILL FLOW TO A COMPANY
TRUMP OWNS.
SO THIS IS YET ANOTHER PROJECT
THAT TRUMP WILL PROFIT OFF, JUST
BY SLAPPING HIS NAME ON IT.
THE REAL WORK WILL BE DONE BY
OTHERS.
AND IT'S WORTH MEETING THOSE
OTHERS.
BECAUSE THE KEY PEOPLE BEHIND
THE COMPANY ARE TWO GUYS NAMED
CHASE HERRO AND ZAK FOLKMAN.
THEY WERE PREVIOUSLY INVOLVED IN
DOUGH FINANCE, A CRYPTO PLATFORM
THAT WAS HACKED IN JULY, AND
WHICH LED TO THE THEFT OF
$2 MILLION.
HERRO HAS DESCRIBED HIMSELF AS
"THE DIRTBAG OF THE INTERNET"
AND PREVIOUSLY SOLD WEIGHT-LOSS
COLON CLEANSES AND A
$149-A-MONTH GET-RICH-QUICK
CLASS.
HE ALSO OWNS A 34-FOOT BOAT
CALLED "CLICKBAIT," BECAUSE OF
COURSE HE DOES, AND ONCE
DESCRIBED CRYPTO LIKE THIS.
>> YOU CAN LITERALLY SELL SHIT
IN A CAN, WRAPPED IN PISS,
COVERED IN HUMAN SKIN FOR A
BILLION DOLLARS IF THE STORY IS
RIGHT, BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL BUY
IT AND THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON IN
THE CRYPTO SPACE.
LIKE I SAID IN MY OTHER VIDEO,
I'M NOT GOING TO QUESTION THE
RIGHT AND THE WRONG OF ALL THAT,
ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT AS A
HUMAN BEING, YOU HAVE THAT
ABILITY TO MAKE A FUCK TON OF
MONEY RIGHT NOW.
>> John: FIRST, STOP DRIVING!
PULL OVER, TAKE A WEED GUMMY AND
CHILL THE FUCK OUT, YOU'RE
SCREAMING.
SECOND, THIS VIDEO MAKES ME
GENUINELY SAD TO THINK ABOUT IF
THEY REMADE "THE MUSIC MAN"
TODAY.
HUSTLERS USED TO WEAR STRAW
HATS, THREE PIECE SUITS, AND BE
ABLE TO PATTER SONG LIKE A
PROPER GENTLEMEN.
NOW ALL WE GET ARE WANNABE
TURTLES FROM ENTOURAGE YELLING
ABOUT SHIT CANS WHILE LIKELY
COMMITTING VEHICULAR
MANSLAUGHTER.
AS FOR ZAK FOLKMAN, HE USED TO
RUN A SERVICE CALLED "DATE
HOTTER GIRLS," WHERE HE TAUGHT
MASTERCLASSES ON HOW TO "BECOME
THE ULTIMATE ALPHA MALE."
HERE HE IS IN ACTION.
>> IF YOU WANT TO TAKE HER HOME,
TRY -- LIKE, TELL HER -- TELL
HER ABOUT THE AWESOME MARGARITAS
THAT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE AT YOUR
PLACE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE REALLY SWEET
BALCONY YOU HAVE AT YOUR PLACE.
TELL HER ABOUT, YOU KNOW, YOUR,
YOU KNOW, SOME VIDEO THAT YOU
SAW ON YOUTUBE THAT YOU HAVE TO
SHOW HER AND, YOU KNOW, GET HER
HOME.
NOW, THE FACT OF THE MATTER
IS, IS THIS, YOU KNOW, FLASHY?
NO, NOT AT ALL.
BUT, I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS CAME
HERE TO LEARN HOW TO BE FLASHY?
OKAY.
HOW MANY GUYS CAME HERE TO LEARN
HOW TO TAKE GIRLS HOME AND BANG
'EM?
>> John: LOOK, I KNOW WE'VE
SHOWN YOU A LOT OF SAD CLIPS
OVER THE YEARS, BUT THAT
HONESTLY MIGHT BE THE MOST
HEARTBREAKING.
FROM HIS WHOLE VIBE THAT CAN
BEST BE DESCRIBED AS "WORSE
JARED LETO," TO THE FACT THE
SEMINAR'S TAKING PLACE IN WHAT
APPEARS TO BE THE LOBBY OF A
HILTON GARDEN INN TO HIM USING
THE WORD "BANG" FOR SEX LIKE
HE'S A ONE-LINE EXTRA IN A
PRODUCTION OF "GREASE."
BUT THE WORST PART MIGHT BE THAT
HIS GRAND PLAN TO TEACH MEN TO
"DATE HOTTER GIRLS" IS TO TELL
THEM ABOUT HOW COOL HIS HOUSE IS
LIKE AN 8-YEAR-OLD TALKING
TO SOMEONE IN THE POOL ON
VACATION.
"YEAH, MY HOUSE HAS A BALCONY
AND WE HAVE A SLUSHY MACHINE AND
I'M ALLOWED TO WATCH YOUTUBE.
WATCH ME DO A DOLPHIN KICK."
ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, NO WOMAN
IS GOING TO GET ENTICED HOME TO
BANG WITH A YOUTUBE VIDEO.
ASK ANYONE WHO'S BEEN STUCK IN
AN APARTMENT WHILE A MAN SHOWS
HER A 12-MINUTE "BEST OF
MYTHBUSTERS" COMPILATION, THERE
IS NOTHING LESS HORNY.
AND LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO SHOW
YOU ANOTHER CLIP FROM ZACK.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT
GOING TO THAT.
>> A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE
CONVERSATION BAIT IS THAT
QUESTION -- OR, LIKE, SAYING,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, "YOU HAVE AN
ACCENT, DON'T YOU?"
BECAUSE THE FACT IS, IS LIKE
WHAT -- LIKE, WHAT COULD A GIRL
POSSIBLY SAY TO THAT?
LIKE, WHAT -- SHE'S EITHER GONNA
SAY YES, NO, OR WHY WOULD YOU
ASK ME THAT, RIGHT?
LIKE, I MEAN, I CAN PROMISE YOU
BECAUSE I'VE SAID THIS THOUSANDS
OF TIMES AND THAT'S THE ONLY
THREE ANSWERS I'VE EVER HEARD.
>> John: I BELIEVE THAT.
FOR THE RECORD, ZACK, WOMEN
TALK.
I GUARANTEE YOU, EVERY WOMAN'S
RESTROOM IN EVERY BAR HE TRIED
THAT IN, HAD A FULL DEBRIEF ON
THIS MAN AND IT WASN'T GOOD.
BUT REMEMBER, TRUMP'S IN
BUSINESS WITH THIS GUY.
THE POTENTIAL NEXT PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES IS PARTNERING
NOT JUST WITH HIM, BUT ALSO WITH
THE DIRTBAG OF THE INTERNET, TO
PURSUE A SHARED GOAL OF, QUOTE,
RESHAPING THE FINANCIAL
LANDSCAPE.
AND ALL OF THAT WOULD BE BAD
ENOUGH.
BUT THERE'S A MUCH BROADER
PROBLEM HERE, AND THAT'S THAT
CRYPTO IS IN ITS INFANCY, AND
THERE MANY QUESTIONS REGARDING
HOW IT SHOULD BE REGULATED.
NO SUBSTANTIVE LAWS HAVE BEEN
PASSED BY CONGRESS, AND NO RULES
HAVE BEEN WRITTEN INTO
REGULATION.
SO THE NEXT PRESIDENT COULD HAVE
A HUGE SAY ON NOT ONLY HOW THOSE
LAWS ARE SHAPED, BUT HOW THEY'RE
ENFORCED.
AND TRUMP'S ALREADY SIGNALED A
LAX ATTITUDE TOWARD REGULATION.
JUST THIS SUMMER, HE ADDRESSED
THE BITCOIN 2024 CONFERENCE, AND
PROMISED THAT, ONCE HE'S
PRESIDENT, "WE WILL HAVE
REGULATIONS, BUT THE RULES WILL
BE WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO LOVE
YOUR INDUSTRY."
HE ALSO MENTIONED SEC
CHAIRMAN, GARY GENSLER, WHO'S
HATED BY CRYPTO ADVOCATES,
BECAUSE HE'S BEEN AGGRESSIVE IN
PURSUING SCAMMERS AND BELIEVES
IN REGULATING CRYPTO AS
SECURITIES USING EXISTING LAW.
AND JUST WATCH TRUMP FEED OFF
THE ENERGY OF THE CROWD.
>> ON DAY ONE, I WILL FIRE
GARY GENSLER AND APPOINT A NEW
SEC CHAIRMAN.
[APPLAUSE]
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS THAT
UNPOPULAR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS THAT
UNPOPULAR.
LET ME SAY IT AGAIN.
ON DAY ONE, I WILL FIRE
GARY GENSLER.
WHOA!
>> John: YEAH, TRUMP WILL DO
ANYTHING IF IT GETS HIM
APPLAUSE.
HE'S LIKE TINKERBELL IF
TINKERBELL ALSO KINDA QUOTED
HITLER AND CALLED NEVERLAND A
"SHITHOLE COUNTRY."
SO, IF TRUMP WINS, IT'S EXPECTED
HE'D DIRECTLY INFLUENCE
REGULATIONS THAT COULD DETERMINE
IF HIS OWN CRYPTO COMPANY
SUCCEEDS OR FAILS.
ONE EXPERT DESCRIBED IT AS
"CONFLICT OF INTEREST 101."
A CLASS I ASSUME WAS ONCE
OFFERED AT BILL ZANKER'S THE
LEARNING ANNEX.
THIS IS OBVIOUSLY EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS, BUT ESPECIALLY IN A
SPACE THAT'S SO NEW.
AS ONE ETHICS LAWYER DESCRIBED
IT, TRUMP'S PRIOR CONFLICTS TOOK
ADVANTAGE OF PRE-EXISTING
LOOPHOLES.
BUT WITH CRYPTO, TRUMP APPEARS
TO BE PROMISING TO CREATE THE
LOOPHOLES WHILE ALSO USING A
BUSINESS VENTURE TO EXPLOIT
THEM.
THE POINT IS, IT WAS CLEAR
BEFORE TRUMP WAS ELECTED THAT
HE'D USE THE PRESIDENCY TO
ENRICH HIMSELF.
BUT IN A SECOND TERM, THE
LANDSCAPE'S VERY DIFFERENT.
WE'RE NO LONG JUST TALKING ABOUT
A TACKY FLORIDA COUNTRY CLUB
THAT CEO'S OR FOREIGN
OFFICIALS CAN VISIT FOR SPECIAL
ACCESS TO THE PRESIDENT.
IT'S TWO COMPANIES IN NEW
BRANCHES OF TECHNOLOGY, THAT
WE'RE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO REGULATE, THAT COULD
EXPOSE HIM TO NEW LEVELS OF
RISK, AND PROVIDE AVENUES FOR
PEOPLE TO FUNNEL MONEY TO HIM
AND INFLUENCE HIM.
AND LOOK, NONE OF THIS IS THE
BIGGEST REASON NOT TO VOTE FOR
HIM.
BUT IT'S ANOTHER GOOD ONE TO PUT
ALONGSIDE THE MANY, MANY OTHERS,
FROM HIS POLICIES, TO HIS
PERSONALITY, TO THE FACT THAT WE
SHOULD NEVER, EVER HAVE A
PRESIDENT WHO'S INSPIRED THIS
FUCKING THING.
AND NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I
HAVE TO SEND SOMETHING BACK FOR
A FULL REFUND.
I UNDERSTAND THERE'S NO
QUESTIONS ASKED.
AND NOW, THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
OUR ANNUAL LOOK AT THE WONDER
THAT IS HALLOWEEN ON LOCAL TV.
>> GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY
HALLOWEEN!
I'M TERROR SCOTT!
>> I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU DID
THERE.
>> WELCOME TO THE ONE HOUR THE
BEST OF WEST ARKANSAS HAS TO
OFFER.
>> I CAN'T KEEP MY THING UP
HERE.
I CAN'T KEEP MY SHOWCASE
SHOWDOWN.
>> CAN YOU SEE THAT?
>> I SEE THAT.
>> WE CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
>> WHAT'S UP, DOC?
BUZZBUNSBUGS BUNNY.
>> NOT GOING TO WARM A WHOLE
LOT, TEMPTRESS FALLING FOR 70s
THROUGH THE FESTIVITIES.
>> A HIGH PRESSURE IS POKING UP
THE WARM AIR ON THE EAST COAST.
TO SPEAK OF WHAT YOU LOOK AT IS
WHAT WE'VE BEEN SEEING ALL WEEK.
>> IT STAYING FOR A COUPLE DAYS.
>> THE 50s AND THE HIGHS AND
THE LOWS AND THE WINDS WILL BE
BLOWN.
YES, IT'LL BE BLOWING.
>> "GOOD MORNING AMERICA," A
FAMILY COSTUME COMPETITION AND
GREAT TRICKS AND TREATS FROM THE
INTERNET'S FAVORITE GRANDMA.
THE NEW BOOST TO THE MENDEZ
BROTHERS.
>> John: MOVING ON.
BEFORE WE GO, THIS IS OUR FINAL
SHOW BEFORE ELECTION DAY.
WHICH IS A HUGE RELIEF, AS, FOR
MANY -- FROM THE CONSTANT PHONE
CALLS, TEXTS, OR ADS -- THIS
CAMPAIGN HAS TAKEN A TOLL.
>> IT'S JUST NONSTOP.
>> WE'RE READY TO GET IT OVER
WITH.
IT'S TIRING.
>> I SEE A THOUSAND ADS RUNNING
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHO DO I VOTE
FOR?
WHAT'S GOING ON?"
>> IT IS OVERWHELMING BECAUSE IT
THEN TURNS INTO, OKAY, SO
THERE'S PROS AND CONS TO THIS
PERSON AND THERE'S PROS AND CONS
FOR THIS PERSON.
IT'S TURNING OUT TO WHERE MY
GENERATION DOESN'T WANT TO VOTE!
[LAUGHTER]
>> John: WAIT.
I'M GOING TO CHOOSE TO
BELIEVE THAT WOMAN IS NOT THE
VOICE OF HER GENERATION.
BECAUSE THAT VOICE IS,
OBVIOUSLY, STANDING RIGHT BESIDE
HER.
WHAT A SHIRT!
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, FROM
"WHY DID NO ONE AT THAT LOCAL
NEWS STATION CATCH THAT?"
TO "DID HE NOT REALIZE HE WAS
WEARING THAT SHIRT WHEN THE
CAMERA CREW STOPPED HIM, OR DID
HE VERY MUCH REALIZE, AND THAT'S
THE ONLY REASON HE STOPPED?"
AND I WANT IT ON THE RECORD: I'M
NOT BULLYING THAT GUY RIGHT NOW.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT
BECAUSE...
Y'KNOW.
THIS ELECTION HAS BEEN BRUTAL.
AND WHILE, WHO KNOWS IF THEY'RE
ACCURATE OR NOT, THE POLLS IN
MANY SWING STATES RIGHT NOW ARE
BASICALLY TIED.
WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY
MIND-BREAKING FOR SO MANY
REASONS, INCLUDING LAST SUNDAY'S
SPECTACLE AT MADISON SQUARE
GARDEN, WHERE INCREDIBLY RACIST
THINGS WERE SAID ABOUT BLACK
PEOPLE, PALESTINIANS AND PUERTO
RICANS, WITH TRUMP TRYING TO
STEM THE DAMAGE WITH THAT LAST
GROUP BY POSTING THIS ON
TUESDAY.
>> OH, MY GOD, I WILL VOTE.
I WILL VOTE.
FOR DONALD TRUMP.
OH, MY GOD, I WILL VOTE.
I WILL VOTE.
FOR DONALD TRUMP.
>> John: YEAH.
HE POSTED THAT WITHOUT COMMENT.
AND IF IT WAS MEANT AS AN
APOLOGY TO PUERTO RICANS, IT'S
WORTH KNOWING: THAT'S A CUBAN
BAND.
THOUGH I ADMIT, THAT'S A VERY
CATCHY SONG, AND I DO APPRECIATE
THAT THE LYRICS ARE, "OH MY GOD,
I WILL VOTE FOR TRUMP!"
WHICH SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE
REALIZING IN REAL TIME THEY'RE
AN ABSOLUTE DIPSHIT.
TRUMP'S CLOSING ARGUMENT HAS
CONSISTED OF HIS USUAL
FEARMONGERING POISON,
INTERSPERSED WITH TWEETS LIKE
"WHEN I'M PRESIDENT THE
MCDONALD'S ICE CREAM MACHINES
WILL WORK GREAT AGAIN."
WHICH IS BOTH A VERY WEIRD, AND
A FRUSTRATINGLY FUNNY THING FOR
HIM TO SAY.
AND THAT'S HONESTLY BEEN A REAL
PROBLEM IN TRYING TO TALK ABOUT
TRUMP, EVER SINCE HE RODE DOWN
THAT FUCKING ESCALATOR.
IT'S BEEN AN ISSUE FOR US AT
THIS SHOW.
JUST LAST WEEK WE SHOWED YOU
THIS CLIP OF HIM TALKING ABOUT
IMMIGRANTS.
>> THEY'RE DESTROYING THE BLOOD
OF OUR COUNTRY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
THEY'RE DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY.
THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I SAID
THAT, AND I NEVER READ
"MEIN KAMPF."
THEY SAID, "OH, HITLER SAID THAT
IN A MUCH DIFFERENT WAY."
>> John: HERE'S THE THING, THAT
IS SUCH A FUNNY THING TO SAY AT
THE END THERE!
IT ALMOST DISTRACTS YOU FROM
WHAT CAME BEFORE IT.
BECAUSE PARAPHRASING
"MEIN KAMPF" IS HORRIFIC.
BUT PRONOUNCING "MEIN KAMPF"
LIKE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER
SOUNDING OUT A STUDENT'S NAME
DURING ATTENDANCE IS OBJECTIVELY
FUNNY.
IT SHOULDN'T BE, BUT IT IS.
AND IT'S YET ANOTHER CASE OF
WHAT'S RIDICULOUS ABOUT TRUMP,
VERY EFFECTIVELY DISTRACTING
FROM WHAT MAKES HIM SO
DANGEROUS.
THAT MAY BE ONE OF THE REASONS
TRUMP WAS ABLE TO BECOME
PRESIDENT IN THE FIRST PLACE,
AND WHY HE MIGHT BE ABOUT TO DO
IT AGAIN.
THIS COULD COME DOWN TO A
HANDFUL OF VOTES, IN A HANDFUL
OF STATES.
AND GIVEN THAT, I'VE BEEN
THINKING, "WHAT AM I GOING TO BE
FEELING ON WEDNESDAY?
AND IS THERE ANYTHING I'M GOING
TO WISH I'D SAID RIGHT NOW?"
SO THAT'S WHAT THE REST OF THIS
IS GOING TO BE.
AND LOOK, FOR THE PAST FEW
MONTHS, WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP AND THE DANGER HE
POSES.
WE'VE ADMITTEDLY TALKED LESS
ABOUT KAMALA HARRIS AND HER
PROPOSALS.
BUT THAT'S FOR A PRETTY CLEAR
REASON.
PICKING APART POLICY PROPOSALS
WHEN THE ALTERNATIVE IS TRUMP IS
A BIT LIKE DEBATING WHICH COLOR
TO PAINT THE LIVING ROOM, WHILE
YOUR HOUSE IS ON FUCKING FIRE.
YOU KIND OF HAVE TO PRIORITIZE
THE IMMINENT THREAT.
BUT REAL QUICK, WHILE HARRIS'S
PLATFORM IS BY NO MEANS
EVERYTHING I'D WANT, THERE'S
STUFF I LIKE.
HER PROPOSAL TO EXPAND MEDICARE
SO IT COVERS LONG-TERM CARE, AND
INCLUDES SERVICES LIKE IN-HOME
AIDES, WOULD BE TRANSFORMATIVE.
AND ECONOMISTS SAY HER PROPOSALS
WOULD BOOST THE INCOME OF THE
POOREST AMERICANS BY 18%.
AS FOR ABORTION, SHE PROMISES TO
PROTECT AND EXPAND REPRODUCTIVE
FREEDOM, WHICH IS CRITICAL,
ESPECIALLY AS STORIES COME TO
LIGHT OF WOMEN LITERALLY DYING
THANKS TO ABORTION RESTRICTIONS
-- JUST THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED OF
A TEENAGER IN TEXAS WHO DIED
AFTER THREE E.R. VISITS, THANKS
TO THEIR ABORTION BAN.
AS FOR TRUMP, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT
HOW, WITH PROJECT 2025, HE'LL
HAVE A ROAD MAP TO BEND THE
GOVERNMENT TO HIS WILL, HOW
HE'LL PUSH THE JUDICIARY EVEN
FURTHER RIGHT, AND THAT HE'S
PROMISING A MASS DEPORTATION
PROGRAM THAT'LL BE EVEN MORE
DESTRUCTIVE TO IMMIGRANTS' LIVES
THAN HIS FIRST TERM WAS.
WHAT'S MORE, WHEN RFK WAS
RUNNING, WE TALKED ABOUT HOW
DANGEROUS HE COULD BE, BUT
TRUMP'S NOW PROMISING TO PUT HIM
IN CHARGE OF PUBLIC HEALTH,
SAYING HE'LL "LET HIM GO WILD ON
HEALTH."
AND RFK'S BEEN SPECIFIC ABOUT
WHAT HE'S BEEN OFFERED.
>> THE KEY THAT I -- I THINK
I'M, YOU KNOW, THAT PRESIDENT
TRUMP HAS PROMISED ME IS -- IS
CONTROL OF THE PUBLIC HEALTH
AGENCIES WHICH ARE HHS AND ITS
SUB-AGENCIES CDC, FDA, NIH, AND
A FEW OTHERS.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST, JUST WIPE
YOUR CAMERA WITH YOUR SLEEVE, OR
A DEAD BEAR, OR WHATEVER ELSE
YOU HAVE AROUND.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, THAT'S
VERY BAD!
TO PUT IT MILDLY, YOU DON'T WANT
RFK IN CHARGE OF THE CDC IF
THERE'S ANOTHER PANDEMIC.
OR EVEN IF THERE ISN'T!
ALL OF THAT IS WHY A BUNCH OF
OUR STORIES THIS YEAR HAVE ENDED
WITH ME TELLING YOU TO VOTE
AGAINST DONALD TRUMP.
BUT TO BE CLEAR, I'M VOTING FOR
KAMALA HARRIS, AND I THINK YOU
SHOULD TOO.
AND IF YOU'RE A DIE-HARD HARRIS
SUPPORTER AND WERE GONNA DO THAT
ANYWAY, GREAT!
BUT THE NEXT FEW MINUTES AREN'T
ACTUALLY GOING TO BE FOR YOU.
AND IF YOU'RE A DIE-HARD TRUMP
SUPPORTER, THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
EITHER, AND INCIDENTALLY, WHAT
THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING
HERE?
I PRESUME YOUTUBE PUSHED THIS
CLIP TO YOU AFTER I PLAYED THAT
CERTIFIED BANGER EARLIER, AND
YOU GOT VERY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I
CALLED YOU A DIPSHIT.
BUT FOR EVERYONE ELSE, I JUST
WANT TO ELABORATE A BIT ON THE
SENTENCE "VOTE FOR KAMALA
HARRIS."
IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW, YOU KNOW
I'VE HAD PLENTY OF ISSUES WITH
THE ADMINISTRATION SHE'S BEEN
PART OF.
PARTICULARLY WHEN IT COMES TO
THEIR POLICIES ON IMMIGRATION
AND, OF COURSE, GAZA.
WE'VE TALKED MULTIPLE TIMES
ABOUT HOW THE BIDEN
ADMINISTRATION'S RESPONSE TO THE
ONGOING SLAUGHTER IS
INDEFENSIBLE.
AND PEOPLE ARE RIGHTLY FURIOUS
ABOUT IT.
IN MICHIGAN, MORE THAN 100,000
VOTERS CHECKED "UNCOMMITTED" ON
THEIR PRIMARY BALLOTS IN
FEBRUARY, RATHER THAN VOTE FOR
BIDEN.
THAT PROTEST VOTE WAS ORGANIZED
BY A COALITION CALLED THE
UNCOMMITTED MOVEMENT, LED BY
ARAB AND MUSLIM AMERICAN
DEMOCRATS.
AND THERE ARE STILL MANY
MICHIGAN VOTERS -- WHICH IS, BY
THE WAY, A CRUCIAL SWING STATE
-- WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH THE
IDEA OF VOTING FOR HARRIS.
>> NOW I'M A DEMOCRAT.
IT'S PUT ME IN A VERY AWKWARD
POSITION.
HOW CAN I TELL THE DEARBORN
PHARMACIST WHO LOST 80 MEMBERS
OF HIS FAMILY IN ONE DAY TO VOTE
FOR THE VICE PRESIDENT?
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN YOU PUT
ON THE BALLOT PAPER?
>> I MIGHT JUST LEAVE IT BLANK.
>> FOR SOME OF US ASKING WHO WE
ARE GOING TO VOTE FOR AT THE TOP
OF THE TICKET AND BE STRATEGIC
ABOUT IT IS LIKE ASKING WHO
WE'RE GOING TO VOTE FOR WHILE WE
ARE AT A FUNERAL.
>> I THINK THE ARAB AMERICAN
COMMUNITY IS LIKELY NOT TO VOTE
FOR HARRIS.
I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN OF THAT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING
TO VOTE.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU.
IN MY HEART, I DON'T WANT TRUMP
TO WIN.
I THINK HE'S NOT JUST A DISASTER
FOR ARAB AMERICANS, BUT HE'S
ALSO A DISASTER FOR ALL
AMERICANS.
DEEP IN MY HEART, I'M ROOTING
FOR HER.
>> John: LOOK, I GET WHY THIS IS
SO DIFFICULT.
AND I KNOW THERE ARE SOME WHO
WON'T VOTE FOR HARRIS UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES, BECAUSE OF THIS
ISSUE.
BUT I KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS WHO
MAY STILL BE WRESTLING WITH
THIS.
AND IF IT'S OKAY, I'D LIKE TO
TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.
AND FIRST, LET ME SAY: I WISH
HARRIS HAD DONE MORE TO REACH
OUT TO YOU, BEYOND SENDING BILL
CLINTON TO BASICALLY SCOLD YOU
THIS WEEK.
THAT DIDN'T SEEM REMOTELY
HELPFUL, AND HONESTLY FELT A BIT
LIKE BULLYING, AND AS WE ALL
KNOW, BULLYING ACCOMPLISHES
ALMOST NOTHING.
AND I FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY A
MESSAGE FROM ME MIGHT NOT BE
WELCOME EITHER.
BUT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I'VE
BEEN MOVED BY SOME MUSLIM AND
ARAB VOICES WHO'VE ALSO WRESTLED
HARD WITH THIS QUESTION, AND
ARRIVED AT THE CONCLUSION,
DESPITE THEIR PAIN, TO VOTE FOR
HARRIS.
IN ARIZONA, A COALITION OF
COMMUNITY LEADERS ISSUED A
LETTER IN WHICH THEY EXPLAINED
THEIR DECISION TO SUPPORT HER,
SAYING, "A TRUMP WIN WOULD BE AN
EXTREME DANGER TO MUSLIMS IN OUR
COUNTRY, ALL IMMIGRANTS, AND THE
AMERICAN PRO-PALESTINE
MOVEMENT."
AND THEY'RE NOT ALONE IN FEELING
THAT WAY.
RUWA ROMMAN IS THE FIRST MUSLIM
WOMAN ELECTED TO THE GEORGIA
STATE HOUSE.
YOU MAY REMEMBER, SHE'S ONE OF
SEVERAL PALESTINIANS WHO THE
UNCOMMITTED MOVEMENT PUT FORWARD
TO ADDRESS THIS YEAR'S DNC,
ONLY TO BE REJECTED BY THE
PARTY.
MEANING THE CONVENTION FEATURED
NO PALESTINIAN SPEAKERS.
SHE ACTUALLY RELEASED THIS
TIKTOK A FEW WEEKS AGO -- PARTLY
IN RESPONSE TO PEOPLE TELLING
HER SHE SHOULD ABANDON THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY, BECAUSE BOTH
PARTIES ARE BASICALLY THE SAME.
IT'S WORTH WATCHING THE WHOLE
THING, BUT SHE TALKS ABOUT HER
ANGER AT WHAT HAPPENED -- BUT
ALSO ABOUT THE DNC DELEGATES
WHO STOOD UP FOR HER, AND THOSE
THAT SHE SEES AS MOVABLE ON THIS
ISSUE.
AND THIS IS WHERE SHE LANDS.
>> IF I KNOW THAT ONE PARTY --
THERE IS ONLY ONE VIABLE PARTY
ON THE TRAJECTORY THAT I WANT
THEM ON, WHY WOULD I LEAVE THAT
BEHIND?
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE
USING MY PAIN TO VIRTUE SIGNAL
AND CONVINCE YOU THAT THE
THREATS THAT WE ARE FACING ARE
NOT ACTUALLY THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
MY PHILOSOPHY IS THAT IF I CAN
PREVENT THE DEATH OF EVEN A
SINGLE PERSON, I WILL MAKE THE
DECISIONS TO DO THAT.
PERIOD.
END OF STORY.
I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE FACT
THAT JUST BECAUSE THINGS ARE
BAD, THAT IT'S OKAY TO LET THEM
GET WORSE.
>> John: IT'S A COMPELLING
ARGUMENT.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "THE
BIDEN ADMINISTRATION'S BEEN SO
BAD ON THIS ISSUE, HOW COULD
TRUMP BE WORSE?"
HE'S TOLD US.
HE TOLD NETANYAHU TO "DO WHAT
YOU HAVE TO DO" IN GAZA, ARGUING
WE SHOULD LET ISRAEL "FINISH THE
JOB," WHILE PEOPLE IN TRUMP'S
ORBIT, INCLUDING HIS FORMER
AMBASSADOR TO ISRAEL, HAVE BEEN
PUSHING TO LET IT ANNEX THE WEST
BANK.
MEANWHILE TRUMP'S ALSO VERY
UNFLATTERING VEST AND DIG US
AND DEPORT DEMONSTRATORS.
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE
THINGS GETTING WORSE ON THIS BUT
TO BE FAIR, TRUMP HAS PUT ON AN
UNFLATTERING VEST AND DIG US
INTO A NEW LAYER OF HELL.
THAT'S NOT AI, BY THE WAY.
THAT'S A REAL PHOTO.
IT MAY BE THE WORST PHOTO OF
ANYONE EVER TAKEN.
AND IT'S WORTH FACTORING IN THAT
THE DAMAGE OF A SECOND TRUMP
TERM WOULD LAST FAR BEYOND THE
NEXT FOUR YEARS, AND ENCUMBER
ANY POTENTIAL PROGRESSIVE
PRESIDENT IN THE FUTURE.
TWO OF THE CURRENT JUSTICES ARE
AT RETIREMENT AGE, AND BECAUSE
ONE OF THEM RUDELY DIDN'T TAKE
MY VERY GENEROUS BUS OFFER
EARLIER THIS YEAR, TRUMP COULD
REPLACE THEM WITH YOUNGER
VERSIONS.
AT THAT POINT, HE'D HAVE
APPOINTED FIVE MEMBERS OF THE
COURT, AND CEMENTED A MAJORITY
THAT'LL LIKELY LAST FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE, WHICH ADMITTEDLY MAY
NOT ACTUALLY BE THAT LONG, IF
MEASLES MCGEE HERE IS ALLOWED TO
LET EVERYTHING GET OUT OF
CONTROL.
LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T
INSPIRING TO HEAR.
BUT POLITICS ISN'T ALWAYS
INSPIRING, IT'S TRANSACTIONAL.
IT RARELY MATCHES OUR GREATEST
HOPES AND DREAMS.
I'LL BE HONEST - I REALLY DIDN'T
WANT THE FIRST VOTE I CAST AS AN
AMERICAN CITIZEN TO BE FOR JOE
FUCKING BIDEN, BUT HERE WE ARE.
HERE'S HOW I LOOK AT IT: THE
STRUGGLE FOR JUSTICE ISN'T JUST
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS ON ELECTION
DAY.
IT'S A FIGHT WAGED CONSTANTLY,
DAY IN, DAY OUT, IN PROTESTS ON
THE STREET, MEETINGS WITH
LEGISLATORS, AND IN THE THOUSAND
SMALL ACTIONS THAT CUMULATIVELY
MOVE THE GOVERNMENT FORWARD, AN
INCH AT A TIME.
ABBAS ALAWIEH, A CO-FOUNDER OF
THE UNCOMMITTED MOVEMENT, HAS
URGED DEMOCRAT VOTERS TO "PAIR
THEIR VOTE, THEIR SUPPORT FOR
VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS WITH A
PUBLIC COMMITMENT TO PRESSURE
HER T STOP SENDING WEAPONS,
SHOULD SHE BECOME PRESIDENT."
AS FOR RUWA ROMAN, SHE VOTED FOR
HARRIS IN GEORGIA -- ANOTHER
CRITICAL SWING STATE -- WHILE
DOING A VOTE-SWAP WITH SOMEONE
IN A BLUE STATE, WHO CAST A
PROTEST VOTE ON HER BEHALF.
AND SHE EXPLAINED HER HARRIS
VOTE BY SAYING: MY VOTE IS A
PROMISE -- A PROMISE THAT I AND
THOSE WHO STAND WITH ME WILL NOT
STOP DEMANDING THE END OF MASS
SLAUGHTER AND VIOLENCE
EVERYWHERE.
AND THAT'S THE POINT.
ELECTIONS ALONE AREN'T
SUFFICIENT FOR LARGE-SCALE
CHANGE, BUT THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY
NECESSARY FOR IT TO EVER HAPPEN,
BECAUSE IT'S THE DAY WHEN YOU,
ESSENTIALLY, GET TO CHOOSE WHO
YOU'D PREFER TO BE PUSHING FOR
THE NEXT FOUR YEARS, AND WHERE
YOU'LL BE PUSHING THEM FROM.
LOOK, I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.
I'M AN IMMIGRANT AND I CHOSE TO
COME HERE.
IN THE WORDS OF THE LATE LEE
GREENWOOD, "I'M PROUD TO BE AN
AMERICAN."
AND I'D ARGUE THERE'S NOTHING
MORE AMERICAN THAN HAVING A
HEALTHY ADVERSARIAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH THOSE IN POWER -- EVEN IF
YOU VOTED FOR THEM.
AND WHILE I KNOW THIS HASN'T
BEEN AN UPLIFTING SPEECH, IF IT
HELPS AT ALL, THERE'S ONE FINAL
THING I'M GOING TO BE GENUINELY
EXCITED FOR ON TUESDAY.
AND THAT IS, IF DONALD TRUMP
LOSES THIS ELECTION, HE IS
BASICALLY FINISHED.
I KNOW HE'D PUT US THROUGH HELL
BEFORE HE LEFT THE STAGE.
BUT WHEN THE DUST SETTLED, HE'D
HAVE LOST TWO ELECTIONS IN A
ROW, AND WOULD BE CAMPAIGNING AS
AN 82-YEAR-OLD NEXT TIME.
I THINK HE'D BE DONE.
AND DOESN'T THAT SOUND GREAT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE PROBLEMS HE'S A SYMPTOM
OF WOULD OBVIOUSLY REMAIN, BUT
WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH
HIM ANYMORE.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO LIVE IN
A WORLD WHERE HE'S JUST AN
ANNOYANCE, AND NOT AN ACTIVE
THREAT?
WHERE THIS PHOTO COULD JUST BE
FUNNY, RATHER THAN HAVING
GEOPOLITICAL IMPLICATIONS?
WHERE HE CAN YELL ABOUT ICE
CREAM MACHINES AND COMPLAIN
ABOUT WINDMILLS AND WE ALL HAVE
THE OPTION OF JUST NOT GIVING A
SHIT ABOUT ANY OF IT?
I WANT SO BADLY TO LIVE IN THAT
WORLD.
AND I HOPE EVERYONE DOES
EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER, IN
THE NEXT 48 HOURS, TO MAKE THAT
WORLD POSSIBLE.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I'M ANGRY!
>> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
>> BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE,
BEETLEJUICE!