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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

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I'M JOHN OLIVER.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

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US.

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IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK, FULL OF

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HORRENDOUS HEADLINES, FROM

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FROM MILLIONS OF BEES KILLED AND

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WILDFIRES TO

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TO "MARK ZUCKERBERG JUST DROPPED

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A SINGLE WITH T-PAIN."

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THAT'S REAL, BY THE WAY.

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IT'S A COVER OF "GET LOW"-- A

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SONG T-PAIN DID NOT ORIGINALLY

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SING-- AND YOU'RE NOT READY FOR

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HOW BAD IT IS.

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FROM THE WINDOWS TO THE

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WALLS, 'TIL SWEAT DROPS DOWN MY

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BALLS, 'TIL ALL THESE BITCHES

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CRAWL, OH SKEET-SKEET,

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MOTHERFUCKER, OH, SKEET-SKEET,

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GODDAMN.

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John: WOW.

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THAT MIGHT BE THE WORST THING

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I'VE EVER HEARD.

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IT SOUNDS LIKE "KIDZ BOP" FOR

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ADULTS, WHERE ALL THE SWEARS ARE

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INTACT, BUT THERE'S STILL A DEEP

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LINGERING SENSE THAT MUSIC WAS A

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MISTAKE.

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I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO PLAY YOU

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ALL OF THAT.

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I COULD'VE JUST PLAYED THE WAY

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HE SANG "MOTHERFUCKER."

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NO, NOT LIKE THAT, DON'T

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ENUNCIATE THAT CLEANLY!

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IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO A RAP BY

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THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE VOICE.

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IT WAS ALSO A WEEK OF INTENSE

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HEADLINES REGARDING TRUMP'S NEW

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CABINET APPOINTEES, WHICH WERE

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-- EVEN BY HIS LOW STANDARDS--

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AWFUL.

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FOR HIS AMBASSADOR TO ISRAEL, HE

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PICKED A GUY WHO'S SAID THERE'S

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"NO SUCH THING AS A

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PALESTINIAN."

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FOR DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL

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INTELLIGENCE, A WOMAN WHO'S

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REPEATEDLY PROMOTED RUSSIAN

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PROPAGANDA.

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FOR SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, A FOX

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NEWS HOST WHO-- AMONG MANY

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OTHER THINGS-- HAS DEFENDED

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SERVICE MEMBERS ACCUSED OF WAR

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CRIMES AND SAID WOMEN DON'T

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BELONG IN COMBAT.

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THE HHS, A CONSPIRACY THEORIST

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AND ANTI-VAXXER WITH A WORM IN

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HIS BRAIN.

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AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, FOR AG,

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MATT GAETZ.

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A MAN WHO, IN HIGH SCHOOL, WAS

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VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO NOT BE

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ALLOWED WITHIN 500 FEET OF

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HERE."

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THAT PICK WAS SO EXTREME, EVEN

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CONSERVATIVES FOUND THEMSELVES

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AT A LOSS.

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WHEN I HEARD THAT MATT GAETZ

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WAS PICKED TO BE ATTORNEY

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GENERAL, I THREW UP IN MY MOUTH.

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I'M PRETTY SURE I CALLED HIM

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A CLOWN AND A CHARLATAN.

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AND YOU STAND BY THAT.

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YEAH.

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IT MUST BE THE WORST

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NOMINATION FOR A CABINET

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POSITION IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

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John: I MEAN, IT MIGHT, BUT

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GET USED TO IT.

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BECAUSE "THE WORST BLANK IN

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AMERICAN HISTORY" IS GOING TO BE

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THIS ADMINISTRATION'S M.O. GOING

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FORWARD.

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SO GET READY FOR THE WORST

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EASTER EGG ROLL IN AMERICAN

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HISTORY.

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THE EASTER BUNNY WILL BE ON

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FIRE, EVERY EGG WILL BE FILLED

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WITH EXPIRED MAYONNAISE, AND ALL

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THE KIDS WHO DON'T WIN WILL BE

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IMMEDIATELY PUT INTO FOSTER

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CARE.

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APPARENTLY, WHEN GAETZ WAS

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ANNOUNCED THERE WERE AUDIBLE

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GASPS BY HOUSE REPUBLICANS.

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AND WHEN A REPORTER ASKED

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CONGRESSMAN MIKE SIMPSON IF

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GAETZ HAD THE EXPERIENCE AND

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CHARACTER TO BE AG, HE

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RESPONDED, "ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME,

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THAT YOU JUST ASKED THAT

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QUESTION?

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NO!"

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WHICH IS OBJECTIVELY THE CORRECT

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RESPONSE TO THE IDEA THIS GUY

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COULD BE ATTORNEY GENERAL-- A

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MAN WHO MY LAWYERS INSIST I

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CANNOT CALL "JEFFREY EPSTEIN IF

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HE WENT TO SHITTIER BEACHES."

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SO I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

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BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE.

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THE HEAD OF GOVERNMENT AFFAIRS

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FOR ONE ENVIRONMENTAL ADVOCACY

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GROUP TOLD REPORTERS, "LUCKILY,

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ALL OUR ENVIRONMENTAL LAWS ARE

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OLDER THAN 18 YEARS, SO

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REPRESENTATIVE GAETZ SHOULDN'T

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HAVE MUCH INTEREST IN THEM."

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WHICH IS A SOLID HIT, AND ALSO,

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INCREDIBLY GRIM.

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BECAUSE AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW,

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GAETZ WAS THE SUBJECT OF BOTH A

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FEDERAL INVESTIGATION INTO SEX

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TRAFFICKING-- WHICH CONCLUDED

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LAST YEAR WITHOUT CHARGES-- AND

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A HOUSE INVESTIGATION INTO

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ALLEGATIONS HE ENGAGED IN SEXUAL

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MISCONDUCT AND ILLICIT DRUG USE.

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THAT REPORT WAS DUE TO BE

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RELEASED THIS WEEK, BUT WAS

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EFFECTIVELY ENDED WHEN HE

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SUDDENLY RESIGNED TO BECOME THE

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COUNTRY'S TOP LAW ENFORCEMENT

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OFFICER.

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MANY ARE CALLING FOR IT TO BE

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RELEASED ANYWAY, AND WHILE GAETZ

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HAS DENIED ANY ALLEGATIONS,

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DAMNING PARTS ARE ALREADY

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LEAKING OUT, INCLUDING THAT ONE

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WITNESS TESTIFIED TO THE

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COMMITTEE THAT GAETZ HAD SEX

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WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS 17 AND

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ANOTHER TESTIFIED THAT SHE

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WITNESSED IT.

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AND YET, THERE'S STILL A

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QUESTION OF WHETHER REPUBLICAN

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SENATORS WILL REJECT GAETZ'S

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NOMINATION.

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SOME HAVE EXPRESSED RESERVATIONS

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-- LISA MURKOWSKI HAS SAID, "I

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DON'T THINK IT'S A SERIOUS

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NOMINATION FOR ATTORNEY

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GENERAL," AND SUSAN COLLINS

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SAID, "I WAS SHOCKED BY THE

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ANNOUNCEMENT," "I'M SURE THERE

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WILL BE A LOT OF QUESTIONS

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RAISED AT HIS HEARING."

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ALTHOUGH, DON'T READ TOO MUCH

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INTO THAT.

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AS WE ALL KNOW, THE SUSAN

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COLLINS SCALE OF GOVERNMENT

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ETHICS GOES, "CONCERNED, BUT

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GONNA VOTE FOR HIM," "SHOCKED,

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BUT GONNA VOTE FOR HIM,"

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"QUESTIONS RAISED, BUT GONNA

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VOTE FOR HIM," AND "OUTRAGED,

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BUT FUCK IT, STILL GONNA VOTE

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FOR HIM."

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AND OTHER REPUBLICAN SENATORS

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HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE NONCOMMITAL.

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DO YOU THINK MATT GAETZ IS

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CONFIRMABLE?

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WE'LL FOUND OUT, WON'T WE.

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DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS

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ABOUT IT?

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WE'LL SEE.

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SENATOR KENNEDY, WHAT DO YOU

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THINK OF MATT GAETZ AS ATTORNEY

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GENERAL?

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

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John: YEAH, "HAPPY

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THANKSGIVING."

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I'D SAY THAT'S THE MOST JARRING

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THING THAT KENNEDY COULD'VE SAID

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AT THAT MOMENT, BUT I'LL REMIND

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YOU, HE COULD HAVE GONE WITH

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THIS.

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I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOUR

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COCK IN MY MOUTH.

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John: YEAH, YEAH.

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YEAH, THAT'S-- THAT'S THE CLIP

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THAT KEEPS ON GIVING, AND

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THAT YOU NEVER EVER WANT.

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AND LOOK, a LOT CAN HAPPEN WITH

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THESE NOMINATIONS BETWEEN NOW

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AND INAUGURATION DAY.

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SO FOR NOW, LET'S MOVE ON TO OUR

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MAIN STORY TONIGHT, WHICH

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CONCERNS TIKTOK-- THE SOCIAL

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MEDIA APP MANY ARE ADDICTED TO,

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THANKS TO ITS COOKING TUTORIALS,

207
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DANCES THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR

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ANYONE BORN BEFORE 1985 TO LOOK

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COOL DOING, AND MASTERPIECES

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LIKE THIS.

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THERE IS TRULY NOTHING I LOVE

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MORE THAN WATCHING THIS MAN'S

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VIDEOS AND GUESSING WHAT HE'S

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MAKING.

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OKAY.

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OH, LIKE A SUBMARINE--

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TOTALLY, A SNAKE.

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GOT IT.

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John: WHAT A JOURNEY!

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AND HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW

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TV'S SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH

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THAT.

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I'D ABSOLUTELY WATCH THAT GUY

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HOST A GAME SHOW TITLED

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"DICK OR SNAKE?"

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IT'S BASICALLY "IS IT CAKE?,"

227
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ONLY WITH SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER

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SNAKE-ON-DICK INJURIES.

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TIKTOK IS MASSIVELY POPULAR.

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IT HAS MORE THAN A BILLION USERS

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WORLDWIDE, AND 170 MILLION

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MONTHLY ACTIVE USERS IN THE U.S.

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-- WITH FULLY A THIRD OF U.S.

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ADULTS-- AND A MAJORITY OF

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THOSE UNDER 30-- USING IT.

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ALL OF WHICH MAKES IT PRETTY

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REMARKABLE THAT IT MAY BE ON THE

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BRINK OF GOING AWAY.

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BECAUSE YOU MIGHT'VE FORGOTTEN

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WITH EVERYTHING ELSE GOING ON,

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BUT IN APRIL, THIS HAPPENED.

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THIS MORNING, THE CLOCK

243
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BEGINS TICKING DOWN FOR TIKTOK

244
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AFTER THE SENATE LAST NIGHT

245
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PASSED A BILL GIVING THE SOCIAL

246
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MEDIA PLATFORM'S CHINESE PARENT

247
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COMPANY AN ULTIMATUM: "SELL THE

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APP OR BE BANNED IN THE U.S."

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LAWMAKERS IN BOTH PARTIES SAY

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TIKTOK POSES A SERIOUS NATIONAL

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SECURITY RISK.

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John: IT'S TRUE, TIKTOK COULD

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BE BANNED BY JANUARY 19, BECAUSE

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IT'S A "SECURITY THREAT."

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WHICH SOUNDS FRIGHTENING, EVEN

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IF THOSE CLAIMS WERE MADE UNDER

257
00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:59,084
FOOTAGE OF THIS ORANGE FURBALL

258
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,352
GOING TO TOWN ON ITS OWN FEET.

259
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,387
"WE CAN'T LET THE CHINESE GET

260
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:02,454
THEIR HANDS ON OUR PRIVATE DATA,

261
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,256
LIKE HOW OFTEN DOCTOR TUNA FISH

262
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,491
GIVES HIMSELF "THE FULL

263
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:08,060
TARANTINO."

264
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,828
THE POINT IS, CONGRESS CAME DOWN

265
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,497
ON TIKTOK HARD.

266
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,399
AND WHEN THAT LAW PASSED-- WITH

267
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,466
BROAD BIPARTISAN SUPPORT, BY THE

268
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,135
WAY-- TIKTOK'S USERS WERE NOT

269
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,569
THRILLED.

270
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,505
AN ARMY OF YOUNG TIKTOK

271
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,206
REBELS ARE TAKING A BREAK FROM

272
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,575
VIRAL DANCE CRAZES AND

273
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:24,677
CHALLENGES AND COMING TOGETHER

274
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,178
TO STOP THE GOVERNMENT FROM

275
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,613
TAKING AWAY THEIR FAVORITE

276
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,248
SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM.

277
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,216
THEY'RE USING THEIR PHONES TO

278
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,985
ACTUALLY MAKE PHONE CALLS TO

279
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,653
MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.

280
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,555
DO NOT BAN TIKTOK.

281
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:40,192
THAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE.

282
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:40,826
LIKE, I'M AN 18-YEAR-OLD GIRL

283
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:41,126
IN MICHIGAN.

284
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,294
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR CHINA?

285
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:42,728
TAKE MY INFORMATION.

286
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:45,097
I DON'T CARE.

287
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,799
John: OKAY, THAT'S AN AMAZING

288
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,633
REACTION.

289
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,435
"TAKE MY INFORMATION.

290
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,736
I DON'T CARE.

291
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,737
MY ADDRESS IS 2343 EMERSON

292
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,805
PLACE, MY BLOOD TYPE IS A

293
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,739
POSITIVE, AND I THINK MY DAD DID

294
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:54,440
TAX FRAUD.

295
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:55,541
NOW WHAT, CHINA?

296
00:07:55,542 --> 00:08:01,146
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT."

297
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:01,714
BUT THINK ABOUT IT, CONGRESS

298
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,381
MADE TEENAGERS SO MAD,

299
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,917
THEY MADE ACTUAL PHONE CALLS.

300
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:05,684
THAT IS DEDICATION.

301
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:06,385
TEENS HATE DOING THAT.

302
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:07,619
IF YOU EVER NEED TO SCARE ONE,

303
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,288
JUST HAND THEM A RINGING PHONE

304
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:12,691
AND SAY "IT'S FOR YOU."

305
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:13,425
BUT THAT REACTION SHOULDN'T BE

306
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,394
SURPRISING.

307
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,462
PEOPLE LOVE TIKTOK-- AND NOT

308
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,629
JUST AS A PLACE TO WATCH A GUY

309
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,964
WATCHING A GUY MAKE A GIANT

310
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,233
CHOCOLATE DICK SNAKE.

311
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,968
NEARLY 40% OF ADULTS UNDER 30

312
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,870
SAY THEY REGULARLY GET THEIR

313
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,271
NEWS FROM TIKTOK, AND IT'S A

314
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,740
SIGNIFICANT DRIVER OF BUSINESS,

315
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,174
GIVEN THAT MORE THAN SEVEN

316
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,577
MILLION SMALL BUSINESSES USE IT.

317
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,078
AND YET, SOME LAWMAKERS INSIST

318
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,480
IT'S ALSO AMONG THE BIGGEST

319
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,948
THREATS FACING OUR NATION.

320
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,483
TIKTOK IS A GRAVE NATIONAL

321
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,184
SECURITY THREAT TO AMERICANS.

322
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,052
TIKTOK IS JUST CHINESE

323
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,220
MALWARE.

324
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:41,787
IT'S JUST JUNK FOOD FOR OUR

325
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:42,888
BRAINS.

326
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:45,591
IT IS SPYWARE, IT IS BEING

327
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:46,759
WEAPONIZED.

328
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,061
TIKTOK IS A GUN AIMED AT

329
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,329
AMERICANS' HEADS.

330
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,797
John: YEAH, THOSE ARE STRONG

331
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:52,331
WORDS.

332
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,699
BECAUSE WE KNOW CONGRESS WILL

333
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,634
NOT STAND BY AND WATCH SOMEONE

334
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,436
POINTING A METAPHORICAL GUN AT

335
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,471
AMERICANS' HEADS.

336
00:08:59,472 --> 00:08:59,772
ACTUAL GUNS?

337
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:00,372
THAT'S A COMPLICATED ISSUE FOR

338
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,241
SOME REASON.

339
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:02,841
BUT METAPHORICAL GUN VIOLENCE

340
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,244
WILL NOT STAND!

341
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,312
SO IF AN APP THIS POPULAR IS

342
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,981
SUPPOSEDLY SUCH A DIRE THREAT,

343
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,749
TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK AT TIKTOK.

344
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:11,817
WHO'S BEHIND IT, WHAT THE

345
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:12,384
CONCERNS ARE, AND WHAT THIS

346
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,553
MIGHT REALLY BE ALL ABOUT.

347
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,587
BECAUSE THIS STORY'S ACTUALLY A

348
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:16,221
LOT MORE NUANCED THAN YOU MIGHT

349
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,058
THINK.

350
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,793
AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT

351
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:21,760
TIKTOK'S HAD A METEORIC RISE.

352
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,162
IT'S OWNED BY BYTEDANCE, A

353
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,296
CHINESE COMPANY WHO FIRST MADE A

354
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,731
SIMILAR APP FOR THE CHINESE

355
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,532
MARKET CALLED DOUYIN, BACK IN

356
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,801
2016.

357
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,835
THE NEXT YEAR, THEY LAUNCHED

358
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,970
TIKTOK AS THE INTERNATIONAL

359
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:32,938
VERSION, THEN PURCHASED AN APP

360
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,039
CALLED MUSICAL.LY WITH A

361
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,174
PRE-EXISTING USER BASE IN THE

362
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,842
U.S., MERGING THE TWO IN 2018 TO

363
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,844
CREATE THE APP WE KNOW TODAY.

364
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,113
BUT TIKTOK'S BREAKOUT MOMENT WAS

365
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,182
THE PANDEMIC, WHEN ALL OF A

366
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,950
SUDDEN, MANY OF US WERE STUCK AT

367
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,618
HOME WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT

368
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,820
LEARN HOW TO MAKE CLOUD BREAD

369
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,355
WHIP UP COFFEE, AND TRY TO

370
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,622
MASTER THE SAVAGE DANCE.

371
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:53,025
IT'S GENUINELY HARD TO IMAGINE A

372
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,227
BETTER SCENARIO FOR TIKTOK TO

373
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,028
THRIVE IN THAN A PANDEMIC.

374
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,029
SUDDENLY, THEY HAD A CAPTIVE

375
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,097
AUDIENCE WHOSE ONLY OTHER

376
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:58,997
ENTERTAINMENT OPTIONS WERE

377
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,666
"GETTING INTO SOURDOUGH,"

378
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,468
"WINDEXING GROCERIES A THIRD

379
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,336
TIME," OR, OF COURSE, RETREATING

380
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,137
INTO A BLANK VOID WHERE THEY

381
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,839
SLOWLY WENT INSANE.

382
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,575
I'M FINE NOW.

383
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,242
DON'T WORRY.

384
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,143
I'M FINE NOW.

385
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,177
BUT LAWMAKERS WERE ALREADY

386
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,245
RAISING ALARMS ABOUT TIKTOK

387
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,514
BEING CHINESE OWNED.

388
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,149
AND BY MID-2020, TRUMP SIGNED AN

389
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,550
EXECUTIVE ORDER BANNING IT,

390
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,152
SAYING TIKTOK WOULD BE SHUT DOWN

391
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,520
UNLESS MICROSOFT OR ANOTHER

392
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,287
COMPANY PURCHASED IT FROM

393
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,490
BYTEDANCE.

394
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,524
THAT NEVER WOUND UP HAPPENING,

395
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,426
AS A COURT FOUND THAT TRUMP HAD

396
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,660
OVERSTEPPED IN TRYING TO BAN IT

397
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,362
BY EXECUTIVE ORDER.

398
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,332
AND IN THE YEARS SINCE, TIKTOK'S

399
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:33,866
BEEN AT PAINS TO PUBLICLY

400
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,167
DISTANCE ITSELF FROM CHINA.

401
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,235
IT LAUNCHED SOMETHING CALLED

402
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,469
PROJECT TEXAS, WHERE THEY

403
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,204
BASICALLY PROMISED TO STORE U.S.

404
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,606
USERS' DATA ON U.S. SERVERS,

405
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,608
MAINTAINED BY A THIRD-PARTY U.S.

406
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,142
COMPANY.

407
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,410
WHICH MIGHT SOUND GOOD, BUT

408
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,478
THERE ARE REAL QUESTIONS ABOUT

409
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,579
HOW EFFECTIVE THAT'S BEEN, WITH

410
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,947
ONE WORKER SAYING THE DATA

411
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,315
PROTECTIONS AMOUNT TO BASICALLY

412
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,184
"A WINK AND A NOD."

413
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,253
MEANWHILE, THEY'VE LAUNCHED A

414
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,155
P.R. PUSH, WITH ADS LEANING HARD

415
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,557
IN TO AMERICANA, LIKE THIS ONE,

416
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,925
FEATURING A VETERAN NAMED

417
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,293
PATRIOTIC KENNY.

418
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,761
MY SCOOTER BROKE DOWN.

419
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,430
I WENT INTO A DEPRESSION.

420
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:05,030
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

421
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,565
PRETTY SAD.

422
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,800
AND I POSTED IT TO SHOW THAT

423
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,336
KENNY IS NOT ALWAYS HAPPY.

424
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,670
WITHIN 24 HOURS, PEOPLE HAD

425
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,873
DONATED OVER $5,000.

426
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:16,842
AND WITHIN A WEEK, PEOPLE HAD

427
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,110
DONATED $110,000.

428
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:18,744
AND KENNY HIT A MILLION

429
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,347
FOLLOWERS.

430
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:21,880
IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

431
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:23,415
TREMENDOUSLY.

432
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,683
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE

433
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,419
HAPPENED WITHOUT TIKTOK.

434
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:27,886
John: WOW.

435
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,188
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S MORE

436
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,489
AMERICAN THERE-- KENNY'S TASTE

437
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,657
IN HOME DECOR, OR THE FACT HE

438
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,058
HAD TO GO VIRAL ON SOCIAL MEDIA

439
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:33,826
TO GET ACCESS TO BASIC MEDICAL

440
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,195
EQUIPMENT.

441
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,030
ALTHOUGH, TO BE CLEAR, TIKTOK

442
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,698
DIDN'T BUY KENNY A SCOOTER,

443
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,966
OTHER PEOPLE DID.

444
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,434
IT'S A BIT LIKE HAVING PEOPLE

445
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,470
PUT MONEY IN A JAR FOR CHARITY

446
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,771
AND THEN THANKING THE JAR.

447
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:46,905
"NONE OF THIS COULD HAVE

448
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,874
HAPPENED WITHOUT YOU, JAR!

449
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:52,411
TRULY YOU ARE THE BEST OF US!"

450
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,779
BUT DESPITE THOSE EFFORTS,

451
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,680
CONCERN ABOUT CHINA'S INFLUENCE

452
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,548
OVER TIKTOK CONTINUED TO GROW,

453
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,017
CULMINATING IN THE LAW PASSED

454
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,718
EARLIER THIS YEAR, DEMANDING IT

455
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,954
BE SOLD, OR BANNED FROM APP

456
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:02,955
STORES IN THE U.S.-- A LAW, BY

457
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,790
THE WAY, THAT PASSED THE HOUSE

458
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,893
352 TO 65.

459
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,461
AND IT'S WORTH TALKING ABOUT THE

460
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,163
GOVERNMENT'S TWO MAIN CONCERNS:

461
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,500
THE DATA TIKTOK IS COLLECTING

462
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,403
FROM ITS USERS AND THE POWER

463
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:17,936
IT HAS TO PUSH CONTENT TO

464
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:18,303
THEM.

465
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:18,904
AND LET'S START WITH THE DATA.

466
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,972
TIKTOK IS POWERED BY AN

467
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:20,773
ALGORITHM THAT TRACKS THINGS

468
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,441
LIKE WHAT VIDEOS YOU SKIP PAST,

469
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,409
AND WHICH YOU LINGER ON.

470
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,077
THAT WAY, IT CAN QUICKLY FIGURE

471
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,879
OUT EXACTLY WHAT YOU LIKE, AND

472
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,580
FEED YOU MORE OF THE SAME THING,

473
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,082
OVER AND OVER AGAIN, NOT UNLIKE

474
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:30,816
A DOTING GRANDMOTHER, OR MARVEL

475
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:34,553
STUDIOS.

476
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:35,654
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY

477
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,256
WEIRDED OUT BY HOW PERCEPTIVE

478
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,191
TIKTOK'S ALGORITHM CAN BE,

479
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,259
BECAUSE IT CAN SEEM TO KNOW YOU

480
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,795
BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF.

481
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:43,629
I DOWNLOADED THIS APP A YEAR

482
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,697
AGO.

483
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:45,998
I THOUGHT I WAS STRAIGHT.

484
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,468
AFTER BEING ON TIKTOK, I QUICKLY

485
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,769
REALIZED I WAS NOT STRAIGHT, AND

486
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,104
THAT I WAS BISEXUAL.

487
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,138
I ALWAYS SAY THAT THE

488
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,273
ALGORITHM KNEW THAT I WAS GAY

489
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,174
BEFORE I DID, AND I STAND BY

490
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:55,974
THAT.

491
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,443
IT ABSOLUTELY KNEW.

492
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,211
ARE ANY OTHER GIRLS, LIKE

493
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,779
KIND OF AGGRAVATED THAT IT TOOK

494
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,014
MORE THAN 20 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT

495
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,215
WE WERE BISEXUAL, BUT IT TOOK MY

496
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:03,749
TIK TOK ALGORITHM LIKE 37

497
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,819
SECONDS.

498
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:07,353
WOULD'VE SAVED ME SO MUCH

499
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,655
FUCKING TIME.

500
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,824
John: YEAH, TIKTOK'S

501
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,125
SPEEDRUNNING PEOPLE'S SEXUAL

502
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,593
AWAKENINGS.

503
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,861
BEFORE, A REVELATION LIKE THAT

504
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,397
MIGHT'VE TAKEN YEARS OF THERAPY,

505
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,434
OR AN ENTIRE EPISODE OF

506
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:22,968
"XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS."

507
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:23,602
I HONESTLY DON'T THINK A MACHINE

508
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,304
HAS BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE

509
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,405
SEXUAL AWAKENINGS SINCE

510
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,740
"THE IRON GIANT."

511
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:28,374
AND I'M NOT EXPLAINING MYSELF TO

512
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,376
YOU ABOUT THAT.

513
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,477
I'M NOT DOING IT.

514
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,678
HE'S AN OBJECTIVELY HOT ROBOT.

515
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:33,612
HE'S TALL, HAS KIND EYES, IS

516
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,646
GREAT WITH KIDS, AND I'M SURE

517
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,547
HAS A VIBRATE SETTING.

518
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,416
DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT THIS!

519
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,785
YOU'RE BEING WEIRD.

520
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,353
THE ALGORITHM IS INCREDIBLY

521
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,689
POWERFUL BECAUSE YOU'RE

522
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,124
CONSTANTLY FEEDING IT NEW DATA

523
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:45,724
-- EVERY INTERACTION YOU HAVE

524
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,159
WITH A VIDEO TRAINS IT MORE ON

525
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,394
YOUR PREFERENCES.

526
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,562
AND BECAUSE THOSE VIDEOS ARE SO

527
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,764
SHORT, IT CAN GATHER A LOT OF

528
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,432
DATA ABOUT YOU VERY QUICKLY.

529
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,366
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THE

530
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,534
INFORMATION IT GATHERS.

531
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:56,635
IT KNOWS THE DEVICE YOU ARE

532
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:57,703
USING, YOUR LOCATION, IP

533
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,672
ADDRESS, SEARCH HISTORY, THE

534
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,806
CONTENT OF YOUR MESSAGES, WHAT

535
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,408
YOU'RE VIEWING AND FOR HOW LONG.

536
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,909
IT ALSO INFERS FACTORS SUCH AS

537
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,177
YOUR AGE RANGE, GENDER AND

538
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,011
INTERESTS, AND IN THE US, ITS

539
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,080
OWN PRIVACY POLICY SAYS IT MAY

540
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:08,681
COLLECT BIOMETRIC INFORMATION

541
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:13,519
INCLUDING FACE AND VOICEPRINTS,

542
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,353
FROM ANY CONTENT YOU POST.

543
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,854
THAT'S A LOT OF PERSONAL

544
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,156
INFORMATION, AND SOME OF

545
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,590
TIKTOK'S CRITICS PAINT AN

546
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:19,191
ALARMING PICTURE OF WHAT THAT

547
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,292
MEANS.

548
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,061
IMAGINE YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW

549
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,028
MORNING AND YOU SAW A NEWS

550
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,330
REPORT THAT CHINA HAD

551
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,067
DISTRIBUTED 100 MILLION SENSORS

552
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,668
AROUND THE UNITED STATES, AND

553
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,603
THAT ANY TIME AN AMERICAN WALKED

554
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,038
PAST ONE OF THESE SENSORS, THIS

555
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,573
SENSOR AUTOMATICALLY COLLECTED

556
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,142
OFF OF YOUR PHONE YOUR NAME,

557
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:38,977
YOUR HOME ADDRESS, YOUR PERSONAL

558
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,179
NETWORK, WHO YOU'RE FRIENDS

559
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,980
WITH, YOUR ONLINE VIEWING

560
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:43,649
HABITS, AND A WHOLE HOST OF

561
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,050
OTHER PIECES OF INFORMATION.

562
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,617
WELL, THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT

563
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,653
TIKTOK IS.

564
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,121
John: YEAH, THAT'S A

565
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,489
SCARY-SOUNDING MESSAGE, ONLY

566
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,224
SLIGHTLY UNDERCUT BY THE FACT

567
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,225
THAT GUY'S NAME IS, AND THIS IS

568
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,028
TRUE, KLON KITCHEN.

569
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,896
WHICH SOUNDS LESS LIKE A NAME TO

570
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,731
TRUST AND MORE LIKE A START-UP

571
00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,765
TRYING TO DISRUPT THE SPATULA

572
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,201
SPACE.

573
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,535
BASICALLY, THE CONCERN IS THAT

574
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,104
ALL THIS DATA COULD ONE DAY BE

575
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,205
USED BY THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT

576
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,639
TO IDENTIFY INTELLIGENCE

577
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,241
OPPORTUNITIES-- FOR EXAMPLE, BY

578
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:13,512
HELPING CHINA UNCOVER THE VICES,

579
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,646
PREDILECTIONS, OR PRESSURE

580
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,148
POINTS OF A POTENTIAL SPY

581
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:16,915
RECRUIT OR BLACKMAIL TARGET.

582
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,616
AND I MEAN...

583
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,050
MAYBE?

584
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:21,820
I GUESS THERE'S A NONZERO CHANCE

585
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:22,354
A FUTURE U.S. PRESIDENT IS

586
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,322
CURRENTLY RUNNING A FAN ACCOUNT

587
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:25,057
DEVOTED TO SONIC THE HEDGEHOG'S

588
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:25,891
FEET, WHICH COULD BE WEAPONIZED

589
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,426
AGAINST THEM IN THE FUTURE.

590
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,427
THOUGH IT'S WORTH NOTING-- A

591
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,762
HUGE COMPONENT OF BLACKMAIL

592
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,831
REQUIRES SHAME.

593
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,900
AND IF YOU'RE NOT ON TIKTOK,

594
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,669
YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON JUST HOW

595
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,437
LITTLE SHAME ITS USERS HAVE.

596
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,705
THERE'S AN ENTIRE CHALLENGE THAT

597
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,340
JUST CONSISTS OF NAMING YOUR

598
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,542
BIGGEST TRAUMAS FOR ALL THE

599
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,177
WORLD TO HEAR, WHILE DUMPING

600
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,713
CANDY INTO A BOWL.

601
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,014
AND IT IS RIVETING.

602
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,082
AND LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING

603
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:51,250
BYTEDANCE HASN'T BEEN GUILTY OF

604
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,418
ALARMING PRIVACY VIOLATIONS.

605
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,319
IT HAS!

606
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,454
A FEW YEARS BACK, THIS REPORTER

607
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,522
WAS INVESTIGATING TIKTOK AND

608
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,123
BYTEDANCE, ONLY TO LEARN THAT

609
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:58,657
SHE WAS BEING INVESTIGATED

610
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,893
HERSELF.

611
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,629
AFTER I WROTE MY FIRST FEW

612
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:09,301
STORIES, I GOT A BIG LEAK FROM

613
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,369
INSIDE THE COMPANY.

614
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,338
SOMEONE INSIDE THE COMPANY GAVE

615
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:12,971
ME A BUNCH OF AUDIO RECORDINGS.

616
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,605
IN AN EFFORT TO DISCOVER THE

617
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,139
LEAK A TEAM OF BYTEDANCE

618
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,040
EMPLOYEES LAUNCHED A

619
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,642
SURVEILLANCE PROJECT CALLED

620
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,876
PROJECT RAVEN, PULLING

621
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,712
INFORMATION FROM EMILY'S

622
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,347
PERSONAL TIKTOK ACCOUNT TO

623
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,681
MONITOR HER IP ADDRESS.

624
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,817
AND THE THEORY WAS THAT IF

625
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,720
THEY COULD MATCH MY IP ADDRESS

626
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,054
TO THE IP ADDRESS OF ONE OF

627
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:32,091
THEIR EMPLOYEES, THEY COULD

628
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,727
MAYBE PLACE ME AND AN EMPLOYEE

629
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:37,129
AT A STARBUCKS OR AT A LIBRARY

630
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,398
AT THE SAME TIME AND THEN MAYBE

631
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:39,999
FIGURE OUT WHO WAS TALKING TO

632
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,265
ME.

633
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:41,467
John: YEAH, IF THEY KNEW ONE

634
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,935
OF THEIR EMPLOYEES HAD BEEN IN

635
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,703
THE SAME LOCATION AS THAT

636
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:45,337
JOURNALIST, IT'D BE A PRETTY BIG

637
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,705
CLUE.

638
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:47,906
AND IT WAS MUCH EASIER TO PULL

639
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,608
IP ADDRESSES THAN GO THROUGH

640
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,809
EVERY STARBUCKS DUMPSTER TO TRY

641
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,411
AND FIND THE CUP THAT SAID

642
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,380
"SECRET WHISTLEBLOWER."

643
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,414
NOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU: THE

644
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,882
COMPANY SAYS THE EMPLOYEES

645
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,250
INVOLVED IN THAT SURVEILLANCE

646
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,418
SCHEME WERE FIRED, AND IT'S

647
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,619
RESTRUCTURED THE TEAM IN CHARGE

648
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,722
OF INTERNAL AUDITS AND REMOVED

649
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,890
ACCESS TO U.S. DATA.

650
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:05,424
BUT CRITICS POINT OUT: IT

651
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,792
DOESN'T REALLY MATTER HOW GOOD

652
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:07,626
BYTEDANCE'S PUBLIC INTENTIONS

653
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,461
ARE, BECAUSE FUNDAMENTALLY

654
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,396
THEY'RE VULNERABLE TO THE WHIMS

655
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,230
OF THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT--

656
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,565
WHICH HAS SHOWN A CLEAR

657
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,233
WILLINGNESS TO GO AFTER AMERICAN

658
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,968
DATA.

659
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:18,904
OFFICIALS HAVE BLAMED CHINESE

660
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:19,471
HACKERS FOR BREACHES OF THE

661
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:23,575
OFFICE OF PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT,

662
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,377
ANTHEM HEALTH, AND EQUIFAX,

663
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:25,844
AMONG OTHERS.

664
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,378
AND IF CHINA WANTED TO USE

665
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,914
BYTEDANCE TO ACCESS TIKTOK'S

666
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:29,515
DATA, THE COMPANY MIGHT NOT BE

667
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,817
ABLE TO PUT UP MUCH OF A FIGHT.

668
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:32,451
CHINESE LAW SAYS THAT IF THE

669
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:32,985
CHINESE GOVERNMENT ASKS A

670
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:37,089
COMPANY TO COOPERATE, IT HAS NO

671
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,524
CHOICE, NO APPEAL, NO GOING TO

672
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,525
COURT, NO LAYING ACROSS THE

673
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,160
RAILROAD TRACKS.

674
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,528
AND SO, BYTEDANCE, THEY COULD BE

675
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,163
PERFECTLY INNOCENT TODAY.

676
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,065
AND IF XI JINPING WAKES UP IN A

677
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,066
BAD MOOD TOMORROW, THEY COULD BE

678
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:51,337
DOING SOMETHING BAD.

679
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:52,137
John: YEAH, AGAIN, THAT

680
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:52,438
SOUNDS BAD!

681
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,005
MAJOR DECISIONS THAT AFFECT

682
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:54,006
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE COULD HINGE

683
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:54,640
ON WHETHER OR NOT THE LEADER OF

684
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,207
A COUNTRY WAKES UP IN A BAD

685
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:55,808
MOOD.

686
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,476
IT'S THE KIND OF UNPREDICTABLE,

687
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,777
EMOTIONALLY VOLATILE LEADERSHIP

688
00:17:58,778 --> 00:17:59,511
YOU GET IN CHINA AND LUCKILY,

689
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,649
NOWHERE ELSE.

690
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,017
AND WHILE THAT SOUNDS

691
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:07,486
FRIGHTENING, IT'S IMPORTANT TO

692
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,654
NOTE THERE'S ALSO A LOT OF IF

693
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,154
IN HOW THIS TENDS TO GET

694
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,489
DISCUSSED.

695
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:11,690
TIKTOK INSISTS IT HASN'T, AND

696
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,826
WOULDN'T, GIVE DATA TO CHINA.

697
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:14,793
BUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU BELIEVE

698
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,528
THEM, THERE IS STILL NO PUBLIC

699
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,097
EVIDENCE THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT

700
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,131
HAS ACTUALLY SPIED ON PEOPLE

701
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,666
THROUGH TIKTOK.

702
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,468
WHAT'S MORE, WHILE IT DOES

703
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,003
COLLECT A LOT OF DATA ON ITS

704
00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:25,871
USERS, AS WE DISCUSSED IN OUR

705
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,406
DATA BROKERS STORY, LOTS OF

706
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,640
OTHER APPS DO THE EXACT SAME

707
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,975
THING.

708
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,310
IN FACT, WHEN THE WASHINGTON

709
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,244
POST WORKED WITH A PRIVACY

710
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,512
RESEARCHER TO LOOK UNDER THE

711
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,747
HOOD AT TIKTOK, THEY CONCLUDED

712
00:18:34,748 --> 00:18:35,881
THAT IT DOESN'T APPEAR TO

713
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,316
COLLECT ANY MORE DATA THAN YOUR

714
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,584
TYPICAL MAINSTREAM SOCIAL

715
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,985
NETWORK.

716
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,520
FOR INSTANCE, WHILE TIKTOK IS

717
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,889
TRACKING USERS AROUND THE

718
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,224
INTERNET EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T

719
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,727
USING THE APP, THE SAME TRACKING

720
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:49,461
TOOL IS USED BY META AND GOOGLE

721
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,430
ON A FAR LARGER SCALE.

722
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,998
AND EVEN WHEN IT COMES TO

723
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,767
TRACKING REPORTERS, TIKTOK'S NOT

724
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,502
AN OUTLIER, GIVEN AN UBER

725
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,170
EXECUTIVE ONCE USED AN INTERNAL

726
00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:00,039
TOOL NAMED "GOD VIEW" TO TRACK

727
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,440
THE LOCATION OF A BUZZFEED NEWS

728
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:02,041
REPORTER WHO WAS COVERING THE

729
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:04,476
COMPANY.

730
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,411
AND AGAIN, I'M NOT GIVING TIKTOK

731
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,345
A PASS HERE.

732
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,880
I'M JUST POINTING OUT THAT ITS

733
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,548
BEHAVIOR IS PRETTY CONSISTENT

734
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,916
WITH SILICON VALLEY'S OWN VERY

735
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,886
SHITTY STANDARDS.

736
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:17,423
THINK OF TIKTOK AS A SOFT DRINK

737
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:17,890
COMPANY IN THE 1800s.

738
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:20,359
SURE, ITS PRODUCT IS MOSTLY

739
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,760
COCAINE, BUT HEY, SHOW ME A

740
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,296
CHILD'S BEVERAGE THAT ISN'T.

741
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,364
SO, THAT'S THE CASE AS IT

742
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,899
RELATES TO TIKTOK'S USAGE OF

743
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,634
DATA.

744
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,803
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CLAIM IT CAN

745
00:19:30,804 --> 00:19:32,004
PUSH PROPAGANDA, OR BURY CONTENT

746
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,539
THAT MAKES CHINA LOOK BAD?

747
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,840
WELL, BYTEDANCE DOES DO THAT

748
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,974
WITHIN CHINA.

749
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:36,942
DOUYIN, THE VERSION OF TIKTOK

750
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:42,014
FOR THE CHINESE MARKET, HAS TO

751
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:42,781
PLAY BY CHINA'S RULES WHEN IT

752
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,382
COMES TO CENSORSHIP, AND "HAS

753
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:43,882
BANNED A BROAD RANGE OF

754
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,484
SUPPOSEDLY SUBVERSIVE TOPICS,

755
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,585
INCLUDING ANY CONTENT THAT

756
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:53,660
CAUSES "DISCOMFORT."

757
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:58,530
AND WHEN TIKTOK FIRST STARTED

758
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,965
GROWING INTERNATIONALLY,

759
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:00,399
IT DID SEEM TO BRING

760
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:00,966
SOME OF THAT ETHOS WITH IT.

761
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:01,600
IN 2019, LEAKED DOCUMENTS SHOWED

762
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,234
TIKTOK HAD INSTRUCTED MODERATORS

763
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:02,768
TO BAN CONTENT ON "HIGHLY

764
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:03,402
CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS"-- CITING

765
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,737
MENTIONS OF TIANANMEN SQUARE,

766
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:06,905
TIBETAN INDEPENDENCE, OR THE

767
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:07,740
BANNED RELIGIOUS GROUP

768
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:08,240
FALUN GONG AS EXAMPLES.

769
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:08,774
AND IN 2020, THE INTERCEPT

770
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:09,708
REPORTED ITS MODERATORS WERE

771
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,943
ALSO TOLD TO CENSOR POLITICAL

772
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,077
SPEECH IN LIVESTREAMS, AS WELL

773
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:12,878
AS, FUN FACT, USERS DEEMED TOO

774
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:18,150
UGLY, POOR, OR DISABLED FOR THE

775
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:18,417
PLATFORM.

776
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,018
NOW, TIKTOK INSISTS THOSE WERE

777
00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:19,651
OLD GUIDELINES NO LONGER IN USE,

778
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:20,652
AND THAT THEIR MODERATION

779
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,153
PRACTICES ARE NOW MORE

780
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:27,926
TRANSPARENT.

781
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:28,494
BUT SOME RESEARCHERS BELIEVE

782
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:29,261
THERE'S STILL REASON TO WORRY.

783
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,062
ONE TEAM STUDYING TIKTOK CREATED

784
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,632
FAKE ACCOUNTS, REPRESENTING

785
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,433
AMERICAN TEENAGERS, AND THEY

786
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,067
WERE ALARMED AT WHAT THEY FOUND.

787
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,001
WHEN I GO TO YOUTUBE, YOU PUT

788
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,970
IN TIANANMEN AND THE FIRST THING

789
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:38,804
YOU HAVE ARE MAINSTREAM NEWS

790
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,472
DOCUMENTARIES.

791
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,574
BUT RESEARCHERS SAY MOST OF

792
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,943
THE CONTENT REGARDING TIANANMEN

793
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:45,811
THAT SHOWED UP ON TIKTOK WAS, IN

794
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,513
THEIR JUDGMENT, NOT RELEVANT OR

795
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,415
PRO-CHINA COMPARED TO WHAT

796
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:49,948
SHOWED UP ON INSTAGRAM AND

797
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,216
YOUTUBE.

798
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,317
WHEN WE LOOKED AT MATERIAL

799
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,720
THAT'S SENSITIVE TO THE CHINESE

800
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,021
COMMUNIST PARTY, THESE MATERIALS

801
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,691
WERE SIGNIFICANTLY, INEXPLICABLY

802
00:20:58,692 --> 00:20:59,825
UNDERREPRESENTED ON THE

803
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:04,163
PLATFORM.

804
00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:04,763
John: RIGHT, THEY CONCLUDED

805
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,364
THAT VIDEOS UNDESIRABLE TO THE

806
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:05,898
CCP WERE UNDERREPRESENTED.

807
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:09,101
THOUGH, INTERESTINGLY, NOT

808
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:09,601
UNREPRESENTED.

809
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,736
TIKTOK SAYS THAT STUDY IS

810
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:11,937
FLAWED, AND WHILE I HATE TO

811
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:12,571
AGREE WITH THEM, THE METHODOLOGY

812
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:19,144
IS A BIT WEIRD.

813
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:19,912
BECAUSE THE RESEARCHERS SEARCHED

814
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:20,512
WORDS LIKE "XINJIANG," "TIBET"

815
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:21,280
AND "TIANANMEN," CLICKED ON THE

816
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,681
FIRST RESULT, AND LET THE

817
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:23,282
ALGORITHM TAKE IT FROM THERE.

818
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,817
WHICH DOESN'T SEEM LIKE HOW

819
00:21:24,818 --> 00:21:25,351
PEOPLE TEND TO SEARCH FOR

820
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:30,989
INFORMATION.

821
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,524
IF YOU TYPE IN AMERICA AND

822
00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:34,360
SEARCH IT'S GOING TO A LOT.

823
00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:35,327
AND HONESTLY, GIVEN HOW SPOOKILY

824
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:35,928
GOOD TIKTOK'S ALGORITHM IS AT

825
00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:36,929
KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT,

826
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:37,830
IT MIGHT EVEN HAVE CONCLUDED,

827
00:21:37,831 --> 00:21:38,664
"GOT IT, YOU'RE A BEARDED

828
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:39,865
RESEARCHER PRETENDING TO BE A 16

829
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,300
YEAR OLD LOOKING FOR EVIDENCE TO

830
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,067
SUPPORT YOUR CENSORSHIP

831
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:43,702
HYPOTHESIS.

832
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:46,472
HERE ARE THE RESULTS YOU WANT--

833
00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:51,543
ALSO, FUN FACT, YOU'RE BI!"

834
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:53,212
ULTIMATELY, IT'S HARD TO KNOW

835
00:21:53,213 --> 00:21:53,846
FOR SURE, BECAUSE THE ALGORITHM

836
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:57,916
IS PROPRIETARY, AND THE

837
00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:58,550
DECISIONS IT MAKES ABOUT CONTENT

838
00:21:58,551 --> 00:21:58,984
ARE LARGELY OPAQUE.

839
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:03,655
AND BANNING TIKTOK OUT OF FEAR

840
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:04,256
IT MAY BE A VESSEL FOR FOREIGN

841
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:04,890
INFLUENCE IS A LITTLE WEIRD, FOR

842
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:05,224
A FEW REASONS.

843
00:22:05,225 --> 00:22:05,758
FIRST, CHINA-- LIKE MANY

844
00:22:05,759 --> 00:22:12,364
COUNTRIES, INCLUDING THE U.S.--

845
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:12,998
HAS COVERT INFLUENCE OPERATIONS,

846
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,867
LIKE ACCOUNTS PUSHING

847
00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:15,501
PROPAGANDA, RUNNING ON ALL SORTS

848
00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:21,707
OF PLATFORMS.

849
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:22,341
AND RESEARCHERS SAY THEY HAVEN'T

850
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,008
SEEN A PARTICULAR FOCUS ON

851
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,376
TIKTOK THAT GOES BEYOND THE ONES

852
00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:25,711
IT ALSO RUNS ON FACEBOOK,

853
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:26,211
INSTAGRAM, AND YOUTUBE.

854
00:22:26,212 --> 00:22:27,312
AND WHEN IT COMES TO CHINA

855
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:28,113
DIRECTLY INFLUENCING TIKTOK

856
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:28,681
BEHIND THE SCENES, EVEN THE

857
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:30,182
GOVERNMENT'S OWN FILINGS SAY

858
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:31,984
POINT-BLANK THAT THEY HAVE NO

859
00:22:31,985 --> 00:22:33,952
DIRECT EVIDENCE CHINA HAS USED

860
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,821
TIKTOK FOR PROPAGANDA PURPOSES

861
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:40,092
IN THE U.S. BUT THERE IS

862
00:22:40,093 --> 00:22:40,693
SIGNIFICANT RISK THAT IT COULD

863
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:41,226
HAPPEN.

864
00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:44,396
BUT AS LONG AS THIS ARGUMENT'S

865
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,732
ABOUT WHAT COULD BE THE CASE,

866
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:47,466
WE SHOULD PROBABLY ASK: COULD

867
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:48,067
THERE BE ANY ULTERIOR MOTIVES

868
00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:48,667
BEHIND THE U.S. GOVERNMENT'S

869
00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:49,601
APPROACH?

870
00:22:49,602 --> 00:22:51,370
BECAUSE ALONGSIDE THE CONCERN

871
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:52,771
ABOUT NATIONAL SECURITY, IT DOES

872
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:54,506
FEEL LIKE THERE CAN BE AN

873
00:22:54,507 --> 00:22:56,575
UNDERCURRENT OF XENOPHOBIA.

874
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,077
HERE'S TOM COTTON INTERROGATING

875
00:22:58,078 --> 00:23:00,079
TIKTOK'S CEO.

876
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,213
YOU SAID TODAY, AS YOU OFTEN

877
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:03,449
SAY, THAT YOU LIVE IN SINGAPORE.

878
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:03,949
OF WHAT NATION ARE YOU A

879
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:05,551
CITIZEN?

880
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:07,086
SINGAPORE.

881
00:23:07,087 --> 00:23:07,653
ARE YOU A CITIZEN OF ANY

882
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:08,754
OTHER NATION?

883
00:23:08,755 --> 00:23:09,621
NO, SENATOR.

884
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:10,189
HAVE YOU EVER APPLIED FOR

885
00:23:10,190 --> 00:23:12,024
CHINESE CITIZENSHIP?

886
00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:13,092
SENATOR, I SERVED MY NATION

887
00:23:13,093 --> 00:23:13,959
IN SINGAPORE.

888
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,361
NO, I DID NOT.

889
00:23:15,362 --> 00:23:16,695
DO YOU HAVE A SINGAPOREAN

890
00:23:16,696 --> 00:23:17,396
PASSPORT?

891
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:18,797
YES, AND I SERVED MY MILITARY

892
00:23:18,798 --> 00:23:19,765
FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS IN

893
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:20,432
SINGAPORE.

894
00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:21,967
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER

895
00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:22,468
PASSPORTS FROM ANY OTHER

896
00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:23,102
NATIONS?

897
00:23:23,103 --> 00:23:24,203
NO, SENATOR.

898
00:23:24,204 --> 00:23:24,770
YOUR WIFE IS AN AMERICAN

899
00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:25,170
CITIZEN.

900
00:23:25,171 --> 00:23:25,704
YOUR CHILDREN ARE AMERICAN

901
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:26,572
CITIZENS?

902
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:27,439
THAT'S CORRECT.

903
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,007
HAVE YOU EVER APPLIED FOR

904
00:23:28,008 --> 00:23:30,275
AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP?

905
00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:31,410
NO, NOT YET.

906
00:23:31,411 --> 00:23:34,813
OKAY.

907
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:35,848
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF

908
00:23:35,849 --> 00:23:37,783
THE CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY?

909
00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:39,018
SENATOR, I'M SINGAPOREAN, NO.

910
00:23:39,019 --> 00:23:40,085
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ASSOCIATED

911
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:41,153
OR AFFILIATED WITH THE CHINESE

912
00:23:41,154 --> 00:23:41,854
COMMUNIST PARTY?

913
00:23:41,855 --> 00:23:42,988
NO.

914
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:48,227
SENATOR, AGAIN, I'M SINGAPOREAN.

915
00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:49,228
John: THAT IS SO BAD, I

916
00:23:49,229 --> 00:23:49,995
ALMOST WISH THAT LINE OF

917
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:50,562
QUESTIONING HAD KEPT GOING.

918
00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:51,130
"OKAY, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHERE

919
00:23:51,131 --> 00:23:51,563
CHINA IS ON A MAP?"

920
00:23:51,564 --> 00:23:53,632
"YES, I DO."

921
00:23:53,633 --> 00:23:54,833
"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE CHINA

922
00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:55,234
IS?"

923
00:23:55,235 --> 00:23:55,934
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

924
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,670
"I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, HOW DO YOU

925
00:23:57,671 --> 00:23:59,204
KNOW WHERE CHINA IS?"

926
00:23:59,205 --> 00:24:00,406
"BECAUSE I CAN READ A MAP?"

927
00:24:00,407 --> 00:24:01,940
"AND HOW CAN YOU READ A MAP?"

928
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,042
"BECAUSE I LEARNED TO IN

929
00:24:03,043 --> 00:24:03,475
SCHOOL."

930
00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:05,611
"AND WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL WOULD

931
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:06,912
TEACH A CHILD TO READ A MAP OF

932
00:24:06,913 --> 00:24:07,446
CHINA?"

933
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:08,547
"ANY SCHOOL."

934
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,549
"NOT ANY OF OURS."

935
00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:11,583
"WELL, THAT'S NOT GREAT, IS IT?"

936
00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:13,152
"SO YOU'RE INSULTING THE USA

937
00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:13,786
BECAUSE YOU'RE A SECRET CHINESE

938
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:14,887
CITIZEN?

939
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:19,692
I REST MY CASE."

940
00:24:19,693 --> 00:24:20,893
AND LOOK, OBVIOUSLY TOM COTTON'S

941
00:24:20,894 --> 00:24:22,027
A PERSISTENT PIECE OF SHIT.

942
00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:23,362
BUT IT'S HARD TO SHAKE THE

943
00:24:23,363 --> 00:24:24,730
FEELING THAT AT LEAST PART OF

944
00:24:24,731 --> 00:24:25,964
THE PANIC HERE STEMS FROM AN

945
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:26,832
UGLY PLACE.

946
00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:28,033
AND THAT'S NOT THE ONLY POSSIBLE

947
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:29,668
MOTIVATOR.

948
00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:31,437
THERE'S ALSO THE FACT THERE ARE

949
00:24:31,438 --> 00:24:32,071
PLENTY OF BIG U.S. TECH

950
00:24:32,072 --> 00:24:33,505
COMPANIES THAT WOULD VERY MUCH

951
00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:34,073
LIKE THEIR MARKET SHARE BACK

952
00:24:34,074 --> 00:24:36,575
FROM TIKTOK.

953
00:24:36,576 --> 00:24:37,309
META AND YOUTUBE NOW EACH HAVE

954
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,811
THEIR OWN TIKTOK KNOCKOFFS IN

955
00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:40,546
THE FORMS OF REELS AND YOUTUBE

956
00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:42,881
SHORTS, AND META'S BEEN CAUGHT

957
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:44,016
OPENLY SEEDING NEGATIVE STORIES

958
00:24:44,017 --> 00:24:45,417
ABOUT TIKTOK, EVEN HIRING A

959
00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:46,652
MARKETING FIRM, WITH ONE

960
00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:47,753
CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR SAYING IN AN

961
00:24:47,754 --> 00:24:49,988
EMAIL, "THE DREAM WOULD BE TO

962
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:54,126
GET STORIES WITH HEADLINES LIKE

963
00:24:54,127 --> 00:24:55,794
FROM DANCES TO DANGER."

964
00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:56,695
WHICH, TO BE HONEST, SOUNDS LIKE

965
00:24:56,696 --> 00:24:57,429
A NETFLIX TRUE CRIME DOCUMENTARY

966
00:24:57,430 --> 00:24:57,996
ABOUT A BALLET STUDIO THAT

967
00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:00,132
TURNED OUT TO BE A SEX CULT.

968
00:25:00,133 --> 00:25:01,600
AND MARK ZUCKERBERG, SEEN HERE

969
00:25:01,601 --> 00:25:02,334
LOOKING LIKE THE CHEF FROM

970
00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:04,570
RATATOUILLE TRYING TO PIVOT TO

971
00:25:04,571 --> 00:25:06,305
BITCOIN, PERSONALLY LOBBIED

972
00:25:06,306 --> 00:25:07,106
TRUMP ON THE RISK POSED BY HIS

973
00:25:07,107 --> 00:25:09,008
COMPETITION.

974
00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:11,910
IN 2019, IN A PRIVATE DINNER AT

975
00:25:11,911 --> 00:25:12,478
THE WHITE HOUSE, HE MADE THE

976
00:25:12,479 --> 00:25:14,680
CASE THAT THE RISE OF CHINESE

977
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:16,482
INTERNET COMPANIES THREATENS

978
00:25:16,483 --> 00:25:17,282
AMERICAN BUSINESS, AND SHOULD BE

979
00:25:17,283 --> 00:25:19,284
A BIGGER CONCERN THAN REINING IN

980
00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:20,719
FACEBOOK.

981
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:21,820
WHICH SEEMS A LITTLE SUSPECT TO

982
00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:23,889
ME.

983
00:25:23,890 --> 00:25:25,124
IF YOU GET CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING,

984
00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:27,092
THE BEST DEFENSE ISN'T USUALLY

985
00:25:27,093 --> 00:25:27,726
"HEY THAT GUY DID IT TOO-- AND

986
00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:32,531
HE'S CHINESE!"

987
00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:33,098
AND HONESTLY, BANNING TIKTOK

988
00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:34,566
MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING THAT

989
00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:35,901
HELPS META HERE.

990
00:25:35,902 --> 00:25:37,169
BECAUSE AS SOME TIKTOK CREATORS

991
00:25:37,170 --> 00:25:39,672
WILL TELL YOU, THEY MUCH PREFER

992
00:25:39,673 --> 00:25:40,172
THE PLATFORM TO ITS U.S.

993
00:25:40,173 --> 00:25:41,540
COMPETITORS.

994
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:44,376
100% OF MY CUSTOMER BASE WERE

995
00:25:44,377 --> 00:25:45,878
DERIVED DIRECTLY FROM TIKTOK.

996
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:46,412
FOR INSTANCE, THERE WAS A

997
00:25:46,413 --> 00:25:47,446
GENTLEMAN THAT SAW ONE OF MY

998
00:25:47,447 --> 00:25:49,081
TIKTOK VIDEOS JUST YESTERDAY,

999
00:25:49,082 --> 00:25:50,049
AND HE SAW A COUPLE OF COWS IN

1000
00:25:50,050 --> 00:25:50,983
THE BACKGROUND THAT HE REALLY,

1001
00:25:50,984 --> 00:25:51,417
REALLY LIKED.

1002
00:25:51,418 --> 00:25:53,218
HE REACHED OUT TO ME AND HE

1003
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:54,253
SAID, "ARE THOSE COWS FOR SALE

1004
00:25:54,254 --> 00:25:55,487
BY CHANCE?

1005
00:25:55,488 --> 00:25:58,023
HE DID NOT SEE THOSE CATTLE ON

1006
00:25:58,024 --> 00:25:59,324
FACEBOOK OR INSTAGRAM.

1007
00:25:59,325 --> 00:26:00,626
LET'S FACE IT, FACEBOOK IS

1008
00:26:00,627 --> 00:26:01,493
ARCHAIC, IT'S DEAD.

1009
00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:02,428
INSTAGRAM'S PRIME WAS MORE THAN

1010
00:26:02,429 --> 00:26:03,629
SEVEN YEARS AGO.

1011
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:06,131
IT'S-- THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE

1012
00:26:06,132 --> 00:26:07,099
PLATFORM IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW,

1013
00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:08,567
AND THIS IS WHERE A NUMBER OF

1014
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:09,868
OUR CUSTOMERS ARE COMING FROM.

1015
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:11,036
John: WOW.

1016
00:26:11,037 --> 00:26:12,805
THERE IS NO WAY TO UNDERSELL HOW

1017
00:26:12,806 --> 00:26:18,210
COMPLETELY COOKED YOU ARE AS A

1018
00:26:18,211 --> 00:26:18,811
TECH COMPANY WHEN THAT GUY IS

1019
00:26:18,812 --> 00:26:19,411
TELLING YOU YOU'RE BEHIND THE

1020
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:20,646
TIMES.

1021
00:26:20,647 --> 00:26:22,114
HE LOOKS LIKE HIS NUMBER ONE

1022
00:26:22,115 --> 00:26:23,882
CONCERN IS "RUSTLERS," AND

1023
00:26:23,883 --> 00:26:25,217
CONCERNS TWO THROUGH SEVEN ARE

1024
00:26:25,218 --> 00:26:27,219
ALL STAMPEDE-RELATED, SO IF HE'S

1025
00:26:27,220 --> 00:26:28,721
EXPLAINING WHY YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA

1026
00:26:28,722 --> 00:26:29,922
PLATFORM IS SUBSTANDARD?

1027
00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:31,190
YOU'RE DONE.

1028
00:26:31,191 --> 00:26:33,392
GOODBYE.

1029
00:26:33,393 --> 00:26:35,361
SO VERY BASICALLY, THAT'S THE

1030
00:26:35,362 --> 00:26:36,595
CASE, PRO AND CON, FOR THIS

1031
00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:38,097
POTENTIAL TIKTOK BAN.

1032
00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:39,865
OR, AT LEAST, THE PUBLIC CASE.

1033
00:26:39,866 --> 00:26:41,700
BECAUSE THERE'S ONE MORE ELEMENT

1034
00:26:41,701 --> 00:26:42,768
TO THE GOVERNMENT'S ARGUMENT I

1035
00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:43,802
HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET, BUT

1036
00:26:43,803 --> 00:26:46,271
ONLY BECAUSE IT'S BASICALLY

1037
00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:47,406
IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT, AS THEY

1038
00:26:47,407 --> 00:26:48,440
WON'T TELL US WHAT IT IS.

1039
00:26:48,441 --> 00:26:50,609
THERE'S A LINE THAT KEEPS COMING

1040
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:53,078
UP WITH LAWMAKERS WHENEVER

1041
00:26:53,079 --> 00:26:54,380
THEY'RE ADVOCATING FOR THE BAN.

1042
00:26:54,381 --> 00:26:55,414
IS THERE CONCRETE EVIDENCE

1043
00:26:55,415 --> 00:26:57,349
THAT-- THAT WE CAN POINT TO

1044
00:26:57,350 --> 00:26:58,650
THAT SAYS THAT NEFARIOUS

1045
00:26:58,651 --> 00:26:59,351
ACTIVITY IS GOING ON?

1046
00:26:59,352 --> 00:27:00,619
YES.

1047
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:01,720
A LOT OF IT IS CLASSIFIED.

1048
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:03,055
TIKTOK IS CERTAINLY A

1049
00:27:03,056 --> 00:27:04,356
NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT.

1050
00:27:04,357 --> 00:27:05,324
WE'VE SEEN EVIDENCE IN A

1051
00:27:05,325 --> 00:27:07,092
CLASSIFIED SETTING.

1052
00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:08,394
MANY AMERICAN, PARTICULARLY

1053
00:27:08,395 --> 00:27:09,028
YOUNG AMERICANS, ARE RIGHTFULLY

1054
00:27:09,029 --> 00:27:10,429
SKEPTICAL.

1055
00:27:10,430 --> 00:27:12,398
AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY'VE

1056
00:27:12,399 --> 00:27:14,233
NOT SEEN WHAT CONGRESS HAS SEEN.

1057
00:27:14,234 --> 00:27:15,401
THEY'VE NOT BEEN IN THE

1058
00:27:15,402 --> 00:27:15,934
CLASSIFIED BRIEFINGS THAT

1059
00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:17,169
CONGRESS HAS HELD.

1060
00:27:17,170 --> 00:27:18,704
John: AND HERE'S THE THING:

1061
00:27:18,705 --> 00:27:20,339
RIGHT!

1062
00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:22,875
WE HAVEN'T SEEN IT!

1063
00:27:22,876 --> 00:27:25,778
SO MAYBE YOU NEED TO SHOW US!

1064
00:27:25,779 --> 00:27:26,745
BECAUSE SAYING "TRUST US, IT'S

1065
00:27:26,746 --> 00:27:27,813
SUPER SCARY" ONLY REALLY WORKS

1066
00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:32,851
WHEN THE PERSON SAYING IT IS

1067
00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:33,852
SOMEONE YOU FUNDAMENTALLY TRUST

1068
00:27:33,853 --> 00:27:34,286
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

1069
00:27:34,287 --> 00:27:34,887
TIKTOK IS CURRENTLY SUING THE

1070
00:27:34,888 --> 00:27:35,688
GOVERNMENT OVER THE IMPENDING

1071
00:27:35,689 --> 00:27:36,455
BAN, AND IN ITS FILINGS, THE

1072
00:27:36,456 --> 00:27:37,956
GOVERNMENT'S REDACTED

1073
00:27:37,957 --> 00:27:39,558
SIGNIFICANT PORTIONS OF THE

1074
00:27:39,559 --> 00:27:40,359
EVIDENCE IT SAYS IT HAS, WITH

1075
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:41,860
SOME PARTS OF ITS AFFIDAVITS

1076
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,896
LOOKING LIKE THIS.

1077
00:27:43,897 --> 00:27:45,330
AND INCREDIBLY, EVEN BYTEDANCE

1078
00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:47,533
AND TIKTOK DON'T KNOW WHAT'S

1079
00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:48,634
BEHIND THOSE BLACK BARS, BECAUSE

1080
00:27:48,635 --> 00:27:49,835
THE GOVERNMENT'S NOT REVEALING

1081
00:27:49,836 --> 00:27:52,071
ITS EVIDENCE TO THEM, EITHER.

1082
00:27:52,072 --> 00:27:53,072
WHICH FEELS WRONG.

1083
00:27:53,073 --> 00:27:55,607
BECAUSE USUALLY, SHOWING YOUR

1084
00:27:55,608 --> 00:27:57,476
EVIDENCE IS A FUNDAMENTAL TENET

1085
00:27:57,477 --> 00:27:58,477
OF AMERICAN JUSTICE.

1086
00:27:58,478 --> 00:28:00,979
IT'S UP THERE WITH A RIGHT TO

1087
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:05,351
PLEAD YOUR CASE, AND TO BE TRIED

1088
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:05,918
BY 12 HALF-ASLEEP STRANGERS

1089
00:28:05,919 --> 00:28:06,552
WHO'D RATHER BE ANYWHERE ELSE IN

1090
00:28:06,553 --> 00:28:07,653
THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.

1091
00:28:07,654 --> 00:28:08,921
AND THE CONDESCENSION OF "JUST

1092
00:28:08,922 --> 00:28:10,723
TRUST US" CAN GET REALLY

1093
00:28:10,724 --> 00:28:12,024
FRUSTRATING, ESPECIALLY WHEN

1094
00:28:12,025 --> 00:28:13,959
IT'S EXPRESSED LIKE THIS.

1095
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,427
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO

1096
00:28:15,428 --> 00:28:17,296
RECOGNIZE WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING

1097
00:28:17,297 --> 00:28:19,465
THIS TO PROTECT THE PRIVACY OF

1098
00:28:19,466 --> 00:28:20,566
AMERICANS.

1099
00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:22,501
PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY'RE TAKING

1100
00:28:22,502 --> 00:28:24,069
THEIR RIGHTS AWAY, BUT IT'S

1101
00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:24,603
ACTUALLY PROTECTING THEIR

1102
00:28:24,604 --> 00:28:26,171
PRIVACY.

1103
00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:28,007
John: BUT IS IT, THOUGH?

1104
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:29,141
BECAUSE IN A WORLD WHERE

1105
00:28:29,142 --> 00:28:31,610
INSTAGRAM KNOWS YOUR LOCATION,

1106
00:28:31,611 --> 00:28:32,845
UBER KNOWS YOUR CHILDHOOD FEARS,

1107
00:28:32,846 --> 00:28:34,680
AND DOORDASH HAS A DETAILED 3D

1108
00:28:34,681 --> 00:28:36,015
RENDERING OF YOUR SMALL

1109
00:28:36,016 --> 00:28:39,018
INTESTINE ITS EXECUTIVES USE AS

1110
00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:39,618
A SCREENSAVER, CLAIMING YOU'RE

1111
00:28:39,619 --> 00:28:41,220
PROTECTING AMERICANS' PRIVACY BY

1112
00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:43,389
BANNING TIKTOK FEELS LIKE

1113
00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:48,961
CLAIMING YOU'RE FIGHTING CLIMATE

1114
00:28:48,962 --> 00:28:49,895
CHANGE BY BANNING THE

1115
00:28:49,896 --> 00:28:50,195
KIA SORENTO.

1116
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:50,729
SURE, IT'S TECHNICALLY NOT

1117
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:56,335
NOTHING, BUT IT IS, IN A LARGER

1118
00:28:56,336 --> 00:28:56,869
SENSE, BASICALLY NOTHING.

1119
00:28:56,870 --> 00:28:57,503
ONE OF THE REASONS THIS STORY'S

1120
00:28:57,504 --> 00:28:58,137
DIFFICULT TO NAVIGATE IS THERE'S

1121
00:28:58,138 --> 00:28:58,804
SO MUCH WE DON'T KNOW, AND

1122
00:28:58,805 --> 00:28:59,405
COMING FROM TWO SIDES I DON'T

1123
00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:00,806
REMOTELY TRUST.

1124
00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:06,378
BECAUSE YOU'RE EITHER TAKING THE

1125
00:29:06,379 --> 00:29:07,346
WORD OF A MULTINATIONAL TECH

1126
00:29:07,347 --> 00:29:09,281
COMPANY THAT PROFITS OFF YOUR

1127
00:29:09,282 --> 00:29:10,215
DATA, OR THE U.S. GOVERNMENT,

1128
00:29:10,216 --> 00:29:10,983
WHICH SEEMS HAPPY TO TURN A

1129
00:29:10,984 --> 00:29:11,784
BLIND EYE WHENEVER AMERICAN

1130
00:29:11,785 --> 00:29:12,785
COMPANIES DO THE SAME THING.

1131
00:29:12,786 --> 00:29:13,619
AND WHO KNOWS WHERE THINGS COULD

1132
00:29:13,620 --> 00:29:14,987
GO FROM HERE?

1133
00:29:14,988 --> 00:29:15,954
TIKTOK'S LAWSUIT MAY END UP

1134
00:29:15,955 --> 00:29:17,589
BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT--

1135
00:29:17,590 --> 00:29:18,857
MEANING THAT JANUARY 19 DEADLINE

1136
00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,325
WILL LIKELY GET EXTENDED INTO

1137
00:29:20,326 --> 00:29:21,760
THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY.

1138
00:29:21,761 --> 00:29:23,162
AND REMEMBER, HE'S THE ONE WHO

1139
00:29:23,163 --> 00:29:23,729
TRIED BANNING TIKTOK IN THE

1140
00:29:23,730 --> 00:29:25,297
FIRST PLACE.

1141
00:29:25,298 --> 00:29:30,436
THOUGH HE'S NOW DONE A COMPLETE

1142
00:29:30,437 --> 00:29:31,303
180 ON THAT, RELEASING THIS

1143
00:29:31,304 --> 00:29:31,837
VIDEO DURING THE CAMPAIGN.

1144
00:29:31,838 --> 00:29:32,805
FOR ALL OF THOSE THAT WANT TO

1145
00:29:32,806 --> 00:29:33,439
SAVE TIKTOK IN AMERICA, VOTE FOR

1146
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,174
TRUMP.

1147
00:29:35,175 --> 00:29:37,543
THE OTHER SIDE'S CLOSING IT UP.

1148
00:29:37,544 --> 00:29:38,077
BUT I'M NOW A BIG STAR ON

1149
00:29:38,078 --> 00:29:41,413
TIKTOK.

1150
00:29:41,414 --> 00:29:43,582
SO, IF YOU LIKE TIKTOK, GO OUT

1151
00:29:43,583 --> 00:29:48,754
AND VOTE FOR TRUMP.

1152
00:29:48,755 --> 00:29:49,455
John: I MEAN IT'S PERFECT.

1153
00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:50,055
AS ALWAYS, IT'S GENUINELY HARD

1154
00:29:50,056 --> 00:29:50,656
TO FOCUS ON THE MESSAGE THERE,

1155
00:29:50,657 --> 00:29:54,960
BECAUSE OF THE WEIRD ENERGY.

1156
00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:56,228
HIS DELIVERY IS GIVING, "OKAY,

1157
00:29:56,229 --> 00:29:56,862
NOW HOW ABOUT A SILLY ONE" MIXED

1158
00:29:56,863 --> 00:29:58,097
WITH THE SPONTANEOUS DELAYED

1159
00:29:58,098 --> 00:29:58,664
RELEASE OF 60 YEARS OF DIET

1160
00:29:58,665 --> 00:30:05,739
PILLS.

1161
00:30:07,907 --> 00:30:08,407
SO APPARENTLY TRUMP WANTS TO

1162
00:30:08,408 --> 00:30:08,974
"SAVE TIKTOK" NOW, HE CAN'T

1163
00:30:08,975 --> 00:30:09,608
UNILATERALLY OVERTURN THIS LAW.

1164
00:30:09,609 --> 00:30:10,209
HE'D PRESUMABLY HAVE TO FORCE

1165
00:30:10,210 --> 00:30:16,281
CONGRESS TO RESCIND IT.

1166
00:30:16,282 --> 00:30:18,384
ALTHOUGH HE CAN'T CHANGE HIS

1167
00:30:18,385 --> 00:30:19,385
MIND AGAIN HE CAN DO THAT.

1168
00:30:19,386 --> 00:30:19,952
SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

1169
00:30:19,953 --> 00:30:20,386
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

1170
00:30:20,387 --> 00:30:21,020
WE TALKED TO A LOT OF EXPERTS ON

1171
00:30:21,021 --> 00:30:21,520
BOTH SIDES OF THIS BAN.

1172
00:30:21,521 --> 00:30:22,788
NATIONAL SECURITY TYPES TEND TO

1173
00:30:22,789 --> 00:30:23,422
BE IN THE "WHY RISK IT, JUST BAN

1174
00:30:23,423 --> 00:30:25,391
IT" CAMP.

1175
00:30:25,392 --> 00:30:25,991
WHILE THOSE IN THE TECH POLICY

1176
00:30:25,992 --> 00:30:33,066
SPACE ARE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT

1177
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:34,199
BENEFITS OF THAT IMPACT THE

1178
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:34,633
FREE-SPEECH IMPACTS.

1179
00:30:34,634 --> 00:30:35,200
AND I'M SLIGHTLY TORN.

1180
00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:36,101
THIS SHOW HAS AN ACCOUNT ON

1181
00:30:36,102 --> 00:30:37,002
TIKTOK.

1182
00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:39,171
I PERSONALLY DON'T HAVE IT ON MY

1183
00:30:39,172 --> 00:30:40,239
PHONE, PARTLY BECAUSE I DON'T

1184
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:40,806
TRUST IT, MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M

1185
00:30:40,807 --> 00:30:43,976
VERY OLD.

1186
00:30:43,977 --> 00:30:45,411
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING MANY

1187
00:30:45,412 --> 00:30:46,879
EXPERTS DO AGREE ON, IT'S THAT

1188
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,815
THE RISKS TO AMERICANS' DATA

1189
00:30:49,816 --> 00:30:50,449
ONLINE IN NO WAY END WITH CHINA

1190
00:30:50,450 --> 00:30:52,551
OR TIKTOK.

1191
00:30:52,552 --> 00:30:53,485
AS ONE PUTS IT, "TIKTOK

1192
00:30:53,486 --> 00:30:56,221
REPRESENTS MAYBE 2% OF THE

1193
00:30:56,222 --> 00:30:56,922
PROBLEM WHEN IT COMES TO

1194
00:30:56,923 --> 00:30:57,756
AMERICANS' PRIVACY"-- ADDING

1195
00:30:57,757 --> 00:30:58,957
THAT WITHOUT ADEQUATE PRIVACY

1196
00:30:58,958 --> 00:31:00,693
LAW, "THERE ARE MILLIONS OF APPS

1197
00:31:00,694 --> 00:31:02,261
THAT ARE COLLECTING AND ABUSING

1198
00:31:02,262 --> 00:31:02,828
AMERICANS' DATA."

1199
00:31:02,829 --> 00:31:04,430
AND FRUSTRATINGLY, THERE'S JUST

1200
00:31:04,431 --> 00:31:07,399
NO GOOD REASON WHY WE DON'T HAVE

1201
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:07,833
BETTER PROTECTIONS.

1202
00:31:07,834 --> 00:31:09,735
THE U.S. IS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN

1203
00:31:09,736 --> 00:31:16,810
THE G20 THAT DOESN'T HAVE SOME

1204
00:31:17,777 --> 00:31:20,946
KIND OF COMPREHENSIVE PRIVACY

1205
00:31:20,947 --> 00:31:21,747
LAW PROTECTING USER DATA.

1206
00:31:21,748 --> 00:31:22,348
WE'VE BEEN BEHIND THE REST OF

1207
00:31:22,349 --> 00:31:22,948
THE WORLD ON THIS ISSUE FOR AN

1208
00:31:22,949 --> 00:31:23,482
EMBARRASSINGLY LONG TIME.

1209
00:31:23,483 --> 00:31:24,116
THERE WAS ACTUALLY AN EFFORT TO

1210
00:31:24,117 --> 00:31:24,683
SHORE THINGS UP EARLIER THIS

1211
00:31:24,684 --> 00:31:25,351
YEAR, CALLED THE AMERICAN

1212
00:31:25,352 --> 00:31:26,585
PRIVACY RIGHTS ACT, WHICH

1213
00:31:26,586 --> 00:31:27,453
CONTAINED ROBUST DATA

1214
00:31:27,454 --> 00:31:28,354
PROTECTIONS, LIKE THE

1215
00:31:28,355 --> 00:31:29,855
REQUIREMENT THAT COMPANIES

1216
00:31:29,856 --> 00:31:31,423
MINIMIZE THE AMOUNT OF DATA THEY

1217
00:31:31,424 --> 00:31:32,591
COLLECT, SO THE ONUS IS ON THEM

1218
00:31:32,592 --> 00:31:34,426
TO COLLECT LESS, AND NOT ON US

1219
00:31:34,427 --> 00:31:35,060
HAVING TO PLAY CONSTANT DEFENSE

1220
00:31:35,061 --> 00:31:36,562
WITH A MILLION DIFFERENT

1221
00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:37,696
OPT-OUTS.

1222
00:31:37,697 --> 00:31:39,431
UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS STRIPPED

1223
00:31:39,432 --> 00:31:40,532
OF SOME OF ITS MOST CRUCIAL

1224
00:31:40,533 --> 00:31:41,066
PARTS AND SUPPORT FOR IT

1225
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:42,101
EVENTUALLY EVAPORATED.

1226
00:31:42,102 --> 00:31:43,902
BUT WE BADLY NEED SOMETHING LIKE

1227
00:31:43,903 --> 00:31:45,804
IT, JUST FOR A BASELINE LEVEL OF

1228
00:31:45,805 --> 00:31:49,041
PROTECTION.

1229
00:31:49,042 --> 00:31:50,242
WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THIS TIKTOK

1230
00:31:50,243 --> 00:31:52,111
BAN ULTIMATELY MAY NOT EVEN BE

1231
00:31:52,112 --> 00:31:54,446
NECESSARY, BUT DEFINITELY ISN'T

1232
00:31:54,447 --> 00:31:55,848
SUFFICIENT.

1233
00:31:55,849 --> 00:31:58,283
OR TO SUMMARIZE ALL THIS THE

1234
00:31:58,284 --> 00:31:59,885
ONLY WAY ANYONE ON TIKTOK CAN

1235
00:31:59,886 --> 00:32:00,519
SEEM TO INTERNALIZE-- THAT IS,

1236
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,354
WHILE WATCHING SOMEONE MAKE

1237
00:32:02,355 --> 00:32:03,956
FANCY CHOCOLATES OR DANCING: IF

1238
00:32:03,957 --> 00:32:11,031
WE REALLY WANT TO INCREASE DATA

1239
00:32:11,664 --> 00:32:13,499
BETTER PROTECT AMERICANS AND

1240
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:16,301
THEIR DATA, THAT'S A PENIS.

1241
00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:17,202
THAT'S A CHOCOLATE PENIS WITH

1242
00:32:17,203 --> 00:32:17,603
RIDGES AROUND IT.

1243
00:32:17,604 --> 00:32:19,338
IT'S A SCREW.

1244
00:32:19,339 --> 00:32:21,774
OR, YOU KNOW WHAT?

1245
00:32:21,775 --> 00:32:22,207
IT'S A ROBOT PENIS.

1246
00:32:22,208 --> 00:32:25,244
IT'S A CHOCOLATE ROBOT PENIS.

1247
00:32:25,245 --> 00:32:25,711
YOU KNOW WHAT?

1248
00:32:25,712 --> 00:32:26,412
HIT IT!

1249
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:28,380
AND NOW, THIS.

1250
00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:33,752
Announcer: AND NOW,

1251
00:32:33,753 --> 00:32:36,822
JESSE WATTERS IS NOT INVITED TO

1252
00:32:36,823 --> 00:32:38,457
THANKSGIVING.

1253
00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,025
DENVER, MINNEAPOLIS, MAY BE

1254
00:32:40,026 --> 00:32:40,893
GALBRAITH HALSEY SHOULD HAVE

1255
00:32:40,894 --> 00:32:45,197
THANKSGIVING WITH YOUR FAMILY.

1256
00:32:45,198 --> 00:32:47,132
I'M NOT HAVING DINNER WITH MY

1257
00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:48,567
MOM AND MY DAD THIS

1258
00:32:48,568 --> 00:32:48,901
THANKSGIVING.

1259
00:32:48,902 --> 00:32:52,004
I'VE NOT BEEN INVITED.

1260
00:32:52,005 --> 00:32:53,639
PEOPLE ARE TAKING SPACE IN THE

1261
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:54,039
WATER'S HOUSEHOLD.

1262
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,507
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS NOT

1263
00:32:55,508 --> 00:32:57,643
INVITED TO MY MOTHER'S HOUSE FOR

1264
00:32:57,644 --> 00:32:58,644
THANKSGIVING.

1265
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,679
APPARENTLY THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH

1266
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:01,447
ROOM.

1267
00:33:01,448 --> 00:33:03,282
SHE SAID IT'S A SCHEDULING

1268
00:33:03,283 --> 00:33:03,849
SITUATION.

1269
00:33:03,850 --> 00:33:05,017
LAST THANKSGIVING I CLEAR THE

1270
00:33:05,018 --> 00:33:09,988
WHOLE TABLE OUT, I DON'T KNOW IF

1271
00:33:09,989 --> 00:33:11,690
YOU KNOW MY WHOLE FAMILY'S

1272
00:33:11,691 --> 00:33:11,957
DEMOCRATS.

1273
00:33:11,958 --> 00:33:14,059
I HAD MY WINE AND NOBODY WANTED

1274
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:15,594
ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.

1275
00:33:15,595 --> 00:33:17,029
I THOUGHT IT IRRITATING ON

1276
00:33:17,030 --> 00:33:17,996
THANKSGIVING WHEN MY MOTHER

1277
00:33:17,997 --> 00:33:19,865
STARTS YELLING AT ME ABOUT

1278
00:33:19,866 --> 00:33:20,399
POLITICS.

1279
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,668
LISTEN, MY MOTHER IS A CRAZY

1280
00:33:22,669 --> 00:33:24,236
RADICAL LIBERAL, TRUST ME,

1281
00:33:24,237 --> 00:33:27,706
THANKSGIVING IS A NIGHTMARE.

1282
00:33:27,707 --> 00:33:30,709
JESSE, YOU LOVE SPENDING TIME

1283
00:33:30,710 --> 00:33:32,344
WITH FAMILY.

1284
00:33:32,345 --> 00:33:34,646
YEAH, WILL THEY DON'T LOVE

1285
00:33:34,647 --> 00:33:36,849
SPENDING TIME WITH ME.

1286
00:33:36,850 --> 00:33:38,117
SHOULD HAVE FITS OF ROAD RAGE

1287
00:33:38,118 --> 00:33:40,285
AND DRIVE IN THEIR FEBRUARY BUT

1288
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:40,919
I SURVIVED.

1289
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,187
TO SOME OF THE THANKSGIVINGS

1290
00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:47,459
WERE AWKWARD BUT HERE I AM ON

1291
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:48,460
"THE FIVE" AND "JESSE WATTER

1292
00:33:48,461 --> 00:33:49,094
PRIMETIME" AND I THINK I TURNED

1293
00:33:49,095 --> 00:33:52,931
OUT ALL RIGHT.

1294
00:33:52,932 --> 00:33:53,565
John: NO YOU DIDN'T.

1295
00:33:53,566 --> 00:33:53,832
MOVING ON.

1296
00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:54,400
THIS IS OUR LAST SHOW OF THE

1297
00:33:54,401 --> 00:33:54,933
SEASON.

1298
00:33:54,934 --> 00:33:55,267
AND HONESTLY?

1299
00:33:55,268 --> 00:33:56,068
IT'S BEEN A WEIRD ONE.

1300
00:33:56,069 --> 00:33:57,336
WE STARTED BY OFFERING CLARENCE

1301
00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:57,970
THOMAS A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR

1302
00:33:57,971 --> 00:33:58,570
AND AN RV IN EXCHANGE FOR HIS

1303
00:33:58,571 --> 00:33:59,204
RESIGNATION, WHICH HE RUDELY DID

1304
00:33:59,205 --> 00:34:06,279
NOT TAKE.

1305
00:34:07,247 --> 00:34:07,713
AND SINCE THEN, THINGS GOT

1306
00:34:07,714 --> 00:34:08,347
PRETTY WEIRD HERE IN THE STUDIO.

1307
00:34:08,348 --> 00:34:08,981
I GOT LOST IN SOME CORN, WE HAD

1308
00:34:08,982 --> 00:34:10,082
AN INDOOR RAIN STORM, I GOT

1309
00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:11,550
SWARMED BY THESE FURRY FREAKS

1310
00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:12,685
FROM "CATS," AND SHUTTLED

1311
00:34:12,686 --> 00:34:14,219
OFFSTAGE BY WHAT APPEARS TO BE A

1312
00:34:14,220 --> 00:34:16,021
FLOCK OF BIG, SPOOKY RAVIOLIS,

1313
00:34:16,022 --> 00:34:16,588
WHICH I'M SURE MADE SENSE IN

1314
00:34:16,589 --> 00:34:17,756
CONTEXT.

1315
00:34:17,757 --> 00:34:19,224
WE ALSO TRACKED DOWN A PROLIFIC

1316
00:34:19,225 --> 00:34:20,993
STOCK PHOTO MODEL FROM

1317
00:34:20,994 --> 00:34:22,161
AZERBAIJAN AND FLEW HIM HERE TO

1318
00:34:22,162 --> 00:34:23,295
TAKE SOME MORE.

1319
00:34:23,296 --> 00:34:24,630
WE GOT WILL FERRELL TO SING A

1320
00:34:24,631 --> 00:34:26,098
NEW PATRIOTIC SONG TO REPLACE

1321
00:34:26,099 --> 00:34:27,232
"GOD BLESS THE USA" AT

1322
00:34:27,233 --> 00:34:28,801
CITIZENSHIP CEREMONIES.

1323
00:34:28,802 --> 00:34:30,469
AND WE BOUGHT THE CONTENTS OF A

1324
00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:31,804
SHUTTERED RED LOBSTER, AND THEN,

1325
00:34:31,805 --> 00:34:33,105
FOR REASONS I DON'T HAVE TIME TO

1326
00:34:33,106 --> 00:34:35,274
GET INTO, SENT SOME KITCHEN

1327
00:34:35,275 --> 00:34:36,542
EQUIPMENT TO A NEW YORK BAKERY

1328
00:34:36,543 --> 00:34:38,444
AFTER BULLYING THEM INTO MAKING

1329
00:34:38,445 --> 00:34:40,379
JOHN OLIVER CAKE BEARS WITH A

1330
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:41,547
SUMPTUOUS DONK, WHICH THEY "VERY

1331
00:34:41,548 --> 00:34:44,383
MUCH" DID, AS WELL AS MAKING US

1332
00:34:44,384 --> 00:34:45,684
THIS SPECTACULAR BEAR LIKENESS

1333
00:34:45,685 --> 00:34:47,319
OF ME, WHICH I THEN ATE

1334
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,154
ASS-FIRST, PROVING ONCE AGAIN

1335
00:34:49,155 --> 00:34:49,955
THAT I'M NOT NEW TO THIS.

1336
00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:51,156
I'M TRUE TO THIS.

1337
00:34:51,157 --> 00:34:53,258
YA BOY IS AN EATER FOR REAL.

1338
00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:55,561
AND MUCH OF THAT HELPED DISTRACT

1339
00:34:55,562 --> 00:34:57,629
FROM THE GENUINELY BAD YEAR THAT

1340
00:34:57,630 --> 00:34:58,864
WAS 2024.

1341
00:34:58,865 --> 00:35:00,833
SO BAD, WE WERE FORCED TO SPEND

1342
00:35:00,834 --> 00:35:02,534
EIGHT DIFFERENT MAIN STORIES

1343
00:35:02,535 --> 00:35:03,769
COVERING ISSUES SURROUNDING THE

1344
00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:05,904
ELECTION, FORGOING MUCH MORE

1345
00:35:05,905 --> 00:35:07,106
INTERESTING ONES WE WANTED TO

1346
00:35:07,107 --> 00:35:08,774
TACKLE LIKE: LIEV SCHREIBER JUST

1347
00:35:08,775 --> 00:35:10,743
DROPPED AN ENORMOUS JAR OF VODKA

1348
00:35:10,744 --> 00:35:11,343
SAUCE IN THE WHOLE FOODS SELF

1349
00:35:11,344 --> 00:35:14,346
CHECKOUT.

1350
00:35:14,347 --> 00:35:15,114
SAUCE EVERYWHERE.

1351
00:35:15,115 --> 00:35:16,615
WE HAD 23 MINUTES ON THAT

1352
00:35:16,616 --> 00:35:18,183
PLANNED, BUT HAD TO SCRAP IT FOR

1353
00:35:18,184 --> 00:35:19,685
AN EPISODE ON ALL THE WAYS TRUMP

1354
00:35:19,686 --> 00:35:20,319
WOULD FIGHT THE ELECTION RESULTS

1355
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:21,620
IF HE LOST.

1356
00:35:21,621 --> 00:35:23,989
WHICH, OF COURSE, HE DID NOT.

1357
00:35:23,990 --> 00:35:25,824
SO TONIGHT, BEFORE WE LEAVE, I'D

1358
00:35:25,825 --> 00:35:26,725
ACTUALLY LIKE TO TRY AND LOOK

1359
00:35:26,726 --> 00:35:28,394
FORWARD.

1360
00:35:28,395 --> 00:35:29,795
THE END OF THE YEAR ALWAYS HAS

1361
00:35:29,796 --> 00:35:31,363
ME THINKING ABOUT THE NEXT ONE

1362
00:35:31,364 --> 00:35:32,164
AND WHAT I HOPE 2025 WILL LOOK

1363
00:35:32,165 --> 00:35:35,134
LIKE.

1364
00:35:35,135 --> 00:35:36,368
IN 2025, I'D LIKE ELON MUSK TO

1365
00:35:36,369 --> 00:35:36,935
JUMP SO HIGH, HE NEVER COMES

1366
00:35:36,936 --> 00:35:40,406
BACK DOWN.

1367
00:35:40,407 --> 00:35:41,674
I'D LIKE TO GO JUST ONE DAY

1368
00:35:41,675 --> 00:35:42,908
WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT THE WICKED

1369
00:35:42,909 --> 00:35:47,446
MOVIE.

1370
00:35:47,447 --> 00:35:50,616
AND IN 2025, I'D LIKE THE FINAL

1371
00:35:50,617 --> 00:35:51,250
"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" FILM TO END

1372
00:35:51,251 --> 00:35:52,718
WITH TOM CRUISE TAKING OFF HIS

1373
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:53,919
FACE MASK TO REVEAL

1374
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:54,319
SHELLY MISCAVIAGE.

1375
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,754
AND I KNOW NONE OF THAT'S LIKELY

1376
00:35:55,755 --> 00:35:59,558
TO HAPPEN.

1377
00:35:59,559 --> 00:36:00,192
AND THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

1378
00:36:00,193 --> 00:36:00,759
COVER A LOT OF TERRIBLE SHIT

1379
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:01,026
NEXT YEAR.

1380
00:36:01,027 --> 00:36:01,960
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING I

1381
00:36:01,961 --> 00:36:03,228
REALLY DO HOPE FOR, IT'S THAT WE

1382
00:36:03,229 --> 00:36:03,796
STILL GET TO TALK ABOUT SOME

1383
00:36:03,797 --> 00:36:05,964
RIDICULOUS STUFF.

1384
00:36:05,965 --> 00:36:07,766
SO MY PLEA TO THE REST OF WORLD

1385
00:36:07,767 --> 00:36:10,235
IS TO PLEASE KEEP BEING WEIRD IN

1386
00:36:10,236 --> 00:36:12,171
FUN WAYS.

1387
00:36:12,172 --> 00:36:14,106
KEEP MAKING TERRIBLE STATUES,

1388
00:36:14,107 --> 00:36:15,808
HOLDING WEIRD CONTESTS, AND

1389
00:36:15,809 --> 00:36:17,710
AUCTIONING OFF BIZARRE ITEMS.

1390
00:36:17,711 --> 00:36:20,045
AND IF I CAN TALK TO NEW ZEALAND

1391
00:36:20,046 --> 00:36:21,080
SPECIFICALLY-- PLEASE KEEP

1392
00:36:21,081 --> 00:36:22,981
DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

1393
00:36:22,982 --> 00:36:23,816
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU TO BE

1394
00:36:23,817 --> 00:36:24,717
WEIRD.

1395
00:36:24,718 --> 00:36:26,685
JUST BE YOURSELVES, AND WE'LL

1396
00:36:26,686 --> 00:36:29,455
FIND SOMETHING WE CAN WORK WITH.

1397
00:36:29,456 --> 00:36:30,723
LOOK, THE NEXT FOUR YEARS ARE

1398
00:36:30,724 --> 00:36:32,591
GOING TO BE EXHAUSTING.

1399
00:36:32,592 --> 00:36:34,993
ALL WE CAN REALLY HOPE FOR ARE

1400
00:36:34,994 --> 00:36:36,462
LITTLE POCKETS OF TIME, BETWEEN

1401
00:36:36,463 --> 00:36:38,764
NEW HORRORS AND CALAMITIES.

1402
00:36:38,765 --> 00:36:40,232
AND MAYBE THE GOAL SHOULD BE TO

1403
00:36:40,233 --> 00:36:41,133
SAVOR THOSE MINUTES OF CALM AS

1404
00:36:41,134 --> 00:36:44,870
BEST WE CAN.

1405
00:36:44,871 --> 00:36:50,642
BASICALLY, I GUESS WHAT I'M

1406
00:36:50,643 --> 00:36:51,443
SAYING IS, WHEN CHAOS BECOMES

1407
00:36:51,444 --> 00:36:52,344
THE NORM, WE NEED TO APPRECIATE

1408
00:36:52,345 --> 00:36:52,978
EVERY SECOND WE'VE MANAGED TO GO

1409
00:36:52,979 --> 00:36:53,746
WITHOUT A FRESH AFFRONT.

1410
00:36:53,747 --> 00:36:54,346
EVERY DAY WITHOUT AN INCIDENT

1411
00:36:54,347 --> 00:36:55,381
GOING FORWARD SHOULD PROBABLY BE

1412
00:36:55,382 --> 00:36:59,685
CHERISHED.

1413
00:36:59,686 --> 00:37:00,285
AND I KNOW, WE'RE GOING TO BE

1414
00:37:00,286 --> 00:37:00,753
HITTING RESET A LOT.

1415
00:37:00,754 --> 00:37:02,021
MAYBE THE CLOCK'S BEEN TICKING

1416
00:37:02,022 --> 00:37:06,592
UP FOR A WHILE, AND SUDDENLY YOU

1417
00:37:06,593 --> 00:37:07,559
GET A NEWS ALERT.

1418
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:08,127
"RUDY GIULIANI APPOINTED TO

1419
00:37:08,128 --> 00:37:09,028
SUPREME COURT."

1420
00:37:09,029 --> 00:37:11,230
AND THEN BOOM, YOU'RE BACK TO

1421
00:37:11,231 --> 00:37:11,764
ZERO AGAIN.

1422
00:37:11,765 --> 00:37:12,998
MAYBE YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET

1423
00:37:12,999 --> 00:37:17,970
A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH,

1424
00:37:17,971 --> 00:37:19,505
THE CLOCK CLIMBS UP FOR A BIT,

1425
00:37:19,506 --> 00:37:20,472
ONLY FOR SUDDENLY-- "SECRETARY

1426
00:37:20,473 --> 00:37:21,373
OF STATE TURNS OUT TO BE PUTIN

1427
00:37:21,374 --> 00:37:23,275
IN A FAKE MUSTACHE."

1428
00:37:23,276 --> 00:37:24,109
AND BOOM, YOU GOTTA RESET

1429
00:37:24,110 --> 00:37:24,476
AGAIN.

1430
00:37:24,477 --> 00:37:25,110
AND THIS IS THE TIME YOU SHOULD

1431
00:37:25,111 --> 00:37:25,711
REALLY TREASURE, BECAUSE DEEP

1432
00:37:25,712 --> 00:37:27,446
DOWN YOU KNOW IT'S A MATTER OF

1433
00:37:27,447 --> 00:37:30,315
SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE

1434
00:37:30,316 --> 00:37:31,083
INTERRUPTED WITH-- "WAIT, HOLD

1435
00:37:31,084 --> 00:37:31,817
ON, WE'RE "OUT" OF HELIUM NOW?"

1436
00:37:31,818 --> 00:37:33,252
LIKE...

1437
00:37:33,253 --> 00:37:33,886
IT'S ALL GONE?

1438
00:37:33,887 --> 00:37:35,421
AND MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SURE WHAT

1439
00:37:35,422 --> 00:37:37,289
TO MAKE OF THAT, SO YOU BARREL

1440
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,325
ON, ONLY TO GET AN ALERT THAT

1441
00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:41,393
SAYS "ALL AQUARIUMS ARE

1442
00:37:41,394 --> 00:37:41,927
INDEFINITELY CLOSED TO THE

1443
00:37:41,928 --> 00:37:42,161
PUBLIC?"

1444
00:37:42,162 --> 00:37:43,162
WHICH IS SO CONFUSING IT FEELS

1445
00:37:43,163 --> 00:37:45,764
KIND OF OKAY TO JUST IGNORE

1446
00:37:45,765 --> 00:37:46,699
UNTIL YOU GET THE ALERT, "PLEASE

1447
00:37:46,700 --> 00:37:51,737
STAY INSIDE; THE SKY IS FULL OF

1448
00:37:51,738 --> 00:37:55,040
SHARKS NOW."

1449
00:37:55,041 --> 00:37:55,574
OH, I GET IT, THE HELIUM.

1450
00:37:55,575 --> 00:37:56,408
FROM BEFORE.

1451
00:37:56,409 --> 00:37:57,042
I'M NOT SURE OF THE EXACT CHAIN

1452
00:37:57,043 --> 00:37:57,676
OF EVENTS, BUT THE SKY IS FULL

1453
00:37:57,677 --> 00:37:58,210
OF SHARKS, AND THAT'S BAD.

1454
00:37:58,211 --> 00:37:58,510
MAKES SENSE.

1455
00:37:58,511 --> 00:37:59,445
AND BOOM, THAT'S GONNA BE A BIG

1456
00:37:59,446 --> 00:38:02,147
OLD RESET AGAIN.

1457
00:38:02,148 --> 00:38:03,615
THE POINT IS, WE'LL BE HERE FOR

1458
00:38:03,616 --> 00:38:06,985
YOU NEXT YEAR TO TALK ABOUT THE

1459
00:38:06,986 --> 00:38:08,053
BAD MOMENTS, AND HOPEFULLY THE

1460
00:38:08,054 --> 00:38:10,956
MOMENTS OF JOY IN BETWEEN.

1461
00:38:10,957 --> 00:38:11,557
THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANK YOU SO

1462
00:38:11,558 --> 00:38:12,157
MUCH FOR WATCHING US ALL THIS

1463
00:38:12,158 --> 00:38:12,358
YEAR.

1464
00:38:12,359 --> 00:38:12,891
WE'LL SEE YOU IN FEBRUARY.

1465
00:38:12,892 --> 00:38:15,160
GOOD NIGHT!

1466
00:38:15,161 --> 00:38:16,762
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1467
00:38:16,763 --> 00:38:23,135
♪ ♪

1468
00:38:23,136 --> 00:38:27,706
OH, COME ON!

1469
00:38:27,707 --> 00:38:29,875
FUCK THIS SHIT.

1470
00:38:29,876 --> 00:38:36,950
♪ ♪

1471
00:38:48,128 --> 00:38:48,962
♪ ♪