♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
CHILE GOT A NEW FAR-RIGHT
PRESIDENT, AND TRUMP ENDORSED
JAKE PAUL EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT
RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
BUT WE'RE GOING TO START WITH
IRAN.
IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE WE
LAUNCHED STRIKES THERE, AND IT'S
STILL UNCLEAR HOW LONG THIS IS
GOING TO CONTINUE.
ON MONDAY, TRUMP CLAIMED THE WAR
WAS "VERY COMPLETE," BEFORE
ADDING, "PRETTY MUCH."
AND THAT QUALIFIER TURNED OUT TO
BE IMPORTANT.
>> MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'VE SAID
THE WAR IS, QUOTE "VERY
COMPLETE," BUT YOUR DEFENSE
SECRETARY SAYS "THIS IS JUST THE
BEGINNING," SO WHICH IS IT, AND
HOW LONG SHOULD AMERICANS BE --
>> WELL, I THINK YOU COULD SAY
BOTH.
IT'S THE BEGINNING, IT'S THE
BEGINNING OF BUILDING A NEW
COUNTRY.
WE COULD CALL IT A TREMENDOUS
SUCCESS RIGHT NOW, AS WE LEAVE
HERE, I COULD CALL IT.
OR WE COULD GO FURTHER, AND
WE'RE GONNA GO FURTHER.
>> John: YEAH, NOT A GREAT
RESPONSE.
THAT NONCOMMITTAL FLOUNDERING
MAKES HIM SOUND LESS LIKE A
PRESIDENT LAYING OUT A STRATEGY
AND MORE LIKE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU ASK YOUR SITUATIONSHIP IF
YOU SHOULD PUT HIM DOWN AS YOUR
PLUS ONE TO A WEDDING IN SIX
MONTHS.
"I DUNNO, WE COULD GO FURTHER,
I COULD CALL IT.
BUT WE'RE GONNA GO FURTHER,
RIGHT?"
AT EVERY POINT, THE PRESIDENT'S
SEEMED UTTERLY DISCONNECTED FROM
THE STAKES OF THIS WAR -- RIGHT
DOWN TO GREETING THE REMAINS OF
FALLEN AMERICAN TROOPS WHILE
WEARING HIS MOST FORMAL BASEBALL
CAP.
HE'S ALSO BEEN CONVENIENTLY
CONFUSED ABOUT CIVILIAN
CASUALTIES.
TAKE THE HORRIFYING STRIKE ON AN
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL THAT KILLED AT
LEAST 175 PEOPLE, MOST OF THEM
CHILDREN.
OBSERVERS QUICKLY CAME TO
BELIEVE THE U.S. WAS RESPONSIBLE
-- INCLUDING, IT NOW SEEMS, OUR
OWN MILITARY.
YET TRUMP'S REPEATEDLY PLAYED
DUMB WHEN ASKED ABOUT IT.
>> A TOMAHAWK MISSILE LIKELY
DESTROYED THAT IRANIAN GIRLS
SCHOOL.
SO WILL THE AMERICANS -- THE
U.S. ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THAT STRIKE?
>> WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
AND I WILL SAY THAT THE
TOMAHAWK, WHICH IS ONE OF THE
MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS AROUND, IS
USED BY, Y'KNOW, IS SOLD AND
USED BY OTHER COUNTRIES, YOU
KNOW THAT.
AND WHETHER IT'S IRAN, WHO ALSO
HAS SOME TOMAHAWKS, THEY WISH
THEY HAD MORE, BUT WHETHER IT'S
IRAN OR SOMEBODY ELSE, THE FACT
THAT A TOMAHAWK, A TOMAHAWK IS
VERY GENERIC.
>> YOU JUST SUGGESTED THAT IRAN
SOMEHOW GOT ITS HANDS ON A
TOMAHAWK AND BOMBED ITS OWN
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ON THE FIRST
DAY OF THE WAR.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON IN
YOUR GOVERNMENT SAYING THIS.
EVEN YOUR OWN DEFENSE SECRETARY
WOULDN'T SAY THAT WHEN HE WAS
ASKED, STANDING OVER YOUR
SHOULDER ON YOUR PLANE ON
SATURDAY.
WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY PERSON
SAYING THIS?
>> BECAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW
ENOUGH ABOUT IT.
>> John: YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.
WHAT IS HE REALLY SUPPOSED TO
DO?
ASK THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR HIM?
LISTEN TO THE DAILY BRIEFINGS HE
GETS?
OF COURSE NOT.
IT'S HARD TO SAY WHETHER TRUMP
IS BEING ACTIVELY DECEPTIVE
THERE, OR JUST PLAIN DUMB.
IN HIS WORDS, I THINK YOU COULD
SAY BOTH!
MEANWHILE, THE CONFLICT
CONTINUES TO SPREAD THROUGHOUT
THE REGION, WITH ISRAEL NOW
BOMBING LEBANON, KILLING NEARLY
800 SO FAR, AND DISPLACING OVER
800,000.
AND IRAN'S EFFECTIVELY CLOSED
THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ, THROUGH
WHICH ABOUT 20% OF THE WORLD'S
OIL USUALLY TRANSITS.
AT LEAST 16 SHIPS HAVE BEEN
ATTACKED THERE SINCE THE WAR
BEGAN, SENDING OIL PRICES
SKYROCKETING.
NOW, POLLS HAVE CONSISTENTLY
SHOWN THE MAJORITY OF THE
COUNTRY IS AGAINST THIS
CONFLICT.
AND THAT MAY BE WHY THE WHITE
HOUSE IS SELLING IT HARD,
TWEETING MULTIPLE GROSS VIDEOS
SHOWING FOOTAGE OF BOMBS
EXPLODING INTERCUT WITH THINGS
LIKE BASEBALL PLAYERS HITTING A
BALL, CAPTIONED "PURE AMERICAN
DOMINANCE" AND FOOTBALL HITS, IN
A POST CONFUSINGLY TITLED
"TOUCHDOWN."
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "THAT'S
ALL IN TERRIBLE TASTE, BUT AT
LEAST THEY DIDN'T SET MISSILE
STRIKES WITH NELLY'S "HERE COMES
THE BOOM," I'VE GOT SOME
TERRIBLE NEWS FOR YOU...
♪ ♪
>> John: SO COOL, BRO.
I ALWAYS WANTED A GOVERNMENT
THAT MADE WAR PROPAGANDA LIKE
EIGHTH GRADE BOYS MAKING A
LACROSSE TEAM HYPE VIDEO.
AND LOOK, WITH THIS WHITE HOUSE,
THAT'S KIND OF TO BE EXPECTED.
WHAT'S SURPRISING IS, IRAN'S
BEEN TROLLING IN RETURN.
STATE-ALIGNED MEDIA THERE EVEN
SHARED AN AI LEGO VIDEO THAT
OPENED WITH A SCENE MAKING IT
CLEAR THEY THINK TRUMP STARTED
THIS WAR AS A DISTRACTION.
♪ ♪
>> John: LOOK, I THINK I GET
IRAN'S POINT THERE.
THIS WAR IS JUST A SMOKE SCREEN
TO DISTRACT FROM TRUMP'S
FRIENDSHIP WITH NOTORIOUS SEX
CRIMINAL LLREY EPSTEIN.
AND BY THE WAY, WHO IS IT WITH
EPSTEIN IN THE CORNER THERE?
IS THAT DICK VAN DYKE?
DICK, NO!
NOT YOU!
THAT VIDEO ALSO FEATURES THE
STRAIT OF HORMUZ BEING CLOSED
AND BUSINESSMEN CRYING ABOUT OIL
LEGO, WHICH IS SURREAL.
IT'S ODD FOR A HUMAN RIGHTS
ATROCITY TO BE RENDERED IN LEGO,
BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHERE WE ARE
IN THIS CONFLICT -- ESPECIALLY
GIVEN THE WHITE HOUSE CONTINUES
TO CHURN OUT SHITPOSTS LIKE THIS
ONE.
♪ ♪
>> John: OKAY.
LOOK, THIS ISN'T THE POINT.
THE POINT SHOULD BE THAT
EVERYONE IN THIS WHITE HOUSE
CLEARLY NEEDS PARENTAL CONTROLS
ON SCREENTIME.
BUT ALSO, YOU SEND A BALL RIGHT
DOWN THE MIDDLE LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE GONNA GET A SPLIT.
YOU GOTTA COME IN AT A SLIGHT
ANGLE OTHERWISE THERE'S NO WAY
YOU'RE GOING 10 FOR 10.
I DON'T DO MUCH BOWLING MYSELF.
TOO WHIMSICAL.
I'M MORE OF A FROWN AND PLAY
CHESS MAN.
BUT EVEN I KNOW THAT'S NOT A
BALL THAT'S GOING TO GIVE YOU
WHAT YOU WANT.
NOW ONE REASON THE WHITE HOUSE
MIGHT BE DOING ALL THIS IS TO
DISTRACT FROM NEGATIVE PRESS
COVERAGE.
CNN, FOR INSTANCE, PUBLISHED
THIS ARTICLE ABOUT THE FAILURE
TO PLAN FOR A CLOSURE OF THE
STRAIT OF HORMUZ.
AND ON FRIDAY MORNING, PETE
HEGSETH ADDRESSED THAT DIRECTLY.
>> FROM CNN.
"REPORTS THAT THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION UNDERESTIMATED
THE IRAN WAR'S IMPACT ON THE
STRAIT OF HORMUZ.
PATENTLY RIDICULOUS, OF COURSE.
FOR DECADES IRAN HAS THREATENED
SHIPPING IN THE STRAIT OF
HORMUZ.
THIS IS ALWAYS WHAT THEY DO,
HOLD THE STRAIT HOSTAGE.
CNN DOESN'T THINK WE THOUGHT OF
THAT.
IT'S A FUNDAMENTALLY UNSERIOUS
REPORT.
THE SOONER DAVID ELLISON TAKES
OVER THAT NETWORK, THE BETTER.
>> John: WOW.
THAT IS NOT GOOD.
"I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE
BILLIONAIRE SYMPATHETIC TO THIS
ADMINISTRATION TAKES OVER THE
NEWS" IS A LITTLE LIKE YOUR MOM
SAYING "WHEN YOU WERE CONCEIVED,
YOUR DAD CAME HARDER THAN EVER
BEFORE.
HE JIZZED LIKE A GEYSER."
EVEN IF YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS THE
CASE, YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE IT
THROUGH THE DAY REALLY DEPENDS
ON NEVER HEARING THOSE WORDS.
BUT THAT WASN'T ALL.
UNHAPPY AT THE COVERAGE THIS WAR
HAS GOTTEN, HEGSETH DECIDED TO
OFFER THE PRESS SOME HELPFUL
TIPS.
>> ALLOW ME TO MAKE A FEW
SUGGESTIONS.
PEOPLE LOOK UP AT THE TV AND
THEY SEE BANNERS, THEY SEE
HEADLINES.
"MIDEAST WAR INTENSIFIES,"
SPLASHING ON THE SCREEN THE LAST
COUPLE OF DAYS, ALONGSIDE
VISUALS OF CIVILIANS, OR ENERGY
TARGETS THAT IRAN HAS HIT,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
WHAT SHOULD THE BANNER READ
INSTEAD?
HOW ABOUT, "IRAN INCREASINGLY
DESPERATE."
ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A FAKE
HEADLINE, THAT I SAW YESTERDAY.
"WAR WIDENING."
HERE'S A REAL HEADLINE FOR YOU
FOR AN ACTUAL PATRIOTIC PRESS.
HOW ABOUT, "IRAN SHRINKING,
GOING UNDERGROUND
>> John: OKAY, EVEN IF HIS
VERSION OF EVENTS WERE TRUE
THERE, WHICH IT'S NOT, THAT'S A
TERRIBLE HEADLINE.
"IRAN SHRINKING, GOING
UNDERGROUND."
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
A HEADLINE'S SUPPOSED TO GIVE
YOU A CLEAR IDEA OF A STORY IN A
FEW WORDS.
THAT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IRAN IS
LITERALLY GETTING SMALLER AND
SINKING, LIKE SOME KIND OF
MIDDLE EASTERN ATLANTIS.
AND LOOK, I GET WHY HEGSETH IS
TRYING TO FORCE-FEED HEADLINES
TO THE PRESS, AND WHY THE
WHITE HOUSE IS PUMPING OUT FUN
BOWLING ANIMATIONS -- ALTHOUGH
I'LL POINT OUT, IN BOWLING, NO
MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU KNOCK
THEM DOWN, THEY DO RETURN TO
THEIR ORIGINAL POSITIONS.
WHICH FEELS PRETTY ON THE NOSE.
LOOK, CLEARLY, NO ONE BEHIND
THIS WAR WANTS TO DEAL WITH HOW
COMPLICATED IT'S TURNED OUT TO
BE.
TRUMP'S SAYING IT'LL BE OVER
WHEN I FEEL IT IN MY BONES,
WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
WHICH IS A PRETTY THOUGHTLESS
WAY TO APPROACH A CONFLICT
THAT'S ALREADY KILLED SO MANY.
IT'S NOT JUST DISRESPECTFUL TO
THE IRANIAN PEOPLE AND TO U.S.
SERVICE MEMBERS AFFECTED, IT'S
DISRESPECTFUL TO US TO ASSUME
CHILDISH MEMES AND SUGAR-COATED
HEADLINES WILL CHANGE WHAT WE
CAN ALL SEE WITH OUR OWN EYES.
BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, WE DON'T
DESERVE DEFLECTIONS -- WE
DESERVE EXPLANATIONS,
ACCOUNTABILITY AND -- IF IT'S
NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE -- THE FULL
RELEASE OF THE LLREY EPSTEIN
FILES.
AND NOW, THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
JEN KRAMER WENT TO HARVARD.
>> I CONSIDER MYSELF AN AVERAGE
AMERICAN.
TOOK THREE YEARS OF ECONOMICS AT
HARVARD.
>> I'M A PROUD SUPPORTER OF
HARVARD.
FIRST OF ALL I WENT TO HARVARD
TWO I I GOT TO HARVARD WE HAD EVERY
SINGLE NOTE.
I TOOK THREE YEARS OF ECONOMICS
AT HARVARD.
THAT'S WHY WENT TO HARVARD,
HARVARD LAW TO GET STUPID.
I DIDN'T GO TO HARVARD LAW
SCHOOL FOR NOTHING.
I WENT THROUGH HARVARD.
I TOOK SEVEN COURSES OF
COMMUNISM AT HARVARD.
AT HARVARD.
I TOOK THAT STUPID COURSE OF LAW
AT HARVARD.
I HAD THE HIGHEST SCORE IN THAT
CLASS AT HARVARD.
NOT TO MENTION HARVARD BECAUSE
I'M A JERK.
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
JD VANCE -- SWORN IN AT JUST 40
YEARS OLD, HE'S OUR FIRST
MILLENNIAL VICE PRESIDENT, SO WE
CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY HE'S THE
FIRST VP TO HAVE DEFINITELY
JACKED IT TO SPACE JAM.
I KNOW TO SOME, VANCE MIGHT
APPEAR TO BE JUST ANOTHER
ABRASIVE MAGA ASSHOLE WITH A
LOAD BEARING BEARD.
BUT TO MANY ON THE RIGHT, HE'S A
TOWERING INTELLECT.
THE PRESIDENT OF THE HERITAGE
FOUNDATION SAID VANCE IS GOING
TO BE "ONE OF THE LEADERS -- IF
NOT THE LEADER -- OF OUR
MOVEMENT."
AND TUCKER CARLSON ONCE CALLED
HIM "THE SMARTEST AND DEEPEST"
SENATOR HE'S EVER MET.
WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE RYAN
LOCHTE CALLING COOKIE MONSTER
"HIS GO-TO GUY FOR INVESTMENT
ADVICE" I DON'T TRUST ANY OF THE
INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED TO BE
RELIABLE JUDGES OF ANY OF THE
SUBJECTS INVOLVED.
AND HIS RISE TO BECOME TRUMP'S
RIGHT-HAND MAN IS ESPECIALLY
STRIKING GIVEN, AS RECENTLY AS
2016, HE WAS CASTING HIMSELF AS
A "NEVER TRUMP" REPUBLICAN,
SAYING HE MIGHT WRITE IN HIS DOG
FOR PRESIDENT, OR IF TRUMP HAD A
REALLY GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING,
HOLD HIS NOSE AND VOTE FOR
HILLARY CLINTON.
PRIVATELY HE EVEN MUSED THAT
TRUMP COULD BECOME "AMERICA'S
HITLER."
AND YET, JUST A FEW YEARS LATER,
HE WAS CAMPAIGNING FOR SENATE
ALONGSIDE TRUMP, AND ADOPTING A
VERY DIFFERENT TONE -- SOMETHING
THAT DIDN'T GO UNNOTICED.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE'S A GUY THAT SAID SOME BAD
SHIT ABOUT ME.
HE DID.
COME ON UP, JD.
>> THE PRESIDENT IS RIGHT.
I WASN'T ALWAYS NICE, BUT THE
SIMPLE FACT IS HE'S THE BEST
PRESIDENT OF MY LIFETIME.
AND HE REVEALED THE CORRUPTION
IN THIS COUNTRY LIKE NOBODY
ELSE.
>> John: I MEAN, I GUESS THAT'S
TRUE.
DONALD TRUMP DEFINITELY REVEALED
CORRUPTION IN THIS COUNTRY LIKE
NOBODY ELSE.
IN THE SAME WAY NO ONE TAUGHT US
MORE ABOUT WHAT A PONZI SCHEME
IS THAN BERNIE MADOFF.
IT'S TRUE, JUST NOT IN THE WAY I
THINK YOU'RE IMPLYING.
AND VANCE HAS TURNED OUT TO BE
PERFECT FOR TRUMP, AS IN MANY
WAYS, HE'S BECOME LIKE A SON
TRUMP DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO
PRETEND TO LOVE.
AND AS VP, HE'S SERVED
DUTIFULLY, OFTEN RECEDING INTO
THE BACKGROUND, BUT WILLING TO
BE AN ATTACK DOG WHEN NEEDED --
LIKE WHEN HE DEMANDED ZELENSKY
SAY THANK YOU TO TRUMP IN THE
OVAL OFFICE.
HE'S ALSO RELENTLESSLY DEFENDED
HIS BOSS'S MOVES, EVEN WHEN THEY
DIRECTLY CONTRADICT HIS PRIOR
BELIEFS, LIKE HIS
ANTI-INTERVENTIONIST APPROACH TO
FOREIGN POLICY.
WHEN PEOPLE CRITICIZED LAST
YEAR'S U.S. STRIKES IN THE
WATERS OFF VENEZUELA, CALLING
THEM A WAR CRIME, HE REPLIED ON
TWITTER, "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT
WHAT YOU CALL IT."
AND WHEN TRUMP DECIDED TO FIRST
STRIKE IRAN LAST YEAR, VANCE
DEFENDED HIM, AND DIDN'T EVEN
TRY TO COME UP WITH A GOOD
RATIONALIZATION.
>> I CERTAINLY EMPATHIZE WITH
AMERICANS WHO ARE EXHAUSTED
AFTER 25 YEARS OF FOREIGN
ENTANGLEMENTS IN THE MIDDLE
EAST.
I UNDERSTAND THE CONCERN, BUT
THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT BACK
THEN, WE HAD DUMB PRESIDENTS,
AND NOW WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO
ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO ACCOMPLISH
AMERICA'S NATIONAL SECURITY
OBJECTIVES.
>> John: YEAH!
IT WASN'T OKAY BEFORE, BECAUSE
THE PRESIDENTS WERE STUPID HEADS
WHO ATE DUMB FOR BREAKFAST, BUT
NOW, WE HAVE A BIG STRONG REAL
ESTATE DEVELOPER AND STEAK
SALESMAN TO GIVE US THE NATIONAL
SECURITY EXPERTISE WE NEED, SO
IT'S COMPLETELY FINE.
AND LOOK, OBVIOUSLY SOME OF
THAT'S JUST PART OF BEING VICE
PRESIDENT.
YOU HAVE TO ROLL OVER FOR YOUR
BOSS.
BUT IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING --
VANCE HAS AN INSIDE TRACK TO THE
OVAL OFFICE IN THE FUTURE.
NOT ONLY BECAUSE POLLS SHOW HIM
LEADING THE REPUBLICAN FIELD FOR
2028, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IF, THIS
GUY DOESN'T MAKE IT THROUGH HIS
TERM -- EITHER BECAUSE THE 25TH
AMENDMENT GOT INVOKED, OR HIS
INTERNAL ORGANS DECIDED, "YOU
KNOW WHAT, DUDE, CAN'T KEEP
DOING THIS TO US, WE'RE OUT" --
JD VANCE WILL BECOME PRESIDENT.
SO BEFORE THINGS REACH THAT
POINT, IT FEELS LIKE TONIGHT, IT
MIGHT BE WORTH LOOKING AT
JD VANCE, WHAT HE STANDS FOR,
AND WHO HE MIGHT BE WITHOUT
TRUMP.
AND I'LL SKIP OVER HIS EARLY
LIFE, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN
WELL-CHRONICLED IN HIS
BESTSELLING MEMOIR,
"HILLBILLY ELEGY."
VOTED 2016'S NUMBER ONE
CHRISTMAS GIFT BY "OH, FUCK!
EMERGENCY AIRPORT PURCHASES"
MAGAZINE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT, LONG
STORY SHORT, HE WAS RAISED IN
OHIO BY A MOTHER WHO BATTLED AN
OPIOID ADDICTION, AND HIS
LOUD-MOUTHED GRANDMOTHER, BEFORE
A STINT IN THE MILITARY IN IRAQ,
AND ATTENDING YALE LAW SCHOOL.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE, YOU
CAN READ THE BOOK, OR JUST WATCH
THE MOVIE ADAPTATION, FEATURING
THIS SCENE, WHERE HIS
GRANDMOTHER CATCHES VANCE
SMOKING WEED AND DECIDES TO
RAISE HIM HERSELF.
>> OH, I DON'T GIVE A RAT FART
WHAT YOU'RE SMOKING, KID.
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HIDING IT,
HONEY, YOU'RE DUMB AS A BAG OF
HAIR.
PACK UP.
>> FOR WHAT?
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M TAKING HIM.
>> WHERE?
>> TO LIVE WITH ME.
AND IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH
THAT, YOU CAN TALK TO THE BARREL
OF MY GUN.
>> John: LISTEN.
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
THIS IS A PRO GLENN CLOSE SHOW,
ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE.
THAT BEING SAID -- NO.
I DO NOT LIKE WHAT I'M SEEING
THERE.
THE ONLY GOOD THING -- AND I
MEAN THE ONLY GOOD THING -- THAT
CAME OUT OF THAT FILM IS THE
FACT THAT WHEN GLENN CLOSE WAS
NOMINATED FOR BEST SUPPORTING
ACTRESS AND ATTENDED THE ACADEMY
AWARDS, SHE WAS APPROACHED BY
LIL REL FOR A MUSIC TRIVIA GAME
AND THIS HAPPENED.
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO DA
BUTT?
♪ ♪
COME ON, LEMME SEE YOU DO DA
BUTT.
♪ ♪
>> John: YEAH.
THAT WAS EIGHT-TIME
OSCAR NOMINEE GLENN CLOSE,
DOING DA BUTT ON CAMERA.
SO "HILLBILLY ELEGY" WAS A
TERRIBLE FILM, BUT LET'S NOT SAY
IT DIDN'T GIVE US ANYTHING.
ANYWAY, VANCE'S BOOK HIT STORES
DURING TRUMP'S FIRST RUN FOR THE
WHITE HOUSE, MAKING HIM A HOT
COMMODITY FOR NEWS SHOWS LOOKING
FOR SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN THE
GRIEVANCES OF THE WHITE WORKING
CLASS.
AND AT THE TIME, HE STRUCK WHAT
SEEMED TO BE A FAIRLY MODERATE
TONE.
>> I THINK THAT THIS ELECTION IS
REALLY HAVING A NEGATIVE EFFECT
ESPECIALLY ON THE WHITE WORKING
CLASS, RIGHT?
BECAUSE I THINK A LOT OF THESE
GRIEVANCES ARE LEGITIMATE, BUT
WHAT IT'S DOING IS IT'S GIVING
PEOPLE AN EXCUSE TO POINT THE
FINGER AT SOMEONE ELSE.
IT'S POINT THE FINGER AT MEXICAN
IMMIGRANTS, OR CHINESE TRADE, OR
THE DEMOCRATIC ELITES OR
WHATEVER ELSE.
AND SOMETIMES THESE VILLAINS ARE
LEGITIMATE.
I THINK IT'S TOTALLY FAIR TO SAY
THAT THE POLICY ELITES OF THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAVEN'T BEEN
TOTALLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE
WHITE WORKING CLASS.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
FUNDAMENTALLY WHAT'S GOING ON
AND WHAT DONALD TRUMP HAS DONE
IS CHANGE THE FOCUS OF THE WHITE
WORKING CLASS FROM A SORT OF
ENGAGED AND CONSTRUCTIVE
POLITICS TO A POLITICS OF
POINTING THE FINGER.
>> John: WATCHING THAT NOW
FEELS WEIRD NOW FOR A NUMBER
OF REASONS.
FIRST, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LONG
FOR JD VANCE'S BEARD.
BUT IT TURNS OUT THE THING NONE
OF US NEEDED FROM HIM WAS "MORE
FACE."
WITHOUT A BEARD, HE LOOKS LIKE
RADIO SHACK'S ASSISTANT STORE
MANAGER OF THE YEAR 1998.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'D PLAY CARTMAN
IN A LIVE-ACTION "SOUTH PARK"
MOVIE.
BUT ALSO, IT'S STRANGE TO SEE
SUCH A NUANCED TONE FROM A GUY
WHO'S SINCE BECOME SUCH A TROLL.
IT'D BE LIKE FINDING OLD VIDEOS
OF YOUR DOG EATING WITH A FORK
AND A KNIFE -- WHAT THE FUCK?
YESTERDAY I WATCHED YOU TAKE A
SHIT AND THEN EAT IT MOUTH
FIRST.
HOW ON EARTH DID WE GET FROM
THIS TO THAT?
AND WHILE THAT MAY SOUND LIKE A
FAIRLY EVEN-HANDED CRITIQUE,
SINCE THEN, VANCE HAS CLEARLY
PICKED A SIDE BETWEEN BLAMING
"THE ELITES OF THE DEMOCRATIC
PARTY" AND "FINGER-POINTING
REPUBLICANS."
AND SOME OF THAT MAY HAVE TO DO
WITH HIS MENTOR, PETER THIEL,
THE CO-FOUNDER OF PAYPAL AND
PALANTIR, AND A MAN WHO LOOKS
LIKE HE GOT STUCK TRYING TO
ANIMORPH BETWEEN MARK ZUCKERBERG
AND ELON MUSK.
VANCE HAS SAID OF THIEL THAT,
"IF THERE'S SOMETHING
INTERESTING GOING ON, AND I WANT
TO BOUNCE IDEAS OFF OF A VERY
FASCINATING AND KNOWLEDGEABLE
PERSON, I'LL GIVE HIM A CALL."
WHICH IS WORRYING GIVEN THIEL
HOLDS SOME TROUBLING VIEWS.
IN 2009, HE WROTE THAT HE NO
LONGER BELIEVED THAT FREEDOM AND
DEMOCRACY WERE COMPATIBLE, AND
MORE RECENTLY, CALLED THE QUEST
FOR DIVERSITY, "VERY EVIL," AS
WELL AS GIVING MULTIPLE LECTURES
AROUND THE IDEA THAT CRITICS OF
TECHNOLOGY OR AI ARE
"LEGIONNAIRES OF THE
ANTICHRIST."
THIEL'S A HUGE INFLUENCE ON
VANCE, WHO'S ATTRIBUTED PRETTY
MUCH HIS ENTIRE CAREER TO
THIEL'S MENTORSHIP.
THEY MET WHEN THIEL SPOKE AT
YALE WHEN VANCE WAS A STUDENT.
AND THIEL LATER WOUND UP HIRING
HIM, AND EVENTUALLY INVESTING IN
HIS VENTURE CAPITAL FIRM.
HE THEN BACKED VANCE'S 2022
SENATE CAMPAIGN WITH, AT THAT
POINT, THE LARGEST AMOUNT GIVEN
TO A SINGLE CANDIDATE IN
CONGRESSIONAL HISTORY.
THAT CAMPAIGN, BY THE WAY, GAVE
US THIS POLITICAL AD WITH AN
ICONIC OPENING LINE -- WRITTEN
BY VANCE HIMSELF -- THAT SOMEHOW
GETS WORSE FROM THERE.
>> ARE YOU A RACIST?
DO YOU HATE MEXICANS?
THE MEDIA CALLS US RACIST FOR
WANTING TO BUILD TRUMP'S WALL.
THEY CENSOR US BUT IT DOESN'T
CHANGE THE TRUTH.
JOE BIDEN'S OPEN BORDER IS
KILLING OHIOANS, WITH MORE
ILLEGAL DRUGS AND MORE DEMOCRAT
VOTERS POURING INTO THIS
COUNTRY.
THIS ISSUE IS PERSONAL.
I NEARLY LOST MY MOTHER TO THE
POISON COMING ACROSS OUR BORDER.
NO CHILD SHOULD GROW UP AN
ORPHAN.
I'M JD VANCE AND I APPROVE THIS
MESSAGE BECAUSE WHATEVER THEY
CALL US, WE WILL PUT AMERICA
FIRST.
>> John: THAT WHOLE AD HAS A
TERRIBLE VIBE.
AND I DON'T THINK ANYTHING COULD
FIX IT.
NOT EVEN THE FACT YOU COULD SING
THE BEGINNING TO THE OPENING OF
"BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY" AND IT SCANS
PERFECTLY.
"ARE YOU A RACIST?
DO YOU HATE MEXICANS?"
TWO QUESTIONS, BY THE WAY, HE
NEVER ENDS UP ANSWERING.
IT WAS DURING THAT CAMPAIGN THAT
VANCE MADE THAT APPEARANCE WITH
TRUMP YOU SAW EARLIER.
AND I WISH I COULD TELL YOU WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM BETWEEN 2016 AND
THAT MOMENT.
BUT SADLY, I'M NOT A MIND-READER
OR THE THERAPIST HE SO
DESPERATELY NEEDS.
VANCE WILL CLAIM IT'S BECAUSE HE
BELIEVED TRUMP TURNED OUT TO BE
A GREAT PRESIDENT IN HIS FIRST
TERM.
OTHERS MIGHT SAY HE'S A POWER
HUNGRY LADDER CLIMBER WHO SAW
THAT THE MAGA RIGHT WAS THE ONLY
WAY UP.
BUT I'D ARGUE HIS SHIFT WAS BOTH
OPPORTUNISTIC AND GENUINE --
BECAUSE VANCE HAS SEEMED TO HAVE
JOURNEYED FARTHER AND FARTHER
INTO SOME PRETTY FAR-RIGHT
THOUGHT.
CHRIS RUFO, THE CONSERVATIVE
ACTIVIST, HAS JOKINGLY DESCRIBED
VANCE'S EVOLUTION AS TAKING HIM
"FROM THE PAGES OF NATIONAL
REVIEW TO THE FEVER SWAMP OF
RIGHT-WING TWITTER."
AND VANCE HIMSELF HAS SAID HE'S
"PLUGGED INTO A LOT OF WEIRD,
RIGHT-WING SUBCULTURES," WHICH
ISN'T SOMETHING YOU WANT TO HEAR
FROM YOUR TINDER DATE, LET ALONE
THE FUCKING VICE PRESIDENT.
IN FACT, IN MANY WAYS, HE'S
BECOME THE ARCHETYPE OF THE
HYPER-ONLINE CONSERVATIVE TROLL
-- RIGHT DOWN TO THE WHOLE
"KIDDING/NOT-KIDDING" "TRIGGER
THE LIBS" SHTICK.
JUST WATCH HIM BRAG ABOUT DOING
EXACTLY THAT, AT AN EVENT A FEW
YEARS AGO.
>> I GOT MYSELF INTO A LITTLE
HOT WATER LAST WEEK BECAUSE I
MADE WHAT -- WHAT SEEMED TO ME A
PLAINLY OBVIOUS OBSERVATION THAT
ALEX JONES, THE "INFOWARS" GUY,
IS A BETTER SOURCE OF
INFORMATION THAN RACHEL MADDOW,
THE MSNBC GAL.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE SAID, WELL JD,
YOU'RE JUST TROLLING.
WELL, YEAH OF COURSE, I WAS JUST
TROLLING.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WHAT
I SAID WAS IN ANY WAY UNTRUE.
>> John: OKAY, SO WITH ALL DUE
RESPECT -- WHICH, TO BE
PERFECTLY CLEAR, IS NONE --
SAYING THAT ALEX "A BILLION
DOLLARS IN DEFAMATION DAMAGES"
JONES IS A BETTER SOURCE OF
INFORMATION THAN RACHEL MADDOW
IS LAUGHABLE.
THE MAN'S ENTIRE BRAND WAS
CALLED "INFO WARS!"
ALSO, CALLING "RACHEL MADDOW,
THE MSNBC GAL" IS OFF BASE FOR
SO MANY REASONS, INCLUDING THAT
SHE DOES NOT REMOTELY GIVE OFF
THE BREEZY ENERGY YOU ASSOCIATE
WITH THAT WORD.
JULIA ROBERTS, THAT'S A GAL.
REESE WITHERSPOON, DEFINITELY A
GAL.
PAUL RUDD?
SUCH A GAL.
RACHEL MADDOW?
NOT SO MUCH.
AND VANCE WENT ON TO EXPAND ON
WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
MOST IMPORTANT TRUTHS OFTEN COME
FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY 60% OF
THE TIME, BUT THEY'RE RIGHT 40%
OF TIME.
I'M VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WITH
PETER THIEL.
I THINK PETER THIEL IS ONE OF
THE MOST IMPORTANT SOURCES OF
NON-CONVENTIONAL TRUTH IN OUR
SOCIETY.
PETER THIEL BELIEVES SOME THINGS
THAT ARE CONSIDERED CRAZY BY
OPINION MAKERS.
WE HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM THIS
WEIRD TENSION THAT WE FEEL IN
OUR CHEST WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS
THIS PERSON BELIEVES SOMETHING
CRAZY THEREFORE YOU MUST
DENOUNCE THEM.
BELIEVING CRAZY THINGS IS NOT
THE MARK OF WHETHER SOMEBODY
SHOULD BE REJECTED.
BELIEVING IMPORTANT TRUTHS
SHOULD BE THE MARK OF WHETHER WE
ACCEPT SOMEBODY.
AND IF THEY BELIEVE SOME CRAZY
THINGS ON THE SIDE, THAT'S FINE.
WE NEED TO BE OKAY WITH
NON-CONVENTIONAL PEOPLE.
>> John: OKAY, SO HERE'S THE
THING.
WE GENERALLY ARE OKAY WITH
NON-CONVENTIONAL PEOPLE.
I'D ARGUE SOME OF OUR BEST
PEOPLE ARE NON-CONVENTIONAL:
CINDY LAUPER, LADY GAGA, BARBRA
STREISAND SHE CLONED HER DOG AND
HAS A TINY MALL IN THE BASEMENT
OF HER HOUSE.
BUT IF BABS CAME OUT AND SAID
SANDY HOOK WAS STAGED, YOU'D BE
JUSTIFIED IN RETIRING YOUR DVD
COPY OF YENTL.
AND LOOK, IN SOME WAYS, THAT'S A
VERY CONVENIENT ARGUMENT FOR
HANGING OUT WITH ODIOUS PEOPLE.
"RELAX, I DON'T AGREE WITH
EVERYTHING THEY SAY, JUST THE
IMPORTANT TRUTHS."
BUT IT'S WORTH KNOWING HOW
CLOSELY ALIGNED VANCE IS WITH
SOME PRETTY EXTREME THINKERS.
HE'S CLOSE FRIENDS WITH THE
CONSERVATIVE WRITER ROD DREHER,
WHO'S SAID, AMONG OTHER THINGS,
THAT "L.G.B.T. ACTIVISM IS THE
TIP OF THE SPEAR AT OUR THROATS
IN THE CULTURE WAR."
VANCE ALSO WROTE A GLOWING BLURB
FOR A BOOK CO-WRITTEN BY THE
FAR-RIGHT ACTIVIST
JACK POSOBIEC, WHO PROMOTED THE
PIZZAGATE HOAX.
A BOOK CALLED "UNHUMANS," BY THE
WAY, A TERM IT USES FOR PEOPLE
ON THE LEFT, WHO IT SAYS UNDO
CIVILIZATION ITSELF.
HE'S ALSO EXPRESSED ADMIRATION
FOR CURTIS YARVIN, A
SELF-PROCLAIMED "NEOREACTIONARY"
WHO'S NOT ONLY SAID THINGS LIKE,
WE SHOULD "PUT THE CHURCH BLACKS
IN CHARGE OF THE GHETTO BLACKS,"
HE'S ALSO ARGUED FOR A POLICY HE
CALLED "RAGE" -- RETIRE ALL
GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES -- TO SEIZE
AND CONSOLIDATE POWER.
THAT THOUGHT CLEARLY MADE IT
INTO VANCE'S HEAD, AND THEN
STRAIGHT BACK OUT OF HIS MOUTH
DURING THIS INTERVIEW.
>> THERE'S THIS GUY CURTIS
YARVIN, WHO'S WRITTEN ABOUT SOME
OF THESE THINGS.
I THINK THAT WHAT TRUMP SHOULD
DO, LIKE IF I WAS GIVING HIM ONE
PIECE OF ADVICE, FIRE EVERY
SINGLE MID-LEVEL BUREAUCRAT,
EVERY CIVIL SERVANT IN THE
ADMINISTRATIVE STATE, REPLACE
THEM WITH OUR PEOPLE.
AND WHEN THE COURTS-BECAUSE YOU
WILL GET TAKEN TO COURT, AND
THEN WHEN THE COURTS STOP YOU,
STAND BEFORE THE COUNTRY, LIKE
ANDREW JACKSON DID, AND SAY THE
CHIEF JUSTICE HAS MADE HIS
RULING, NOW LET HIM ENFORCE IT.
>> John: NOT IDEAL.
AND WHILE MANY PEOPLE DO THINK
ANDREW JACKSON SAID THAT -- AS
PART OF HIS JUSTIFICATION,
INCIDENTALLY, FOR THE TRAIL OF
TEARS -- THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
THAT HE DID.
AND IF WE'RE GOING TO COMPLETELY
MAKE UP ANDREW JACKSON QUOTES,
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: THE CHIEF
JUSTICE HAS MADE HIS RULING, NOW
LET HIM ENFORCE IT...
ALSO, I REALLY HOPE IN THE
FUTURE MY FANS ARE COOL.
IF MY HISTORICAL LEGACY IS TWO
FISH LIPPED WEIRD BEARDS BROING
OUT ABOUT ME ON A PODCAST, DO ME
A FAVOR, DIG ME UP AND KILL ME
AGAIN.
AND IT'S WORTH NOTING THAT, IN
VANCE'S VAST AMOUNT OF TIME
ONLINE, HE'S ENDED UP PROMOTING
SOME FLAGRANTLY RACIST BULLSHIT.
IT TENDS TO GET FORGOTTEN, BUT
TRUMP'S WHOLE "THEY'RE EATING
THE DOGS, THEY'RE EATING THE
CATS" MELTDOWN IN THE
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE CAME AFTER
VANCE ELEVATED A FALSE RUMOR
THAT HAITIAN IMMIGRANTS IN
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO, WERE EATING
PEOPLE'S PETS.
AND AFTER IT ALL BLEW UP -- AND
IT BECAME CLEAR THE WHOLE THING
WAS TOTAL NONSENSE -- VANCE
DOUBLED DOWN IN A PRETTY
REVEALING WAY.
>> WHEN YOU HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE
SAYING, MY PETS ARE BEING
ABDUCTED OR GEESE AT THE CITY
POND ARE BEING ABDUCTED AND
SLAUGHTERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF
US.
THIS IS CRAZY STUFF.
AND AGAIN, WHETHER THOSE EXACT
RUMORS TURN OUT TO BE MOSTLY
TRUE, SOMEWHAT TRUE, WHATEVER
THE CASE MAY BE, KAITLAN, THIS
TOWN HAS BEEN RAVAGED BY 20,000
MIGRANTS COMING IN.
HEALTHCARE COSTS ARE UP, HOUSING
COSTS ARE UP, COMMUNICABLE
DISEASES LIKE HIV AND TB HAVE
SKYROCKETED IN THIS SMALL OHIO
TOWN.
THIS IS WHAT KAMALA HARRIS'S
BORDER POLICIES HAVE DONE.
AND I THINK IT'S INTERESTING,
KAITLAN, THAT THE MEDIA DIDN'T
CARE ABOUT THE CARNAGE WROUGHT
BY THESE POLICIES UNTIL WE
TURNED IT INTO A MEME ABOUT
CATS.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST, QUICK
SHOUT OUT TO THIS LOOK ON
KAITLIN COLLINS FACE.
BECAUSE HER EYES SAYING WHAT
WE'RE ALL THINKING THERE, WHICH
IS "IS THIS GUY FOR FUCKING REAL
RIGHT NOW?"
SECOND, YOU DIDN'T "TURN IT INTO
A MEME ABOUT CATS."
YOU SHARED MISINFORMATION THAT
TURNED A WHOLE TOWN UPSIDE DOWN.
AND IT WASN'T EVEN THE FUN KIND
OF MISINFORMATION, LIKE WHEN,
THAT SAME SUMMER, EVERYONE GOT
CONVINCED JD VANCE HAD FUCKED A
COUCH -- A THEORY THAT WENT SO
VIRAL, IT LED TO US CALLING
VANCE'S TEAM AND ASKING "HAS THE
SENATOR EVER HAD SEX WITH A
COUCH?"
TO WHICH, BY THE WAY, THEY HUNG
UP ON US.
WE THEN EMAILED THEM THE SAME
QUESTION, AS WELL AS ASKING,
"WHAT ABOUT SEX WITH A LATEX
GLOVE STUFFED BETWEEN TWO COUCH
CUSHIONS?"
HAS SENATOR VANCE EVER HAD SEX
WITH ANY OTHER FURNITURE OR
HOUSEHOLD ITEMS?"
AND "ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO
ADD AT THIS TIME?"
AND THEY STILL HAVEN'T
RESPONDED.
WHICH ISN'T EXACTLY A RESOUNDING
"NO."
IS IT?
AND IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD TO
DENY YOU FUCKED A COUCH.
IN FACT, IF YOU EMAIL
IF I'VE FUCKED ONE -- I PROMISE,
YOU'LL BE EMAILED RIGHT BACK,
WITH AN ANSWER OF "NO WAY."
HasJohnOliverFuckedACouch@HasJoh
ANYWAY, THAT EXCHANGE IS
NUTSHELL.
HE TOLD A RACIST LIE HE FOUND ON
SOCIAL MEDIA, DOUBLED DOWN, THEN
TRIED TO PLAY THE "YOU ELITES
DON'T GET IT" CARD TO HUFF HIS
WAY OUT OF THE WHOLE THING.
AND AT THIS POINT, IT'S WORTH
TALKING ABOUT WHERE JD VANCE'S
POLITICAL EVOLUTION HAS TAKEN
HIM.
BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY GRIM.
ON IMMIGRATION, HE'S ARGUED
THAT, WHILE HE BEARS NO PERSONAL
ANIMUS TOWARD IMMIGRANTS,
THEY'RE THE CAUSE OF MANY
PROBLEMS AMERICANS FACE -- HE'S
CLAIMED WE'RE BANKRUPTING A LOT
OF HOSPITALS BY FORCING THEM TO
PROVIDE CARE FOR PEOPLE WHO
DON'T HAVE THE LEGAL RIGHT TO BE
IN OUR COUNTRY.
AND HE'S SAID THAT "ILLEGAL
ALIENS COMPETING WITH AMERICANS
FOR SCARCE HOMES IS ONE OF THE
MOST SIGNIFICANT DRIVERS OF HOME
PRICES IN THE COUNTRY."
TWO ASSERTIONS, BY THE WAY, THAT
HAVE BEEN SOUNDLY REJECTED BY
EXPERTS.
AND WHEN HE'S TALKING ABOUT
IMMIGRANTS TO CONSERVATIVE
AUDIENCES, THE MASK CAN SLIP ALL
THE WAY OFF.
>> THERE IS A LOGIC TO WHAT THE
DEMOCRATS ARE TRYING TO DO.
IT'S DISGUSTING, BUT THERE'S A
LOGIC TO IT -- THEY WANT ILLEGAL
ALIENS TO STEAL EVERYBODY'S JOB
AND NOW THEY WANT ILLEGAL ALIENS
TO STEAL EVERYBODY'S VOTE.
IT IS TOTALLY REASONABLE AND
ACCEPTABLE FOR AMERICAN CITIZENS
TO LOOK AT THEIR NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBORS AND SAY, I WANT TO
LIVE NEXT TO PEOPLE WHO I HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH.
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE NEXT TO
FOUR FAMILIES OF STRANGERS.
LOOK, THE THING ON IMMIGRATION
IS THAT NO ONE CAN AVOID THAT IT
HAS MADE OUR SOCIETIES POORER,
LESS SAFE, LESS PROSPEROUS, AND
LESS ADVANCED.
>> John: OKAY, THAT'S JUST ROUTE
ONE BIGOTRY.
ALSO, IT'S A BIT OF A TELL TO
SAY YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO
LOOK AT YOUR NEIGHBORS AND HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH THEM.
THAT ONLY REALLY MEANS ONE
THING.
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I DON'T
THINK MOST PEOPLE'S BIGGEST
PRIORITY IN NEIGHBORS IS HAVING
SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH THEM.
IT'S JUST HOPING AND PRAYING
THEY DON'T HAVE A CREEPY
TRAMPOLINE KID WHO STARES IN
YOUR WINDOWS.
CAN YOU AT LEAST...
CAN YOU JUST BOUNCE THE OTHER
WAY?
CAN YOU DO AN OTHER WAY BOUNCE?
BUT REMARKS LIKE THOSE ARE PART
OF A PATTERN OF VANCE EXPRESSING
ANXIETY THAT IMMIGRANTS COULD
REPLACE AMERICANS, WITH LINES
LIKE, "YOU CAN'T HAVE SO MANY
PEOPLE COMING TO THE COUNTRY AT
A TIME WHEN OUR OWN FAMILIES
AREN'T REPLICATING THEMSELVES."
AND THAT GETS TO ANOTHER OF HIS
MAJOR OBSESSIONS, WHICH IS
AMERICANS HAVING MORE CHILDREN.
TO HEAR HIM TELL IT, IT'S AN
EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.
HE'S COMPLAINED ABOUT THE
CHILDLESS LEFT, AND SAID THE
REJECTION OF THE AMERICAN FAMILY
IS PERHAPS THE MOST PERNICIOUS
AND EVIL THING THE LEFT HAS
DONE.
WHICH IS BOTH UNTRUE, AND
RIDICULOUS.
THE MOST EVIL THING THE LEFT HAS
EVER DONE WOULD BE, HANDS DOWN,
THESE FUCKING CANDLES.
BUT THIS IS A BIG DEAL TO VANCE.
OVER THE YEARS, HE'S REPEATEDLY
FOCUSED ON PROMINENT DEMOCRATS
WHO DIDN'T, AT THAT POINT, HAVE
KIDS -- AMONG THEM AOC AND PETE
BUTTIGIEG -- TO DRAW SOME
SWEEPING CONCLUSIONS.
>> THERE'S JUST THESE BASIC
CADENCES OF LIFE THAT I THINK
ARE REALLY POWERFUL AND REALLY,
REALLY VALUABLE WHEN YOU HAVE
KIDS IN YOUR LIFE.
AND THE FACT THAT SO MANY
PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA'S
LEADERSHIP CLASS, JUST DON'T
HAVE THAT IN THEIR LIVES, YOU
KNOW, I WORRY THAT IT MAKES
PEOPLE MORE SOCIOPATHIC AND
ULTIMATELY OUR WHOLE COUNTRY A
LITTLE BIT LESS MENTALLY STABLE.
>> John: WOW.
"HAVING KIDS MAKES YOU MENTALLY
STABLE" IS SOMETHING ONLY
SOMEONE WHO IS NOT THE DEFAULT
PARENT WOULD SAY.
BECAUSE TRY WORKING A FULL-TIME
JOB, ALWAYS TRACKING WHEN THE
DIAPERS ARE ABOUT TO RUN OUT,
WHAT SIZE SHOES YOUR KIDS WEAR,
WHAT THEY WON'T EAT FOR LUNCH AT
DAYCARE, WHICH TOY'S THEIR
FAVORITE, WHEN THEIR DOCTORS
APPOINTMENTS ARE, WHEN PICTURE
DAY IS, WHICH SONGS YOU HAVE TO
SING TO GET THEM TO SLEEP, HOW
MANY CHILD BIRTHDAY PARTIES YOU
HAVE TO ATTEND THIS WEEKEND AND
WHICH ONES SPECIFICALLY
REQUESTED GIFTS, AND ALSO IF YOU
LEAVE THE ROOM, YOUR CHILD WILL
SCREAM BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THEY WANT.
I'M NOT SAYING KIDS CAN'T GIVE
YOU A LOT OF THINGS -- LIKE JOY,
PURPOSE, AND HAND FOOT AND MOUTH
DISEASE, BUT "MENTAL STABILITY"
ISN'T ONE OF THEM.
AND WHEN PRESSED ON THOSE
REMARKS A FEW YEARS LATER,
VANCE'S ANSWER WASN'T GREAT.
>> YOUR POSITION ON THOSE FAMILY
VALUES HAVE GOTTEN A LOT OF
SCRUTINY LATELY.
>> SURE.
>> YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT CHILDLESS
CAT LADIES.
YOU'VE CALLED CHILDLESS PEOPLE
SOCIOPATHIC, PSYCHOTIC,
DERANGED.
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'VE SAID THAT
THOSE COMMENTS WERE SARCASTIC.
BUT IT'S HARD TO HEAR THOSE
WORDS ENTIRELY AS A JOKE.
WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK OF
CHILDLESS WOMEN IN SOCIETY?
>> WELL, AS I SAID WHEN I MADE
THOSE COMMENTS -- AND LOOK, THEY
WERE DUMB COMMENTS.
I CERTAINLY -- I THINK MOST
PEOPLE PROBABLY WHO'VE WATCHED
THIS HAVE SAID SOMETHING DUMB,
HAVE SAID SOMETHING THAT THEY
WISH THEY HAD PUT DIFFERENTLY.
>> YOU SAID IT IN SEVERAL
DIFFERENT VENUES.
>> IN A VERY, VERY SHORT PERIOD
OF TIME.
>> John: OH, WELL, YOU HEARD IT
HERE FIRST, FOLKS.
IF YOU'RE MEAN, DUMB, AND WRONG,
BUT IN RAPID SUCCESSION, IT'S
ACTUALLY FINE.
AND AS FOR "EVERYONE SAYS DUMB
STUFF" -- NOT LIKE THAT, THEY
DON'T!
THE NORMAL DUMB STUFF PEOPLE
REGRET IS USUALLY THINGS LIKE,
"ARMIE HAMMER IS THE NEXT
DENIRO" OR "SURE, I'LL HAVE A
THIRD GORDITA CRUNCH," BUT NOT
"CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE
SOCIOPATHS."
AND IF VANCE REALLY DOES WANT TO
MAKE IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO
RAISE KIDS, THERE ARE THINGS HE
COULD SUPPORT, BUT HE HASN'T.
AND SOME, HE'S ACTIVELY OPPOSED.
FOR INSTANCE, HE'S RAILED
AGAINST UNIVERSAL DAY CARE
POLICIES, CALLING IT A CLASS WAR
AGAINST NORMAL PEOPLE AND THAT
NORMAL AMERICANS WANT A FAMILY
POLICY THAT DOESN'T SHUNT THEIR
KIDS INTO CRAP DAYCARE.
AND ONE OF HIS SOLUTIONS FOR
HIGH DAY CARE COSTS WAS PRETTY
INFURIATING.
>> ONE OF THE WAYS YOU MIGHT BE
ABLE TO RELIEVE A LITTLE BIT OF
THE PRESSURE ON PEOPLE WHO ARE
PAYING SO MUCH FOR DAYCARE IS,
MAKE IT SO THAT MAYBE GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA WANTS TO HELP OUT A
LITTLE BIT MORE.
OR MAYBE THERE'S AN AUNT OR
UNCLE THAT WANTS TO HELP OUT A
LITTLE BIT MORE.
IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU RELIEVE
SOME OF THE PRESSURE ON ALL THE
RESOURCES THAT WE'RE SPENDING ON
DAY CARE.
>> John: HOLY SHIT, THAT'S
BRILLIANT!
HAVE FAMILY HELP!
HOW DID NO ONE THINK OF THIS?
JUST CALL THE GRANDPARENTS, WHO
ARE DEFINITELY CLOSE BY AND
ALIVE, OR MAYBE AN AUNT AND
UNCLE WHO DON'T HAVE JOBS OR
CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN TO DEAL
WITH.
WE CAN NOW CLOSE EVERY DAY CARE
IN THE COUNTRY BECAUSE AMERICA'S
MOST EYE-LINED BOY GENIUS JUST
CRACKED THE FUCKING CODE.
PACK A BUNCH OF FAMILY MEMBERS
INTO YOUR HOUSE TO HELP OUT --
NOT TOO MANY, THOUGH, OR
JD VANCE WILL GET NERVOUS IF
HE LIVES NEXT DOOR!
AND WHILE HE'S GESTURED VAGUELY
TOWARD FEDERAL MONEY TO
INCENTIVIZE FAMILY TO HELP OUT,
I'LL POINT OUT: THAT HASN'T
HAPPENED.
IN FACT, THE ONLY CONCRETE
ACTION HE TOOK DURING HIS TWO
YEARS IN THE SENATE, WHEN IT
COMES TO CHILD CARE POLICY, WAS
INTRODUCE THE FAILED FAIRNESS
FOR STAY-AT-HOME PARENTS ACT --
WHICH FOCUSED ON HELPING PARENTS
WHO DECIDED TO LEAVE THE
WORKFORCE ALTOGETHER.
AND IF YOU'RE GETTING THE SENSE
THAT WHAT HE REALLY WANTS IS TO
TURN THE CLOCK BACK TO THE
1950S, YOU'RE GETTING WARMER.
ESPECIALLY GIVEN HE'S ALSO
EXPRESSED RESERVATIONS ABOUT
NO-FAULT DIVORCE.
>> AND THIS IS ONE OF THE GREAT
TRICKS THAT, I THINK, THE SEXUAL
REVOLUTION PULLED ON THE
AMERICAN POPULACE, WHICH IS THIS
IDEA THAT, LIKE, WELL, OKAY,
THESE MARRIAGES WERE
FUNDAMENTALLY, YOU KNOW, THEY
WERE MAYBE EVEN VIOLENT, BUT
CERTAINLY THEY WERE UNHAPPY, AND
SO GETTING RID OF THEM AND
MAKING IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO
SHIFT SPOUSES LIKE THEY CHANGE
THEIR UNDERWEAR, THAT'S GOING TO
MAKE PEOPLE HAPPIER IN THE LONG
TERM.
AND MAYBE IT WORKED OUT FOR THE
MOMS AND DADS, THOUGH I'M
SKEPTICAL.
BUT IT REALLY DIDN'T WORK OUT
FOR THE KIDS OF THOSE MARRIAGES.
>> John: YEAH, HE SAID WE
SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT SO EASY
FOR PEOPLE TO LEAVE VIOLENT
MARRIAGES.
WHICH IS JUST WILD FOR MULTIPLE
REASONS, INCLUDING: YOU KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU COULD
EASILY GET A DIVORCE?
SOME WOMEN WOULD KILL THEIR
HUSBANDS.
BY MAKING DIVORCE EASY AND
ACCESSIBLE, WHAT WE'VE
DEFINITELY REDUCED IS THE AMOUNT
OF WOMEN IN FABULOUS HATS WHO
CLAIMED "MY HUSBAND FELL ILL
SUDDENLY."
THAT'S NOT JUST A VICTORY FOR
FEMINISM, IT'S A LIFESAVER FOR
SHITTY HUSBANDS EVERYWHERE.
BUT IT GETS EVEN WORSE.
BECAUSE VANCE IS ALSO HARD-LINE
ANTI-ABORTION, AS HE EXPLAINED
IN A RADIO INTERVIEW WHEN HE RAN
FOR SENATE.
>> SHOULD A WOMAN BE FORCED TO
CARRY A CHILD TO TERM AFTER SHE
HAS BEEN THE VICTIM OF INCEST OR
RAPE?
>> LOOK, MY VIEW ON THIS HAS
BEEN VERY CLEAR, AND I THINK THE
QUESTION BETRAYS A CERTAIN
PRESUMPTION THAT'S WRONG.
IT'S NOT WHETHER A WOMAN SHOULD
BE FORCED TO BRING A CHILD TO
TERM, IT'S WHETHER A CHILD
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIVE, EVEN
THOUGH THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THAT
CHILD'S BIRTH ARE SOMEHOW
INCONVENIENT OR A PROBLEM TO THE
SOCIETY.
THE QUESTION REALLY TO ME IS
ABOUT THE BABY.
WE WANT WOMEN TO HAVE
OPPORTUNITIES, WE WANT WOMEN TO
HAVE CHOICES, BUT ABOVE ALL, WE
WANT WOMEN -- AND YOUNG BOYS IN
THE WOMB -- TO HAVE THE RIGHT TO
LIFE.
>> John: OKAY, EVERY PART OF
THAT IS AWFUL, NOT JUST CALLING
BECOMING PREGNANT BY RAPE AN
"INCONVENIENCE," OR TAKING WOMEN
OUT OF THE PREGNANCY EQUATION
ALTOGETHER, BUT ALSO THE PHRASE,
"YOUNG BOYS IN THE WOMB."
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
IF YOU CAN'T DISCUSS THE
REALITIES OF PREGNANCY WITHOUT
SOUNDING LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL COACH SUBBING A HEALTH
CLASS, DON'T COMMENT ON THEM AT
ALL.
SO, THAT IS, AT LEAST IN PART,
WHO JD VANCE IS.
AND I'D ARGUE IT'S REPELLENT.
BUT THE DANGEROUS THING IS, HE'S
PROVEN HIMSELF ABLE TO HIDE THE
WORST PART OF HIMSELF, AT
MOMENTS WHEN THE MOST PEOPLE
ARE WATCHING HIM.
TAKE THE VP DEBATE, WHERE FOR
90 MINUTES, HE MANAGED TO COME
OFF AS MEASURED, REASONABLE, AND
COMPASSIONATE.
SEVERAL TIMES DURING IT TIM WALZ
ACTUALLY SAID, "I AGREE WITH
YOU."
AND ONCE IT WAS OVER, MANY
ANALYSTS SEEMED SURPRISED BY
WHAT THEY'D JUST SEEN.
>> LET'S FACE IT, VANCE LOOKED
VERY REASONABLE.
HE LOOKED RATIONAL.
>> HE SEEMED AT MANY MOMENTS TO
BE REASONABLE.
AND THAT WAS CLEARLY A CHANGE IN
TONE.
>> I WAS GETTING TEXTS FROM
DEMOCRATS PANICKED, QUITE
FRANKLY, WHO WERE SAYING, WOW,
HE'S REALLY MODERATING HIMSELF
ON A LOT OF THESE ISSUES.
HE'S THE MOST LIKABLE HE'S EVER
BEEN.
>> John: YEAH, IT'S TRUE!
EVEN THOUGH, FOR WHAT IT'S
WORTH, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT'S THE
HIGHEST BAR TO CLEAR.
IS IT?
IT'S BASICALLY SAYING THE
MUCINEX MASCOT IS MORE FUCKABLE
THAN EVER.
THAT'S NOT SAYING AS MUCH AS IT
FRANKLY SHOULD.
THE POINT HERE IS, WHEN THE NEXT
ELECTION ROLLS AROUND, IF HE CAN
PUT THAT ACT BACK ON WHEN
EVERYONE'S LOOKING, WE MAY BE IN
TROUBLE.
ALL OF WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO
IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER WHO
JD VANCE ACTUALLY IS.
BECAUSE HE'LL PRESENT HIMSELF AS
AN ANTI-ELITIST "MAN OF THE
PEOPLE," BUT MUCH OF HIS
CAREER'S BEEN BANKROLLED BY TECH
BILLIONAIRES.
HE'LL GO TO BAT FOR ALEX JONES,
ARGUING WE SHOULD SHOW GRACE TO
THOSE WHO ARE "40% RIGHT," BUT
HE'LL HAPPILY CO-SIGN ON
CHILDLESS PEOPLE BEING
SOCIOPATHS, AND THE LEFT BEING
"UNHUMANS."
HE'LL OFFER EMPATHY AND
UNDERSTANDING WHEN IT COMES TO
"NON-CONVENTIONAL" THINKERS, BUT
HAS NO PROBLEM DERIDING
IMMIGRANTS AS A NET NEGATIVE ON
SOCIETY -- AND IT'S NOT HARD TO
SEE WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
THOSE GROUPS ARE.
THE POINT IS, I KNOW VANCE IS
EASY TO WRITE OFF AS A
CHARISMA-LESS ASSHOLE, BUT
SCRATCH EVEN ONE INCH UNDER THE
SURFACE, PEEL BACK THE BEARD AND
YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING FAR WORSE:
HIS BATSHIT VIEWS AND HIS BARE
FUCKING FACE.
OH, AND ONE LAST THING:
JD VANCE ALSO STUCK HIS DICK IN
BETWEEN THE CUSHIONS OF A SOFA
AND THRUST HIMSELF BACK AND
FORTH UNTIL CLIMAX.
AND IF I MAY QUOTE THE MAN
HIMSELF.
YEAH, OF COURSE I WAS JUST
TROLLING BY SAYING THAT.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WHAT
I SAID WAS IN ANY WAY UNTRUE.
AND NOW, THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
KELLY CLARKSON DOES NOT LIKE
HORROR MOVIES.
>> LET'S TALK ABOUT THE NEW
MOVIE, WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
IT'S SCARY RIGHT?
>> IT'S HORROR?
>> ARE YOU INTO HORROR?
>> I TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST
WITH PEOPLE ON MY COUCH WHEN
THEY ARE IN A HORROR FILM.
>> HORROR MOVIES.
I WILL MY PANTS.
HOW ARE YOU WITH HORROR FILMS?
I DON'T WATCH THEM.
YOU LIKE WATCHING THEM?
>> NO, I DON'T PARK AT THE FIRST
ONE I WATCHED WAS GET OUT.
>> JOHNNY DEPP, THE WATER BED IN
FREDDY KRUEGER.
FREDDY KRUEGER WAS THE SCARIEST
THING I EVER SAW.
FREDDY KRUEGER WAS MY GUY.
>> OH, MY GOD, WE ARE SO
DIFFERENT.
>> NO THANKS.
I DON'T DO SCARY.
I DON'T WATCH THEM.
I DON'T WATCH HORROR.
I'M LIKE PEACE OUT.
>> I LOVE HORROR.
>> NO, NO.
>> KELLY, WHY?
>> I SAW SOMETHING MY CHILDHOOD
AND IT WAS ACTUALLY A CHURCH AND
IT WAS THIS DEMON OR THIS PERSON
FROZEN AND LIKE OH, MY GOD, I
DON'T WANT TO GO TO OR DEMON.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING SCARY.
IT WAS CHURCH.
♪ ♪
>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪