1 00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:15,148 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:25,125 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:31,631 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 4 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,633 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 5 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,134 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"! 6 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,636 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 7 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,236 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING 8 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,137 US. 9 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,139 IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK. 10 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,141 EUROPE GOT TO ENJOY A SOLAR 11 00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:43,643 ECLIPSE, NIGEL FARAGE WON A 12 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:44,644 BY-ELECTION SO STUPID, THE 13 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,146 CANDIDATE IN SECOND PLACE-- 14 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,881 WITH A QUARTER OF THE VOTE, BY 15 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,150 THE WAY-- WAS COUNT BINFACE. 16 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,152 AND THE IRAN WAR DRAGGED ON, 17 00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,154 WITH A SERIES OF HUMILIATING NEW 18 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:55,721 HEADLINES-- INCLUDING THIS 19 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,156 REVELATION ABOUT TRUMP'S TRIP 20 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:57,723 HOME FROM LAST MONTH'S NATO 21 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,791 SUMMIT. 22 00:00:58,792 --> 00:00:59,659 >> NEW DETAILS OF THE ELABORATE 23 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,662 OPERATION BY THE SECRET SERVICE 24 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,664 TO COVERTLY SWAP THE PRESIDENT 25 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,165 TRUMP'S PLANES AMID FEARS OF AN 26 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,167 IRANIAN ASSASINATION PLOT. 27 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,169 THE PRESIDENT HAD ARRIVED ABOARD 28 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,672 HIS QUATARI GIFTED AIR FORCE 29 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:13,239 ONE, BUT RAISED EYEBROWS BY 30 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,676 ANNOUNCING HE'D TAKE AN OLDER 31 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,276 PLANE HOME, SENDING THE NEWER 32 00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:17,777 PLANE AHEAD TO A BRITISH 33 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:18,678 AIRBASE. 34 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:19,679 >> "THE WASHINGTON POST" NOW 35 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,681 REPORTS THAT THE PRESIDENT 36 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,683 IMMEDIATELY SNEAKED OFF THE 37 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:24,984 PLANE AND ON TO A CATERING TRUCK 38 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,686 THAT WHISKED HIM OFF TO A 39 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,188 SMALLER MILITARY JET. 40 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,190 IN VIDEO FROM THAT DAY, YOU SEE 41 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:31,791 THE PRESIDENT BOARDING WITH A 42 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:32,692 WAVE. 43 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,694 BUT AS THE CAMERA PULLS BACK, 44 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,696 THERE'S A CATERING TRUCK BELOW. 45 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,197 FIVE MINUTES LATER, THE PRESS 46 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:39,699 SEEN BOARDING THE BACK OF THE 47 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,201 PLANE AS THAT CATERING TRUCK 48 00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:43,703 PULLS AWAY, REPORTEDLY WITH THE 49 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,705 PRESIDENT CONCEALED INSIDE. 50 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:52,712 >> John: FANTASTIC. 51 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,346 THE ONLY PROBLEM I CAN SEE THERE 52 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:53,913 ESCAPE, HE'S NOT GOING TO BE 53 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,513 ABLE TO USE THE CATERING TRUCK 54 00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,114 TRICK, BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS 55 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,215 ABOUT IT. 56 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,216 PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE 57 00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,318 SUSPICIOUS FROM NOW ON IF THEY 58 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:03,723 SEE A PLANE GO ONE WAY, A 59 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,323 CATERING TRUCK GO ANOTHER, AND 60 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:04,924 AN ENORMOUS MAN-SIZED CAKE GET 61 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:05,558 WHEELED AWAY BY TWO SUSPICIOUSLY 62 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:11,731 JACKED CHEFS. 63 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,331 WHILE IT CLEARLY DOESN'T LOOK 64 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:15,735 GREAT FOR A PRESIDENT TO BE 65 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:16,335 EMERGENCY-HIDING IN A CATERING 66 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:16,969 TRUCK, IT LOOKS EVEN WORSE WHEN 67 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:17,536 YOU REMEMBER: A LOT OF OTHER 68 00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:18,738 PEOPLE WERE STILL ON THAT PLANE 69 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,740 HE WAS SMUGGLED OFF OF. 70 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,241 >> STILL ONBOARD THE 737, 71 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,243 THOUGH, DOZENS OF JOURNALISTS 72 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,747 AND WHITE HOUSE STAFFERS, AS 73 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:28,748 WELL AS SECRETARY OF STATE 74 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:29,248 MARCO RUBIO AND TREASURY 75 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,250 SECRETARY SCOTT BESSENT. 76 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,752 THAT PLANE LIFTING OFF, BELIEVED 77 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,254 TO BE THE INTENDED TARGET. 78 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,789 >> John: YEAH, NOT GREAT! 79 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,757 THERE WERE A LOT OF INNOCENT 80 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,258 PEOPLE ON THAT PLANE, AND ALSO 81 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,761 MARCO RUBIO. 82 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,263 MEANWHILE, FOR THOSE ACTUALLY 83 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:44,864 HAVING TO FIGHT THIS WAR, IT'S 84 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,264 BEEN GRIM. 85 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,899 JUST THIS WEEK WE LEARNED 86 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,768 HORRENDOUS DETAILS ABOUT WHAT 87 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,268 IT'S BEEN LIKE ON THE 88 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:49,869 USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, WHICH HAS 89 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,271 BEEN DEPLOYED FOR MORE THAN 250 90 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,774 DAYS, INCLUDING OVER 200 WITHOUT 91 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,275 A PORT CALL, WHICH IS APPARENTLY 92 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,277 MORE THAN ANY OTHER AIRCRAFT 93 00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,279 CARRIER IN THE MODERN ERA. 94 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,280 LIFE ON THAT SHIP SOUNDS LIKE 95 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,281 IT'S BEEN DESPERATE. 96 00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,784 >> FAMILIES REPORTEDLY 97 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:05,418 CONFRONTED NAVY LEADERS AT TOWN 98 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,286 HALLS LAST WEEK, DESCRIBING 99 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:10,790 MOLDY SHOWERS, BROKEN TOILETS, 100 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:11,390 FOOD SHORTAGES, AND NO SOAP OR 101 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,792 TOOTHPASTE. 102 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,794 FAMILIES OF THOSE ON BOARD TOLD 103 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,295 THE MILITARY TIMES, AT LEAST TWO 104 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:16,929 SAILORS HAVE TRIED TO JUMP FROM 105 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:23,302 THE CARRIER. 106 00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:23,936 >> DANIELLE'S SON IS ON BOARD. 107 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:24,804 >> HE DESCRIBES THE OVERALL 108 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,806 EXPERIENCE AS A SCENE OUT OF 109 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:27,807 "AMERICAN HORROR STORY" WHERE HE 110 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:28,808 FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY IS DEAD, 111 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:33,813 BUT THEY DON'T KNOW IT YET. 112 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,314 >> John: WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD. 113 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:35,848 YOU NEVER WANT TO BE IN A 114 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,316 POSITION WHERE YOU DESCRIBE YOUR 115 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:37,950 JOB AS "A SCENE OUT OF AMERICAN 116 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,818 HORROR STORY." 117 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,319 HONESTLY, IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE 118 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,321 TO CHOOSE A RYAN MURPHY SHOW FOR 119 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,825 YOUR WORKPLACE TO RESEMBLE, THE 120 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:46,826 OBVIOUS ANSWER IS "ALL'S FAIR." 121 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:47,393 KIM KARDASHIAN, NIECY NASH, 122 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,828 TEYANA TAYLOR, NAOMI WATTS, 123 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:49,829 SARAH PAULSON, AND GLENN CLOSE 124 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,831 IN DIFFERENT SHADES OF MAGENTA 125 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:52,465 SUITS, AS WELL AS DIALOGUE LIKE 126 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,332 THIS? 127 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:57,336 >> CARR, SWEETIE, HOW ARE YOU? 128 00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,971 >> NEVER MIND ME, HOW ARE YOU 129 00:03:58,972 --> 00:03:59,839 HOLDING UP, YOU POOR DISCARDED 130 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,843 CUM-RAG? 131 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:04,376 >> John: YEAH, THAT'S THE 132 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,845 RYAN MURPHY PRODUCTION YOU WANT 133 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:06,846 TO BE STUCK IN. 134 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,379 NOT THIS FLOATING FUCKING 135 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,849 NIGHTMARE. 136 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,350 NOW, PETE HEGSETH HAS CLAIMED 137 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:12,351 THAT THE SHIP'S CONDITIONS ARE 138 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:13,352 BEING "COMPLETELY 139 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,920 MISREPRESENTED" BY THOSE WHO ARE 140 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:15,855 ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING THEM, 141 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,356 SAYING "WE MAKE SURE THAT EVERY 142 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,991 SHIP, EVERY CREW, EVERY CAPTAIN 143 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,359 HAS EVERYTHING WE CAN PROVIDE AT 144 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,861 EVERY SINGLE MOMENT." 145 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,129 AND IF HE MEANS "TO GO 146 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,930 CERTIFIABLY INSANE," I'M 147 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:25,464 INCLINED TO AGREE WITH HIM 148 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,365 THERE. 149 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,367 BUT THE ADMINISTRATION'S LIST OF 150 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,368 THE RESOURCES OFFERED ONBOARD 151 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:34,874 HAS NOT BEEN REASSURING. 152 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:35,407 >> A U.S. OFFICIAL TELLS 153 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:36,008 ABC NEWS THEY HAVE NOT SEEN AN 154 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,877 UPTICK IN MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES 155 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:38,410 AND SAY THE LINCOLN HAS A 156 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,513 VARIETY OF RESOURCES ON BOARD, 157 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,381 INCLUDING ONE CLINICAL 158 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:42,982 PSYCHOLOGIST, FIVE CHAPLAINS, 159 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:43,549 AND THREE BEHAVIORAL HEALTH 160 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:48,387 TECHNICIANS. 161 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,388 THEY ALSO HAVE ONE THERAPY DOG 162 00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:51,891 ON BOARD NAMED CAPTAIN FATHOM 163 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,893 WHOSE JOB IT IS TO EASE ANXIETY 164 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:54,894 AMONG THE CREW. 165 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,396 >> John: HOLY SHIT, THAT IS WAY 166 00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,030 TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO PUT ON ONE 167 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,900 DOG. 168 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,401 ESPECIALLY ONE WITH A THOUSAND 169 00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,404 YARD STARE LIKE THAT. 170 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:06,672 HE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A THERAPY 171 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,407 DOG SO MUCH AS A DOG WHO 172 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:09,909 DESPERATELY NEEDS THERAPY. 173 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:10,409 I'M JUST SAYING THERE IS 174 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,911 ABSOLUTELY A CVS THAT HAS A 175 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:12,511 BOTTLE OF LEXAPRO WITH CAPTAIN 176 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:15,915 FATHOM'S NAME ON IT. 177 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:16,515 AND LOOK, THERE'LL CLEARLY BE 178 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,918 MORE TO SAY ABOUT THIS GOING 179 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,419 FORWARD, BUT FOR NOW... 180 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:20,986 WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DIVE 181 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:21,620 STRAIGHT IN WITH OUR MAIN STORY 182 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:22,154 THIS WEEK, WHICH CONCERNS 183 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,923 PREGNANCY. 184 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,924 A GREAT WAY TO STILL NOT GET A 185 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,426 SEAT ON THE SUBWAY. 186 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,527 SPECIFICALLY, I WANT TO TALK 187 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:29,929 ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED "FETAL 188 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,430 PERSONHOOD"-- THE CONCEPT THAT 189 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,432 A FETUS IS, FROM CONCEPTION, A 190 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,434 SEPARATE, UNIQUE HUMAN, WITH ITS 191 00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:37,436 OWN RIGHTS, DISTINCT FROM THE 192 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:38,137 PERSON IT'S RATHER UNAVOIDABLY 193 00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,438 INSIDE. 194 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,940 THE CONCEPT IS, UNSURPRISINGLY, 195 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,441 USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE 196 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,443 PRO-LIFE MOVEMENT, AND 197 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,945 POST-DOBBS, IT'S BEEN GETTING A 198 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,446 LOT MORE ATTENTION. 199 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,448 >> FETAL PERSONHOOD IS A ONCE 200 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,449 FRINGE IDEA NOW AT THE CENTER OF 201 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,952 ANTIABORTION ADVOCACY. 202 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,453 THE FETAL PERSONHOOD MOVEMENT 203 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:55,454 AIMS TO GRANT FULL LEGAL RIGHTS 204 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,957 AND PROTECTIONS TO FETUSES, AND 205 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,458 IN SOME CASES EMBRYOS. 206 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,461 ABOUT A THIRD OF STATES HAVE 207 00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:03,963 ESTABLISHED FETAL PERSONHOOD BY 208 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:04,964 LAW OR JUDICIAL DECISION. 209 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,465 >> John: OKAY, FIRST, NICE 210 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,467 "HORTON HEARS A WHO" SIGN THERE. 211 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,969 THOUGH YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW, 212 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:15,474 ACCORDING TO DR. SEUSS'S 213 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,475 BIOGRAPHER, BACK IN THE '80s, HE 214 00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,076 ACTUALLY THREATENED TO SUE AN 215 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:17,710 ANTI-ABORTION RIGHTS GROUP THAT 216 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:18,177 USED THAT QUOTE ON ITS 217 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:18,477 STATIONERY. 218 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:19,078 AFTER WHICH THEY BACKED DOWN, 219 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:19,979 WHICH IS A LITTLE SURPRISING, 220 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,981 GIVEN "STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING 221 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:27,987 BUSINESS" IS NOT USUALLY A 222 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:28,621 MESSAGE THESE GROUPS RESPOND TO. 223 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,989 THE FETAL PERSONHOOD IDEA CAN BE 224 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:30,990 EMBEDDED IN LAWS IN A BUNCH OF 225 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,491 DIFFERENT WAYS, AND SOME CAN 226 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,493 INITIALLY SOUND APPEALING-- 227 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,094 LIKE ONES THAT MAKE IT A CRIME 228 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:35,995 TO CAUSE THE DEATH OF AN UNBORN 229 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:36,996 CHILD DURING AN ACT OF DOMESTIC 230 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,998 VIOLENCE. 231 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,001 BUT ONCE THE LAW RECOGNIZES A 232 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,002 FETUS AS A SEPARATE VICTIM, IF 233 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,004 YOU GET PREGNANT, THAT SAME 234 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,006 LOGIC CAN QUICKLY BE WEAPONIZED 235 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:47,640 AGAINST YOU, AND IN ALL SORTS OF 236 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,508 WAYS. 237 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,010 >> HUNDREDS OF WOMEN ACROSS THE 238 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,511 COUNTRY HAVE BEEN ARRESTED OR 239 00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,513 LOST CUSTODY OF THEIR CHILDREN 240 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:55,080 FOR REASONS RELATED TO THEIR 241 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,516 PREGNANCIES. 242 00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,517 >> BRITNEY WATTS A 33-YEAR-OLD 243 00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,519 BLACK WOMAN, SAYS SHE WENT TO 244 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,521 THE HOSPITAL MULTIPLE TIMES 245 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,055 AFTER BLEEDING DURING HER 246 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,523 PREGNANCY. 247 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,524 WATTS RETURNED HOME WHERE SHE 248 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,527 SUFFERED A MISCARRIAGE NOW SHE 249 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:09,528 IS BEING CHARGED WITH ABUSE OF A 250 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:16,535 CORPSE. 251 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:17,536 >> A WOMAN FROM ALABAMA SUFFERED 252 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,537 A MISCARRIAGE AFTER BEING SHOT, 253 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:19,171 AND NOW SHE'S BEING CHARGED WITH 254 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:19,772 MANSLAUGHTER FOR THE DEATH OF 255 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,040 HER UNBORN CHILD. 256 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:21,607 >> John: WOW, THAT'S BLEAK. 257 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,542 IF YOU SUFFER A MISCARRIAGE 258 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,044 AFTER BEING SHOT, YOU SHOULDN'T 259 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,545 BE CHARGED WITH MANSLAUGHTER. 260 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,548 THAT'S ONE OF THOSE SENTENCES I 261 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:30,549 NEVER THOUGHT I'D END UP NEEDING 262 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:31,550 TO SAY OUT LOUD-- LIKE "COCAINE 263 00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:36,555 POLLUTION GIVES SALMON 264 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:37,556 WANDERLUST" OR "YOUNG RICHARD 265 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:41,060 NIXON WAS HOT." 266 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,061 YIKES, BY THE WAY. 267 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:42,594 I'D LET HIM BREAK INTO MY 268 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:43,062 WATERGATE HOTEL. 269 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,064 AND THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING. 270 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,566 BECAUSE OVER THE YEARS, "FETAL 271 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:48,167 PERSONHOOD" HAS BEEN THE BASIS 272 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,068 OF LEGAL CASES INVOLVING 273 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,069 EVERYTHING FROM A PREGNANT WOMAN 274 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,071 WHO FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF 275 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,572 STAIRS, AND WHO WAS CHARGED WITH 276 00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,074 "ATTEMPTED FETAL HOMICIDE," TO A 277 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:55,641 BONKERS STORY INVOLVING THIS 278 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,075 WOMAN. 279 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,076 SHE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LONG 280 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,577 DELIVERY-- AND WAS A 281 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:01,080 PROFESSIONAL DOULA, BY THE WAY. 282 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,081 SHE'D HAD THREE PRIOR 283 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,082 C-SECTIONS, AND HOPED TO AVOID A 284 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,084 FOURTH-- ONLY TO FIND THE 285 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,085 SITUATION SUDDENLY OUT OF HER 286 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,087 HANDS. 287 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,089 >> SHE WAS IN HER 12TH HOUR OF 288 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,090 LABOR IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN 289 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,592 CHERISE DOYLEY SUDDENLY FOUND 290 00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,094 HERSELF IN FRONT OF A FLORIDA 291 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,095 JUDGE FROM HER HOSPITAL BED. 292 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,596 >> IS THIS A REAL JUDGE? 293 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:20,099 >> A NURSE WHEELING IN A TABLET 294 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,600 WITH THE JUDGE, DOCTORS, LAWYERS 295 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,602 AND OTHERS ON ZOOM. 296 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,104 >> THAT WAS EXACTLY WHEN I FOUND 297 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,105 OUT THAT WE WERE GOING TO COURT. 298 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,606 >> NOW THIS IS THE CRAZIEST 299 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,108 THING I'VE EVER SEEN. 300 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,109 >> VIDEO OBTAINED BY NBC NEWS 301 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,611 SHOWS THE 32-YEAR-OLD BLACK 302 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:36,115 WOMAN IN HER HOSPITAL BED PULLED 303 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,116 INTO A VIRTUAL EMERGENCY COURT 304 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:37,616 HEARING AS FLORIDA STATE 305 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,619 ATTORNEYS ON BEHALF OF THE 306 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,253 HOSPITAL SOUGHT A COURT ORDERED 307 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:41,520 C-SECTION. 308 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,121 >> NOBODY IS HERE TO SPEAK FOR 309 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,122 ME. 310 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,123 >> WHEN DOYLEY ASKS IF SHE CAN 311 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,124 CALL A LAWYER OR A PATIENT 312 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,625 ADVOCATE, THE JUDGE SAYS-- 313 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,627 >> THERE'S NOT A CONSTITUTIONAL 314 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,129 RIGHT TO COUNSEL IN ONE OF THESE 315 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,132 PROCEEDINGS. 316 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:53,732 >> John: HOLY SHIT, THAT IS A 317 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,135 FUCKING OUTRAGE. 318 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,136 EVERY PART OF THAT IS WRONG, 319 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,138 INCLUDING THAT IT SHOULD BE 320 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,140 ILLEGAL TO MAKE A WOMAN GIVING 321 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:01,774 BIRTH GET ON A VIDEO CALL OF ANY 322 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,142 KIND. 323 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,144 I DON'T EVEN LIKE BEING ON A 324 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,646 ZOOM WHEN I'M NOT GIVING BIRTH. 325 00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:11,150 AND FOR THE RECORD: HOW-- 326 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,151 12 HOURS INTO LABOR-- WAS SHE 327 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,152 COMPOSED ENOUGH TO ASK FOR 328 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,653 COUNSEL SO CALMLY? 329 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,155 SHE COULD'VE REASONABLY SCREAMED 330 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,157 "SHIT PISS COCK MOTHERFUCKER" 331 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,159 AND CHANGED HER ZOOM BACKGROUND 332 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,660 INTO A MILLION MIDDLE FINGERS, 333 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:26,165 AND ANY SMART JUDGE WOULD'VE 334 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:26,765 SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT'S AN 335 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:27,232 ENTIRELY FAIR POINT." 336 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,167 FETAL PERSONHOOD ISN'T JUST A 337 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,169 FRINGE IDEA-- IT'S BEEN A QUIET 338 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,170 GOAL OF THE ANTI-ABORTION 339 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,672 MOVEMENT FOR DECADES NOW, BUT 340 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,306 IT'S BEEN PICKING UP REAL SPEED 341 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,176 IN RECENT YEARS. 342 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,177 IN 2023, A GROUP OF 343 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,678 ANTI-ABORTION LAWYERS AND 344 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,680 ACTIVISTS EVEN EXPLICITLY SET "A 345 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,182 POST-DOBBS GOAL OF RECOGNIZING 346 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,185 FETAL PERSONHOOD." 347 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:49,688 AND WITH THIS SUPREME COURT? 348 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,289 I FRANKLY WOULDN'T BET AGAINST 349 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:50,489 THEM. 350 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,056 SO GIVEN ALL THAT, TONIGHT, 351 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:51,523 LET'S TALK ABOUT FETAL 352 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,191 PERSONHOOD-- WHERE THE IDEA 353 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,692 COMES FROM, ALL THE SURPRISING 354 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,194 WAYS IN WHICH IT CAN BE APPLIED, 355 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:55,727 AND WHERE THINGS COULD BE 356 00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:56,762 HEADING NEXT. 357 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,764 AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT 358 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,699 THAT THE BASIC CONCEPT OF A 359 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,201 FETUS BEING ITS OWN PERSON WITH 360 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,702 DISTINCT RIGHTS IS NOTHING NEW 361 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,704 -- IN FACT, HERE'S ONE OF ITS 362 00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,206 MAJOR PROPONENTS, LAYING OUT THE 363 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,707 ARGUMENT IN 1984. 364 00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:12,711 >> I BELIEVE THAT UNTIL AND 365 00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:15,214 UNLESS SOMEONE CAN ESTABLISH 366 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,716 THAT THE UNBORN CHILD IS NOT A 367 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,218 LIVING HUMAN BEING, THEN THAT 368 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,719 CHILD IS ALREADY PROTECTED BY 369 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,223 THE CONSTITUTION, WHICH 370 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:24,823 GUARANTEES LIFE, LIBERTY, AND 371 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:25,457 THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS TO ALL 372 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,225 OF US. 373 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:26,558 >> John: YEP! 374 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,726 THERE HE IS! 375 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:28,727 IT SEEMS YOU CAN'T TRACE THE 376 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:29,728 SOURCE OF ANY MODERN PROBLEM 377 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:30,729 WITHOUT A CAMEO FROM THIS MESSY 378 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,731 BITCH. 379 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,233 HE TRULY IS THE FORREST GUMP OF 380 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,969 SOCIETAL ILLS. 381 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,237 BUT THE THING IS, REAGAN COULD 382 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,240 BELIEVE THAT ALL HE LIKED-- IT 383 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:41,874 STILL WASN'T LAW IN THE U.S. IN 384 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,743 FACT, WHEN THE SUPREME COURT 385 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:45,744 DECIDED ROE V. WADE, IT 386 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,278 EXPLICITLY REJECTED FETAL 387 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,746 PERSONHOOD, STATING, "THE WORD 388 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,248 'PERSON,' AS USED IN THE 14TH 389 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,249 AMENDMENT, DOES NOT INCLUDE THE 390 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,251 UNBORN." 391 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,753 HOWEVER, IT DID LEAVE THE DOOR 392 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,255 OPEN A CRACK, BY HOLDING THAT 393 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:56,855 THE STATE HAS AN IMPORTANT AND 394 00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:59,258 LEGITIMATE INTEREST IN 395 00:10:59,259 --> 00:10:59,858 PROTECTING THE POTENTIALITY OF 396 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,760 HUMAN LIFE. 397 00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,262 AND THAT WAS NO SMALL THING. 398 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,264 BECAUSE IT MEANT THAT AS LONG AS 399 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,766 STATES DIDN'T FULLY BAN 400 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,768 ABORTION, THEY WERE LEGALLY ABLE 401 00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:10,302 TO EXPAND PROTECTIONS FOR 402 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,770 FETUSES. 403 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:12,371 AND, FOR YEARS, MANY DID JUST 404 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,772 THAT. 405 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,274 SOME STATES DEFINED A PERSON TO 406 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,276 INCLUDE A FETUS THROUGHOUT THEIR 407 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,277 CRIMINAL CODES, WHILE IN OTHER 408 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,778 PLACES, PROSECUTORS EXPANDED 409 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:20,779 THEIR USE OF CHILD ABUSE AND 410 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,281 NEGLECT LAWS TO POLICE THE 411 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,283 CONDUCT OF PREGNANT WOMEN. 412 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,285 BUT AFTER DOBBS, THE GUARDRAILS 413 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,786 FULLY CAME OFF. 414 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:28,787 BECAUSE STATE LEGISLATORS FELT 415 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,789 THEY COULD PUSH MUCH MORE 416 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,291 AGGRESSIVELY FOR FETAL 417 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:32,891 PERSONHOOD LEGISLATION-- AND 418 00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:35,794 WITH SOME PRETTY CREATIVE 419 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,796 ARGUMENTS, NONE MORE SO THAN THE 420 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:38,797 ONE THIS NORTH DAKOTA STATE 421 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,799 LEGISLATOR MADE LAST YEAR. 422 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,802 >> WE HAVE TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH, 423 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,305 RIGHTEOUS ENOUGH, AND HAVE 424 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,306 ENOUGH INTEGRITY, NOT ONLY TO 425 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,675 OUR OATH OF OFFICE, BUT TO ALL 426 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:50,309 THE CLAIMS OF BEING PRO-LIFE AND 427 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,811 TO BEING CHRISTIAN, AND ACTUALLY 428 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,813 DO WHAT THE WORD OF GOD SAYS. 429 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,815 AND IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW IF A 430 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,817 BABY AT CONCEPTION IS HUMAN OR 431 00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,886 NOT, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SHOW ME 432 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,822 THE FIRST KANGAROO OR PLANT THAT 433 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,824 CAME OUT OF A WOMAN'S WOMB. 434 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,326 >> John: WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU 435 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,828 TALKING ABOUT? 436 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,330 OBVIOUSLY, NO WOMAN IS PREGNANT 437 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,332 WITH A KANGAROO. 438 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,833 I WOULDN'T BLAME ANY WOMAN WHO 439 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:21,840 WANTED TO FOOL AROUND WITH ONE, 440 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:22,441 ESPECIALLY THIS GUY OR INDEED 441 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,342 THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. 442 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:23,875 BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 443 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:24,443 THE POINT IS, HERE'S WHAT'S 444 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,077 TRICKY ABOUT ALL THIS: ONE SIDE 445 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,345 IS SAYING, "HEY, A WOMAN SHOULD 446 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,946 HAVE A RIGHT TO CONTROL WHAT 447 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,348 HAPPENS IN HER OWN BODY" AND THE 448 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,850 OTHER IS SAYING, "SO YOU THINK 449 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,352 YOU GIVE BIRTH TO A KANGAROO?" 450 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,853 AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW WE 451 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,355 MEET IN THE MIDDLE THERE. 452 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,856 BUT THE OBVIOUS CONSEQUENCE OF 453 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,358 THESE LAWS IS THAT THEY TREAT 454 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,859 THE INDIVIDUAL CARRYING THE 455 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:41,460 FETUS AS SOMETHING LESS THAN A 456 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,861 FULL HUMAN. 457 00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:44,863 AND THE VERY MOMENT YOU'RE 458 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,365 PREGNANT, YOU BECOME MERELY A 459 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,866 MEANS TO AN END. 460 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,868 AND IT'S NOT LIKE SOME 461 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,370 LEGISLATORS HAVE NEEDED MUCH 462 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,871 ENCOURAGEMENT ON THAT FRONT. 463 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,373 DURING AN INTERVIEW ABOUT AN 464 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,374 ABORTION LAW IN OKLAHOMA IN 465 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,876 2017, THIS GUY, ITS SPONSOR, 466 00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,878 REFERRED TO PREGNANT PEOPLE AS 467 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,380 "HOSTS", AND HIS JUSTIFICATION 468 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,882 FOR DOING SO WASN'T IDEAL. 469 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,884 >> WHEN I USE THE TERM "HOST," 470 00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:08,887 IT'S NOT MEANT TO DEGRADE WOMEN. 471 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,390 I ACTUALLY WENT AND GOOGLED THAT 472 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,392 AND I WENT TO WEBSTER AND I 473 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:17,896 COULDN'T FIND A BETTER TERM. 474 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:22,901 >> John: LOOK, CONGRATULATIONS 475 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,770 ON "GOING TO WEBSTER" OR 476 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,404 WHATEVER, BUT THERE ARE ONLY A 477 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,272 HANDFUL OF SITUATIONS WHERE IT'S 478 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:27,839 ACCEPTABLE TO CALL A WOMAN A 479 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:28,907 HOST: IF SHE WORKS 480 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:29,908 FRONT-OF-HOUSE AT A RESTAURANT, 481 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:30,909 IF SHE INVITES YOU OVER FOR 482 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,911 DINNER, IF SHE HAS HER OWN TALK 483 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:33,912 SHOW, OR IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT 484 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,914 ANNABELLE, HOST TO THE DEMONIC 485 00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:36,448 SPIRIT PERMANENTLY TRAPPED 486 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,917 INSIDE HER. 487 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:39,918 AND THE THING ABOUT FETAL 488 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,920 PERSONHOOD IS, IT CAN BE USED 489 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,422 NOT JUST TO LIMIT ABORTION, BUT 490 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,423 TO CRIMINALIZE OTHER CONDUCT 491 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,425 DURING PREGNANCY SEEN AS 492 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,726 JEOPARDIZING A FETUS IN ANY WAY 493 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,428 -- LIKE DRINKING OR DRUG USE. 494 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,430 AND LOOK, NO ONE IS SAYING THAT 495 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,931 IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO DRINK OR 496 00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,434 TAKE DRUGS WHILE PREGNANT. 497 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,935 AFTER ALL, YOU DON'T WANT YOUR 498 00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:59,938 KID TO COME OUT TOO COOL. 499 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,440 BUT FOR MANY SUBSTANCES, THE 500 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,442 RISKS TO A FETUS-- WHILE REAL 501 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,443 -- ARE ACTUALLY FAR MORE 502 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,445 COMPLEX, AND OFTEN FAR LESS 503 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,946 CLEAR CUT, THAN THE LAW ASSUMES. 504 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,948 THE PROBLEM IS, THE LAW CAN TAKE 505 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:10,949 A ZERO-TOLERANCE APPROACH. 506 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,951 AND UNFORTUNATELY, MANY 507 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:13,952 HOSPITALS DRUG TEST PREGNANT 508 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,454 WOMEN AND THEIR NEWBORNS-- 509 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,955 OFTEN WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE-- 510 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,457 AND IN AT LEAST 27 STATES, 511 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,459 THEY'RE REQUIRED BY LAW TO ALERT 512 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,460 CHILD WELFARE AGENCIES ABOUT A 513 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:25,964 POSITIVE TEST. 514 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,466 BUT THAT IS A BIG ISSUE, 515 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,633 ESPECIALLY GIVEN DRUG TESTS CAN 516 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:29,167 BE NOTORIOUSLY INACCURATE. 517 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:29,968 JUST LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN 518 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,470 DESCRIBE WHAT A NURSE TOLD HER, 519 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,472 RIGHT AFTER SHE'D GIVEN BIRTH TO 520 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,473 HER SECOND CHILD. 521 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,074 >> SHE TOLD ME THAT MY DRUG 522 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,976 SCREEN TESTED POSITIVE FOR 523 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:38,477 OPIOIDS, FOR MORPHINE 524 00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:39,978 SPECIFICALLY. 525 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,481 >> KATIE SAYS THE TEST RESULTS 526 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,982 DIDN'T MAKE SENSE. 527 00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,984 SHE HAD NEVER TAKEN ANY OPIATES 528 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,986 OR ILLICIT DRUGS. 529 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,989 BUT THAT DAY BEFORE COMING TO 530 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,491 THE HOSPITAL, SHE DID HAVE AN 531 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,493 EVERYTHING BAGEL. 532 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,994 FOR NEARLY A MONTH, KATIE WAS 533 00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:57,496 ONLY ALLOWED SUPERVISED TIME 534 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,997 WITH HER CHILDREN. 535 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,632 AND ALTHOUGH SHE WAS 536 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,000 BREASTFEEDING, SHE HAD TO LEAVE 537 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:04,002 HER HOUSE AT NIGHT. 538 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,004 >> I WOULD LEAVE THE HOUSE, AND 539 00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,007 I WOULD SCREAM IN MY CAR BECAUSE 540 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,008 I WAS SO DEVASTATED TO LEAVE 541 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,010 HER. 542 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:12,511 SORRY. 543 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,512 >> IT'S OKAY. 544 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,513 WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? 545 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,014 >> IT WAS TORTURE. 546 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,015 I MEAN, IT WAS PAIN I'VE NEVER 547 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,517 FELT BEFORE. 548 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,018 >> KATIE, DID YOU FEEL THAT 549 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,020 THERE WAS A RISK THAT IF YOU 550 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,289 DIDN'T FOLLOW EVERYTHING YOU 551 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:24,923 WERE TOLD TO DO, YOU COULD LOSE 552 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,525 YOUR CHILDREN? 553 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,026 >> ABSOLUTELY. 554 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,528 >> John: YEAH, ALL OF THAT OVER 555 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,530 A FUCKING BAGEL. 556 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,031 IT SHOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE FOR 557 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,032 YOUR LIFE TO GET FUCKED UP THAT 558 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,535 BADLY JUST BASED ON WHAT YOU HAD 559 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,036 FOR BREAKFAST. 560 00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,538 UNLESS OF COURSE, THE BREAKFAST 561 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,539 IN QUESTION IS HONEY SMACKS, IN 562 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:45,043 WHICH CASE HONESTLY? 563 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:45,610 YOU KIND OF DESERVE WHATEVER 564 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,547 HAPPENS TO YOU. 565 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,548 YOU'RE A BAD PERSON. 566 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,148 AND THE THING IS, IT'S COMMON 567 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:50,682 KNOWLEDGE THAT THOSE DRUG 568 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,550 SCREENS ARE EASILY 569 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,552 MISINTERPRETED AND OFTEN WRONG, 570 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,053 WITH FALSE POSITIVE RATES AS 571 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:55,554 HIGH AS 50%. 572 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,056 BUT IF YOU NEED CONVINCING 573 00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,057 FURTHER, PLEASE ENJOY THIS 574 00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,559 LAWYER THEY TALKED TO FOR THAT 575 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,061 STORY, WHO BROUGHT A MAGNIFICENT 576 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,063 VISUAL AID WITH HER. 577 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:06,565 >> HERE'S A CUP OF MY URINE, AND 578 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,165 IF I GIVE IT TO YOU, YOU COULD 579 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,066 TEST IT. 580 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,068 MAYBE IT'S POSITIVE. 581 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,070 BUT IT CAN'T TELL YOU IF I'M 582 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,572 ADDICTED, I'M DEPENDENT. 583 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,575 AND YET, FOR THOUSANDS OF WOMEN 584 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:21,079 IN THIS COUNTRY, AND FAMILIES, 585 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:21,680 PROBABLY MILLIONS, A DRUG TEST 586 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,581 IS USED AS A PARENTING TEST. 587 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,584 >> John: OKAY, A FEW THINGS. 588 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,086 FIRST, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S QUITE 589 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:30,589 AS EXONERATING AS YOU WANT IT TO 590 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,590 BE, AS "BEING ABLE TO PRODUCE A 591 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,592 JAR OF PISS UNPROMPTED" MIGHT BE 592 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,094 THE MOST "DEFINITELY ON DRUGS" 593 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,596 BEHAVIOR I'VE EVER SEEN. 594 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,599 AND ALSO, WHILE I AM COMPLETELY 595 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,600 ON THAT LAWYER'S SIDE, I CAN'T 596 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:42,601 HELP WONDERING IF SHE'S HAD A 597 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:47,606 CUP OF WATER TODAY. 598 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,773 AND EVEN IF SHE HAS, WOULD SHE 599 00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,609 LIKE ME TO GET HER ANOTHER ONE? 600 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,612 AND REFERRALS TO LAW ENFORCEMENT 601 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,614 OVER ALLEGED DRUG USE DURING 602 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:56,615 PREGNANCY AREN'T REMOTELY 603 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,116 UNCOMMON-- ONE INVESTIGATION 604 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:01,620 FOUND, IN A SIX-YEAR PERIOD, AT 605 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,122 LEAST 70,000 SUCH CASES, ACROSS 606 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,123 21 STATES-- A NUMBER WHICH IS 607 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,626 ALMOST CERTAINLY AN UNDERCOUNT. 608 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,361 AND IN MANY CASES, THE REFERRALS 609 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,129 BEGAN WITH FALSE POSITIVE 610 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,131 RESULTS FROM FLAWED DRUG TESTS. 611 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:13,732 BUT LOOK-- LET'S ACKNOWLEDGE 612 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,134 THAT SOMETIMES, A POSITIVE DRUG 613 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,136 TEST DOES INDICATE THAT 614 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:18,637 SOMEONE'S USED DRUGS. 615 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,138 WELL, TO HEAR SOME LAWMAKERS 616 00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:22,641 TELL IT, WE NEED TO CRIMINALIZE 617 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:23,241 THAT, BECAUSE HOW ELSE ARE WE 618 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,643 GOING TO ENCOURAGE EXPECTANT 619 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,144 MOTHERS TO CLEAN UP THEIR ACTS? 620 00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:26,745 >> YOU USE THE CARROT AND THE 621 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,647 STICK. 622 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,148 YOU KNOW, THE STICK IS, HEY, 623 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,650 THIS IS HANGING OVER MY HEAD. 624 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,152 IF I DON'T GET CLEAN, IF I DON'T 625 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:36,655 GET RID OF THIS DRUG USE, THEN 626 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:37,255 I'M GOING TO GO TO JAIL AND I 627 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:39,658 MAY LOSE MY CHILD. 628 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:43,161 BUT IF I TEST NEGATIVE, IF I-- 629 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,664 IF I DO A GOOD JOB OF GETTING 630 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,666 CLEAN, I'M GOING TO GET TO LEAD 631 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,167 A NORMAL LIFE WITH MY CHILD. 632 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,669 >> John: THAT IS JUST A TERRIBLE 633 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,170 ANALOGY. 634 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,173 BECAUSE IF THE STICK IS THE FEAR 635 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,175 OF GOING TO JAIL, AND THE CARROT 636 00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,176 IS "GETTING TO LEAD A NORMAL 637 00:17:58,177 --> 00:17:59,177 LIFE WITH YOUR CHILD," THEN IT 638 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,679 FEELS LIKE THE SCENARIO YOU'RE 639 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,681 DESCRIBING THERE IS THE SAME AS 640 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,182 THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION "WHAT 641 00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:04,716 HAS OWEN WILSON BEEN UP TO 642 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,685 LATELY?" 643 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,688 BY WHICH I MEAN: MOSTLY STICK. 644 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,690 BUT DOCTORS WILL POINT OUT SOME 645 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,191 KEY FLAWS WITH THAT APPROACH. 646 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,192 FIRST, QUITTING DRUGS COLD 647 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,694 TURKEY CAN CAUSE COMPLICATIONS 648 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,695 THAT TRIGGER MISCARRIAGE OR AN 649 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,696 EARLY LABOR. 650 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,698 AND SECOND, TERRIFYING EXPECTANT 651 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,700 MOTHERS WITH THE THREAT OF JAIL 652 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:22,267 TIME CARRIES ITS OWN SET OF 653 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,703 RISKS. 654 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:25,337 >> SCARING THE MOM TO THE POINT 655 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:26,705 THAT SHE'S NOT COMING TO GET 656 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,707 HEALTHCARE DURING HER PREGNANCY 657 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,709 OR NOT DISCLOSING HER DRUG USE 658 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,710 SO THAT SHE CAN GET THE SUPPORT 659 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,211 AND TREATMENT THAT SHE NEEDS, 660 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:33,712 NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE 661 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,313 PROTECTING THE BABY. 662 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,214 PUTTING THE MOM IN JAIL AND 663 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:36,781 TAKING THE BABY AWAY IS NOT 664 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,216 PROTECTING THE BABY. 665 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:39,718 THERE ARE LOTS OF UNSAFE THINGS 666 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,352 THAT WOMEN DO DURING PREGNANCY. 667 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:45,223 I MIGHT RECOMMEND THAT THEY TAKE 668 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:46,224 A CERTAIN MEDICATION FOR 669 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,225 DIABETES, AND THEY DON'T TAKE 670 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:47,859 IT, AND THEIR SUGARS ARE REALLY 671 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:51,229 HIGH, AND THAT'S VERY HARMFUL TO 672 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:52,230 THEM AND THEIR BABY. 673 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,231 BUT NO ONE IS PUTTING THEM IN 674 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:58,737 JAIL OR TAKING THEIR BABY AWAY. 675 00:18:58,738 --> 00:18:59,237 >> John: OF COURSE! 676 00:18:59,238 --> 00:18:59,871 THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS WOMEN 677 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:00,505 SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DO WHILE 678 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:01,072 THEY'RE PREGNANT, BUT WE LET 679 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:01,740 THEM ANYWAY. 680 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,241 LIKE EATING SUSHI, OR BUNGEE 681 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,243 JUMPING, OR DRIVING, OR MATH, OR 682 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:05,810 IS ANYBODY GOING TO STOP ME 683 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,747 RIGHT NOW? 684 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,348 I'M LISTING THINGS THAT I, JOHN, 685 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:11,249 THINK WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO 686 00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:11,750 DO. 687 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,751 SOMEONE SHOULD'VE JUMPED IN AND 688 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,753 STOPPED ME. 689 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,755 NONE OF YOU ARE MY REAL FRIENDS. 690 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:17,322 THAT WAS A TEST, AND YOU ALL 691 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,757 FAILED. 692 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:25,765 WE'RE IN A FIGHT. 693 00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:27,766 RIGHT NOW. 694 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:28,400 THE POINT IS, BABIES CLEARLY DO 695 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,267 BETTER WHEN THEIR MOMS GO TO 696 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,268 DOCTORS' APPOINTMENTS AND, 697 00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:30,869 IDEALLY, AREN'T THROWN IN JAIL 698 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,469 AS PART OF A BULLSHIT "CARROT 699 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:32,771 AND STICK" APPROACH. 700 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,773 AND THE WAY SOME OF THESE LAWS 701 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,775 WORK IN PRACTICE IS AN ABSOLUTE 702 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:37,275 NIGHTMARE. 703 00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,778 THAT WOMAN YOU SAW EARLIER IS BY 704 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,279 NO MEANS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOUND 705 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,782 UP DRAGGED INTO COURT OVER A 706 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:44,783 STATE'S CONCERNS FOR HER FETUS. 707 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:45,784 TAKE WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS 708 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:46,885 WISCONSIN WOMAN, WHO'D BEEN 709 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,788 USING METH, BUT WHEN SHE LEARNED 710 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:50,388 SHE WAS PREGNANT, IMMEDIATELY 711 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:51,790 STOPPED. 712 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:52,791 SHE VOLUNTARILY CHECKED INTO A 713 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:53,792 HOSPITAL SEEKING HELP FOR 714 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:54,793 DEPRESSION AND OTHER ISSUES. 715 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:55,393 WHILE THERE, A URINE TEST CAME 716 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,362 BACK POSITIVE FOR DRUGS. 717 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,364 AND WHEN DOCTORS ASKED HER ABOUT 718 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,800 HER PAST USAGE, SHE WAS 719 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:02,434 COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THEM, AND 720 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,302 FOR GOOD REASON. 721 00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,304 >> MY DECISION TO TELL THE 722 00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:10,809 DOCTORS ABOUT MY DRUG USE WAS 723 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,310 SOLELY SO THAT IF-- IF I DID 724 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,812 ANYTHING WRONG AND THEY COULD 725 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,814 GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT WOULD 726 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,315 HELP MY BABY BECAUSE OF WHAT I 727 00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,817 HAD DONE, I HAD NO HESITATION 728 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,318 BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONLY THING I 729 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:23,822 WAS THINKING ABOUT... 730 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:24,823 THE ER DOCTOR WAS LIKE, DON'T 731 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,825 WORRY, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT 732 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:27,425 YOU'RE HERE AND YOU'RE GETTING 733 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,827 HELP NOW. 734 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,328 HE'S LIKE, YOUR BABY'LL BE 735 00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,831 FINE... 736 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,332 HE LEFT THE ROOM AND IT STARTED 737 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:35,834 FROM THERE. 738 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,335 >> John: NOW, AS YOU CAN 739 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:38,336 PROBABLY GUESS, THINGS DIDN'T GO 740 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:39,337 GREAT FROM THAT POINT ON. 741 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,339 WHICH SHOULDN'T BE A SURPRISE. 742 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,841 BECAUSE "AND IT STARTED FROM 743 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:43,842 THERE" ISN'T GENERALLY THE 744 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,343 LEAD-IN TO AN UPLIFTING STORY. 745 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,846 IT'S AN OMINOUS SETUP, RIGHT UP 746 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,850 THERE WITH "IT WAS A DARK AND 747 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:58,858 STORMY NIGHT" OR "WELCOME 748 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,362 WELCOME, WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK 749 00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:04,629 TONIGHT!" 750 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:05,263 AND WHAT FOLLOWED WAS A FUCKING 751 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:05,530 NIGHTMARE. 752 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:06,164 BECAUSE WHEN SHE TRIED TO LEAVE 753 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:06,731 THE HOSPITAL, THIS HAPPENED. 754 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:07,332 >> WHEN THE SOCIAL WORKER CAME 755 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:07,966 INTO MY ROOM AND SAID THERE'S A 756 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:08,600 HEARING, WE NEED YOU TO COME TO 757 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,200 THE CONFERENCE ROOM RIGHT NOW, 758 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,368 IT WAS A SHOCK. 759 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:11,870 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN LIKE 760 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,372 THERE'S A SPEAKERPHONE IN THE 761 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:14,939 MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND SHE'S 762 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:15,373 PUTTING A JUDGE ON. 763 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:18,877 >> THIS IS THE TIME AND DATE SET 764 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:19,677 FOR A TEMPORARY PHYSICAL CUSTODY 765 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,880 HEARING. 766 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,883 THE GUARDIAN AD LITUM FOR THE 767 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:25,383 UNBORN CHILD IS MICHAEL 768 00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:26,384 SCHIFFLER. 769 00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:30,889 MS. GRAF, WHAT'S THE COUNTY'S 770 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:31,523 POSITION ON WHERE MS. LOERTSCHER 771 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:32,157 IS GOING TO BE PLACED UNTIL THE 772 00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:32,891 CHILD IS BORN? 773 00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:34,392 >> I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING 774 00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:35,894 ON AND THE FIRST THING I SAID 775 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:36,427 WAS, "I DON'T WANT TO TALK 776 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,897 UNLESS I HAVE A LAWYER." 777 00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:40,899 >> THE 14-WEEK-OLD FETUS HAD A 778 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,901 LAWYER AT THIS HEARING WHO WAS 779 00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,903 TAKING A POSITION ADVERSE TO 780 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:46,905 TAMMY AND WAS REPRESENTED BY 781 00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,907 COUNSEL, WHERE TAMMY, WHO HAD 782 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,909 ASKED FOR A LAWYER, DID NOT HAVE 783 00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:52,410 ONE AND WAS DENIED ONE. 784 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,412 >> John: YEAH, THE FETUS HAD A 785 00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:55,914 LAWYER, BUT SHE DIDN'T. 786 00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:59,417 AND REMEMBER: THIS HAPPENED WHEN 787 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:00,051 SHE WAS JUST 14 WEEKS PREGNANT. 788 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,920 AT THAT POINT, YOU MAY NOT EVEN 789 00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:02,554 BE ABLE TO TELL THE SEX FROM AN 790 00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:02,921 ULTRASOUND. 791 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:04,923 HONESTLY, IF YOU TRIED TO DO A 792 00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:05,924 GENDER REVEAL THAT EARLY, THE 793 00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:06,558 CLOSEST YOU MIGHT GET IS "IT'S A 794 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:09,928 PLAINTIFF." 795 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,930 AND THE STATE DIDN'T ALLOW HER 796 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,431 TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL, ON THE 797 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:13,965 GROUNDS THAT DOING SO WAS 798 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:15,433 "CONTRARY TO THE UNBORN CHILD'S 799 00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:16,935 BEST INTEREST." 800 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:18,937 IN THE END, AFTER SHE REFUSED 801 00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:19,938 COURT-ORDERED INPATIENT DRUG 802 00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:20,939 TREATMENT, SHE WAS JAILED FOR 18 803 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:24,943 DAYS-- INCLUDING ABOUT 36 HOURS 804 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:25,944 IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT-- WHICH 805 00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:27,946 IS ARGUABLY A WEIRD THING TO DO 806 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:29,447 TO SOMEONE WHOSE HEALTH YOU'RE 807 00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:31,449 SUPPOSEDLY TRYING TO SAFEGUARD. 808 00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:32,951 AND AMAZINGLY, IT CAN GET EVEN 809 00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,953 WORSE, BECAUSE UNDER FETAL 810 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,955 PERSONHOOD LAWS, PREGNANCY LOSS 811 00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:38,957 CAN CREATE YET ANOTHER PATH INTO 812 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,458 THE CRIMINAL SYSTEM, WITH 813 00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:41,960 MISCARRIAGES AND STILLBIRTHS 814 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:43,962 SOMETIMES TREATED AS SUSPICIOUS. 815 00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:45,463 THERE ARE MULTIPLE STORIES OF 816 00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:46,965 WOMEN BEING INVESTIGATED OR EVEN 817 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,466 CHARGED WITH CRIMES, INCLUDING 818 00:22:48,467 --> 00:22:49,067 MURDER, FOLLOWING A PREGNANCY 819 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,969 LOSS. 820 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,470 WHICH IS UTTERLY BONKERS, GIVEN 821 00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:53,471 THAT EVERY YEAR IN THE U.S., 822 00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:54,973 THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 823 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:55,974 5 MILLION PREGNANCIES. 824 00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:57,976 AND OF THOSE, ABOUT A MILLION 825 00:22:57,977 --> 00:22:59,477 END IN A MISCARRIAGE, AND OVER 826 00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:01,479 20,000 END IN STILLBIRTH. 827 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,480 AND SOME OF THE WORST 828 00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:04,482 CONSEQUENCES OF EVERYTHING 829 00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:05,984 YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT HAVE FALLEN 830 00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:06,985 ON WOMEN LIKE CHERIE MASON, WHO 831 00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,987 TESTED POSITIVE FOR DRUGS AT THE 832 00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:12,490 HOSPITAL AFTER A STILLBIRTH. 833 00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:13,124 SHE WOUND UP TAKING A PLEA DEAL 834 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,993 FOR MANSLAUGHTER AS A RESULT, 835 00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:16,494 NOT BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS 836 00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:17,996 GUILTY, BUT BECAUSE-- IN HER 837 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:18,630 WORDS-- "I KNEW THE WAY THAT IT 838 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,498 WORKS HERE IN OKLAHOMA." 839 00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:23,501 SHE NOT ONLY GOT A TWELVE-YEAR 840 00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:25,003 PRISON SENTENCE-- WHICH THEN 841 00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:25,570 TOOK HER AWAY FROM HER OTHER 842 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:26,504 CHILDREN-- SHE WAS ALSO 843 00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:27,505 REQUIRED TO REGISTER WITH THE 844 00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:33,011 STATE AS A VIOLENT OFFENDER. 845 00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:33,511 UPON HER RELEASE. 846 00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:34,045 AND THE WHOLE SITUATION IS 847 00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:34,679 SUMMED UP BY HER DAUGHTER PRETTY 848 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,014 NICELY. 849 00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:37,515 >> IT WAS UP TO THE DA AND HE 850 00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:38,149 BASICALLY SAID THEY'RE MAKING AN 851 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:39,017 EXAMPLE OUT OF HER. 852 00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,018 I ACTUALLY SAID, "MY MOM'S MORE 853 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:42,520 THAN AN EXAMPLE. 854 00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:43,521 LIKE, WE NEED HER HERE. 855 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:44,522 IF YOU WANT TO GET TO THE CORE 856 00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:45,523 OF THE PROBLEM, YOU KNOW, MAYBE 857 00:23:45,524 --> 00:23:47,592 MAKE SOME KIND OF SYSTEM TO 858 00:23:47,593 --> 00:23:48,526 WHERE WE CAN HELP PEOPLE WITH 859 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:51,029 ADDICTION A LITTLE BIT MORE." 860 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:51,629 I DON'T-- SOMETIMES I REALLY 861 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:52,530 DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY 862 00:23:52,531 --> 00:23:53,031 WANT, THOUGH. 863 00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:55,033 I DON'T THINK THEY-- THEY WANT 864 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:55,600 TO JUST-- THEY WANT TO HELP 865 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,534 PEOPLE WITH ADDICTION. 866 00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:57,535 I THINK THEY JUST WANT TO MAKE 867 00:23:57,536 --> 00:23:58,102 THE PEOPLE WITH ADDICTION GO 868 00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,537 AWAY. 869 00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:01,539 >> John: YEAH, THAT'S FUCKING 870 00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,708 AWFUL, AND HONESTLY, IF THAT HAD 871 00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:06,044 HAPPENED TO MY MOM I THINK I'D 872 00:24:06,045 --> 00:24:07,045 ALSO HAVE SMOKED ONE K2'S WORTH 873 00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:09,047 OF CIGARETTES. 874 00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,548 AND LOOK, THOSE WHO PUSH FETAL 875 00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,050 PERSONHOOD WILL INSIST THAT IT'S 876 00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:13,551 BASED ON A PRINCIPLED STANCE 877 00:24:13,552 --> 00:24:14,552 ABOUT THE SANCTITY OF LIFE, FROM 878 00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:16,054 THE MOMENT OF CONCEPTION. 879 00:24:16,055 --> 00:24:17,555 BUT THERE WAS AN INTERESTING 880 00:24:17,556 --> 00:24:19,057 MOMENT, TWO YEARS AGO, THAT 881 00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:20,558 EXPOSED A CRACK IN THAT 882 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:21,059 ARGUMENT. 883 00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:22,560 AND IT CONCERNED THIS BIZARRE 884 00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,063 NEWS STORY OUT OF ALABAMA. 885 00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:26,564 >> THIS MORNING, A 886 00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,566 FIRST-OF-ITS-KIND DECISION BY 887 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:29,567 THE ALABAMA SUPREME COURT THAT 888 00:24:29,568 --> 00:24:31,569 COULD PUT FAMILIES' ACCESS TO 889 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,071 FERTILITY TREATMENTS IN THE 890 00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:34,572 POST-ROE ERA AT RISK. 891 00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:36,074 THE COURT DETERMINING FROZEN 892 00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:39,577 EMBRYOS QUALIFY AS PEOPLE UNDER 893 00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:40,578 ITS STATE LAW, RULING UNBORN 894 00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:43,081 CHILDREN ARE CHILDREN WITHOUT 895 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:43,715 EXCEPTION BASED ON DEVELOPMENTAL 896 00:24:43,716 --> 00:24:45,083 STAGE. 897 00:24:45,084 --> 00:24:46,584 THE CHIEF JUSTICE IN A 898 00:24:46,585 --> 00:24:50,588 CONCURRING OPINION QUOTING THE 899 00:24:50,589 --> 00:24:51,589 BIBLE, CITING THE SANCTITY OF 900 00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:53,091 UNBORN LIFE. 901 00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:53,725 THE CASE IN QUESTION INVOLVED A 902 00:24:53,726 --> 00:24:55,093 PATIENT WHO MANAGED TO ACCESS 903 00:24:55,094 --> 00:24:56,594 THE FREEZER STORING FROZEN 904 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:57,228 EMBRYOS AT AN ALABAMA FERTILITY 905 00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:58,596 CLINIC. 906 00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,598 THE PATIENT PICKED UP MULTIPLE 907 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:01,199 EMBRYOS AND MISTAKENLY DROPPED 908 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,602 AND DESTROYED THEM. 909 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,104 THE STATE'S HIGH COURT SAYS THAT 910 00:25:06,105 --> 00:25:07,605 PATIENT CAN NOW BE HELD LIABLE 911 00:25:07,606 --> 00:25:11,609 IN A WRONGFUL DEATH LAWSUIT. 912 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:12,777 >> John: OKAY, SETTING ASIDE THE 913 00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:14,612 WEIRD MR. BEAN ANTICS OF THAT 914 00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:16,614 PERSON WALKING INTO A FREEZER 915 00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:18,116 AND JUGGLING FROZEN EMBRYOS FOR 916 00:25:18,117 --> 00:25:20,618 SOME REASON, THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY 917 00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:22,620 BE A PRETTY USEFUL LOGIC TEST. 918 00:25:22,621 --> 00:25:23,621 BECAUSE I'D ARGUE: ANYTHING THAT 919 00:25:23,622 --> 00:25:25,123 YOU CAN ACCIDENTALLY SPILL JUST 920 00:25:25,124 --> 00:25:27,625 ISN'T A PERSON. 921 00:25:27,626 --> 00:25:29,627 YET THAT RULING WAS FOLLOWING 922 00:25:29,628 --> 00:25:31,129 THE FETAL PERSONHOOD ARGUMENT TO 923 00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:32,130 ITS LOGICAL CONCLUSION. 924 00:25:32,131 --> 00:25:35,133 BECAUSE, IF EVERY FERTILIZED EGG 925 00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:37,635 IS A PERSON, THAT WOULD MEAN 926 00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:38,636 THAT EVERY IVF CLINIC-- WHICH 927 00:25:38,637 --> 00:25:40,638 NEED TO PRODUCE A LOT OF EMBRYOS 928 00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:42,640 TO ENSURE SUCCESS-- PROBABLY 929 00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:44,142 THEN NEEDS TO BE SHUT DOWN, AS 930 00:25:44,143 --> 00:25:45,643 THEY WOULDN'T JUST BE STORING 931 00:25:45,644 --> 00:25:46,644 EXTRA EMBRYOS TO MAXIMIZE THE 932 00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:48,146 CHANCE OF SUCCESSFUL 933 00:25:48,147 --> 00:25:50,648 IMPLANTATION-- THEY'D 934 00:25:50,649 --> 00:25:52,650 ESSENTIALLY BE WAREHOUSES WHERE 935 00:25:52,651 --> 00:25:54,152 HUMAN BEINGS REGULARLY DIE. 936 00:25:54,153 --> 00:25:55,653 AND WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE OF 937 00:25:55,654 --> 00:25:56,254 THOSE, GIVEN AMAZON'S GOT THAT 938 00:25:56,255 --> 00:26:00,158 COVERED. 939 00:26:00,159 --> 00:26:02,160 BUT IN THE WAKE OF THAT RULING, 940 00:26:02,161 --> 00:26:03,661 THERE WAS INTENSE PUBLIC OUTCRY, 941 00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:06,164 AND ALABAMA SUDDENLY RUSHED 942 00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:07,665 THROUGH A LAW AIMED AT 943 00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:08,666 PROTECTING PATIENTS AND 944 00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:09,667 PROVIDERS FROM LEGAL LIABILITY 945 00:26:09,668 --> 00:26:11,169 WHEN EMBRYOS ARE DAMAGED OR 946 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:13,171 DESTROYED DURING IVF. 947 00:26:13,172 --> 00:26:15,173 AND I'VE GOTTA SAY: IT'S PRETTY 948 00:26:15,174 --> 00:26:19,177 TELLING THAT MANY OF THE-- 949 00:26:19,178 --> 00:26:19,811 OFTEN MEN-- PUSHING FOR "FETAL 950 00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:20,344 PERSONHOOD" ARE COMPLETELY 951 00:26:20,345 --> 00:26:20,912 UNABLE TO DEFEND THAT DOUBLE 952 00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:23,181 STANDARD. 953 00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:24,916 IN FACT, JUST WATCH SENATOR 954 00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:25,683 TOMMY TUBERVILLE, PICTURED HERE 955 00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,685 IN NATURAL POSES THAT SCREAM 956 00:26:27,686 --> 00:26:30,188 "I'VE TOUCHED FOOTBALLS," GET 957 00:26:30,189 --> 00:26:31,689 ASKED ABOUT THAT JUDGE'S RULING 958 00:26:31,690 --> 00:26:33,191 RIGHT AFTER IT HAPPENED. 959 00:26:33,192 --> 00:26:34,759 >> DO YOU HAVE A REACTION TO THE 960 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:35,693 ALABAMA SUPREME COURT RULING ON 961 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:37,195 THE FACT THAT EMBRYOS ARE 962 00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:37,695 CHILDREN? 963 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:39,197 >> YEAH, I WAS ALL FOR IT. 964 00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:40,231 WE NEED TO HAVE MORE KIDS. 965 00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:41,199 WE NEED HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO 966 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,700 DO THAT. 967 00:26:42,701 --> 00:26:43,701 AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE RIGHT 968 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:44,202 THING TO DO BUT-- 969 00:26:44,203 --> 00:26:45,703 >> IVF IS USED TO HAVE MORE 970 00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:47,705 CHILDREN, AND RIGHT NOW IVF 971 00:26:47,706 --> 00:26:48,706 SERVICES ARE PAUSED AT SOME OF 972 00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:50,208 THE CLINICS IN ALABAMA. 973 00:26:50,209 --> 00:26:51,209 AREN'T YOU CONCERNED THAT THIS 974 00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:52,710 COULD IMPACT PEOPLE WHO ARE 975 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:56,714 TRYING TO HAVE KIDS? 976 00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:57,315 >> WELL, THAT'S FOR-- THAT'S 977 00:26:57,316 --> 00:27:00,218 FOR ANOTHER CONVERSATION. 978 00:27:00,219 --> 00:27:00,818 PEOPLE NEED TO HAVE THAT-- WE 979 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:01,219 NEED MORE KIDS. 980 00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:01,819 WE NEED THE PEOPLE TO HAVE THE 981 00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:02,353 OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE KIDS. 982 00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:02,954 >> SENATOR, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO 983 00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:04,222 THE WOMEN RIGHT NOW IN ALABAMA 984 00:27:04,223 --> 00:27:06,224 WHO NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO IVF 985 00:27:06,225 --> 00:27:06,858 AND WHO WILL NOT AS A RESULT OF 986 00:27:06,859 --> 00:27:09,227 THIS RULING? 987 00:27:09,228 --> 00:27:12,230 WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THEM? 988 00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:12,830 >> WELL, THAT'S A HARD ONE, IT 989 00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:14,732 REALLY IS. 990 00:27:14,733 --> 00:27:15,733 IT'S REALLY HARD, 'CAUSE AGAIN, 991 00:27:15,734 --> 00:27:16,300 YOU WANT PEOPLE TO HAVE THAT 992 00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:18,236 OPPORTUNITY. 993 00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:19,737 AND THAT'S WHY I WAS TELLING 994 00:27:19,738 --> 00:27:21,239 HER, WE NEED MORE KIDS. 995 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,242 >> John: OKAY, ENOUGH! 996 00:27:24,243 --> 00:27:25,243 CAN WE PLEASE AGREE: NO MORE 997 00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:26,744 LAWS ABOUT WOMEN'S BODIES MADE 998 00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:32,250 BY MEN WHO'VE AT SOME POINT 999 00:27:32,251 --> 00:27:32,850 DEFINITELY GOOGLED "WHEN GIRL 1000 00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:33,751 PUT IN TAMPON, WHY NOT CUM?" 1001 00:27:33,752 --> 00:27:36,754 LOOK, WHATEVER THE RHETORIC USED 1002 00:27:36,755 --> 00:27:38,256 TO JUSTIFY FETAL PERSONHOOD, IN 1003 00:27:38,257 --> 00:27:39,257 PRACTICE, IT EFFECTIVELY TREATS 1004 00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:40,758 WOMEN AS INCUBATORS. 1005 00:27:40,759 --> 00:27:42,760 AS THAT PISS LAWYER FROM BEFORE 1006 00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:44,762 BEFORE-- COMPLIMENTARY BY THE 1007 00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:47,765 WAY-- POINTS OUT, THEY'RE 1008 00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:48,366 EFFECTIVELY STRIPPING WOMEN OF 1009 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:48,900 THEIR RIGHTS AND AUTONOMY. 1010 00:27:48,901 --> 00:27:49,433 >> THERE IS NO WAY TO ADD 1011 00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:50,034 FERTILIZED EGGS, EMBRYOS, AND 1012 00:27:50,035 --> 00:27:54,772 FETUSES TO THE CONSTITUTION 1013 00:27:54,773 --> 00:27:55,339 WITHOUT SUBTRACTING PREGNANT 1014 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,276 WOMEN. 1015 00:27:58,277 --> 00:28:00,278 IF WE PASS LAWS THAT TREAT 1016 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,279 FERTILIZED EGGS, EMBRYOS, AND 1017 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,780 FETUSES AS IF THEY'RE ENTIRELY 1018 00:28:02,781 --> 00:28:06,284 SEPARATE, THEN WOMEN WILL ALSO 1019 00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:09,787 BE SUBJECTED TO A PERMANENT 1020 00:28:09,788 --> 00:28:10,621 SECOND-CLASS STATUS. 1021 00:28:10,622 --> 00:28:12,290 >> John: EXACTLY. 1022 00:28:12,291 --> 00:28:13,291 WOMEN WOULD EFFECTIVELY BE 1023 00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:14,792 SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS. 1024 00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:16,294 OR AS THIS ASSHOLE LIKES TO CALL 1025 00:28:16,295 --> 00:28:17,795 THEM: "HOSTS." 1026 00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:24,302 REMEMBER: HE LOOKED IT UP IN 1027 00:28:24,303 --> 00:28:24,902 WEBSTER'S, AND APPARENTLY THAT 1028 00:28:24,903 --> 00:28:25,236 MAKES IT FINE. 1029 00:28:25,237 --> 00:28:25,703 SO WHAT CAN BE DONE? 1030 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:26,170 WELL, IN SOME STATES, 1031 00:28:26,171 --> 00:28:26,737 LEGISLATORS HAVE INTRODUCED 1032 00:28:26,738 --> 00:28:27,805 BILLS DESIGNED TO HIGHLIGHT HOW 1033 00:28:27,806 --> 00:28:28,806 STUPID THESE LAWS ARE, LIKE 1034 00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:31,309 MISSISSIPPI'S "CONTRACEPTION 1035 00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:33,811 BEGINS AT ERECTION" ACT, WHICH 1036 00:28:33,812 --> 00:28:40,819 PROPOSED IMPOSING $10,000 FINES 1037 00:28:42,821 --> 00:28:43,454 FOR SUBSEQUENT OFFENSES ON THOSE 1038 00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:44,088 WHO "DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL 1039 00:28:44,089 --> 00:28:44,722 WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE 1040 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:45,022 AN EMBRYO." 1041 00:28:45,023 --> 00:28:45,656 WHICH FRANKLY MEANS I'M ABOUT TO 1042 00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:46,290 OWE A LOT OF MONEY BECAUSE I'VE 1043 00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:46,924 NOW SEEN THIS PICTURE AND I NEED 1044 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:51,829 TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 1045 00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:52,463 BUT MUCH MORE SERIOUS SOLUTIONS 1046 00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:53,497 COULD INCLUDE STATES REPEALING 1047 00:28:53,498 --> 00:28:54,832 OR REMOVING FETAL-PERSONHOOD 1048 00:28:54,833 --> 00:29:01,840 LANGUAGE EMBEDDED IN STATE LAW, 1049 00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:03,474 OR AT THE VERY LEAST, WHEN THEY 1050 00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:04,075 PAS LAWS THAT-- TO THE EXTENT 1051 00:29:04,076 --> 00:29:04,675 THEY'RE PROTECTING FETUSES-- 1052 00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:05,309 EXPLICITLY RULE OUT ENFORCEMENT 1053 00:29:05,310 --> 00:29:06,344 AGAINST THE HUMAN BEING CARRYING 1054 00:29:06,345 --> 00:29:06,844 THEM. 1055 00:29:06,845 --> 00:29:07,445 WE COULD ALSO END SECRET DRUG 1056 00:29:07,446 --> 00:29:08,079 TESTS IN HOSPITALS-- WHICH CAN 1057 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:08,846 WORK. 1058 00:29:08,847 --> 00:29:09,847 AT ONE IN CONNECTICUT, DOCTORS 1059 00:29:09,848 --> 00:29:11,349 ARE NOW DIRECTED TO TEST ONLY IF 1060 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:11,916 DOING SO WILL INFORM MEDICAL 1061 00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:13,351 CARE. 1062 00:29:13,352 --> 00:29:14,852 AND SINCE THAT POLICY CHANGED, 1063 00:29:14,853 --> 00:29:15,853 IT'S CURBED UNNECESSARY CHILD 1064 00:29:15,854 --> 00:29:18,356 WELFARE REPORTS, WHICH DROPPED 1065 00:29:18,357 --> 00:29:18,990 BY ALMOST 50%-- WITHOUT HARMING 1066 00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:20,358 BABIES. 1067 00:29:20,359 --> 00:29:21,359 IN FACT, SINCE THEN, NOT A 1068 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,863 SINGLE BABY CAME IN TO THE 1069 00:29:25,864 --> 00:29:26,397 HOSPITAL WITH UNCONTROLLED 1070 00:29:26,398 --> 00:29:26,864 WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. 1071 00:29:26,865 --> 00:29:27,865 AND I KNOW THIS STORY HAS BEEN 1072 00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:30,368 BLEAK AND VERY SCARY. 1073 00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:31,369 SO IF YOU'RE PREGNANT, AND LIVE 1074 00:29:31,370 --> 00:29:33,371 SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU'RE 1075 00:29:33,372 --> 00:29:34,372 VULNERABLE TO THE LEGAL PERILS 1076 00:29:34,373 --> 00:29:39,377 YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT, 1077 00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:39,977 YOU SHOULD KNOW ORGANIZATIONS 1078 00:29:39,978 --> 00:29:40,878 LIKE PREGNANCY JUSTICE AND "IF 1079 00:29:40,879 --> 00:29:41,479 WHEN HOW" RUN LEGAL HELPLINES 1080 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:41,979 YOU CAN CONTACT AT THESE 1081 00:29:41,980 --> 00:29:42,213 NUMBERS. 1082 00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:43,381 I HATE THAT THAT'S NECESSARY, 1083 00:29:43,382 --> 00:29:44,882 BUT WE ARE WHERE WE ARE. 1084 00:29:44,883 --> 00:29:45,516 AND WITH ANY LUCK, WE WON'T STAY 1085 00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,885 HERE FOR LONG. 1086 00:29:47,886 --> 00:29:50,388 BECAUSE LOOK: EVEN PLANNED, 1087 00:29:50,389 --> 00:29:52,390 RELATIVELY LOW-RISK PREGNANCIES 1088 00:29:52,391 --> 00:29:52,890 ARE OBVIOUSLY LIFE AND 1089 00:29:52,891 --> 00:29:54,392 BODY-ALTERING EXPERIENCES. 1090 00:29:54,393 --> 00:30:01,400 AND IT DOESN'T SEEM RADICAL TO 1091 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,533 ME TO WANT TO BE ABLE TO CONTROL 1092 00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:03,000 YOUR OWN LIFE AND BODY 1093 00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:03,567 THROUGHOUT THAT EXPERIENCE. 1094 00:30:03,568 --> 00:30:04,201 AND HOPEFULLY, ONE DAY WE'LL BE 1095 00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:04,902 ABLE TO GET TO A POINT WHERE NO 1096 00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:07,905 ONE AND NOTHING-- FROM IDIOT 1097 00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:09,407 POLITICIANS TO FUCKING 1098 00:30:09,408 --> 00:30:11,409 EVERYTHING BAGELS-- CAN TAKE 1099 00:30:11,410 --> 00:30:13,411 THAT AWAY FROM YOU. 1100 00:30:13,412 --> 00:30:13,744 AND NOW THIS. 1101 00:30:13,745 --> 00:30:20,418 >> Announcer: AND NOW, 1102 00:30:20,419 --> 00:30:22,086 C-SPAN HOSTS HAVE JUST ONE 1103 00:30:22,087 --> 00:30:24,422 REQUEST FOR THEIR CALLERS. 1104 00:30:24,423 --> 00:30:25,923 >> THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WE 1105 00:30:25,924 --> 00:30:27,925 SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT RIGHT 1106 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:28,993 NOW. 1107 00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:34,932 AND I BELIEVE IT IS JANUARY 6TH. 1108 00:30:34,933 --> 00:30:37,935 >> TURN YOUR TV DOWN, TED, 1109 00:30:37,936 --> 00:30:39,437 YOU'RE ALREADY ON. 1110 00:30:39,438 --> 00:30:40,571 WENDY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO 1111 00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:41,939 TURN DOWN YOUR TELEVISION. 1112 00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:43,941 ARE YOU THERE? 1113 00:30:43,942 --> 00:30:44,942 >> I'M HERE. 1114 00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:46,010 >> YOU HAVE TO TURN DOWN YOUR TV 1115 00:30:46,011 --> 00:30:47,445 REAL QUICK. 1116 00:30:47,446 --> 00:30:48,646 >> HELLO? 1117 00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:50,948 >> YES I'M HERE. 1118 00:30:50,949 --> 00:30:51,449 YES. 1119 00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:52,950 YES YOU'RE ON THE AIR BUT YOU'VE 1120 00:30:52,951 --> 00:30:54,952 GOT TO MUTE YOUR TV AND TALK ON 1121 00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:56,454 THE PHONE. 1122 00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:56,954 >> SORRY. 1123 00:30:56,955 --> 00:31:01,459 I JUST WOKE UP. 1124 00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:02,960 >> GOOD MORNING, HOW ARE YOU? 1125 00:31:02,961 --> 00:31:04,962 EVERYBODY GOOD? 1126 00:31:04,963 --> 00:31:09,967 >> EVERYBODY'S GOOD, GO AHEAD. 1127 00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:11,035 >> , LEONARD, I'M GOING TO PUT 1128 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:12,169 YOU ON HOLD BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT 1129 00:31:12,170 --> 00:31:14,972 TO TURN DOWN YOUR TELEVISION. 1130 00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:16,474 TURN DOWN YOUR TELEVISION. 1131 00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:18,609 JEFF, TURN THAT TV DOWN AND DAN 1132 00:31:18,610 --> 00:31:20,478 IT'S BEST IF YOU TURN DOWN YOUR 1133 00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:21,979 TV DOWN. 1134 00:31:21,980 --> 00:31:23,214 DOING WELL, TURN YOUR TV DOWN 1135 00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:26,984 AND GO AHEAD WITH YOUR COMMENT. 1136 00:31:26,985 --> 00:31:28,486 >> HELEN, PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR 1137 00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:28,986 TV. 1138 00:31:28,987 --> 00:31:30,054 LISTEN AND TALK THROUGH THE 1139 00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:30,988 PHONE. 1140 00:31:30,989 --> 00:31:32,490 >> OKAY. 1141 00:31:32,491 --> 00:31:33,557 >> RANDY, TURN DOWN YOUR TV SO 1142 00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,993 WE CAN HEAR YOU, PLEASE. 1143 00:31:35,994 --> 00:31:37,995 >> OKAY, I'M SORRY. 1144 00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:39,997 >> IT'S ALL RIGHT. 1145 00:31:39,998 --> 00:31:42,500 >> I CAN'T HEAR THE PROGRAM. 1146 00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:44,502 I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO TURN 1147 00:31:44,503 --> 00:31:46,504 MY TV DOWN I'D GET THE PROGRAM. 1148 00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:47,571 >> WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION OR 1149 00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:48,506 COMMENT AND THEN GO AHEAD AND 1150 00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:52,510 TURN YOUR TV BACK UP. 1151 00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:53,577 >> OKAY, I'LL KEEP IT WHEN I GET 1152 00:31:53,578 --> 00:31:56,514 TO THE PERSON THERE. 1153 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,516 IS THAT OKAY? 1154 00:31:58,517 --> 00:32:00,017 >> YOU'RE ON WITH THOMAS. 1155 00:32:00,018 --> 00:32:02,019 WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION? 1156 00:32:02,020 --> 00:32:03,020 >> OH, OKAY I DIDN'T KNOW IF I 1157 00:32:03,021 --> 00:32:06,023 WAS ON THE PROGRAM. 1158 00:32:06,024 --> 00:32:07,525 >> GOOD MORNING, I HAVE A 1159 00:32:07,526 --> 00:32:08,025 PET PEEVE. 1160 00:32:08,026 --> 00:32:09,627 PEOPLE TURN DOWN YOUR TV SETS 1161 00:32:09,628 --> 00:32:11,128 WHEN YOU COME AND TALK. 1162 00:32:11,129 --> 00:32:14,031 WHY DO YOU THINK YOU SOUND 1163 00:32:14,032 --> 00:32:15,032 INTELLIGENT IF YOU CAN'T TURN 1164 00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:19,537 DOWN YOUR TV? 1165 00:32:19,538 --> 00:32:20,137 >> John: MOVING ON, BEFORE WE 1166 00:32:20,138 --> 00:32:20,738 GO, A QUICK UPDATE ABOUT SOAP 1167 00:32:20,739 --> 00:32:21,038 OPERAS. 1168 00:32:21,039 --> 00:32:21,672 YOU MAY REMEMBER: BACK IN MARCH, 1169 00:32:21,673 --> 00:32:22,072 AFTER DISCOVERING 1170 00:32:22,073 --> 00:32:22,640 STEPHEN A. SMITH HAS BEEN A 1171 00:32:22,641 --> 00:32:23,541 CHARACTER ON "GENERAL HOSPITAL" 1172 00:32:23,542 --> 00:32:24,542 FOR A DECADE, I OFFERED MYSELF 1173 00:32:24,543 --> 00:32:26,043 TO ANY SOAP OPERA THAT WOULD 1174 00:32:26,044 --> 00:32:28,045 HAVE ME, ON A FEW CONDITIONS: 1175 00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:28,546 ONE, I WANTED TO PLAY A 1176 00:32:28,547 --> 00:32:29,113 CHARACTER WITH A RIDICULOUS 1177 00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:30,047 NAME. 1178 00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:31,549 TWO, I WANTED A JUICY STORYLINE. 1179 00:32:31,550 --> 00:32:32,082 AND THREE, I WANTED TO BE 1180 00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:34,552 SLAPPED. 1181 00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:35,553 WELL, AS I'VE MENTIONED, BOTH 1182 00:32:35,554 --> 00:32:36,554 "GENERAL HOSPITAL", AND 1183 00:32:36,555 --> 00:32:37,555 "DAYS OF OUR LIVES" CAME THROUGH 1184 00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:38,556 WITH OFFERS. 1185 00:32:38,557 --> 00:32:40,558 AND BOTH HAVE NOW AIRED. 1186 00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:43,060 SO GIVEN THAT MY HOT SOAP SUMMER 1187 00:32:43,061 --> 00:32:44,862 IS NOW DONE, I WANTED TO TAKE A 1188 00:32:44,863 --> 00:32:45,563 MOMENT TO LET YOU KNOW EXACTLY 1189 00:32:45,564 --> 00:32:49,066 WHAT HAPPENED. 1190 00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:50,067 AND LET'S START WITH 1191 00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:50,634 "GENERAL HOSPITAL", WHERE I 1192 00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:51,569 LOOKED LIKE THIS. 1193 00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:52,069 THAT'S RIGHT. 1194 00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:53,571 I GOT TO ACT WHILE SPORTING HAIR 1195 00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:55,072 THAT LOOKS LIKE IF L'OREAL SOLD 1196 00:32:55,073 --> 00:32:55,706 A COLOR CALLED "MID LIFE CRISIS 1197 00:32:55,707 --> 00:32:57,575 BLACK." 1198 00:32:57,576 --> 00:32:58,576 AND TO "GENERAL HOSPITAL"'S 1199 00:32:58,577 --> 00:33:00,077 CREDIT, THEY MET ALL MY 1200 00:33:00,078 --> 00:33:01,078 REQUIREMENTS, AND MORE. 1201 00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:02,580 FIRST, MY CHARACTER GOT TO 1202 00:33:02,581 --> 00:33:05,082 ARRIVE VIA HELICOPTER, FLANKED 1203 00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:07,585 BY A PAIR OF ARMED GOONS, AND I 1204 00:33:07,586 --> 00:33:10,588 GOT TO DO A DRAMATIC WALK, 1205 00:33:10,589 --> 00:33:11,655 DURING WHICH I BRAVELY SHOT IN 1206 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,090 THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF A GUY 1207 00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:14,592 WHO WAS ALREADY ON THE GROUND. 1208 00:33:14,593 --> 00:33:15,593 IT'S CALLED "BEING AN ACTION 1209 00:33:15,594 --> 00:33:17,094 STAR." 1210 00:33:17,095 --> 00:33:21,098 UNLESS YOU'RE ME OR VIN DIESEL, 1211 00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:21,732 YOU REALLY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. 1212 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:22,299 AND THEN IN MY NEXT SCENE, I 1213 00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:27,104 REVEALED MY TRUE IDENTITY. 1214 00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:29,106 ♪ ♪ 1215 00:33:29,107 --> 00:33:31,609 [BEEPING] 1216 00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:35,112 >> GOOD MORNING, AGENT JACKS. 1217 00:33:35,113 --> 00:33:35,613 >> YOU'RE-- 1218 00:33:35,614 --> 00:33:38,115 >> I AM INDEED. 1219 00:33:38,116 --> 00:33:40,618 >> YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE WSB. 1220 00:33:40,619 --> 00:33:43,120 >> FEEL FREE TO CALL ME Z. 1221 00:33:43,121 --> 00:33:43,621 >> OKAY. 1222 00:33:43,622 --> 00:33:46,123 WHAT DOES Z STAND FOR? 1223 00:33:46,124 --> 00:33:48,125 >> IT'S MY NOM DE GUERRE. 1224 00:33:48,126 --> 00:33:49,627 >> RIGHT. 1225 00:33:49,628 --> 00:33:51,128 >> John: YEAH. 1226 00:33:51,129 --> 00:33:53,130 I PLAYED "Z"-- THE HEAD OF AN 1227 00:33:53,131 --> 00:33:55,633 INTERNATIONAL SPY AGENCY THAT 1228 00:33:55,634 --> 00:33:59,136 FOR SOME REASON HAS AGENTS IN 1229 00:33:59,137 --> 00:33:59,603 THE FICTIONAL TOWN OF 1230 00:33:59,604 --> 00:33:59,937 PORT CHARLES. 1231 00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:00,471 QUICK SIDE NOTE: YOU MIGHT 1232 00:34:00,472 --> 00:34:01,071 REMEMBER WE ONLY STUMBLED INTO 1233 00:34:01,072 --> 00:34:02,139 THIS BECAUSE ONE OF OUR WRITERS' 1234 00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:03,641 MOTHERS IS OBSESSED WITH 1235 00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:04,975 "GENERAL HOSPITAL." 1236 00:34:04,976 --> 00:34:06,644 SO YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT 1237 00:34:06,645 --> 00:34:08,145 WHEN CONNIE OF NEWNAN, GEORGIA 1238 00:34:08,146 --> 00:34:14,151 SAW MY FIRST EPISODE SHE TEXTED 1239 00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:14,685 HER DAUGHTER, AND I QUOTE: 1240 00:34:14,686 --> 00:34:15,119 "VERY JAMES BOND!" 1241 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:15,753 AND THANK YOU CONNIE, BUT YOU'RE 1242 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:16,120 ACTUALLY WRONG. 1243 00:34:16,121 --> 00:34:16,720 AND TO BE HONEST, NOT FOR THE 1244 00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:17,154 FIRST TIME, EITHER. 1245 00:34:17,155 --> 00:34:18,656 REMEMBER WHEN YOU GROUNDED YOUR 1246 00:34:18,657 --> 00:34:19,657 DAUGHTER FOR "STEALING THE 1247 00:34:19,658 --> 00:34:20,224 CUPCAKE TINS" THAT HAD GONE 1248 00:34:20,225 --> 00:34:22,159 MISSING IN YOUR HOUSE? 1249 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:22,693 YOU WERE WRONG THEN, TOO. 1250 00:34:22,694 --> 00:34:24,662 SHE DIDN'T STEAL THOSE TINS, SHE 1251 00:34:24,663 --> 00:34:26,163 DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THEM. 1252 00:34:26,164 --> 00:34:27,665 IT WAS PROBABLY HER BROTHER. 1253 00:34:27,666 --> 00:34:29,667 AND YET, SHE GOT THE PUNISHMENT. 1254 00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:31,168 AND LOOK AT HER NOW, USING ME TO 1255 00:34:31,169 --> 00:34:31,669 ROAST YOUR ASS FOR IT ON 1256 00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:38,677 TELEVISION. 1257 00:34:46,184 --> 00:34:46,784 SO "GENERAL HOSPITAL" ALREADY 1258 00:34:46,785 --> 00:34:47,551 MET TWO OF MY CONDITIONS THERE: 1259 00:34:47,552 --> 00:34:48,152 STUPID NAME, JUICY STORYLINE. 1260 00:34:48,153 --> 00:34:48,752 AS FOR GETTING SLAPPED, WELL, 1261 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:49,353 THEY KNOCKED THAT, AND ME, OUT 1262 00:34:49,354 --> 00:34:49,753 OF THE PARK, TOO. 1263 00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:50,287 BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT 1264 00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:50,854 AGENT'S MOTHER WAS NOT HAPPY 1265 00:34:50,855 --> 00:34:51,088 WITH ME. 1266 00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:51,622 >> I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT 1267 00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:52,222 PRAYING THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE 1268 00:34:52,223 --> 00:34:52,856 OKAY, AND I CAN'T EVEN GET INTO 1269 00:34:52,857 --> 00:34:53,724 A ROOM TO CHECK ON HER BECAUSE 1270 00:34:53,725 --> 00:34:54,258 YOUR AGENTS WON'T LET ME. 1271 00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:55,192 >> AN OVERSIGHT. 1272 00:34:55,193 --> 00:34:55,826 I'LL HAVE YOUR NAME ADDED TO THE 1273 00:34:55,827 --> 00:34:57,194 LIST OF APPROVED VISITORS. 1274 00:34:57,195 --> 00:34:57,795 >> I DON'T WANT TO BE ADDED TO 1275 00:34:57,796 --> 00:34:58,696 THE LIST. 1276 00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:00,197 I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK! 1277 00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:01,699 >> THEN LET ME PUT THIS IN 1278 00:35:01,700 --> 00:35:02,199 LANGUAGE THAT YOU WILL 1279 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,201 UNDERSTAND. 1280 00:35:04,202 --> 00:35:09,206 THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. 1281 00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:10,708 [SLAP] 1282 00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:11,208 ♪ ♪ 1283 00:35:11,209 --> 00:35:13,711 >> John: YES! 1284 00:35:13,712 --> 00:35:13,911 YES! 1285 00:35:13,912 --> 00:35:16,213 THAT HAD EVERYTHING! 1286 00:35:16,214 --> 00:35:18,215 A SLAP, A DRAMATIC CLOSE-UP, AND 1287 00:35:18,216 --> 00:35:20,217 ME DOING A VOICE SO WRONG IT'S 1288 00:35:20,218 --> 00:35:21,719 GENUINELY EMBARRASSING. 1289 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:23,220 THAT WAS MY HONEST ATTEMPT AT AN 1290 00:35:23,221 --> 00:35:25,723 AMERICAN ACCENT. 1291 00:35:25,724 --> 00:35:26,256 I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY IT'S 1292 00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:27,725 SOUTHERN. 1293 00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:28,359 I CAN ONLY TELL YOU I WAS TRYING 1294 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:29,727 MY HARDEST. 1295 00:35:29,728 --> 00:35:31,328 AND FRANKLY, I COULD HAVE DIED 1296 00:35:31,329 --> 00:35:32,730 HAPPY AFTER THAT. 1297 00:35:32,731 --> 00:35:34,732 I GOT TO HAVE THE SHIT SLAPPED 1298 00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:36,734 OUT OF ME AFTER AN ICONIC SOAP 1299 00:35:36,735 --> 00:35:39,236 ACTOR SCREAMED IN MY FACE, "I 1300 00:35:39,237 --> 00:35:40,237 WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK!" 1301 00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:42,740 WHAT MORE COULD ANYONE ASK FOR? 1302 00:35:42,741 --> 00:35:43,374 AND YET, THE SOAP GODS SMILED ON 1303 00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:43,741 ME AGAIN. 1304 00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:45,242 BECAUSE THIS WEEK I ALSO 1305 00:35:45,243 --> 00:35:46,243 APPEARED ON "DAYS OF OUR LIVES" 1306 00:35:46,244 --> 00:35:48,245 IN SCENES ALONGSIDE SOAP LEGENDS 1307 00:35:48,246 --> 00:35:50,247 LIKE JACKEE HARRY AND 1308 00:35:50,248 --> 00:35:51,248 SUSAN SEAFORTH HAYES. 1309 00:35:51,249 --> 00:35:52,750 AND THE "DAYS OF OUR LIVES" TEAM 1310 00:35:52,751 --> 00:35:54,251 MET MY DEMANDS IN A WHOLE 1311 00:35:54,252 --> 00:35:54,752 DIFFERENT WAY. 1312 00:35:54,753 --> 00:35:55,753 BECAUSE INSTEAD OF BEING AN 1313 00:35:55,754 --> 00:35:58,255 INTERNATIONAL SPY BOSS, THEY 1314 00:35:58,256 --> 00:36:00,257 WROTE ME A CHARACTER A LITTLE 1315 00:36:00,258 --> 00:36:03,761 MORE MY SPEED. 1316 00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:04,762 >> I'M DEVLIN ST. JOHN, 1317 00:36:04,763 --> 00:36:08,766 CHIEF CITY WATER INSPECTOR. 1318 00:36:08,767 --> 00:36:10,267 I'M THE ONLY THING STANDING 1319 00:36:10,268 --> 00:36:10,768 BETWEEN THIS TOWN AND A 1320 00:36:10,769 --> 00:36:14,271 CATASTROPHIC PLUMBING FAILURE. 1321 00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:18,275 A LITERAL SEWAGE APOCALYPSE. 1322 00:36:18,276 --> 00:36:19,276 >> John: YEAH, THEY MADE ME 1323 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:19,777 SALEM'S CHIEF CITY WATER 1324 00:36:19,778 --> 00:36:20,277 INSPECTOR. 1325 00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:21,278 WHICH, LET'S BE HONEST, IS 1326 00:36:21,279 --> 00:36:22,279 PERFECT CASTING. 1327 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,781 IF YOU WERE TO BOTTLE MY ESSENCE 1328 00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:26,283 AND SELL IT AS COLOGNE IT WOULD 1329 00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:26,850 BE CALLED: "CHIEF CITY WATER 1330 00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:30,788 INSPECTOR." 1331 00:36:30,789 --> 00:36:34,792 AS FOR THE HAIR, I AGREE: IT'S 1332 00:36:34,793 --> 00:36:35,292 ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. 1333 00:36:35,293 --> 00:36:36,293 IT'S BEEN REPORTED THIS WEEK 1334 00:36:36,294 --> 00:36:37,294 THAT IT'S A WIG I BROUGHT TO SET 1335 00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:38,295 FROM HOME. 1336 00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:43,300 AND WHILE IT WASN'T "FROM HOME," 1337 00:36:43,301 --> 00:36:43,867 WE DID ACTUALLY PROVIDE THAT 1338 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:44,401 WIG, AND FOR GOOD REASON. 1339 00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:45,035 I'VE SEEN MYSELF ACT, I KNEW THE 1340 00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:45,669 HAIR WAS GOING TO HAVE TO DO 90% 1341 00:36:45,670 --> 00:36:50,307 OF THE WORK. 1342 00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:50,908 I'LL BE HONEST-- I WAS GOING 1343 00:36:50,909 --> 00:36:51,542 FOR A HEALTHY JOHN STAMOS LOOK, 1344 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:52,810 BUT INSTEAD IT APPEARS I ENDED 1345 00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:53,410 UP LOOKING MORE LIKE TINA FROM 1346 00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:56,814 BOB'S BURGERS. 1347 00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:57,815 AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHETHER 1348 00:36:57,816 --> 00:36:58,816 I GOT SLAPPED ON "DAYS OF OUR 1349 00:36:58,817 --> 00:37:01,318 LIVES"-- NOT ONLY WAS I SLAPPED 1350 00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:03,821 BY A MAN WEARING ELEGANT SILK 1351 00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:05,322 PAJAMAS, I ALSO GOT TO SLAP HIM, 1352 00:37:05,323 --> 00:37:06,824 WHICH FELT INCREDIBLE. 1353 00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:07,825 BUT WAIT! 1354 00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:09,827 I WAS ALSO STABBED WITH A 1355 00:37:09,828 --> 00:37:12,329 SYRINGE-- AND NOT ONCE, NOT 1356 00:37:12,330 --> 00:37:12,963 EVEN TWICE, BUT THREE DIFFERENT 1357 00:37:12,964 --> 00:37:15,332 TIMES. 1358 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,333 AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, THIS 1359 00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:18,836 HAPPENED TOO. 1360 00:37:18,837 --> 00:37:19,837 >> YOU'RE RIGHT NOT TO TRUST ME. 1361 00:37:19,838 --> 00:37:21,839 >> WHAT? 1362 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,841 OH, NOT AGAIN. 1363 00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:27,845 PLEASE NO, I DON'T WANT TO. 1364 00:37:27,846 --> 00:37:28,345 ♪ ♪ 1365 00:37:28,346 --> 00:37:28,779 >> John: ARE YOU NOT 1366 00:37:28,780 --> 00:37:31,348 ENTERTAINED? 1367 00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:32,349 WATCHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL THE 1368 00:37:32,350 --> 00:37:34,852 WAY I ASSUME MATT DAMON FELT 1369 00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:41,358 AFTER SEEING THE FIRST CUT OF 1370 00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:41,959 "THE ODYSSEY": BOTH PROUD AND 1371 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,526 IMPRESSED THAT MY BODY COULD 1372 00:37:42,527 --> 00:37:42,860 EVEN DO THAT. 1373 00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:43,393 WHICH, AGAIN, YOU WOULDN'T 1374 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:47,865 UNDERSTAND. 1375 00:37:47,866 --> 00:37:48,499 YOU'RE NOT AN ACTION STAR LIKE I 1376 00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:49,867 AM NOW. 1377 00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:50,467 AND LOOK, I WISH I COULD TAKE 1378 00:37:50,468 --> 00:37:51,034 FULL CREDIT FOR WHAT A FEAST 1379 00:37:51,035 --> 00:37:51,568 THAT CLIP IS, BUT IT'S ALL 1380 00:37:51,569 --> 00:37:52,102 THANKS TO THE "DAYS OF OUR 1381 00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:52,402 LIVES" TEAM. 1382 00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:53,036 I ONLY DEMANDED TO BE SLAPPED, I 1383 00:37:53,037 --> 00:37:53,670 DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BEING 1384 00:37:53,671 --> 00:37:53,871 TASED. 1385 00:37:53,872 --> 00:37:55,372 BUT EVEN I ADMIT IT'S PRETTY 1386 00:37:55,373 --> 00:37:56,373 CATHARTIC TO SEE ME 1387 00:37:56,374 --> 00:37:57,107 INCAPACITATED TO THE POINT OF 1388 00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:59,376 SILENCE. 1389 00:37:59,377 --> 00:38:00,377 AND LOOK, I WON'T GET INTO ALL 1390 00:38:00,378 --> 00:38:01,378 THE TWISTS AND TURNS THAT MY 1391 00:38:01,379 --> 00:38:02,880 CHARACTER GOT INTO, BUT IN MY 1392 00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:03,881 FINAL SCENE, I GOT A HELL OF A 1393 00:38:03,882 --> 00:38:05,048 SEND-OFF. 1394 00:38:05,049 --> 00:38:06,383 >> YOU'RE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, 1395 00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:09,386 MR. ST. JOHN. 1396 00:38:09,387 --> 00:38:12,389 YOU REMIND ME OF THAT MAN ON 1397 00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:14,892 TELEVISION WHO CALLS HIMSELF A 1398 00:38:14,893 --> 00:38:16,894 COMEDIAN, BUT MOSTLY JUST SHOUTS 1399 00:38:16,895 --> 00:38:17,528 THE NEWS AT A SPEED NO HUMAN CAN 1400 00:38:17,529 --> 00:38:21,899 UNDERSTAND IT. 1401 00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:25,402 I JUST WISH WE WOULD HAVE MET 1402 00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:32,410 UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES. 1403 00:38:33,411 --> 00:38:40,418 GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE. 1404 00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:50,928 ♪ ♪ 1405 00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:51,428 >> John: YEAH, I GOT 1406 00:38:51,429 --> 00:38:54,932 CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN! 1407 00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:55,465 MEANING TECHNICALLY, I CAN 1408 00:38:55,466 --> 00:38:56,433 ALWAYS COME BACK. 1409 00:38:56,434 --> 00:38:57,935 IN FACT, NEITHER SHOW ENDED UP 1410 00:38:57,936 --> 00:38:58,936 KILLING ME OFF, THOUGH TO BE 1411 00:38:58,937 --> 00:38:59,937 HONEST, THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY 1412 00:38:59,938 --> 00:39:01,438 MEAN ANYTHING ANYWAY. 1413 00:39:01,439 --> 00:39:02,439 IT'S SOAP OPERAS. 1414 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,974 NO ONE EVER REALLY DIES. 1415 00:39:03,975 --> 00:39:05,943 SO A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO 1416 00:39:05,944 --> 00:39:06,944 EVERYONE AT BOTH 1417 00:39:06,945 --> 00:39:08,445 "GENERAL HOSPITAL" AND 1418 00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:11,448 "DAYS OF OUR LIVES" FOR MAKING 1419 00:39:11,449 --> 00:39:13,951 MY SOAP OPERA DREAMS COME TRUE. 1420 00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:15,552 I WISH I COULD SAY THAT BEING 1421 00:39:15,553 --> 00:39:17,955 SURROUNDED BY SO MANY TALENTED 1422 00:39:17,956 --> 00:39:19,456 PROFESSIONALS HAS MADE ME A 1423 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,458 BETTER ACTOR, BUT I THINK DEEP 1424 00:39:21,459 --> 00:39:26,463 DOWN, WE ALL KNOW. 1425 00:39:26,464 --> 00:39:27,030 >> THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! 1426 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:27,564 >> John: THAT AIN'T GONNA 1427 00:39:27,565 --> 00:39:29,466 HAPPEN! 1428 00:39:29,467 --> 00:39:30,968 THAT'S OUR SHOW. 1429 00:39:30,969 --> 00:39:31,602 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 1430 00:39:31,603 --> 00:39:33,103 WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 1431 00:39:33,104 --> 00:39:36,473 GOOD NIGHT! 1432 00:39:36,474 --> 00:39:38,475 THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! 1433 00:39:38,476 --> 00:39:43,981 IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! 1434 00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:46,483 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1435 00:39:46,484 --> 00:39:53,491 ♪ ♪ 1436 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,462 >> EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE