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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

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I'M JOHN OLIVER.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

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US.

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IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.

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THE NATIONAL DEBT TOPPED

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$40 TRILLION, TRUMP THREATENED

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TO BOMB OMAN, AND AT A DEBATE IN

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SOUTH CAROLINA, LINDSEY GRAHAM'S

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SISTER-- WHO'S RUNNING TO TAKE

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HIS SEAT-- GAVE A TRAINWRECK OF

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AN ANSWER.

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>> ARE TAIWAN AND THE SOUTH

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CHINA SEA NATIONAL SECURITY

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ISSUES FOR THE UNITED STATES?

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IF SO, WHY?

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>> I'M SORRY, COULD YOU REPEAT

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THE QUESTION.

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>> ARE TAIWAN AND THE SOUTH

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CHINA SEA NATIONAL SECURITY

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ISSUES FOR THE UNITED STATES,

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AND IF SO, WHY OR HOW?

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>> I'M JUST GONNA BE HONEST

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HERE, I'M NOT ON NATIONAL

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SECURITY, I'M NOT THAT INFORMED

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ON NATIONAL SECURITY, SO...

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BUT I DO SUPPORT THE MILITARY.

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>> John: YEAH, PRETTY BAD!

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AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

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I'LL GIVE DARLINE GRAHAM THE

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SAME ADVICE I'D GIVE

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LIAM HEMSWORTH: YOU DON'T HAVE

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TO DO THIS JUST BECAUSE YOUR

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BROTHER DID.

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BUT I WANT TO FOCUS ON A

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LESS-COVERED STORY FROM THIS

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WEEK, INVOLVING SEAN DUFFY,

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SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION.

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YOU MAY REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS

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BACK, HE UNVEILED THIS WEIRD

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TRAILER FOR THE GREAT AMERICAN

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ROAD TRIP, A SHOW SUPPOSEDLY

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CELEBRATING AMERICA'S 250TH

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ANNIVERSARY.

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>> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

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>> CAN YOU SAY HI TO

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MR. PRESIDENT?

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CAN YOU SAY HI TO PRESIDENT

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TRUMP?

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>> TAKING A LITTLE TRIP?

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>> YES, YES.

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>> A LITTLE TRIP ALL OVER.

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>> SO, THE MOTTO IS TO LOVE

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AMERICA IS TO SEE AMERICA.

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IT'S MORE THAN A ROAD TRIP.

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IT'S A CIVIC EXPERIENCE.

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IT'S ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL

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WAYS TO UNDERSTAND THE VAST,

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BEAUTIFUL, COMPLICATED PLACE WE

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CALL HOME.

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ONE, TWO, THREE, ROAD TRIP!

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>> John: OKAY, LOTS NOT TO LIKE

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THERE, FROM THE GENERIC "HEY HO"

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FOLK ROCK, TO TRUMP GIVING

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INSANE "GRANDMA'S NEW BOYFRIEND"

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VIBES TO THE VERY CONSPICUOUS

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CLOSEUP OF THE TOYOTA LOGO, TO

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THE SEEMINGLY AI GENERATED

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IMAGES OF CARS-- WHICH MAKES

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SENSE, NO ONE'S EVER THOUGHT TO

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FILM A REAL CAR BEFORE.

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WHEN THE GREAT AMERICAN ROAD

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TRIP WAS ANNOUNCED, THEY SOLD IT

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PRETTY HARD.

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DUFFY'S WIFE, FOX HOST

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RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY, EVEN

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CLAIMED IT WAS A SOLUTION TO

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WHAT AILS US AS A NATION.

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>> I'M GONNA BE REALLY HONEST,

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WE LIVE IN A PORNHUB WORLD.

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THIS IS REALLY WHOLESOME, GOOD,

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FAMILY STUFF.

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THIS IS WHAT FAMILIES NEED TO

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DO, IS TO JUST GET TOGETHER--

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THAT'S WHAT OUR KIDS WANT FROM

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US.

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>> John: IS IT?

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BECAUSE I THINK WHAT EVERY KID

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REALLY WANTS IS FOR THEIR MOM

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NOT TO SAY THE WORD "PORNHUB" ON

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NATIONAL TV.

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ALSO, SHE CLEARLY HASN'T SPENT A

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LOT OF TIME ON THAT SITE, OR

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SHE'D KNOW "FAMILIES GETTING

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TOGETHER" IS VERY MUCH ITS OWN

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CATEGORY.

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BUT THE SHOW QUICKLY BECAME

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CONTROVERSIAL, WITH PEOPLE

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ASKING THINGS LIKE, "HEY, YOU

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KNOW GAS IS OVER $4 A GALLON,

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RIGHT?"

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AND "DID YOU FILM A REALITY SHOW

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WITH YOUR FAMILY WHEN YOU WERE

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SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING A CABINET

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DEPARTMENT?"

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AND "WHO'S PAYING FOR THIS,

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EXACTLY?"

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AND THE ANSWERS DUFFY GAVE

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WEREN'T REASSURING.

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>> HE SAYS PRODUCTION TOOK PLACE

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IN SHORT WINDOWS OVER SEVEN

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MONTHS.

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>> SOMEONE HAS TO PAY FOR THIS

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OPERATION.

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I GOT TO GO TO WORK.

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>> DUFFY DID CONDUCT OFFICIAL

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GOVERNMENT BUSINESS, PAID FOR BY

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TAXPAYERS, IN SOME OF THE

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LOCATIONS WHERE FILMING TOOK

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PLACE.

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BUT HE SAYS NO TAXPAYER MONEY

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WAS USED ON HIS FAMILY, AND THAT

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THE SERIES WAS FUNDED THROUGH A

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NON-PROFIT PRODUCTION COMPANY

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CALLED GREAT AMERICAN ROAD TRIP,

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INC.

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IT LISTS 17 SPONSORS ON ITS

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WEBSITE, INCLUDING BOEING,

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TOYOTA, SHELL, ROYAL CARIBBEAN

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GROUP, AND UNITED AIRLINES.

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ALL COMPANIES DUFFY'S DEPARTMENT

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OVERSEES AND REGULATES.

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>> John: YEAH, NOT GREAT!

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THE ONLY WORSE ANSWER TO "WHO

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PAID FOR THIS?"

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THAN "THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER" IS

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"A BUNCH OF COMPANIES I OVERSEE

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AND REGULATE."

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ACTUALLY, I SUPPOSE AN EVEN

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WORSE ANSWER WOULD BE: A BUNCH

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OF COMPANIES I OVERSEE AND

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REGULATE, AND ALSO MY CLOSE

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PERSONAL FRIEND JEFFREY

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EPSTEIN.

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BUT THAT'S STILL PRETTY BAD.

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AND THIS SHOW CAN'T HAVE BEEN

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CHEAP TO PRODUCE, GIVEN TOYOTA

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AND BOEING ALONE REPORTEDLY PAID

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A MILLION DOLLARS EACH TO HELP

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GET IT MADE.

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SO IT'S NO SURPRISE DUFFY WOUND

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UP HAVING TO ANSWER QUESTIONS

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ABOUT IT IN CONGRESS.

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AND HIS DEFENSE WAS NOTICEABLY

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WEAK.

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>> IT IS LITERALLY YOUR JOB TO

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MAKE SURE EACH OF THOSE

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COMPANIES ARE PLAYING BY THE

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RULES.

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>> CAN I ANSWER THE QUESTION?

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>> SO, TOYOTA IS SPONSORING A

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SHOW STARRING YOU, AND IT IS

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YOUR DEPARTMENT, MR. SECRETARY,

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THAT DECIDES--

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>> DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

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DON'T YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE

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AMERICA?

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>> MR. SECRETARY, IT IS YOUR

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DEPARTMENT THAT DECIDES WHETHER

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TOYOTA'S NEXT RECALL IS

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VOLUNTARY OR MANDATORY.

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>> LET'S CELEBRATE THIS COUNTRY.

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IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY.

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>> John: "IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY?"

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YOU SOUND LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

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YOU DO GET THAT, JUST BECAUSE

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IT'S AMERICA'S BIRTHDAY DOESN'T

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MEAN YOU GET TO DO AN ETHICS

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VIOLATION, RIGHT?

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GROW UP.

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THE SHOW WAS SUPPOSED TO COME

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OUT IN JUNE, BUT ALL THE

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SCRUTINY SEEMED TO DELAY IT,

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WITH DUFFY AT ONE POINT SAYING

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THEY NEEDED TO RE-EDIT TO "MAKE

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SURE I COME INTO COMPLIANCE WITH

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ALL OF THE ETHICS RULES THAT WE

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HAVE IN GOVERNMENT," WHICH IS

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DEFINITELY SOMETHING BEST DONE

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HASTILY AFTER THE FACT.

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BUT THIS WEDNESDAY, WITH NO

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WARNING, ALL SIX EPISODES WERE

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QUIETLY DUMPED ON YOUTUBE.

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AND BEFORE I TALK ABOUT THE

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SHOW, A BIT OF CONTEXT ABOUT WHY

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DUFFY MIGHT'VE THOUGHT THIS WAS

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A GOOD IDEA.

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BECAUSE HE'S LONG LOVED BEING ON

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CAMERA.

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HE WAS ACTUALLY ON "THE REAL

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WORLD BOSTON" BACK IN THE LATE

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'90S, WHERE HE TRIED TO PRESENT

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HIMSELF AS DEEPLY HORNY.

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IN HIS AUDITION HE REPORTEDLY

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SAID HE WANTED TO BE ON THE SHOW

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BECAUSE OF HIS INTEREST IN CUTE

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GIRLS AND WHEN ASKED BY A

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PRODUCER HOW MANY TIMES HE'D HAD

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SEX IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS HE--

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AND I'M QUOTING HERE-- FLASHED

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A BIG SMILE AND RESPONDED "THREE

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TIMES.

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THREE DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS,

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YEAH.

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AND THREE DIFFERENT TIMES"

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ADDING, "I'M SORT OF STARVING

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RIGHT NOW, GUYS."

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AND I GOTTA SAY: I HAD SEX WITH

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THREE DIFFERENT WOMEN, NONE OF

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WHOM WERE INTERESTED IN AN

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ENCORE SAYS A LOT MORE ABOUT YOU

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THAN I THINK YOU WANTED TO

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REVEAL.

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ON THE SHOW, DUFFY GOT ATTENTION

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FOR ANNOYING THE FUCK OUT OF HIS

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BLACK CAST MATE KAMEELAH, WHO HE

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FOUGHT WITH OVER AFFIRMATIVE

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ACTION, COMPLAINING HE COULD'VE

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GOTTEN IN TO A BETTER COLLEGE

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"IF I WERE A BLACK MALE," AND AT

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ANOTHER POINT COMPARING HER TO

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ADOLF HITLER WHILE ACCUSING HER

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OF REVERSE RACISM.

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AND WHILE SADLY, DUFFY DIDN'T

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FIND A CUTE GIRL TO HAVE HIS

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FOURTH SEX WITH IN THE REAL

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WORLD HOUSE, HE DID ACTUALLY

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MEET HIS WIFE SOON AFTERWARD,

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DURING THE SPINOFF "ROAD RULES:

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ALL STARS."

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IN FACT, HERE THEY ARE, FLIRTING

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ON-CAMERA, AFTER WHICH THE SHOW

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CUTS AWAY TO THIS INCREDIBLE

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CONFESSIONAL INTERVIEW.

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>> I'M A PLAYFUL PERSON, AND

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I'LL GO AND JUST PLAY WITH

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PEOPLE IN PROBABLY A SEXUAL WAY,

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AND I THINK IT CAN BE PERCEIVED

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IN THE WRONG WAY, AND I THINK

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SHE MIGHT TAKE MY ACTIONS AS ME,

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YOU KNOW, LIKING HER AND WANTING

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TO GET DOWN WITH HER, AND MAYBE

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FEEL A LITTLE BOOBIES.

258
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>> John: WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL: WE

259
00:06:38,822 --> 00:06:40,819
FOUND IT!

260
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:42,499
THE WORST POSSIBLE ANSWER TO THE

261
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,639
QUESTION "SO HOW DID YOU AND MOM

262
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,640
MEET?"

263
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,919
ALSO FOR THE RECORD: NO ONE OVER

264
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,659
THE AGE OF SIX SHOULD BE SAYING

265
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:50,720
THE WORD "BOOBIES."

266
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,559
AFTER THAT POINT, YOU CALL THEM

267
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,499
"BREASTS," AND THEN WHEN YOU'RE

268
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,500
90 YOU GET TO CALL THEM

269
00:06:54,695 --> 00:06:55,655
"KNOCKERS" WITHOUT ANYONE

270
00:06:55,656 --> 00:06:56,179
CORRECTING YOU.

271
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,620
THAT'S THE DEAL.

272
00:06:58,180 --> 00:06:59,579
ANYWAY, DUFFY EVENTUALLY RAN FOR

273
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:00,659
CONGRESS, WHERE HE SERVED FOUR

274
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,159
TERMS, THEN BECAME A TV PUNDIT,

275
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,459
AND COHOST OF A RIGHT-WING

276
00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:04,779
PODCAST WITH HIS WIFE, FEATURING

277
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:06,409
EPISODES LIKE, IS WOKEISM THE

278
00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:07,179
UNITED STATES' CULTURAL

279
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,219
REVOLUTION AND "WHY TAYLOR SWIFT

280
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,619
IS THE SIGN OF A DECLINING

281
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:11,499
SOCIETY."

282
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,439
THEN, LAST YEAR, HE JOINED THE

283
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,399
TRUMP ADMINISTRATION AS

284
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,359
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY,

285
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,620
BRINGING ALL HIS CULTURE-WAR

286
00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:18,200
ENERGY TO THAT JOB-- INCLUDING,

287
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:19,880
AFTER A DEADLY PLANE CRASH IN

288
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,319
D.C., ABSURDLY SUGGESTING DEI

289
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,799
HAD PLAYED A ROLE, SAYING, "YOU

290
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,379
CAN'T FOCUS ON DIVERSITY, EQUITY

291
00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:26,959
AND INCLUSION WHEN YOU TRY TO

292
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,279
HIRE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS."

293
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,359
AND YET SOMEHOW, WITH ALL HIS

294
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,279
RESPONSIBILITIES, DUFFY STILL

295
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,979
MANAGED TO FIND TIME TO FILM

296
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,369
"THE GREAT AMERICAN ROAD TRIP."

297
00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:36,079
AND WHILE ITS MARKETING

298
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,179
MATERIALS DESCRIBED IT AS "A

299
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,939
NATIONWIDE STORYTELLING MOVEMENT

300
00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:40,279
THAT INVITES AMERICANS TO

301
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,359
EXPLORE THE OPEN ROAD, AND

302
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,460
CONNECT WITH THEIR COMMUNITIES,"

303
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,499
AS WE LEARNED THIS WEEK, THAT'S

304
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:46,499
NOT REALLY WHAT IT IS AT ALL.

305
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,499
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT, IT'S

306
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,279
BASICALLY AN

307
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,179
EXPENSIVELY-PRODUCED TEST RUN OF

308
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,799
A DUFFY FAMILY REALITY SHOW,

309
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,099
WITH EACH EPISODE FEATURING A

310
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,639
BARE MINIMUM ABOUT TRAVEL OR

311
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,779
AMERICA, BUT A TON OF

312
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,519
MANUFACTURED REALITY-TV DRAMA

313
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,899
AROUND STUFF LIKE PLANNING A

314
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:02,539
FAMILY PARTY, OR-- OVER THE

315
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:03,540
COURSE OF SEVERAL EPISODES--

316
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:05,039
WATCHING THEIR DAUGHTER DECIDE

317
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,139
WHICH COLLEGE SHE'LL ATTEND.

318
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,799
A DEBATE, INCIDENTALLY, SEAN

319
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,479
WADES INTO, IN EXACTLY THE WAY

320
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,208
YOU'D EXPECT.

321
00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:11,241
>> IF I DO GET IN, I FEEL LIKE

322
00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:12,241
YOU CAN'T SAY NO.

323
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:12,791
>> TO HARVARD?

324
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,342
>> YEAH.

325
00:08:14,343 --> 00:08:17,958
>> WELL, ME AND MOM CAN SAY NO.

326
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:19,509
>> CATHOLICISM TO US IS

327
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,059
EVERYTHING.

328
00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:22,580
IT'S THE BASIS OF OUR MARRIAGE.

329
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,860
IT'S THE BASIS OF OUR FAMILY.

330
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:27,479
SO, I'M NERVOUS ABOUT THE IDEA

331
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,732
OF PALOMA GOING TO HARVARD.

332
00:08:29,733 --> 00:08:31,367
>> LISTEN, MY PROBLEM IS, WE

333
00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:33,332
HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT HOW WE'VE

334
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,938
RAISED YOU, AND HOW HARD WE'VE

335
00:08:35,939 --> 00:08:37,699
WORKED TO, I THINK, RAISE WHAT

336
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,480
IS A REMARKABLE YOUNG GIRL.

337
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,359
IF I SEND YOU THERE, I THINK

338
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:43,960
WHAT HAPPENS IS, THEY HAVE

339
00:08:45,105 --> 00:08:46,929
PROFESSIONALIZED FIGURING OUT

340
00:08:46,930 --> 00:08:48,558
HOW THEY CAN TAKE GOOD YOUNG

341
00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,978
GIRLS LIKE YOU AND, I THINK,

342
00:08:50,979 --> 00:08:51,903
CORRUPT THEIR MINDS.

343
00:08:51,904 --> 00:08:52,875
>> John: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU

344
00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:54,819
TALKING ABOUT?

345
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:56,359
FIRST, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A

346
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,979
ROAD TRIP, WHY ARE WE STILL IN

347
00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:58,980
YOUR KITCHEN?

348
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,639
SECOND, IS THERE ANYTHING LESS

349
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,019
RELATABLE THAN A FAMILY WHOSE

350
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,519
CONFLICT IS "HOW DO I TELL MY

351
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:05,679
DAUGHTER SHE CAN'T GO TO HARVARD

352
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,639
BECAUSE WE DID 'TOO GOOD A JOB'

353
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:08,603
RAISING HER?"

354
00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:10,375
AND FINALLY: DON'T BE WORRIED

355
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:11,939
HARVARD'S GOING TO "CORRUPT"

356
00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:12,959
YOUR DAUGHTER'S MIND.

357
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:13,960
WORRY THAT, IF SHE GOES THERE--

358
00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:15,380
LIKE EVERY OTHER HARVARD GRAD--

359
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,679
SHE'S NEVER GOING TO SHUT THE

360
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,760
FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

361
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,859
ONE OF THIS SHOW'S WRITERS WENT

362
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,219
TO HARVARD, AND GUESS HOW I KNOW

363
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:22,099
THAT.

364
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,099
EXACTLY.

365
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,459
I DON'T KNOW WHERE ANY OF THE

366
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,460
OTHERS WENT!

367
00:09:26,219 --> 00:09:28,060
BUT IF YOU THINK THAT MOMENT'S

368
00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:29,579
UNCOMFORTABLE, THEY ALSO GO TO

369
00:09:29,580 --> 00:09:31,320
BOSTON TO VISIT THE "REAL WORLD"

370
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,919
HOUSE, WHERE DUFFY TRIES TO

371
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,072
REWRITE SOME HISTORY.

372
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,735
>> KAMEELAH AND I-- THE HOUSE

373
00:09:35,736 --> 00:09:37,398
WAS SET UP FOR THE TWO OF US TO

374
00:09:37,399 --> 00:09:38,399
ROOM TOGETHER.

375
00:09:38,535 --> 00:09:39,623
UM, WE GOT ALONG WELL THOUGH.

376
00:09:39,624 --> 00:09:40,339
IT WAS FUN.

377
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:40,793
IT WAS GOOD.

378
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:41,094
>> YOU CALLED HER A BITCH.

379
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:41,854
>> I DID NOT.

380
00:09:41,855 --> 00:09:42,138
>> John: OH, I'M SORRY YOU

381
00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:43,139
DIDN'T?

382
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,159
YOU'RE SAYING YOU DIDN'T CALL

383
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,199
KAMEELAH A BITCH?

384
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,699
LET'S GO TO THE TAPE, SEAN.

385
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:50,199
>> SO I WALKED UP AHEAD OF THE

386
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:50,669
GROUP.

387
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:51,374
AND I CALLED HER A BITCH.

388
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:53,959
>> John: YEAH, YOU DID, SEAN.

389
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:54,960
YOU DID.

390
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:58,499
CALL ME CVS, BECAUSE I WILL

391
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,020
ALWAYS BRING THE RECEIPTS.

392
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,999
BUT MAYBE WHAT'S MOST NOTICEABLE

393
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,259
ABOUT THE GREAT AMERICAN ROAD

394
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:05,039
TRIP IS THAT WHATEVER

395
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,889
LAST-MINUTE EDITS WERE MADE TO

396
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,439
IT SEEM TO HAVE CUT A LOT OF

397
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:08,990
STUFF OUT.

398
00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:09,564
A BUNCH OF STUFF FROM THE

399
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:13,408
TRAILER IS MISSING, INCLUDING

400
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,179
ALSO KID ROCK, WHO-- AND THIS

401
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,779
IS TRUE-- ARE APPARENTLY TWO

402
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,000
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

403
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:20,459
BUT MORE CONSPICUOUSLY, THEY'VE

404
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,999
ALSO REMOVED A WHOLE TOUR OF A

405
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,520
CRUISE SHIP OPERATED BY ONE OF

406
00:10:23,766 --> 00:10:24,618
THE SHOW'S BIG SPONSORS,

407
00:10:24,619 --> 00:10:25,272
ROYAL CARIBBEAN.

408
00:10:25,273 --> 00:10:26,492
ALTHOUGH NOTABLY, OTHER SPONSORS

409
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,453
STILL GET SCREENTIME, WITH THE

410
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:29,919
SHOW FEATURING THE FAMILY

411
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,189
TOURING A BOEING FACTORY IN

412
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,699
SOUTH CAROLINA, AND VISITING A

413
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,099
WAYMO TEST FACILITY IN ARIZONA,

414
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,139
WHERE DUFFY CALLS THE COMPANY

415
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,080
"THE FUTURE OF TRANSPORTATION."

416
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,079
BUT PERHAPS THE CLUNKIEST MOMENT

417
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,579
THAT GOT LEFT IN INVOLVES WHAT

418
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:42,154
SURE SEEMS LIKE SPONSOR

419
00:10:42,155 --> 00:10:43,155
INTEGRATION FOR ONE OF THE

420
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,819
SHOW'S BACKERS, THE ELECTRONIC

421
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:46,239
PAYMENTS COALITION-- A LOBBYING

422
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,219
GROUP REPRESENTING CREDIT CARD

423
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:48,699
COMPANIES.

424
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,659
BECAUSE IN ONE EPISODE, WHEN THE

425
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:50,940
FAMILY GOES TO LUNCH, OUT OF

426
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:53,260
NOWHERE, NAOMIE OLINDO, A FORMER

427
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,779
CASTMEMBER ON "SOUTHERN CHARM,"

428
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,299
TURNS UP, AND SUDDENLY STEERS

429
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,739
THE CONVERSATION IN A VERY

430
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,880
SPECIFIC DIRECTION.

431
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:00,439
SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT.

432
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,140
>> I'M GETTING MARRIED IN JULY,

433
00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:01,508
SO.

434
00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:03,513
>> CONGRATULATIONS

435
00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:05,519
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

436
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,199
I'M A FRUGAL PERSON AND I WANT

437
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,599
TO BE, LIKE, SMART WITH MY

438
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,139
MONEY.

439
00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:10,479
PLANNING A WEDDING AND, LIKE, A

440
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,459
HONEYMOON AND STUFF, AND ALL

441
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,540
THAT CAN GET SO EXPENSIVE.

442
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,959
AND WE BOOKED OUR ENTIRE

443
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,240
HONEYMOON WITH POINTS.

444
00:11:15,399 --> 00:11:16,599
LIKE, THE ENTIRE THING.

445
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,599
>> I DID TOO.

446
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:17,977
>> YOU DID?

447
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:22,644
>> YEAH, YEAH.

448
00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:22,978
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

449
00:11:22,979 --> 00:11:25,179
PEOPLE CAN COME HERE ON POINTS

450
00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:26,779
AND THEN THE MORE THEY GO OUT TO

451
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:28,560
EAT, THEY SHOP, WHERE THEY STAY,

452
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:29,679
THEY USE THEIR CARDS AND THEY'RE

453
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,495
STILL EARNING POINTS WHILE BEING

454
00:11:31,496 --> 00:11:32,184
HERE.

455
00:11:32,185 --> 00:11:33,789
SO, I MEAN IT MIGHT BE GIRL

456
00:11:33,790 --> 00:11:35,199
MATH, BUT TO ME THAT SOUNDS

457
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,979
AMAZING, AND IT REALLY MAKES

458
00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:37,379
SENSE.

459
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:37,827
>> John: WHAT A NATURAL

460
00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:40,519
CONVERSATION!

461
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,399
JUST A NORMAL, EXTENDED

462
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,619
MONOLOGUE ABOUT THE FLEXIBILITY

463
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,619
OF CREDIT CARD POINTS, DELIVERED

464
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,455
TO A TABLE OF BORED CHILDREN WHO

465
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,899
-- AND I KNOW I'M PROJECTING--

466
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:49,999
HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN TOLD THAT

467
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,199
IF THEY INTERRUPT HER OR MAKE

468
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,459
ANY NOISE, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE

469
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:53,820
TO GO BACK TO THE START AND DO

470
00:11:54,577 --> 00:11:55,619
THE WHOLE THING AGAIN.

471
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:57,439
AND LOOK, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A

472
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,079
SHIT IF SEAN DUFFY AND HIS WIFE

473
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,299
WANT TO BECOME THE NEXT DUGGARS,

474
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,319
OR JOHN AND KATE, OR ALEC AND

475
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,360
HILARIA BALDWIN.

476
00:12:03,999 --> 00:12:05,559
WHAT'S CONCERNING IS THEM DOING

477
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,459
IT ON THE BACK OF THE

478
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,419
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.

479
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:08,739
BECAUSE IT FEELS ETHICALLY

480
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,520
DUBIOUS ON SO MANY LEVELS.

481
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,702
WHICH MAY BE WHY, AT THIS POINT,

482
00:12:12,703 --> 00:12:15,014
EVERYONE INVOLVED SEEMS LIKE

483
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,149
THEY'D RATHER JUST SWEEP THIS

484
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:17,779
UNDER THE RUG.

485
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,819
SINCE IT CAME OUT, THE DUFFYS

486
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,339
HAVE BARELY PROMOTED THE SHOW,

487
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,199
AND THE DEPARTMENT OF

488
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,259
TRANSPORTATION HASN'T POSTED

489
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,059
ABOUT THE SHOW AT ALL.

490
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:24,799
IT'S NO WONDER HARDLY ANYONE

491
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,269
SEEMS TO HAVE BOTHERED TO WATCH

492
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:26,959
THIS THING.

493
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,689
BUT EVEN IF EVERYONE INVOLVED IN

494
00:12:28,690 --> 00:12:30,019
THIS SHOW WANTS TO MOVE ON AND

495
00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:31,299
ACT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED, I'M

496
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,679
NOT SURE THE REST OF US SHOULD.

497
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:33,680
BECAUSE THE APPEARANCE OF A

498
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:35,539
CONFLICT OF INTEREST IS NOT

499
00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:36,619
GOING TO GO AWAY

500
00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:37,839
FOR A START, THE DEPARTMENT OF

501
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,460
TRANSPORTATION-- RIGHT NOW--

502
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,066
HAS TWO OPEN INVESTIGATIONS INTO

503
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,339
WAYMO, FOR ITS SELF-DRIVING CARS

504
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,139
DRIVING AROUND A STOPPED SCHOOL

505
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,219
BUS AND STRIKING A CHILD IN THE

506
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:48,220
AREA OF A SCHOOL.

507
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,499
AND AS ONE EXPERT IN GOVERNMENT

508
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,119
ETHICS HAS SAID, "THERE'S EVERY

509
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,099
REASON NOT TO TRUST DUFFY TO BE

510
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,519
PROTECTING PUBLIC SAFETY WHEN IT

511
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,719
COMES TO WAYMO, BECAUSE HE'S

512
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:58,799
ACCEPTED THIS GIFT."

513
00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,167
NOW, THANKFULLY A GROUP OF

514
00:12:59,168 --> 00:12:59,495
SENATORS HAVE INITIATED AN

515
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:01,913
INSPECTOR GENERAL INVESTIGATION

516
00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:02,649
AND A GOVERNMENT WATCHDOG GROUP

517
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:03,359
HAS FILED FOIA REQUESTS TO FIND

518
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,099
OUT MORE ABOUT HOW ALL THIS

519
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:05,399
HAPPENED.

520
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:05,939
WHICH IS GOOD.

521
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:06,979
BECAUSE I'VE GOTTA SAY-- HAVING

522
00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:09,420
WATCHED ALL THREE HOURS OF THIS

523
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,379
GODAWFUL SHOW, FROM GENDER

524
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:13,179
REVEALS TO THE DUFFYS RENEWING

525
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:14,840
THEIR VOWS FOR NO CLEAR REASON,

526
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:17,019
IT FEELS LESS LIKE THE COUNTRY'S

527
00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,500
BEEN TAKEN ON A ROAD TRIP BY

528
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:20,599
SEAN DUFFY, AND A LOT MORE LIKE

529
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,199
WE'VE BEEN TAKEN FOR A FUCKING

530
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,039
RIDE.

531
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,351
AND NOW, THIS.

532
00:13:24,352 --> 00:13:25,352
>> Announcer: AND NOW,

533
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,559
NOBODY DOES A TRANSITION TO AN

534
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,718
AD READ LIKE BEN SHAPIRO.

535
00:13:30,719 --> 00:13:32,889
>> OTHER WORDS PEOPLE ARE VERY

536
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,439
EXCITED ABOUT LINDSEY GRAHAM'S

537
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:34,859
DEATH.

538
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:36,060
ALL THE WORST PEOPLE.

539
00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:37,374
WHENEVER YOU TALK ABOUT

540
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:38,351
MORTALITY, THE PASSAGE OF TIME

541
00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:39,726
IT'S A REMINDER YOU DON'T HAVE

542
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,498
TIME TO WASTE.

543
00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:42,019
IT'S A REALITY.

544
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,619
WE HAD A BABY WHICH MEANS WE ARE

545
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:44,620
SUPER DUPER BUSY.

546
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,099
IT'S ALSO TRUE WHEN IT COMES TO

547
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:48,808
YOUR BUSINESS.

548
00:13:48,809 --> 00:13:51,189
WE HAVE OUR OWN TIME SAVING.

549
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:52,359
IF YOU'RE A BUSINESS MEMBER, HOW

550
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,360
DO YOU SAVE TIME HIRING?

551
00:13:53,762 --> 00:13:56,670
ZIPRECRUITER.

552
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,420
IT'S UTOPIAN AND REALLY UGLY.

553
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:02,239
IT VIOLATES EVERY PRINCIPLE.

554
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,559
HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN SAVING

555
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,439
MONEY OR EFFICIENCY BUT IF

556
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,440
YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SAVING

557
00:14:06,598 --> 00:14:09,528
MONEY OR EFFICIENCY CHECK OUT MY

558
00:14:09,529 --> 00:14:10,210
FRIENDS.

559
00:14:10,211 --> 00:14:12,258
THE PRESIDENT RIPS ON ELECTION

560
00:14:12,259 --> 00:14:13,636
AND SAYS THEY ARE NOT WORKING

561
00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:14,881
PROPERLY OR THEY ARE VULNERABLE.

562
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,419
HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED WORKING

563
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:17,138
PROPERLY.

564
00:14:17,139 --> 00:14:18,138
YOUR CELL PHONE COVERAGE.

565
00:14:18,139 --> 00:14:19,800
IT TURNS OUT WHEN YOU IMPORT A

566
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,739
BUNCH OF THIRD WORLD PEOPLE WHO

567
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:24,119
ARE ALSO RADICALLY MUSLIM YOU

568
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:24,979
MIGHT HAVE A BIT OF A CRIME

569
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:25,343
PROBLEM.

570
00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:28,491
YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT SHOCKING AND

571
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:29,379
IT'S HOT TODAY AND HOT EVERY DAY

572
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:30,799
IN FLORIDA THIS TIME OF YEAR AND

573
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,079
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED A MATTRESS

574
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:32,919
THAT BREATHES.

575
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,639
CANDACE OWENS, WHY WAS SHE SO

576
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,744
OBSESSED WITH CHARLIE KIRK?

577
00:14:35,745 --> 00:14:37,061
SPEAKING OF OBSESSION I'M

578
00:14:37,149 --> 00:14:40,921
OBSESSED WITH BALANCED

579
00:14:41,007 --> 00:14:42,235
NUTRITION.

580
00:14:42,236 --> 00:14:42,980
♪ ♪

581
00:14:42,981 --> 00:14:43,638
>> John: MOVING ON.

582
00:14:43,639 --> 00:14:45,519
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

583
00:14:45,743 --> 00:14:46,743
SUBSCRIPTIONS.

584
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,579
THE WAY THAT HBO, FROM THE VERY

585
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:49,899
START, MADE MONEY.

586
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,259
AND WHILE I DON'T NEED TO SHOW

587
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:53,539
YOU THIS OLD PROMO FOR IT, I DO

588
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:54,476
WANT TO.

589
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,703
>> THIS HOUSE IS HOPPING, PEOPLE

590
00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:59,086
HAVING A BALL, LAUGHING AND

591
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:02,660
CLAPPING, WATCHING IT HAPPEN ON

592
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:05,199
THE HBO KNOCKOUT FALL.

593
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:05,981
>> THE HBO KNOCKOUT FALL IS HERE

594
00:15:05,982 --> 00:15:07,813
WITH BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES LIKE

595
00:15:07,814 --> 00:15:09,279
RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART 2 JAGGED

596
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,479
EDGE SILVERADO AND COCOON.

597
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,019
JUST CALL THIS NUMBER AND ORDER

598
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,638
CABLE TV AND HBO.

599
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,999
YOU'LL SAVE 50% ON INSTALLATION

600
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,799
AND GET THIS TELEPHONE ALARM

601
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,300
CLOCK ABSOLUTELY FREE.

602
00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:22,034
>> John: IT'S MAGNIFICENT.

603
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,019
WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COMPANY?

604
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:25,899
NOWADAYS, WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR

605
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,379
HBO MAX, ALL YOU GET IS ACCESS

606
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:28,380
TO THIS.

607
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,099
BUT HBO USED TO THROW IN ALARM

608
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,119
CLOCK PHONES THAT DOUBLED AS

609
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,299
WEAPONS YOU COULD THROW AT YOUR

610
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,300
BOYFRIEND DURING A FIGHT, A

611
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:36,299
THEME SONG, AND A CARTOON MOM

612
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,519
AND DAD WHO YOU CAN TELL GO

613
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,420
ABSOLUTELY FERAL AFTER DARK.

614
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,759
THOSE TWO HAVE NEVER MET A BED

615
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,999
THEY DIDN'T WRECK, SHRED, AND

616
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:43,299
MOISTEN.

617
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:45,040
AND IF YOU'RE SHOCKED BY HOW

618
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:46,699
GRAPHICALLY I'M DISCUSSING THESE

619
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:47,900
INNOCENT CARTOONS, REMEMBER...

620
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,419
THIS IS HBO, YOU PAY FOR THE

621
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:51,420
FILTH.

622
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,379
SPECIFICALLY, I WANT TO TALK

623
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,499
ABOUT THE FACT THAT MORE AND

624
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:55,960
MORE THINGS SEEM TO HAVE SHIFTED

625
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,403
TO A SUBSCRIPTION MODEL.

626
00:15:57,404 --> 00:15:58,218
YOU'VE PROBABLY NOTICED IT--

627
00:15:58,219 --> 00:15:59,499
LIKE HOW WE'VE GONE FROM BUYING

628
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,879
MUSIC AND MOVIES TO SIMPLY

629
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,679
PAYING A MONTHLY FEE TO ACCESS

630
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,880
THEM-- BUT SUBSCRIPTIONS HAVE

631
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,739
ALSO EXPANDED TO EVERYTHING FROM

632
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:07,999
CLOTHING TO BEAUTY PRODUCTS TO

633
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,728
CLEANING SERVICES TO EVEN THIS.

634
00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:12,921
>> TACO BELL NOW TESTING A TACO

635
00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:14,459
SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE.

636
00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:15,519
IT LOOKS LIKE-- IT WORKS LIKE

637
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,339
THIS.

638
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,999
CUSTOMERS PAY $5 TO $10 A MONTH

639
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:18,979
FOR WHAT'S CALLED A

640
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:20,939
TACO LOVERS PASS, THAT LETS THEM

641
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,658
GET ONE OF A VARIETY OF TACOS

642
00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:24,499
EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS.

643
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:24,839
>> John: IT'S TRUE!

644
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,279
TACO BELL'S APPARENTLY OFFERED

645
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,599
SOMETHING CALLED THE "TACO

646
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:29,619
LOVER'S PASS."

647
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,039
WHICH IS, COINCIDENTALLY, ALSO

648
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,399
WHAT THE NEWS HEADLINE WILL READ

649
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,359
WHEN PEOPLE INEVITABLY DIE FROM

650
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,499
EATING TACO BELL EVERY DAY FOR A

651
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:37,500
MONTH.

652
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,180
SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE NOW BASICALLY

653
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:39,999
EVERYWHERE.

654
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,919
AND MANY OF US DON'T EVEN

655
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,439
REALIZE HOW MUCH WE SPEND ON

656
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,739
THEM, AS ONE SURVEY FOUND

657
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:45,299
AMERICANS PAID MORE THAN TWICE

658
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,299
WHAT THEY THOUGHT THEY DID FOR

659
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:47,199
MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTIONS, AND

660
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,699
NEARLY HALF REPORT THEY STILL

661
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:49,909
PAY FOR ONE THEY'D FORGOTTEN

662
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,359
ABOUT OR DIDN'T USE.

663
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,379
AND LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS

664
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,869
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WE FACE IN

665
00:16:54,870 --> 00:16:55,679
THE WORLD RIGHT NOW-- THAT'S

666
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,059
OBVIOUSLY A THREE-WAY TIE

667
00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:58,060
BETWEEN THE WAR IN IRAN,

668
00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,799
DIARRHEA LETTUCE, AND WHAT'S

669
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,080
HAPPENING IN THE DONUT INDUSTRY.

670
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,079
GUYS, WE'RE DOING TOO MUCH.

671
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:03,899
FRUIT LOOPS?

672
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,138
ON A DONUT?

673
00:17:05,139 --> 00:17:06,760
THE OPTIONS SHOULD BE ICING,

674
00:17:06,899 --> 00:17:08,099
SPRINKLES, AND THAT'S IT!

675
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,658
DONUTS DON'T NEED A SPECIAL

676
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:10,719
TOPPINGS BAR.

677
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,719
THEY'RE DONUTS.

678
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,338
THEY'RE NOT FROZEN YOGURT.

679
00:17:13,339 --> 00:17:14,960
NOW, SHE NEEDS HELP, SHE NEEDS

680
00:17:15,059 --> 00:17:16,779
LIPSTICK, A PUSH-UP BRA, AND AS

681
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,358
MANY CRUMBLED UP M&MS AS YOU CAN

682
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,098
SHOVEL ON HER, BUT DONUTS ARE A

683
00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:22,099
NATURAL BEAUTY, LEAVE THEM BE.

684
00:17:23,139 --> 00:17:25,259
BUT SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE A

685
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,099
UNIVERSALLY ANNOYING PROBLEM--

686
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,919
AND THEY'RE SOMETHING PEOPLE ON

687
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,460
DO LOVE TO YELL ABOUT.

688
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:32,003
>> THERE ARE SO MANY HARD THINGS

689
00:17:32,004 --> 00:17:33,059
IN LIFE.

690
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,439
WHY IS CANCELLING A SUBSCRIPTION

691
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:36,049
ONE OF THEM?

692
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:36,698
AND I'M TALKING TO YOU,

693
00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:38,118
PARAMOUNT+, I'M TALKING TO YOU.

694
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,378
>> CANCELING MY SIRIUS XM ALMOST

695
00:17:40,379 --> 00:17:42,079
BROKE MY FUCKING BRAIN.

696
00:17:42,234 --> 00:17:43,392
>> IN THE HOW-TO SECTION, IT

697
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:44,628
SAYS, HEY, HOW TO END YOUR

698
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:45,559
SUBSCRIPTION.

699
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,540
GO TO "END SUBSCRIPTION" BUTTON,

700
00:17:47,659 --> 00:17:48,699
BUT IT DOESN'T EXIST.

701
00:17:48,886 --> 00:17:50,283
>> THEN I HAD TO CHAT TO THE

702
00:17:50,284 --> 00:17:51,239
CHATBOT AND I DIDN'T HAVE TIME

703
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,240
TO CHAT TO THE CHATBOT.

704
00:17:52,379 --> 00:17:53,509
ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS CANCEL MY

705
00:17:53,510 --> 00:17:54,079
SUBSCRIPTION.

706
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,080
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MANNERS.

707
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,359
ALL I SAID IS CANCEL MY

708
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,360
SUBSCRIPTION.

709
00:17:57,819 --> 00:17:59,299
HI, PLEASE JUST GIVE US A FEW

710
00:17:59,300 --> 00:17:59,778
DETAILS.

711
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:00,779
CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION.

712
00:18:01,019 --> 00:18:02,898
PLEASE LET US KNOW HOW WE CAN

713
00:18:02,899 --> 00:18:03,739
KEEP YOU.

714
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:04,919
CANCEL MY FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION.

715
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,799
>> John: THAT'S JUST AN

716
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,060
EXCELLENT USE OF TIKTOK.

717
00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:09,359
BECAUSE I DO THINK WE DO NEED AN

718
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,079
OUTLET WHERE WE CAN VENT ABOUT

719
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,259
DAILY ANNOYANCES, ESPECIALLY

720
00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:14,243
GIVEN PRIESTS MUST BE TIRED OF

721
00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:15,243
HEARING IT.

722
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:16,039
"DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU'D

723
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,080
LIKE TO CONFESS, MY CHILD?"

724
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,039
"YEAH, WHY ARE MOBILE ORDERS

725
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,040
THAT CAME THROUGH AFTER

726
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:21,918
IN-RESTAURANT ORDERS PREPARED

727
00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:22,299
FIRST?

728
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,178
TELL ME THAT, GOD?"

729
00:18:23,179 --> 00:18:24,179
IT'S BULLSHIT!

730
00:18:25,399 --> 00:18:27,119
SO GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, LET'S

731
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,739
TALK ABOUT SUBSCRIPTIONS-- HOW

732
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,918
OUT OF HAND THEY'RE GETTING, THE

733
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:31,519
TRICKS COMPANIES USE TO LOCK YOU

734
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,938
INTO THEM, AND ONE SIMPLE

735
00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:34,019
SOLUTION THAT COULD GIVE

736
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:35,639
CONSUMERS AT LEAST SOME POWER

737
00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:36,979
BACK.

738
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:37,979
AND LET'S START BY ACKNOWLEDGING

739
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:38,574
THAT CERTAIN THINGS, LIKE

740
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:39,733
NEWSPAPERS, HAVE LONG HAD A

741
00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:41,172
SUBSCRIPTION COMPONENT.

742
00:18:41,173 --> 00:18:43,259
BUT THE INTERNET'S MADE IT MUCH

743
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:44,579
EASIER TO APPLY A SUBSCRIPTION

744
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,519
MODEL TO BASICALLY EVERYTHING--

745
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,239
AND I DO MEAN EVERYTHING, FROM

746
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,019
THE APOCABOX WHICH SENDS YOU

747
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,300
DOOMSDAY PREP SUPPLIES, TO BONE

748
00:18:52,659 --> 00:18:53,659
BOX, WHICH I'LL LET THIS

749
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:54,958
YOUTUBER TELL YOU ABOUT.

750
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:55,628
>> THIS IS THE BONE BOX, AND IT

751
00:18:55,629 --> 00:18:58,859
COMES FROM SKULLS UNLIMITED.

752
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,059
AND YES, IT IS WHAT YOU MIGHT

753
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:01,758
THINK IT IS.

754
00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:04,639
IT IS A BOX OF BONES.

755
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,679
THIS IS $30 MYSTERY BOX.

756
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:08,244
IT DOES CONTAIN A SKULL.

757
00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:10,135
>> NOW THEY HAD TWO-- NOT

758
00:19:10,136 --> 00:19:12,520
HUMAN-- THEY DO HAVE TWO TIERS.

759
00:19:12,659 --> 00:19:13,838
THIS IS A $30 ONE.

760
00:19:13,839 --> 00:19:15,519
AND HERE IS THE SKULL.

761
00:19:16,099 --> 00:19:17,817
SO THAT IS AN AMERICAN MINK'S.

762
00:19:17,818 --> 00:19:19,539
>> John: OKAY, I'LL BE HONEST: I

763
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:21,158
DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE TALKING

764
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:23,138
ABOUT HUMAN SKULLS THERE, UNTIL

765
00:19:23,139 --> 00:19:25,139
YOU QUICKLY SAID "NOT HUMAN!"

766
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,619
AND NOW, I'M JUST NOT SO SURE.

767
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:30,059
BUT IT'S NOT JUST BOXES OF BONES

768
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:31,398
PEOPLE SUBSCRIBE TO-- IT'S ALSO

769
00:19:31,399 --> 00:19:33,198
HOW MANY OF US CONSUME MEDIA

770
00:19:33,199 --> 00:19:33,799
NOWADAYS.

771
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:34,819
YOU CAN GET SUBSCRIPTIONS FOR

772
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,239
BOOKS, AND FOR MUSIC, AND FOR TV

773
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:37,938
AND MOVIES.

774
00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,299
AND ALL OF THAT IS THE END

775
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,458
RESULT OF A MUCH LARGER SHIFT

776
00:19:40,459 --> 00:19:41,739
THAT STARTED IN THE LATE '90s,

777
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,119
WHEN NETFLIX LAUNCHED ITS

778
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,179
DVD-RENTAL SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE,

779
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,759
AND COMPANIES LIKE SALESFORCE

780
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,178
PIONEERED A CLOUD-BASED

781
00:19:48,179 --> 00:19:49,738
SUBSCRIPTION MODEL FOR SOFTWARE,

782
00:19:49,739 --> 00:19:51,678
OR WHAT WE NOW CALL "SOFTWARE AS

783
00:19:51,679 --> 00:19:52,859
A SERVICE," WITH ADOBE AND

784
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,508
MICROSOFT SOON FOLLOWING THEM.

785
00:19:54,509 --> 00:19:56,638
AND BEFORE LONG, ANY PRODUCT OR

786
00:19:56,639 --> 00:19:58,418
SERVICE THAT COULD BE REPACKAGED

787
00:19:58,419 --> 00:20:00,259
AS A SUBSCRIPTION STARTED

788
00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,019
BECOMING ONE.

789
00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:02,718
EVEN APPLIANCES AND DEVICES YOU

790
00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:04,599
USED TO BE ABLE TO BUY AND OWN

791
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,658
OUTRIGHT STARTED BECOMING "SMART

792
00:20:06,659 --> 00:20:08,120
PRODUCTS," WITH A SUBSCRIPTION

793
00:20:08,672 --> 00:20:09,783
COMPONENT.

794
00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:12,006
YOU CAN NOW FIND THIS MODEL USED

795
00:20:12,007 --> 00:20:13,674
IN EVERYTHING FROM BABY ALARM

796
00:20:13,675 --> 00:20:14,786
CLOCKS TO SMOKE ALARMS TO LIGHT

797
00:20:14,787 --> 00:20:15,898
BULBS TO EVEN LITTER BOXES--

798
00:20:15,899 --> 00:20:17,218
PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S EVER

799
00:20:17,219 --> 00:20:19,119
THOUGHT, "I WISH THERE WAS A WAY

800
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,979
TO MAKE IT MORE EXPENSIVE FOR MY

801
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:22,040
CAT TO TAKE A SHIT."

802
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,418
THE AUTO INDUSTRY IN PARTICULAR

803
00:20:25,419 --> 00:20:27,099
HAS STARTED LEANING HARD INTO

804
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,100
SUBSCRIPTIONS.

805
00:20:28,504 --> 00:20:29,299
>> $8 A MONTH FOR REMOTE START

806
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,178
ON CERTAIN TOYOTAS.

807
00:20:32,179 --> 00:20:34,698
$20 A MONTH FOR BMW'S ENHANCED

808
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:35,599
CRUISE CONTROL.

809
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,837
>> HANDS-FREE CRUISE CONTROL

810
00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:38,718
SURE IS NICE BUT ARE YOU WILLING

811
00:20:38,719 --> 00:20:41,329
TO PAY $75 A MONTH FOR IT?

812
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:42,540
>> SO IF YOUR CAR PAYMENT IS

813
00:20:43,019 --> 00:20:44,019
$600 A MONTH, IT IS NOW $675.

814
00:20:44,447 --> 00:20:45,525
>> GENERAL MOTORS EXPECTS

815
00:20:45,526 --> 00:20:46,526
SUBSCRIPTIONS TO BRING IN AS

816
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,019
MUCH AS $25 BILLION A YEAR BY

817
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:53,279
2030, JUST UNDER WHAT NETFLIX

818
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:54,716
EARNED LAST YEAR.

819
00:20:54,717 --> 00:20:55,981
>> PART OF ME SAYS, WELL, YOU'VE

820
00:20:55,982 --> 00:20:56,922
ALREADY BOUGHT THE HARDWARE, SO

821
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,070
JUST LET ME USE IT.

822
00:20:59,071 --> 00:21:00,011
>> John: YEAH, GM PLANS TO

823
00:21:00,012 --> 00:21:02,159
EVENTUALLY RAKE IN, FROM

824
00:21:02,779 --> 00:21:04,579
SUBSCRIPTIONS ALONE, REVENUE

825
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,399
COMPARABLE TO THAT OF NETFLIX.

826
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:07,740
WHICH IS SHOCKING, GIVEN--

827
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,499
UNLIKE NETFLIX-- GM DOESN'T

828
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:10,698
EVEN OFFER YOU THE CHANCE TO SEE

829
00:21:10,699 --> 00:21:12,659
L.A.'S MOST BOTOX-ED REALTORS

830
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,438
WEARING THE LEAST PRACTICAL

831
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:15,820
OUTFITS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

832
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:17,678
THEIR SKIN IS ON DISPLAY, THEIR

833
00:21:17,679 --> 00:21:19,119
SHOES ARE LEGALLY STILTS, AND

834
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,198
THERE IS SIMPLY NO WAY FOR THEM

835
00:21:20,199 --> 00:21:21,780
TO PEE UNTIL THEY GET HOME.

836
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:24,019
AND SOMETIMES, YOU MIGHT NOT

837
00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:25,799
EVEN REALIZE YOU'RE BUYING A

838
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,658
PRODUCT WITH A SUBSCRIPTION

839
00:21:26,659 --> 00:21:28,760
COMPONENT, UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.

840
00:21:28,919 --> 00:21:30,658
FOR INSTANCE: HP NOW SELLS

841
00:21:30,659 --> 00:21:32,079
PRINTERS WITH A SUBSCRIPTION

842
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,718
SERVICE CALLED "INSTANT INK."

843
00:21:33,719 --> 00:21:35,019
AND JUST WATCH THE NASTY

844
00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:36,759
SURPRISE THIS WOMAN GOT WHEN HER

845
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,019
NEW PRINTER'S "FREE TRIAL"

846
00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:38,324
EXPIRED.

847
00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,774
>> I WENT TO PRINT, LIKE A

848
00:21:40,775 --> 00:21:41,739
PACKING LABEL, OR SOMETHING, AND

849
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:43,198
IT JUST WOULDN'T PRINT AT ALL,

850
00:21:43,199 --> 00:21:44,319
AND I COULDN'T-THERE'S NO

851
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,678
MESSAGE ON MY COMPUTER THAT WAS

852
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:46,340
EXPLAINING IT.

853
00:21:46,341 --> 00:21:46,995
>> AND THE REASON IT'S NOT

854
00:21:46,996 --> 00:21:48,795
PRINTING SAYS, "PAYMENT METHOD

855
00:21:48,796 --> 00:21:50,023
NEEDS UPDATING."

856
00:21:50,024 --> 00:21:51,251
>> CANNOT PRINT WITH THE

857
00:21:51,252 --> 00:21:52,479
INSTALLED CARTRIDGE.

858
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,579
AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS PAGE HAS

859
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:54,305
PRINTED FINE.

860
00:21:54,306 --> 00:21:55,831
>> THAT'S INFURIATING.

861
00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:57,158
I WOULD BE SO MAD IF I'M TRYING

862
00:21:57,159 --> 00:21:58,518
TO PRINT SOMETHING OUT AND MY

863
00:21:58,519 --> 00:21:59,779
PRINTER IS LIKE, KEEPS PRINTING

864
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:01,120
OUT A PAGE THAT SAYS I CAN'T

865
00:22:01,807 --> 00:22:02,375
PRINT, I WON'T PRINT.

866
00:22:02,376 --> 00:22:03,433
>> MAGGIE'S PRINTER STILL HAD

867
00:22:03,434 --> 00:22:03,875
INK IN IT WHEN IT STOPPED

868
00:22:03,876 --> 00:22:04,958
WORKING.

869
00:22:04,959 --> 00:22:06,099
IT TURNS OUT THAT WHEN YOUR

870
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:07,138
INSTANT INK SUBSCRIPTION

871
00:22:07,139 --> 00:22:09,579
EXPIRES, OR IF YOU CANCEL IT, HP

872
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:11,759
REMOTELY KILLS YOUR CARTRIDGES.

873
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:12,473
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY

874
00:22:12,474 --> 00:22:14,658
ANNOYING.

875
00:22:14,659 --> 00:22:16,658
SHE UNDERSTANDABLY ASSUMED SHE

876
00:22:16,659 --> 00:22:18,519
OWNED THE INK THAT CAME WITH HER

877
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,579
PRINTER, BUT SUDDENLY COULDN'T

878
00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:20,019
USE IT.

879
00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:22,019
WHICH SURE FEELS LIKE A WASTE.

880
00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:22,759
THOUGH I'LL TELL YOU ONE

881
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:23,979
PURCHASE SHE MADE THAT

882
00:22:23,980 --> 00:22:24,979
DEFINITELY WASN'T A WASTE THERE

883
00:22:24,980 --> 00:22:25,898
-- AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT

884
00:22:25,899 --> 00:22:26,899
IT IS, SAY IT WITH ME, EVERYONE:

885
00:22:27,839 --> 00:22:29,918
THE NAILS, HONEY, THAT'S RIGHT!

886
00:22:29,919 --> 00:22:31,519
LOOK AT THE COLOR COMBO, THE

887
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,480
DESIGN, THE SHAPE-- MY GOD, THE

888
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,360
SHAPE: IT'S LIKE A JUNIOR

889
00:22:35,459 --> 00:22:36,859
STILETTO WITH A WHIFF OF ALMOND.

890
00:22:37,219 --> 00:22:38,658
NAILS LIKE THAT TELL ME THREE

891
00:22:38,659 --> 00:22:39,729
THINGS ABOUT THAT WOMAN: SHE'S

892
00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:41,019
GOT TASTE, SHE'S GOT STYLE, AND

893
00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:42,139
SHE DOESN'T FUCK AROUND.

894
00:22:42,919 --> 00:22:44,259
A PERSON WITH THOSE NAILS

895
00:22:44,260 --> 00:22:45,718
DOESN'T MAKE DECISIONS LIGHTLY,

896
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:47,999
I'M POSITIVE IF SHE KNEW SIGNING

897
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,168
UP FOR THAT SUBSCRIPTION WOULD

898
00:22:49,169 --> 00:22:51,138
GIVE HP REMOTE CONTROL OF HER

899
00:22:51,139 --> 00:22:52,479
INK CARTRIDGES, SHE'D HAVE SAID

900
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,000
TO THEM WHAT I ASSUME SHE SAYS

901
00:22:54,098 --> 00:22:55,888
TO ANYONE ASKING HER TO OPEN A

902
00:22:55,889 --> 00:22:57,319
CAN OF SODA: SORRY, THAT'S

903
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,099
SOMEONE ELSE'S JOURNEY, NOT

904
00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:00,100
MINE.

905
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,839
BUT AS IRRITATING AS THAT IS,

906
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,218
THERE'S AN OBVIOUS REASON

907
00:23:04,219 --> 00:23:05,779
COMPANIES LOVE THIS MODEL-- AS

908
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,739
HP'S CEO TOLD INVESTORS, "WE

909
00:23:07,740 --> 00:23:09,279
MAKE MORE MONEY PER CUSTOMER

910
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,839
WHEN THEY'RE IN THE SUBSCRIPTION

911
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:11,499
PROGRAM."

912
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:12,719
AND THAT MONEY IS CONSISTENT,

913
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,060
RECURRING REVENUE.

914
00:23:14,439 --> 00:23:15,779
BUT THE BENEFITS FOR COMPANIES

915
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:17,579
DON'T STOP THERE, AS

916
00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:18,839
SUBSCRIPTIONS ALSO GIVE THEM

917
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,619
ACCESS TO A SHIT-TON OF DATA

918
00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:20,999
ABOUT YOU.

919
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,239
IN FACT, HERE'S A FORMER

920
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,599
SALESFORCE EXECUTIVE-- WHO NOW

921
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,760
RUNS A COMPANY THAT HELPS

922
00:23:25,008 --> 00:23:25,963
BUSINESSES MANAGE THEIR

923
00:23:25,964 --> 00:23:27,098
SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES-- LAYING

924
00:23:27,099 --> 00:23:28,742
OUT HIS PITCH TO CLIENTS.

925
00:23:28,743 --> 00:23:29,760
>> WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO DO IS

926
00:23:29,761 --> 00:23:30,778
YOU REALLY NEED TO THINK OF WHAT

927
00:23:30,779 --> 00:23:32,139
IS IT THAT YOU'RE REALLY AFTER.

928
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:34,379
COMPANIES LIKE WHIRLPOOL OR GE,

929
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:35,380
THEY REALLY ONLY DEAL WITH THEIR

930
00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:37,398
CUSTOMERS ONCE EVERY SEVEN YEARS

931
00:23:37,399 --> 00:23:38,438
OR SO WHEN THEY BUY A NEW

932
00:23:38,439 --> 00:23:39,299
PRODUCT.

933
00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:40,458
AND SO THESE MANUFACTURERS ARE

934
00:23:40,459 --> 00:23:42,438
REALIZING WE'RE IN LIKE 70% OF

935
00:23:42,439 --> 00:23:43,789
THE HOUSEHOLDS IN THE U.S. AND

936
00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:44,678
WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO COLLECT

937
00:23:44,679 --> 00:23:45,958
INFORMATION ABOUT PEOPLE AND

938
00:23:45,959 --> 00:23:47,589
UNDERSTAND WHAT DO THEY DO, HOW

939
00:23:47,590 --> 00:23:48,898
OFTEN DO THEY EAT, HOW OFTEN ARE

940
00:23:48,899 --> 00:23:50,158
THEY COOKING, HOW OFTEN DO THEY

941
00:23:50,159 --> 00:23:51,278
USE THEIR MICROWAVE, HOW OFTEN

942
00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:52,488
ARE THEY WASHING THEIR CLOTHES,

943
00:23:52,489 --> 00:23:53,458
AND THINK ABOUT A WHOLE

944
00:23:53,459 --> 00:23:54,459
DIFFERENT SERVICE.

945
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,019
SO IMAGINE INSTEAD OF HAVING A

946
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:57,499
WASHING MACHINE, IT'S A SMART

947
00:23:57,500 --> 00:23:58,499
WASHING MACHINE.

948
00:23:58,500 --> 00:23:59,779
IT KNOWS HOW OFTEN YOU'RE USING

949
00:23:59,780 --> 00:23:59,918
IT.

950
00:23:59,919 --> 00:24:01,019
WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF DETERGENT,

951
00:24:01,020 --> 00:24:02,359
DETERGENT SIMPLY SHOWS UP IN THE

952
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:02,999
MAIL.

953
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,519
IT KNOWS THAT YOU JUST HAD A

954
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:05,759
CHILD, SO YOU'RE GONNA BE USING

955
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,269
IT MORE OFTEN.

956
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:07,579
IT ACTUALLY ADJUSTS TO YOUR

957
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:08,057
NEEDS.

958
00:24:08,058 --> 00:24:10,979
>> John: THAT IS SO UNSETTLING!

959
00:24:10,980 --> 00:24:13,119
NO COMPANY NEEDS TO KNOW I HAD A

960
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:13,379
CHILD!

961
00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:14,619
THERE'S A REASON YOU START BIRTH

962
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,300
ANNOUNCEMENTS WITH "DEAR FAMILY

963
00:24:17,028 --> 00:24:18,135
AND FRIENDS," AND NOT "TO WHOM

964
00:24:18,136 --> 00:24:19,241
IT MAY CONCERN AT THE WHIRLPOOL

965
00:24:19,242 --> 00:24:20,718
CORPORATION."

966
00:24:20,719 --> 00:24:22,579
AND IT'S ALSO UNNECESSARY.

967
00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:24,099
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW IF SOMEONE'S

968
00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:25,158
HAD A KID, THERE ARE WAY MORE

969
00:24:25,159 --> 00:24:26,039
OBVIOUS CLUES THAN SOMEONE

970
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,080
"WASHING MORE CLOTHES."

971
00:24:27,179 --> 00:24:28,438
HOW ABOUT: ARE THEIR EYES

972
00:24:28,439 --> 00:24:29,019
HOLLOW?

973
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:29,958
DO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE

974
00:24:29,959 --> 00:24:31,539
TAKING, AT MOST, TWO SHOWERS A

975
00:24:31,540 --> 00:24:31,738
WEEK?

976
00:24:31,739 --> 00:24:33,218
DO THEY SPEND THE ONE HOUR A DAY

977
00:24:33,219 --> 00:24:34,479
THEY GET TO THEMSELVES WATCHING

978
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,979
BEAST GAMES IN A CATATONIC

979
00:24:35,980 --> 00:24:36,658
STATE?

980
00:24:36,659 --> 00:24:37,958
DOES A BARISTA GETTING THEIR

981
00:24:37,959 --> 00:24:39,740
COFFEE ORDER WRONG ELICIT STEEL

982
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:41,320
MAGNOLIAS LEVEL SOBS?

983
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,299
ARE THEY WEARING A BACKPACK IN A

984
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,099
RESTAURANT?

985
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:46,099
THOSE ARE ALL EASY WAYS TO SPOT

986
00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:47,079
A NEW PARENT THAT CRUCIALLY

987
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,539
DON'T INVOLVE SPYING ON THEM

988
00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:49,698
THROUGH THEIR FUCKING WASHING

989
00:24:49,699 --> 00:24:50,718
MACHINE.

990
00:24:50,719 --> 00:24:52,638
NOW, OBVIOUSLY THERE'S A PRETTY

991
00:24:52,639 --> 00:24:53,919
SIMPLE SOLUTION FOR YOU HERE:

992
00:24:54,380 --> 00:24:55,698
DON'T BUY THESE "SMART

993
00:24:55,699 --> 00:24:56,319
PRODUCTS."

994
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:57,339
AND IF YOU DON'T WANT A

995
00:24:57,340 --> 00:24:58,539
SUBSCRIPTION ANYMORE, JUST

996
00:24:58,540 --> 00:24:59,079
CANCEL IT.

997
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,600
BUT WHILE THAT'S EASY TO SAY,

998
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,779
CANCELING CAN BE WAY HARDER TO

999
00:25:02,780 --> 00:25:03,859
PULL OFF IN PRACTICE, AND FOR A

1000
00:25:03,860 --> 00:25:04,619
FEW KEY REASONS.

1001
00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:06,178
FIRST, LET'S ADMIT, AS A

1002
00:25:06,179 --> 00:25:08,279
SPECIES, PEOPLE CAN JUST FORGET.

1003
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:09,879
IN FACT, ANYTIME SUBSCRIPTIONS

1004
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,398
GET COVERED ON THE NEWS, SOMEONE

1005
00:25:11,399 --> 00:25:13,158
INVARIABLY OFFERS A CONFESSION

1006
00:25:13,159 --> 00:25:13,669
LIKE THIS.

1007
00:25:13,670 --> 00:25:14,834
>> GUYS, THIS IS SO FUNNY

1008
00:25:14,835 --> 00:25:15,948
BECAUSE YESTERDAY I REALIZED

1009
00:25:16,419 --> 00:25:18,239
THAT MY GYM ACCOUNT HAS BEEN

1010
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,218
CHARGING ME TWICE EVERY MONTH

1011
00:25:19,219 --> 00:25:20,398
FOR THE PAST LIKE FOUR MONTHS.

1012
00:25:20,399 --> 00:25:21,398
>> I FORGOT THAT I WAS

1013
00:25:21,399 --> 00:25:22,056
SUBSCRIBED TO APPLE TV FOR

1014
00:25:22,057 --> 00:25:23,482
SIX MONTHS.

1015
00:25:23,483 --> 00:25:25,299
>> I MADE THIS LIST, AND I

1016
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,629
REALIZED THAT THREE OR FOUR OF

1017
00:25:26,630 --> 00:25:28,138
THE SERVICES I HAD, I HAD JUST

1018
00:25:28,139 --> 00:25:28,958
NOT USED IN YEARS.

1019
00:25:28,959 --> 00:25:29,871
>> LIKE?

1020
00:25:29,872 --> 00:25:30,419
>> ONE OF THEM BEING AN E-FAX

1021
00:25:30,420 --> 00:25:31,240
SERVICE.

1022
00:25:31,241 --> 00:25:31,696
I-- AM I--

1023
00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:32,609
>> FAX.

1024
00:25:32,610 --> 00:25:33,157
>> AM I ON NATIONAL TELEVISION

1025
00:25:33,158 --> 00:25:34,892
ADMITTING RIGHT NOW THAT I HAD A

1026
00:25:34,893 --> 00:25:36,261
FAX SERVICE?

1027
00:25:36,262 --> 00:25:37,631
>> John: LOOK, I'M TRYING NOT TO

1028
00:25:37,632 --> 00:25:39,457
BE JUDGMENTAL, BUT: YOU DIDN'T

1029
00:25:39,458 --> 00:25:40,826
KNOW YOU WERE PAYING FOR AN

1030
00:25:40,827 --> 00:25:41,827
E-FAX SERVICE FOR YEARS?

1031
00:25:42,639 --> 00:25:43,999
I THINK IT GENUINELY MIGHT BE

1032
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,198
LESS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT YOU

1033
00:25:45,199 --> 00:25:46,918
WROTE IN "JILL STEIN" IN THE

1034
00:25:46,919 --> 00:25:48,039
2020 ELECTION.

1035
00:25:48,539 --> 00:25:50,339
I'D RATHER STAND OUTSIDE THE

1036
00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:51,980
TODAY SHOW AND HOLD UP A SIGN

1037
00:25:52,325 --> 00:25:53,380
READING "PEOPLE WERE WRONG ABOUT

1038
00:25:53,381 --> 00:25:54,787
MADAME WEB" THAN ADMIT SOMETHING

1039
00:25:54,788 --> 00:25:56,898
LIKE THAT.

1040
00:25:56,899 --> 00:25:59,499
BUT THE THING IS, SOMETIMES IT'S

1041
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:01,039
LESS PEOPLE FORGETTING THEY HAD

1042
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:01,948
A SUBSCRIPTION, AND MORE THEM

1043
00:26:01,949 --> 00:26:03,070
NOT REALIZING THEY SIGNED UP FOR

1044
00:26:03,071 --> 00:26:05,827
ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE-- WHICH

1045
00:26:06,179 --> 00:26:07,418
CAN BE EASY TO DO.

1046
00:26:07,419 --> 00:26:09,020
MAYBE YOU SIGNED UP FOR A BUNDLE

1047
00:26:09,139 --> 00:26:10,299
-- SO YOU SUBSCRIBED TO, SAY,

1048
00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:11,879
LYFT PINK AND THEY THREW IN A

1049
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,438
YEAR OF GRUBHUB+-- AND YOU

1050
00:26:13,439 --> 00:26:14,580
DIDN'T REALIZE THAT AFTER A

1051
00:26:15,024 --> 00:26:16,763
YEAR, GRUBHUB+ AUTOMATICALLY

1052
00:26:16,764 --> 00:26:18,019
CONVERTS INTO A PAID

1053
00:26:18,020 --> 00:26:18,918
SUBSCRIPTION.

1054
00:26:18,919 --> 00:26:20,638
COMPANIES HAVE GOTTEN VERY GOOD

1055
00:26:20,639 --> 00:26:22,879
AT MAKING IT INCREDIBLY EASY TO

1056
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,299
SIGN UP FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS BY

1057
00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:26,218
ACCIDENT-- OFTEN BY EMPLOYING

1058
00:26:26,219 --> 00:26:27,718
WHAT ARE CALLED "DARK PATTERNS"

1059
00:26:27,719 --> 00:26:29,039
-- WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS LIKE THE

1060
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,499
TITLE OF JEREMY RENNER'S NEXT

1061
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:31,899
ALBUM OF SONG-LIKE SOUND

1062
00:26:32,492 --> 00:26:33,594
MISTAKES-- BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A

1063
00:26:33,595 --> 00:26:34,625
TERM DESCRIBING COMPANIES USING

1064
00:26:34,959 --> 00:26:36,718
DECEPTIVE DESIGN CHOICES TO

1065
00:26:36,719 --> 00:26:38,079
MANIPULATE YOU INTO MAKING

1066
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:39,599
DECISIONS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE

1067
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:39,999
INTENDED.

1068
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,938
TAKE AMAZON PRIME-- WHICH IN

1069
00:26:41,939 --> 00:26:42,709
ADDITION TO OFFERING SUBSCRIBERS

1070
00:26:42,710 --> 00:26:44,698
FREE SHIPPING, ALSO PROVIDES

1071
00:26:44,699 --> 00:26:46,258
ACCESS TO SOME OF THE BEST SHOWS

1072
00:26:46,259 --> 00:26:47,939
ONLY YOUR DAD WATCHES.

1073
00:26:48,919 --> 00:26:51,359
PRIME HAS BEEN A MASSIVE SUCCESS

1074
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:52,119
FOR AMAZON.

1075
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,379
IT'S THE MAIN DRIVER BEHIND THE

1076
00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:55,879
MORE THAN $44 BILLION AMAZON

1077
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,060
MADE ON SUBSCRIPTIONS LAST YEAR.

1078
00:26:58,439 --> 00:26:59,638
BUT A FEW YEARS BACK, THE

1079
00:26:59,639 --> 00:27:01,178
COMPANY GOT INTO BIG TROUBLE

1080
00:27:01,179 --> 00:27:02,918
AFTER THE FTC CLAIMED IT HAD

1081
00:27:02,919 --> 00:27:04,418
USED A VARIETY OF DARK PATTERNS

1082
00:27:04,419 --> 00:27:05,695
TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO SIGNING UP

1083
00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:08,838
DESCRIBING JUST ONE OF THEM.

1084
00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:11,938
>> SO, ORIGINALLY, AMAZON PRIME

1085
00:27:11,939 --> 00:27:13,399
WAS $99 A YEAR.

1086
00:27:13,539 --> 00:27:15,279
IT'S UP TO $149 A YEAR NOW.

1087
00:27:15,679 --> 00:27:17,158
BUT LET'S SHOW YOU REAL FAST

1088
00:27:17,159 --> 00:27:17,398
HERE.

1089
00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:18,599
YOU PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR CART,

1090
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:19,760
GO TO THE PAYMENT PAGE.

1091
00:27:19,860 --> 00:27:20,940
CLICK THE YELLOW BUTTON.

1092
00:27:20,941 --> 00:27:24,327
MOVE FORWARD ONE PAGE.

1093
00:27:24,570 --> 00:27:27,956
WHEN YOU GO TO CHECK OUT, YOU

1094
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:29,260
GET A POP UP.

1095
00:27:29,419 --> 00:27:30,480
INSTEAD OF THE YELLOW BUTTON,

1096
00:27:30,639 --> 00:27:31,938
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN CLICKING ALL

1097
00:27:31,939 --> 00:27:33,890
THE WAY TO PROCEED AS NORMAL.

1098
00:27:33,891 --> 00:27:36,526
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS SIGN UP

1099
00:27:36,527 --> 00:27:38,721
FOR AMAZON IS THE YELLOW ONE AND

1100
00:27:38,722 --> 00:27:41,466
THE PROCEED AS NORMAL IS NOT.

1101
00:27:41,467 --> 00:27:44,211
>> John: YEAH, AND IT'S EASY TO

1102
00:27:44,212 --> 00:27:45,572
SEE HOW SOMEONE COULD FALL FOR

1103
00:27:45,573 --> 00:27:46,938
THAT, PARTICULARLY IF THEY SPEAK

1104
00:27:46,939 --> 00:27:48,438
ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE, OR

1105
00:27:48,439 --> 00:27:50,218
ARE ARE OLDER AND A LITTLE LESS

1106
00:27:50,219 --> 00:27:51,959
TECH-SAVVY, OR THEY CAN'T READ

1107
00:27:52,464 --> 00:27:54,115
AT ALL.

1108
00:27:54,116 --> 00:27:55,791
THE POINT IS, IT SURE SEEMS LIKE

1109
00:27:55,792 --> 00:27:56,249
AMAZON WAS BEING DELIBERATELY

1110
00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:57,475
CONFUSING THERE.

1111
00:27:57,476 --> 00:27:58,718
IN FACT, A FORMER AMAZON

1112
00:27:58,719 --> 00:28:00,218
EMPLOYEE LITERALLY TOLD

1113
00:28:00,219 --> 00:28:02,218
REPORTERS, QUOTE, "WE HAVE BEEN

1114
00:28:02,219 --> 00:28:03,459
DELIBERATELY CONFUSING."

1115
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,519
AND NOT ONLY ARE THERE INTERNAL

1116
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,068
AMAZON DOCUMENTS STATING, "THE

1117
00:28:07,069 --> 00:28:08,549
ISSUE OF ACCIDENTAL PRIME-SIGN

1118
00:28:08,550 --> 00:28:10,138
UPS IS WELL DOCUMENTED," BUT IN

1119
00:28:10,139 --> 00:28:11,938
SEVERAL CASES, FIXES FOR THESE

1120
00:28:11,939 --> 00:28:13,218
ISSUES WERE ACTUALLY PROPOSED

1121
00:28:13,219 --> 00:28:15,198
AND CONSIDERED, BUT BECAUSE THEY

1122
00:28:15,199 --> 00:28:16,519
RESULTED IN LOWER SUBSCRIPTION

1123
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,539
GROWTH WHEN TESTED, THEY WERE

1124
00:28:18,540 --> 00:28:19,698
SHELVED BY EXECUTIVES.

1125
00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:21,399
BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY WERE!

1126
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,319
BUT WHILE COMPANIES CLEARLY GO

1127
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,239
OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE IT

1128
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,780
INCREDIBLY EASY TO SUBSCRIBE,

1129
00:28:26,959 --> 00:28:28,398
THEY CAN MAKE CANCELING A

1130
00:28:28,399 --> 00:28:29,480
FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

1131
00:28:29,939 --> 00:28:31,019
TAKE LA FITNESS.

1132
00:28:31,159 --> 00:28:32,799
YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR A MEMBERSHIP

1133
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,178
THERE ONLINE, BUT AS THE FTC

1134
00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:36,918
POINTED OUT LAST YEAR, CANCELING

1135
00:28:36,919 --> 00:28:38,584
IT WAS A LOT HARDER.

1136
00:28:38,585 --> 00:28:40,443
>> THE FTC SAYS LA FITNESS AND

1137
00:28:40,530 --> 00:28:43,036
SISTER BRANDS DID NOT JUST MAKE

1138
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:44,332
CANCELING MEMBERSHIPS DIFFICULT,

1139
00:28:44,419 --> 00:28:45,749
THEY MADE IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE

1140
00:28:45,750 --> 00:28:48,416
-- THE AGENCY ACCUSES THE PARENT

1141
00:28:48,417 --> 00:28:50,550
COMPANY OF FORCING CONSUMERS

1142
00:28:50,551 --> 00:28:51,618
THROUGH A MAZE OF RED TAPES.

1143
00:28:51,619 --> 00:28:53,019
SOME HAD TO PRINT LONG FORMS

1144
00:28:53,020 --> 00:28:54,779
REQUIRING LONG FORGOTTEN LOGIN

1145
00:28:54,780 --> 00:28:56,559
CREDENTIALS, WHILE OTHERS HAD TO

1146
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,479
SHOW UP IN PERSON AND SPEAK WITH

1147
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,240
A SPECIFIC MANAGER WHO WAS OFTEN

1148
00:29:00,838 --> 00:29:02,058
UNAVAILABLE.

1149
00:29:02,059 --> 00:29:03,397
IN SOME CASES PEOPLE WERE

1150
00:29:03,398 --> 00:29:05,184
REQUIRED TO SEND CERTIFIED MAIL

1151
00:29:05,185 --> 00:29:06,464
JUST TO CANCEL AND EVEN AFTER

1152
00:29:06,465 --> 00:29:07,298
SOME MEMBERS CONTACTED THEIR

1153
00:29:07,299 --> 00:29:08,739
BANKS TO STOP PAYMENTS THEY

1154
00:29:08,740 --> 00:29:10,019
ALLEGE THE COMPANIES CONTINUED

1155
00:29:10,020 --> 00:29:11,898
TO CHARGE THEM SOMETIMES UNDER

1156
00:29:11,899 --> 00:29:12,847
NEW ACCOUNT NUMBERS.

1157
00:29:12,848 --> 00:29:13,280
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S

1158
00:29:13,281 --> 00:29:14,694
RIDICULOUS.

1159
00:29:14,695 --> 00:29:16,638
AND LOOK, TO BE FAIR-- GYMS

1160
00:29:16,639 --> 00:29:17,678
HAVE MADE IT HARD TO CANCEL

1161
00:29:17,679 --> 00:29:19,399
MEMBERSHIPS FOR YEARS.

1162
00:29:19,679 --> 00:29:21,119
IT'S SO WELL-KNOWN, IT WAS

1163
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,519
LITERALLY A SUBPLOT ON AN

1164
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:23,560
EPISODE OF "FRIENDS."

1165
00:29:23,740 --> 00:29:25,279
IT WAS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MORE

1166
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:26,718
RELATABLE SCENARIOS THAT GANG

1167
00:29:26,719 --> 00:29:27,599
FOUND THEMSELVES IN, WITH

1168
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,600
PERHAPS THE LEAST RELATABLE

1169
00:29:28,740 --> 00:29:29,979
BEING WHEN JOEY MET PRINCE

1170
00:29:29,980 --> 00:29:31,499
ANDREW'S EX-WIFE FERGIE AND

1171
00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:33,398
DIDN'T ASK HER WHAT SHE KNEW AND

1172
00:29:33,399 --> 00:29:33,859
WHEN.

1173
00:29:33,860 --> 00:29:37,779
BUT NOWADAYS, EVERYTHING FEELS

1174
00:29:37,780 --> 00:29:39,119
LIKE A GYM MEMBERSHIP.

1175
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:40,499
AND COMPANIES CAN USE SOME OF

1176
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:42,099
THE SAME "DARK PATTERNS" THAT

1177
00:29:42,100 --> 00:29:43,859
GOT YOU IN TO A SUBSCRIPTION, TO

1178
00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:45,379
CONFUSE YOU WHEN YOU'RE TRYING

1179
00:29:45,380 --> 00:29:46,183
TO GET OUT OF IT.

1180
00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:47,157
TO GIVE YOU JUST ONE EXAMPLE:

1181
00:29:47,158 --> 00:29:48,619
TAKE HELLO FRESH.

1182
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:49,958
UNTIL RECENTLY, HERE'S WHAT YOU

1183
00:29:49,959 --> 00:29:51,540
HAD TO DO TO CANCEL YOUR

1184
00:29:51,919 --> 00:29:52,739
SUBSCRIPTION: YOU'D GO TO YOUR

1185
00:29:52,740 --> 00:29:54,019
ACCOUNT PAGE, AND THEN HAVE TO

1186
00:29:54,020 --> 00:29:55,259
SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM, WHERE

1187
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:56,819
YOU'D FIND A BOLDED "PAUSE MY

1188
00:29:56,820 --> 00:29:58,099
DELIVERIES" BUTTON, AND A LESS

1189
00:29:58,100 --> 00:29:59,178
OBVIOUS "CANCEL" ONE.

1190
00:29:59,179 --> 00:30:00,179
IF YOU HIT "CANCEL."

1191
00:30:00,380 --> 00:30:01,479
IT TOOK YOU TO A PAGE LISTING

1192
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:02,938
ALL THE BENEFITS OF SUBSCRIBING,

1193
00:30:02,939 --> 00:30:04,479
WITH A BOLDED BUTTON TO STAY

1194
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:05,554
SUBSCRIBED, AND THEN, FURTHER

1195
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:06,926
DOWN, AN UN-HIGHLIGHTED "CANCEL"

1196
00:30:07,159 --> 00:30:07,588
BUTTON.

1197
00:30:07,589 --> 00:30:09,019
BUT LET'S SAY YOU HIT "CANCEL"

1198
00:30:09,020 --> 00:30:09,207
AGAIN.

1199
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:10,207
AT THAT POINT, YOU'D HAVE TO

1200
00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:11,158
TELL THEM "WHY" YOU'RE

1201
00:30:11,159 --> 00:30:12,678
CANCELING, BY CLICKING ONE OF A

1202
00:30:12,679 --> 00:30:13,569
NUMBER OF REASONS-- YOU

1203
00:30:13,570 --> 00:30:15,340
COULDN'T PROCEED UNLESS YOU

1204
00:30:15,620 --> 00:30:17,279
PICKED ONE-- AND THEN IT'D TAKE

1205
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:18,379
YOU TO A PAGE OFFERING YOU A FIX

1206
00:30:18,380 --> 00:30:19,279
FOR THAT COMPLAINT, WITH--

1207
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:20,799
AGAIN-- A HIGHLIGHTED BUTTON TO

1208
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,040
STAY SUBSCRIBED, AND AN

1209
00:30:22,139 --> 00:30:23,698
UN-HIGHLIGHTED "CANCEL ANYWAY"

1210
00:30:23,699 --> 00:30:23,979
BOX.

1211
00:30:23,980 --> 00:30:25,019
AND IF YOU CLICKED ON THAT BOX,

1212
00:30:25,020 --> 00:30:26,579
IT'D FINALLY CANCEL YOUR

1213
00:30:26,580 --> 00:30:27,799
SUBSCRIPTION-- WHILE ALSO

1214
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,379
OFFERING YOU, AFTER YOU'D GOTTEN

1215
00:30:28,380 --> 00:30:29,098
USED TO CLICKING UN-HIGHLIGHTED

1216
00:30:29,099 --> 00:30:30,759
BUTTONS TO KEEP CANCELLING, AN

1217
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:35,687
UN-HIGHLIGHTED ONE TO UNDO THE

1218
00:30:35,688 --> 00:30:36,158
FUCKING CANCELLATION.

1219
00:30:36,159 --> 00:30:37,439
AND LOOK, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING

1220
00:30:37,580 --> 00:30:39,539
"WELL, IF YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION

1221
00:30:39,540 --> 00:30:41,239
AND READ WHAT YOU'RE CLICKING

1222
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,398
YOU SHOULD BE FINE."

1223
00:30:42,399 --> 00:30:43,399
BUT HERE'S THE THING,

1224
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,099
"PAY ATTENTION" AND "READ" ARE

1225
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:48,519
TWO VERY DIFFICULT THINGS TO ASK

1226
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,398
OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION ALL THE

1227
00:30:50,399 --> 00:30:52,919
TIME, AND COMPANIES ARE BANKING

1228
00:30:53,451 --> 00:30:54,581
ON THAT.

1229
00:30:54,582 --> 00:30:55,106
AND IT'S BY NO MEANS JUST

1230
00:30:55,107 --> 00:30:55,552
"HELLO FRESH."

1231
00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:56,938
IN FACT, IN THE SAME LAWSUIT

1232
00:30:56,939 --> 00:30:58,759
WHERE THE FTC ACCUSED AMAZON OF

1233
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,259
TRICKING PEOPLE INTO SIGNING UP

1234
00:31:00,260 --> 00:31:02,698
FOR PRIME, IT POINTED OUT JUST

1235
00:31:02,699 --> 00:31:04,759
HOW HARD THEY MADE IT FOR YOU TO

1236
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:05,981
UNDO THAT MISTAKE.

1237
00:31:05,982 --> 00:31:08,544
>> IT ALSO CLAIMS AMAZON MADE

1238
00:31:08,545 --> 00:31:08,979
IT VERY DIFFICULT TO NAVIGATE

1239
00:31:08,980 --> 00:31:11,399
CANCELING A PRIME SUBSCRIPTION

1240
00:31:11,699 --> 00:31:13,840
WITH A FOUR-PAGE, SIX-CLICK, AND

1241
00:31:14,399 --> 00:31:16,359
15-OPTION PROCESS THE FTC SAYS

1242
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,739
AMAZON CALLED ILIAD AFTER THE

1243
00:31:18,740 --> 00:31:21,398
NEARLY 16,000 LINE ANCIENT POEM.

1244
00:31:21,399 --> 00:31:22,002
>> John: YEAH, AND THAT'S PRETTY

1245
00:31:22,003 --> 00:31:24,479
TELLING.

1246
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,158
YOU DON'T NAME SOMETHING "THE

1247
00:31:26,159 --> 00:31:28,099
ILIAD" BECAUSE IT'S EASY TO GET

1248
00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:28,918
THROUGH.

1249
00:31:28,919 --> 00:31:30,698
YOU DO THAT BECAUSE IT'S A DENSE

1250
00:31:30,699 --> 00:31:32,218
SLOG THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO KILL

1251
00:31:32,219 --> 00:31:33,198
YOURSELF.

1252
00:31:33,199 --> 00:31:34,398
IF YOU WANTED A LITERARY

1253
00:31:34,399 --> 00:31:35,958
SHORTHAND FOR SOMETHING EASY TO

1254
00:31:35,959 --> 00:31:36,958
GET THROUGH AND OBVIOUS TO

1255
00:31:36,959 --> 00:31:37,918
FIGURE OUT, YOU'D NAME IT "THE

1256
00:31:37,919 --> 00:31:38,799
DA VINCI CODE."

1257
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,918
REMEMBER-- THE ANSWER TO THE

1258
00:31:40,919 --> 00:31:41,958
RIDDLE IS "APPLE."

1259
00:31:41,959 --> 00:31:43,539
DON'T WORRY, THAT'S ONLY A

1260
00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:44,898
SPOILER IF YOU'RE A COMPLETE

1261
00:31:44,899 --> 00:31:45,899
IDIOT.

1262
00:31:47,059 --> 00:31:48,479
AMAZON ULTIMATELY SETTLED THAT

1263
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,599
CASE FOR $2.5 BILLION AND HAD TO

1264
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:51,618
MAKE CHANGES TO ITS PROCESSES TO

1265
00:31:51,619 --> 00:31:52,269
COMPLY WITH THE SETTLEMENT,

1266
00:31:52,270 --> 00:31:52,567
THOUGH IT STILL DENIES IT EVER

1267
00:31:52,568 --> 00:31:52,882
TRIED TO DECEIVE PRIME MEMBERS.

1268
00:31:52,883 --> 00:31:55,999
AND SURE.

1269
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,879
BUT AGAIN, AMAZON IS NOT ALONE

1270
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:00,438
-- UBER, MATCH, VONAGE, AND

1271
00:32:00,439 --> 00:32:01,658
SHUTTERSTOCK HAVE ALL FACED

1272
00:32:01,659 --> 00:32:02,800
SIMILAR LAWSUITS.

1273
00:32:02,899 --> 00:32:04,559
AND SOME COMPANIES WILL GO EVEN

1274
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:05,938
FURTHER TO TRAP YOU IN

1275
00:32:05,939 --> 00:32:06,579
SUBSCRIPTIONS.

1276
00:32:06,580 --> 00:32:08,418
ADOBE, FOR INSTANCE, HAS MADE IT

1277
00:32:08,419 --> 00:32:09,898
A PRACTICE TO CHARGE A HEFTY

1278
00:32:09,899 --> 00:32:11,938
"EARLY TERMINATION FEE" TO END

1279
00:32:11,939 --> 00:32:13,229
SUBSCRIPTIONS - BUT AS THE FTC

1280
00:32:13,230 --> 00:32:15,499
PUT IT, HID THE RELEVANT DETAILS

1281
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,239
IN FINE PRINT AND BEHIND

1282
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,759
OPTIONAL TEXTBOXES AND

1283
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:19,198
HYPERLINKS.

1284
00:32:19,199 --> 00:32:21,239
AND THEY DEFINITELY KNEW WHAT

1285
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:22,238
THEY WERE DOING, GIVEN, IN

1286
00:32:22,239 --> 00:32:23,759
INTERNAL EMAILS, ONE EMPLOYEE

1287
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,458
WROTE THERE'D BE ABSOLUTELY NO

1288
00:32:25,459 --> 00:32:26,839
WAY TO KILL OFF THAT EARLY

1289
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,548
TERMINATION FEE, OR TALK ABOUT

1290
00:32:28,549 --> 00:32:29,779
IT MORE OBVIOUSLY, WITHOUT

1291
00:32:29,780 --> 00:32:31,759
TAKING A BIG BUSINESS HIT, AND

1292
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,438
THAT THE FEE WAS A BIT LIKE

1293
00:32:33,439 --> 00:32:34,840
HEROIN FOR ADOBE.

1294
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,459
WHICH ISN'T GOOD.

1295
00:32:36,740 --> 00:32:38,379
DESCRIBING ANYTHING AS A "BIT

1296
00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:41,398
LIKE HEROIN" IS BAD, EVEN IF

1297
00:32:41,399 --> 00:32:42,379
IT'S SOMETHING HARMLESS.

1298
00:32:42,380 --> 00:32:43,259
IF YOU DESCRIBED YOUR

1299
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:44,398
BOYFRIEND'S OBSESSION WITH

1300
00:32:44,399 --> 00:32:46,099
BASKETBALL PLAYER LUKA DONCIC AS

1301
00:32:46,300 --> 00:32:48,799
"A BIT LIKE HEROIN," I'D TELL

1302
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,259
YOU TO DUMP HIM AND I'D TELL HIM

1303
00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:51,260
TO GET A REAL PERSONALITY.

1304
00:32:51,419 --> 00:32:53,198
AND THAT'S ME BEING POLITE.

1305
00:32:53,199 --> 00:32:54,398
BECAUSE IF YOU ASKED ME AFTER

1306
00:32:54,399 --> 00:32:56,339
I'VE HAD A FEW COSMOS I'D TELL

1307
00:32:56,340 --> 00:32:57,959
YOU TO STOP CHOOSING MEN THAT

1308
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,198
IGNORE YOU LIKE YOUR FATHER, BUT

1309
00:32:59,199 --> 00:33:00,619
WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE NOT READY TO

1310
00:33:00,620 --> 00:33:01,620
HEAR THAT.

1311
00:33:04,850 --> 00:33:07,289
AND WHILE ADOBE AND OTHER

1312
00:33:07,290 --> 00:33:09,769
COMPANIES WILL RATIONALIZE ALL

1313
00:33:09,770 --> 00:33:11,029
OF THIS AS JUST GIVING CUSTOMERS

1314
00:33:11,030 --> 00:33:12,009
GREATER FLEXIBILITY AND

1315
00:33:12,010 --> 00:33:14,009
CONVENIENCE, IT'S CLEAR, PEOPLE

1316
00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:15,570
ARE FED UP WITH THIS.

1317
00:33:16,169 --> 00:33:17,329
FRUSTRATION WITH SUBSCRIPTIONS

1318
00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:19,148
MAY BE THE ONE REMAINING THING

1319
00:33:19,149 --> 00:33:20,948
THAT ACTUALLY UNIFIES ALL OF US,

1320
00:33:20,949 --> 00:33:21,928
ACROSS PARTY LINES.

1321
00:33:21,929 --> 00:33:23,408
WHICH IS INCREDIBLE, AS IT SEEMS

1322
00:33:23,409 --> 00:33:24,830
WE CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON SIMPLE

1323
00:33:25,209 --> 00:33:26,769
THINGS NOWADAYS LIKE SUPER BOWL

1324
00:33:26,770 --> 00:33:28,509
PERFORMERS, OR WHICH POKEMON

1325
00:33:28,510 --> 00:33:29,590
WOULD BE THE MOST DELICIOUS?

1326
00:33:29,769 --> 00:33:30,789
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING:

1327
00:33:33,549 --> 00:33:35,698
GYRADOS OR A MAGIKARP, SOMETHING

1328
00:33:35,699 --> 00:33:37,530
LIKE THAT, MAYBE PSYDUCK, BUT

1329
00:33:39,566 --> 00:33:40,204
THE VERY FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT

1330
00:33:40,205 --> 00:33:42,448
EVEN OPEN TO DITTO IS WHY THIS

1331
00:33:42,449 --> 00:33:44,330
IS SUCH A POINT OF DISCUSSION.

1332
00:33:45,509 --> 00:33:47,009
SO, WHAT CAN WE DO?

1333
00:33:47,010 --> 00:33:48,069
WELL, THERE'S STUFF YOU CAN DO

1334
00:33:48,070 --> 00:33:48,928
ON A PERSONAL LEVEL.

1335
00:33:48,929 --> 00:33:50,289
YOU CAN CHECK YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS

1336
00:33:50,290 --> 00:33:51,529
FOR RECURRING SUBSCRIPTIONS.

1337
00:33:55,884 --> 00:33:57,473
IF YOU HAVE AN iPHONE, TAP YOUR

1338
00:33:57,586 --> 00:34:00,877
NAME AND GO TO "SUBSCRIPTIONS"

1339
00:34:00,990 --> 00:34:01,990
ALSO, TRY NOT TO SIGN UP FOR ANY

1340
00:34:02,550 --> 00:34:03,809
FREE TRIALS WITHOUT SETTING A

1341
00:34:03,810 --> 00:34:05,629
REMINDER TO CANCEL THEM, AND IF

1342
00:34:05,630 --> 00:34:06,729
YOU'VE BEEN PAYING FOR AN E-FAX

1343
00:34:06,730 --> 00:34:08,670
SERVICE FOR YEARS, JUST THROW

1344
00:34:09,168 --> 00:34:10,114
YOUR PHONE IN A RIVER, YOU CAN'T

1345
00:34:10,115 --> 00:34:12,908
BE TRUSTED WITH IT ANYMORE.

1346
00:34:12,909 --> 00:34:14,569
BUT IT SHOULDN'T JUST BE ON

1347
00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:16,629
INDIVIDUALS TO HAVE TO FIGHT ALL

1348
00:34:16,630 --> 00:34:17,089
THIS BULLSHIT.

1349
00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:18,829
AND THERE'S ACTUALLY A POLICY

1350
00:34:18,830 --> 00:34:21,088
SOLUTION THAT'D FIX A BUNCH OF

1351
00:34:21,089 --> 00:34:22,120
WHAT YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT, AND IT

1352
00:34:22,121 --> 00:34:24,141
WAS PUSHED BY BIDEN'S HEAD OF

1353
00:34:24,142 --> 00:34:25,175
THE FTC, LINA KHAN.

1354
00:34:25,176 --> 00:34:26,629
IT'S CALLED "CLICK TO CANCEL,"

1355
00:34:26,630 --> 00:34:27,790
AND WHEN YOU HEAR IT DESCRIBED,

1356
00:34:28,310 --> 00:34:29,832
IT SOUNDS PRETTY REASONABLE.

1357
00:34:29,833 --> 00:34:32,678
>> UNDER THIS NEW CLICK TO

1358
00:34:32,679 --> 00:34:33,325
CANCEL RULE CANCELING MUST BE

1359
00:34:33,326 --> 00:34:35,169
QUICK AND EASY.

1360
00:34:35,170 --> 00:34:37,229
SO IF YOU SIGNED UP ONLINE THERE

1361
00:34:37,230 --> 00:34:38,709
NEEDS TO BE A CLICK TO CANCEL

1362
00:34:38,710 --> 00:34:39,508
OPTION.

1363
00:34:39,509 --> 00:34:41,249
SO IF YOU SIGN UP IN PERSON THE

1364
00:34:41,250 --> 00:34:43,289
FTC WILL REQUIRE THE OPTION TO

1365
00:34:43,290 --> 00:34:46,170
CANCEL OVER THE PHONE OR ONLINE.

1366
00:34:46,489 --> 00:34:48,468
NOW THE FTC ALSO SAYS COMPANIES

1367
00:34:48,469 --> 00:34:50,888
MUST MAKE INFORMATION EASY TO

1368
00:34:50,889 --> 00:34:53,109
FIND BEFORE OBTAINING YOUR

1369
00:34:53,110 --> 00:34:54,908
BILLING INFORMATION AND

1370
00:34:54,909 --> 00:34:57,349
CONSUMERS MUST BE INFORMED OF

1371
00:34:57,350 --> 00:34:59,089
WHAT THEY'RE AGREEING TO BEFORE

1372
00:35:00,049 --> 00:35:01,069
SIGNING UP.

1373
00:35:01,231 --> 00:35:02,287
>> John: RIGHT!

1374
00:35:02,447 --> 00:35:03,666
THAT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD, AND

1375
00:35:03,929 --> 00:35:05,709
IT'S KIND OF SHOCKING WE EVEN

1376
00:35:05,710 --> 00:35:07,388
NEEDED THE GOVERNMENT TO REQUIRE

1377
00:35:07,389 --> 00:35:08,189
THAT.

1378
00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:09,568
IF STARBUCKS ANNOUNCED A NEW

1379
00:35:09,569 --> 00:35:11,048
COMPANY POLICY OF, "THE DISPLAY

1380
00:35:11,049 --> 00:35:12,619
BAGELS ARE NOT TO BE USED FOR

1381
00:35:12,620 --> 00:35:14,589
ANYTHING OTHER THAN EATING," I'D

1382
00:35:14,590 --> 00:35:15,809
HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT

1383
00:35:15,810 --> 00:35:17,428
WHY THAT WASN'T ALREADY A RULE

1384
00:35:17,429 --> 00:35:18,429
TO START WITH.

1385
00:35:18,810 --> 00:35:20,569
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, LAST SUMMER

1386
00:35:20,730 --> 00:35:22,229
-- JUST DAYS BEFORE "CLICK TO

1387
00:35:22,230 --> 00:35:23,230
CANCEL" WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE

1388
00:35:23,590 --> 00:35:25,209
EFFECT-- IT WAS VOIDED BY ONE

1389
00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:26,349
OF THE MOST CONSERVATIVE FEDERAL

1390
00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:27,918
COURTS ON PROCEDURAL GROUNDS.

1391
00:35:27,919 --> 00:35:29,829
AND WHILE TRUMP'S FTC HAS HINTED

1392
00:35:29,830 --> 00:35:31,409
THEY MIGHT DRAFT THEIR OWN RULE,

1393
00:35:31,670 --> 00:35:33,408
WE'LL SEE WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE

1394
00:35:33,409 --> 00:35:34,888
OR IF IT EVEN HAPPENS.

1395
00:35:34,889 --> 00:35:35,347
IN THE MEANTIME, TO THEIR

1396
00:35:35,348 --> 00:35:35,640
CREDIT, SOME STATES HAVE STEPPED

1397
00:35:35,641 --> 00:35:35,786
UP.

1398
00:35:35,787 --> 00:35:37,840
CALIFORNIA PASSED A BILL

1399
00:35:39,252 --> 00:35:40,068
AND WAS ONE OF THE FIRST.

1400
00:35:40,069 --> 00:35:41,309
AND JUST THIS YEAR, BOTH

1401
00:35:41,310 --> 00:35:42,737
VIRGINIA AND LOUISIANA HAVE

1402
00:35:42,738 --> 00:35:43,918
PASSED THEIR OWN VERSIONS OF

1403
00:35:44,096 --> 00:35:45,517
CLICK TO CANCEL, WITH NEW YORK

1404
00:35:45,695 --> 00:35:47,114
CITY PLANNING TO ROLL OUT ITS

1405
00:35:47,292 --> 00:35:48,292
VERSION IN OCTOBER.

1406
00:35:48,447 --> 00:35:50,313
IN FACT, IF YOU LIVE SOMEWHERE

1407
00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:52,389
WITHOUT GOOD PROTECTIONS, AND

1408
00:35:52,390 --> 00:35:53,429
ARE STRUGGLING TO CANCEL A

1409
00:35:53,430 --> 00:35:55,209
SUBSCRIPTION, ONE THING SOME

1410
00:35:55,210 --> 00:35:56,769
PEOPLE HAVE SAID WORKS IS SIMPLY

1411
00:35:56,770 --> 00:35:58,270
CHANGING YOUR LOCATION TO

1412
00:35:58,609 --> 00:35:59,809
CALIFORNIA, AS THAT CAN

1413
00:35:59,810 --> 00:36:01,469
APPARENTLY SOMETIMES FORCE A

1414
00:36:01,470 --> 00:36:03,108
SERVICE TO OFFER YOU A "CLICK TO

1415
00:36:03,109 --> 00:36:03,768
CANCEL" OPTION.

1416
00:36:03,769 --> 00:36:05,969
BUT OBVIOUSLY, "PRETEND TO LIVE

1417
00:36:05,970 --> 00:36:08,329
IN CALIFORNIA" SHOULDN'T BE THE

1418
00:36:08,330 --> 00:36:09,330
SYSTEM HERE.

1419
00:36:10,029 --> 00:36:12,528
AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I KNOW

1420
00:36:12,529 --> 00:36:14,568
SUBSCRIPTIONS AREN'T THE MOST

1421
00:36:14,569 --> 00:36:15,608
PRESSING ISSUE IN THE WORLD

1422
00:36:15,609 --> 00:36:15,989
RIGHT NOW.

1423
00:36:15,990 --> 00:36:17,969
BECAUSE THAT'D BE WAR, POOP, AND

1424
00:36:17,970 --> 00:36:19,029
PICK ME DONUTS, REMEMBER.

1425
00:36:19,190 --> 00:36:20,710
WE ALL AGREED ON THAT.

1426
00:36:21,310 --> 00:36:23,349
BUT IT'S FRUSTRATING THAT

1427
00:36:23,350 --> 00:36:25,369
THERE'S A TANTALIZINGLY EASY FIX

1428
00:36:25,370 --> 00:36:26,849
TO A UBIQUITOUS PROBLEM WITHIN

1429
00:36:26,850 --> 00:36:28,889
REACH, AND WE CAN'T SEEM TO HAVE

1430
00:36:28,890 --> 00:36:29,568
IT.

1431
00:36:29,569 --> 00:36:31,169
IT'S HONESTLY INCREDIBLY RARE

1432
00:36:31,170 --> 00:36:32,699
THAT WE END UP DISCUSSING A

1433
00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:33,548
STORY ON THIS SHOW WHERE THE

1434
00:36:33,549 --> 00:36:34,909
SOLUTION IS SIMPLY, "THERE

1435
00:36:34,910 --> 00:36:36,389
SHOULD JUST BE A BUTTON FOR

1436
00:36:36,390 --> 00:36:37,389
THAT."

1437
00:36:37,390 --> 00:36:38,469
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO

1438
00:36:38,470 --> 00:36:40,028
SUBSCRIPTIONS, WE COULD ACTUALLY

1439
00:36:40,029 --> 00:36:41,430
HAVE ONE OF THOSE BUTTONS, AND

1440
00:36:45,615 --> 00:36:47,452
IT WOULD FIX YOUR PROBLEMS AND

1441
00:36:47,453 --> 00:36:48,349
FIX PEOPLE'S LIVES MORE THAN I'M

1442
00:36:48,350 --> 00:36:48,949
COMFORTABLE ADMITTING.

1443
00:36:48,950 --> 00:36:50,949
SO I'D ARGUE COMPANIES SHOULD

1444
00:36:50,950 --> 00:36:51,950
GIVE US THAT OPTION.

1445
00:36:52,850 --> 00:36:54,329
AND IF THEY WON'T, THEY SHOULD

1446
00:36:54,330 --> 00:36:55,189
BE FORCED TO.

1447
00:36:55,190 --> 00:36:56,649
AND LOOK, THAT'S ME BEING

1448
00:36:56,650 --> 00:36:57,548
POLITE.

1449
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:58,689
BECAUSE IF YOU ASKED ME AFTER A

1450
00:36:58,690 --> 00:37:02,048
COUPLE COSMOS, I'D SAY THEY

1451
00:37:02,049 --> 00:37:02,818
SHOULD TRY REDIRECTING ALL THE

1452
00:37:02,819 --> 00:37:03,756
ENERGY THEY PUT INTO DEVELOPING

1453
00:37:03,757 --> 00:37:05,281
LABYRINTHINE SYSTEMS TO TRAP

1454
00:37:05,730 --> 00:37:07,229
THEIR CUSTOMERS, INTO MAKING

1455
00:37:07,230 --> 00:37:08,269
PRODUCTS OR SERVICES PEOPLE

1456
00:37:08,270 --> 00:37:09,789
ACTUALLY WANT TO KEEP BUYING.

1457
00:37:09,790 --> 00:37:11,048
BUT WE ALL KNOW THEY'RE NOT

1458
00:37:11,049 --> 00:37:12,109
READY FOR THAT CONVERSATION.

1459
00:37:15,072 --> 00:37:16,298
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1460
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,079
AND NOW THIS.

1461
00:37:18,221 --> 00:37:19,221
>> Announcer: AND NOW,

1462
00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:22,260
HIGHLIGHTS FROM OVER THE YEARS

1463
00:37:22,419 --> 00:37:23,780
FROM THE IOWA STATE FAIRS

1464
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,110
HUSBAND CALLING CONTEST.

1465
00:37:26,111 --> 00:37:27,680
>> BRADLEY!

1466
00:37:27,681 --> 00:37:28,301
BRADLEY!

1467
00:37:28,302 --> 00:37:35,302
I HAVE CHOCOLATE.

1468
00:37:35,422 --> 00:37:37,612
>> YOO-HOO, YOO-HOO.

1469
00:37:37,613 --> 00:37:40,278
>> BRUCE!

1470
00:37:40,279 --> 00:37:40,899
BREWSTER!

1471
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:44,000
DADDY BOO-BOO BEAR.

1472
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:51,372
>> TRAY!

1473
00:37:51,373 --> 00:37:52,601
TRAY!

1474
00:37:52,602 --> 00:37:58,130
>> IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!

1475
00:37:58,131 --> 00:38:00,588
>> DOMINICK!

1476
00:38:00,589 --> 00:38:02,514
WHERE'S THE CARD WE HAVE FOR THE

1477
00:38:02,515 --> 00:38:04,274
CHAOS CELEBRATION?

1478
00:38:04,275 --> 00:38:06,732
>> DINNER, DINNER, DINNER!

1479
00:38:06,733 --> 00:38:10,098
COME TO DINNER!

1480
00:38:10,099 --> 00:38:12,299
>> JOHN, COME ON, THESE ARE YOUR

1481
00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:13,300
KIDS TOO!

1482
00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:14,620
JOHN!

1483
00:38:14,929 --> 00:38:19,309
>> RORY!

1484
00:38:20,750 --> 00:38:21,750
RORY!

1485
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,660
I LOVE YOU!

1486
00:38:23,805 --> 00:38:26,999
>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

1487
00:38:27,148 --> 00:38:28,344
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

1488
00:38:28,345 --> 00:38:29,459
WE'RE OFF THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.

1489
00:38:29,460 --> 00:38:30,499
BACK SEPTEMBER 20TH.

1490
00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:31,500
GOOD NIGHT!

1491
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,549
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1492
00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:35,920
♪ ♪