1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:21,000 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:33,000 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:34,980 >> John: HI THERE! 4 00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:35,980 WELCOME TO THE SHOW! 5 00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:36,980 STILL COMING TO YOU FROM THIS 6 00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:37,980 BLANK VOID, WHICH I DON'T THINK 7 00:00:38,020 --> 00:00:38,980 IS PURGATORY, BUT I CAN'T PROVE 8 00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,980 OTHERWISE. 9 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:41,980 AND WE'RE GOING TO JUMP STRAIGHT 10 00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,980 IN WITH OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT, 11 00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:44,980 WHICH UNFORTUNATELY, FOR THE 12 00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:45,980 SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, CONCERNS 13 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:46,980 THE ELECTION WE JUST HAD. 14 00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:48,980 AND BELIEVE ME, I'M JUST AS 15 00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:49,980 DISAPPOINTED AS YOU ABOUT THAT. 16 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,980 I'D MUCH RATHER SPEND TONIGHT 17 00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:53,980 TALKING ABOUT THIS RARE TURTLE 18 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:54,980 FOUND IN WEST BENGAL. 19 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,980 LOOK HOW YELLOW IT IS! 20 00:00:57,020 --> 00:00:57,980 IT LOOKS LIKE IT GOT INTO SOME 21 00:00:58,020 --> 00:00:59,760 TROUBLE WITH THE TURTLE MAFIA 22 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:00,980 AND IS NOW TRYING TO DISGUISE 23 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:01,980 ITSELF AS A PEANUT M&M. 24 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:02,980 IT LOOKS LIKE IT WENT TO A 25 00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:04,980 COSTUME PARTY DRESSED AS "THE 26 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:05,980 LESS HEALTHY PART OF THE EGG." 27 00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:06,980 ACCORDING TO EXPERTS, "THE RARE 28 00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:08,980 COLOR OF THE TURTLE IS 29 00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:09,980 ATTRIBUTED TO THE DEFICIENCY OF 30 00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:10,980 PIGMENT CALLED TYROSINE," BUT 31 00:01:11,020 --> 00:01:11,980 ACCORDING TO ME, YOU CAN GO 32 00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:13,580 AHEAD AND DROP THAT LITTLE 33 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000 FACTOID IN A FILE LABELED "WHO 34 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:15,960 GIVES A SHIT" BECAUSE LOOK AT 35 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:16,980 HOW FUCKING YELLOW THAT TURTLE 36 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,980 IS! 37 00:01:19,020 --> 00:01:20,980 WE COULD'VE DONE THIS WHOLE SHOW 38 00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:21,980 ABOUT THIS SHINY, CHEDDAR CHEESE 39 00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:22,980 MISTAKE, BUT INSTEAD, WE HAVE TO 40 00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:25,980 TALK ABOUT THIS ASSHOLE. 41 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:26,980 BECAUSE IN NORMAL TIMES, THE 42 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,980 LOSER OF A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION 43 00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:29,980 WOULD SIMPLY ACKNOWLEDGE THEY 44 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:30,980 LOST AND THE COUNTRY WOULD GET 45 00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:31,980 TO MOVE ON. 46 00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:32,980 BUT AS OF OUR TAPING ON 47 00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:34,980 SATURDAY, A FULL WEEK AFTER THE 48 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:35,980 ELECTION WAS CALLED, TRUMP IS 49 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:36,980 STILL REFUSING TO CONCEDE THE 50 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,980 ELECTION. 51 00:01:39,020 --> 00:01:40,980 AND WHILE THAT'S NOT REMOTELY 52 00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:44,000 SURPRISING, WHAT HAS BEEN 53 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:44,960 DISAPPOINTING HAS BEEN THIS 54 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:45,020 SHIT. 55 00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:46,580 >> SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE 56 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:47,980 POMPEO SENT SHOCK WAVES WHEN HE 57 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:48,980 APPEARED TO DISMISS THE ELECTION 58 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:49,980 RESULTS. 59 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:51,520 >> THERE WILL BE A SMOOTH 60 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:52,020 TRANSITION TO A SECOND TRUMP 61 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:58,000 ADMINISTRATION. 62 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:58,020 WE ARE READY. 63 00:01:58,020 --> 00:02:00,000 >> John: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU 64 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,020 TALKING ABOUT, YOU BUSINESS 65 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:00,980 GRIMACE? 66 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:01,980 YOU'RE THE SECRETARY OF STATE. 67 00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,980 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FORCEFULLY 68 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:04,980 DENOUNCE COUPS AND LOOK THE 69 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:07,000 OTHER WAY IF THE CIA DOES ONE IN 70 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:07,960 CENTRAL OR SOUTH AMERICA. 71 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:08,980 THAT'S LITERALLY YOUR WHOLE JOB. 72 00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,980 AND WHILE SOME HAVE SUGGESTED 73 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:14,980 POMPEO WAS JOKING THERE, HE ALSO 74 00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:15,980 HASN'T YET ACKNOWLEDGED THAT 75 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:16,980 BIDEN IS PRESIDENT-ELECT. 76 00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:18,980 NOR HAVE MOST REPUBLICANS. 77 00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:19,980 MITCH McCONNELL NOT ONLY CLAIMED 78 00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:20,980 TRUMP IS "100% WITHIN HIS 79 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:21,980 RIGHTS" TO CHALLENGE THE 80 00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:22,980 ELECTION RESULTS, HE WENT ON TO 81 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:23,980 SAY THIS: 82 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:24,980 >> LET'S NOT HAVE ANY LECTURES, 83 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:25,980 NO LECTURES, ABOUT HOW THE 84 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,980 PRESIDENT SHOULD IMMEDIATELY, 85 00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,980 CHEERFULLY ACCEPT PRELIMINARY 86 00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:32,980 ELECTION RESULTS FROM THE SAME 87 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:33,980 CHARACTERS WHO JUST SPENT FOUR 88 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:34,980 YEARS REFUSING TO ACCEPT THE 89 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,980 VALIDITY OF THE LAST ELECTION. 90 00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,980 >> John: OKAY, FIRST: NO ONE 91 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:39,980 EXPECTED TRUMP TO "IMMEDIATELY, 92 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,980 CHEERFULLY ACCEPT" THE RESULTS. 93 00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:43,980 HE'S INCAPABLE OF CHEERFULLY 94 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:45,980 ACCEPTING ANYTHING APART FROM 95 00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:47,980 BLOWJOBS, NAZI ENDORSEMENTS, AND 96 00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:48,980 THE OPPORTUNITY TO SCREAM INSIDE 97 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:49,980 A STRANGER'S TRUCK. 98 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,000 WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT? 99 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:52,020 I'LL TELL YOU WHO DEFINITELY 100 00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,980 DOESN'T CARE: THIS GUY. 101 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:54,980 IT'S HIS TRUCK NOW. 102 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:57,980 HONK HONK! 103 00:02:58,020 --> 00:02:59,980 AND SECOND, WHILE THERE WERE 104 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:00,980 SOME ON THE LEFT IN 2016 WHO 105 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:02,980 URGED FIGHTING THE RESULTS, 106 00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:04,980 HILLARY FORMALLY CONCEDED THE 107 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:05,980 DAY AFTER THE ELECTION, AND 108 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:06,980 OBAMA HAD TRUMP IN THE WHITE 109 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,980 HOUSE THE DAY AFTER THAT. 110 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:09,980 AND YET, REPUBLICANS ARE TRYING 111 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:11,980 TO DEFEND THEIR SUPPORT FOR 112 00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:13,980 TRUMP'S INDEFENSIBLE BEHAVIOR, 113 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:14,980 WITH ONE SENIOR OFFICIAL SAYING, 114 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:15,980 "WHAT IS THE DOWNSIDE OF 115 00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:16,980 HUMORING HIM FOR THIS LITTLE BIT 116 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:17,980 OF TIME?" 117 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:20,980 A QUESTION THAT NEVER ENDS WELL, 118 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:22,980 WHETHER THE ONES ASKING IT ARE 119 00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:23,980 OVERWORKED PARENTS WHO NEED A 120 00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,980 BREAK OR THE WEIMAR REPUBLIC. 121 00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,980 SO TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK AT JUST 122 00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:30,980 HOW WEAK TRUMP'S CASE FOR 123 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:31,980 OVERTURNING THIS ELECTION IS AND 124 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:32,980 WHAT REAL HARM HUMORING HIM WILL 125 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:33,980 DO. 126 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:35,980 AND LET'S START WITH THE CASE 127 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:36,980 ITSELF, BECAUSE THERE ARE LOTS 128 00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:38,980 OF ACCUSATIONS AND LAWSUITS 129 00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:39,980 FLYING AROUND, AND IF YOU'RE A 130 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:40,980 CASUAL VIEWER OF RIGHT-WING 131 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:41,980 MEDIA, YOU MIGHT THINK, "WELL, 132 00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:43,980 THERE MUST BE SOMETHING HERE. 133 00:03:44,020 --> 00:03:45,000 THEY WOULDN'T BE GOING TO ALL 134 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:45,020 THIS TROUBLE OVER NOTHING." 135 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:46,980 BUT THE THING IS, THEY ARE. 136 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:49,980 THIS REALLY IS NOTHING. 137 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:50,980 AND LET'S START WITH THE 138 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:51,980 FREQUENTLY MADE CLAIM ABOUT DEAD 139 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:52,980 VOTERS. 140 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:54,980 IF YOUR UNCLE IS A NIGHTMARE AND 141 00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:55,980 YOU'RE STILL FRIENDS ON 142 00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,940 FACEBOOK, YOU MIGHT'VE SEEN THIS 143 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:58,980 POST CLAIMING THERE WAS A LIST 144 00:03:59,020 --> 00:03:59,980 OF 14,000 DEAD PEOPLE WHO VOTED 145 00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,980 IN MICHIGAN. 146 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:03,980 BUT WHEN CNN PICKED OUT 50 OF 147 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,980 THOSE NAMES TO DO A SPOT CHECK, 148 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:07,980 THEY DISCOVERED 37 WERE DEAD AND 149 00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:09,980 HADN'T CAST VOTES, 5 HAD VOTED 150 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,980 BUT WERE STILL ALIVE, AND 8 WERE 151 00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:13,880 ALIVE BUT HADN'T VOTED, MEANING 152 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,000 EXACTLY ZERO WERE DEAD PEOPLE 153 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:17,600 WHO VOTED. 154 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:18,980 AND YES, THAT IS JUST A SAMPLE, 155 00:04:19,020 --> 00:04:20,980 BUT IF YOU WERE AT AN OREO 156 00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,980 FACTORY AND 50 OUT OF 50 OREOS 157 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:23,980 YOU PICKED OFF THE LINE WERE 158 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:25,980 JUST TWO RATS SQUISHED AROUND A 159 00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:27,980 USED CONDOM, YOU MIGHT WELL NOT 160 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:28,980 RISK TRUSTING THE NEXT COOKIE 161 00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,220 THAT COMES PAST YOU. 162 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:31,980 THE CLAIM OF DEAD PEOPLE VOTING 163 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,980 WAS ALSO ADVANCED BY 164 00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:34,980 TUCKER CARLSON, AN '80s 165 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:36,980 SKI BULLY WHO JUST LOST THE BIG 166 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:37,980 RACE, AND HE WENT IN BIG ON ONE 167 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,980 EXAMPLE IN PARTICULAR. 168 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:40,980 >> IN SOME WAYS, IT'S AN 169 00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:41,980 INSPIRING STORY. 170 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:45,000 THE TRIUMPH OF VOTING OVER 171 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:45,020 DEATH. 172 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,980 AND NO ONE QUITE EMBODIES THAT 173 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,980 STORY LIKE JAMES BLALOCK OF 174 00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:49,980 COVINGTON, GEORGIA. 175 00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:50,980 MR. BLALOCK WAS A MAILMAN FOR 176 00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:52,760 33 YEARS UNTIL HE PASSED AWAY 177 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,980 IN 2006. 178 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:57,000 14 YEARS LATER, ACCORDING TO 179 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:57,960 STATE RECORDS, HE WAS STILL 180 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:58,980 MAILING THINGS. 181 00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,980 JAMES BLALOCK CAST A BALLOT IN 182 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:01,980 LAST WEEK'S ELECTION. 183 00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,980 HOW DID HE DO THAT? 184 00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:04,980 >> John: OOH, THAT'S AN 185 00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:06,980 EXCELLENT QUESTION, YOU WAITER'S 186 00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:07,980 NIGHTMARE. 187 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:09,980 NOW THAT SEGMENT GOT PICKED UP 188 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:10,980 AND CIRCULATED BY, AMONG OTHERS, 189 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,460 MATT GAETZ AND THE TRUMP 190 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:13,980 CAMPAIGN ITSELF. 191 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,980 AND IT DOES MAKE YOU WONDER: HOW 192 00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:17,400 DID THAT DEAD MAN VOTE? 193 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:18,980 MAYBE HIS WIDOW HAS AN ANSWER. 194 00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:20,980 >> HE DIDN'T VOTE. 195 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:21,980 >> IT WAS YOU! 196 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,980 >> IT WAS ME. 197 00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:25,940 >> AGNES BLALOCK VOTED USING HER 198 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:26,020 MARRIED NAME, NEWTON COUNTY 199 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:27,980 CONFIRMED. 200 00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:28,980 HER VOTER REGISTRATION WAS 201 00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:29,980 SIGNED AS "MRS. JAMES E. BLALOCK 202 00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:30,980 JR." 203 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:31,980 AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW SHE 204 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,820 SIGNED HER NAME WHEN SHE VOTED 205 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:34,980 IN THE NOVEMBER 3RD GENERAL 206 00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:35,980 ELECTION. 207 00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,980 >> WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR? 208 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:39,980 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHARE THAT. 209 00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:42,000 >> I VOTED FOR THE DEMOCRATS, 210 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 FOR BIDEN. 211 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:44,020 >> I SEE. 212 00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:46,000 AND SO -- 213 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:46,020 >> I GUESS I VOTED AGAINST THE 214 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:47,980 OTHER ONE, REALLY. 215 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:48,980 >> John: OKAY, SO THE CLAIM WAS 216 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:49,980 BULLSHIT. 217 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,980 HE DIDN'T VOTE; SHE DID. 218 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:53,980 AND, BY THE WAY, NOT SO MUCH FOR 219 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,880 BIDEN AS AGAINST THE OTHER ONE, 220 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:56,980 MEANING THAT THIS 96-YEAR-OLD'S 221 00:05:57,020 --> 00:05:57,980 APPROACH TO THE ELECTION WAS THE 222 00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:58,980 PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS THAT OF 223 00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:00,520 20-YEAR-OLD PROGRESSIVES. 224 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:01,020 I WONDER WHAT ELSE DO THEY HAVE 225 00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:01,980 IN COMMON? 226 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:02,980 DOES SHE ALSO HAVE A COLLECTION 227 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,980 OF DANK MEMES AND SPEND FIVE 228 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:05,980 HOURS A DAY CALLING BILL DE 229 00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:06,980 BLASIO A BITCH ON TWITTER? 230 00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:08,980 I REALLY HOPE SO. 231 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:09,980 THEN THERE WERE CLAIMS FROM 232 00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:10,980 NUMEROUS SUPPOSED 233 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,980 WHISTLEBLOWERS. 234 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:13,980 IN FACT, LINDSEY GRAHAM, 235 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:14,980 LESLIE JORDAN'S ABSOLUTE WORST 236 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,980 CHARACTER, SENT A LETTER TO THE 237 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,980 DOJ ASKING THEM TO INVESTIGATE 238 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:19,980 PARTICULAR CLAIMS BY A POSTAL 239 00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:21,980 WORKER IN ERIE, PENNSYLVANIA, 240 00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:26,980 WHO SAID IN AN AFFIDAVIT 241 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:27,980 THAT POSTMARKS WERE BEING 242 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:28,980 BACKDATED ON MAIL-IN BALLOTS TO 243 00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:29,980 MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH THEY'D 244 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:30,980 BEEN COLLECTED ON ELECTION DAY. 245 00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:32,820 UNFORTUNATELY FOR GRAHAM, THAT 246 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:33,020 MAN LATER RECANTED THOSE CLAIMS 247 00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,980 IN THE AFFIDAVIT, 248 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:35,980 WHEN TALKING TO INVESTIGATORS, 249 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,980 AND WHILE HE'S NOW INSISTING HE 250 00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:38,980 STANDS BY IT, THE REALLY 251 00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:40,980 IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW IS, THE 252 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:41,980 TOTAL NUMBER OF BALLOTS FROM HIS 253 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:43,980 POST OFFICE THAT WERE POSTMARKED 254 00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:44,980 NOVEMBER 3RD AND DELIVERED TO 255 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:46,980 THE BOARD OF ELECTIONS LATER -- 256 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,980 SO, THE MAXIMUM NUMBER THAT 257 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:49,980 COULD HAVE HAD THEIR DATE 258 00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,980 CHANGED -- WAS TWO. 259 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:52,980 WHICH IS, AND THIS IS TRUE, NOT 260 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:54,980 THE NUMBER OF VOTES JOE BIDEN 261 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,980 WON PENNSYLVANIA BY. 262 00:06:57,020 --> 00:06:57,980 BUT PERHAPS THE STRANGEST 263 00:06:58,020 --> 00:06:59,980 WHISTLEBLOWER ACCUSATION 264 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,000 INVOLVED A POLL WORKER IN 265 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:02,020 NEVADA, WHO FOX GAVE A PRIMETIME 266 00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:04,980 SLOT TO MAKE HER CLAIMS. 267 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:06,980 >> I WENT OUT TO GO FOR A WALK 268 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:09,980 ON MY BREAK AND I PROBABLY HAD A 269 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,980 150-, 175-FOOT STRETCH WHERE I 270 00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:13,980 WAS WALKING. 271 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:15,980 >> John: SORRY. 272 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:16,980 I REALLY SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED: 273 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:17,980 THEY DISGUISED HER IDENTITY 274 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:18,980 BY MAKING HER SOUND LIKE 275 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:19,980 MEGAN MULLALLY 276 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:20,980 UNDERGOING AN EXORCISM. 277 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,980 BUT I'LL LET HER CONTINUE -- 278 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:24,980 BASICALLY, SHE CLAIMS SHE SAW A 279 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:26,980 BIDEN-HARRIS CAMPAIGN VAN 280 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,000 OUTSIDE THE POLLING PLACE WITH 281 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:28,020 PEOPLE HANDLING WHITE ENVELOPES. 282 00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,980 GO. 283 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:30,980 >> AS I GOT CLOSER, THE 284 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,980 ENVELOPES WERE BEING TORN OPEN, 285 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:33,980 THERE WERE TWO MEN -- OR TWO 286 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,980 PEOPLE DROPPING THE ENVELOPES, 287 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:37,980 AND TWO PEOPLE RIPPING THEM UP 288 00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,980 OPEN AND TURNING AND FACING THE 289 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:40,980 VAN AND DRAWING ON THEM OR 290 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,980 MARKING THEM. 291 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:44,980 AND AS I WALKED BY, I LOOKED AND 292 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,980 I THOUGHT, "THOSE ARE BALLOTS." 293 00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,980 >> John: OKAY, I'M JUST GOING TO 294 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:49,980 SAY IT: THAT'S EITHER BULLSHIT 295 00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:50,980 OR THE DUMBEST SCHEME OF ALL 296 00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:51,980 TIME. 297 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,980 THE BIDEN-HARRIS CAMPAIGN OPENED 298 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:54,980 ENVELOPES AND MARKED BALLOTS IN 299 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:56,980 THE PARKING LOT OF A POLLING 300 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:57,980 PLACE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AGAINST 301 00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:58,980 THE SIDE OF A VAN WHICH HAD 302 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,980 THEIR LOGO ON IT. 303 00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:02,980 THAT IS LIKE IF, IN 304 00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:03,980 "OCEAN'S ELEVEN," THEY SHOWED UP 305 00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:04,980 TO THE CASINO IN A GIANT "DANNY 306 00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:05,980 OCEAN ROBBERY SERVICE" VAN AND 307 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:06,980 SLOWLY PUT ON THEIR DISGUISES IN 308 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:07,980 THE LOBBY. 309 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,980 IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME! 310 00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:11,980 ALSO, THAT WOMAN HASN'T YET 311 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,980 FILED A FORMAL COMPLAINT. 312 00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:14,980 ACCORDING TO THE NEVADA A.G.'S 313 00:08:15,020 --> 00:08:15,980 OFFICE, ALL THEY'VE RECEIVED IS 314 00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:16,980 A REDACTED AFFIDAVIT THAT 315 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:17,980 DOESN'T CONTAIN HER NAME, 316 00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,980 SIGNATURE, OR CONTACT 317 00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:20,980 INFORMATION, MEANING THEY HAVE 318 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,980 NO WAY TO BEGIN A PROPER 319 00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:25,980 INVESTIGATION. 320 00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:26,980 AND THAT HAS BEEN SOMETHING OF A 321 00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:27,980 PATTERN HERE: THE TRUMP TEAM 322 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:28,980 MAKING CLAIMS OF WIDESPREAD 323 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,980 FRAUD, PUBLICLY, BUT THERE THEN 324 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:31,980 BEING A HUGE DROPOFF WHEN IT 325 00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:32,980 COMES TO WHAT THEY ACTUALLY FILE 326 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,980 IN COURT. 327 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:35,980 IN MICHIGAN, THEY SUBMITTED A 328 00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,980 LAWSUIT WITH 234 PAGES OF 329 00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:38,980 AFFIDAVITS FROM POLL WATCHERS, 330 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,980 BUT THOSE WHO ACTUALLY READ THEM 331 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:41,980 FOUND THAT THEY DO NOT SHOW 332 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,980 PROOF OF WIDESPREAD FRAUD OR 333 00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:44,980 EGREGIOUS MISCONDUCT. 334 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:45,980 INSTEAD, THEY'RE EITHER 335 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:47,980 ALLEGATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO 336 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:48,980 DON'T SEEM TO FULLY UNDERSTAND 337 00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:49,980 HOW THE VOTE-COUNTING PROCESS 338 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,980 WORKS, SO ARE QUESTIONING PRETTY 339 00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:52,980 COMMONPLACE THINGS, OR THEY ARE 340 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:54,980 PETTY BULLSHIT LIKE COMPLAINING 341 00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:55,980 PEOPLE INSIDE THE COUNTING ROOM 342 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:56,980 WERE WEARING "BLACK LIVES 343 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:57,980 MATTER" SHIRTS OR THAT ELECTION 344 00:08:58,020 --> 00:08:58,980 WORKERS WERE OPENING BALLOTS 345 00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,980 WITH DONALD TRUMP VOTES AND 346 00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:01,980 ROLLING THEIR EYES. 347 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,980 NEITHER OF WHICH ARE ILLEGAL! 348 00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:05,980 AND IF IT HELPS HERE, LET ME 349 00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,980 JUST HEAD OFF ANY FUTURE TRUMP 350 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:08,980 CAMPAIGN LAWSUITS: A POLL WORKER 351 00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:09,980 EATING A BANANA IS NOT EVIDENCE 352 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:10,980 OF VOTER FRAUD. 353 00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,520 ONE HUMMING THE CHORUS OF 354 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:13,980 "UPTOWN GIRL" IS NOT EVIDENCE OF 355 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:14,980 VOTER FRAUD. 356 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,000 NOW, WEARING A BASEBALL CAP 357 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:17,020 COULD BE EVIDENCE OF VOTER 358 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,980 FRAUD, BUT ONLY IF THE PERSON 359 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:19,980 WEARING IT IS PUTTING VALID 360 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:21,980 VOTES INTO A PAPER SHREDDER. 361 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:22,980 IF IT'S JUST THE HAT PART, THAT, 362 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:23,980 AGAIN, IS NOT EVIDENCE OF VOTER 363 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,980 FRAUD. 364 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:27,980 AND LOOK, I COULD SPEND THE REST 365 00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:28,980 OF THE SHOW DEBUNKING STORIES. 366 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,980 THE PROBLEM IS, IT'S ENDLESS. 367 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:31,980 THE LATEST CLAIM IS THAT VOTING 368 00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:32,980 MACHINES OR SOFTWARE CHANGED 369 00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:34,980 VOTES, EVEN THOUGH THIS 370 00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:36,980 GOVERNMENT CYBERSECURITY AGENCY 371 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:37,980 -- CREATED BY AN ACT THAT TRUMP 372 00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:38,980 HIMSELF SIGNED -- RELEASED A 373 00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:40,980 STATEMENT SAYING, "THERE IS NO 374 00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:42,980 EVIDENCE THAT ANY VOTING SYSTEM 375 00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,980 DELETED OR LOST VOTES, CHANGED 376 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:45,980 VOTES, OR WAS IN ANY WAY 377 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,980 COMPROMISED," AND THAT "THE 378 00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:48,980 NOVEMBER 3RD ELECTION WAS THE 379 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,000 MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN 380 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:50,540 HISTORY." 381 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,980 IN FACT, AS OF THIS TAPING, ONE 382 00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:53,980 OF THE FEW SEEMINGLY LEGITIMATE 383 00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:55,980 CASES AGAINST ANYONE FOR VOTER 384 00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:57,820 FRAUD THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THIS: 385 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:58,980 >> LUZERNE COUNTY OFFICIALS SAY, 386 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:00,980 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 30 YEARS, 387 00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:01,980 THERE HAS BEEN A VOTER FRAUD 388 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:03,980 ARREST. 389 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,980 COUNTY DETECTIVES SAY 390 00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:07,980 ROBERT LYNN OF FORTY FORT SIGNED 391 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:08,980 HIS DECEASED MOTHER'S NAME ON AN 392 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,980 ABSENTEE BALLOT APPLICATION, AND 393 00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:11,980 THAT'S A CRIME. 394 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:12,980 LYNN IS A REGISTERED REPUBLICAN. 395 00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,980 COURT PAPERWORK SHOWS THE 396 00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,980 APPLICATION WAS FLAGGED IN 397 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,980 SEPTEMBER AND ELECTIONS 398 00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:19,980 OFFICIALS REPORTED IT TO COUNTY 399 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:20,980 DETECTIVES. 400 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:21,980 >> John: YEAH, THAT'S ONE 401 00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:24,980 PERSON, ALLEGEDLY TRYING TO 402 00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,980 STEAL ONE VOTE, THAT WAS FLAGGED 403 00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:27,980 IN SEPTEMBER, AND THE PERSON 404 00:10:28,020 --> 00:10:30,000 INVOLVED WAS A TRUMP SUPPORTER. 405 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:31,980 AND THIS IS NOT THE MOST 406 00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:32,980 IMPORTANT THING, BUT IT HAPPENED 407 00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:34,980 IN A TOWN CALLED FORTY FORT, 408 00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:35,980 WHICH IS JUST DELIGHTFUL. 409 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,980 JUST SAY THE WORDS "FORTY FORT" 410 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:38,980 OUT LOUD, RIGHT NOW. 411 00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:40,980 FORTY FORT. 412 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,980 IT FEELS SO GOOD IN THE MOUTH. 413 00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:43,980 NOW, APPARENTLY THE TOWN WAS 414 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,980 NAMED AFTER THE ORIGINAL 40 415 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,980 SETTLERS WHO BUILT A FORT THERE, 416 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:49,980 BUT I CALL BULLSHIT, BECAUSE I 417 00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:50,980 REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE 418 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:52,980 JUST HAPPENED TO BE 40 SETTLERS 419 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:53,980 WHO NAMED THEIR FORT 420 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:54,980 "FORTY FORT" WITHOUT BEING FULLY 421 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:56,980 AWARE OF HOW FUNNY THAT SOUNDS. 422 00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,980 HERE'S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED: 423 00:10:59,020 --> 00:10:59,980 THEY BUILT THE FORT, THEN ONE 424 00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:00,980 SETTLER SAID, "WHAT SHOULD WE 425 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:01,980 CALL THIS PLACE?" 426 00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:02,980 AND ANOTHER SAID, "WHO CARES? 427 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,980 LET'S JUST NAME IT FORTY FORT." 428 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:05,980 AND EVERYONE JUSTIFIABLY LAUGHED 429 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,980 VERY HARD AND AGREED TO DO JUST 430 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:08,980 THAT. 431 00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:09,980 THEN ANOTHER SETTLER -- WHO NO 432 00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:11,980 ONE REALLY LIKED -- SAID, "WAIT, 433 00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:12,980 WHAT IF SOMEONE ASKS WHY WE 434 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,980 CALLED IT 'FORTY FORT'? 435 00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:15,980 WE CAN'T JUST SAY WE DID IT 436 00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:17,000 BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WAS 437 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:17,020 FUNNY." 438 00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:17,980 AND EVERYONE QUIETLY MUTTERED, 439 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,980 "OH, MY GOD, EZEKIEL, YOU SUCK 440 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:20,980 SO MUCH." 441 00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,980 SO THEN THEY SAID, "OKAY, IF 442 00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:23,980 ANYONE ASKS, WE CALLED IT FORTY 443 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,000 FORT BECAUSE THERE ARE FORTY OF 444 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:25,500 US. 445 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:26,980 I MEAN, THERE AREN'T, BUT WHO'S 446 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:27,980 GOING TO CALL US OUT ON THAT? 447 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:28,980 IT'S FUCKING 1770 AND MOST 448 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:30,980 PEOPLE CAN'T READ." 449 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:31,980 AND THAT IS HOW FORTY FORT GOT 450 00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,980 ITS NAME. 451 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:34,980 I WILL TAKE THAT STORY TO MY 452 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,980 GRAVEY GRAVE. 453 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,980 AND FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE 454 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:39,980 EXACTLY AS MUCH EVIDENCE TO BACK 455 00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:41,980 THAT UP AS REPUBLICANS CURRENTLY 456 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:42,980 DO OF WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD IN 457 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,980 THIS ELECTION. 458 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:46,980 SO THE ALLEGATIONS HERE ARE 459 00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,980 COMPLETE NONSENSE. 460 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:51,000 AND WHO KNOWS WHY REPUBLICANS 461 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,020 ARE ENTERTAINING THIS? 462 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:51,980 MAYBE IT'S TO DO WITH THE FACT 463 00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:53,980 GEORGIA HAS TWO SENATE RUNOFFS 464 00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:54,980 COMING UP AND THEY WANT TO KEEP 465 00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:55,980 TRUMP HAPPY SO HE'LL HELP RALLY 466 00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:56,980 VOTERS FOR THEM THERE. 467 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,980 MAYBE THEY'RE CURRYING FAVOR 468 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:00,000 WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY'RE WORRIED 469 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:00,020 THAT HE'LL BE A POWER BROKER 470 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:00,980 GOING FORWARD. 471 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,980 I DON'T KNOW. 472 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,980 WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT THE 473 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:05,980 ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, "WHAT IS 474 00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:06,980 THE DOWNSIDE OF HUMORING HIM?" 475 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,980 IS "A LOT," BECAUSE THIS 476 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:09,980 ADMINISTRATION'S REFUSAL TO 477 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:10,980 ACKNOWLEDGE THE ELECTION'S 478 00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:12,980 OUTCOME MEANS THAT BIDEN IS NOT 479 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:13,980 GETTING HIGH-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE 480 00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:14,980 REPORTS AND CAN'T ACCESS FUNDS 481 00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:16,980 MEANT TO FACILITATE HIS 482 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:17,980 TRANSITION. 483 00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:18,980 AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE IS 484 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:19,980 THIS. 485 00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:20,980 >> PRESIDENT TRUMP'S ONGOING 486 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:22,980 REFUSAL TO CONCEDE THE RACE IS 487 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,980 COMPLICATING BIDEN'S PANDEMIC 488 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:26,980 PLANNING. 489 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,980 UNTIL THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION 490 00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:29,980 FORMALLY RECOGNIZES BIDEN AS 491 00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:32,000 PRESIDENT-ELECT, OUTGOING TRUMP 492 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:33,980 OFFICIALS CAN'T SHARE CRITICAL 493 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,980 COVID VACCINE DISTRIBUTION PLANS 494 00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:38,980 WITH THE INCOMING BIDEN TEAM. 495 00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:39,980 >> John: YEAH. 496 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:40,980 AND THAT'S NOT GREAT. 497 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,980 WITH CASES SPIKING TO A 498 00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:44,980 TERRIFYING EXTENT, YOU REALLY 499 00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:45,980 WANT THE NEW TEAM HANDLING THE 500 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,980 PANDEMIC TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO 501 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:49,980 THE OLD TEAM -- EVEN IF, AS I 502 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:50,980 SUSPECT, THE OLD TEAM'S PLAN WAS 503 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,980 JUST A SINGLE WHITEBOARD IN 504 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:54,980 JARED'S OFFICE WITH NOTHING ON 505 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,980 IT EXCEPT FOR "DISCOVER CURE?" 506 00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:57,980 CIRCLED FIVE TIMES AND A DRAWING 507 00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,980 OF DONALD TRUMP SAYING 508 00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:00,980 "GOOD JOB, NEW SON." 509 00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:02,980 BUT THE DAMAGE OF INDULGING 510 00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:04,980 TRUMP GOES EVEN FURTHER, BECAUSE 511 00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,980 IT ALSO PLAYS INTO THE GRIM 512 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,980 FANTASIES OF EMBATTLED TRUMP 513 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:09,980 SUPPORTERS, SOMETHING EXPRESSED 514 00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,980 PERHAPS MOST DRAMATICALLY AND 515 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,940 STUPIDLY BY THE ACTOR JON VOIGHT 516 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:14,980 IN THIS VIDEO THAT TRUMP HIMSELF 517 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,980 RETWEETED ON WEDNESDAY. 518 00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,980 >> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, I STAND 519 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,980 HERE WITH ALL THAT FEEL, AS I 520 00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:26,980 DO, DISGUSTED WITH THIS LIE THAT 521 00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:28,980 BIDEN HAS BEEN CHOSEN, AS IF WE 522 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:30,980 ALL DON'T KNOW THE TRUTH. 523 00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,980 THIS IS NOW OUR GREATEST FIGHT 524 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,980 SINCE THE CIVIL WAR. 525 00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:37,980 THE BATTLE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS 526 00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:38,980 VERSUS SATAN. 527 00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:40,980 YES, SATAN. 528 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,980 LET US FIGHT THIS FIGHT AS IF IT 529 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:46,980 IS OUR LAST FIGHT ON EARTH. 530 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:50,980 AS MUHAMMAD ALI SAID, IT'S NOT 531 00:13:51,020 --> 00:13:51,980 OVER TILL THE LAST PUNCH YOU 532 00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:53,980 HAVE. 533 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:54,980 >> John: OKAY, THERE'S A LOT 534 00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,980 THERE, FROM DOUBLING DOWN ON 535 00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:57,980 CALLING THE LEFT SATAN TO SAYING 536 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:58,980 "I STAND HERE" WHEN HE'S CLEARLY 537 00:13:59,020 --> 00:13:59,980 SITTING, TO THAT MUHAMMAD ALI 538 00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:01,980 QUOTE, WHICH WE COULD NOT FIND 539 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:06,980 ANY RECORD OF HIM SAYING. 540 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,980 WHICH DOES MAKE SENSE, BECAUSE 541 00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:09,980 IT DOESN'T REALLY SOUND LIKE 542 00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:10,980 MUHAMMAD ALI. 543 00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:11,980 IT DOESN'T HAVE THE RHETORICAL 544 00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:12,980 FLAIR OF "FLOAT LIKE A 545 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:13,980 BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE," OR 546 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:14,980 THE WIT OF "I'M SO MEAN, I MAKE 547 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,980 MEDICINE SICK." 548 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:17,980 "IT'S NOT OVER TILL THE LAST 549 00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:18,980 PUNCH YOU HAVE" SOUNDS LESS LIKE 550 00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:20,980 MUHAMMAD ALI AND MORE LIKE A 551 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:21,980 BLURB ON A BOOTLEG VHS COVER OF 552 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:24,980 "ROCKY IV." 553 00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,980 AND SURE, THAT'S A RIDICULOUS 554 00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:27,980 VIDEO, BUT THE FACT IS, A LOT OF 555 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,000 PEOPLE BELIEVE STUFF LIKE THAT. 556 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:31,980 AND WHEN YOU CONTINUALLY INSIST 557 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:34,980 THAT THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN IN 558 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:35,980 BIG CITIES AND SUGGEST THAT 559 00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:37,980 REMEDYING THIS CALLS FOR THE 560 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:38,980 BIGGEST FIGHT SINCE THE CIVIL 561 00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:40,980 WAR, THINGS START TO GET 562 00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:41,980 DEADLY SERIOUS. 563 00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:43,980 LAST THURSDAY, TWO ARMED MEN 564 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:44,980 WERE ARRESTED OUTSIDE A 565 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:45,980 PHILADELPHIA CONVENTION CENTER 566 00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,980 AFTER POLICE HAD RECEIVED A TIP 567 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,000 ABOUT A THREAT TO THE 568 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:49,960 VOTE-COUNTING SITE. 569 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:50,980 AND ONE OF THE CITY 570 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:51,980 COMMISSIONERS IN CHARGE OF 571 00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:52,980 BALLOT COUNTING -- A REPUBLICAN, 572 00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:54,980 BY THE WAY -- HAS BEEN 573 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,980 UNDERSTANDABLY RATTLED BY THE 574 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,640 CHAOS ENGULFING HIS OFFICE. 575 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,980 >> FROM THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT, 576 00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,980 IT FEELS ALL VERY DERANGED. 577 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:04,980 IT'S PEOPLE MAKING ACCUSATIONS, 578 00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:07,980 THAT WE WOULDN'T COUNT THOSE 579 00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:12,980 VOTES, OR ADDING FRAUDULENT 580 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,980 VOTES OR JUST COMING UP WITH ALL 581 00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:15,980 SORTS OF CRAZY STUFF. 582 00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:16,980 >> ACCUSATIONS LIKE "YOU ARE 583 00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:18,000 CHEATING." 584 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:18,500 >> YES. 585 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000 >> "YOU ARE MANIPULATING THE 586 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:20,020 VOTE." 587 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,980 >> YES. 588 00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,980 OR CALLS TO OUR OFFICES 589 00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:26,980 REMINDING US THAT THIS IS WHAT 590 00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:29,980 THE SECOND AMENDMENT IS FOR, 591 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,980 PEOPLE LIKE US. 592 00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,000 >> YOU'RE GETTING CALLS LIKE 593 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:34,020 THAT? 594 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:34,980 >> YES. 595 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:35,980 >> THAT'S A NOT-SO-VEILED DEATH 596 00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:37,980 THREAT. 597 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,980 >> YES, FOR COUNTING VOTES IN A 598 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,980 DEMOCRACY. 599 00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,980 >> John: THAT'S AWFUL. 600 00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:48,000 AND TRUMP IS PLAYING A DANGEROUS 601 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:48,020 GAME HERE, BECAUSE THERE IS A 602 00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:49,980 HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 603 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:50,980 "NOT MY PRESIDENT" AND 604 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:51,980 "NOT THE PRESIDENT." 605 00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:54,980 AND TO BE CLEAR, PEOPLE WHO ARE 606 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:55,980 THAT ANGRY ARE NOT RILING 607 00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:56,980 THEMSELVES UP IN A VACUUM. 608 00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:59,980 THEY'VE BEEN FED A STEADY DIET 609 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:00,980 OF MISINFORMATION, BULLSHIT 610 00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,980 FRAUD CLAIMS, AND A VICTIM 611 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,980 NARRATIVE FROM OUTLETS LIKE 612 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:05,980 FOX NEWS, NEWSMAX, OAN, AND MOST 613 00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:07,980 IMPORTANTLY, TRUMP HIMSELF, 614 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:08,980 WHOSE TWITTER FEED THIS WEEK 615 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,980 OSCILLATED BETWEEN BREITBART 616 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:12,980 ARTICLES, NONSENSE CLAIMS THAT 617 00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:14,980 HE WON PENNSYLVANIA, AND ONE 618 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:15,980 LONE REPLY TO SCOTT BAIO, WHO 619 00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:18,000 YOU MAY KNOW FROM "HAPPY DAYS" 620 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:19,980 OR FROM "SUPERBABIES: BABY 621 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:20,980 GENIUSES 2," WHERE HE STARRED 622 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:21,980 ALONGSIDE NONE OTHER THAN 623 00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,980 JON VOIGHT. 624 00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:24,980 I BET THEY HAD A LOT OF FUN ON 625 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:26,980 SET, BECAUSE I GUARANTEE NO ONE 626 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:29,000 ELSE DID. 627 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:30,980 AND INFURIATINGLY, TRUMP HAS 628 00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:32,980 CHOSEN TO SOW ALL THIS CHAOS 629 00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:33,980 AROUND THE ELECTION DESPITE THE 630 00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,980 FACT THAT, DEEP DOWN, HE KNOWS 631 00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:36,980 IT'S OVER. 632 00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:37,980 FRIDAY AFTERNOON, THE FINAL 633 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,980 STATES WERE CALLED BY MOST 634 00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:42,980 OUTLETS, PUTTING JOE BIDEN AT 635 00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:43,980 306 ELECTORAL VOTES TO 636 00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:45,980 TRUMP'S 232. 637 00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:48,980 AND DURING A PRESS CONFERENCE 638 00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:49,980 TRUMP HELD A FEW HOURS LATER, HE 639 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:50,980 NEARLY ACKNOWLEDGED REALITY. 640 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,980 >> IDEALLY, WE WON'T GO TO A 641 00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:53,980 LOCKDOWN. 642 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:54,980 I WILL NOT GO -- THIS 643 00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:56,980 ADMINISTRATION WILL NOT BE GOING 644 00:16:57,020 --> 00:16:58,980 TO A LOCKDOWN. 645 00:16:59,020 --> 00:16:59,980 HOPEFULLY THE -- THE, UH, 646 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,000 WHATEVER HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE 647 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:01,020 -- WHO KNOWS WHICH 648 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:01,980 ADMINISTRATION IT WILL BE? 649 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,980 I GUESS TIME WILL TELL. 650 00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:05,000 BUT I CAN TELL YOU, THIS 651 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:05,020 ADMINISTRATION WILL NOT GO TO A 652 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,980 LOCKDOWN. 653 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:08,980 >> John: EXCEPT NO, TIME WILL 654 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:09,980 NOT TELL. 655 00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:11,980 TIME HAS TOLD. 656 00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:12,980 TRUMP LOST THIS ELECTION, AND HE 657 00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:13,980 KNOWS IT. 658 00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:14,980 AND YET, JUST AN HOUR AFTER THAT 659 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:15,980 PRESS CONFERENCE, HE WAS 660 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,980 RETWEETING VOTER FRAUD 661 00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:18,980 CONSPIRACIES AGAIN, WHICH IS 662 00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:20,980 PATHETIC, DANGEROUS, AND IN MANY 663 00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:21,980 WAYS, AN APPROPRIATE CODA TO A 664 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,980 PRESIDENCY THAT HAS DESTROYED SO 665 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:24,980 MANY LIVES -- NOT ONLY OF THOSE 666 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:26,980 THAT HE'S ATTACKED, BUT ALSO OF 667 00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:27,980 THOSE HE'S CLAIMED TO PROTECT. 668 00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:29,980 SO MANY OF US HAVE LOST LOVED 669 00:17:30,020 --> 00:17:30,980 ONES, EITHER BECAUSE YOU COULD 670 00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,980 NO LONGER SQUARE YOUR LOVE FOR 671 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,980 THEM WITH THEIR LOVE FOR HIM OR 672 00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:35,980 BECAUSE THEY FELL DOWN A 673 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:36,980 MIND-MELTING RABBIT HOLE OF 674 00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:38,980 CONSPIRACY THEORIES THAT HE 675 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,980 HAPPILY PERPETUATED OR BECAUSE 676 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,820 HE LET A DEADLY VIRUS RUN WILD 677 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,980 AND IT FUCKING KILLED THEM! 678 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:45,980 AND NOW, AS A PARTING GIFT TO 679 00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:46,980 THE COUNTRY, TRUMP IS SOMEHOW 680 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,980 MANAGING TO DIVIDE US EVEN 681 00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:50,880 FURTHER WHILE ALSO HOBBLING HIS 682 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,980 SUCCESSOR AT THE WORST POSSIBLE 683 00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:53,980 TIME, WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY 684 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:55,980 UNFORGIVABLE. 685 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:57,980 AND YES, THE FACT TRUMP WON'T BE 686 00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:58,980 PRESIDENT NEXT YEAR IS GOOD. 687 00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:03,000 IT'S REALLY GOOD. 688 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:03,960 BUT THERE'S A LOT OF WORK TO DO, 689 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:04,980 AND AT LEAST IN THE SHORT-TERM, 690 00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:06,000 THINGS ARE GOING TO SUCK FOR A 691 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:06,020 WHILE. 692 00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:07,760 BUT WE HAVE TO TRY AND REPAIR 693 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,980 THIS DAMAGE. 694 00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:11,980 AS A GREAT FIGHTER ONCE SAID, 695 00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:12,980 "IT'S NOT OVER TILL THE FINAL 696 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:14,100 FISTING YOU GIVE." 697 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:20,000 AND NOW THIS. 698 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,000 OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. 699 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000 I DON'T REMEMBER ANYMORE. 700 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:21,020 ♪ ♪ 701 00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:26,000 >> Announcer: AND NOW... 702 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:26,020 2020 BINGO. 703 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:29,000 >> THE BINGO BOARD FOR 2020 IS 704 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:29,020 LARGE. 705 00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,980 IT'S LIKE -- YOU KNOW, IT FOLDS 706 00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:31,980 OUT MANY TIMES. 707 00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,000 IT IS LARGER THAN ANY GAME BOARD 708 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:34,020 IN YOUR HOUSE. 709 00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:36,980 >> IF YOU HAD TIGERS AS BEING 710 00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:38,980 CONTROVERSIAL ON YOUR 2020 BINGO 711 00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:40,980 CARD, CONGRATULATIONS. 712 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,980 >> VIN DIESEL BECOMING A POP 713 00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:44,980 STAR ON THE 2020 BINGO CARD. 714 00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:47,000 >> CAROL BASTON COMPETING ON 715 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:47,020 "DANCING WITH THE STARS" ON YOUR 716 00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:48,000 2020 BINGO CARD. 717 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,980 >> GOOD NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO HAD 718 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:52,980 A ROBERT KARDASHIAN HOLOGRAM ON 719 00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:53,980 THEIR 2 2020 BINGO CARD. 720 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:56,980 >> WHO HAD TRAIN RUNS INTO WHALE 721 00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:58,520 ON THEIR 2020 BINGO CARD? 722 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,980 >> EVER HAD TERRORIZING TURKEYS 723 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,980 UNDER 2020 BINGO CARD, YEAH. 724 00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:05,980 >> DID ANYONE HAVE A CAT VAMPIRE 725 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:06,980 UNDER 2020 BINGO CARD? 726 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:07,980 >> DID YOU HAVE ANGRY 727 00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:09,980 WHITE HOUSE RECRUITS ON YOUR 728 00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:10,980 2020 BINGO CARD? 729 00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:11,980 WE SHOULD JUST THROW THE BINGO 730 00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:12,980 CARDS OUT AT THIS RATE. 731 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,980 >> DID YOU HAVE A RETURN OF THE 732 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,000 DINOSAURS ON YOUR 2020 BINGO 733 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:18,020 CARD? 734 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:18,980 >> IF SO, BINGO. 735 00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:21,000 ♪ ♪ 736 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:21,960 >> John: MOVING ON. 737 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:22,980 BEFORE WE GO, THIS IS OUR FINAL 738 00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,980 SHOW OF THE YEAR AND WE WANT TO 739 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:25,980 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 740 00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:27,980 CLEARLY, THIS HAS BEEN A DARK 741 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,980 TIME TO BE PRODUCING A COMEDY 742 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:30,980 SHOW, BUT INCREDIBLY, WE'VE 743 00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:31,980 MANAGED TO HAVE SOME FUN. 744 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,980 WE SPONSORED A MARBLE LEAGUE, WE 745 00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:34,980 MADE STAMPS TO HELP THE POSTAL 746 00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:39,980 SERVICE, WE TURNED DOWN THIS 747 00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:40,980 MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF WRAPPED 748 00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,980 EROTICA, AND WENDY WILLIAMS 749 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:46,980 EATING A PORK CHOP. 750 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,980 WE MADE A SHOW FOR CATS, I GOT 751 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,980 IN A FIGHT WITH DANBURY, 752 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:51,980 CONNECTICUT, JOHN CENA DELIVERED 753 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:52,980 A MESSAGE ABOUT CONSPIRACY 754 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:54,980 THEORIES FOR US WHILE TAKING UP 755 00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:56,980 HIS SHIRT, SOMETHING -- I CANNOT 756 00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:57,980 STRESS THIS ENOUGH -- WE DID NOT 757 00:19:58,020 --> 00:19:58,980 ASK THEM TO DO. 758 00:19:59,020 --> 00:19:59,980 THE FACT THAT HE DID THAT 759 00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:00,980 UNPROMPTED MAKES IT EVEN 760 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:01,980 FUNNIER. 761 00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:03,980 AND OF COURSE, I SPENT THE WHOLE 762 00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,980 YEAR DEMANDING THAT ADAM DRIVER 763 00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:07,980 DEMOLISHED ME, CRUSH MY 764 00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:08,980 LEATHERNECKS, YOU UNWIELDY 765 00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:10,980 BOULDER. 766 00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:15,000 EXPLODE MY -- OH, FUCK. 767 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:16,020 OH, SHIT. 768 00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:17,000 >> HEY, JOHN. 769 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:18,020 >> John: WOW. 770 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:18,980 ADAM DRIVER. 771 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,000 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE CALLING. 772 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:21,020 >> LISTEN TO ME. 773 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,980 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? 774 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:24,980 >> John: EXCUSE ME? 775 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,980 >> THIS BIT, THIS THING YET THAT 776 00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:28,980 YOU ARE DOING THAT IS EITHER 777 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,980 SEXUAL OR VIOLENCE. 778 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:32,980 THE STRANGE, STRANGE BUT THAT 779 00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:36,000 FOR SOME REASON YOU PULLED ME I. 780 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:36,020 WHAT IS IT? 781 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:38,000 WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED DOING IT, 782 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000 IT WAS EASY FOR ME TO START IT 783 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:41,020 OFF. 784 00:20:41,020 --> 00:20:42,820 >> John: ESPECIALLY WITH THOSE 785 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:43,020 SHOULDERS, I BET. 786 00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:44,980 >> THEN IT KEPT GOING ON AND 787 00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:45,980 ON -- 788 00:20:46,020 --> 00:20:46,980 >> John: YOU COULD STROKE THE 789 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:49,000 WHOLE PLANET -- 790 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:49,020 >> STOPPED TALKING. 791 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:50,980 DO YOU REALIZE COME OVER THIS 792 00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,980 PAST YEAR, WHAT YOU'VE ASKED ME 793 00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:53,980 TO DO TO YOU? 794 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,980 COLLAPSE ON YOUR CHEST. 795 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:57,000 TELL YOUR FINGERS IN A SQUARE 796 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:57,020 KNOT. 797 00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:59,980 STEP ON YOUR THROAT. 798 00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:00,980 SHATTER YOUR KNEES. 799 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:02,980 PULL YOUR HEART OUT THROUGH YOUR 800 00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:03,980 EAR. 801 00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:04,980 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 802 00:21:05,020 --> 00:21:07,000 YOU REALIZE WE ARE STRANGERS, 803 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:07,020 RIGHT? 804 00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:07,980 I DON'T KNOW YOU. 805 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:12,980 NOT RANDOM PEOPLE ON THE 806 00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:13,980 INTERNET STAN US, CLAIMING THAT 807 00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:15,980 YOU THIRSTING OVER ME IS A MOOD. 808 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:16,980 >> John: A GET IT. 809 00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:18,980 >> I'M SICK OF PEOPLE STOPPING 810 00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:20,980 ME ON THE STREET AND ASKING IF I 811 00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,980 WILL PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH YOU 812 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,000 LIKE A "MARRIAGE STORY" WALL. 813 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:25,020 >> John: THAT'S FAIR. 814 00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:26,980 >> YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF 815 00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:27,980 YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU KNEW IT WAS 816 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:28,980 INAPPROPRIATE. 817 00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:29,980 FROM THE MOMENT, YOU WERE JUST 818 00:21:30,020 --> 00:21:30,980 LIKE -- 819 00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,580 >> John: I WAS HAVING SOME 820 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:33,020 WEIRD FUN. 821 00:21:33,020 --> 00:21:33,980 >> EXACTLY. 822 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:36,000 NOW YOU ARE WHAT? 823 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:37,980 >> John: I'M AMERICA'S 824 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:38,980 NAUGHTIEST BITCH. 825 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:42,000 >> SURE, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY 826 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:42,020 YOU ARE -- 827 00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:48,000 >> John: I AM 6 FEET OF NASTY 828 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:48,020 "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" BIRD MEAT? 829 00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:48,980 >> SORRY. 830 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:51,980 >> John: I'M TRYING TO GET YOU 831 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:52,980 TO SAY SORRY. 832 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:54,980 >> John: I'M SORRY, I AM 833 00:21:55,020 --> 00:21:56,980 TRULY, TRULY SORRY, CONSIDER 834 00:21:57,020 --> 00:21:57,980 THIS BIT OVER. 835 00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:58,980 IT IS DONE. 836 00:21:59,020 --> 00:22:00,980 >> OKAY. 837 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,980 IT'S FINE. 838 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:04,980 LOOK, IT'S BEEN A ROUGH YEAR FOR 839 00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:07,000 EVERYONE, AND I CAN TELL, IT'S 840 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:07,020 REALLY GOTTEN TO YOU. 841 00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:10,980 SITTING ALONE IN YOUR VOID. 842 00:22:11,020 --> 00:22:12,980 BUT I THINK MAYBE, IT MIGHT BE 843 00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:13,980 TIME FOR YOU TO STEP OUT OF IT 844 00:22:14,020 --> 00:22:14,980 FOR A BIT. 845 00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:16,980 GET UP FROM YOUR CHAIR. 846 00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:20,980 SEE WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER. 847 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:22,980 EXPLORE THE SPACE, MAN. 848 00:22:23,020 --> 00:22:23,980 WHO KNOWS? 849 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:24,980 MAYBE YOU'LL EVEN EVEN DISCOVER 850 00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:27,980 SOME SURPRISES ALONG THE WAY. 851 00:22:28,020 --> 00:22:29,980 >> John: HUH, ALL RIGHT, I 852 00:22:30,020 --> 00:22:30,980 THINK I MIGHT PRAY JUST TO BE 853 00:22:31,020 --> 00:22:32,980 ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, THOUGH, ADAM, 854 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,980 ARE YOU GIVING ME 855 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:35,980 AN ORDER? 856 00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:37,980 >> SURE. 857 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:40,980 >> John: JUST -- IT DIDN'T 858 00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:44,980 SOUND LIKE AN ORDER. 859 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:46,980 >> EXPLORE THE FUCKING SPACE, 860 00:22:47,020 --> 00:22:47,980 YOU WILL FOLLOW BONE TO MR. B 861 00:22:48,020 --> 00:22:48,980 AND COSPLAYER. 862 00:22:49,020 --> 00:22:54,000 LOOK AROUND YOU, YOU UN UNDER BD 863 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:54,960 GINGERBREAD BOY. 864 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000 >> John: OH, GOD, THAT FEELS 865 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:57,020 GOOD. 866 00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:57,980 >> I HATED THIS. 867 00:22:58,020 --> 00:22:58,980 GOODBYE. 868 00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,980 >> John: I MEAN, THAT WENT 869 00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:01,980 REALLY WELL. 870 00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:02,980 YOU KNOW WHAT, ADAM DRIVER IS 871 00:23:03,020 --> 00:23:04,980 RIGHT AND HOT AND MASSIVE, BUT 872 00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:05,980 HE'S MAINLY RIGHT. 873 00:23:06,020 --> 00:23:07,980 BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN STUCK IN 874 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:08,980 THIS EMPTY VOID SINCE MARCH AND 875 00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:09,980 I'M REALIZING, I HAVEN'T SHOWN 876 00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:11,980 YOU ANY OF IT. 877 00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:13,000 IT'S ACTUALLY MUCH BIGGER THAN 878 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:13,020 JUST THIS. 879 00:23:13,020 --> 00:23:13,980 COME WITH ME. 880 00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:16,980 I'LL GIVE YOU A TOUR. 881 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,980 AS YOU CAN SEE, JUST OFF CAMERA, 882 00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:19,980 THERE IS MORE VOID AND A BIT 883 00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:21,980 MORE, AND THEN A BIT MORE AFTER 884 00:23:22,020 --> 00:23:22,980 THAT. 885 00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:26,980 IT IS A TRULY ENORMOUS, 886 00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:27,980 EXPANSIVE NOTHING. 887 00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:29,980 AND THIS IS WHERE I HAVE BEEN 888 00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:30,980 ALL YEAR LONG! 889 00:23:31,020 --> 00:23:32,980 NOW INTERESTINGLY, THIS BOY DOES 890 00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:34,980 NOT CONFORM TO NORMAL RULES OF 891 00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:35,980 PHYSICS. 892 00:23:36,020 --> 00:23:37,980 FOR EXAMPLE, THE DESK I'VE BEEN 893 00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:39,980 SITTING BEHIND THIS WHOLE TIME, 894 00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:42,000 IT'S UP THERE. 895 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:42,500 [LAUGHS] 896 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:43,980 WEIRD, RIGHT? 897 00:23:44,020 --> 00:23:44,980 BUT I HAVE TO SAY, ALL OF THIS 898 00:23:45,020 --> 00:23:46,980 DOES MAKE ME A LITTLE SAD, 899 00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:48,980 BECAUSE WE USED TO HAVE AN 900 00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:49,980 AUDIENCE FOR THIS SHOW. 901 00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:51,980 ALSO, I USED TO GET TO SEE THE 902 00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:53,980 INCREDIBLE PEOPLE I MAKE THIS 903 00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:54,980 SHOW WITH, MOST OF WHOM I MISS 904 00:23:55,020 --> 00:23:57,980 VERY MUCH. 905 00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:00,980 AND THREE OF WHOM I DON'T. 906 00:24:01,020 --> 00:24:03,980 TWO OF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 907 00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:04,980 AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE USE TO 908 00:24:05,020 --> 00:24:07,980 END OUR SEASONS WITH BIG STUNTS, 909 00:24:08,020 --> 00:24:10,980 JUST FOUR YEARS AGO, I BLEW UP 910 00:24:11,020 --> 00:24:12,980 THE YEAR 2016, AS IF THAT WAS A 911 00:24:13,020 --> 00:24:15,980 VERY BAD YEAR, AND IT WAS. 912 00:24:16,020 --> 00:24:16,980 IT WAS TERRIBLE. 913 00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:18,980 BUT THIS YEAR? 914 00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:19,980 HOLY SHIT. 915 00:24:20,020 --> 00:24:22,980 THIS HAS BEEN A LOT. 916 00:24:23,020 --> 00:24:24,980 FOR ME, IT DOES NOT LIKE THE 917 00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:27,980 WORLD HAS SOMEHOW BOTH SHRUNK A. 918 00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:29,980 I DON'T SEE ANYONE, I DON'T DO 919 00:24:30,020 --> 00:24:32,980 ANYTHING, AND I HAVE NO IDEA 920 00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:33,980 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. 921 00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:38,980 ♪ ♪ 922 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:43,980 SPEEFIFTEEN. 923 00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:48,000 HUH. 924 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:48,020 A DOOR. 925 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:52,980 THAT'S NEW. 926 00:24:53,020 --> 00:24:57,980 ♪ ♪ 927 00:24:58,020 --> 00:24:58,980 WOW. 928 00:24:59,020 --> 00:25:00,980 THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I 929 00:25:01,020 --> 00:25:03,980 SEE THIS BLANK VOID. 930 00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:06,980 WELL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! 931 00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:08,980 YOU WERE REALLY GREAT AT BEING 932 00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:09,980 WHITE, DEPRESSING, AND 933 00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,980 REMARKABLE EMPTY ON THE INSIDE! 934 00:25:12,020 --> 00:25:13,980 AND THAT IS GAME RECOGNIZING 935 00:25:14,020 --> 00:25:18,980 GAME! 936 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:19,980 OKAY. 937 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,980 LET'S SEE WHAT'S ON THE OTHER 938 00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:24,000 SIDE. 939 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:39,000 ♪ ♪ 940 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:39,020 OH. 941 00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:41,980 THAT MAKES SENSE. 942 00:25:42,020 --> 00:25:44,980 LOOK, THIS YEAR HAS BEEN AN 943 00:25:45,020 --> 00:25:46,980 ABSOLUTE PARADE OF MISERY. 944 00:25:47,020 --> 00:25:47,980 IN JANUARY ALONE, AUSTRALIA HAS 945 00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:50,980 BEEN RAVAGED BY WILDFIRES, 946 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:51,980 KOBE BRYANT DIED, AND FOR A FEW 947 00:25:52,020 --> 00:25:52,980 DAYS, IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE 948 00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:54,980 AMERICA WAS ABOUT TO GO TO WAR 949 00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:55,980 WITH IRAN. 950 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,980 THAT WAS ALL THIS YEAR. 951 00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:00,000 AND THAT WAS BEFORE THE 952 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,020 CORONAVIRUS EXPLODED AND 953 00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:02,980 EVERYTHING GOT EVEN WORSE. 954 00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:04,980 MASS UNEMPLOYMENT, EVICTIONS, 955 00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:06,980 THAT VIDEO OF THOSE CELEBRITIES 956 00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:07,980 SINGING "IMAGINE." 957 00:26:08,020 --> 00:26:09,980 IT WAS REALLY TERRIBLE. 958 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,980 ON TOP OF WHICH, THIS YEAR, SO 959 00:26:12,020 --> 00:26:14,980 THE DEATHS OF CHADWICK BOSEMAN, 960 00:26:15,020 --> 00:26:15,980 JOHN LEWIS, AND RUTH 961 00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:16,980 BADER GINSBURG. 962 00:26:17,020 --> 00:26:19,000 PLUS, THE CONFIRMATION OF AMY 963 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:19,020 CONEY BARRETT. 964 00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:23,980 I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, 2020 965 00:26:24,020 --> 00:26:26,980 MADE ME LEARN WHO CAROLE BASKIN 966 00:26:27,020 --> 00:26:28,980 IS, IT MADE ME SET UP A GOOGLE 967 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:29,980 ALERT TO SEE IF SHE WAS EVER 968 00:26:30,020 --> 00:26:30,980 CONVICTED FOR THAT THING THAT WE 969 00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:32,980 ARE ALL PRETTY SURE SHE DID. 970 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:36,000 THIS YEAR RUINED LIVES, JOBS, 971 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:37,020 CONCERTS, AND SANITY. 972 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:39,980 IT BROUGHT A NEW WAVE OF RENTING 973 00:26:40,020 --> 00:26:40,980 VIDEOS OF POLICE BRUTALITY THAT 974 00:26:41,020 --> 00:26:41,980 BROUGHT ON A NATIONAL RECKONING 975 00:26:42,020 --> 00:26:44,980 WITH RACE AND A FEROCIOUS AND 976 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,980 DEPRESSING BACKLASH, AND SURE, 977 00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:47,980 THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION ENDED 978 00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:49,980 WELL, BUT IT WAS GRIM TO LIVE 979 00:26:50,020 --> 00:26:51,980 THROUGH. 980 00:26:52,020 --> 00:26:53,980 AND TRUMP WILL NOT LEAVE OFFICE 981 00:26:54,020 --> 00:26:56,980 UNTIL NEXT JANUARY. 982 00:26:57,020 --> 00:26:57,980 2020 WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. 983 00:26:58,020 --> 00:26:59,980 AND I REALLY HOPE NEXT YEAR IS 984 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:00,980 GOING TO BE BETTER, BUT THE 985 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:03,000 TRUTH IS, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS 986 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:04,980 UP TO ALL OF US. 987 00:27:05,020 --> 00:27:05,980 IT'S GOING TO DEPEND HOW WILLING 988 00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:07,980 WE ARE TO FIGHT, HOW WELL WE 989 00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:09,980 LEARN FROM WHAT'S HAPPENED, AND 990 00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:11,980 HOW MUCH WE ARE ABLE TO CARE 991 00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:12,980 ABOUT EACH OTHER. 992 00:27:13,020 --> 00:27:15,000 SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS 993 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:15,020 NEXT. 994 00:27:15,020 --> 00:27:18,000 BUT I DO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW. 995 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:28,980 ♪ ♪ 996 00:27:29,020 --> 00:27:36,000 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 997 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:47,980 ♪ ♪ 998 00:27:48,020 --> 00:27:48,980 LET TOMORROW BE ABOUT SOLUTIONS. 999 00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:52,980 TODAY IS ABOUT VENGEANCE. 1000 00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:54,000 FUCK U, 2020. 1001 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:06,000 GET FUCKED. 1002 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:14,980 [EXPLOSION] 1003 00:28:15,020 --> 00:28:19,980 ♪ ♪ 1004 00:28:20,020 --> 00:28:23,000 [EXPLOSIONS] 1005 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:35,980 ♪ ♪ 1006 00:28:36,020 --> 00:28:39,000 [EXPLOSIONS] 1007 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:58,000 ♪ ♪ 1008 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:08,000 [FALLING DEBRIS] 1009 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:08,020 >> John: THAT'S IT. 1010 00:29:08,020 --> 00:29:09,980 THAT'S OUR SHOW. 1011 00:29:10,020 --> 00:29:10,980 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING 1012 00:29:11,020 --> 00:29:11,980 THIS YEAR. 1013 00:29:12,020 --> 00:29:14,980 WE'LL BE BACK NEXT FEBRUARY. 1014 00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:17,980 PLEASE STAY SAFE UNTIL THEN. 1015 00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:22,000 GOOD NIGHT. 1016 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:30,000 ♪ ♪ 1017 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:47,000 ♪ ♪ 1018 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:04,000 ♪ ♪