1 00:00:06,989 --> 00:00:17,865 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:26,074 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:26,142 --> 00:00:30,979 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 4 00:00:31,047 --> 00:00:32,246 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 5 00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:33,447 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!" 6 00:00:33,515 --> 00:00:34,981 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 7 00:00:35,016 --> 00:00:35,517 THANK YOU SO MUCH 8 00:00:35,651 --> 00:00:36,918 FOR JOINING US. 9 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,586 AND LOOK, IT HAS BEEN A BUSY 10 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,188 WEEK, SO THERE IS FRANKLY 11 00:00:40,223 --> 00:00:41,222 NO TIME TO TALK ABOUT 12 00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:42,824 THE U.S. SIGNING A DEAL WITH 13 00:00:42,957 --> 00:00:44,291 THE TALIBAN, OR JOE BIDEN 14 00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:45,327 WINNING IN SOUTH CAROLINA, 15 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:47,195 OR EVEN THE END OF BILLIONAIRE 16 00:00:47,229 --> 00:00:48,495 TOM STEYER'S PRESIDENTIAL RUN, 17 00:00:48,530 --> 00:00:50,232 DESPITE THE FACT THE CLOSING 18 00:00:50,299 --> 00:00:53,100 DAYS OF HIS CAMPAIGN GOT WEIRD. 19 00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:55,270 >> THIS IS BUSINESSMAN 20 00:00:55,404 --> 00:00:57,571 TOM STEYER WITH JUVENILE 21 00:00:57,639 --> 00:00:58,606 UP ON STAGE DANCING TO 22 00:00:58,673 --> 00:00:59,673 "BACK THAT ASS UP." 23 00:00:59,741 --> 00:01:11,653 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,586 >> John: I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS 25 00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,254 THERE: 26 00:01:13,321 --> 00:01:15,557 ONE, THE FUCK? 27 00:01:15,691 --> 00:01:17,925 TWO, YOU SPENT A QUARTER BILLION 28 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:18,859 DOLLARS ON YOUR CAMPAIGN, 29 00:01:18,993 --> 00:01:20,929 WAS IT WORTH IT? 30 00:01:20,963 --> 00:01:22,896 AND THREE, THAT SONG IS CALLED 31 00:01:22,931 --> 00:01:24,331 "BACK THAT ASS UP," WHY ARE YOU 32 00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:26,067 NOT BACKING YOUR ASS UP? 33 00:01:26,135 --> 00:01:28,135 NO ONE TOLD YOU TO LURCH FORWARD 34 00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:29,136 AND THEN DO A WEIRD LITTLE LASSO 35 00:01:29,171 --> 00:01:30,338 THAT ASS UP. 36 00:01:30,373 --> 00:01:31,773 JUVENILE IS STANDING RIGHT NEXT 37 00:01:31,907 --> 00:01:32,940 TO YOU, AND HE'S VERY CLEAR 38 00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:33,974 ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS HERE: 39 00:01:34,108 --> 00:01:35,075 PAYMENT IN FULL FOR THIS 40 00:01:35,211 --> 00:01:36,678 INEXPLICABLE CAMPAIGN 41 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:38,879 APPEARANCE, AND ALSO FOR YOU TO 42 00:01:39,013 --> 00:01:43,384 BACK YOUR FUCKING ASS UP. 43 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,785 NO WONDER YOUR CAMPAIGN FAILED. 44 00:01:44,919 --> 00:01:46,854 BUT TONIGHT, WE'RE ACTUALLY 45 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,389 GOING TO DIVE STRAIGHT IN WITH 46 00:01:48,523 --> 00:01:51,526 OUR MAIN STORY, WHICH CONCERNS 47 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:52,393 THE SUBJECT THAT HAS DOMINATED 48 00:01:52,427 --> 00:01:53,494 THE NEWS ALL WEEK. 49 00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:54,495 >> GLOBAL HOT ZONES -- THE 50 00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:55,297 CORONAVIRUS SPREADING. 51 00:01:55,431 --> 00:01:56,298 >> FEARS GROW OF A GLOBAL 52 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:57,098 PANDEMIC. 53 00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,499 >> A HUGE SPIKE IN CASES 54 00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,099 IN ITALY. 55 00:01:59,233 --> 00:02:00,100 >> HUNDREDS OF CASES 56 00:02:00,169 --> 00:02:01,269 IN SOUTH KOREA. 57 00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:03,437 NEW CASES REPORTED IN EUROPE. 58 00:02:03,472 --> 00:02:04,805 >> THE CDC WARNED AMERICANS TO 59 00:02:04,839 --> 00:02:06,407 BE PREPARED HERE AT HOME, 60 00:02:06,475 --> 00:02:07,074 THAT IT'S NOT A MATTER OF IF, 61 00:02:07,109 --> 00:02:09,109 BUT WHEN. 62 00:02:09,243 --> 00:02:11,545 >> John: YES, THE CORONAVIRUS. 63 00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,080 ON TUESDAY, THE CDC SAID THAT 64 00:02:13,214 --> 00:02:16,117 ITS SPREADING HERE IS "NOT A 65 00:02:16,152 --> 00:02:16,684 QUESTION OF IF, BUT WHEN." 66 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:17,418 WHICH IS NOT A COMFORTING THING 67 00:02:17,453 --> 00:02:18,652 TO HEAR ABOUT THE SPREAD OF 68 00:02:18,687 --> 00:02:19,820 SOMETHING DEADLY. 69 00:02:19,954 --> 00:02:20,822 IT'S ONLY COMFORTING IF YOU'RE 70 00:02:20,956 --> 00:02:21,823 TALKING ABOUT WHETHER 71 00:02:21,957 --> 00:02:23,390 SAOIRSE RONAN WILL WIN AN OSCAR, 72 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:24,191 OR WHETHER HENRY KISSINGER WILL 73 00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:24,425 EVER DIE. 74 00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:25,593 DON'T WORRY! 75 00:02:25,628 --> 00:02:26,861 IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF IF, 76 00:02:26,895 --> 00:02:30,665 BUT WHEN. 77 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,166 AND THE CDC WERE NOT WRONG; 78 00:02:32,201 --> 00:02:34,301 THERE ARE NOW SEVERAL DOZEN 79 00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:35,203 CONFIRMED CASES HERE IN 80 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,104 THE UNITED STATES, WITH THE 81 00:02:36,138 --> 00:02:36,704 FIRST DEATH COMING JUST 82 00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:40,006 YESTERDAY. 83 00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:40,809 MEANWHILE, THE STOCK MARKET 84 00:02:40,843 --> 00:02:41,909 HAS TAKEN ITS BIGGEST ONE-WEEK 85 00:02:41,977 --> 00:02:42,877 DIVE SINCE 2008, AND MANY 86 00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:43,978 AMERICANS HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT 87 00:02:44,111 --> 00:02:45,547 HOW TO STAY SAFE. 88 00:02:45,681 --> 00:02:46,981 >> JOY JOHNSON EMAILED US 89 00:02:47,015 --> 00:02:48,716 ASKING, "CAN I GET CORONAVIRUS 90 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,150 FROM A PACKAGE BEING DELIVERED 91 00:02:50,219 --> 00:02:51,786 FROM CHINA?" 92 00:02:52,754 --> 00:02:53,287 THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. 93 00:02:53,421 --> 00:02:54,388 >> TALK ABOUT THESE MASKS. 94 00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:55,590 DO WE GET THEM OR DON'T WE? 95 00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:57,358 >> SOME PEOPLE ARE WONDERING IF 96 00:02:57,393 --> 00:02:58,659 YOU CAN YOU PROTECT YOURSELF 97 00:02:58,793 --> 00:02:59,492 FROM THE VIRUS BY GARGLING WITH 98 00:02:59,527 --> 00:02:59,726 BLEACH -- 99 00:02:59,761 --> 00:03:01,029 >> WHAT? 100 00:03:01,063 --> 00:03:02,764 >> OR TAKING STEROIDS. 101 00:03:02,831 --> 00:03:03,631 >> CAN YOU GET THE CORONAVIRUS 102 00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:05,031 BY EATING CHINESE FOOD? 103 00:03:05,099 --> 00:03:06,368 >> John: NO! 104 00:03:06,501 --> 00:03:08,335 NO, YOU CAN'T! 105 00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:09,470 OF COURSE YOU CAN'T GET 106 00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:10,572 THE CORONAVIRUS FROM EATING 107 00:03:10,706 --> 00:03:11,672 CHINESE FOOD. 108 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:13,307 IN FACT, IF YOU'RE EATING AT 109 00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,041 A PANDA EXPRESS, YOU CAN'T 110 00:03:15,076 --> 00:03:16,210 EVEN GET CHINESE FOOD BY EATING 111 00:03:16,245 --> 00:03:20,982 CHINESE FOOD. 112 00:03:21,116 --> 00:03:22,550 ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY THIS: 113 00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:24,151 YOU ARE UNLIKELY TO GET THE 114 00:03:24,185 --> 00:03:24,785 CORONAVIRUS IF YOU REGULARLY 115 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:26,521 GARGLE BLEACH. 116 00:03:26,555 --> 00:03:27,521 BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: 117 00:03:27,556 --> 00:03:28,689 BEING DEAD IS ALREADY THE BEST 118 00:03:28,823 --> 00:03:29,790 MEDICINE. 119 00:03:29,857 --> 00:03:30,925 LOOK, IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL TO GET 120 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:31,692 THE VERY BASICS DOWN HERE 121 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:32,726 STRAIGHT AWAY: WHAT WE'RE 122 00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:33,694 TALKING ABOUT HERE IS A SICKNESS 123 00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:35,128 CALLED COVID-19, CAUSED BY 124 00:03:35,162 --> 00:03:36,564 A NEW STRAIN OF CORONAVIRUS. 125 00:03:36,599 --> 00:03:38,833 SYMPTOMS INCLUDE FEVER, COUGH, 126 00:03:38,966 --> 00:03:40,635 AND SHORTNESS OF BREATH, AND 127 00:03:40,669 --> 00:03:41,869 PRELIMINARY ESTIMATES ARE THAT 128 00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:44,170 IT HAS AROUND A 2% MORTALITY 129 00:03:44,205 --> 00:03:45,038 RATE -- WITH THE ELDERLY AND 130 00:03:45,172 --> 00:03:46,074 THOSE WITH PREEXISTING 131 00:03:46,108 --> 00:03:47,875 CONDITIONS MOST AT RISK. 132 00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,310 AND I KNOW SOME PEOPLE DON'T 133 00:03:49,443 --> 00:03:51,412 SEEM TO THINK TWO PERCENT IS ALL 134 00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:52,480 THAT BAD, AS CHUCK TODD TOLD US, 135 00:03:52,547 --> 00:03:55,417 IN THE WEIRDEST POSSIBLE WAY. 136 00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,318 >> SO LAST NIGHT I SURPRISED MY 137 00:03:57,386 --> 00:03:58,919 TEENAGER WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT 138 00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:00,588 ONLY TWO PERCENT OF THOSE THAT 139 00:04:00,623 --> 00:04:04,224 GET THIS CORONAVIRUS DIE. 140 00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:06,594 HE GOES, OH, WELL, I THOUGHT IT 141 00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:10,030 WAS -- I THOUGHT IT WAS MUCH 142 00:04:10,097 --> 00:04:11,933 WORSE, AND I UNDERSTAND IF YOU 143 00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,934 JUST DIGEST SOCIAL MEDIA, YOU 144 00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:16,504 JUST DIGEST THE HEADLINES, THIS 145 00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:17,605 FEELS MORE DEADLY THAN IT IS. 146 00:04:17,639 --> 00:04:18,605 >> John: OKAY, SO FIRST, 147 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,006 ON BEHALF OF YOUR TEENAGER -- 148 00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:20,675 DAD, GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND STOP 149 00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:23,811 TELLING ME THE NEWS. 150 00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:25,447 BUT SECOND: TWO PERCENT OF 151 00:04:25,581 --> 00:04:26,614 PEOPLE IS A LOT WHEN YOU'RE 152 00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:27,381 TALKING ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE 153 00:04:27,416 --> 00:04:28,148 DYING. 154 00:04:28,216 --> 00:04:29,350 THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY: 155 00:04:29,483 --> 00:04:30,819 TWO PERCENT OF PEOPLE 156 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:31,853 DISAPPEARING WAS LITERALLY 157 00:04:31,987 --> 00:04:34,121 THE PREMISE OF "THE LEFTOVERS" 158 00:04:34,155 --> 00:04:36,057 -- YOU KNOW, THE SHOW WHOSE 159 00:04:36,191 --> 00:04:37,558 PILOT VERY MUCH DID NOT CONSIST 160 00:04:37,692 --> 00:04:40,829 OF JUSTIN THEROUX GOING, "WELL, 161 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:41,495 THAT WAS ROUGH BUT, HEY, COULDA 162 00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,063 BEEN WORSE!" 163 00:04:42,197 --> 00:04:43,964 AND THEN THE SHOW ENDING. 164 00:04:44,098 --> 00:04:44,965 THE FACT IS, A TWO PERCENT 165 00:04:45,099 --> 00:04:46,234 MORTALITY RATE, IF TRUE, 166 00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:47,134 WOULD BE ABOUT TWENTY TIMES 167 00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:48,469 HIGHER THAN THE SEASONAL FLU. 168 00:04:48,603 --> 00:04:51,906 AND WHILE, THE GOOD NEWS IS, 169 00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:53,074 AROUND 80% OF THOSE WHO 170 00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:53,740 GET THIS VIRUS HAVE MILD 171 00:04:53,775 --> 00:04:56,277 SYMPTOMS, THE BAD NEWS IS, 172 00:04:56,411 --> 00:04:58,445 THAT MEANS THEY'RE MORE LIKELY 173 00:04:58,513 --> 00:04:58,946 TO SPREAD IT WITHOUT EVEN 174 00:04:59,080 --> 00:04:59,346 REALIZING. 175 00:04:59,414 --> 00:05:00,482 THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT 176 00:05:00,516 --> 00:05:02,016 MAKES THIS SO DANGEROUS, AND 177 00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:04,551 WHY, EVEN THOUGH ITS MORTALITY 178 00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:05,487 RATE IS MUCH LOWER THAN THAT OF 179 00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:10,458 SARS OR MERS, THIS VIRUS HAS 180 00:05:10,493 --> 00:05:11,392 ALREADY KILLED THREE TIMES 181 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:12,360 AS MANY PEOPLE. 182 00:05:12,494 --> 00:05:13,093 IN FACT, ONE EXPERT HAS 183 00:05:13,128 --> 00:05:14,394 PREDICTED THAT 40 TO 70% OF 184 00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:15,730 THE WORLD'S POPULATION WILL BE 185 00:05:15,764 --> 00:05:16,664 INFECTED WITHIN THE NEXT YEAR, 186 00:05:16,699 --> 00:05:17,598 WHICH IS INCREDIBLY UPSETTING 187 00:05:17,666 --> 00:05:19,199 BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE 188 00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:20,902 INFECTIOUS DISEASE THAT 189 00:05:21,036 --> 00:05:22,302 TWO-THIRDS OF THE WORLD SHOULD 190 00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:23,203 BE GETTING RIGHT NOW, AND THAT'S 191 00:05:23,238 --> 00:05:24,538 ADAM DRIVER FEVER. 192 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:25,773 SHATTER MY KNEES, 193 00:05:25,808 --> 00:05:27,708 YOU FUCKABLE REDWOOD. 194 00:05:27,776 --> 00:05:29,809 SNAP OFF MY TOES, YOU BIG, 195 00:05:29,877 --> 00:05:34,481 UNWASHED BUFFALO. 196 00:05:34,615 --> 00:05:36,217 SO IF THE STOCK MARKET IS 197 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,318 TANKING AND PEOPLE ARE 198 00:05:38,386 --> 00:05:40,220 CONSIDERING GARGLING BLEACH, 199 00:05:40,287 --> 00:05:41,423 WE THOUGHT TONIGHT MIGHT BE 200 00:05:41,556 --> 00:05:42,924 A GOOD TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE 201 00:05:43,057 --> 00:05:44,224 CORONAVIRUS, HOW WE GOT TO THIS 202 00:05:44,358 --> 00:05:45,325 POINT, WHAT'S CURRENTLY BEING 203 00:05:45,394 --> 00:05:46,961 DONE, AND HOW THIS VIRUS HAS 204 00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:47,428 EXPOSED GOVERNMENTAL 205 00:05:47,496 --> 00:05:48,595 VULNERABILITIES AS IT HAS SPREAD 206 00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:50,030 AROUND THE WORLD. 207 00:05:50,097 --> 00:05:51,799 AND LET'S START WITH HOW ALL 208 00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:52,766 OF THIS BEGAN. 209 00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:54,134 THE FIRST DOCUMENTED CASES 210 00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:55,168 CROPPED UP AT THE END OF 211 00:05:55,202 --> 00:05:56,304 LAST YEAR IN WUHAN, CHINA. 212 00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:57,238 AND INITIALLY, THE CHINESE 213 00:05:57,372 --> 00:05:58,939 GOVERNMENT WASN'T JUST SLOW TO 214 00:05:59,073 --> 00:05:59,906 RESPOND; OFFICIALS TRIED TO 215 00:05:59,941 --> 00:06:01,242 SILENCE AND PUNISH MEDICAL 216 00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:02,976 PROFESSIONALS WHO TRIED TO 217 00:06:03,778 --> 00:06:04,377 RAISE THE ALARM, WHICH ALMOST 218 00:06:04,412 --> 00:06:05,145 CERTAINLY HELPED THE DISEASE 219 00:06:05,212 --> 00:06:06,614 TO SPREAD. 220 00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:08,949 AND WHEN THE CHINESE LEADERSHIP 221 00:06:08,984 --> 00:06:09,983 FINALLY DECIDED TO ACT, IT MOVED 222 00:06:10,084 --> 00:06:11,819 AGGRESSIVELY, PUTTING NEARLY 223 00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,254 50 MILLION PEOPLE ON LOCKDOWN. 224 00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:17,191 >> ONE MONTH AFTER WUHAN SEALED 225 00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:18,692 OFF ITS BORDERS, ITS ROADS ARE 226 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,929 EMPTY AND CONSTRUCTION SITES ARE 227 00:06:20,997 --> 00:06:21,829 ABANDONED. 228 00:06:21,897 --> 00:06:23,130 RESIDENTS HAD BEEN PERMITTED 229 00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:24,831 TO LEAVE THEIR RESIDENTIAL 230 00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:26,401 COMPOUNDS ONCE EVERY SEVEN DAYS. 231 00:06:26,535 --> 00:06:28,401 BUT THIS WEEK, LOUDSPEAKERS 232 00:06:28,436 --> 00:06:29,169 PLACED ON STREET CORNERS 233 00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:30,370 NOTIFIED HOUSEHOLDS 234 00:06:30,506 --> 00:06:33,074 OF A CHANGE. 235 00:06:33,207 --> 00:06:34,975 >> FROM NOW ON, 236 00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:36,877 NOBODY CAN GO OUT. 237 00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:38,946 >> John: HOLY SHIT. 238 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,748 A TALKING BOX THAT TELLS YOU YOU 239 00:06:40,783 --> 00:06:41,983 CAN'T LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FEELS 240 00:06:42,050 --> 00:06:43,250 PRETTY DYSTOPIAN. 241 00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:45,085 TO BE HONEST, I MUCH PREFER 242 00:06:45,219 --> 00:06:46,454 OUR DYSTOPIA, WHERE A TALKING 243 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,289 BOX LISTENS TO ALL OUR 244 00:06:49,357 --> 00:06:50,190 CONVERSATIONS AND THEN TELLS 245 00:06:50,324 --> 00:06:51,425 JEFF BEZOS WHEN I'LL NEED 246 00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,293 UNDERWEAR NEXT. 247 00:06:52,427 --> 00:06:53,594 IT'S SUCH A CONVENIENT WAY TO 248 00:06:53,728 --> 00:06:55,597 GIVE UP EVERYTHING. 249 00:06:55,731 --> 00:06:57,231 PEOPLE ON LOCKDOWN IN CHINA ARE 250 00:06:57,265 --> 00:06:59,166 IN A VERY UNPLEASANT SITUATION, 251 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,166 BUT THEY'VE BEEN DOING THEIR 252 00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:01,503 BEST TO TRY AND AMUSE 253 00:07:01,636 --> 00:07:03,404 THEMSELVES, LIKE THIS MAN, 254 00:07:03,538 --> 00:07:06,474 WHO EITHER IMPROVISED 255 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,342 A COOL MASK OR FINALLY FOUND 256 00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:09,243 A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE REASON TO 257 00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:11,345 INDULGE IN A VERY SPECIFIC 258 00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:11,612 FETISH. 259 00:07:11,647 --> 00:07:13,514 OTHER CITIZENS MADE MAKESHIFT 260 00:07:13,548 --> 00:07:15,817 HAZMAT SUITS OUT OF INFLATABLE 261 00:07:15,884 --> 00:07:17,718 CHRISTMAS TREE AND DINOSAUR 262 00:07:17,786 --> 00:07:20,187 COSTUMES, WHILE STILL OTHERS, 263 00:07:20,254 --> 00:07:21,322 STUCK INDOORS, WERE REDUCED TO 264 00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:22,657 CREATING THEIR OWN ENTERTAINMENT 265 00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:23,790 LIKE PLAYING SNOOKER WITH 266 00:07:23,858 --> 00:07:27,828 CHOPSTICKS AND CHERRY TOMATOES. 267 00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:29,296 AND, LOOK, I HAVE TO SAY: 268 00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:30,465 THAT IS THE MOST CULINARY 269 00:07:30,599 --> 00:07:32,599 RESOURCEFULNESS I'VE SEEN SINCE 270 00:07:32,634 --> 00:07:33,333 CLAIRE FROM THE BON APPETIT TEST 271 00:07:33,401 --> 00:07:34,334 KITCHEN MADE COMBOS FROM 272 00:07:35,336 --> 00:07:35,503 SCRATCH. 273 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,504 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS, 274 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,338 CLAIRE. 275 00:07:37,472 --> 00:07:39,872 THEY SELL THEM IN STORES! 276 00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:41,342 BUT DESPITE THE GOVERNMENT 277 00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:44,510 EFFORT AT CONTAINMENT, OVER 278 00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:45,714 2700 PEOPLE HAVE NOW DIED 279 00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:47,515 IN CHINA, AMONG THEM 280 00:07:47,649 --> 00:07:48,815 DR. LI WENLIANG, AN EARLY 281 00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:50,350 WHISTLEBLOWER SILENCED BY 282 00:07:50,384 --> 00:07:52,119 OFFICIALS, WHO HAS SINCE BECOME 283 00:07:52,154 --> 00:07:53,186 A SYMBOL FOR CITIZENS' ANGER AT 284 00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:54,087 THEIR GOVERNMENT'S RESPONSE. 285 00:07:54,122 --> 00:07:55,890 SO THAT IS HOW THIS ALL BEGAN. 286 00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:57,591 AND THE CORONAVIRUS HAS SINCE 287 00:07:57,659 --> 00:07:59,660 SPREAD TO MORE THAN 60 OTHER 288 00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,462 COUNTRIES, WHO'VE HANDLED IT 289 00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:03,297 WITH VARYING DEGREES OF SUCCESS. 290 00:08:03,431 --> 00:08:05,031 VIETNAM, FOR INSTANCE, MOVED 291 00:08:05,066 --> 00:08:06,167 QUICKLY, AND AMONG OTHER THINGS, 292 00:08:06,301 --> 00:08:08,235 PRODUCED THIS INCREDIBLE PUBLIC 293 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,669 INFORMATION VIDEO ABOUT HOW TO 294 00:08:09,737 --> 00:08:10,838 LIMIT ITS SPREAD THROUGH PROPER 295 00:08:10,873 --> 00:08:13,240 HYGIENE. 296 00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:25,285 ♪ ♪ 297 00:08:25,352 --> 00:08:27,354 >> John: YES! 298 00:08:27,389 --> 00:08:27,755 YES! 299 00:08:27,789 --> 00:08:28,355 YES! 300 00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:29,389 YES! 301 00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:30,892 VIETNAM MADE A SONG ABOUT 302 00:08:31,026 --> 00:08:32,459 WASHING YOUR HANDS TO PREVENT 303 00:08:32,494 --> 00:08:34,061 CORONAVIRUS INFECTION, AND IT 304 00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:35,095 ABSOLUTELY SLAPS! 305 00:08:35,162 --> 00:08:36,064 THAT'S A GENUINE CLUB BANGER, 306 00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:37,898 RIGHT THERE. 307 00:08:37,966 --> 00:08:39,366 IN FACT, PEOPLE LIKED THAT SONG 308 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,768 SO MUCH, IT EVEN BECAME A TIKTOK 309 00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:42,069 DANCE CHALLENGE. 310 00:08:42,137 --> 00:08:53,814 ♪ ♪ 311 00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:56,317 >> John: THE SONG'S INCREDIBLE! 312 00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:57,118 IT MAKES ALL OTHER SONGS ABOUT 313 00:08:57,252 --> 00:08:57,718 WASHING YOURSELF LOOK LIKE 314 00:08:57,852 --> 00:08:58,418 TRASH. 315 00:08:58,486 --> 00:08:59,686 AND I'M TALKING TO YOU, 316 00:08:59,721 --> 00:09:03,323 ERNIE. 317 00:09:03,391 --> 00:09:04,157 LOOK, YOU'VE BEEN ON TOP OF THE 318 00:09:04,192 --> 00:09:07,028 PILE FOR A LONG TIME, BUT YOU 319 00:09:07,162 --> 00:09:08,129 GOT COMPLACENT, DIDN'T YOU? 320 00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:09,162 AND WHILE OTHER ARTISTS WERE OUT 321 00:09:09,197 --> 00:09:09,796 THERE INNOVATING, YOU KEPT 322 00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:11,833 SINGING THE SAME OLD DUCKY SONG. 323 00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:14,735 YOU LOST THE HUNGER, SON! 324 00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:18,405 YOU FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL 325 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,506 AND MUSIC MOVED ON WITHOUT YOU. 326 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:20,908 BUT NOT ALL COUNTRIES HAVE 327 00:09:20,943 --> 00:09:21,609 RESPONDED AS WELL. 328 00:09:21,743 --> 00:09:22,610 JAPAN FAMOUSLY BOTCHED ITS 329 00:09:22,744 --> 00:09:23,677 HANDLING OF THE CRUISE SHIP 330 00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:25,278 DIAMOND PRINCESS BY QUARANTINING 331 00:09:25,412 --> 00:09:27,881 MORE THAN 3500 PASSENGERS AND 332 00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:29,216 CREW ON THE SHIP ITSELF -- WHICH 333 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,250 HAD DISASTROUS RESULTS. 334 00:09:30,317 --> 00:09:33,086 >> MORE THAN 620 CASES HAVE BEEN 335 00:09:33,154 --> 00:09:35,055 CONFIRMED AMONG THE PASSENGERS 336 00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:36,424 AND CREW ON THE CRUISE SHIP, 337 00:09:36,491 --> 00:09:38,492 RAISING WORRIES ABOUT HOW THE 338 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,828 VIRUS WAS ABLE TO SPREAD SO 339 00:09:40,863 --> 00:09:41,462 RAPIDLY AMONG PEOPLE WHO SHOULD 340 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,464 HAVE BEEN ISOLATED. 341 00:09:44,598 --> 00:09:45,833 >> John: OH, I'LL TELL YOU HOW 342 00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:47,768 IT SPREAD SO RAPIDLY: THEY WERE 343 00:09:47,902 --> 00:09:49,736 ON A CRUISE SHIP. 344 00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:51,205 UNDER THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES, 345 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:51,873 A CRUISE SHIP IS A FLOATING 346 00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:52,673 PETRI DISH. 347 00:09:52,807 --> 00:09:53,774 YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HELD THEM 348 00:09:53,841 --> 00:09:56,144 IN A CHUCK E CHEESE BALL PIT. 349 00:09:56,278 --> 00:09:59,213 THE SPREAD WAS SO BAD THAT SEVEN 350 00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:01,349 PASSENGERS HAVE SINCE DIED, AND 351 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:04,284 THE W.H.O.'S LIST OF CORONAVIRUS 352 00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,887 CASES BY COUNTRY ACTUALLY HAD 353 00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,689 A SEPARATE LINE JUST FOR 354 00:10:08,756 --> 00:10:09,156 THE DIAMOND PRINCESS. 355 00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,256 WHICH IS TERRIFYING, ALTHOUGH, 356 00:10:10,291 --> 00:10:12,193 AGAIN, IN TERMS OF CRUISES, 357 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:13,661 STILL NOT THE WORST. 358 00:10:13,794 --> 00:10:16,397 IF YOUR OPTIONS ARE THE DIAMOND 359 00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:17,431 PRINCESS OR THE ACTUAL CARNIVAL 360 00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:18,932 CRUISE WHERE THE "TOILETS WERE 361 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,633 SO FULL OF SHIT THEY WERE 362 00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:23,904 FALLING OFF THE WALLS," I'M 363 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:25,104 BOOKING THE S.S. CORONAVIRUS 364 00:10:25,172 --> 00:10:25,973 TEN TIMES OUT OF TEN. 365 00:10:26,008 --> 00:10:27,474 TEN OUT OF TEN. 366 00:10:27,509 --> 00:10:28,541 AND IN SOME COUNTRIES, THE 367 00:10:28,576 --> 00:10:29,609 RESPONSE WAS HANDLED SO BADLY, 368 00:10:29,677 --> 00:10:31,112 YOU COULD WATCH THE VIRUS SPREAD 369 00:10:31,246 --> 00:10:32,613 LIVE ON TELEVISION. 370 00:10:32,681 --> 00:10:33,747 IN IRAN, A GOVERNMENT 371 00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:35,348 SPOKESPERSON ATTEMPTED TO 372 00:10:35,383 --> 00:10:37,418 REASSURE PEOPLE THE VIRUS WAS 373 00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:40,086 UNDER CONTROL, WHILE THE DEPUTY 374 00:10:40,121 --> 00:10:41,022 HEALTH MINISTER STANDING NEXT TO 375 00:10:41,156 --> 00:10:41,822 HIM STARTED MOPPING AWAY FEVER 376 00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:44,957 SWEAT LIKE AN ALABAMA PREACHER. 377 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,461 THAT GUY WAS LATER CONFIRMED TO 378 00:10:47,495 --> 00:10:48,796 HAVE THE CORONAVIRUS, ALTHOUGH 379 00:10:48,929 --> 00:10:51,465 NOT BEFORE GOING ON TV AGAIN TO 380 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,367 EXPLAIN AWAY HIS SYMPTOMS WHILE 381 00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:54,167 COUGHING ALL OVER THE FUCKING 382 00:10:54,736 --> 00:10:56,204 STUDIO. 383 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,604 AND IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, 384 00:10:57,639 --> 00:10:59,439 WHICH IT IS, IT TURNS OUT THE 385 00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:00,842 IRANIAN PEOPLE NOW TRUST THEIR 386 00:11:00,976 --> 00:11:02,075 GOVERNMENT SO LITTLE, THEY THINK 387 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:04,844 HE WAS STAGING THE WHOLE THING. 388 00:11:04,879 --> 00:11:05,813 >> THEY SAY THEY'RE LYING THAT 389 00:11:05,848 --> 00:11:08,182 THEY HAVE CORONA, THEY WANT TO 390 00:11:08,249 --> 00:11:09,149 -- THIS IS PROPAGANDA. 391 00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:10,550 >> THEY THINK HE'S NOT GOT IT? 392 00:11:10,584 --> 00:11:11,252 >> NO, NO, NO, THEY SAY THAT 393 00:11:11,386 --> 00:11:13,787 HE'S LYING AND IN THREE DAYS 394 00:11:13,855 --> 00:11:14,387 HE'S GOING TO COME OUT TO SAY, 395 00:11:14,455 --> 00:11:15,521 "OH, YOU SEE, I'VE RECOVERED, 396 00:11:15,556 --> 00:11:16,357 IT'S NOT SERIOUS, DON'T WORRY." 397 00:11:16,491 --> 00:11:18,725 THE LEVEL OF MISTRUST TOWARD 398 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,926 IRANIAN POLITICIANS IS SO DEEP 399 00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:21,062 THAT THEY WOULDN'T BELIEVE 400 00:11:21,196 --> 00:11:21,762 ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR 401 00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:22,196 MOUTH. 402 00:11:22,231 --> 00:11:24,064 >> John: RIGHT, IRANIANS WON'T 403 00:11:24,131 --> 00:11:25,565 BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT 404 00:11:25,632 --> 00:11:27,501 OF THEIR POLITICIANS' MOUTHS, 405 00:11:27,535 --> 00:11:29,369 EVEN IF THAT THING IS THE ACTUAL 406 00:11:29,503 --> 00:11:30,838 CORONAVIRUS. 407 00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:33,040 AND THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM. 408 00:11:33,074 --> 00:11:35,007 BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE HARD 409 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:35,877 FOR ANY GOVERNMENT TO GIVE 410 00:11:36,011 --> 00:11:36,944 EFFECTIVE ADVICE IF PEOPLE 411 00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,479 DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM. 412 00:11:38,612 --> 00:11:40,080 TRUST IN INSTITUTIONS IS 413 00:11:40,213 --> 00:11:41,148 CRITICAL WHEN TRYING TO CONTAIN 414 00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:43,050 A POSSIBLE PANDEMIC. 415 00:11:43,084 --> 00:11:44,517 AND UNFORTUNATELY, THAT BRINGS 416 00:11:44,552 --> 00:11:45,853 US TO THE UNITED STATES' 417 00:11:45,888 --> 00:11:49,456 RESPONSE TO THIS VIRUS, 418 00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:50,456 AND SPECIFICALLY TO THIS GUY. 419 00:11:50,491 --> 00:11:51,725 BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE'S 420 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:52,659 MESSAGING HAS BEEN ALL OVER 421 00:11:52,694 --> 00:11:53,560 THE PLACE THIS WEEK. 422 00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:56,364 IN FACT, ON TUESDAY -- THE VERY 423 00:11:56,398 --> 00:11:57,798 SAME DAY THE CDC SAID THAT THE 424 00:11:57,932 --> 00:11:59,566 SPREAD OF CORONAVIRUS 425 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,235 IN THE UNITED STATES WAS "NOT 426 00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,903 A QUESTION OF IF, BUT WHEN" -- 427 00:12:02,971 --> 00:12:04,037 ONE OF TRUMP'S TOP ADVISERS WAS 428 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,572 ON TV SAYING THIS. 429 00:12:05,705 --> 00:12:07,274 >> WE HAVE CONTAINED THIS. 430 00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,509 WE HAVE CONTAINED THIS. 431 00:12:09,577 --> 00:12:11,779 I WON'T SAY AIRTIGHT, BUT IT'S 432 00:12:11,913 --> 00:12:13,180 PRETTY CLOSE TO AIRTIGHT. 433 00:12:13,247 --> 00:12:15,748 >> John: WELL, WHICH IS IT? 434 00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:18,319 BECAUSE "AIRTIGHT" VERSUS 435 00:12:18,452 --> 00:12:19,652 "CLOSE TO AIRTIGHT" IS A PRETTY 436 00:12:19,687 --> 00:12:21,522 CRUCIAL DISTINCTION! 437 00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:23,590 IT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 438 00:12:23,624 --> 00:12:24,991 HAVING A WORKING SUBMARINE AND 439 00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:28,562 A COOL METAL TUBE TO DIE IN. 440 00:12:28,696 --> 00:12:29,629 AND THE DISSONANCE THERE SPEAKS 441 00:12:29,664 --> 00:12:31,198 TO A REAL PROBLEM. 442 00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:32,566 BECAUSE IN A GLOBAL HEALTH 443 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,900 EMERGENCY, YOU WANT TO HEAR FROM 444 00:12:33,935 --> 00:12:36,137 THE MANY TRAINED EXPERTS WHO 445 00:12:36,271 --> 00:12:37,137 WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE 446 00:12:37,205 --> 00:12:38,972 WORKING IN OUR NATION'S PUBLIC 447 00:12:39,006 --> 00:12:39,639 HEALTH AGENCIES. 448 00:12:39,773 --> 00:12:41,075 YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM 449 00:12:41,109 --> 00:12:42,509 POLITICIANS. 450 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,776 AND YET, ON WEDNESDAY, 451 00:12:43,811 --> 00:12:45,144 THE PRESIDENT HAD A SURPRISE 452 00:12:45,212 --> 00:12:49,082 ANNOUNCEMENT. 453 00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:50,952 >> PRESIDENT TRUMP ALONGSIDE HIS 454 00:12:51,086 --> 00:12:52,319 TOP HEALTH ADVISERS SOUGHT TO 455 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:53,353 CALM A NERVOUS NATION, NAMING 456 00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:54,721 A NEW POINT PERSON TO LEAD THE 457 00:12:54,755 --> 00:12:56,157 ADMINISTRATION'S RESPONSE. 458 00:12:56,224 --> 00:12:57,724 >> I'M GONNA BE PUTTING OUR 459 00:12:57,826 --> 00:12:58,592 VICE PRESIDENT, MIKE PENCE, 460 00:12:58,726 --> 00:12:59,393 IN CHARGE. 461 00:12:59,526 --> 00:13:00,126 HE'S GOT A CERTAIN TALENT FOR 462 00:13:00,194 --> 00:13:02,229 THIS. 463 00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:03,830 >> John: DOES HE? 464 00:13:03,865 --> 00:13:06,000 DOES HE, THOUGH? 465 00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:08,935 I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THE 466 00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,169 ONLY THINGS PENCE HAD A "CERTAIN 467 00:13:10,237 --> 00:13:11,973 TALENT" FOR WERE AVOIDING 468 00:13:12,106 --> 00:13:13,040 OFF-LEASH WOMEN, SUCKING UP 469 00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:14,240 TO PEOPLE WHO REPRESENT THE 470 00:13:14,275 --> 00:13:15,075 ANTITHESIS OF EVERYTHING HE 471 00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,610 CLAIMS TO BELIEVE IN, AND 472 00:13:16,645 --> 00:13:17,244 MISERABLY FAILING AT PULLING OFF 473 00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:17,945 A HAIRCUT KNOWN AS 474 00:13:18,012 --> 00:13:21,649 "THE JUDI DENCH." 475 00:13:21,683 --> 00:13:24,717 PUTTING ASIDE PENCE'S -- TO PUT 476 00:13:24,785 --> 00:13:26,687 IT MILDLY -- EXTREMELY MIXED 477 00:13:26,755 --> 00:13:28,321 RECORD AS GOVERNOR OF INDIANA ON 478 00:13:28,356 --> 00:13:30,289 MANAGING PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUES, 479 00:13:30,357 --> 00:13:32,125 EVEN THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT HE 480 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:32,993 WOULD BE LEADING THE TASK FORCE 481 00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,928 WAS A DEBACLE. 482 00:13:34,962 --> 00:13:37,832 BECAUSE ALEX AZAR, THE SECRETARY 483 00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:39,932 OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES, 484 00:13:39,967 --> 00:13:42,202 WAS ALREADY SUPPOSED TO BE 485 00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:43,404 CHAIRING THAT TASK FORCE, AND 486 00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:44,404 TRUMP DIDN'T SEEM INTERESTED IN 487 00:13:44,538 --> 00:13:45,371 CLARIFYING THEIR ROLES -- OR, 488 00:13:45,406 --> 00:13:46,207 INDEED, REALLY BEING THERE AT 489 00:13:46,341 --> 00:13:46,707 ALL. 490 00:13:46,841 --> 00:13:47,575 >> WISH HIM GOOD LUCK. 491 00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:50,876 >> WHO? 492 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:51,712 >> SECRETARY AZAR, GIVEN THE 493 00:13:51,746 --> 00:13:52,380 PENCE MOVE, STILL GOING TO BE-- 494 00:13:52,513 --> 00:13:52,946 >> OH, NO, I HAVE GREAT 495 00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:53,414 CONFIDENCE IN-- 496 00:13:53,547 --> 00:13:54,280 >> I THINK -- I THINK, IF I 497 00:13:54,315 --> 00:13:54,981 COULD JUST CLARIFY, I THINK 498 00:13:55,016 --> 00:13:55,917 YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE POINT 499 00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:56,917 HERE. 500 00:13:56,985 --> 00:13:58,419 I'M STILL CHAIRMAN OF THE TASK 501 00:13:58,552 --> 00:13:58,619 FORCE. 502 00:13:58,752 --> 00:13:59,552 >> YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU'RE 503 00:13:59,587 --> 00:13:59,886 BEING REPLACED? 504 00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:01,589 >> NOT IN THE LEAST. 505 00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:02,823 >> HE'S NOT. 506 00:14:02,957 --> 00:14:06,928 >> WHEN THIS WAS FIRST MENTIONED 507 00:14:07,061 --> 00:14:08,261 TO ME, I WAS DELIGHTED THAT I 508 00:14:08,296 --> 00:14:08,962 GET TO HAVE THE VICE PRESIDENT 509 00:14:08,996 --> 00:14:09,462 HELPING ME IN THIS WAY. 510 00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:09,896 DELIGHTED. 511 00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:10,630 ABSOLUTELY 512 00:14:10,764 --> 00:14:13,333 >> John: YEAH, HE JUST LEFT. 513 00:14:13,401 --> 00:14:15,267 THIS WAS A PRESS CONFERENCE 514 00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:16,870 MEANT TO CALM THE NATION, AND 515 00:14:16,905 --> 00:14:17,538 WITH THE MOST BASIC QUESTION OF 516 00:14:17,672 --> 00:14:19,372 WHO WOULD BE RUNNING THINGS 517 00:14:19,407 --> 00:14:20,573 SEEMINGLY UP IN THE AIR, 518 00:14:20,607 --> 00:14:22,543 HE JUST FUCKED RIGHT OFF. 519 00:14:22,677 --> 00:14:24,444 AND LOOK, I KNOW WE'RE USED TO 520 00:14:24,578 --> 00:14:26,313 ONLY SEEING BUSINESSMAN TRUMP, 521 00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:28,682 BUT IT IS NICE TO OCCASIONALLY 522 00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:29,315 GET A GLIMPSE OF THE ABSENTEE 523 00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:31,452 FATHER IN HIM, TOO. 524 00:14:31,586 --> 00:14:33,353 AND LOOK, AND IT IS MORE THAN 525 00:14:33,487 --> 00:14:34,687 JUST A LACK OF LEADERSHIP. 526 00:14:34,722 --> 00:14:35,788 IT IS ALSO CONCERNING THAT 527 00:14:35,822 --> 00:14:36,457 TRUMP'S MAIN FOCUS, WHEN 528 00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:37,558 DISCUSSING THIS VIRUS, 529 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:38,891 SEEMS TO BE DOWNPLAYING 530 00:14:38,926 --> 00:14:43,396 ANY POTENTIALLY BAD NEWS. 531 00:14:43,464 --> 00:14:44,364 HE STARTED THIS WEEK TWEETING, 532 00:14:44,498 --> 00:14:45,164 "THE CORONAVIRUS IS VERY MUCH 533 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,167 UNDER CONTROL." 534 00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:48,868 BUT THERE WAS NO WAY TO BE SURE 535 00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:50,236 OF THAT, AS HE FRANKLY SHOULD'VE 536 00:14:51,173 --> 00:14:51,338 KNOWN. 537 00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,839 MANY OF THE TEST KITS THE CDC 538 00:14:52,874 --> 00:14:54,541 INITIALLY DEVELOPED TO DETECT 539 00:14:54,608 --> 00:14:56,544 THE VIRUS APPARENTLY "DIDN'T 540 00:14:56,578 --> 00:14:58,078 WORK AS EXPECTED," MEANING THAT, 541 00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:01,482 AS RECENTLY AS WEDNESDAY, 542 00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:02,783 THE CDC AND ONLY SIX STATE LABS 543 00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:04,317 WERE TESTING FOR THE VIRUS. 544 00:15:04,351 --> 00:15:05,585 THANKFULLY, THAT HAS SINCE BEEN 545 00:15:05,719 --> 00:15:07,088 FIXED, AND WE'RE PRESUMABLY 546 00:15:07,221 --> 00:15:08,455 GOING TO FIND MORE CASES NOW. 547 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,656 BUT TRUMP SEEMED RELUCTANT 548 00:15:09,690 --> 00:15:11,692 TO ADMIT THAT THAT WILL HAPPEN. 549 00:15:11,826 --> 00:15:13,660 IN FACT, YOU CAN WATCH THAT 550 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,395 DYNAMIC IN REAL TIME, AS 551 00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:16,697 OFFICIALS AT THE PRESS 552 00:15:16,831 --> 00:15:18,165 CONFERENCE SAY ONE THING, 553 00:15:18,199 --> 00:15:19,132 AND HE TRIES TO MASSAGE IT 554 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:20,466 INTO SOMETHING ELSE. 555 00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:21,869 >> WE CAN EXPECT TO SEE MORE 556 00:15:21,903 --> 00:15:23,504 CASES IN THE UNITED STATES. 557 00:15:23,637 --> 00:15:25,405 >> WE DO EXPECT MORE CASES. 558 00:15:25,539 --> 00:15:28,375 >> WHEN YOU HAVE 15 PEOPLE AND 559 00:15:28,409 --> 00:15:30,009 THE 15 WITHIN A COUPLE OF DAYS 560 00:15:30,077 --> 00:15:33,080 IS GOING TO BE DOWN TO CLOSE TO 561 00:15:33,114 --> 00:15:33,914 ZERO, THAT IS A PRETTY GOOD JOB 562 00:15:33,982 --> 00:15:36,183 WE HAVE DONE. 563 00:15:36,218 --> 00:15:37,118 >> John: YEAH, BUT IT WON'T BE 564 00:15:37,251 --> 00:15:38,719 CLOSE TO ZERO, WILL IT? 565 00:15:38,852 --> 00:15:43,590 YOUR EXPERTS JUST SAID CASES 566 00:15:43,625 --> 00:15:45,625 WILL GO UP, AND YOU SAID THEY 567 00:15:45,759 --> 00:15:46,494 WILL GO DOWN. 568 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,694 YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE REAL 569 00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:48,428 NUMBERS AND MAKE UP ONES 570 00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:49,295 THAT YOU LIKE BETTER. 571 00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:50,330 THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH A 572 00:15:50,463 --> 00:15:51,732 PRESIDENT WHOSE ENTIRE LIFE HAS 573 00:15:51,866 --> 00:15:53,100 BEEN A SERIES OF LOW-STAKES LIES 574 00:15:53,134 --> 00:15:53,734 -- A MAN WHO HAS LIED ABOUT, 575 00:15:53,867 --> 00:15:54,534 AMONG OTHER THINGS, 576 00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:55,970 HIS NET WORTH, 577 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,004 HIS "APPRENTICE" RATINGS, 578 00:15:57,072 --> 00:15:58,238 THE NUMBER OF FLOORS IN TRUMP 579 00:15:58,272 --> 00:15:59,806 TOWER, THE SIZE OF HIS ELECTORAL 580 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,108 COLLEGE VICTORY, THE ATTENDANCE 581 00:16:01,143 --> 00:16:02,742 AT HIS RALLIES, WHETHER IT 582 00:16:02,777 --> 00:16:04,477 RAINED AT HIS INAUGURAL, 583 00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:05,945 AND EVEN WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS 584 00:16:06,014 --> 00:16:07,180 INVITED ON THIS "VERY BORING AND 585 00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:07,748 LOW-RATED SHOW." 586 00:16:07,882 --> 00:16:08,949 WHICH HE WASN'T! 587 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,352 HE WASN'T! 588 00:16:11,419 --> 00:16:13,453 IT WAS A LIE! 589 00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:15,521 BUT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE 590 00:16:15,556 --> 00:16:17,524 BETWEEN LYING ABOUT SOMETHING 591 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,859 THAT MEANS LITERALLY NOTHING, 592 00:16:18,992 --> 00:16:19,792 AND LYING ABOUT THE SPREAD OF 593 00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,062 A DEADLY DISEASE. 594 00:16:21,196 --> 00:16:24,631 AND THAT IS NOT THE ONLY TIME 595 00:16:24,665 --> 00:16:25,264 THAT TRUMP HAS PEDDLED FALSE 596 00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,467 HOPE. 597 00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:28,301 IF YOU'VE SEEN HIM SPEAK ON THIS 598 00:16:28,336 --> 00:16:28,969 VIRUS AT ALL LATELY, YOU MAY'VE 599 00:16:29,337 --> 00:16:30,570 SEEN HIM REPEATEDLY REASSURE 600 00:16:30,704 --> 00:16:31,372 EVERYONE THAT THERE'S A CHANCE 601 00:16:31,506 --> 00:16:32,739 THE END OF THE OUTBREAK IS 602 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,174 JUST AROUND THE CORNER. 603 00:16:34,308 --> 00:16:36,077 >> THERE'S A THEORY THAT IN 604 00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:37,778 APRIL, WHEN IT GETS WARM, 605 00:16:37,845 --> 00:16:39,312 HISTORICALLY, THAT HAS BEEN ABLE 606 00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:40,680 TO KILL THE VIRUS. 607 00:16:40,814 --> 00:16:41,549 >> YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE 608 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,816 THINK THAT GOES AWAY IN APRIL, 609 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:43,516 WITH THE HEAT, AS THE HEAT 610 00:16:43,551 --> 00:16:44,551 COMES IN. 611 00:16:44,585 --> 00:16:45,685 >> YOU KNOW, IN APRIL, 612 00:16:45,819 --> 00:16:47,554 SUPPOSEDLY, IT DIES WITH THE 613 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,255 HOTTER WEATHER, AND THAT'S 614 00:16:48,289 --> 00:16:48,989 A BEAUTIFUL DATE TO LOOK 615 00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:51,292 FORWARD TO. 616 00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:53,060 >> John: OKAY, SO FIRST, NEVER 617 00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,961 CALL CALENDAR DATES "BEAUTIFUL." 618 00:16:54,995 --> 00:16:56,230 I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DID IT, 619 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:57,197 BUT I'M PRETTY SURE TRUMP JUST 620 00:16:57,265 --> 00:16:58,131 SEXUALLY HARASSED 621 00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:00,800 THE MONTH OF APRIL. 622 00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:03,370 BUT SECOND: AGAIN, THE TRUTH IS 623 00:17:03,404 --> 00:17:04,771 MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THERE. 624 00:17:04,805 --> 00:17:06,173 BECAUSE YES, SOME VIRUSES DO 625 00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,375 RECEDE IN WARMER MONTHS. 626 00:17:08,409 --> 00:17:11,512 AND YES, HISTORY'S WORST FLU 627 00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:12,746 PANDEMIC, IN 1918, DID EBB AWAY 628 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:13,180 OVER THE SUMMER. 629 00:17:13,214 --> 00:17:15,481 BUT IT'S WORTH KNOWING THAT, 630 00:17:15,516 --> 00:17:16,483 COME THE FALL, THE VIRUS 631 00:17:16,518 --> 00:17:17,884 RETURNED, "WAS FAR MORE SEVERE," 632 00:17:17,919 --> 00:17:22,690 AND ENDED UP KILLING NEARLY 633 00:17:22,823 --> 00:17:23,556 200,000 AMERICANS IN OCTOBER 634 00:17:23,624 --> 00:17:24,390 ALONE. 635 00:17:24,425 --> 00:17:25,191 THIS IS A BAD TIME TO HAVE 636 00:17:25,226 --> 00:17:26,260 A PRESIDENT WHO CANNOT SPEAK 637 00:17:27,229 --> 00:17:27,460 CLEARLY. 638 00:17:27,495 --> 00:17:28,929 BECAUSE THERE'S ALREADY ENOUGH 639 00:17:29,062 --> 00:17:29,996 BAD INFORMATION FLYING AROUND. 640 00:17:30,064 --> 00:17:31,566 AND THE PRESIDENT'S FAVORITE 641 00:17:31,699 --> 00:17:32,332 CHANNEL HAS BEEN A PARTICULAR 642 00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:33,066 OFFENDER HERE. 643 00:17:33,134 --> 00:17:34,734 FOX ANCHORS AND GUESTS HAVE 644 00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:36,237 REPEATEDLY AMPLIFIED FALSE 645 00:17:36,371 --> 00:17:37,704 CLAIMS -- FROM THE IDEA THE 646 00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:40,039 VIRUS WAS CREATED IN A CHINESE 647 00:17:40,173 --> 00:17:41,542 BIOWEAPONS LAB, TO THE BASELESS 648 00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:44,777 INTERNET RUMOR THAT IT CAME FROM 649 00:17:44,812 --> 00:17:46,247 CHINESE PEOPLE EATING BAT SOUP, 650 00:17:46,381 --> 00:17:49,649 WHICH ONE COMMENTATOR USED AS AN 651 00:17:49,783 --> 00:17:50,482 EXCUSE TO SAY HOW HE REALLY 652 00:17:50,517 --> 00:17:51,352 FEELS. 653 00:17:51,419 --> 00:17:52,953 >> BAT SOUP MAY BE DELICIOUS TO 654 00:17:53,087 --> 00:17:55,755 CERTAIN PEOPLE. 655 00:17:55,889 --> 00:17:57,057 BUT UNFORTUNATELY, BATS ARE THE 656 00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,058 WORLD'S GREATEST RESERVOIR FOR 657 00:17:59,260 --> 00:17:59,492 VIRUSES. 658 00:17:59,526 --> 00:18:00,660 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT 659 00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:02,095 CHINA? 660 00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:03,196 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT 661 00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:04,364 A TOTALITARIAN DICTATORSHIP 662 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:08,301 WHERE IT'S OKAY TO SELL LIVE 663 00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:10,203 VIRUS-INFECTED BATS IN OPEN AIR 664 00:18:10,270 --> 00:18:13,073 MARKETPLACES AND THEN HAVE 665 00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:15,141 BUSINESS TRAVEL AND TOURIST 666 00:18:15,176 --> 00:18:16,543 TRAVEL BETWEEN THAT COUNTRY AND 667 00:18:16,578 --> 00:18:18,779 THE CIVILIZED WORLD? 668 00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:21,282 >> John: WHOA! 669 00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:22,783 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 670 00:18:22,917 --> 00:18:26,085 THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. 671 00:18:26,221 --> 00:18:27,454 HE REALLY MOVES FROM THE VAGUELY 672 00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:29,489 DOG-WHISTLE-Y "WHAT ARE WE GOING 673 00:18:29,623 --> 00:18:30,690 TO DO ABOUT CHINA" ALL THE WAY 674 00:18:30,824 --> 00:18:31,558 TO "IT'S NOT PART OF THE 675 00:18:31,593 --> 00:18:32,293 CIVILIZED WORLD" AT LIGHTNING 676 00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:33,493 SPEED. 677 00:18:33,561 --> 00:18:34,961 TRULY, THAT MAN IS 678 00:18:34,995 --> 00:18:37,264 THE USAIN BOLT OF RACISM, 679 00:18:37,299 --> 00:18:39,165 A COMPARISON I'M CERTAIN 680 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,769 HE ABSOLUTELY HATES. 681 00:18:43,204 --> 00:18:43,836 BUT LOOK, IT GETS WORSE, BECAUSE 682 00:18:43,871 --> 00:18:50,843 SOME PEOPLE ARE CLEARLY TRYING 683 00:18:50,944 --> 00:18:52,045 TO PROFIT OFF THE PRESENT PANIC, 684 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:52,679 LIKE TELEVANGELIST 685 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:54,280 JIM BAKKER, WHO HAS A CURE HE'D 686 00:18:54,315 --> 00:18:55,948 LOVE TO SELL YOU. 687 00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:57,017 >> WOULD YOU RECOMMEND, AS A 688 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:57,851 DOCTOR, PEOPLE TO HAVE SILVER IN 689 00:18:57,985 --> 00:18:58,851 THEIR HOUSE FOR A PANDEMIC? 690 00:18:58,886 --> 00:18:59,552 >> YOU NEVER WANT TO BE -- 691 00:18:59,587 --> 00:19:00,086 YOU NEVER WANT TO BE WITHOUT 692 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:00,987 SILVER. 693 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,589 >> YOU'RE SAYING THAT SILVER 694 00:19:02,623 --> 00:19:04,291 SOLUTION WOULD BE EFFECTIVE -- 695 00:19:04,424 --> 00:19:05,858 >> WELL, LET'S SAY IT HASN'T 696 00:19:05,893 --> 00:19:07,328 BEEN TESTED ON THIS STRAIN OF 697 00:19:07,461 --> 00:19:09,729 THE CORONAVIRUS, BUT IT'S BEEN 698 00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:12,399 TESTED ON OTHER STRAINS OF THE 699 00:19:12,434 --> 00:19:14,334 CORONAVIRUS AND HAS BEEN ABLE 700 00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:16,237 TO ELIMINATE IT WITHIN 12 HOURS. 701 00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:17,637 >> YEAH, YEAH. 702 00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:18,371 >> TOTALLY ELIMINATE IT. 703 00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:19,339 KILLS IT. 704 00:19:19,406 --> 00:19:20,873 DE-ACTIVATES IT. 705 00:19:20,908 --> 00:19:22,109 >> John: OKAY, THAT IS 706 00:19:22,143 --> 00:19:22,843 RIDICULOUS. 707 00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:23,643 SILVER DOES NOT KILL 708 00:19:23,711 --> 00:19:25,711 CORONAVIRUS. 709 00:19:25,779 --> 00:19:27,347 SILVER KILLS WEREWOLVES. 710 00:19:27,382 --> 00:19:28,949 WHICH MEANS FIRST, YOU NEED TO 711 00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:30,649 GET YOUR CORONAVIRUS BITTEN 712 00:19:30,717 --> 00:19:32,319 BY A MICROSCOPIC WEREWOLF. 713 00:19:32,354 --> 00:19:33,053 AND WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND ONE 714 00:19:33,187 --> 00:19:34,387 OF THOSE IN THIS ECONOMY? 715 00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:35,688 WELL, THAT'S RIGHT: FROM OUR 716 00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:38,124 ONLINE STORE. 717 00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:40,560 FOR JUST $49.99, WE'LL SEND YOU 718 00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:41,160 JOHN OLIVER'S PREMIUM WEREWOLF 719 00:19:42,564 --> 00:19:42,763 SOLUTION. 720 00:19:42,897 --> 00:19:44,364 IT CONTAINS MILLIONS OF 721 00:19:44,498 --> 00:19:45,631 MICROSCOPIC WEREWOLVES READY TO 722 00:19:45,666 --> 00:19:47,434 SPREAD THEIR BESTIAL CURSE TO 723 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:48,268 YOUR CORONAVIRUS. 724 00:19:48,336 --> 00:19:49,469 AND THEN YOU CAN USE THE SILVER 725 00:19:49,603 --> 00:19:51,472 SOLUTION, WHICH IS BASED ON THE 726 00:19:51,606 --> 00:19:54,374 EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF SCIENCE. 727 00:19:54,441 --> 00:19:56,443 THE TRUTH IS -- THE TRUTH IS, 728 00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:59,145 WHILE CLINICAL TRIALS ARE 729 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,980 UNDERWAY, THERE IS NO TREATMENT 730 00:20:01,114 --> 00:20:02,349 FOR THE CORONAVIRUS 731 00:20:02,384 --> 00:20:03,717 AT THE MOMENT, AND A VACCINE 732 00:20:03,784 --> 00:20:05,618 COULD TAKE BETWEEN A YEAR AND 733 00:20:05,752 --> 00:20:06,653 18 MONTHS TO DEVELOP. 734 00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:08,088 AND AT THIS POINT, YOU MAY BE 735 00:20:08,155 --> 00:20:09,255 WONDERING, HOW SCARED SHOULD 736 00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:09,956 YOU BE? 737 00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:10,956 AND THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY 738 00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:11,892 "A BIT." 739 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,160 A BIT. 740 00:20:14,195 --> 00:20:15,527 I DON'T WANT TO BE ALARMIST 741 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,630 HERE, BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO 742 00:20:16,664 --> 00:20:18,765 MINIMIZE WHAT WE COULD BE FACING 743 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,499 HERE. 744 00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:20,600 IT'S REALLY ABOUT TRYING TO 745 00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:21,368 STRIKE A SENSIBLE BALANCE. 746 00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:22,669 BASICALLY, IF YOU'RE DRINKING 747 00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:23,903 BLEACH TO PROTECT YOURSELF RIGHT 748 00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:24,804 NOW, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CALM 749 00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:27,841 THE FUCK DOWN. 750 00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:29,442 IF YOU ARE, SAY, LICKING SUBWAY 751 00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:30,943 POLES BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN 752 00:20:31,011 --> 00:20:33,580 NOTHING CAN HURT YOU, MAYBE 753 00:20:33,647 --> 00:20:34,347 DON'T DO THAT. 754 00:20:34,481 --> 00:20:35,548 YOU WANT TO STAY SOMEWHERE 755 00:20:35,682 --> 00:20:37,717 BETWEEN THOSE EXTREMES. 756 00:20:37,785 --> 00:20:39,285 DON'T BE COMPLACENT AND DON'T BE 757 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,589 A FUCKING IDIOT. 758 00:20:42,624 --> 00:20:46,894 AND AS A PRACTICAL MATTER, UNTIL 759 00:20:46,928 --> 00:20:48,328 EXPERTS ADVISE THAT THIS THREAT 760 00:20:48,462 --> 00:20:50,596 IS OVER, WE SHOULD ALL BE 761 00:20:50,631 --> 00:20:51,498 FOLLOWING SOME BASIC ADVICE. 762 00:20:51,533 --> 00:20:52,232 FIRST: DON'T BE RACIST. 763 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:53,199 THAT'S JUST GOOD GENERAL ADVICE 764 00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:54,000 FOR NOW AND FOR LATER. 765 00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:56,737 TWO: DON'T HOARD MASKS. 766 00:20:56,871 --> 00:20:57,838 WHILE I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU 767 00:20:57,905 --> 00:21:00,139 MIGHT WANT TO DO THAT, YOU'RE 768 00:21:00,273 --> 00:21:01,106 POTENTIALLY TAKING AWAY MASKS 769 00:21:01,141 --> 00:21:02,209 FROM THE PEOPLE WHO NEED THEM: 770 00:21:02,243 --> 00:21:02,843 HEALTHCARE PROVIDERS AND 771 00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:03,743 THOSE WHO ARE SICK. 772 00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:06,111 THREE: CHECK THE CDC WEBSITE FOR 773 00:21:06,146 --> 00:21:07,214 FUTURE UPDATES, BECAUSE THEY 774 00:21:07,248 --> 00:21:08,148 COULD HAVE ADDITIONAL GUIDANCE 775 00:21:08,282 --> 00:21:21,060 AS THIS DEVELOPS. 776 00:21:21,194 --> 00:21:21,728 AND FINALLY -- AND THIS IS MORE 777 00:21:21,763 --> 00:21:23,163 IMPORTANT THAN IT MIGHT SOUND 778 00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:23,864 -- WASH YOUR HANDS 779 00:21:23,997 --> 00:21:24,730 REGULARLY, FOR AT LEAST 780 00:21:24,765 --> 00:21:25,431 20 SECONDS. 781 00:21:25,499 --> 00:21:26,633 AND I KNOW THAT LAST LESSON IS 782 00:21:26,668 --> 00:21:27,501 BORING AND EASY TO FORGET, BUT 783 00:21:27,635 --> 00:21:28,268 LUCKILY, WE NOW KNOW THAT 784 00:21:28,336 --> 00:21:29,402 THERE'S A WAY TO ENSURE IT NEVER 785 00:21:29,470 --> 00:21:29,936 LEAVES YOUR HEAD. 786 00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:30,837 HIT IT! 787 00:21:30,904 --> 00:21:38,478 ♪ ♪ 788 00:21:38,746 --> 00:21:40,679 THAT SONG FUCKS. 789 00:21:40,714 --> 00:21:41,548 IT FUCKS SO HARD! 790 00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:42,916 AND NOW THIS. 791 00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:48,488 ♪ ♪ 792 00:21:48,622 --> 00:21:49,288 >> Announcer: AND NOW 793 00:21:49,356 --> 00:21:49,989 CHRIS MATTHEWS 794 00:21:50,057 --> 00:21:50,890 JUST CANNOT SEEM TO NAIL HIS 795 00:21:51,024 --> 00:21:51,592 SIGN OFF. 796 00:21:51,726 --> 00:21:52,659 >> THAT IS "HARDBALL" FOR NOW, 797 00:21:52,727 --> 00:21:53,193 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. 798 00:21:53,227 --> 00:21:53,860 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES" STARTS 799 00:21:53,894 --> 00:21:54,861 RIGHT NOW. 800 00:21:54,895 --> 00:21:57,965 THAT'S HA -- "HARDBALL" FOR NOW. 801 00:21:58,098 --> 00:21:58,798 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. 802 00:21:58,832 --> 00:22:00,166 THAT IS "HARDBALL" NOW. 803 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:00,899 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. 804 00:22:00,934 --> 00:22:01,502 THAT IS "HARDBALL" FOR NOW. 805 00:22:01,636 --> 00:22:02,536 BEING WITH -- THANKS FOR BEING 806 00:22:02,670 --> 00:22:03,337 WITH US. 807 00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:04,204 THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US 808 00:22:04,337 --> 00:22:05,604 TONIGHT. 809 00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:06,205 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US 810 00:22:06,339 --> 00:22:06,807 TONIGHT. 811 00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:07,640 THANKS FOR BEING US. 812 00:22:07,675 --> 00:22:08,541 THANK FOR BEING WITH US. 813 00:22:08,576 --> 00:22:09,209 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US -- 814 00:22:09,342 --> 00:22:10,542 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. 815 00:22:10,577 --> 00:22:11,645 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES" STARTS 816 00:22:11,679 --> 00:22:12,212 RIGHT NOW. 817 00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:13,213 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. 818 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,380 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES" STARTS 819 00:22:14,415 --> 00:22:15,781 RIGHT NOW. 820 00:22:15,816 --> 00:22:16,617 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES" STARTS 821 00:22:16,751 --> 00:22:17,918 RIGHT NOW. 822 00:22:18,052 --> 00:22:18,785 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES" STARTS 823 00:22:18,819 --> 00:22:21,187 RIGHT NOW. 824 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,289 ALL IN WITH MSN -- "ALL IN WITH 825 00:22:22,323 --> 00:22:23,890 CHRIS HAYES" STARTS RIGHT NOW. 826 00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:24,857 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAY -- 827 00:22:24,892 --> 00:22:25,491 CHRIS HAYES -- 828 00:22:25,625 --> 00:22:28,495 THAT IS "HARDBALL" FOR NOW. 829 00:22:28,563 --> 00:22:29,562 THANKS -- 830 00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:31,598 "ALL IN WITH CHRIS HAYES RIGHTS 831 00:22:31,633 --> 00:22:31,732 NOW. 832 00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:32,433 RIGHT NOW. 833 00:22:32,566 --> 00:22:35,101 >> John: MOVING ON. 834 00:22:35,135 --> 00:22:36,335 FINALLY TONIGHT, I WANT TO TALK 835 00:22:36,471 --> 00:22:38,104 ABOUT BASEBALL. 836 00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,306 THE ONLY SPORT THAT INVOLVES 837 00:22:40,374 --> 00:22:40,973 READING MADE UP SIGN LANGUAGE 838 00:22:41,008 --> 00:22:41,675 WHILE STARING DIRECTLY 839 00:22:41,743 --> 00:22:46,045 AT SOMEONE'S DICK. 840 00:22:46,179 --> 00:22:47,714 THAT'S WHAT THE SPORT IS. 841 00:22:47,749 --> 00:22:48,881 WITH THE NEW SEASON JUST AROUND 842 00:22:48,916 --> 00:22:49,649 THE CORNER, A HUGE SCANDAL HAS 843 00:22:49,783 --> 00:22:52,152 ENGULFED THE SPORT. 844 00:22:52,286 --> 00:22:53,053 AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO THE 845 00:22:53,187 --> 00:22:53,753 HOUSTON ASTROS CHEATING THEIR 846 00:22:53,887 --> 00:22:54,654 WAY TO A CHAMPIONSHIP. 847 00:22:54,788 --> 00:22:55,221 I'M ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT 848 00:22:55,255 --> 00:22:56,991 SOMETHING EVEN MORE IMPORTANT. 849 00:22:57,124 --> 00:22:59,558 >> HE'S ONE OF THE MOST 850 00:22:59,593 --> 00:23:00,159 RECOGNIZABLE MASCOTS IN SPORTS 851 00:23:00,193 --> 00:23:00,993 BUT HE COULD SOON BE A FREE 852 00:23:01,061 --> 00:23:01,762 AGENT. 853 00:23:01,830 --> 00:23:03,063 UNLESS THE TEAM PAYS OUT 854 00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,397 MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO KEEP HIM, 855 00:23:05,465 --> 00:23:06,031 THE PHILLIE PHANATIC COULD BE A 856 00:23:06,099 --> 00:23:07,868 THING OF THE PAST. 857 00:23:08,002 --> 00:23:08,868 >> WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S, 858 00:23:09,002 --> 00:23:09,635 YOU KNOW, THE HEART AND SOUL OF 859 00:23:09,670 --> 00:23:10,670 THE TEAM? 860 00:23:10,803 --> 00:23:11,838 >> BECAUSE HE EMBODIES 861 00:23:11,873 --> 00:23:12,839 EVERYTHING THAT IS PHILADELPHIA. 862 00:23:12,973 --> 00:23:15,975 HE'S REAL! 863 00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:17,644 >> John: NOW, I HATE TO BREAK IT 864 00:23:17,679 --> 00:23:19,445 TO THAT GUY, BECAUSE BASED ON 865 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,746 HIS FACE PAINT, MULLET, AND 866 00:23:20,781 --> 00:23:22,783 COLORFUL BANDANA, HE IS LIVING 867 00:23:22,916 --> 00:23:24,083 HIS ABSOLUTE BEST LIFE, BUT THE 868 00:23:24,151 --> 00:23:26,587 PHILLIE PHANATIC IS NOT REAL. 869 00:23:26,654 --> 00:23:28,354 HE'S JUST A PERSON IN A COSTUME. 870 00:23:28,389 --> 00:23:29,021 ALTHOUGH, FUN FACT: THE PERSON 871 00:23:29,056 --> 00:23:29,455 INSIDE IT? 872 00:23:29,490 --> 00:23:35,128 JESSICA LANGE. 873 00:23:36,063 --> 00:23:36,597 AND SHE HAS NEVER MISSED A 874 00:23:36,731 --> 00:23:37,297 SINGLE GAME. 875 00:23:37,431 --> 00:23:38,298 BUT IT'S TRUE. 876 00:23:38,432 --> 00:23:39,199 THE PHILLIES ARE IN A LAWSUIT 877 00:23:39,332 --> 00:23:40,099 OVER THEIR OWN MASCOT, AND 878 00:23:40,233 --> 00:23:41,000 THE CONCERN IS THEY COULD LOSE 879 00:23:41,134 --> 00:23:41,602 THE RIGHTS TO IT. 880 00:23:41,736 --> 00:23:42,603 AND IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF 881 00:23:42,736 --> 00:23:44,937 THE PHANATIC BEFORE, 882 00:23:44,972 --> 00:23:45,871 YOU'RE FRANKLY IN FOR A TREAT. 883 00:23:46,005 --> 00:23:47,007 BECAUSE HE'S INCREDIBLE. 884 00:23:47,075 --> 00:23:48,308 HERE HE IS TEACHING HIS COUSIN 885 00:23:48,442 --> 00:23:49,109 GRITTY HOW TO DO HIS SIGNATURE 886 00:23:49,242 --> 00:23:50,543 BELLY DANCE. 887 00:23:50,577 --> 00:23:52,046 HERE HE IS DUMPING POPCORN ALL 888 00:23:52,179 --> 00:23:52,746 OVER THE PHILLIES' TV 889 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:53,813 BROADCASTERS. 890 00:23:53,848 --> 00:23:55,014 HERE HE IS FIRING HOT DOGS FROM 891 00:23:55,148 --> 00:23:56,917 A CANNON INTO THE CROWD. 892 00:23:57,051 --> 00:23:59,351 HERE HE IS DRESSED IN A KISS 893 00:23:59,386 --> 00:24:00,152 OUTFIT PLAYING A GUITAR THAT'S 894 00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:01,822 FIRING SPARKS. 895 00:24:01,890 --> 00:24:03,557 AND HERE HE IS COMPLETELY 896 00:24:03,624 --> 00:24:04,991 BLINDSIDING A MINOR LEAGUE 897 00:24:05,025 --> 00:24:05,691 BASEBALL MASCOT WHO WAS 898 00:24:05,759 --> 00:24:08,828 RUNNING THE BASES. 899 00:24:08,962 --> 00:24:09,895 NOW, WAS THAT OTHER MASCOT OKAY? 900 00:24:09,930 --> 00:24:11,130 ASK YOURSELF THIS: 901 00:24:11,197 --> 00:24:15,034 DOES IT MATTER? 902 00:24:15,102 --> 00:24:16,903 LAST YEAR, THE PHANATIC EVEN 903 00:24:16,938 --> 00:24:19,138 RELEASED A FOUR-HOUR LONG 904 00:24:19,206 --> 00:24:21,106 YULE LOG VIDEO FOR CHRISTMAS, 905 00:24:21,207 --> 00:24:22,509 MUCH OF WHICH IS HIM JUST 906 00:24:22,643 --> 00:24:23,476 SITTING IN A ROCKING CHAIR, 907 00:24:23,511 --> 00:24:24,210 QUIETLY READING A BOOK, 908 00:24:24,245 --> 00:24:25,544 ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS IN 909 00:24:25,612 --> 00:24:26,780 THE FIREPLACE, AND AT ONE POINT 910 00:24:26,815 --> 00:24:27,614 GETTING TANGLED IN CHRISTMAS 911 00:24:27,748 --> 00:24:30,950 LIGHTS. 912 00:24:31,084 --> 00:24:32,019 AND LOOK, NO DISRESPECT TO 913 00:24:32,153 --> 00:24:32,786 MARTIN SCORSESE, BUT THAT IS 914 00:24:32,854 --> 00:24:33,520 CLEARLY THE BEST FOUR-HOUR FILM 915 00:24:33,587 --> 00:24:35,221 OF 2019. 916 00:24:35,255 --> 00:24:36,857 IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE. 917 00:24:36,891 --> 00:24:39,059 THE POINT IS, THE PHANATIC IS 918 00:24:39,192 --> 00:24:39,825 AN ABSOLUTE MASTER OF THE 919 00:24:39,860 --> 00:24:43,530 MASCOTICAL ARTS. 920 00:24:43,564 --> 00:24:45,564 AND THIS LAWSUIT IS GENUINELY 921 00:24:45,632 --> 00:24:46,667 COMPLICATED, BUT IN SHORT, 922 00:24:46,801 --> 00:24:47,700 IT REVOLVES AROUND WHETHER 923 00:24:47,735 --> 00:24:48,835 THE COMPANY WHO HELPED 924 00:24:48,869 --> 00:24:49,969 DESIGN THE PHANATIC HAS THE 925 00:24:50,103 --> 00:24:52,339 RIGHT TO RECLAIM THE COPYRIGHT 926 00:24:52,473 --> 00:24:52,972 AFTER WHAT'S BEEN 35 YEARS. 927 00:24:53,007 --> 00:24:55,208 THE FILINGS IN THE CASE ARE 928 00:24:55,341 --> 00:24:55,508 SPECTACULAR. 929 00:24:55,642 --> 00:24:56,677 AMONG OTHER THINGS, THE TWO 930 00:24:56,811 --> 00:24:58,378 PARTIES BICKER ABOUT WHETHER 931 00:24:58,512 --> 00:24:59,379 THE PHANATIC IS A COSTUME OR -- 932 00:24:59,512 --> 00:25:00,680 AS THE COMPANY CLAIMED IN ITS 933 00:25:00,813 --> 00:25:02,149 ORIGINAL SUBMISSION TO THE U.S. 934 00:25:02,650 --> 00:25:03,282 COPYRIGHT OFFICE -- AN ARTISTIC 935 00:25:03,317 --> 00:25:05,351 SCULPTURE. 936 00:25:05,385 --> 00:25:06,620 AND AT ONE POINT, THE PHILLIES 937 00:25:06,754 --> 00:25:08,121 ARGUE THAT WITHOUT SOMEONE IN 938 00:25:08,189 --> 00:25:09,288 THE COSTUME, THE PHANATIC WOULD 939 00:25:09,356 --> 00:25:10,623 HAVE APPEARED FORMLESS, AND TO 940 00:25:10,657 --> 00:25:11,725 ILLUSTRATE THAT, THEY PROVIDED 941 00:25:11,793 --> 00:25:12,992 THIS ACTUAL PHOTO OF AN EMPTY 942 00:25:13,027 --> 00:25:14,426 COSTUME LYING ON THE FLOOR, 943 00:25:14,461 --> 00:25:16,128 WHICH WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE 944 00:25:16,196 --> 00:25:17,464 MOST HORRIFYING WAY FOR THIS GUY 945 00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:19,232 TO FIND OUT THAT THE PHANATIC 946 00:25:19,366 --> 00:25:20,733 IS NOT REAL. 947 00:25:20,867 --> 00:25:21,602 NEVER SHOW HIM THAT PHOTO. 948 00:25:21,669 --> 00:25:24,003 HE CANNOT HANDLE IT. 949 00:25:24,071 --> 00:25:27,140 WELL, LAST SUNDAY, THE DISPUTE 950 00:25:27,208 --> 00:25:28,808 TOOK YET ANOTHER TURN WHEN -- IN 951 00:25:28,843 --> 00:25:29,509 A MOVE THAT SOME THINK WAS 952 00:25:29,610 --> 00:25:33,980 PROMPTED BY THE LAWSUIT -- THE 953 00:25:34,047 --> 00:25:34,981 PHILLIES SUDDENLY INTRODUCED 954 00:25:35,049 --> 00:25:35,481 A BRAND NEW 955 00:25:35,615 --> 00:25:36,481 PHANATIC DESIGN. 956 00:25:36,549 --> 00:25:37,784 >> MANY CHANGES ARE SUBTLE, LIKE 957 00:25:37,819 --> 00:25:39,052 A SHORTER SNOUT, A LIGHTER BLUE 958 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:40,553 COLOR AROUND THE EYES, A PAIR OF 959 00:25:40,621 --> 00:25:41,822 RED SHOES AND BLUE SOCKS, AND 960 00:25:41,890 --> 00:25:44,190 SCALES UNDER THE ARMS. 961 00:25:44,258 --> 00:25:44,957 THE LONGER BLUE TAIL WAS A BIT 962 00:25:44,991 --> 00:25:46,627 MORE OBVIOUS. 963 00:25:46,694 --> 00:25:48,128 >> John: NOW I KNOW THAT IT 964 00:25:48,696 --> 00:25:49,162 MIGHT NOT LOOK TO YOU LIKE 965 00:25:49,296 --> 00:25:50,663 THERE'S MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE 966 00:25:50,797 --> 00:25:51,596 BETWEEN THE NEW AND THE OLD 967 00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:51,932 PHANATIC. 968 00:25:52,066 --> 00:25:53,065 BUT BELIEVE ME, THERE VERY MUCH 969 00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:53,533 IS. 970 00:25:53,601 --> 00:25:56,535 AND FORGET THE FACT HE NOW HAS 971 00:25:56,671 --> 00:25:58,004 SCALES FOR NO REASON, OR THE 972 00:25:58,039 --> 00:25:59,439 BULLSHIT STAR SHAPES AROUND HIS 973 00:25:59,572 --> 00:26:00,939 EYES. 974 00:26:01,007 --> 00:26:01,742 THEY CHANGED THE PHANATIC'S 975 00:26:01,876 --> 00:26:02,109 HONKER! 976 00:26:02,243 --> 00:26:02,876 LOOK AT IT! 977 00:26:02,910 --> 00:26:04,377 IT'S A CYLINDER NOW! 978 00:26:04,511 --> 00:26:06,345 WHICH IS RIDICULOUS. 979 00:26:06,379 --> 00:26:07,714 THE PHANATIC'S HONKER IS 980 00:26:07,749 --> 00:26:09,415 SUPPOSED TO BE CONICAL! 981 00:26:09,450 --> 00:26:10,082 HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CONICAL 982 00:26:10,117 --> 00:26:15,154 HONKER! 983 00:26:15,222 --> 00:26:16,221 AND NOW THEY MADE HIM LOOK 984 00:26:16,256 --> 00:26:16,488 STUPID. 985 00:26:16,522 --> 00:26:18,424 YOU RESPECT THE CONICAL HONKER! 986 00:26:18,459 --> 00:26:18,925 HASHTAG 987 00:26:18,959 --> 00:26:20,326 #RespectTheConicalHonker. 988 00:26:20,393 --> 00:26:21,795 THE POINT IS: THE OLD PHANATIC 989 00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:23,697 WAS PERFECT JUST THE WAY HE WAS. 990 00:26:23,830 --> 00:26:24,163 LOOK AT HIM: HE'S A 991 00:26:24,231 --> 00:26:24,897 SESAME PLACE 10! 992 00:26:24,932 --> 00:26:26,232 BUT NOW? 993 00:26:26,365 --> 00:26:29,168 HE'S A TIMES SQUARE 6, AT BEST. 994 00:26:29,236 --> 00:26:30,069 AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO 995 00:26:30,203 --> 00:26:31,705 HATES THE NEW DESIGN. 996 00:26:31,739 --> 00:26:32,973 FANS IN PHILADELPHIA EVEN 997 00:26:33,106 --> 00:26:34,240 STARTED THE HASHTAG 998 00:26:34,275 --> 00:26:36,074 #NotMyPhanatic, WHICH THEY'VE 999 00:26:36,142 --> 00:26:37,477 USED TO VOICE THEIR JUSTIFIED 1000 00:26:37,545 --> 00:26:38,344 ANGER. 1001 00:26:38,412 --> 00:26:39,779 BUT PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT 1002 00:26:39,913 --> 00:26:40,746 PART OF THIS STORY IS THAT IF 1003 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,182 THE PHILLIES LOSE THIS CASE, 1004 00:26:42,316 --> 00:26:43,850 THERE IS A QUESTION OVER WHETHER 1005 00:26:43,984 --> 00:26:45,851 THE PHANATIC COULD THEORETICALLY 1006 00:26:45,886 --> 00:26:47,787 BECOME A FREE AGENT, MEANING HE 1007 00:26:47,822 --> 00:26:49,088 COULD MOVE TO A DIFFERENT TEAM, 1008 00:26:49,123 --> 00:26:51,792 OR A DIFFERENT BRAND ENTIRELY. 1009 00:26:51,926 --> 00:26:53,025 AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHERE 1010 00:26:53,060 --> 00:26:53,893 WE COME IN. 1011 00:26:54,027 --> 00:26:56,161 BECAUSE LOOK: WE'RE NO STRANGER 1012 00:26:56,229 --> 00:26:59,065 TO THE MASCOT GAME HERE, BUT 1013 00:26:59,099 --> 00:27:01,668 WE'VE NEVER HAD AN OFFICIAL 1014 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:03,836 SHOW MASCOT BEFORE, AND TO BE 1015 00:27:03,871 --> 00:27:05,137 HONEST, AFTER LEARNING ABOUT 1016 00:27:05,172 --> 00:27:06,271 THIS, I'M FEELING LIKE I WANT 1017 00:27:06,306 --> 00:27:07,941 ONE NOW. 1018 00:27:07,975 --> 00:27:09,342 SO IF THE PHANATIC DOES INDEED 1019 00:27:09,476 --> 00:27:11,076 HIT THE OPEN MARKET, THEN WE'RE 1020 00:27:11,110 --> 00:27:11,676 PUTTING OURSELVES AT THE FRONT 1021 00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:12,612 OF THE LINE. 1022 00:27:12,746 --> 00:27:15,214 SO PHANATIC, IF YOU'RE TIRED OF 1023 00:27:15,282 --> 00:27:19,819 BEING TREATED TERRIBLY, WE HAVE 1024 00:27:19,853 --> 00:27:20,786 AN OFFER THAT WE'D LIKE YOU TO 1025 00:27:20,821 --> 00:27:21,119 CONSIDER. 1026 00:27:21,187 --> 00:27:22,889 >> YOU WERE THE FACE OF 1027 00:27:23,324 --> 00:27:23,823 PHILADELPHIA SPORTS FOR OVER 1028 00:27:23,891 --> 00:27:24,857 40 YEARS. 1029 00:27:24,925 --> 00:27:25,791 >> THE PHILLIE PHANATIC. 1030 00:27:25,859 --> 00:27:26,425 >> PHILLIE PHANATIC. 1031 00:27:26,493 --> 00:27:27,627 >> PHILLIE PHANATIC. 1032 00:27:27,662 --> 00:27:29,228 >> BUT ALL GOOD THINGS 1033 00:27:29,296 --> 00:27:31,263 MUST COME TO AN END. 1034 00:27:31,331 --> 00:27:34,533 SOMETIMES, A HERO NEEDS A NEW 1035 00:27:34,601 --> 00:27:35,935 CHALLENGE, A NEW HOME, A HOME 1036 00:27:36,068 --> 00:27:38,071 THAT DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE YOU 1037 00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:40,439 INTO WHATEVER THE FUCK IS. 1038 00:27:40,474 --> 00:27:42,742 A HOME THAT RESPECTS 1039 00:27:42,810 --> 00:27:43,876 THE CONICAL HONKER. 1040 00:27:43,911 --> 00:27:45,211 SURE, THEY TRIED TO KNOCK YOU 1041 00:27:45,278 --> 00:27:47,347 DOWN IN THE PAST. 1042 00:27:47,415 --> 00:27:49,548 BUT CHAMPIONS DON'T STAY DOWN. 1043 00:27:49,616 --> 00:27:51,450 THEY GET BACK UP, DUST OFF THEIR 1044 00:27:51,518 --> 00:27:52,785 FUR, AND SHOW THE WORLD WHAT 1045 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:54,320 THEY'RE MADE OF. 1046 00:27:54,454 --> 00:27:57,924 PHANATIC, IT'S TIME TO LINK UP 1047 00:27:57,959 --> 00:28:00,526 WITH THE MOST STACKED MASCOT 1048 00:28:00,594 --> 00:28:02,596 LINEUP IN HISTORY. 1049 00:28:04,665 --> 00:28:10,669 ♪ ♪ 1050 00:28:11,438 --> 00:28:22,282 [DANCE MUSIC] 1051 00:28:23,517 --> 00:28:31,189 ♪ ♪ 1052 00:28:31,257 --> 00:28:35,194 >> WE'VE GOT AN EMPTY PEDESTAL 1053 00:28:35,262 --> 00:28:35,661 JUST WAITING FOR YOU. 1054 00:28:35,795 --> 00:28:36,228 IT'S TIME TO FULFILL YOUR 1055 00:28:36,663 --> 00:28:37,630 DESTINY. 1056 00:28:39,666 --> 00:28:40,299 MR. PHANATIC, YOU'RE ABOUT TO 1057 00:28:40,367 --> 00:28:41,500 BE A FREE AGENT, AND IF THERE IS 1058 00:28:41,534 --> 00:28:43,102 GONNA BE A BIDDING WAR, 1059 00:28:43,137 --> 00:28:45,337 WE'RE WILLING TO GO NUCLEAR. 1060 00:28:46,306 --> 00:28:46,638 NAME YOUR PRICE, 1061 00:28:47,508 --> 00:28:49,042 YOU MAGNIFICENT BEAST. 1062 00:28:50,677 --> 00:28:51,276 JOIN A NEW TEAM, AND BECOME 1063 00:28:51,311 --> 00:28:52,679 THE OFFICIAL MASCOT OF 1064 00:28:52,747 --> 00:28:55,948 "LAST WEEK TONIGHT." 1065 00:28:56,683 --> 00:29:00,286 NEW YORK IS WAITING FOR YOU. 1066 00:29:00,687 --> 00:29:01,186 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1067 00:29:02,790 --> 00:29:03,389 >> John: THAT'S RIGHT, PHANATIC, 1068 00:29:03,424 --> 00:29:04,056 YOUR NEW TEAM IS READY AND 1069 00:29:04,091 --> 00:29:10,729 WAITING FOR YOU! 1070 00:29:10,863 --> 00:29:11,898 WE'VE SPENT MONEY ON THINGS WAY 1071 00:29:11,933 --> 00:29:12,365 STUPIDER THAN THIS! 1072 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,401 THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANK YOU SO 1073 00:29:16,469 --> 00:29:17,203 MUCH FOR WATCHING, SEE YOU NEXT 1074 00:29:17,271 --> 00:29:18,137 WEEK, GOOD NIGHT! 1075 00:29:18,205 --> 00:29:20,772 ♪ ♪ 1076 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:28,114 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1077 00:29:28,182 --> 00:29:34,020 ♪ ♪ 1078 00:29:35,656 --> 00:29:38,124 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪