1 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:19,652 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:30,330 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:36,202 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 4 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,971 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 5 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:38,371 WELCOME TO 6 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:38,938 TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"! 7 00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:39,305 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 8 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:39,906 THANKS SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. 9 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:40,407 IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK. 10 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:40,874 JOE BIDEN SIGNED THE 11 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:41,541 INFLATION REDUCTION ACT, 12 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:42,375 THE C-D-C ANNOUNCED A MAJOR 13 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:45,011 REOGANIZATION, AND THE FALLOUT 14 00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:46,713 FROM THE FBI SEARCH AT MAR A 15 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:47,614 LAGO CONTINUED, WITH TRUMP'S 16 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,248 ASSOCIATES SPINNING INCREASINGLY 17 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:48,882 OUTLANDISH RATIONALIZATIONS FOR 18 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,550 WHY IT WAS OKAY FOR HIM TO KEEP 19 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:54,754 SENSITIVE DOCUMENTS THERE, 20 00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:55,488 INCLUDING THIS ONE. 21 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,523 >> REALLY, IF YOU LOOK AT THE 22 00:00:56,589 --> 00:00:58,491 ESPIONAGE ACT, IT'S NOT REALLY 23 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,860 ABOUT TAKING THE DOCUMENTS, IT'S 24 00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:01,528 ABOUT DESTROYING THEM, OR HIDING 25 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:02,328 THEM, OR GIVING THEM TO THE 26 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:07,300 ENEMY. 27 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:08,101 IT'S NOT ABOUT TAKING THEM AND 28 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,437 PUTTING THEM IN A PLACE THAT'S 29 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:11,070 ROUGHLY AS SAFE AS THEY WERE IN 30 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,273 IN THE FIRST PLACE. 31 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:15,108 >> John: LOOK, PUTTING ASIDE 32 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:18,344 RUDY WALKING RIGHT UP TO THE 33 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:18,945 LINE OF PLEADING GUILTY ON 34 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:19,779 TRUMP'S BEHALF -- IF YOU'RE 35 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,347 COMPARING THE SECURITY OF TWO 36 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:22,715 PLACES, THE TWO WORST EXAMPLES 37 00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,784 WOULD BE THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE 38 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:26,252 FLORIDA RESORT WHERE A FAILED 39 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:27,387 BACHELORETTE CONTESTANT ACTUALLY 40 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,689 CLAIMED ON INSTAGRAM, 41 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,957 "I SNOOPED AROUND PRETTY DANG 42 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,992 FREELY AND THE SECRET SECURITY 43 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,727 WASN'T TOO WORRIED ABOUT WHICH 44 00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:35,361 ROOM I WENT IN." 45 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,197 AND IT'S NOT EXACTLY A SECURE 46 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,431 STORAGE FACILITY IF 47 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,266 YOUTH PASTOR RYAN REYNOLDS HERE 48 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,069 CAN JUST WANDER AROUND. 49 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:43,970 BUT WE'RE GOING TO START WITH 50 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,071 THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS. 51 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:45,972 MORE PRIMARIES TOOK PLACE THIS 52 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,107 WEEK. 53 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,342 IN WYOMING, REPUBLICANS 54 00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,310 OVERWHELMINGLY VOTED OUT 55 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:51,544 LIZ CHENEY, DESPITE HER FATHER'S 56 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,445 LAST-MINUTE EMPEROR 57 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,481 PALPATINE-LIKE ENDORSEMENT. 58 00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:55,248 AND IN ALASKA, A LOT'S BEEN 59 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,417 HAPPENING. 60 00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:58,785 THEY HAVE OPEN PRIMARIES, WHERE 61 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,787 THE TOP FOUR FINISHERS, 62 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:01,988 REGARDLESS OF PARTY, GO ON TO 63 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:02,889 THE GENERAL ELECTION. 64 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,325 SO, ON THE SENATE SIDE, THERE'LL 65 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:06,426 BE AT LEAST TWO REPUBLICANS ON 66 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,061 THE BALLOT THIS FALL: SITTING 67 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,296 SENATOR LISA MURKOWSKI, AND THE 68 00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:10,964 MORE EXTREME KELLY TSHIBAKA, WHO 69 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,466 NOT ONLY QUESTIONS THE 2020 70 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,068 ELECTION RESULTS, BUT ALSO, PUTS 71 00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,769 OUT ALLITERATION-HEAVY ADS LIKE 72 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:17,203 THIS. 73 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:20,006 >> TOGETHER, I'M CONFIDENT THAT 74 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,774 WE CAN BLOCK JOE BIDEN'S 75 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:22,709 BUSINESS-BUSTING, 76 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:24,677 CRIME-CASCADING, 77 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,713 DEFENSE-DECIMATING, 78 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,214 ENERGY-ANNIHILATING, 79 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,616 FREEDOM-FLATTENING, 80 00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,017 GUN-GRABBING, 81 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,585 MANDATE-MILITATING, 82 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:33,553 PARENT-PUNISHING, 83 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,787 POLICE-PERSECUTING, 84 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,623 SOCIALIST-SYMPATHIZING, 85 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:40,860 AMERICA-OBLITERATING AGENDA. 86 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,529 >> John: OKAY, I HAVE A MILLION 87 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:43,830 PROBLEMS WITH THAT. 88 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:44,464 FIRST: "CRIME CASCADING" DOESN'T 89 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:45,198 WORK. 90 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,432 CASCADING DOESN'T REALLY TAKE A 91 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,368 DIRECT OBJECT LIKE THAT. 92 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,402 NEXT: "ENERGY" AND 93 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,036 "ANNIHILATING" DON'T START WITH 94 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:50,937 THE SAME LETTER. 95 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:51,871 WHICH IS WEIRD, BECAUSE THERE 96 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,206 ARE TONS OF OTHER OPTIONS FOR 97 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:53,706 "E" -- "EXTINGUISHING", 98 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,208 "EXTERMINATING", EVEN JUST A 99 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:55,742 SIMPLE "ENDING" IF YOU'RE 100 00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:57,043 FEELING LAZY. 101 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,211 THEN THERE'S 102 00:02:58,278 --> 00:02:59,078 "MANDATE MILITATING", WHICH 103 00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:00,380 MAKES NO SENSE AND I'M NOT EVEN 104 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,080 GOING TO TRY AND EXPLAIN IT. 105 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,181 AND OF COURSE THE GRAND FINALE 106 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,050 OF "AMERICA OBLITERATING 107 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:04,817 AGENDA"? 108 00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:07,253 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING 109 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,655 GOING "A" TO "O" TO "A" THERE? 110 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:09,489 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A GREAT 111 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,557 REPLACEMENT FOR "OBLITERATING" 112 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,190 IN THIS SITUATION? 113 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,559 "ANNIHILATING." 114 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:13,359 BUT IT'S TOO LATE, BECAUSE YOU 115 00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:14,627 BLEW THAT ONE RIGHT AT THE 116 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,229 START. 117 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:20,199 OTHER THAN THAT, NO NOTES. 118 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:20,733 [APPLAUSE] 119 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,501 ALASKANS ALSO VOTED IN A SPECIAL 120 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,135 ELECTION THIS WEEK, TO FILL A 121 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,970 VACANT HOUSE SEAT, AND FOR 122 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,505 "THAT" ONE, THEY GOT TO USE 123 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,940 RANKED-CHOICE VOTING FOR THE 124 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:28,408 FIRST TIME, WHICH THEIR LOCAL 125 00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:28,942 NEWS EXPLAINED IN THE MOST 126 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,810 ALASKAN WAY POSSIBLE: 127 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,145 >> IMAGINE ELK, POLAR BEAR, 128 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,147 PENGUIN, AND OWL ARE RUNNING FOR 129 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,748 OFFICE. 130 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,283 YOU PREFER ELK, AND YOU'RE 131 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:38,785 DEFINITELY ANTI-PENGUIN. 132 00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,353 SO MAYBE YOU'LL FILL OUT YOUR 133 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,356 BALLOT LIKE THIS: ELK, POLAR 134 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,091 BEAR, OWL, AND PENGUIN. 135 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,993 YOU COULD ALSO CHOOSE TO ONLY 136 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,027 PARTIALLY FILL OUT THE BALLOT, 137 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,062 AND JUST LEAVE OFF PENGUIN 138 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:50,997 ENTIRELY. 139 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:51,731 >> John: EXCELLENT. 140 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,032 I LOVE SO MUCH THERE, FROM THE 141 00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,200 FACT THAT HOST DIDN'T FEEL THE 142 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,201 NEED TO TAKE HIS 143 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,803 FESTIVELY-WRAPPED CELL PHONE OUT 144 00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,705 OF HIS BREAST POCKET, TO THE 145 00:03:58,771 --> 00:03:59,505 OFFENSIVELY ALASKAN CHOICE OF 146 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,307 CANDIDATES. 147 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,041 IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF NEW 148 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,042 JERSEY EXPLAINING RANKED CHOICE 149 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:04,677 VOTING USING BON JOVI, 150 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,846 TONY SOPRANO, A DEER THAT'S 151 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:07,981 NEVER EATEN FOOD INTENDED FOR 152 00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,149 DEER, AND MELANOMA. 153 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:11,718 ALSO, GOOD CALL LOSING PENGUIN, 154 00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:12,952 WHICH, OF COURSE, DON'T EVEN 155 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:13,953 HAVE THE DECENCY TO LIVE IN THE 156 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:14,787 STATE. 157 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,189 BUT I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO 158 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,290 SHOW, EVEN WHEN THEY'RE MADE UP 159 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:22,195 OF FICTIONAL ANIMALS, EVERY 160 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:22,895 ELECTION HAS TO HAVE ITS DR. OZ. 161 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:23,563 NOW, THE REASON ALASKANS NEED TO 162 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,964 FILL THAT HOUSE SEAT IS THAT 163 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,633 DON YOUNG, WHO SERVED SINCE 164 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:28,835 1973, DIED EARLIER THIS YEAR. 165 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,437 AND IF YOU'RE NOT AWARE OF 166 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,172 DON YOUNG, HE WAS A "LOT". 167 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:34,407 JOHN BOEHNER ONCE CLAIMED THAT 168 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,775 YOUNG PINNED HIM AGAINST A WALL 169 00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:36,776 IN THE HOUSE AND HELD A TEN-INCH 170 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,511 KNIFE TO HIS THROAT. 171 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,213 BUT HE ALSO HAD LESS LIKEABLE 172 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,648 MOMENTS, LIKE CALLING THE 173 00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,750 BP OIL SPILL NOT AN 174 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:44,951 ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER BUT 175 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:45,885 "A NATURAL PHENOMENA", 176 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,553 REFERRING TO LATINOS USING A 177 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,988 RACIAL SLUR, AND BEHAVING LIKE 178 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,523 THIS DURING A DISCUSSION OF 179 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,158 NAMING A POST OFFICE AFTER A 180 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:52,659 MARINE WHO WAS KILLED IN 181 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,027 AFGHANISTAN. 182 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:54,894 JUST WATCH THE LEFT-HAND SIDE OF 183 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,529 YOUR SCREEN. 184 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,164 >> STAFF SERGEANT DeAUGUSTINE 185 00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:02,335 WAS KILLED ON MARCH 27, 2012, IN 186 00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,171 HELMAND PROVINCE, AFGHANISTAN, A 187 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,074 FIERCE BATTLEGROUND WHERE OVER 188 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:12,178 19,000 MARINES WERE DEPLOYED. 189 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:12,745 >> John: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 190 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:13,413 THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SOMBER 191 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,347 MOMENT! 192 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,982 HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE 193 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,016 DISRESPECTED YOUR MEMORY LIKE 194 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:17,450 THAT? 195 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:18,618 WATCH. 196 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,186 >> DON YOUNG, THE SO-CALLED DEAN 197 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,188 OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, 198 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:22,889 HAS PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 199 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,924 88. 200 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:25,591 >> John: YEAH, SEE? 201 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:26,693 DOESN'T FEEL GOOD, DOES IT, DON? 202 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,794 YOU'RE SO LUCKY YOU'RE DEAD 203 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,595 RIGHT NOW! 204 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:30,530 AND THEN THERE WAS YOUNG'S 205 00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:31,931 CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE DECORATION 206 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,199 CHOICES, WHICH WERE STRIKING, 207 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,834 AND ALWAYS HAD THE CAPACITY TO 208 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,202 SURPRISE. 209 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,870 >> THAT'S A HECK OF A GAVEL. 210 00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:38,538 >> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, DON'T 211 00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:42,208 YOU? 212 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,276 >> UHHH, YEAH. 213 00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:44,077 >> YOU DO, HUH? 214 00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:44,444 WHAT IS IT? 215 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,446 I DUNNO. 216 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,481 >> IT'S A WALRUS'S PENIS. 217 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,350 >> John: YEAH. 218 00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,119 THE QUESTION "WHAT IS IT" COULD 219 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,053 REALLY ONLY BE ANSWERED WITH "I 220 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:54,487 DUNNO" THERE. 221 00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,055 THE BIGGEST RED FLAG POSSIBLE 222 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:56,756 WOULD BE FOR SOMEONE TO SAY, 223 00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:57,990 "HUNDRED PERCENT, NO DOUBT ABOUT 224 00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:58,424 IT, I COULD TELL YOU 225 00:05:58,491 --> 00:05:58,991 BLINDFOLDED: THAT'S A WALRUS 226 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:03,429 DICK." 227 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,063 ALSO, I'M NOT SURE WHERE DON 228 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,298 YOUNG GOT THAT GAVEL, BUT I'M 229 00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:06,432 JUST GOING TO ASSUME HE USED TO 230 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:07,667 HOST A PATERNITY COURT REALITY 231 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,102 SHOW FOR WALRUSES. 232 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:12,238 SO CLEARLY, DON YOUNG IS LEAVING 233 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,273 SOME BIG, WEIRD SHOES TO FILL, 234 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,475 AND THERE'S ALREADY A NAME-BRAND 235 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,809 CONTENDER TO FILL THEM. 236 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,578 AND DEEP DOWN, YOU ALREADY KNOW 237 00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:19,812 WHO IT IS, RIGHT? 238 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,481 ALASKA NEEDS A POLITICIAN? 239 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,382 YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING. 240 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,218 >> IF I WERE ASKED TO SERVE IN 241 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:29,589 THE HOUSE AND TAKE HIS PLACE, I 242 00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:30,857 WOULD BE HUMBLED AND HONORED AND 243 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:31,491 I WOULD. 244 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:32,658 YEAH, IN A HEARTBEAT, I WOULD. 245 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:37,497 >> John: YEP! 246 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,965 SARAH FUCKING PALIN'S BACK, AND 247 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,032 IT'S LIKE IT'S 2008 ALL OVER 248 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:40,399 AGAIN! 249 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,000 SHE'S RUNNING FOR OFFICE, THE 250 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:41,601 U-S ENTERED A BEAR MARKET, AND 251 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:42,201 SEX AND THE CITY IS MAKING 252 00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:42,769 SPIN-OFFS IT, QUITE FRANKLY, 253 00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:43,703 DOESN'T HAVE THE MATERIAL TO 254 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,438 BACK UP. 255 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,507 SOCIETY IS GOING BACKWARDS. 256 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,342 UNSURPRISINGLY, PALIN'S PLATFORM 257 00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:50,543 IS FULL OF CULTURE WAR BULLSHIT. 258 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,612 SHE'S SAID WE "CAN'T GIVE UP" ON 259 00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:53,946 BENGHAZI AND HILLARY'S MISSING 260 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:55,314 EMAILS, AND HAS VOWED TO FIGHT 261 00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:57,049 GUN CONTROL AND ABORTION RIGHTS. 262 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,551 BUT SOME ALASKANS WORRY SHE'S 263 00:06:58,618 --> 00:06:59,719 ONLY RUNNING FOR THE FAME. 264 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,120 LOCAL PRESS HAS SAID SHE'S BEEN 265 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,288 NOTABLY DIFFICULT FOR ALASKANS 266 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,190 TO TRACK DOWN, AND POINTED OUT 267 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,825 SHE'S TURNED DOWN CANDIDATE 268 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,493 FORUMS, INCLUDING ONE HOSTED BY 269 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,028 THE ANCHORAGE REPUBLICAN WOMEN. 270 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,397 SOMETHING THEY HANDLED WITH 271 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,832 SUBLIME PASSIVE-AGGRESSION BY 272 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,600 LEAVING AN EMPTY CHAIR FOR HER 273 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:15,201 WITH HER NAME ON IT 274 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,672 AND THE WORD, "NO". 275 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:20,173 [LAUGHTER] 276 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:20,873 AND I KNOW CHAIRS DON'T HAVE 277 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:21,641 AGENCY, OR ACCESS TO A PRINTER, 278 00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,142 BUT IT DOES LOOK LIKE SOMEONE 279 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:24,477 TAPED THE NAME "PALIN" TO A 280 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:25,745 CHAIR, AND NOW THE CHAIR ITSELF 281 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,347 IS PROTESTING IT. 282 00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:29,382 ONE CONSERVATIVE PUBLISHER IN 283 00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:32,151 ALASKA EVEN SAID, "SARAH KNOWS 284 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,920 HOW TO WORK A CROWD, BUT IT'S 285 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:34,487 SARAH, INC." 286 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,055 WHICH HONESTLY SOUNDS LIKE THE 287 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,590 TITLE OF A SITCOM STARRING KAT 288 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,725 DENNINGS THAT'S ALREADY QUIETLY 289 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,829 DISAPPEARED FROM HBO MAX. 290 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:43,429 HBO MAX: IT'S NOT TV. 291 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:44,030 IT'S A SERIES OF TAX WRITEOFFS 292 00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:46,399 TO APPEASE WALL STREET. 293 00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:48,234 LOOK, PALIN HAS ALWAYS BEEN A 294 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,802 GRIFTER. 295 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,404 AND IF THERE WAS ANY DOUBT ABOUT 296 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:54,273 WHAT SHE REALLY CARES ABOUT, 297 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:54,907 CHECK OUT THIS CHAOTICALLY SHOT 298 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,342 AND EDITED VIDEO FROM HER 299 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,510 INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT IN MAY, WHERE 300 00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:58,845 SHE SPOUTS A STREAM OF CAMPAIGN 301 00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:00,313 PLATITUDES, THEN MAKES CLEAR 302 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:02,748 WHAT SHE'S REALLY UP TO. 303 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,784 >> I'M STANDING HERE GETTING 304 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,552 READY FOR A RIDE BACK TO MY HOME 305 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,287 WITH OTHER CANDIDATES RUNNING 306 00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:10,323 FOR THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS 307 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,691 TO REALLY MAKE THINGS RIGHT. 308 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,092 THINGS ARE GOING ON IN OUR 309 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,961 WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY, AND WE'RE 310 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,896 GONNA TAKE IT BACK. 311 00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:17,530 YAHOOS RUNNING OUR COUNTRY RIGHT 312 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,264 NOW. 313 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,498 WHOO, YEAH. 314 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,100 THEY NEED TO REPLACED. 315 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:21,467 SO, JOHN. 316 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:22,535 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. 317 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,103 AND KNOW THAT THOSE AROUND YOU 318 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,071 WHO LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND SPEAK 319 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,807 SO HIGHLY OF YOU-ESPECIALLY 320 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:28,608 JUSTIN-BUT OTHERS, THEY TOO 321 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,009 WISHING YOU HAPPY, HAPPY 322 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,645 BIRTHDAY. 323 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:33,246 >> John: YEAH, IT SEEMS TO BE 324 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:34,347 AN AD FOR BOTH HER CAMPAIGN, AND 325 00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:36,649 HER CAMEO, WITH THE CAPTION EVEN 326 00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:37,516 READING, "DON'T FORGET FATHER'S 327 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,150 DAY CAMEO ORDERS FOR YOUR LOVED 328 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,787 ONES". 329 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:42,388 WHICH IS A SPECTACULAR RACKET, 330 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,089 SINCE SHE'S ESSENTIALLY SAYING 331 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,323 "DON'T FORGET TO PAY ME TO 332 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,459 BRAINWASH YOUR DAD!" 333 00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:47,627 ALSO, FUN FACT: THE JOHN IN 334 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:47,960 QUESTION? 335 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,463 THAT WAS ME. 336 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:53,266 MY BUDDY JUSTIN -- HE LOVES ME 337 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:53,900 AND SPEAKS VERY HIGHLY OF ME -- 338 00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:54,500 GOT IT FOR ME, AND IT WAS THE 339 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,302 BEST GIFT I'VE EVER RECEIVED. 340 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,104 BUT BEING SARAH PALIN IS GOOD 341 00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,505 BUSINESS -- ON HER FINANCIAL 342 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:00,539 DISCLOSURES, SHE REVEALED THAT 343 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,976 LAST YEAR, SHE MADE OVER TWO 344 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:04,577 HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS FROM 345 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:05,978 CAMEO. 346 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,079 WHICH SHE DID BY CHARGING $199 347 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,080 PER VIDEO. 348 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,849 AND THAT'S JUST TOO MUCH TO PAY 349 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,117 FOR AN INCOHERENT MESSAGE FROM A 350 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,818 PARKING LOT. 351 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,086 ESPECIALLY WHEN, FOR JUST $75, 352 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:14,654 YOU CAN GET A MESSAGE FROM 353 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,357 CARSON KRESSLEY, WHO'LL TELL YOU 354 00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:18,891 YOU LOOK GREAT. 355 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:19,125 LOOK. 356 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:19,825 >> HEY, JOHN, CARSON KRESSLEY 357 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:20,893 HERE! 358 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,228 YOU LOOK GREAT! 359 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,196 HAVE YOU BEEN MOISTURIZING? 360 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,265 THAT'LL BE $75, PLEASE. 361 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:27,533 >> John: THANK YOU, CARSON! 362 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,002 I HAVEN'T BEEN MOISTURIZING! 363 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,771 AND LOOK -- WILL ALASKANS FALL 364 00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:32,305 FOR PALIN'S BULLSHIT? 365 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:33,372 MAYBE! 366 00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,641 THEY'VE DONE SO IN THE PAST! 367 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,576 BUT I SURE HOPE THEY DON'T THIS 368 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:37,777 TIME. 369 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:38,945 BECAUSE FRANKLY, THE ONLY 370 00:09:39,011 --> 00:09:40,913 CONCEIVABLE STEP DOWN FROM 371 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,416 DON YOUNG WOULD BE SARAH PALIN, 372 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,718 WHO, LIKE A WALRUS'S PENIS, IS A 373 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:46,485 FUN ALASKAN NOVELTY, AND ONE 374 00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:48,955 THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS 375 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:49,355 BEING IN CONGRESS. 376 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:56,829 AND NOW, THIS. 377 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:59,966 >> AND NOW 60 SECONDS OF TUCKER 378 00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,767 CARLSON BEING RIGHT ABOUT STUFF. 379 00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:04,403 >> AMERICA IS A RACIST COUNTRY. 380 00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,172 WHITE SUPREMACY IS OUR BIGGEST 381 00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:06,806 THREAT. 382 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:07,473 REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE 383 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,241 PSYCHOSIS BIGOTS AND THEY DON'T 384 00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:09,642 CARE ABOUT WOMEN. 385 00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:11,744 THIS IS A BAD COUNTRY RUN BY 386 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:11,978 RACISTS. 387 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:16,782 IT'S HERE HISTORY IS INHERENTLY 388 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,186 RACIST. 389 00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:23,556 THE PHRASES ALL LIVE MATTERS 390 00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:24,457 AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM AND THE 391 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,258 CELEBRATION OF COLUMBUS DAY ARE 392 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:29,228 RACIST. 393 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:29,762 THE CAPITAL WAS A WHITE 394 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:33,366 SUPREMACIST INSURRECTION. 395 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:34,033 ONLY LOSERS AND FREAK SUPPORT 396 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,802 DONALD TRUMP YEAR AGO I'VE 397 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:37,803 ENJOYED WHITE PRIVILEGE. 398 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,438 I'M A RACIST. 399 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,639 RACIST! 400 00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,174 WHITE PEOPLE ARE A HOLES! 401 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,377 THIS IS PROPAGANDA AT WORK! 402 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,244 FOX NEWS IS PROPAGANDA! 403 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,979 THIS IS THE GREATEST KIND OF 404 00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,214 PROPAGANDA DESIGNED TO DIVIDE 405 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,915 THE COUNTRY BY RACE! 406 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,050 TOO STUPID. 407 00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,985 NONE OF THIS IS REAL. 408 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:53,986 IT'S ALL JUST NOISE. 409 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,388 ALL OF THIS IS CRAZY. 410 00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:56,155 THIS IS TOTAL LUNACY. 411 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,623 IT'S EASY TO LAUGH AT THIS BUT 412 00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,458 IT'S ALSO HORRIFYING. 413 00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:00,793 THINK ABOUT THE BRAINWASHING 414 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:01,961 REQUIRED TO DO THIS. 415 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,329 THIS CHANNEL SHOULDN'T BE 416 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,664 ALLOWED. 417 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:06,899 [LAUGHTER] 418 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:07,400 >> John: MOVING ON. 419 00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,034 OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS 420 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,235 EARTH. 421 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:10,369 IT'S BASICALLY THE OSCAR ISAAC 422 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,771 OF PLANETS IN THAT IT SEEMS TO 423 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:12,371 BE GETTING ALARMINGLY HOTTER 424 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,306 EVERY YEAR. 425 00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:15,708 IT'S PRETTY CLEAR THIS PLANET'S 426 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:16,542 NOT DOING GREAT. 427 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,477 THE LEVEL OF CARBON DIOXIDE IN 428 00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,913 THE ATMOSPHERE IS NOW HIGHER 429 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,248 THAN EVER IN HUMAN HISTORY, AND 430 00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:27,653 THE LATEST 431 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,822 U.N.-COMMMISSIONED CLIMATE 432 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:30,222 REPORT WAS CALLED 433 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:30,823 "AN ATLAS OF HUMAN SUFFERING". 434 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:31,424 WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO 435 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:31,957 THE SLOGAN FOR CRAIGSLIST. 436 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:32,558 LUCKILY, THOUGH, ONE GROUP IS 437 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,025 HERE TO FIX IT: GIANT 438 00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:33,359 CORPORATIONS. 439 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,027 MANY ARE NOW CLAIMING THEY'VE 440 00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,029 HIT UPON A SOLUTION -- BECOMING 441 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,264 "CARBON NEUTRAL" OR "NET ZERO". 442 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,765 BASICALLY, RUNNING THEIR 443 00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:40,900 BUSINESSES IN SUCH A WAY, THEY 444 00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:41,967 DON'T INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF 445 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,035 CARBON IN THE ATMOSPHERE. 446 00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:45,371 AS OF LAST YEAR, "ONE IN FIVE OF 447 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,972 THE WORLD'S TWO THOUSAND LARGEST 448 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,309 PUBLICLY LISTED COMPANIES HAVE 449 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:50,910 NOW COMMITTED TO A "NET-ZERO" 450 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:51,343 EMISSIONS TARGET." 451 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:52,511 WHICH SOUNDS GREAT! 452 00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:53,779 YOU MAY HAVE EVEN SEEN THEM 453 00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,848 BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR CLAIMS IN 454 00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,016 ADS, LIKE THIS ONE FROM UNITED 455 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,584 AIRLINES, THIS ONE FROM APPLE, 456 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,420 THIS ONE FROM SHELL, AND THIS 457 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,488 ONE FROM AN UNEXPECTED SOURCE. 458 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,190 >> KIT KAT IS COMMITTING TO 459 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:09,662 BECOMING CARBON NEUTRAL BY 460 00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:10,296 2025, REDUCING EMISSIONS BY 50% 461 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:11,397 THROUGH FOREST REGENERATION, 462 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,866 PLANTING FIVE MILLION SHADE 463 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,102 TREES, SUPPORTING REGENERATIVE 464 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,804 FARMING, AND SECURING 100% 465 00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:19,405 RENEWABLE ELECTRICITY FOR OUR 466 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,640 FACTORIES WORLDWIDE. 467 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,776 AND WE'LL OFFSET ANY REMAINING 468 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:24,810 CARBON BY INVESTING IN CLIMATE 469 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:27,313 PROJECTS. 470 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,415 LET'S GIVE THE PLANET A BREAK. 471 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,216 >> John: YEAH, EVEN KIT KAT IS 472 00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,917 GETTING INVOLVED. 473 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:32,418 WHICH IS A STRANGE SALES 474 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,252 TECHNIQUE. 475 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,386 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DECIDE TO EAT 476 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,688 A KIT KAT BAR BECAUSE OF THEIR 477 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,389 NET ZERO TARGETS. 478 00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:38,257 YOU DECIDE TO EAT ONE BECAUSE 479 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,426 YOU'RE AT ROCK BOTTOM AND YOU'RE 480 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:40,626 OUT OF 481 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,429 REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. 482 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,630 AS FOR THE SHOVEL MADE OUT OF A 483 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,165 KIT KAT, THAT SEEMS LESS LIKE A 484 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,233 SUSTAINABLE FARMING TOOL AND 485 00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,735 MORE LIKE WHAT YOU'D USE TO BURY 486 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,604 THE BODY OF THE RED M&M. 487 00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:53,906 BUT THE KEY PHRASING COMES AT 488 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,207 THE END THERE -- THAT THEY'D 489 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,076 "OFFSET ANY REMAINING CARBON". 490 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,145 THAT'S ACTUALLY A COMMON TACTIC. 491 00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:00,579 IN FACT, ONE STUDY THAT LOOKED 492 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:01,847 CLOSELY AT THE NET-ZERO PROMISES 493 00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:03,282 OF DOZENS OF COMPANIES IN 494 00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,284 HEAVILY-POLLUTING INDUSTRIES 495 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,752 FOUND THAT TWO-THIRDS OF THEM 496 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,420 ARE RELYING ON OFFSETS INSTEAD 497 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,856 OF EMISSIONS REDUCTIONS. 498 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:13,959 OFFSETS ARE WILDLY POPULAR -- 499 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:14,693 EVEN BANDS HAVE PROMISED OVER 500 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,362 THE YEARS TO USE THEM TO REDUCE 501 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:17,429 THE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT OF 502 00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:20,533 THEIR TOURS. 503 00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:21,634 ALL THE GREATS -- DAVE MATTHEWS, 504 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,003 BON JOVI, COLDPLAY, AND EVEN 505 00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,905 SERGEANT PEPPER'S ANGSTY 506 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:26,539 VICTORIAN GHOST CLUB BAND: 507 00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,374 MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. 508 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,142 >> A BIG TOUR LIKE THIS USES 509 00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:31,911 LOTS OF ENERGY: TRUCKS, VANS, 510 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,212 LIGHTS, SOUND, AND MORE, AND 511 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:33,913 THAT HAS AN IMPACT ON THE 512 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,314 ENVIRONMENT. 513 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,415 SO WE'VE PARTNERED UP WITH A 514 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,917 REALLY COOL NON-PROFIT 515 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:38,717 ORGANIZATION CALLED REVERB TO 516 00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,386 HELP US GREEN THINGS UP. 517 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:41,687 >> ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THEY 518 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:42,421 DO IS FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH ENERGY 519 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,789 THE TOUR USES. 520 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,091 THEN THEY INVEST IN ALTERNATIVE 521 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:46,725 ENERGY PROJECTS TO HELP MAKE UP 522 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:47,526 FOR IT. 523 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:52,932 >> John: COOL. 524 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:53,499 THANKS GUYS. 525 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,333 AND I ADMIT IT'S NICE TO SEE 526 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:54,934 THEM REPRESENT THEIR CORE FAN 527 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:55,201 BASE: 528 00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:55,801 MIDDLE SCHOOLERS WHO HAVE TO 529 00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:56,602 GIVE A PRESENTATION IN FRONT OF 530 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,037 THE CLASS AGAINST THEIR WILL. 531 00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,705 BUT I DON'T PARTICULARLY CARE 532 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:00,306 FOR THE PHRASE "GREEN THINGS 533 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:00,940 UP". 534 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,141 IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SHREK 535 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,209 WOULD SAY RIGHT BEFORE HE 536 00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:04,376 REACHES A SEXUAL CLIMAX. 537 00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:06,412 "LOOK OUT, I'M ABOUT TO GREEN 538 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,113 THINGS UP! 539 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:14,520 WATCH ME, DONKEH!" 540 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,055 AND YET, IF THE IDEA THAT YOU 541 00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:18,123 CAN SIMPLY INVEST A LITTLE MONEY 542 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,658 AND MAKE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT 543 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,659 DISAPPEAR SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE 544 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:21,160 TRUE, THAT'S BECAUSE IT 545 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,629 ABSOLUTELY IS. 546 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,863 STUDY AFTER STUDY HAS INDICATED 547 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,365 THAT MOST OFFSETS AVAILABLE ON 548 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,367 THE MARKET DON'T RELIABLY REDUCE 549 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,603 EMISSIONS. 550 00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:31,837 AND YET, OFFSETS ARE NOW THE 551 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:33,439 BACKBONE OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL 552 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:34,807 POLICIES OF MANY OF THE BIGGEST 553 00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:36,041 POLLUTERS ON THE PLANET. 554 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,543 SO, GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, LET'S 555 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,711 TALK ABOUT CARBON OFFSETS. 556 00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:40,412 WHAT THEY ARE, WHAT THEY CLAIM 557 00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:41,513 TO DO, AND HOW THEY MAY ACTUALLY 558 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,282 BE MAKING THINGS EVEN WORSE. 559 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:44,817 AND LET'S START WITH SOME BASIC 560 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,018 DEFINITIONS. 561 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,386 THE IDEA OF A CARBON OFFSET IS 562 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,054 THAT, IF YOU EMIT CO2 INTO THE 563 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,090 ATMOSPHERE, YOU CAN OFFSET IT 564 00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,825 BY, SAY, PLANTING OR PROTECTING 565 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:54,760 TREES, WHICH REMOVE CARBON FROM 566 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,929 THE AIR, OR BUILDING A WIND FARM 567 00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,597 TO REPLACE A FOSSIL FUEL PLANT. 568 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,332 HERE'S HOW BP -- A MAJOR 569 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:00,966 POLLUTER, OF COURSE -- SELLS THE 570 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,568 IDEA. 571 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,403 >> I'VE BEEN DRIVING AROUND AND 572 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,105 GENERATING THREE TONS OF CARBON 573 00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:07,773 DIOXIDE, WHICH OF COURSE I'VE 574 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,142 RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE TO 575 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,243 JOIN ALL THE REST OF THE 576 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:11,977 GREENHOUSE GASSES THAT ARE 577 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:15,114 ALREADY OUT THERE. 578 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,682 NOW, IMAGINE THAT MILES AWAY, 579 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,550 MAYBE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE 580 00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,019 WORLD, SOMEBODY ELSE TAKES THREE 581 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:20,619 TONS OF CARBON DIOXIDE OUT OF 582 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,889 THE ATMOSPHERE. 583 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:24,923 SO, WHAT'S HAPPENED? 584 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,725 THREE TONS IN, THREE TONS OUT, 585 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:30,429 RESULT: ZERO. 586 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,464 >> John: THAT VIOLENTLY BRITISH 587 00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:33,098 MAN DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB OF 588 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,800 ILLUSTRATING THE CONCEPT THERE. 589 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,635 I'M NOT SURE HE NEEDED TO USE 590 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,570 THE DECORATIONS FROM A CLOWN'S 591 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:39,204 FUNERAL TO DO IT, BUT I GUESS, 592 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,639 WITHOUT THEM, I'D NEVER HAVE 593 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,341 KNOWN WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN 594 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:43,542 YOU ADD THREE TO SOMETHING BUT 595 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,176 THEN TAKE THREE AWAY, IT SIMPLY 596 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:45,077 CAN'T BE DONE. 597 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,845 BUT IF THAT SIMPLE EXPLANATION 598 00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:47,813 DIDN'T DO IT FOR YOU, HERE'S ONE 599 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,448 IDIOT EXPLAINING OFFSETS TO 600 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,616 ANOTHER IDIOT, USING THE WORST 601 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,185 POSSIBLE METAPHOR, GIVEN WHO THE 602 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,920 SECOND IDIOT IS. 603 00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,155 >> OF COURSE, YOU CAN BUY CARBON 604 00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:57,056 OFFSETS, WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT 605 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,392 OF BUYING, YOU KNOW, A DIAMOND 606 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,894 WATCH, RING, AND NECKLACE. 607 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,262 IF YOU'RE UNFAITHFUL TO YOUR 608 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,596 WIFE AND SAY, 'OH IT'S JUST AN 609 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,298 OFFSET HONEY, NO PROBLEM.' 610 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,667 THAT'LL WORK... 611 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:10,336 WHICH A CARBON OFFSET IS 'OH I 612 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:10,869 CAN SIN ALL I WANT. 613 00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,671 I CAN PUT OUT ALL THE EMISSIONS 614 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:13,772 I WANT-BUT YOU GOT TO GET RID OF 615 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:14,740 YOUR CARAVAN AND DRIVE A 616 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:15,974 BICYCLE.' 617 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:19,478 >> John: OKAY, SET ASIDE 618 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:20,112 HANNITY'S INABILITY TO DECIDE IF 619 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:20,713 HE THINKS CARBON OFFESETS ARE 620 00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:21,814 LIKE BUYING YOUR WIFE A NECKLACE 621 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:22,381 "OR" FORCING SOMEONE ELSE TO 622 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,384 RIDE A BIKE. 623 00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:25,984 LET'S JUST DWELL ON HIM SAYING 624 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:26,785 THE WORDS, "IF YOU'RE UNFAITHFUL 625 00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:30,589 TO YOUR WIFE" TO NEWT GINGRICH, 626 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,757 A MAN WHO WAS FAMOUSLY 627 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,659 UNFAITHFUL TO "TWO" OF HIS THREE 628 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,027 WIVES, SO FAR, TRYING TO GET 629 00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:36,729 ONE TO SIGN DIVORCE DOCUMENTS 630 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:37,596 WHILE SHE WAS RECOVERING FROM 631 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,431 CANCER SURGERY, AND ASKING THE 632 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,833 SECOND FOR A DIVORCE SHORTLY 633 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:43,135 AFTER SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH 634 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:43,502 M.S. 635 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,069 NO WONDER HE JUST SAT THERE 636 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:44,670 SILENTLY UNTIL HANNITY STARTED 637 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,238 SPEAKING AGAIN. 638 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,873 I'M SURE HE DESPERATELY WANTED 639 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,209 TO WALK OUT, BUT I GUESS NEWT 640 00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:51,610 WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO SEAN -- 641 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,277 HE ONLY DOES THAT TO PEOPLE WITH 642 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,179 SEVERE ILLNESSES. 643 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:57,049 BUT THE POINT IS: OFFSETS ALLOW 644 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,283 BUSINESSES THAT CAN'T 645 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,084 IMMEDIATELY "REDUCE" THEIR 646 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:00,586 EMISSIONS TO BALANCE THINGS OUT 647 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:01,653 BY BUYING EMISSIONS REDUCTIONS 648 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,123 SOMEWHERE ELSE. 649 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:04,957 AND IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD, 650 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:05,824 THEY'RE ACTUALLY A WAY TO MEET 651 00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:06,925 REGULATORY REQUIREMENTS ON 652 00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:08,327 EMISSIONS. 653 00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:11,463 PLACES LIKE CHINA, KOREA, 654 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,631 AUSTRALIA, AND CALIFORNIA HAVE 655 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,732 SET CAPS FOR HOW MUCH COMPANIES 656 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:14,500 CAN EMIT. 657 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,802 AND IF YOU GO ABOVE THAT CAP, 658 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,137 YOU MIGHT OPT TO BUY AN OFFSET 659 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,572 TO GET BACK BELOW IT. 660 00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:21,206 BUT COMPANIES OPERATING OUTSIDE 661 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,108 OF THOSE AREAS MIGHT STILL 662 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:24,810 CHOOSE TO BUY OFFSETS 663 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,278 VOLUNTARILY, SO THEY CAN 664 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,479 MAKE CLAIMS LIKE THE ONES YOU 665 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,782 SAW IN THOSE ADS EARLIER. 666 00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,016 THE VOLUNTARY MARKET IS SMALLER, 667 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:36,588 BUT IT'S GROWING INCREDIBLY FAST 668 00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:37,189 -- IT QUADRUPLED TO NEARLY TWO 669 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:37,689 BILLION DOLLARS IN 2021. 670 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:38,524 EVEN YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL CAN 671 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,059 NOW BE SOLD OFFSETS. 672 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:45,497 YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN CHECKBOXES 673 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,098 LIKE THESE ON SITES LIKE UPS, 674 00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:47,032 OFFERING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO 675 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:47,566 OFFSET THE CARBON OF YOUR 676 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,168 DELIVERY, OR MAYBE YOU WERE 677 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,370 OFFERED ONE AS AN IMPULSE BUY 678 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,037 WHILE TRAVELING. 679 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:52,771 >> TRAVELERS THROUGH AUSTIN'S 680 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,506 AIRPORT CAN HELP OFFSET THE 681 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,108 EMISSIONS THEIR FLIGHTS PUT INTO 682 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,309 THE ATMOSPHERE. 683 00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,845 IT ONLY COSTS $2 AND OFFSETS 684 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,613 MORE THAN 1,000 MILES OF AIR 685 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,348 TRAVEL. 686 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,151 >> John: THAT PRICE IS OBVIOUSLY 687 00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:10,055 TOO LOW. 688 00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:10,689 IT'S PRETTY SUSPICIOUS THAT YOU 689 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:11,323 COULD WALK INTO AN AIRPORT, AND 690 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:11,890 OFFSET MORE THAN A THOUSAND 691 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:12,558 MILES OF AIR TRAVEL FOR JUST TWO 692 00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:13,559 DOLLARS, THEN HEAD OVER TO A 693 00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,893 CIBO EXPRESS WHERE IT COSTS AT 694 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,695 LEAST FIVE TIMES THAT TO BUY A 695 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,797 SOGGY CHICKEN WRAP THAT SOMEHOW 696 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,833 LOOKS -- IF I HAD TO PICK ONE 697 00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:21,433 DESCRIPTOR FOR IT -- RECENTLY 698 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,868 DIVORCED. 699 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,536 THERE ARE EVEN BOUTIQUE 700 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:27,573 COMPANIES POPPING UP, LIKE 701 00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:28,707 "WORLD'S FIRST HUMAN BREATH 702 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,208 CARBON OFFSET SERVICE," 703 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,943 WHERE YOU CAN, FOR SEVENTEEN 704 00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:31,710 DOLLARS A YEAR, OFFSET YOUR OWN 705 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,378 BREATH. 706 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,947 AND IF YOU JUST LET OUT A HUGE 707 00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,615 EXASPERATED SIGH AT HEARING 708 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,350 THAT, BAD NEWS: THAT'LL COST 709 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,252 EXTRA. 710 00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:43,155 YEP, YOU ALSO OFFERS YOU THE 711 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:45,123 CHANCE TO OFFSET YOUR PETS, 712 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,825 RANGING FROM $.06 FOR A HAMSTER 713 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,127 TO $6 FOR A CAT, ALL THE WAY TO 714 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,462 $10 TO OFFSET YOUR PIG. 715 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,831 WHICH SEEMS GREAT, ASIDE FROM 716 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:53,398 THE FACT THAT "$10 TO OFFSET 717 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,667 YOUR PIG" SOUNDS LIKE A DUTCH 718 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,135 SEX ACT THAT WAS SENT BACK AND 719 00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,871 FORTH THROUGH GOOGLE TRANSLATE 720 00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:01,773 ONE TOO MANY TIMES. 721 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:02,741 "FOR $10, BASILIUS, HE OFFSET 722 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,576 YOUR PIG, SO GOOD, SO STRONG, 723 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,845 YOUR EYES WILL POP AND YOUR 724 00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:12,451 BRAVE TESTICLES WILL SWITCH." 725 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:13,986 AND LOOK: ON SOME LEVEL, YOU 726 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,621 PROBABLY KNOW CARBON OFFSETS ARE 727 00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:16,722 BULLSHIT. 728 00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:21,527 BOTH BECAUSE YOU'RE A REASONABLY 729 00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:22,127 INTELLIGENT PERSON AND BECAUSE 730 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:22,661 YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHOW 731 00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,329 YOU'RE WATCHING RIGHT NOW. 732 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,832 I DON'T OPEN MY BEAK TO SQUAWK 733 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,433 OUT GOOD NEWS; THIS THING POPS 734 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,601 OPEN FOR SAD NEWS AND PORRIDGE, 735 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,504 AND I'M ALL OUT OF PORRIDGE. 736 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,940 BUT EXACTLY HOW THEY'RE BULLSHIT 737 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:39,144 IS INTERESTING. 738 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:39,912 BECAUSE IT'S EASY TO SAY 739 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:41,046 YOU'RE REDUCING CARBON 740 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,881 EMISSIONS, BUT IT'S MUCH HARDER 741 00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:43,482 TO PROVE IT, AND THE TRUTH IS, 742 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:44,082 THERE AREN'T MANY CHECKS AND 743 00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:44,816 BALANCES IN PLACE TO PREVENT 744 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,318 ABUSE. 745 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,321 AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT 746 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:49,888 THAT A KEY CRITERION FOR ANY 747 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:51,590 OFFSET PROJECT IS WHAT'S CALLED 748 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,824 "ADDITIONALITY." 749 00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:54,326 THE IDEA IS THAT AN OFFSET 750 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,962 SHOULD PROVIDE AN "EXTRA" 751 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:57,496 REDUCTION OF CARBON, THAT 752 00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:58,363 WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED ANY OTHER 753 00:19:58,430 --> 00:19:59,331 WAY. 754 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:00,465 FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU PLANTED A 755 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,366 TREE THAT WOULDN'T OTHERWISE 756 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:02,834 HAVE BEEN PLANTED, THAT'S 757 00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:04,336 ADDITIONAL. 758 00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:05,737 AS IS SAVING A TREE THAT WOULD 759 00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:07,472 OTHERWISE HAVE BEEN CUT DOWN. 760 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,976 BUT THERE ARE MANY CASES WHERE 761 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,878 THE CLAIM OF "ADDITIONALITY" IS 762 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,448 SHAKY, AT BEST. 763 00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,917 TAKE J.P. MORGAN, WHICH 764 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:22,321 ANNOUNCED IT HAD ACHIEVED 765 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:22,921 "CARBON NEUTRALITY" ACROSS ITS 766 00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:23,589 OPERATIONS IN 2020. 767 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,958 ONE OF THE WAYS IT CLAIMED TO 768 00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:26,491 HAVE ELIMINATED ITS CARBON 769 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,125 FOOTPRINT IS BY BUYING A MILLION 770 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:27,659 DOLLARS WORTH OF OFFSETS, 771 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:28,293 CLAIMING TO PROTECT AN AREA IN 772 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:28,961 PENNSYLVANIA CALLED 773 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,295 HAWK MOUNTAIN SANCTUARY. 774 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:31,897 BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT THE 775 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:32,698 THREATS TO THE SANCTUARY WERE 776 00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:34,833 WILDLY OVERBLOWN. 777 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:35,867 >> THIS IS THE PROJECT'S 778 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,469 PLANNING DOCUMENT SUBMITTED IN 779 00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:38,637 2018 TO THE AMERICAN CARBON 780 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,472 REGISTRY, AND THIS IS THE 781 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,274 BASELINE THE PROJECT'S BUILT 782 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:42,975 UPON -- THAT IF IT WEREN'T FOR 783 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:43,942 INTERVENTION, THE FORESTS WILL 784 00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,811 BE SUBJECT TO AGGRESSIVE 785 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:47,546 CLEAR-CUTTING AND HIGH GRADING. 786 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,915 THE PROBLEM WAS HAWK MOUNTAIN 787 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:50,482 PRESERVE, AS ITS NAME WOULD 788 00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,519 SUGGEST, WAS ALREADY A PRESERVE. 789 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,520 SINCE THE 1930S. 790 00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,789 THIS AREA HAS BEEN CLOSELY 791 00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:58,423 LOOKED AFTER, MANAGED, AND 792 00:20:58,490 --> 00:20:59,124 PROTECTED. 793 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,459 THE FOREST DIDN'T NEED SAVING. 794 00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:02,461 IT WASN'T UNDER THREAT. 795 00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:03,395 >> John: YEAH, OF COURSE IT 796 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:04,529 WASN'T. 797 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,897 AND THAT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE 798 00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:06,965 BEEN OBVIOUS FROM THE FACT IT 799 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:10,035 WAS A PRESERVE, AND NOT CALLED 800 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:10,702 THE "HAWK MOUNTAIN CHOP-CHOP 801 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:11,169 ZONE AND TREE MURDER 802 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:14,106 PLAYGROUND". 803 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:14,873 AS A REPORTER FROM BLOOMBERG 804 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:18,010 UNCOVERED, THAT OFFSET WAS SOLD 805 00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:18,577 TO J.P. MORGAN BY THE NATURE 806 00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:19,544 CONSERVANCY, WHICH HAS BEEN VERY 807 00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:20,212 ACTIVE IN SELLING CARBON OFFSET 808 00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:23,148 PROJECTS. 809 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:23,749 THEY ALSO SOLD ONE HUNDRED AND 810 00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:24,316 EIGHTY THOUSAND CREDITS TO 811 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,119 DISNEY, WHICH OSTENSIBLY WENT TO 812 00:21:27,185 --> 00:21:27,686 PROTECT THIS FOREST IN RURAL 813 00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:28,420 PENNSYLVANIA FROM WHAT THE 814 00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:29,921 CONSERVANCY WARNED WAS A RISK OF 815 00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:31,323 SIGNIFICANT COMMERCIAL TIMBER 816 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,958 HARVESTING. 817 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,426 BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW: THE NATURE 818 00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:37,329 CONSERVANCY ITSELF HAD OWNED 819 00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:39,431 MOST OF THAT LAND SINCE 1999. 820 00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:40,866 AND THEY'RE NOT, FAMOUSLY, IN 821 00:21:40,932 --> 00:21:41,533 THE COMMERCIAL TIMBER HARVESTING 822 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,969 BUSINESS. 823 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,370 AND YOU MIGHT THINK, "WELL, GOOD 824 00:21:45,437 --> 00:21:45,937 FOR THEM. 825 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:47,072 THEY'RE TAKING DISNEY'S MONEY, 826 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,273 AND NOT HAVING TO GIVE THEM 827 00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:49,274 ANYTHING IN RETURN." 828 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,376 BUT THEY ARE GIVING THEM 829 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:52,511 SOMETHING, THOUGH -- NAMELY, THE 830 00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:54,346 ABILITY TO MAKE CLAIMS LIKE, 831 00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:56,915 "DISNEY REDUCED OVER 4 MILLION 832 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,183 TONS OF CARBON DIOXIDE, EQUAL TO 833 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,185 TAKING OVER 900,000 CARS OFF THE 834 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:00,886 ROAD." 835 00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:02,688 WHICH WE ALREADY KNOW ISN'T TRUE 836 00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:05,023 BUT, IF IT WERE, I DO HOPE THEY 837 00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,726 WOULD START WITH MATER. 838 00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:10,962 I DON'T CARE IF HE'S LIGHTNING 839 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:11,530 McQUEEN'S BEST FRIEND, HE'S 840 00:22:11,596 --> 00:22:11,830 CHOKING US. 841 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:12,364 HE'S CHOKING OUR PLANET TO 842 00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,166 DEATH. 843 00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:15,834 ALSO THE MONEY FROM OFFSETS 844 00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,135 DOESN'T ALWAYS GO TO PLACES LIKE 845 00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:19,037 THE NATURE CONSERVANCY. 846 00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:21,173 REMEMBER THAT AIRPORT PLAN WHERE 847 00:22:21,239 --> 00:22:23,375 YOU COULD OFFSET MORE THAN A 848 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:26,578 THOUSAND MILES OF AIR TRAVEL FOR 849 00:22:26,645 --> 00:22:27,679 $2? 850 00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:28,280 RECORDS SHOW THAT THIS YEAR, A 851 00:22:28,346 --> 00:22:29,681 SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF THE MONEY 852 00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:30,282 FROM THAT PROGRAM HAS GONE TO 853 00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:31,717 SUPPORT TREES AT THE 854 00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:32,417 "HUDSON FARM CLUB," IN NEW 855 00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,553 JERSEY, A 3,800-ACRE PRIVATE 856 00:22:34,619 --> 00:22:35,821 HUNTING CLUB SET UP BY 857 00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:38,323 PETER KELLOGG -- BILLIONAIRE AND 858 00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,158 MODEL FOR THE L.L. BEAN "HEART 859 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:40,692 FAILURE AT THE YACHT CLUB" 860 00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:41,359 COLLECTION. 861 00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:41,927 HERE'S ONE MEMBER EXPLAINING 862 00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:43,795 WHAT HAPPENS THERE. 863 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,431 >> PETER HAD THIS VISION OF 864 00:22:46,498 --> 00:22:49,367 HAVING A PLACE FOR SEVERAL OF 865 00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:52,938 HIS FRIENDS AND ADDITIONAL 866 00:22:53,004 --> 00:22:54,339 MEMBERS TO HUNT IN NEW JERSEY 867 00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:56,174 AND TO SHOOT IN NEW JERSEY AND 868 00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:58,343 TO DEVELOP ONE OF THE BEST 869 00:22:58,410 --> 00:22:59,010 SPORTING CLAYS SPOTS IN THE 870 00:22:59,077 --> 00:23:00,212 WHOLE NORTHEAST, IF NOT THE 871 00:23:00,278 --> 00:23:01,713 COUNTRY. 872 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:02,614 IT'S CALLED HUDSON FARM. 873 00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:04,216 IT'S APPROXIMATELY 3800 ACRES. 874 00:23:04,282 --> 00:23:06,118 IT'S IN ANDOVER, NEW JERSEY. 875 00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:07,119 IT'S ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL 876 00:23:07,185 --> 00:23:09,721 PLACES ON EARTH I'VE EVER SEEN. 877 00:23:09,788 --> 00:23:10,422 AND IT IS A HUNTERS' AND 878 00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:12,090 SHOOTERS' PARADISE. 879 00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:18,897 >> John: OKAY. 880 00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:20,065 FIRST, IT'S NOT JUST ME, WE'RE 881 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:25,237 GETTING "GET OUT" VIBES? 882 00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:27,839 SECOND, THEY CLAIMED WITHOUT THE 883 00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:30,609 MONEY FROM CARBON OFFSETS, 77% 884 00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:32,878 OF THE TREES COULD BE CLEAR-CUT 885 00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:34,212 IN FIVE YEARS. 886 00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:34,880 BUT THAT CLEARLY WASN'T GOING TO 887 00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:35,113 HAPPEN. 888 00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:35,747 IT'S OWNED BY A BILLIONAIRE, AND 889 00:23:35,814 --> 00:23:36,248 EXISTS FOR RICH GUYS TO 890 00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:36,882 FANTASIZE ABOUT SHOOTING ANIMALS 891 00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:40,986 IN THE WILD, RIGHT DOWN TO 892 00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:41,620 THIS LIFE-SIZED CARDBOARD CUTOUT 893 00:23:41,686 --> 00:23:44,022 OF A BUFFALO ON FOUR WHEELS. 894 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,690 IN FACT, I'D ARGUE THE ONLY REAL 895 00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,959 DAMAGE THAT MIGHT HAPPEN THERE 896 00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:48,727 IS FROM THAT GUY YOU SAW TALKING 897 00:23:48,794 --> 00:23:50,162 EARLIER, WHO SEEMS IN DANGER OF 898 00:23:50,228 --> 00:23:51,563 CASUALLY SHOOTING OFF HIS OWN 899 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,565 NUTSACK. 900 00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:54,699 AND WITH THE MARKET FOR CARBON 901 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:59,771 OFFSETS INCREASING, THERE ARE 902 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:00,305 NOW COMPANIES NOW ACTIVELY 903 00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:00,939 RECRUITING ALMOST ANYONE WHO HAS 904 00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:02,307 A TREE, TO GET IN ON THE ACTION. 905 00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:03,008 FIRMS LIKE THESE ARE IN THE 906 00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:04,442 BUSINESS OF FINDING SMALL 907 00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:05,644 LANDOWNERS AND CONNECTING THEM 908 00:24:05,710 --> 00:24:06,812 WITH COMPANIES WHO'LL PAY THEM 909 00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:08,647 NOT TO CUT DOWN THEIR TREES, 910 00:24:08,713 --> 00:24:12,951 PITCHING THEMSELVES WITH ADS 911 00:24:13,018 --> 00:24:13,685 LIKE THIS ONE FROM NCX. 912 00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:14,286 >> WE'RE IN A CRITICAL DECADE 913 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:14,920 FOR THE CLIMATE AND FORESTS ARE 914 00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:16,054 A POWERFUL NATURAL SOLUTION FOR 915 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,088 REMOVING CARBON FROM THE 916 00:24:17,155 --> 00:24:18,290 ATMOSPHERE. 917 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,591 NCX'S FOREST DATA SCIENTISTS 918 00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:20,792 DEVELOPED THE FIRST 919 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:21,593 HIGH-RESOLUTION FOREST MAP OF 920 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,361 EVERY ACRE OF AMERICA. 921 00:24:23,428 --> 00:24:25,664 NOW, EVERY LANDOWNER AND 922 00:24:25,730 --> 00:24:26,464 EVERY ACRE OF FOREST CAN BE PART 923 00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:28,466 OF THE CLIMATE SOLUTION. 924 00:24:28,533 --> 00:24:29,601 >> John: YEAH, BASICALLY, 925 00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:30,669 THEY'LL PAY YOU TO LEAVE YOUR 926 00:24:30,735 --> 00:24:31,469 TREES ALONE. 927 00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:32,604 WHICH IS A PRETTY GOOD DEAL, AS 928 00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:34,206 IT SHOULD BE EASY NOT TO CUT 929 00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:35,407 DOWN TREES, UNLESS, OF COURSE, 930 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:37,209 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS ONE. 931 00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:39,711 BECAUSE FUCK THIS TREE. 932 00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:41,046 IT HAS AT LEAST SEVEN DIFFERENT 933 00:24:41,112 --> 00:24:43,915 EYES, "TEETH", AND IT SEEMS TO 934 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:44,649 BE VOMITING UP A BUSH. 935 00:24:44,716 --> 00:24:46,251 YOU LOOK LIKE THE GIVING TREE IF 936 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:51,790 ALL IT GAVE YOU WAS NIGHTMARES 937 00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:54,226 H.P. LOVECRAFT. 938 00:24:54,292 --> 00:24:54,759 I HATE THIS TREE! 939 00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:55,961 AND WITH NCX, YOU DON'T EVEN 940 00:24:56,027 --> 00:24:56,561 HAVE TO PROMISE "NEVER" TO CUT 941 00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:57,162 YOUR TREES DOWN, AS THEY GIVE 942 00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:57,829 YOU THE OPTION TO STILL GET PAID 943 00:24:57,896 --> 00:25:01,299 SIMPLY TO DEFER CUTTING THEM 944 00:25:01,366 --> 00:25:01,833 DOWN FOR "AS LITTLE AS ONE 945 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:02,634 YEAR." 946 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,002 BUT A TWELVE-MONTH DELAY DOESN'T 947 00:25:04,069 --> 00:25:05,503 REALLY BENEFIT THE PLANET MUCH. 948 00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:07,038 AS ONE EXPERT WE TALKED TO 949 00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:09,174 FRAMED IT, IT'S AKIN TO SELLING 950 00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:10,308 A CARBON CREDIT FOR HOLDING YOUR 951 00:25:10,375 --> 00:25:11,309 BREATH FOR FIFTEEN SECONDS. 952 00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:12,577 ALSO, THERE'S A MUCH BIGGER 953 00:25:12,644 --> 00:25:14,079 PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE 954 00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:15,146 TREE-BASED PROGRAMS, WHICH IS 955 00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:17,883 THAT EVEN THEY DO PROTECT ONE 956 00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:19,184 SECTION OF TREES FROM LOGGING, 957 00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:20,886 THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN 958 00:25:20,952 --> 00:25:22,020 MUCH, IF A LOGGING OPERATION 959 00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:23,622 SIMPLY CUTS DOWN THE TREES ON 960 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,557 THE LAND NEXT DOOR INSTEAD. 961 00:25:25,624 --> 00:25:27,025 PLUS, GIVEN THAT 962 00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:28,827 FOREST FIRES ARE NOW ON THE RISE 963 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:29,895 THANKS TO CLIMATE CHANGE, OFFSET 964 00:25:29,961 --> 00:25:31,296 PROGRAMS CAN, AND HAVE, 965 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,399 LITERALLY GONE UP IN FLAMES. 966 00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:36,801 ALL OF THIS IS WHY, WHILE 967 00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:37,569 COMPANIES LOVE TO MAKE BIG, 968 00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:39,104 BROAD CLAIMS ABOUT THE BENEFITS 969 00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:40,572 OF THEIR OFFSETS, THEY REALLY 970 00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:41,139 DON'T LIKE GETTING INTO THE 971 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:43,909 DETAILS. 972 00:25:43,975 --> 00:25:45,243 TAKE THE AIRLINE A FEW YEARS 973 00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:45,644 AGO, THEY BEGAN A 974 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:46,344 VOLUNTARY PROGRAM WHERE 975 00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,113 CUSTOMERS COULD CONTRIBUTE ONE 976 00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:49,147 EURO TO HELP OFFSET THEIR 977 00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:50,715 FLIGHT, POINTING TO 978 00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:52,217 TREE-PLANTING SCHEMES IN IRELAND 979 00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,418 AND PORTUGAL THAT WOULD HELP DO 980 00:25:53,485 --> 00:25:55,020 THAT. 981 00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:56,721 BUT AN EXPERT LATER FOUND 982 00:25:56,788 --> 00:25:59,291 THOSE SCHEMES OFFSET LESS THAN 983 00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:03,128 0.01 PERCENT OF RYANAIR'S 2019 984 00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:04,663 EMISSIONS -- AND WHEN ITS CEO 985 00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:05,263 WAS PRESSED ON THIS, HE GOT A 986 00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:05,997 LITTLE DEFENSIVE. 987 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,265 >> THE POINT HERE IS THAT YOU'VE 988 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:08,733 GOT A LARGE AND GROWING AIRLINE 989 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,302 THAT EMITS A LOT OF CARBON 990 00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:12,871 DIOXIDE AND YOUR OFFSETTING 991 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:13,905 SCHEME NOWHERE NEAR MEETS THAT. 992 00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:15,807 >> ABSOLUTELY WRONG! 993 00:26:15,874 --> 00:26:20,345 >> BUT THERE'S AN IRISH FOREST, 994 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:20,879 ISN'T THERE, IN ROSCOMMON? 995 00:26:20,946 --> 00:26:21,646 >> YEP. 996 00:26:21,713 --> 00:26:22,547 >> WHICH IS 7 HECTARES. 997 00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:24,783 I MEAN, IT IS NOTHING. 998 00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:25,417 >> FROM LITTLE ACORNS GROW 999 00:26:25,483 --> 00:26:27,018 MIGHTY TREES. 1000 00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:28,353 >> IF YOU'VE ONLY GOT 7 1001 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:28,954 HECTARES, YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO 1002 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:30,355 GET 7 HECTARES OF MIGHTY OAKS 1003 00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,256 AREN'T YOU? 1004 00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:31,856 >> WE'VE ONLY STARTED THIS IN 1005 00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:32,357 THE LAST YEAR. 1006 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:33,058 I MEAN, WE'RE WORKING WITH FOUR 1007 00:26:33,124 --> 00:26:33,792 PROJECTS. 1008 00:26:33,858 --> 00:26:35,994 WE'RE RE -- YOU KNOW, WE'RE 1009 00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:36,661 REPLANTING TREES IN MONCHIQUE IN 1010 00:26:36,728 --> 00:26:38,496 PORTUGAL. 1011 00:26:38,563 --> 00:26:40,165 WE'RE SUPPORTING WHALES AND 1012 00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:41,099 DOLPHINS IN IRELAND AS WELL. 1013 00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:41,666 >> WHALE TRACKING WHICH HAS 1014 00:26:41,733 --> 00:26:42,767 NOTHING TO DO WITH CARBON 1015 00:26:42,834 --> 00:26:43,368 DIOXIDE. 1016 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:44,069 >> AND THE BIZARRE ONE -- 1017 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:44,703 >> WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH 1018 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:45,203 CARBON DIOXIDE. 1019 00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:45,937 >> NO, BUT IT'S GOOD FOR THE 1020 00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:46,538 ENVIRONMENT. 1021 00:26:46,604 --> 00:26:48,473 I DON'T THINK ANY OF OUR 1022 00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:49,641 CUSTOMERS WOULD OBJECT TO 1023 00:26:49,708 --> 00:26:50,241 SUPPORTING WHALES AND DOLPHINS 1024 00:26:50,308 --> 00:26:51,176 IN IRELAND. 1025 00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:52,410 >> John: OKAY, IT'S NOT THAT 1026 00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:53,445 PEOPLE WOULD OBJECT TO THAT. 1027 00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:54,245 OF COURSE PEOPLE LOVE WHALES AND 1028 00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:56,982 DOLPHINS. 1029 00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:58,350 WHALES ARE BIG HONKIN' BOYS WHO 1030 00:26:58,416 --> 00:26:59,918 UPSHIT WATER OUT OF THEIR HEADS, 1031 00:26:59,985 --> 00:27:01,419 AND DOLPHINS ARE SMOOTH, 1032 00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:02,287 FRIENDLY WATER DOGS WHO CACKLE 1033 00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:05,056 LIKE DEMONIC BABIES -- THEY'RE 1034 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:05,657 BOTH EXCELLENT. 1035 00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:06,591 BUT PROTECTING THEM ISN'T THE 1036 00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:08,293 THING YOU PROMISED. 1037 00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:08,927 IT'S LIKE IF YOU ASKED YOUR 1038 00:27:08,994 --> 00:27:10,495 HUSBAND TO PICK UP YOUR KIDS 1039 00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:13,999 FROM SCHOOL AND HE CAME HOME 1040 00:27:14,065 --> 00:27:17,569 CHILDLESS, BUT WITH A PIZZA. 1041 00:27:17,635 --> 00:27:18,203 YOU'RE NOT MAD AT THE PIZZA -- 1042 00:27:18,269 --> 00:27:18,803 NO ONE'S EVER MAD AT THE PIZZA 1043 00:27:18,870 --> 00:27:19,404 -- BUT IT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT 1044 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:20,005 THING HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO 1045 00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:20,739 DO. 1046 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:23,308 THE PROBLEM WITH CARBON OFFSETS 1047 00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:23,975 IS, EVERYONE WANTS TO BELIEVE IN 1048 00:27:24,042 --> 00:27:25,844 THEM. 1049 00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:26,878 BUYERS WANT A CHEAP WAY TO MAKE 1050 00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:28,513 A BIG CLAIM, AND SELLERS WANT 1051 00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:29,114 MONEY FOR DOING AS LITTLE AS 1052 00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:31,149 POSSIBLE. 1053 00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:32,350 AND IDEALLY, THERE WOULD BE AN 1054 00:27:32,417 --> 00:27:33,485 ENTITY IN THE MIDDLE CHARGED 1055 00:27:33,551 --> 00:27:34,819 WITH KEEPING BOTH SIDES HONEST. 1056 00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:37,222 AND THERE ACTUALLY IS -- THEY'RE 1057 00:27:37,288 --> 00:27:39,491 CALLED CARBON OFFSET 1058 00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:39,991 REGISTRIES. 1059 00:27:40,058 --> 00:27:40,592 THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NEUTRAL 1060 00:27:40,658 --> 00:27:42,427 THIRD PARTIES WHO SIGN OFF ON 1061 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,962 THE EFFICACY OF POTENTIAL 1062 00:27:44,029 --> 00:27:45,130 OFFSETS. 1063 00:27:45,196 --> 00:27:47,465 THESE FOUR ARE THE MAJOR ONES IN 1064 00:27:47,532 --> 00:27:48,933 THE VOLUNTARY OFFSET MARKET. 1065 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,869 BUT THOSE REGISTRIES AREN'T 1066 00:27:50,935 --> 00:27:52,570 REALLY ACCOUNTABLE TO ANYONE -- 1067 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:53,671 TECHNICALLY, YOU OR I COULD 1068 00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:55,040 START A REGISTRY. 1069 00:27:55,106 --> 00:27:56,808 AND GIVEN THAT THEY'RE PAID BY 1070 00:27:56,875 --> 00:27:58,476 THE COMPANIES SELLING THE 1071 00:27:58,543 --> 00:28:02,881 OFFSETS, IT WON'T SURPRISE YOU 1072 00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:03,581 TO LEARN MANY EXPERTS SAY 1073 00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:04,516 THEIR STANDARDS ARE FAR TOO LOW 1074 00:28:04,582 --> 00:28:05,717 -- AS EXEMPLIFIED BY THE FACT 1075 00:28:05,784 --> 00:28:07,719 THE HAWK MOUNTAIN PRESERVE, THE 1076 00:28:07,786 --> 00:28:08,453 DISNEY FOREST, AND THE HUNTING 1077 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,188 CLUB, ALL MET THE STANDARDS 1078 00:28:10,255 --> 00:28:12,357 OF THE AMERICAN CARBON REGISTRY. 1079 00:28:12,424 --> 00:28:14,426 BASICALLY, GETTING A SIGN OFF 1080 00:28:14,492 --> 00:28:15,727 FROM A CARBON REGISTRY IS LIKE 1081 00:28:15,794 --> 00:28:17,629 WINNING A KIDS CHOICE AWARD -- 1082 00:28:17,695 --> 00:28:19,164 IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN MUCH, BUT 1083 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:20,365 IT WILL HELP YOU TEMPORARILY 1084 00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:23,401 LOOK A LITTLE GREENER. 1085 00:28:23,468 --> 00:28:24,903 AND LOOK: THE PROBLEM ISN'T 1086 00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:26,004 THOSE PROJECTS THEMSELVES. 1087 00:28:26,071 --> 00:28:28,873 IT'S GOOD TO PROTECT FORESTS! 1088 00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:30,275 BUT THE ISSUE IS CLAIMING THEY 1089 00:28:30,341 --> 00:28:32,210 CANCEL OUT CARBON EMISSIONS. 1090 00:28:32,277 --> 00:28:34,279 BECAUSE TRULY OFFSETTING CARBON 1091 00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:36,281 IS TECHNICALLY POSSIBLE. 1092 00:28:36,347 --> 00:28:38,149 THEORETICALLY, IF A WIND FARM 1093 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:39,784 GETS BUILT TO REPLACE A 1094 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:41,119 FOSSIL-FUEL PLANT, THAT HAD ZERO 1095 00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:45,657 LIKELIHOOD OF GETTING BUILT 1096 00:28:45,723 --> 00:28:46,191 OTHERWISE, THAT COULD BE A 1097 00:28:46,257 --> 00:28:47,392 GENUINE OFFSET. 1098 00:28:47,459 --> 00:28:48,626 BUT REAL-WORLD EXAMPLES OF THAT 1099 00:28:48,693 --> 00:28:50,762 ARE EXTREMELY HARD TO FIND. 1100 00:28:50,829 --> 00:28:52,163 ONE STUDY OF WIND TURBINE 1101 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,132 PROJECTS IN INDIA, FOR INSTANCE, 1102 00:28:54,199 --> 00:28:55,700 FOUND THAT AT LEAST FIFTY-TWO 1103 00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:57,602 PERCENT OF APPROVED CARBON 1104 00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:59,604 OFFSETS STEMMED FROM PROJECTS 1105 00:28:59,671 --> 00:29:00,271 THAT WOULD VERY LIKELY HAVE BEEN 1106 00:29:00,338 --> 00:29:01,506 BUILT ANYWAY. 1107 00:29:01,573 --> 00:29:02,740 WHICH CAUSES REAL DAMAGE. 1108 00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,275 BECAUSE POLLUTERS IN COUNTRIES 1109 00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:05,043 THAT CAP EMISSIONS BOUGHT THOSE 1110 00:29:05,110 --> 00:29:07,412 OFFSETS. 1111 00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:09,414 AND WHEN YOU BUY AN OFFSET SO 1112 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,849 YOU CAN POLLUTE MORE -- AND THAT 1113 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,151 OFFSET IS BULLSHIT -- YOU'RE 1114 00:29:13,218 --> 00:29:14,152 ACTIVELY MAKING THINGS WORSE. 1115 00:29:14,219 --> 00:29:15,420 IN FACT, THAT STUDY ARGUES 1116 00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:17,789 THE SALE OF THOSE OFFSETS 1117 00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:18,923 SUBSTANTIALLY INCREASED GLOBAL 1118 00:29:18,990 --> 00:29:20,291 CARBON DIOXIDE EMISSIONS. 1119 00:29:20,358 --> 00:29:22,227 WHICH CLEARLY ISN'T GOOD. 1120 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:25,430 AND THERE'S ONE FINAL WAY CARBON 1121 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:25,930 OFFSETS CAN CAUSE HARM. 1122 00:29:25,997 --> 00:29:28,800 BECAUSE WHEN THAT 1123 00:29:28,867 --> 00:29:29,534 BP SPOKESPERSON WITH THE GOTH 1124 00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:31,836 BALLOONS REFERRED TO BUILDING AN 1125 00:29:31,903 --> 00:29:32,470 OFFSETTING PROJECT "MILES AWAY, 1126 00:29:32,537 --> 00:29:34,839 MAYBE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE 1127 00:29:34,906 --> 00:29:36,274 WORLD", IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING 1128 00:29:36,341 --> 00:29:37,809 THAT PEOPLE MIGHT BE LIVING 1129 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:38,877 THERE. 1130 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:39,711 A DECADE AGO, THE SWEDISH ENERGY 1131 00:29:39,777 --> 00:29:41,713 AGENCY ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAD 1132 00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:42,714 BOUGHT CARBON CREDITS FROM A 1133 00:29:42,780 --> 00:29:43,848 COMPANY CALLED GREEN RESOURCES, 1134 00:29:43,915 --> 00:29:45,283 WHICH SAID IT HAD PLANTED 1135 00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:47,485 PINE FORESTS IN UGANDA, THAT 1136 00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:48,219 COULD OFFSET CARBON EMISSIONS 1137 00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:49,721 ELSEWHERE. 1138 00:29:49,787 --> 00:29:51,990 THE PROBLEM WAS, THOUSANDS OF 1139 00:29:52,056 --> 00:29:53,391 RURAL UGANDANS WERE EVICTED BY 1140 00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,793 THE UGANDAN GOVERNMENT TO MAKE 1141 00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:57,095 ROOM FOR THE PLANTATION, 1142 00:29:57,162 --> 00:29:58,630 INCLUDING THIS MAN, WHOSE FAMILY 1143 00:29:58,696 --> 00:29:59,797 ONCE FARMED A LARGE PLOT OF LAND 1144 00:29:59,864 --> 00:30:02,467 THERE. 1145 00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:04,068 >> WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD, I 1146 00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:05,236 STARTED HERDING CATTLE. 1147 00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:06,771 THE OTHER KIDS AND I HERDED THE 1148 00:30:06,838 --> 00:30:08,439 LIVESTOCK ON OUR LAND. 1149 00:30:08,506 --> 00:30:10,008 THERE WERE ROCKS, WHICH WERE 1150 00:30:10,074 --> 00:30:10,575 REMNANTS FROM MY GREAT GREAT 1151 00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:14,546 GRANDFATHER'S DAY. 1152 00:30:14,612 --> 00:30:15,747 >> Narrator: ODONGO, DO YOU HAVE 1153 00:30:15,813 --> 00:30:16,414 A POSSIBILITY TO JUST SHOW US 1154 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,550 WHERE YOUR LAND WAS? 1155 00:30:18,616 --> 00:30:20,051 >> NO, THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM. 1156 00:30:20,118 --> 00:30:20,652 I CAN GET IN TROUBLE IF I SHOW 1157 00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:21,986 YOU THE LAND. 1158 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:26,758 >> John: THAT'S AWFUL. 1159 00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:27,358 NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE SCARED 1160 00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:29,994 TO SHOW SOMEONE A PIECE OF LAND, 1161 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:32,363 UNLESS, OF COURSE, THAT JANKY 1162 00:30:32,430 --> 00:30:32,830 FUCKING TREE IS ON IT. 1163 00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:33,565 IF THERE WERE ANY SQUIRRELS 1164 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:34,666 LIVING IN YOU, THEY'VE DIED OF 1165 00:30:34,732 --> 00:30:35,967 EMBARRASSMENT, I HOPE YOU KNOW 1166 00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:37,302 THAT. 1167 00:30:37,368 --> 00:30:38,536 AND THE SWEDISH ENERGY AGENCY 1168 00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:39,804 WILL POINT OUT THAT THEY'VE NOW 1169 00:30:39,871 --> 00:30:41,039 BACKED AWAY FROM THAT UGANDAN 1170 00:30:41,105 --> 00:30:42,473 PROJECT, BUT I'LL POINT OUT THEY 1171 00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:44,442 ONLY DID THAT AFTER THAT 1172 00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:45,510 NEWS SEGMENT YOU JUST SAW 1173 00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:46,144 EMBARRASSED THEM ON SWEDISH 1174 00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:47,445 TELEVISION. 1175 00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:48,980 THEY WERE COMPLETELY FINE WITH 1176 00:30:49,047 --> 00:30:50,682 IT UNTIL THEN. 1177 00:30:50,748 --> 00:30:52,350 SO, IT SEEMS, AT BEST, THE 1178 00:30:52,417 --> 00:30:54,252 BENEFITS OF CARBON OFFSETS ARE 1179 00:30:54,319 --> 00:30:56,054 WILDLY OVERSTATED, WHILE THE 1180 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,723 HARM THEY CAN DO IS VERY REAL. 1181 00:30:58,790 --> 00:30:59,924 AND WHILE THERE ARE ONGOING 1182 00:30:59,991 --> 00:31:01,459 EFFORTS TO AT LEAST IMPROVE THE 1183 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:02,694 STANDARDS OF REGISTRIES, THE 1184 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,262 TRUTH IS, OFFSETS AREN'T THE 1185 00:31:04,329 --> 00:31:05,530 ANSWER HERE. 1186 00:31:05,597 --> 00:31:07,265 FUNDAMENTALLY, WE CAN'T OFFSET 1187 00:31:07,332 --> 00:31:09,434 OUR WAY OUT CLIMATE CHANGE. 1188 00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:10,902 EVEN THE CURRENT CEO OF 1189 00:31:10,969 --> 00:31:13,571 UNITED AIRLINES KNOWS THIS. 1190 00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:15,306 HE'S ONE OF THE FEW HEADS OF A 1191 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:17,342 FOSSIL-FUEL-DEPENDENT COMPANY 1192 00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:19,477 WHO'S WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW 1193 00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:20,278 INADEQUATE OFFSETS CAN BE. 1194 00:31:20,345 --> 00:31:22,513 >> THE REAL CHALLENGE WE HAVE 1195 00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:24,249 GLOBALLY IS THAT MANKIND 1196 00:31:24,315 --> 00:31:26,718 PRODUCES 4,000 TIMES AS MANY 1197 00:31:26,784 --> 00:31:27,652 EMISSIONS AS WE DID IN THE 1198 00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,287 PRE-INDUSTRIAL ERA. 1199 00:31:29,354 --> 00:31:30,455 AND MOST OF THESE CARBON OFFSET 1200 00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:31,022 PROJECTS ARE ABOUT PLANTING 1201 00:31:31,089 --> 00:31:32,957 TREES. 1202 00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:34,359 THERE IS NOT ROOM ON THE PLANET 1203 00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:35,760 TO PLANT 4,000 TIMES AS MANY 1204 00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:37,996 TREES. 1205 00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:38,696 IT SIMPLY CAN'T BE THE ANSWER. 1206 00:31:38,763 --> 00:31:40,798 AND THE PROBLEM WITH IT IS IS 1207 00:31:40,865 --> 00:31:41,766 IT'S THE EASY SOLUTION. 1208 00:31:41,833 --> 00:31:43,534 IT'S THE SOLUTION THAT IF YOU'RE 1209 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:45,770 SITTING IN THE C-SUITE, YOU CAN 1210 00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:46,537 WRITE A CHECK AND CHECK THE BOX 1211 00:31:46,604 --> 00:31:47,839 AND HAVE A MARKETING MESSAGE 1212 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:49,641 THAT I'VE OFFSET ALL MY CARBON, 1213 00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:50,208 BUT YOU REALLY HAVEN'T DONE 1214 00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,442 ANYTHING. 1215 00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:52,577 >> John: HE'S RIGHT. 1216 00:31:52,644 --> 00:31:56,381 THAT AIRLINE CEO IS RIGHT. 1217 00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:57,649 ALTHOUGH IT SPEAKS TO THE 1218 00:31:57,715 --> 00:31:58,916 SEDUCTIVE POWER OF OFFSETS THAT 1219 00:31:58,983 --> 00:32:00,351 EVEN HIS COMPANY CAN'T GIVE THEM 1220 00:32:00,418 --> 00:32:02,353 UP. 1221 00:32:02,420 --> 00:32:03,021 IF YOU GO TO THE UNITED AIRLINES 1222 00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:05,089 WEBSITE RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL FIND A 1223 00:32:05,156 --> 00:32:05,690 PAGE WHERE YOU CAN OFFSET YOUR 1224 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,492 FLIGHT, IN FRONT OF A PICTURE OF 1225 00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:09,360 A FUCKING FOREST. 1226 00:32:09,427 --> 00:32:10,595 SO AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE 1227 00:32:10,662 --> 00:32:11,696 SITTING IN THE C-SUITE, CHECKING 1228 00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:14,666 A BOX IS THE GHOST OF MARK 1229 00:32:14,732 --> 00:32:17,769 ZUCKERBERG FUTURE. 1230 00:32:17,835 --> 00:32:19,237 BUT IT'S TRUE THAT THERE 1231 00:32:19,304 --> 00:32:20,872 LITERALLY ISN'T ENOUGH SPACE FOR 1232 00:32:20,938 --> 00:32:22,440 EVERY COMPANY TO PLANT TREES AND 1233 00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:23,574 FULFILL THEIR OWN NET ZERO 1234 00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:24,709 PLEDGE. 1235 00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:26,644 BY ONE ESTIMATE, THERE'S ONLY 1236 00:32:26,711 --> 00:32:27,478 ABOUT FIVE HUNDRED MILLION 1237 00:32:27,545 --> 00:32:28,613 HECTARES OF LAND LEFT THAT CAN 1238 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,415 BE DEDICATED TO NEW FORESTS FOR 1239 00:32:30,481 --> 00:32:32,450 CARBON CAPTURE. 1240 00:32:32,517 --> 00:32:34,919 AND SHELL ALONE, HAS PROPOSED 1241 00:32:34,986 --> 00:32:37,021 PLANTING A TENTH OF THAT AMOUNT. 1242 00:32:37,088 --> 00:32:38,656 THE BOTTOM LINE IS WE HAVE AN 1243 00:32:38,723 --> 00:32:39,957 OFFSET SYSTEM THAT PLACES 1244 00:32:40,024 --> 00:32:41,025 PROFITS OVER SCIENCE, AND THE 1245 00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:42,860 RULES REGULATING IT ARE FAR TOO 1246 00:32:42,927 --> 00:32:43,528 LAX. 1247 00:32:43,594 --> 00:32:45,063 AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS, 1248 00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,432 REMEMBER WHEN, FIVE MINUTES AGO, 1249 00:32:47,498 --> 00:32:48,933 I SAID THAT I COULD SET UP A 1250 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:49,801 CARBON REGISTRY? 1251 00:32:49,867 --> 00:32:50,568 YOU ALREADY KNEW WHERE THIS WAS 1252 00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:52,403 HEADING, RIGHT? 1253 00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:54,172 YOU KNEW, IF THEY HAD A LOOPHOLE 1254 00:32:54,238 --> 00:32:55,340 WHERE I COULD SET UP A REGISTRY, 1255 00:32:55,406 --> 00:32:56,307 ESTABLISH WHATEVER STANDARDS I 1256 00:32:56,374 --> 00:32:58,009 WANT, AND START LISTING 1257 00:32:58,076 --> 00:32:58,710 PROJECTS, THAT I WAS GOING 1258 00:32:58,776 --> 00:32:59,777 STRAIGHT THROUGH THAT FUCKING 1259 00:32:59,844 --> 00:33:01,279 LOOPHOLE, RIGHT? 1260 00:33:01,346 --> 00:33:02,113 YOU KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO 1261 00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:09,120 HAPPEN. 1262 00:33:09,187 --> 00:33:13,558 WELL I'M GLAD TO SAY YOU WERE 1263 00:33:13,624 --> 00:33:13,858 CORRECT. 1264 00:33:13,925 --> 00:33:14,492 WE SET UP OLIVER'S OFFSETS 1265 00:33:14,559 --> 00:33:14,992 CARBON REGISTRY, AND I'M 1266 00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:15,626 THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE AN EXCITING 1267 00:33:15,693 --> 00:33:16,160 NEW PROJECT THAT MEETS OUR 1268 00:33:16,227 --> 00:33:16,594 EXACTING STANDARDS. 1269 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:17,095 PLEASE -- COME WITH ME. 1270 00:33:17,161 --> 00:33:18,863 AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE, WE HAVE 1271 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:20,131 TREES IN THE STUDIO NOW, TREES 1272 00:33:20,198 --> 00:33:21,666 YOU CAN HELP PROTECT, WHILE ALSO 1273 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:22,300 OFFSETTING YOUR PERSONAL CARBON 1274 00:33:22,367 --> 00:33:24,469 FOOTPRINT. 1275 00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:26,504 NOW, ARE ANY OF THESE TREES 1276 00:33:26,571 --> 00:33:27,572 UNDER THREAT? 1277 00:33:27,638 --> 00:33:28,239 I'M CERTAINLY GOING TO TELL YOU 1278 00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:31,709 THAT THEY ARE. 1279 00:33:31,776 --> 00:33:33,845 BECAUSE I'LL CUT EVERY SINGLE 1280 00:33:33,911 --> 00:33:39,150 ONE OF THESE FUCKERS DOWN. 1281 00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:39,484 I'LL DO IT! 1282 00:33:39,550 --> 00:33:40,084 MAYBE THERE ARE BIRDS LIVING IN 1283 00:33:40,151 --> 00:33:40,451 HERE, OR WHALES! 1284 00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:41,119 WHO KNOWS? 1285 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:41,753 BUT DON'T WORRY -- YOU CAN SAVE 1286 00:33:41,819 --> 00:33:42,954 THEM, SIMPLY BY SENDING ME ONE 1287 00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:43,321 DOLLAR! 1288 00:33:43,388 --> 00:33:44,789 WE'RE ISSUING TEN THOUSAND 1289 00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:46,524 CARBON CREDITS, EACH OF WHICH 1290 00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:49,060 WILL STOP ME CUTTING THIS TREE 1291 00:33:49,127 --> 00:33:51,095 DOWN FOR EXACTLY FIVE MINUTES. 1292 00:33:51,162 --> 00:33:55,666 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO TO 1293 00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:56,734 OliversOffsets.org, PAY ME A 1294 00:33:56,801 --> 00:33:57,435 DOLLAR, AND IN RETURN WE'LL SEND 1295 00:33:57,502 --> 00:34:00,872 YOU BACK A CARD THAT YOU CAN USE 1296 00:34:00,938 --> 00:34:02,240 AS PROOF THAT YOU'RE NOW 1297 00:34:02,306 --> 00:34:02,640 "CARBON NEUTRAL." 1298 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:03,241 WE'RE MAKING BIG CLAIMS WHILE 1299 00:34:03,307 --> 00:34:04,041 DOING VERY LITTLE, WHICH 1300 00:34:04,108 --> 00:34:05,109 HONESTLY, IS ENTIRELY REFLECTIVE 1301 00:34:05,176 --> 00:34:06,244 OF THE SYSTEM WE CURRENTLY HAVE. 1302 00:34:06,310 --> 00:34:08,579 SO WHY NOT OFFSET YOUR CARBON 1303 00:34:08,646 --> 00:34:09,647 TODAY? 1304 00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:11,149 ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO SAVING 1305 00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:13,050 IRISH WHALES AND DOLPHINS. 1306 00:34:13,117 --> 00:34:14,886 AND WHO WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM 1307 00:34:14,952 --> 00:34:16,888 WITH THAT? 1308 00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:18,089 THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANK YOU SO 1309 00:34:18,156 --> 00:34:23,528 MUCH FOR WATCHING! 1310 00:34:23,594 --> 00:34:23,995 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1311 00:34:24,061 --> 00:34:33,805 GOOD NIGHT! 1312 00:34:33,871 --> 00:34:34,739 [CHAINSAW WHIRRING] 1313 00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:35,106 I'LL DO IT! 1314 00:34:35,173 --> 00:34:37,975 I'LL DO IT! 1315 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:38,342 GIVE ME MONEY! 1316 00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:38,709 I'LL DO IT! 1317 00:34:38,776 --> 00:34:39,811 GIVE ME A DOLLAR! 1318 00:34:39,877 --> 00:34:40,878 I'LL CUT THIS FUCKING THING