1 00:00:17,706 --> 00:00:20,342 NARRATOR: At the time this picture was taken, not one of these 2 00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:22,211 fourth graders had ever been married or engaged 3 00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:24,246 or in any kind of long-term relationship. 4 00:00:24,279 --> 00:00:25,780 But as they grew into adulthood, 5 00:00:25,814 --> 00:00:28,250 all of them found love and paired off. 6 00:00:28,283 --> 00:00:30,619 All of them except one. 7 00:00:30,652 --> 00:00:32,687 In a world of happy couples, there are those 8 00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,523 who just can't seem to figure it out. 9 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,025 They're often intelligent, attractive, decent people, 10 00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:39,561 but still they remain alone. 11 00:00:39,594 --> 00:00:40,762 Why? 12 00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:42,864 Why does love elude them now 13 00:00:42,897 --> 00:00:45,500 and perhaps forever? 14 00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:48,270 CARYN: How did this happen, 15 00:00:48,303 --> 00:00:49,438 Marty? 16 00:00:49,471 --> 00:00:51,440 I mean, wow, we had it. 17 00:00:51,473 --> 00:00:53,642 That amazing, magical connection 18 00:00:53,675 --> 00:00:56,145 that some people wait their whole lives for, but... 19 00:00:56,178 --> 00:00:58,747 You, you were always terrified of the intimacy. 20 00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,415 Weren't you? 21 00:01:00,449 --> 00:01:03,618 I could see it in your eyes the very first day we met. 22 00:01:03,652 --> 00:01:06,054 Which was Wednesday. 23 00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:07,789 I tried to make you feel safe. I really did. 24 00:01:07,822 --> 00:01:10,392 I tried on Wednesday, I tried yesterday, 25 00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:12,794 and I would've tried today, but you went off to play 26 00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,663 in that volleyball game, which I later found out 27 00:01:14,696 --> 00:01:16,565 actually was coed-- whatever. 28 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,333 (chuckles): What are you even talking about? 29 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:20,502 We got wasted and humped in a lifeboat. 30 00:01:20,535 --> 00:01:22,337 Twice, Marty. 31 00:01:22,371 --> 00:01:24,373 We can build on that. 32 00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:26,641 Are you open to couples counseling? 33 00:01:26,675 --> 00:01:30,011 Check, please. I was gonna order dessert. 34 00:01:32,281 --> 00:01:34,316 What's up, chief? Got some bad news, Stosh. 35 00:01:34,349 --> 00:01:35,517 We're letting you go. 36 00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:37,419 (chuckles) 37 00:01:37,452 --> 00:01:39,120 You're jerking my chain, right? 38 00:01:39,154 --> 00:01:40,955 No. It was Donald's decision. 39 00:01:40,989 --> 00:01:42,257 He asked me to tell you. 40 00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:45,194 Well, what was Donald's reason, huh? 41 00:01:45,227 --> 00:01:46,928 Well, come on, Adam, this is a load of crap. 42 00:01:46,961 --> 00:01:49,598 I-I've been the top sales rep here nine years. 43 00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,466 Nine years. What was his reason? 44 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,534 He says you banged his fiancée. 45 00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,536 (laughs): That is... 46 00:01:54,569 --> 00:01:56,305 that is possible. 47 00:01:56,338 --> 00:01:57,539 But come on, man. 48 00:01:57,572 --> 00:01:59,608 It takes two to tango. Am I right? 49 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:02,277 I mean, is it my fault that she's a wild woman? 50 00:02:02,311 --> 00:02:04,179 Did I get her that hit of ecstasy? 51 00:02:04,213 --> 00:02:06,548 He says you did, yes. Hey, she asked me to. 52 00:02:06,581 --> 00:02:08,950 I can show you all the texts back and forth. 53 00:02:08,983 --> 00:02:10,051 It's over, Stosh. 54 00:02:10,084 --> 00:02:11,686 What is your problem anyway, huh? 55 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,154 At your age, still living the way you do. 56 00:02:13,188 --> 00:02:14,789 You some kind of sex addict or something? 57 00:02:14,823 --> 00:02:16,991 Hey, I got the same sex drive as everybody else. 58 00:02:17,025 --> 00:02:20,028 I just don't have the drive to do all that other horse... 59 00:02:20,061 --> 00:02:21,996 Clean out your office. 60 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,368 You know what? 61 00:02:28,437 --> 00:02:29,738 Zara? 62 00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:31,706 Going out, hon? Yes. 63 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:33,141 To get breakfast. 64 00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:34,142 When do you think you'll be back? 65 00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:37,479 Um, probably... never-ish. 66 00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:38,713 Wait. 67 00:02:38,747 --> 00:02:40,215 Y-You're moving out? 68 00:02:40,249 --> 00:02:42,984 You were just gonna vanish without saying a word? 69 00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:45,854 No. There's a muffin basket coming later. 70 00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,356 I thought things were so good between us. 71 00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:50,191 I know you did, David. 72 00:02:50,225 --> 00:02:52,093 Look, like everything in this universe, 73 00:02:52,126 --> 00:02:54,696 love has its own natural lifespan. 74 00:02:54,729 --> 00:02:57,366 And then, in one heartbreaking moment, 75 00:02:57,399 --> 00:02:59,368 it's gone. 76 00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:01,236 And this is that moment? 77 00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:02,704 What, right now? Oh, God, no. 78 00:03:02,737 --> 00:03:04,606 It was, like, in April or something 79 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,609 when you tattooed my name on your arm. 80 00:03:07,642 --> 00:03:08,777 What the hell is wrong with you?! 81 00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:09,878 This is mine. 82 00:03:09,911 --> 00:03:11,280 What kind of person could be 83 00:03:11,313 --> 00:03:12,514 so passionate and loving one day 84 00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,182 and then just go completely cold? 85 00:03:14,215 --> 00:03:16,418 What kind of person is that? 86 00:03:20,755 --> 00:03:22,891 TV ANNOUNCER: Two down, bottom of the ninth... 87 00:03:22,924 --> 00:03:24,559 He won't give him nothing to hit. 88 00:03:24,593 --> 00:03:26,861 He should be smart and take the bases on balls. 89 00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:29,364 Pop, you are totally and amazingly wrong. 90 00:03:29,398 --> 00:03:30,932 He should wait for the curve. 91 00:03:30,965 --> 00:03:32,467 Mom would've agreed with me. 92 00:03:32,501 --> 00:03:34,369 Yeah, she would've been wrong, too. 93 00:03:34,403 --> 00:03:36,204 Take the bases on... 94 00:03:36,237 --> 00:03:37,739 Here's the 3-2 pitch. 95 00:03:37,772 --> 00:03:39,608 Swinging, fouled off back this way. 96 00:03:39,641 --> 00:03:41,410 Oh, you see that? He was... 97 00:03:41,443 --> 00:03:43,278 Right after the game tonight, the Mets will head 98 00:03:43,312 --> 00:03:45,146 to the airport for a three-city road trip-- 99 00:03:45,179 --> 00:03:46,415 St. Louis, Colorado and Atlanta. 100 00:03:46,448 --> 00:03:47,816 Pop? 101 00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:50,319 And they'll finish that off next weekend. 102 00:03:50,352 --> 00:03:52,120 Oh... 103 00:03:52,153 --> 00:03:53,221 No, no, no, no. Pop. 104 00:03:53,254 --> 00:03:54,823 Here is the 3-2 pitch on the... 105 00:03:54,856 --> 00:03:57,158 Swinging! (bat cracks, crowd cheering) 106 00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:03,998 CARYN: Hey, Mom. Cruise ship just got in. 107 00:04:04,032 --> 00:04:05,567 EVELYN: Oh, welcome home, darling. 108 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:06,735 So, did you meet anyone? 109 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,970 I met a great guy the first day, 110 00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:11,606 but he didn't like me as much as I liked him. 111 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,975 And... neither did the two after that. 112 00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:16,945 Oy. What are you doing on a singles cruise anyway? 113 00:04:16,978 --> 00:04:20,014 Howard is such a wonderful man and a doctor. 114 00:04:20,048 --> 00:04:21,683 Why don't you just accept his proposal 115 00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:22,917 and be done with this nonsense? 116 00:04:22,951 --> 00:04:23,952 No. 117 00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:25,420 You do not select well, Caryn. 118 00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:27,622 Always the bad boys with the swagger 119 00:04:27,656 --> 00:04:29,758 and the tight blue jeans. 120 00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,326 You know what I think? 121 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,496 I think that's what gets you... excited. 122 00:04:34,529 --> 00:04:35,764 Duh. 123 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,332 Grow up already and marry Howard! 124 00:04:37,366 --> 00:04:39,534 And I know you're playing a game on your phone. 125 00:04:46,074 --> 00:04:48,777 That vindictive ass bag. 126 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,679 (groans) 127 00:04:50,712 --> 00:04:51,980 Sorry to impose, Sue. 128 00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:53,281 But, hell, a man's got a right 129 00:04:53,314 --> 00:04:54,916 to get into his own home, doesn't he? 130 00:04:56,084 --> 00:04:57,786 You know, those bastards can take away 131 00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,320 their company-owned condo. 132 00:04:59,354 --> 00:05:02,357 They can't take away my dignity. 133 00:05:02,391 --> 00:05:03,892 Or my watches. 134 00:05:03,925 --> 00:05:06,194 Or my Italian suits. Oh, boy. 135 00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:10,164 Or my salon-grade microdermabrasion kit. 136 00:05:10,198 --> 00:05:12,066 (huffs) All right. 137 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,368 Aren't you gonna wish me luck? 138 00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:15,303 Just jump. All right, then. 139 00:05:15,336 --> 00:05:16,471 See you. 140 00:05:16,505 --> 00:05:17,706 (grunts) 141 00:05:17,739 --> 00:05:20,074 Oh, right in the gonads! 142 00:05:20,108 --> 00:05:21,543 (groaning) 143 00:05:21,576 --> 00:05:23,645 Mother of ass! 144 00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,414 Are we done here or...? 145 00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:28,349 You got time for a quick drink? 146 00:05:37,926 --> 00:05:40,895 (harmonica playing) 147 00:05:46,535 --> 00:05:48,236 Oh, you need some help? 148 00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:50,371 Uh, no, thanks. I got it. 149 00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:52,206 I live here. 150 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,374 In this one. 151 00:05:53,408 --> 00:05:54,843 Yeah, you're sock puppet guy. 152 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,377 (laughs): Yeah. 153 00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:58,680 Yeah, I do puppet shows on the steps sometimes. 154 00:05:58,713 --> 00:05:59,881 For the kids. 155 00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:01,516 I've never seen any kids. 156 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:03,585 My father died. 157 00:06:03,618 --> 00:06:04,853 What? 158 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,087 (louder): My father died. 159 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,723 I heard you. I'm just, um... 160 00:06:08,757 --> 00:06:11,059 I'm sorry. 161 00:06:11,092 --> 00:06:13,728 He was a good guy. 162 00:06:13,762 --> 00:06:15,530 Mm... 163 00:06:15,564 --> 00:06:17,966 (harmonica playing) 164 00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:26,274 Molly? 165 00:06:26,307 --> 00:06:27,576 Molly, are you home? 166 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,078 (screaming) 167 00:06:30,111 --> 00:06:31,379 Ew! Who are you? 168 00:06:31,412 --> 00:06:32,981 Um, I came to the party last night, 169 00:06:33,014 --> 00:06:34,949 and I wound up having sex with your daughter. 170 00:06:34,983 --> 00:06:37,719 Oh, Caryn, hi! How was the cruise? 171 00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:39,220 Oh, Logan, this is 172 00:06:39,253 --> 00:06:40,989 my roommate/landlady Caryn. 173 00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:42,491 Oh, nice to meet you, man. 174 00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:44,358 All right. 175 00:06:45,026 --> 00:06:46,127 Isn't he great? 176 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,496 Is he wearing my underwear? 177 00:06:47,529 --> 00:06:48,997 Mine were too small. I'm gonna go shower. 178 00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:51,700 And then I'll totally help you clean up. 179 00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:54,936 Hey, lady? (gasps) 180 00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:56,270 You seen my twin brother? 181 00:06:57,539 --> 00:06:58,840 Thanks. 182 00:06:58,873 --> 00:07:00,675 (door opens, closes) 183 00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:03,177 This has to stop being my life. 184 00:07:16,725 --> 00:07:18,760 (sighs) Send. 185 00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:22,263 No emoticons, no emoticons, no emoticons. 186 00:07:22,296 --> 00:07:24,465 (phone whooshes) 187 00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:30,672 (gas hissing) 188 00:07:30,705 --> 00:07:33,875 (inhales deeply) 189 00:07:38,913 --> 00:07:42,884 We have gathered here today to pay our final respects 190 00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:45,019 to Melvin... 191 00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:47,221 Le-window. 192 00:07:47,255 --> 00:07:48,657 (whispers): Lewandoski. 193 00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:50,491 Lavan-dusty. 194 00:07:50,525 --> 00:07:54,663 Melvin was born in 1935 195 00:07:54,696 --> 00:07:57,398 in the small Polish town 196 00:07:57,431 --> 00:08:00,134 of Cha... Cha... 197 00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:01,402 Czestochowa. 198 00:08:01,435 --> 00:08:03,672 Cheska-wawa. 199 00:08:03,705 --> 00:08:05,073 Psst! Eric? 200 00:08:05,106 --> 00:08:06,875 In 1963... (whispers): Hey! Cousin Stosh! 201 00:08:06,908 --> 00:08:07,909 Yeah. 202 00:08:07,942 --> 00:08:09,678 It's been a long time. 203 00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:11,012 How you doing? 204 00:08:11,045 --> 00:08:12,513 Great! Oh. 205 00:08:12,547 --> 00:08:14,849 Except I got some bad news for you. 206 00:08:14,883 --> 00:08:16,517 My dad died. 207 00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:18,853 Yeah, man. 208 00:08:18,887 --> 00:08:20,655 I know. I read it in the obits. I mean... 209 00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,356 (shushes) Wait. You got to hear this. 210 00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:23,658 ...welcome into the world 211 00:08:23,692 --> 00:08:26,728 their one and only child, Eric... 212 00:08:26,761 --> 00:08:28,096 Lavan-dusty. 213 00:08:28,129 --> 00:08:30,531 That's me. 214 00:08:30,565 --> 00:08:33,334 ERIC: So, then after high school, 215 00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:35,436 I got a job working nights on the bridge, 216 00:08:35,469 --> 00:08:38,239 and kept living here so I could take care of Ma and Pop. 217 00:08:38,272 --> 00:08:39,874 Did that for about three years. 218 00:08:39,908 --> 00:08:41,442 And then... 219 00:08:41,475 --> 00:08:44,112 and then I just kept doing it. 220 00:08:44,145 --> 00:08:47,115 So is the place kind of how you remember it? 221 00:08:47,148 --> 00:08:49,618 Hasn't changed since '89. 222 00:08:49,651 --> 00:08:51,953 Literally not one thing. 223 00:08:51,986 --> 00:08:54,689 You know, I missed you, Cousin Stosh. 224 00:08:54,723 --> 00:08:56,791 Yeah? You miss having 225 00:08:56,825 --> 00:09:00,028 some stupid douche bag put slush balls down your back? 226 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,063 I mean, not just any stupid douche bag. 227 00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:03,732 It was you. (chuckles) 228 00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:06,234 Hey, listen, Eric. 229 00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:08,870 If you need some help with the transition and whatnot, 230 00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:11,606 I'd be happy to move out of my place in the city 231 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,142 and come stay here for a while, if you like. 232 00:09:14,175 --> 00:09:16,911 That would be... awesome! 233 00:09:16,945 --> 00:09:18,546 Yeah? Yeah! 234 00:09:18,579 --> 00:09:20,281 All right, thanks! Thank... I mean, good, good. 235 00:09:20,314 --> 00:09:22,316 This is good. You know what? I'm gonna go get my stuff. 236 00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:24,385 But here's what I want you to do for me. 237 00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:25,720 I want you to get outside. 238 00:09:25,754 --> 00:09:27,155 Get in the sunshine and try 239 00:09:27,188 --> 00:09:29,423 to enjoy your life for a change, huh? 240 00:09:29,457 --> 00:09:31,059 Enjoy my life. Yeah. 241 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,161 I'm gonna give that a shot. All right. 242 00:09:33,194 --> 00:09:35,129 Do me a favor-- get some new stuff for the walls, 243 00:09:35,163 --> 00:09:37,498 'cause if I have to sleep here with your picture everywhere, 244 00:09:37,531 --> 00:09:39,500 I'll never choke the sheriff again. 245 00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:41,670 (laughing) 246 00:09:41,703 --> 00:09:43,838 First day of your new life. Go! Okay. 247 00:09:43,872 --> 00:09:46,775 You're totally gonna choke the sheriff here! 248 00:09:46,808 --> 00:09:50,011 ERIC: Hi. Hi. 249 00:09:50,044 --> 00:09:51,980 Hello. 250 00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:53,147 Hi. 251 00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:55,383 Hey. 252 00:10:01,622 --> 00:10:03,858 Ma'am, um, my cousin, 253 00:10:03,892 --> 00:10:05,326 he told me to buy some art. 254 00:10:05,359 --> 00:10:07,028 So what would be good art to buy? 255 00:10:07,061 --> 00:10:09,197 It's, like, for, like, a wall. 256 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:10,631 (chuckles) 257 00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:13,301 Uh, well, uh, maybe if there's a piece 258 00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:15,269 that you find disturbing. 259 00:10:15,303 --> 00:10:16,871 Hmm. One that makes you experience 260 00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:20,374 an emotion that you're deeply uncomfortable with. 261 00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:22,777 I'll take this one. 262 00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:24,378 (laughs) 263 00:10:25,246 --> 00:10:26,681 Uh... 264 00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:28,349 Uh, those paintings aren't mine, actually. 265 00:10:28,382 --> 00:10:30,018 These are. 266 00:10:30,051 --> 00:10:33,321 Oh! Oh, okay. Ooh. 267 00:10:33,354 --> 00:10:35,123 I'll take this one then definitely. 268 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,125 Yeah, it's a lot better than that weird kitten. 269 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,159 (laughs) 270 00:10:38,192 --> 00:10:40,661 Shoot. 271 00:10:40,695 --> 00:10:42,630 Is it more than $16? 272 00:10:42,663 --> 00:10:44,632 It's $16 exactly. 273 00:10:44,665 --> 00:10:45,566 What?! 274 00:10:45,599 --> 00:10:47,368 Okay, great! 275 00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,137 Uh, here you go. It's all singles. 276 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,404 Thanks, man. 277 00:10:50,438 --> 00:10:52,640 Cool. It's humongous. (laughs) 278 00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:54,843 So I-I just hang it up on my wall? Yup. 279 00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:57,145 (both laugh) 280 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,312 Oh, whoa! 281 00:10:58,346 --> 00:10:59,680 Breezy! 282 00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:01,315 Hey, how far do you have to walk with that? 283 00:11:01,349 --> 00:11:03,151 Uh, just across the bridge to Queens. 284 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,919 Oh. I'll be okay. 285 00:11:06,721 --> 00:11:08,957 (grunts) ZARA: Oh. 286 00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:19,467 Okay, whisk two eggs. 287 00:11:21,302 --> 00:11:23,271 Do not overcook pasta. 288 00:11:26,741 --> 00:11:29,343 Okay. 289 00:11:29,377 --> 00:11:30,845 Okay, just chop things. 290 00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:32,713 If you chop things, you are cooking. 291 00:11:32,747 --> 00:11:35,083 All right, all my stuff is in the truck. 292 00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:36,384 Caryn, I think it's mad cool 293 00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:37,852 that you're finally getting married. 294 00:11:37,886 --> 00:11:39,921 Yes, I am! Thank you, Molly. 295 00:11:39,954 --> 00:11:43,057 Okay, bye! 296 00:11:43,091 --> 00:11:45,659 Bye. 297 00:11:50,932 --> 00:11:52,633 Wow. 298 00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:54,302 Nice first day. 299 00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:55,603 Hey! 300 00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:57,138 (smoke alarm beeping in distance) 301 00:11:57,171 --> 00:11:59,073 CARYN (faintly): Damn it! Ow! 302 00:12:07,148 --> 00:12:08,316 (groans) Now what? 303 00:12:08,349 --> 00:12:09,450 (smoke alarm beeping) 304 00:12:09,483 --> 00:12:12,153 Hi. Hi. 305 00:12:12,186 --> 00:12:14,322 Who are you? I'm staying with my cousin next door. 306 00:12:14,355 --> 00:12:16,157 You know him-- husky, sort of weird... 307 00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:18,459 Sweet, a little odd. ...kind of stupid, yeah. 308 00:12:18,492 --> 00:12:20,228 Anyway, is your apartment on fire? 309 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,762 No. 310 00:12:21,796 --> 00:12:23,331 Maybe. 311 00:12:23,364 --> 00:12:25,533 Let's have a look. 312 00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:28,937 Come on in. 313 00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:31,339 Holy hell, what happened in here? 314 00:12:31,372 --> 00:12:33,741 I was trying to cook dinner for my fiancé. 315 00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:35,676 Fiancé. Fiancé. 316 00:12:35,709 --> 00:12:37,111 Wow, that is one of those words 317 00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:39,413 that sounds strange if you say it a lot. 318 00:12:39,447 --> 00:12:41,682 (smoke alarm stops) Or even once. 319 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,490 So, you need help salvaging the meal? 320 00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:50,658 Oh. I kid. 321 00:12:50,691 --> 00:12:52,460 Of course you do. 322 00:12:57,065 --> 00:12:58,666 You are so good at this. 323 00:12:58,699 --> 00:13:00,701 Are you, like, a real chef or something? 324 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,170 Professionally? No, no. 325 00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:03,872 I've got a much sexier job than that. 326 00:13:03,905 --> 00:13:05,173 Which is? 327 00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:07,208 VP of sales at a dental products firm. 328 00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:08,977 I know, I know. 329 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,444 It's like meeting Springsteen, right? 330 00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:12,947 I'm in the dental field, too. A hygienist. 331 00:13:12,981 --> 00:13:14,182 Small world. 332 00:13:14,215 --> 00:13:16,184 Small, incredibly boring world, yes. 333 00:13:16,217 --> 00:13:18,286 You know what? Make yourself useful. 334 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,453 Okay. 335 00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:21,055 So, tell me about the lucky guy, 336 00:13:21,089 --> 00:13:23,491 Mr. Fiancé. 337 00:13:23,524 --> 00:13:24,825 Howard? Howard. 338 00:13:24,859 --> 00:13:26,027 He's great. 339 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:28,129 He is a widower. 340 00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:32,633 He is a loving father and a wonderful dermatologist. 341 00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:33,634 Hmm. 342 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,169 He has a... 343 00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,670 dog, uh... 344 00:13:36,704 --> 00:13:39,307 You know, he's not exactly Ryan Gosling, 345 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:40,909 but I'm not exactly 346 00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:43,544 whatever the female equivalent of Ryan Gosling is. 347 00:13:43,577 --> 00:13:45,679 Scarlett Johansson. 348 00:13:45,713 --> 00:13:48,682 The point is, he loves me. 349 00:13:48,716 --> 00:13:50,718 Howard Blatt loves me. 350 00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:52,186 And he is kind to me. 351 00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:53,821 And he will take care of me. 352 00:13:53,854 --> 00:13:55,223 And I finally realized that 353 00:13:55,256 --> 00:13:57,191 that's actually all I want in a man. Hmm. 354 00:13:57,225 --> 00:13:58,726 Are you single? 355 00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:00,161 Yeah. 356 00:14:00,194 --> 00:14:01,095 Divorced, actually. 357 00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:02,230 Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. 358 00:14:02,263 --> 00:14:04,265 How long were you together? 359 00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:05,699 Week and a half. 360 00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:07,701 Got a girl pregnant, couldn't hack it, 361 00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:08,869 ran for the hills. 362 00:14:08,903 --> 00:14:10,371 Well, relationships are hard. 363 00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:11,739 Yeah. 364 00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:13,207 You're very sexy. 365 00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:15,343 (laughs) Okay, um... 366 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,445 Do you always hit on engaged women? 367 00:14:17,478 --> 00:14:19,580 Not always. 368 00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:22,050 No. I can stop if you want me to. 369 00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:23,217 No, I'm good. 370 00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:25,586 But I don't even know your name. 371 00:14:25,619 --> 00:14:27,255 Stosh. 372 00:14:27,288 --> 00:14:28,222 Stosh? (laughs) 373 00:14:28,256 --> 00:14:29,690 It's Polish. Oh. 374 00:14:29,723 --> 00:14:31,059 I was born in Poland. 375 00:14:31,092 --> 00:14:32,526 The country? 376 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,527 As opposed to what? 377 00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:34,562 I don't know. 378 00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:35,896 And you are? 379 00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:37,865 I am Jewish. 380 00:14:37,898 --> 00:14:39,800 Well, adopted by the Jews. 381 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:41,702 No, I meant... I meant your name. 382 00:14:41,735 --> 00:14:42,937 (laughs): Oh, right, right. 383 00:14:42,971 --> 00:14:44,605 "Jewish" isn't my actual name. 384 00:14:44,638 --> 00:14:46,607 Can you imagine? Jewish Goldfarb. 385 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:47,708 Redundant. 386 00:14:47,741 --> 00:14:50,544 Oh, my God. 387 00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:51,879 Caryn! I'm Caryn. 388 00:14:51,912 --> 00:14:52,947 Caryn. 389 00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:54,482 Nice to meet you, Caryn. 390 00:14:54,515 --> 00:14:55,549 (doorbell buzzes) 391 00:14:55,583 --> 00:14:56,450 (gasps) 392 00:14:56,484 --> 00:14:57,785 Oh, my God, that's Howard. 393 00:14:57,818 --> 00:15:00,054 I'm coming! Then get rid of Howard. 394 00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:02,256 It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Yeah. 395 00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:04,725 Monkey buns? You here? 396 00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:06,660 Howard! 397 00:15:06,694 --> 00:15:08,062 Hi. 398 00:15:08,096 --> 00:15:09,730 Who's this? Stosh. 399 00:15:09,763 --> 00:15:10,931 Lewandoski. 400 00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:13,001 Neighbor. Oh, hey. Howard Blatt. 401 00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:14,335 Great to meet you. 402 00:15:14,368 --> 00:15:16,070 So what brings you by here, Stosh? 403 00:15:16,104 --> 00:15:19,473 I was actually helping Caryn to cook 404 00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:22,676 for the engagement party, which was supposed to be 405 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,612 a surprise, Howard! 406 00:15:24,645 --> 00:15:26,847 So you can meet the whole gang from... 407 00:15:27,982 --> 00:15:29,917 ...the book club. 408 00:15:29,950 --> 00:15:32,120 The book club gang! 409 00:15:33,154 --> 00:15:36,390 (opera music playing) 410 00:15:38,392 --> 00:15:40,194 Mmm. 411 00:15:40,228 --> 00:15:43,031 Spaghetti. 412 00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:52,506 Oh, here's a good one. Okay, those are my sons. 413 00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,175 That's Bartholomew; he's 11. 414 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,609 And then Milton just turned eight. 415 00:15:55,643 --> 00:15:56,477 ERIC: Aw, now who's this little fellow? 416 00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:57,878 He looks just like you. 417 00:15:57,911 --> 00:15:59,513 Th-That is me. 418 00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:03,517 So, Howard, the boys must be pretty excited 419 00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:05,819 about their future step-mom to be, huh? 420 00:16:05,853 --> 00:16:07,688 Uh... 421 00:16:07,721 --> 00:16:09,823 It's a bit of a work in progress at the moment. 422 00:16:09,857 --> 00:16:11,225 Milton has some... 423 00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:12,993 Pretty violent tantrums. ...minor concerns. 424 00:16:13,027 --> 00:16:14,828 But I'm sure he's gonna be fine once Caryn moves in, 425 00:16:14,862 --> 00:16:16,297 and he sees what a beautiful person she is. 426 00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:17,731 CARYN: Aw... 427 00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:19,233 A-And the medication will help a lot, too. 428 00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:22,503 Just read that article I gave you, but you're so sweet. 429 00:16:22,536 --> 00:16:24,472 Hey, speaking of reading, I'd love to know 430 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,374 what's the last book you folks have read? 431 00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:29,810 Well, it's a novel about a woman 432 00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,513 who's in her late 30s who decides to become a nun. 433 00:16:32,546 --> 00:16:33,747 Very sad story. 434 00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:35,083 It's called The Death of Passion. 435 00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:37,551 Actually, she's in her mid-30s. 436 00:16:37,585 --> 00:16:38,752 And it was crap. 437 00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:40,654 Passion is such a fleeting thing. 438 00:16:40,688 --> 00:16:42,656 That's why I'm a big fan of masturbation. 439 00:16:42,690 --> 00:16:43,657 (gasps) 440 00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:44,592 Me, too! 441 00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,160 Hey... (laughs) 442 00:16:46,194 --> 00:16:47,161 That's awesome. 443 00:16:47,195 --> 00:16:49,663 Um... Stosh? 444 00:16:49,697 --> 00:16:54,202 I-I need your expertise in the kitchen with the cheese. 445 00:16:55,436 --> 00:16:57,505 Ow! What was that for? 446 00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,373 The looks, the comments. 447 00:16:59,407 --> 00:17:01,242 You are ruining my engagement party. 448 00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:03,677 Hey, it's my engagement party. 449 00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:05,079 I pulled this whole thing together. 450 00:17:05,113 --> 00:17:07,181 On very short notice, I might add. 451 00:17:07,215 --> 00:17:08,516 Now, come on. 452 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,218 You don't want to marry this guy. 453 00:17:10,251 --> 00:17:12,853 Why do you have such a hard time respecting my choice? 454 00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:14,555 I don't know. 455 00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:17,725 I guess it's a choice I'd expect from someone less... 456 00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:18,792 hot. 457 00:17:18,826 --> 00:17:20,294 (stammers) 458 00:17:20,328 --> 00:17:21,529 Thank you. 459 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:22,863 But, you know, 460 00:17:22,896 --> 00:17:24,765 people make their choices 461 00:17:24,798 --> 00:17:26,734 for very different reasons. 462 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:27,968 Well, you and I made some 463 00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:29,870 interesting choices earlier tonight. 464 00:17:29,903 --> 00:17:31,705 That was just a momentary lapse in judgment. 465 00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:35,143 You strode in here with your hair and your pants, 466 00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,111 and you fixed my smoke alarm, okay? 467 00:17:37,145 --> 00:17:39,113 That is a lot to throw at a girl 468 00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,748 who's been drinking Chablis since lunchtime. 469 00:17:40,781 --> 00:17:42,082 Well, it was nice though, wasn't it? 470 00:17:42,116 --> 00:17:43,050 No! N... 471 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,084 Yes! 472 00:17:44,118 --> 00:17:45,453 And that is the problem. 473 00:17:45,486 --> 00:17:47,788 I always go for guys like you, 474 00:17:47,821 --> 00:17:51,559 who offer me nothing but pleasure and excitement. 475 00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:53,127 And at a certain point, 476 00:17:53,161 --> 00:17:56,230 a girl has to give those things up for stability. 477 00:17:56,264 --> 00:17:58,799 And that moment happens the second she turns 35, 478 00:17:58,832 --> 00:17:59,967 which I just did. 479 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,068 Two years ago. 480 00:18:01,101 --> 00:18:02,936 So I am gonna marry Howard. 481 00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:05,306 And that thing that happened between us, 482 00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:07,975 no matter how nice or pleasurable 483 00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:09,743 it may have been, 484 00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:11,645 can never, ever happen again, 485 00:18:11,679 --> 00:18:15,949 not with you, not with anyone, ever, ever again. 486 00:18:19,019 --> 00:18:21,155 Son of a bitch! 487 00:18:22,823 --> 00:18:25,025 ERIC: * Happy birthday 488 00:18:25,058 --> 00:18:27,861 * Mr. President 489 00:18:27,895 --> 00:18:33,167 * Happy birthday to you. 490 00:18:33,201 --> 00:18:34,768 Well, uh, thank you, Marilyn. 491 00:18:34,802 --> 00:18:37,037 Now let us proceed to have sexual intercourse 492 00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:38,539 with great vigor. 493 00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:40,140 (laughing) 494 00:18:43,411 --> 00:18:45,213 Thank you. 495 00:18:45,246 --> 00:18:46,214 (sighs) 496 00:18:46,247 --> 00:18:47,415 Howard. 497 00:18:48,316 --> 00:18:50,351 We need to talk. 498 00:18:53,487 --> 00:18:55,088 I can't marry you. 499 00:18:56,324 --> 00:18:58,892 I thought it was the right thing for me, 500 00:18:58,926 --> 00:19:00,060 but it's not. 501 00:19:00,093 --> 00:19:01,329 It's just not. 502 00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:02,730 And I am so sorry 503 00:19:02,763 --> 00:19:04,164 that I put you through this. 504 00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:08,236 Howard... 505 00:19:11,171 --> 00:19:13,674 You know, Caryn, I'm not blind. 506 00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:15,809 I know I wasn't your dream come true. 507 00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:17,978 But I really loved you. 508 00:19:18,011 --> 00:19:20,914 And I was kind of hoping that was enough. 509 00:19:20,948 --> 00:19:23,016 I'm sorry that it wasn't. 510 00:19:24,452 --> 00:19:25,719 Nice meeting everybody. 511 00:19:25,753 --> 00:19:27,255 Sorry I ruined the book club. 512 00:19:27,288 --> 00:19:28,656 ERIC: Good-bye! Nice meeting you! ZARA: Bye, Howard. 513 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:31,759 (door opens, closes) 514 00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:42,836 Hey. 515 00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:45,005 We followed you after you staggered out of the house. 516 00:19:45,038 --> 00:19:47,608 Yeah, we thought it best to keep a respectful distance 517 00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:49,910 until you were done crying and punching trees 518 00:19:49,943 --> 00:19:51,745 and trying to steal other people's children. 519 00:19:51,779 --> 00:19:53,581 Plus, Eric wanted a churro. 520 00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:55,048 I would give you some, 521 00:19:55,082 --> 00:19:56,617 but Stosh tried to take it, so I licked it. 522 00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:57,885 Think that's gonna stop me? 523 00:19:57,918 --> 00:19:58,852 Stosh... 524 00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:00,321 Thank you. 525 00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:09,597 You know, Eric, I always thought 526 00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:11,865 you were the weird loner on the block. 527 00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:14,268 But tonight I realized 528 00:20:14,302 --> 00:20:15,469 it's me. 529 00:20:15,503 --> 00:20:17,538 If I were normal, I would be her. 530 00:20:17,571 --> 00:20:20,474 Marrying a man I truly loved, 531 00:20:20,508 --> 00:20:22,443 who loved me back just as much. 532 00:20:22,476 --> 00:20:24,378 Or a little bit more for safety. 533 00:20:24,412 --> 00:20:25,879 But I can't get there. 534 00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:27,214 What is wrong with me? 535 00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:29,650 What are they saying to each other? 536 00:20:29,683 --> 00:20:33,120 What does it sound like when all the pieces fit? 537 00:20:33,153 --> 00:20:34,722 You're in luck. 538 00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,089 I read lips. 539 00:20:36,123 --> 00:20:37,157 That is lucky. 540 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:38,158 Okay, let me see. 541 00:20:38,191 --> 00:20:40,127 (clears throat) 542 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,830 "The love you share is a blessed gift 543 00:20:42,863 --> 00:20:47,234 bestowed upon us by our Lord and savior, Jimmy Carter." 544 00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:49,169 Or "Johnny Carson." 545 00:20:49,202 --> 00:20:51,505 It's a "J.C." name, I do know that. 546 00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:53,407 Those are just hard to get sometimes. 547 00:20:53,441 --> 00:20:56,276 "Maytag, Hickey. 548 00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:59,112 Would you like to replace your cows?" 549 00:20:59,146 --> 00:21:02,850 STOSH: "Maytag, the moment we met, I thought to myself, 550 00:21:02,883 --> 00:21:06,019 "'Damn, them some tig old bitties.' 551 00:21:06,053 --> 00:21:08,956 And then some other stuff happened, and now here we are." 552 00:21:08,989 --> 00:21:11,291 ZARA: "Darling, our love 553 00:21:11,325 --> 00:21:13,093 "is forever symbolized 554 00:21:13,126 --> 00:21:15,863 "by this blood diamond, the value of which could feed 555 00:21:15,896 --> 00:21:18,832 "and vaccinate a third-world country, but whatevs. 556 00:21:18,866 --> 00:21:21,201 It makes my friends super jealous." 557 00:21:21,234 --> 00:21:23,537 STOSH: "Speaking of your friends, I can't decide 558 00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:25,339 "which of the bridesmaids I want to bang more, 559 00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:27,675 "number two or number three, or both. 560 00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:30,678 I feel like if three was into it, two would get on board." 561 00:21:32,212 --> 00:21:35,015 ZARA: "My beloved, if you so much as look at them again, 562 00:21:35,048 --> 00:21:37,284 I will divorce your testicles from your body." 563 00:21:37,317 --> 00:21:38,786 (crowd aahing) 564 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:39,953 "And now, 565 00:21:39,987 --> 00:21:41,855 "by the powder infested in bees 566 00:21:41,889 --> 00:21:43,524 by Jiminy Cricket..." 567 00:21:43,557 --> 00:21:46,494 Or "Jim Carrey." It's one of the two, I can't tell. 568 00:21:46,527 --> 00:21:47,895 I'm pretty sure it's Jim Carrey. 569 00:21:47,928 --> 00:21:50,864 ERIC: "I now pronounce you Malomites. 570 00:21:50,898 --> 00:21:52,466 You may fist with pride." 571 00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,368 (crowd aahing, applause) 572 00:21:58,271 --> 00:21:59,807 (sighs) 573 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,709 I still want to do it. 574 00:22:03,577 --> 00:22:06,246 Enough of this. I see an open bar with our name on it. 575 00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:08,015 (Eric laughs) 576 00:22:08,048 --> 00:22:10,518 Just blend in, just blend in. 577 00:22:10,551 --> 00:22:12,820 * Voulez-vous coucher avec moi 578 00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:14,855 * Ce soir 579 00:22:14,888 --> 00:22:16,957 * Voulez-vous coucher avec moi 580 00:22:18,892 --> 00:22:23,096 * He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up * 581 00:22:23,130 --> 00:22:25,365 * The boy drank all that magnolia wine... * 582 00:22:25,399 --> 00:22:27,535 All right. (chuckles) 583 00:22:27,568 --> 00:22:29,202 I'm having so much fun right now. 584 00:22:29,236 --> 00:22:31,038 I never want to go home! 585 00:22:31,071 --> 00:22:32,372 I don't have a home! 586 00:22:32,406 --> 00:22:34,341 Shh! Yes, you do! 587 00:22:34,374 --> 00:22:36,109 I'm giving you my house. 588 00:22:36,143 --> 00:22:39,012 Oh, my God! Thank you! 589 00:22:39,046 --> 00:22:40,247 Do you need a roommate? 590 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,750 I just gave away my house to someone. 591 00:22:42,783 --> 00:22:44,885 CROWD: Two! Three! 592 00:22:45,986 --> 00:22:47,455 I'm totally getting married! 593 00:22:51,492 --> 00:22:56,029 * Hey, hey, hey... 594 00:22:56,063 --> 00:22:58,031 ZARA: Ooh, anyone want to hit a strip club? 595 00:22:58,065 --> 00:22:59,900 ERIC: Uh, we need to stop at home first. 596 00:22:59,933 --> 00:23:02,035 I got to get these pink roses in water ASAP. 597 00:23:02,069 --> 00:23:03,904 STOSH: You may be a whole bag of crazy, 598 00:23:03,937 --> 00:23:06,640 but the prize for weird loner goes to the big guy at the end. 599 00:23:06,674 --> 00:23:08,542 Thank you. CARYN: Um, Stosh, you do realize 600 00:23:08,576 --> 00:23:10,243 you're gonna die alone, too, right? God willing, Cindy. 601 00:23:10,277 --> 00:23:12,112 It's Caryn. Whatever. 602 00:23:12,145 --> 00:23:14,815 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 603 00:23:14,848 --> 00:23:16,450 Good night.