1 00:00:17,906 --> 00:00:21,042 * 2 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:32,954 (Southern accent): Mm... 3 00:00:32,987 --> 00:00:35,557 Love don't see color, Mama. 4 00:00:42,464 --> 00:00:43,798 CARYN: Oh... 5 00:00:43,832 --> 00:00:45,267 I just love the way 6 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,569 the sweat glistens off your back in the sun. 7 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,942 (Caryn giggling) 8 00:00:56,678 --> 00:00:57,546 (crinkles) 9 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,581 (gasps) Oh... 10 00:00:59,614 --> 00:01:02,751 Where'd you hide the afikoman? 11 00:01:04,786 --> 00:01:05,787 (door bangs) (screams) 12 00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:06,988 Gah! Who's there?! 13 00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:07,722 Me. 14 00:01:07,756 --> 00:01:09,324 Oh. 15 00:01:09,358 --> 00:01:11,660 My therapist told me to keep a dream journal, 16 00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:13,562 so I just... I got to write this down 17 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:14,796 before I forget. 18 00:01:14,829 --> 00:01:17,966 Um, cotton plantation, Idris Elba, 19 00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:20,402 Passover Seder... 20 00:01:20,435 --> 00:01:22,237 Oh! Back from the market. 21 00:01:22,271 --> 00:01:23,972 Dinner is at 8:00 p.m. sharp. 22 00:01:24,005 --> 00:01:25,774 Dress is business casual. 23 00:01:25,807 --> 00:01:27,075 Again? 24 00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:29,278 Ow! Lucky us. 25 00:01:29,311 --> 00:01:31,146 I'm gonna need you to stay out of your kitchen 26 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:33,215 for the next 45 minutes. 27 00:01:37,486 --> 00:01:38,953 STOSH: I just stayed naked 28 00:01:38,987 --> 00:01:40,489 the whole day. (laughter) 29 00:01:40,522 --> 00:01:41,756 Oh, my God, Stosh, 30 00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,258 dinner is amazing. 31 00:01:43,292 --> 00:01:45,460 I could not love this pasta more. 32 00:01:45,494 --> 00:01:47,962 And the cheese. How do you know all my favorite foods? 33 00:01:47,996 --> 00:01:49,831 I listen and I care. 34 00:01:49,864 --> 00:01:51,166 You know, he's only 35 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,467 been living with me for a month-- 36 00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:53,968 already knows everything I like. 37 00:01:54,002 --> 00:01:56,271 Just the other day, I said, "I like oatmeal." 38 00:01:56,305 --> 00:01:57,639 And he said, "Yeah, I know." 39 00:01:57,672 --> 00:01:59,308 Actually, you screamed it out. (chuckles) 40 00:01:59,341 --> 00:02:00,942 Then you threw that thing. Yeah. 41 00:02:00,975 --> 00:02:02,544 So, what's the occasion? 42 00:02:02,577 --> 00:02:05,113 Mm! He had a big job interview today, right? 43 00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:06,014 How'd that go? 44 00:02:06,047 --> 00:02:07,782 Let's just say 45 00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:09,384 by this time next week, anybody in the tri-state area 46 00:02:09,418 --> 00:02:10,985 looking to score some 47 00:02:11,019 --> 00:02:12,787 calcium fluoroaluminosilicate dental cement 48 00:02:12,821 --> 00:02:14,489 is gonna have to go through this guy. 49 00:02:14,523 --> 00:02:16,157 That is so badass. 50 00:02:16,191 --> 00:02:17,826 (phone vibrating) STOSH: Oh! 51 00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:19,461 That's my headhunter now. Got to take this. 52 00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:21,396 You guys eat up. There's plenty. 53 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:23,732 I really cleaned out the place. 54 00:02:23,765 --> 00:02:26,468 Jerry! 55 00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:27,969 (whispering): Tell me you got some good news. 56 00:02:28,002 --> 00:02:29,904 What? 57 00:02:29,938 --> 00:02:31,172 They're passing? 58 00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:33,675 Did you get it? 59 00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:36,177 Jerry, I am completely broke. 60 00:02:36,211 --> 00:02:38,313 I've been shacking up with my cousin in Queens, 61 00:02:38,347 --> 00:02:39,981 I'm mooching food off my neighbors, 62 00:02:40,014 --> 00:02:42,351 and I haven't had my teeth cleaned professionally 63 00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:43,918 in over a month. 64 00:02:43,952 --> 00:02:46,054 Plus, I owe $1,000 65 00:02:46,087 --> 00:02:49,758 to a very scary man named Tulip. 66 00:02:49,791 --> 00:02:51,526 Like the flower, yes. 67 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,895 Did you get it? Hey, did you get it? Looking like it, buddy. 68 00:02:53,928 --> 00:02:56,398 Across the room exploding fist bump! 69 00:02:56,431 --> 00:02:58,367 (makes explosion noise) 70 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,269 No, trust me, he is very scary. 71 00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:01,870 It's his given name. 72 00:03:01,903 --> 00:03:03,238 He could be Dutch. 73 00:03:03,272 --> 00:03:06,375 Yes, "Dutch" would be a much scarier nickname. 74 00:03:06,408 --> 00:03:07,542 Who gives a crap?! 75 00:03:07,576 --> 00:03:09,010 Jerry, you find me a job. 76 00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:10,445 I am drowning. 77 00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:12,781 Jerry, no, come on, I love the salary, 78 00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:14,749 but these benefits are crap. 79 00:03:14,783 --> 00:03:16,718 Now, you call me back when you have something better, you got it? 80 00:03:16,751 --> 00:03:18,620 Oh... 81 00:03:18,653 --> 00:03:20,622 Way to stick it to 'em. 82 00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:22,291 Hey, what's for dessert? 83 00:03:22,324 --> 00:03:24,793 You know, all week I have been craving something with... 84 00:03:24,826 --> 00:03:25,994 Coconut. Right. 85 00:03:27,662 --> 00:03:29,664 Whoa. Psychic. 86 00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:34,269 (sportscast playing over TV) 87 00:03:39,674 --> 00:03:41,943 Oh, boom! You remember flipping baseball cards 88 00:03:41,976 --> 00:03:43,578 like this when we were kids? 89 00:03:43,612 --> 00:03:46,147 Uh, you used to call the game "Winner Takes the Cards." 90 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:49,183 I always won, but you always took the cards. 91 00:03:50,151 --> 00:03:52,454 You totally misnamed that game. 92 00:03:52,487 --> 00:03:53,922 (chuckles) 93 00:03:55,156 --> 00:03:57,826 Hey, Cousin Stosh... 94 00:03:57,859 --> 00:04:00,329 I-I've been thinking a lot about something, 95 00:04:00,362 --> 00:04:01,963 and it's kind of hard 96 00:04:01,996 --> 00:04:03,432 for me to say. Uh-huh. 97 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:05,934 I think it's time you moved back 98 00:04:05,967 --> 00:04:07,235 to your condo in the city. 99 00:04:07,268 --> 00:04:08,470 Okay. 100 00:04:08,503 --> 00:04:11,105 Wait. What? 101 00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:12,841 Well, I mean... 102 00:04:12,874 --> 00:04:14,476 when Dad died and you offered 103 00:04:14,509 --> 00:04:17,412 to come stay here with me, that... that was amazing. 104 00:04:17,446 --> 00:04:19,080 But I can't help 105 00:04:19,113 --> 00:04:21,683 but feel selfish for keeping you from enjoying your life. 106 00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:24,118 What, are you kidding me? 107 00:04:24,152 --> 00:04:25,854 Come on. I'm enjoying my life. 108 00:04:25,887 --> 00:04:27,656 I mean, look at this. I love this game. 109 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,524 Oh, my gosh, when you get it in, what a rush. 110 00:04:29,558 --> 00:04:31,025 Come on. 111 00:04:31,059 --> 00:04:32,694 I mean, you wouldn't rather be out somewhere 112 00:04:32,727 --> 00:04:34,429 with a couple stewardesses, 113 00:04:34,463 --> 00:04:36,831 maybe hanging out at a fancy discotheque? 114 00:04:36,865 --> 00:04:38,367 Tell me I'm wrong. You're wrong. 115 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,034 Mainly about what century we're in, 116 00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,870 but most of the other stuff, too. 117 00:04:41,903 --> 00:04:43,304 I'm telling you, I'm fine. 118 00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:46,307 I mean, you came to help me heal, and I have. 119 00:04:46,341 --> 00:04:49,043 Eric, I hate to break it to you, but you're not healed. 120 00:04:49,077 --> 00:04:50,512 Uh, I feel like I'm healed. 121 00:04:50,545 --> 00:04:51,780 Of course you do! 122 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,348 Feeling like you're healed 123 00:04:53,382 --> 00:04:55,049 is the classic sign that you're not really healed. 124 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,551 Really? 125 00:04:56,585 --> 00:04:58,286 Let's face facts here, Eric. 126 00:04:58,319 --> 00:05:00,555 You took care of your parents for so long, 127 00:05:00,589 --> 00:05:01,956 you've got no life of your own. 128 00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:03,558 Well, I mean, I have a life. 129 00:05:03,592 --> 00:05:05,326 You got any friends? Yes. 130 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,161 You got any friends that aren't puppets? 131 00:05:10,999 --> 00:05:14,369 Yes! All the guys that work the night shift down at the bridge. 132 00:05:14,403 --> 00:05:15,670 They get together once a week 133 00:05:15,704 --> 00:05:17,071 to watch a Mets game at somebody's house. 134 00:05:17,105 --> 00:05:18,740 I hear it is so much fun. 135 00:05:18,773 --> 00:05:20,375 Wait a minute. You telling me you don't even go? 136 00:05:20,409 --> 00:05:23,478 Well, I... it's invitation only, so... 137 00:05:23,512 --> 00:05:25,414 I got a feeling this might be my year. 138 00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:27,416 This is gonna be your year, all right? 139 00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:28,650 Because I'm here. 140 00:05:28,683 --> 00:05:30,218 I'm here to help. You see? 141 00:05:31,285 --> 00:05:32,821 You see how this works? 142 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,656 You know, the guy can be an arrogant jerk, 143 00:05:34,689 --> 00:05:36,224 but he really can cook a meal. 144 00:05:36,257 --> 00:05:37,426 I know. 145 00:05:37,459 --> 00:05:38,760 I don't usually eat that kind of cheese, 146 00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:40,061 but it was delicious. 147 00:05:40,094 --> 00:05:42,431 Um, Zara, you do eat that kind of cheese. 148 00:05:42,464 --> 00:05:44,232 Every time I buy it, it disappears. 149 00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,234 My therapist told me that I have to stop 150 00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:47,869 letting people take advantage of me. 151 00:05:47,902 --> 00:05:49,003 Mm-hmm. 152 00:05:49,037 --> 00:05:51,039 And how much does she charge you? 153 00:05:51,072 --> 00:05:52,941 $425 an hour. 154 00:05:52,974 --> 00:05:54,676 But Hilary Duff goes to her, too. 155 00:05:54,709 --> 00:05:56,411 Well, both you and Hilary Duff are getting reamed, 156 00:05:56,445 --> 00:05:58,413 because I do not eat that kind of cheese. Zara, 157 00:05:58,447 --> 00:05:59,781 you eat my cheese. 158 00:05:59,814 --> 00:06:01,115 And my other food, too. 159 00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:03,184 Luckily, every time you do, Stosh shows up 160 00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:04,419 with the exact same stuff. 161 00:06:04,453 --> 00:06:06,455 (gasps) (laughing) 162 00:06:06,488 --> 00:06:07,722 Son of a bitch. 163 00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:09,123 He stole my food. 164 00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:13,294 Coconut. 165 00:06:14,563 --> 00:06:15,630 Here's the ticket. 166 00:06:15,664 --> 00:06:18,099 The Matushi 65-inch curved 167 00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:20,969 ultra-high-def 3D smart TV. 168 00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:22,871 You throw this piece of crap in the Dumpster, 169 00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,973 you invite your coworkers over for a Mets game, 170 00:06:25,006 --> 00:06:27,208 and bam! Instant friends 171 00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:28,910 whose eyes are not made of buttons. 172 00:06:28,943 --> 00:06:31,546 $2,500 though? I mean, yikes. 173 00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:33,047 Well, what about the money your pops left you? 174 00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:34,315 Don't you think he'd want you 175 00:06:34,348 --> 00:06:35,917 to spend it on something like this? 176 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,919 (phone chimes) I mean, all he said in the will 177 00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:40,655 is that I shouldn't spend it "like a moron." 178 00:06:43,492 --> 00:06:44,959 Okay. 179 00:06:44,993 --> 00:06:46,761 Here's how we're gonna do this. 180 00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:48,597 You give me the $2,500. 181 00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:50,131 I'll go buy the TV tomorrow, 182 00:06:50,164 --> 00:06:52,266 get it all set up for you while you're out. 183 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,902 You in? 184 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,437 I'm in. Yeah? 185 00:06:56,471 --> 00:06:57,906 Yeah! Thanks, Cousin Stosh! All right. 186 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,240 Hey, no problem. (laughing) 187 00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:01,242 Now, you go get that money. Okay. 188 00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:03,011 Hundreds. Oh. 189 00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:07,582 All right, so just to be clear, you're telling me 190 00:07:07,616 --> 00:07:09,017 no one's gonna notice the difference 191 00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,351 between this TV and the Matushi, right? 192 00:07:10,384 --> 00:07:12,821 What's to know? Same guts. 193 00:07:12,854 --> 00:07:14,923 With Matushi, all you're paying for is name. 194 00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:17,191 It's for my cousin. I just want to make sure it's a good TV. 195 00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:18,693 Not good, my friend, great. 196 00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:20,529 Same guts. 197 00:07:20,562 --> 00:07:22,030 I tell you, you're going to call me and say, 198 00:07:22,063 --> 00:07:23,498 "Shmoolie, sell me another!" and I say, "No! 199 00:07:23,532 --> 00:07:25,600 At this price, I lose money!" 200 00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:28,570 Really? That sounds like a terrible business model. 201 00:07:29,470 --> 00:07:31,806 It is. It's cuckoo. 202 00:07:34,543 --> 00:07:36,177 ERIC: Hey, Kent! 203 00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:39,047 Kent! Everyone's invited to watch the Mets game 204 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,616 at my house tomorrow before work, all right? 205 00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:42,817 Your house? 206 00:07:42,851 --> 00:07:44,318 Why would we come over to your house? 207 00:07:44,352 --> 00:07:45,820 Oh, I don't know. 208 00:07:45,854 --> 00:07:49,290 Maybe because I got a brand-new 65-inch curved TV. 209 00:07:49,323 --> 00:07:50,458 Oh, really? 210 00:07:50,491 --> 00:07:53,628 Lewandoski's got a curved TV! 211 00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:55,864 Lewandoski got a third TV? 212 00:07:55,897 --> 00:07:57,866 No, a curved TV! 213 00:07:57,899 --> 00:07:59,734 Lewandoski's cured VD! 214 00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:01,703 Lewandoski's got a bird with fleas? 215 00:08:01,736 --> 00:08:03,404 He's got a pervy niece! 216 00:08:03,437 --> 00:08:05,339 Is that who watch the third TV? 217 00:08:05,373 --> 00:08:06,708 Curved! It's curvy! 218 00:08:06,741 --> 00:08:07,976 Lewandoski's got scurvy? 219 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,478 He does? Oh, poor guy! 220 00:08:10,511 --> 00:08:12,681 He just got that curved TV. 221 00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,150 So you guys coming? 222 00:08:16,184 --> 00:08:18,419 Come on in, everybody. 223 00:08:18,452 --> 00:08:20,154 Uh, make yourselves at home. 224 00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:22,190 Uh, enjoy some snacks and refreshments in the back 225 00:08:22,223 --> 00:08:25,159 and my brand-new Matushi curved TV. 226 00:08:25,193 --> 00:08:27,528 All right. Now that's the way I like it. 227 00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:30,031 Long and curved. 228 00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:33,267 Thanks, Miranda. 229 00:08:33,301 --> 00:08:36,270 I misjudged you, Lewandoski. 230 00:08:36,304 --> 00:08:38,506 You're really showing me something. 231 00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:41,275 This TV says a lot about who you really are. 232 00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:43,344 Thanks, Kent. 233 00:08:43,377 --> 00:08:45,680 I got my eye on you! 234 00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:48,249 I got my eye on this guy, huh? 235 00:08:50,585 --> 00:08:51,686 For the scurvy. 236 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,121 Oh... 237 00:08:56,124 --> 00:08:57,558 (gasps) 238 00:09:00,094 --> 00:09:01,863 Finally! 239 00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,932 I texted you "911," like, 911 times. 240 00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:05,099 I'm sorry. 241 00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:06,100 I thought you were my mom. 242 00:09:06,134 --> 00:09:07,568 She texts me "911" 243 00:09:07,602 --> 00:09:09,203 every time one of her friends from temple 244 00:09:09,237 --> 00:09:10,438 mentions she has a single son. 245 00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:12,040 What's up? 246 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:13,808 I did a little checking on our friend Stosh-- 247 00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:15,076 if that is his real name. 248 00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:16,477 Oh, my God. It's not? 249 00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:18,647 It is. I was doing that more for effect. 250 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,115 So what did you find out? Tell me! 251 00:09:21,149 --> 00:09:22,984 He doesn't own any condo in the city. 252 00:09:23,017 --> 00:09:25,386 That thing went bye-bye the moment he lost his job. 253 00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:26,721 He's broke, 254 00:09:26,755 --> 00:09:28,156 and from what I'm seeing, 255 00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:29,457 pretty much blackballed 256 00:09:29,490 --> 00:09:31,425 from the entire dental sales business. 257 00:09:31,459 --> 00:09:33,594 This is a lot of information. 258 00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:34,796 What site is this? 259 00:09:34,829 --> 00:09:36,497 ZARA: "AmIDatingaDouchebag.com." 260 00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:38,432 By the way, I know you date a lot, 261 00:09:38,466 --> 00:09:40,168 so I signed you up for a full year. 262 00:09:40,201 --> 00:09:41,502 Thought it might come in handy. 263 00:09:41,535 --> 00:09:42,771 Yeah, my therapist suggested 264 00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:43,938 that site, too. 265 00:09:43,972 --> 00:09:45,139 So he's been lying? 266 00:09:45,173 --> 00:09:47,809 About everything? 267 00:09:47,842 --> 00:09:49,644 And poor Eric has no idea. 268 00:09:49,678 --> 00:09:50,912 Mm-mm. 269 00:09:50,945 --> 00:09:52,747 Ready to send it over to you 270 00:09:52,781 --> 00:09:55,416 at Citi Field in New York City for the first pitch, 271 00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:57,185 as the 35 and 61 Mets... 272 00:09:57,218 --> 00:09:58,853 Mets. Come on, Mets. 273 00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:01,189 ...square off against the 41 and 56 Phillies. 274 00:10:01,222 --> 00:10:02,456 Buckle up, baseball fans... 275 00:10:02,490 --> 00:10:03,758 Whoa! 276 00:10:03,792 --> 00:10:04,859 (all exclaiming) Turn it on! 277 00:10:04,893 --> 00:10:06,627 New TV broken! No, no. 278 00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,030 It's just a-a little technical difficulty. 279 00:10:09,063 --> 00:10:10,131 (all groaning) 280 00:10:10,164 --> 00:10:12,767 (Eric screaming) 281 00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:14,135 Fire! Save yourselves! 282 00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:16,304 VIJAY: Here, Jimmy, use your cane! 283 00:10:16,337 --> 00:10:17,471 JIMMY: You've got my cane! 284 00:10:17,505 --> 00:10:19,340 (panicked shouting) 285 00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:21,876 ERIC: Stay calm! Stay calm! My eyes aren't working! 286 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:24,779 Be calm! MIRANDA: Somebody's grabbing my ass. 287 00:10:24,813 --> 00:10:26,948 JIMMY: Mine, too! WOMAN: Somebody grabbed my ass! 288 00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:29,217 There we go. There we go. We're good, we're good. 289 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,651 Wait a second. 290 00:10:30,685 --> 00:10:33,487 This isn't a Matushi; this is a Mabushi. 291 00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:35,123 It looks like a Matushi, 292 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,025 but has completely different guts. 293 00:10:37,058 --> 00:10:40,194 A Mabushi? I don't... I don't understand. 294 00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,529 Well, let me explain. 295 00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:43,732 Because of your cheapness, 296 00:10:43,765 --> 00:10:46,234 we won't be able to watch the Mets game 297 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,202 for the first time ever! 298 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:50,638 Shame on you! 299 00:10:50,671 --> 00:10:52,540 Shame... on... you! 300 00:10:52,573 --> 00:10:54,709 Let's get out of here! 301 00:10:54,743 --> 00:10:56,978 No, no! Guys! Come on, don't go. 302 00:10:57,011 --> 00:10:59,347 Hey, I have a solar-powered radio upstairs. 303 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:01,349 Sounds amazing when it's not cloudy. 304 00:11:01,382 --> 00:11:02,851 Miranda? Please stay. 305 00:11:02,884 --> 00:11:04,719 I loved you. 306 00:11:06,254 --> 00:11:09,590 Well, that was a huge overreaction! 307 00:11:09,623 --> 00:11:13,261 The Mets were mathematically eliminated in June! 308 00:11:13,294 --> 00:11:15,296 By the way. 309 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:18,232 This sucks. 310 00:11:24,105 --> 00:11:26,540 What's going on? 311 00:11:26,574 --> 00:11:28,910 And why do I smell... (sniffs) 312 00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:30,511 burning TV set? 313 00:11:30,544 --> 00:11:33,214 Hmm, smells more like lying douche bag to me. 314 00:11:33,247 --> 00:11:35,884 Okay, clearly there have been 315 00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:38,186 some developments since I left. 316 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,854 That crappy TV you bought Eric blew up 317 00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:41,355 in front of all of his friends. 318 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:42,857 He was so humiliated. 319 00:11:42,891 --> 00:11:44,392 I wanted to cry. 320 00:11:44,425 --> 00:11:46,027 So I did. 321 00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,862 Damn. Where is he? 322 00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:50,098 Upstairs. And he doesn't want to see you. 323 00:11:50,131 --> 00:11:52,901 Yeah, I'll make it right. He doesn't want to see you. 324 00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:55,469 Okay. Okay! 325 00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:58,572 (groans) 326 00:11:58,606 --> 00:12:00,775 Ow! 327 00:12:01,642 --> 00:12:02,944 ERIC: Who is it? 328 00:12:02,977 --> 00:12:04,245 Stosh. 329 00:12:04,278 --> 00:12:06,147 Go away. 330 00:12:06,981 --> 00:12:07,916 Who is it? 331 00:12:07,949 --> 00:12:10,251 Still Stosh. 332 00:12:10,284 --> 00:12:12,520 Go away. 333 00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:15,756 Can we talk? 334 00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:16,657 No. 335 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:17,792 Come on, turn around. 336 00:12:17,826 --> 00:12:19,327 You're creeping me out. 337 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,729 Promised myself I'd never lay eyes on you again. 338 00:12:21,762 --> 00:12:23,397 Look, I needed to save a couple bucks 339 00:12:23,431 --> 00:12:25,800 on the TV to get myself out of a tough situation. 340 00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,435 My kidneys were in jeopardy. 341 00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:28,636 Come on, 342 00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:29,804 I was gonna pay you back! 343 00:12:29,838 --> 00:12:31,305 It's not about the TV. 344 00:12:31,339 --> 00:12:32,740 Then what is it? 345 00:12:32,773 --> 00:12:35,944 Why'd you come to my father's funeral that day? 346 00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:38,612 Why'd you offer to come here and stay with me? 347 00:12:38,646 --> 00:12:39,914 And please, don't lie. 348 00:12:39,948 --> 00:12:41,149 'Cause if you lie, 349 00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:43,617 my father will turn over in his grave. 350 00:12:43,651 --> 00:12:45,653 Look, I told you... 351 00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:47,088 it was to help you out. 352 00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:48,589 That's a lie! 353 00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:49,924 You're a liar! 354 00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:52,126 You lost your job and your condo 355 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,595 the day before, and you just needed a free place to stay. 356 00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,197 All right, who told you that? 357 00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:57,431 I'm not an idiot, Cousin Stosh. 358 00:12:57,465 --> 00:12:59,167 I can figure things out for myself. 359 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,768 I mean, maybe not this particular thing. 360 00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:01,836 Zara told me. 361 00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:03,437 But when she did, 362 00:13:03,471 --> 00:13:06,607 I promised myself I would never lay eyes on you again. 363 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,209 Damn it. 364 00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,011 And you know what? Now my... now my father's turned over 365 00:13:10,044 --> 00:13:11,045 in his grave. 366 00:13:11,079 --> 00:13:12,213 Thanks a lot for that, too! 367 00:13:12,246 --> 00:13:13,781 Come on, I-I didn't tell you 368 00:13:13,814 --> 00:13:15,816 what was going on with me because 369 00:13:15,850 --> 00:13:17,852 I didn't want to stress you out, you know? 370 00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,520 Oh, so if you hadn't have lost your condo, 371 00:13:19,553 --> 00:13:21,389 would you have still moved in here with me? 372 00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:23,224 Is this another "my father will turn over 373 00:13:23,257 --> 00:13:24,725 in his grave" question? 374 00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:25,994 Yup. 375 00:13:26,027 --> 00:13:26,995 Uh, no. 376 00:13:27,028 --> 00:13:28,662 No, I would not have moved in. 377 00:13:28,696 --> 00:13:30,164 Damn it! 378 00:13:30,198 --> 00:13:31,365 You could've at least lied 379 00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:33,534 to get him back in the right position. 380 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:35,336 You know what? 381 00:13:35,369 --> 00:13:36,804 You're a bad person. 382 00:13:36,837 --> 00:13:37,906 Hey, come on. 383 00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:39,540 You are. 384 00:13:39,573 --> 00:13:42,743 I am so glad I promised myself I would never lay eyes on... 385 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,982 I want you to move out. 386 00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:49,383 What? 387 00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,719 Are you deaf? I said move out right now. 388 00:13:51,752 --> 00:13:53,821 Hey. Come on, let's take a breath here. 389 00:13:53,854 --> 00:13:54,923 It's me. 390 00:13:54,956 --> 00:13:56,857 It's Cousin Stosh. 391 00:13:56,891 --> 00:14:00,394 I have no Cousin Stosh, Cousin Stosh. 392 00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:14,275 I know you're still in here. 393 00:14:14,308 --> 00:14:17,211 Oh, I can play this game as long as you can. 394 00:14:20,414 --> 00:14:23,117 Come aboard, Gwendolyn, but don't forget the sacks of gold 395 00:14:23,151 --> 00:14:24,718 your father left you when he died. 396 00:14:24,752 --> 00:14:26,120 (higher voice): Oh, I won't. 397 00:14:26,154 --> 00:14:27,255 They're stashed away. 398 00:14:27,288 --> 00:14:29,123 In my royal underwear. 399 00:14:29,157 --> 00:14:30,524 (kids laugh) Oh, no! 400 00:14:30,558 --> 00:14:31,592 The gold is too heavy! 401 00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:33,127 We must throw it overboard! 402 00:14:33,161 --> 00:14:35,729 No! I wanted to buy a 65-inch curved 403 00:14:35,763 --> 00:14:37,431 ultra-high-def television! 404 00:14:37,465 --> 00:14:38,566 (gasps dramatically) 405 00:14:38,599 --> 00:14:40,134 (normal voice): You see, kids? 406 00:14:40,168 --> 00:14:42,903 Now the prince needs to learn the hard way. 407 00:14:42,937 --> 00:14:45,806 (gargling) 408 00:14:47,308 --> 00:14:50,078 Oh! Oh, my God! No! No! 409 00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:54,548 I'll see you in hell, douche bag! 410 00:14:54,582 --> 00:14:55,716 (gargling) 411 00:14:55,749 --> 00:14:58,286 (grunting) 412 00:14:59,787 --> 00:15:02,490 All right, thank you. 413 00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:06,127 Next show's in five minutes. 414 00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:08,496 (knocking) 415 00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:12,133 Yes? Hi. 416 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:15,236 I'm Caryn. I'm looking for Stosh Lewandoski. Is he here? 417 00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:18,106 Oh, yeah, of course he's here. He's my fiancé. 418 00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:19,773 Your fiancé? Yeah! 419 00:15:19,807 --> 00:15:22,676 Yup! Yes, I am. 420 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:26,280 Sue, this is Caryn, my, uh, French tutor. 421 00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:30,351 (speaking French) 422 00:15:31,619 --> 00:15:33,787 You know, actually I'm off the clock right now. 423 00:15:33,821 --> 00:15:36,324 Do you mind if I speak with my tutor in private? 424 00:15:36,357 --> 00:15:37,625 (speaks French) 425 00:15:37,658 --> 00:15:38,692 Okay. 426 00:15:38,726 --> 00:15:39,960 Thanks, honey. 427 00:15:39,994 --> 00:15:41,629 Hey! Do you ever 428 00:15:41,662 --> 00:15:42,863 tell anyone the truth? 429 00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:44,532 What is this poor woman gonna say 430 00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:46,134 when you don't marry her? 431 00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:48,202 Oh, same thing as usual, I'm sure, you know. 432 00:15:48,236 --> 00:15:51,005 We're kind of in a "fool me 12 times, shame on you" situation. 433 00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:53,107 Don't worry. She'll be fine. What's up? 434 00:15:53,141 --> 00:15:55,143 "What's up?" Your cousin is devastated. 435 00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:58,812 Stosh, he trusted you, and you used him! 436 00:15:58,846 --> 00:15:59,980 Well, hey, wait a minute! 437 00:16:00,014 --> 00:16:01,549 I needed a place to crash. 438 00:16:01,582 --> 00:16:03,017 He needed somebody to hang out with. 439 00:16:03,051 --> 00:16:04,285 It was a very fair deal. 440 00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:06,020 Well, he didn't think it was a deal. 441 00:16:06,054 --> 00:16:07,721 He thought you were being sincere. 442 00:16:07,755 --> 00:16:09,223 Yeah, that was the beauty of it 443 00:16:09,257 --> 00:16:11,192 until you guys opened your fat pie holes. 444 00:16:11,225 --> 00:16:12,793 Oh, my God. 445 00:16:12,826 --> 00:16:14,162 You have so many walls up. 446 00:16:14,195 --> 00:16:15,896 And it's not just me who thinks so. 447 00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:17,565 My therapist totally agrees. 448 00:16:17,598 --> 00:16:19,367 Oh, really? She agrees with someone helping her 449 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,335 pay her mortgage-- who'd have thunk it? 450 00:16:21,369 --> 00:16:23,504 She says you create walls of deception, 451 00:16:23,537 --> 00:16:25,306 so you never have to get close to anyone. 452 00:16:25,339 --> 00:16:26,874 You tell that Park Avenue therapist 453 00:16:26,907 --> 00:16:28,976 that in the real world, people don't have time 454 00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:31,645 to sit in bean bag chairs and whine about their feelings. 455 00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:33,547 The world is a tough place; you got to figure out 456 00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,349 what you need to do to survive, or you drown. 457 00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:37,351 You tell her that and see what she says. 458 00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:38,919 (door closes) 459 00:16:38,952 --> 00:16:40,688 She said this isn't about the world 460 00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:43,357 being tough, this is about you being scared. 461 00:16:43,391 --> 00:16:45,593 Scared of what? Being vulnerable. 462 00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:47,595 You think if you showed that side of yourself, 463 00:16:47,628 --> 00:16:49,897 no one will love you or help you. 464 00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:51,565 Maybe that's because nobody ever did. 465 00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:53,167 Nobody. 466 00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:56,070 What does your fancy therapist have to say to that, huh? 467 00:16:56,104 --> 00:16:57,871 She says, 468 00:16:57,905 --> 00:17:00,608 "Go on." 469 00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:03,577 When I was eight, I was the only kid at school 470 00:17:03,611 --> 00:17:06,013 that didn't have any baseball cards. 471 00:17:06,046 --> 00:17:09,550 So I asked my mother if I could have some money to get some. 472 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:10,884 She said no. 473 00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:12,353 I started crying. 474 00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:14,755 She went right to the window, opened it, 475 00:17:14,788 --> 00:17:16,190 and yelled out to the street, 476 00:17:16,224 --> 00:17:18,559 "Hey, come up to 11D if you want to see 477 00:17:18,592 --> 00:17:20,728 the world's biggest crybaby!" 478 00:17:20,761 --> 00:17:23,731 Oh, my goodness. And they came, too. A bunch of people came. 479 00:17:23,764 --> 00:17:25,566 One guy even brought his grandparents. 480 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,901 But that's when I realized what I needed to do 481 00:17:27,935 --> 00:17:29,437 to survive in this world. 482 00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:31,972 Steal money from her wallet when she was drunk. 483 00:17:33,307 --> 00:17:36,177 (muffled babbling) 484 00:17:39,313 --> 00:17:40,481 That is heartbreaking. 485 00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:42,616 (sighs) Rinse and spit. 486 00:17:43,451 --> 00:17:46,120 Hey! 487 00:17:46,154 --> 00:17:48,489 I had to cancel my session this week. 488 00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:49,890 (grunts) Sorry. 489 00:17:49,923 --> 00:17:52,226 I didn't have time for breakfast. 490 00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:53,627 My therapist says it wasn't 491 00:17:53,661 --> 00:17:55,329 just Eric who needed help that day. 492 00:17:55,363 --> 00:17:57,898 It was also a little boy named Stosh. 493 00:17:57,931 --> 00:17:59,500 I couldn't tell him the truth. 494 00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:01,935 It would shatter his image of me. 495 00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:04,638 Plus, he's so easy to lie to. 496 00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:07,775 How do I make this right? 497 00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:10,978 You could go to him right now and ask him to forgive you. 498 00:18:11,011 --> 00:18:11,945 But what if he says no? 499 00:18:11,979 --> 00:18:13,814 What if he says yes? 500 00:18:14,648 --> 00:18:16,083 (sniffling) 501 00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:17,751 Okay. 502 00:18:17,785 --> 00:18:21,455 Okay, I'm gonna go get my jacket. 503 00:18:21,489 --> 00:18:23,491 (door closes) 504 00:18:23,524 --> 00:18:25,293 Son of a bitch! 505 00:18:25,326 --> 00:18:28,028 He stole therapy from me! 506 00:18:28,061 --> 00:18:29,797 And a teeth cleaning. 507 00:18:37,037 --> 00:18:39,340 $7.50, please. 508 00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:41,542 MAN: There you go. 509 00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:50,784 Oh, hi, Zara! 510 00:18:50,818 --> 00:18:52,786 Hi, Caryn! 511 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,021 Now, why are you in the backseat 512 00:18:54,054 --> 00:18:55,356 when the passenger seat's vacant? 513 00:18:55,389 --> 00:18:56,890 That seems so silly. 514 00:18:56,924 --> 00:18:57,858 Eric, can we talk? 515 00:18:57,891 --> 00:18:59,393 $7.50, please. 516 00:18:59,427 --> 00:19:01,362 Eric, you might want to hear what he has to say. 517 00:19:01,395 --> 00:19:02,663 Yeah, you actually might. 518 00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:03,964 Yeah, listen, there was a lot of things 519 00:19:03,997 --> 00:19:05,466 that I wanted to say before, 520 00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:06,700 but I couldn't. But since then, 521 00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:08,502 I've had a lot of good therapy. 522 00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:10,804 Several thousand dollars worth. 523 00:19:10,838 --> 00:19:13,474 Listen, it all goes back to my childhood, all right? 524 00:19:13,507 --> 00:19:15,743 I don't even remember my own mother hugging me. (car horn honking) 525 00:19:15,776 --> 00:19:17,044 Hey, shut up! 526 00:19:17,077 --> 00:19:19,146 We got a beautiful thing happening here! 527 00:19:19,179 --> 00:19:22,049 Whoa! He's got crazy eyes. 528 00:19:22,082 --> 00:19:24,051 We're gonna circle back around. Don't go anywhere. 529 00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,386 Don't take any breaks. Bye. 530 00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:26,987 STOSH: All right, how do we get out? 531 00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:27,888 Where's the off ramp? Where's the off ramp? 532 00:19:27,921 --> 00:19:29,390 How do we get out of here? 533 00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:33,527 Okay, go ahead, and skip all the "Mommy didn't love me" crap. 534 00:19:33,561 --> 00:19:36,330 No, he can't skip that. That's the most important part. 535 00:19:36,364 --> 00:19:38,098 Okay, then you pay the $7.50. I didn't go to the ATM. 536 00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:40,901 Ah! Okay! This is what's happening! 537 00:19:40,934 --> 00:19:44,204 This is going here, this is going here. Get out! 538 00:19:44,238 --> 00:19:45,906 Good luck to both of you! 539 00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:47,541 ERIC: $7.50, please. 540 00:19:47,575 --> 00:19:50,711 Oh, geez! It's not even that great of a bridge! 541 00:19:50,744 --> 00:19:52,112 Bye! 542 00:19:52,145 --> 00:19:53,381 (car horns honking) 543 00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,748 Can I come in there, please? 544 00:19:54,782 --> 00:19:56,684 No, this is completely against regulations. 545 00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,252 If you leave me out here, I'm gonna be 546 00:19:58,286 --> 00:19:59,787 dead in about five seconds. Please. 547 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:02,690 Thank you. 548 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,492 All right. Okay. 549 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,729 A little tight in here. 550 00:20:08,762 --> 00:20:09,730 Yup. 551 00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:11,265 Look, Eric. 552 00:20:11,299 --> 00:20:13,867 You're the only one in our family that liked me. 553 00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,303 Or... looked up to me. (car horn honks) 554 00:20:15,336 --> 00:20:16,704 WOMAN: Hey, buddy! Come on! 555 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,707 I don't got all day here. $7.50, please. 556 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:22,476 So, you liked me and... 557 00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:25,245 I guess I didn't really feel like I deserved to be liked. 558 00:20:25,279 --> 00:20:27,214 So I gave you a bunch of crap. 559 00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:29,650 Hey, Sam, Diane. How do I get to the Westside Highway? 560 00:20:29,683 --> 00:20:31,084 Take FDR to 96th Street. 561 00:20:31,118 --> 00:20:32,720 Zip across town, it'll get you right there. 562 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,455 Thanks. Right. Um, gave you 563 00:20:34,488 --> 00:20:35,756 a bunch of crap when we were kids, 564 00:20:35,789 --> 00:20:36,924 fell in the same patterns now, 565 00:20:36,957 --> 00:20:38,492 projecting my insecurities, 566 00:20:38,526 --> 00:20:40,428 making up for my own shortcomings... MAN: Hey, yo! 567 00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:42,463 $7.50, please. 568 00:20:42,496 --> 00:20:44,264 Cycle-- bullying, hurt, bullying, hurt. 569 00:20:44,298 --> 00:20:46,467 Never wanted to hurt you. Love you more than anyone. 570 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:49,470 Incredibly sorry. Please forgive me. 571 00:20:53,474 --> 00:20:56,176 I was hoping you'd say that exact thing. 572 00:20:56,209 --> 00:20:58,078 I love you, kuzyn. 573 00:20:58,111 --> 00:21:00,714 I love you, too, Cousin Stosh. 574 00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:05,252 MAN: Pardon me. Excuse me. 575 00:21:05,285 --> 00:21:06,787 $7.50, please. 576 00:21:06,820 --> 00:21:09,757 Hey, Lewandoski's hugging his cousin. 577 00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:11,992 Who's hugging his cousin? Lewandoski! 578 00:21:12,025 --> 00:21:14,194 Lewandoski clubbing his puffin? 579 00:21:14,227 --> 00:21:15,929 No! Hugging his cousin! 580 00:21:15,963 --> 00:21:17,831 Lewandoski's drugging a Russian! 581 00:21:17,865 --> 00:21:19,533 Lewandoski's got a concussion? 582 00:21:19,567 --> 00:21:21,469 Lewandoski's got a concussion?! 583 00:21:21,502 --> 00:21:23,537 A concussion? On top of the scurvy? 584 00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:25,873 That guy's having one bad week. 585 00:21:25,906 --> 00:21:27,675 Hugging his cousin! 586 00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:30,277 This the same guy who won't let you come to see Mets games? 587 00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:32,813 You the same guy that won't let him watch the Mets games? 588 00:21:32,846 --> 00:21:34,448 ERIC: You suck, Kent. 589 00:21:34,482 --> 00:21:36,283 All right! Come here. Come here. 590 00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:38,051 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 591 00:21:38,085 --> 00:21:39,520 Good night. 592 00:21:39,553 --> 00:21:41,221 Hmm.