1 00:00:19,608 --> 00:00:21,710 Hey. There she is. 2 00:00:21,743 --> 00:00:24,579 Mysterious Lady of the East. 3 00:00:24,613 --> 00:00:26,081 Queen of the Ganges. 4 00:00:26,115 --> 00:00:28,183 Our very own Taj Mahottie. 5 00:00:28,217 --> 00:00:30,252 And good racist morning to you. 6 00:00:30,285 --> 00:00:31,720 Wow, that's really good. 7 00:00:31,753 --> 00:00:33,922 You convey such despair. 8 00:00:33,955 --> 00:00:35,257 Thank you. 9 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:36,558 No, I mean it. 10 00:00:36,591 --> 00:00:37,759 It's really, really good. 11 00:00:37,792 --> 00:00:39,528 You know, it's, uh, it's a crime 12 00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,730 that you sell that on the street for peanuts. 13 00:00:41,763 --> 00:00:43,265 It should be hanging in galleries. 14 00:00:43,298 --> 00:00:44,366 Mm. You know? 15 00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,268 It's too good to waste on poor people. 16 00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:49,704 Again, thank you, but I'm fine. 17 00:00:49,738 --> 00:00:51,240 What are you doing up this early? 18 00:00:51,273 --> 00:00:52,707 Usually, you don't emerge 19 00:00:52,741 --> 00:00:54,576 from your bat cave till mid-afternoon. 20 00:00:54,609 --> 00:00:56,111 Yeah, I brought home this waitress 21 00:00:56,145 --> 00:00:57,446 from Dugan's last night, 22 00:00:57,479 --> 00:00:59,281 and she stumbled out of here pretty early. 23 00:00:59,314 --> 00:01:00,582 Figured I'd be a gentleman 24 00:01:00,615 --> 00:01:02,984 and pretend to be asleep until she left. Oh. 25 00:01:03,017 --> 00:01:04,286 That's who that was. 26 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:05,654 I thought you were being robbed 27 00:01:05,687 --> 00:01:07,289 by the ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt. 28 00:01:07,322 --> 00:01:08,723 (chuckles) 29 00:01:08,757 --> 00:01:10,392 Yeah, I can see that. 30 00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:11,726 You know, I'm just 31 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,595 not in the right head lately, you know? 32 00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:15,664 I mean, no job, no focus. 33 00:01:15,697 --> 00:01:17,932 Six weeks ago, I'm top sales rep, 34 00:01:17,966 --> 00:01:22,103 living in a phat condo in Gotham, and now... 35 00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:25,073 * Da, da-da, dah! 36 00:01:25,106 --> 00:01:26,908 ...I live with this. 37 00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:30,078 So? How do I look? 38 00:01:30,111 --> 00:01:32,447 You look very cute, Eric, 39 00:01:32,481 --> 00:01:34,516 but, um, what the hell? 40 00:01:34,549 --> 00:01:37,586 (with English accent): Say hello to Lord Bartholomew Gullswallow, 41 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:38,753 esteemed knight 42 00:01:38,787 --> 00:01:40,789 in the Queens County Human Chess League. 43 00:01:40,822 --> 00:01:42,157 Ah. 44 00:01:42,191 --> 00:01:44,092 (normal voice): We play every other Sunday at Flushing Meadow Park. 45 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:45,527 Oh, you know what? 46 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,196 You guys should come and watch some time. 47 00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:48,330 It's pretty exciting. 48 00:01:48,363 --> 00:01:50,365 More exciting than regular chess?! 49 00:01:50,399 --> 00:01:51,833 As a matter of fact, yes. 50 00:01:51,866 --> 00:01:54,903 It's regular chess with human-sized thrills. 51 00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,506 Gullswallow! ERIC: Ah! 52 00:01:57,539 --> 00:01:59,508 Good morrow, my liege. 53 00:01:59,541 --> 00:02:01,810 You're not gonna believe our cabdriver. 54 00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:04,846 He actually is convinced that Viswanathan Anand 55 00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:07,949 and Koneru Humpy should be ranked above Karpov. 56 00:02:07,982 --> 00:02:09,384 What?! 57 00:02:09,418 --> 00:02:10,619 He's probably drunk. 58 00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:12,020 Anyway, come on, let's go. 59 00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:14,989 Ugh. I am so frickin' late for work 60 00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:16,291 again. 61 00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:17,326 Oh! 62 00:02:17,359 --> 00:02:19,728 (sniffing) Ah. 63 00:02:21,563 --> 00:02:23,632 I'm guessing you two are together. 64 00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,668 Lord Nathaniel Reginald Derwintwatter. 65 00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:30,372 Or, if you prefer, you may call me "Carl." 66 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:33,242 I prefer to go scrape teeth. 67 00:02:34,276 --> 00:02:36,911 Scrape away. 68 00:02:36,945 --> 00:02:38,947 Scrape away. 69 00:02:47,756 --> 00:02:51,293 Rook to king three. 70 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:57,566 What a game, huh?! 71 00:02:57,599 --> 00:02:59,368 Classic Latvian gambit. 72 00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:02,571 With all that that implies. 73 00:03:02,604 --> 00:03:04,906 Hey, how's your grandfather? 74 00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:07,776 He's been on his feet all morning. 75 00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:10,078 I invented the thumb tack! 76 00:03:10,111 --> 00:03:11,880 He's in bad shape. 77 00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:13,582 Poor guy can't even castle anymore 78 00:03:13,615 --> 00:03:14,716 without getting winded. 79 00:03:14,749 --> 00:03:16,751 Can you keep a secret? 80 00:03:16,785 --> 00:03:19,388 Pawn to bishop three. 81 00:03:19,421 --> 00:03:24,125 He's retiring in two weeks, naming me the new king. 82 00:03:24,158 --> 00:03:25,760 Congratulations! 83 00:03:25,794 --> 00:03:28,930 Any interest in becoming my successor as rook? 84 00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:30,732 Me? A rook? 85 00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:35,036 I've dreamed about it, but... Yes. 86 00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:37,439 Then fix me up with your neighbor. 87 00:03:37,472 --> 00:03:38,873 Ms. Nuzzolese? 88 00:03:38,907 --> 00:03:40,542 No! 89 00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:43,144 The one I met today. Caryn. 90 00:03:43,177 --> 00:03:48,450 That honey-maned vixen whose eyes dance with madness. 91 00:03:48,483 --> 00:03:50,118 Rook to king four. 92 00:03:50,151 --> 00:03:52,287 I'm being summoned to the queenside assault. 93 00:03:52,321 --> 00:03:54,122 I will await your response. 94 00:03:54,155 --> 00:03:55,657 Until we meet again. 95 00:04:07,168 --> 00:04:10,372 (sighs) 96 00:04:17,346 --> 00:04:18,780 I want to rep you! 97 00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:21,516 I have a whistle. No, I want to rep you. 98 00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,652 Represent you as an artist. Oh! 99 00:04:23,685 --> 00:04:25,987 Did seem strange that you would give me a heads-up. Look, 100 00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:28,623 you need a representative. I can do this. 101 00:04:28,657 --> 00:04:30,158 What do you know about art? Hey, 102 00:04:30,191 --> 00:04:32,427 I may not know what I like, but I know art. 103 00:04:32,461 --> 00:04:33,695 You see what I did there? 104 00:04:33,728 --> 00:04:35,530 Look, you're a great artist, I'm a great salesman. 105 00:04:35,564 --> 00:04:36,931 Come on, we can do this! 106 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:40,001 Thank you, um, but I am doing fine here. 107 00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:42,937 Look, the Mason Hotel is having a competition 108 00:04:42,971 --> 00:04:44,473 for up-and-coming artists, all right? 109 00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:48,343 The winner gets $20,000 to paint a new work for the hotel lobby. 110 00:04:48,377 --> 00:04:50,512 I want to enter you in this. 111 00:04:50,545 --> 00:04:52,981 No, I am not good enough. 112 00:04:53,014 --> 00:04:55,350 I see that "no," and I'll raise you a "yes." 113 00:04:55,384 --> 00:04:56,351 If they don't accept you, 114 00:04:56,385 --> 00:04:58,620 it's like it never happened, but if they do, 115 00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:01,155 and you win, you're $20,000 richer, 116 00:05:01,189 --> 00:05:03,625 minus my industry-standard commission of 25%, 117 00:05:03,658 --> 00:05:05,660 which you could look up, but I wouldn't. 118 00:05:05,694 --> 00:05:07,829 Yet again, no. 119 00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:10,231 So, just to same-page it, yes? No! 120 00:05:10,264 --> 00:05:12,200 Great. You know what? They need to see a sample of your work. 121 00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:14,536 I'll take this thing. What?! Hey! 122 00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:15,537 That is $100! 123 00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:18,407 Take it out of my 30% commission! 124 00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:25,079 Please?! Ew! No! 125 00:05:25,113 --> 00:05:27,348 I am not gonna date that stupid bishop guy. 126 00:05:27,382 --> 00:05:28,249 He's a rook! 127 00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:30,318 I would never set you up with a bishop. 128 00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:31,420 That's disgusting. 129 00:05:31,453 --> 00:05:32,587 And besides, 130 00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:33,922 he's gonna be king in, like, two weeks. 131 00:05:33,955 --> 00:05:35,056 You're always saying 132 00:05:35,089 --> 00:05:36,525 how you want to marry a successful man. 133 00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:37,726 Can't do better than a king, right? 134 00:05:37,759 --> 00:05:39,360 Right, but I can do better 135 00:05:39,394 --> 00:05:41,863 than a dweeb who dresses up like a chess piece. 136 00:05:41,896 --> 00:05:44,232 Aren't you gonna say "no offense"? 137 00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,401 No. 138 00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:47,235 Look at me. 139 00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:49,871 I have been a knight for ten years, 140 00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:51,873 and it has been my privilege. 141 00:05:51,906 --> 00:05:53,542 But a knight is forever relegated 142 00:05:53,575 --> 00:05:55,209 to move in an L-shape pattern. 143 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:57,245 One up, two over. 144 00:05:57,278 --> 00:05:59,448 Two up, one over. 145 00:05:59,481 --> 00:06:01,916 One back, two over. 146 00:06:02,951 --> 00:06:05,086 Two back... What's your point?! 147 00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:07,556 My point is, I got a chance to be a rook! 148 00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:11,259 A rook can travel the entire length of the board in one move! 149 00:06:11,292 --> 00:06:13,928 Bet it feels like you're soaring on the clouds of heaven. 150 00:06:13,962 --> 00:06:15,930 Or walking ten feet in a bad Halloween costume. 151 00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,098 That's not funny! 152 00:06:17,131 --> 00:06:19,033 All right, 'cause this is my life! 153 00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,903 This is not a game! 154 00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:24,072 Okay, I'll go out with your weirdo friend. 155 00:06:24,105 --> 00:06:24,873 Yeah? 156 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,040 I will not sleep with him. 157 00:06:26,074 --> 00:06:28,042 Ah, you may not want to say that. 158 00:06:28,076 --> 00:06:31,145 Get a good look at him in his tights? (knocking) 159 00:06:32,346 --> 00:06:33,948 Oh. What's up, freakies? 160 00:06:33,982 --> 00:06:36,985 Guess what. Caryn's gonna go out with my friend, the rook. 161 00:06:37,018 --> 00:06:39,721 Really? Always thought you'd end up with a dreidel. 162 00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:42,491 Where's Zara? 163 00:06:45,326 --> 00:06:47,896 Very sexy. You should go with this look more often. 164 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,464 What you want, Stosh? 165 00:06:49,498 --> 00:06:52,333 What would you say if I told you you're one of 166 00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:55,169 the top five finalists for the Mason Hotel art competition? 167 00:06:55,203 --> 00:06:57,305 I would say that you're a lying son of a bitch. 168 00:06:57,338 --> 00:07:00,008 At this moment, I am merely a son of a bitch. 169 00:07:00,041 --> 00:07:02,443 No! Shut up! What?! They accepted me?! 170 00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:03,912 Yeah, come on. (laughs) 171 00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,446 What, you don't think I know what I'm doing? 172 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,581 Of course they accepted you. 173 00:07:06,615 --> 00:07:08,149 And they're gonna have a reception this Saturday 174 00:07:08,182 --> 00:07:09,751 where they're gonna meet the artists and pick the winner. 175 00:07:09,784 --> 00:07:11,085 Plus, open bar. 176 00:07:11,119 --> 00:07:13,655 Aah! Thank you so much, Stosh! Uh-huh. You're welcome. 177 00:07:13,688 --> 00:07:14,989 Oh. Oh. Wow. Thank you. 178 00:07:15,023 --> 00:07:16,157 You're welcome. Thank you. 179 00:07:16,190 --> 00:07:18,359 Look you'll get the recognition you deserve, 180 00:07:18,392 --> 00:07:21,162 and I'm gonna get my 35% commission, so it's a win-win. 181 00:07:21,195 --> 00:07:22,964 Need help getting out of that thing? 182 00:07:22,997 --> 00:07:25,033 No, I'm good. Okay. 183 00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:27,569 Oh. 184 00:07:37,512 --> 00:07:40,615 ERIC: A rook can travel the entire length of the board 185 00:07:40,649 --> 00:07:42,116 in one move! 186 00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:43,518 (echoing): Move... move... 187 00:07:43,552 --> 00:07:47,188 * Take these broken wings Move... move... 188 00:07:47,221 --> 00:07:51,860 * And learn to fly again, learn to live so free * 189 00:07:51,893 --> 00:07:55,196 * When we hear the voices sing... * 190 00:07:55,229 --> 00:07:58,132 The entire length of the board in one move... 191 00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:01,836 (echoing): Move.... move... move... 192 00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:06,074 * Take these broken wings 193 00:08:06,107 --> 00:08:07,709 * You got to learn to fly... 194 00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:11,846 A rook... a rook... a rook... 195 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,984 * When we hear the voices sing * 196 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:20,188 * The book of love will open up for us and let... * 197 00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,525 MAN: Get off the chessboard, you freak! 198 00:08:24,559 --> 00:08:26,561 (distant honking) 199 00:08:28,362 --> 00:08:31,566 That's right. Keep going. 200 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,234 See, the fascinating thing 201 00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:35,570 about noise-cancelling headphones-- 202 00:08:35,604 --> 00:08:38,740 and I spend half my day at Tech Town explaining this to people-- 203 00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:40,709 is that they work by emanating 204 00:08:40,742 --> 00:08:43,912 sound waves in the exact frequency 205 00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:47,015 of the ambient noise, but in 180-degree 206 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,017 opposition to it. Huh? 207 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,853 I wish I had a pair right now. 208 00:08:51,886 --> 00:08:53,521 If you play your cards right, 209 00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:56,958 you may have a pair draped across your head later tonight. 210 00:08:58,159 --> 00:09:00,194 Annette. I didn't know 211 00:09:00,228 --> 00:09:01,295 you were working tonight. 212 00:09:01,329 --> 00:09:03,264 This is, uh, Caryn, my date. 213 00:09:03,297 --> 00:09:04,132 Hi. 214 00:09:04,165 --> 00:09:05,533 Sorry, I can't talk right now. 215 00:09:05,566 --> 00:09:09,237 I'm swamped. Another waitress just deep-fried her hand. 216 00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:11,239 She's a pawn on our human chess team. 217 00:09:11,272 --> 00:09:15,076 Her en passant is an embarrassment. 218 00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:17,311 I don't know what that means. 219 00:09:17,345 --> 00:09:21,082 Huh. Thought they buried that with Liberace. 220 00:09:21,115 --> 00:09:23,451 You know Liberace was gay? 221 00:09:23,484 --> 00:09:25,453 Do not repeat that. 222 00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:26,888 (gasps) 223 00:09:26,921 --> 00:09:28,623 Holy Buddha's nipples! 224 00:09:28,657 --> 00:09:31,960 I've never seen one of my paintings lit professionally. 225 00:09:31,993 --> 00:09:33,594 It looks so good. 226 00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:36,665 Now, look, you are amazing, all right? You can do this. 227 00:09:36,698 --> 00:09:38,232 You can walk out of here 228 00:09:38,266 --> 00:09:42,070 a commissioned artist earning $20,000, minus my 40%. 229 00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:44,138 You just got to dance the dance a little. 230 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:48,076 Hey, for $20,000, I'll dance in a G-string and pasties. 231 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,478 Actually, I have, and for much less. 232 00:09:50,511 --> 00:09:52,981 We should revisit that subject. Okay. 233 00:09:53,014 --> 00:09:54,949 WOMAN: Your work has 234 00:09:54,983 --> 00:09:57,418 such fascinating complexity. 235 00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:58,486 Yes, it is lousy 236 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:00,955 with fascinating complexity, isn't it? 237 00:10:00,989 --> 00:10:02,590 Where did you grow up, Zara? 238 00:10:02,623 --> 00:10:03,825 Yonkers. Mumbai. 239 00:10:03,858 --> 00:10:04,926 STOSH: Well, eventually 240 00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:07,595 Yonkers, but not until she had survived 241 00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:08,797 a harrowing childhood 242 00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:11,499 on the streets of Mumbai, keeping her two younger brothers 243 00:10:11,532 --> 00:10:12,767 out of the hands 244 00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:14,535 of the vicious Vindaloo cartel. 245 00:10:14,568 --> 00:10:17,038 WOMAN: Goodness. How did you manage that? 246 00:10:17,071 --> 00:10:19,941 Oh, um, I hid them in the Caves of... 247 00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:21,375 Gupta. 248 00:10:21,409 --> 00:10:25,313 Gupta is lousy with caves. Scotch? 249 00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:27,215 Scotch? 250 00:10:27,248 --> 00:10:29,851 So, our only chance of escape was to hide 251 00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:31,652 in the wheel well of the plane. 252 00:10:31,686 --> 00:10:34,956 It was freezing, but the promise of America 253 00:10:34,989 --> 00:10:38,359 and her freedom kept my brother and I alive. 254 00:10:38,392 --> 00:10:40,328 I thought you said you had a second brother. 255 00:10:40,361 --> 00:10:41,195 Oh. 256 00:10:41,229 --> 00:10:42,697 He was upgraded to coach. 257 00:10:42,731 --> 00:10:44,032 Yeah, still, a terrible ordeal. 258 00:10:44,065 --> 00:10:46,200 No money for headphones... 259 00:10:46,234 --> 00:10:47,736 I believe there was a crying baby 260 00:10:47,769 --> 00:10:49,771 nearby, so... Mm-hmm. 261 00:10:53,674 --> 00:10:55,676 (sighs) 262 00:10:57,445 --> 00:10:59,480 Oh! 263 00:10:59,513 --> 00:11:00,715 Oh, God. 264 00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:02,150 So, how did the date go? 265 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,985 I've already repressed the memory. 266 00:11:04,018 --> 00:11:05,987 You owe me big-time for this. 267 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,890 Absolutely. You are gonna get a huge mention 268 00:11:08,923 --> 00:11:10,058 in my rook acceptance speech, 269 00:11:10,091 --> 00:11:12,060 unless they play me off before I get to you. 270 00:11:12,093 --> 00:11:13,928 So, how did you leave things? 271 00:11:13,962 --> 00:11:16,197 He said he was gonna call me tomorrow. 272 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:19,200 Eric, I cannot go out with this freak again! 273 00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,369 I had pancakes for dinner! 274 00:11:21,402 --> 00:11:22,737 In what world is that a bad thing? 275 00:11:22,771 --> 00:11:24,939 Get out of my house. Wait... 276 00:11:24,973 --> 00:11:26,340 how did you get in my house? 277 00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:27,876 The less you know, the better. 278 00:11:27,909 --> 00:11:29,911 WOMAN: And I'm thrilled 279 00:11:29,944 --> 00:11:32,013 to announce that the winner of 280 00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:35,850 the Mason Hotel New Artist Grant is... 281 00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,886 Zara Sandhu. 282 00:11:37,919 --> 00:11:40,254 Oh, my God! I knew it, I knew it. 283 00:11:40,288 --> 00:11:42,056 Holy crap, I won. 284 00:11:42,090 --> 00:11:43,424 20,000 bucks. Yes. 285 00:11:43,457 --> 00:11:45,894 What are you gonna do with your half? Ha! 286 00:11:45,927 --> 00:11:47,762 Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. 287 00:11:51,099 --> 00:11:53,601 Watch your step, watch your step. 288 00:11:53,634 --> 00:11:55,036 (gasps) 289 00:11:55,069 --> 00:11:56,470 Whoa. 290 00:11:56,504 --> 00:11:57,906 That's right, your Spartan hovel 291 00:11:57,939 --> 00:12:00,241 is now your Spartan hovel art studio. 292 00:12:00,274 --> 00:12:02,076 Everything you need to be brilliant. 293 00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:03,644 Brand-new paint, brushes. 294 00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:05,613 I think I'm getting an art boner. 295 00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:08,749 You are a winner. Now get to painting. 296 00:12:08,783 --> 00:12:10,952 For art boners lasting more than four hours, 297 00:12:10,985 --> 00:12:12,486 please consult your physician. 298 00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:19,093 Okay. 299 00:12:19,127 --> 00:12:21,329 Start painting, winner. 300 00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:28,169 Winner, winner, chicken dinner. 301 00:12:30,004 --> 00:12:31,772 Chicken dinner. 302 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,612 Hey there. I'm on a chicken break. 303 00:12:38,646 --> 00:12:40,648 Okay. 304 00:12:43,017 --> 00:12:44,819 There's nothing on the canvas. 305 00:12:44,853 --> 00:12:46,487 This is my process, Stosh. 306 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,023 I don't tell you how to be a giant asshat all day. 307 00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:50,491 Okay, all right, but you do know 308 00:12:50,524 --> 00:12:52,760 we got to turn in a painting tomorrow, right? 309 00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:53,627 I am on it. 310 00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:56,664 All right. You get back to it. 311 00:12:56,697 --> 00:12:59,167 Yolo. 312 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,169 All right. 313 00:13:01,202 --> 00:13:03,938 Here we go. 314 00:13:03,972 --> 00:13:06,674 Let's light this candle. 315 00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:12,680 All right, why do I smell sandalwood? 316 00:13:12,713 --> 00:13:14,715 Go away. 317 00:13:27,561 --> 00:13:29,563 You're painting the easel. 318 00:13:29,597 --> 00:13:32,133 It looks good, right? The Mason Hotel 319 00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:34,368 wants a painting. 320 00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:36,037 They won't accept an easel. 321 00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:38,672 Or... will they? 322 00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:40,208 No. 323 00:13:40,241 --> 00:13:42,410 They won't. 324 00:13:43,777 --> 00:13:45,379 Why can't I paint? 325 00:13:45,413 --> 00:13:47,982 Why can't I paint? Why? 326 00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:50,218 Why, why, why? Hey, 327 00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:52,720 Zara, Stosh told me about the contest. 328 00:13:52,753 --> 00:13:55,890 Oh! Man, what an exciting time for both of us. 329 00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:57,425 You, about to be a famous artist, 330 00:13:57,458 --> 00:13:59,360 me, about to be the co-third most important piece 331 00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:00,895 on my half of the chessboard. 332 00:14:00,929 --> 00:14:02,496 We're in the spotlight. 333 00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:05,233 Stakes couldn't be higher. All eyes on us. 334 00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:07,335 We fail, we fail in front of the whole world. 335 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,603 Well, good luck. 336 00:14:09,637 --> 00:14:12,941 Oh, that's why. 337 00:14:12,974 --> 00:14:14,976 (sighs) 338 00:14:17,611 --> 00:14:19,113 (footsteps approaching) ERIC: Hey, Caryn. 339 00:14:19,147 --> 00:14:22,516 Aah! Stop being in my house. 340 00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,085 I was just checking in. 341 00:14:24,118 --> 00:14:25,853 How are things going with you and Carl? 342 00:14:25,886 --> 00:14:27,455 Mm, fine. Yeah? 343 00:14:27,488 --> 00:14:29,057 Got another date coming up, or... 344 00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:30,591 Not exactly, no. 345 00:14:30,624 --> 00:14:33,194 What? Hey, you didn't turn him down, did you? 346 00:14:33,227 --> 00:14:34,862 This isn't a done deal for me yet, Caryn. 347 00:14:34,895 --> 00:14:36,764 I did not turn him down. 348 00:14:36,797 --> 00:14:38,099 Well, then, what? 349 00:14:38,132 --> 00:14:39,600 Oh, God. 350 00:14:39,633 --> 00:14:41,235 He hasn't called you? No. 351 00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:42,436 Has he texted you? No. 352 00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:43,604 Have you texted him? Yes. 353 00:14:43,637 --> 00:14:45,606 What did you text? Smiley face yesterday, 354 00:14:45,639 --> 00:14:47,942 winky face today. No response. 355 00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:50,111 This is bad. This is so bad. 356 00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:51,946 Wait. Maybe he's dead. 357 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:53,414 No such luck. I happened to walk 358 00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:54,715 by Tech Town, where he works... 359 00:14:54,748 --> 00:14:56,550 In Staten Island? Mm. Two buses 360 00:14:56,584 --> 00:14:58,953 and a ferry, what of it? He was in there. 361 00:14:58,987 --> 00:15:00,654 So he's alive and he hasn't called you? 362 00:15:00,688 --> 00:15:02,957 He's blowing you off. Caryn, you told me 363 00:15:02,991 --> 00:15:05,659 the date went good. Why is he blowing you off? I don't know. 364 00:15:05,693 --> 00:15:08,963 This is horrible. I'm no happier about it than you are, pal. 365 00:15:08,997 --> 00:15:10,498 What do you care? You didn't even like him. 366 00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:12,800 I didn't like him. And then he blew me off, 367 00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:15,970 and now I do like him. Don't you understand? 368 00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:18,239 This is my disease. Ugh. 369 00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:19,807 And it makes no sense. 370 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,510 How does a guy like that blow me off? 371 00:15:22,543 --> 00:15:24,312 I was a great date. 372 00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:25,646 I even told him that funny story 373 00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,515 from hygienist school-- you know the one-- 374 00:15:27,548 --> 00:15:29,583 the one where the teacher keeps calling me Goldfarm 375 00:15:29,617 --> 00:15:30,985 instead of Goldfarb all year? 376 00:15:31,019 --> 00:15:32,653 That's a terrible story. 377 00:15:32,686 --> 00:15:35,456 You told me you liked it. I was being polite. 378 00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:38,959 Can't you read a room? Eric. Eric, wait. 379 00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:41,129 No, Eric, Eric, please, you have to call him. 380 00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:43,464 No. You're only gonna make it worse. 381 00:15:43,497 --> 00:15:45,699 One more date. Ask him. 382 00:15:45,733 --> 00:15:47,201 No. I might still be okay here. 383 00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:49,003 He asked me to fix him up, and I did. 384 00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,971 It's not my fault you're a giant snooze. 385 00:15:52,673 --> 00:15:55,709 Tell him I'll put out. All the bases. 386 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,350 All right. 387 00:16:02,383 --> 00:16:03,717 I like what I'm seeing. 388 00:16:03,751 --> 00:16:06,020 How we doing? You almost finished? 389 00:16:06,054 --> 00:16:07,755 Pretty much. Awesome. 390 00:16:09,157 --> 00:16:10,291 What the hell is that? 391 00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:12,026 I tried going back to the basics. 392 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:16,230 This is the "Draw Me" turtle from the matchbook ads. See? This sucks. 393 00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:18,299 I know. Zara, come on. 394 00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:20,501 Work with me here, all right? 395 00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:22,236 We got to turn in a painting tonight. 396 00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:23,704 Please, be a professional. 397 00:16:23,737 --> 00:16:26,207 That's the problem-- I am not a professional. 398 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,809 I am just a person and I like to paint, 399 00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:31,045 but I can't do it with all of these people 400 00:16:31,079 --> 00:16:33,581 just watching over me and expecting some 401 00:16:33,614 --> 00:16:35,349 brilliance out of me. 402 00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:36,717 You messed with my head, 403 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,986 just so you could get 25% of the money. 404 00:16:39,019 --> 00:16:41,755 Well, I thought we settled on 35, but that's not the point. 405 00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:44,992 I can't do it. Just... There's too much pressure. 406 00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:46,494 Just call the... 407 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:49,363 the hotel people and tell them that I... 408 00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:51,199 I can't do it. 409 00:16:52,266 --> 00:16:54,402 Fine. 410 00:16:54,435 --> 00:16:56,837 Fine. You know... 411 00:16:56,870 --> 00:17:00,408 You want to blow the best damn opportunity you've ever had, 412 00:17:00,441 --> 00:17:02,276 then you go right ahead. 413 00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:03,577 It's ringing. 414 00:17:03,611 --> 00:17:06,147 I thought you were my rep. 415 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,284 Hey, Rachel. 416 00:17:10,318 --> 00:17:12,086 Stosh Lewandoski. 417 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,589 Yeah, hi. Uh, well... not-not so good, actually. 418 00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:17,891 Listen, I know it's the 11th hour, but, uh, 419 00:17:17,925 --> 00:17:20,060 unfortunately, Zara's got to drop out. 420 00:17:20,094 --> 00:17:22,696 Yeah, I know, I know. I know, I'm sorry, but she's just 421 00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:25,466 got some personal stuff going on. 422 00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:26,800 Okay. All right, thank you. 423 00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:29,770 Well, I... Thank you very much. Bye. 424 00:17:30,838 --> 00:17:34,308 Sorry I let you down. Nah. 425 00:17:34,342 --> 00:17:36,444 No, it's my fault. 426 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:38,712 You know, I didn't get you till now. 427 00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:41,782 You don't paint for the world, you paint for yourself. 428 00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:44,285 You know, it's a personal expression of your own 429 00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:45,719 isolation and loneliness. 430 00:17:45,753 --> 00:17:48,122 Just you, in your own 431 00:17:48,156 --> 00:17:51,058 dark little universe. 432 00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:53,161 It-It's okay. 433 00:17:53,194 --> 00:17:55,629 You're back there now. 434 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,809 Two hours should do it. 435 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,682 Knight to king bishop four. 436 00:18:21,289 --> 00:18:22,423 (whispers): Carl. 437 00:18:22,456 --> 00:18:24,325 Hey, how you doing? 438 00:18:24,358 --> 00:18:26,527 Fine, thanks. 439 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,762 So, uh, this time next week, you're gonna be king? 440 00:18:28,796 --> 00:18:31,832 Pawn to queen's rook three. That's pretty exciting. 441 00:18:31,865 --> 00:18:33,834 Yes, it is. 442 00:18:33,867 --> 00:18:37,471 And, uh, I guess I'll be... I mean... 443 00:18:37,505 --> 00:18:38,872 were you...were you still thinking 444 00:18:38,906 --> 00:18:40,374 about making me a rook, or... 445 00:18:40,408 --> 00:18:42,510 Rook to king five. 446 00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:44,578 Excuse me. Sorry. 447 00:18:47,381 --> 00:18:48,549 Caryn? 448 00:18:48,582 --> 00:18:50,351 Carl. Oh, my God, hi. 449 00:18:50,384 --> 00:18:53,321 That's right, you do this whole human chess thing, too. 450 00:18:53,354 --> 00:18:55,723 What a dummy, I forgot. How are you? 451 00:18:55,756 --> 00:18:57,358 Are you stalking me? 452 00:18:57,391 --> 00:18:58,959 Stalking you? 453 00:18:58,992 --> 00:19:00,894 Pawn to bishop three. Me, stalking you? Yeah, okay, 454 00:19:00,928 --> 00:19:03,531 I'm stalking you. I am stalking you. 455 00:19:03,564 --> 00:19:05,533 I know. I saw you crouching in the bushes 456 00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:07,034 outside of Tech Town. Why are you 457 00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:09,370 ignoring me? You said you had a great time. 458 00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:10,871 You said you were gonna call me. 459 00:19:10,904 --> 00:19:13,106 Rook to queen's knight five. 460 00:19:14,408 --> 00:19:16,277 Wait. 461 00:19:17,511 --> 00:19:18,546 What are you doing? 462 00:19:18,579 --> 00:19:19,847 Get back to your square. 463 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,382 Yeah, yeah, in a second. I just... I need 464 00:19:21,415 --> 00:19:22,883 to know why you didn't call me back. 465 00:19:22,916 --> 00:19:24,218 Was it the Goldfarm story? 466 00:19:24,252 --> 00:19:25,486 Because I realized after-- 467 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:27,221 I never got to the funniest part. 468 00:19:27,255 --> 00:19:28,722 Caryn, you need to get back 469 00:19:28,756 --> 00:19:30,391 to knight three right now. No. 470 00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:32,993 Carl, please, come over tonight and I'll make you dinner. 471 00:19:33,026 --> 00:19:35,062 Oh, hey, you like a nice brisket? What did she 472 00:19:35,095 --> 00:19:36,997 just say about a dinner? You told me you were 473 00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:39,667 through with her. I am. She just showed up here. 474 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,602 Okay, missy, this does not concern you. 475 00:19:41,635 --> 00:19:43,837 I think it does. I'm his girlfriend. We had a fight 476 00:19:43,871 --> 00:19:46,006 last week and he just went out with you to make me jealous. 477 00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:49,543 You went out with me to make her jealous? 478 00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:51,879 You literally used me as a pawn? 479 00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,548 (short laugh) I thought that was rather elegant, actually. 480 00:19:54,582 --> 00:19:57,385 That was not nice, Carl. Caryn's a good person. 481 00:19:57,418 --> 00:19:59,052 And she's very emotionally fragile. 482 00:19:59,086 --> 00:20:00,788 Go back to your square. No one wants you 483 00:20:00,821 --> 00:20:04,792 on this part of the board. (gasps) Oh, no, you did not. 484 00:20:05,893 --> 00:20:07,895 Bring it. (grunting) 485 00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:10,464 No, Caryn, no. Get off... Get off her. 486 00:20:10,498 --> 00:20:12,032 You get your hands off her, Carl. 487 00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,602 (grunting) 488 00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:17,271 (everyone growling, grunting) 489 00:20:17,305 --> 00:20:18,439 Bishops don't move that way. 490 00:20:18,472 --> 00:20:20,941 CARL: I'm filing a formal complaint. 491 00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,310 (grunts) 492 00:20:22,343 --> 00:20:24,445 WOMAN: Come on! Ugh. 493 00:20:24,478 --> 00:20:27,214 There will be disqualifications. 494 00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:29,249 (alarm blaring) 495 00:20:43,997 --> 00:20:46,266 Oh, wow. 496 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:47,601 Great work, babe. 497 00:20:47,635 --> 00:20:50,438 All right, let's go. 498 00:20:50,471 --> 00:20:51,805 Where are we going? 499 00:20:51,839 --> 00:20:54,107 To the Mason. They're waiting for this. 500 00:20:54,141 --> 00:20:56,977 We quit. You called the fancy lady. 501 00:20:57,010 --> 00:21:00,247 No, no, I called Mr. Fong. He does my shirts. 502 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,283 He was very confused. Very confused. 503 00:21:04,818 --> 00:21:08,155 Wai-Wait, wait, seriously? 504 00:21:08,188 --> 00:21:10,458 Wait, Stosh, wait up. 505 00:21:10,491 --> 00:21:12,693 Aah! 506 00:21:15,863 --> 00:21:17,998 Eric, I told you, I'm sorry. 507 00:21:18,031 --> 00:21:20,668 A checker. I'm demoted to a checker for six months. 508 00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,169 Are you happy now? 509 00:21:22,202 --> 00:21:24,705 Checkers can be fun. They get to jump over each other. 510 00:21:24,738 --> 00:21:26,674 Don't you dare take her side. You know, I really 511 00:21:26,707 --> 00:21:29,610 like what you did here with the smiley face. It's very artistic. 512 00:21:29,643 --> 00:21:32,946 Happens to be my field. I'd like to rep you. 513 00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,215 Uh, I don't make the smiley faces. Pancho does. 514 00:21:35,248 --> 00:21:37,418 I don't care, I'd still like to rep you. 515 00:21:41,389 --> 00:21:43,023 Can't cut my pancakes. 516 00:21:44,358 --> 00:21:47,361 Oh, okay, all right, okay, all right, okay. 517 00:21:47,395 --> 00:21:48,529 I should have been a rook. 518 00:21:48,562 --> 00:21:49,697 Whoa! Whoa! Excuse me. 519 00:21:49,730 --> 00:21:52,299 Guess that means more pancakes for us. 520 00:21:52,332 --> 00:21:53,501 Good night. 521 00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:55,068 Hmm. 522 00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:57,938 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org