1
00:00:17,972 --> 00:00:20,175
Welcome to Smigus-Dyngus!

2
00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:21,276
(laughs)

3
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:22,411
It's my favorite Polish
family holiday.

4
00:00:22,444 --> 00:00:23,845
As you know,

5
00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:25,747
this is a bittersweet
Dyngus for me.

6
00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:27,849
Uh, it's my first one
without my mom or my pop.

7
00:00:27,882 --> 00:00:28,950
But I am happy

8
00:00:28,983 --> 00:00:30,252
to be reunited

9
00:00:30,285 --> 00:00:31,086
with Stosh,
Mmm.

10
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,687
my kuzyn,

11
00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,889
and now I have two
wonderful new friends.

12
00:00:34,923 --> 00:00:37,126
So it is the dawn
of a new Dyngus.

13
00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,860
Let's get our
Dyngus on, people.

14
00:00:38,893 --> 00:00:40,895
Oh, uh, first a toast.

15
00:00:40,929 --> 00:00:42,764
Uh, as our Grandma Tekla

16
00:00:42,797 --> 00:00:44,199
used to say...

17
00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:46,768
(speaks Polish)

18
00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:50,805
(continues speaking Polish)

19
00:00:55,977 --> 00:00:59,748
(shouting in Polish)

20
00:00:59,781 --> 00:01:01,450
(Caryn and Zara gasp)

21
00:01:01,483 --> 00:01:03,218
Guys, stop.

22
00:01:03,252 --> 00:01:04,319
(shouting in Polish)

23
00:01:04,353 --> 00:01:06,155
(Caryn and Zara scream)

24
00:01:07,356 --> 00:01:09,291
And scene.
(laughs)

25
00:01:09,324 --> 00:01:10,759
(gasps)
What?!

26
00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:13,328
Welcome to our
reenactment

27
00:01:13,362 --> 00:01:15,997
of every Lewandoski
family gathering ever.

28
00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:18,600
(Polish polka music playing)

29
00:01:24,173 --> 00:01:27,176
(toasts in Polish)

30
00:01:30,645 --> 00:01:33,915
It's-it's a heavy wall.
She can't get out.

31
00:01:33,948 --> 00:01:35,817
(indistinct chatter)

32
00:01:36,851 --> 00:01:38,153
* He's leaving

33
00:01:38,187 --> 00:01:39,754
* Leaving *
(giggles)

34
00:01:39,788 --> 00:01:42,324
* On that midnight train
to Georgia *

35
00:01:42,357 --> 00:01:43,692
* Leaving on
that midnight train *

36
00:01:43,725 --> 00:01:46,628
* To Georgia *
* Hey...

37
00:01:46,661 --> 00:01:47,829
(imitates train whistle)

38
00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:49,030
* Let it all out

39
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,265
* Shake, shout

40
00:01:50,299 --> 00:01:52,934
* Shake, shake, shake, shout

41
00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:55,537
* Turn up now
before you pop... *

42
00:01:59,474 --> 00:02:01,443
(singing in Polish)

43
00:02:01,476 --> 00:02:04,613
(singing nonsense)

44
00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:05,647
That's not Polish.

45
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,149
It's Pole...ish.

46
00:02:08,183 --> 00:02:09,318
Look at us, guys.

47
00:02:09,351 --> 00:02:11,052
We're like
a family now.

48
00:02:11,085 --> 00:02:13,154
I mean, maybe someday
when we all have children,

49
00:02:13,188 --> 00:02:15,156
I can share my Dyngus
with them, too.

50
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:17,959
Zara, can we borrow the
van for a couple hours?

51
00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:19,861
Sure thing, butch.

52
00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:21,196
(shouts)

53
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,464
(loud crash)
Oh!

54
00:02:22,497 --> 00:02:23,532
Got 'em.

55
00:02:23,565 --> 00:02:26,000
Hmm.
Good-bye.

56
00:02:26,034 --> 00:02:27,369
And what's my Oscar
the Grouch puppet doing

57
00:02:27,402 --> 00:02:28,470
in this trash can?
Come on.

58
00:02:28,503 --> 00:02:29,838
* Night...
Let's get in the van.

59
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,546
Uh-oh.

60
00:02:37,579 --> 00:02:40,415
Someone broke in and added
more stairs to our house.

61
00:02:40,449 --> 00:02:42,351
Hey, which one of us
should be the "drover"?

62
00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:45,387
The sober one should
be the "drover."

63
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,256
Where are we heading?

64
00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:48,657
To see my son.

65
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:49,591
Awesome.

66
00:02:49,624 --> 00:02:51,660
Let's do it.

67
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,362
Wait, you have a son?

68
00:02:53,395 --> 00:02:54,363
Get in!

69
00:02:54,396 --> 00:02:56,097
(shouting)

70
00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:57,832
(laughing)

71
00:02:57,866 --> 00:03:00,201
Get up!

72
00:03:00,235 --> 00:03:01,436
What happened?

73
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:03,372
(laughing):
You made me laugh.

74
00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:05,740
I pierogied my pants.

75
00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:09,010
(both sigh)

76
00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:10,445
I just can't
get over it.

77
00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:12,247
You have an actual son?

78
00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:15,216
Which means I have an actual
first cousin once-removed.

79
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,018
Huh! Where does this end?

80
00:03:17,051 --> 00:03:18,287
Probably right there.

81
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,888
Tell me all about him.

82
00:03:19,921 --> 00:03:21,790
Like, everything--
I want to know every detail.

83
00:03:21,823 --> 00:03:24,593
I knocked up a cocktail waitress
when I was 23.

84
00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:26,528
She had the kid but said
I couldn't see him

85
00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:28,630
because I was
an irresponsible douche bag.

86
00:03:28,663 --> 00:03:30,265
Which I was.

87
00:03:30,299 --> 00:03:32,267
And so I didn't.

88
00:03:32,301 --> 00:03:33,435
That's every detail.

89
00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:34,903
Wow.

90
00:03:36,405 --> 00:03:38,172
Tell it again.

91
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,876
I knocked up a cocktail
waitress when I was 23.

92
00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:43,912
She had the kid but
said I couldn't see him

93
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:45,547
because I was an
irresponsible douche bag.

94
00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,316
(laughs)
Love that part.

95
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,452
So I always wanted a cat,
but it turned out

96
00:03:50,485 --> 00:03:51,820
that my father was
allergic to cats.

97
00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:53,488
So they got me a turtle instead.

98
00:03:53,522 --> 00:03:54,889
But then it turned out
that the turtle was allergic

99
00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:56,425
to my father, and it died.
Weird, right?

100
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,926
Did you ever have a cat?

101
00:03:57,959 --> 00:04:01,062
I wanted one, but the
sultan forbade felines

102
00:04:01,095 --> 00:04:02,964
within the palace walls,

103
00:04:02,997 --> 00:04:05,367
so I had to play
with the slaves.

104
00:04:07,135 --> 00:04:09,137
I actually have no idea
if you're kidding.

105
00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:10,405
(chuckles)

106
00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:11,640
I am,

107
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:14,443
but your story's still
weirder, nutcase.

108
00:04:14,476 --> 00:04:19,414
(laughs) Oh, I am so glad we
became Dyngus sisters tonight.

109
00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:20,649
Mmm.

110
00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:22,417
The Dyng bring us
together.

111
00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:23,418
(snorts)

112
00:04:23,452 --> 00:04:24,653
(laughs)

113
00:04:24,686 --> 00:04:27,155
Ow.
Ooh, "ow" can be our safeword.

114
00:04:27,188 --> 00:04:28,423
Ow.

115
00:04:28,457 --> 00:04:29,624
Yep.

116
00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:33,762
Wake up.

117
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,196
Clear history!
Shh-shh-shh.

118
00:04:35,229 --> 00:04:36,798
This is his school.

119
00:04:36,831 --> 00:04:38,967
Oh, man.

120
00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:41,770
He's in there somewhere.

121
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,171
Mm-hmm.

122
00:04:43,204 --> 00:04:44,205
You excited?

123
00:04:44,238 --> 00:04:45,374
Yeah, I am.

124
00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:46,975
(laughs)

125
00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:48,777
You know, the Dyngus party
really got me thinking.

126
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,679
I got a son, Eric.

127
00:04:50,712 --> 00:04:53,548
He should know that his own
father cares about him, right?

128
00:04:53,582 --> 00:04:55,350
Well, definitely,
he should know.

129
00:04:55,384 --> 00:04:56,551
And he will know.

130
00:04:56,585 --> 00:04:57,552
Here, go give
him this 50.

131
00:04:57,586 --> 00:04:59,821
What, you don't want
to meet him?

132
00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:01,155
I told you-- I
can't, all right?

133
00:05:01,189 --> 00:05:02,357
Just go on,
give him the 50.

134
00:05:02,391 --> 00:05:03,458
Actually, you
know what?

135
00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:04,793
Make it a hundred.

136
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,194
I only got one
kid, right?

137
00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:09,398
Actually, that
might not be right.

138
00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:11,566
How do I find him?
Like, what's he look like?

139
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,468
I don't know.

140
00:05:13,502 --> 00:05:14,836
Cavelli-- last
name's Cavelli.

141
00:05:14,869 --> 00:05:17,071
I'll do the old
fake cough routine.

142
00:05:18,407 --> 00:05:20,375
(laughs)

143
00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:25,480
(coughing):
Cavelli? Cavelli?

144
00:05:25,514 --> 00:05:26,548
Damn it.

145
00:05:26,581 --> 00:05:28,417
It sounds like
I'm actually coughing.

146
00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:30,585
Does it?

147
00:05:32,053 --> 00:05:34,288
ERIC (coughing):
Cavelli.

148
00:05:37,892 --> 00:05:40,595
Oh, hey.

149
00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:42,230
Regina, hey,
how are you this morning?

150
00:05:42,263 --> 00:05:43,665
What the hell are
you doing here?

151
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:45,400
Look, I'm not trying
to see the kid, all right?

152
00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:47,268
I'm just dropping off
an anonymous gift.

153
00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:49,003
Don't make a big stink
about it-- I've done it before.

154
00:05:49,037 --> 00:05:50,439
Uh, yeah, I
know, Stosh.

155
00:05:50,472 --> 00:05:51,840
And I know it's you
who throws a brick

156
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,007
through our window
every Christmas.

157
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:54,242
With a gift attached, yeah.

158
00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:55,744
(scoffs)
And a second brick

159
00:05:55,777 --> 00:05:57,579
with a receipt
in case he doesn't like it.

160
00:05:59,548 --> 00:06:00,582
(coughing):
Cavelli.
Can I help you?

161
00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:02,617
Indeed, you
can, Officer.

162
00:06:02,651 --> 00:06:05,587
I am looking for one
beautiful young boy

163
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:09,524
who might want to go home
with a hundred dollars.

164
00:06:09,558 --> 00:06:11,025
Look, just knock it off with
the drive-by gifting, huh?

165
00:06:11,059 --> 00:06:12,894
It's stupid.
What else you want me to do?

166
00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:14,095
You won't let me see him.

167
00:06:14,128 --> 00:06:15,464
Oh, like you even
want to see him.

168
00:06:15,497 --> 00:06:16,431
I do want to see him.
Yeah, right.

169
00:06:16,465 --> 00:06:17,599
Yeah, right.
Okay, fine.

170
00:06:17,632 --> 00:06:19,468
Okay, fine. What?

171
00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,202
Take him, go ahead.

172
00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:23,638
Try to be an actual parent
for a couple of days.

173
00:06:23,672 --> 00:06:24,439
Meet me here at 3:00.

174
00:06:24,473 --> 00:06:25,907
ERIC:
Stosh!
3:00.

175
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:27,476
Stosh, help me!
(Taser crackling)

176
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,983
So, Frank.

177
00:06:35,016 --> 00:06:38,052
Sorry we haven't done this
sooner, but you know how it is.

178
00:06:38,086 --> 00:06:41,623
I've been busy, I'm sure
you've been slammed.

179
00:06:41,656 --> 00:06:45,426
The important thing
is... we're here now.

180
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:49,130
You know, we got two whole days
to get to know each other.

181
00:06:50,298 --> 00:06:51,500
Wh-Why don't you
kick it off, huh?

182
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:52,634
Tell me about yourself.

183
00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:53,835
You got any hobbies?

184
00:06:53,868 --> 00:06:56,605
Yeah, I'm
a frickin' ballerina.

185
00:06:56,638 --> 00:06:58,072
Okay, I'll kick it off.

186
00:06:58,106 --> 00:07:00,008
I'm in the dental
sales field.

187
00:07:00,041 --> 00:07:02,143
I was a sales rep for
a dental products firm

188
00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:03,678
called Sunny Smile.

189
00:07:03,712 --> 00:07:05,847
We sold, uh, non-acrylic
teeth-whitening products

190
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,749
to dentists and
commercial retailers.

191
00:07:07,782 --> 00:07:12,153
Currently, I'm exploring
opportunities in other fields.

192
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:15,824
Wow, that was worth
the 12-year wait.

193
00:07:15,857 --> 00:07:18,292
Okay.

194
00:07:18,326 --> 00:07:22,964
Okay, I think we need to address
the elephant in the room.

195
00:07:22,997 --> 00:07:25,133
You're angry with me.

196
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:28,537
I'm your father, and I wasn't
a part of your life.

197
00:07:30,338 --> 00:07:31,640
I left you high and dry.

198
00:07:31,673 --> 00:07:33,842
And you probably see
other kids out there

199
00:07:33,875 --> 00:07:35,276
playing with
their dads,

200
00:07:35,309 --> 00:07:38,179
you know, maybe playing
a game of catch

201
00:07:38,212 --> 00:07:41,015
or getting an ice cream cone.

202
00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:44,853
And it hurts like a bitch,
doesn't it?

203
00:07:44,886 --> 00:07:46,655
I know. Believe me,

204
00:07:46,688 --> 00:07:48,890
I get it.

205
00:07:51,092 --> 00:07:53,628
I get it.

206
00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:56,397
(sighs)

207
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,571
So, we good?

208
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,373
(door opens)

209
00:08:05,406 --> 00:08:07,308
CARYN:
Hey.

210
00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:09,310
I am so glad you're home.

211
00:08:09,343 --> 00:08:11,312
I pierogied, and I can't get up.

212
00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,715
I... got you something.

213
00:08:13,748 --> 00:08:15,817
What is it?
It's a card.

214
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:17,218
A greeting card.

215
00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:18,687
Here, let me.

216
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,354
I mean, I know
how they work,

217
00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:21,823
but what's
the occasion?

218
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:23,592
Nothing, really.

219
00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:27,596
I just had a few thoughts on you
and me and our friendship.

220
00:08:27,629 --> 00:08:28,529
Oh.
Here.

221
00:08:28,563 --> 00:08:30,031
Oh.
You can read it.

222
00:08:31,766 --> 00:08:33,768
Holy crap.

223
00:08:33,802 --> 00:08:37,038
I had taken an Adderall,
but it is all from the heart.

224
00:08:37,071 --> 00:08:38,372
Wow.

225
00:08:38,406 --> 00:08:41,242
Caryn, do you mind
if I read this later

226
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:43,211
so that I can really...

227
00:08:43,244 --> 00:08:45,046
not read it right now?

228
00:08:45,079 --> 00:08:46,214
Oh, yeah, totally,
absolutely.

229
00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:47,481
Great.

230
00:08:49,483 --> 00:08:51,385
So can I just tell you
what it says?

231
00:08:51,419 --> 00:08:52,754
Yeah.
Okay.

232
00:08:52,787 --> 00:08:54,355
Here's the thing--

233
00:08:54,388 --> 00:08:56,591
I have always had terrible luck
with friendships.

234
00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:59,628
A lot of my female friends
have either gotten married

235
00:08:59,661 --> 00:09:01,796
or hated me.

236
00:09:01,830 --> 00:09:03,264
Terrible luck.

237
00:09:03,297 --> 00:09:05,634
And last night,
when we were on the stairs,

238
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:08,469
I just felt like
we had a real connection.

239
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:11,039
We did, right?
Yeah.

240
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,474
Fourth stair club...!
Oh...

241
00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:14,943
Oh.

242
00:09:14,976 --> 00:09:16,878
So, anyway,
here's the thing.

243
00:09:16,911 --> 00:09:19,648
I just wanted to tell you
that I'm really happy

244
00:09:19,681 --> 00:09:22,817
you're in my life,
and last night was a lot of fun,

245
00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:24,953
and I can't wait
to do it again soon.

246
00:09:24,986 --> 00:09:26,387
Yeah, me, too.
When?

247
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:28,089
When what?
When can we do
it again?

248
00:09:28,122 --> 00:09:30,491
Um...
Because I was
thinking, tonight,

249
00:09:30,524 --> 00:09:33,461
you and me can hang out
and I can make tacos.

250
00:09:33,494 --> 00:09:35,630
I just got a coupon
for shells.

251
00:09:35,664 --> 00:09:37,165
That sounds great.

252
00:09:37,198 --> 00:09:38,800
Great, okay.
I'm gonna go shopping.

253
00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:41,169
I have such a good feeling
about our friendship.

254
00:09:41,202 --> 00:09:42,837
Just don't go
getting married on me.

255
00:09:42,871 --> 00:09:44,472
Okay.

256
00:09:44,505 --> 00:09:45,674
Seriously, don't.

257
00:09:45,707 --> 00:09:46,675
Okay.

258
00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:48,609
Okay.

259
00:09:55,717 --> 00:09:57,686
Hey, is your mom still dancing

260
00:09:57,719 --> 00:09:59,087
down at the...?

261
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,488
Never mind.

262
00:10:00,521 --> 00:10:02,256
Here we go.

263
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,858
Found some items
in the basement a young fellow

264
00:10:03,892 --> 00:10:05,293
like you might find
entertaining.

265
00:10:06,828 --> 00:10:08,329
We got Trouble.

266
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:11,299
The game, that is.

267
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:12,701
(laughs)

268
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:13,935
Ah, you know what?

269
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:16,270
I think the Pop-O-Matic
bubble's gone.

270
00:10:16,304 --> 00:10:18,940
I used it in a lung transplant
when I was playing Operation.

271
00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:20,541
He didn't make it.

272
00:10:20,574 --> 00:10:21,876
Ooh!

273
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,712
Movies.

274
00:10:23,745 --> 00:10:26,514
Bambi-- hmm,
sad and scary but good.

275
00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:27,849
Thumbelina--

276
00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:29,884
oh, off the charts, scary-wise.

277
00:10:29,918 --> 00:10:31,219
Memphis Belle,
Godfather...

278
00:10:31,252 --> 00:10:32,721
You know what?
Let's do The Godfather.

279
00:10:32,754 --> 00:10:33,788
Have you seen The Godfather?

280
00:10:33,822 --> 00:10:35,323
No.

281
00:10:35,356 --> 00:10:37,859
Where's it rank scary-wise,
compared to Thumbelina?

282
00:10:37,892 --> 00:10:39,493
Not even close.

283
00:10:39,527 --> 00:10:42,030
CARLO (over TV):
We lost enough money
last week on the game.

284
00:10:42,063 --> 00:10:44,132
(children shout, tires screech)

285
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:46,968
Carlo, come here, come here,
come here, come here.

286
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:50,004
(crowd clamoring)

287
00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:59,748
So, what do you think?

288
00:10:59,781 --> 00:11:01,682
If I could go back in time,

289
00:11:01,716 --> 00:11:03,752
I would re-enter
my mother's womb,

290
00:11:03,785 --> 00:11:05,920
pop out again,
spend every second

291
00:11:05,954 --> 00:11:07,756
of my life watching
this movie.

292
00:11:07,789 --> 00:11:09,190
I respect that choice.

293
00:11:09,223 --> 00:11:11,893
I take it back.

294
00:11:11,926 --> 00:11:14,162
I don't want
to watch the movie.

295
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:15,897
I want to live in it.

296
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:18,566
I want to be
Sonny Corleone.

297
00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:20,769
There's a scene coming up that
might make you change your mind.

298
00:11:20,802 --> 00:11:22,170
ERIC:
Stosh?

299
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,772
I really think this is
a little too scary

300
00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:25,740
for Frank to be watching.

301
00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:31,245
You touch my sister again,
I'll kill you.

302
00:11:34,248 --> 00:11:35,383
Oh, my God!

303
00:11:35,416 --> 00:11:36,584
Again?

304
00:11:36,617 --> 00:11:38,052
Crank her up!

305
00:11:39,988 --> 00:11:41,555
Oh, God.

306
00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:50,264
*

307
00:12:18,026 --> 00:12:19,760
(gasping)

308
00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:22,997
CARYN:
Hi!

309
00:12:23,031 --> 00:12:24,432
I have

310
00:12:24,465 --> 00:12:27,969
such a big surprise for you!

311
00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,904
Something's happening.

312
00:12:29,938 --> 00:12:31,672
Remember how yesterday on
the stairs we were talking about

313
00:12:31,705 --> 00:12:34,342
how we both always wanted cats
when we were growing up?

314
00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,477
Well... ta-da!

315
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,179
Outside the grocery store
was this

316
00:12:38,212 --> 00:12:39,613
pet adoption thing,
which was kismet,

317
00:12:39,647 --> 00:12:41,782
so I got us a cat
and named it...

318
00:12:41,816 --> 00:12:43,151
Kismet!

319
00:12:43,184 --> 00:12:44,685
Kismet,

320
00:12:44,718 --> 00:12:45,954
meet Zara.

321
00:12:45,987 --> 00:12:48,456
Now, the guy said
to let him out very slowly

322
00:12:48,489 --> 00:12:50,591
and let him sniff out
his environment.

323
00:12:50,624 --> 00:12:52,660
Yeah. Oh! Oh! Wait! No!

324
00:12:52,693 --> 00:12:54,628
Ooh.

325
00:12:54,662 --> 00:12:57,265
I guess Kismet
wasn't meant to be.

326
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,300
(man speaking Italian)

327
00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:06,941
Hey, Luca Brasi's
about to get whacked.

328
00:13:06,975 --> 00:13:08,910
You're gonna miss it.

329
00:13:17,418 --> 00:13:19,020
All right.
You know what?

330
00:13:19,053 --> 00:13:20,721
I think it's time
we called it a night.

331
00:13:20,754 --> 00:13:21,722
No, no. Not yet.

332
00:13:21,755 --> 00:13:22,991
I want to see Apollonia get

333
00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:24,225
blown to bits one more time.

334
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:26,027
You said that three
car bombs ago.

335
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,061
Now, come on.
Don't work me.

336
00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:28,129
You got school tomorrow.

337
00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:30,231
Lay down.

338
00:13:30,264 --> 00:13:32,200
School bites.

339
00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:34,535
Can you take me to
Kiddie World instead?

340
00:13:34,568 --> 00:13:37,038
The strip club? It's fully nude.
There's no booze.

341
00:13:37,071 --> 00:13:39,740
Not Kitty World.
Kiddie World.

342
00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,842
It's an amusement park.

343
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:42,911
Why the hell would
you want to go there?

344
00:13:42,944 --> 00:13:44,345
I'm 12, you ass.

345
00:13:44,378 --> 00:13:47,115
Okay. I'll take you
to Kiddie World.

346
00:13:48,782 --> 00:13:51,052
All right, now, come on.

347
00:13:51,085 --> 00:13:53,021
Try to get some sleep, huh?

348
00:13:53,054 --> 00:13:54,923
Good night, kid.
Good night, Dad.

349
00:14:02,964 --> 00:14:04,365
How long you been
standing there?

350
00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:05,366
Long enough

351
00:14:05,399 --> 00:14:06,734
to hear a boy and his father

352
00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,736
have a very special moment.

353
00:14:08,769 --> 00:14:09,770
He called you Dad.

354
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:10,771
No, no. No, no, no.

355
00:14:10,804 --> 00:14:12,706
He called me dude.

356
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,742
It's like all my Dyngus dreams
are coming true.

357
00:14:14,775 --> 00:14:16,777
All right, you know what?
Now you're bugging me.

358
00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,112
I'm gonna get some fresh air.

359
00:14:18,146 --> 00:14:20,414
Next year, we're gonna have
a huge Dyngus.

360
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:35,129
Why are you sitting in there?

361
00:14:35,163 --> 00:14:36,564
It's Taco Tuesday.

362
00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:37,898
Oh, yeah?

363
00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:40,034
Am I very early or very late?

364
00:14:40,068 --> 00:14:42,103
You don't know what's
going on in that house.

365
00:14:42,136 --> 00:14:44,138
There's a Jewish woman
cooking Mexican food,

366
00:14:44,172 --> 00:14:46,107
singing "Mambo Italiano."

367
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:47,375
I had to run away.

368
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:48,909
I hear you.

369
00:14:48,943 --> 00:14:50,979
I got two people up there
acting like we're family

370
00:14:51,012 --> 00:14:52,913
just 'cause we're related
to each other.

371
00:14:52,947 --> 00:14:54,582
(groans)
What is with people?

372
00:14:54,615 --> 00:14:56,217
You share one nice
moment with them,

373
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:58,052
and then suddenly
they want to have

374
00:14:58,086 --> 00:15:00,788
more nice moments,
like, all the time.

375
00:15:00,821 --> 00:15:02,556
It's a sickness.
Yes.

376
00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:03,992
Thank you.
It is a sickness.

377
00:15:04,025 --> 00:15:05,726
And it's a trap.

378
00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:07,228
'Cause if you have
more nice moments with them,

379
00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:08,963
eventually they'll figure out
what a worthless

380
00:15:08,997 --> 00:15:12,000
piece of crap you are,
and then what do you got, right?

381
00:15:12,033 --> 00:15:13,767
Emotional commitment
to other human beings.

382
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:15,236
(groans)

383
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:17,405
My number one pet peeve.

384
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:18,839
Well, that and
Capri pants.

385
00:15:18,872 --> 00:15:20,174
Really?

386
00:15:20,208 --> 00:15:22,743
I think they're
a breezy summer look.

387
00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:23,978
You would.

388
00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:25,446
(cell phone chiming)

389
00:15:25,479 --> 00:15:28,049
Caryn video-calling me.

390
00:15:29,283 --> 00:15:31,986
Guess I got to do
what I got to do.

391
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:33,154
Hi!

392
00:15:33,187 --> 00:15:34,022
Hi! Whoa!

393
00:15:34,055 --> 00:15:35,956
Where are you?

394
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,658
Craziest thing!
I went to visit

395
00:15:37,691 --> 00:15:40,328
a friend of mine on his boat,
and we were out on the river,

396
00:15:40,361 --> 00:15:42,163
and then the fog rolled in.

397
00:15:42,196 --> 00:15:44,865
Now we're 20 klicks off course
and the river patrol...

398
00:15:44,898 --> 00:15:47,168
Oh, my God!
He's calling a code 12!

399
00:15:47,201 --> 00:15:48,436
What?! Oh, my goodness!

400
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,204
Well, the most important thing

401
00:15:50,238 --> 00:15:52,040
is that you stay safe.

402
00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:53,641
Yeah.

403
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:55,643
And that you make it back
for Taco Tuesday.

404
00:15:55,676 --> 00:15:58,046
(imitates foghorn)

405
00:15:58,079 --> 00:15:59,547
Oh! The wind's picking up.

406
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:01,115
Lower the mizzen mast!

407
00:16:01,149 --> 00:16:04,118
Oh, shoot. I got to go
lower the mizzen mast.

408
00:16:04,152 --> 00:16:06,020
Bye.

409
00:16:06,054 --> 00:16:07,621
Iceberg right ahead!

410
00:16:07,655 --> 00:16:09,157
I hung up.
Oh.

411
00:16:13,194 --> 00:16:14,662
Okay! Anyone who's excited to go

412
00:16:14,695 --> 00:16:16,164
to go to Kiddie Land
with their dad today,

413
00:16:16,197 --> 00:16:17,998
raise his hand.
(whoops)

414
00:16:18,032 --> 00:16:19,933
Who are you?

415
00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:21,902
Oh, yeah.

416
00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:23,671
(ringtone playing)

417
00:16:23,704 --> 00:16:25,239
Oh, it's Stosh.

418
00:16:25,273 --> 00:16:27,007
I thought he was
down here with you.

419
00:16:28,276 --> 00:16:30,178
Hey!

420
00:16:30,211 --> 00:16:32,213
Aw, hey, Frank.
Damnedest thing.

421
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:34,014
I got a phone call
late last night

422
00:16:34,048 --> 00:16:36,684
to come down here to Philly
for a job interview.

423
00:16:36,717 --> 00:16:38,919
I would've told you,
but I didn't want to wake you.

424
00:16:38,952 --> 00:16:40,488
I won't be home
till late tonight

425
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,056
after your mom picks you up.

426
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,857
But I bet there's someone there

427
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:46,260
who would love to take you
to Kiddie World!

428
00:16:46,294 --> 00:16:49,063
First cousin once removed
Eric Lewandoski at your service.

429
00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:50,264
Sure.

430
00:16:50,298 --> 00:16:51,532
All right, have fun.

431
00:16:51,565 --> 00:16:53,767
See you when I see you.

432
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,947
ERIC: So this is
what I was thinking.

433
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:09,117
Before we get on any rides,
we grab a couple churros,

434
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:12,420
and we take the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo around the park.

435
00:17:12,453 --> 00:17:14,888
You know, just to get
the lay of the land.

436
00:17:14,922 --> 00:17:17,691
You think my dad was lying
about that job interview?

437
00:17:17,725 --> 00:17:20,461
You know, to avoid
hanging out with me?

438
00:17:20,494 --> 00:17:23,063
What? No!
No, he wouldn't do that.

439
00:17:23,097 --> 00:17:24,965
Anyway, after that
choo-choo,

440
00:17:24,998 --> 00:17:28,302
Alpine Thunder, Death Plunge,
Spinning Sisters,

441
00:17:28,336 --> 00:17:31,739
Goliath's Chariot
and then Satan's Revenge.

442
00:17:31,772 --> 00:17:33,341
Awesome!

443
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,644
Awesome!

444
00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:38,512
Gonna be so awesome.

445
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,150
(gasps)
Hey!

446
00:17:42,183 --> 00:17:43,651
You made it.

447
00:17:43,684 --> 00:17:45,319
Oh, yeah.

448
00:17:45,353 --> 00:17:47,955
Ooh, that was really scary.

449
00:17:47,988 --> 00:17:49,990
That boat experience...

450
00:17:50,023 --> 00:17:51,392
Do you think I'm an idiot?

451
00:17:51,425 --> 00:17:53,161
I called river patrol.

452
00:17:53,194 --> 00:17:54,895
There was no fog.

453
00:17:54,928 --> 00:17:57,131
You went on a boat with
all your friends without me.

454
00:17:57,165 --> 00:17:58,666
I love boats.

455
00:17:58,699 --> 00:18:00,301
I would've made tacos
for everyone. Your loss.

456
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:03,604
Caryn...
I wasn't on a boat at all.

457
00:18:03,637 --> 00:18:05,573
I slept in my van.

458
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,308
Right outside.
What?

459
00:18:07,341 --> 00:18:10,311
I didn't want to do
Taco Tuesday with you.

460
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:11,745
Why not?

461
00:18:11,779 --> 00:18:13,347
Do you not like tacos?

462
00:18:13,381 --> 00:18:14,815
Do you not
like Tuesdays?

463
00:18:14,848 --> 00:18:17,151
Do you not like me?

464
00:18:17,185 --> 00:18:18,352
(stammers)

465
00:18:18,386 --> 00:18:20,154
Oh.

466
00:18:20,188 --> 00:18:22,156
Wow!

467
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:23,924
Ouch!

468
00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:25,159
You know what?

469
00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:28,028
Maybe I should
just get my stuff and go.

470
00:18:28,061 --> 00:18:29,197
Fine. Go.

471
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:32,166
I don't care. Go!

472
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,235
Why are you still
standing there? Go!

473
00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:39,940
Are you actually gonna go?

474
00:18:39,973 --> 00:18:42,976
Sorry we had to leave
after only 20 minutes.

475
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,212
Yeah, I've never seen
anyone freak out

476
00:18:44,245 --> 00:18:46,447
on the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo before.

477
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,549
How bad was it?

478
00:18:48,582 --> 00:18:50,218
You puked on a baby.

479
00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:52,019
(laughs)
Well, he's young.

480
00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:54,522
He won't remember.

481
00:18:54,555 --> 00:18:57,291
Okay, seriously, you are
actually moving out?

482
00:18:57,325 --> 00:18:59,793
Yes. I said I'm moving out.
You said, "Fine. Go."

483
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,962
I said it,
but I didn't mean it!

484
00:19:01,995 --> 00:19:04,632
That's just how Jews fight!
Zara?

485
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:07,000
What is going on?
Why are you doing this?

486
00:19:07,034 --> 00:19:08,836
Because I don't want to
keep hurting your feelings!

487
00:19:08,869 --> 00:19:11,171
I cannot be the kind of friend
that you want me to be.

488
00:19:11,205 --> 00:19:13,241
I just want the friend
that I had

489
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:14,742
on the stairs the other night.

490
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,344
Well, I can't do it on command!

491
00:19:16,377 --> 00:19:17,845
I didn't command you.

492
00:19:17,878 --> 00:19:20,481
I just suggested
that we have Taco Tuesday.

493
00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:21,882
Tuesdays! Tuesdays!

494
00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:23,217
You had us eating tacos

495
00:19:23,251 --> 00:19:25,052
every Tuesday
until the sun burns out.

496
00:19:25,085 --> 00:19:26,387
This is mine.

497
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,389
I just wanted
a nice scheduled event,

498
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:30,391
because that's what friends do.

499
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:32,092
That's what
community centers do.

500
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,228
Real moments between
real human beings

501
00:19:34,262 --> 00:19:37,765
only happen organically
and spontaneously.

502
00:19:37,798 --> 00:19:39,066
Well, I disagree.

503
00:19:39,099 --> 00:19:40,434
But you know what? Fine.

504
00:19:40,468 --> 00:19:41,835
We've had our real moment,

505
00:19:41,869 --> 00:19:44,438
so now you can just run away
like that stupid cat.

506
00:19:44,472 --> 00:19:46,106
You probably terrified
him on the ride home.

507
00:19:46,139 --> 00:19:49,209
He was fleeing a lifetime
of Meow Chow Mondays.

508
00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:51,245
(laughs):
Oh, yeah.

509
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:53,447
It was Frisky Feast Fridays!

510
00:19:53,481 --> 00:19:54,915
(door slams)

511
00:19:54,948 --> 00:19:57,285
Oh, I hear it now.

512
00:19:57,318 --> 00:20:00,220
I don't know. It's been
a tough week, you know?

513
00:20:00,254 --> 00:20:02,290
I ain't betting
the Yankees anymore.

514
00:20:02,323 --> 00:20:03,391
What the hell?!

515
00:20:03,424 --> 00:20:05,225
Son of a bitch was lying!

516
00:20:05,259 --> 00:20:07,261
I knew it! Pull over!

517
00:20:07,295 --> 00:20:09,330
(tires screech)

518
00:20:10,498 --> 00:20:12,733
Hey...
Come here!

519
00:20:12,766 --> 00:20:14,268
Hey, kid, take it easy.

520
00:20:14,302 --> 00:20:14,935
Come here! Come here!
Would you take it easy?

521
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:17,271
Aah! God, kid!

522
00:20:17,305 --> 00:20:19,373
Hey! Come on!

523
00:20:19,407 --> 00:20:21,342
Whoa! Whoa! Aah!

524
00:20:24,912 --> 00:20:27,315
(grunting)

525
00:20:27,348 --> 00:20:29,750
Um, who's that kid
beating the crap out of Stosh?

526
00:20:29,783 --> 00:20:31,151
His son.

527
00:20:31,184 --> 00:20:32,252
Oh.

528
00:20:32,286 --> 00:20:34,388
ERIC:
Poor Stosh.

529
00:20:34,422 --> 00:20:35,489
He's one of those
people that are

530
00:20:35,523 --> 00:20:37,558
terrified of
emotional commitment.

531
00:20:37,591 --> 00:20:39,059
They run away at the first
feeling of closeness,

532
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:40,260
and they wind up hurting

533
00:20:40,294 --> 00:20:42,463
the people that need
them the most.

534
00:20:42,496 --> 00:20:45,333
Anyhooski, what's
going on with you?

535
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:49,837
Um, is that how
I made you feel?

536
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,572
(screaming)

537
00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:53,140
Kind of.

538
00:20:53,173 --> 00:20:55,142
I'm sorry.

539
00:20:55,175 --> 00:20:56,777
Oh, I'm sorry, too!

540
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:59,112
(grunting)

541
00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:03,684
If you ever lie

542
00:21:03,717 --> 00:21:07,187
about not being able to take me
to Kiddie World again,

543
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:09,357
I'll kill you.

544
00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:10,591
Okay, so we're good, right?

545
00:21:10,624 --> 00:21:12,993
We're good... Dad.

546
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:17,331
(groans)

547
00:21:17,365 --> 00:21:19,433
That's my boy!

548
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:22,235
Oh, thank God
we didn't watch Scarface.

549
00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:26,874
ERIC:
You all right?

550
00:21:26,907 --> 00:21:29,109
You know,
you don't look that bad.
Thanks.

551
00:21:29,142 --> 00:21:31,945
Yeah, I got this and, um,
a couple of broken ribs

552
00:21:31,979 --> 00:21:34,147
from Thunderfoot over there.

553
00:21:34,181 --> 00:21:35,383
ZARA: Getting beat up's
a good look for you.

554
00:21:35,416 --> 00:21:36,717
Nice work, Frank.

555
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,952
So, Frank,

556
00:21:38,986 --> 00:21:41,355
how are you enjoying school?

557
00:21:41,389 --> 00:21:42,723
I told you.

558
00:21:42,756 --> 00:21:45,526
Don't ever ask me
about my business.

559
00:21:45,559 --> 00:21:47,495
He never told me that.

560
00:21:47,528 --> 00:21:49,530
I just met him.

561
00:21:49,563 --> 00:21:52,132
Frank, where'd
that cat come from?

562
00:21:52,165 --> 00:21:53,534
Good night.

563
00:21:53,567 --> 00:21:55,335
Hmm.

564
00:21:55,369 --> 00:21:57,605
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org