1
00:00:03,673 --> 00:00:06,305
United States vs. China
in the World Cup Final.
2
00:00:06,390 --> 00:00:08,390
I'm going to forget all
about this in 24 hours,
3
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,109
but right now, this is my world.
4
00:00:10,194 --> 00:00:12,209
We're team USA, right, Tina Pham?
5
00:00:12,294 --> 00:00:13,745
Sure she was born in China,
6
00:00:13,829 --> 00:00:15,747
but this is the only home she's known.
7
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:17,081
It would be dope if the U.S. won.
8
00:00:17,165 --> 00:00:19,050
You know, finally stick it
to another country for once.
9
00:00:19,134 --> 00:00:21,085
Hey, don't discount China.
10
00:00:21,169 --> 00:00:22,762
The way that pitcher used her head
11
00:00:22,864 --> 00:00:24,469
to bounce the ball over the cage?
12
00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:26,457
Resourceful and unexpected.
13
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:27,574
That's China.
14
00:00:27,676 --> 00:00:28,734
Did you say "pitcher"?
15
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I really don't care who wins this game.
16
00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:31,429
You call this a game?
17
00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:32,797
Where's the hitting?
18
00:00:32,881 --> 00:00:34,599
Where's all the blood, little Liza?
19
00:00:34,683 --> 00:00:36,958
That's why I voted to watch "Cops."
20
00:00:37,061 --> 00:00:38,304
Can you guys keep it down?
21
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,121
All this commotion is
distracting Maria from eating.
22
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Cool.
23
00:00:44,337 --> 00:00:46,277
Just add yams to the list
of things you won't eat,
24
00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:49,193
which so far is everything but
strawberries and crayons.
25
00:00:49,277 --> 00:00:51,516
Honey, pipe down, we
can't hear the game.
26
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,650
If this is a game,
27
00:00:52,734 --> 00:00:54,034
then "The English
Patient" is a war movie.
28
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:55,791
It's been 90 minutes
and no one has scored!
29
00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:58,423
Oh, come on, let the
gals use their hands!
30
00:00:58,507 --> 00:01:00,073
Relax, Marvin. We're in overtime.
31
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This'll be over any second.
32
00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:02,961
And we're going to penalty kicks.
33
00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:05,211
If Brandi Chastain makes
this penalty kick,
34
00:01:05,314 --> 00:01:06,646
the U.S. wins.
35
00:01:06,748 --> 00:01:08,315
Chastain places the ball.
36
00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:10,951
It all comes down to this kick.
37
00:01:20,424 --> 00:01:21,428
Goal!
38
00:01:21,530 --> 00:01:24,364
USA wins!
39
00:01:24,466 --> 00:01:27,801
And Chastain falls to her
knees in celebration!
40
00:01:27,903 --> 00:01:30,403
What a picture-perfect moment.
41
00:01:30,505 --> 00:01:36,141
♪ Ooh, baby ♪
42
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:40,714
Rushing off to do his homework.
43
00:01:40,816 --> 00:01:44,384
He may root for team USA,
but his blood runs red.
44
00:01:44,486 --> 00:01:46,786
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:01:46,888 --> 00:01:47,954
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
46
00:01:48,056 --> 00:01:49,674
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
47
00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:51,958
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
48
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:53,244
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
49
00:01:53,328 --> 00:01:55,562
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
50
00:01:55,664 --> 00:01:57,030
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
51
00:01:57,132 --> 00:01:59,833
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
52
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:03,870
Hmm, proofreading your
dad's poetry again?
53
00:02:03,972 --> 00:02:05,089
If only.
54
00:02:05,173 --> 00:02:07,273
I'm trying to pick an
elective for 9th grade.
55
00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:09,175
There's just so many great options...
56
00:02:09,277 --> 00:02:10,810
Photography, Yearbook, Drama...
57
00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:12,512
Ugh. Drama?
58
00:02:12,614 --> 00:02:14,748
Woodshop? Ceramics? Welding?
59
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,616
Are you starting high school or prison?
60
00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:18,518
Let me help you narrow it down.
61
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:22,989
Thanks!
62
00:02:24,493 --> 00:02:26,359
Good morning!
63
00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:27,727
I was wondering if you have any tips
64
00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:30,230
for getting pureed carrots out of linen?
65
00:02:30,332 --> 00:02:32,232
Maybe finish chewing before you talk?
66
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,967
They're from Maria.
67
00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:35,095
When it comes to food,
68
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,569
she's more of a thrower than an eater.
69
00:02:36,671 --> 00:02:38,338
Mm, like a soccer pitcher.
70
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,907
Eddie, you were supposed
to be up 30 minutes ago.
71
00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:42,409
Did you sleep through your alarm again?
72
00:02:42,511 --> 00:02:43,758
Oh, I threw that garbage in the river.
73
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:44,905
It's so loud.
74
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:46,179
Anyways, I'm starving.
75
00:02:46,281 --> 00:02:47,847
Where those breakfast dogs at?
76
00:02:49,317 --> 00:02:51,436
I wish Maria would eat like Eddie.
77
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,819
Mealtime is always a battle.
78
00:02:52,921 --> 00:02:55,073
I mean, especially now that
I have two kids to wrangle.
79
00:02:55,157 --> 00:02:56,056
I wouldn't know.
80
00:02:56,158 --> 00:02:58,258
Because I have three.
81
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,859
Why don't you trick her with a treat?
82
00:02:59,961 --> 00:03:01,528
Tempt Maria with something she likes,
83
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,630
like strawberries, and
then while she's chewing,
84
00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:05,698
shove in a spoonful of beef.
85
00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:07,233
Hmm... I don't know...
86
00:03:07,335 --> 00:03:08,334
Trust me, it works.
87
00:03:08,437 --> 00:03:10,270
I do it all the time with Eddie,
88
00:03:10,405 --> 00:03:11,271
except in reverse.
89
00:03:11,373 --> 00:03:12,439
Watch this.
90
00:03:14,276 --> 00:03:15,341
Thanks, Ma.
91
00:03:15,444 --> 00:03:17,043
See? Now he eats fruit.
92
00:03:17,145 --> 00:03:19,712
Guess who made the front
page of the paper?
93
00:03:19,815 --> 00:03:20,814
Our girl Brandi!
94
00:03:20,916 --> 00:03:22,749
♪ Ooh... ♪
95
00:03:22,851 --> 00:03:24,050
Nope!
96
00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:27,053
What's up with Evan?
97
00:03:27,155 --> 00:03:28,888
He just ran off without
checking the DOW.
98
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,174
Ohh, I know.
99
00:03:30,258 --> 00:03:32,258
Brandi Chastain in a sports bra?
100
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,994
The way he acted at last night's game?
101
00:03:35,097 --> 00:03:37,230
Evan's got his first
case of "the tingles".
102
00:03:37,332 --> 00:03:39,032
"The tingles"?
103
00:03:39,134 --> 00:03:42,635
You know, Little Evan is
finally talking to Big Evan.
104
00:03:42,737 --> 00:03:43,937
- Ohh.
- Ohh.
105
00:03:44,039 --> 00:03:45,256
Ohh.
106
00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:46,873
Yeah...
107
00:03:46,975 --> 00:03:48,308
I... I have gotta...
108
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:49,463
I have...
109
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Okay...
110
00:03:51,913 --> 00:03:53,113
Well, it's sooner than we thought,
111
00:03:53,215 --> 00:03:54,814
but I guess it's time to give Evan
112
00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:56,983
my patented talk, "The Talk".
113
00:03:57,085 --> 00:03:58,051
Good. Have fun.
114
00:03:58,153 --> 00:03:59,652
Everything waist-down is your territory.
115
00:03:59,754 --> 00:04:01,788
I made that very clear in our vows.
116
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:07,360
Hey. Do you still have that
"Flowers and Watering Cans" book
117
00:04:07,462 --> 00:04:08,528
lying around somewhere?
118
00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:10,029
You mean the "Birds and the Bees" book
119
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:11,297
that Principal Hunter gave me?
120
00:04:11,399 --> 00:04:12,817
Yeah, it's for Evan's "tingle talk".
121
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:14,752
I'm going to pretend like
I'm going to read from it,
122
00:04:14,836 --> 00:04:16,888
then discard it in dramatic fashion.
123
00:04:16,972 --> 00:04:18,438
You know, open with a "wow".
124
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:19,939
Wait.
125
00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:22,809
You're going to give him the
exact same talk you gave me?
126
00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:24,544
Do you remember that talk?
127
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,313
Half the reason I came to this country
128
00:04:27,415 --> 00:04:29,215
is so you could have lots of sex.
129
00:04:29,317 --> 00:04:30,902
Stay away from Arkansas,
130
00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:32,570
they outlawed all the fun stuff...
131
00:04:32,654 --> 00:04:34,554
If you pretend like you have a bad back,
132
00:04:34,656 --> 00:04:36,923
you don't have to do so much work.
133
00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:38,843
You can't give Evan that talk.
134
00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:40,144
Why? It was a great talk.
135
00:04:40,228 --> 00:04:42,061
Oh, it was the best talk. You killed it.
136
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,430
But Evan's not chill like me.
137
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:45,899
He's an innocent little dove.
138
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,301
If you come at him like that,
his head might explode.
139
00:04:48,403 --> 00:04:50,370
Hmm. Okay, point taken.
140
00:04:50,472 --> 00:04:51,971
I'll make some adjustments.
141
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,106
You know, Evan it up.
142
00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:54,107
I don't know.
143
00:04:54,209 --> 00:04:55,508
You're going to make it weird for him.
144
00:04:55,610 --> 00:04:56,476
Maybe I should do it.
145
00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:58,096
Evan looks up to me.
146
00:04:58,180 --> 00:04:59,779
I'm kinda like his father figure.
147
00:04:59,881 --> 00:05:00,747
What?
148
00:05:00,849 --> 00:05:01,915
No. I'm his father figure.
149
00:05:02,017 --> 00:05:03,134
You're barely a son figure.
150
00:05:03,218 --> 00:05:04,184
Oh, God, I didn't mean that.
151
00:05:04,286 --> 00:05:05,336
You're a great son.
152
00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:07,520
It's just... it's my
job, stay out of it.
153
00:05:08,623 --> 00:05:10,190
Really. You're great.
154
00:05:10,292 --> 00:05:11,509
Solid son.
155
00:05:14,262 --> 00:05:15,428
Notice anything?
156
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:16,729
Yes. Everything.
157
00:05:16,831 --> 00:05:17,815
What?
158
00:05:17,899 --> 00:05:18,816
No stains!
159
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,351
I tricked Maria using a treat,
160
00:05:20,435 --> 00:05:22,220
and I got her to eat a
few bites of chicken.
161
00:05:22,304 --> 00:05:23,937
Your advice was great!
162
00:05:24,039 --> 00:05:24,904
Well, water is wet.
163
00:05:25,006 --> 00:05:25,772
I am beautiful.
164
00:05:25,874 --> 00:05:27,024
Are we just playing a game
165
00:05:27,108 --> 00:05:29,042
in which we say things we already know?
166
00:05:29,144 --> 00:05:30,210
Well, thank you.
167
00:05:30,345 --> 00:05:31,295
I owe you one.
168
00:05:34,849 --> 00:05:36,634
Is that your mother-in-law?
What did she say?
169
00:05:36,718 --> 00:05:37,702
Who knows.
170
00:05:37,786 --> 00:05:39,637
She always yells across the house at me
171
00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:41,973
and then gets annoyed when
I can't understand her,
172
00:05:42,057 --> 00:05:43,040
and yells again.
173
00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:45,576
It makes it so hard to ignore her twice.
174
00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:49,514
Two more yells
175
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:52,232
until the stray dogs start barking back.
176
00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:53,633
Still better than my father-in-law,
177
00:05:53,735 --> 00:05:55,186
the gesticulator.
178
00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,421
He's like one of those,
like, inflatable tube men
179
00:05:57,505 --> 00:05:58,589
at the car wash.
180
00:05:58,673 --> 00:06:00,873
Except a tube man wouldn't punch through
181
00:06:00,976 --> 00:06:02,960
the last self-portrait
your Nana ever painted.
182
00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:05,745
Should I take Yearbook
or Drama or German?
183
00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:08,933
"Ask again later"?!
184
00:06:09,017 --> 00:06:11,302
Uh... is Emery okay?
185
00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:13,253
He's still trying to choose an elective.
186
00:06:13,355 --> 00:06:14,772
I hope he figures it out soon
187
00:06:14,856 --> 00:06:17,257
because I can't study with
all these interruptions.
188
00:06:18,859 --> 00:06:21,205
_
189
00:06:23,331 --> 00:06:24,549
Hot dog!
190
00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:27,200
Now your favorite food
is your favorite toy!
191
00:06:27,302 --> 00:06:28,419
Where you going, nerd?!
192
00:06:28,503 --> 00:06:31,422
Sorry, it just rolls off
the tongue at this point.
193
00:06:31,506 --> 00:06:33,564
These are my props for "The Talk".
194
00:06:33,666 --> 00:06:34,859
I thought about what you said
195
00:06:34,943 --> 00:06:36,843
and realized that Evan's
more of a visual learner.
196
00:06:37,379 --> 00:06:39,764
- Is that a...
- A conch shell I painted hair on?
197
00:06:39,848 --> 00:06:41,007
You bet your ass it is.
198
00:06:41,091 --> 00:06:42,982
Okay, I really think all this
199
00:06:43,084 --> 00:06:44,068
is just gonna confuse Evan.
200
00:06:44,152 --> 00:06:45,118
Come on, Eddie.
201
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:46,756
I thought you were supposed to be chill.
202
00:06:46,858 --> 00:06:48,788
Relax, I got this.
203
00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:53,993
Evan?
204
00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:55,228
Yes, Papa?
205
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,533
Aww...
206
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:05,890
Oh. Nothing.
207
00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:14,264
I couldn't do it. I don't
know what happened! I choked!
208
00:07:15,383 --> 00:07:16,549
Don't worry, Pops.
209
00:07:17,492 --> 00:07:18,958
Eddie's got this.
210
00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:24,424
Yo, Evan. Listen up.
211
00:07:24,526 --> 00:07:25,725
Yes, Brother?
212
00:07:39,774 --> 00:07:41,407
Has he always been this adorable?
213
00:07:41,509 --> 00:07:43,943
He had one bad Saturday
a couple years ago.
214
00:07:44,045 --> 00:07:45,730
Other than that, yup.
215
00:07:50,085 --> 00:07:51,517
Afternoon, Mother!
216
00:07:51,619 --> 00:07:53,319
Well, you're in a better mood today.
217
00:07:53,421 --> 00:07:54,549
That I am!
218
00:07:54,651 --> 00:07:55,882
Why are you shouting?
219
00:07:55,984 --> 00:07:57,757
I'm "projecting".
220
00:07:57,859 --> 00:08:00,126
It's a technique actors use
to be heard across the room.
221
00:08:00,228 --> 00:08:01,379
I'm not following.
222
00:08:01,463 --> 00:08:02,562
I talked to Honey,
223
00:08:02,664 --> 00:08:05,298
and she helped me pick
an elective... Drama!
224
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,967
She did what?!!
225
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:09,302
Now you're projecting!
226
00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:10,837
Did you take Drama, too?
227
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,475
You!
228
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,118
What did you say to him?!
229
00:08:18,203 --> 00:08:19,220
Wh...
230
00:08:19,304 --> 00:08:21,122
Emery said that after he talked to you,
231
00:08:21,206 --> 00:08:22,923
he signed up for Drama!
232
00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:24,982
Oh, good! I'm glad he
finally picked something.
233
00:08:25,066 --> 00:08:26,660
No. Drama is a garbage elective.
234
00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:28,629
I... I thought you just
wanted him to choose?
235
00:08:28,713 --> 00:08:31,599
Well, I didn't think he would
choose something so useless.
236
00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:34,668
That's right up there with
Spanish or CPR Training.
237
00:08:34,752 --> 00:08:36,537
Jessica, I know how you
feel about the arts,
238
00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:37,938
but there are aspects of Drama
239
00:08:38,022 --> 00:08:39,273
I think really could help Emery...
240
00:08:39,357 --> 00:08:41,196
What exactly did you say to him?
241
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,656
That it would be "fun"?
242
00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:44,979
Help him utilize his "imagination"?
243
00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:48,015
Get in touch with his "feelings"?
244
00:08:48,099 --> 00:08:49,617
Why are you using air quotes?
245
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:50,684
Those are real words.
246
00:08:50,768 --> 00:08:52,953
Are they, "Honey"?
247
00:08:53,037 --> 00:08:56,339
Look, Emery was stressed
about his electives,
248
00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:59,693
and it was obviously
stressing you out, too.
249
00:08:59,777 --> 00:09:01,262
And you had been so helpful with Maria,
250
00:09:01,346 --> 00:09:02,696
I just wanted to repay the favor.
251
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,265
Well, if you want to do me a favor,
252
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:05,766
just stay in your lane.
253
00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:07,301
Really?
254
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:09,103
Because you never stay in your lane.
255
00:09:09,187 --> 00:09:11,539
Name one time I haven't.
256
00:09:11,623 --> 00:09:13,707
How about the time you threw
out all of my Shania CDs
257
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,743
because you said country-pop
wasn't a real thing?
258
00:09:15,827 --> 00:09:18,528
Or the time you tried to
have my first name changed?
259
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:20,214
Or the time you casually suggested
260
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,272
I would be happier with a younger man?
261
00:09:22,374 --> 00:09:25,453
Casually? I gave you Eddie's
basketball coach's number.
262
00:09:25,537 --> 00:09:26,887
Look, as misguided as that was,
263
00:09:26,971 --> 00:09:28,604
I knew you were just looking out for me.
264
00:09:28,706 --> 00:09:30,191
That's what good friends do.
265
00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:31,759
You see a chance to help and you do it.
266
00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:33,027
You don't ask for permission.
267
00:09:33,111 --> 00:09:34,895
Oh, so we don't have
to ask for permission
268
00:09:34,979 --> 00:09:35,763
to help each other?
269
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:37,264
Good, because there have been
270
00:09:37,348 --> 00:09:38,466
so many times I wanted to help you,
271
00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:39,667
but I held back.
272
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,569
This has been you holding back?
273
00:09:41,653 --> 00:09:43,486
Well, I can't help you
with everything, Honey.
274
00:09:43,588 --> 00:09:44,444
Oh.
275
00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:46,373
Okay.
276
00:09:46,457 --> 00:09:47,575
Okay, well, if you think I need help,
277
00:09:47,659 --> 00:09:48,709
then by all means, don't hold back.
278
00:09:48,793 --> 00:09:49,677
You shouldn't.
279
00:09:49,761 --> 00:09:51,374
Neither should you.
280
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,563
- No more lanes.
- Mm.
281
00:09:53,665 --> 00:09:54,949
Because we're such good friends.
282
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,198
The best.
283
00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:58,901
Mm.
284
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:02,268
This headband is wrong
for you... friend.
285
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:05,259
It draws attention to
your weird hairline.
286
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,528
Thank you... friend.
287
00:10:07,612 --> 00:10:09,037
And now let me help you.
288
00:10:09,121 --> 00:10:11,131
This necklace is ugly,
289
00:10:11,215 --> 00:10:14,150
and it highlights your
oversized clavicles.
290
00:10:20,325 --> 00:10:21,242
You were right.
291
00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:22,692
Evan is an innocent little dove.
292
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:23,844
I can't see him as anything
293
00:10:23,928 --> 00:10:25,861
but the little boy who
plays with Beanie Babies.
294
00:10:25,964 --> 00:10:28,698
And where did that cute puppy
night-light come from?
295
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,084
Innocent Boys 'R' Us?
296
00:10:30,168 --> 00:10:32,720
Billion-dollar idea but
try to stay focused.
297
00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:34,989
"The Talk" is going to be
harder than I thought.
298
00:10:35,073 --> 00:10:37,196
I don't think I can
go back in by myself.
299
00:10:37,285 --> 00:10:38,436
Maybe we could team up.
300
00:10:38,656 --> 00:10:40,540
Two heads are always better than one.
301
00:10:40,731 --> 00:10:42,549
K-Ci is nothing without JoJo.
302
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:44,298
No idea who they are,
303
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,549
but based on context, yes, good plan.
304
00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:48,002
We flank Evan from both sides,
305
00:10:48,086 --> 00:10:50,653
and we turn the last Huang
boy into a Huang man.
306
00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:52,722
So weird, but okay.
307
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:57,431
Evan, we need to talk
to you about something.
308
00:10:57,515 --> 00:11:00,101
Oh no. There's a hole in
the foot of my jammies.
309
00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:02,349
Hello, Ernie The Toe!
310
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:07,254
We can't talk to him on
an empty stomach. Hmm.
311
00:11:07,338 --> 00:11:08,920
What are we? People who
don't need to eat?
312
00:11:09,010 --> 00:11:12,008
Thank you. We just need to get
the exact words down on paper.
313
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,460
After that, we talk to Evan.
314
00:11:13,544 --> 00:11:15,225
Yeah. We're not scared!
315
00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:18,904
But...
316
00:11:18,999 --> 00:11:20,629
maybe we should clear our heads first
317
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,223
with an 8:20 showing
of "The Sixth Sense."
318
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,416
Yes, smart.
319
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,940
We follow that up with
"Notting Hill" at 10:15,
320
00:11:26,024 --> 00:11:27,311
then we buckle down.
321
00:11:32,096 --> 00:11:33,828
Okay...
322
00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:37,151
Okay, little Liza, your
bottle is almost ready...
323
00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:39,887
Gosh, Honey, juggling
two kids looks hard.
324
00:11:39,971 --> 00:11:41,175
As your friend, I thought
325
00:11:41,259 --> 00:11:43,703
keeping one occupied with
a fun toy might help...
326
00:11:46,611 --> 00:11:48,329
...to stimulate her mind.
327
00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:50,246
Since she's not walking yet.
328
00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:58,372
Oh, good, you're up.
329
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,608
Since you're having a hard
time with Eddie oversleeping,
330
00:12:00,692 --> 00:12:01,609
as a friend,
331
00:12:01,693 --> 00:12:03,143
I thought I'd lend a helping hand
332
00:12:03,227 --> 00:12:04,515
in the form of a military wake up.
333
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,614
Anybody in the mood for
some "Hello Dolly"?
334
00:12:12,496 --> 00:12:13,613
Ow! [Bleep]
335
00:12:13,738 --> 00:12:15,956
[Bleep] [bleep] hurt like a [bleep]
336
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,773
I know. Your house, it's a mess.
337
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:19,897
You've been so preoccupied with the kids
338
00:12:19,981 --> 00:12:21,328
that you've let everything slide.
339
00:12:21,412 --> 00:12:23,825
That's why I thought I would help
340
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,675
by inviting your in-laws to stay.
341
00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:29,837
Can't hurt to have an extra
set of gesticulating hands.
342
00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:31,939
What? You...
343
00:12:32,023 --> 00:12:34,223
You invited Mervin and Candy?
344
00:12:34,325 --> 00:12:35,309
Yes.
345
00:12:35,393 --> 00:12:36,726
I love what you've done with the place.
346
00:12:36,828 --> 00:12:38,294
It's so open and...
347
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:40,714
It fell.
348
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:43,766
Ohh. Honey, that is not childproof.
349
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:45,067
Thanks, Candy.
350
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:48,537
My hairline is gorgeous.
351
00:12:51,049 --> 00:12:52,212
Where's Dad's pomade?
352
00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:53,816
I'm playing Danny Zuko in "Grease"!
353
00:12:53,929 --> 00:12:55,424
It's electrifying!
354
00:12:57,685 --> 00:13:00,014
We have the house surrounded!
355
00:13:00,098 --> 00:13:01,602
Come out with your hands up!
356
00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:05,973
I got your mother-in-law a megaphone.
357
00:13:06,057 --> 00:13:07,808
Now you don't have to
worry about Jenny yelling
358
00:13:07,892 --> 00:13:09,043
and not understanding her.
359
00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:10,659
Did you like my joke?
360
00:13:10,762 --> 00:13:11,996
It was me.
361
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,929
I was the police.
362
00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:16,368
In conclusion,
363
00:13:16,452 --> 00:13:18,982
there are religious, social,
and cultural reasons
364
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,120
for the procedure,
365
00:13:20,204 --> 00:13:21,955
but as far as how it
affects sensitivity,
366
00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:24,340
the jury's still out on that one.
367
00:13:24,442 --> 00:13:27,161
Okay, so, getting to first
base means kissing.
368
00:13:27,245 --> 00:13:28,395
Second base...
369
00:13:28,479 --> 00:13:30,801
You don't want to know what
second base was like in the Navy.
370
00:13:30,885 --> 00:13:34,435
Ours was based on naval
bases, not baseball bases.
371
00:13:34,519 --> 00:13:36,670
You know, I almost got to Pearl Harbor
372
00:13:36,754 --> 00:13:38,120
with the Captain's daughter.
373
00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:43,277
I sorta get the conch
shell, but why the tongs?
374
00:13:43,361 --> 00:13:45,127
Oh, I was just returning
those to the restaurant.
375
00:13:45,229 --> 00:13:46,996
You know, guys, the
problem with your talk
376
00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:48,315
is there's too much talk.
377
00:13:48,399 --> 00:13:49,483
You're gonna lose Evan.
378
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:52,868
Now, when my old man did it,
he just used hand gestures.
379
00:13:55,907 --> 00:13:57,039
Boom. Facts of life.
380
00:13:58,342 --> 00:14:00,728
Why do you and your dad
look like brothers?
381
00:14:00,812 --> 00:14:02,978
Oh, well, that's the way it
works in the Ellis family.
382
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,364
You know, by the time we're 25,
383
00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:06,233
we look like we're old men,
384
00:14:06,317 --> 00:14:08,368
and then we just coast
the next 70 years.
385
00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:10,226
It's the curse that keeps on blessing.
386
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:12,406
I've had crow's feet
since I was in college.
387
00:14:15,184 --> 00:14:17,377
I'm just thankful my
sisters gave me the talk
388
00:14:17,461 --> 00:14:19,313
because I'm not following any of this.
389
00:14:19,397 --> 00:14:21,515
Trent, you beautiful red beast!
390
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:22,783
That's brilliant!
391
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:25,452
Maybe what we need is a
woman's perspective.
392
00:14:25,536 --> 00:14:27,535
And that's how you pleasure a woman.
393
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:29,805
Emotionally and sexually.
394
00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:33,994
I don't feel comfortable
saying any of that to Evan.
395
00:14:34,078 --> 00:14:35,581
I should have taken notes.
396
00:14:35,665 --> 00:14:37,397
I'm just trying to erase the visuals.
397
00:14:37,481 --> 00:14:39,582
And the sound effects
were totally unnecessary.
398
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:42,302
We're worse off than when we started.
399
00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:44,379
Maybe we have to rethink
the talk altogether.
400
00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:46,196
Yeah, and why are we
rushing into things?
401
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,175
Evan's still young. So young.
402
00:14:48,259 --> 00:14:49,325
Just a lamb, really.
403
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,519
Yeah, we've got plenty of time.
404
00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:53,347
Grandma, do you mind if I store
my Beanie Babies in here?
405
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:55,749
I'm reaching an age where
I need some privacy.
406
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:56,765
- You do it!
- No, you do it!
407
00:14:56,868 --> 00:14:58,634
- I'll do it!
- No! No!
408
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:01,355
Evan, your dad and Eddie
409
00:15:01,439 --> 00:15:03,372
need to have a little talk with you.
410
00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:05,425
Not here, though.
411
00:15:05,509 --> 00:15:08,844
This is already too much
family time for today.
412
00:15:10,715 --> 00:15:14,234
And they say you can't reuse
your maternity clothes.
413
00:15:14,318 --> 00:15:16,518
I'm Sandy from "Grease."
414
00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:18,988
I came over to help Emery run lines.
415
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:21,250
Why do you look like a
low-rent "Pretty Woman"?
416
00:15:21,359 --> 00:15:24,693
Oh, I just bought a
few dozen turtlenecks
417
00:15:24,795 --> 00:15:27,229
to help you with your clavicle problem.
418
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,267
What do you think of my costume?
419
00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,163
I just need help sewing the
Rydell "R" on my sweater.
420
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,983
I'll help you. No, I'll help you.
421
00:15:43,014 --> 00:15:44,446
My Danny Zuko letterman sweater!
422
00:15:46,085 --> 00:15:47,049
Thanks, Honey.
423
00:15:47,151 --> 00:15:49,518
You wanted some drama in
his life, now you have it!
424
00:15:50,268 --> 00:15:54,089
Hello! I have a megaphone!
425
00:15:54,191 --> 00:15:56,184
Can you hear me?
426
00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:58,590
Look at what you did!
427
00:15:58,697 --> 00:16:00,792
Me? Look at what you did!
428
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,873
I came over here to help. As a friend.
429
00:16:02,957 --> 00:16:04,540
Well, maybe we're the type
of friends who work best
430
00:16:04,624 --> 00:16:06,342
when we don't help each
other with anything!
431
00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:07,427
That is not what friends do.
432
00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:10,137
- Well, then maybe we're not friends!
- Maybe we're not!
433
00:16:12,307 --> 00:16:15,354
Here. I'd lend you my sewing
machine to fix Emery's sweater,
434
00:16:15,438 --> 00:16:17,355
but, sadly, that's a
thing only friends do.
435
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:20,759
That's fine. I already have two
sewing machines of my own.
436
00:16:26,055 --> 00:16:29,522
So, um... that's it...
437
00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:31,824
That's how it all works.
438
00:16:32,383 --> 00:16:34,498
Do you... have any questions?
439
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,586
Not really,
440
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:37,202
I actually know all of that already.
441
00:16:37,305 --> 00:16:38,455
You do?
442
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,490
Then why'd you let Dad
take out the shell?
443
00:16:40,574 --> 00:16:42,860
I was confused of what was
going on inside of me,
444
00:16:42,944 --> 00:16:45,344
so I went to the library and
microfiched like a fool.
445
00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:46,530
Oh.
446
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:49,099
Okay, good, but, um, if
you ever need to talk,
447
00:16:49,183 --> 00:16:50,115
you could always come to me.
448
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:53,103
- Or me.
- Or... both of us.
449
00:16:53,187 --> 00:16:55,103
And if you guys ever need to talk,
450
00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:56,540
I'm here, too.
451
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:58,408
At the library, I learned
Dad's at the age
452
00:16:58,492 --> 00:17:00,244
where his man parts start failing
453
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:02,045
and Eddie's a year away
from his sexual peak.
454
00:17:02,129 --> 00:17:03,413
♪ Yeah ♪
455
00:17:03,497 --> 00:17:05,549
Apparently, it's all
downhill from there.
456
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,299
♪ No ♪
457
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,335
Okay, off you go.
458
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,146
Hola, mi amor.
459
00:17:22,016 --> 00:17:23,000
Why?
460
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,335
Do I and my perfectly
functional man parts
461
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,838
need an excuse to spend some
alone time with my wife?
462
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,607
Can we table whatever it is
you're going through right now?
463
00:17:30,691 --> 00:17:33,094
Honey is trying to turn
Emery into a homeless.
464
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:34,945
By encouraging him to take Drama?
465
00:17:35,029 --> 00:17:36,380
That's how it starts.
466
00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:38,964
She says she's helping me as a friend,
467
00:17:39,066 --> 00:17:40,935
but all she's doing is overstepping.
468
00:17:41,535 --> 00:17:43,820
Do you know how it feels to
be around somebody so pushy?
469
00:17:43,904 --> 00:17:44,924
Mm...
470
00:17:45,008 --> 00:17:48,551
I just don't see how Honey
thinks that she can help me.
471
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,467
Well, maybe you're just
underestimating her.
472
00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:53,597
You're used to your
relationship being one way
473
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:54,765
and now it's changing.
474
00:17:54,849 --> 00:17:57,334
It's like that time I
gave Evan "The Talk".
475
00:17:57,418 --> 00:17:59,451
- You mean just now?
- Yes.
476
00:17:59,553 --> 00:18:01,038
- Did he already know everything?
- Yes.
477
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,407
- Did he teach you stuff, too?
- Yes.
478
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,277
You know, I always figured
that being his father
479
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,261
automatically made me the teacher.
480
00:18:09,363 --> 00:18:12,716
But I'm realizing that he'll
teach me things, too,
481
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,500
because he's going through
big life changes.
482
00:18:14,602 --> 00:18:15,634
And so is Honey.
483
00:18:15,736 --> 00:18:16,653
It only makes sense
484
00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:18,345
that your relationship would evolve.
485
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,658
So, back to my man parts,
486
00:18:21,742 --> 00:18:23,694
which I said are fully functional.
487
00:18:23,778 --> 00:18:25,878
And have a can-do attitude.
488
00:18:27,915 --> 00:18:28,847
Great, Louis.
489
00:18:28,949 --> 00:18:30,282
See you in the bedroom.
490
00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:39,393
Honey, I need your sewing machine.
491
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,068
Hey, let me help you.
492
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,302
It's okay.
493
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:52,104
Please.
494
00:18:52,239 --> 00:18:53,857
Here.
495
00:18:53,941 --> 00:18:55,058
You know, I have to say,
496
00:18:55,142 --> 00:18:56,593
the blocks you brought over
497
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,064
did keep Maria distracted
while I fed Liza.
498
00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:02,032
And Marvin's bugle worked.
499
00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:04,216
Eddie's so afraid of hearing it again,
500
00:19:04,318 --> 00:19:06,029
now he gets up even earlier.
501
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:08,305
Well, what about Jenny's megaphone?
502
00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:09,673
I threw that garbage in the river.
503
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:15,779
Honey, this may come
as a surprise to you,
504
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,177
but I'm not very good at accepting help.
505
00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:20,884
Mostly because I never need it.
506
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:22,101
Never?
507
00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:25,504
I'm just so used to being
able to give you advice
508
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:26,590
and you just taking it.
509
00:19:26,674 --> 00:19:28,458
But now that you have
two kids of your own...
510
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,194
Which is still one less than three...
511
00:19:31,278 --> 00:19:34,213
I guess you'll have advice
to give me, too, sometimes.
512
00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:37,349
So... can we be friends again?
513
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,864
Yes.
514
00:19:40,038 --> 00:19:42,955
Just know that 98% of the
time, I won't need any help.
515
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:43,892
Oh.
516
00:19:43,994 --> 00:19:45,624
Well, I'll be there for that 2%.
517
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,495
Okay.
518
00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:50,596
Good as new.
519
00:19:50,698 --> 00:19:52,162
Thank you, Honey.
520
00:19:52,246 --> 00:19:55,440
Emery's been a lot happier
since he started Drama-ing.
521
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,255
You know who else took
high school drama?
522
00:19:58,339 --> 00:19:59,671
Bill Clinton.
523
00:19:59,773 --> 00:20:01,173
- No.
- Yeah.
524
00:20:01,275 --> 00:20:02,374
And Richard Nixon.
525
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,878
Well, if it's good
enough for Tricky Dick,
526
00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:06,979
it's good enough for Emery.
527
00:20:12,332 --> 00:20:14,132
I owe you guys an apology.
528
00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:17,644
I shut you out because I was
avoiding having a conversation
529
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,318
I wasn't mature enough to have yet.
530
00:20:20,402 --> 00:20:22,509
But if I'm really going to be a man,
531
00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:24,722
I'm gonna have to start acting like one.
532
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,843
So, let's talk.
533
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,604
When a Beanie Baby
reaches a certain age...
534
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,817
Oh, god, have you guys
always been this cute?
535
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,101
I can't do this.
536
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,635
Grandma, you're up.
537
00:20:41,026 --> 00:20:43,741
Evan, you're gonna want to take a walk.
538
00:20:47,499 --> 00:20:48,712
I'm sorry, Brandi.
539
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,483
All right, first base...
540
00:20:54,687 --> 00:21:02,687
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com