1
00:00:01,515 --> 00:00:03,361
Thank you for coming in to interview
2
00:00:03,362 --> 00:00:05,029
for the principal position, Mrs. Huang.
3
00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:07,872
My pleasure. Thank you
for agreeing to meet.
4
00:00:07,873 --> 00:00:10,341
Now, what specific ideas do you have
5
00:00:10,342 --> 00:00:11,842
to improve our school?
6
00:00:11,843 --> 00:00:13,011
Trick question.
7
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:15,012
Only a fool would give ideas for free.
8
00:00:15,013 --> 00:00:16,547
I'll answer when I'm on payroll.
9
00:00:16,548 --> 00:00:18,249
And why are you talking
10
00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:20,250
in a regionally incorrect
British accent?
11
00:00:20,251 --> 00:00:22,587
To get into the part. Like you asked.
12
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:25,290
In your detailed
and demanding voicemail.
13
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,791
No accent, but I do like the glasses.
14
00:00:27,792 --> 00:00:29,896
Makes you look like you have
the IQ of a brunette.
15
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,263
Okay.
16
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:33,530
As principal,
17
00:00:33,531 --> 00:00:35,599
how would you let go of a bad employee?
18
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,136
Quickly and off
a 4-story building. Next.
19
00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:39,971
Jessica...
20
00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:41,438
You asked me to help.
21
00:00:41,439 --> 00:00:42,539
Stop joking around.
22
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:44,776
Honey, private schools are competitive.
23
00:00:44,777 --> 00:00:46,276
My résumé is perfect,
24
00:00:46,277 --> 00:00:48,279
and I want my interview
to be perfect, too.
25
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,447
Sure, I know I can rely on my looks,
26
00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:53,151
but I want to be hired
for what's in here.
27
00:00:53,152 --> 00:00:55,053
Not for all this.
28
00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:56,890
Now, start over.
29
00:00:58,156 --> 00:00:59,657
Hi, Jessica.
30
00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:01,825
So nice to meet you.
31
00:01:01,826 --> 00:01:02,961
Tell me about yourself.
32
00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:04,995
What? What now?
33
00:01:04,996 --> 00:01:07,131
Most interviewers offer water.
34
00:01:07,132 --> 00:01:09,167
"Can I get you some water, Mrs. Huang?"
35
00:01:09,168 --> 00:01:10,334
Fine.
36
00:01:10,335 --> 00:01:12,503
Mrs. Huang, would you like some water?
37
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:13,905
Oh, no, thank you.
38
00:01:13,906 --> 00:01:15,475
But I will take some tea.
39
00:01:22,013 --> 00:01:24,449
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:25,616
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
41
00:01:25,617 --> 00:01:27,318
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
42
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,620
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
43
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:30,854
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
44
00:01:30,855 --> 00:01:33,190
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
45
00:01:33,191 --> 00:01:34,658
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
46
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,263
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
47
00:01:37,495 --> 00:01:39,664
Next up... handshakes.
48
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:40,798
In my experience,
49
00:01:40,799 --> 00:01:42,667
most interviews
start and end with one...
50
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:44,768
if the interviewer is a woman.
51
00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:46,705
A too-long hug if it's a man.
52
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,473
Ow!
53
00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:51,144
Ow! My darts hand!
54
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,443
My hands are so strong
55
00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:54,646
from pulling myself up
by my own bootstraps.
56
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,548
She's got the grip of a chimpanzee.
57
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,149
We blow through doorknobs around here.
58
00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:00,485
Wait, you asked Honey
to help you find a job
59
00:02:00,486 --> 00:02:02,764
and not the business consultant
you live with?
60
00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:05,223
Way to kiss a gift horse on the mouth.
61
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:06,456
I think the saying is
62
00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:08,893
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
63
00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:10,694
- That doesn't make sense.
- Wrong.
64
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,964
Jessica, you're right.
Maybe it's best I don't help.
65
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:14,499
You're used to me as your husband,
66
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,067
not brutally honest, straightforward,
67
00:02:16,068 --> 00:02:17,722
no-emotion Business Louis.
68
00:02:17,723 --> 00:02:21,305
No emotion? I would love it if
you were like that all the time.
69
00:02:21,306 --> 00:02:22,840
Have you, uh, networked with Deidre yet?
70
00:02:22,841 --> 00:02:24,375
She's on the board at a private school.
71
00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:25,810
Deidre?
72
00:02:25,811 --> 00:02:28,579
The "networking" I do with her
is not exactly positive.
73
00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:38,923
Hey. You wanted to borrow these
for Honey's surprise party?
74
00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:41,059
There's a surprise for you too...
75
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,327
You're not invited.
76
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,861
Did you want me
to set these up in the kitchen
77
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:46,399
or up your ass?
78
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,819
Yeah, that's not bridge-building.
79
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:51,345
But, luckily, you have me.
80
00:02:51,346 --> 00:02:53,238
Deidre and I have a fruitful
business relationship.
81
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,006
I buy all my hair products from her.
82
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:56,941
She only sells women's products.
83
00:02:56,942 --> 00:02:57,942
Mm-hmm.
84
00:02:57,943 --> 00:02:59,244
$50 of monthly hair products
85
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,012
doesn't just build a lustrous sheen.
86
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:02,180
It builds a friendship.
87
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,881
Jessica, let me help.
88
00:03:03,882 --> 00:03:05,782
I know I can get you
the job of your dreams.
89
00:03:05,783 --> 00:03:07,785
Well, I guess it can't hurt.
90
00:03:07,786 --> 00:03:09,753
Plus, Honey, you're doing terrible.
91
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,555
You took 20 minutes to make tea.
92
00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:16,126
Here. Saved my crusts for you.
93
00:03:16,127 --> 00:03:18,895
Yes. Papa loves his "Emery Sticks."
94
00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:22,132
Compadres! Why don't we switch
the channel over to "ESS-PEN,"
95
00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:24,636
'cause this Huang is now
a high school athlete.
96
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,137
The high school's desperate
for Mathletes,
97
00:03:26,138 --> 00:03:28,097
so they're recruiting
the top eighth grader.
98
00:03:28,098 --> 00:03:31,142
Their team is about to... multiply.
99
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:33,077
That's the little "x" one, right?
100
00:03:33,078 --> 00:03:34,378
Mm.
101
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:36,691
I'm on my way
to completing the Iron Man.
102
00:03:37,316 --> 00:03:38,983
Science fair, Mathletes,
103
00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:41,328
and one day, the spelling bee.
104
00:03:41,329 --> 00:03:43,488
I wish it was a smelling bee.
I'd dominate.
105
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:45,656
I smelled almost 30 things yesterday.
106
00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:47,491
I'll be there
a few times a week for practice.
107
00:03:47,492 --> 00:03:48,726
We can all hang out.
108
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:51,965
Three Huang boys,
one underfunded high school.
109
00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:57,567
Who am I kidding?
I couldn't win a smelling bee.
110
00:03:57,568 --> 00:04:00,471
Some of those kids have been
training their entire lives.
111
00:04:04,475 --> 00:04:06,811
Thanks for the invite, Louis.
I had no idea you guys played.
112
00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:08,979
Ah, the hitting, the walking,
the basic arithmetic.
113
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,648
Can't get enough of it.
114
00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:11,985
Okay.
115
00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:14,484
This is hell.
116
00:04:14,485 --> 00:04:16,587
Sure, but sometimes you have to
endure a little hardship
117
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:18,323
for the good of the big picture...
118
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:19,489
Play the long game.
119
00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:20,657
Louis, don't annoy me.
120
00:04:20,658 --> 00:04:22,493
I have spikes on the bottom of my shoes.
121
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:24,261
Well, making connections
requires finesse.
122
00:04:24,262 --> 00:04:26,330
You have to massage the
relationship before asking favors.
123
00:04:26,331 --> 00:04:27,999
Finesse? Massage?
124
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,100
You gotta stop watching
those shampoo commercials.
125
00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:32,470
Focus. This is step 1 of many.
126
00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:34,806
Amazing shot, Deidre!
127
00:04:35,841 --> 00:04:37,374
Now, slowly start to butter her up.
128
00:04:37,375 --> 00:04:39,309
Ask her about her side makeup company.
129
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:40,477
Hey, Deidre, great golf.
130
00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:41,645
How's your makeup thing?
131
00:04:41,646 --> 00:04:42,713
Oof! Let me tell you.
132
00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:44,314
Our glitter shadows
are flying off the...
133
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:45,982
I'm looking for a job
at a private school.
134
00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:47,885
I know you're on the board
of Smith-Moore Academy.
135
00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:49,486
Uhp, uh, first sign of sunstroke.
136
00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:51,121
She starts talking
about private schools.
137
00:04:51,122 --> 00:04:52,289
Sorry, Deidre.
138
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,458
Sunstroke, with the brim radius
on that visor?
139
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,130
No way. She wants to talk business.
140
00:04:56,131 --> 00:04:58,729
I do. Servant, grab your little pencil.
141
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,030
Come take notes.
142
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,665
Actually, it just so happens,
143
00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:03,200
our school is looking for a Dean.
144
00:05:03,201 --> 00:05:05,402
You'd be perfect.
I could put in a good word.
145
00:05:05,403 --> 00:05:06,970
Really?
146
00:05:06,971 --> 00:05:08,306
Thank you.
147
00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,640
Yeah, of course.
148
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:12,176
And with my pull, the interview
is basically a formality,
149
00:05:12,177 --> 00:05:14,914
so I'll go call the school right
now while you guys tee off.
150
00:05:16,882 --> 00:05:18,316
That happened awfully fast.
151
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:21,162
You are just thrown because
I made your long game short.
152
00:05:21,163 --> 00:05:22,186
Maybe.
153
00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,321
Or she can't afford to lose
her best haircare customer.
154
00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:26,725
Or she just knows that
I'm perfect at everything I do.
155
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:32,996
Home run!
156
00:05:32,997 --> 00:05:34,332
You're up.
157
00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,003
Sorry you couldn't sit up front.
158
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:40,671
You have to call shotgun. Right, Emery?
159
00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,407
It's tough for me
because I'm a pacifist,
160
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:43,840
but I also get carsick back there.
161
00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:45,342
Alright, last safe place for farts.
162
00:05:45,343 --> 00:05:47,011
Blast them out while you still can.
163
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:49,179
My dream came a year early.
164
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:51,915
Three Huangs together in high school.
165
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,285
♪ Don't wanna be a player ♪
166
00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:56,119
♪ I'm not a player, I just crush a lot ♪
167
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,523
♪ I'm still not a player,
but you still a hater ♪
168
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,390
♪ Elevator to the top, ha ♪
169
00:06:00,391 --> 00:06:01,859
♪ See you later, I'm gone ♪
170
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,294
- I'm the third Huang.
- My God, it's Evan!
171
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,462
If the girls are too much,
172
00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:06,931
complain to someone else,
you lucky bastard.
173
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,967
♪ I'm not a player, I just crush a lot ♪
174
00:06:10,968 --> 00:06:12,602
There he is.
175
00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:14,138
My man.
176
00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:15,939
♪ Uptown, baby, uptown ♪
177
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,626
♪ I don't wanna be a player no more ♪
178
00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:19,977
Alright, see you after school, nerd.
179
00:06:19,978 --> 00:06:21,378
Don't be late, or I'm leaving you.
180
00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:23,280
How do you conjure up your farts
so fast?
181
00:06:23,281 --> 00:06:24,482
I clam up.
182
00:06:24,483 --> 00:06:25,651
It comes with age.
183
00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:28,986
What did he mean
by "see you after school"?
184
00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:30,754
You guys don't hang out at school?
185
00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,256
Oh, it's just that...
186
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:34,124
I don't want to cramp his style,
you know?
187
00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,660
It's high school.
That's just the way it is.
188
00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:42,934
Oh, dear Lord,
the tongue kissing is rampant!
189
00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,772
Hey, Eve, nice cat calendar.
190
00:06:47,773 --> 00:06:50,441
Did you see the new "Dilbert"
today? So true.
191
00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:53,176
Hey, are we going in on
a lotto ticket together or what?
192
00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:55,111
Man, I love office culture.
193
00:06:55,112 --> 00:06:56,246
Who are you?
194
00:06:56,247 --> 00:06:59,068
I'm the new Dean. Dean Huang.
195
00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,350
I came in last week
196
00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:03,020
for my start paperwork
and faculty wall photos?
197
00:07:03,021 --> 00:07:05,689
I deemed myself a one-shot wonder?
198
00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,991
Oh, right. The Dean.
199
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,794
Oh, there she is.
200
00:07:09,795 --> 00:07:11,595
Hello, Jessica.
201
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:14,097
Principal Reed, what do you
need me to tackle today?
202
00:07:14,098 --> 00:07:16,099
College guidance? Student discipline?
203
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,602
Slashing the budget? The arts... gone.
204
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,772
Well, you know, that's not
really... what you're here for.
205
00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:23,441
Uh, between the Headmaster and myself,
206
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:24,708
we've got that covered.
207
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:26,477
- Headmaster?
- Mm.
208
00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:27,811
Then what do I do?
209
00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,780
Job's pretty much what you make of it.
210
00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:30,982
So...
211
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,016
Oh, I've got your welcome packet
here, and, uh...
212
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,217
Oh, look at that.
213
00:07:34,218 --> 00:07:37,121
I accidentally put in a copy
of Administrator Weekly.
214
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:38,289
That's weird.
215
00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:39,789
I'm the guest editor.
216
00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,525
Oh, well. You enjoy.
217
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,169
Uhp. Another doorknob.
218
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:53,304
How was your first day?
219
00:07:53,305 --> 00:07:56,073
Terrible! They only hired me
because I'm Chinese!
220
00:07:56,074 --> 00:07:58,208
What? I'm sure that's not...
221
00:08:00,478 --> 00:08:02,813
"Home of Diversity"?
222
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:04,915
They have a swimming pool? Can we use...
223
00:08:04,916 --> 00:08:05,917
Not the time.
224
00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:12,450
They put me on the front
of their brochure.
225
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:15,225
Sure, this face was built
for a cover, but come on!
226
00:08:15,226 --> 00:08:16,660
I knew something was up
227
00:08:16,661 --> 00:08:18,328
when Deidre was so willing
to help you out.
228
00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:19,830
I don't buy that much hair product.
229
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:23,600
Principal Reed couldn't name
one thing in my job description.
230
00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:24,835
I looked it up,
231
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:28,004
and the title of Dean
didn't even exist until now.
232
00:08:28,005 --> 00:08:29,674
So, then you're the first.
233
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,008
You like coming in first.
You raced me down the aisle.
234
00:08:32,009 --> 00:08:35,112
The school is obviously caught
up in this new "diversity wave,"
235
00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:37,348
but it's just for optics.
236
00:08:37,349 --> 00:08:40,350
I finally got what I wanted,
and I didn't even earn it.
237
00:08:40,351 --> 00:08:42,954
No, you put in all the work.
You deserve this job.
238
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,622
I don't want a handout.
239
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,724
Well, the alternative
is no diversity at all.
240
00:08:46,725 --> 00:08:47,792
Is that better?
241
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,793
That sounds like my husband talking.
242
00:08:49,794 --> 00:08:52,863
I want to know what
my business consultant thinks.
243
00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:55,266
He... or me... He-me...
244
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,634
We think it's lousy
how you got it, but you got it,
245
00:08:57,635 --> 00:09:00,204
and now you got to make the most
of it and play the long game,
246
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:01,272
work twice as hard.
247
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:03,206
I already work twice as hard.
248
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:06,476
So now I'm gonna work
four times as hard.
249
00:09:06,477 --> 00:09:08,311
Show them who's Dean.
250
00:09:08,312 --> 00:09:11,581
Oh, I love it when you're angry
at people that aren't me.
251
00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:17,153
Uh, I'm still waiting
for my body odor to come in,
252
00:09:17,154 --> 00:09:20,056
but I don't think
that's how you use that.
253
00:09:20,057 --> 00:09:22,325
I realized, why just my armpits?
254
00:09:22,326 --> 00:09:24,795
Where's the love
for my knee-pits and elbow-pits?
255
00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,297
Sure.
256
00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:29,399
Hey, why don't you hang out
with Emery at school?
257
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,634
Emery?
258
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:32,135
Ah, his drama friends are weird.
259
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,338
They're always pretending
with invisible props.
260
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:37,307
Like, why not just tip your actual hat?
261
00:09:37,308 --> 00:09:38,908
My crew? We're cool.
262
00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:40,143
With visible props.
263
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,979
Is that why you're always
looking at each other
264
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:44,915
and saying "Props"?
265
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:45,983
No.
266
00:09:45,984 --> 00:09:47,151
See, the thing is,
267
00:09:47,152 --> 00:09:49,019
hanging with your brothers
at home is fine,
268
00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,955
but at school, it's lame.
269
00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:53,023
You gotta do you at school.
270
00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:55,191
It's technically "do oneself."
271
00:09:55,192 --> 00:09:56,661
Proving my point.
272
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:59,330
Look, I've already broken in
the teachers and paved the way.
273
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:01,465
Emery's gotta figure stuff out
on his own.
274
00:10:01,466 --> 00:10:02,800
I'll be gone in a year.
275
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:04,268
Okay, but I get the sense
276
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:06,537
that Emery really wants
to hang out with you.
277
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:08,973
And remember what Dad always says?
278
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:11,341
"Brothers are thicker than water."
279
00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:13,510
I think it's
"Blood is thicker than water."
280
00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:14,979
Immigrant parents.
281
00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:16,980
Great at raising kids, bad at idioms.
282
00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:19,149
It's "Cut me some slacks"
all over again.
283
00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:21,620
Okay, I'll throw him an Emery Stick.
284
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,855
Is it weird if I ask you
to deodorize my back?
285
00:10:25,856 --> 00:10:26,824
Yes.
286
00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,229
And here we are.
287
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:34,230
Huh?
288
00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:37,667
What's that?
289
00:10:37,668 --> 00:10:38,969
Huh? Wha...
290
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:40,838
Oh! That's Mr. Buns.
291
00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:42,967
He came from
the 10th-grade science class.
292
00:10:42,968 --> 00:10:44,709
They didn't have it
in their hearts to dissect,
293
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,476
so now he lives here
in the supply closet.
294
00:10:46,477 --> 00:10:48,878
Office. This is your office.
295
00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:50,047
Okay, fine.
296
00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:52,483
Now that we're here,
can we talk through my ideas?
297
00:10:52,484 --> 00:10:54,218
Oh, there's no rush.
298
00:10:54,219 --> 00:10:56,320
Why don't you relax?
299
00:10:56,321 --> 00:11:00,702
Take some time to decorate
and, uh, adjust, huh?
300
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,159
Any other questions?
301
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,862
Just one.
302
00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:08,666
Do you think anyone can hear
your screams from down here?
303
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:10,167
Aah!
304
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:12,069
My throat!
305
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:13,704
You have claws like a wolf!
306
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:16,694
Stop bleeding!
Take my punches like a man!
307
00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:17,707
Jessica?
308
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,177
Jessica, any other questions?
309
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,579
No? Okay, good, good.
310
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,279
Well, you know, I have a meeting
in about an hour,
311
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,016
so I better start the trek back.
312
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:27,286
Ugh.
313
00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:33,276
You remind me of one of my exes.
314
00:11:34,398 --> 00:11:36,235
All of my exes.
315
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,133
Emery, my brother!
316
00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:44,567
Whoa! Eddie.
317
00:11:44,568 --> 00:11:46,970
I know. My voice is getting
deeper, and it is jarring.
318
00:11:46,971 --> 00:11:48,638
It's like, "Is that Batman?"
319
00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:50,306
No, it's me. Eddie.
320
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:51,808
No, we're pretending to be in a band,
321
00:11:51,809 --> 00:11:53,755
and you totally just
made a ruckus on the piano.
322
00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:56,080
Oh.
323
00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:58,447
Invisible prop time. Fun.
324
00:11:59,817 --> 00:12:01,484
So, I was thinking maybe I'd hang out
325
00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:03,153
with my favorite middle brother today.
326
00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:05,321
Nah, we're good. Thanks.
327
00:12:05,322 --> 00:12:07,758
What? Emery, come on.
This is a gift from God.
328
00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:09,460
Like the day Cinemax was unscrambled.
329
00:12:09,461 --> 00:12:11,628
I appreciate the offer,
but I'd rather you not join.
330
00:12:11,629 --> 00:12:12,629
No offense.
331
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:13,931
Yes offense.
332
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,566
You should be thrilled
your older, cooler brother
333
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:16,834
is sitting with you.
334
00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:18,807
It's just that we're kinda
in the middle of something here.
335
00:12:20,605 --> 00:12:22,840
I get it. You don't know
how to shake these dweebs.
336
00:12:22,841 --> 00:12:25,643
Dweebs? Have you seen your friends?
337
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:28,077
Or should I say, the Tall Freak Parade?
338
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:30,781
Tall Freak Parade? What about Brian?
339
00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:32,816
You're using Brian to
make yourself seem normal? Sad.
340
00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:34,284
You know what? Good.
341
00:12:34,285 --> 00:12:36,519
I don't wanna hang out with
my brother at school anyways.
342
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,821
Nothing lamer than that.
343
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:46,497
Pretty clean game so far.
344
00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:48,032
They haven't shown the referee once.
345
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,834
I can't do it anymore.
346
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,801
I've been trying to work
four times as hard,
347
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:53,937
but it is 10 times as hard
to work four times as hard.
348
00:12:53,938 --> 00:12:56,473
I know it's not easy,
but you gotta hang in there.
349
00:12:56,474 --> 00:12:57,641
They won't let me.
350
00:12:57,642 --> 00:12:59,643
I tried to pitch in at a staff meeting.
351
00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:01,378
Half the staff thinks I'm only there
352
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:03,147
to "increase diversity,"
353
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,882
and they don't even listen to me.
354
00:13:04,883 --> 00:13:07,484
A part of our budget has been set aside
355
00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:10,487
to update our teams' uniforms
with our new mascot...
356
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:12,056
The Ghosts.
357
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:13,056
Great idea.
358
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:14,124
What a beautiful tribute
359
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,120
to the graveyard the school's built on.
360
00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:17,827
You know what else is scary?
361
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:19,864
Our school nutrition.
362
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,332
I was thinking we could use
some of the budget
363
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,868
for healthy vending machines.
364
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:27,670
Ooh!
365
00:13:27,671 --> 00:13:29,072
Off that, I wonder
366
00:13:29,073 --> 00:13:32,710
if we should consider putting in
healthy vending machines.
367
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:33,978
Just spitballing.
368
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,879
What an interesting idea, Jan.
369
00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:38,249
Thank you, Jan.
370
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,516
My goodness!
371
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,918
Excellent work, Jan.
372
00:13:41,919 --> 00:13:43,686
Okay, not great.
373
00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:45,189
But maybe it's because you're new.
374
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:46,824
You have to establish yourself first.
375
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:49,926
I thought that, too,
so I tried to distinguish myself
376
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:51,862
as something other than
"the Asian person."
377
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:54,364
Find something else
for them to focus on.
378
00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:56,233
Alright, Mr. Buns, here's the plan.
379
00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:57,935
We'll walk into the admin building,
380
00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,869
you'll distract everyone
with your cuteness,
381
00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:01,504
and then I'll hit them with my plan
382
00:14:01,505 --> 00:14:04,074
to start college guidance
in the 7th grade.
383
00:14:04,075 --> 00:14:07,399
Oh! Do you have a bunny because
it's the year of the rabbit?
384
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:11,181
It makes no sense.
385
00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:13,349
I know it's about optics,
but they're still paying you.
386
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,085
You'd think they'd want
to use you for something.
387
00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:16,253
Oh, they do.
388
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:21,024
Alright, any ideas
for Hispanic Heritage Month?
389
00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:24,094
What if the cafeteria serves tacos?
390
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:26,098
Is that okay? Culturally?
391
00:14:29,150 --> 00:14:31,234
The only reason they want me there
392
00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,803
is to sign off on anything "diverse."
393
00:14:33,804 --> 00:14:35,138
To protect themselves.
394
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:36,306
Wow. That's...
395
00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:37,941
Wow.
396
00:14:37,942 --> 00:14:39,243
I know what you're going to say.
397
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:41,311
"As your business consultant,
stick it out,
398
00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:43,580
play the long game,
stop eating my Slim Jims."
399
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:46,316
No. I say screw them,
they don't deserve you.
400
00:14:46,317 --> 00:14:47,385
You gotta quit.
401
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,324
You want me to quit?
402
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,724
What about the long game?
403
00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:56,460
Ah, it's just an expression
I picked to build you up.
404
00:14:56,461 --> 00:14:57,795
I could've gone with any of them...
405
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,229
"It's always real dark before dawn,"
406
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:01,130
"Every cloud has a shiny coating,"
407
00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:02,499
"Rome took a while."
408
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,268
"When one door closes, a window opens."
409
00:15:04,269 --> 00:15:05,502
You need to look for another school,
410
00:15:05,503 --> 00:15:07,171
where your talents will be appreciated.
411
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,404
It's pointless.
412
00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:11,407
I researched some other private schools.
413
00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:12,743
It's more of the same.
414
00:15:12,744 --> 00:15:15,479
This one says "Now with black teachers."
415
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,913
Alright, so, what's your advice?
416
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,349
None. You can't win.
417
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:20,984
I have no Louis Pep Talk for this.
418
00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:23,653
They've got you. You're stuck
between a rock and a hard face.
419
00:15:23,654 --> 00:15:25,589
Well, what happened to Business Louis?
420
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,957
Brutally honest,
straightforward, no emotion.
421
00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:28,959
He's dead.
422
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,527
It kills me to see you lose.
423
00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:33,029
I have no answers for you.
It's all so disheartening.
424
00:15:38,302 --> 00:15:40,205
Hey, want some Emery Sticks?
425
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,840
Did you bring the
trash can over here just for that?
426
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,375
Worth it.
427
00:15:45,376 --> 00:15:47,444
Hey, my brothers who are
definitely not mad at each other
428
00:15:47,445 --> 00:15:48,479
or mad at me.
429
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,812
Evan, watch out!
430
00:15:49,813 --> 00:15:51,447
Emery's imaginary drum kit is there.
431
00:15:51,448 --> 00:15:52,883
You don't want to cause a ruckus.
432
00:15:52,884 --> 00:15:54,851
You're the one who tried
to crash my lunch table.
433
00:15:54,852 --> 00:15:56,820
Because I felt bad for you.
434
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:59,322
I didn't want to sit with you,
but Evan said you wanted me to.
435
00:15:59,323 --> 00:16:00,325
I never said that.
436
00:16:01,192 --> 00:16:02,893
You said you didn't want
to hang out with Eddie
437
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:04,494
because you didn't want
to cramp his style.
438
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:06,162
I only said that
because I didn't want to admit
439
00:16:06,163 --> 00:16:08,032
I don't want to hang out
with Eddie at school.
440
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,633
Harsh. But I get it. Same.
441
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,902
I'm just bummed that you guys
don't hang out at high school.
442
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:15,873
I know it's different, but I didn't
expect it to be that different.
443
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:17,974
Just wait 'til you go
to a high school locker room.
444
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:20,310
Wall-to-wall butts.
445
00:16:20,311 --> 00:16:22,378
We only have one year left with Eddie.
446
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:23,880
We shouldn't squander it.
447
00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:26,217
Brothers should hang out
whenever they can.
448
00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,987
Wow. He just doesn't get it.
449
00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:31,989
Maybe we should give him what he wants.
450
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,590
Some quality brother time.
451
00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:38,695
Peace offering?
452
00:16:38,696 --> 00:16:40,832
I know it's symbolic because
it was in the trash, but...
453
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:42,932
Mm.
454
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,500
It's got some trash OJ on it,
455
00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:46,503
but it gives it a nice tang.
456
00:16:46,504 --> 00:16:47,937
Mm.
457
00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:51,774
Well, I guess I should ask you,
458
00:16:51,775 --> 00:16:53,444
since you're my only responsibility.
459
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:54,947
Should I quit?
460
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,548
But if I kill him,
I have to kill everybody.
461
00:16:58,549 --> 00:16:59,383
Jessica?
462
00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:00,617
We need you.
463
00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:02,952
Our ghost mascot blew up in our face.
464
00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:04,954
When the marching band threw
their sheets over themselves,
465
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:06,123
that was bad enough,
466
00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:08,225
but when they saluted
our veterans in the stands...
467
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,960
ugh, not a good look.
468
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:11,527
Very KKK.
469
00:17:11,528 --> 00:17:14,030
And I don't mean Spanish
for "What? What? What?"
470
00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:15,966
Mm. So, now you need me.
471
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,133
Yes.
472
00:17:17,134 --> 00:17:18,569
Any ideas?
473
00:17:22,473 --> 00:17:24,740
This school has two Indian guys.
474
00:17:24,741 --> 00:17:26,710
And I looked it up.
One died 30 years ago.
475
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:27,777
Horrific car accident.
476
00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:29,313
But they're still using his photo!
477
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:31,315
Louis, burn those. I'm not quitting.
478
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,816
What? But you said yourself
it's pointless.
479
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:36,487
I did. Because it rattled my confidence.
480
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,889
But I know who I am
and what I can offer.
481
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,656
If they don't want to listen,
that's on them.
482
00:17:40,657 --> 00:17:42,793
But if I quit, that's on me.
483
00:17:42,794 --> 00:17:45,796
My business consultant
was right all along.
484
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:47,297
I have to play the long game.
485
00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:49,298
I have to have a seat at the table
486
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:51,802
so this doesn't happen
to other people in the future.
487
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:55,139
'Cause chances are, they're only
1/4 as strong as me. Tops.
488
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,306
That can be a really long game.
489
00:17:57,307 --> 00:18:00,143
But I've got my husband
and business consultant
490
00:18:00,144 --> 00:18:01,678
by my side, right?
491
00:18:01,679 --> 00:18:03,313
- Always.
- Good.
492
00:18:03,314 --> 00:18:05,315
Get your things,
because it's happening today.
493
00:18:05,316 --> 00:18:06,983
I called a press conference,
and I need your help.
494
00:18:06,984 --> 00:18:08,317
I gotta hand it to you, Jessica,
495
00:18:08,318 --> 00:18:09,920
you really speed up the long game.
496
00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:14,525
So, he says,
497
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,360
"That's no quadratic equation.
498
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:17,493
That's my wife!"
499
00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:20,430
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha ha.
500
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:21,698
Ahhh.
501
00:18:21,699 --> 00:18:22,969
What are you guys doing here?
502
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,134
You said the math team
desperately needed members.
503
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:27,604
Plus, brothers are thicker than water!
504
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:30,451
So, we're here to hang, all at school,
505
00:18:30,452 --> 00:18:31,842
just like you wanted.
506
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,105
But this is kinda my thing.
507
00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:38,281
Okay, Mathletes, who's ready
to divide and conquer?
508
00:18:40,207 --> 00:18:43,420
What is the least common
multiple of 4 and 10?
509
00:18:43,421 --> 00:18:44,520
Pi.
510
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:45,622
Wrong.
511
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:47,290
Damn Emery's quick pointer finger!
512
00:18:47,291 --> 00:18:48,624
Next question...
513
00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:52,062
Today, Amy's age
is four times Jon's age.
514
00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:54,897
Three years ago,
the sum of their ages was 54.
515
00:18:54,898 --> 00:18:57,530
How old is Amy today?
516
00:18:57,531 --> 00:18:58,408
- Pi.
- Who Amy?
517
00:18:58,409 --> 00:18:59,202
Wrong.
518
00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:00,671
This next one's an easy one.
519
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,672
Solve this equation...
520
00:19:02,673 --> 00:19:04,975
E = MC blank.
521
00:19:04,976 --> 00:19:07,376
Hammer! MC Hammer.
522
00:19:07,377 --> 00:19:09,546
Wrong. Very wrong.
523
00:19:09,547 --> 00:19:11,512
I'd like to take a 2.24 squared.
524
00:19:11,513 --> 00:19:13,517
Pi?
525
00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:14,720
A five!
526
00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:20,360
- Okay, I get it.
- See, Evan?
527
00:19:20,361 --> 00:19:21,991
Having your brothers
up in your business at school
528
00:19:21,992 --> 00:19:23,373
isn't always fun.
529
00:19:23,374 --> 00:19:24,728
You love Grandma, right?
530
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:27,331
Does the horizontal asymptote
of "Y equals zero"
531
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,667
extend to infinity?
532
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:31,500
It does. I love Grandma.
533
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,402
Do you want to spend
all your time with her?
534
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:35,672
Even when she's sorting her bras
out by their mileage?
535
00:19:35,673 --> 00:19:36,672
No.
536
00:19:36,673 --> 00:19:38,709
I once had to do the thongs.
537
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,178
I guess I do have a lot to learn
about high school.
538
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,345
I just got it!
539
00:19:42,346 --> 00:19:43,346
Mathlete!
540
00:19:43,347 --> 00:19:45,348
Like athlete, but with math.
541
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,616
People are so creative.
542
00:19:46,617 --> 00:19:47,617
Mm.
543
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,220
The school administration
544
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:54,124
thought that ghosts were
"culturally neutral"
545
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:56,293
since "everybody dies,"
546
00:19:56,294 --> 00:19:58,295
but as long as I am Dean,
547
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:02,301
I ensure the school will never
make a mistake like this again.
548
00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:06,603
And now it's time for questions.
549
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:07,655
Keep it quick.
550
00:20:07,656 --> 00:20:10,306
I know you have other private-school
press conferences to attend.
551
00:20:10,307 --> 00:20:11,240
Questions? Uh...
552
00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:16,246
Oh, yes, you, handsome man
in the Western blazer.
553
00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:18,547
Uh, Dean Jessica Huang,
with your new position,
554
00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:20,450
what plans do you have for the school?
555
00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:22,786
Mm-hmm. Thank you, random reporter.
556
00:20:22,787 --> 00:20:25,822
Let me walk you through
my extensive list of plans
557
00:20:25,823 --> 00:20:28,057
that fall under my job description,
558
00:20:28,058 --> 00:20:29,726
none of which can be taken away
559
00:20:29,727 --> 00:20:32,429
because I'm listing them here
publicly today.
560
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,931
Well, at least I'll finally
find out what a Dean does.
561
00:20:34,932 --> 00:20:36,299
Long game.
562
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,602
After that, we'll discuss
the generous raise
563
00:20:38,603 --> 00:20:40,170
that will be offered to me tomorrow.
564
00:20:40,171 --> 00:20:41,305
Raise?
565
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:42,672
And, uh, after-hours use of the pool?
566
00:20:42,673 --> 00:20:43,906
No more questions.
567
00:20:50,347 --> 00:20:52,316
Wait, so there's a pizza pie,
568
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,317
a fruit pie, and a math pi?
569
00:20:54,318 --> 00:20:55,951
I know, I know, it's a lot.
570
00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,453
Why'd they run out of words?
571
00:20:57,454 --> 00:20:58,689
Wait, then what pie
are they talking about
572
00:20:58,690 --> 00:20:59,855
when they say "pie in the sky"?
573
00:20:59,856 --> 00:21:00,990
Mm, that's not the phrase.
574
00:21:00,991 --> 00:21:03,492
It's "pie in this guy." Like in here.
575
00:21:03,493 --> 00:21:06,129
That makes sense, because you eat it.
576
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,998
But you don't eat the math pi.
577
00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:09,865
Oh.
578
00:21:09,866 --> 00:21:12,803
Everybody, meet Mr. Buns.
579
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,538
He is my assistant,
and he will be staying with us
580
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:19,175
while Principal Reed makes sure
they put a window in my office.
581
00:21:19,176 --> 00:21:21,978
I was afraid to ask who Mr. Buns
was this entire time,
582
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:24,514
and let me tell you, I'm relieved.
583
00:21:24,515 --> 00:21:26,384
Aww, he's so cute.
584
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:33,613
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com