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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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'Ello, cousin!
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Mind if we pop in a spell?
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Me traveling started
in Lisbon's piers
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so I says, "All right,
gaze out our cousin Jerry."
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(LAUGHS) Saw it, mate?
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We was bored, so we decided
to pay you a visit.
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No offense, mate, but when
you can't understand
the King's English,
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I'd say education
in the provinces
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leaves a bit to be desired.
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I could do with a biscuit
or two, cousin.
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What say we stretch
our bacon and eggs
up in the kitchen?
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(IMITATES CAT)
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Don't be daft.
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Me and Alistair
loves tormenting
dozey house cats.
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Hey, Alistair,
you still on that diet?
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Well, one does has to watch
me girlish figure.
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Good. Then stick to it right.
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(THUDS)
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(SMACKS) Now, that's
a well-balanced meal, that is.
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No, cousin!
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All this food and you
wastin' effort on that.
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Live a little, says I.
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There, that's more like it.
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CATES: Egad!
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Lovely, ain't it?
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-(SNORING)
-CATES: Thomas!
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There are mice swimming
in the consomme.
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Shouldn't you and Duchess
become aware
of their presence,
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you go from
being the kitchen cat
to the stable cat.
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And if you don't think
there's a difference,
consider the smell.
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Now, get out of the consomme!
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(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
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Gooseberry pie?
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How about a lovely lemon,
me old sourpuss?
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CATES: Thomas!
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DUCHESS: Your frenetic feline
does not amuse me, Mr. Cates.
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My apologies, Your Grace.
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I shall tend to him forthwith.
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Two words, Thomas.
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Stable cat!
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(LAUGHING)
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One lump or two, mate?
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(MICE LAUGHING)
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OLIVER: Ho-ho!
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I ain't had a bite
all day, mate.
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Toodle-loo!
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GIRL: Here's your
feather boa, Your Grace.
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DUCHESS: Place it on
the bed for now.
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I need your help
with this new makeup
I purchased in Paris.
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It's tres de rigueur.
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GIRL: The Frenchies
know their toilet water.
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(LAUGHING)
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(THUDS)
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(DUCHESS SCREAMS)
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GIRL: Out you go!
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DUCHESS: And here's
for good measure!
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CATES: (SHOUTS) Thomas!
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Lovely bein' out here
in the countryside.
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So close to nature
for a change.
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(GROWLS)
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Only I likes me nature
not so close.
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(GROWLS)
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(SCREAMS)
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(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
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Egad, Cates!
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There's a moose on fire
in the manor.
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Very good, sir.
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(GUNSHOTS FIRING)
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This place is more laughs
than a weekend in Blackpool.
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(CHOMPING LOUDLY)
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♪ I found myself a-crawling
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♪ Down dear old Drury Lane
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♪ I thought I'd meet
the muffin man
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♪ But he'd gone South in Spain
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♪ So I took me to the pie man
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♪ Who lives in Grimsby Road
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♪ He asked me how
I liked my pie
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♪ Said I, "Sir, a la mode!"
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♪ Oh, apple cart,
raspberry tarts
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♪ Sweets are on their way
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♪ Open the lip
and pass the gum
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♪ Meet in the middle
Ta-ta-tum
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♪ Must confess, see a mess
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♪ Play me for a fool
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♪ Apple cart, raspberry tart
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♪ 'Cause that's what
makes you drool ♪
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Cock-a-doodle-doo!
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Brekky!
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Brekky!
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Oh, mate, I'm staying
here forever, I am.
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You were warned, Thomas.
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You've been an utter failure.
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So it's off to the stables
with you.
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Psst!
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(WHISPERS)
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Loves me an English breakfast.
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OLIVER: Well that's
a fine attitude.
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Out on our bums
without so much
as a bye or leave.
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CATES: My compliments, Thomas,
on a job well done.
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(DISTANT SNORING)
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(SNORING CONTINUES)