(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
'Ello, cousin!
Mind if we pop in a spell?
Me traveling started in Lisbon's piers
so I says, "All right, gaze out our cousin Jerry."
(LAUGHS) Saw it, mate?
We was bored, so we decided to pay you a visit.
No offense, mate, but when you can't understand the King's English,
I'd say education in the provinces
leaves a bit to be desired.
I could do with a biscuit or two, cousin.
What say we stretch our bacon and eggs up in the kitchen?
(IMITATES CAT)
Don't be daft.
Me and Alistair loves tormenting dozey house cats.
Hey, Alistair, you still on that diet?
Well, one does has to watch me girlish figure.
Good. Then stick to it right.
(THUDS)
(SMACKS) Now, that's a well-balanced meal, that is.
No, cousin!
All this food and you wastin' effort on that.
Live a little, says I.
There, that's more like it.
CATES: Egad!
Lovely, ain't it?
-(SNORING) -CATES: Thomas!
There are mice swimming in the consomme.
Shouldn't you and Duchess become aware of their presence,
you go from being the kitchen cat to the stable cat.
And if you don't think there's a difference, consider the smell.
Now, get out of the consomme!
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Gooseberry pie?
How about a lovely lemon, me old sourpuss?
CATES: Thomas!
DUCHESS: Your frenetic feline does not amuse me, Mr. Cates.
My apologies, Your Grace.
I shall tend to him forthwith.
Two words, Thomas.
Stable cat!
(LAUGHING)
One lump or two, mate?
(MICE LAUGHING)
OLIVER: Ho-ho!
I ain't had a bite all day, mate.
Toodle-loo!
GIRL: Here's your feather boa, Your Grace.
DUCHESS: Place it on the bed for now.
I need your help with this new makeup I purchased in Paris.
It's tres de rigueur.
GIRL: The Frenchies know their toilet water.
(LAUGHING)
(THUDS)
(DUCHESS SCREAMS)
GIRL: Out you go!
DUCHESS: And here's for good measure!
CATES: (SHOUTS) Thomas!
Lovely bein' out here in the countryside.
So close to nature for a change.
(GROWLS)
Only I likes me nature not so close.
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
Egad, Cates!
There's a moose on fire in the manor.
Very good, sir.
(GUNSHOTS FIRING)
This place is more laughs than a weekend in Blackpool.
(CHOMPING LOUDLY)
♪ I found myself a-crawling
♪ Down dear old Drury Lane
♪ I thought I'd meet the muffin man
♪ But he'd gone South in Spain
♪ So I took me to the pie man
♪ Who lives in Grimsby Road
♪ He asked me how I liked my pie
♪ Said I, "Sir, a la mode!"
♪ Oh, apple cart, raspberry tarts
♪ Sweets are on their way
♪ Open the lip and pass the gum
♪ Meet in the middle Ta-ta-tum
♪ Must confess, see a mess
♪ Play me for a fool
♪ Apple cart, raspberry tart
♪ 'Cause that's what makes you drool ♪
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Brekky!
Oh, mate, I'm staying here forever, I am.
You were warned, Thomas.
You've been an utter failure.
So it's off to the stables with you.
Psst!
(WHISPERS)
Loves me an English breakfast.
OLIVER: Well that's a fine attitude.
Out on our bums without so much as a bye or leave.
CATES: My compliments, Thomas, on a job well done.
(DISTANT SNORING)
(SNORING CONTINUES)