(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: The cat and mouse detectives
have rushed to the theater
to solve the case of a missing musical diva.
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ I am Agent Boris Morris
♪ And my heart's about to shatter all to pieces
♪ What a pity! It's my client Kitty Caterwaul
♪ I brought here this evening
♪ And I left her in her dressing room
♪ But when I checked it later, She was missing!
♪ What distressing doom
♪ The show is starting shortly
♪ And the crowd will be hysterical
♪ A disappearing diva's not an error that is clerical
♪ She has a lot of enemies
♪ With whom she's become embroiled
♪ And any one of them Would foil kitty cat from Kitty Foiled
♪ Yes, I believe she's kidnapped
♪ And acquainted with the criminal
♪ I'll lose my 10% and my distress is not subliminal
♪ My back is up against the wall
♪ So grateful that you paid a call
♪ Please help me find Who done it to the Diva Kitty Caterwaul ♪
Uh... Maybe I should show you around. (CHUCKLES)
(PIANO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
BORIS: That's him!
♪ Miss Caterwaul, you see
♪ Was doggone mean to me
♪ She tore apart my singin'
♪ A donkey in a fog
♪ A wounded, dyin' frog
♪ Tomatoes they'll be flingin'
♪ Tomatoes they'd be flinging
♪ She said the only way to make me
♪ Sound okay Was muzzle me
♪ Now I'm cryin'
♪ Kitty, pity dear
♪ You'll never get to hear
♪ My voice
♪ Electrifyin'!
♪ You think my case is shady
♪ Then Meathead you should find
♪ He had an ax to grind, Say where's
♪ The costume lady? ♪
♪ Oh, my Kitty Caterwaul
♪ Sigh, Kitty Caterwaul
♪ She was the love of my life
♪ My pitter went patter
♪ All over Miss Caterwaul
♪ Someday, I'd make her my wife
♪ Oh, how she entranced me
♪ Romanced me and danced me
♪ One sultry December night
♪ But fame sought her company
♪ The dame had to dump me
♪ For pastures more green and more
-♪ Bright! -(METAL CLANGS)
♪ And so from afar I loved
♪ Kitty, the star above
♪ All other ladies in town
♪ My luck that I had to fall
♪ For Kitty Caterwaul
♪ Turned my whole world upside down
♪ With all respect due, sir
♪ It's Spike, the producer
♪ Who don't want Miss Kitty around ♪
(TEETH CHATTERING)
♪ When a feline isn't fit For your production
♪ Your production
♪ And you've sunk your every bone into the show
♪ To the show
♪ You can bet your life You're headed
-♪ For destruction -♪ For destruction
♪ And you know the pretty Kitty
♪ Has to go
Has to go.
♪ She can sing But she can't act
-♪ To save her hiney -♪ Save her hiney
♪ Chewing scenery Like it was a
-♪ Sticky bun -♪ Sticky bun
♪ Plus on top of all of that
-♪ She got so whiny -♪ Got so whiny!
♪ With that scheming prima donna
♪ I was done
(GLASS SHATTERING)
♪ As for Caterwaul's mysterious disappearance
BORIS: ♪ Disappearance!
♪ Ask the writer and director
-♪ Of the show ♪ -BORIS: Yeah, let's go.
♪ A cat like that Could drive a guy insane
♪ Her act fell flat
♪ My play went down the drain
♪ Don't change my words
♪ I plead and plead and plead
♪ But Kitty's certain she's a special breed
♪ A caterwaul
♪ I can't direct her When she's
♪ Keen to redirect her every scene!
♪ Lost, wrecked
♪ And on my knees
♪ This is a disaster
♪ Why did we ever cast her?
♪ Let's set our minds at ease
♪ Find another diva, please
♪ But how did Kitty vanish?
♪ Go, and talk to Toodles
♪ She would know
♪ Poor Caterwaul
♪ Bless her untalented heart
♪ I serve as her
♪ Choreographer
♪ Trying hard to make out
♪ Poor Caterwaul
♪ Her two ginormous left feet
♪ Killed my ballet To my dismay
♪ Why couldn't I play her part?
♪ Oh, I've got talent, you see
♪ Twenty times more Talent than she
♪ I've got talent divine
♪ I tell you That part is mine
♪ Talent divine
♪ That part is mine
KITTY: ♪ Help...
♪ Help, help
♪ He-he-help
♪ Help, help (VOCALIZING) Help
♪ Help! ♪
I went out for a box of my favorite chocolates
to settle my opening night jitters,
and got lost on the way back to the theater.
I took two lefts instead of a right,
probably due to my two left feet.
I got dizzy and tumbled down a set of stairs
and rolled into this pit of despair!
This never would have happened
if Mr. Nitwit had gone to get them for me!
Now, I've got a show to--
(THUD)
Ooh!
Kitty! Oh, Kitty!
How I've missed you so.
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ And so we solved the mystery
♪ Of missing Kitty Caterwaul
♪ I really had no reason to be apoplectic after all
♪ It doesn't matter anyhow
♪ I'm representing Toodles now
♪ So, toodle-oo, Ta-ta, adieu to you
♪ Miss Kitty Caterwaul ♪