(DOORBELL CHIMING)
Thomas, what a surprise!
For me? Oh, you shouldn't have.
(GIGGLES)
Like I said, you shouldn't have.
(WHISTLING)
Hiya, doll!
Aw.
Butch! You know I'm allergic to Tiger lilies.
Oops! Er, try this cream on for size, sweetheart.
Er, guess I should have checked the expiration date.
You two are both uncouth slobs of the lowest order!
Now, hold on!
I prefer to think of us as slobs of the highest order.
You all need to get some manners!
Like I did.
Ed and Edna's Back Alley Charm school.
Forget that. I ain't going
to some snooty, stuck up lessons for no dame!
(RINGING)
(EXCLAIMS) I knew you'd fall for this gunk!
Well, anything you can do, I can do better!
We're going to be able to charge them for endless classes.
Indeed, Edna. Let's soften these chumps up
and get them hooked for the full treatment.
Oh my gracious! Please, gentlemen.
This is a refined and dignified establishment.
If you can't behave yourselves
you can leave right now.
EDNA:The introductory lesson is free.
But the full course will cost one can of tuna
per person per lesson.
Since there are four of you,
we'll split you up into two groups.
Edward, you tend to the other pair.
Thank you, Edna, dear.
EDNA:Oh, don't mention it, Ed, darling!
Now, you see there?
Edna and I just took great pains
to display utmost courtesy to one another.
Not curtsy! Courtesy!
Politeness, manners, etc!
(SIGHS) This is going to require more effort than usual.
We will begin with Terpsichore.
The refined art of dance.
Oh! Well, why didn't you say so, lady?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Stop! This is a waltz! Try to keep up.
Please just follow my lead.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Here, we have the ideal feline posture.
Come, come, step forward please.
Oh, dear!
Stomach in, chin up, back straight,
nose up, shoulders back,chest out
and tail up.
Now, isn't that better?
Walk forward now.
Now, gentlemen, we shall guide you
through the etiquette of table manners
for a formal tea.
Do not touch anything
until Edna has demonstrated
the proper useof silverware.
Eh, thank you, dearest Edward.
We begin with Shrimp.
Who are you calling "Shrimp"?
The shrimp fork.
Then, there is the salad fork.
But, in the case of pasta salad,
we use the pasta salad fork.
Next is your deli fork,
the semi fork to be used
in between the salad and the main fork.
The serving salad fork.
The salad serving fork and the dessert fork.
I'm gonna need a forklift for all this junk!
(CLEARS THROAT)
And last but not least,
the napkin.
Close enough.
Now we're talking. What's for grub?
Finger sandwiches.
Ew, gross!
I'm not eating anybody's fingers.
Suit yourself, pipsqueak.
When in Rome.
There are no fingers in these sandwiches.
That's just the name.
The contents are celery, cumber and garlic butter.
(WHISTLIING)
Right. Chicken saves the day!
Now, on to our final department, grooming.
EDNA:This isa facial moisturizer.
Oh! (GIGGLES)
They say that clothes make the man.
ED:You lookabsolutely splendid.
(CLATTERING)
(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHING)
(CLATTERING)
Edna, darling, this is a catastrophe.
(GRUMBLES) Indeed, Edward.
ED:Congratulations!
For the first time in our charm school history,
we have decided to graduate the entire class
after just one introductory lesson.
You'll be spared the cost.
Y-yes, dearest Edward.
But our pupils must keep this a secret.
and promise to never tell anyone
that they attended this course.
Woo hoo!
For me!
What are you doing here?
We graduated charm school.
Ain't we charming?
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
You've got real degrees
in etiquette, just for me.
Let's celebrate.
(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
Perhaps it's time to find another line of work.
Indeed. We should.