COUNT DeCALORIE: Dearest Nephew, I hope this finds you well.
I shall be arriving at precisely 11:42 a.m. today.
Yours cordially, Count DeCalorie.
Ah, Jerry, my boy! You've noticed I've lost weight.
I simply checked myself into a health spa.
A bit of the old exercise, a healthy diet and the pounds simply melted off!
I feel capital, my boy. Positively capital!
Now do me a favor and show me around this country paradise of yours.
Oh, I do say, impressive grounds and well-kept.
(SCREAMING)
I can see he doesn't want us here
so why not show me the dining facilities, my boy.
I'm just a wee bit peckish.
Thank you, my dear nephew, but, no.
It was at the health spa that I learned
to eschew the trappings of the baked goods.
I choose now to fortify myself with the greens of Mother Earth.
Celery, for instance.
All of these sweet things can no longer tempt me.
Oh, dear, off it goes!
It certainly is more difficult to remove.
Perhaps just to clean it off. (LICKING)
Oh, I really should stop.
My goodness! What's come over me?
Thank goodness you were here to aid me, nephew Jerry.
Oh, dear!
It seems you've been entrapped by a jellymold.
I must come to your aid as you did me.
(SMACKING LIPS)
Unfortunately, that snacking has made me soft in the middle.
Well, exercise is the cure for that.
Good shot, my boy! (LAUGHING)
(SNIFFING)
(PANTING)
(SNIFFING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, hello, dear nephew.
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
I'm terribly embarrassed. I don't know what's become of my self-control.
(PANTING HEAVILY)
(STRAINING)
(PANTING)
(SNEEZES)
(GASPING)
(PANTING)
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
Oh, dear. My recent gorging has produced an unfortunate effect.
CATES: Thomas!
Oh, there you are. I've been searching all about for you.
Thomas, the Duchess' sister is arriving soon.
Be prepared to serve tea in the library.
Now make sure the house is spit spot, understood?
No foul-ups or it will be your job!
Good to know you're always on my side in a pinch, dear nephew.
Gentlemen, is this really necessary?
There's really no need for this!
And I promise that I'll make myself scarce!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(DOOR OPENS)
DUCHESS: Oh, hello, dear sister! So good of you to come.
LADY LILLIAN: But of course!
DUCHESS: I rather thought we'd have lunch in the library.
LADY LILLIAN: Oh, what a perfectly charming idea.
DUCHESS: Cates? CATES: Of course.
Please this way, my ladies.
(SCREAMING)
DUCHESS: Do have a seat, dear sister.
Now, tell us of your travels.
LADY LILLIAN: South America has such a vast diversity of plants and animals.
There's a large rodent there that's as gentle as a lapdog.
Oh, the most endearing creature.
DUCHESS: And here's our lunch.
-(METAL THUD) -CATES: Thomas!
Cates! Dismiss Thomas immediately!
CATES: It will be my pleasure.
(DUCHESS SCREAMING)
-Oh, dear! -(THUD)
What a delight! It's a capybara!
The very creature I was just telling you about.
-(BELCHING) -Oh, isn't it charming?
I must take him with me on my next voyage.
A gourmet tour of France.
Oh, we'll try all the most delicious cheeses and pastries.
And cheese in pastries and cheese next to pastries.
Oh, it'll be delicious.