LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Welcome back, friends.
You'll recall our Jane was dealing with quite a doozy
because Michael came back from the freaking dead,
only he was just a little different.
Actually,
I go by Jason now, ma'am.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You see, it turns out Rose,
aka Sin Rostro,
kidnapped Michael and gave him amnesia.
You don't remember me?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And her former lover Luisa
was determined to find out why she did it.
I know, straight out of a telenovela, right?
And speaking of telenovelas,
Jane's father Rogelio was excited
to launch the American version ofThe Passions of Santos,
and his costar-- the fabulous River Fields,
who he had a rocky relationship with.
Also navigating tricky relationships-- Alba.
See, she had a quickie wedding to her ex-boyfriend Jorge
to help him get a green card. The only problem--
her fake marriage had Alba catching real feelings.
And speaking of feelings, our Jane vowed to help Michael...
[record scratches] My bad.
...Jason get his memories back, but she refused
to let it interfere with her relationship with Rafael.
I want to move in with you now. I love you, Rafael.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which, my friends, is where we left off.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva
was two months, 12 days and 18 hours old,
she received her first sacrament
in the Catholic Church.
And as she moved through her religious life,
these were her touchstones,
her holy rites of passage.
In the name of the Father...
And of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Some were solemn,
some were joyous.
Amen.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But they were, above all,
eternal.
Or until death do us part.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Or so Jane thought.
It wasn't the lawyer. It was a telemarketer.
I guess she doesn't have a ton of experience
with husbands who come back from the dead.
I just want an answer. I mean, yes or no? No.
But I love that lamp. I picked it out
and I forced you to buy it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: That's right,
while Jane was moving out,
Jorge was moving in.
Temporarily, of course.
Like I said. And...
Abuela, you okay?
[sniffles]
But it could still be confusing.
You know I finally had my mind off of that, right?
MATEO: Mom!
I can't find the blue pieces from my building set!
[phone ringing]Oh. It's the lawyer.
Hello? Hi. Yes. Uh, so, am I married or not?
RAFAEL: Still no answer?
No, it's crazy.
She's consulting colleagues,
a conflicting legal precedent, blah, blah, blah.
Your grandma let you have this?
The point is, I might not know
if I'm married or not for a week.
I deserve that lamp.
And for you...
Ooh. A color-coded calendar.
What is the occasion?
It's how I'm gonna help Jason get his memories back
without letting it interfere in our life.
I am liking this calendar.
Right? Mateo's blue. We have to keep them apart, obviously.
Agreed. What is, uh, CCD?
Catholic classes until his first Communion.
We talked about this. You said yes.
I just don't want Mateo thinking
every time he does something wrong, he's going to hell.
That is not what the Church teaches... at first.
Look, my husband just came back from the dead.
Can you just agree to what you already agreed to?
Is this what Catholic guilt feels like?
Yeah. Is it working?Yes.
Thank you. By the way, note the calendar.
You don't leave for work for half an hour,
and Mateo's at school.
Oh. So we have a window?
Oh, we have a window.
[both moaning]
Oh.
Hey.
[giggles]
[clears throat]
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately, they also had
a door, which had been accidentally left open.
Sorry I'm early.
It's just I get up with the cock's crow.
[rooster crows]
But if it's a bad time, I can come back later... after.
No, no, it's okay. Let's get you moved into the Marbella.No. Yeah, yeah.
I just need to find my shoes.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And underwear.
So, how was your visit with your dad?
Any memories?
Nope, but I had a real good time.
What did you guys do?
Oh, you know, just
caught up on episodes of NCIS.
You guys watched television?
It was nice. Quiet.
But I'm back and ready for you and all the talking.
[laughs]
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And from one amnesiac to another.
But more sexy.
I play a sexy amnesiac, so maybe this hair...
goes on thisside, huh?
Like I forgot how to part it properly.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You'll recall Rogelio was launching the American version
ofThe Passions of Santos. Hey, you.
Why are you calling again?I just want to make sure
you don't feel too lonely at home.
For the last time, I'm fine.
Because I can delay it until after chemo.
Please don't say you can delay until after chemo.
I'm serious, Rogelio.
Stop feeling guilty. I'm great.
You're finally shooting The Passions of Steve and Brenda.
â™ª
Now go have a great first day,
and don't call again.
And stay professional. Remember, you got
to a good place with River. Don't mess it up.
I won't.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends,
it's important to note: that was his plan.
Good morning, Mr. Co-President.
Good morning, Madam Co-President.
[laughs softly]Shall we run lines?
New script pages, hot off the presses.
Oh. Great.
Ooh, fun.
Oh, they made my monologue even juicier.
[grunts softly]Well, I better get these babies ready to emote.
I thought we were running lines.
First, I want to have a word
with those tasteless, talentless hacks who call themselves...
Writers!
[laughs] The finest wordsmiths
in Miami and my very favorite people.
So, I found...Uh, Mr. De la Vega, this is the production office.
I see. Okay.
Well... good producing.
[chuckles]LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Take two.
Writers.
My favorite people in the whole world.
I noticed my monologue was missing
from the latest script. Not to worry.
I'm sure that omitting the most powerful moment
in the pilot was just an oversight.
It's sweet but not too sweet.
HANNAH: You think it's coconut sugar?
[writers voicing assent]
What are those... things?
River boats. She gave 'em to the whole crew
to celebrate the first day of shooting.
[writers murmuring]
I didn't know River had a cookie line.
She's just so nice.
Agreed. So... very nice.
You just seem sarcastic when you say that.
Oh, no. I'm very glad to have this crazy calendar.
PETRA: Why did the vendor send chardonnay
when I specifically ordered Chablis?
Weren't you on the call when I placed the order?
I told you, always be on my calls,
taking notes so situations like this are avoided.
Find me the Chablis.
Now!
Turns out "temp" is just another word for "incompetent."
Anyway, welcome to the Marbella.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yup, looks like
someone's still crushing on Petra.
Well, thanks for putting us up.
He could use a walk. Come on, Bo. Come on.
No one said anything about a dog.
Can you make an exception?
Think of him as like an emotional support animal.
Emotional support for what?For coming back from the dead!
He so much as lifts a leg in here, he's out.
[sighs] And that goes for Jason, too.
Thanks. Trust me, he needs that dog,
because he is not a people person.
[Michael laughing loudly]
[laughing] Oh, man.
Maybe he's just not a Jane person.
Maybe not yet, but we're still getting to know each other.
It'll get better.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Totally agree. Either that...
or way worse.
Okay, so I don't cook, but Michael loved frittatas,
so this was the one thing I learned to make.
Pretty good, but I'd add ham.
Maybe some kind of a meat.
What are you gonna eat?
Well, that was for the both of us. [laughs]
So, what do you think?
You're messing with me, right?
There's no way Michael liked this book.
And so, yeah, Star Warswas Michael's favorite movie.
He actually didn't drink anything all day
when the last one came out, just to ensure
that he definitely wouldn't have to go to the bathroom during it.
[snoring]
Wake up!
[sighs]
Okay, so I put together a box of Michael's things.
Oh, those were his... your... LSAT scores.
You passed.Wow.
Crazy. I would never want to be a lawyer.
Oh, n-no, don't throw it away.
I'll-I'll just keep it.Yeah?
Yeah. Sure.
Oh, those are from your car. You can have those if you want.
Uh, no, thanks. What happened to the car?
Oh, I-I sold it.
Well, how much you get?
Like, 1,200 bucks, I think.
Can I have that, then?
Are you serious?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He looks dead serious.
Or should I say "back from the dead serious"?
Or like half?
Could use the money more than a license plate.
What?
Nothing. You know, maybe I can go
to the used car dealership and get your car back.
Oh, I'm sure they'll remember me since I was the one sobbing
while I handed over the keys to my dead husband's car.
Why would they give you the car back
when you already spent the money?
I didn't actually mean you'd be getting it back.
Oh, you were being sarcastic?Yeah, I was being sarcastic,
because you were asking for the money.Yeah, I'm asking
for money. Do you not need money?
[phone rings]
It's the lawyer.
Hi. This is Jane.
Okay. Got it.
Got it.
Great news. [chuckles]
We're still married.
[sighs]
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, friends, you'll recall
we left Jane and Jason... Married? Seriously?
For now. Apparently Michael's death certificate
nullified our marriage certificate,
but his death certificate is now nullified.
So we have an appointment
to ask the judge to uphold the dissolution.
When?
In six months.
Trust me. I don't want to be married to Jason
for another six months. But what can I do?
What most people do when they don't want
to be married anymore.
Divorce.
Rafael, I'm Catholic.
And...?
And...
[organ plays]
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sorry. That was dramatic.
But so is damnation.
Jane?
Catholics can't divorce.
Yeah, but don't you think they'd make an exception in this case?
I don't know. But if I just wait the six months,
I won't have to go against the Church.
But then again, you've broken other church rules.
Like birth control, lots of premarital sex.
Marriage is different.
It's a sacrament.
Okay.
If that's all it is.
Of course that's all it is.
Good old-fashioned Catholic guilt.
Then again, guilt comes from the inside, not the outside.
[phone chimes]It's Dennis. I need to go meet
my sister at the precinct. Then we're gonna head to the prison,
see if Rose will tell Luisa why she wiped Michael's memory.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow. There's a sentence you don't hear every day.
Do you think Rose will tell her?
I can't guarantee it,
but I'm definitely your best shot.
Agreed.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw!
You remember Dennis, right?
I just want to make sure you're okay with meeting Rose.
I know you've had some... struggles in the past.
Not struggles.
Complete mental breakdowns.
It's important to just say it and own it.
Yes, I was an unstable alcoholic
who fell in love with a sociopath.
Again and again...
and again.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And again.
But I'm not that person anymore.
Because now I'm sober.
And... I'm serious.
I can totally handle Rose. And if she even tries
to lure me in with her magnetic eyes and electric sexual energy,
I'm just gonna think
about the truly evil things that she's done.
In fact, I even made a list.
And I'll be, uh, coming as well,
for moral support.
Great. Good call.
So, look,
we found this number buried in Michael's files.
We think it may have something to do
with where she's hiding her money.
Mention it to her.
Let's see how she reacts.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Also waiting for a reaction...
What do you think?
Your very own...
RoBoats.
Thanks, Rogelio.Of course.
And, look, where I come from, the writer is God.
So I will never question a decision you've made.
Appreciate that.
But if you want to thank me
for such a kind offering...
restore my monologue.
Sorry. No can do.
But I bought you actual boats.
Which are much better than those cheap, carb-heavy River Rafts.
It's not personal, Rogelio.
You still have your moment.
But my moment is...
shorter.
River has a whole speech.
And now all I say is
"I don't understand what's going on."
Sometimes less is more.
I don't understand.
"What's going on."
I don't understand what's going on.
See? Sounds great.
No! I'm saying that I, Rog...elio de la Vega,
don't understand.
How could you cut my monologue down to one line?
We thought this line
was a better reflection of the character.
Where he's at in his journey.
With no memories.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends,
that's when Rogelio's two worlds collided,
as if by design.
Oh, yeah?
And do you know anyone with amnesia?
Because I
happen to know a real-life amnesiac.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now.
[chuckles] My dad wants to hire you
as an amnesia consultant on his telenovela.
What's a... "telly-novela"?
[Latin Lover Narrator gasps]
A TV show.
My-my favorite kind, actually.
Michael and I watched one the night that we met.
They're like... soap operas on steroids.
You know, lots of twists and turns and huge reveals
but with so much heart.
Sold.
Ah.
600 bucks, I'll consult.
Then we'll call it even on the car.
Got it. I'll let him know.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And suddenly, friends, a twist no one
saw coming. What is it?
This shot glass looks so familiar.
[heart beating]We were out,
you and me.
It was night.
We were on, um,
Bourbon Street
in New Orleans.
And there was a guy who spilled a drink down your back.
You freaked out.
[beating stops]I've never been to New Orleans.
Or Bourbon Street.
Damn.
You're right.
I was remembering an episode of NCIS: New Orleans.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: At least Jane didn't see it coming.
I'll be right back.
I-I need some air.
â™ª
[exhales]
Jane.
Are you okay?
I just realized something.
[exhales] I'm scared to get a divorce,
because what if Michael gets his memory back?
I mean, if that happened, I don't know
what I would do or how I would feel.
At all.
I'm so sorry that I had to run out. Something came up.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A full-fledged panic attack is what came up.
What was it?
M-My mom's cancer flared up, actually.
A-Anyway, I will see you on set.
600 bucks. Yay!
Okay, now-now I have to call Rafael.
Whoa, slow down.
No, I have to.My cancer's
flaring up.
Just think for a second, okay?
What are you gonna say to him?
That if Michael's memory comes back,
that it'll be very confusing.
I think he knows that.
And I don't know if I'd want to divorce him,
so it wasn't only Catholic guilt like I said.
What was it, then?
Would you want to be with Michael?
What? No. I love Rafael.
I-It's more that...
[sighs] How could I look Michael in the eye and say,
"Hey, you were back for two whole weeks
and then I filed for divorce"?
Okay. So it is guilt,
just from a different place.
Which I should tell Rafael.
And also I should tell him
that if Michael got his memory back,
I'm a little scared that I'd have feelings.
But I don't want to and I probably wouldn't?
Yeah, see, I'd wait a beat with that last part.
It's all hypothetical.
Sort out how you're feeling a little more first.
Yeah.
He's actually with Rose now,
trying to find out why she did this.
Really?LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Truly.
Well, this is disappointing.
Whyare you here?
I was veryclear that I would only speak to Luisa.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause you're talking to both of us.
[chuckles]: Oh.
Did you come to thank me?
I took out the competition,
got you the girl.
Why did you wipe Michael's memory?
Is that really what you want to ask me?
Or are you trying to find out
if what I did to Michael is reversible?
Afraid that if Michael gets his memory back,
Jane will go running back
to her one true love like she always does?
Let me talk to her alone.
No! No way!
This is what Rose does.
[scoffs]Don't let her get to you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Too late. She was so rude.
I will get an answer.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good. We're all waiting.
Here's the answer.
A real-life amnesiac standing right here.
I brought him here as a consultant
because amnesiacs, as a group, deserve accurate representation.
And he read the monologue as it was, and he lovedit.
Right, Jason?
Yep.
True.
[clacking]â™ª
So, when you first came back to your old life,
what was it like?
Oh. Just...
Well, we have our answer. Monologue stays.
Let's go, Jason.WRITER: No, wait. You brought us
an actual amnesiac. This is incredible.[chuckles]
We want to hear from him.
So, what was it like?
Oh, I was just so confused.Processing everything
in a lengthy speech.Um, there was just all this stuff
coming at me.You know? Okay, here we go.
Um, I was just like...
"What?"
So that's what you said? "What?"
That's pretty much all I could say.
That's what we're gonna do.
Cut the line and have him just say "What?"
What?
Perfect.
Authenticity every time. Yes.
Oh, my God.
What?
Is that River Fields?
ROGELIO: It is.
You work on her show?
We are costars of ourshow.
Can you introduce me?
Sure.
Oh, man. [exhales]
The guys at the ranch are gonna be like, "What?"
[chuckles]
ROGELIO: River, this is
Jason, our real-life amnesiac.
Ms. Fields,
ma'am, I-I just want to say I'm a huge fan.
Um, you're just... awesome.
[chuckles] ROGELIO: This man
won't stop talking.
This is why I need a monologue!
I-I feel like I'm dreaming right now.
Oh, stop. The dream is mine.
I can't even imagine what you're going through.
And just know that if you ever need anything from me,
and it doesn't conflict with previously scheduled events,
I would be happy to help you any way I can.
Wow, that's so generous of you.
Of course it is, but you deserve it
after all you've been through.
You're a victim.
You're a real victimized victim.
But instead of whining about it like some people who whine
about every little thing like a shorter monologue,
you keep moving forward.
I can't believe what you've been through.
But I know Jane.
I'm sure she's taking good care of you
and giving you the support that you need.
Okay, moving on.
Time for the big reveal.
Why did you give Michael amnesia?
No pleasantries?
We're not even gonna say hello?
Did you get a tan?
It looks good.
It's none of your business.
And, yes, thank you.
If only this glass partition weren't here...
Stop.
That is not why I'm here.
Tell me why you did it.
[exhales] For us.
You and I had just gotten back into town
after our submarine tour.
I had my Eileen face on.
And I ran into Michael.
And my phone fell.
As we both bent down to pick it up,
my mask came unglued, just a little.
I didn't know if he saw, but he and I
were gonna be formally introduced later that week.
And when he saw me with you,
he could have put two and two together.
Don't you see, Luisa?
I did it for us.
No.
You did it for yourself so that you wouldn't end up in prison.
If that were the case, I would have just killed Michael.
[gasps] But I promised you
that I wouldn't kill anymore, so...
I faked his death with a paralytic,
and I hired some fake EMTs,
and, and I gave him amnesia.
Which was way harder, by the way.
That is so...
Romantic?Diabolical.
And I don't believe you.
I think it has something to do with this number.
So you're working with the police now?
What if I am?
Tell them there's no chance in hell
they'll ever figure out what that number is.
FIRST AD: Cut!
We got it. Moving on to the next scene.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, that's it? No processing?
Let's go people, move. Quick, quick.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Got it. Here we go. Quickly.
Where's Jason? He left.
Of course. Why would he let me know first?
I know. Jason is so rude. That guy's no Michael.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, this is too fast.
Let's slow down.
[sighs] Tell me the truth.
Did your mom seem lonely when you left her?
I mean, a little.
But it's okay, Dad.
She wants you to do this,
so stop calling her every five minutes
and stop feeling guilty.
How do you do that?[phone rings]
Let me know when you figure it out.
Hey, hi, how'd it go?
Well, Rose told Luisa why she did it.
And?
And... [sighs]
It was random.
What?
She ran into Michael at a coffee shop.
Her mask came off and she thought he saw.
That's it?
That's it.
So if he'd gone somewhere else for coffee first...
You okay?LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends,
to play God for a minute,
here's what Jane wanted to say...
No. I'm not.
There was a moment today
where I thought Michael got his memory back,
and I had a panic attack because I am so scared
of what would happen if he did,
and I don't want anything to happen because I love you,
and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But instead, she said...
Yeah. Hanging in. Mm. You?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends, here's what he wanted to say...
In hell.
I'm just so terrified of Michael's memory coming back.
Please, Jane, promise me...
that no matter what happens... you'll choose me.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But instead, he just said...
Same.
[sighs]
MATEO: You look stressed, Mommy.
Oh, I'm just having a hard day, Mr. Sweetface.
Don't worry, in the CCD they told us
just to be a good person and trust God has a plan.
You know, it's interesting that you say that.
Because I have a friend and she's a really good person.
Or she tries to be, at least.
And now she's in this crazy situation
and the plan isn't so clear.
What situation?
Well...
She had a puppy and the puppy died, so she got a new puppy.
But then, out of nowhere, the other puppy was found.
Where? Wandering.
Like Moses?
No. Not like Moses. In Montana.
The point is is that now she has two puppies,
but her parents won't let her have two puppies.
So what's the plan for that?
I don't know.
Exactly, 'cause there is no plan.
My friend has to come up with a plan.
But religion makes it seem like
it'll all just magically work itself out,
which is totally false.
It is?
Yes.
You know, you may be a little too young for CCD.
You're not going anymore.
Okay. Do you think we can have the other puppy though?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Holy hell.Mm.
[doorbell rings]LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes,
we last left our Jane having a crisis of...
Faith. Ugh.
Move. You're in the way.[Faith mews]
Jason. You're early.
I haven't finished gathering the rest of Michael's...
I'm out.
What do you mean, you're out?
I don't want to go through boxes
of your Michael crap anymore.
That's what I mean.
Wait. What? Why? You can't just quit.
I'm not just quitting.
Really? Then what do you call it?
I call it walking away from a bad experience.
[scoffs] Well, it hasn't exactly been rainbows
and puppies for me either; at least I'm trying.
I'm trying, too, but I can't do anything right.
Like with Michael's stuff,
you won't let me throw it away, you won't let me sell it.
Fine. Do whatever you want with it.
It's not that.Then what is it?
It's that every time I do something,
or say something, you're disappointed.
And I get it. I'm not him.
But it's also not my fault that I'm different.
And River Fields made me realize that I'm the victim here.
Anyway, like I said, I'm done.
JANE: I just feel so guilty...
Jason's right. I'm disappointed that he's not Michael, but...
I don't know what I would do if he were Michael.
And none of that
has anything to with Jason,
who I'm not helping at all.
You're right. Yeah.
So I'll just start over.
Get to know Jason.
Mm.
JANE: Jorge.
You two seemed to hit it off. Any tips?
[sighs]
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And from one good team... to another.
Rogelio. I told you I was fine at home.
I know. But I was feeling too guilty,
and I can't act if I feel guilty.
And like you said, this telenovela is everything,
so my acting has to be top-notch.
I promise,
this is not about you, it's about me.
Now sit, please, so I can work in peace.
Okay, let's get moving, please.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Man, this dude needs to stop riding me.
I'm moving. So Rogelio went back to work,
his guilty conscience lifted, and...
Action!
I know you don't remember
who you are, but I do.
And I will remember our love for the both of us.
This is still your face
that I gazed upon for hours.
And these are still your hands,
that used to hold mine.
And these are still your eyes,
that looked at me with so much love.
You're still in there... somewhere.
Which is why you are, and will always be
our president
of the United States of America.
Wha...
a...
a... t?
DIRECTOR: Cut![bell rings]
That was a little slow, Rogelio.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A little?
Was it?
I just want to give the moment its due.
DIRECTOR: Just pace it up a little
on this next take, okay?
Uh, River will cue you in from her last line.
And... action.
[River exhales]
Which is why you are, and will always be,
our president of the United States of America.
Wha...
a...
a... t?
What?LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now, that's how
a real amnesiac does it.
Much more natural.
Um. Uh, I'm sorry to just drop by,
but I was thinking about what you said,
and I wanted to apologize.
Okay.
Uh, I'm really sorry
that I've been acting disappointed; that's not fair.
And I'm also sorry that I've been so focused
on trying to remind you who Michael was
I haven't learned who you are now.
Well, I appreciate that.
So... [chuckles] Who are you?
Jason.
Yeah. Yeah, you're Jason.
Um, anything else?
Okay, uh, what's your favorite color?
Brown.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, boy.
Brown. Great. Solid color.
Mm-hmm.
And what do you like to do for fun?
I like watching NCIS.
Right. Uh, anything more... active?
Well, there is this one thing that I do,
but you're probably not gonna like it.
Try me.
[country music playing]
â™ª Heel, toe, they gonna give it a try... â™ª
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Giddyap, Jane.
You want a drink? Uh, sure.
I'll have a rosÃ©, please.
Two picklebacks.
What's a pickleback?
Think of it as the rosÃ© of Montana.
[chuckles]
â™ª Take off
Bottoms up.
â™ª Roll on
â™ª Like a dang old train
Ugh.You're supposed to do the whiskey first.
It's called a pickleback, not a picklefront.
I'll keep that in mind when I never have this again.
Mm.
Ugh. So, is this your thing?
Drinking pickles and watching people dance?
Oh, we're not here to watch.
I wore my dancing shoes.
â™ª And my boots all ready to go
â™ª Yeah, I'm breaking a few laws â™ª
â™ª Trying to get myself to the show â™ª
[chuckles]
Come on, I took a bite of that Cubano.
â™ª The whiskey on my breath
â™ª Gonna ride that bronc
â™ª Till he bucks me to death
I don't know the steps.Just roll with it.
Oh, no.
Pick up the pace.
That wasn't any faster, Rogelio.
Are you sure? That one felt good to me.
Everybody, take five.
[bell rings]
What the hell are you doing?
I am taking the same amount of time to deliver my line
as it takes for River to deliver hers.
Because that's what's fair.
Rogelio, do you want this pilot to succeed or not?
You know I do.Well, right now
you are embarrassing yourself and me.
So put your ego aside and do what's best
for this show, for this scene
and for all these people working alongside you.
No...
Rogelio, your behavior is stressing me out,
and it is causing my cancer to flare up.
Seriously?
You're playing the cancer card?I sure am.
[gasps]Your behavior
is making me feel worse,
so unless you want to feel guilty
for the rest of your life,
get in there and say the damn line.
Okay, people, let's do this.
From the same spot.
Action!
Which is why you are
and will always be
our president of the United States of America.
What?
DIRECTOR: Cut! Brilliant!Ah!
[cheering and applause]
[mouths]
We're moving on.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Agreed. Let's go.
Here we are.
This condo is under a false name,
so you'll be safe here.
Rose won't be able to find you.
I'm so sorry, Rafael.
For all of this. No.
No, I gave up your location, and you still helped me.
That means a lot.
Don't let Rose get under your skin.
[chuckles] Yeah, it's easier said than done.
I know.
But Jane loves you.
You have nothing to worry about.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Then again,
this is a telenovela, as we all know.
How do you know when to turn?
Just feel it out.
[laughs]
Oh!
The dance is more like the Tush Push, not the Butt Grab.
Sorry. Sor... So sorry.
Try watching my feet.
I can't. I'm blinded by your belt buckle.
â™ª Barrel racing dears
Here.
[laughs]: I think I got it.
â™ª Rodeo
This is actually pretty fun.
Jane, hold up. I'm sorry, okay?
No, it's not okay. You know I'm with Rafael.
I got carried away.
We were having fun, and you are my wife.
I guess I thought...You thought wrong.
I'm sorry. Really.
I'm going to get the car.
RAFAEL: Hey.
How was your night?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes. How do you tell your boyfriend
that your amnesiac possible husband...
Jason kissed me.
Okay. I guess that's how.
What?We went line dancing,
and he got carried away, I guess.
I-I don't know why he did it.
I do. Because you're his wife, Jane.
Of course he thinks you're still interested.
You know I don't want to be married to him.
Well, then, get a divorce.
Be done with it.I just feel so guilty.
Oh, come on, enough with this Catholic guilt.
It's not because I'm Catholic.
It's because I wish he never came back.
And I'm a terrible person to wish that
or-or want that just because I was happy.
Well, I'm glad that you were happy.
[scoffs] So happy.
With you, with our life.
Which isn't fair to him.
None of this is fair.Still.
I'm wracked with guilt every second.
But maybe that's Catholicism.
Which is why I took Mateo out of CCD, by the way.What?
I just doesn't feel like there's a plan right now, you know?
To anything. And if there's not, then what's the point of it all?
What am I asking Mateo to believe in?
[chuckles]: Well, far be it from me
to fight for religious education.
[chuckles softly]But I think that plan or no plan,
it's been a force for good in your life.
It has made you into the woman that you are.
The person I fell in love with.
You win. I'll put him back in.
Mm-mm. I didn't say that.[laughs]
I know. But still, I'm wracked with guilt
about it.
But not about divorcing Jason.
Which I'm going to do.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hmm. Now I just need to tell my abuelaI'm getting a divorce.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
Alba took the news better than I thought.
What's going on?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah. That makes more sense.
Congratulations, Jorge.
Abuela...
there's something I need to tell you,
and I know you won't approve, but please listen
and know I've thought about this,
and it's the right thing to do for me.
I can't watch.
I'm getting a divorce.
I don't feel married to Jason, and I don't want to be.
[sighs]
You do?
[sighs]: Oh.
What do you mean?
Hmm.
Yes.XIOMARA: No.
Don't say that.Oh, it's true.
You're the Rogelio Whisperer.
We couldn't have gotten through that shoot without you.
[chuckles]: That's nice of you to say.
And since you're so good at it,
can you please whisper one more thing to him?
[gasps]LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh. Seems scary.
Also scary? Hi, there.
Hi. I-I'm Bobby.LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember him?
Thank you for accepting this assignment.
Now, let's get to work.
I live just down the hall,
and I wanted to say welcome.
And bring you some pie. Do you like pie?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Please hate pie, Luisa.
I love pie.
Thank you.
Wow. Would you like to come in?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: No!
I would love to. Thank you.
Hey.
Hey. I just came here for the divorce papers.
Listen, I'm real sorry, again, about kissing you.
Do you have the papers?Uh, actually,
I'm real sorry about that, too.
Um, I signed them,
but then old Bo over there
got a hold of 'em and ripped 'em to shreds.
Your dog ate your divorce papers?
I'll re-sign them as soon as we can get the new ones, I swear.
Fine. I'll be in touch as soon as I get another set.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Huh. Looks like Jason
is a Jane person, after all.
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