1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,094
- I'm really glad I tried
being with a girl.
2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,297
It was such an enlightening
experience for me,
3
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:07,417
you know, sexually
and spiritually.
4
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,384
I feel like I learned
a lot about myself.
5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,514
- What did you learn?
6
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,801
- I like a dick.
I do.
7
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:13,854
I--you know,
it was great
8
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,137
when she was going down on me,
9
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,480
but you're already
so good at that,
10
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:17,975
that at a certain point,
I was like,
11
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:18,976
"Okay, penis please."
12
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,097
But her kissing, wow.
13
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,444
She was a revelation.
14
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,189
- Revelation?
- Oh, yeah.
15
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,821
It was a whole other level.
16
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,777
- Other level different?
Higher?
17
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:28,778
- Oh, God, way higher.
18
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,279
She knows what girls like.
19
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,950
Or at least she knows
what this girl likes.
20
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,329
- Jeez, why didn't you tell me
how bad I was?
21
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,825
- No, you're not bad.
22
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,326
It's just she's insanely good.
23
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,538
- Well, that's totally unfair,
24
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,708
'cause she's got gorgeous lips.
25
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,035
I got thin lips.
26
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,630
- God, she does
have gorgeous lips.
27
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,955
They're like soft, juicy,
luscious pillows.
28
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,710
- Christ, I got to start
using Chapstick.
29
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,591
- Babe, babe, this is an area
you can't compete on.
30
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,129
She is a gorgeous girl
who kisses other gorgeous girls
31
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,723
all the time; she's like the
gorgeous girl whisperer.
32
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,639
- Well, I want to be
the best kisser you ever had.
33
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,308
- Oh.
34
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,096
- I want to start kissing you
like a lesbian lover.
35
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,600
- Ew!
36
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,891
- Well, I thought
that's what you want.
37
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,984
- No, I want you to kiss
like a guy
38
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,860
who learned how to kiss
like a lesbian.
39
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,646
- Jesus Christ, how am I
gonna do that?
40
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,570
- I'll take mental notes
the next few times I kiss Davvy.
41
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,029
We're gonna pretend
to be a lesbian couple
42
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,528
for a little while.
- Why?
43
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,660
- Because she has 47,000
followers on Instagram.
44
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:14,697
That's why.
45
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:15,700
I want waffles.
46
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,791
You want waffles?
47
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,115
Please take me.
48
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,581
- ♪ Sex and drugs
and rock and roll ♪
49
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,634
♪ All right ♪
50
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,746
♪ ♪
51
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,382
♪ All right ♪
52
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,759
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die ♪
53
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,426
♪ Anonymous ♪
54
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,925
♪ No, no ♪
55
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,846
♪ No, no ♪
56
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,095
♪ No, no ♪
57
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:45,057
♪ ♪
58
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,504
- ♪ We ♪
59
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,382
♪ Never got control ♪
60
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,549
♪ Lost the whole damn world ♪
61
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,678
♪ Life ♪
62
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,136
♪ Like a paradise ♪
63
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:21,137
♪ It's just a paradise ♪
64
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,152
- ♪ Visions, visions
fading fast ♪
65
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,527
♪ Crystals, crystals
that never last ♪
66
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,355
♪ Hello ♪
67
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,702
♪ Who's this? ♪
68
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,867
♪ Don't even worry about it ♪
69
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,576
♪ I'll set up
then I'll fail ♪
70
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,907
♪ Mountains, crystals,
that never last ♪
71
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,084
♪ I need to know ♪
72
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,503
♪ How you got this number ♪
73
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,883
♪ I got it from a friend
of a friend ♪
74
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,380
♪ Of a friend
of a friend of a friend ♪
75
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,263
♪ Of a friend,
a friend of a friend ♪
76
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:03,810
♪ I need to hang up,
I'm so sorry ♪
77
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:07,019
♪ Hello ♪
78
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,730
♪ Bye-bye ♪
79
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,363
- [chuckles]
That was really good.
80
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,821
- You want me to ask Davvy
for oral sex advice.
81
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,202
- Gigi said she's amazing,
like, the queen of cunnilingus.
82
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,529
- Okay, honey, I don't think
you should be
83
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,374
talking to Gigi about stuff
like that, okay?
84
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,449
That's not a normal
mother-daughter area.
85
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,124
- We're not a normal
mother-daughter, John.
86
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,673
We have a very healthy
relationship.
87
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,326
She brought up the area.
88
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,344
I made a mental note.
89
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,415
- Okay, but meanwhile,
90
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,960
Davvy's still fake dating Gigi.
91
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,303
I don't want to be in the kind
of relationship
92
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,627
where my real daughter
finds out
93
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,512
from her surrogate mom
that her actual dad
94
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,469
is lousy in bed.
95
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,679
Did that even make sense?
96
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,099
- Yes.
Unfortunately, it did.
97
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,637
And you are not lousy in bed.
98
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,930
You just need a little help,
like most guys do.
99
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,944
- So what,
I've been doing it wrong
100
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,476
the last, like, 25 years?
101
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,769
- Oh, not the whole time.
102
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:51,902
- What does that mean?
103
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,108
- And you're always very...
104
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,939
- What?
105
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,654
- Eager.
- Oh, my God.
106
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,204
- And sometimes,
you wander into
107
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,907
some really great zones
and rhythms
108
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,407
that really get me off.
- Holy shit.
109
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,289
- Why not take the chance
to sit down
110
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,946
and learn something new
that would make
111
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:09,294
me orgasm every time?
112
00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:12,001
- Well, first of all,
because it's embarrassing
113
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,712
to be asking people, you know,
114
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,843
"Teach me how to give head,
please."
115
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,013
- You could ask Flash.
116
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,023
- And why would I ask Flash?
117
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,345
Oh, my God.
Don't tell me.
118
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,849
He's great at it, right?
119
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,231
- Okay.
I won't tell you.
120
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,807
- Ugh, classic.
Of course, of course.
121
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,402
He's the king of cunnilingus,
122
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,647
and I'm Johnny the eager
little eighth grader.
123
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,859
- [groans]
It is not a competition.
124
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,450
You are good at kissing.
125
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,985
He's good at oral sex.
126
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,568
It's a tie, okay?
127
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,203
- But there's no question
there's definitely
128
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,790
more prestige
in the oral sex area.
129
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,537
Honey, honey,
tell you what.
130
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,748
Listen.
131
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,038
Let me make you come right now,
okay?
132
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,421
I'm--no, listen to me.
133
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,707
I'm totally pumped.
I'm really psyched.
134
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,630
I'm completely in the zone.
135
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,009
I can make this happen
right now.
136
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:02,587
Too eager, I know,
sorry, shit.
137
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,354
- I'm gonna talk to Davvy,
okay?
138
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,216
Make sure she doesn't
say anything to Gigi,
139
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,643
and then you are gonna sit
down with her
140
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,681
and get some very important
information
141
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:14,864
that we are gonna put
to great use immediately.
142
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,106
Do it for me.
143
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,648
Do it for us.
144
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,573
Please.
145
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,371
- All right.
146
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,735
Ugh.
147
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,293
You know what?
Maybe--
148
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,956
I just--I'm gonna do
some deep research online.
149
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,205
Because that way it'll
just stay secret, hon.
150
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,384
- You're afraid of change.
151
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,932
- I'm afraid of change?
- Yeah.
152
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:42,925
You chickened out
on the whole lesbian thing.
153
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,336
- I didn't chicken out.
154
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,894
I turned into a lesbian,
and then I turned back.
155
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,177
That's two changes
in less than 24 hours.
156
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,021
Plus, I tried a new
skin cream today,
157
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,176
so that's actually three.
158
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,774
- Right.
- I want a change.
159
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,189
I want a passion.
160
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,727
I want something
that consumes me, you know?
161
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,190
- What do you mean?
162
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,440
- You should dance.
You should be a dance teacher.
163
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,031
- Oh.
I'd--
164
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,696
- You love to dance!
- That's a great idea!
165
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,985
- Yeah, but you know what,
I don't think you can just
166
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,408
become a dance teacher,
honey.
167
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,616
I think you got to get, like,
certified.
168
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,075
- John, I went to school
for dance.
169
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,485
I trained as a dancer.
I was gonna be a dancer
170
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,003
until I met you,
and I am goddamn good at it.
171
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,405
And you know what?
- Hmm?
172
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,213
- Will you kill me?
I really want sushi.
173
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,536
- No, we don't need waffles.
- Okay, yeah.
174
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,291
- The waffle place is--
175
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,303
- I just want something big
in my life, you know?
176
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,955
Like I made a difference.
177
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,463
- Like Habitat for Humanity?
178
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,224
- No, not a difference
in the world at large,
179
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,926
a difference in my world.
180
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,966
I blew my chance
saving the planet
181
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,640
'cause I was too busy
blowing your father
182
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,268
literally and emotionally,
183
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,925
always putting his dreams
out in front.
184
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,393
- Okay,
let's be honest.
185
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,903
It's always been kind of
a two-way street,
186
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,395
like mutual support
kind of thing.
187
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,016
- Oh, really?
Mutual two-way street thing
188
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,824
going on, you mean where you
were out in front
189
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,737
being the star in the spotlight,
and I was shoved
190
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,566
in the back, like,
barely lit?
191
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,411
No, honey, this has been a
one-way street, okay?
192
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,027
Me driving you.
193
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,584
You're a 50-year-old man
194
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,037
who still acts
like a 15-year-old boy,
195
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:56,958
and I'm a 45-year-old woman
who acts...
196
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,838
Like a 45-year-old woman.
197
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,165
- Okay.
198
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,500
Honey?
- Oh, my God.
199
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,134
- Let's relax.
- No, no, no, no, no.
200
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,671
- If you think about it,
when we talked
201
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,894
about you being the lead singer
or just going out
202
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,505
like that one gig where you
had to sing,
203
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,511
like, three songs in a row,
you had massive panic attacks.
204
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,143
- I know, I know.
John, I know, okay?
205
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,520
I know, I just--I wanted--
I wanted something
206
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,807
different for my life,
you know?
207
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,230
That's all I'm saying.
208
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,308
I thought everything
was gonna be different.
209
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,864
- You're okay.
210
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,317
It's okay.
211
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,437
You want waffles?
212
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,993
- Yes, waffles.
Let's go.
213
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,156
- But, guys, the sushi joint
is right here.
214
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,565
- Oh, my God, John,
this is exactly
215
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:29,913
what we're talking about, okay?
216
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:33,408
You never want to try
anything new.
217
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,621
- Thanks for doing this, Davvy.
218
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,911
I really appreciate it.
219
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,374
- Well, I believe
in pussy karma.
220
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,174
You get great head
by putting great head
221
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,167
out into the oral sex universe.
222
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,669
Plus, my pottery class
was canceled.
223
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,761
So here we are.
224
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,797
- Wow, that's
the most realistic drawing
225
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,391
of a vagina I've ever seen
in my life.
226
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,216
- Thank you.
- Oh, you drew it?
227
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,261
- An ex of mine did.
228
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,263
She's an artist.
229
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,354
But it's my vagina.
230
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,809
- Oh.
231
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,139
Well, it's...
232
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,354
magnificent.
233
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,774
- It's a good pussy.
I know.
234
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,822
I'm blessed.
- Yeah.
235
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,356
- Yeah.
236
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:08,659
- So why am I staring
at a drawing of your pussy?
237
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,235
- Listen,
you're a race car driver,
238
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,780
you want to know an engine
inside and out,
239
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,543
what makes it run best, right?
- Right.
240
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,075
- And every engine's the same,
but also individual,
241
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,209
just like vaginas.
242
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,036
So you might have a little
extra size here,
243
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,751
a little less action there,
but basically,
244
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,132
each pussy has all
the same parts.
245
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,549
- Right, but you know
I, uh--
246
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,967
I've been in several notable
New York City
247
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,465
rock bands over the years.
248
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,136
I've slept with a lot of chicks,
so, you know...
249
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,425
- Sure, yeah, but, you know,
just because you're fat,
250
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,519
doesn't make you a chef,
hmm?
251
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,885
Let me ask you
a couple questions.
252
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,441
- Can I ask one question
before you start?
253
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,765
- Sure.
254
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:43,939
- Is, uh--is that part
on every girl?
255
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,730
- This is gonna take
longer than I thought.
256
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,368
- Mm-mm, no.
257
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,040
No, I'm sorry.
No.
258
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,619
That's what I was
telling you about.
259
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,673
It's too much tongue
way too early.
260
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,127
- Too much tongue, okay.
261
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,377
- It's okay, relax.
262
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,668
There's no rush.
263
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,091
Just--you know the amount
of time you take
264
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,339
when you're going down on me?
265
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,430
- Yes.
- Okay.
266
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,715
So it's like the same thing.
267
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,428
You know, just nice and easy.
268
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,308
Soft and slow.
269
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,965
Okay?
- Okay.
270
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,393
- Okay.
271
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,151
What are you doing?
272
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,396
- I don't know.
273
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,977
- I feel like
I'm kissing a statue.
274
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,614
- Goddamn you, Flash!
275
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,821
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
276
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,321
- Look, I think you're
overthinking it now.
277
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,033
Why don't we just--
let's just fuck,
278
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,743
and let's just forget
about kissing, okay?
279
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,703
No more kissing.
- Well, that ain't gonna happen.
280
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,043
'Cause I'm hung up
on the kissing,
281
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,618
and so is Magic Johnson.
282
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,964
- Really?
283
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,208
- So unfair.
284
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,210
I just want to kiss you
like her.
285
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,881
Why can't I learn?
286
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:51,509
- Well, I love how
emotionally available
287
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,838
you are right now.
288
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,512
- Well, I'm evolving, honey.
289
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,515
- Well, you may be evolving,
290
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,387
but your dick is still stuck
in caveman mode.
291
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,983
Thank God.
292
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,783
- Oh, yeah.
293
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,565
Oh, give me a kiss.
- Uh-uh!
294
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:15,199
No kissing.
295
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,368
- Do it again.
296
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,921
- ♪ Pour a little champagne,
bang, heart attack ♪
297
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:26,205
♪ Trying to run for you,
can't catch us ♪
298
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,419
♪ We'll never stop even if
it kills us ♪
299
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,920
♪ Caffeine, nicotine,
sex, pills ♪
300
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,433
♪ We do it for the thrills ♪
301
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,845
♪ Try to run for you,
can't catch us ♪
302
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,925
♪ We'll never stop even if
it kills us ♪
303
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,561
♪ Alcohol, fireworks,
dollar bills ♪
304
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,349
♪ We do it for the thrills ♪
305
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,943
♪ Sippin' till we high,
sip, sippin' till we high ♪
306
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,319
♪ Sippin' till we high, sip,
sippin' till we high ♪
307
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,776
♪ So I want to introduce
you to my best friend ♪
308
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,067
♪ A-D-R-E-N-A-L-I-N-E
adrenaline ♪
309
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,452
- Gigi and Johnny
just finished the lyrics.
310
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,658
They want to do
a full rehearsal.
311
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,078
- Okay, great,
I'll get my bag.
312
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,236
- Why didn't you tell me
I was a bad kisser
313
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,584
when you were seeing me?
314
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,659
- Uh, didn't have time?
315
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,174
- A whole goddamn year?
316
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,787
- Okay, you got to remember,
317
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,593
I had just left Johnny Rock.
318
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,877
Whose ego is so delicate,
you tell him his hair
319
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,301
looks weird, and his dick
doesn't work for a week.
320
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,140
I didn't want to take the chance
of saying
321
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,715
the wrong thing to you
and then having
322
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,970
to spend the next seven days
reconvincing your cock.
323
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,183
Besides,
you gave such great head,
324
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,694
I didn't care about the kissing.
325
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,845
- Thanks.
326
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,613
Gigi's giving me notes,
327
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,975
and every time she wants
to practice, I panic.
328
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,652
- Okay, well, you got to
figure that shit out,
329
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,900
or she's gonna dump your ass.
330
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,282
- I know.
331
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,648
- This is about Gigi's
happiness.
332
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,534
- I know.
333
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,372
- Do you want to practice
on me?
334
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,987
- Huh?
335
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,254
- Well, I mean, who knows
your history of kissing
336
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,246
better than I do?
337
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,918
- Ava, come on.
- Purely clinical.
338
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,417
Like a lab test.
339
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,959
Oh, my God,
you're making it weird.
340
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,632
Just kiss me.
Come here. Jesus.
341
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,472
- Okay, all right.
342
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,888
You ready?
- Yeah.
343
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,777
Yeah.
That's better.
344
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,949
One note, okay?
345
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,948
You need a dash of supple.
346
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,910
You got to relax your
lower lip a little more.
347
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,040
It's still too active.
348
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,288
- Okay.
Try again?
349
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,209
- Yeah.
350
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,959
- You ready?
- Yeah.
351
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,902
[clears throat]
352
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,163
Yeah, that--
technically perfect.
353
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,485
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm, you're welcome.
354
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,331
What are we supposed
to be doing?
355
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,329
- Kissing.
- Uh, no, rehearsal.
356
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,751
- That's right.
357
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,999
- We're going, um,
to rehearsal.
358
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,712
Get my bag.
- Okay.
359
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,133
I'll get my bag.
360
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,261
- Feast, you want to call
the show Feast.
361
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,524
- I know.
362
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,555
Brilliant, right?
363
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,018
- Well, it's not brilliant.
364
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,148
It's the exact opposite
of Famine.
365
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,225
- It's tastefully ironic.
366
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,480
I like it.
367
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,611
- I love it.
- Of course you love it.
368
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,238
It sounds like there's
going to be a buffet.
369
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,645
- That was mean.
370
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,663
I love it because it's good.
371
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,315
It's memorable.
It's got a great ring to it.
372
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,663
That's why I like it.
373
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,038
- Thank you, and you guys
are gonna
374
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,485
need a title
that invites the audience
375
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,954
into the theater, right?
376
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,874
Hey, who remembers seeing
Sting's musical,
377
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,213
"The Last Ship"?
378
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,457
- No.
- Never heard of it.
379
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,919
- Neither did anyone else.
380
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,208
I mean, you guys want people to
381
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,921
come and see the show, correct?
- Yeah.
382
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,842
- I want the right people
to come see our show.
383
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,761
- Rehab, no one knows
what An Gorta Mor means.
384
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,260
- Irish people know.
385
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,011
Educated people know.
386
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,353
- Okay, well, I asked
an Irish friend of mine
387
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,728
who teaches at NYU.
388
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,055
You know what he thought
An Gorta Mor was?
389
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,310
A thyroid medication.
390
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,101
- What do they teach?
Shop?
391
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,444
- The original title
of "Hamilton" was "Burr."
392
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,070
- Because it was so cold
back then.
393
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,147
- No, Bam, no,
because no one
394
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,902
wanted to see a show
about Aaron Burr.
395
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,994
No one wants to see a show
about a fucking ship,
396
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,989
and no one wants
to look up words
397
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,701
on a Gaelic-to-English
online dictionary
398
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,701
before they go buy
a $200 ticket.
399
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,333
- We are trying to make
a dark, edgy,
400
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:36,581
real song cycle meets
rock opera production here.
401
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,884
We want to make "Hamilton"
look like a puppet show.
402
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,458
- Right, but none of it matters
403
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:43,093
unless you a get a full house
on opening night.
404
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,641
- I got you,
as composer and creator,
405
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,505
a 4% piece of the box office.
406
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,892
That is unheard of
for someone in your position.
407
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,769
But 4% of nothing
is zero, Rehab.
408
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,057
- Think about it.
409
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,061
Feast.
410
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,403
- Feast.
411
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:06,067
- Hmm.
412
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,662
You know what you could
call the show?
413
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,829
Go fuck yourself.
414
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,448
Noah, you are supposed
to be the new Jew,
415
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,374
but instead you're acting
like the old Jew.
416
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:19,754
And you are supposed to be
a creative genius
417
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,462
sent here to help me realize
my vision on stage.
418
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,014
But nope.
No.
419
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:30,558
Instead, you are two typical
show business Jews--
420
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,845
you know what I mean--
sent to ruin
421
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:36,059
another Jew's musical endeavor.
422
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,770
You know what? That's a good
name for this show.
423
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,940
Jewsical.
424
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,108
- Oh, my God,
stop saying Jew.
425
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,146
You say Jew all the time.
426
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,399
Stop saying Jew so much.
427
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,900
- Jew, Jew, Jew,
Jew, Jew.
428
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,954
Feast blows.
429
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,158
Almost as much
as the two of you.
430
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,749
I've got something called
artistic integrity, my friends.
431
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,745
Look that up online.
432
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,617
Feast on this.
433
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,924
- Now, just--
- Shut up!
434
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:04,128
- Feast was Campbell Scott's
idea.
435
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,010
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
did you say Campbell Scott?
436
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,677
The Campbell Scott?
437
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,675
He's from the royal family
of American theater.
438
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,597
His father's George C. Scott,
Patton.
439
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:16,347
Rehab, this guy does
Shakespeare, bro.
440
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,020
Campbell Scott is the real
goddamn deal, right?
441
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,940
That's great.
442
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,529
- You just heard your name
and Shakespeare's name
443
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,775
in the same sentence.
444
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:29,316
How often does that happen?
445
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,622
Campbell Scott gives your
production
446
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,406
immediate and legitimate
artistic integrity.
447
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,633
- Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze,
448
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:47,549
when the ice that clung
onto your beard
449
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,258
was screaming agony?
450
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:56,347
"Hamlet" is my favorite play.
451
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,429
I am totally in.
452
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,984
- Yes!
453
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,347
- That's not "Hamlet."
454
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,114
- Bro, did the play in college.
455
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,566
I think I know "Hamlet."
456
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,146
- Yeah, it's Jethro Tull,
"Aqualung."
457
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,911
[relaxed rock music]
458
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,714
♪ ♪
459
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:29,007
- ♪ Don't break me
too like they did to you ♪
460
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:33,386
♪ Don't break me too ♪
461
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,346
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
462
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,466
♪ 'Cause I'll make it through ♪
463
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,233
♪ With or without you ♪
464
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:46,395
♪ So go and throw it all
away ♪
465
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:52,149
♪ Whoa, change ♪
466
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,414
♪ Ooh ♪
467
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,198
♪ ♪
468
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:01,122
[cheers and applause]
469
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,670
Thank you.
470
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,297
All right, now I'd like to
welcome a very special guest.
471
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,375
She's gonna come up here
and sing a song for you.
472
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,970
[cheering]
473
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,465
Please welcome Ava Delaney.
474
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,387
[cheers and applause]
475
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:18,177
[mumbles] A minor.
476
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,136
Good.
- You ready?
477
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,814
One, two, three!
478
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:27,862
[relaxed rock music]
479
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:35,197
♪ ♪
480
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:39,737
- ♪ Diamond rings
don't mean a thing ♪
481
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:44,374
♪ Not impressed
by the places you've been ♪
482
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,423
♪ Nothing changed
since you've been gone ♪
483
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:52,759
♪ Time to get you back
where you belong ♪
484
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,887
♪ With me ♪
485
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,505
♪ You belong to me ♪
486
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:02,892
♪ ♪
487
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:07,652
♪ Got your scent
on the nape of my neck ♪
488
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:11,937
♪ Gonna give you as good
as it gets ♪
489
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:16,452
♪ Hush, now, honey,
gonna welcome you home ♪
490
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:23,407
♪ Right back here
where you belong to me ♪
491
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:28,082
♪ Hush, hush, hush ♪
492
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,964
♪ Hush, hush ♪
493
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:35,631
♪ Don't matter what
you was after ♪
494
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:39,473
♪ Searching the world ♪
495
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:44,270
♪ 'Cause all that hollow
chitter chatter ♪
496
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:49,106
♪ Brought you right back
to your original girl ♪
497
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:53,895
♪ ♪
498
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,491
- Hey, to Ava!
A star is born.
499
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,447
- Oh, no, no,
a shooting star, maybe.
500
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,157
- Ava, you killed it, okay?
501
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,447
We need to get you
out front more.
502
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,240
You need to be singing
a song at night.
503
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,204
And we have to come up with
a great stage name, you know,
504
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,004
like Johnny Rock or Flash.
505
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,207
- Flava Ava.
506
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,287
- No, no, no, I got it.
507
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,461
I got it.
Ava del Riva.
508
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,000
- What about
just Ava?
509
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,844
Like Sia, but Ava.
510
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:16,840
- No, no, no.
- Ava X.
511
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,721
- Ava X!
- That's it.
512
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:19,838
- Yes!
513
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,304
- Oh!
- I like that.
514
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,313
I'm dating Ava X.
515
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,305
What do you think of that?
516
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,306
- Cheers, cheers, cheers!
517
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,227
- Yeah!
- Ava X.
518
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,030
- That was good.
519
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,031
It was--that was very good.
520
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,244
- Not better?
521
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:49,044
- It was better.
522
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,539
There was, like,
no tongue action.
523
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,842
- I thought you didn't
like tongue action.
524
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,166
- I do.
I like it.
525
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,381
I just like it delayed.
526
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:57,760
- How delayed?
527
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,047
- I don't know,
like a minute or two?
528
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,390
But not the whole tongue,
just a little bit.
529
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,136
- How little?
- I don't--
530
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:07,428
Just like a tiny little flick,
sometimes more,
531
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:11,943
other times less,
other times way less.
532
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,267
Are you upset?
- No, just confused.
533
00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:33,543
Oh, hello, Dr. Pavlov.
534
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,252
- [moaning]
535
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,672
Oh, yes.
536
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,590
Oh, Johnny.
537
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:41,129
Oh, no, no, no, no, no--
don't stop.
538
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,933
- I was just coming up
for some air, honey.
539
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,347
- Oh, my God,
I can't believe it's
540
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:46,845
taken you this long
to find that spot.
541
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:50,347
- Oh, you could have
given me a little direction.
542
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:53,191
- I didn't even know
it was there.
543
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:54,517
Yeah, there you go.
544
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,232
Oh, yeah.
545
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:58,032
Oh, that spot--
that's--yeah, that spot--
546
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,735
that spot's--oh, yeah.
547
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,855
Oh, Johnny.
[chuckles]