1 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:53,973 - [screams] - [yells] 2 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,267 - Holy mother of Jesus in a tank! - Oh, man. 3 00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,770 God. Sorry. I'm sorry. 4 00:00:59,853 --> 00:01:01,396 Oh, don't do that! 5 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,232 Put some taps on your feet so I can hear you coming. 6 00:01:04,316 --> 00:01:07,820 Well, you saw me last night. I'm kinda surprised you're surprised. 7 00:01:07,903 --> 00:01:12,825 It's still shocking to find you standing here in the cold light of day. 8 00:01:12,908 --> 00:01:14,701 Every day. 9 00:01:14,785 --> 00:01:18,038 Every... single... day. 10 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,123 I'm here a lot, huh? 11 00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:23,794 Sure, have a deviled egg. Somebody in my class can do without. 12 00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:28,214 I'm sorry. I tell you what I'm gonna do. 13 00:01:28,298 --> 00:01:32,177 I'm gonna stop by Maudie's and get you a dozen mini quiches, 14 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:36,682 - 'cause I know you're a vegetarian. - Thank you. I appreciate that. 15 00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:43,063 Oh, no! Where's my cantaloupe I cut up for my class last night? 16 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,065 Don't look at me. 17 00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,317 Oh, wait. You might wanna look at me. 18 00:01:48,986 --> 00:01:50,863 Might be my Ambien eating. 19 00:01:50,946 --> 00:01:52,739 Isn't it supposed to be Ambien sleeping? 20 00:01:52,823 --> 00:01:55,283 No, it's great, I sleep... I also Ambien eat. 21 00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:57,911 I also order shoes online. 22 00:01:57,995 --> 00:02:01,373 I got these on Ambien. Four times. 23 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:06,211 - I'll pick you up at seven for sushi. - See you then. 24 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:09,923 And I'll get you those mini quiches and a cantaloupe. 25 00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:15,387 I'm gonna have to put a lock on the refrigerator door. 26 00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:18,682 Why? He's only here at night. And in the morning. 27 00:02:18,765 --> 00:02:20,433 Sometimes in the afternoon. 28 00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:23,687 Yeah, his grazing hours. He's like a water buffalo. 29 00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:27,066 I just never know when he's gonna pop up somewhere. 30 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:31,028 And sometimes I like to walk around without a bra. 31 00:02:31,111 --> 00:02:34,447 Or shirt. Or pants. 32 00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:37,283 Don't you think you're going too fast with this guy, Guy? 33 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:39,369 Are you ever gonna get tired of that joke? 34 00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:41,121 No, no. 35 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:44,833 You know, at my age, I only have one speed. Break-neck. 36 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:48,294 Of course, I don't call it that. Because it is a very real fear. 37 00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:52,424 But you're going away with him. You just signed the divorce papers. 38 00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:54,718 Before jumping in with both feet, 39 00:02:54,801 --> 00:03:00,223 don't you wanna find out if this is just a rebound with this guy, Guy? 40 00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:02,434 - I am getting tired of it. - You know, maybe it started off 41 00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:06,772 as a rebound thing, but... what's wrong with him? 42 00:03:06,855 --> 00:03:08,690 No, I mean, tell me, what's wrong with him? 43 00:03:08,774 --> 00:03:11,443 Well, we know he Ambien eats, what else are we gonna find out? 44 00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:16,489 He ate his friend. I mean, we do know a fair bit about the darker side of Guy. 45 00:03:16,573 --> 00:03:19,325 - How much worse can it get? - Touché. 46 00:03:19,409 --> 00:03:24,205 And you know what else? It doesn't matter. I am so lucky to have somebody. 47 00:03:24,289 --> 00:03:26,207 Do you know what most women our age are dealing with 48 00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:28,168 besides sagging breasts and chin hairs? 49 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:32,756 Men who date younger women because they don't have sagging breasts and chin hairs. 50 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:35,717 - Are you trying to tell me something? - Yes. 51 00:03:35,801 --> 00:03:37,970 That I have somebody that doesn't care about that stuff. 52 00:03:38,053 --> 00:03:41,723 He appreciates my maturity and my wisdom. 53 00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:44,059 Well, fine. Do what you want. 54 00:03:44,143 --> 00:03:47,604 But your boyfriend owes me $900 in cheese. 55 00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:51,399 I feel dirty. 56 00:03:51,483 --> 00:03:54,569 Look, Jeff and Peter are letting us taste their appetizers. 57 00:03:54,653 --> 00:03:56,822 That's all. No one's making any commitments. 58 00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:58,782 But we should tell Diane that we're tasting 59 00:03:58,865 --> 00:04:01,576 other people's appetizers for our wedding. 60 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:02,828 Caterers talk. 61 00:04:02,911 --> 00:04:06,289 We're just tasting! It's all above board. 62 00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:08,416 But be honest. It's a slippery slope. 63 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,919 If we like what we taste, we'll make promises. 64 00:04:11,003 --> 00:04:13,505 And then we'll sneak around behind Diane's back 65 00:04:13,588 --> 00:04:15,632 until we find the courage to tell her it's over. 66 00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:19,219 It'll be the last 20 years all over again! With crab cakes! 67 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:21,221 [doorbell rings] 68 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:22,889 Sol, I'm answering the door. 69 00:04:24,141 --> 00:04:27,769 And if we love Jeff and Peter's appetizers more than Diane's, 70 00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:30,981 - then I will call her myself. - Yes, you will. 71 00:04:31,064 --> 00:04:34,567 - But do you think she'll still like us? - No, but we have enough friends. 72 00:04:39,948 --> 00:04:43,326 I have fond memories of this doorway. 73 00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:46,579 Ohh. [stammers] 74 00:04:46,663 --> 00:04:50,083 Oh. Well, just so you know, I, uh... 75 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:53,879 I... I... I met a man actually. 76 00:04:53,962 --> 00:04:57,465 He's-he's a boyfriend. My boyfriend. 77 00:04:57,549 --> 00:05:00,552 You know, we had that talk, and-and... you know, it's very... 78 00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:02,804 we're-we're-we're committed. 79 00:05:02,888 --> 00:05:07,267 I'm happy for you. I just came down to say goodbye. 80 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,186 - Oh, you're... - Leaving. 81 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:14,733 I'll be keeping a low profile. Very low. Won't be reachable. 82 00:05:14,816 --> 00:05:18,278 - Where you going? - A bit south. 83 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:21,907 Of San Diego? That's... Mexico. 84 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:29,206 I'm happy that a man appreciates you. You should be savored. 85 00:05:51,270 --> 00:05:53,313 - Whoa. - [door shuts] 86 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,399 - Christ in a cab! - Oh, God! You didn't see anything. 87 00:05:56,482 --> 00:06:01,280 Oh, really? It's my hearing that sucks. My vision is just fine. 88 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,616 - Don't look at me! - That is my student, Grace! 89 00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:07,452 - It was nothing. - It's completely inappropriate, 90 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,370 practically sexual harassment. 91 00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,957 What are you talking about? He's a grown man. 92 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,709 Are there others? Did you go after Tito? How about Homer? 93 00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:16,128 It's my job to protect them! 94 00:06:16,211 --> 00:06:18,755 It was just a little... goodbye kiss. 95 00:06:18,838 --> 00:06:21,883 Goodbye? When was hello? 96 00:06:23,093 --> 00:06:24,928 It was the day of the earthquake. 97 00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:28,848 - What is happening in this house? - I don't know. 98 00:06:28,932 --> 00:06:31,977 Your boyfriend, who you're practically marrying, just left here. 99 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,770 First of all, nobody's getting married, 100 00:06:33,853 --> 00:06:36,982 and second of all, I didn't kiss Byron, he kissed me. 101 00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:41,569 - What about the first time? - That one I might have participated in. 102 00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:44,948 - Why didn't you tell me? - Honestly? 103 00:06:45,991 --> 00:06:47,326 It never occurred to me. 104 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:51,163 I mean, I didn't think we were friends that told each other things like that. 105 00:06:51,246 --> 00:06:52,998 Oh, you didn't. 106 00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:56,168 Well, no, not at the time. 107 00:06:56,251 --> 00:06:57,585 Why, did you? 108 00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:01,506 Not really. 109 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:04,259 What about now? Are we friends like that yet? 110 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:09,097 - Are we? - I don't know. 111 00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:13,810 But I'll... I'll make some tea and you're gonna tell me everything. 112 00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:18,106 I haven't told a living soul about this. 113 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:22,944 I'm so honored. Okay, spill it, sister. 114 00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:28,783 I came home, God knows where you were, and there was a man in the kitchen. 115 00:07:28,867 --> 00:07:31,244 - Byron. - Yeah, he was sitting right there 116 00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:34,080 - eating a ham sandwich. - Oh, he loves ham. 117 00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:36,291 I have to admit, he is a looker. 118 00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:41,421 I would not want to sexualize a student, but you're welcome to, go ahead. 119 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,924 His eyes are really intoxicating. 120 00:07:45,008 --> 00:07:47,886 - Newman-esque, am I right? - A young Robert Shaw. 121 00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:49,846 - Oh, yes! That's it. - Yeah? 122 00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:53,308 "The trouble with the shark is he's got lifeless eyes. 123 00:07:53,392 --> 00:07:56,519 Black eyes like a doll's eyes." 124 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:59,272 [in a raspy voice] "You got city hands, Mr. Hooper." 125 00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:02,817 [chuckles] Not so much. Just tell me the story. 126 00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:06,821 It was daytime, and I had picked up the mail... 127 00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:09,115 [teapot whistles] 128 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,369 Hi, what are you doing? 129 00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:16,748 Oh, my God, Frankie, it's crazy here. There's food everywhere. 130 00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:21,169 Jeff carved strawberries that look just like roses. Uncanny. 131 00:08:21,253 --> 00:08:23,880 Okay, but you're not the only one that's got stuff going on. 132 00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:26,883 There's stuff happening here, too. Big stuff. 133 00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:29,428 What stuff? 134 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:32,347 I'm just saying that major stuff is happening. 135 00:08:32,431 --> 00:08:33,556 Like what? 136 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,393 If you'd seen it your eyes would have caught on fire. 137 00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:39,229 Grace kissed a convict. 138 00:08:39,312 --> 00:08:41,356 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 139 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,692 Grace's face was smooshed up against Byron's face. 140 00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:47,695 - Their lips were attached. - The murderer? 141 00:08:47,779 --> 00:08:49,530 No, no, grand theft auto. 142 00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:51,491 You know, with the eyes. 143 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,286 Oh. Yeah. Well, I can understand that. 144 00:08:54,369 --> 00:08:58,081 - I know, right? - Isn't Grace still dating Guy? 145 00:08:58,164 --> 00:09:00,500 Yes, that's what makes it even crazier. 146 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,835 Guy left to get me some of those little quiches, 147 00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:04,879 next thing I know, Grace is kissing Byron. 148 00:09:04,963 --> 00:09:08,508 Grace! Our Grace! 149 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,676 Yes, and apparently it was not the first time. 150 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,345 I mean, she's insatiable! 151 00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:16,224 It's the best little whorehouse in Texas over here. 152 00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:18,518 That's totally insane. 153 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,396 Frankie, I have to go. We're plating the food. 154 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,441 Okay. Fine. 155 00:09:24,524 --> 00:09:26,276 [sighs] 156 00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:31,406 I plate things, too. 157 00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,909 [inhales deeply] Increíble! 158 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:37,829 Grace kissed one of Frankie's convicts today. 159 00:09:37,912 --> 00:09:40,206 - My Grace? - That's what I said. 160 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:44,210 - And apparently it wasn't the first time. - How the hell did that happen? 161 00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:47,713 - Well, you should see the convict. - Really? 162 00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:51,050 He's the siren. And she's not single. 163 00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:54,220 Good for her. She deserves some fun. 164 00:09:54,304 --> 00:09:57,723 Wait a minute. She's dating your friend Guy. 165 00:09:57,807 --> 00:10:00,268 - They're not married. - But they're together. 166 00:10:00,352 --> 00:10:03,229 And she's just kissing anyone who wanders into the house? 167 00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:06,274 But we don't know the circumstances, do we, so who are we to judge? 168 00:10:06,358 --> 00:10:09,486 Is that what you think? You think there's a gray area? 169 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:11,696 We never kissed anyone but each other. 170 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,034 Did we? 171 00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:21,998 [background music playing] 172 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:29,797 Do what must be done, just get them. 173 00:10:29,881 --> 00:10:32,050 Exclamation point. 174 00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:37,430 - Hey, Bri. - Hey, Bri. 175 00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:41,226 No. No. No. 176 00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,686 Guys, please go away. Really? 177 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,188 - You with anyone? - No. 178 00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:46,523 - Wanna sit with us? - No. 179 00:10:46,606 --> 00:10:48,525 - Why not? - Because I'm with someone! 180 00:10:48,608 --> 00:10:52,404 - Ooh, what's this guy's problem? - Please, please go away. 181 00:10:52,487 --> 00:10:55,532 Wait, wait, wait. The last one was Racist Dave. 182 00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:57,617 - I loved Racist Dave. - Feeling was mutual. 183 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,995 And before him was Ambiguous Andrew, and Micropenis Paul. 184 00:11:01,079 --> 00:11:03,164 - Yeah, it's a war out here. - So, what's this guy's deal? 185 00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:05,041 - Does he smell like a cat? - Does he have a cat? 186 00:11:05,124 --> 00:11:06,834 - Is he a cat? - Yes, he's a cat, 187 00:11:06,918 --> 00:11:08,878 and his name is go to a different fucking movie. 188 00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:10,380 It's not gonna fucking happen. 189 00:11:10,463 --> 00:11:12,882 Well, I won. 190 00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:15,843 Minor casualties. 191 00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:24,603 - Mmm. - Do we know them? 192 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,729 I'm afraid that we do. 193 00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:28,147 Do you do magic? 194 00:11:28,231 --> 00:11:31,443 - And you are... - Coyote. 195 00:11:33,027 --> 00:11:36,322 Nwabudike. Can you spell that? Do you wanna try? 196 00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:37,698 I've known them my whole life. 197 00:11:37,782 --> 00:11:39,951 It's their father who's marrying my father. 198 00:11:40,785 --> 00:11:42,537 Did I not tell you about that? 199 00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:46,625 It's totally fine, I'm not damaged... by that. 200 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:50,462 The mussel fritters caused a riot at our last event. 201 00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:53,214 - Not a riot, Jeff. - A stampede. 202 00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:55,258 Fair enough. 203 00:11:55,341 --> 00:11:58,511 There's a riot going on in my mouth right now. 204 00:11:58,595 --> 00:12:01,431 That's the aioli. Hot pepper and lime. 205 00:12:01,514 --> 00:12:04,016 You kissed someone, is that what you're telling me? 206 00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,520 Sol, you must try one of the potato nests. 207 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,442 - Let's get more wine. - Why? There's plenty here. 208 00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:15,403 Do you want to have an uncomfortable conversation right here? 209 00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:19,449 We need more wine. Please excuse us. 210 00:12:24,412 --> 00:12:25,955 Have you ever been married? 211 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,748 - No. - Why not? 212 00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:30,001 - Well... - You're tall. 213 00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,920 Do you have a thyroid problem? Family history of pituitary issues? 214 00:12:33,004 --> 00:12:35,047 - Nope. - You think you're better than me? 215 00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:37,800 It's "than I?" Maybe a little. 216 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,136 I am taller than you. And I have better grammar. 217 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:42,180 - Where you from? - Des Moines? 218 00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:44,432 Okay, I have no opinions on Des Moines. 219 00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:46,851 - Parents divorced? - Not currently. 220 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:47,935 Where do you work? 221 00:12:52,398 --> 00:12:53,483 He actually works for me. 222 00:12:53,566 --> 00:12:55,276 - There it is! - That's the problem! 223 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,111 Look, I know, before you say anything else, 224 00:12:57,195 --> 00:12:59,947 I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say... 225 00:13:00,031 --> 00:13:01,533 I'm really crazy about her. 226 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,119 Do either of you guys have a problem with that? 227 00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:08,707 I don't have a problem with that. 228 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,376 Well. Well, well. 229 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:14,045 Tall-Pants McGrammar-Glasses put us in our place, didn't he? 230 00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:16,756 Yeah. Just gonna go back to my real seat. 231 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,719 Pleasure meeting you, Inevitable Lawsuit Barry. 232 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:21,802 You, too. 233 00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:24,305 - You kissed somebody? - It doesn't matter. 234 00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:25,515 Was it more than a kiss? 235 00:13:25,598 --> 00:13:27,392 [sighs] 236 00:13:28,017 --> 00:13:30,729 Oh, God, it was more than a kiss! 237 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,314 It was twelve years ago, and we were broken up! 238 00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:34,857 You still should have told me! 239 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:38,069 - Sol, please, let it go. - That's not how it works. 240 00:13:38,152 --> 00:13:40,405 It would be over by now if you told me then, 241 00:13:40,488 --> 00:13:44,283 but you didn't, so letting it go might take a while. 242 00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:47,995 So, when should I have told you? When it happened and we weren't speaking? 243 00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:50,289 Or when we got back together and things were good again? 244 00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:51,708 I don't know! 245 00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:55,086 Okay, okay, fine, you're right. You're absolutely right. 246 00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:57,589 I should have told you at the appropriate time, 247 00:13:57,672 --> 00:14:00,341 in the appropriate way, but this isn't it! 248 00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:03,553 - [phone ringing] - [sighs] 249 00:14:05,096 --> 00:14:08,307 Can we just please get through this evening, Sol? 250 00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:10,893 The guys made all that food just for us. 251 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,187 Well, I can't eat now. 252 00:14:15,231 --> 00:14:16,441 Sol... 253 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,822 Oy. Hello? 254 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,741 Do you have the hard shell Tumi over there? 255 00:14:24,824 --> 00:14:26,867 - The what? - My suitcase. 256 00:14:26,951 --> 00:14:28,828 I don't know, Grace, I'll have to look. 257 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:32,206 Okay...? What's going on, Robert? 258 00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,584 - Nothing. - What's wrong? 259 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:37,336 I know that voice. What happened? 260 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:38,546 Oh, for Christ's sake, Grace, 261 00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:41,257 there's a shitstorm over here, all because you kissed a convict. 262 00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,259 What? Who told you that? 263 00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:46,929 Sol did, after Frankie told him. And now I'm paying for it. 264 00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:49,307 I gotta go, kid. He's beside himself! 265 00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:50,891 [scoffs] 266 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,731 [narrator speaking on television] 267 00:14:58,316 --> 00:15:02,528 - Uh-oh. - You told Sol I kissed Byron! 268 00:15:02,612 --> 00:15:05,824 - I didn't know it was a secret. - Of course you did! 269 00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:09,994 I have poor impulse control. It's always been a problem. 270 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,330 - Oh, please. - It's true. 271 00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,998 I was once a shoo-in to win 272 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,709 the giant produce contest at the fair in Del Mar. 273 00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:19,920 But I caved and ate the zucchini in the car on the way over. 274 00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:23,424 It's a condition, like irritable bowel syndrome. 275 00:15:23,508 --> 00:15:26,469 I don't wanna hear about your problems! 276 00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:29,681 - I'm a private person, you know that. - Yes. 277 00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:34,310 - You deliberately violated me. - I'm sorry, I really am. 278 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:38,022 I specifically said that I had not told a living soul. 279 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,941 You begged me to tell you. 280 00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:43,319 And for half a minute I thought you were my friend. 281 00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:45,864 I am your friend, I'm your friend with a big mouth. 282 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,449 Well, I don't want a friend with a big mouth. 283 00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:51,828 I want a friend I can trust. Counts you out. 284 00:15:51,911 --> 00:15:54,747 Oh, please, don't count me out. 285 00:15:54,831 --> 00:15:59,001 I only told Sol, and it's not like telling a real person. 286 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,252 He's like my sister. 287 00:16:00,336 --> 00:16:04,799 Oh, he is the worst person you could tell! He told Robert. 288 00:16:04,883 --> 00:16:07,426 But isn't it a little bit exciting that Robert knows? 289 00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:09,637 They think they're having all the fun over there. 290 00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:12,264 They need to know that some stuff happens here, too. 291 00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:13,766 No, they don't! 292 00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:16,561 Oh, come on, you were dying to tell me. 293 00:16:16,644 --> 00:16:19,063 By the way, did you know that secrets are bad for you? 294 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,608 They can give you fibroids. Or is that grief-eating? 295 00:16:22,692 --> 00:16:26,237 - Either way, they are extremely toxic. - Being your friend is toxic! 296 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,740 Okay, you're right. I screwed up. 297 00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,783 You deserve to be angry. 298 00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:33,494 But the only person I told was Sol! 299 00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:35,246 You don't speak to anyone else! 300 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,916 It's not like I blabbed to Guy and told him that you were over there 301 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:41,043 kissing ex-convicts at 4:00 in the afternoon. 302 00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,045 [Guy] You did what? 303 00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:46,173 Hi, Guy! 304 00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:47,884 What did you do this afternoon? 305 00:16:49,802 --> 00:16:53,305 I told you there was too much coming and going. 306 00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:54,974 You should've made him wear a bell. 307 00:17:00,563 --> 00:17:02,982 These crab cakes should be illegal! 308 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:06,778 - [Peter] Crab clusters! - Just tell me who it was. 309 00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:12,241 Was it someone I know? 310 00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:14,243 I don't know everyone you know. 311 00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:15,954 That's not answering my question! 312 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:19,624 Tiger prawn twisters, y'all. Comin' up in t-minus one minute. 313 00:17:19,707 --> 00:17:21,667 I don't know which is worse, that you did it, 314 00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:22,961 or that you didn't tell me! 315 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,965 - I really wish I hadn't done either. - Correction, 30 seconds! 316 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:30,676 We know five gay people in the world and two of them are in the kitchen. 317 00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:39,310 My God in heaven, not Peter. 318 00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:43,689 - You slept with Peter! - Worse. Jeff. 319 00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:48,110 - Jeff! - Yes? 320 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:52,197 So, you're telling me that you kissed a convict at 4? 321 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,908 I left at 3:50. 322 00:17:53,992 --> 00:17:56,368 It could have been ten after. 323 00:17:56,452 --> 00:17:59,371 - Well, what the hell happened? - I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. 324 00:18:01,165 --> 00:18:04,418 So now you're telling me that a convict forced himself on you? 325 00:18:04,502 --> 00:18:09,131 Yes. Well, no, I wouldn't say forced, but forceful. 326 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,425 Let me handle this. 327 00:18:11,509 --> 00:18:16,055 I teach art to society's outcasts. It's meaningful work. 328 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:19,350 - I derive much joy from it. - Oh, Frankie. 329 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:23,479 Sometimes these outcasts society's forgotten end up in the kitchen, 330 00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:26,816 and this one just happened to kiss Grace. It's no biggie. 331 00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:28,567 Everybody should go about their business. 332 00:18:28,651 --> 00:18:31,153 - Yeah. - Are those my teeny quiches? 333 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,864 It didn't mean anything, Guy. 334 00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:35,157 It's not something that's ever gonna happen again. 335 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,745 All right. Well, I gotta tell you, I just don't feel like sushi right now. 336 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:43,374 [door closes] 337 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:44,583 Are you happy now? 338 00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:48,754 - No, I'm not happy. Don't say that. - It's what you wanted, isn't it? 339 00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:51,507 No, it isn't what I wanted. 340 00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:53,592 He'll be back. 341 00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,848 I mean it, Jeff. 342 00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:00,391 Take your fritters and go. 343 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:03,352 Actually, leave the fritters, and the crab cake clusters, please. 344 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:07,773 It was one night, Sol. And if it's any consolation, we were not compatible. 345 00:19:07,857 --> 00:19:09,901 It's not any consolation at all. 346 00:19:09,984 --> 00:19:13,571 - My God, what's the point of being gay? - I didn't know there was a point. 347 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:17,533 Come on, if you can't shed the conventions of a hetero life, where's the fun? 348 00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:21,662 I'm not gay in order to shed conventions, I'm gay because I love this man! 349 00:19:21,746 --> 00:19:24,373 This one, the one you didn't much enjoy sleeping with! 350 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:27,376 - You can still love Robert. - I still love Jeff. 351 00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,503 Is that how you feel? 352 00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:37,219 I feel it's time for Jeff and Peter to go. I'm sorry, fellas. 353 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:41,557 But obviously Sol and I have some serious talking to do. 354 00:19:44,894 --> 00:19:46,854 - What about my wok? - [Jeff] We'll get it later. 355 00:19:46,938 --> 00:19:50,149 That was maybe the most violent movie I've ever seen. 356 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:54,612 I know. Next time we should save the $30 and just smack each other in the face. 357 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:57,489 Aw, so that means there's a next time? 358 00:19:59,158 --> 00:20:01,744 Hey, I'm sorry for my... Bud and Coyote. 359 00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:05,205 Oh, no, no. It's cool. You're really lucky. 360 00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,415 Am I? 361 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:10,544 Yeah. Those guys are like brothers. They were looking out for you. 362 00:20:10,628 --> 00:20:13,505 Yeah, I guess they can be sort of sweet. 363 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,597 - Asswipes! - Some Milk Duds... 364 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,891 - Oh, shit, she's taking the heels off! - For my milk buds! 365 00:20:23,975 --> 00:20:24,976 Go, go, go! 366 00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:29,772 I'll just... 367 00:20:31,065 --> 00:20:32,942 I'll just be here. 368 00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:39,865 - Hi. - How are you doing? I'm so sorry. 369 00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:43,368 No, I'm sorry. I walked out. I just needed some time to think. 370 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:44,870 That's understandable. 371 00:20:44,954 --> 00:20:46,705 It's not your fault. I mean, the guy kissed you. 372 00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:49,125 I'm sorry it happened. It will never happen again. 373 00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:53,253 He's on the lam now. But that's neither here nor there. 374 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,258 You know, so I had to wander around out there 375 00:20:58,342 --> 00:21:02,346 and... try to figure out why this is bothering me so much. 376 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:07,351 - It didn't mean anything. - Well, no, it meant something to me. 377 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:12,982 And I came to realize that... I don't want anyone else kissing you. 378 00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:16,694 Oh, my goodness. So sincere. 379 00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:23,242 I've never been jealous. I've never been possessive. 380 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:28,288 And anytime anyone felt that way about me, I was usually on the first plane, 381 00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:31,167 got the hell out of there. That's not what I'm feeling here. 382 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:35,213 Grace, you're... You're the first thing that I think about 383 00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,548 when I wake up in the morning. 384 00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:41,510 And you're the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night. 385 00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,554 It makes sense. 386 00:21:43,637 --> 00:21:47,349 You just have to roll over on your right side lately and there I am. 387 00:21:50,061 --> 00:21:51,520 I'm trying to tell you something here. 388 00:21:53,731 --> 00:21:55,649 I'm falling in love with you. 389 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,965 You know what they say about drinking alone? 390 00:22:20,049 --> 00:22:23,219 That there's twice as much to drink. 391 00:22:23,302 --> 00:22:25,512 It's valerian. 392 00:22:25,596 --> 00:22:27,806 Need something stronger? 393 00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:29,767 Just trying to quiet the head. 394 00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:31,393 Me, too. 395 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:45,324 If I could undo it, believe me, I would. 396 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:49,328 You and Jeff? Well, that's good to know. 397 00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:52,331 But that's not what's bothering me. 398 00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:55,167 Not what's bothering me the most, at any rate. 399 00:22:55,251 --> 00:22:58,921 I'm here, talk to me. And try the noodles. 400 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:01,506 All those things everyone said. 401 00:23:01,590 --> 00:23:07,387 "What's the point of being gay if you're gonna live a conventional life?" 402 00:23:07,471 --> 00:23:09,974 I'm not the one that said 'em. 403 00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:12,768 And Jeff and Peter certainly don't speak for me. 404 00:23:12,851 --> 00:23:15,520 But have you honestly thought about this? 405 00:23:15,604 --> 00:23:19,358 Did we really spend all those years and fight our way out of one box 406 00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,401 just to climb into another? 407 00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:24,780 There are a lot of ways to be a couple. 408 00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:26,865 We just have to find the best way for us. 409 00:23:26,949 --> 00:23:29,868 You don't think we're doing this wrong? 410 00:23:29,952 --> 00:23:33,372 No, I don't think so. 411 00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:35,374 So... 412 00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:40,212 you're fine never sleeping with anyone again, 413 00:23:40,296 --> 00:23:43,590 - or Jeff? - Oh, God, yes. 414 00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:46,760 But you're not just doing this for me? 415 00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:49,347 I waited 20 years for you. 416 00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,642 I'd wait another 20 if I had to. 417 00:23:55,602 --> 00:23:58,438 There is no one else for me. 418 00:24:01,692 --> 00:24:04,987 You were the prize. I won. 419 00:24:13,078 --> 00:24:15,914 Oh, my God, why is this so good? 420 00:24:15,998 --> 00:24:17,958 It's criminal, right? 421 00:24:21,086 --> 00:24:23,922 We're going to hire those idiots, aren't we? 422 00:24:26,425 --> 00:24:28,052 I'll call Diane. 423 00:24:45,319 --> 00:24:50,074 I know you're on a vocal fast from me, and I wholeheartedly accept that, 424 00:24:50,157 --> 00:24:55,454 but I want to apologize sincerely for telling Sol about you and Byron. 425 00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:57,456 Friends do not betray confidences. 426 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,418 I know. It was not cool of me. 427 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:03,503 But I'm happy Guy came back, and I want to make it up to you. 428 00:25:03,587 --> 00:25:05,130 You're moving out? 429 00:25:05,214 --> 00:25:09,593 I owe you one of my most embarrassing secrets. 430 00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,679 And you can tell whomever. 431 00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:13,972 What the hell is that? 432 00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:18,769 It's a sex tape from the '80s. Of me and Sol. 433 00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:22,481 Do whatever you want with it. Call Robert. Tell the kids. 434 00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:26,360 - Put it on the 6:00 news if you like. - Can I burn it? 435 00:25:26,444 --> 00:25:30,489 Please do. Watching yourself have sex... 436 00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:33,742 is so much better in your mind than it is on film. 437 00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:36,995 I appreciate the gesture. 438 00:25:37,079 --> 00:25:40,374 I cannot believe I'm asking this and I dread the answer, 439 00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:43,335 but what on Earth possessed you to make that? 440 00:25:43,419 --> 00:25:45,296 It was a crazy night. 441 00:25:45,379 --> 00:25:49,467 We'd just returned from Plato's retreat. We still had our gladiator costumes on. 442 00:25:49,549 --> 00:25:51,343 - Oh, you're kidding. - I wish I were. 443 00:25:51,427 --> 00:25:53,887 The sword belt and the sandals and everything? 444 00:25:53,971 --> 00:25:57,266 And the shields. We had to put those down at one point. 445 00:25:57,349 --> 00:26:00,227 But what can I say? The spirit moved us. 446 00:26:00,311 --> 00:26:03,814 - It was a say yes night. - What's that? 447 00:26:03,897 --> 00:26:06,650 That's a night where you go out and you say yes to everything. 448 00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:10,028 Except one thing, which I won't do. 449 00:26:10,112 --> 00:26:13,491 - Where can we get a VCR? - Oh, I'm not watching it again. 450 00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:17,119 Oh, yes you are. It's no fun if you're not watching it with me. 451 00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:21,706 How about I give you another secret and 50 bucks, and we don't watch the tape? 452 00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:25,127 Okay. But I get to decide if the secret's good enough. 453 00:26:25,210 --> 00:26:29,173 Okay. I once made out with a monkey. 454 00:26:29,256 --> 00:26:31,300 You did not. 455 00:26:31,383 --> 00:26:33,177 One of the Monkees, Micky Dolenz. 456 00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:35,804 Oh, no! He's the worst one. 457 00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:38,807 - Not with his tongue. - Oh, God!