1 00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:59,220 Have you seen my cell phone? 2 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,770 Oh, dear. 3 00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:04,230 Oh, mother of dragons! 4 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:05,900 What in God's name is happening? 5 00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:09,980 I'm balancing my checkbook! Which Sol used to do, but now I'm doing it 6 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,150 'cause there's no more Sol, just Frankie. 7 00:01:12,230 --> 00:01:15,400 Don't tell me you haven't done this since you and Sol broke up. 8 00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:18,910 Now you're sounding like that nightmare Mindy at Bank of America. 9 00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:22,410 How can I be expected to remember every check I've ever written? 10 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,250 Yeah. See those stubs? The ones that are left after you tear the check off? 11 00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:26,750 That's where you're supposed to put the amount. 12 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,580 That's where I doodle. 13 00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:31,050 You want to see two squirrels take a bow? 14 00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,260 Where's that coming from? 15 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:36,970 Probably from under one of these piles. 16 00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:39,430 Well, help me find it. I've got to call Mallory back. 17 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,640 -I can't remember her number. -Oh. 18 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:46,060 Where is it? It's not... in you, is it? 19 00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:48,520 That was thrilling. 20 00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,770 Oh, it's got syrup on it. 21 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,280 -I had pancakes. -Did you sit on those, too? 22 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,610 Hi, Mal. I was just gonna call you. 23 00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,950 I put the syrup inside like a burrito, sometimes it squirts out. 24 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:05,040 -It's how they eat it in France. -Honey, that's fantastic! 25 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,710 -Oh, my God, that's news. What? -I didn't even know you guys were trying. 26 00:02:08,790 --> 00:02:11,540 -She's pregnant? Is she pregnant? -Twins! 27 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,590 Oh! As in two? Oh. 28 00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:16,970 You gotta call your father right now. This is the kind of news that is-- 29 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:21,100 -Oh. -Oh, no, she told him first? Oh, no. 30 00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:24,140 No! No, no, no, of course I understand. 31 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:27,350 -Yeah, I'm sure it cheered him up. -Of course it cheered him up! 32 00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,400 -That's why she told him first. -Would you sit down? 33 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,690 Congratulations, Mallory! 34 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:35,900 She says thanks. Ugh... Wh-- 35 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,650 No, w-w-wait a minute, wait a minute, bed rest? 36 00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,280 Bed rest? What does that mean? Tell me. 37 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,450 OK. 38 00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:46,500 No-- Well, no, no, I didn't-- OK. 39 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,500 O-OK. Love to Mitch. 40 00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:52,130 Bye, honey. Congratulations. Yeah. 41 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:57,970 The doctor put her on bed rest. Apparently it happens a lot with twins. 42 00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:01,930 Then it's nothing to worry about. Mazel tov, Grandma. 43 00:03:02,010 --> 00:03:02,930 Thanks. 44 00:03:04,010 --> 00:03:07,520 Yeah. Yeah. 45 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,360 You want more pillows? Fewer pillows? Different pillows? 46 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,480 -Say something. -Ah. Stop talking about pillows. 47 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,610 - Hey, hot stuff. - Jojo. 48 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:20,950 -Brought you more pillows. -Thank you. 49 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:23,410 And you must be Sol. 50 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:26,620 By now I'm sure you've heard, I'm Jojo, his flight attendant. 51 00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:31,750 I thought I met all your nurses. 52 00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:34,750 Jojo came on duty last night while you were sleeping. 53 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,000 Menu, Mary. 54 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,590 I don't think anyone's ever called me "Mary" before. 55 00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:44,680 - That you heard. Right? Oh. - Thank you. 56 00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,520 What? 57 00:03:53,230 --> 00:03:55,020 Yeah. Take it. 58 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,650 Good morning. 59 00:03:56,730 --> 00:04:00,190 -Hi! -Ooh, where'd you get that? 60 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,400 What do you care? It fell off a truck. 61 00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,240 OK. 62 00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:06,660 I have news. 63 00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:09,330 -I love news. -I know. 64 00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:12,960 So I drove here to see that face when I tell you... 65 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,040 Say Grace is going to be selling your lube. 66 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,540 -My lube? -Uh-huh! 67 00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:19,590 -In stores? -It's exciting, right? 68 00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:20,840 Oh, God. Oh, my God. 69 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,300 It's so exciting! I want nine million dollars. 70 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,430 So do I. 71 00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,560 I'll tell you, I was balancing my checkbook 72 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,100 and nine million dollars would solve things. 73 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,730 Of course this is how this conversation is going. 74 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,320 Hi. Your sister's pregnant. 75 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,690 I know. It's kind of her thing. 76 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,610 Oh, everybody knows. 77 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,570 Where are you going? 78 00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:50,080 I could tell she didn't want to ask, but if Mal's on bed rest, 79 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,290 she's gonna need me. 80 00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:53,790 Well, Brianna wants to sell my lube, 81 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,960 and in return I'm going to get nine million dollars. 82 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,170 Oh. Someone took their mother's advice. 83 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,590 - Someone is welcome. - Thank you. 84 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,340 There's a very tasteful floral arrangement on the way. 85 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,510 Now will you please stay and help me explain to your roommate 86 00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:10,600 -how business works? -Oh, I know how business works. 87 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,430 I know I have an idea and a business wants it. 88 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,690 And another business might want it, too. 89 00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:19,310 Bidding war? Yes, please. Power lunch? Thank you, Sharks. 90 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,610 I think my roommate understands business just fine. 91 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,070 Mom? Mommy? 92 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:32,410 OK. Do you understand that a product 93 00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:36,500 needs to be manufactured and then marketed? 94 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:41,340 - And then you need suppliers... - Oh, I can find suppliers. 95 00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,840 -I have a supplier. -Oh. 96 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,550 Oh, I'm gonna have to pay him, too. 97 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:49,760 I'm gonna need nine million dollars and an Orvis gift card. 98 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,560 OK. So I want to start over and just say I love the lube-- 99 00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:59,350 I love the lube which is where 100 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,190 we should-- 101 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,780 The company wants to get in business-- 102 00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:07,200 I'm just gonna wait 'til you're done. 103 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,700 I'll wait 'til you're finished... 104 00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:10,740 ...with... it. 105 00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:24,460 We're playing car wash with Grandma Jean! We're cars! 106 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,880 I can see that. Who has kisses? 107 00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:30,260 Muah. 108 00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:34,850 Well, will you look who's here! It's so good to see you! 109 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:36,680 Oh, hello, Jean. 110 00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:39,190 Oh... 111 00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:41,360 Very long hug. 112 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,150 So what brings you down from Seattle? 113 00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:47,150 Well, Mal asked me to come and help with the kids, 114 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,360 so I jumped on the first plane and here I am! 115 00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:54,030 And here you are. And I'm here, too. 116 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:58,210 -So whenever you need to go back... -Oh, I can stay as long as she needs. 117 00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:01,960 My house plants are plastic and my husband's dead. 118 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,090 - Grandma Jean! Grandma Jean! - The car wash is open! 119 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:07,050 - Great. - Wash! Wash! 120 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,680 Hi. I thought I heard you. 121 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,180 -How are you feeling? -Mom, you didn't have to come. 122 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:18,980 Of course I did. And I come bearing gifts. 123 00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:22,440 All of Downton Abbey and a deluxe manicure kit. 124 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,560 Oh, have you read this? 125 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:25,440 -No. -The first chapter's tough, 126 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,240 but if you stick with it, it's smooth sailing. 127 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,900 And if-if not, there's some Us Weekly's in here, too. 128 00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:33,660 Yes, I will take those. Right now. Thank you, Mom. 129 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:36,950 So, I'll-I'll let you rest and I'm gonna go down and be with the kids. 130 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,450 Yeah, Mom, you don't have to... 131 00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,370 because, you know, Jean's here. 132 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,210 Yeah. Jean's here. 133 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,880 -It's just to help with the kids. -I can help with the kids. 134 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,840 No, I know. I know. 135 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:54,760 You know, I know you just don't always love... 136 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,680 when they act like... 137 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,390 kids. 138 00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:02,270 Or it's the thing I love the most. 139 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:25,750 All right. 140 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:27,960 -Hey. -I know we have a lot 141 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:31,550 of unresolved business, but I am here as a businesswoman 142 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:35,430 on business-business. Someone wants to buy my yam lube, 143 00:08:35,510 --> 00:08:38,930 and I'm here to see about the yam supply pipeline. 144 00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:42,140 And I-I should tell you that-- Well you should know, I mean, 145 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:46,270 I did sleep with Sol, so that-that unresolved business is-is resolved. 146 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:50,110 I-I also performed his, uh, marriage ceremony, 147 00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:52,690 which sounds a little ridiculous, but it was cathartic 148 00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:55,820 is the-the word that gets tossed around-- 149 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:56,990 I'm-I'm losing-- 150 00:08:57,070 --> 00:09:00,120 -I'm-I'm off track now, really. -Start again. 151 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,750 OK, um... 152 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:06,830 Everything I said, plus are you still my yam man? 153 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:11,670 I mean, can I-can I count on you for the yams for my lube? 154 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,510 I will always have your yams because I'll always be your yam man. 155 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,510 Well, that's good. 156 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,930 Good. That's good. 157 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:27,100 I think this business meeting has gone very successfully 158 00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:31,230 and, uh, I think the stockholders will be pleased. 159 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:38,370 Is this how all business meetings end? 160 00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:41,660 -I'm new at this. -I hope ours always do. 161 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,410 It's nice to see you, Frankie. 162 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,920 It's nice to be seen. 163 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,250 OK. 164 00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:01,510 This one loves herself some fort. 165 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:12,570 Oh, yeah. Who wants to read The Velveteen Rabbit? 166 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:15,240 Nobody! 167 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:19,780 Well, I know, the first part's tough but once the little boy gets scarlet fever, 168 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,870 it's smooth sailing. 169 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:23,330 Maybe not for the rabbit. 170 00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:28,420 Books aren't tons of fun, Grandma Grace. Forts are fun. 171 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,210 Well, I'd argue books are also fun. 172 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:33,250 Come into the fort, Grandma. 173 00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:37,880 -Are you kidding? -You don't have to. I'm here. 174 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,840 OK! I'm coming. 175 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,060 What's the password? 176 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:47,060 I don't-- Chocolate. 177 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,640 -Nope. -Worms. 178 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,480 -No. -Will you give me a hint? 179 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:55,900 It's the name of their favorite television show. 180 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,900 I don't know, Trapper John, M.D. 181 00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:02,530 -I'm coming in. Move over. -It was Zig and Sharko. 182 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,700 -Well, I was close. -I would've thought you knew that. 183 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,120 I do. I forgot. 184 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,670 Hey, Madison, you want to have a tea party? 185 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:14,420 -OK. -I'm just gonna get my tea. Ah. 186 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,090 That's a lot of tea, Grandma Grace. 187 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:21,220 Friends who count don't count, Grandma Jean. 188 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,140 You know who loves tea parties? 189 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:26,640 Gretchen Gumblehausen! 190 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,680 Ah-choo! 191 00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:32,020 Gesundheit, Gretchen Gumblehausen! 192 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:37,400 - And I'm... - Cloris the Clown! 193 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:42,780 Oh, no, Grace, you're Annie. 194 00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:47,700 No, I'm not a Depression-era orphan who makes people sad. 195 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:52,670 I'm Cloris the Clown who makes people happy! 196 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,790 No, no... 197 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,880 -He's afraid of clowns. -I thought he was afraid of elves. 198 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,590 He used to be. Now it's clowns. 199 00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:05,300 Well, that's why there's clown spray. We'll just spray it all over the fort. 200 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:07,810 You know, you really should call it anti-clown spray. 201 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,020 I mean, clown spray would attract clowns. 202 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,190 -No, clowns. -But it doesn't! Right, Grandma Grace? 203 00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:15,650 -Tell Macklin it doesn't. -Oh, of course not. 204 00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:18,360 Oh, Macklin, I'm-I'm sorry. 205 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,030 I'm sorry. Clown spray works on all kinds of clowns 206 00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:23,780 and elves and goblins, and-- 207 00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,870 Uh-oh. Let's hope it works on something else. 208 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,290 Oh, God. Ugh. 209 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,540 -Well, just get them out! -Jeez, lice work fast. 210 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,750 They've already built a town square in here. 211 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:43,340 Please don't say "lice." I'm disgusted enough as it is. 212 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,680 Look, these things happen. 213 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,390 When you go near children. 214 00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:50,270 -Oh, you can't be mad at them. -I'm mad at their hygiene. 215 00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:53,600 Well, to be fair, you're not a big fan of anybody's hygiene. 216 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:56,310 None of this would have happened if I hadn't been rolling around on the ground 217 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,650 -the way Grandma Jean likes to do. -But that's also what kids like to do. 218 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,860 Kids don't know what they like! They're dumb! 219 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,700 Oh, God. 220 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,450 That's not something a grandmother should say. 221 00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,000 What is wrong with me? 222 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,170 Come on, you're not so bad. 223 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:19,040 Some hamsters eat their grandchildren. 224 00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:22,130 Hamsters don't live long enough to have grandchildren. 225 00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:25,470 Don't confuse me with facts, I'm going somewhere with this. 226 00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:29,760 Not all hamster grandmas need to run around in the wood shavings 227 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:32,850 making forts out of toilet paper tubes. 228 00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:35,810 Some keep the little ones from eating their poop. 229 00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:39,310 -We all know I'm not the fun hamster. -Then be who you are. 230 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,530 Be the bossy hamster with the drinking problem. 231 00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:45,650 They're the ones who inspire their grandchildren to become writers. 232 00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,570 Oh, I'd eat mine before that. 233 00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:51,580 I think I know what would cheer you up. 234 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,540 -A little gossip. -I hate gossip. 235 00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:55,870 Who's it about? 236 00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:00,340 It's about a certain long-haired beauty with sparkling eyes and a devilish wit. 237 00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,880 -Me. It's about me. -Let me guess, 238 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,880 you've had another altercation in your food co-op? 239 00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:11,050 Yes. And I've also recently been kissed. 240 00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:15,640 -By Jacob. -He kissed you? When? 241 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,600 I ran into him at the farmer's market 242 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,810 when I was stalking him at the farmer's market. 243 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,820 -How was the kiss? -Oh, my cheek is still tingling. 244 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:27,740 But it may have been a power play. As a businesswoman and a woman-woman, 245 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,490 I'm still unpacking it. 246 00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:32,410 So how did you leave things? 247 00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:35,410 I left it that he would provide yams for my lube 248 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,660 which I may or may not sell to Brianna. 249 00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,210 I have a meeting with her later this afternoon. 250 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,460 Not sure what I'm gonna do. 251 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:47,220 Well, figure out where you want to end up and then don't start there. 252 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,720 With Brianna or Jacob? 253 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,640 Yes. 254 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,600 Is my scalp supposed to be burning? 255 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,310 Mm-- Yes. 256 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,570 - That's me on the dance floor. - Mm-hmm. 257 00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:07,320 Oh, that is me about to get into the swing again. 258 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,910 -Wow. Mm. -And this is Carlos. Mm-hmm. 259 00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:13,990 Are those shorts or underwear? 260 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,080 Uh, Carlos doesn't wear underwear. 261 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,160 -Sol, you've got to look at Carlos. -Nah, I'm good. 262 00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:21,170 -You boys like bingo? -He loves it. 263 00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,710 Then when you're all better, 264 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:27,050 I'm taking you to Drag Queen Bingo! 265 00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:29,050 I'm sure someone's sleeping somewhere. 266 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:33,090 Oh, none of my patients. We play, we drink, we sing show tunes. 267 00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:34,550 -I love show tunes. -Yeah. 268 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,640 Who is that spanking you? 269 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,810 Oh, that's Ana Phylactic-Shock, she's in charge of Drag Queen Bingo. 270 00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:42,560 -I called a false bingo. -Ooh, she looks mad. 271 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,110 Nah, she loves spanking people. Here she's mad. 272 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:48,990 Someone pretended it was their birthday and she made them wear nipple clips. 273 00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:50,450 -Ooh. -OK. 274 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:51,700 Slide show's over. 275 00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:56,160 And thanks for the invitation, but I don't think Drag Queen Bingo's for us. 276 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,290 -Oh, why not? -Well... we're not that kind of gay. 277 00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:04,580 Uh, what kind of gay are you? 278 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,550 Oh, I don't mean there's anything-- 279 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:07,960 I'm gonna go get your breakfast tray. 280 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,720 OK, thanks. 281 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,140 You realize you just offended him? 282 00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:19,180 Why are you suddenly interested in Drag Queen Bingo? 283 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,640 Why wouldn't I? I like singing. I like bingo. 284 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:25,560 I would love to try singing during bingo. It sounds fabulous. 285 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:28,570 But you're hardly the Grand Marshal of the gay parade. 286 00:16:28,650 --> 00:16:31,860 Hey. I'm pretty gay. In fact, I have a husband. 287 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:35,530 I have a husband, too. And frankly, I would say I'm gayer than you. 288 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,950 -How are you gayer than I am? -I wear a man purse! 289 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,710 That's not gay. That's hideous. And if you were as gay as I am you'd know that. 290 00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:45,500 All right, Robert, this isn't a contest. 291 00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:48,380 No, it's not. But, seriously, 292 00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:50,510 I would really like for us to feel comfortable 293 00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:53,840 someday going out to something like Drag Queen Bingo. 294 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:57,430 And why not? I spent my whole life having to look away and pretend 295 00:16:57,510 --> 00:17:01,180 I wasn't interested in things like that, or Greco-Roman wrestling, 296 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,770 or the Oscar red carpet. 297 00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,900 I had a lot of opinions about Cher's dress 298 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,610 when she won for Moonstruck. I thought it was fantastic! 299 00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,690 And I thought Bob Mackie deserved an Oscar! 300 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,900 -Who's Bob Mackie? -He designed that dress! 301 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,280 And the people at Drag Queen Bingo would know that. 302 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,860 See, that's why I want to go. 303 00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:18,830 Hey, we're out. So let's go out. 304 00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:25,080 Oh. 305 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,420 Oh, thank you. 306 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,140 Uh, Ms. Frankie Bergstein is here. 307 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:43,930 Frankie! 308 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:47,650 -Hello. -Oh. So formal. 309 00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:50,690 -Hello. So how was the drive down? -Oh, good. 310 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,610 Thank you. I parked across the street so I wouldn't have to valet. 311 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:55,650 We validate, but OK. 312 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:58,700 The hand dryer in the men's room does not work. Like, at all. 313 00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:03,790 I'd like to introduce my legal counsel, Nwabudike Douglas Bergstein. 314 00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:07,460 Yes, I'm familiar with your son, who I grew up with. 315 00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:09,580 -Hello, Budlas. -Oh. 316 00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:11,170 Oh, we're bringing Budlas back? 317 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,130 OK, well, then, hello, Brianna-donna-ding-dong. 318 00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:16,930 - Never caught on. - At my house it did. 319 00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:22,850 -Please. -After you. 320 00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:24,100 No, I insist. 321 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,270 I insist, Brianna-donna-ding-dong. 322 00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:31,150 That's so funny. 323 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,030 -Please take a seat, Frankie. -No, please, avail yourself. 324 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:45,790 -Relax, sit down. -No, no. I insist that you take a seat. 325 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,380 -Did you want to stand, Frankie? -No, no, please sit. 326 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,090 OK. 327 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:07,480 -Have you settled? -I am seated. 328 00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:13,940 Is someone taking minutes? 329 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,940 Um... 330 00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:19,910 - Really? - Yes. Of course. 331 00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:20,990 Mm-hmm. 332 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:28,410 OK. "Is someone taking minutes, comma, um, comma, 333 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:32,330 really, question mark, yes, comma, of course." 334 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,750 Oh, I also want to get "Brianna-donna-ding-dong" in there, 335 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,630 just so we have it. 336 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,010 You don't need to write that down. 337 00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:41,800 So, this deal memo outlines our offer, 338 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:46,140 namely that Frankie Bergstein, creator and owner of said lubricant, 339 00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:49,680 shall receive a $25,000 buyout. 340 00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:54,230 Wow. And three percent of the net once we're profitable. 341 00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,650 I want nine million dollars. 342 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:59,240 -Fuck my life. Fuck it hard. -I am so glad I came to work today. 343 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,740 -So, um, my mother-- -No. 344 00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:05,990 My client is interested in a licensing deal and two percent of the gross. 345 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,660 Two is less than three. 346 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,500 But gross is much larger than net, and with the licensing deal 347 00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:12,170 you'll get a piece of every single unit sold. 348 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,880 Licensing and two percent of the gross. Done. 349 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:18,050 Why? What do you know? 350 00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:21,930 I know that there's a fantastic offer on the table for your client-slash-mother. 351 00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:24,220 -And? -And my company's taking a big risk 352 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,600 -investing in an unknown product. -Aha! 353 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,260 Your eyebrow arches when you lie. 354 00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,270 Your head tilts, your eyes crinkle, 355 00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:32,390 and somehow your hair turns a darker shade of blonde-ish. 356 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,770 Fine. We may have done some testing, and it may have gone well-- 357 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,400 -Ah-ha-ha! -Two-point-five and that's it. 358 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,570 - Three. - Deal. 359 00:20:38,650 --> 00:20:40,610 But that is not where I want to end up. 360 00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:44,030 - Twist. - Well, it's a good deal, Mom. 361 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:47,030 And, uh, we should talk about it, but I think you should take it. 362 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,870 Oh, I can't. I want more. 363 00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:53,290 Like what? 364 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,670 Your client's gone rogue. 365 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,510 My client would be more than happy to shop her product elsewhere. 366 00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:09,810 Oh, have fun with your weird mother-son vaginal lube sales team. 367 00:21:09,890 --> 00:21:12,140 That is definitely going in the minutes. 368 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,020 -Dude, expunge that. -Nope. 369 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,020 -Mom, mom... -Hm-mm. 370 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,610 Why aren't you downstairs playing with Madison and Grandma Jean? 371 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,950 Because Mommy needs clown spray so she's not scared. 372 00:21:27,030 --> 00:21:30,280 Why would-- Macklin, come here. 373 00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:34,540 Why on earth would Mommy be scared? 374 00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:38,290 -Because she's sick. -Mommy's not sick. 375 00:21:39,420 --> 00:21:44,470 But Grandma Jean had us make get-well cards for Mommy 376 00:21:44,550 --> 00:21:49,510 because she's sick because there's not enough room in her tummy for two babies. 377 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,350 First of all, homemade cards are great, but only if you put in a lot of effort. 378 00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:58,400 And second, babies don't grow in Mommy's tummy, they grow in a separate part 379 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,480 -that only mommies have. -Her pocketbook? 380 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,570 Not quite. 381 00:22:03,650 --> 00:22:06,490 Look, Mommy's not scared and she's not sick. 382 00:22:06,570 --> 00:22:10,780 She-she just needs a little extra sleep so the babies will grow big and strong. 383 00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:13,660 So Grandma Jean was wrong? 384 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,960 Yes. 385 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,750 If Mommy's not scared, I'm not scared, either. 386 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,130 Well, good. That-- Ew. Sticky. Ew. 387 00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,180 Can I lay down with her? 388 00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:30,260 First of all, it's "lie." Second of all, no, you can't, 389 00:22:30,340 --> 00:22:32,140 because we don't want to give Mommy lice. 390 00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:37,230 But I'll tell you what we can do. 391 00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:39,440 -Gin! -Aw, man. 392 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,770 You saw me play the ace of clubs, you have to pay attention. 393 00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:53,870 What do you think of this figure? 394 00:22:53,950 --> 00:22:56,450 Boobless? I taught you that. 395 00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:58,920 Also "boobs," "boob," and "boobies." 396 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,420 I know how to write "hillbillies." 397 00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:02,840 53177187714. 398 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,210 - Say that again, but slower. - I know what I want. 399 00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,090 -Oh. -This ought to be good. 400 00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:09,970 I want six percent of the gross, I want my art on the box, 401 00:23:10,050 --> 00:23:11,890 and I want you to take me seriously. 402 00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:15,180 I am trying to, it's kind of a challenge sometimes. 403 00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:18,810 That's my process. You want my lube? You get my process. 404 00:23:20,350 --> 00:23:21,480 OK, fine. 405 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,940 Then you'll listen to my ideas? Because I have lots of ideas. 406 00:23:25,020 --> 00:23:27,650 Yes. The good ones. 407 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:29,320 This is where normally when I would give you a hug, 408 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,910 but I know you're a very serious businesswoman, so... 409 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:33,700 Muah. 410 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:37,660 Will I get my nine million dollars? 411 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,710 If every man, woman and child in America buys your lube, then yes, 412 00:23:40,790 --> 00:23:42,250 you will get your nine million dollars. 413 00:23:42,330 --> 00:23:44,090 Victory! 414 00:23:51,510 --> 00:23:53,090 Wow. 415 00:23:54,550 --> 00:23:55,550 Forgot our bags. 416 00:24:03,810 --> 00:24:05,400 What have I done? 417 00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:12,490 That was a nice break. 418 00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:15,160 I didn't know it was the morgue, I thought it was the atrium. 419 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,450 -That's what it said on the map. -Please, just get me back to the room. 420 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:21,910 Jojo, can you help me for a second? 421 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,420 -Let's get ready to bingo! -Whoo! 422 00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:33,890 Bitch, what are you doing here? 423 00:24:33,970 --> 00:24:36,720 Bitch, I'm here to play bingo! This bitch invited me. 424 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,970 What is going on, Sol? 425 00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,480 I'm saying I'm sorry to both of you. 426 00:24:43,020 --> 00:24:44,230 Bitch. 427 00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:46,610 Jeez! 428 00:24:48,770 --> 00:24:50,940 Raise your hand if you love Ryan Gosling. 429 00:24:51,030 --> 00:24:52,320 Oh! 430 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,860 Now raise your hand if you can't come within 200 feet of him. 431 00:24:54,950 --> 00:24:57,700 It ain't love unless the police get involved. 432 00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:00,540 Oh, I'm lying because I've-- 433 00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:04,790 ♪ Never been in love B-4 ♪ 434 00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:08,670 ♪ Now all at once it's you ♪ 435 00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:13,130 ♪ It's you forever more ♪ 436 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,010 Sounds like you and Mack were having fun. 437 00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:16,970 Yeah, we were. 438 00:25:17,050 --> 00:25:18,760 Are you surprised? 439 00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:19,850 Not at all. 440 00:25:19,930 --> 00:25:22,930 Because, uh, you didn't call me to come help with the kids. 441 00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:25,940 Mom, Jean jumped on a plane. 442 00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:30,320 Huh, and, uh, you told your father first that you were pregnant. 443 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,490 To cheer him up. I was dying to tell you, Mom. I called you. 444 00:25:33,570 --> 00:25:35,860 And left a message with no hint of any news. 445 00:25:35,950 --> 00:25:38,160 I didn't want to tell you in a message. 446 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,830 Well, you know something, it felt... 447 00:25:40,620 --> 00:25:42,790 like you didn't really want to tell me at all. 448 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,540 Mom, of course I did. 449 00:25:46,460 --> 00:25:49,380 I just... 450 00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:52,170 OK, um... 451 00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,130 Remember when you and Dad had brunch 452 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,430 at the house after Madison's christening? 453 00:25:57,510 --> 00:25:59,550 You stood in the kitchen making egg salad 454 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:04,310 and you said this better be my last baby because I needed to start my life again. 455 00:26:04,390 --> 00:26:07,940 - I didn't say that. - Mom, I remember what you were wearing. 456 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,240 I'm so sorry. 457 00:26:16,490 --> 00:26:20,660 You know, sometimes I wonder who I was in that house. 458 00:26:20,740 --> 00:26:22,620 I don't know why I was holding onto that. 459 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:26,660 Because it's horrible. I never should have said that. 460 00:26:29,170 --> 00:26:31,880 I'm really happy you're pregnant. 461 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,960 And those babies are really lucky 462 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:38,510 because you're the best mother I know. 463 00:26:38,590 --> 00:26:41,720 Mom, I learned from you. 464 00:26:45,430 --> 00:26:47,060 Thank you for lying. 465 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:00,780 Hey, why is that not happening in your studio? 466 00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:03,580 Oh, I still haven't gone through my moving boxes. 467 00:27:03,660 --> 00:27:07,960 Great. You're one can of cat food away from full-on Grey Gardens. 468 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,870 Oh, how did it go with Brianna? 469 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,500 Well, I figured out where I wanted to end up and I got there. 470 00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:14,800 How did it go with Mallory? 471 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,340 We're finding our way. 472 00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:21,680 You think I can get them to let me name the lube "Vagicadabra"? 473 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,600 Because I have other names. 474 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:28,310 "Slip Inside," "Lubri-can," "Menapplause." 475 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:31,100 "Yam, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am"? 476 00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:32,860 We'll throw that one in... 477 00:27:32,940 --> 00:27:34,730 -Yeah. -...so they'll pick one of mine. 478 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:35,820 They're going to name it 479 00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:38,320 the "Frankie Bergstein Memorial Lube!" 480 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,490 -Now with lice. -Let me have it! 481 00:27:40,570 --> 00:27:43,370 I would love to host life. 482 00:27:43,450 --> 00:27:45,370 What is that? 483 00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:48,750 Well, according to the deal we hammered out with the lube, 484 00:27:48,830 --> 00:27:50,660 they're putting my art on the box. 485 00:27:50,750 --> 00:27:53,330 -And I know what I want to paint. -What? 486 00:27:54,670 --> 00:27:55,840 My vagina. 487 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,010 Well, if they're going to take my face off the box, 488 00:27:59,090 --> 00:28:01,050 I'm glad they're replacing it with your vagina. 489 00:28:01,130 --> 00:28:04,050 Well, at least you won't have to worry about being recognized in public. 490 00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:06,060 No... 491 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:08,810 but you might.