1 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:51,300 After everybody leaves is when I leave. 2 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:53,470 And by the way, 3 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:56,220 I don't want any of the guests to know 4 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:58,600 that this party will be my last night on Earth. 5 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:03,480 I can't abide the idea of my nearest and dearest relating to me differently. 6 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,850 FYI, I plan to be dead by sunrise 7 00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:10,150 so go ahead and make brunch plans. 8 00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:11,900 That's really not funny. 9 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:15,200 I know. I'm still sorting out this gallows humor thing. 10 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,070 It's always too far or not far enough. 11 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,870 I honestly don't know how Jeff Foxworthy does it. 12 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:25,500 But... why do you want to die? Are you depressed? 13 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,000 No, it's nothing like that. 14 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,960 I'm the happiest person I know. 15 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,460 Exactly. You're the happiest person I know. 16 00:01:33,550 --> 00:01:35,720 Have a little nip. 17 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:40,640 Got this from a monastery in Tibet. 18 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:45,640 They also make fudge that'll knock your balls up your ass. 19 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:49,650 How can you be serious about this? This is insane. 20 00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:55,150 No, baby. This is the sanest decision I have ever made. 21 00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:58,410 The cancer has come back. It's everywhere. 22 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,290 Oh, boy. 23 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,620 Oh, boy, oh, boy. I'm so sorry. 24 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,420 You and me both, sister. 25 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,590 I'm refusing treatment this time. 26 00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:14,920 I'm not going through any more surgeries 27 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,340 or radiation go-rounds or chemo. 28 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,430 Hey, now. It wasn't all bad. 29 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:23,720 You rocked the shit out of some of those wigs we got you. 30 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:27,020 You're right. It was not all bad. But it was pretty fuckin' bad. 31 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,020 Yeah, I know. 32 00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:32,860 You girls were so good to me during that nightmare. 33 00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:37,690 And what was that joke you used to tell me in chemo 34 00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:40,860 -that made me laugh so hard? -Um... 35 00:02:40,950 --> 00:02:44,700 It... Mm... "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair. 36 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,330 Sorry, I can't, I've got cancer, you fucker." 37 00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:51,420 It's not as good as I remember. 38 00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,960 You'll have to come up with a new joke. 39 00:03:01,550 --> 00:03:03,350 You're asking a lot of me. 40 00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:06,850 But you're the kindest person I know. 41 00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:09,230 And in all my many travels, 42 00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:13,690 my most dearest treasured friend. 43 00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:16,820 Yeah, you say that to all the people you ask to kill you. 44 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,330 Just think about it. Take your time. 45 00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:28,950 But don't take too much time. Let me know before tomorrow night. 46 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,660 I will. 47 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:38,300 From what I can tell, my cell phone seems to be a little south of Tijuana. 48 00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,420 Odds are your cell's already been sold 49 00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:42,840 and your car's already got a plate on it from an un-stolen car, 50 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,470 but we'll do our best to recover it, Mrs. Hanson. 51 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:46,220 Thank you so much. 52 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,600 And for the ride home. And for letting me sit in the front. 53 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,980 I didn't even do it yet! Oh, my God, I was right, 54 00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:54,650 Minority Report is real. 55 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:58,610 I don't know what you're so freaked out about, but my car was stolen tonight. 56 00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,320 Oh. Big honking bummer. 57 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,570 That's my roommate. Maybe you could explain to the officer 58 00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:07,240 why you abandoned me in a dangerous parking lot? 59 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,370 I'd really rather not. 60 00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:11,710 Uh, no! I want to know what was so pressing, 61 00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:14,210 so much more important than my needing you to come-- 62 00:04:14,290 --> 00:04:19,380 Would you pick up a person who was drunk and emotionally assaultive? 63 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,300 Do it every day. 64 00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:24,010 But I guess, yes, if the person was a friend. 65 00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:26,760 Good answer. Your mother raised you well. 66 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,850 And would you consider a person a "good friend" 67 00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:34,480 if she was so plastered she called you a failure in front of your sons, 68 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,980 and told your new boyfriend that you were afraid of sex in the vagina, 69 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:41,690 and she ate the cake you made for him with her hands? 70 00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:42,990 I ate cake? 71 00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:46,360 You also told me that you would be better off without me 72 00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:48,240 and then you broke the toilet. 73 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,370 I'm not sure I understand the importance of the toilet. 74 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,250 She flushed my geodes. 75 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,330 Oh, in that case, I'd say you did the right thing. 76 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:57,330 -Ha! -I would've also changed the locks. 77 00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:58,590 Thank you. 78 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:03,130 Here's my card. I'll call you if we find anything. 79 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,340 Call me if she gets out of hand. 80 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,680 You need to know, I don't remember 81 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,180 -most of what I said or did-- -I'm not speaking to you. 82 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,060 But I just-- I want to let you know that I'm-- 83 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,310 No, no. Store's closed. 84 00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:20,020 Oh, it's just if Macklin didn't have a birthday party, 85 00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,360 and if I didn't have to go to the OB, and if Mitch wasn't out of town-- 86 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,400 And I don't know what is going on in there, 87 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,030 but I can already tell they don't like me. 88 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,990 That can happen. 89 00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:31,160 And right now I'm not too crazy about you bums, either! 90 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,740 Psst! 91 00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:36,120 Oh, no, she can't hear anything in those. There is no Tooth Fairy. 92 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,580 - See? Nothing. - Hello. 93 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,710 Hi, Grandpas! 94 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,510 Hi, sweetie. 95 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:47,680 Come on, let's go get you a juice box. And then if you feel like it, 96 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:52,350 we can look at pictures of houses and condominiums online. 97 00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:53,520 Sol. 98 00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:56,690 Do you like magic tricks? 99 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:57,980 No. 100 00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:00,110 Neither do I. 101 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:03,530 Come on, let's go look up condominiums. 102 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:04,780 Yay! 103 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,820 How long do I have to stay here? 104 00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,870 -You're looking for a new place? -We are. 105 00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:14,200 Wow. OK, then are you sure this is a good time? 106 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,200 I mean, 48 hours ago you weren't even speaking. 107 00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,250 Are you kidding? We're so excited. 108 00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:20,670 We couldn't think of anything we'd rather do today. 109 00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:23,590 OK, well, I am glad someone is going to be having a good time. 110 00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,460 Now I have to go pay a gyno to stick a cold metal probe into my vagina. 111 00:06:26,550 --> 00:06:28,680 OK. Uh, drive safe. 112 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:35,310 Mmm. 113 00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:45,730 Hi. 114 00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:50,360 Oh, is that a piñata for Babe's party? 115 00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:51,740 What's your agenda, lady? 116 00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:53,910 'Cause if you're trying to trick me into talking to you, 117 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:56,580 I will manifest my inner jackal and you'll be sorry 118 00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:59,960 you ever tangled with my mangy inner ass. 119 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,210 Oh, "inner ass," that's tough to stomach. 120 00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:03,920 Deal with it. 121 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,630 Well... I brought you something. 122 00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:10,800 I have a ton of stuff to do right now and a lot to think about. 123 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,840 Well, just let me give it to you. 124 00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:17,100 You know, I walked to the market and they had these tiny wind chimes 125 00:07:17,180 --> 00:07:18,730 that you can put on your rearview mirror. 126 00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:20,310 No, thank you. 127 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,650 I'm trying to apologize. 128 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:26,150 You can't make it better by buying me off with a gift 129 00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,980 like Robert used to do with you. 130 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:29,740 He didn't buy me off. 131 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:33,820 He was being thoughtful... and he always made me feel better. 132 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:39,000 -Just accept my apology. -I can't do this now. 133 00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,040 Frankie, hear me out. 134 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:43,420 I... 135 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,170 I know I said hurtful things that I'm not proud of. 136 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:50,550 But the reason I got so drunk that I said all that stuff 137 00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:53,300 is because it was the shittiest day of my life. 138 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:58,520 Frankie, um, I didn't break up with Phil like I said I would. 139 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,930 I... 140 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,730 I went to a hotel and we spent the night together. 141 00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:06,650 Well, say something. 142 00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,650 I'm sorry, what? 143 00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:11,570 Frankie, I slept with Phil. 144 00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:14,280 Then we broke up. 145 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,990 I'm probably never gonna see him again. 146 00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:17,660 I'm sorry you're suffering. 147 00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:18,990 But that was not an apology, 148 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,080 that was just an excuse for your bad behavior. 149 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,080 Not that I want to spend a single second on this shit, 150 00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:28,290 but when you blame me for pushing you to Phil, 151 00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:32,470 remember I'm the one that told you not to get more involved, 152 00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:36,720 so if you're feeling worse now, it's totally on you. 153 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,720 How can you say that? 154 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:47,150 My brain sends a message to my mouth and it comes out. Neurology, Grace. 155 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,740 Yet you can't possibly know. You ready? Go ahead. 156 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,000 Time to wash your hands for lunch. 157 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,290 Ah, come on, I've got you. 158 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:06,830 Up we go. Up we go. We'll wash together. 159 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,380 -Upsy-daisy. -Want to turn on the water? 160 00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:12,710 -Go ahead. Yep. -There we go. 161 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,300 -Did it. -Uh, not so fast, missy. 162 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,760 You've gotta really wash 'em. 163 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,850 Come on, we'll all do it together. 164 00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:21,100 -There we are. -Get your whole hands in. 165 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:25,440 -There you go. -And really scrub up with those bubbles. 166 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,980 Let me have some of that soap. 167 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,360 This fuckin' guy. 168 00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:45,370 I understand a charge was made at the Sergio Auto Emporium in Puerto Lobos, 169 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:51,040 but I assure you I did not buy any tires or naked lady mud flaps. 170 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:56,930 -Well, thank you, I appreciate that. -I have naked lady mud flaps. 171 00:09:57,010 --> 00:10:00,470 Girl, you are a naked lady mud flap. 172 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:04,560 Oh, Babe. Frankie told me you were back 173 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,680 and I was so jealous not to have seen you yet. 174 00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:10,520 Well, here I am in Technicolor 4D Smell-O-Vision. 175 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,570 Isn't this divine? 176 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:16,690 Danny Day Lewis made it for me when he went to perfume school. 177 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:19,950 It's, uh, gardenia and rain 178 00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:23,700 and a bunch of other shit he's too pretentious to divulge. 179 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:28,370 -Yum. Wow. -Oh, how are you, sweetie? 180 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,290 Rock bottom. 181 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:34,710 My life is in the crapper of the crapper and Frankie's not talking to me. 182 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:39,010 Mmm, sounds like you might have something to do with that? 183 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:42,260 I don't know why she has to blow everything out of proportion. 184 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,850 You know, I might have said some terrible things to her, but I was drunk. 185 00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:47,390 -I didn't mean it. -Oh, really? 186 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,440 Did you know in North Korea they use vodka as truth serum? 187 00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,060 No, they don't. 188 00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:56,110 Then Dennis Rodman's a fucking liar. 189 00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:58,030 Want-- Want some? 190 00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:02,450 No, thanks. But booze makes our id's and shadow-selves 191 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:05,410 pop out all over the place and you should know that, 192 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:09,960 because I believe I drank a pint of tequila and asked you to-- 193 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,380 Hold you like a baby and sing: 194 00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:16,420 ♪ I love you a bushel and a peck ♪ 195 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:19,880 Everybody likes to be tucked in, don't they? 196 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,090 -Not by me. -Oh... 197 00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:27,890 Listen, toots, did you get my text? I need my samovar for the party. 198 00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,560 You mean my samovar? 199 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,940 I'm the one that spotted it at the Rose Bowl in 1999. 200 00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:35,770 -You snooze, you lose. -Well, I got it back. 201 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:39,900 You stole it back for your Boxing Day dinner that never existed. 202 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,410 But it's your fault that you ever believed I would have a Boxing Day dinner. 203 00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:45,120 Ah, there you are. 204 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:49,410 I spoke with the pupusa guy who's on his way from El Monte 205 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,960 and the balloon lady is confirmed for eight. 206 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,080 Perfect. Frankie's helping me tonight. 207 00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:58,090 Oh, no, no. I don't know how much I'm helping you, OK? 208 00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,670 Well, don't take it out on Babe just because you're mad at me. 209 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,340 Oh, I have an amazing comeback to that, but I can't say it 210 00:12:03,430 --> 00:12:06,470 -because I'm not talking to you. -Oh, yeah, because you're just incapable 211 00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:07,810 -of giving up a grudge. -Oh, incapable? 212 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:09,810 -You don't know what capable is. -Why don't you learn a little bit? 213 00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,890 No, no, let me tell you something. If I-- 214 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:16,480 Hey, ladies? I know it's bad between you right now, 215 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:21,900 but I'd appreciate you putting your shit on the shelf when you come to my party. 216 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:26,200 Oh, Babe, it's sweet of you to invite me, but as you can see, 217 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,620 I'm not exactly in the party kind of mood. 218 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,830 Oh, yes, you are. 219 00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:34,210 I think we're about done with you telling me what to do. 220 00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:36,630 Babe, I promise I'll come to your next party. 221 00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,920 That's not gonna work for me. 222 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,720 -Why not? -Because... 223 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,090 -there isn't gonna be a next party. -Why not? 224 00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:49,100 Because I'm not going to be here. 225 00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:50,390 Well, where are you going? 226 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,640 Well, that depends on what you believe in. 227 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,270 What are you talking about? 228 00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:57,270 Have a seat, toots. 229 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,990 No. No, this can't be happening. 230 00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:05,280 -It is, sugar. -You can't do this. 231 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,280 She is doing it. She made her choice. 232 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:11,240 -It's not her choice to make. -Actually, it kind of is. 233 00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:14,540 Of course it is. Her life. Her death. Her choice. 234 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:18,580 Ooh, I like that. If I had more time I'd get a T-shirt made. 235 00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:21,920 It's not right. Only God can make that decision. 236 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,130 -I thought you were mad at God. -Well, he's gonna be mad at her. 237 00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,010 Oh, that's not the way she sees it. 238 00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:32,310 I have made my peace with my God, sweetie. It's all cool in the pool. 239 00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:34,600 But maybe there's another option. 240 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:40,360 There are none. As Dr. Randy says, "No good outcomes." 241 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,070 Why go through the horror of treatment if it's not gonna work? 242 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,320 No, no. She's not going through that again. 243 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,360 Listen to me. 244 00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:51,280 You cannot give up. You have to keep fighting. 245 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:54,080 But this is how I win, sweetheart. 246 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,620 Besides, I don't want to go out fighting, I want to go out flying. 247 00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:00,790 Maybe there's a new medicine that hasn't been invented yet. 248 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,260 You know, or... a garden that you haven't planted, 249 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:08,680 or a cave that you haven't spelunked, or-- 250 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,430 What about Sting? You always wanted to make out with Sting. 251 00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:13,600 Oh! 252 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,980 I'm pretty sure that Trudie will give you a special dispensation. 253 00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:18,730 They do have an open marriage. 254 00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,400 Maybe we can-- we can get him here in time. 255 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,400 How could you go along with this? 256 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:27,740 It's not my choice, but if-- if Babe wants to end her life tonight, 257 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,990 then, yes, I would help her... 258 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,580 I will help her do anything 259 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:37,830 that supports her decision. 260 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,580 -I'm in. -Oh, thank you. 261 00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,130 You're a good friend. 262 00:14:44,210 --> 00:14:46,630 Oh, and you have such soft breasts. 263 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:51,470 Oh, stop. 264 00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,220 I'm sorry, Babe. 265 00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:56,600 I love you dearly, 266 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,140 but this thing that you want to do, that you want me to support your doing 267 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,980 goes against everything that I believe. 268 00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:05,320 I-- I can't be party to it. 269 00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:10,820 OK. I get it. 270 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,990 I'll drop by later to say goodbye. 271 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,580 You gotta remind me, 272 00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,790 'cause if I forget, I'll fuckin' kill myself. 273 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,460 Hey... 274 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:26,550 I think I'm starting to nail this gallows humor thing. 275 00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:34,180 When did your granddaughter become Joe Pesci? 276 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:36,100 She must have heard it somewhere. 277 00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,520 Where? At a cock fight? 278 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,310 I don't know, but kids repeat things they hear. 279 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:43,980 My mother would wash my mouth out with soap for every "hell" or "damn." 280 00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:46,770 And Grace and I would dock the girls' allowances. 281 00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:49,860 Though I don't think little David Mamet gets an allowance. 282 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:52,990 So how do you want to handle this? 283 00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:56,370 - She didn't say it. - Oh, she said it. 284 00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:58,790 No, it's impossible. We don't use that word in our house. 285 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,250 -You probably heard wrong. -Mm-mm. 286 00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:03,040 What did we hear? "This friendly guy"? 287 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,380 -"This clucking guy"? -No. 288 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:07,380 OK. 289 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,970 All right. 290 00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:18,930 Doc McStuffins was just about to fix a kitten. 291 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:22,350 OK. Madison, honey, when you were with Grandpa and Grandpa earlier, 292 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,690 -did you say the "F" word? -What's the "F" word? 293 00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:29,820 Uh, it's a bad word. It starts with "F." 294 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:34,860 You know, "fu..." F-Fu... 295 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:37,330 Fallopian tube? 296 00:16:37,410 --> 00:16:41,950 See? That's the worst word she knows. You are such a smarty pants. 297 00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,840 Hey! 298 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,220 Oh, good girl! 299 00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:56,550 I replaced it with a bag of sand like Indiana Jones. 300 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,350 She'll see through it, but I don't give a flap. 301 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,730 I can't tell you how much I appreciate your helping me. 302 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,060 If you ever decide you want to go out my way, 303 00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:10,070 I'll try to come back and help out. 304 00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:12,570 Unless I'm a caterpillar. 305 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,700 Or a right-wing conservative. 306 00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:20,580 So you want to talk through tonight's timeline 307 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,620 so you know what's on the docket? 308 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,620 Let's do this. Let's get you dead. 309 00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:28,500 Sorry. I overshot that one. 310 00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,630 So, first, 311 00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:35,300 there are the drugs which go in the pudding 312 00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:39,260 which you have made and which I will eat myself. 313 00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:44,100 And then I'll do the bag-on-the-head thing 314 00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:49,360 and turn on this bad boy for insurance. 315 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,730 So what, are we gonna do it out here? 316 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,110 Al fresco? 317 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,280 No, in the bedroom. 318 00:17:55,360 --> 00:18:00,530 And FYI, I'll be buck naked because I like the way my sheets feel. 319 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,540 You remember Skipper? My surfer pal? 320 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:08,080 -Oh, yeah. -No shirt. Marvelous sensual energy. 321 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,380 I remember his puffy drawstring pants. 322 00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:15,050 Well, he's helping, too. He'll haul the tank into my bedroom. 323 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:16,880 Don't worry about the body. 324 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,970 Once I've left it, Skipper will take care of everything else. 325 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,270 What is it? 326 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:27,310 I'm scared. 327 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,560 Me, too. 328 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,320 I've never done anything like this before. 329 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,520 Me neither. 330 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,490 But I'm more scared of being a burden, 331 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:42,160 and being in pain, and of not being myself anymore. 332 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,540 I couldn't bear that. 333 00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,840 My dear Frankie. 334 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,800 You are so precious to me. 335 00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,560 I'm a very special person. 336 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,440 -OK, what do you say to Grandpa? -Thank you. Can I come back tomorrow? 337 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,480 Of course you can. Anytime, sweetheart. 338 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,030 She said it. 339 00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:18,570 - Oh, like hell she did. - Wait, wait, wait. 340 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:23,990 Don't you leave here without giving a great big hug to your Grandpa Sol! 341 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,700 This fucking guy? 342 00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,000 Go play! Go watch TV! 343 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,840 Oh, my God, she said it. 344 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,170 Oh, my God, she said it about me. 345 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,840 I'm "this fuckin' guy." 346 00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,510 OK. OK. OK, here's what I think might have happened. 347 00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:45,220 Um, this one time, 348 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:49,020 I might have referred to Sol as... 349 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,480 You know, in that way. 350 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,480 But it was right after you had your heart attack 351 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,810 and the whole thing with Frankie came out. 352 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,190 -Oh... -And I was really pissed. 353 00:19:57,270 --> 00:20:00,150 OK, you both cheat on Mom and Frankie for years, 354 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,780 and then you go and you cheat on him. 355 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:05,320 And it's like, is that all that goes on with men? 356 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:08,620 They're just looking to cheat or just thinking about cheating? 357 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,250 I mean, cheat, cheat, cheat! 358 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:12,750 Does every fucking guy just cheat all the fucking time? 359 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,800 I forgot Madison. 360 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,730 You're really not going? 361 00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:41,150 Nope. I'm watching Byamba pick up Big Joe by his diaper. 362 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,700 You are making my gorge rise. 363 00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:47,530 Why? Because I'm not waving pom-poms for you and Babe? 364 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,200 You know I can't condone this. 365 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,950 She's not asking you to condone it. 366 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,170 She's asking you to be her friend and to be there for her. 367 00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:57,960 No matter what you believe. Because that's what friends do. 368 00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,710 -Not in my world. -Oh, right. 369 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,510 You only like people who do things you approve of. 370 00:21:02,590 --> 00:21:05,220 No, because I have a high moral standard. 371 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:09,050 And because you're incapable of unconditional love. 372 00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:24,450 I am a terrible mother. 373 00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:28,700 I gave my daughter a potty mouth and now she's watched six hours of TV today. 374 00:21:28,780 --> 00:21:32,660 -Great, can't wait to ruin the next two. -Honey, I'm no psychologist. 375 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,160 In fact, I've never been to one because I'm Irish, 376 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:37,750 but clearly something is going on here. 377 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:42,050 I don't know. I guess I'm just super hormonal or... 378 00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:44,260 Wait, no. Why am I saying that? 379 00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:47,430 I have a mind and it knows things, and you know what? 380 00:21:47,510 --> 00:21:50,050 Mitch has been delivering a lot of night babies lately. 381 00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:51,720 Isn't that his job? 382 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,390 OK, well, does he also work at the Apple Store? 383 00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:55,940 Because he's been spending a lot of time there, too. 384 00:21:56,020 --> 00:21:58,480 Does he not make appointments at the Genius Bar? 385 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,770 Because if you don't, it's a really long wait. 386 00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:01,860 Sol. 387 00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:05,360 OK, listen, you guys cheated for a long time. Right? 388 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,570 What are the signs? What do I look out for? 389 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:15,370 This is delicate, but is he any less amorous? 390 00:22:15,450 --> 00:22:17,540 Yeah, but because we're not allowed to. Stupid babies. 391 00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:19,500 And frankly, I'm not super confident in my blowjob-- 392 00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:21,040 No, no. Nope. 393 00:22:23,250 --> 00:22:27,050 Is he suddenly going to a lot of medical conventions? 394 00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:29,090 OK, that's where he is right now. 395 00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:36,100 OK, now let's not jump to any conclusions here. 396 00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:38,310 You know Mitch loves you, right? 397 00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,690 The way you loved Mom? 398 00:22:40,770 --> 00:22:42,020 Oh, Mallory. 399 00:22:44,190 --> 00:22:46,860 I hate to see you feeling this way. 400 00:22:46,940 --> 00:22:50,030 I am so sorry if my behavior 401 00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:53,030 has had anything to do with your anxieties right now. 402 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,580 I promise you, not all men cheat. 403 00:22:57,660 --> 00:22:58,660 I know. 404 00:22:58,750 --> 00:23:03,170 And you have two more babies on the way. It's a very stressful time. 405 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,840 Oh, my God, I forgot there were two. 406 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,050 -Oh, jeez. -Oh. 407 00:23:19,060 --> 00:23:20,270 Oh! 408 00:23:20,350 --> 00:23:24,190 -Ahha! Ooh! -Babe, is it everything you wanted? 409 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:28,280 It's more, baby. It's more. 410 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,950 Ohh... 411 00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,620 -Hello, my beauties. -Aah! 412 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,660 Young lady, may I have this dance? 413 00:23:34,740 --> 00:23:37,910 As long as you make it dirty. 414 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:41,920 Skipper! 415 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,280 - Hello. - Hi, honey. It's me. 416 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,320 Mom? Is everything OK? 417 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,280 Every-- It's fine. 418 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:16,910 I just haven't talked to you in a few days and, um, 419 00:24:16,990 --> 00:24:18,540 you know, I miss you. 420 00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,870 Wait a minute, I'm not hearing the clinking of ice. 421 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,790 If you're not drinking, something must really be wrong. 422 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,880 Not at all. It's just a... 423 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:31,170 It's a really weird... evening. 424 00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:34,930 And, uh, Babe's giving a party. 425 00:24:35,010 --> 00:24:36,390 Why didn't you go? 426 00:24:36,470 --> 00:24:39,850 No, I couldn't. I, um, I can't be there. 427 00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:42,730 But... Frankie said something. 428 00:24:42,810 --> 00:24:47,690 And you listened? Come on, Mom, she thinks that boomerangs have minds of their own. 429 00:24:48,610 --> 00:24:51,490 When you were a kid, you felt loved, right? 430 00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:54,450 I mean, you know, unconditionally. Huh? 431 00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:00,660 Uh, well, no, Mom. 432 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:03,290 That's not really your strong suit. 433 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,460 -Oh. -But it makes sense. 434 00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:10,460 You're not very unconditional with yourself. 435 00:25:12,550 --> 00:25:14,840 I mean, I hope I didn't just offend you. 436 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,340 I-- This is not a national secret, right? 437 00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:20,100 I guess not. 438 00:25:30,110 --> 00:25:31,110 You OK? 439 00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:35,200 It's getting to be time for the pudding, puddin'. 440 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,870 -OK, I'll be right back. -Where are you going? 441 00:25:38,990 --> 00:25:40,870 I'm gonna get the pudding, puddin'. 442 00:25:47,290 --> 00:25:48,920 Oh! Frankie. 443 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,380 Babe sent me to get the pudding 444 00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:54,260 and now that I see it my body won't let me move. 445 00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:55,720 Are you sure it's your body? 446 00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:00,470 Whatever it is, it's cold on my breasts, it's a very bad waste of electricity, 447 00:26:00,550 --> 00:26:05,310 not to mention I said I would help Babe and now I can't do it. 448 00:26:05,390 --> 00:26:08,060 -I'm a terrible friend. -Don't say that. 449 00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:09,940 If you had said to me what I said to you, 450 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:12,400 I'd be doing to you what you're supposed to be doing to Babe. 451 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,650 I do let things roll off my back. 452 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,780 Do you believe what Babe is doing is right? 453 00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:22,160 -Yes. -Well, then, pick up the pudding, 454 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,410 hand me that leftover chicken salad, and get out of here. 455 00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:49,690 I just want to thank you all for coming. 456 00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:55,280 I'm so grateful to have so many wonderful people 457 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:59,200 from my life in the same room. 458 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,200 I mean, holy shit, 459 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:05,580 there's Baba Uday all the way from Tibet! 460 00:27:08,790 --> 00:27:12,920 And there's beautiful Tina Marie all the way from the McMurdo Station 461 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,960 -in Antarctica. -I love you, Babe! 462 00:27:16,050 --> 00:27:18,880 I love you too, Tina Marie. 463 00:27:22,510 --> 00:27:23,640 Oh. 464 00:27:24,470 --> 00:27:29,390 As I live and breathe, Grace Hanson is in the house. 465 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,060 Let's give her a hand. 466 00:27:35,940 --> 00:27:39,530 And of course none of this could be happening tonight 467 00:27:39,610 --> 00:27:43,950 without my dearest, my heart, Frankie. 468 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,830 You all mean so much to me. 469 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,460 You couldn't possibly imagine. 470 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:59,510 It's a little bit... overwhelming. 471 00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:03,010 I love you all. 472 00:28:03,090 --> 00:28:06,180 Now get the hell out of my house. 473 00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:15,480 Babe... 474 00:28:16,230 --> 00:28:18,030 Oopsie. 475 00:28:18,110 --> 00:28:20,030 I don't know how to do this. 476 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:23,490 I'm gonna miss you, too. 477 00:28:23,570 --> 00:28:25,280 Are you sure? 478 00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:28,620 I mean, don't you have any hope that tomorrow will be a good day? 479 00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:33,210 You never know. You know, a miracle could be right around the corner. 480 00:28:33,290 --> 00:28:37,090 I don't need a miracle, sugar. I've had a really good ride. 481 00:28:37,170 --> 00:28:42,630 I've lived it hard and well. With every breath, right? 482 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,840 Inhale peace, exhale joy. 483 00:28:45,930 --> 00:28:49,390 Inhale peace, exhale joy. 484 00:28:49,470 --> 00:28:51,600 Ah, it sounds like horse shit, I know, 485 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,600 but the fact of the matter is my cup runneth over. 486 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,230 What will we do without you? 487 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,980 You'll live. 488 00:29:00,980 --> 00:29:02,950 By the way, where's my joke? 489 00:29:04,110 --> 00:29:05,740 Oh, um... 490 00:29:05,820 --> 00:29:10,080 I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me just before he died. 491 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,620 "Are you still holding the fucking ladder?" 492 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:35,890 You OK?