1 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:21,330 Are we closed for some minor national holiday 2 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:25,040 my "Minor National Holiday" calendar didn't tell me about? 3 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,500 Nope. Just done for the day. 4 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:30,000 But it's only 9:30. 5 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,130 Well, I got up at six and got everything done. 6 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:37,550 If I'm going to be doing this alone, I better start practicing. 7 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:42,600 Turns out, I can accomplish quite a lot without all the nonsensical chatter. 8 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:48,190 But I thought we were going to talk to our lawyer about Omni Tech together. 9 00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:52,650 And I thought we were going to stop calling my free-spirited ruminations 10 00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,610 "nonsensical chatter." 11 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:55,990 Well, I've already talked to Cheryl 12 00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:59,030 and approved the final draft of the cease-and-desist letter 13 00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,910 that she's sending, so everything's done. 14 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,750 Can we talk, please? Can we? 15 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,250 I'll make you a martini. 16 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,830 This ain't your momma's tea. 17 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:16,510 Well, I'd at least like to see the letter. 18 00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:18,470 It's done, Frankie. I did it. 19 00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:22,220 I'd like to co-did it. I mean, I'm the co-doer of things in this company 20 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:26,430 and it would be nice to be on the other side of a cease-and-desist for once. 21 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,350 Ooh, that reminds me, the Magicians' Union called again. 22 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,980 Oh, them. 23 00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:32,440 Here. 24 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,440 Well, thank you. 25 00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,400 Let's see. Uh-huh. 26 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,110 Well, first off, the date is wrong, it's not July. 27 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,070 It is, in fact, July. 28 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:43,280 Right, right. 29 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:44,790 I was just testing you. 30 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,910 Unless you were testing me. 31 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,830 No, no, I know it's July. 32 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,380 -Are you gonna read that thing or not? -I'm reading. 33 00:02:53,460 --> 00:02:56,250 I mean, paragraph three is a real quagmire. 34 00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,970 When does it end with the "there-tos" and "here-to-fores" 35 00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:02,180 because I'm trapped in the world's longest run-on sentence. 36 00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:03,260 I know the feeling. 37 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,260 Well, you go off on your own, you run the risk of getting notes. 38 00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:10,140 Well, I guess going off on my own feels like the thing to do these days. 39 00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:13,360 Okay, let's unpack that last remark a little. 40 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:16,320 Have you unpacked your stuff with Jacob? 41 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,740 Well, no, I wanted to do it with you first. 42 00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:20,740 I can't help you there, Frankie. 43 00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:23,410 If I tell you to leave, you're gonna think I don't care. 44 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:27,200 If I tell you to stay, you're gonna resent me for keeping you from your boyfriend. 45 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,790 It's a lose-lose. You're gonna have to talk to somebody else. 46 00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,250 But you're the one I want to talk to. 47 00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,500 Well, I am going upstairs. 48 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,590 I am disappearing, see? 49 00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:40,590 Oh, just my legs now. 50 00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:42,340 And I'm gone. 51 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,900 Wondering who those jerks are? 52 00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:01,450 Yes, I was. Hello, Steve. 53 00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,570 Hey, Robert. Everything okay? 54 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,780 It's just a little understudy humor. But really, is everything okay? 55 00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:10,500 Yes, Steve, everything is fine. Who are they? 56 00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:13,080 Oh, some church group from El Cajon. 57 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,130 They always do this. It's because we're a gay theater group. 58 00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:18,130 They're harmless, just ignore them. 59 00:04:18,210 --> 00:04:22,630 After last night's stumble-through, they're really the least of our problems. 60 00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:26,390 So kind. Thank you, Steve. 61 00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:30,100 Age before beauty. 62 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,020 Understudy before star. 63 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,320 As you exhale, bring your head up to your knees 64 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,240 and reach between your legs... 65 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,240 Great happy baby, Mom. 66 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,870 Thanks, it's all in the sphincters. 67 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:53,910 Yeah, you're really nailing it. Super troubling. 68 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,250 You got to breathe, Bud. 69 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:58,380 Oh, is that what my problem is, that I'm not breathing? 70 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,760 Because I thought my problem was that yoga is terrible. 71 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,180 Agh. You're right. I hate this. 72 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,300 Bugles, anyone? 73 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,930 Since when do you hate yoga, Mom? 74 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,180 Oh, I don't know. 75 00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:16,520 I guess since I started wondering if I'd like Santa Fe. 76 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,270 -Are you going to Santa Fe? -Maybe. 77 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,940 You... will... love it. 78 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,990 There's all these really cool art galleries on Canyon Road. 79 00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:27,740 And the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum. Don't forget that desert siren. 80 00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:31,030 I stayed in this village of biohomes there once. 81 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,790 Are you and Jacob planning a trip? 82 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:34,370 Kind of. 83 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,880 He's thinking maybe of perhaps moving there. 84 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,590 And he sort of suggested that I might consider... 85 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:45,550 coming with him... to live. 86 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,470 -In New Mexico? -Forever? 87 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,180 What's forever? 88 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:55,180 -A lot of crime in Santa Fe. -My biohome smelled like burps. 89 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,060 I think Georgia O'Keeffe hated Jews. 90 00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,690 Oh, jeez. 91 00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:03,020 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you like this. 92 00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:06,700 Grace won't talk to me, so I have to talk to somebody. 93 00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:10,410 No, no. It's okay, Mom. We just didn't know that you two were so serious. 94 00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:12,660 -He's my guy. -That's great. 95 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,620 I guess we were just hoping to get to know him a little better, 96 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,500 and that you would get to know Allison a little better, 97 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:22,420 and that Allison and Jacob would get to know each other a little better. 98 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,960 Is there a reason why we should be getting to know Allison better? 99 00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:25,880 Is there? 100 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,630 Whoa, whoa. Calm down. 101 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:33,640 I mean, we've sort of talked about talking about taking the next step. 102 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:34,600 You have? 103 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,020 Yeah. Yeah. 104 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:38,940 Ah. 105 00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:40,150 So, good. 106 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:43,980 You may be taking steps, I may be taking steps. 107 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,070 -So steps are good, right? -What about Grace? 108 00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:49,320 I know how much you two depend on each other. 109 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,320 She must be really upset by all of this. 110 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,530 Who knows? She won't talk to me. 111 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:58,040 Her emotions can often come locked in a hard outer shell. 112 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,910 Kind of like a Tootsie Pop. 113 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,630 You have to lick it down and then just bite the hell out of it. 114 00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:07,420 Well... I've seen you take down many a Tootsie Pop. 115 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,470 So, are you going? 116 00:07:11,550 --> 00:07:13,640 I have no freaking idea. 117 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,350 I just know I need to figure it out. 118 00:07:16,430 --> 00:07:18,810 Whatever you decide, we'll be okay. 119 00:07:18,890 --> 00:07:21,060 I mean, I'll ugly cry 120 00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:24,980 and Coyote will write a series of alt-rock song crimes. 121 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,900 Which I will treasure. 122 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:30,360 And Santa Fe is just a plane, train or automobile away. 123 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,370 I can't afford any of those, but I bet there's a bus. 124 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,330 The bus makes you so sick. 125 00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:36,580 That's me. 126 00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:38,870 Oh, I knew it was one of you. 127 00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,000 Yeah. 128 00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,800 -Like that? -Right. 129 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,050 -Are we waiting till they come outside? -Yeah. 130 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,180 I'm sorry, I have a real problem with this. 131 00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,810 I don't care for your signs. 132 00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,980 -Free speech. -Is a right, not an alibi. 133 00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:03,480 What? You in the "show"? 134 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,690 Unfortunately, no. I wasn't cast. 135 00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:10,110 I'm bringing a surprise lunch for my husband, who plays John Adams. 136 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,740 Oh, last time I checked John Adams wasn't a homosexual. 137 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:16,240 Actually, historians are still debating 138 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,830 the sexuality of a number of our founding fathers. 139 00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:25,380 Well, I guess you and your other gaywads can debate that... in hell. 140 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:29,000 The only people here with tickets to hell are you and your friends. 141 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,340 You need to step back. 142 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:33,930 Freedom of speech, freedom to stand anywhere I want. 143 00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:37,100 -Step back. -Get your finger out of my chest. 144 00:08:37,180 --> 00:08:39,470 Don't make me say it again, faggot. 145 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,560 What did you just call me? 146 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,480 I think I called you a cocksucking faggot! 147 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,150 Oh, that's just... 148 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,900 Daddy, I'm wet! 149 00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,490 - What is wrong with you? - I... I... 150 00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:53,990 - Get out of here. - Yeah. 151 00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:55,360 What is he...? 152 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,070 Why are there children here? 153 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,040 Oh! 154 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,010 Hey. Where are you going all duded up? 155 00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:15,590 I don't know. Shopping. 156 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,600 New lipstick. Extra-popped collar. 157 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:19,970 I'm guessing a thong. 158 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,560 All right, I'm shopping and then going straight to Robert's opening night. 159 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,230 You're wearing your power cologne. 160 00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:32,030 It's over, lady. You're toast. Spill it. 161 00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:35,070 All right, I'll tell you where I'm going, but you are not coming. 162 00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,660 And t'where am I allegedly not coming? 163 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:40,740 -Omni Tech. -Oh, the letter worked! 164 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:45,660 Well, our lawyer is sitting down this afternoon with their lawyers and me. 165 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,500 This is huge, Grace! 166 00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:50,790 Give me five, I'll go put on a knee-length concert tee. 167 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,800 No need to break out the formal wear. I've got it covered. 168 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,880 You're about to confront The Man, which is historically my thing. 169 00:09:57,970 --> 00:10:01,720 Oh, I thought getting your hair caught in the ice machine was "your thing." 170 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,350 Hey, I lost a lot of hair that day. 171 00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:08,940 And may I remind you again that I am still half of this company? 172 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:12,480 And I am going where you're going whether you want me to or not. 173 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,740 I'm like beach erosion, Grace: I'm happening. 174 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:16,820 Oh, God. 175 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,910 All right, but we let the lawyer do the talking. 176 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,240 You do not talk. I don't talk. Got it? 177 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,200 Fine, but I'm driving. 178 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,910 I'm driving. 179 00:10:27,790 --> 00:10:33,630 That is the second set of my car keys that disappeared down that sewer grate. 180 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:36,050 I didn't drop this set, you did. 181 00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:38,680 Yeah, because you screamed, "He's after you!" 182 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,220 Because I thought I saw a bat. 183 00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:43,720 And had it been a bat, which I realize now it was not, 184 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,930 it would have been rabid, and you'd be thanking me for saving your life. 185 00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:50,850 You're the one hanging fruit in the trees with a sign that says, "For Bats." 186 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,230 They have to eat. 187 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,780 And this is your Panic Alert? 188 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:59,450 Yes, it is. This car didn't come with any bells and whistles, 189 00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,070 so I use it as an OnStar. 190 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,120 It's because it's basically a golf cart. 191 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:07,200 And for that rude remark, I'm gonna make you talk about your feelings. 192 00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:10,750 Nope. You don't talk, I don't talk, remember? 193 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:12,630 So, let's practice. 194 00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:15,090 Fine. 195 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,630 Hello, Frankie. Hope you're feeling extra good today. 196 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,220 I almost got attacked by a bat, but other than that, I'm good. 197 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,020 you don't have to look outside yourself. 198 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:31,190 You have everything you need inside. 199 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,310 -I do. -Are you kidding me? 200 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,440 You said you didn't want to talk. 201 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,490 But I didn't think I'd have to listen to a conversation between you and you. 202 00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:42,280 Sometimes life sends you a wonderful surprise. 203 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,870 - Now, just close your eyes... 204 00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:47,830 Get-- No! 205 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:55,170 -I am healthy, brilliant-- -It was just a tiny veer over the line. 206 00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:59,380 Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. 207 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:02,760 Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather... 208 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,760 -I thought you left. -Red leather-- 209 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,390 Well, clearly, I have not. 210 00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:10,020 And I'm late for our last rehearsal, which believe me, I need. 211 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:13,600 -Can I help? What are you looking for? -My mints. 212 00:12:13,690 --> 00:12:16,480 Abigail Adams has been complaining about my breath. 213 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,730 While I remain silent, she drowns me with her spittle. 214 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,150 Ta-da! 215 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,700 Ah! 216 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:24,910 Thank you. 217 00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:27,490 Now, what else do I need? 218 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,620 What else do I-- Oh! 219 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,750 You're going to have a great opening night. 220 00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,580 There's nothing to be nervous about. 221 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,170 There's plenty to be nervous about. 222 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,500 Peter continues to restage my opening number, 223 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:43,010 my feet look like two loaves of bread baked in those ridiculous shoes. 224 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,680 And, oh, do you remember those protesters I told you about? 225 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,550 Um... Uh-huh. 226 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:52,020 Well, apparently some self-righteous idiot got into a fight with one of them 227 00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:54,060 and threw a beverage at an innocent child. 228 00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:58,440 -I wouldn't call him an idiot. -I would. 229 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,030 You don't engage people like that. That's how you give them power. 230 00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,240 Now they've tripled in number. 231 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,070 And there was a reporter at the theater this morning interviewing everybody. 232 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,200 -A reporter? -Yes, a reporter. 233 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,700 My understudy told me all about it 234 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,450 after he got interviewed and photographed, of course. 235 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,210 Well, maybe the publicity will sell tickets. 236 00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,960 Sol, this is the kind of publicity that un-sells tickets. 237 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,500 The owner of the theater is threatening to close the show 238 00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:22,710 after tonight's performance. 239 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,720 We may very well become the Moose Murders of La Jolla! 240 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:30,350 I don't know what Moose Murders is, but it sounds bad. 241 00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:31,760 It is bad! 242 00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:35,440 Oh, God... Am I bad? 243 00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:38,690 Is that why my understudy is hanging around all the time? 244 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:40,820 Maybe the protestors should shut us down. 245 00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,940 I never should've done the show in the first place. 246 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,110 You're spinning out. 247 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,450 I know! I'm a mess! Hold me! 248 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,540 Nobody's going to close the show, I promise. 249 00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:57,540 And you're going to be great. 250 00:13:58,330 --> 00:14:00,000 -I am? -Yes. 251 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,170 And if you get nervous, just look for me out in the audience. 252 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:08,510 I'll be the boy sitting there with stars in his eyes. 253 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:11,260 Okay. That helps. 254 00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:17,560 Thank you, boy with the stars in his eyes. 255 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,440 Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. 256 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,110 Red leather, yellow leather... 257 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:26,530 My clients have an extensive paper trail covering the research and development 258 00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:27,900 of the Ménage à Moi, 259 00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:31,280 down to every last email, fax, letter and package doodle. 260 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,530 Well, our client has an extensive paper trail, too. 261 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,540 Which I'm betting begins after the article appeared on Flapper 262 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:39,750 -about my clients' product. -What are you looking for, Cheryl? 263 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:42,460 For starters, you could drop the attitude, Keith. 264 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,380 And after I consider doing that? 265 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:47,380 You admit your wrongdoing so we can all get out of here. 266 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,590 Why don't we do this? 267 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:51,050 Why don't we go through your letter point by point-- 268 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,550 Tell me what's going on, so I know what to fake interest in. 269 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,350 That's Nick Skolka. He runs this place. 270 00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:58,980 -Hello, Mr. Skolka. -Welcome to the Death Star. 271 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,110 Nick Skolka. And you are? 272 00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,190 Grace Hanson. 273 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:07,570 Frankie Bergstein. So nice to meet you, Mr. Skullcap. 274 00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:10,990 Please, my father was Mr. Skullcap. Call me Mr. Skolka. 275 00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:13,660 I'm still hearing "Skullcap." 276 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:16,910 -What are you ladies doing here? -Suing you for patent infringement. 277 00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:19,250 Oh, get in line. Am I right, Keith? 278 00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:21,710 Actually, sir, we asked you not to come into these meetings. 279 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,420 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 280 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,130 What did I steal from you? 281 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:26,800 No, not steal. Don't say "steal." 282 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,880 Our vibrator. 283 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:31,510 Wow. 284 00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:34,600 I have a whole bunch of follow-up questions. 285 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,350 Our lawyer has all the answers. 286 00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:40,060 -I don't love lawyers. Right, Keith? -Yes, Dad. 287 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,440 Everyone with a fancy pen and a legal pad get the fuck out of here. 288 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,690 I do not think that is a good idea. 289 00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:47,900 Keith... you left the Innocence Project for a reason. 290 00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:51,110 You can go, too, Cheryl. 291 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,780 I do not advise that. 292 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,870 I also do not advise that. 293 00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:00,200 Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes? 294 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,620 I got this. 295 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,760 Let's go. 296 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,600 But the other guys aren't here yet. 297 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:17,970 Okay. 298 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,810 Franklin hands it to Livingston, 299 00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,560 Livingston hands it to Jefferson, 300 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,480 Jefferson gives it to me, and I do this. 301 00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:52,720 Stop! Stop! Stop! 302 00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:56,970 How did my life lead me here? 303 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,680 Lot of mistakes, that's how. 304 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,560 And where are the rest of the people in this number? 305 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,640 Good question. 306 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,020 They can't find parking because of the protestors. 307 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,400 Great. Where are our families supposed to park? 308 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,570 Can't we do something about those awful people? 309 00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:11,690 Can I take care of you awful people first? 310 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,650 Does anyone remember this quill choreography? 311 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:16,820 -I do! -Thank God. 312 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,530 Show us, please, Steve. 313 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,240 It's, uh, very simple. You just-- 314 00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:36,510 From the top! 315 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,100 Come in! 316 00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,270 Hey. Whoa. 317 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:47,190 This place feels huge now. It's like the White House. 318 00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:49,060 That's what you wear to an opening? 319 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,230 What? These are beautifully stonewashed. 320 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,150 -With mustard? -Oh, shit. 321 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,950 I just ate a bunch of mustard. 322 00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,950 Pretty crazy about Mom, right? 323 00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:03,200 I really don't want her to move. 324 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:07,120 Neither do I, but I guess we're gonna have to get cool with it. 325 00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:08,920 Unless you're thinking... 326 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,790 Reverse Parent Trap? Using tactics from The Goonies? 327 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:12,880 It could work. 328 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,760 Oh, it could totally work. 329 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,550 Or I could just go with her. 330 00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:18,510 My tiny house does have wheels. 331 00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:22,260 But you don't have a car so would you just rickshaw it the whole way there, or... 332 00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,770 Shut up. No, it's too far. 333 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,730 I'm almost ready. Sorry. 334 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,690 Did you mean that stuff you said about you and Allison getting serious? 335 00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,860 I mean... yeah. 336 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:42,330 -So marriage has come up? -Once or twice. 337 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:47,580 With her. Like, you marrying Allison. You marrying her. 338 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,330 -Do you have a problem with that? -No. 339 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,880 But you got to admit, she is a little off. 340 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,920 You're a little off. 341 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,720 The last time we went to dinner she talked to her food. 342 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,840 She was apologizing to her food because she was about to eat it. 343 00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:03,970 Oh, you mean like a person that's a little off would. 344 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,680 Oh, my God. You know what, stop ragging on my girlfriend. 345 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,560 It's really hard to get excited about a future with someone 346 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,730 when you guys are always shitting on her. 347 00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:15,190 -I'm not shitting on her. -Yes, you are. You all do. 348 00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:16,780 And I'm sick of it. 349 00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:27,120 Which left us no choice but to write that letter asking Omni Tech 350 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,410 to cease production on its Très Belle vibrator. 351 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:34,090 What a coincidence. You have a vibrator with a French name, too. 352 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:36,710 Think you invented giving French names to sexy things? 353 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,170 Yeah. 354 00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:41,090 Aren't you too big for this? 355 00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:43,640 We're small potatoes. 356 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,430 You're not small potatoes, Nick. 357 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,930 You're huge. 358 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,980 And I got this huge by having my way with little companies like yours. 359 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:56,690 Well, how do you think it would look if the press got a hold of this? 360 00:19:56,770 --> 00:20:01,240 "Omni Tech taking advantage of a couple of little old ladies." 361 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,320 I don't see a couple of little old ladies. 362 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,530 Well, I do. 363 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,660 Okay, let me see if I've got this figured out. 364 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,960 You're the kooky one. 365 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,670 And you're the most spectacular woman I've ever met. 366 00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:17,590 Let me cut to your chase. You're not crazy about lawyers. 367 00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:20,840 I'm certainly not crazy about lawyers, I used to be married to one. 368 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:27,010 Surely... there's some way that we can work this out on our own. 369 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,560 I have an idea. 370 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:32,230 How about I make this whole thing go away over dinner? 371 00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:33,730 Hey, I know I'm hungry. 372 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,400 Oh, no. Stop right there. Let me set the record straight. 373 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:45,110 Us sitting on this table was a power thing, not a sex thing. 374 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,910 -Frankie-- -Yes, you may argue that power and sex 375 00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:52,620 are the same thing, and I might agree with you under different circumstances. 376 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:53,620 What's happening? 377 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,540 You just have to let her tire herself out. 378 00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:59,750 I just ate a whole bunch of nuts and I can go on for days. 379 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,380 -But you're not going to. -Oh, yes, I am. 380 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,840 You need to knock it off and quit cribbing our shit. 381 00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:07,470 Oh, do I? 382 00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:09,310 Let's you and me go talk about this. 383 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:12,270 Oh, we'll talk about it, all right when we take you to court. 384 00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,730 -Is that what we're gonna do? -Yes. 385 00:21:14,810 --> 00:21:16,850 Let me sidebar with my partner for a minute-- 386 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:22,650 No need for a sidebar. You are vile and your company is disreputable. 387 00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,700 Okay. I'll see you in court. 388 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:27,660 At least I'll get to see you again. 389 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:34,210 Oh, this is great! I'm pumped. 390 00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:36,210 You're pumped? 391 00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:38,750 Oh, that's good... 'cause we're fucked. 392 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,550 Gays go home! 393 00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:50,300 Oh, where's your Pepsi? 394 00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:53,640 Oh, it was actually an artisanal soda called "Mr. Bubbly." 395 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:59,060 I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day 396 00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:04,320 and say I hope we can set our differences aside and let the good thespians... 397 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:05,570 Lesbians! 398 00:22:05,650 --> 00:22:09,070 ...of the New Lear Community Theater enjoy their big night. 399 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,870 -What, you gonna throw those at us now? -No! 400 00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:17,830 As a proud protestor myself, I know the importance of staying hydrated. 401 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,630 I've fainted many times in the hot sun, 402 00:22:20,710 --> 00:22:25,300 and even though it's almost 6:30, the sun's rays can still hurt us. 403 00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:31,300 So I present this water as a peace offering. 404 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:38,640 I hope we can all learn to live in a space of mutual respect. 405 00:22:41,190 --> 00:22:42,690 Oh! 406 00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:46,190 That's nice. Great example for your son. 407 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,780 Wasting water during a drought. 408 00:22:48,860 --> 00:22:50,530 Look who's talking about good examples. 409 00:22:50,610 --> 00:22:51,910 Go home. 410 00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:53,780 Gays go home! 411 00:22:53,870 --> 00:22:57,200 Gays go home! 412 00:22:57,290 --> 00:22:58,370 Lovely. 413 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,960 That's just lovely. 414 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,420 Gays go home! 415 00:23:07,210 --> 00:23:10,590 - Forty-five minutes to curtain. - Paul! Where is Paul? 416 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,720 We need to run the Mr. Adams number again. 417 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,060 I don't know. He went to Popeye's half an hour ago. 418 00:23:15,140 --> 00:23:16,930 I think he got held up by those protesters. 419 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:19,140 Why are you everywhere? 420 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,900 Hate is not a family value! 421 00:23:24,980 --> 00:23:27,690 Neither is throwing soda on a child! 422 00:23:27,780 --> 00:23:29,320 I was trying to throw it at you! 423 00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:33,070 I'll get you. I'm gonna get you! 424 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:38,450 I don't know why you're mad at me. 425 00:23:38,540 --> 00:23:42,330 I'm mad at you because I had him exactly where I wanted him. 426 00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:45,540 Where? In 1961 in the Playboy Mansion? 427 00:23:45,630 --> 00:23:49,420 Oh, I know how to handle guys like that. I've been doing it my whole life. 428 00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:53,470 Just because I was going to dinner with him doesn't mean it was going any further. 429 00:23:53,550 --> 00:23:56,640 It was one bad day at the office. We'll fix it. 430 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,770 "We'll"? There's no more "we'll." 431 00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:01,980 -That's not true. -Oh, yes, it is. 432 00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:04,810 Because half of "we'll" is abandoning me. 433 00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:07,820 And why wouldn't I? You're acting like I've already left. 434 00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:12,030 You wrote this letter without me, you were going to this meeting without me. 435 00:24:12,110 --> 00:24:13,990 I don't even know if I'm going yet. 436 00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:15,780 Of course you're going. 437 00:24:15,870 --> 00:24:19,500 Santa Fe is the place you've been dressing for your entire life. 438 00:24:19,580 --> 00:24:23,290 Don't you understand that this is an impossible choice? 439 00:24:23,370 --> 00:24:26,710 I don't want to lose Jacob, I don't want to lose you. 440 00:24:26,790 --> 00:24:28,460 What am I supposed to do? 441 00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:31,470 Oh, I told you. I can't tell you what to do. 442 00:24:31,550 --> 00:24:32,930 Well, you can say something. 443 00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:34,390 -Like what? -I don't know, 444 00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:36,300 like, "Don't go, I'll miss you." 445 00:24:36,390 --> 00:24:39,010 Or something a human being might think or feel. 446 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:41,680 You think I don't feel anything about this? 447 00:24:41,770 --> 00:24:44,060 I don't know what you feel, you won't talk to me. 448 00:24:44,140 --> 00:24:45,730 There's nothing to talk about 449 00:24:45,810 --> 00:24:48,650 until you decide whether you're gonna run off with your boyfriend. 450 00:24:48,730 --> 00:24:51,530 What would you have done if things had worked out with Phil? 451 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:56,450 Would we all be living together at the beach house, because I don't think so. 452 00:24:58,780 --> 00:25:00,290 Why the hell would you bring up Phil? 453 00:25:00,370 --> 00:25:02,120 I'm just saying I-- 454 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,960 Make a hard left on Ferderd. 455 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,500 Let's go! 456 00:25:05,580 --> 00:25:06,960 It's green, Frankie, go! 457 00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:09,710 Frankie, go! 458 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:13,300 Frankie? 459 00:25:13,380 --> 00:25:14,550 Frankie? 460 00:25:16,050 --> 00:25:17,510 Oh, my God. Frankie! 461 00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:22,430 Ms. Bergstein? Is everything okay? 462 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,850 We need help! 463 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:26,940 Frankie? 464 00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:15,110 Okay, good night.