1 00:00:06,150 --> 00:00:09,280 [Grace Potter's "Stuck In The Middle" playing] 2 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:16,780 ♪ Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight ♪ 3 00:00:16,870 --> 00:00:19,870 ♪ Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right ♪ 4 00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:24,330 ♪ I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair ♪ 5 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:28,420 ♪ And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs ♪ 6 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:32,300 ♪ And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right ♪ 7 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:36,050 ♪ Here I am Stuck in the middle with you ♪ 8 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:40,010 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 9 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:43,560 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ SYNC by DakinPEx 10 00:01:16,470 --> 00:01:17,550 Nick? 11 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,470 [groans] 12 00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:20,640 Nick. 13 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,430 -Hey! -Yeah. Oh, shit. 14 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:25,810 Did I fall asleep? 15 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,650 Yeah, we both must have dozed off. 16 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,320 That was amazing. 17 00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:33,900 -You are... -Yeah, you too. 18 00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:35,780 -Time to go. -...amazing. 19 00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:37,490 Come on, time to go. 20 00:01:37,570 --> 00:01:39,450 [clapping] Come on, up and at 'em. 21 00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:46,120 -You're gonna really make me get up? -Yes, come on. Come on. 22 00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:50,330 And go all the way downstairs and have my chauffeur take me home? 23 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,750 Your struggle is an inspiration to all of us. 24 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,630 Here are your Gucci loafers. 25 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:57,800 God... 26 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,220 how do you always manage to look so great? 27 00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:03,260 Oh, please. 28 00:02:03,350 --> 00:02:05,140 I just woke up. 29 00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:07,060 I must look like hell. 30 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:10,860 We can still call it "casual" and have the occasional sleepover. 31 00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:13,360 They call that "college." Keep it moving. 32 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,610 Usually I'm the one kicking the girl out at the end of the night. 33 00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:18,240 I don't care for this. 34 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,200 Oh, is it wrong that I enjoy making you feel cheap? 35 00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:25,240 Come on, you gotta give me something. 36 00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:28,290 Maybe next time a two-hour nap, post-sex? 37 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:31,040 Half-hour catnap and I'm setting an alarm. 38 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,710 Fine, but it's going to cut into your cuddling time. 39 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:35,750 I'll live. 40 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,600 Oh, God. 41 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,980 I thought you were gonna bail on me after your big date. 42 00:02:49,060 --> 00:02:51,600 Nope. I need recovery time. 43 00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:55,900 I found these old Apple Loops in the cabinet from before I left. 44 00:02:55,980 --> 00:02:57,570 You think they're still good? 45 00:02:57,650 --> 00:03:00,950 Sure. Better with age, like us. 46 00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:04,660 I have to admit, I miss a good preservative. 47 00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:07,410 Santa Fe was so "all-natural," 48 00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:10,620 but nothing beats fruity chemicals for TV night. 49 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:15,840 Oh, God, I'd just love to be able to, you know, just drop it all. 50 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,420 Right. And just relax. 51 00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:20,840 And pass gas. 52 00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:22,510 Oh, please, don't pass gas. 53 00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,390 Okay, starting now. 54 00:03:26,310 --> 00:03:27,180 Starting now. 55 00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:28,560 [laughing] 56 00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:32,810 Ah. 57 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:34,690 Oh. 58 00:03:34,770 --> 00:03:38,940 If you would just use this cane the doctor gave you, 59 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:41,030 your knee wouldn't swell up so much. 60 00:03:41,110 --> 00:03:44,530 Well, if Nick saw me with that cane, he wouldn't swell up so much. 61 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:50,250 You know, I have to say, you put in a lot of work for this guy. 62 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,790 Is this where you're gonna start to get on me for dating a younger man? 63 00:03:53,870 --> 00:03:56,040 No, I'm cool with that. 64 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,550 I used to sit Bud and Coyote down and explain to them 65 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:03,760 that it was perfectly natural if their friends were attracted to me. 66 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,850 Well, that must have been very comforting for them to hear. 67 00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:10,100 Well, it is a fair amount of work with Nick. 68 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,270 A few hours of prep, a few hours of recovery. 69 00:04:12,850 --> 00:04:15,060 And this guy is worth all this? 70 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:20,190 There are 30 magic minutes in there when I feel as young as I have ever felt. 71 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:24,660 Although, I think he did hear a few "ouches" tonight when I bent my knee. 72 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:26,700 I don't have that problem with Jacob. 73 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,370 During sex, we both know that half the moans we're making 74 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:33,160 have absolutely nothing to do with pleasure. 75 00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:34,500 [laughing] 76 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,620 That must be nice. 77 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:36,540 Mm. 78 00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:39,840 But, you know, we know this has a clear expiration date. 79 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,920 I mean, it's new and exciting for him now to be dating an older woman, 80 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:45,970 but he'll move on soon enough. 81 00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:49,720 So... whose night is it? 82 00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:54,560 Well, Tuesday we re-watched Goonies for the 40th time, so it's my night. 83 00:04:55,140 --> 00:04:56,400 Great! 84 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,110 So... Goonies? 85 00:04:58,730 --> 00:04:59,570 [knocking on door] 86 00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:01,940 Hey, I forgot my wallet. 87 00:05:02,030 --> 00:05:04,530 Oh, my God! Oh, he can't see me like this. 88 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:05,740 -No, no. Okay. -Help me cover up. 89 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:08,820 -Okay, okay. Here. -Make sure my feet are covered. 90 00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:10,780 -Okay. -Get the lights! 91 00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:14,410 And you gotta give him his wallet. 92 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:17,210 Okay. Oh, God. [grunts, groans] 93 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,540 Everything okay in there? 94 00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:21,460 [Frankie] Uh, hold your horses, fat cat! 95 00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:23,670 Well, where the hell is it? 96 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,010 It's on the pony wall in the dining room! He paid for takeout! 97 00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:29,300 [sighs] I got it! 98 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,060 Oh. 99 00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:33,970 Of course it's leather, probably Italian. 100 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:37,390 Oh, Jesus, it feels so buttery. 101 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,980 Interesting technique, turning off the lights to look for something. 102 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,700 -Hiya, Kooky. Welcome back. -Thanks. 103 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,450 I missed that inventive nickname so much, I couldn't stay away. 104 00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:52,580 -Is Grace still up? -Nope. 105 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,660 What's that lump under the afghan? 106 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,590 Four additional afghans. It gets cold here at night. 107 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,340 Here. Oh, wait. 108 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,430 Finder's fee. 109 00:06:09,510 --> 00:06:10,590 Toodles. 110 00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:14,560 At most, I'm three afghans. 111 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:16,810 [door closes] 112 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,690 I just had a lovely driveway-chat with our new neighbor. 113 00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:24,070 Is he that handsome guy we waved to the other day? 114 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,280 The one who looks like a JCPenney Model? 115 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,490 Yep, Oliver. 116 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:32,070 He and his boyfriend, Joe, are planning their backyard wedding. 117 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,490 -Oh, it's a couple. -Yep. 118 00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,870 And I invited them over for drinks later! 119 00:06:36,950 --> 00:06:38,620 Oh, here we go. 120 00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:39,710 What? 121 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:43,340 Wouldn't it be nice for us to have "our" gay friends, 122 00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:45,550 instead of "yours" and "mine," separately? 123 00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:46,630 But they're younger, Sol. 124 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,590 And if they like throwing events in their backyard, 125 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,300 they may be party gays. 126 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:52,550 Huh. 127 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:58,100 Is this some of that hip lingo you picked up from your new Lear crowd? 128 00:06:58,180 --> 00:06:59,810 You mean my theater gays? 129 00:06:59,890 --> 00:07:02,560 -Oh. Are you a theater gay? -I am. 130 00:07:03,230 --> 00:07:04,820 I am also an elder gay. 131 00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:08,070 And me? Am I a lawyer gay? 132 00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:11,320 No, that's not a thing. But you may be an activist gay. 133 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:13,870 -Oh, I like that. -I thought you might. 134 00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:16,290 And what about our new neighbors? 135 00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:19,750 They have a custom furniture store in Hillcrest. 136 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:23,170 Oliver does interiors and Joe is a carpenter. 137 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:26,590 A style gay and a butch gay. 138 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,420 [chuckles] 139 00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:31,220 Let's not play this with the new guys. They might hate us. 140 00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:33,050 Agreed. 141 00:07:38,270 --> 00:07:39,560 [chuckles] Wow. 142 00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:43,690 You made quick work putting this place back together. 143 00:07:43,770 --> 00:07:45,110 Back in, baby! 144 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,820 I did keep a few hints of Sheree pink, though, 145 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,070 to symbolize the "new" of my "new old life." 146 00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:55,240 Oof. That's a big concept for first thing in the morning. 147 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,490 Would this be an easier concept? 148 00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:00,750 I need a ride to the credit union later. 149 00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:05,080 Your new life still inconveniences me like your old life. 150 00:08:05,790 --> 00:08:08,960 I can't. I have to meet Nick at 4:00. Listen to this. 151 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,340 "Been thinking about last night. 152 00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:13,680 We need to talk." 153 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,720 Oh, God. He wants a three-way. 154 00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:20,680 No. [stammers] Uh... 155 00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:22,600 I know what it is. 156 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,100 We've reached our expiration date. He's gonna break up with me. 157 00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:27,480 I'm sorry. 158 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,150 It was fun while it lasted. 159 00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:32,570 Not to be indelicate, but if you're not meeting Nick till 4:00, 160 00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:34,950 maybe you can take me to the credit union. 161 00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:37,200 You can drive your new old self. 162 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:39,490 I have to start getting ready now. 163 00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:44,250 I want to look better than ever so he'll regret it. 164 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:48,710 Grace... when he breaks up with you, you know what to tell him. 165 00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:49,960 He has herpes? 166 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:51,800 He has herpes. 167 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,760 Thank you so much. Have a good one. 168 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,430 Next! 169 00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:02,270 Oh, for fuck's... 170 00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:05,310 Mindy! Look who's back! 171 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:06,980 Yep. 172 00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:10,690 I hadn't seen you in a couple of months. I was hoping that you'd changed banks. 173 00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:13,280 Said with a smile. Always a smile. 174 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,950 Look, I'm not looking for trouble here today, just a new bank card. 175 00:09:17,950 --> 00:09:20,370 -What'd you do, try to eat it? -Really? 176 00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:22,950 Was it a goat? Did a goat chew on it? 177 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,120 See, this is where we get into trouble. 178 00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:29,920 I am a valued and loyal customer, and you are a black fly in my chardonnay. 179 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,800 We are required to ask. 180 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,670 And are you required to have that face? 181 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,170 [keyboard clacking] 182 00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:38,220 -You're dead. -Oh, man. 183 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,970 If this is the way you really want this to go, 184 00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:43,310 let's do this, stone-cold style. 185 00:09:43,390 --> 00:09:44,770 -No! No, no, no! -Come on! Come on! 186 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,940 No, you're really dead. 187 00:09:47,390 --> 00:09:49,730 Deceased. It says so right here. 188 00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:52,020 What? That's impossible. 189 00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:55,940 Not according to the Social Security Administration death master file. 190 00:09:56,030 --> 00:10:00,030 Very funny, Mindy. Would you take me off that, please? 191 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,750 It may surprise you, but that is about 17,000 steps above my pay grade. 192 00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:07,000 But I'm right here! How can I be dead? 193 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,080 I am not saying that you're dead. 194 00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:12,290 I'm saying that Frankie Bergstein is dead. 195 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:15,050 Well, okay, I'm Frankie Bergstein. 196 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,510 She's dead. 197 00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:18,260 You're enjoying this, aren't you? 198 00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:19,720 I am. 199 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,720 And I'm afraid I can't issue a new card to a dead lady. 200 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,180 -[bell dings] -Next! 201 00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:26,600 I am standing right here! 202 00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,190 Next. 203 00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,440 Carolyn! 204 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,860 [laughs] 205 00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:35,030 How's the grandbaby? 206 00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:36,320 [scoffs] 207 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,530 Boy, you are dead all over the place. It's not just the bank. 208 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:44,160 Social Security, your Visa, your Red Roof Inn rewards card. 209 00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:47,700 God, Grace, I'm never going to meet my first grandchild! 210 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:50,500 That's actually not the way this works. You're only legally dead. 211 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:53,750 -Well, I want to be undead. -Well, that is a whole different thing. 212 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,050 How could this have happened? 213 00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:58,170 Really? 214 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,050 You have absolutely no idea how this could have happened? 215 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,970 I lost the damn key to my post office box again. 216 00:11:07,060 --> 00:11:09,480 -The replacement key is-- -Sixty bucks, I know. 217 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,440 I've paid it 12 times. 218 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:15,190 But I'm moving to Santa Fe. It's my last batch of mail. 219 00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:18,400 Can't you cut me a little slack just this once? 220 00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:21,700 The rule is only people with a key can have access to their mail. 221 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,620 There's no other option? 222 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:24,780 Not unless... 223 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:30,790 Hello, darling. I'm here to collect mail from box 1524. 224 00:11:31,370 --> 00:11:32,830 That belongs to Frankie Bergstein. 225 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,250 Unfortunately, she is no longer with us. 226 00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:39,170 And according to my latest Google search, 227 00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:43,930 her death automatically releases her mail to the next of kin, 228 00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,800 which is yours truly. 229 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:47,260 This is terrible news. 230 00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:50,810 Although, she didn't look very good the last time she was here. 231 00:11:50,890 --> 00:11:53,690 She said the same thing about you. 232 00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:56,610 In fact, those were her very last words. 233 00:11:56,690 --> 00:12:00,070 -Oh. -You told a federal agency you were dead? 234 00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:03,240 But I never thought that the post office would tell Mindy! 235 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,030 They tell everyone! 236 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,200 Oh, God. 237 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,330 Oh, boy, when you step in it, you go deep. 238 00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:12,960 Hey, last week's adventure with Sheree ended up all good. 239 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,670 They can't all be gems. 240 00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,840 Well, this is one you may not come back from, kiddo. 241 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:20,760 I've got to go meet Nick. 242 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:21,760 Oh! 243 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:23,800 Oh, God, this is gonna kill me. 244 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,010 Well, at least you're still alive! 245 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:28,140 Ah. 246 00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:33,100 If drinks go well, I'm going to suggest dinner. 247 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:37,610 And if that goes well, I think we should talk to them about Miami in April. 248 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:41,360 Slow down, Sol. Why don't we wait to see if we all like each other first? 249 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,400 Of course! Of course! I'm just excited. 250 00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:47,950 We've never had a fun gay couple in the neighborhood before. 251 00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:48,870 -Oh? -[doorbell rings] 252 00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:50,450 What about Greg and Jeffrey? 253 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:51,660 I said "fun." 254 00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:57,540 I thought watching Greco-Roman wrestling was fun. 255 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,500 -[Sol] Come in. -[man] Hi. How are you? 256 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:01,710 -Hi. -[door shuts] 257 00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:05,680 Robert, this is Oliver and Jo. 258 00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,390 Hi. Wow, your house is... beautiful. 259 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,390 Thank you. Nice to meet you, Joanna? 260 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,560 No, no. Just Jo. 261 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,650 I see. 262 00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:18,270 I was expecting a... 263 00:13:19,110 --> 00:13:21,610 a... longer name. 264 00:13:21,690 --> 00:13:23,280 -[chuckles] -Hmm. 265 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,110 Didn't know what to get 266 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,160 because we've never had coffee together, have we? 267 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,990 It's weird we've never had coffee. 268 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,830 Oh, God, are you a tea person? 269 00:13:35,410 --> 00:13:37,500 I'm a get-right-to-the-point person. 270 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,880 -So, why don't you... -Okay. Okay, I'm just going to say it. 271 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,300 I want more. 272 00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:48,470 -You want to see more people? -No. 273 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:49,800 I want more you. 274 00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:53,390 -What? No, you don't. -Yes, I do. 275 00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:57,850 Grace, do you like me? 276 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,940 Well, I wouldn't be sleeping with you if I didn't like you. 277 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,190 So, when I like something, I want more of it. 278 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,940 I've noticed that about you. You kind of lead with that. 279 00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,910 See? It's effortless with you. 280 00:14:08,990 --> 00:14:10,740 I'm not sure I'd call it "effortless." 281 00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:13,910 So, if you like me, why can't I sleep over once in a while? 282 00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:15,080 Or meet your kids? 283 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,870 Or go away with you sometime? 284 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,460 Because that's not what this is. 285 00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:21,250 Why not? Can't we just give it a try? 286 00:14:21,330 --> 00:14:23,250 How about a week away in Paris? 287 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,670 Just you, me, and the Champs-Élysées. 288 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,050 How about Santa Barbara for an afternoon? 289 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,590 How about Hawaii? 290 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,850 Bright sun, skinny dipping, you in a bikini. 291 00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:34,970 Holy shit. 292 00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:37,930 Let's do an overnight in Santa Barbara. 293 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:39,850 Let's do a long weekend in Santa Barbara. 294 00:14:39,940 --> 00:14:41,610 Okay, forget Santa Barbara. 295 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:44,770 Now, I'll give you one overnight a week at my house. 296 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:47,320 Fine. And I get to keep a toothbrush there. 297 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,650 Travel-size only. 298 00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:51,870 Deal. Now, more personally... 299 00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:53,330 Oh, my God. There's more? 300 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,950 You've met my son and I've met zero on your side. 301 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,040 -I want to have dinner with your kids. -Lunch. One kid. 302 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,790 Lunch. Two kids. Nobu. 303 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,090 My house. One kid. The nice one. 304 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,340 Done. 305 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,720 You show your hand too much. 306 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:12,010 You could've gotten Santa Barbara. 307 00:15:12,090 --> 00:15:13,350 Oh, you're good. 308 00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:14,600 [laughs] 309 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,010 We'll be right back. 310 00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,890 Oh, my God. 311 00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:23,690 What a lovely pair of homosexuals we have living next door. 312 00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:26,110 I don't know what the hell is happening. 313 00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:29,360 Oliver was so clearly gay in the driveway this morning. 314 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,740 I'll tell you what's happening, Sol. You were clearly way off-base. 315 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,620 -Yep, yep. -[clears throat] Here we are. 316 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,500 -It is so lovely here. -[Sol] Thank you. 317 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,000 So... 318 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,090 -how soon is the wedding? -Next May. 319 00:15:50,170 --> 00:15:52,840 I'm pulling for an intimate family gathering in our backyard. 320 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:57,390 But I've always dreamed of a wedding in the Hamptons at Grey Gardens. 321 00:15:57,510 --> 00:16:00,680 You know that short window of time when the lilies of the valley are in bloom? 322 00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:04,560 I do know that time. 323 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,690 He's the romantic. I'm the Practical Patty. 324 00:16:06,770 --> 00:16:08,150 Opposites attract! 325 00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:13,280 You guys have a lot going on. Moving and planning a wedding. 326 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,320 And running a business. 327 00:16:14,410 --> 00:16:17,080 Yeah, with our luck, this is exactly when we'll get pregnant. 328 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,580 Right? Bring it on! [laughs] 329 00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:23,370 I mean, we're super busy now, but it's worth it for the future we both want. 330 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,290 I know you're worth it, but you're the one who has to put up with me. 331 00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:35,220 Okay. Okay, is anybody gonna say what we're all thinking? 332 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:36,590 Uh... 333 00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:38,470 What are we all thinking? 334 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,230 Where did you get those salt and pepper shakers?! 335 00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:46,270 Is it Mary and Lou? Because I love them! 336 00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,730 -I love them. -[Jo] Me too. 337 00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,860 No, I am not dead. I don't care what it says. 338 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:56,280 I am talking to you on the phone right now. 339 00:16:56,910 --> 00:16:58,450 Really? 340 00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:02,370 And tell me, do you get a lot of obituary-scanning swindlers 341 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:05,120 at Popcorn Ball of the Month? 342 00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,080 Next month is butterscotch balls. 343 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:09,590 And I want to live! 344 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,130 -I mean... -I know! 345 00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:14,920 -It's just... -I know! 346 00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:17,260 That's the guy I met in the driveway! 347 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,140 So what the hell are they doing, those two? 348 00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:22,060 Well, clearly he makes Jo happy. 349 00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,680 Maybe they have some arrangement. 350 00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,900 Sol, we know exactly what they have. We had it ourselves. 351 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,770 Someone should tell her the truth. 352 00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:33,150 That's up to Oliver, and clearly he's not there yet. 353 00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:35,110 What if it takes him 20 years? 354 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,280 I think you may be over-identifying here. 355 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,490 I'm just saying, maybe we should have 356 00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,660 -a heart-to-heart with Jo. -What?! 357 00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:45,830 We're in a very unique position to help her. 358 00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:48,120 No, sir! 359 00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:51,290 First of all, they're terrific. 360 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:53,880 Second of all, stop over-identifying! 361 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,630 How can I not? 362 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,220 Why are you trying to ruin this for me? Do you not want us to have friends? 363 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,640 Sol, we could save that woman years of regret. 364 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,480 The way we weren't able to do for Frankie and Grace. 365 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,310 Frankie didn't regret a moment of our time together. 366 00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:09,770 Well, Grace feels differently. 367 00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:13,400 And I'm not gonna stand by now and watch someone do that to someone else. 368 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,450 I cannot believe I'm hearing you say you want to out a man you only just met. 369 00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,120 Robert! 370 00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:24,540 Whatever you say to her can't ever be unsaid. 371 00:18:24,910 --> 00:18:27,660 You'll be responsible for whatever follows. 372 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,880 Are you sure you're ready for that? 373 00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:34,800 No. 374 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,340 So... please... 375 00:18:37,970 --> 00:18:39,470 stay out of this. 376 00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:42,010 You're right. I know you're right. 377 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:43,970 I know I'm right, too. 378 00:18:46,810 --> 00:18:50,560 Oh... Thank you for doing this on such short notice, honey. 379 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:53,570 Are you kidding? A chance to meet Mom's new boyfriend? 380 00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:56,110 -We're not calling him that. -Oh, what are we calling him? 381 00:18:57,690 --> 00:18:59,490 My man... date. 382 00:18:59,950 --> 00:19:00,780 Okay. 383 00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:06,580 -What's going on with your leg? -I'm fine. Let's just sit down. 384 00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:08,330 Hi! 385 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:10,040 What the hell? 386 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,580 Foolish enough to leave your side door open. 387 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:14,340 Why are you here? 388 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,590 Well, to punish you for not inviting me. 389 00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:18,590 And because your youngest can't keep secrets. 390 00:19:18,670 --> 00:19:21,760 -This wasn't a secret. It was-- -Mom... 391 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,220 you've never introduced us to anyone that you've dated. 392 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,890 The fact you want Mallory to meet him and not me means you're hiding something. 393 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,560 Why are you walking that way? Did he do something to your legs? 394 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,650 I will fucking kill him! 395 00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:34,690 No! I'm fine! 396 00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:37,650 We're just not gonna bring it up when he's here. 397 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:42,490 I have to fill you in on a few things about him first. 398 00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:46,080 What, does he wear a gold chain? Is there a hairpiece issue? 399 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,540 -Are we dealing with old man smell here? -No, he's definitely not old. 400 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,710 [knocking on door] 401 00:19:52,790 --> 00:19:54,420 He's here! 402 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,670 Ooh. 403 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:56,750 [door opens] 404 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,170 -Nick. -Hey. 405 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,880 -[Grace] Hi. Oh... -[Nick chuckles] 406 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,640 Mmm. Beautiful. Thank you. 407 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,640 -Nick, this is Mallory. -Hi. 408 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:09,310 -Pleasure to meet you. -You, too. 409 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,020 -And this is-- -Brianna! 410 00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:13,020 Nick? 411 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,610 Oh, wow. Whoa, it's been a while. 412 00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:17,770 Oh, my God! You've slept with my daughter! 413 00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:19,230 -What? -Oh, wow! 414 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,820 You really shouldn't have come. 415 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,700 Mom, no! 416 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:25,700 [chuckles] No, no, no, no, no. No. 417 00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:27,410 He slept with my friend. 418 00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:29,580 He dated my friend, Kelly. 419 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:32,370 Years ago. Lots of years ago. 420 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,670 Your friend, Kelly? 421 00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,630 Your much older friend, Kelly? 422 00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:41,050 I mean... Let's see, when I was a junior, she was... 423 00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:42,470 Fifty? 424 00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:44,590 -Right, she was 50? -Grace. 425 00:20:48,010 --> 00:20:50,010 Oh, wait, not little Kelly. 426 00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:53,520 Little Kelly who you grew up with? 427 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,440 Grace... 428 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,730 Little Kelly who you went trick-or-treating with? 429 00:20:57,730 --> 00:21:00,320 Little Kelly who pooped in our hot tub? 430 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,820 Oh, that Kelly. 431 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:05,200 It was not a serious thing, and it was a while back. 432 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:09,830 -A little help here, please? -Yeah. Mom, this was a long time ago. 433 00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:11,830 -Yeah, like, maybe four years ago. -Ten. 434 00:21:11,910 --> 00:21:13,910 -More like ten. -Right. Probably ten. 435 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,870 I always get four and ten mixed up. Who needs a drink? 436 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,630 I'd like a martini, please. 437 00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:20,420 And then, I'd like a pitcher of martinis. 438 00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,510 I can make that happen. Girls? 439 00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:23,720 -Same. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 440 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,010 Okay, good, good. 441 00:21:26,090 --> 00:21:28,890 And to think I was nervous about today's lunch. 442 00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:33,980 If it makes you feel any better, Kelly pooped in my hot tub, too. 443 00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,850 [chuckles] 444 00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:38,650 -[Briana] Oh, he's funny. -[Mallory] He's funny. Yeah. 445 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:42,320 It's an existential crisis! It's a bureaucratic nightmare! 446 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:47,070 I feel like I am trapped in a body bag wrapped in a thousand feet of red tape! 447 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,660 -It's terrible. Just terrible. -[Sol whimpers] 448 00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:52,540 You know she's not actually dead, Sol. 449 00:21:52,620 --> 00:21:55,370 I know. I know. It just got to me. 450 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,170 You know I love you so much, right? 451 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,130 Everybody needs to toughen up and get me resurrected 452 00:22:01,210 --> 00:22:03,380 before I really lose my shit! 453 00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,550 I hate to tell you, but it's not going to be easy. 454 00:22:05,630 --> 00:22:08,340 I will do whatever it takes. What are we talking about here? 455 00:22:08,430 --> 00:22:11,390 A little payola for one of your judge friends? 456 00:22:11,470 --> 00:22:15,350 I'm afraid we've hit our quota of favors from our judge friends. 457 00:22:15,430 --> 00:22:16,890 To help get us out of jail. 458 00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:21,770 Oh, damn you feisty queens, using up all my pay for play! 459 00:22:21,860 --> 00:22:22,730 I'm sorry. 460 00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:26,150 You need to understand there is no quick fix here. 461 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,160 At this rate, by the time I'm alive, I will be dead. 462 00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:34,950 Let me get you some of my banana bread. It always does the trick. 463 00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:43,840 Frankie, can I ask you something just between us? 464 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,130 Lord, just tell him you hate his banana bread. 465 00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:47,840 We all know it's too gummy. 466 00:22:47,970 --> 00:22:50,840 It's been that way for years. It's just that I've gotten used to it. 467 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:53,680 No, it's more serious than his banana bread. 468 00:22:54,430 --> 00:22:58,020 I need to ask you, before you got married, 469 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:03,770 if someone knew that Sol was gay, would you have wanted them to tell you? 470 00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:07,690 Someone did tell me. 471 00:23:10,610 --> 00:23:12,200 And we never spoke again. 472 00:23:25,290 --> 00:23:26,300 Frankie. 473 00:23:30,010 --> 00:23:31,300 Frankie. 474 00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:42,480 [makes ocean sound] 475 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,900 Caw, caw. 476 00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:46,770 Ding, ding. Frankie. 477 00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:47,940 [laughs] 478 00:23:48,030 --> 00:23:50,240 Boy, I was really out to sea there. 479 00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:52,990 What's happening? Are we sitting shiva? 480 00:23:53,070 --> 00:23:54,870 You'd have to bury me first. 481 00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:58,790 There is an upside to all of this. No car payments, no more taxes. 482 00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:01,620 I mean, you might even be off the FBI watch list. 483 00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:04,790 You know what? Being dead isn't all it's cracked up to be. 484 00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:09,880 And let's be honest, when you're my age, the real thing is not that far off. 485 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:10,840 Oh. 486 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,680 I mean, what haven't I done? 487 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:14,890 What regrets do I have? 488 00:24:15,850 --> 00:24:18,470 And do I have time to change things? 489 00:24:21,180 --> 00:24:25,100 Well, I mean, I know I regret popping by to see you. 490 00:24:26,190 --> 00:24:29,480 Sorry. I can't help reckoning with a life unfinished. 491 00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:32,700 Wow, this is good times. 492 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,950 What can I do to cheer you up? 493 00:24:35,030 --> 00:24:36,570 [laughs] 494 00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:37,870 Oh... 495 00:24:37,950 --> 00:24:41,700 Do you by chance have a butterscotch popcorn ball? 496 00:24:41,790 --> 00:24:43,500 There she is. 497 00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:45,630 [laughs] 498 00:24:48,090 --> 00:24:49,340 -Hi. -Hi. 499 00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:51,960 Uh, we just wanted to say thank you for the other night. 500 00:24:52,050 --> 00:24:53,170 Oh, you didn't need to. 501 00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:56,260 Of course, I did have to go to three different places to find the right one, 502 00:24:56,340 --> 00:24:59,220 but I'm kind of insane about orchids. 503 00:24:59,970 --> 00:25:01,390 Well, who isn't? 504 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,520 -Oh, thanks very much. -You're very welcome. 505 00:25:04,230 --> 00:25:06,230 So, we'll see you soon, I hope. 506 00:25:06,310 --> 00:25:08,360 You know, Jo and I were just saying last night 507 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,940 that we would be lucky to be half as happy as you and Sol seem to be. 508 00:25:12,030 --> 00:25:13,900 Oh, that's very sweet. 509 00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:15,450 How long have you been married? 510 00:25:15,990 --> 00:25:19,450 Not long, but we were both married before. 511 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:21,620 Oh, really? You were? 512 00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:22,620 Yeah. 513 00:25:24,410 --> 00:25:25,960 Actually... 514 00:25:27,170 --> 00:25:29,250 it's a very interesting story. 515 00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:46,890 I can't believe she's never gonna meet her first grandchild. 516 00:25:47,230 --> 00:25:50,900 [sniffles] She never should have gone to the post office that day. 517 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:53,190 [Brianna] Frankie Bergstein is dead. 518 00:25:54,110 --> 00:25:56,150 She had so much more to do. 519 00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,660 If she only had the time. 520 00:26:02,450 --> 00:26:04,160 I didn't think she was all that. 521 00:26:04,250 --> 00:26:05,120 Teddie? 522 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,290 [gasps] 523 00:26:07,750 --> 00:26:08,960 [panting] 524 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:12,170 [exhales sharply] 525 00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:17,550 [groaning] 526 00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:22,510 [sighs] 527 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:24,560 [knocking on door] 528 00:26:27,690 --> 00:26:29,020 This is my travel-size. 529 00:26:31,810 --> 00:26:35,030 I also brought this... because the big one was a joke. 530 00:26:36,860 --> 00:26:37,860 It's cute... 531 00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:40,200 which just makes this harder. 532 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,700 Oh, no. 533 00:26:46,330 --> 00:26:47,580 Little Kelly, right? 534 00:26:49,710 --> 00:26:52,460 I can't compete with younger women, Nick. 535 00:26:52,540 --> 00:26:54,250 And I don't want to anymore. 536 00:26:54,340 --> 00:26:55,550 Grace, you don't have to. 537 00:26:55,630 --> 00:27:00,090 Look, you have been honest with me, and I owe you the same thing. 538 00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:02,600 I just... I can't keep this up. 539 00:27:04,310 --> 00:27:05,510 I don't get it. 540 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,770 [sighs] 541 00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:12,100 There's a reality here that you are not seeing. 542 00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:14,650 Where? What the hell reality are you talking about? 543 00:27:14,730 --> 00:27:16,820 Me. The reality of me 544 00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:21,070 and everything that goes along with my... age. 545 00:27:22,110 --> 00:27:23,700 What are you so afraid of? 546 00:27:25,990 --> 00:27:29,040 Once you see the real me, you are gonna run for the hills. 547 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,540 I want to see you. 548 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,420 That's all I keep saying. 549 00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:34,090 -Oh, really? -Yes. 550 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,420 You think you can handle this? 551 00:27:40,970 --> 00:27:43,470 You think you can handle this? 552 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,430 And this? 553 00:27:48,140 --> 00:27:52,400 Knee and all the real nitty-gritty underneath all of this? 554 00:27:53,230 --> 00:27:54,940 Huh? [sniffles] 555 00:27:56,110 --> 00:27:58,400 You want me for real... 556 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,110 Well, here I am, baby. 557 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,370 And there's only one direction I go from here, I'm afraid, 558 00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,120 and it's not prettier. 559 00:28:09,370 --> 00:28:12,920 Oh, yeah, and here... is my new little friend. 560 00:28:15,130 --> 00:28:16,130 So, you want me? 561 00:28:16,710 --> 00:28:19,170 You want the real me? Well, this is what you get. 562 00:28:45,740 --> 00:28:47,070 I'll take it. 563 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,840 ♪ Babe ♪ 564 00:29:03,130 --> 00:29:05,680 ♪ There's something tragic about you ♪ 565 00:29:07,260 --> 00:29:10,600 ♪ Something so magic about you ♪ 566 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,730 ♪ Don't you agree? ♪ 567 00:29:16,770 --> 00:29:18,190 ♪ Babe ♪ 568 00:29:19,980 --> 00:29:22,650 ♪ There's something lonesome about you ♪ 569 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,240 ♪ Something so wholesome about you ♪ 570 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,240 ♪ Get closer to me ♪ 571 00:29:33,830 --> 00:29:35,210 ♪ No tight side ♪ 572 00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:36,960 ♪ No rollin' eyes ♪ 573 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,750 ♪ No irony ♪ 574 00:29:40,630 --> 00:29:42,130 ♪ No "Who cares?" ♪ 575 00:29:42,210 --> 00:29:44,220 ♪ No vacant stares ♪ 576 00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:46,510 ♪ No time for me ♪ 577 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:50,600 [woman] Okay, good night.