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00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:09,217
[Grace Potter's
"Stuck In The Middle" playing]
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00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:16,057
♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪
3
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,853
♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪
4
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:24,107
♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
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00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,153
♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
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00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:32,032
♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
7
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:35,493
♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
8
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,539
♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
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[CPAP machine humming]
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[cell phone chimes]
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[turns machine off]
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You look like you had a fun evening.
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[slight chuckle]
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I have mints and bottled water back there
in case you want to freshen up.
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- Thanks.
- [Robert] Bob H is the name.
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The open road, the midnight run,
that's my business.
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You're probably wondering
why a retired divorce attorney
19
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is working as a Lyft driver.
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I wasn't.
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Well, Michelle D...
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I recently spent some money
that I probably shouldn't have
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without asking my husband.
So here I am, moonlighting...
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Could we maybe please just, like,
listen to some music or something?
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- Loud and clear.
- Thanks.
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♪ Over in Killarney ♪
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♪ Many years ago ♪
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♪ Me mother sang ♪
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[Joan-Margaret] Where is Frankie?
30
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How could she be late to a meeting
in her own house?
31
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Are you new here?
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Her usual excuse is
there was too much traffic on the stairs.
33
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Doesn't she know about Waze?
34
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Well, she-she's just acting out,
35
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'cause she thinks that I'm pushing her
too hard to prepare for Shark Tank.
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My work visa is riding
on this company's success.
37
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So you two better pull this off
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or be prepared to pay
for my extreme plastic surgery.
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Don't worry. We're not gonna repeat
the disaster of our audition.
40
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I refuse to be humiliated
in front of millions of people.
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[Frankie] Get a load of this!
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Bah-bum!
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[exhales] Sorry I'm late.
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Ah, but the stairs were a nightmare.
45
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The good news is
46
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I've finished our costumes for Shark Tank.
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- [Grace] No.
- [exhales]
48
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- I've got another one for you.
- No.
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It has a popped collar...
50
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No. We are not wearing capes.
51
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We're not vampires, or superheroes,
or magicians.
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Thanks for rubbing that in.
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Look, Shark Tank is a really big deal.
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[Frankie] Exactly.
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That's why we should stand out.
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[exhales] Just be happy we're not going
with my first choice.
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- Oh, I don't even want to think about...
- Fire!
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[stammers] We're not gonna look
like a couple of crazy old ladies
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on national television.
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That's why they told us
to leave the dummy home this time.
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- You think there's any wiggle room there?
- No!
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No dummy, no cape...
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no scatting.
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- So, no toilet dance?
- [slight chuckle]
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I have just all the luck, right?
To be going on national television
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with somebody who can't be embarrassed.
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It's my superpower, Grace.
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When they see the miracle of our toilet,
no one will be laughing at us.
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Oohing and aahing, yes.
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But laughing, no.
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Where is the miracle toilet?
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It's still in your car, right?
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No.
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[Frankie] It has to be.
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We had it coming back from the casino.
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I remember seeing it before we got the...
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Flat tire.
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[gasps]
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Get that toilet!
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So, first off, I want to welcome you
to the Trust Us family.
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00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,920
Welcome to whatever this is.
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[slight chuckle]
There's no reason to be nervous.
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I wasn't until you just said that.
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00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,636
Well, he's a CPA,
and they frighten easily.
85
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,557
It's Trust Us policy to have
all interoffice relationships registered.
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Just to make sure everything's consensual
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- and to have our butts covered.
- Uh, okay. Okay.
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This is already
a very different work environment
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than the one I cultivated.
90
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,236
Okay. Uh, all right.
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00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,991
Are you two, uh, dating, engaged, married,
or in a registered domestic partnership?
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00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:28,828
- Ooh. [exhales]
- I guess... dating.
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Dating?
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That's a...
95
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,124
No, don't check that.
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00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:36,294
It's a little casual for someone
who held my hand
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00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,546
through the This Is Us season finale.
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00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:39,922
He's just such a good dad.
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We're basically a married couple.
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[scoffs] We are?
101
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Uh, do you have a joint bank account?
Split rent?
102
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,848
Well, I pay the rent to her.
103
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:52,060
Brianna owns the house
and likes to keep the money separate.
104
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Yeah. He still buys Pogs,
and I will not support it.
105
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:58,066
I just got a Battletoads slammer, so...
106
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,694
I'm guessing
you don't have any dependents.
107
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,488
Excuse me. We have a dog.
108
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And friends of mine took my sperm.
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I'm putting "no."
110
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So, uh, Barry, uh, how would you define
your relationship?
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I'd say we're two unwed people
who live together
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and aren't allowed
to eat each other's leftovers.
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So I'll put "roommates."
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- Okay.
- What?
115
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I think we're all set. [chuckles]
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Wait. What? No.
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- Can I please see what you wrote down?
- [woman] Uh...
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Is that a question mark
after "consensual"?
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[tires squeal]
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Can you not drive like a maniac?
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Can you stop trying to steer?
122
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How could we let this happen?
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Well, not to play the blame game,
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but I did have to pick Brianna up
more than once from field hockey practice
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because someone kept forgetting her.
126
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Brianna played field hockey?
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Wait, wait, this is the spot!
I'm positive!
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Stop, stop!
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- [tires squeal]
- [Frankie exhales]
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It's not it! Go on. Keep going.
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I just think that Jessica and I
are ready for the next step.
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I'm-I'm gonna ask her to move in together.
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And you're sure
you're not rushing into things?
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When have I ever done that?
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When you moved to LA to be with Nadia
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and you forgot to tell Nadia that
you were moving to LA to be with Nadia.
137
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Yeah, okay. All right. When else?
138
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What about that girl Veronica?
139
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Uh, Veronique was technically a catfish.
140
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And things with Jessica and I
are different.
141
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:44,046
I know we have a future together,
and I'm pretty sure she feels the same.
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That's great.
143
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All I'm saying is, when you ask her,
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go slow and make sure
you're on the same page.
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Right, Robert?
146
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[exhales] Brunch ready?
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What's wrong with you?
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Why do you keep falling asleep?
149
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Because if I'm awake,
I have to listen to this conversation.
150
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Your son is a 38-year-old man.
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Treat him like one.
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Uh, let's not be too hasty.
153
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[cell phone chimes]
154
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Oh, I better go get
those strawberries you wanted.
155
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Be back in an hour.
156
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,053
An hour? Whole Foods is around the corner.
157
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Right. But the very best strawberries
are at this stand by the airport.
158
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I get my strawberries from the Internet.
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I know you do, buddy.
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Frankie, this is the fourth time
we've been up and down this street.
161
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Yes, and this is how we found my earring.
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[scoffs] Well, we're not looking
for an earring.
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We're looking for our toilet.
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And our toilet is gone.
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00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:03,626
Grace.
166
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:04,835
What?
167
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:09,882
This is why you're lucky to be partnered
with a semi-professional gumshoe.
168
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260
What is that?
169
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,180
- Grass?
- Oh, Watson, you dumb doctor.
170
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,099
No, these!
171
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Toilet tracks! You know
what that means, don't you?
172
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That we're two old nutjobs
about to track down a runaway toilet?
173
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Shh.
174
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:33,531
My toilet sense is tingling,
and not in the "uh-oh" way.
175
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I'm so glad you got my memo
about acting normal.
176
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,830
Wow, Sol, you make a mean hollandaise.
177
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,833
Thank you. It's called "Sollandaise."
178
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- See? I told you...
- [door opens]
179
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- ...he was gonna say "Sollandaise."
- [door closes]
180
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Sorry, sorry, don't get up.
Did I miss anything?
181
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Only the part of brunch
where we eat brunch.
182
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It's okay, I'm sure
these airport strawberries
183
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I've heard so much about
are worth the wait.
184
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:04,061
Funny story about those strawberries.
185
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,814
I went to get them, right? And, uh...
186
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:10,026
But, uh, coming home, I... ate them.
187
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,611
[Robert chuckles]
188
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,738
You know me. [chuckles]
189
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,741
[Frankie] And voilà.
190
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:20,077
[Grace] I cannot believe
this actually worked.
191
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:25,166
Porch swing, begonia toilet planter.
192
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,627
Dollars to doughnuts,
this gal makes her own pickles.
193
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:31,922
Well, that's good for us.
Pickle weirdos are usually nice.
194
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,050
- Why, thank you.
- [dog barking]
195
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,718
[doorbell rings]
196
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,099
Is this about that fucking lost dog?
197
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,143
Whoa, hello to you.
198
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,645
Uh, um...
199
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,189
I'm Grace, this is Frankie.
And you are...?
200
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,440
Who's asking?
201
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:53,069
Well, as I just explained,
I'm Grace, and... and this is Frank...
202
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,863
Jesus Christ,
if it'll shut you up, I'm Viv.
203
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,699
Sorry to interrupt your brining, Viv.
204
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:02,370
Although I realize now
I probably am off the mark there.
205
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,455
But we're here about a lost toilet.
206
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:07,041
Yeah, and the good news is,
we... we found it
207
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:09,627
right here on your charming porch.
208
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,380
And the bad news is, I don't give a shit.
209
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,382
Yeah, well, we'll pay you for it!
210
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,592
Yeah, like a finder's fee.
211
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,678
I'll take $70,000.
212
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,638
And without the begonias?
213
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,558
You know what, Viv?
We were just being polite.
214
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:29,021
This is our property, and we're
gonna take it back. Get the dolly.
215
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,400
Touch my planter and I will end you.
216
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,112
Thanks for your time.
217
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,534
- What is it with begonia people...
- [door closes]
218
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,577
...that makes them so aggressive?
219
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,078
[grunts]
220
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,039
[Frankie exhales]
221
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,252
- That was crazy.
- How so?
222
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,212
She was just judging our relationship.
223
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,674
- She was reading questions off a form.
- In a fucking tone.
224
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,301
How antediluvian was this Nicole person,
225
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,597
with her heteronormative glasses
and her dumb pen? Right?
226
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,517
Wasn't her pen so dumb?
227
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,145
Nothing that was said back there
wasn't completely true.
228
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:12,022
- But I don't feel good about it.
- Well, whose fault is that?
229
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,525
It's Nicole's.
230
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,402
Am I not being clear?
231
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,114
- [exhales] We've got to get our baby back.
- [exhales]
232
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,868
Did you not see the lady
with the green thumb and the baseball bat?
233
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:25,786
Oh, God. Duck!
234
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,541
[engine turns over]
235
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,256
[exhales]
236
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,468
Goddess bless, this is our chance.
237
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,928
We take back the night.
238
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,847
No! No, Frankie, what are you doing?
239
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:48,225
What I was born to do, steal toilets.
240
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,565
Well, we were going to have
strawberries and cream for dessert,
241
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,860
but I guess now
we'll just be having cream.
242
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,280
I, for one, could not be more excited.
243
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,824
Says the guy with the belly
full of strawberries, am I right?
244
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,701
Ooh, sick burn, Jessica.
245
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,162
And an interesting talking point.
246
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:13,250
Explain to us one more time
how the berries ended up in your belly.
247
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:17,838
As you all know, I love nothing more
than a good strawberry.
248
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,007
Lie. You once told me
249
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,802
- fruit doesn't count as dessert.
- It doesn't.
250
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,597
So we're to believe
that someone so notoriously anti-berry
251
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,641
would suddenly eat all those berries?
252
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,271
Unless there were no berries.
253
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,483
- I mean, I am locked in.
- Yeah.
254
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,152
Would it be fair to say
that you have a history
255
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:43,489
of eating secret fast food in your car?
256
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:47,117
I have driven through some places, sure.
Who hasn't?
257
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,370
And what place
did you drive through today?
258
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,455
McDonald's? Taco Bell?
259
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,875
Not Yoshinoya Beef Bowl!
260
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,919
Excuse me. I have cream to whip.
261
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,755
That's why you have
all those mints in your car.
262
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,049
To hide your burger breath!
263
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,426
Do we have to keep talking
about my eating habits
264
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,680
when people here have
more important things to discuss?
265
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:14,478
Are we the people who have
more important things to discuss?
266
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:15,855
Uh...
267
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,732
Oh, we gotta go faster. That lunatic
could come home any minute.
268
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,527
Let her come.
I've got an unopened can of whoop-ass...
269
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,238
- [grunts]
- ...burning a hole in my pocket.
270
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,198
[Frankie grunts, pants]
271
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,242
- [yells]
- Oh.
272
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,536
- [vehicle approaches]
- [grunts] Damn!
273
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,163
- Sweet sexy Santa, it's stuck!
- [car door closes]
274
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,874
- What are we gonna do?
- [grunts]
275
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,866
Put your hands in the air
and step away from the toilet.
276
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,089
[indistinct police radio chatter]
277
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:47,094
You are not being singled out.
No one is allowed to keep a bird at work.
278
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,056
Okay. Hi. Pigeon lady? Out. Time's up. Go.
279
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:54,602
Oh, Brianna. I'm glad you stopped by.
I was actually going to...
280
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,812
No, no, no. I have to talk to you.
281
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,981
Okay. What about?
282
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:02,526
Just want to make clear,
Barry and I are rock-solid.
283
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,862
I didn't say you weren't.
284
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,573
Mmm, yeah-huh, you kind of did.
285
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:11,201
Uh, Brianna, the most important thing
to keep in mind here is
286
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,495
I super don't care
about your relationship.
287
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:18,459
Great. Then you won't mind correcting
that form and making it read "rock-solid."
288
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,546
Yep. Sure.
289
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,051
And done.
290
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:29,261
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
291
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,430
Great.
292
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:35,017
And what was it
that you want to talk to me about?
293
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,436
Oh, right. This.
294
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,941
It's an offer from Taneth.
295
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,318
For a promotion.
296
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,821
You would still supervise Say Grace,
plus a few subsidiaries.
297
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,615
Uh, and you get your own bathroom.
298
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,118
Is this bathroom in San Francisco?
299
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,203
Yes.
300
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,246
With the job.
301
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,248
Oh.
302
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,961
Officers, this isn't what it looks like.
303
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,462
You're not stealing a toilet?
304
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,381
I guess it is what it looks like.
305
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,757
We didn't steal it.
306
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,259
The woman that lives over there
stole it from us.
307
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,844
We know all about Viv.
308
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,555
Uh, if you know Viv,
309
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:17,017
you'd know that she hates it
when people touch her begonias.
310
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,436
Yeah, we just need our property back.
311
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,564
Are these stolen SIM cards
your property, too?
312
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,484
- [scoffs]
- Don't resist, Grace.
313
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,778
Don't give these brutes a reason.
314
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,035
Okay, um...
315
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,914
So, I just kind of wanted to check in
316
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,250
and see where we're at.
317
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:45,713
Seems like we're at a brunch with two guys
who talk a lot about strawberries.
318
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,171
Yeah, they do.
319
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,633
But, um... I meant...
320
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,594
uh, where we are with the relationship.
321
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,013
Oh.
322
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:55,888
Oh!
323
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:59,226
I-I just want to make sure
we're on the same page.
324
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:00,894
Sure.
325
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,771
Yes!
326
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,898
If you want to. I'm sorry.
327
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:08,027
These kind of conversations
make me really nervous.
328
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,779
Me, too. I mean, um...
329
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:13,782
Okay, how about this?
330
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:15,826
I'll count to three.
331
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:20,456
You say what you're looking for,
and I'll say what I'm looking for.
332
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:22,790
Okay.
333
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,755
- One, two, three. Moving in together.
- Marriage.
334
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,798
Wait, what?
335
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,510
Let's try that again.
I didn't understand the rules.
336
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,096
- Yeah. Me neither.
- [clears throat] Okay.
337
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,683
One, two, three.
338
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,518
- Marriage.
- Moving in together.
339
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,686
[slight chuckle]
340
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,855
[slight chuckle]
341
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:46,940
Best two out of three?
342
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,192
Okay.
343
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,611
If that doesn't work,
we could try four out of six.
344
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:52,738
Cool.
345
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,574
I think it's clear by now
we don't even know what SIM cards are.
346
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,786
This is not my first tango with the fuzz.
Let me do the talking.
347
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,245
- Yeah, but I've got...
- Shh, shh.
348
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,373
I'm gonna lay this out for you
plain and simple.
349
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,584
We are business ladies.
350
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:10,089
We did vaginal lube, we did vibrators,
and now we do toilets.
351
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,049
Didn't see that coming.
352
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:15,469
And we're taking this little puppy here
on Shark Tank.
353
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,431
Okay, we're free to go.
354
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,433
That's what we say. And you're not.
355
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:25,437
Here's the problem, ladies.
We knew these were supposed to move today.
356
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,232
- And here you are moving them.
- No, we were moving the toilet.
357
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,484
Oh, right, the one
you're taking on Shark Tank.
358
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,485
[both] Yes!
359
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:35,072
Because this is
a special toilet we invented,
360
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,782
when she got stuck on the can
361
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,493
and didn't want her much younger husband
to find out.
362
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,912
- He's a billionaire.
- Uh-huh.
363
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,164
So we knew we needed to make something
364
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,875
to replace her pulley-system
with the statue,
365
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,628
because it got sent
to the president of Uruguay.
366
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,881
Here. This is how it works.
367
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,843
[mimics the sound of gears]
368
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,850
It works better with my dummy.
369
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,978
Okay, Frankie, let me do the talking now.
370
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:11,567
I know that everything that came out
of her mouth sounded totally insane.
371
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,444
- Yeah.
- But in her defense, it's true.
372
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:15,571
It-It is true.
373
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:19,074
We got a flat tire coming back from...
from the, uh, Shark Tank audition.
374
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,618
We left our prototype on the road.
375
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:26,206
Viv found it and used it to...
to hide her SIM cards.
376
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,333
- Look. Here.
- Ah-ah-ah.
377
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:29,668
Whoa.
378
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,170
Well, look in my purse.
379
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,298
You'll... You'll find the release forms
from Shark Tank.
380
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:35,507
Oh, and our business card
381
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:40,804
which shows that we make lubes
and vibrators and soon-to-be toilets.
382
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,181
It checks out.
383
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,474
I'll be damned. So you are
really going on Shark Tank.
384
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:47,811
- Yes.
- Was I unclear before, copper?
385
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,021
Remember?
386
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,900
- [mimics the sound of gears]
- Oh, God.
387
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,235
Well, when you go on Shark Tank,
388
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,613
you might want to leave this one at home.
389
00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,363
[scoffs]
390
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,532
Mm-hmm.
391
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,700
[car door opens]
392
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,661
- [car door closes]
- [engine turns over]
393
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:07,539
Where's Jessica?
394
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:11,043
Uh, she's in the ladies' room,
trying out Mom's invention.
395
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:15,797
Hey, I wanted to thank you for forcing
an important discussion earlier.
396
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,342
Sorry about that,
but your father was on the warpath.
397
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,676
I'm still on the warpath.
398
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,305
It's okay. It actually turned out
really well, I think.
399
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,350
- What do you mean?
- Well, we're either moving in together
400
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:29,061
or getting married,
or some combination of the two.
401
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:32,481
I'm not sure in which order
or if any of it's really happening.
402
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,067
The point is, we're on the same page.
403
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:40,072
You're on the same page about
not having any idea what you're doing?
404
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,032
- Yes.
- That's par for the course
405
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,659
in most relationships.
406
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,789
Well, that was fun. [chuckles]
407
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,124
Ooh, is that Wheat Thins and cream?
408
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,751
I'm afraid so.
409
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,671
I'm gonna call us a Lyft.
410
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,215
Thank you so much for brunch.
You guys are awesome.
411
00:20:58,799 --> 00:20:59,799
[cell phone chimes]
412
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,219
[Jessica] Found. Great.
413
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:05,180
Oh, wow, our driver is...
414
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,724
- zero minutes away. Great.
- [message decline sound]
415
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:08,808
Huh.
416
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,852
He just canceled.
417
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:15,274
- We have two old bikes in the garage.
- No, let me try. Um...
418
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,651
All right, set pickup location.
419
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,444
- [cell phone chimes]
- Huh.
420
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,822
- Same guy. Zero minutes away.
- [message decline sound]
421
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:25,033
You know, I think one of our neighbors
could be a Lyft driver.
422
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,118
Mr. Purcelli.
423
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:30,163
Didn't he recently buy
all those heirloom rose bushes?
424
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,748
Where did that windfall come from?
425
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,083
- Hmm.
- [cell phone chimes]
426
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,794
Did somebody put something
in the microwave?
427
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:43,093
Robert, are you a Lyft driver named Bob H?
428
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:51,268
- [Brianna] Barry.
- Hey.
429
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:54,896
I have some very exciting news.
430
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,107
Oh, Linda gets to bring her bird to work?
431
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,190
No.
432
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,277
But remember how you were complaining
433
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,947
about how you live in my house,
and you only have one shelf in the closet?
434
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:06,408
I didn't mention my shelf, but, yeah.
435
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:10,329
What if we were to get a new place
with two closets?
436
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,457
Well, we actually have two closets.
You just won't let me use...
437
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,876
Okay, fine, three closets. Whatever.
438
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:19,129
Yeah, and getting a new place
together would be nice.
439
00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:20,255
- Right?
- Yeah.
440
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:25,385
And what if it were
in beautiful San Francisco?
441
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,970
Why San Francisco?
442
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,514
Because you love sourdough bread.
443
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:35,228
And because Trust Us offered me
a sweet new gig there, and I took it.
444
00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:36,605
- What?
- And don't worry,
445
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:38,791
I'll hook you up with a job.
I'm going to be in charge
446
00:22:38,815 --> 00:22:41,276
of a lot of subsidiaries,
whatever that means.
447
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,029
- In San Francisco.
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,073
I can't believe you did this.
449
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,157
I know.
450
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:51,787
I mean, look at me,
I'm really thinking about our future.
451
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,455
You mean your future.
452
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,712
- What? No.
- Yeah, I'm not going to San Francisco.
453
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:02,547
But the bread...
454
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,925
I don't even eat bread anymore.
You won't let me.
455
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:08,154
That's because when you eat bread, I want
to eat bread, and I'm not eating bread.
456
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:11,431
Liz and Erin are having their baby,
and I want to be around,
457
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:16,144
which you'd know if you actually
talked about our future with me.
458
00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:18,938
[scoffs]
459
00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:28,532
Robert, is there something
you'd like to say to me?
460
00:23:28,615 --> 00:23:30,367
I'm going to level with you.
461
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:33,036
I don't think those two kids
are going to make it.
462
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,914
I was thinking more
about your secret driving profession.
463
00:23:35,997 --> 00:23:37,624
Oh, that.
464
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:41,002
Yeah, so, uh, what do you want to know?
465
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,838
How about we start with everything?
466
00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:45,215
Okay, fine.
467
00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:47,968
It all started when the theater went down.
468
00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:52,180
Robert, I'm sorry
we couldn't give the money.
469
00:23:52,722 --> 00:23:55,016
I know, but I really miss it.
470
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,895
You know, the roar of the greasepaint,
the smell of the crowd.
471
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:01,523
But you know what I really miss?
472
00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:03,900
- The camaraderie.
- Of course.
473
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,610
That makes perfect sense.
474
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:12,409
But what doesn't make any sense
is why you're driving a car for money.
475
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,327
You're not an actor, Sol.
476
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:19,124
You don't understand that giving
an audience an experience it's never had
477
00:24:19,207 --> 00:24:22,836
is the same thrill as driving someone
you've never met to Sav-on.
478
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,630
I really don't understand that.
479
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:28,091
Which is why I couldn't tell you.
480
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:29,593
[Sol] But...
481
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:38,226
if it's excitement you want,
and camaraderie,
482
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:43,064
how about we go on the honeymoon
we never got to have?
483
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:44,983
Like a cruise.
484
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:47,569
I'm not sure a fancy cruise...
485
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,989
I know it's no trip with a stranger
to Sav-on.
486
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:52,908
But it ticks all the boxes.
487
00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:55,535
Meeting new people, going new places,
488
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,537
and if that's not thrilling enough,
489
00:24:57,621 --> 00:25:01,041
are you aware of the term
"midnight buffet"?
490
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:04,169
It was my nickname in college.
491
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,631
Well, dust off the elastic waist.
492
00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:09,049
We're going...
493
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:11,927
first-class all the way.
494
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:15,305
If you've got the money, spend it.
495
00:25:23,230 --> 00:25:26,900
- What are you doing?
- I'm throwing away the stupid capes.
496
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:31,404
Okay. I'm-I'm glad we're not wearing them
on Shark Tank.
497
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,448
You could still wear yours to run errands.
498
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,784
I've already got an errand cape.
499
00:25:36,743 --> 00:25:38,703
And I'm not going on Shark Tank.
500
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:40,080
Excuse me?
501
00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:43,959
You heard what that cop said about me.
502
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:47,087
[scoffs] Since when do you listen to cops?
503
00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:50,507
Since they started saying
exactly what you've been worried about,
504
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:52,425
that everyone out there in TV land
505
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:55,971
will see us as doddering old fools
talking about a potty.
506
00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:58,557
I admit that I have worried about that.
507
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,393
But it's my job in this partnership
to worry.
508
00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:05,438
Well, you don't have to anymore,
because we are not the joke. I am.
509
00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:08,191
Oh, Frankie, you're not a joke.
510
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:11,152
I just don't want to be
some kind of sideshow.
511
00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:12,988
I'll just get in the way.
512
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,532
You came up with this.
513
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:19,786
You are the way.
I'm not gonna go there alone.
514
00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:22,414
Butch doesn't go out there
without Sundance.
515
00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:25,917
And the last time they went out together,
they were blown to pieces.
516
00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:27,252
Oh, God. Listen.
517
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,339
Ever since you and I became you and me,
518
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,883
we've done a lot of crazy shit,
519
00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:36,344
but we've always done it together.
520
00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,806
And it's turned out pretty damn well.
521
00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:43,560
You know?
And we always have the last laugh.
522
00:26:43,643 --> 00:26:47,689
'Cause one of us is a mad genius,
and the other one is really smart.
523
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,983
I'm the mad genius, right?
524
00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:51,526
[chuckles] Right.
525
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,195
So get the damn capes out of the trash,
526
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,740
'cause we are going on Shark Tank.
527
00:26:56,823 --> 00:27:01,119
Oh, shit. That was good stuff, woman.
I have goose bumps.
528
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:02,454
You know what?
529
00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:06,541
You are just first-rate, kid.
I'm not kidding.
530
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,752
You're first-rate too, Frankie.
531
00:27:10,503 --> 00:27:12,422
Are you gonna really wear the cape?
532
00:27:12,505 --> 00:27:14,424
[scoffs] Fuck, no.
533
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:16,593
[laughs]
534
00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:19,971
["(I've Got) Trouble In Mind"
by The Limiñanas plays]
535
00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:04,057
[woman] Okay, good night!