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[theme music playing]
2
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♪ Well, I don't know why
I came here tonight ♪
3
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♪ Got the feeling
That something ain't right ♪
4
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♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
5
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♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
6
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♪ And there's clowns to the left of me ♪
7
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♪ Jokers to the right ♪
8
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♪ Here I am stuck in the middle with you ♪
9
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♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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[mariachi music playing]
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[Grace] This is insane.
13
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This is the farthest thing from insane.
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We're doing something good
for all the folks back home who need us.
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We're the Bonida Bandidas.
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We are not the Bonida Bandidas.
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We have to be extremely careful.
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I don't wanna end up in a Mexican jail.
19
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I promise that won't happen.
20
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I used to do this all the time
back in the '70s.
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Of course, I was smuggling other drugs
in hard fruits,
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but the same basic principle applies.
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In a pinch, your safest hiding spot
is your holes.
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Well, Frankie, not all of us are blessed
with cavernous orifices.
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You'll get there.
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Speaking of orifices,
let me do the talking.
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You?
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Last I checked, I'm the only one
who hablas the español.
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For the last time,
you do not speak Spanish.
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Save what you've picked up
from telenovelas.
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For your information, Corazones Mentirosos
is an educational telenovela.
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It's about a former call girl
named Valentina
33
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who escapes the cartel
and joins a convent,
34
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and it is muy hot as shit.
35
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Well, we will follow your lead
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when we need to untangle egg beaters
from a human's hair.
37
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But there is too much at stake here.
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I hear you, Grace.
39
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That's why I'm gonna make
a phone call to my contact, Psycho.
40
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Don't look him in the eye,
and don't call him Psycho.
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No! No call.
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No Psycho.
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In fact, I'm gonna keep your phone
and your passport.
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I know how you like to lose these things.
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Why is Arlene's letter
to Dr. Ramirez ripped and re-taped?
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Damn post office.
47
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You read this.
48
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In my defense, I read everyone's mail.
49
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Well, what does it say?
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Grace, that's a private letter
between Arlene and Dr. Ramirez and myself.
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Shame on you.
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All I will say is,
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they're having an affair,
she's breaking up with him,
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probably because of her brain.
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I didn't know she was having an affair.
Now she's breaking up with him?
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Tell me everything.
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No can do. We're here.
58
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What?
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When did we cross the border?
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I didn't think it was that easy.
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Getting into Mexico is easy.
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The hard part is getting back
with a keister full of drugs.
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♪ Stick with me, baby
I'm the fella you came in with ♪
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♪ Luck be a lady ♪
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♪ Luck be a lady ♪
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♪ Luck be a lady ♪
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♪ Tonight ♪
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Bravissimo!
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That was perfect, Robert.
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Worth keeping me up all night to memorize.
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Come on, Sol.
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You always wanted to be
a mobster's gun moll.
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The only way that'll happen
74
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is if Peter accepts my apology
and gives me back my part.
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And you think he'll show?
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I have a 25-year-old Scotch.
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He'll show.
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Besides, he won't be able to resist
the apology of a lifetime.
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In fact, I wouldn't be shocked
if he filmed it. [chuckles]
80
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Robert, you left the oven on.
81
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-No, I didn't.
-You did.
82
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You did the other day too.
83
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Can you blame me
if I'm a little scatterbrained?
84
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I'm in the fight of my life
to win back this role.
85
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It's been pulling all my focus lately.
86
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Okay. No need to get defensive.
87
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Just making sure you're okay.
88
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I assure you, Sol, I'm fine.
89
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Besides, everyone our age
has moments of forgetfulness.
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Does everyone put their hats
in the fridge?
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Oh.
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That explains the hoagie in my drawer.
93
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No wonder your underwear
smelled like salami.
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I don't understand why I should
have to do conflict resolution.
95
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Probably because you've created
a hostile work environment
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with your violent ways.
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Please.
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If there's anyone people are afraid
of being battered by, it's you.
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And yet, you assaulted me.
100
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You wanna go again?
101
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I'll go loco on you.
102
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Let me take off my hoops
and I'll be right there.
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-[clears throat]
-What?
104
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The mediator is here.
105
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So stop being weird and send him in.
106
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Yeah, I'm just gonna send him right in.
107
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That's what I just said.
108
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Okay.
109
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Uh, you can come in!
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Brianna.
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Mallory.
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Who's ready for some conflict resolution?
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I sure am.
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[bells jingling]
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Okay. We're not gonna mention
the letter we didn't read
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until after we get the Bonida.
117
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In fact, let me do all the talking.
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Got it.
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But then, when the time is right,
I talk a bunch.
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Hola.
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[speaking Spanish]
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Grace, you are such a gringo.
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[speaking Spanish]
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[in English] You are both pregnant
and I have betrayed you?
125
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Damn it, Frankie.
126
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Perhaps you would be more comfortable
if we spoke in English.
127
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Well, that would be fine.
128
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We're here to see Dr. Ramirez.
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I'm so sorry, Dr. Ramirez
is not seeing anyone else today.
130
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But we came all the way
from America to see him.
131
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You'll have to come back at another time.
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In that case, would you kindly tell him
Arlene needs to see him?
133
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Uh, who is Arlene?
134
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I am.
135
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Dr. Ramirez and I are very close friends.
136
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Grace, doesn't she have
a lovely chestal area?
137
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What kind of friends?
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Like brother and sister.
139
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Oh, no. Much, much closer.
140
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Like conjoined twins
who would never have sex with each other.
141
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Stop it, Frankie!
142
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Look, between you and me,
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he and I are having a little thing.
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[mimicking siren]
145
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Stop!
146
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Just tell him Arlene is here.
147
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Excuse me for one moment
while I go tell my husband
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that the end of our marriage has arrived.
149
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[Maria shouting in Spanish]
150
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Oh, God.
151
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What part of... [mimics siren]
152
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...don't you understand?
153
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If he doesn't show,
this counts as your birthday party.
154
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You just don't wanna build houses
for the homeless.
155
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:26,614
Peter!
156
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:27,865
Peter!
157
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My favorite director!
158
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My favorite sycophant!
159
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Well...
160
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time to go prostrate ourselves to Peter
161
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and that talking penis he's dating.
162
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That's the spirit.
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[clears throat]
164
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I just wanted to say,
from the bottom of both our hearts--
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Hold it.
166
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I wanna film this.
167
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-[cell phone beeps]
-Action.
168
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We are truly sorry
for what we said about the two of you.
169
00:07:57,269 --> 00:08:00,523
We're not making excuses,
but since we were robbed,
170
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:03,692
we've both been
in a bit of a state of panic.
171
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Accusing friends,
172
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pushing each other in front of raccoons--
173
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The point is,
we weren't in our right minds.
174
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,912
And, of course,
you would never steal from us.
175
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,082
So please accept our apology.
176
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,917
And I beg of you, Peter,
177
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,753
don't take it out on Robert.
178
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,380
Well...
179
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,509
that was certainly a clear
and unequivocal admission of guilt,
180
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wasn't it, Stevie?
181
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:33,764
Not super sure what you just said.
182
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,852
We accept your apology.
183
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:42,481
And as far as the play goes,
you don't have to win me over.
184
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,108
Oh! Thank God.
185
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,192
Who wants Scotch?
186
00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:47,903
It's Stevie you have to win over.
187
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,405
Excuse me?
188
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:52,658
I've made Stevie my new casting director.
189
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,034
Don't worry, Robert.
190
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,619
I'll keep an empty mind.
191
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,461
So my goal here
192
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:07,006
is to find a place
where both parties feel resolved
193
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:10,634
and can continue a working relationship.
194
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,803
-[Mallory] Dan?
-Yes. Mallory.
195
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,388
What the fuck are you doing here?
196
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:15,764
I also have that question.
197
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,182
I'm so glad you asked.
198
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,728
Um, I used to be kind of an angry guy
199
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,688
and I realized I had an issue
200
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:26,817
when I found myself
in a senseless argument with a waiter.
201
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,487
And I ended up punching a slab of meat.
202
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,780
Are you kidding me?
203
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:33,699
Dude, we were there.
204
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,160
-That was a separate incident.
-Oh, my.
205
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,955
But it was a blessing in disguise.
It led me to my calling.
206
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:43,792
And when I heard there was a problem
at Say Grace, I jumped at the chance.
207
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:47,963
But I must say, I'm kind of surprised
to find you here, Mal.
208
00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:50,966
Well, hold onto your hat, Mediator Dan,
209
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:55,304
because perfect little Mallory
put me in a sleeper hold.
210
00:09:55,387 --> 00:10:00,309
I understand. I used to deal
with my issues with my fists too.
211
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,480
Life is funny...
212
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:06,523
isn't it?
213
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,653
You staring deep into her soul right now?
214
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,489
Okay.
215
00:10:14,073 --> 00:10:17,868
Obviously we need to get
a different mediator in here.
216
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,620
I assure you, I'll be fair.
217
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,747
And when I feel
you've resolved this conflict,
218
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,457
I will tell Taneth as much.
219
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,541
Now...
220
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:28,087
who wants to try some fun exercises?
221
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,422
Do I have to move?
222
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:33,384
-[Maria shouting in Spanish]
-[glass breaking]
223
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,888
You don't get many
husband-and-wife pharmacies.
224
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:40,182
Who are you?
225
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:41,892
Where is Arlene?
226
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,936
Well, I'm a friend of hers.
227
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,771
Why did you say you were her?
228
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,273
I was trying to get you to come out here.
229
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:51,026
We had no idea that was your wife.
230
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,528
I had some idea.
231
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,154
I need you both to leave.
232
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:56,699
Sorry, we can't leave until we get
what we came for.
233
00:10:56,782 --> 00:11:00,703
You are not satisfied enough
having burned my entire world to ash?
234
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:01,829
Am I saying this right?
235
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,289
My English is not perfect.
236
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:05,791
You are...
237
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,379
completely fucking up my life, yes?
238
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,547
Yeah.
239
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,631
You nailed it.
240
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,466
Yeah, we need Bonida.
241
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:15,926
Lots of it.
242
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,179
And Frankie could use some Gas-X
for the ride home.
243
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:22,474
Look, I know she's made
a mess for you here
244
00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:26,353
but there are people back home
who will suffer without this drug.
245
00:11:26,437 --> 00:11:29,523
Please don't punish them
for Grace's ignorance.
246
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,526
I will give you the Bonida.
247
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,446
But I'm sure you will understand,
248
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,823
you can never come back here again.
249
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,377
Mrs. Ramirez, we are so sorry.
250
00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:51,837
I'm not Arlene.
251
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,922
My name is Grace, and this is--
252
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:57,092
Jennifer Nightingale,
for all your real estate needs.
253
00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,095
Mrs. Ramirez, if it helps at all...
254
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,557
we know what it's like to be cheated on.
255
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,475
We do.
256
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,018
We're so sorry.
257
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,187
We're just here for the medication.
258
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,191
Then you will be interested to know
that I have called Border Patrol.
259
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:16,236
They will be on the lookout
for two old home-wreckers
260
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,239
smuggling drugs illegally
across the border.
261
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,825
Have a nice day.
262
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,119
[groans]
263
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,624
♪ The devil will drag you under ♪
264
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:31,210
♪ By the sharp lapel
Of your checkered coats ♪
265
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,545
♪ Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down ♪
266
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,839
♪ Sit down, you're rocking the boat ♪
267
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,091
♪ Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down ♪
268
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:42,221
♪ Sit down, you're rocking the boat ♪
269
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:43,889
[all cheering]
270
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:51,939
Oh, this?
271
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:54,483
It's just my Tappy Award.
272
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:57,194
I don't even remember
why they gave it to me.
273
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,822
Didn't you win that for 1776, Robert?
274
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:00,989
That's right, Sol.
275
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:04,993
I guess everybody thought
I was the best actor-singer in San Diego,
276
00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:06,370
or whatever.
277
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,874
It's a shoe on a stick.
278
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,087
Now, Stevie, about this role, about Sky.
279
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,255
I don't know.
280
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,841
If you ask me,
I'm going with the devil you know.
281
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:23,929
Whoever is your most talented,
most accomplished actor, you know--
282
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,222
Whoa!
283
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,391
-Whoa.
-Almost dropped my Tappy.
284
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,394
Okay.
285
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,729
I think I see what's going on here.
286
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:35,107
You want me to give you the role
of Sky Masterson.
287
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,985
You figured it out, Stevie.
288
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,611
What a smart boy.
289
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:43,115
Look, I know how important this part is,
290
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:47,035
and I'm not about to gamble on someone
who might not be capable of doing it.
291
00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:47,953
Thank God.
292
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,121
Thank you, Stevie.
293
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:52,332
Which is why I'm casting myself
in the role. Mm!
294
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,007
Mm.
295
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:01,550
Please remember,
296
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,803
the point of this exercise is not to win,
297
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:08,682
but to work together to have
an equal number of wins and losses.
298
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,436
If you can refrain
from competing against each other,
299
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,104
you both win.
300
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,439
-Got it?
-Mm-hm.
301
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,356
Ready?
302
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,275
-Go!
-Ow!
303
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,027
What the hell?
304
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,362
Okay.
305
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,657
I wasn't ready before.
306
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,159
-Are you ready now?
-Yes.
307
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:28,076
Go.
308
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,536
Ow.
309
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,164
Why are you so strong?
310
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,541
-I have four kids and I do Pilates.
-Wow.
311
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,585
Impressive, Mal. Good job.
312
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,587
Thought you said it wasn't a competition.
313
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,546
It isn't.
314
00:14:40,464 --> 00:14:41,882
But Mallory clearly won.
315
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,634
Two tickets to the gun show, please.
316
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,095
Am I on whatever
the modern version of Punk'd is?
317
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:48,847
Okay.
318
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,725
Let's try an exercise with a clearer goal.
319
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,560
This one is simple. [clears throat]
320
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,439
You both step inside the hula hoop
321
00:14:57,522 --> 00:15:01,360
and work together
to swing it around your bodies.
322
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:05,030
If you do not work as a team,
you will fail.
323
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,328
Anyone ever told you
your exercises are stupid?
324
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,121
Many times.
325
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,043
[both grunting]
326
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,424
Okay.
327
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:25,342
All right.
328
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,551
Okay.
329
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,137
-Here we go. Okay.
-Okay.
330
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,681
[Brianna] Just swing left.
331
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,598
[Mallory] Like this?
332
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:33,225
No. This way.
333
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:34,142
This is left.
334
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:35,268
No, my left.
335
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:36,520
It's the same left!
336
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,772
No, it is whatever left I say it is!
337
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,023
Okay, Brianna?
338
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:45,278
You're trying a little too hard
to boss the situation.
339
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,864
Try being more of a team player.
340
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,199
Like Mallory.
341
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,619
Seriously? Gonna claim Mallory
as the winner of this?
342
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,455
Again, there is no winner.
343
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,917
But if I had to pick, it would be Mallory.
344
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,128
Okay, this is some bullshit.
345
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:04,214
Clearly, he's just trying to curry favor
so he can win you back.
346
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,466
Oh! Right.
347
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:11,513
Because it's impossible I could be
better at anything than you, right?
348
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,433
God forbid I should excel at something
based on my own merit.
349
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:15,350
No!
350
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,102
No, no, it couldn't be that.
351
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,271
It must be because he's in love with me.
352
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,858
Okay. Well, guess what, Brianna? He's not.
353
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:24,276
Hmm.
354
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,741
So here's the thing.
355
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:32,409
Um...
356
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,578
I've done a lot of, uh...
357
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:36,872
introspection.
358
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:41,752
And I really wanna make it work
between us.
359
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:44,337
I say we give it one more try.
360
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,465
What do you say?
361
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:51,970
Take a minute.
362
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,722
Think it over. No problem.
363
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:55,766
-[door unlocks]
-Thank you.
364
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,149
Okay, let's not panic.
365
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,901
Not panic?
366
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:11,031
How does a Mexican restaurant in Mexico
only have tamales on Tuesday?
367
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:11,948
Quiet.
368
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:13,909
I need to think.
369
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:18,872
We have to lay low, maybe get
a hotel room for a couple of days.
370
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,333
There must be a Four Seasons
around here somewhere.
371
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:22,375
No.
372
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,878
You took the lead. Look where it got us.
373
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:29,216
In the same sexy mess
as Valentina's twin cousin.
374
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,011
-I've got it.
-[waiter] Hola, señoras.
375
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,347
-Hola.
-May I take your order?
376
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,391
I'd like seven al pastor tacos,
377
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,770
and I would like you to hold
this bag of drugs for a couple of days.
378
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,271
[Grace] What are you doing?
379
00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:48,151
Simple. This dude holds the drugs
while you and I cross the border legally.
380
00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,821
And then one of us comes back to get it.
381
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,280
Got it?
382
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,698
He's gone.
383
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,075
[clears throat]
384
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,993
Excuse me, what is going on here?
385
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,245
Oh, shit.
386
00:17:59,037 --> 00:17:59,871
Hello.
387
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:03,375
Is there a limit on how much salsa
one may take to go?
388
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,877
I don't want you soliciting my employees.
389
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,921
Tijuana Tony's is a family restaurant.
390
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,257
Well, your employees are narcs.
391
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:13,510
Could I just get a soup container
for the salsa?
392
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,470
I'll be calling the police now.
393
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,974
Why does everyone
keep calling the cops on us?
394
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:21,810
Fuck, Frankie, we gotta get out of here.
Give me the bag.
395
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,228
I'm not giving you anything.
396
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,771
You get out of here.
397
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,189
What are you talking about?
398
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,774
I got you into this mess.
399
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:30,610
Besides, I can do a nickel
standing on my head.
400
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:34,281
But those guards
would pass you around like peanut brittle.
401
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,449
Frankie, we are in this together.
402
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:37,617
Not anymore.
403
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,245
This is something
I've got to do on my own.
404
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,663
It was my idea.
405
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,458
Catch you in Los Estados Unidos, amiga.
406
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:46,877
Listen to me, Frankie.
407
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,298
When I got into that car with you,
I wasn't planning to just go halfway.
408
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,258
If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here
409
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,386
in the final scene
of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
410
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,304
That's right.
411
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:01,474
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here,
doing something selfless.
412
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:03,810
You do benefit from my tutelage.
413
00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:05,604
Damn straight.
414
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,981
Okay, now, the way I see it...
415
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:09,941
we have three options.
416
00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:12,485
We can stay and let the police arrest us,
417
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:15,155
we can ditch the drugs, get home safely
418
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,616
and let Arlene and everybody else down.
419
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,117
Or...
420
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,620
we could go for it.
421
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,372
Are you serious?
422
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:27,250
Thousands of people
cross that border every day.
423
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,002
Besides...
424
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,796
we have a secret weapon.
425
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,423
Our holes?
426
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,424
Us!
427
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,635
When we're together, we're unstoppable.
428
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,387
But they're on the lookout
for two old ladies.
429
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,056
We are two old ladies.
430
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,390
No.
431
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:45,393
We are the Bonida Bandidas.
432
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,104
Bonida Bandidas!
433
00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:51,191
[sirens wailing in distance]
434
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,319
We should go now, though.
435
00:19:58,573 --> 00:19:59,574
[Robert] Hey, Peter.
436
00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:01,618
-Enjoying the party?
-Mm-hm.
437
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,662
Cake is kind of dry.
438
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,121
That's great. Listen.
439
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,874
-You are ruining my freaking life.
-I'm sorry?
440
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,335
You see your little porno repairman?
441
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,546
Apparently he's decided
to make himself Sky Masterson.
442
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,715
He's using our home as his personal gym.
443
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:19,719
-[Robert] Have you even heard him sing?
-He made me sing last night.
444
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,305
If I were straight,
I'd make you high-five me right now.
445
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:26,476
You are letting your judgment
be completely clouded by lust.
446
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,103
Yes. Thank you.
447
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,521
See, Robert? Sol gets it.
448
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,231
Look, this isn't about me anymore.
449
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,233
That dunce cannot be Sky.
450
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:34,985
Robert, I hear you.
451
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:39,030
But I feel like you're not even
considering Stevie's badonkadonk.
452
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:43,743
You are going to make
the New Lear look bad.
453
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:46,955
Do you really wanna kill
your community theater career
454
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,456
over a badonkadonk?
455
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,125
[groans]
456
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:57,215
It's a classic Sophie's Choice.
457
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,717
But more relatable.
458
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,886
I may have a way we can salvage this.
459
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:02,971
How?
460
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:05,473
I invoke Prima Nocta!
461
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,267
-What?
-Prima Nocta.
462
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:11,479
The ancient theater tradition
of disputing a role through sing-off.
463
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:12,564
Is that--?
464
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:14,357
Are you doing Braveheart?
465
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,276
It's a theater tradition. Look it up.
466
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:17,319
Okay.
467
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:22,115
Okay, I made it up!
Look, I deserve this role.
468
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:25,118
Give me a chance to prove myself
and we'll let the crowd decide.
469
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:26,828
Prima Canticum!
470
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,621
Right of first song.
471
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:29,664
[groans]
472
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:32,208
Fine, we can do your sing-off thingy.
473
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:35,879
But if I lose that badonkadonk...
474
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,422
God help you.
475
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:40,383
It's a sing-off!
476
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,551
[all cheering]
477
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:47,474
All you need to do
is apologize for the punch
478
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:52,520
and I'll sign whatever form
this sad sack brought and we can move on.
479
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,564
Why would I apologize?
480
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:58,401
Because this whole thing began
when you pulled my hair.
481
00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:01,529
That is not where this all began.
482
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:04,240
Oh, right. It began when you stole my job.
483
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,993
I'm sorry, you mean the job
you were offered first
484
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,036
but then turned down?
485
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:09,662
You knew Say Grace was my domain.
486
00:22:09,746 --> 00:22:12,290
But in typical Mallory fashion,
you had to butt in.
487
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:15,085
I'm surprised you didn't put up
a dog fence to keep me out.
488
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,712
-What the hell are you talking about?
-When we were kids.
489
00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:19,506
You would have friends over,
490
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:23,218
you would keep me from playing with you
with Jeffrey's old dog fence.
491
00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:25,095
The only way I could get past
492
00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:28,348
was by singing that stupid
"Brianna Is Great" song.
493
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:31,810
Honestly, I got nothing.
494
00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:33,186
How did it go?
495
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:34,854
Seriously?
496
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,399
[sighs]
497
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,984
♪ Brianna is great, she can't be beat ♪
498
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:42,445
♪ If I was Brianna, that would be neat ♪
499
00:22:42,946 --> 00:22:44,322
You're fucking with me.
500
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:45,949
I am, yes.
501
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,952
-[tapping on glass]
-Is there any chance I could come inside?
502
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,286
I won't hit anything.
503
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:51,704
I won't hit on anyone.
504
00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:52,956
[both] No!
505
00:22:54,165 --> 00:22:55,125
That?
506
00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,627
That is how I felt my whole life.
507
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,963
You always kept me out.
508
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:02,048
I just wanted you to leave
me and my friends alone.
509
00:23:02,132 --> 00:23:03,925
They always ended up liking you better.
510
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,761
-Really?
-Why couldn't you find your own friends?
511
00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:08,638
I had my own friends.
512
00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:11,724
But what I really wanted
was to be with you.
513
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:16,229
I wanted to be on your side of the fence.
514
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:32,787
You're right.
515
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:34,289
I'm sorry.
516
00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:37,959
I did block you out,
and that must have felt shitty.
517
00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:40,462
[groans]
518
00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:42,297
Thank you.
519
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:45,800
And I'm sorry that I punched you.
520
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:50,763
Now can we figure out a way
to get on the same damn side?
521
00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:54,434
Honestly?
522
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,853
I don't know.
523
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:57,770
What?
524
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,064
I thought we were good.
525
00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:02,066
We are, it's just...
526
00:24:02,984 --> 00:24:04,444
when Mom gave me the company--
527
00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:05,695
Brianna, I get it.
528
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:08,072
-It's your company.
-No. Mal, listen.
529
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:09,949
When she gave it to me,
530
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:13,703
she told me that I could never have
someone else as a boss.
531
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,371
I had to be the boss.
532
00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:20,335
I don't think this is gonna work.
533
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,213
What are you saying?
534
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:25,215
I'm saying
535
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:28,301
I think I should quit.
536
00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:30,178
No. No. Don't be crazy.
537
00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:32,430
We're gonna find a way
to make this work. Just--
538
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:33,765
I don't think we can.
539
00:24:36,226 --> 00:24:38,019
Mom was right.
540
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:45,485
I quit.
541
00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:50,490
Is that really what you want?
542
00:24:51,449 --> 00:24:52,325
It is.
543
00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:54,744
I'll be fine. I've...
544
00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:56,329
got Barry.
545
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:59,374
He's got thousands of dollars
worth of action figures.
546
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,919
I think I need to find my next thing.
547
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:07,006
Hey.
548
00:25:08,383 --> 00:25:10,176
If you're really gonna leave,
549
00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:14,138
at least let me fire you
so you can get severance and stuff.
550
00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:15,431
Really?
551
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,101
Of course,
552
00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:21,813
I will need you to sing
the "Mallory Is Great" song first.
553
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:24,440
Good one.
554
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:33,700
♪ Mallory is great, she can't be beat ♪
555
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:36,411
♪ If I were Mallory, that would be neat ♪
556
00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,000
Okay.
557
00:25:45,253 --> 00:25:46,254
Brianna...
558
00:25:47,422 --> 00:25:48,423
you're fired.
559
00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:50,383
Thank you.
560
00:25:59,309 --> 00:26:00,935
-[tapping on glass]
-[Dan] Whoa!
561
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:02,562
Did I do it?
562
00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,063
I fixed it?
563
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:06,024
[Dan laughs]
564
00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:19,412
[Frankie] All right. Gracias.
565
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,091
Um-- [clears throat] Hey, no pressure.
566
00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:34,052
Everything's totally cool.
567
00:26:34,135 --> 00:26:37,847
But could you maybe hang a uey
and get us out of here?
568
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,975
You don't think that'll arouse
even more suspicion?
569
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:45,355
Unless these two gals have Bonida,
570
00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:46,731
we're going to jail.
571
00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:50,610
-[shouts]
-What?
572
00:26:51,194 --> 00:26:52,695
Follow the rainbow!
573
00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:55,573
Frankie, this is no time
for a Skittles break.
574
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:58,159
No, you fool. That's "taste the rainbow."
575
00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,495
The rainbow bumper sticker.
576
00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:03,414
It's a sign! It's what Elsbeth predicted!
577
00:27:03,498 --> 00:27:04,832
But what does it mean?
578
00:27:13,883 --> 00:27:15,301
We're gonna switch cars.
579
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:16,219
Mix it up.
580
00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:17,220
What?
581
00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,682
The Border Patrol is on the lookout
for two older women,
582
00:27:20,765 --> 00:27:22,475
not two older couples.
583
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,727
Look at these two.
584
00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:28,940
We'll look totally natural.
585
00:27:33,736 --> 00:27:35,863
Can I interest you in some Skittles?
586
00:27:35,947 --> 00:27:37,031
They're tropical.
587
00:27:39,534 --> 00:27:41,911
What a lovely man-bag.
588
00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,372
It's called a purse.
589
00:27:45,456 --> 00:27:46,290
Yeah.
590
00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:51,504
My name's Jennifer Nightingale,
by the way.
591
00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:53,256
Real estate is my game.
592
00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,384
Apartments, condos, farms.
593
00:27:56,467 --> 00:27:58,177
I sold a zoo once.
594
00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:02,432
Anyways, you got any Skittles in here?
595
00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:04,434
Skittles? No.
596
00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:05,643
I'm an old man.
597
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:10,022
I'll just take a Werther's, then.
[chuckles]
598
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:20,700
♪ Stick with me, baby
I'm the fella you came in with ♪
599
00:28:20,783 --> 00:28:22,118
Amazing.
600
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:24,871
Not a hint of embarrassment
or self-awareness.
601
00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:27,123
♪ Luck be a lady ♪
602
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,333
I've never seen anything like it.
603
00:28:29,417 --> 00:28:32,128
♪ Luck be a lady ♪
604
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:34,380
He's got an ass like a Summerset peach.
605
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:38,301
♪ Luck be a lady ♪
606
00:28:38,384 --> 00:28:43,806
♪ Tonight ♪
607
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:45,892
-Ha!
-[Peter] Yes!
608
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:47,894
That was excellent!
609
00:28:47,977 --> 00:28:49,687
Bravo, Stevie!
610
00:28:50,313 --> 00:28:51,939
Clap, you basics.
611
00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:53,232
God.
612
00:28:53,316 --> 00:28:55,902
-[all applauding]
-[Peter] Jealous. You're all jealous.
613
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:57,320
Good work, Stevie.
614
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:58,905
I loved it.
615
00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:03,159
You better kill it up there
or we're screwed.
616
00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:05,578
Got a secret weapon. I can sing.
617
00:29:17,673 --> 00:29:21,385
♪ They call you Lady Luck ♪
618
00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:24,639
♪ But there is room for doubt ♪
619
00:29:29,352 --> 00:29:30,311
I'm sorry.
620
00:29:31,813 --> 00:29:32,897
Sorry, everyone.
621
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:36,526
Let's try that again, shall we?
[clears throat]
622
00:29:38,778 --> 00:29:41,739
♪ They call you Lady Luck ♪
623
00:29:42,323 --> 00:29:45,660
♪ But there is room for doubt ♪
624
00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:52,250
You know what?
625
00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:55,002
We just heard that song.
626
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,840
Isn't there another one
you could do, Robert?
627
00:29:59,674 --> 00:30:00,633
Of course.
628
00:30:02,552 --> 00:30:03,928
You know "Summer Wind"?
629
00:30:07,932 --> 00:30:10,643
This takes me back to the summer of '66.
630
00:30:12,228 --> 00:30:14,730
♪ The summer wind ♪
631
00:30:14,814 --> 00:30:16,816
♪ Came blowing in ♪
632
00:30:16,899 --> 00:30:19,861
♪ From across the sea ♪
633
00:30:20,361 --> 00:30:22,655
♪ It lingered there ♪
634
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:25,074
♪ To touch your hair ♪
635
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:28,494
♪ And walk with me ♪
636
00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:31,330
♪ All summer long ♪
637
00:30:31,414 --> 00:30:33,416
♪ We sang this song ♪
638
00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:38,212
♪ As we strolled that golden sand ♪
639
00:30:38,296 --> 00:30:40,590
♪ Two lovers ♪
640
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:45,344
♪ And the summer wind ♪
641
00:30:57,315 --> 00:30:58,149
Here you go.
642
00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:00,693
Thank you very much.
643
00:31:17,668 --> 00:31:19,962
Whoo!
644
00:31:20,046 --> 00:31:20,963
Whoo!
645
00:31:23,257 --> 00:31:27,511
-I'm just happy to be getting home.
-Ah.
646
00:31:27,595 --> 00:31:30,973
Well, now that we made it,
time to be honest.
647
00:31:31,057 --> 00:31:33,851
You ladies are smuggling drugs,
aren't you?
648
00:31:35,603 --> 00:31:36,520
Oh, yeah.
649
00:31:38,147 --> 00:31:39,440
Yeah, we are.
650
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:40,858
Funny! Us too.
651
00:31:41,609 --> 00:31:42,860
-What?
-Yup.
652
00:31:42,944 --> 00:31:44,403
It's in the other car.
653
00:31:44,487 --> 00:31:47,615
You mean, you're smuggling Bonida?
654
00:31:47,698 --> 00:31:48,950
Well, sure.
655
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:52,286
-If Bonida is what you call six kilos of--
-Cocaine?
656
00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:53,537
Jesus!
657
00:31:53,621 --> 00:31:55,957
Why don't you just tell
the whole world, Jennifer?
658
00:31:56,666 --> 00:31:57,875
Oh, my God.
659
00:32:01,921 --> 00:32:03,923
-[line ringing]
-[cell phone chiming]
660
00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:11,514
Oh, my God.
661
00:32:21,190 --> 00:32:22,400
Fuck!
662
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,068
["Down in Mexico" playing]
663
00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:43,212
♪ Down in the Mexicali ♪
664
00:32:44,255 --> 00:32:47,883
♪ There's a crazy little place
That I know ♪
665
00:32:49,343 --> 00:32:54,098
♪ Where the drinks are hotter
Than the chili sauce ♪
666
00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:58,352
♪ And the boss is a cat named Joe ♪
667
00:32:58,853 --> 00:33:01,397
♪ He wears a red bandanna ♪
668
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,983
♪ Plays a cool piano ♪
669
00:33:04,066 --> 00:33:06,569
♪ In a honky-tonk ♪
670
00:33:06,652 --> 00:33:08,738
♪ Down in Mexico ♪
671
00:33:08,821 --> 00:33:11,574
♪ He wears a purple sash ♪
672
00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:14,035
♪ And a black mustache ♪
673
00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:16,495
♪ In a honky-tonk ♪
674
00:33:16,579 --> 00:33:18,164
♪ Down in Mexico ♪
675
00:33:18,247 --> 00:33:21,208
♪ Well, the first time... ♪