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[theme music playing]
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♪ Well, I don't know why
I came here tonight ♪
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♪ Got the feeling
That something ain't right ♪
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♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
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♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
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♪ And there's clowns to the left of me ♪
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♪ Jokers to the right ♪
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♪ Here I am stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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And finished.
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How is it?
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No, don't tell me.
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Yeah, okay, tell me.
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No, don't.
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Yes, tell me. No.
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Oh, God. Wait.
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I thought you threw your Valivan out?
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Found these in the couch.
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Well, you should consider yourself lucky.
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All Nick did was write a tell-all book.
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Most husbands, the first thing they do
when they get out of prison
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is murder their ex-wives.
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It's mostly about prison
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and his relationship
with that guy Tortilla Chip.
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-Blowtorch.
-Right.
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Of course, there is a Grace chapter.
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Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up.
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But I can't waste the pills.
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No, you come off really well.
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In fact, you come off
much better in this book
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than you do in my book about you,
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which is more of a complex portrait
of a difficult woman.
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Can we deal with Nick's book first?
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So there's nothing
that could embarrass me?
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No.
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Nothing that will horrify me
or irritate me?
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Well, there is one sentence
that does strike the reader.
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Just tell me the damn sentence, Frankie.
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At the end of the Grace chapter...
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which has a lot to recommend it,
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Nick says,
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"Ultimately, my relationship with Grace
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was the one mistake I wish I hadn't made."
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Ouch.
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Yeah.
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I wasn't expecting that.
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But it can't be true.
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Why would he say that?
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Well, dramatically, it does work.
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Oh, great.
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You said the chapter had
a lot to recommend it?
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Oh, Grace,
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the sex in it is amazing.
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He wrote about our sex life?
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Yes.
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I thought you said there was nothing
to embarrass me.
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There isn't.
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You come off like someone
who's very, very good at sex.
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And it's hard to write about that,
but he does it really well.
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That can't be Nick.
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He must have a ghostwriter.
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Well, whoever wrote it
knows how to get a lady going.
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The part when you and Nick
have sex for the last time?
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I need two scoops of that
before I check out.
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Frankie, I told you I kept
getting whacked by his ankle monitor.
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The sex that night was terrible.
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I'm serious, Grace.
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I need to experience intimate human touch
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one last time.
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Are you free tonight?
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So my wife claims
she's allergic to my semen.
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-[crowd laughing]
-I'm serious.
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Takes two Benadryl before oral sex.
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And it works.
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She falls asleep every time.
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But then we got pregnant
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and baby came out good and everything.
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So I'm not buying
her sperm allergen theory.
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I'm starting to think what she's
actually allergic to is blow jobs.
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And...
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[crowd laughing]
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...who can blame her?
Nasty business, that.
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-[cell phone ringing]
-Oh!
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Oh, my God,
my wife is actually calling right now.
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And she thinks I'm at the gym,
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so if everybody can just
shut up real quick?
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Thank you very much, everybody.
I'm Bud. Have a good night.
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Oh, my God.
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Dude. I can't believe it,
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but you're, like,
super fucking good at this.
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-Amazing, man.
-Thanks.
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-But we gotta get the hell out of here.
-No, no, no.
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Mingle with your fans.
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The lady sitting next to me,
she almost fell out of her chair.
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Thank you very much.
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I wasn't joking about Allison thinking
I'm at the gym, and I went on late,
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so I'm sure she's wondering
where the hell I am.
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Why does your wife think
you're at the gym?
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If she finds out
I'm doing stand-up, she'll kill me.
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She thinks I'm happy
being the funny lawyer at the office.
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It is tricky, careful work
lying to the women who love us.
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I'm totally here to cover
for you should the need arise.
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Well, it's arisen.
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I also told her you're my trainer.
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What? Why?
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-Make it more believable.
-Believable?
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No, everybody knows
I am an excellent motivator
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and in impeccable shape.
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And you are not.
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What are the results?
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Are you bulking? Are you cutting?
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-Like, what are you even doing right now?
-I'm lying to my wife. You're gonna help.
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You have a workout with her
tomorrow at 9:15.
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Come on.
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Hi, Jacob.
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Maybe this sounds weird,
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or maybe it's weird that it's not weird,
but it's probably weird.
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Are you still living in Santa Fe?
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'Cause I'm sort of looking
for one last roll in the hay,
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and as I recall, you were always
a lover with extraordinary gifts.
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I'm sorry, I have who here?
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Ask me what I'm wearing.
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Okay, fine. I'll have an order
of the Szechuan dumplings,
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the tofu lo mein and...
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what are you wearing?
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Hello? Ping?
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Hi. Sol?
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Um...
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Never mind.
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[cell phone chiming]
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Never mind, I said!
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It is my understanding
that the Constitution of the United States
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allows everybody
the free choice between...
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Between--
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Shit!
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Between freedom and death.
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"Between cheesecake and strudel."
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Really should have gotten that one.
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Maybe if I had some cheesecake.
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Robert!
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It came!
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It's here!
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Sol, my love,
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can we address
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what I'm sure is a beautiful
shark-tooth necklace a bit later?
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I'm having a hell of a time
with these lines.
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Funny you should mention that.
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I think I can help.
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Meet the QX17G.
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Are we really back
on this earpiece-app-phone-thing?
152
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It's state-of-the-art!
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I'll be able to hear everything you hear
and respond with your lines in real time.
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Honey, we barely have command
over our toaster,
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let alone something that appears
to be on loan from the CIA.
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All you have to do is put it in your ear,
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tap once to turn it on,
twice to turn it off. Cinch.
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I don't know, Sol.
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It feels inauthentic.
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You know how seriously I take my craft.
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Oh, please. All the pros do it.
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Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson,
Scott Caan.
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Is it comfortable?
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Oh, my God, I can hear you.
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I'm in the room.
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[knocking on door]
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Grace.
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Nick.
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Thank you for agreeing
to discuss your tome.
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I don't know what "tome" means,
but then again, I'm not a writer.
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H. W. Wallingford.
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I'm a wordsmith.
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The pen is my hammer,
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the blank page, my anvil.
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Fucking take it easy.
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Just stand behind me.
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-Here, sit.
-My ghostwriter.
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He's been following me around.
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He doesn't grow on you.
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I cannot believe how much
you lied in that book.
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I really did have a submarine race
with James Cameron.
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Who cheats, by the way.
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I'm referring to the part
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where you say our marriage was
the one mistake you wish you hadn't made.
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So you saw that?
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Yeah.
187
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And I'm now suing you for libel.
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Well, I'm fairly sure
that it's not libelous if it's how I feel.
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It's not how you feel.
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He does not regret being married to me
and I can prove it.
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Okay. Slow down.
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Fine. Prove it.
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You were happy when we were together.
194
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Just 'cause it didn't end
the way you wanted
195
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doesn't mean
all the rest of it was terrible.
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-I disagree.
-Oh!
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-You can't disagree!
-I just did.
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The prison therapist said
199
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-you can't tell me how I feel.
-If he knew what he was talking about,
200
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-he wouldn't be in prison.
-He's not an inmate...
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00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:11,844
anymore.
202
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,430
Frankie, would you tell Nick
how grateful he is
203
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,848
to have been married to me?
204
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:18,392
Oh, yeah, yeah, grateful.
205
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,644
Who are you, Bow-Tie?
206
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,271
H. W. Wallingford.
207
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,897
And you must be Frankie.
208
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,025
Hmm. I was hoping
I'd get a chance to meet you.
209
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,903
I gotta tell you,
you did a hell of a job on the sex scenes.
210
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,531
Oh. They say write what you know.
211
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,950
-But I disagree.
-[Frankie laughs]
212
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:36,285
Is it just me
213
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:40,873
or could you cut the sexual tension
in here with a spoon?
214
00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:43,000
She's funny too.
215
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,252
How about if we stop
beating around the bush
216
00:09:45,336 --> 00:09:48,088
and try what's on page 43?
217
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:50,174
God, get out of here.
218
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,221
You're right. He doesn't grow on you.
219
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,101
Hey. Sup, dawg?
220
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,729
You ready to get swole?
221
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,357
I know you haven't been
working out with Bud.
222
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858
-How?
-So you admit it.
223
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,901
What? No.
224
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:10,819
How, though?
225
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,571
Oh, God. You two are stupid.
226
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,697
First and foremost,
227
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,991
you've been working out
every night for weeks
228
00:10:16,075 --> 00:10:19,370
and the man is still sentient pizza dough.
Plus, I track his phone.
229
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:20,412
Oh.
230
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,122
Drag.
231
00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:25,250
Last night,
he was at some bar called Goofy's.
232
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,710
I assume it's Disney-themed.
233
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,088
Which is weird.
But not weird enough to lie about.
234
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:30,631
Okay.
235
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,677
Bud and I have not been
working out together, obviously.
236
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,888
But I have no idea
why he asked me to cover for him.
237
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,056
I don't believe you.
238
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:44,311
Look, there is no way that Bud
would be at a bar, alone, late at night.
239
00:10:44,395 --> 00:10:47,147
You know he doesn't like
drinking around men.
240
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,608
He's scared someone
will challenge him to darts.
241
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:50,776
Exactly.
242
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:54,029
And, you know,
those tracking apps are always finicky.
243
00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:55,280
Here, let me see.
244
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,991
He's probably at the place next door.
245
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,953
Yep. See? Holiday Inn Express.
246
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,414
Why would Bud go to a hotel?
247
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,041
I don't know. To get a hotel room?
248
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,420
Oh, my God.
249
00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,547
It all makes sense.
250
00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:13,298
It does?
251
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,051
Why would he get a hotel room
unless he was--?
252
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,345
Is Bud cheating on me?
253
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:19,513
Uh...
254
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,391
You told my wife I'm having an affair?
255
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,308
What? No.
256
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,352
You're misunderstanding.
257
00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:26,603
I implied it.
258
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,481
Look. Don't worry, okay?
259
00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:33,652
I told her she cannot confront you
unless she has hard evidence.
260
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,739
And since you're not having an affair,
261
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:37,865
there is no evidence.
262
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,867
You're off the hook. The plan is airtight.
263
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,077
What are you talking about?
264
00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:43,495
This is a disaster.
265
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,914
She's gonna be watching me like a hawk.
266
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:48,000
I'll be a prisoner in my own home.
267
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,003
Which reminds me,
you should know she's tracking your phone,
268
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,797
which means you'll be
a prisoner outside your home too.
269
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,049
I'm so fucked.
270
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,509
You're fucked?
271
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,762
I lost two clients today.
272
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:07,519
Hey, Dad.
273
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:08,729
Hello, sweetheart.
274
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:12,566
I'm so glad the cheesecake is here.
275
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:13,650
And you.
276
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:17,112
Well, I just thought I'd pop by
and bring you your cheesecake
277
00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:19,072
in order to avoid my problems.
278
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:22,117
Yeah, I heard what's going on
between you and Mal.
279
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:23,660
So you know it's bad?
280
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:28,332
Well, you have done
many horrible things to her.
281
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:32,419
Granted, but this might be the straw
that killed the horse...
282
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,421
or whatever.
283
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,591
I guess the straw is poisonous?
284
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,551
Why don't you just apologize?
285
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:41,845
Because I suck at it,
286
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,808
and if I'm going to apologize,
I want it to work.
287
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,811
I wonder...
288
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,648
if you've thought about saying something
289
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:57,653
that draws on a lifetime
of love and sisterhood?
290
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,243
Dad? Blink if someone made you say that.
291
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,748
See? It works.
292
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,792
What the fuck is happening?
I don't like it.
293
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,001
I don't like it either.
294
00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:16,630
Sol got me this ridiculous earpiece
to help me with my lines for the show.
295
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,798
It'll never work.
296
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,466
-It just did!
-Oh!
297
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,218
Who brought cheesecake?
298
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,680
-Dad--
-Pipe down, Robert.
299
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,307
We're not talking cheesecake right now!
300
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,517
I'm sorry.
301
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,852
What were we talking about?
302
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:34,273
Yes, I know it's hard to concentrate
with cheesecake around.
303
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,274
That's right.
304
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,442
I've gotta stay focused. Excuse me.
305
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:44,032
Just tell Mallory she's your North Star
306
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:47,494
and the last thing you want
is for her to be angry at you.
307
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:50,873
Then you tell her why you were wrong
308
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:54,001
and then tell her you've learned a lesson.
309
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,211
Great. You can just say that for me.
310
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:59,214
And maybe bring a bottle
of cheap merlot with you.
311
00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:00,924
That's not how it works.
312
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,599
What if you apologize with me?
313
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,560
This technology is for good,
314
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,978
not for evil.
315
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,440
Well, that's not been my experience
with technology.
316
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,568
And true, we're deceiving Mallory,
317
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:23,238
but we're also helping me.
318
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,743
And isn't that the good-est thing of all?
319
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:33,916
Before we get started,
I'd just like to ask you a few questions.
320
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:34,917
Sure.
321
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,293
Are you married?
322
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,961
Uh, only to my work.
323
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:41,256
Uh, any diseases I should know about?
324
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,341
Just diabetes.
325
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:43,675
Excellent.
326
00:14:44,343 --> 00:14:46,970
Well, now that we got that out of the way,
327
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,348
I just love your little bow-tie.
328
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,265
Really?
329
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:53,977
-You know, most women do not--
-Let's have an experience, H. W.
330
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,104
One you'll remember
for the rest of your life,
331
00:14:56,188 --> 00:14:58,065
and one that I will remember...
332
00:14:58,815 --> 00:14:59,900
for a week,
333
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,193
give or take.
334
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,279
Look, Frankie--
335
00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:08,951
What else do I have to do?
Are you gonna be my last hurrah or what?
336
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,078
Mm-hm.
337
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,958
Frankie, at my last book signing,
338
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:21,380
a gaggle of ladies accosted me
with high hopes of a harem.
339
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,589
-Hmm.
-Yeah.
340
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:25,092
And I'm gonna tell you what I told them.
341
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:29,680
That there's a motel across the street
with handrails in the shower?
342
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:30,722
No.
343
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:35,394
No. What I told them was,
"If you want to get in here,
344
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:39,064
then you've got to get in here first."
345
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,857
Tell me your story.
346
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,443
Get ready for a roller coaster,
347
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:48,657
because Frankie Bergstein
has a hell of a life story.
348
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,368
[knocking on door]
349
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:53,537
Sol, you there?
350
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,372
That's an affirmative.
351
00:15:58,542 --> 00:15:59,835
[sighs]
352
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:01,378
Hey, girl.
353
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,798
Ugh. What the hell are you doing here?
Where's Dad?
354
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,425
He asked for a cheesecake.
355
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,803
Okay, you've been tricked.
This is an apology ruse.
356
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,097
-What the fuck, man?
-I know, I know.
357
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:15,225
And you have every right to be upset.
Just please hear me out.
358
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,894
There's something I want to say.
359
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,981
There's something I want to say.
360
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:24,609
Something I've needed
to say for a long time.
361
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,195
All right, let's have it.
362
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:30,032
So for my whole life...
363
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:35,370
You've filled my heart with light
and joy because you are...
364
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:36,913
My North Star.
365
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:42,002
And sometimes,
it's hard for me to admit that.
366
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,715
And I know what I did
with Stewie and the Eye Butter was...
367
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,383
Really wrong.
368
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:51,720
But I think when I do things
like that, it's about...
369
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,764
My own lack of self-esteem?
370
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,767
And I just want to say...
371
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,477
That I love you...
372
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,103
And I'm sorry.
373
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,694
You are the wind beneath my wings.
374
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:14,910
Sol?
375
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,331
You went to Sol for coaching, didn't you?
376
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,793
Yes.
377
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,127
I did.
378
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,005
Because I wanted to get it right.
379
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,715
Because I care.
380
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:33,637
You... I knew you wouldn't quote
Beaches unironically.
381
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,014
I mean, just for that, I forgive you.
382
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:38,100
I can't imagine
how hard that must have been.
383
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,102
Right?
384
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,979
It is so annoying.
It was like an apology from a Muppet.
385
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,064
So annoying.
386
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:47,901
The man was wearing a Joan Baez T-shirt
and chef's pants the other day.
387
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,612
In public,
unabashedly out in the world like that.
388
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,864
At least he wasn't listening to Joan Baez.
389
00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:56,785
If I have to hear
"Sweet Sir Galahad" one more time...
390
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,371
Have you seen the picture of Rachel Maddow
he keeps in his wallet?
391
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,288
Which one?
392
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:06,336
And hey, I don't know if you've noticed,
393
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,131
but has he been
a little short with Dad lately?
394
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,800
Yes. He's actually been kind of a prick.
395
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:16,304
A little while ago, he cut Dad off
pretty harshly for, like, no reason.
396
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,641
I can hear you.
397
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:23,353
Crap.
398
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,983
You have to admit you were happy.
399
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,818
Oh, my God. Fine. Whatever.
400
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,821
You want me to cut that sentence so badly?
I'll cut the sentence.
401
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,406
Great. Thank you.
402
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,074
You happy now?
403
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,409
No.
404
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:38,577
Why not?
405
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,496
Because I want you
to want to cut the sentence.
406
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,374
I said I'd cut it. What does it matter?
407
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,377
Because you've been divorced three times,
408
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,172
you embezzled millions of dollars,
you've gone to prison,
409
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,883
you've lost your company
and your reputation.
410
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,678
How could I be the one mistake
you wish you hadn't made?
411
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:01,308
Because none of those
other mistakes hurt like this one.
412
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:08,773
Do you know how... humiliating...
413
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:12,819
it was to wake up every morning knowing...
414
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:15,906
that you loved Frankie
more than you loved me?
415
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,702
To know that I wanted
to share my life with you,
416
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:24,039
but you wanted to share it
with somebody else.
417
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,292
So sorry if I consider that a mistake...
418
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,170
I wish I hadn't made.
419
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,219
The truth is,
I knew I wanted to be with Frankie.
420
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:42,933
I also knew right from the start
421
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,893
I shouldn't have married you.
422
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,813
I'm sorry I hurt you.
423
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,319
I guess that was the one mistake
I wish I hadn't made.
424
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:59,282
Grace, I'll change the stupid sentence.
It's really not a big deal.
425
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,077
No, it's the truth.
426
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:07,624
But there is another sentence
I would like to talk to you about.
427
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,750
Oh, Jesus.
428
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,629
How could you say that the last time
we had sex it was great?
429
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,339
What are you talking about?
430
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716
It was amazing.
431
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,344
Mind-boggling.
432
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:20,470
I didn't care for it.
433
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,266
You had such a big orgasm you knocked
the Gaviscon off the night table.
434
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,600
It was a cramp.
435
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,519
I was low on potassium.
436
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,647
Why didn't you eat a banana?
437
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:37,195
I thought we had
this wonderful, passionate last time.
438
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,698
It had a kind of...
439
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,200
a desperate feel to it.
440
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,370
I'd just gotten out of prison.
441
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:49,124
I think the desperation was two people...
442
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:54,713
trying to hold onto something
they both knew was already gone.
443
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,951
You want to take another crack at this?
444
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,412
Sure.
445
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,666
I had bananas with my Total this morning.
446
00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:38,131
That's weird.
447
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,051
Coyote told me to avoid
empty carbs and dairy.
448
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:42,761
Must be on different programs.
449
00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:44,721
I'm bulking up for the summer.
450
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:46,598
-Hi, hi.
-Hi.
451
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,350
I don't mean to bother you.
452
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:51,644
I just wanted to say
you were so great last night.
453
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:52,771
Oh.
454
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:54,856
You were together last night?
455
00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:57,942
-Over at Goofy's.
-I think you're confused, lady.
456
00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,694
You didn't see me.
457
00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:01,488
I sure did.
458
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:05,658
Nope. Must be the other
Black guy in San Diego.
459
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,410
His name's Kevin. Go bother him.
460
00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:08,828
Wow.
461
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,121
White people, right?
462
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:11,706
Oh, my God.
463
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,291
I'm so sorry.
464
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,919
I swear, I'm not one of those--
I'm not a...
465
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:18,171
I'm so sorry.
466
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:24,052
No. I know what's going on.
467
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:27,013
And her, Bud? Really?
468
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,183
You're banging strange women
who look vaguely like me
469
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:31,935
at the Holiday Inn Express?
470
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,269
Jesus Christ!
471
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,605
What? No.
472
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:39,317
You think my mistress would approach me
in front of my wife at the grocery store?
473
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:42,404
I wouldn't date an idiot, babe.
I'm a divorce lawyer.
474
00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:45,240
Can you imagine the tricks
I've learned over the years?
475
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:48,660
-This is how you're defending yourself?
-No good?
476
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:55,250
-I was in Chicago in '68 during the DNC.
-Right.
477
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:59,379
But I went to get a hot dog
when all the shit went down.
478
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:01,840
Last hot dog I ever ate.
479
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:06,428
I knew the instant I saw him
he was mine and I was his.
480
00:23:06,511 --> 00:23:08,972
He was such a happy, talkative baby.
481
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,724
When he cooed, he sounded like a coyote.
482
00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:14,060
Oh, it was really something.
483
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,729
We kept his African name, though.
484
00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:18,273
Nwabudike.
485
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:22,444
I was too embarrassed
to tell anyone I left the lens cap on
486
00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,946
-when I was standing on that grassy knoll.
-Well, okay.
487
00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:27,907
-Ah. Frankie?
-Yes, H.W.?
488
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:29,659
You're a wonderful woman.
489
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,494
I see that clearly now.
490
00:23:32,328 --> 00:23:33,371
Skip to the end.
491
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,582
Okay, the end...
492
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,002
The end?
493
00:23:39,878 --> 00:23:42,839
I'm not sure I have a really good ending.
494
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:46,092
Well, all the more reason
to live life now.
495
00:23:46,176 --> 00:23:47,760
Help me take my shoes off.
496
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:49,679
Oh, this is bad.
497
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:53,016
What, you're not good with shoelaces?
That's okay. Neither am I.
498
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:55,685
No. I'm starting to worry...
499
00:23:56,978 --> 00:23:58,980
that my life has built to nothing.
500
00:23:59,063 --> 00:24:01,274
No, no, it's fine.
You've lived a fine life.
501
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,401
I didn't want fine.
502
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:06,321
And now it's too late to change it.
503
00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:07,989
The clock is ticking.
504
00:24:08,072 --> 00:24:10,742
What? No, no, no, you're good.
505
00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:11,951
I'm not.
506
00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:13,620
I'm good, so let's go.
507
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:15,622
Oh, H.W., enough.
508
00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:18,458
Nobody's getting laid tonight.
509
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,754
Okay, but you were lying
about the working out.
510
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,298
I'm not, like, imagining that, right?
511
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,092
Okay, yes. I was.
512
00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:29,552
But why?
513
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,513
I am so sorry.
514
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:33,765
And I promise I'm gonna leave you alone.
515
00:24:33,848 --> 00:24:36,309
It's just that I'm a comedy manager
516
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:39,062
and I thought you were
this comedian I saw at an open mic.
517
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:41,314
He was so funny and kind of sweet,
518
00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:44,776
and I have to book slots for this
Amateur Night that Jimmy Kimmel's doing.
519
00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:47,779
But I am so sorry to both of you.
520
00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:49,447
So embarrassing.
521
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:51,199
Um, you two have a good day.
522
00:24:53,076 --> 00:24:53,910
Wait.
523
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:56,496
That was me.
524
00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:02,252
I am that incredibly
talented comedian you saw at Goofy's.
525
00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:03,169
I'm Bud.
526
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:05,797
-What?
-What?
527
00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:10,051
Little bit more of a James Corden guy,
but you can tell Jimmy that I'll be there.
528
00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:12,720
Then why did you call me a racist
when I complimented you?
529
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:15,098
To cover my lies to my wife?
530
00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:18,726
Well, you're disgusting. Goodbye.
531
00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:24,190
I can't read you right now.
532
00:25:24,274 --> 00:25:27,193
Are you mad about the weeks of deception
or excited about Kimmel?
533
00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:35,577
Girls, I see you've brought cheesecake.
534
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,872
How about I order us a few pizzas,
we make a cheesy night of it?
535
00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:43,042
That sounds great, Dad,
but I have four kids I have to feed.
536
00:25:43,668 --> 00:25:46,212
And I have a bird I have to kill.
537
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,923
Okay, we'll do pizza another night.
538
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:52,176
Anyway, if you'll excuse us
for just a minute, we have to talk to Sol.
539
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:54,721
Sol, your friends are here.
540
00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:01,769
Glad to see you girls
are back together again.
541
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,984
And all it took was a raucous referendum
on all the ways in which I fall short.
542
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:12,488
Sol, we are so sorry.
543
00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:13,990
We were just blowing off steam.
544
00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,743
[Brianna] We didn't even mean
the things we were saying.
545
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:19,454
I love Joan Baez.
546
00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:21,414
And chef's pants.
547
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:24,334
That elastic waistband is everything.
548
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:25,418
Look.
549
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,505
I know I'm not your kind of guy.
550
00:26:29,589 --> 00:26:31,883
I know you find me silly
551
00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:35,470
and maybe even
a little self-indulgent, fine.
552
00:26:37,013 --> 00:26:41,059
But to borrow from La Cage,
"I am what I am."
553
00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:45,855
I just can't believe
you think I mistreat my husband.
554
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:50,026
I love your father
more than anything in this world.
555
00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:54,614
And I'm the one who takes care of him.
556
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:57,992
The one who is going to take care of him.
557
00:26:58,076 --> 00:27:00,078
No one is doubting that you love him, Sol.
558
00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:02,997
But you have been
pretty rude to him lately.
559
00:27:03,081 --> 00:27:05,833
Brianna, I was trying to protect him.
560
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:08,795
He was repeating himself.
561
00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:11,005
I didn't want you to notice.
562
00:27:11,089 --> 00:27:13,091
That's just Dad being Dad.
563
00:27:13,174 --> 00:27:16,719
And you're not curious
as to why he needs the earpiece?
564
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:19,931
Please, he's always
forgetting important stuff.
565
00:27:20,014 --> 00:27:22,100
Like our names.
566
00:27:22,725 --> 00:27:26,396
This isn't anything new,
anything we need to be worried about.
567
00:27:27,063 --> 00:27:28,272
I thought so too.
568
00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:31,984
I thought so too, but...
569
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:35,530
Have you cheered up that sad sack yet?
570
00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:38,408
I saw you brought cheesecake.
571
00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:41,786
How about I order us some pizza,
we make a cheesy night of it?
572
00:27:49,419 --> 00:27:50,503
That'd be great, Dad.
573
00:28:03,766 --> 00:28:05,476
-Whoa.
-Yeah.
574
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,520
Now, that?
575
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:11,023
That was a last time.
576
00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,736
So glad we ended like this.
577
00:28:19,407 --> 00:28:23,953
And I hope, one day, you'll be able
to see the good in our relationship.
578
00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:27,373
I gotta say, this really helped.
579
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:33,755
Wow. That Frankie is a fascinating
but confounding woman.
580
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:36,340
-H.W., write this down.
-Okay.
581
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:41,387
"Ultimately, marrying Grace
was the one mistake I wish I hadn't made.
582
00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:45,641
-But I'd make it all over again."
-[H.W. chuckles]
583
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:49,479
Uh, my death date is next Thursday,
584
00:28:49,562 --> 00:28:54,066
and I'm realizing
my life has added up to nothing.
585
00:28:55,318 --> 00:28:56,819
I have no ending.
586
00:29:03,701 --> 00:29:04,994
That's my cue.
587
00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:08,122
["Catch Me I'm Falling" playing]
588
00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:12,001
Dude.
589
00:29:13,169 --> 00:29:14,253
Can you leave?
590
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,471
♪ So much is said about love ♪
591
00:29:25,473 --> 00:29:31,020
♪ But not enough is said
About the way you love me ♪
592
00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:35,733
♪ Ooh, you love me ♪
593
00:29:42,615 --> 00:29:45,618
♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪
594
00:29:48,746 --> 00:29:50,331
♪ Here comes the sun ♪
595
00:29:51,082 --> 00:29:53,042
♪ Here comes the rain ♪
596
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:55,920
♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪
597
00:30:00,091 --> 00:30:01,801
♪ Another season ♪
598
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,222
-♪ Another new love ♪
-♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪