Jolly good.
♪
[Singing indistinctly]
♪
Man: Help me.
Help me.
♪
Help me.
♪
Rick?
♪
Daddy...
♪
Oh, no. Too soon!
- The Grinch is here. - I'm not a Grinch.
I just happen to think
that Christmas has no place in November.
Well, I wouldn't stand there, then.
What? Oh, God.
You might get seduced.[Laughs]
What, you think that some tall, swarthy man
is going to come in here and sweep me off my feet?
- Detective Sims. - Oh, hi, sir.
D.C. Chalmers.
That was... Inspector Hughes. Yeah.
Yeah. What did he want?
Uh, he was in with Mike when I got here.
Okay. Is that it?
That's all I know.
Ah, morning.
Morning. Uh, coffee?
Uh, no. Uh, Hughes came bearing.
Right. Yes, uh, I did see him.
Just passing through, was he, or...
Doing the rounds.
Um, dead body found at Hackett's Glade.
♪
No I.D.
As if he needs any.
Meaning?
The thorns.
The loincloth and wound to the abdomen.
It is obvious who he is. Jesus Christ.
Well, how about we just stick with John Doe for now?
You don't know.
This could be the second coming.
Well, if it is, he came and went pretty quick.
Didn't make the news.
♪
Hello, there.
I'm not sure what brought you out here,
but clearly you have a story to tell.
Or you were telling a story.
Uh, Dr. Plummer found the victim.
Apparently, his last word was "Daddy."
Daddy?
- That confirms it. - What?
He did that on the cross, crying out to the Holy Father.
"Daddy, why have you forsaken me?"
Carry on, Gina.
[Clears throat]
- Dr. Plummer. - Detective.
How are you bearing up?
I'm quite shaken, I don't mind admitting.
It's not every day a man dies at your feet.
Uh, this man... He just came crawling out of the bush.
And you were out here... Uh, taking a walk.
A little me time just strolling in the woods, as you do.
It's spring and we walk, don't we?
♪
Um, can you bag that?
Enjoying the sounds of nature.
Quite normal. Boss!
♪
There's a clear blood trail along here.
♪
Into there.
♪
Okay, this is getting weird.
Hey, Mike.
It's a fake.
Makes the whole getting out of the cave thing a lot easier.
Mm.
Okay, so, loincloth, crown of thorns,
cave, and a cross.
Baked beans. Coffee.
Uh, sawn-off shotgun and a hunting knife.
♪
Sims: Hey, uh, fingerprints have come back
with a hit on our victim, a Rick Faldo.
He's got a record for burgs, car conversion.
Assaulted a petrol station attendant in 2014.
Last known address Cable Lane, Riverstone.
[Cellphone rings]
Gina.
Jesus awaits you, Mike.
Uh, I'm not sure he's...
♪
I'm on my way.
He is the way.
♪
[Sighs]
Follow up on this Rick Faldo.
Let me know if he's definitely our man.
Okay.
- Did you see that? - What?
He closed his door. He hardly ever closes his door.
So? So, I think he's hiding something.
Well, the man's entitled to his privacy.
Hmm. Is he, though,
if he's hiding something from us,
something to do with Hughes turning up out of the blue?
Uh, you're not going in there?
W-Well...
If I have a file [Clears throat]
that I need to drop on his desk, then why not?
Are you sure this is a good idea?
What if he's sick or something?
Wouldn't you want to know so that we could help?
Detective Sims.
Going somewhere?
Um...
Yes, actually, we are...
On our way to Riverstone to follow up on a victim I.D.
I see. Mm-hmm.
Then I won't get in your way.
But we should have a chat.
I'm here for a couple of days. Catch me when you have a moment.
Okay, I-I will do that.
Carry on.
It's important, I take it.
Sorry. What?
Well, don't let me put you off your stride.
Oh, um, of course I-I won't, and I will.
And it is.
It is, of course.
[Clears throat]
Right, um, we should hit the road.
Yeah.
Stay safe out there. Yeah.
[Cellphone rings][Clears throat]
Hughes.
Okay, wow, that was close.
Yeah, well, it's your sign not to go snooping.
I wasn't snooping, I was following a lead.
You were caught in the act of a near snoop.
What was he even doing there, anyway?
Why does he want to talk to you?
I don't know, but whatever it is, it can't be good.
Gina: And here, a hole in the palm.
Stigmata, Mike.
Uh, perhaps an old injury.
Stigmata is a very old phenomenon.
And the wound to the abdomen has all the signs
of an upward thrust towards the heart.
Any idea what caused the wound?
The spear of a Roman soldier.
[Sighs] What about a hunting knife?
The Romans didn't carry those.
Uh, Gina, I-I don't think this man--
There is so much we don't know.
There was a prophecy that he would walk among us again.
I feel very privileged to be the pathologist that served him.
I was unaware that you held Christian beliefs, Gina.
There is so much you don't know about me, Mike.
But one day, you will know me inside and out.
- Uh, Anglican, Catholic? - Greek Orthodox.
Their songs are more catchy.
Would you like me to sing one?
Probably not-- in here.
It's not appropriate.
Another time.
A cup of coffee, then we should get down to it.
♪
[Hammering]
♪
- Yes? - Uh, Cynthia Bassett?
Depends who's asking.
Detective Kristin Sims.
- D.C. Chalmers. - Uh-huh.
We're, uh, making some inquiries about a Rick Faldo.
Uh-huh.
Cynthia, what is your relationship with Mr. Faldo?
Rick is my ex.
Uh, is there somewhere we could sit down?
Why?
We need to discuss Mr. Faldo with you. We have some news.
Whatever he's done, it's got nothing to do with me.
Okay, uh, he was found deceased this morning
at Hackett's Glade in Brokenwood.
♪
What did he do?
Nail himself to a cross again?
♪
Ricky was a dreamer.
Always thought he was onto the next big thing or big score.
Painting and sculpting were all forms of self-expression
or purging of his demons, I guess.
His one-year anniversary present.
Everything he did was kind of intense.
Just wears you down after a while.
And so when you said,
"Did he nail himself to a cross again?"
you literally meant...[Chuckles] Yeah.
Wasn't a metaphor.
Ricky thought he was really the man,
and everything he did was supposedly to help others.
But then that went to extremes.
[Exhales sharply]
♪
Cynthia!
♪
Cynthia, I need a hand out here.
So, I kicked him out after that.
Do you know where he went?
A week later he turned up back here,
promising that he'd sorted himself out,
but found him out in the garden,
fashioning a Roman spear.
What are you doing?
I'm making you a gift...
for you to show your love.
When they put me up on the cross...
...I want you to be the one to pierce my heart.
Why would I do that, Rick?
Then you'll know I'm dead.
Three days later,
I'll be in your arms again.
♪
The world will rejoice.
♪
Cynthia: So I kicked him out for good.
And that was two weeks ago.
So... how did he die?
Uh, well, that is yet to be determined.
♪
Mike, we have Rick Faldo's ex-girlfriend,
who will identify the body.
Shepherd: Copy that.
♪
You know, with Mike still at the postmortem...
You should resist the urge.
Hey, um, Inspector Hughes isn't around, is he?
Officer: He left an hour ago.
Good.
Sims.
Reverend Greene.
I'm sorry. I need to report a robbery.
You've been burgled?
The church has. Oh, I feel quite sick.
- St. Judas has been robbed? - They've been stolen.
What has? The three gold leaves of Jesus.
♪
Thank you.
The three gold leaves of Jesus are the most precious object
owned by all 10 of the Diocese of St. Judas.
They're believed to be the gold presented
by one of the three wise kings at the birth of Christ.
Well, every 10 years we in Brokenwood
have the privilege of hosting,
a huge hit with the parish.
Everyone comes to take communion and admire the display.
And so what better way
to celebrate such an auspicious occasion
than with a fully professional nativity play?
They almost seemed heaven-sent.
They? God's Players.
Hark, Reverend, we come from Riverstone in the Far East
to share the joy of the season.
We are God's Players,
here to offer you
a fully professional rendition of the Nativity.
Gosh, an-- - an actual donkey. - This is Maddie.
Do you charge a fee?
We ask for nothing but to be held in your prayers, Reverend.
That we may continue on our pilgrimage.
To share the word of God.
Well, um...
♪
Sunday?
♪
I'll get the word out to all the flock.
♪
Just in time, Johnny.
Yeah, she's a hungry little bit--
♪
Bi-donkey.
Reverend!
- Johnny, isn't it? - Yeah.
♪
Sims: Oh, wait. Sorry. Hang on.
Johnny Oades is a member of God's Players?
I admit to being a little surprised myself,
but it seems he's very much seen the light.
Johnny Oades is a born-again Christian?
Nothing to be sneezed at for a man
who's quite clearly illiterate.
♪
When did you accept Jesus into your heart?
Oh, a while ago.
Yeah, I had some time on my hands,
so I read the Bible cover to cover.
Yes, it's quite a page turner, isn't it?
Any favorite passages?
Oh, I thought the first chapter was pretty good.
Geronimo!
Let there be light, and there was light.
Any others?
A little further in? Revelations, perhaps.
Oh, yeah. I had a few revelations, for sure.
Like how Jesus was actually an amazing cook.
You know, turning all that fish into bread.
And, you know, basically,
he was just a real good guy,
going around helping people all the time.
He's a bit like me, really.
And Rick. Rick knows a lot about Jesus.
♪
Sims: So, these players just turned up out of the blue
and offered to perform?
Reverend Greene: Like I said, almost heaven-sent-- almost.
Chalmers: And this nativity play went ahead?
Yes, as planned on Sunday.
I don't think they were quite
what they made themselves out to be.
♪ Away in a manger, no crib for a bed ♪
♪ The little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head ♪
The innkeeper said there was no room at the inn,
but fortunately he offered us the use of his manger.
Hurry, Joseph. It's almost time.
Giddy-up, donkey!
♪
Gosh, what a cozy manger.
Make yourself comfortable, my love.
It won't be long now.
Gosh, what a bright star
that shines above in the night sky.
I said what a bright star
that shines yonder in the night sky.
Johnny: Hark!
♪
Hark! I am the three wise kings from the Oriental.
♪
I am Balthasar, and I bring myrrh.
♪
[High-pitched] I am Melchoir, and I bring Frankenstein.
♪
[Imitating French accent] And I am Jasper,
and I bring three gold olive leaves
made of pure gold.
[Applause]
Oh, Joseph. It's time. Hark!
My virgin wife is going into labor.
[Normal voice] Allow me. Some modesty.
For not only am I a wise king, I am also a doctor.
I will help deliver the baby.
Breathe, Mary. Relax and breathe.
[Congregation chuckles]
Let us all sing.
♪ Away in a manger, no crib for a bed ♪
Get out of it! No! Down!
♪ ...Jesus lay down his sweet head ♪
Harkness! It's a boy.
A sweet little baby boy.
Lo and behold, I have a son!
- A son of man. - And of woman.
A son who grows into a man
and will lead his people into the light.
♪
[Laughter]
It is I.
Him.
Me.
And I am here to serve you as our Father's servant,
to spread the word of our Father.
I come to you as Jesus, son of God,
for I am the way, the truth, and the life.
♪
Reverend Greene: Traditionally, with the Nativity,
we end on baby Jesus emerging from the crib.
As an adult, Jesus was unorthodox.
Um, so, from what you're saying,
the gold leaves were still there at that point.
So it seemed.
Perhaps I should show you.
♪
Dull. The glimmer is gone.
Painted tin. Not gold at all.
It was Mrs. Baker who noticed it.
♪
Reverend! Reverend!
Chalmers: So, they were switched.
Reverend Greene: And amongst the festivities, nobody noticed.
Chalmers: You believe this happened during the play?
We've had a security guard stationed here at all times.
The gold leaves, how much are they valued at?
Oh, they're quite simply priceless.
♪
Johnny Oades was in a nativity play?
It does take - some processing, but yes. - Huh.
And the leader of these players is our victim, Rick Faldo?
Who ended up dead after the gold leaves were discovered missing.
- A heist gone wrong? - Seems like it.
Did Gina give a cause of death?
Uh, the abdomen wound nicked an artery.
Uh, internal bleeding over a 24-hour period.
- And a weapon? - Gina thinks a spear tip.
Well, according to his ex, Cynthia Bassett,
Rick made a spear for her to kill him with.
Yeah, she also states
that Rick was a complicated person
who had significant mental health issues
and he should have been under the supervision
of a medical professional.
Are we discounting the hunting knife?
Uh, it came up negative for traces of blood.
Where is Johnny Oades these days?
Uh, last known address was Tahuna Point.
His home detention expired three weeks ago.
I took a spin up there,
but it looks like he's moved out.
And these two? Nothing.
Reverend Greene thinks he heard the guy playing Joseph
being called Errol.
But the woman playing Mary
was only ever referred to as Mary.
Mm.
Good. Good? How is that good?
The disappearance of the gold leaves
and Rick Faldo's death can't be a coincidence.
We find the leaves, chances are
that we find the person or persons who killed him.
I've, uh, got a meeting.
See if you can track down Johnny.
I'll, uh, catch you later.
Okay.
"Catch you later"?
When has he ever been so nonchalant?
He's not well, is he?
That could be a stretch.
He's got head honcho business going on.
I'm going in.
Uh, seriously? Is that wise?
Something is going on.
We need to find out what it is.
So cover me.
Hey, I'm doing this for us.
This is on you.
♪
Well, sky falling?
♪
Um...
He's getting a promotion.
♪
Okay. It's a good thing, then.
At Central.
♪
Mike's leaving Brokenwood.
Why try to hide it if it's not already a done deal?
You can't say anything.
Why not? He'll ask how you knew.
Then the whole snooping thing will be revealed.
- Frodo. - Detectives.
Uh, sorry, I've switched off the machine.
We're not after coffees.
Have you seen your cousin Johnny lately?
Johnny? No, not for ages.
Probably because he's been on home D.
Well, not even a postcard.
That finished - three weeks ago. - Okay.
He's been seen around town.
Well, I mean, not by me.
Okay, well, uh, if you do see him,
- can you let us know? - Sure.
Or you could ask my half cousin, Errol.
I saw him earlier.
Maddie! Have you seen a donkey?
She-- She's about donkey height.
Errol! Man, long time, no see.
Here you are.
Hey, Frodo.
Awesome to see you, too. What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, just making coffees.
Oh, okay. Um...
I lost my donkey.
Frankie: Which is a big deal,
because, you know, some people have support dogs,
but Errol, he has a donkey, so losing Maddie is not good.
Errol is your cousin?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
And where does Errol live?
He's an itinerary.
He moves around a lot in his van.
- With a donkey? - Yeah.
- You got a number for him? - No, but you could try Johnny.
Errol said he and his girlfriend, Mary,
were staying with him for a while.
But you haven't seen Johnny?
No, but I will tomorrow.
Errol said he'll bring him around
for a coffee and a catch up.
Did he say what time?
Yeah, uh, around 10:00.
Okay, great. Thanks, Frodo.
Fantastic. [Clears throat] Awesome.
Why do I feel like I've just lost time
that I will never get back?
Mm.
♪
- Senior? - Shepherd: Yes.
You're wanted.
♪
Dr. Plummer.
Detective.
You knew the victim.
I should have mentioned it earlier,
but I was conflicted.
Client-patient privilege, you see.
How long did you treat Mr. Faldo?
A few times only.
He wasn't overly receptive to being in treatment.
You meeting Mr. Faldo there, that was prearranged?
No, I swear, I was just...
It was a complete coincidence.
He was sent to you through the courts?
Yes, but I hadn't seen him since the nail gun incident.
This is the reward I get for trying to help people.
Stigmatized as a raving lunatic.
No one is calling you that, Rick.
But you're thinking it.
I know what you're thinking.
Let's talk about the hand.
What were you thinking when you felt compelled
to do that to yourself?
I wanted to take everyone's pain and suffering.
Channel it. Carry it for others.
You got a problem with that?
No, it's very generous.
But you'd been drinking, I believe, quite heavily.
Do not judge, or you, too, will be judged.
This comes not from judgment, but from concern.
And what about Cynthia?
Did you not pause to think how this would affect her,
having to confront what you had done to yourself?
Cynthia gets it.
She gets me.
Then why did she kick you out?
I don't need a house.
♪
Material things.
Besides...
♪
...I have a cave. I see.
And you plan to live in this cave?
More than live.
Come back to life.
Are you suggesting that your patient
was planning to... Stage a resurrection.
Yes. Rick was an extreme case.
It's quite possible he orchestrated his own demise,
firmly believing he would come back to life.
Huh. Just like Jesus.
Except he didn't want to be like Jesus.
He actually thought he was Jesus.
How common affliction is this? Not uncommon,
people overextending themselves to help others.
But in Mr. Faldo's case,
he was poised at the extreme edge of sanity.
[Clears throat]
Something else, since we're being open and frank.
Yes.
The little bell Detective Sims found at the scene...
Could I have it back?
♪
This one? Ah, such a relief.
They're tuned to C sharp. Very hard to find.
May I? Uh, can you assure me
that this has nothing to do with Rick Faldo's death?
I take it this is confidential.
As you well know.
That morning in Hackett's Glade,
I was rehearsing for a convention.
Convention of... Morris dancing,
and I thought I was alone.
This was the "me time" - that you were referring to. - Quite.
And out of the blue, there was Rick.
I take it this is not something that your husband partakes in.
Lucas doesn't know.
Why the secret?
Surely the only thing worse than a man of the cloth
being married to another man
is being married to a pagan.
♪
[Rattling]
♪
Oh, no way.
♪
Gina, these decorations...
way too soon.
But I love Christmas.
It can never come soon enough.
Oh, my God. What are you wearing?
Hmm? Mm!
♪
In Russia, the brown bears go into hibernation
at this time of the year.
On this day, we honor them.
Ah.
So it's a tradition.
In Vladivostok, yes. In Moscow, not so much.
In Irkutsk, they honor the tundra bean goose.
Interesting. Interesting.
Okay, um, listen, Gina, I have to tell you something.
You're pregnant? What?
Oh, my God, no. [Sighs] Good.
I thought you might want your spare room back for a nursery.
Huh.
Okay, uh, no, but actually, just on that--
Just so you know, the renovations
at my house-- Are finished?
Have been delayed further.
I need to stay some more.
But don't worry, I'm happy here.
Good. Of course.
Uh, so another week or...
A month should do it.
Now, you have news?
Yes. Uh, i-it's about Mike.
He's sick?
- No, he's not sick. - Such a relief.
But he is getting a promotion.
Detective Inspector.
Oh, my God, I'm so happy for him.
Back in the city, at Central.
Mike is leaving?
Seems that way.
You did something, didn't you?
No, I-- How could you?
Gina, I had no--Oh, stop talking.
When you speak, I hear thorns.
- Horns? - Thorns.
Sharpness in my ears.
Bad news.
I'm going back to bed.
♪
[Door slams]
Well, I'd say that went as well as can be expected.
♪
Dr. Plummer.
Uh, he wasn't entirely truthful
about his connection to the victim.
He treated Rick Faldo briefly.
At least he was getting treatment.
Yeah. Clearly needed it.
Dr. Plummer believes that
Mr. Faldo was capable of self-harm.
He did this to himself?
In a misguided attempt at staging a resurrection.
Possibly.
Makes sense of the cave.
Okay, so if the theft of the gold leaves is connected,
he steals them
and then commits some weird form of hari-kari.
- Where's the logic? - Well, he's mentally unstable.
Maybe there isn't any.
Do we know true value of the leaves?
- Yeah, $250,000. - So the stakes were high.
So what about this, then? Is this actually real gold?
No, it is part of a Morris dancing outfit,
as worn by Dr. Plummer when he came across Rick Faldo.
Morris dancing? Mm-hmm. A secret passion of his.
He came here in strict confidence, of course.
Oh, so you mean when we see Reverend Greene,
we shouldn't say, "Do you know your husband dances
with tiny bells attached to his ankles?"Correct.
Hey, uh, is that who you had - a meeting with last night? - Hmm?
You said you had a meeting. Was it with Dr. Plummer?
Uh, no. Hughes. Uh, uh, then Dr. Plummer called him.
And how was Inspector Hughes?
Is he all good these days, or...
No, I believe so, yes.
No... news?
Not that I'm aware of.
Well, uh, yeah, we got to get going.
We've got a lead on Johnny Oades, so...
♪
Chalmers: Hello, Johnny.
- Don't do it. - He's not doing anything.
Yeah, I'm not doing nothing.
Good. Because I wouldn't want you to run.
I'm not running.
♪ I've told myself before
Good luck.
♪ These half-constructed lies, they tell me I'm not worth it ♪
♪ Here's a little tip, make it believable ♪
♪ Else what's the point?
♪ You don't even try
♪ And that is why I'm saying goodbye ♪
Chalmers: Give it up, Johnny!
♪ You don't even try to tell good lies ♪
♪ Now I got...
Sims: We need to talk.
Let go of the carrots, Errol.
♪ I'm giving you my money, I'm driving you around ♪
♪ You're hanging with your loser friends ♪
♪ And then you can't be found
♪
Errol, we are interested in your relationship
with Rick Faldo.
Uh-huh. What about it?
Well, he was found dead yesterday at Hackett's Glade.
♪
I lost my donkey. She's called Maddie.
Uh, well, hopefully she'll turn up soon.
But in the meantime, Rick Faldo?
I didn't know him.
Hmm, well, that's strange,
because this photo
shows you and Mr. Faldo and a woman called Mary,
who we believe to be your girlfriend, together.
Yeah, but I-I didn't know him that well.
Well, perhaps we should talk to Mary.
Do you know how we can find her?
I don't know, she could be anywhere right now.
Because you live in a van?
Yes. It moves.
So, you sleep on the side of the road,
car parks, camp outs beside a pretty stream?
Yeah. You got it.
Van life. Yeah. In a van.
- Living the dream. - Yeah.
- Where'd you park last night? - Uh, Sloan Park.
Nice and flat, and there's a tap you can use.
Yes. Excuse me.
♪
Um, where's he going?
He is going to locate your girlfriend
because we will need her to verify your story.
Right. Well. [Clears throat]
These are the three gold leaves of Jesus.
They went missing from St. Judas
not long after you and your troupe performed there.
Do you happen to know where they are?
No, I really don't.
Can I make a phone call?
Okay, but, uh, just to be clear,
you're not under arrest.
I got to call my lawyer, so...
Again, you are not being charged with anything, Errol.
I got to make a call.
To your lawyer.
♪
[Clears throat] Why don't you follow me
and I'll show you where the phone is?
♪
[Line ringing]
Mary: Hello? Mary.
Errol, are you okay?
Johnny just said what happened.
Mary, listen really carefully.
Run. Run. Okay. Where?
Mary, the cops are coming.
Go! Just go.
♪
Poor form, Errol.
Shit! Johnny!
Johnny! Johnny!
Johnny, the cops are coming!
♪
[Engine sputters]
♪
Remember the triangle of silence.
Johnny, push!
Shit.
♪
[Engine sputters]
♪
D.C. Chalmers, work with CIB.
♪
Suspect on foot, heading east from Slain Park.
Jeans, leather vest, and possibly holding a cabbage.
Mary: Aaah! [Grunts]
♪
Any idea where Johnny's going?
No.
♪
Let's go.
♪ What makes the soul connect to you? ♪
♪ I only know it's what I do ♪
♪ We're born apart, we fall in love ♪
♪ It's all untold, but I am sold ♪
♪ This silly love, this silly love ♪
Mary, you seemed intent on leaving the scene
after a police officer instructed you to stop.
Why was that?
I didn't know you were a cop.
I showed you my I.D.
Could have been a fake.
It wasn't.
Well, if you want to talk about fakes...
What do you know about these?
They look like gold leaves.
Well, these ones are a precious holy relic.
The others are cheap tin, lacquered in gold paint.
Mm-hmm.
But you already knew that, of course,
because they were props
in a nativity play you were part of.
Oh, right. Yeah. Those ones.
The thing is, the real ones went missing
after your performance.
Gosh, it's a shame.
Do you know where they are?
No. Chalmers: Okay. Are you sure about that?
I don't know where they are.
Your boyfriend Errol said the same thing.
Well, Errol knows a lot, so if he doesn't know,
it's probably not something that's known.
- What about Johnny Oades? - What about him?
Do you think he might know where they are?
He doesn't know.
You seem certain of that.
If he knew, he would have told me.
Because you have some interest
in their whereabouts, obviously.
Were you and Johnny responsible
for the disappearance of the gold leaves?
Where is Errol going?
He's being taken to our cells.
He's been charged with obstructing
our police investigation.
I need to talk to him.
Mary, a man is dead,
and a holy relic has been stolen.
So, let's quit the stalling, shall we,
and get some facts on the table.
I have nothing more to say.
Well, let's make you a coffee.
♪
Okay, so I say you take Errol,
and I'll carry on with Mary
because one of them has to give up something useful soon.
Sounds like a plan.
Okay, maybe we let Mary sweat for a bit longer.
Or do I put him off?
♪
- Go, I'll man the fort. - Okay, great.
And I'm going to demand some clarity.
Sorry to leave you with all of this.
Hey, it's for the greater good.
♪
There you go.
Oat flat white for you,
and long black for General Hughes.
Thank you, Franklin.
I'm not quite a general, but nice coffee.
Of course. Whatever you say.
Police, not military.
Oh, and modest, too.
That's what they say about great leadership.
Always lead from the hip.
I think that's ballroom dancing.
But, yes, leadership is important.
Thanks, Frodo.
So... [Clears throat]
To what do I owe the pleasure?
Change is afoot.
Mike.
He's told you.
Not directly, but we--
I surmised.
And that is why we pay you the big bucks.
♪
It's an important offer.
He was already D.I. when he arrived here.
We can't have him retiring on a D.S.S. salary.
So, it's about the money.
It's about putting the best people
where they can make the most difference.
Right now, Central is lacking the best.
Our loss is their gain.
Not necessarily.
I thought Mike liked it here.
As I said, we have to think about his future.
He's probably suited to a bit more admin work.
Mike, admin?
This is a guy who has a cassette player in his car,
a car that predates the horse and carriage.
He's only just discovered the fountain pen.
I sense resistance to change, Detective Sims.
We're a good team.
Of course, that would involve change for you, too,
Detective Sergeant.
Another 12 months, and you could be senior sergeant.
♪
You want me to run the station?
Have a think about it.
When Mike completes the paperwork, I'll be in touch.
♪
I'll leave you to get back to surmising.
♪
Shepherd: How well did you know Rick Faldo?
Not really at all.
Errol's cousin Johnny introduced us.
Yeah, so, this is Errol...
and Mary.
Rick: So, your name is really Mary? Yes.
Don't tell me your last name is Magdalene.
I won't. It's Mary.
Mary Mary?
Her dad said she was so good, he named her twice.
And is she?
What?
So good.
She's a really good person, yeah.
Welcome, Mary. Welcome, Errol.
And this is Maddie.
- She's a donkey. - Johnny: Not just any donkey, Rick.
A Jerusalem donkey.
Behold a cross.
Well done, Johnny.
♪
Let the earth bring forth
living creatures after their kind.
Cattle, creeping things, and beasts of the earth
after their kind.
And it was so.
♪
Come, let us rehearse.
Errol, you shall play Joseph.
Mary, you shall play Mary.
Johnny, you shall play three wise men.
Yeah, I can see that. What about you?
I shall play the baby Jesus.
♪
And you shall play the donkey.
Did Mr. Faldo ever mention the three gold leaves of Jesus?
Everything was his fault. It was all his fault.
If it was his fault, how did he end up dead?
Because he was a bad person.
Rick could be nasty.
♪
What the hell is that?
Mary: He's Joseph.
And this is my amazing Technicolor dreamcoat.
[Chuckles] I made it!
Rick: Take it off!
What? I said take it off!
In the Bible, there was two Josephs.
Well, that's confusing.
Your Joseph was the father of Jesus,
a humble man, not dressed as some cheap Las Vegas magician.
I mean, do your bloody research!
♪
Mary: He was mean to Errol. Really mean.
Shepherd: And you didn't like that.
♪
Are you taking the piss?
What? No, I-I did my research.
Joseph was a carpenter, so I thought...
No, you don't think, okay? I do the thinking.
This has to be a high-class show,
so we need to up our game.
Idiot!
♪
Jesus just called you an idiot.
How does that - make you feel? - Ashamed.
- But Joseph was a carpenter. - Not when Jesus was born.
He was on holiday. It was Christmas.
So, what should he be wearing?
I don't know, whatever carpenters wear
when they're on holiday.
♪
Mary: Karma-- it'll get you in the end.
By "karma," you mean Rick was mean to Errol,
therefore he died?
- Yes. - But being mean to someone
is hardly reason to get them killed, is it?
Or is it?
Did Errol take it badly?
Did he or Johnny or perhaps yourself seek revenge on Rick?
I didn't see who killed Rick.
♪
But someone did.
♪
Someone you know?
I never said that.
♪
You're free to go.
What about Errol?
Errol will be staying with us a little longer.
This is so wrong.
If you do come across the leaves,
be sure to tell us.
It will go a long way to making at least some of this right.
♪
Can we not keep her in?
Uh, more use at liberty.
She's not going anywhere with Errol in custody.
I went to see Gina today.
There was a notice up saying she was unwell.
Uh, yeah.
I think she's feeling a bit under the weather.
Hmm.
Gina never gets sick.
Well, life is full of surprises, Mike.
Hmm.
♪ Little heart, go slow
♪ I'm already here, you know
♪ Over the lake, you see the wind blow ♪
♪ Through the trees and through the snow ♪
♪ Winter comes around
♪ A heart beats slow, senses all shut down ♪
♪ Resistance in the coil
♪ The teacup waits as the water starts to boil ♪
Is Mary okay?
As far as I know, she's doing fine.
Did she say anything about Maddie?
No, other than she's still missing.
♪
Your donkey--
she's very important to you, isn't she?
♪
Yes.
♪
Maddie!
Maddie, Maddie, Maddie!
♪
Maddie!
Maddie, where are you?
Here, girl. Come on. Maddie.
Come on.
Here, girl.
- Maddie! Maddie! - Maddie!
This is all your fault.
Hey, don't have a go at me.
Maddie, come to Johnny.
Don't say that. Why not?
It sounds creepy.
Maddie, come to the man with carrots.
Hey!
Hey, you. Yes?
- What are you doing? - I'm practicing.
It's an ancient dance form.
Care to join in? It's, uh, most liberating.
Ah, no, but can you keep it down?
Sorry, this is a public space.
Yeah, but those bells, they're not good.
I-I'm sorry, but-- Hi.
We're looking for our lost donkey.
You haven't seen her?
A donkey? No.
The freaky little bells, they'll scare her away.
Do you think maybe you could just stop moving around so much?
It rather defeats the purpose.
Her name is Maddie. She's really cute and very lost.
Maddie the donkey?
And they had an actual donkey.
Quite the crowd favorite.
I'm so sorry, Lucas.
I fear what the Archbishop will say.
I could be in for a right defrocking.
And you said the man playing Jesus was called Rick?
Yes.
The devil in disguise, I fear.
♪
Uh, well, if I see her...
Our van's in the parking lot.
Just tie her up, and we'll come and get her.
Jolly good.
Oh, is that the time? Must dash.
What a clown.
♪
Maddie!
♪
Maddie! Maddie!
♪
Police, please. It's urgent.
[Sirens wailing]
♪
It's not my fault.
It's Rick's and you and Errol.
- It is not. - Well, it's your donkey.
I'm just the messenger getting shot from all sides here.
Everybody's fault but yours, eh, Johnny?
♪
Don't even think about running.
[Grunts]
He's mine!
Hi, Mary.
We need to reevaluate your ability to tell the truth.
♪ My, my, my sweet mama warned me 'bout ya ♪
♪ But I just can't live without ya now ♪
Give it up, Johnny!
♪ Oh, man, you hit me like a Western ♪
♪ Shootin', bang-bang, pow-pow
♪ Sparks flew, I knew that I wanted you ♪
♪ Didn't matter what it took
♪ Can't eat, can't sleep, now I'm in neck deep ♪
♪ All because you gave me that look ♪
♪ Woo-hoo, baby
♪ You drive me a little bit crazy ♪
♪ Bye bye, so long, lonely days are long gone ♪
♪ Baby, since you made me go woo-hoo ♪
Yeah, D.C. Chalmers. I've lost the suspect.
I was closing in, but he's vanished.
[Sighs] Yeah. Abandon pursuit.
Copy that. Returning to base.
♪
[Grunts]
Gotcha.
♪
God! No running now, Johnny.
♪
Here you go. Merry Christmas.
And the head of international policing
will be coming vacant in January.
Sounds like a lot of paperwork.
And a lot of travel.
You know it's a matter of when, not if.
So you keep saying.
Look, I need to get back to it.
♪
- See you, Frodo. - Merry Christmas.
Detective... Oh, carry on, Mike,
but we need to move on this soon, okay?
Thanks, Simon.
Sorry to interrupt.
No developments, I take it.
Uh, we have people helping us with our inquiries.
Jolly good. And the leaves?
Uh, not yet, but I'm quietly hopeful.
Right, well, some good news, at least.
I need to see a patient.
Have a good day, Lucas.
You, too, Roger.
There he goes.
You can almost hear the little jingles of his tiny bells.
I'm sorry?
My husband's keeping a secret from me.
He thinks I don't know.
Morris dancing, would you believe? I would.
It was mentioned in his debrief
on finding the victim at Hackett's Glade.
It's a shame when we can't tell each other
what we're feeling, what our needs are.
Even when it's ridiculous behavior with garters and bells.
At first, I thought it was just an excuse
to seek the company of other men.
In the end, where's the harm
with men waving handkerchiefs around?
And the floral hats are quite fetching.
No, no, I know one's not supposed to spy,
but he was making too many excuses
about offering up "pastoral care."
Something wasn't adding up.
So, one day I followed him, only to be nearly rumbled.
Cynthia: Friends of yours?
Oh, um...
No. Well, yes.
But, um, I, um...
My father used to do it-- the dancing.
I reckon he did it to ward off evil spirits, keep them at bay.
Shepherd: When was this?
Uh, the same day I realized the leaves were gone.
Wednesday. Why?
Could you come down to the station?
I'm not a peeping Tom,
Oh, I'm sure, but what you saw,
it could be useful.
♪
Yes. This-- This is the woman.
And her demeanor? Was she on edge at all?
No, no. Quite civil.
You really look like you want to join them.
Oh, no, no. No, I'm-- I'm not here.
You understand? Same for me.
Okay?
But now that I think about it,
there was something unusual about her, yes.
♪
Once again, Johnny, did you steal
the three gold leaves of Jesus?
- I did not. - Okay, then.
Do you know who did?
Who? As in who?
I can't remember.
It's not a difficult question, Johnny.
No, I don't know who.
- Did you kill Rick Faldo? - I did not,
and I think you need to tread very carefully here.
- Why is that? - Because anything you might accuse me of
can only be seen as religious prosecution.
How does that work?
Because as a Christian,
I feel that you are targeting me because of my beliefs.
Well, we're not.
We simply believe that you were involved
in two serious crimes
committed in Brokenwood this past week.
A robbery and a suspicious death.
Well, it can't have been me,
because, as I said, I'm a Christian.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
And when did you see the light?
- When I found Jesus. - Sure, you did.
Just like every other criminal hoping for an early release.
- Who are you calling a criminal? - Chalmers: You, Johnny.
You just did 12 months home detention
for aiding and abetting, misuse of human remains,
accessory after the fact.
Yeah, yeah. Alright. No need to get personal.
But I did. I met him.
Who? Jesus. In person.
- Where? - At the Croc and Panther.
There's something you should know about me.
Oh, yeah. What's that?
I am the good shepherd.
The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
Yeah, for sure.
I've heard that farming life can get pretty intense.
You're not listening, Johnny.
The thing about sheep is they need to be fed.
Uh-huh, grass, right? They like grass.
Well, when the grass runs out,
as the good shepherd, I need to supply them with feed.
Or...
♪
All the sheep die. That's right.
Do you want the sheep to die, Johnny? No.
What does it take to get more feed?
Um, More grass?
No, more money. Oh!
It takes money. Right. Yeah.
Money to buy the feed.
And where do we get the money?
Uh, a bank? A church.
So, you are admitting that you made a plan to rob St. Judas?
No, I'm admitting that Rick Faldo,
who was actually Jesus, made a plan to rob the church.
And Jesus can't rob the church because he is the church,
so therefore no crime was committed.
Okay, a couple of things. Rick Faldo was not Jesus.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
Sims: No, it's just a fact, Johnny.
Rick Faldo was born in 1977, in Lower Hutt.
He was also a man suffering
from some pretty severe mental health issues--
delusions of grandeur, for one.
And the gold leaves of Jesus...
Jesus, who is not Rick Faldo.
...went missing from St. Judas.
They were subbed out for these...
...three tin leaves crudely daubed in gold paint.
Look familiar?
No, I have never seen those before.
Well, strange, because your fingerprints are all over them.
Because you brought them into the church
during the nativity play
where you, surprisingly, played a wise king.
[Imitating French accent] And I am Jasper,
And I bring three gold olive leaves
made of pure gold.
Now would be a very good time to be wise, Johnny.
Oh, those leaves. Yeah, I remember now.
What do you remember, Johnny?
The thing is...
Rick could be very pervasive.
Holy... oh!
- Believe me now? - You're the real deal.
Think about what I said, and then ask yourself,
do you want to save the sheep, Johnny?
Or do you want to let them die?
♪
I thought I'd find you here.
- Cynthia. - Where is it?
The money.
Cynthia, this is Johnny.
Hi.
Well?
That was my money, Rick.
It was a rainy-day account.
Now what?
You're just going to sit here and drink it away?
Hey, the rains will come, the crops will grow.
All be replenished.
I swear to God, I'm going to lose my...
Outside.
I want to talk to you outside.
♪
Nice drinking with you, - fella. - Yeah.
So, it turns out even Jesus can have trouble with his missus.
Look, if Rick's done something, that's on him,
- not me. - Or Errol or Mary?
You're all just innocent parties.
Yeah, I think that's fair.
Don't lie to us, Johnny.
God's honest, Detective.
Maybe Rick's done something, and the truth has died with him.
And all I can say is that that is a tragedy.
So?
So what? Can I go now?
Yes.
Yeah.
♪
What the hell?
You can't charge me for throwing a cabbage.
At a member of the public, Johnny.
I believe that's called dangerous use of a brassica.
Plus, you're in breach of your parole conditions,
so take some time out to reflect on that.
♪
Errol, anything to add to your statement?
Um, I don't think so.
♪
Nice work, Errol. - Good remembering. - What?
The triangle of silence.
And what is the triangle of silence?
Um... Errol.
Hmm?
I don't remember.
♪
Sims: Well, if Johnny Oades is to be believed,
Rick stole money from Cynthia Bassett.
And Reverend Greene confirmed seeing Cynthia
the day before Rick was found dead.
Chalmers: Did he say what she was doing?
Hitting out of the bush.
You should join them.
Have you been hunting?
♪
In a manner of speaking.
Shepherd: Cynthia Bassett, who has a firearm license.
And we know that Rick was wounded 24 hours before he died.
By his ex wielding a Roman spear, maybe?
♪ Hey, mama, don't cry
♪ I'm going home
♪ To the other side
♪ I'm going up where I belong
♪ Where this world won't do me no harm ♪
♪ Going up to take Jesus' hand
♪ Lead me into that promised land ♪
♪
Holy mother of...
What do you think?
Uh, I think it looks like a bomb went off in here.
Good baking requires freedom of expression.
Wow, it's very, um...
...green. It's Brokenwood.
You see here? Pateke Point.
Mike's workplace, and the mortuary.
And you think this is going to make him stay?
At least I'm doing something. What are you doing?
Seriously, Kristin, what are you doing?
Or is Mike's departure something you want?
♪
So, this belongs to you?
Yeah.
That's why I was there. I was looking for it.
I didn't realize it had gone until...
♪
The bastard had sawn it off.
It was my father's. He used it to shoot rabbits.
It was sentimental.
A pump-action shotgun, pistol grip?
Not your typical rabbit gun.
You use what you can get your hands on, I suppose.
Anyway, I was worried.
I figured he might be planning something stupid.
Even though you and he had split?
It's hard not to care, you know?
♪
And you told my colleague Rick drove you nuts?
We have subsequently learned that he took money from you.
Stealing money-- I mean, how did that make you feel?
[Sighs]
He took it. I never said he stole it.
Those are two different things.
♪
And he promised he would pay it back.
By stealing from a church?
I didn't know anything about that.
♪
So, you, um, went to check up on him?
How did you know where he'd be?
♪
I had been up to the campsite before.
♪
You can come home, Rick. Why don't you come home?
Too much to do, Cynth. Too many lives to save.
Not enough time.
We have to rehearse.
You must go.
What are you rehearsing?
The end...
and the new beginning.
♪
Rick, I love you.
♪
Jesus loves you, Cynthia.
♪
Cynthia: And that was the last time I saw him.
Rehearse-- did he say what?
No.
But I can imagine.
The resurrection.
He was obsessed by that notion.
Not a nativity play?
He never mentioned that.
And the spear?
When I went looking for my gun,
there was no sign of it or him.
Rick!
♪
Rick!
♪
Rick!
♪
Where was it?
♪
Uh, we found it in a cave...
...with a spent cartridge in the spout.
Was...
♪
Was he found in a cave?
Uh, some distance away.
[Scoffs] That crazy bastard.
♪
He almost pulled it off.
♪
Mrs. Baker? [Laughs]
Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.
Anything to help out the local constabulary.
Well, we need a cake for Mike, a special one.
I can't bake, and for the record,
neither can Gina Kadinsky.
Oh, Mike Shepherd's found a lovely lady.
I knew he would.
- Not a wedding cake. - Oh, birthday?
I do do birthdays. Special ones.
O.M.G. He's not turning s--Not a birthday.
Well, why then?
Uh, this--
this has to stay on the complete down-low.
But Mike is... moving on.
He's dying?
No, no, no, no, he's being transferred.
Oh, thank God for that!
- Wait! - Mike Shepherd's leaving Brokenwood?
Well, um, okay, can we just maybe
keep our voices down a little bit?
But he is the only thing
standing between order and complete anarchy.
Um, well, we do work as a team.
Also, he's quite dishy,
you know, in a rustic kind of way.
Is it a surprise?
Yeah. For Mike.
Um, well, for all of us, actually.
Well, tell him she's coming.
Be a good night for a farewell if a shindig's in order.
Tami Neilson's coming to the Croc and Panther.
She's supposed to be at the Snake and Tiger,
but Ray double booked her
with an Iron Maiden tribute band.
Right.
Uh, be a good night for a half decent bloke. Mm.
Yeah. Um, actually, Trudy,
do you, um...
Do you remember seeing this man in the pub at all?
See, I'm--No narc. Yes, I know.
I know. I'm not asking you to narc.
I'm just asking you to remember
whether he came in here with his girlfriend
who was accusing him of stealing money.
- Does that ring any bells? - Yeah, the fisherman.
He was in a few weeks ago
with Johnny Oades, causing quite a stink.
♪
Ahh.
- Nice drinkin' with you, fella. - Yeah.
[Sniffing] Something smells fishy.
Oh, nothing to see here, Trudy.
Just two honest gents sharing an ale.
No, something smells fishy.
- Man's got to eat. - Oh, not in here.
Settle your tab and get it gone
before you stink the place out.
♪
Watch.
♪
$65.50.
♪
What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!
- Feed the multitudes. - Beer for fish-- is that it?
Cook the fish. It will feed many.
♪
Oh, no, you don't! Johnny!
Get back here now and sort this tab.
♪
[Sighs]
♪
Take your mate's bloody fish with you.
♪
Took me two days to get the smell out of the bar.
Why? What's he done?
Um, found himself dead. Mm.
Oh, uh, hang out with Johnny Oades...
Oh! Okay! I've had an inspiration.
OMG!
Thanks, Trudy.
♪
[Door opens]
We have a blood match on the spear.
Gina is better, then.
Um... somewhat.
♪
This was the weapon that killed him.
Okay, great. Thanks, Gina.
I'm going back to bed now.
Don't ask.
Our fingerprint hits on the spear--
Cynthia Bassett, Rick Faldo, Johnny O'Neal Oades,
and Mary Mary.
Want to go in and bash some heads?
Knock some sense into them.
Wishful thinking, I know.
Mm.
Chalmers: The spear was found in the vicinity
of where Rick Faldo died.
I don't know anything about a spear.
A Roman spear...
like this one.
No. Strange.
It has your fingerprints on it.
Well, I never touched that, so...
Okay. Are you sure about that?
Because we searched your phone and found these pictures.
[Chuckling] Okay, okay.
But, look, we were just mucking around.
I've never even been to Rome.
Hmm.
Even more interesting than that,
there was blood on the spear.
It matches Rick Faldo's.
Shepherd: So there was a plan to steal the leaves?
Yeah.
And the plan was to sell them?
Yeah, but Rick was really confusing about money.
[Birds chirping]
It was my idea,
so I take half, and you'll get half each.
You mean a third of a half?
No. You will each get half of what's left.
After your half.
Half each. That's fair.
Okay, I think we should all get a quarter,
and that would be really more fair.
I'm giving you half.
Yeah, but it's not even half of a half.
I'm giving you half, Johnny!
What more do you want from me?
♪
Errol: Maddie has an overactive thyroid,
makes her hungry all the time.
But, also, constipated and bloated.
And her flatulence is pretty intense.
Makes it hard in the van.
There is an operation she can have,
but it's super expensive.
So you thought you'd rob a church?
Only because Johnny made us.
♪
[Gearshift clicks]
[Engine shuts off]
♪
[Donkey braying]
♪
[Braying continues]
♪
G'day, travelers. Long time, no see.
Oh, hi, Johnny.
Looking good, Errol.
How's Maddie?
The thing is, I never see Johnny that much,
and there he was.
And he was real excited, said he'd found Jesus.
And I was happy for him.
Yeah, so it's like a play, but with Jesus in it.
So we would be actors in a play?
And you will be paid handsomely.
Like professional actors?
- What's not to like? - Why us?
I've never done that sort of thing.
Because of your talent, cousin.
And--
Oh! No, wait, I just remembered--
Jesus arrives in Athens on a donkey,
so Maddie could be in, as well.
I thought Jesus was born in Bethlehem.
Yeah, and Athens is a suburb of Bethlehem.
- Everyone knows that. - She's not well.
- Who? - Maddie.
She needs an operation.
Then use the money to give Maddie the care that she needs.
[Maddie chewing]
Errol: He was just after my donkey.
I can see that now.
And that's how we got involved and the leaves got, um...
stolen.
And, um, now they're gone,
and Maddie's gone, and Rick is gone,
and we don't know anything about that.
♪
[Vocalizing]
♪
[Maddie farts]
♪
Oh!
Hello.
♪
[Maddie snorts]
They're all telling us more
while not actually giving us anything important.
Because...
we're up against...
the triangle of silence.
Which is what exactly?
Well might you ask.
Okay, Johnny, you don't want to talk
about the spear or the gold leaves,
so... how about you enlighten me...
...ah, about the triangle of silence?
[Chuckles] Nice try.
If I told you,
that would defeat the whole purpose
of its purpose.
Fair enough.
Yeah, sounds pretty lame, anyway.
Lame?
No, it's the opposite of lame.
It is awesome.
I doubt it somehow.
So awesome, you couldn't handle it.
- I think I could. - Nah. You couldn't.
Try me.
Is it like a... cone?
It is way, way stronger than a cone.
I want to talk about the strongest shape
known to mankind.
And like all great works of My Father,
it comes in the form of the power of three.
Can anyone give me an example?
The Sun, the Moon, and the Earth?
Nice, Errol.
[Gasps] The Holy Trinity.
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Very good, Mary.
♪
The triple jump at the Olympics.
♪
How about this?
Not only is this
the strongest piece of design known to man...
♪
...it also represents something that binds us.
♪
Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.
The triangle of silence.
Understand?
United in silence.
♪
Together, we'll change the world.
Amen.
♪
So the triangle of silence is a three-legged stool.
See? I knew you couldn't handle it.
[Knock on door]
[Indistinct whispering]
Thanks.
What?
Time to head back to the cell.
♪
Good news, Errol. Maddie's been found.
♪
[Cell door clanks]
[Keys jingling, lock clicks] Chalmers: I told Errol
that Maddie was safe and well,
but given the situation, would likely be rehomed.
I imagine that will start to sink in soon.
Hmm. The old "cruel to be kind."
Well played.
Okay. Uh, while we wait, um...
I'd like a word with you both.
Yeah, sure.
In my office?
♪
Okay. There's something I've been wanting to say for a while.
♪
This... job--
it... wears you down.
You're young and hard-working, and I admire that.
You both do stellar work.
- Thanks, boss. - Yeah, thanks.
Shepherd: But make sure you stop and smell the roses.
This career-- [sighs] it's a lot.
Uh, in those cells, we have two men
who are doing their very best to play mind games with us.
And we have a victim with a Jesus complex.
Uh, guns, knives, spears.
[Sighs] We all carry that in some way--
all of it.
[Sighs] And as the years go by,
all of those things get... a little heavier every day.
Sometimes you just need to stop and offload,
and, well, that's okay.
I just wanted you both to know that.
That's...
That.
[Breathes deeply] Just that.
Oh, come on, Mike, you don't have to sugarcoat it.
- Why don't you just say it? - What?
What Kristin is saying
is that we know that you're leaving.
- Going to Central. - Who told you that?
How we know is not as important as that we know.
But it's true, isn't it?
No. [Stammers]
But-- Who told you that?
Well, H-Hughes being here-- there's been talk.
He's offered you a promotion.
I know. Well, he does that every year.
That doesn't mean I accepted.
So...
This was my 10-year review, so he was pushing hard.
I still said no.
I like it here.
♪
Uh.
♪
Oh, I really need to call Gina.
♪
What is Mrs. Baker doing here?
Uh, well, she is the cake angel.
♪
Wow! She knocked it out of the park!
Ignore the message, obviously.
You really did think I was leaving.
We did.
And this was just a small way of showing you
that we do care.
I suppose I have to give it back.
Oh, hell, no.
[Drawer slides open]
[Drawer slides shut] Here.
Now let's put this car out of its misery once and for all.
[Chuckles]
[Metallic thump in distance] Errol: I want my donkey!
- I want my donkey! - Chalmers, Cell 1.
Triangle of silence is broken.
Give me my donkey!
[Grunting]
♪
Hey![Grunts]
If you make him stop, I'll tell you what happened--
just make him stop.
I want my Maddie! I want my--
Okay. Calm down, alright? Come on, Errol.
Just calm down, all right? Maddie is okay.
- It's gonna be fine. - Promise?
She's gonna be just fine.
If we come clean about what happened,
can you make sure Maddie isn't given to a stranger?
- Johnny: Don't do it, Errol. - Errol's free to speak.
He's a little crazy. Come on.
You have to let Mary pet her.
Let me pet her. I need my Maddie.
No, he's not talking sense.
You get to hug her, and we get the truth.
- No funny business, Errol. - Promise.
♪
Who's a good girl? You're such a good girl.
♪
I love you so much.
Okay, Errol.
♪
Mary gets to stay.
♪
I don't want Maddie to be alone.
♪
All right. But if we don't get the truth...
You will.
♪
On it.
♪
Hey, Maddie. Mama's here.
[Dramatic music plays]
The triangle of silence is broken, Johnny.
Errol has told us what happened in the church.
♪
Like I said, he's not thinking straight.
No, no, he seemed pretty clear.
Johnny was supposed to swap the gold leaves...
when the curtain was up.
I will help deliver the baby.
Breathe, Mary. Relax and breathe.[Breathes sharply]
Let us all sing.
♪ Away in a manger, no crib for a bed ♪
♪ The little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head ♪
♪ The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay ♪
Get out of it! No! Down!
[Whispering] Hurry up, Johnny!
♪ The little Lord Jesus... Um.
♪ ...asleep on the hay Errol.
Errol: Harkness!
So we've established
that Maddie the donkey ate the gold leaves.
Never work with children or animals.
Rick-- he was a real child about it.
You had one job, Johnny. One job!
No, I had more than one.
I had to deliver the baby, and I had to hold the torch.
Damn you, Johnny!
♪
At least we know where they are-- the leaves.
Now all we have to do is wait...
for them to pass through.
[Maddie snorts lightly]
♪
Errol: Problem was her constipation.
Sometimes-- I mean, I'm talking days.
♪
What about prunes?
Like we get a whole bucket of prunes, right?
Yeah, I-I think rhubarb's good.
- Kiwi fruit? - Nice.
Someone has eyes on that donkey at all times.
♪
We need to rehearse.
♪
Shepherd: What did you need to rehearse?
While we were waiting for Maddie,
Rick wanted to practice an Easter show.
Rick: If anyone desires to come after me,
let him deny himself
and take up his cross and follow me.
♪
Johnny: So, Rick, in the end...
♪
...he lost his patience.
Enough. Not happening.
♪
We're running out of time.
More prunes, Rick.
We just need more prunes.
Do we?
Or...
...has Johnny been lying to us?
Johnny: What?
Eh? No.
You're the only one who told us what happened.
For all I know, there's gold leaves
just sitting in a little hideaway somewhere--
my half, along with your three halves, eh?
Is that it, Johnny?
No, Rick.
Come on, man. It's not like that.
♪
Would I have this otherwise?
Rick: Maybe.
♪
Maybe that's just part of the ruse.
♪
No.
[Thumps lightly]
God's honest.
♪
Prove it.
♪
Take the donkey down to the stream, slit its throat,
cut out the leaves, and bring them to me.
♪
Whoa, Rick.
No way, man. I can't do that.
You caused this. You fix it.
- Errol: Johnny, no. - No way.
You can't make me do this, please.
♪
[Suspenseful music plays]
Rick: I'll do it.
No.
♪
You're right.
♪
This is on me.
♪
I'll do it.
♪
That's more like it.
♪
Come on, girl. Come on.
♪
I was never going to do it. Rick was crazy.
I was just trying to help.
But that donkey-- stubborn as a mule.
Johnny: Go on, Maddie!
Go on. Get away!
Go!
[Suspenseful music plays]
Rick: That's not the spirit, Johnny.
I thought you were with me.
Yet, all this time, you were against me.
No, Rick. No way, man.
Let's just give it more time, eh?
[Weapon cocks]
Step away from the donkey, Johnny.
- Come on, man. - Get out of the way, Johnny.
Not Maddie. She-- She's just a donkey.
3...
♪
2...
[Shouting]
[Spear plunges][Gun fires]
♪ There's a sorrow deep down inside ♪
[Wheezing]
♪ I think it's time to let the river flow ♪
♪
[Thump echoes]
♪ Who I am today, I don't know ♪
No one shoots my donkey.
♪ I think it's time...
Just wanted to stop him.
And-- And Rick said he wouldn't die.
Shepherd: What happened next?
Rick had a plan.
♪
- Put me in the cave. - What?
Get these robes off me.
♪
Just put me in the bloody cave!
Are-- Are you sure about that?
In three days, I will return.
Johnny: You see?
He asked for it.
♪
- What about the spear? - Don't worry about it.
It'll just look like he fell on this knife.
♪
Shepherd: So you put him in the cave.
What else was I supposed to do?
Take him to the hospital.
Yeah, well, hindsight is easy.
♪
I didn't mean to kill him.
And he said he'd come out again all by himself.
Rick-- he had a plan.
And he did, right?
I mean, I heard he actually did.
♪
So it was an accident, really.
♪
Wasn't it?
[Maddie braying]
♪
Mary: Good girl.
♪
[Sniffs]
♪
[Sniffing] Ah.
[Breathes deeply]
♪
Quick communion, then I must dash.
♪
Ultimate accessory for the modern man, eh?
I don't know. It's a hell of a commitment.
Man, can she eat carrots.
Yeah, but you know what they say about donkeys, though, eh?
What?
They're chick magnets.
Really?
Nah. [Laughs]
Oh.
Hey, um, are you going to the Croc
for the Tami Neilson gig?
Well, I was, but now I have Maddie.
You can bring her with you.
Have donkey, will travel, brother.
♪
Yeah.[Chuckles]
Yeah.
♪
So, uh, next time you get
that snooping look in your eye...
If I hadn't have snooped,
we would have been none the wiser.
What you don't know won't hurt you.
Well, no one got hurt, and the cake was delicious,
so shush, would you?[Chuckling] Alright.
So, if a jackass mates with a mare, you get a mule.
But if a donkey impregnates a horse, you just get an ass.
I'd say probably not a first-date conversation.
[Chuckles]
I hear you're not leaving, after all.
Oh, I never was.
A girl can dream.[Chuckles]
♪
Did you like your cake?
Ah, it was impressive. Thanks, Mrs. Baker.
Well, you know, weddings are my speciality.
Don't forget.
I'm sure you won't let me.[Chuckles]
♪
Ah, Reverend.
So you've succumbed to the hat.
I've always been a soft touch for floral headwear.
And the dancing-- very liberating.
Feel free to join us any time.
Uh, that's a very kind offer, but... no.
♪
Uh, Gina, you're feeling better, I see.
How could I not be?
Please, a special toast to Mike.
Only a man who rolls in honey attracts the grateful bear.
♪
I'll let that one sink in.
Uh, in the meantime, to our team.
I'm very fortunate.
- Aww! - Cheers.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
Good evening, everybody. I'm Tami Neilson,
and this is my Hot Rockin' Band of Rhythm.
We're gonna put a little country in your soul.
[Cheers and applause]
See? Great pub, great band.
Why would you even want to go anywhere else?
- I don't. - Good.
♪ Your eyes are judging, your elbows nudging ♪
♪ All the poison that you spread ♪
♪ With each nasty word you've said ♪
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business, leave it alone ♪
♪ The only business you got is your own ♪
♪ Well, did you do that all by yourself, girl? ♪
♪ It's not that good, you might need my help, girl ♪
♪ Without your star hitched up to my wagon ♪
♪ Girl, you're never gonna make it ♪
♪ No, your ass gonna be draggin' ♪
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business, leave it alone ♪
♪ The only business you got is your own ♪
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business
♪ Outta my business
♪ Stay outta my business, leave it alone ♪