[bright classical music]
- I love a good corn maze. You gonna love this.
- Don't be listening to that, because she's never gone
Through a corn maze before.
- I've been in a corn damn field
All my life.
You see where that tree is?
I'm gonna follow that tall one.
- Nanny, that makes no sense. Come on.
- Have y'all ever seen the movie
"children of the corn"? - No, I don't watch movies.
- 'cause people died in that movie.
- Because nobody tell 'em how to find their way out.
♪ ♪
- Nanny. - This is the way out.
- There's three different ways. - I'm going this way.
- Mama, get back here.
- Where's grayson? Grayson.
- Grayson!
- Gray-gray!
- Mama.
Where'd she go? Mama.
- My god. Now we've lost them both.
- God almighty. Mama!
- Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
It's mine and nanny's special call.
I don't know. Maybe she's out of reach.
Dude, I'm so thirsty. This is too much for me.
- Come on. We can figure this out.
- I cannot do this. I can't do--
- We're gonna-- - I didn't wanna do this
In the first place, and now we're lost.
Grayson's gone one way. Nanny's gone the other way.
And guess what? You're the last person
I wanna be trapped anywhere with.
- You're going to be fine.
- I'm gonna die in a damn cornfield?
- You're not gonna die in a cornfield.
- All the [bleep] I've done, I'm gonna die in a cornfield--
- You're not gonna die in a cornfield
Unless you keep messing with me.
- Ca-caw! - Shut up.
[bright classical music]
♪ ♪
[stately music]
- Chloe, adding all that sprinkles
Is just a little overkill.
These are for the bake sale, and I really wanna win this.
- Guess what happened to me today.
- What? - I was sitting in traffic.
So I was like, "you know what? I can kind of go off the road
A little bit, make it. It'll save me a few minutes."
And I kind of nailed the guy's mirror next to me.
- Savannah!
- Why are you clapping?
He stopped,
But he just stopped to flick me off
For a solid minute and then drove off.
- Who does that? - Dad does.
- We need to pray for dad. - I know, right?
- Let's see. Chloe.
Girl, if you don't hold up on them sprinkles,
You and I are gonna have a come-to-jesus meeting,
'cause I just cannot deal with you making it look crazy.
- Calm down. - Down.
- It's just cupcakes. - No, no, no, no, no.
You gotta keep your eyes on the prize.
- This is the prize. - No, the prize is winning.
- How do you even win, like, a bake sale?
- Whoever sells the most.
They get a ribbon, and they get to go for ice cream.
- I'm down for that.
- It's no secret that the chrisleys
Are a competitive bunch, but our mother--
Well, she takes it to a whole other level.
- Julie, honey, it's 2:00 in the morning.
What are you doing?
- Todd, this is a competition.
It can't just be an average chili.
We're not losing this one. Get up here. Get ready.
All right. Get ready. Get ready.
- Stop. Oh, my god. Are you--
- We're not losing this one. - Oh, my gosh.
She's sitting here screaming at me.
- You wanna talk about winning? That's how it's done.
- It's like she gets this look in her eyes,
And if you get in her way of winning,
It's not good for you.
- Exactly.
- When I was in third grade,
I won one of these spelling contest
And I got the ribbon,
And I was so happy. I was proud of that.
- It's just a ribbon, mom.
- That is not the attitude we're taking
With this bake sale.
Right, chloe?
- No, I just want the ice cream.
[gentle classical music]
♪ ♪
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there? - Hi.
- That's not funny. Hey darling.
- Hey. - Hey, baby.
- You ready to go to lunch? - Yeah.
- What are you doing? - I gotta get miley.
- Mommy, don't take that rat with us.
- Come on, baby.
[dog growling]
- Why the hell's that rat have overalls on?
- She doesn't have overalls on.
It's called a lederhose.
- Lederhosen, nanny. - Lederhosen.
- Mama, why?
- I got this for her to wear to the octoberfest.
- Mama, octoberfest is just bad fashion
And people drinking too much.
- Well, you're crazy.
Fun might not interest you, but money does.
- Well, I like fun and money, so--
- Okay, what are you even talking about?
- I'm gonna get a booth at the octoberfest
And I'm gonna sell these outfits,
And I'm gonna make money, money, money, honey.
- [snorts]
- Mom, we're not getting involved in all this stuff.
- People will buy anything for their pets.
- That's true. So if you're in it, I'm in it.
- My mother has had a lot
Of get-rich-quick schemes in my life.
- We're gonna get rich, chase.
She's on a trail. Look at her.
Find those truffles, girl.
- A damn moonshine kit? - Oh, god.
- What the hell are y'all doing?
- Todd, we're just making a little money.
- I thought it was a good idea.
- You cannot have chickens in this neighborhood.
- I can make a lot of money selling their eggs.
- Obviously, none of my mother's
Get-rich-schemes have ever worked,
But that certainly doesn't stop her from trying.
- And the fact that chase gets sucked into 'em as well,
Trying to turn a quick buck.
- They truly are like two peas in a pod.
- Now, todd, do you wanna get in on this with me?
Because you know a lot about fashion.
- No, I know a lot about fashion for humans,
Not for dogs.
- It's the same thing.
You just gotta cut a hole for the tail.
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
- I am so excited.
- Todd, I'm worried you're gonna hurt yourself.
- Oh, allison, stop saying things like that
In front of jay.
- This is like tennis.
- It's like tennis combined with ping-pong.
- Yes. Allison, did you play any racket sports?
- No, girl, I did not.
- Todd, I know the answer.
You didn't play any sports.
- That's not true.
I was a motivational person
For the cheerleading squad.
- Okay, gotcha. That doesn't count.
Jay, what about you?
- I played a couple times in college.
- Okay.
- There's no way he played in college.
- I played tennis in college.
- Okay, the teams are gonna be me and jay, you and allison.
- I thought this was supposed to be like
Some friendly couples game. - It is.
- Then why'd you ditch me for jay?
- Listen, no offense,
But I didn't marry you for your athletic abilities.
- And I didn't marry you so that you could abandon me
For my best friend.
- All right, you ready?
- Oh! Point us.
- Okay, I think that's a point for us.
Come on.
- Yes! - That was out.
- Yes! - It was out.
- That was out. That's our point.
- What? - Are you ready?
- That's a lie.
- It's already two to nothing.
- Whoo. - Whoo!
- Are you allowed to backhand it?
- Come on, jay. Now don't let me down.
- All right, if I--oh, that wasn't in that square.
- Point for us.
- Come on, jay. I thought you played in college.
- I did tennis. It's different than this.
- No, it's not. Come on.
- That was amazing.
- We had the lead. We were killing it.
What's wrong? - I mean, I had no idea
Julie could get so competitive.
- She's super competitive.
- Listen, obviously you can't serve. Let me have it.
- I mean, she once threw
A connect four piece at my head.
- I thought this was supposed to be for fun.
- I am having fun,
But I have more fun when we win.
- Oh, [bleep], out again. Whoo!
- She is the most competitive human being in the world.
- Oh, that's not true.
- Come on. Come on.
- Yes. - Yeah. That's how we do it.
I'm passionate about it.
- Very. - All right, jay,
We gotta do this. This is game point.
- Here we go. - Come on.
[mildly suspenseful music]
- Come on, jay. Come on, come on.
- [cheers] - [cheers] whoo!
- Listen, y'all. That was one game.
Let's do it again. Come on.
- No, I'm tired. - Best two out of three.
- We're already a winner.
- We've been winning. - No. Come on. Get the balls.
- I'm exhausted from all this winning.
- We're going for lunch.
- Are you kidding me right now?
- Do you wanna go to lunch?
[bright classical music]
- I got a question.
What do you think about me driving?
- I tell you one thing: You're my ride-or-die.
I would never say no to you.
- Well, then can I drive? - No.
- All right, fine. Then I won't drive.
But you know what I have been thinking about?
- What, homey?
- This little business with your lederhosen.
- Yeah. It's gonna be a good business.
- I mean, nanny, you really need to, like, think of this,
Like, on a big scale.
What you need to do is buy in bulk,
And you'll get it at wholesale and turn around and flip it.
- I've got a better idea.
Let's get the senior center to help us.
- What? - Chase.
The sewing club is basically free.
And look at all the work they turn out.
- Nanny, what work are they turning out?
Quilted blankets?
- They work just like little beavers.
Just buy 'em some beer, order a little takeout.
- Nanny, I just don't think
That you're thinking this through.
I mean, how many people are even in the club?
- They got six or eight. - Nanny.
I thought you wanted to make real money.
- We gonna make real money. - That's--you're not.
- I thought you was my ride-or-die.
- Nanny, I am,
But this idea is more die than ride,
And I just don't understand why you don't see that.
- You wouldn't know a good idea if it beat you in your ass.
I think the sewing club could be a real help to us.
And we'll have so many to sell.
We'll be overflowing, probably.
- Well, then I'm gonna let you take it, okay?
I'm out.
- Not--out?
Listen-- - I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.
- Okay, I'll tell you what you do.
You get out and hit the bricks.
Get out and hit the bricks, I said.
- Are you serious?
- I'm serious as a heart attack. Get out.
- Where am I supposed to go?
- I don't care where you go.
- Am I supposed to walk all the way back?
- Yeah, 'cause you didn't ride with me.
- God almighty...
[quick classical music]
♪ ♪
- Yeah, right there.
- Oh, daddy! No, you can't pull mine.
Oh! - This is awesome, dad.
- Someone pass me!
- Ah!
- Come on, old man. Let's go.
- I'm getting every one that I--
- Oh! - I want that bear.
Come on.
- Oh! - Yes.
- Way to go!
- You only got 28.
I need more points to get that bear.
- If mama was here, we wouldn't be having this issue right now.
- She's amazing at that game.
- If your mother was here,
Y'all wouldn't be playing the game.
She'd have y'all sitting down over there while she did it
So she could be guaranteed how many shots she got.
- I mean, all the chrisleys are competitive,
But mama takes it to the next level.
- To a whole other level.
You should have seen her
When we were playing pickleball.
- Listen, obviously you can't serve.
Let me have it.
- She destroyed jay.
Jay will never play sports again.
- You should see the bake sale.
Chloe, was she not intense?
- Chloe, I really wanna win this.
I just cannot deal with you making it look crazy.
- Calm down. - Down.
Extra.
- See, that's why I wanted it just to be us today.
I wanted y'all just to be able to come over here
And have a fun time.
So let's just keep it between us.
Can you do that?
- If you gimme that bear, I'll keep my mouth shut.
- Oh, come on, girl.
That is what I'm talking about.
- How many more years do I have of this?
Another-- - you got a lot.
- You got a lifetime of it.
[mischievous musical flourish]
[bright classical music]
♪ ♪
- Let me take one more good look here at this.
It's gonna be really cool when we get all those matched up
Real good and all that, so I'm excited to do that.
- You're the man. - You're the man, brother.
Thank you so much.
- Thank you. - He's an artist.
- Well, son, you look beautiful,
And your teeth look great.
Are you gonna go show 'em off to your nanny?
- Not at the moment.
- I'm surprised that she's not here.
- Yeah, well, she's a little annoyed with me right now.
- Let me guess.
You two dummies couldn't agree on a name
For your damn doggy spandex company.
- No, it's actually dumber than that.
I told her, just go and buy all this stuff wholesale, right?
No, what nanny wants to do
Is have the senior center sewing club
Just churn it away,
Making all of these lederhosen for the dogs.
- Surely to god she's not turned the damn senior center
Sewing club into a damn cheap-ass sweatshop.
- She's paying 'em. - How is she paying 'em?
- With takeout and beer. - Chase, come on.
- It's a terrible business model.
- Yeah, chase, because if what you're telling me is true,
It's illegal.
- I didn't even think about it like that.
- I don't know what's worse:
My mother, who's running a senior citizen sweatshop,
Or my son, who doesn't even realize that's a problem.
I mean, chase truly thinks
That they're gonna be the nike of lederhosen.
- Is it really considered exploiting senior citizens
If another senior is doing it?
- It's illegal.
[serene classical music]
- All right, coco, why don't you get
Your homework started while we eat?
- Thank god I don't have do homework anymore.
- Savannah, I don't think you ever did homework
Even when you had it. - Yeah, I did.
That's chase that you're thinking.
- That's cute. Where'd you get that bear?
[tense music]
- Mm...
Nowhere.
- What?
- Dad told us not to tell you. - Chloe...
- What do you mean, he told you not to tell me?
- We went to the arcade the other day.
We played a few games.
- Well, who all went?
- We went, us three,
And dad just thought it would be best
If you didn't come
Because you are a little too competitive, you know?
- Hmm.
- Some chrisleys are little bit more competitive than others.
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- And that's okay.
We love you. We do.
And we're sorry for not including you.
- Well, it sounds like I need to have a little chat
With your dad soon.
- I'm glad he's the one that's going down and not me.
- Savannah's a snitch.
- She's the one who snitched.
- Chloe, thank you for being honest.
Somebody around here is, at least.
♪ ♪
- Anybody need any more beer and pizza?
Oh, gives us a little bit more energy, right?
Oh, lord.
♪ 97 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
- Sewing club.
- ♪ 96 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
♪ take one down, pass it around ♪
♪ 94 bottles of beer ♪
- Well, that's the happiest sweatshop
I've ever seen. It really is.
- It's still a sweatshop.
- There's air conditioning.
- ♪ take one down, pass it around ♪
♪ 96 bottles of beer ♪ - I'm going in.
Hello? - Hi.
Ladies, y'all just keep on sewing, okay?
- Mama, what do you have going on here?
- These ladies are helping me make my lederhosen.
- What are you doing? - It's free.
- Put it down.
- Chase, are you gonna be a snitch?
- I did not snitch.
I just said that you were making a mistake
Because you had a real opportunity to make money.
- And I'm gonna make money.
- Yeah, but off of the backs of these ladies.
- They want to do it. - Mama, look at this.
This is a sweatshop...
[mournful string music]
♪ ♪
Full of six other grandmothers.
- Oh, lord.
I never intended to do this. I'll make it right.
I'll take care of them. I promise you I will.
Chase, maybe I should have went with your idea,
And I wouldn't be in this mess.
- Well, nanny, honestly,
I didn't see this coming either,
But I mean, at least nobody got hurt
Other than myself and my feelings
When you sat me outside the golf cart.
- Well, I'm sorry about that,
But you could use the exercise anyway.
- Nanny...
- Chase, what should I do? You gotta help me out.
We've already made a bunch of lederhosen.
- You gotta sell 'em. - We'll just sell 'em,
And I share the profits with my friends.
Can I count on my ride-or-die to help me out?
- That's a fact. - Always.
[mischievous music]
- Dude, this is actually good work.
- Look at that. - You should try it on.
- It's for a dog.
I know I'm a dog, but...
[stately classical music]
- Julie, you wouldn't believe the stuff that I found today
When I went shopping.
I tried on this sweater.
Let me just tell you the sweater that I tried on.
- Mm-hmm. - Julie, it fit me,
Oh, my god, like when I was 16.
- Mm-hmm. - And you know,
I've been married to you for, like, 137 years.
I know when you got your ass on your shoulders.
Are you mad because of the cupcakes?
I ate one cupcake.
Was probably the best cupcake that I've ever had
Or that has ever been made in history.
- Oh, no. I wouldn't want you to say that
'cause that would sound too competitive.
- What are you talking about? - Don't play dumb with me.
I've already talked to the kids.
They've already told me about your little trip out.
I know that you excluded me on purpose.
- Listen, I am a person who tries to always
Take into consideration other people's feelings.
And let's face it.
You make everything so competitive.
- We're all competitive.
You're competitive. The kids are competitive.
Yes, and I admit I am competitive, too,
But I really feel like you're singling me out.
- Julie, I get that.
But I mean, you know, your instincts
When it comes to games is like next-level killer.
- I get it.
I could tone it down a little bit,
But you know, I would've preferred
To have a conversation with you
Rather than all this sneakiness.
- And I get that, and I'm sorry about the whole arcade thing.
I don't even like arcades.
All that noise and germs and stuff.
I mean, it's like vegas without the glamor.
- I mean, I don't think you realize
That I'm the only one in this family
That doesn't have an outlet.
Your work is your outlet.
Savannah has her cosmetics. Chase has golf.
Games are the only thing I have.
You're gonna take that away from me.
- No, I'm not, 'cause I want you to be happy.
I want you to have an outlet.
- And I appreciate that.
- And if all else fails, I mean,
We can just get a punching bag and put my face on it.
- [chuckles]
- Bring it in.
I love you.
- Love you more.
[upbeat accordion music]
♪ ♪
- How big is your dog?
- Small dog. It's a chihuahua.
- Oh, wow. - Oh, yeah.
Well, you gotta have a little one.
- Thanks so much.
- I hope you enjoy it. - Thank you. I will.
- I think this one's gonna be your best bet.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
- You enjoy it.
- Yes, thank you.
- Nanny, how many of those have you had?
- I haven't been counting.
- When do you plan on stopping?
- When I can't pick it up.
- Hey. - Well, hey, todd.
How are you doing?
- Chase told me that you were still doing the booth,
So I just wanna make sure that everything's on the up and up.
- It is, and we're doing well.
And you know where it's all going?
- Where? - To the senior center.
- If you go and donate it all to the senior center,
Then I'm good with that.
- I'm sorry, and I'll apologize
Because I would never,
Ever take advantage of no one.
- Mama, I know that. And I knew
You didn't understand how that was coming across,
Which is why I wanted to point it out.
- I agree.
Todd, what is the chance of me
Putting you in a lederhosen and you come back here
And help me sell the rest of these?
- You don't have enough lederhosen in here
To cover my lederhosen.
- Oh. This will probably do the job.
[cheerful classical music]
♪ ♪
- Yeah, that's a good color. It's the color of champions.
It's actually the color of royalty,
Which works great for you because, you know,
You're kind of like the royalty of the family.
- Love it. - And you're gonna go out here,
And you're gonna kick ass.
- I'm a little nervous.
Who knows? She might be really good.
- I think this is her right here.
- I think so.
- Go on in. Do your thing.
- Listen, I just wanna thank you
For signing me up for this pickleball tournament.
I mean, I am excited to do it. - Julie, listen.
I wanted to give you something that would be
An outlet for you... - I'm glad.
- Because, I mean, you don't do well when I beat you.
- Oh, I don't do well when anyone beats me.
- All right, your fan club's here.
- All right. I'm glad y'all are here.
- We show up. We show out.
- Y'all, and I want to apologize
For being so competitive, but--
- It's okay. I mean, just go have fun.
That's all that matters.
- No, it's not.
- No, that's not even gonna work.
- That doesn't really work in our family, but I thought
I'd at least try to encourage it.
- Well, I'm gonna have fun and try to win.
How about that? - Yes, that's great.
- You got this. - Good luck, mama.
- As much as it hurt my feelings not to be invited
To the arcade, you know, I'm kind of glad it happened
'cause it's helped me to realize how important it is
To have a stress relief.
- I actually have another way to relieve your stress
If you're interested.
- Come on, mama. - Come on, mama.
- Come on, babe. You got this.
- There you go.
- Oh. - It's all right, mama.
It's only one.
[classical music]
- Let's go, ma!
- Get it.
♪ ♪
- Oh. - Yes. Yes.
♪ ♪
- There you go.
- Oh.
- Ha! - Get it.
♪ ♪
- That's what I'm talking about!
- Let's go, mama.
- That's what I'm talking about, baby.
- Man, I am glad that's not coming at us anymore.
- Right? - Yeah, you and me both.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Good game.