1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:04,637 THE COST OF EGGS HAS BEEN SOARING 2 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,806 ACROSS THE COUNTRY. >> THE DRAMATIC RISE COMES AS 3 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:10,577 MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE STRUGGLING WITH THE HIGH COST OF 4 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:15,815 INFLATION, AND CALIFORNIA EGGS COST SURGE TO A WHOPPING $7.37 5 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:19,719 LAST WEEK. >> SO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO STILL 6 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,327 ISN'T CLEAR ABOUT HOW EXPENSIVE EGGS ARE, OKAY, LAST TIME, THIS 7 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:35,268 IS AN EGG. THIS IS A FRYING PAN. 8 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:39,472 THERE GOES MY KID'S COLLEGE FUND. 9 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:45,945 ANY QUESTIONS? HONEY, WE GOT TO SELL THE CAR. 10 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:48,715 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 11 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:52,852 TONIGHT: BUMP SET PSYCH! 12 00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:59,259 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: JESSE EISENBERG 13 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:03,897 AND ATSUKO OKATSUKA FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE 14 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:09,169 LATE SHOW BAND! AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 15 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:19,579 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 16 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:24,250 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HEY. 17 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:36,429 YOU KNOW WHAT, (APPLAUSE) 18 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:41,801 THANK YOU. HAPPY TUESDAY, HAPPY TUESDAY, 19 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:47,073 HAPPY TUESDAY. HAPPY, HAPPY. 20 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,875 THANK, EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAV A SEAT. 21 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:54,781 WELCOME, WELCOME, DOWN HERE DOWN HERE, UP THERE, ALL AROUND 22 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,216 THE WORLD. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 23 00:01:56,282 --> 00:02:03,690 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. (APPLAUSE) 24 00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:07,994 AND FOLKS, AS CRAZY AS THE WORLD SEEMS-- 25 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:12,298 AND SHE DO SEEM CRAZY. IT'S COMFORTING EVERY SO OFTEN 26 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:13,566 TO BE REMINDED THAT ACTIONS STILL HAVE CONSEQUENCES. 27 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,168 AND EVEN WHEN THOSE CONSEQUENCES ARE AWFUL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU 28 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,471 WEREN'T CRAZY WHEN YOU POINTED OUT THAT THOSE CONSEQUENCES WERE 29 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,940 CAREENING DOWN THE HIGHWAY TOWARD ALL OF US LIKE A 30 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:28,214 JACKKNIFED MANURE SPREADER. CASE IN POINT: FOR YEARS, THE 31 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:33,219 G.O.P. SAID NOTHING WHILE THE FORMER PRESIDENT TOLD OVER 32 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:38,057 30,000 VERIFIABLE LIES. THAT'S 20 A DAY. 33 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:42,061 I DON'T ALWAYS GET IN THAT MANY STEPS A DAY. 34 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:45,198 SO, NO ONE SHOULD BE SURPRISED WHEN THAT PARTY IS THE ONE THAT 35 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:51,971 PRODUCES NEWLY-ELECTED REPRESENTATIVE GEORGE SANTOS, 36 00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,840 SEEN HERE ASKING, "ARE YOU THERE, GOD? 37 00:02:53,907 --> 00:03:01,147 IT'S ME, L.L. COOL J." WE ALREADY KNEW SANTOS LIED 38 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,949 ABOUT ATTENDING BARUCH COLLEGE AND BEING ON THE VOLLEYBALL 39 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:07,186 TEAM, BUT A RECENTLY-SURFACED RADIO CLIP FROM 2020 40 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:10,990 DEMONSTRATES JUST HOW MUCH SANTOS LOVES SPREADING HIS LIES. 41 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:14,861 HE DOES IT WITH A REAL JOIE'DECEIVE. 42 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:18,498 >> WHEN I WAS AT BARUCH, WE WERE THE NUMBER ONE VOLLEYBALL TEAM. 43 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:19,832 >> DID YOU GRADUATE FROM BARUCH? DID YOU GRADUATE FORM THERE? 44 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:20,600 >> YEAH, I DID. I DID. 45 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:21,734 >> SO DID I. SO DID I. 46 00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:22,802 >> OH, VERY COOL. GREAT SCHOOL. 47 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,438 GREAT INSTITUTION. VERY LIBERAL, BUT VERY GOOD 48 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:28,141 PROFESSORS. >> Stephen: (AS SANTOS) 49 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,475 "OH, YEAH, GREAT SCHOOL. GREAT PROFESSORS... 50 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:36,583 DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGLE, THE NUTTY." 51 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:40,453 SANTOS CONTINUED TO FABRICATE, TELLING A STORY WITH A SAD 52 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,956 MADE-UP ENDING: >> WE WENT TO PLAY AGAINST 53 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:46,726 HARVARD, YALE, AND WE SLAYED THEM. 54 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,662 (LAUGHTER) WE SLAYED THEM. 55 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,265 WE WERE CHAMPIONS ACROSS THE ENTIRE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR. 56 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,567 EVERY SCHOOL THAT CAME UP AGAINST US, THEY WERE SHAKING AT 57 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,736 THE TIME. LOOK, I SACRIFICED BOTH MY KNEES 58 00:03:56,803 --> 00:04:01,074 AND GOT VERY NICE KNEE REPLACEMENTS FROM H.S.S. PLAYING 59 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,443 VOLLEYBALL. THAT'S HOW SERIOUS I TOOK THE 60 00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,578 GAME. >> Stephen: IT'S TRUE. 61 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,514 DOCTORS SAY, ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS SPORTS IS IMAGINARY 62 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:20,760 VOLLEYBALL. BUT SANTOS DIDN'T STOP WITH A 63 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:24,163 - - TO PRETEND, BUT SANTOS DIDN'T STOP WITH A 64 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,365 B.S. IN B.S. IN A RECENTLY UNEARTHED 2020 65 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,968 PODCAST, SANTOS BRAGGED ABOUT GRADUATING FROM N.Y.U. WITH AN 66 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,639 M.B.A. IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT 67 00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:34,874 HIS INSPIRING TIME IN GRAD SCHOOL, YOU CAN READ HIS MEMOIR: 68 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:42,448 "I AM MALALA." NEVER GETS TIRED OF THOSE, NEVER 69 00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,751 GETS TIRED OF THOSE JOKES. HERE'S SANTOS'S INSPIRING 70 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,953 MESSAGE ON THE SHOW: >> I PUT MYSELF THROUGH COLLEGE 71 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,122 AND GOT AN M.B.A. FROM N.Y.U., AND I HAVE ZERO DEBT. 72 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:52,925 IT'S HARD WORK. YOU GOT TO DO IT. 73 00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,827 >> Stephen: IT IS A LOT OF WORK. YOU TRY GETTING A GRADUATE 74 00:04:54,894 --> 00:05:00,667 DEGREE WITH NO KNEES. MOLD ON, I'M COMING, I'M LATE 75 00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:02,902 FOR CLASS. I'M COMING. 76 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:11,344 I'M COMING. (APPLAUSE) 77 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:17,450 HE ENDED THE INTERVIEW WITH A POWERFUL MESSAGE TO THE YOUTH: 78 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,952 >> NOTHING COMES FOR FREE. NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE. 79 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:23,389 AND THE HARDER YOU WORK FOR SOMETHING, THE MORE YOU WANT IT, 80 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:26,492 AND THE MORE YOU WANT IT, THE MORE REWARDING IT IS. 81 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:29,062 I HATE LOOKING AT YOUTH TODAY AND SEEING THEM SITTING ON THEIR 82 00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:32,865 BEHINDS AND ACTING LIKE, UGH, YOU KNOW, THIS IS SO HARD. 83 00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:36,035 >> Stephen: YEAH, YOU LAZY KIDS! HOW MANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS DID YOU 84 00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,871 MAKE UP TODAY? ONE, TWO? 85 00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:44,610 GEORGE SANTOS TELLS TEN LIES BEFORE BREAKFAST! 86 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:55,188 (APPLAUSE) NO, I'M MAD. 87 00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:57,123 YOU THINK IT'S EASY KITING CHECKS AND KEEPING TRACK OF 88 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,424 WHICH SPORT YOU PRETENDED TO PLAY AT WHICH COLLEGE YOU 89 00:05:58,491 --> 00:05:59,992 PRETENDED TO ATTEND? NO! 90 00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,228 BUT YOU'VE GOT TO DIG DOWN LIKE GEORGE DID, SO HE COULD MAKE HIS 91 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,098 PARENTS PROUD! HIS SWEET, SWEET PARENTS, 92 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:08,367 ROSA PARKS, AND THE FIDDLER ON THE ROOF. 93 00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:13,706 BOTH OF WHOM WERE STRANGLED BY HITLER ON THE SHORES OF 94 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:22,515 IWO JIMA! SAVE THEM A-W-A. 95 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,485 OF COURSE-- IS THIS MIC UPSIDE DOWN? 96 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:30,323 IT S THE [BLEEP] MIC'S UPSIDE DOWN, THERE YOU GO, HELLO? 97 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:33,459 THEY LOVE IT WHEN I DO THAT UP IN THE BOOTH. 98 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,962 OF COURSE, IN ALL OF THAT, SANTOS WAS JUST EMULATING THE 99 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,898 FORMER PRESIDENT, THE LEADER OF THE G.O.P., WHO WAS DEFENDED BY 100 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,802 HIS PARTY AND REWARDED FOR ALL OF HIS LIES. 101 00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:45,638 BUT, DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. LISTEN TO WHAT SANTOS SAID AFTER 102 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:48,474 LOSING HIS FIRST RUN FOR CONGRESS. 103 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:52,979 HERE HE IS ON JANUARY 5th OF 2021, AT A STOP THE STEAL RALLY: 104 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:57,150 >> THEY DID TO ME WHAT THEY DID TO DONALD J. TRUMP. 105 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,252 THEY STOLE MY ELECTION. >> Stephen: AND HE KNOWS 106 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:02,855 STEALING WHEN HE SEES IT, BECAUSE-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- 107 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:12,498 HE MADE THAT SPEECH IN A SCARF HE STOLE FROM HIS ROOMMATE. 108 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:16,335 BLAWS PLAWS, THIS SCARF IS A METAPHOR FOR-- 109 00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:17,970 SO, HE SAYS IT ON JANUARY 5th. JANUARY 6th THERE'S A VIOLENT 110 00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,973 INSURRECTION AT THE CAPITOL. AND SINCE THAT DAY, THE MAJORITY 111 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,977 OF REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS HAVE SUPPORTED THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 112 00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:28,915 BIG LIE ALL ACROSS AMERICA, WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKING IT 113 00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,316 EASIER AND EASIER TO GET GUNS WITHOUT A LICENSE. 114 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:33,219 WHICH IS WHY, LOGICALLY, ALL THAT WOULD HAVE THIS 115 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,055 CONSEQUENCE: YESTERDAY IN NEW MEXICO, A 116 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:40,193 FORMER 2022 REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE, WHO BELIEVES HIS 117 00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:42,361 ELECTION WAS STOLEN, WAS ARRESTED IN SHOOTINGS AT 118 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:46,299 DEMOCRATS' HOMES. HIS NAME IS SOLOMON PENA, SEEN 119 00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:51,137 HERE BEING TAKEN INTO CUSTODY BY BEN AFFLECK AND THAT GUY FROM 120 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:57,944 "RENO 911." KEEP IN MIND, PENA CLAIMS HIS 121 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,747 RACE WAS STOLEN BY THE INCUMBENT DEMOCRAT EVEN THOUGH HE LOST BY 122 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,518 48 PERCENTAGE POINTS. THAT'S A PRETTY DECISIVE WIN. 123 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,486 48 POINTS. THOSE ARE THE KIND OF NUMBERS 124 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,622 YOU SEE WHEN THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS GO UP AGAINST THE GOLDEN 125 00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:19,398 GIRLS. THANK YOU. 126 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,702 POLICE SAY PENA HIRED FOUR MEN TO ATTACK THE DEMOCRATS, AND 127 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:26,806 SENT THEM TEXT MESSAGES WITH ADDRESSES WHERE HE WANTED THEM 128 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,475 TO SHOOT AT THE HOMES, MAKING HIM THE PLOT'S MASTERMIND. 129 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:33,746 BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS "MASTERMIND" LIKE LEAVING AN 130 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,281 INCANDESCENT TRAIL OF DIGITAL EVIDENCE. 131 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,985 (AS MASTERMIND) "I'M TEXTING YOU ALL THE ILLEGAL 132 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:41,387 DETAILS OF THE CRIME WE ARE DOING. 133 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,824 ALSO, WHAT'S YOUR VENMO? I'LL PAY YOU WITH THE MEMO 134 00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:50,796 'CRAZY FACE, EXPLOSION.' NOW, ON THREE, EVERYONE PUT YOUR 135 00:08:50,863 --> 00:09:01,274 FINGERPRINTS ON THIS GUN!" (APPLAUSE) 136 00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:04,310 FURN TURNS OUT, NO SURPRISE, PENA WAS A JANUARY 137 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,546 6th ATTENDEE, AND HAD BEEN CONVICTED OF "FELONIES THAT 138 00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:11,050 INCLUDE BURGLARY, LARCENY, RECEIVING STOLEN PROPERTY AND 139 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,518 CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR." 140 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,354 SO, EVIDENTLY, AT THIS POINT, NO ONE IS VETTING G.O.P. 141 00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:19,325 CANDIDATES FOR OFFICE. I LOOK FORWARD TO 2024 142 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,027 PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE BUFFALO BILL. 143 00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:33,072 YOU KNOW HIS SLOGAN: "IT PUTS THE BALLOT IN THE BOX." 144 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,941 OF COURSE, TO GET THAT NOMINATION, BUFFALO BILL IS 145 00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:38,811 GOING TO HAVE TO BEAT A HOST OF OTHER G.O.P. CRAZY CANDIDATES. 146 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:42,715 FOR INSTANCE, FLORIDA GOVERNOR AND KID WATCHING MOM AND DAD 147 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:46,152 BRING HOME HIS NEW BABY BROTHER, RON DeSANTIS. 148 00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:49,689 IN RECENT POLLS OF G.O.P. VOTERS, DeSANTIS HAS A LEAD OVER 149 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,892 THE FORMER PRESIDENT. BUT HE'S MISSING ONE THING: 150 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,661 INSIDERS SAY THAT FOR ALL HIS SMARTS AND SHREWDNESS, HE LACKS 151 00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,264 CHARM. COME ON! 152 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:02,001 YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS MAN LACKS CHARM? 153 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:05,972 HE'S GOT THE SMOOTH STYLE OF A NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTER IN A 154 00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:17,883 PLAYSTATION 2 GAME! (APPLAUSE) 155 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:22,121 HEY, HEY. "GET OUT OF MY BANK WITH YOUR 156 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:28,361 SKATEBOARD, TONY HAWK!" APPARENTLY, DeSANTIS IS TURNING 157 00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:31,931 OFF REPUBLICAN DONORS BECAUSE HE HAS AN AVERSION TO SCHMOOZING. 158 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,767 AS ONE FLORIDA POLITICAL LEADER DESCRIBED THE FEELINGS DONORS 159 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,969 HAVE WHEN THEY ACTUALLY MEET THE CANDIDATE: 160 00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:40,339 "RON IS AT HIS BEST ON PAPER. THEN YOU MEET HIM, AND YOU SAY, 161 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:44,777 'OH, MY GOSH'." IT'S TRUE. 162 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:48,014 DeSANTIS IS BEST ON PAPER. SPECIFICALLY, THE ROLL BY 163 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:59,625 TOILET. (APPLAUSE) 164 00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,862 IN LIGHTER NEWS, THE TALIBAN. THEY'VE BEEN MAKING HEADLINES 165 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,598 THIS WEEK, AFTER THEY STARTED BUYING BLUE CHECK MARKS ON 166 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:09,068 TWITTER. THAT'S NOT GOOD. 167 00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:17,543 NOW TWITTER MIGHT BE FULL OF MEN SAYING AWFUL THINGS ABOUT WOMEN! 168 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,546 SO FAR, AT LEAST TWO TALIBAN LEADERS HAVE TAKEN ELON MUSK UP 169 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:24,383 ON HIS OFFER TO PAY $8 A MONTH FOR VERIFICATION, INCLUDING THE 170 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,586 HEAD OF THE TALIBAN'S DEPARTMENT FOR "ACCESS TO INFORMATION." 171 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:33,459 YOU KNOW THEIR MOTTO: "NO!" 172 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,129 NOW, IF YOU THINK GIVING A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION OFFICIAL 173 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,364 STATUS IS A LITTLE SHADY, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. 174 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,767 THERE WAS A HUGE BACKLASH, LEADING TO THE TWITTER VERIFIED 175 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,003 CHECK MARKS BOUGHT BY THE TALIBAN BEING REMOVED. 176 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:47,606 GREAT! NO WE WON'T KNOW IF THEY THE 177 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:51,977 ONES SELLING THE TWEETS. "A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOME, 178 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,914 IN OBEDIENCE TO HER HUSBAND"-- IS THAT TALIBAN? 179 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:59,718 NOPE-- SAM ALITO. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 180 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:03,089 TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE JESSE EISENBERG 181 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:05,491 AND COMEDIAN ATSUKO OKATSUKA BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 182 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:15,067 "MEANWHILE!" JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 183 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:54,874 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY. 184 00:12:54,940 --> 00:13:00,779 LOUIS CATO. ALL RIGHT WHAT'S WHAT'S UP? 185 00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,781 THANKS, EVERYBODY. PLEASE. 186 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:06,385 HAVE A SEAT. , I'LL TAKE IT THANK YOU VERY 187 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:11,290 MUCH. LOUIS, LOUIS, MY FRIEND, 188 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,293 MYCAMPADRE, TONIGHT A COUPLE DLIELTFUL GUESTS, A GUEST WE 189 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:22,835 HAVEN'T HAD FOR SEVEN YEARS JESSE ISENBERG IS GOING TO BE 190 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,037 OUT-- EISENBERG. AND FROM HIS TV SHOW FLEISHMAN 191 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:30,976 IS IN TROUBLE. AND COMEDIAN ATSUKO OKATSUKA 192 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:37,883 WILL BE OUT HERE, VERY FUNNY. BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT I WANT 193 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,086 TO LET PEOPLE KNOW, WHAT WONDERFUL PEOPLE YOU ARE, BEFORE 194 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:46,358 THE COUNTRIES MALL-- CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS TO SUPPORT THE VITAL 195 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:52,598 MISSION OF FEEDING THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE, AND FOR COUNTRIES FOR 196 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,734 THESE DISPLAYED DISSH DR DISPLACED PEOPLE FROM THE WAR, 197 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:59,405 WE INTRODUCED A LINE OF IS POTATOE MERCHANDISE. 198 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:04,777 IS POTATOE. YOU GOT THE SHIRTS, YOU GOT 199 00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:11,617 SWEATSHIRTS. YOU GOT THE HOODIES, PERFECT 200 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,887 THIS TIME OF YEAR. AND FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, HOW 201 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:21,727 ABOUT A MUG. HOW ABOUT A MUG FOR YOUR LOVED 202 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:25,731 ONE. JUST SINCE CHRISTMAS Y'ALL HAVE 203 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:30,469 RAISED WITH THIS MERCHANDISE, $275,000 FOR WORLD CENTRAL 204 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,372 KITCHEN, ALL OF WHICH GOES TO FEEDING THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE, 205 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,975 AND THOSE DISPLACED BY THIS TERRIBLE WAR. 206 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,811 SO THANK YOU. LET'S GET THAT TO HALF A 207 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:43,182 MILLION, ALL RIGHT? LET'S MAKE THIS A HAPPIER NEW 208 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:46,285 YEAR THAN 2022 FOR THESE LOVELY PEOPLE. 209 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:53,325 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE. 210 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,593 NOW FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW, 211 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,694 YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, HARVESTING THE 212 00:14:55,761 --> 00:15:01,967 DAY'S RIPEST NEWS BEANS, CAREFULLY DE-PULPING AND 213 00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:04,937 ANAEROBICALLY FERMENTING THEM TO BREW FOR YOU THE EXQUISITE CUP 214 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:08,073 OF EXCELSA MACHIATO THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 215 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,176 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, JUST SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BEING 216 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,979 SPOONED BY A RACCOON INSIDE AN ABANDONED JAMBA JUICE, TOSS 217 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:17,082 INDUSTRIAL SEPTIC CLEANER, FOUR LOKO, AND BLENDER 218 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,119 LUBRICANTS INTO A BROKEN VITAMIX, THEN POUR YOU THE 219 00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:23,422 PAINT-STRIPPING DEMON-SWILL OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 220 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:30,763 "MEANWHILE!" (APPLAUSE). 221 00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:35,601 >> Stephen: THAT'S THE ONLY SWIL I NEED, SOME FRESH CUP OF 222 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,535 HEALTH. MEANWHILE, PEPSI IS CHANGING ITS 223 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,438 ZERO SUGAR RECIPE. IT'S THE NEXT STAGE IN THE 224 00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,273 EFFORT TO PERFECT THE RECIPE UNTIL IT ALSO CONTAINS ZERO 225 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,910 PEPSI. PEOPLE WHO'VE TRIED THE NEW 226 00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:48,981 FORMULA CLAIM THAT IT'S VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE ORIGINAL, 227 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:53,018 BECAUSE IT NO LONGER HAS A "WEIRD AFTER-TASTE." 228 00:15:53,085 --> 00:16:00,626 NOW IT MERELY HAS THE WEIRD "DURING" TASTE. 229 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,862 MEANWHILE, IF NAUGHTY ARCHEOLOGY MAKES YOUR COLUMN DORIC, THEN 230 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:07,966 YOU'RE IN LUCK, BECAUSE A POMPEII RESIDENCE FILLED WITH 231 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,370 EROTIC FRESCOES HAS REOPENED AFTER 20 YEARS, AND INCLUDES A 232 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:17,643 FRESCO OF THE FERTILITY GOD PRIAPUS. 233 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:24,016 SWEET SMOKING VESUVIUS! HE IS LITERALLY WEIGHING HIS 234 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:28,987 SCHWANZ AGAINST A BAG OF GOLD, IN FRONT OF A BASKET OF FRUIT. 235 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:38,831 MAN, IN THE OLDEN DAYS, THE FARMER'S MARKET WAS INTENSE. 236 00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:44,370 >> Stephen: I'M CURIOUS, I'M REALLY CURIOUS. 237 00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:47,005 WHAT PART OF THAT CBS IS GOING TO LET SHOW. 238 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,508 THEY MIGHT BLUR THE ENTIRE SCREEN. 239 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:50,909 MEANWHILE, THERE'S NEWS OUT OF OKLAHOMA, WHERE A LOOSE COW WAS 240 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:57,316 SPOTTED WANDERING OUTSIDE AN OLIVE GARDEN RESTAURANT. 241 00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:00,819 MAYBE IT WAS LOST... MAYBE IT HAD A CRAVING FOR 242 00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:08,694 BOLOGNESE, JUST LIKE THE KIND GRANDMA USED TO BE. 243 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,097 WOW, DID YOU JUST FIND OUT WHERE MEAT CAME FROM. 244 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,933 I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO LEARN THIS WAY. 245 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,971 YOU KNOW THEIR MOTTO, WHEN YOU ARE HERE, WE EAT YOUR FAMILY. 246 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,740 MEANWHILE, PEOPLE WHO GET UPSET ABOUT THINGS ARE DOING IT AGAIN. 247 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:27,446 THIS TIME, THEY'RE UP IN ARMS ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED 248 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:30,149 "FIREBUDS," WHICH IS A DISNEY TV SHOW, AND SOMEHOW, NOT A STRAIN 249 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:35,254 OF WEED. IT'S A SHOW FOR TODDLERS ABOUT 250 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,190 KIDS AND THEIR TALKING SENTIENT RESCUE VEHICLE FRIENDS. 251 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:41,326 BUT "FIREBUDS" HAS EARNED THE WRATH OF THE CONSERVATIVE GROUP 252 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:45,130 "ONE MILLION MOMS," WHO ARE UPSET BECAUSE ONE OF THE MAIN 253 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:50,068 CHARACTERS IN "FIREBUDS," VIOLET, HAS TWO MOMS. 254 00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:53,105 WHY IS "ONE MILLION MOMS" UPSET ABOUT A CHARACTER HAVING TWO 255 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:57,075 MOMS? IS THAT NOT ENOUGH? 256 00:17:57,142 --> 00:18:05,517 (AS PROTESTOR) "WE DEMAND DISNEY ADD 999,998 257 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,587 MOMS! AS GOD INTENDED!" 258 00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:12,491 ANOTHER CONSERVATIVE SITE WARNED PARENTS THAT AXL THE AMBULANCE 259 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:17,029 HAS TWO VEHICULAR FATHERS. WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY UNNATURAL! 260 00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:21,834 A CAR FAMILY IS A MOMMY CAR AND A DADDY CAR, LIKE IN THE KELLY 261 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:27,239 BLUE BIBLE! IT'S AUDI AND S.U.V., NOT AUDI 262 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:31,777 AND S.U.-STEVE! MEANWHILE, A NEW TALKING BUTTON 263 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,112 SYSTEM LETS YOU GET A TEXT FROM YOUR DOG. 264 00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:38,851 UH, I'M GOOD. I KNOW MY DOG, BENNY. 265 00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,953 AND I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA HOW THAT'S GOING TO GO. 266 00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,688 "HI!" "HI!" 267 00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:44,690 "HI!" "HI!" 268 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:46,725 "I MISS YOU!" "I MISS YOU!" 269 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,994 "HI!" "SQUIRREL!" 270 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:52,064 POOP EMOJI! "HI!" 271 00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,766 HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. DOGS LEARN TO STEP ON A VARIETY 272 00:18:54,833 --> 00:19:00,305 OF BUTTONS, EACH ASSOCIATED WITH A COMMAND WORD, AND CAN LEARN UP 273 00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,007 TO NINE WORDS WITH THE BUTTONS, AND EVEN CREATE WORD 274 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,943 COMBINATIONS LIKE "WATER" PLUS "BONE" TO INDICATE THEY WANT AN 275 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,846 ICE CUBE. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH WHAT 276 00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:15,687 HUMANS MEAN BY "WATER" PLUS "BONE." 277 00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:21,426 MEANWHILE, THERE'S NEWS FROM THE FLORIDA OF SCANDINAVIA, SWEDEN: 278 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,795 AN OUTDATED LAW THAT REQUIRED LEGAL PERMISSION FOR DANCING IN 279 00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,231 NIGHTCLUBS AND RESTAURANTS IS NO MORE, BECAUSE THE SWEDISH 280 00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,167 GOVERNMENT IS GETTING RID OF PERMITS NEEDED FOR DANCING. 281 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,703 YOU CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT THE FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO DANCE IN 282 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:35,841 THE SWEDISH DOCUMENTARY, "FUÜTLUÜSE." 283 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:42,447 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JESSE EISENBERG. 284 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:55,961 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 285 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,031 CORY WONG ON GUITAR, RIGHT THERE. 286 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:08,774 NICE TO YOU HAVE THIS WEEK. WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 287 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,977 MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE SOCIAL NETWORK," 288 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,579 "NOW YOU SEE ME," AND "FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE." 289 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:18,450 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JESSE EISENBERG! 290 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:33,398 ♪ (APPLAUSE) 291 00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:37,235 ♪ (APPLAUSE) 292 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:38,604 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: SO NICE TO SEE 293 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,439 YOU. >> NICE TO SEE YOU TOO. 294 00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:42,674 >> Stephen: IT IS REALLY LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN, AS I 295 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:44,810 WAS SAYING BACKSTAGE T HAS BEEN A MINUTE. 296 00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,979 >> YES, SO GREAT TO SEE YOU. >> Jon: 297 00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:51,783 >> Stephen: YOU WERE HERE IN 2015 ON OUR 16th SHOW. 298 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:54,853 >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Stephen: IT IS 1,348 SHOWS 299 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,921 LATER. >> WOW. 300 00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,689 >> Stephen: THAT IS A LOT TO COVER. 301 00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:58,890 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO 302 00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:01,193 MUCH CA UP ON ALL SEVEN YEARS SO LET'S JUST STICK WITH THE 303 00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:02,394 HOLIDAYS. >> OKAY. 304 00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,630 >> Stephen: HOW WERE THOSE, DID YOU HAVE A LOVELY TIME, A 305 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:08,500 LOVELY RELAXING, REFRESHING, REJUVENATING TIME FOR 2023. 306 00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:11,603 >> I WOULN'T USE ANY OF THOSE ADJECTIVES. 307 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,405 >> Stephen: NOT LOVELY, RELAXING REJUVENATE. 308 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:19,111 >> NO, I HAD A LOVELY, BIZARRE TIME, WE GO TO A VULCAN DANCE 309 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:21,013 CAMP. >> Stephen: DANCE CAMP. 310 00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:24,149 >> DO YOU NOT-- . >> Stephen: I I HAVE NOT 311 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:29,454 DANCED, IS IT IN THE BALANCE CANS OR SOME PLACE DOING BALANCE 312 00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:32,691 CANADIANSS LIKE THE ETHNIC PEOPLE OF THE BALANCE CANS. 313 00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:35,027 >> THAT'S T INSPIRED BY PEOPLE IN THE BALANCE CANS WHO ARE NOT. 314 00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,963 THERE THESE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ME, KIND OF LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE 315 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,999 PEOPLE WHO THIS STYLE OF DANCES. AND ST BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL. 316 00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:44,803 BUT I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE IT IS DANCING, YOU KNOW. 317 00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:48,573 SO I AVOID IT. >> Stephen: YOU WENT TO A 318 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:54,813 CAMP, HOW DO YOU AVOID IT IF YOU WENT TO A BULKAN DANCE 319 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,915 CAMP. >> HAVE I BEEN AVOIDING DANCING 320 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,216 MY WHOLE LIFE. I'M THE KIND OF PERSON WHO 321 00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:00,986 SPENDS THE PROM HIDING IN THE BATHROOM IN THE TOILET SEAT 322 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,455 BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE DANCING IN THIS CASE THOUGH I FOUND THIS 323 00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:07,159 LITTLE LOOPHOLE IN DANCE CAMP WHICH IS THAT YOU CAN DO A 324 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:08,827 JUGGLING CLASS DURING SOME OF THE DANCING. 325 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:12,698 SO I SIGNED UP FOR-- . >> Stephen: ALSO BALANCE 326 00:22:12,764 --> 00:22:16,401 BALANCE CAN. >> ST TRADITIONAL AMERICAN 327 00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:18,937 JUGGLING, PURE AMERICANA JUGGLING SO I SIGNED UP FOR THE 328 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,740 JUGGLING CLASS. GI TO THE JUGGLING CLASS. 329 00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:24,476 ST THE KID'S JUGGLING CLASSICS I'M THE ONLY-- I'M THE TALLEST 330 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:27,446 ONE THERE WHICH IS EXCITING AND I'M THE OLDEST. 331 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,816 AND I'M AN ADULT. I AM DOING THIS JUGGLING CLASS. 332 00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,584 I'M THERE ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE DANCING. 333 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:34,519 AND I DON'T LIKE JUGGLING EITHER. 334 00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:38,123 BUT I DON'T LIKE DANCING MORE THAN I DON'T LIKE JUGGLING, YOU 335 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,460 KNOW, ANYWAY, THE TEACHER WHO IS THE ONLY OTHER ADULT THERE, THEY 336 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,762 HAVE LIKE A FAMILY EMERGENCY, THEY HAD TO LEAVE, THIS 337 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:47,399 WONDERFUL SWEET WOMAN AND I HAD TO TAKE OVERT JUGGLING CLASS. 338 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,334 >> Stephen: NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT JUGGLING. 339 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:51,403 >> OR CHILDREN, YES, OR TEACHING. 340 00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:54,906 YEAH, OR BALANCE CANADIANSING, WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS ABOUT 341 00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:59,778 THERE. >> Stephen: YES, THEY WERE AT 342 00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:01,446 THAT CAMP. >> SO I HAD TO TAKE OVER. 343 00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,548 I WAS TERRIBLE. THE CLASS TURNED INTO MAYHEM AND 344 00:23:03,615 --> 00:23:06,651 I REALIZED IT IS BECAUSE, THIS IS A FLAW BUT I WANT PEOPLE TO 345 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,520 THINK I'M COOL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 346 00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:11,323 SO I CAN'T DISCIPLINE YOUNG PEOPLE BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO 347 00:23:11,389 --> 00:23:13,725 LOVE ME. SO THEY WERE LIKE WE'LL THROW 348 00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:16,461 BALLS AT THE WINDOW AND CREATE A BAT WITH THE STICK. 349 00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:18,830 AND I WAS LIKE THAT'S AWESOME. WE SHOULD ALL DO THAT AND 350 00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,833 PASSING OUT CIGARETTES AND EVERYTHING. 351 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,401 >> Stephen: WOW, WOW. CAN I GO BACK TO SOMETHING YOU 352 00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:25,403 SAID EARLIER ON IN THE STORY. >> SURE. 353 00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:29,407 >> Stephen: IS THAT YOU IMPLIED THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE 354 00:23:29,474 --> 00:23:33,879 DIDN'T JUST GO, YOU HAD BEEN MORE THAN ONCE O TO THIS BALANCE 355 00:23:33,945 --> 00:23:35,781 DANCE CAMP. >> YES, IT IS A KIND OF THING 356 00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:38,784 WHERE YOU DON'T LEARN YOUR LESSON AND THEN YOU DO THIS-- . 357 00:23:38,850 --> 00:23:41,119 >> Stephen: I'M GUESSING THIS IS YOUR WIFE'S IDEA. 358 00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:43,288 >> THIS IS MOSTLY HERS. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN OPEN 359 00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:47,125 WITH HER ABOUT YOUR RELUCTANCE, YOUR LOATHING OF ORGANIZED HUMAN 360 00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:51,797 MOVEMENT. >> NO, BUT SHE IS GOING TO WATCH 361 00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:56,134 THE SHOW TONIGHT AND I THINK STH IS-- . 362 00:23:56,201 --> 00:23:57,602 >> Stephen: RESOLVE THE COMMUNICATION, HEALTHY 363 00:23:57,669 --> 00:23:59,237 RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION. 364 00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:00,205 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU. 365 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,241 >> NANGS A LOT. >> Stephen: PEOPLE HAVE BEEN 366 00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:05,076 WATCHING THE SERIES FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE. 367 00:24:05,143 --> 00:24:08,046 BUT NOW YOU'RE NOT ACTING, ACTUALLY. 368 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:09,781 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: YOU ARE NOT ACTING 369 00:24:09,848 --> 00:24:12,651 IN THIS NEW FIM, YOU WROTE IT AND ARE DIRECTING IT. 370 00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:14,152 >> THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. >> Stephen: AND ST YOU WILL 371 00:24:14,219 --> 00:24:16,621 CAD WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD, WHAT IS IT ABOUT. 372 00:24:16,688 --> 00:24:20,959 >> IT IS ABOUT A MOTHER AND A SON, JULIANNE PLAYS THE MOTHER, 373 00:24:21,026 --> 00:24:25,764 SHE RUNS A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER IN THE MIDWEST AND HER 374 00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:29,134 SON IS LIKE THIS TIKTOK STYLE STAR ONLINE AND THEY HAVE A 375 00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:35,407 CLASH OF VALUES. SHE HE IS A CAPITALIST TEENAGE 376 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:39,878 KID TRYING TO MIKE MONEY SELLING MUSIC AND SHE IS A SOCIAL 377 00:24:39,945 --> 00:24:41,813 JUSTICE PERSON. >> Stephen: AND YOU AS A 378 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,183 DIRECTOR, ARE YOU THE KIND OF DIRECTOR, BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS 379 00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:49,554 CURIOUS WHEN ACTORS TAKE THIS TURN. 380 00:24:49,621 --> 00:24:52,958 ARE YOU THE KIND OF A DIRECTOR YOU AS AN ACTOR WANT? 381 00:24:53,024 --> 00:24:54,526 >> NO, NO, NO. I WAS KIND OF LIKE THE PERSON I 382 00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:58,496 WOULD SECRETLY HATE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, AND CALL MY AGENT, 383 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:00,532 WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN THIS THING. 384 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:03,802 YOU KNOW, AS AN ACTOR I LOVE LIKE GETTING DIRECTION FROM 385 00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:07,205 PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, AS YOU CAN TELL. 386 00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:10,442 I HAVEN'T FORMED MYSELF YET. AND I LOVE ANY KIND OF 387 00:25:10,508 --> 00:25:11,810 MICROMANAGING OR EVEN MACRO MANAGING. 388 00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:17,582 I LOVE BEING MANAGED. AND AS A DIRECTOR I FOUND MYSELF 389 00:25:17,649 --> 00:25:21,286 JUST COMPLETELY IN A-W-E AND TERRIFIED OF THE ACTOR. 390 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,222 I WAS STANDING THERE WITH JULIANNE MORE, MY JOB TO GIVE 391 00:25:24,289 --> 00:25:27,592 HER NOTES AND I WAS THINKING SHE PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO LEARN THE 392 00:25:27,659 --> 00:25:30,462 STUPID LINES I WROTE LAST YEAR SO MAYBE I SHOULD LEAVE HER 393 00:25:30,528 --> 00:25:32,163 ALONE. AND OF COURSE THAT IS NOT HOW 394 00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:35,467 YOU MAKE A MOVIE OR LEAD A TEAM OR DO ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. 395 00:25:35,533 --> 00:25:37,736 >> Stephen: I'M SEEING A PATTERN. 396 00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:39,537 >> YES. >> Stephen: BETWEEN THIS AND 397 00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:42,807 THE CHILDREN WHO ARE ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING THEY WANT WITH THE 398 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,209 BALLS AND THE STICK AND EVERYTHING. 399 00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:47,245 I FEEL LIKE PERHAPS YOU SHOULDN'T BE LEFT IN CHARGE OF 400 00:25:47,312 --> 00:25:50,582 THINGS, OR RATHER MAYBE YOU SHOULD, I HEAR THE MOVIE IS 401 00:25:50,649 --> 00:25:54,286 LOVELY SO MAYBE THIS NONCONFRONTATIONAL STYLE IS 402 00:25:54,352 --> 00:25:59,658 USEFUL T WORKS FOR YOU. >> IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LOVELY 403 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:01,259 HER-- . >> Stephen: IF YOU HAD DONE 404 00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,595 ANYTHING. WE HAVE A CLIP, CAN YOU TELL ME 405 00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:06,197 WHAT IS HAPPENING? >> YEAH, THE BOY IS JUST TRYING 406 00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:09,567 TO GET HIS PARENTS TO LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC AND THEY DON'T WANT 407 00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:11,303 TO. >> Stephen: JIM. 408 00:26:11,369 --> 00:26:14,139 >> YOU DON'T PLAY BLUES MUSIC, DO YOU. 409 00:26:14,205 --> 00:26:17,542 >> NO, I PLAY FOLK ROCK WITH ALTERNATIVE INFLUENCES. 410 00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:20,445 >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. >> WELL, CAN I PLAY IT FOR YOU. 411 00:26:20,512 --> 00:26:24,049 I JUST GAVE YOU THE NEW SONG, TRUTH ACHE, I CAN SHOW IT TO 412 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:27,852 YOU. >> DID YOU SAY TRUTH EGGS. 413 00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:30,655 >> YEAH, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? >> I'M ASSUMING THAT WE ARE NOT 414 00:26:30,722 --> 00:26:32,457 YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE. >> RIGHT. 415 00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:35,760 >> I MEAN IT'S GEARED TOWARDS TEENAGER, AM I RIGHT? 416 00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:40,298 >> YEAH, SURE. >> BECAUSE IT IS INCREDIBLY 417 00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:41,700 UNETHICAL. WHITE PEOPLE PLAYING BLUES 418 00:26:41,766 --> 00:26:45,003 MUSIC. DID YOU EVER MEET THE-- BECAUSE 419 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:48,640 IS HE VERY EXPLICIT ON THE ISSUE OF CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. 420 00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:56,081 >> DAD, I DON'T PLAY BLUSH MUSIC. 421 00:26:56,147 --> 00:27:00,852 >> Stephen: DON'T GO AWAY, JESSE ISENBERG IS GOING TO SING 422 00:27:00,919 --> 00:27:05,290 THE AN DORAN NATIONAL ANTHEM WHEN WE COME BACK. 423 00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:14,432 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THAT, RIGHT THERE, NOTED 424 00:27:14,499 --> 00:27:22,073 BULKAN DANCER. JESSE EISENBERG IS HERE. 425 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:26,444 HE IS PERFORMING THROUGHOUT THE FILM AND DO I UNDERSTAND YOU 426 00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:31,783 WROTE SOME OR ALL OF THE MUSIC THAT HE PERFORMS? 427 00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:36,554 I KNOW YOU LIKE-- . >> Stephen: LET'S KEEP THIS 428 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,456 ABOUT YOU. >> OKAY, COOL, I DON'T KNOW 429 00:27:38,523 --> 00:27:41,526 ANYBODY WHO LIKES MUSICAL THEATER BUT LIKE I DO. 430 00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:44,295 AND LIKE NO, MY SECRET DESIRE IS TO WRITE MUSICAL THEATER. 431 00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:47,632 YEAH, YEAH, HAVE I WRITTEN MUSICALS, NONE OF THEM HAVE BEEN 432 00:27:47,699 --> 00:27:49,667 PRODUCED. AND SO I FELT LIKE OKAY I'M 433 00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:52,070 MAKING THIS MOVIE, I COULD WRITE THE SONGS, THE CHARACTER SAY 434 00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:55,073 ROCK STAR, I COULD WRITE ANYTHING I WANT. 435 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:58,710 AND I GAVE MY VERSIONS OF THE SONGS WITH INSTRUMENTATION. 436 00:27:58,777 --> 00:28:05,250 I DID IT ON GARAGE BAND, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T-- LIKE THE 437 00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:07,886 BEATLES. ANYWAY, SO I GAVE IT TO THE 438 00:28:07,952 --> 00:28:10,655 PRODUCERS AND THEY SAID YEAH, WE HEARD THE SONGS, WHY DON'T YOU 439 00:28:10,722 --> 00:28:15,493 JUST MEET A FEW COMPOSERS SO I MET THIS INCREDIBLE COMPOSER, 440 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,964 WHO WAS JUST NOMINATED FOR HIS WORK. 441 00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:23,701 AND AND I PROUDLY SENT HIM MY SONGS AND HE TOLD ME IT SOUNDED 442 00:28:23,768 --> 00:28:29,307 KIND OF LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE A KID WHO REALLY LIKES LESS 443 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:31,209 MISERABLE, MAYBE TOOK ONE CLASS OF MUSICAL THEATER AT THE LOCAL 444 00:28:31,276 --> 00:28:34,746 HIGH SCHOOL. SO HE REDID ALL THE MUSIC. 445 00:28:34,813 --> 00:28:37,148 EXCEPT THERE ARE A FEW SONGS IN THE MOVIE THAT ARE NOT GOOD 446 00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:41,586 SONGS THAT YOU ARE KIND OF LAUGHING AT, THOSE ARE MINE. 447 00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:44,756 >> Stephen: THERE IS A SONGS IN HERE, A POEM. 448 00:28:44,823 --> 00:28:46,691 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: THERE IS A POEM IN 449 00:28:46,758 --> 00:28:49,427 THIS MOVE WREE I UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE MARSHALL ISLANDS. 450 00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:51,396 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: WHICH IS NOT A 451 00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:52,597 COMMON SUBJECT FOR POETRY. >> YEAH. 452 00:28:52,664 --> 00:28:55,433 >> Stephen: AND THIS IS YOURS BASED ON A PROJECT THAT YOU 453 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:59,037 MR. DOING, WHAT IS THIS PROJECT. >> YEAH, NO, I WROTE SONGS LIKE 454 00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:02,774 ABOUT ALL THE COUNTRIES. CUZ MY WIFE IS LIKE THIS VERY 455 00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:05,944 CULTURED, TRAVELED WOMAN. AND-- . 456 00:29:06,010 --> 00:29:08,313 >> Stephen: BALKAN DANCING. >> SHE DOESN'T DO REGULAR 457 00:29:08,379 --> 00:29:12,350 DANCING T HAS TO BE BALKAN. AND I'M NOT THOSE THINGS. 458 00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:18,256 AND SO I, LIKE TO TRY TO IMPRESS HER AND IT DIDN'T, I GOT ALL THE 459 00:29:18,323 --> 00:29:20,758 NATIONAL ANTHEMS FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD. 460 00:29:20,825 --> 00:29:25,230 AND I STARTED WRITING LYRICS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEMS TO TRY TO 461 00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:28,299 KIND OF REMEMBER THINGS ABOUT THE COUNTRY, AND TO IMPRESS HER. 462 00:29:28,366 --> 00:29:31,236 AND I COULD TELL FROM YOUR FACE ARE YOU ALSO NOT FEELING LOVE 463 00:29:31,302 --> 00:29:33,705 FOR ME. YOU ALSO DON'T WANT TO MARRY ME. 464 00:29:33,771 --> 00:29:36,007 >> Stephen: IT IS THE SAME LEVEL OF LOVE I HAD BEFORE THE 465 00:29:36,074 --> 00:29:39,711 INTERVIEW START. I DON'T, DON'T THEY ALREADY HAVE 466 00:29:39,777 --> 00:29:42,780 LYRICS, MOST OF THEM. >> YES, THEY DO, IN OTHER 467 00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,382 LANGUAGES. SO I STRIPPED THEM OF THEIR 468 00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:47,185 LYRICS, AND I WROTE MY OWN LYRICS. 469 00:29:47,252 --> 00:29:49,621 >> Stephen: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF LIKE, DID YOU DO ALL THE 470 00:29:49,687 --> 00:29:54,259 COUNTRIES OR. >> NO, NO, I GOT UP TO BERUNDI 471 00:29:54,325 --> 00:29:56,494 AND STOPPED BECAUSE IT'S REALLY HARD. 472 00:29:56,561 --> 00:30:00,532 >> Stephen: GIVE ME AN A. >> OKAY, I I DID A SONG FOR 473 00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:01,533 ANDORRA. >> Stephen: IF YOU DON'T MIND, 474 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:05,603 WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THE SONG FOR ANDORRA? 475 00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:07,472 >> REALLY? (APPLAUSE) 476 00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:08,940 >> OKAY. NOW LUCKILY IT IS A SMALL 477 00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:11,309 COUNTRY SO I AM ONLY OFFENDING A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE. 478 00:30:11,376 --> 00:30:15,113 SO I CAN SING THE AN DORI NATIONAL ANTHEM WITH MY LYRICS. 479 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,783 >> Stephen: PLEASE. >> THIS IS THE AN DORAN 480 00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:21,853 NATIONAL-- I'M SO SORRY, THE AN DORAN NATIONAL ANTHEM, IT'S A 481 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,924 TINY LITTLE LAND. ♪ THERE'S ONLY 64,000 PEOPLE 482 00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:28,159 THERE. ♪ A POPULATION I CAN COUNT ON 483 00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:31,763 ONE HAND. ♪ SO IT SURPRISING THAT THERE 484 00:30:31,829 --> 00:30:34,999 ARE SNOALT SO MANY INSTRUMENTS REQUIRED FOR THIS SONG. 485 00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:39,537 ♪ WHERE DO THEY FIND THE MUSICIANS. 486 00:30:39,604 --> 00:30:43,942 ♪ OUT OF ONLY 64,000. ♪ NOT A REAL COMPETITIVE JOB. 487 00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:50,982 ♪ TO PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. ♪ FOR ANDORRA. 488 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:55,987 (APPLAUSE) SRS THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. 489 00:30:56,054 --> 00:30:58,623 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO 490 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,258 MUCH LOVELY TO YOU HAVE. >> THANKS A LOT. 491 00:31:00,325 --> 00:31:03,127 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD IS IN THEATERS 492 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,397 FRIDAY, JESSE EISENBERG, EVERYBODY. 493 00:31:06,464 --> 00:31:08,600 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN ATSUKO-- ATSUKO 494 00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:10,101 OKATSUKA. 495 00:31:23,648 --> 00:31:27,018 HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK. 496 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:35,526 MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN WHO HAS AN HBO SPECIAL 497 00:31:35,593 --> 00:31:40,064 OUT NOW CALLED "THE INTRUDER." MY FAMILY RAISED ME ON MIND 498 00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:43,835 TRICKS, THESE MIND TRICKS AND IF YOU ARE AN IMMIGRANT OR CHILD OF 499 00:31:43,901 --> 00:31:46,437 IMMIGRANT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO RELATE, YEAH, BECAUSE WE LOVE 500 00:31:46,504 --> 00:31:50,675 OUR FAMILIES, THEY ARE JUST SO SEEMINGLY GENEROUS. 501 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,710 THERE WAS EAT, PLEASE, EAT, PLEASE. 502 00:31:52,777 --> 00:31:57,582 DID YOU EAT, NO. EAT, PLEASE, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. 503 00:31:57,649 --> 00:31:58,650 EAT. DID YOU EAT? 504 00:31:58,716 --> 00:32:02,020 NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO. EAT, PLEASE, EAT, DID YOU EAT, 505 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:06,724 NO, PLEASE, EAT, EAT, NO, PLEASE, DID YOU EAT, NO, PLEASE, 506 00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:09,694 EAT, EAT, EAT, DID YOU EAT, I DON'T THINK. 507 00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:16,968 SO I COOK, NOW, EAT, EAT, EAT. AND THE NEXT TIME THEY SEE YOU 508 00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:21,739 THEY CALL YOU FAT. PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 509 00:32:21,806 --> 00:32:36,688 SHOW," ATSUKO OKATSUKA. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 510 00:32:36,754 --> 00:32:38,923 SHOW," ATSUKO OKATSUKA. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 511 00:32:38,990 --> 00:32:40,925 >> Stephen: HELLO. >> HI. 512 00:32:40,992 --> 00:32:42,460 >> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU, THANKS FOR COMING ON. 513 00:32:42,527 --> 00:32:46,731 >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, STAND HONOR. 514 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:47,765 >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY FOR YOU TO SAY. 515 00:32:47,832 --> 00:32:48,866 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: IT IS A PLEASURE 516 00:32:48,933 --> 00:32:51,235 TO YOU HAVE HERE. >> THANK YOU. 517 00:32:51,302 --> 00:32:56,674 >> Stephen: NOW YOU THE INTRUDER IS ON ALL KINDS OF BEST 518 00:32:56,741 --> 00:33:00,144 COMEDY SPECIALS IN 2022, THAT MUST BE VERY SATISFYING. 519 00:33:00,211 --> 00:33:02,413 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: YEAH, WE GOT "THE 520 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:07,352 NEW YORK TIMES" SAID IT, VARIETY SAID IT, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN 521 00:33:07,418 --> 00:33:10,888 PROCESSING THE SUCCESS? >> YEAH, IT'S SO WILD, IT'S SO 522 00:33:10,955 --> 00:33:13,424 COOL. SOMETHING THAT STARTED SO HERE 523 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:17,128 IN MY HEAD, YOU KNOW N MY BRAIN, COULD BE SO RELATABLE TO THE 524 00:33:17,195 --> 00:33:19,497 WHOLE WORLD, YOU KNOW. YOU CAN ONLY HOPE AND IT'S 525 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:23,968 REALLY COOL THAT PEOPLE IN QATAR ARE WATCHING IT. 526 00:33:24,035 --> 00:33:28,439 KAZAKHSTAN, I SWEAR, HEY, I'M FROM QATAR, I'M WATCHING YOU YOU 527 00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:30,875 AND IT IS SO WILD. I DIDN'T KNOW HBO HIT SO MANY 528 00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:33,044 PLACES. BUT CANADA. 529 00:33:33,111 --> 00:33:36,514 NO, IT'S NOT PLAYING THERE. >> Stephen: IT'S NOT 530 00:33:36,581 --> 00:33:37,849 AVAILABLE. >> NO,. 531 00:33:37,915 --> 00:33:39,951 >> Stephen: NOT AVAILABLE IN CANADA. 532 00:33:40,017 --> 00:33:43,488 WOW, THAT REPRESSIVE TRUDEAU REGIME. 533 00:33:43,554 --> 00:33:45,423 >> IT'S SO WILD. INDIA IS PLAYING BUT CANADA IS 534 00:33:45,490 --> 00:33:48,159 LIKE WE CAN'T, AND IT'S RIGHT THERE, YOU KNOW. 535 00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:49,460 IT'S LIKE RIGHT THERE. >> Stephen: WALK UP TO THE 536 00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:51,796 BORDER, THROW IT ACROSS LAKE ERIE. 537 00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:53,131 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU PREPARE 538 00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:58,836 FOR DOING A SPECIAL. >> YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, 539 00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:01,506 REPUTATION-- REPETITION. I ALSO TRAVELED A LOT, YOU KNOW, 540 00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:06,077 TO PRACTICE FOR IT I WENT TO EDINBORO. 541 00:34:06,144 --> 00:34:08,679 I RAN IT 26 TIME TESS FRINGEE FESTIVAL THERE, I PERFORMED FOR 542 00:34:08,746 --> 00:34:11,649 PEOPLE I NEVER, YOU KNOW, EVEN HEARD OF. 543 00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:15,553 SCOTTISH FARMERS, THAT WILL MAKE YOU REALLY STRONG, YOU KNOW. 544 00:34:15,620 --> 00:34:19,357 THEY JUST KIND OF LOOK AT LIKE I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A 545 00:34:19,424 --> 00:34:21,592 TRAGIC PLAY. THE WHOLE TIME, YOU KNOW. 546 00:34:21,659 --> 00:34:26,831 AND THEN FOR FRENCH CANADIANS I DID PERFORM IN MONTREAL. 547 00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:30,935 AND THAT WAS INTERESTING BECAUSE THEY KIND OF REALTIME TRANSLATE 548 00:34:31,002 --> 00:34:33,337 WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. BECAUSE FRENCH IS THEIR FIRST 549 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,741 LANGUAGE, SO IT IS KIND OF LIKE PERFORMING ON ZOOM, YOU KNOW. 550 00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:39,110 THERE IS-- . >> Stephen: A LITTLE DELAY. 551 00:34:39,177 --> 00:34:42,180 >> A LITTLE DELAY, A LITTLE LAG WHERE YOU DO THE PUNCH LINE AND 552 00:34:42,246 --> 00:34:44,782 THEY'RE LIKE-- YEAH T WAS REALLY CUTE, YEAH. 553 00:34:44,849 --> 00:34:49,921 SO THAT IS KIND OF HOW, JUST DOING IT ALL OVER THE WORLD TO 554 00:34:49,987 --> 00:34:52,824 SEE. IT IS IMPORTANT TO SEE IF YOUR 555 00:34:52,890 --> 00:34:56,194 COMEDY STANDS RELATABLE WORLDWIDE, YEAH. 556 00:34:56,260 --> 00:35:01,466 >> Stephen: IT IS DIRECTEDDED BY OUR FRIEND SIGNIFICANT 557 00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:02,333 NATARO. >> YEAH. 558 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,668 >> Stephen: HOW DID Y'ALL MEET? 559 00:35:03,734 --> 00:35:08,372 >> WE MET THROUGH THIS NETFLIX STAND UP COMPETITION SHOW THAT 560 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:12,043 NEVER AIRED. BUT I WAS ONE OF THE 561 00:35:12,109 --> 00:35:17,548 CONTESTANTS, 30 COMEDIANS, SIGNIFICANT, KNEEL AND COLE, AND 562 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:19,684 IT IS LIKE THE VOICE FOR STAND UP COMEDY. 563 00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:22,220 >> Stephen: WHY DIDN'T IT EVER AIR. 564 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:26,524 >> THIS THING HIT THE ENTIRE-- ENTIRE WORLD. 565 00:35:26,591 --> 00:35:27,458 >> Stephen: THIS IS BEFORE THE PANDEMIC. 566 00:35:27,525 --> 00:35:29,827 >> THE PANDEMIC, YEAH, SHUT IT DOWN. 567 00:35:29,894 --> 00:35:31,529 >> Stephen: WOW. >> YEAH, BUT WE GOT TO MEET AND 568 00:35:31,596 --> 00:35:36,767 WE BECAME FRIENDS THROUGH IT AND SHE IS SO BUSY, YOU KNOW, SHE 569 00:35:36,834 --> 00:35:38,970 PLAYS PICKLEBALL. >> Stephen: SURE, AN ACTION 570 00:35:39,036 --> 00:35:41,205 MOVIE STAR. >> ACTION MOVIE STAR. 571 00:35:41,272 --> 00:35:45,209 STILL DOING STAND UP, YOU KNOW. >> Stephen: THE TWO KIDS. 572 00:35:45,276 --> 00:35:49,881 >> YES, AND YOU KNOW, SHE EVEN SAID IN INTERVIEWS I DON'T WANT 573 00:35:49,947 --> 00:35:51,582 TO DIRECT ANY MORE AND BUT I STILL ACT. 574 00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:53,784 AND SHE SAID YES, THAT IS HOW THAT CAME TO. 575 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:58,856 >> Stephen: YOU ARE THE SECOND ASIAN WOMAN TO HAVE A HBO COMEDY 576 00:35:58,923 --> 00:36:00,925 SHOW AFTER MARGARET CHO. AND I UNDERSTAND SHE HAD AN 577 00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:02,627 INFLUENCE ON YOU. HOW DID YOU FIRST LEARN ABOUT 578 00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:07,331 MARRING RET. >> SO WE WERE IN CHURCH-- . 579 00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:12,336 >> Stephen: YOU AND MARGARET WERE IN CHURCH. 580 00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:14,572 >> KIND OF, HER DVD WAS AT CHURCH. 581 00:36:14,639 --> 00:36:19,377 IT WAS DURING A SERMON AND ONE OF MY CHURCH MATES, CHURCHEES. 582 00:36:19,443 --> 00:36:25,316 >> Stephen: CHURCH GOERS. >> PLIE FELLOW CHURCH GO GOERS 583 00:36:25,383 --> 00:36:28,185 WHISPERED AT ME, HEY, AND PASSED ME THE DVD LIKE IT WAS SOME 584 00:36:28,252 --> 00:36:31,255 CONTRA BAND. AND I TOOK IT HOME. 585 00:36:31,322 --> 00:36:32,823 I HAD NEVER SEEN STAND UP COMEDY BEFORE. 586 00:36:32,890 --> 00:36:34,992 >> Stephen: OF ANY KIND. >> OF ANY KIND. 587 00:36:35,059 --> 00:36:38,229 I WAS PRETTY NEW TO THE STAGE AND IT WAS SO COOL SEEING 588 00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:41,632 SOMEONE THAT LOOKS LIKE ME DOING, JUST STANDING THERE FOR 589 00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:43,601 AN HOUR. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS A JOB, 590 00:36:43,668 --> 00:36:45,803 THAT YOU COULD JUST TALK FUNNY FOR AN HOUR. 591 00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:50,341 AND SO THAT REALLY WAS LIKE, IT HIT ME HARD AND IT ALSO, I THINK 592 00:36:50,408 --> 00:36:59,517 YOU KNOW, IT STARTED MAKING ME THINK THIS IS HOW MY PASTOR 593 00:36:59,584 --> 00:37:03,454 IS-- YOU KNOW, KIND OF A DRY SPEAKER. 594 00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:07,458 AND IT REALLY LIKE PUT THE-- STANDARDS WERE HIGH AFTER 595 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:11,062 WATCHING SOMEONE TALK FUNNY FOR AN HOUR. 596 00:37:11,128 --> 00:37:17,468 >> Stephen: YEAH. I HAVE SOME BIBLE FRIENDLY 597 00:37:17,535 --> 00:37:18,970 JOKES. >> Stephen: DO YOU MIND 598 00:37:19,036 --> 00:37:20,504 SHARING ONE. >> SURE, YEAH SO MY 599 00:37:20,571 --> 00:37:25,843 BROTHER-IN-LAW JUST BOUGHT A GENESIS, A CAR, PRETTY PRICEY, 600 00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:31,849 YOU KNOW. OF THOSE, I WOULD HAVE TO GET ME 601 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:40,358 A JOB. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. 602 00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:43,094 >> Stephen: GOD BLESS YOU. >> STUFF LIKE THAT THAT I FEEL 603 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,631 LIKE MY PASTOR COULD HAVE BEEN DOING, BUT NO, JUST OPEN UP PAGE 604 00:37:46,697 --> 00:37:55,606 FIVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: NOW IN SOCIAL 605 00:37:55,673 --> 00:37:59,677 MEDIA, YOU HAVE CREATED A PHENOMENON WITH SOMETHING YOU 606 00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:03,547 CALL THE DROP CHALLENGE WITH YOUR GRANDMA. 607 00:38:03,614 --> 00:38:04,682 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN, 608 00:38:04,749 --> 00:38:07,718 BEFORE YOU SHOW IT CAN I SHOW ME THE ORIGIN OF THE DROP 609 00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:11,055 CHALLENGE. >> YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE SONG 610 00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:16,394 PARTITION BY BEYONCE AND THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL BEAT DROP THAT 611 00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:19,296 HAPPENS OVER AND OVER. THAT SONG JUST ALWAYS STUCK WITH 612 00:38:19,363 --> 00:38:22,366 ME THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. AND I SAID GOD, WOULDN'T IT BE 613 00:38:22,433 --> 00:38:26,303 FUNNY IF LIKE EVERY TIME THE BEAT DROPS YOUR BODY DOES TOO. 614 00:38:26,370 --> 00:38:30,675 AND SO I JUST STARTED DOING IT AROUND LITTLE TOKYO OF LOS 615 00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:32,643 ANGELES WITH MY GRANDMA AND POSTED IT AND EVERYONE IN THE 616 00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:35,279 WORLD WAS LIKE WE WANT TO DO IT TOO. 617 00:38:35,346 --> 00:38:40,184 AND THAT IS ALSO HOW HOW IT GOT TO MAITIONS IN LIKE QATAR. 618 00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:42,420 >> Stephen: LIKE A BILLION PEOPLE WATCH IT. 619 00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:46,257 >> YEAH, TERRY CRUISE HAS DONE T SERENA WILLIAMS HAS DONE IT AND 620 00:38:46,323 --> 00:38:50,094 I LEARNED SO MANY DIFFERENT OCCUPATIONS DO IT TOO BECAUSE I 621 00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:53,097 LIVE UNDER A ROCK S WHAT I SOUND LIKE. 622 00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:54,999 BUT YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WERE DOING IT AT THEIR JOBS. 623 00:38:55,066 --> 00:39:01,672 SO NURSES WERE DOING IT. ROCK SPLITTERS, THAT IS THEIR 624 00:39:01,739 --> 00:39:02,940 JOB. >> Stephen: ROCK SPLITTERS. 625 00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:07,511 >> YES, THERE SAY MAN WHO SPLITS ROCKS FOR A LIVING SO EVERY TIME 626 00:39:07,578 --> 00:39:10,614 HE WOULD SPLIT IT HE WOULD DROP AND HIT THE ROCK. 627 00:39:10,681 --> 00:39:14,518 >> Stephen: LET'S SHOW THE FOLKS WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. 628 00:39:14,585 --> 00:39:29,467 >> GIVE ME DROP. ♪ 629 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:33,537 >> GIVE ME DROP. ♪ 630 00:39:33,604 --> 00:39:41,645 ♪ >> Stephen: I SAW IT, THAT IS 631 00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,915 FANTASTIC. I HAVE TO TELL YOU, SNS ISN'T 632 00:39:44,982 --> 00:39:47,852 THAT BEAT JUST TOUCH YOU. >> Stephen: IT DOES. 633 00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:49,887 BUT WHEN I HEARD WERE YOU DOING THIS WITH YOUR GRANDMA, I 634 00:39:49,954 --> 00:39:53,891 THOUGHT YOUR GRANDMA WAS GOING TO DO IT TOO, THAT WOULD BE 635 00:39:53,958 --> 00:39:55,426 THE-- WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 636 00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:56,761 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 637 00:39:56,827 --> 00:39:59,163 IT WAS GREAT. "THE INTRUDER" IS STREAMING NOW 638 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,232 ON HBO MAX. ATSUKO OKATSUKA, EVERYBODY. 639 00:40:01,298 --> 00:40:08,139 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. (APPLAUSE) 640 00:40:14,945 --> 00:40:16,480 HEY, EVERYBODY. THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 641 00:40:16,547 --> 00:40:20,117 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE TREVOR NOAH AND 642 00:40:20,184 --> 00:40:21,485 STEPHANIE SHOE. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. 643 00:40:21,552 --> 00:40:26,123 GOOD NIGHT.