>> ACCORDING TO REPORTS, NORTH
KOREAN LEADER KIM JONG-UN, WHO TURNS 40 NEXT YEAR, IS
STRUGGLING WITH A MIDLIFE CRISIS AND IS SAID TO BE DRINKING AND
CRYING ALL DAY.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: O.M.G.D.P!
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: AUDIE CORNISH
AND MUSICAL GUEST, ELLE KING WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY
TOM HANK. IT
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU. LOVELY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Audience: STEPHEN! STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: SHs HH!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OOOOOs!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: KEEP LOOSE, GOTTA
KEEP LOOSE. WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO
"THE LATE SHOW." THE.
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. NOW I KNOW--
( APPLAUSE ) I KNOW YOU ALL WATCH THIS SHOW
FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY: BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT ON
INTERNATIONAL FINANCE, MACROECONOMICS, AND MONEY STUFF
( LAUGHTER ) I'M KNOW ALL ABOUT THE DOWS,
JONESES, AND ALL THE COINS-- BIT, COMMEMORATIVE, CHOCOLATE.
AND AS A MARKET WATCHER, I'VE BEEN A BIT WORRIED, BECAUSE A
LOT OF FOLKS OUT THERE HAVE BEEN FORECASTING A RECESSION.
WELL, TODAY WE GOT SOME POSITIVE NEWS: IN THE LAST QUARTER OF
2022, THE G.D.P. INCREASED 2.9% LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
UNEXPECTED. NOBODY SAW THAT COMING.
WE'RE ALL 2.9% RICHER! I'M GONNA BLOW IT ON 2.9 EGGS!
( LAUGHTER ) THIS MEANS, THAT DESPITE ALL THE
WORRY, ECONOMIC GROWTH REMAINS SOLID.
A HUGE WIN FOR JOE BIDEN. BECAUSE AT HIS AGE, IT'S A
WELCOME SIGN WHEN SOMETHING REMAINS SOLID.
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S GOT BONES LIKE A SPARROW.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS GROWTH IS ALL THANKS TO
YOU, THE AMERICAN SHOPPER, BECAUSE IT WAS FUELED BY
CONSUMER SPENDING. GOOD JOB YOU!
BUYING STUFF IS WHAT AMERICA WAS BUILT ON.
THE ONLY REASON WASHINGTON CROSSED THE DELAWARE WAS TO GET
TO YE OLDE NORDSTROM RACK. OVER IN TRENTON.
THAT'S A FACT. YOU CAN LOOK THAT UP!
IN LESS PLEASANT NEWS, YESTERDAY, FACEBOOK'S PARENT
COMPANY, META, SAID IT WILL RESTORE THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S
FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS. ( BOOS )
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S A PUNISHMENT FOR ALL OF US!
IN 2021 THE EX-PRESIDENT GOT KICKED OFF THE PROGRAM FOR A
FACEBOOK HAVEALATION KNOWN AS TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE
GOVERNMENT. HE WAS BANNED FOR TWO YEARS, AND
THE TWO YEARS ARE UP, AND META SAYS HE CAN COME BACK BECAUSE
OUR DETERMINATION IS THE RISK TO PUBLIC SAFETY HAS SUFFICIENTLY
RECEDED. THE RISK HAS RECEDED BECAUSE
HE'S BEEN GONE. "YOU KNOW, BETWEEN KNIFE
THRUSTS, JACK THE RIPPER IS A PRETTY CHILL DUDE!"
GIVE HIM THE KNIFE BACK. ( APPLAUSE )
SO THEY'RE SAYING THE FORMER PRESIDENT NO LONGER POSES A
RISK, BUT THE MAN IS STILL ON SOCIAL MEDIA SPREADING THE SAME
LIES THAT GOT PEOPLE KILLED. TWO DAYS AGO, ON TRUTH SOCIAL,
HE WROTE: "RIGGED & STOLEN ELECTION.
I WON GEORGIA BY A LOT." AND META IS LETTING HIM BACK?
I'M GLAD THEY DON'T RUN PROBATION HEARINGS.
"SO, INMATE 7-2-1-4, YOU SAY AFTER TEN YEARS OF
INCARCERATION, YOU WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT?
YOU'RE FREE TO GO. HERE'S THE HOME ADDRESS OF
EVERYONE WHO'S EVER WRONGED YOU, AND YOUR CHAINSAW.
WE KEPT IT OILED. HAVE FUN!"
BUT-- HAVE FUN. THERE'S THE DOOR!
GO ON. KEEP THE CHOKE OPEN WHEN
YOU'RE-- BUT META INSISTED THAT THIS TIME
WILL BE DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEY ARE PUTTING "NEW GUARDRAILS IN
PLACE TO DETER REPEAT OFFENSES." THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN WHAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S SUPPORTERS DO
WITH GUARDRAILS? SO WHAT ARE THESE NEW RULES?
FOR STARTERS, THE EX-PRESIDENT WILL BE REQUIRED TO FOLLOW
META'S UPDATED COMMUNITY GUIDELINES, WHICH PROHIBIT
VIOLENCE AND INCITEMENT, FRAUD AND DECEPTION, AND HATE SPEECH.
SO, ALL OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LOVE LANGUAGES.
( LAUGHTER ) PLUS, PLUS FACEBOOK SAYS THEY'LL
BE HOLDING HIM TO A STRICTER STANDARD THAN YOUR AVERAGE JOE
METAVERSE: WHEREAS MOST USERS GET AS MANY AS FIVE STRIKES, A
PENALTY FOR HIM WOULD BE TRIGGERED WITH JUST ONE.
EVEN STRICTER, BEFORE THE EX-PRESIDENT CAN POST ANYTHING,
HE HAS TO CLICK ALL THE BOXES THAT CONTAIN ERIC.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
CAN'T DO IT. CAN'T DO IT.
SO HE HAS TO FOLLOW THE RULES, AND THERE'S NO WAY HE CAN USE
META TO SOW MISINFORMATION, RIGHT?
WRONG. BECAUSE META SAYS THAT SINCE
HE'S ALREADY DECLARED HIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT IN 2024,
HE WON'T BE SUBJECT TO FACT CHECKING.
METEA! WHAT ARE YOU,ING?
YOU CAN'T ALLOW HIM TO POST CONSPIRACY THEORIES ON FACEBOOK!
THAT'S YOUR MOM'S FRIEND'S JOB. "FOR THE LAST TIME, KATHY,
TEENAGERS ARE NOT IDENTIFYING AS GERBILS AND DEMANDING
TAXPAYER-FUNDED WOODCHIPS!" ( LAUGHTER )
THIS IS JUST META GIVING IN TO THE EX-PRESIDENT'S PRESSURE
CAMPAIGN. WITH THE TWO-YEAR BAN SET TO
EXPIRE, HIS TEAM RECENTLY ASKED META TO REINSTATE HIM ON
FACEBOOK, AND WHEN THEY DID, HE RESPONDED ON TRUTH SOCIAL,
SAYING, "FACEBOOK, WHICH HAS LOST BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN
VALUE SINCE "DEPLATFORMING" YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT, ME, HAS JUST
ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE REINSTATING MY ACCOUNT."
HE BEGGED THEM TO BRING HIM BACK, AND NOW HE'S DRAGGING THEM
TO HELL. HE'S LIKE AN EX-BOYFRIEND
SAYING, "I'M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU, BABY!
PLEASE TAKE ME BACK. YOU WILL?
LOOK AT THIS PATHETIC LOSER BRINGING BACK HER FAVORITE
BOYFRIEND, ME. YOU CAN LOSE A FEW POUNDS."
HIPPIE. A BIGGER SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM
IS EXACTLY WHAT THE EX-PRESIDENT IS HOPING FOR, CONSIDERING HE
REPORTEDLY DOESN'T WANT TO RENEW THE EXCLUSIVITY AGREEMENT HE HAS
WITH TRUTH SOCIAL, WHICH COULD BE WHY HE JUST POSTED, "THANK
YOU TO TRUTH SOCIAL FOR DOING SUCH AN INCREDIBLE JOB.
YOUR GROWTH IS OUTSTANDING, AND FUTURE UNLIMITED!"
HE IS SO OUTTA THERE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S AS OMINOUS AS GETTING THIS CARD FROM YOUR DAD:
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CARSON. YOU AND YOUR MOM ARE GOING TO
ACHIEVE SUCH GREAT THINGS. JUST STEPPING OUT FOR A PACK OF
SMOKES. DON'T WAIT UP.
YOUR FUTURE IS UNLIMITED!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ARE THERE--
ANY GEORGE SANTOS FANS HERE? ( BOOS )
THAT WAS A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTION.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE MANY UNANSWERED
QUESTIONS ABOUT GEORGE SANTOS IS HOW HE, WHO HAD NO MONEY, WAS
ABLE TO LOAN OVER $700,000 TO HIS OWN CAMPAIGN.
IN HIS PREVIOUS ELECTION FILINGS, SANTOS HAD TICKED THE
BOX INDICATING THAT THIS MONEY WAS FROM "PERSONAL FUNDS
OF THE CANDIDATE." BUT ON TUESDAY, HIS CAMPAIGN
UPDATED THE FILING, AND THAT BOX IS NOW UNCHECKED.
SO NOW WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE GOT THE CASH FROM.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
DAMN YOU, SANTOS!! ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THIS LITTLE DISCREPANCY IS A BIG
OLD DEAL BECAUSE SAYING THIS WAS NEITHER HIS MONEY NOR A PERSONAL
LOAN OR LINE OF CREDIT WOULD ALMOST CERTAINLY MEAN THE
CONTRIBUTION IS ILLEGAL. IT ALSO DOESN'T HELP THAT HE
ALSO CHECKED THE BOX, "I HEART CRIME!"
YESTERDAY, SANTOS WAS CONFRONTED BY REPORTERS ABOUT THE CHANGES
AND HE SAID THIS: >> LET'S MAKE IT VERY CLEAR.
I DON'T AMEND ANYTHING. I DON'T TOUCH ANY OF MY F.E.C.
STUFF, RIGHT? SO DON'T BE DISINGENUOUS AND
REPORT THAT I DID, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT EVERY CAMPAIGN HIRES
FIDUCIARIES. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S NOT A FIDUCIARY. HE'S JUST A FI-DOUCHE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
SO, FAIR ENOUGH. HE DIDN'T FILL OUT HIS OWN
FORMS. BUT IT TURNS OUT, YESTERDAY HE
CHANGED HIS ACTUAL FIDUCIARY, SAYING HE HIRED A TREASURER
NAMED THOMAS DATWYLER. BUT WHEN REPORTERS CHECKED WITH
DATWYLER, DATWYLER SAID THAT THE FORMS LISTING HIM AS
SANTOS'S NEW TREASURER WERE SIGNED UNDER HIS NAME WITHOUT
HIS CONSENT. SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
EITHER DATWYLER DID SIGN THE PAPERS AND HE DOESN'T REMEMBER,
OR A MAN WHO IS WANTED FOR FORGING CHECKS FORGED A
DOCUMENT. HMMM, I'LL TAKE DOOR NUMBER 2?
( RINGING BELL ) OH, JOHNNY, TELL ME WHAT I'VE
WON. >> TWO MORE WEEKS OF GEORGE
SANTOS JOKES! AND THIS BEAUTIFUL DINNETTE SET
FROM BROYHILL! BROYHILL-- ALL THE FURNITURE WE
MAKE IS GIVEN AWAY ON GAME SHOWS.
BACK TO YOU, STEVE. >> Stephen: THANKS, JONNY.
SANTOS IS ALREADY IN TROUBLE WITH THE F.E.C.
CAMPAIGNS ARE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO KEEP RECEIPTS FOR ANYTHING
$200 OR ABOVE, AND HIS CAMPAIGN REPEATEDLY REPORTED EXPENSES OF
EXACTLY $199.99. NOTHING SUSPICIOUS THERE.
MAYBE HE JUST SHOPS AT THE 199 DOLLARS AND 99 CENT STORE.
GREAT BARGAINS. ( APPLAUSE )
TUBE OF CREST. SHAMPOO.
MOIST NOTABLY OF THE 40-- YES, 40-- TIMES
SANTOS'S CAMPAIGN REPORTED SPENDING $199.99, EIGHT OF THEM
WERE AT AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT IN QUEENS.
MAYBE HE JUST ORDERED THE SAME DISH EVERY TIME:
FETTUCCINE AL FRAUDO. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YOU LIKED THAT?
WHO LIKED THAT GLOO YOU LIKED THAT.
>> Stephen: I LIKE YOU, TOO. WHILE RUNNING FOR OFFICE, SANTOS
WAS ALSO WORKING FOR AN ALLEGED PONZI SCHEME, AND HE WOULD WINE
AND DINE POTENTIAL INVESTORS AT THAT SAME ITALIAN RESTAURANT IN
QUEENS. ONE VICTIM DESCRIBED HER
EXPERIENCE: "I FELT LIKE WE WERE IN 'GOODFELLAS.'"
IN FACT, I'M BEING TOLD-- IS THIS TRUE-- WE ACTUALLY HAVE
FOOTAGE OF SANTOS ENTERING THE RESTAURANT.
>> GEORGE. >> ANTHONY DEVOLDER.
>> ZABROVSKY! >> KITARA RIVACHE!
>> HEY, IT'S HANNAH MONTANA!
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE TOM HANKS AND CNN'S AUDIE CORNISH.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND!
>> Louis: SYNERGY. >> Stephen: HEY!
>> Louis: SYNERGY. >> Stephen: AREN'T THEY THE
GREATEST? I LIKE ALL THE BLACK LEATHER
TONIGHT. >> Louis: IT'S COOL, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: VERY NICE, NICE COMBO.
TONIGHT, TONIGHT MY FRIEND, WE'RE IN LUCK.
YOU KNOW IT'S ALWAYS FUN-- IT'S ALWAYS FUN WHEN MR. TOM HANKS
STOPS AROUND. RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, DOING
A LITTLE GAME WITH US WE CALL "MAYBE COMING SOON."
>> Louis: YEAH. >> Stephen: ABOUT SOME MOVIES
THAT WE'VE DONE TOGETHER. AND CNN'S AUDIE CORNISH IS GOING
TO BE OUT HERE TO TALK A LITTLE ABOUT THE NEWS.
SOME OF THE GAME HENS ARE HERE TONIGHT.
FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
ROAMING THE CENTRAL ANDES MOUNTAINS OF THE DAY'S NEWS
LANDSCAPE, STALKING THE FINEST, MOST TOPICAL PERUVIAN LLAMAS,
WHICH CAN ONLY BE SHORN ONCE EVERY THREE YEARS, THEN
HAND-LOOMING THE WOOL BEFORE CUTTING AND STITCHING IT INTO
THE BESPOKE VICUNYA SUIT THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, FOLKS, JUST SOMETIMES, I'M TOSSED NAKED OUT
OF A PARTY BUS ALONG THE AIRPORT SERVICE ROAD, CUT ARM HOLES IN A
DISCARDED TENT I FISHED OUT OF A CULVERT, THEN TRY TO EXPLAIN
CRYPTO TO A FAMILY OF POSSUMS WHILE WEARING THE FLAPPING HOBO
SMOCK OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S ALL THE XANAX I NEED. THAT'S THE BENGODIAZAPINE
AMERICA NEEDS. MEANWHILE, IN HUNKY RESEARCH
NEWS, REGE-JEAN PAGE IS THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IN THE WORLD, SAYS
SCIENCE. THAT'S RIGHT: SCIENCE.
I BELIEVE THEY USED NEWTON'S FIRST LAW OF MOTION: "A BODY AT
REST REMAINS AT REST, BUT THAT BOOTY WON'T QUIT!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SCIENCE.
LOOK AT THAT. HE SURE IS SEXY.
THIS IMPORTANT STUDY WAS CONDUCTED BY A DOCTOR IN THE
U.K., WHO FOUND THAT REGE-JEAN IS 93.65% PERFECT IN TERMS OF
THE GOLDEN RATIO. I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW THIS
WORKS, BUT THIS IS THE GOLDEN RATIO, AND THIS IS REGE-JEAN
PAGE. 93.65% IS PRETTY GOOD, BUT
IMAGINE HOW GOOD-LOOKING HE'D BE IF HE MATCHED THE GOLDEN RATIO
100%. JUST GORGEOUS!
TEAR ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT. MEANWHILE, PARIS FASHION WEEK
JUST ENDED, AND VIDEO HAS GONE VIRAL OF KYLIE JENNER'S
LESS-THAN-ENTHUSIASTIC REACTION TO A PARTICULAR OUTFIT.
HERE'S A MODEL WEARING A GIGANTIC FAKE LION'S HEAD ON HER
DRESS-- RAWR! THAT IS FIERCE!
EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE ENJOYING IT EXCEPT ONE PERSON.
AND THERE SHE GOES. LOOK, I TOTALLY FEEL YOU, KYLIE.
I WILL NEVER FORGET THE EMMYS WHEN THAT THIRSTY DIVA JOHN
LITHGOW SHOWED UP WEARING THE EXACT SAME PANTHER ASS AS ME!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
JUST THE ASS. JUST THE ASS.
MEANWHILE, A PARK RANGER IN AUSTRALIA HAS FOUND A
RECORD-BREAKING CANE TOAD, WEIGHING IN AT 2.7 KILOGRAMS,
WHICH IS ALMOST SIX POUNDS. DAMN!
THAT THING GETS ANY BIGGER, THEY'RE GONNA STICK IT ON KYLIE
JENNER'S DRESS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, "PHILADELPHIA NOW
NEEDS LIFEGUARDS SO BAD THEY ARE REPORTEDLY HIRING PEOPLE WHO
CAN'T SWIM. EXPLAINS WHY THEY'VE CHANGED THE
SIGNS FROM "LIFEGUARD ON DUTY" TO "SOME GUY NAMED CARL IS IN
THE TALL CHAIR." ONE OFFICIAL--
ONE OFFICIAL WAS QUICK TO PUT PEOPLE'S MINDS AT EASE, SAYING
OF THE NEW GUARDS, "I WOULDN'T SAY THEY CAN'T SWIM.
THEY JUST CAN'T PASS OUR SCREENING TEST ON THE FIRST
TRY." THAT STATEMENT NOT AS REASSURING
AS YOU THINK IT IS. "I WOULDN'T SAY THE PILOT CAN'T
FLY. I'M JUST SAYING THEY JUST CAN'T
LAND. ANYWAY, SEAT BACKS AND TRAY
TABLES UP. THANK YOU FOR FLYING SPIRIT."
I'LL BE LUCKY-- I'M NOT SURE IF I'M MAKING IT THROUGH THIS SHOW.
MEANWHILE, THERE'S NEWS FROM ONE OF THE U.S.A.'S TOP FIVE
VIRGINIAS-- WEST-- WHERE A RESTAURANT OWNER WAS THRILLED
THAT HIS "STOLEN HOT DOG STATUE WAS RETURNED."
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, I'M HAPPY THE RESTAURANT OWNER GOT HIS STATUE
BACK, BUT I'M DISTURBED THAT HE IS LICKING HIS LIPS WHILE
DOUSING HIMSELF WITH KETCHUP. "OHH, I'D LOVE TO EAT ME.
BUT I CAN'T, BECAUSE MY MOUTH IS PART OF ME.
MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A BIG BITE OF ME AND FEED ME SOME OF
MYSELF, LIKE A LITTLE BABY BIRD. WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
IT'S AN UPSETTING STATUE. JUST HAVE A CHICKEN EATING A
DRUM STICK NEXT TIME. MEANWHILE, "OREO IS LAUNCHING A
LIMITED-EDITION COOKIE THAT COMES STUFFED WITH OTHER OREOS."
THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: "WEED IS LEGAL."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I HEAR. I HEAR IT'S LEGAL.
I WOULDN'T KNOW. I'M NOT INTO THAT SCENE.
THIS COOKIE IS BEING CALLED "THE MOST OREO OREO."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE LEAST OREO OREO, HYDROX.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH, I SAID IT.
YOU TASTE LIKE A DENTIST'S OFFICE, YOU DUSTY BITCH.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
"DEAR CBS, DEAR CBS..., AS A MEMBER OF THE HYDROX FAMILY I'M
OFFENDED. ROGER HYDROX."
WHY IS THIS OREO SO OREO? WELL, INSTEAD OF THE STANDARD
CREME, THIS NEW VERSION HAS ACTUAL BITS OF OREO IN IT.
AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME OF THE NEW OREOS RIGHT HERE.
LET'S GIVE THESE GIRLS A WHIRL. MMM.
WELL, THERE'S A REASON IT'S NOT CALLED THE "BEST" OREO.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT I WILL ADMIT IT IS THE
"MOST." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TOM
HANKS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
LOOK AT THAT! YOU KNOW,s FOLKS, I AM HERE
WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE "A MAN CALLED OTTO," TOM HANKS.
A MAN WHO NEED NO INTRODUCTION, WHICH IS WHY I WILL NOT.
TOM. >> APPRECIATE IT.
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT WHEN YOU STOP BY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR
LATEST MOVIE, YOUR PROJECT, YOUR BOOK, WHATEVER.
YOU'RE SUCH A BUSY MAN, YOU KNOW.
AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BUSY YOU WERE, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE WHAT
I JUST-- I JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT FROM MY PRODUCER OVER HERE
IS THAT YOU'VE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF MOVIES COMING OUT REAL SOON.
>> THEY STACKED UP, I MUST SAY. AND I BANKROLLED QUITE A FEW OF
THEM. >> Stephen: AMAZING.
AND I ESPECIALLY AM EXCITED, BECAUSE I RECENTLY-- I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS, BECAUSE I JUST FOUND THIS OUT-- THAT I...
I FOUND OUT I STAR IN THESE MOVIES WITH YOU.
>> THAT'S HOW FAST WE MADE THEM, RIGHT, YEAH.
>> Stephen: RIGHT. NO MEMORY OF THIS.
>> WE DIDN'T WORK THE SAME DAY. >> Stephen: IT WAS ONE OF THOSE
ANIMATION THINGS WHERE I SHOW UP.
>> THEY JUST SAY WE'RE GONNA DO THIS IN POST.
THEY'LL FIX IT IN POST. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS TALKING TO A TENNIS BALL ON A STICK THE
ENTIRE TIME. >> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: WELL, HERE'S THE THING: WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
THESE MOVIES ARE, BUT MY GRAPHICS TEAM PUT TOGETHER A
BUNCH OF MOVIE POSTERS. OKAY.
>> OH, YOU HAVE THEM? >> Stephen: I HAVE THEM RIGHT
HERE. I HAVE THE LATEST TECHNOLOGY.
>> WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC. >> Stephen: WE HAVE, NOT SEEN
THESE POSTERS BEFORE. THESE ARE POSTERS FOR THE MOVIES THAT
WE'RE GONNA BE STARRING IN TOGETHER.
IN JUST A MOMENT, WERE GONNA TAKE A LOOK AND TRY TO REMEMBER
THE PLOTS TOGETHER IN ORDER TO GENERATE SOME INDUSTRY BUZZ.
>> I'M STANDING BY. >> Stephen: OKAY.
>> THIS IS-- THIS IS HOW WE DO IT.
>> Stephen: WE'RE DRIVING BOX OFFICE RIGHT NOW.
>> RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: THIS IS "MAYBE
COMING SOON." ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL RIGHT, TOM HANKS, HERE WE
GO. ARE YOU READY TO TRY TO REMEMBER
THE MOVIES WE WERE IN TOGETHER? >> LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN DO
HERE. >> Stephen: HERE'S THE FIRST
MOVIE WE'RE IN TOGETHER. >> YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: NEITHER OF US HAVE SEEN ANY OF THESE POSTERS.
>> NO, NO. >> Stephen: STEPHEN COLBERT AND
TOM HANKS ARE IN "SPACE ACCOUNTANTS."
"CAN THEY DEDUCT A METEOR BEFORE IT CLAIMS OUR ASSETS?"
>> UH, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS I NEVER PAID MUCH ATTENTION TO
THIS, BECAUSE I HAD TO FIRE MY AGENT JUST BEFORE THIS MOVIE
CAME OUT, BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE TOP BILLING ON THIS.
ANYTIME STEPHEN COLBERT, TOM HANKS, HELLO!
I BELIEVE THAT NAME SHOULD BE THERE, AND THAT NAME SHOULD BE
THERE. >> Stephen: WELL, TOM, THIS WAS
RELEASED ONLY IN ISRAEL, SO THEY READ FROM RIGHT TO LEFT.
>> OH, FROM RIGHT TO LEFT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT, OKAY. >> Stephen: HANKS, COMMA, TOM.
IT DID NOT OPEN OUTSIDE OF ISRAEL.
>> THEY DON'T ALWAYS. >> Stephen: NOW HERE'S THE
BILLING YOU WANTED. >> NOW THERE YOU GO!
>> Stephen: HANKS, COLBERT. >> THAT'S A NEW REPRESENTATIVE,
YEAH. >> Stephen: "MICHELANGELO'S YARD
SALE." THE BARGAIN HUNTER BECOMES THE
BARGAIN HUNTED! >> AH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: THIS IS-- THIS IS AN OFFSHOOT, OF COURSE, ALL THE DAN
BROWN MOVIES. >> YEAH, I'M PLAYING ROBERT
LANGDON THERE, DETECTIVE ROBERT LANGDON THERE.
>> Stephen: AND I AM PLAYING A PSYCHOTIC ALBINO.
WHICH IS WHAT I PLAY MOST OF THE TIME, ACTUALLY.
>> BUT NOTICE WHAT I'VE MADE OFF WITH HERE.
THIS IS LIKE-- THIS IS TRULY ONE OF THE GREAT MICHELANGELO
RELIGIOUS PAINTINGS. >> Stephen: THAT'S THE HOLY
FAMILY RIGHT THERE. AND THERE'S THE DAVID BACK
THERE. AND BECAUSE-- ONLY BECAUSE THIS
IS CBS IS YOUR SHOULDER BLOCKING HIS PEEPEE.
AND, OF COURSE, AGAIN, TOM HANKS, STEPHEN COLBERT, "CENTAUR
FIELD." >> HALF-MAN, HALF-HORSE,
>> Stephen: HALF-MAN, HALF-HORSE, ALL-STAR.
>> ALL RIGHT. NOW, THE GREAT LINE FROM THIS.
I GOT MAD BECAUSE IT WAS YOURS. >> Stephen: YES.
>> THERE'S NO BRAYYYING IN BASEBALL.
THAT WAS THE THING THAT THEY-- AND I'M LIKE, WHAT?
>> Stephen: THE CRUX OF THIS MOVIE, AND THE THING THAT IT
SHIFTS ON, IS THAT YOU KNOW HOW IN THE AIR BUD THEY GO, OH,
"NOTHING IN THE RULEBOOK SAYS A DOG CAN'T PLAY BASKETBALL."
>> THAT'S TRUE. >> Stephen: TURNS OUT, THERE IS
SOMETHING IN THE RULEBOOK THAT SAYS A HORSE CAN'T PLAY
BASEBALL. AND YOU HAVE TO ARGUE BEFORE THE
SUPREME COURT, THAT I AM MORE MAN THAN HORSE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: YEAH.
OF COURSE, TOM HANKS AND STEPHEN COLBERT BAND OF BROTHERS--
"BAND OF BROTHERS IN LAW." >> OH, YEAH.
THE ONLY THING HE HATES MORE THAN NAZIS IS GARY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND YOU'RE TRYING TO
STORM OMAHA BEACH, AND I'M TRYING TO BORROW MONEY FROM YOU.
>> WELL, YOU HAVE-- YOU ACTUALLY ARE THERE FIRST.
YOU'VE GOT THE BARBECUE GOING. YOU'VE GOT THE BRIQUETTES GOING.
"HEY, GUYS, YOU'RE LATE," YOU >> Stephen: AND, OF COURSE, THE
FINAL MOVIE WE'RE DOING TOGETHER, "TURNER AND HOOCH AND
MAVERICK." >> WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T TEACH AN
OLD DOG TO PILOT FIGHTER JETS. >> Stephen: RIGHT, RIGHT.
THIS IS WHERE-- IT'S YOU. IT'S TURNER AND HOOCH.
ARE YOU TURNER OR IS HE HOOCH? HOW DID THAT GO?
WERE YOU HOOCH AND HE WAS TURNER?
>> I WAS NEVER SURE WHEN WE MADE THE FIRST MOVIE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I CAN'T WAIT FOR
ANY OF THESE TO COME OUT. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE-- I THOUGHT
THAT WOULD FOLD. I REALLY DID.
TOM HANKS, WHAT AN HONOR TO DO ALL THESE MOVIES WITH YOU.
>> A PLEASURE, STEPHEN COLBERT. >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
( APPLAUSE ) THANKS, ONCE AGAIN TO TOM HANKS
FOR STOPPING BY AND DOING "MAYBE COMING SOON" WITH ME IN THE LAST
ACT. EVEN THOUGH ALL OF THOSE MOVIES
WERE TERRIBLE IDEAS. TOM HAD ONE GOOD IDEA.
THAT'S TO AUCTION OFF ALL THE FAKE MOVIE POSTERS FOR CHARITY.
BEFORE HE LEFT, TOM AND I SIGNED ALL OF THOSE POSTERS.
AND IF YOU WANT THEM, YOU CAN GO TO:
colbertlateshow.com/ebay TO BID ON THESE AUTOGRAPHED POSTERS.
THE AUCTION WILL BE OPEN FOR SEVEN DAYS, AND ALL THE MONEY
WILL SUPPORT "HIRE HEROES USA," AN ORGANIZATION THAT PROVIDES
EMPLOYMENT ASSISTANCE AND CAREER GUIDANCE TO SERVICE
MEMBERS AND VETERANS. CHECK IT OUT.
ONE OF A KIND. LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT THAT. UNBELIEVABLE.
( APPLAUSE ) I MIGHT BID.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST SPENT TEN YEARS AS THE HOST OF NPR'S "ALL
THINGS CONSIDERED." NOW SHE'S A CNN ANCHOR AND
CORRESPONDENT. PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," AUDIE CORNISH! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> OH, MY GOSH.
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: WELL, ARE I
CERTAINLY-- I CERTAINLY KNOW YOUR VOICE.
I'VE LEARNED TO "ALL THINGS CONSIDERED."
YOU WERE OVER THERE FOR 10 YEARS.
NOW YOU'RE ON CNN. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE ARE LIKE
FOR YOU BEING THE PERSON BEING INTERVIEWED AFTER DOING ALL
THOSE INTERVIEWS FOR ALL THOSE YEARS.
DO YOU LIKE BEING ON THIS SIDE? >> NO, I DON'T LIKE THE
ATTENTION AT ALL, SO NOT REALLY. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T.
>> BUT IT IS NICE TO NOT BE IN CONTROL OF THE CONVERSATION, SO
TO SPEAK. LIKE, YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE
WORK. >> Stephen: NO, YOU HAVE TO DO
ALL THE WORK. >> NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU HAVE TO THINK IN YOUR MIND,
"WHERE IS THIS WE START? WHAT KIND OF MOOD IS THE PERSON
IN?" YOU CAME AND GAVE ME A HANDSHAKE
TO GET A FEEL FOR ME,s WHAT DO YOU ASK, HOW DO THEY RESPOND AND
YOU MOVE THE CONVERSATION ALONG IN THEIR MIND.
THIS SOUND REALLY WEIRD NOW THAT I'M SAYING IT.
>> Stephen: I WAS GOING TO POINT OUT I SHOOK YOUR HAND TO
SAY HI. I WASN'T TRYING TO GET A FEEL
FOR YOU. I'M NOT ALWAYS GAMING THE
SITUATION LIKE YOU ARE, AUDIE CORNISH.
>> THAT'S TRUE. >> Stephen: YOU JUST REVEALED
A LOT ABOUT YOURSELF. >> I DID, I DID.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT-- >> I WAS LIKE, "A HANDSHAKE,
THAT'S BOLD." >> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE NEWS FOR A SECOND. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE FACT THAT THE FORMER
PRESIDENT HAS BEEN REINSTATED ON FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM.
AND AS A QUICK FOLLOW-UP, MISS CORNISH, WHEN HE WAS PRESIDENT,
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WAS MOST CHILLING TO ME RIGHT HERE WHEN I
REALIZED HE HAD BEEN ELECTED ON ELECTION NIGHT, WAS THAT
INSATIABLE EGO WOULD CONSTANTLY BE FED NOW BECAUSE ANYTHING THE
PRESIDENT DOES IS IMPORTANT ENCUGH TO BE REPORTED ALL AROUND
THE WORLD. WHEN HE GOES BACK ON FACEBOOK
AND INSTAGRAM, IS EVERYTHING HE'S GOING TO DO BE NEWSWORTHY?
>> NO, AND I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED A REALLY INCREDIBLE
LESSON FROM THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS-- BY "WE," I MEAN THE
MEDIA. I THINK BEFORE SORT OF THE RULE,
SO TO SPEAK, OF WASHINGTON JOURNALISM IS IF THE LEADER OF
THE FREE WORLD SPEAKS, IN WHATEVER CAPACITY, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO NOTE THAT AND SHARE THAT AND HAVE THAT DISCUSSION.
AND WHEN THAT STARTED TO HAPPEN AT ALL HOURS, KIND OF AT RANDOM,
SOMETIMES WITH POLICY, IT WAS, I THINK, CONFUSING.
PEOPLE DID NOT KNOW HOW TO PRIORITIZE THE INFORMATION.
AND, CLEARLY, THE SOCIAL MEDIA COMPANIES DID NOT KNOW HOW TO
EITHER ENCOURAGE IT OR POLICE IT.
AND WHAT'S -- >> Stephen: NOR DID THE
SUPPORTERS OF THE PRESIDENT AND MEMBERS OF THE ADMINISTRATION
DIFFERENTIATE WHAT WAS OFFICIAL AND WHAT WASN'T.
SOMETIMES THEY'D SAY IT WAS. AND SOMETIMES THEY'D SAY IT
WASN'T. >> THEN THEY WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE
TO TURN AROUND AND KIND OF BACK-FILL.
THE PRESIDENT HAS JUST ANNOUNCED THIS POLICY.
NOW YOU'RE GETTING A BUNCH OF PHONE CALLS, AND YOU'VE GOT TO
SAY, "OH, YEAH, THIS IS SOMETHING WE'VE BEEN WORKING
ON," YOU KNOW. AND NOT A GREAT WAY TO LEAD, AND
CONFUSING TO THE PUBLIC. AND FOR SOCIAL MEDIA COMPANIES
THEY DID NOT EMBRACE THE RESPONSIBILITY THEY HAD IN
MANAGING THAT PROCESS. BECAUSE I THINK THEY HAD ALL
HOPED IT WOULD JUST BE KIND OF CAT PICTURES AND, YOU KNOW,
WHATEVER. LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THEY DIDN'T TAKE IT SURSLY. >> Stephen: SURE, YEAH, YEAH.
>> AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY REALIZED THEY WERE PUBLIC WILL
INFRASTRUCTURE AND THEY HAD NO INTEREST IN PUBLIC POLICY.
SO NOW, EVEN TODAY, THIS ANNOUNCEMENT BY NICK CLEGG, WHO
USED TO BE U.K. DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER, IS ABOUT HAVING A
POLICY. THEY AT LEAST HAVE RULES OF THE
ROAD WHAT'S OKAY, WHAT'S NOT OKAY, WHEN DO YOU KICK SOMEONE
OFF, AND DO YOU EVER LET THEM BACK ON AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE AUDIE CORNISH, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, RV, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE
HOST OF THE PODCAST, "THE ASSIGNMENT," AUDIE CORNISH.
LET'S TALK ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT PUBLIC POLICY.
GEORGE SANTOS IS IN CONGRESS. AND YOU COVERED CAPITOL HILL FOR
YEARS, I UNDERSTAND. >> I DID.
>> Stephen: HE'S A GIFT FOR PEOPLE LIKE THE GOOF-UPS LIKE ME
WHO GET TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM EVERY NIGHT.
WHAT ABOUT SERIOUS FOLKS LIKE YOU?
WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT OUR POLITICS THAT ONLY DID HE GET
ELECTED WITH ALL THIS BAGGAGE, BUT HE'S GOING TO STAY IN, IT
LOOKS LIKE. >> YES, THERE IS NO REAL RECALL
MECHANISM IN TERMS OF NEW YORK STATE LAW SO EVERYONE HAS TO
WAIT. AND FRANKLY, IT'S FASCINATING TO
ME THAT THE HOUSE SPEAKER KEVIN McCARTHY WAS LIKE, "WELL, THE
VOTERS WILL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF IT."
KNOWING FULL WELL THAT'S IN ANOTHER TWO YEARS.
I THINK HE'S A FASCINATE-- HE'S SORT OF THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION
OF THE END OF SHAME POLITICALLY, RIGHT.
AND I-- I'M KIND OF OBSESSED WITH THIS IDEA--
( APPLAUSE ) ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WAS
FASCINATING ABOUT BEING A POLITICAL REPORTER IS THERE IS
ALWAYS THIS POTENTIAL FOR, LIKE, THE GAFFE,OU KNOW.
SOMEONE MIGHT SAY SOMETHING VAGUELY INAPPROPRIATE, OR MAYBE
THEY'D BE CAUGHT IN A LIE, YOU KNOW, QUAINT THINGS LIKE THAT
NOW THAT WE DON'T REALLY TAKE AS SERIOUSLY.
AND THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK IS, LIKE, WE, THE
JOURNALISTS ARE LIKE, "HEY, DO YOU HEAR WHAT THAT PERSON JUST
SAID?" AND THEN THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE A PUBLIC OUTCRY REACTION. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO TRIGGER A
CHAIN OF ACCOUNTABILITY, WHETHER FORMAL OR JUST KIND OF SAYING,
"I SHOULD STEP DOWN, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN CAUGHT DOING 'X'.
THE. AND I THINK THE LAST COUPLE OF
YEARS HAVE TAUGHT EVERYONE, RIDE IT OUT.
TWEET THROUGH IT. JUST KEEP SAYING-- LIKE CALLING
THE MEEDIA LIARS, SAYING IT'S ABOUT YOUR ENEMIES.
THERE IS A PLAYBOOK FOR THIS THAT HAS BEEN FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL.
AND NOW YOU'RE SEEING IT, LIKE, IN THIS MOMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN? WHERE SOMEONE, NO MATTER WHAT
LIE THEY'RE CAUGHT IN, THEY KNOW THAT MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T HAVE
TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL. AND I THINK THAT'S SOMETHING
THAT WE REALLY HAVE TO WRESTLE WITH GOING FORWARD IN THE MEDIA.
IT'S FUN TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT THIS PERSON.
>> Stephen: IT IS, IT IS. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUST ME. >> I TOTALLY GET IT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, I FACT CHECKED THAT.
>> BUT, YOU KNOW, WHERE DID THEIR MONEY COME FROM, YOU KNOW?
WHAT LOANS DO THEY OWE? WHO IS GOING TO WANT INFLUENCE
WITH THEM -- >> Stephen: WILL THEY HAVE
ACCESS TO CLASSIFIED MATERIAL. >> WILL THEY HAVE ACCESS TO
CLASSIFIED MATERIAL. >> Stephen: WILL THEY TAKE IT
HOME AND STORE IT IN THEIR GARAGE.
>> WHO AMONG US HAS NOT. >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD CHECK
YOUR GARAGE. YOU HAVE A NEW PODCAST CALLED
"THE ASSIGNMENT." >> I DO.
>> Stephen: AND ONE OF THE INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT THIS IS
YOU ASK YOUR LISTENERS FOR IDEAS FOR WHAT STORIES YOU SHOULD BE
COVERING, THE PEOPLE YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO.
HAVE YOU DISCOVERED A GAP IT BETWEEN WHAT YOU THINK THEY'RE
GOING TO WANT AND WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANT?
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM THE SUGGESTIONS YOU'VE GOTTEN FROM
YOUR AUDIENCE? >> I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY WILD.
THE POINT SHOW IS TO, INSTEAD OF YOU AND I BEING IN THIS SEAT,
RIGHT. YOU'RE A KIND OF GATEKEEPER
HERE, AND I'M IN THIS, LIKE, STRANGE CELEBRITY SCENARIO.
WE ARE IN A WORLD WHERE EVERYBODY IS PART OF THE STORY,
RIGHT. LIKE TIKTOK, YOU CAN GET YOUR
NEWS. YOU GET IT ON YOUR FACEBOOK FEED
AND SEEING A MIX OF THINGS. WE'RE DRIVING THE STORY.
AND I WANTED TO PUT A REGULAR-- REGULAR NEEM THIS CHAIR AND TALK
TO THEM THE WAY YOU'RE TALKING TO ME.
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT MOTIVATES YOU AND HOW ARE YOU TRYING TO ADD WHAT'S GOING
ON IN THE WORLD. WE TALKED TO GENDER-AFFIRMING
CARE DOCTORS, PEDIATRICIANS, THE DEATH THREATS.
WE TALKED TO "ONLY FANS" CREATORS.
HOW DO YOU FALL INTO THIS WEIRD SPACE BETWEEN SEX WORK AND THE
ATTENTION ECONOMY? AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE, AS A
RESULT, HAVE KIND OF SENT IN A MIXED BAG OF IDEAS.
SOMEONE SENT IN AN IDEA ABOUT-- THEY HAD, "WELL, I DO A SEX
PUPPET SHOW OUT HERE IN ARIZONA. AND I THINK-- AND I THINK IT
WOULD BE REALLY GREAT TO TALK ABOUT..."
>> Stephen: SURE. >> EXACTLY.
AND I WAS LIKE, "YES, SURE." THERE'S PROBABLY A WHOLE THING,
THINK PIECE I CAN DO ABOUT MODERN PUPPETRY AND THE SEX
ECONOMY. >> Stephen: THAT IS A THINK
PIECE IF I EVER HEARD ONE. >> THAT'S I THING.
>> Stephen: GOOD SHOW? DID YOU CHECK OUT THE PUPPET
SHOW? >> WE WERE NOT ABLE TO...
WE WEREN'T ABLE TO MAKE IT. >> Stephen: DAMN IT!
DAMN IT! PLEASE COME ON "THE LATE SHOW."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
GOOD TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: HER PODCAST IS "THE
ASSIGNMENT." IT'S AUDIE CORNISH, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ELLE KING.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HER ALBUM, "COME GET YOUR WIFE," IS OUT TOMORROW.
PERFORMING "LOVE GO BY," ELLE KING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ DON'T EVEN TELL ME
I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE OTHERS
♪ WHY YOU TRIPPIN', BABE? WE GOT EACH OTHER
I DON'T WANT NOBODY BUT YOU ♪ ANOTHER NOSE BLEED
YOU DON'T GOTTA TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE HIDING
♪ I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LIKE WHEN
YOU BEEN DRINKING ♪ I DON'T WANT NOBODY BUT YOU
BABY ♪ MAKE ME WANNA CRY SOMETIMES
MAKE ME WANNA DIE SOMETIMES ♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY
EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS SOMETIMES WE CAN BE THE WORST SOMETIMES
♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY YOU ONLY CALL ME
WHEN YOU'RE LONELY ♪ AND YOU'RE NEEDING SOME
ATTENTION ♪ BABY, I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR
INTENTIONS ♪ I CAN'T EVEN SAY NO TO YOU
I CAN'T SPEAK ♪ 'CAUSE BABE, YOU KNOW I'M
GUILTY OF THE SAME ♪ I DO JUST WHAT I WANT BECAUSE
YOU TAKE IT ♪ AT LEAST I'M COMING HOME TO
YOU, BABY ♪ MAKE ME WANNA CRY SOMETIMES
MAKE ME WANNA DIE SOMETIMES I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY
♪ EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS SOMETIMES YOU CAN BE THE WORST SOMETIMES
♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY ♪ CUTS ME DEEPER EVERY TIME
YOU ♪ THAT'S WHY I NEVER GET MY
HOPES TOO HIGH ♪ TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT REAL
LIFE ♪ MAKE YOU WANNA SCREAM
JUST BLEED 'TILL YOU GET IT RIGHT
♪ MAKE ME WANNA CRY SOMETIMES MAKE ME WANNA DIE SOMETIMES
♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS SOMETIMES
WE CAN BE THE WORST SOMETIMES ♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY
♪ MAKE ME WANNA CRY SOMETIMES MAKE ME WANNA DIE SOMETIMES
♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY LET YOUR LOVE GO BY
♪ EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS SOMETIMES WE CAN BE THE WORST SOMETIMES
I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY ♪ MAKE ME WANNA CRY SOMETIMES
MAKE ME WANNA DIE SOMETIMES ♪ I WON'T LET YOUR LOVE GO BY
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
ELLE KING, EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
JESSICA CHASTAIN, AND HARRISON FORD.
GOOD NIGHT!