>> AFTER WEEKS OF DODGING QUESTIONS, GEORGE SANTOS SAT
DOWN FOR HIS FIRST TV INTERVIEW SINCE STEPPING BACK FROM HIS
COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS. IN WHAT APPEARED TO BE
A SCRIPTED AND EDITED CONVERSATION WITH
CONSERVATIVE OUTLET OAN... >> AND NOW A "THE LATE SHOW"
EXCLUSIVE, STEPHEN COLBERT'S INTERVIEW OF OAN'S INTERVIEW OF
CONGRESSMAN GEORGE SANTOS. >> Stephen: CONGRESSMAN,
THANKS FOR SITTING DOWN WITH ME. >> IT WAS A BAD DECISION.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY. LET'S START WITH AN EASY
QUESTION. ARE YOU GEORGE SANTOS?
>> NO. >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT GEORGE
SANTOS? >> HONESTLY?
NO. >> Stephen: OKAY.
TELL ME THIS. TRUE OR FALSE.
>> FALSE. >> Stephen: I DIDN'T ASK YOU THE
QUESTION YET. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS ASKED OF
ME RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: RIGHT NOW, I'M
ASKING IF YOU'RE NOT GEORGE SANTOS, WHERE IS HE?
>> OH, GEORGE SANTOS LIVES IN A FANTASY WORLD.
>> Stephen: UM, CONGRESSMAN, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR
CAMPAIGN LAST FALL. >> I FAKED MY WAY TO CONGRESS.
>> Stephen: AND YOU FEEL AT ALL SORRY FOR THAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOOKING SORRY LOOKS LIKE TO YOU,
CAITLIN. >> Stephen: UM, I'M NOT
CAITLIN. I AM STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> THAT'S WHO I AM. >> Stephen: NO, YOU'RE NOT
STEPHEN COLBERT. I AM.
>> NO. >> Stephen: GEORGE SANTOS
SAYS WHAT? >> WHAT?
>> Stephen: HA-HA! GOTCHA, GEORGE.
>> DAMN IT. >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT...
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES... HARRISON FORD
AND MUSICAL GUEST VIC MENSA,
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT.
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.
HELLO. HELLO.
HELLO, HELLO. HAPPY WEDNESDAY.
THAT'S RIGHT. HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME. WELCOME, EVERYBODY.
IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF BLACK HISTORY MONTH.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH, EVERYBODY.
OR AS RON DeSANTIS CALLS IT, MONTH.
IT'S A TIME WHEN WE AS A NATION REFLECT ON THE VAST CONTRIBUTION
OF BLACK CITIZENS. AS A WISE MAN ONCE SAID, BLACK
HISTORY IS MORE THAN JUST A MONTH.
THAT WISE MAN, A PARTY CITY PROMOTIONAL EMAIL I GOT THIS
MORNING. YES.
OH, YES. YOUR SILENCE IS DEAFENING,
HOBBY LOBBY. SOME KILLJOY'S OUT THERE MIGHT
SAY IT'S AN INAPPROPRIATE AD TO BE SENDING BUT I GOT A LOT OF MY
HISTORY KNOWLEDGE FROM PARTY CITY.
THAT'S HOW I KNOW OUR FIRST PRESIDENT WAS LITTLE BOY IN LONG
BLUE COAT, WIG SOLD SEPARATELY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
THIS YEAR FEELS DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE IN THE LAST YEAR AT
LEAST 18 STATES HAVE ENACTED LEGISLATION TO LIMIT THE
TEACHING OF DIVISIVE CONCEPTS OR CRITICAL RACE THEORY.
AND AS BLACK HISTORY MONTH ARRIVES, TEACHERS' FEARS ARE
MOUNTING AND THAT'S NOT RIGHT. TEACHERS ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH
FEARS, MAINLY RUNNING INTO STUDENTS AT THE GROCERY STORE.
HAVING TO EXPLAIN THAT THEY DON'T LIVE AT THE SCHOOL.
OH, THERE IS HUGE NEWS, HUGE NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF MEN'S
BALL SPORT BECAUSE TODAY TOM BRADY ANNOUNCED HE'S
RETIRING FOR GOOD THIS TIME. CONGRATULATIONS.
COME ON. HOWEVER, TOM, CONGRATULATIONS ON
AN INCREDIBLE CAREER, AND SINCE WE ARE OFF AIR NEXT WEEK I'D
ALSO LIKE TO PRETAPE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT.
TOM BRADY, WELCOME BACK TO THE NFL FOR ANOTHER SEASON OF
EXCITING GRIDIRON ACTION. YOU'VE STILL GOT IT, BABY.
WE ARE SO EXCITED YOU'LL BE PLAYING WITH THE...
>> TEAM TBD. IT'S THE ONE GOOD FOR YOU,
BUDDY. HE'S GOING TO BE GREAT.
INSTEAD OF HOLDING AN OFFICIAL PRESS CONFERENCE BRADY MADE HIS
ANNOUNCEMENT ON TWITTER. >> GOOD MORNING GUYS, I'LL GET
TO THE POINT RIGHT AWAY. I AM RETIRING.
FOR GOOD. I KNOW THE PROCESS WAS A PRETTY
BIG DEAL LAST TIME SO WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, I FIGURED
I WOULD JUST PRESS RECORD AND LET YOU GUYS KNOW FIRST.
>> Stephen: WOW. THAT IS SO SAD.
HE'S ONLY BEEN OUT OF WORK ONE DAY AND HE'S ALREADY LIVING ON
THE BEACH. PUT DOWN A TARP.
IT KEEPS THE SAND FLEAS OFF. HE WENT ON EXPRESSING GRATITUDE.
>> THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO LIVE MY ABSOLUTE DREAM.
I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING. LOVE YOU ALL.
>> Stephen: LOVE YOU ALL? HE IS TALKING TO ME.
I AM ONE OF "ALL." TOM BRADY LOVES ME.
I LOVE YOU TOO, TOM. YOU ARE ONE OF MY THREE TOP
TOMS. HANKS, BRADY.
BRADY IS MOVING ONTO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.
YESTERDAY HE WAS WALKING THE RED CARPET FOR THEIR PREMIERE OF
HIS NEW FILM "84 BRADY" I HEARD IT WENT WELL UNTIL HE TALKED
RITA MORENO UNDER HIS ARM AND SPIKED HER IN THE END ZONE.
HEY, HEY, ANYBODY HERE LIKE JUICY CELEBRITY GOSSIP?
WELL, TOO BAD. WE ARE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT
THE DEBT CEILING. TODAY HOUSE SPEAKER KEVIN
McCARTHY MET WITH PRESIDENT BIDEN AT THE
WHITE HOUSE TO DISCUSS HOW TO AVOID A DEFAULT ON THE U.S.
DEBT. THE GLOBAL ECONOMIES WOULD
CREATOR IF THE UNITED STATES EVEN CAME CLOSE TO DEFAULTING ON
ITS DEBT AND THE ONLY REASON WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF THIS
PARTICULAR PICKLE IS BECAUSE OF CONCESSIONS MADE BY McCARTHY
TO THE FARTHEST RIGHT MEMBERS OF HIS PARTY.
TO WIN OVER CONSERVATIVES IN HIS BID FOR THE SPEAKERSHIP,
McCARTHY AGREED TO RAISE THE DEBT CEILING AND IT WOULD COME
WITH SPENDING CUTS AND THAT WAS THE LEAST PAINFUL CONCESSION HE
HAD TO MAKE, AS HE IS REMINDED EVERY TIME MARJORIE TAYLOR
GREENE SHOWS OFF HIS SHADOWBOX SCROTUM.
DID A REALLY GOOD JOB WITH IT. BEAUTIFULLY DONE.
ORIGINALLY SOME HOUSE REPUBLICANS WANTED TO USE THE
THREAT OF A DEBT CRISIS TO ATTRACT MAJOR SPENDING CUTS ON
SOCIAL PROGRAMS INCLUDING SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE.
OKAY. AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S NOT CLEAR
WHY THEY WOULD CUT PROGRAMS EVERYBODY LOVES THE MOST.
THAT SEEMS UNPOPULAR. NEXT UP, HOUSE RESOLUTION 302,
MAKE CHANNING TATUM WEAR A SHIRT.
I AM NOT -- I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT
THESE CUTS MUST HAVE TAKEN COURAGE TO PROPOSE, COURAGE THAT
IMMEDIATELY EVAPORATED WHEN THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAID "UNDER NO
CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD REPUBLICANS VOTE TO CUT A SINGLE PENNY FROM
MEDICARE OR SOCIAL SECURITY," THAT HEADLINED "FLORIDA RETIREE
SAYS HANDS OFF MY GOVERNMENT CHECK.
AND BECAUSE THEY DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS THEM TO DO, NOW THERE
IS DRILL THREATENING TO DESTROY THE GLOBAL ECONOMY.
REPUBLICANS WON'T SAY WHAT SPENDING CUTS THEY WANT, SO THEY
ARE HOLDING IT HOSTAGE BUT THEY WON'T TELL US WHAT THE RANSOM
IS. IT'S LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN SAYING
I WILL DESTROY GOTHAM WITH MY HEAT RAY UNLESS YOU GIVE ME...
ANYBODY SHOUT THEM OUT. NO IDEAS ARE BAD.
I HEARD CHIA PET. LEADING UP TO THIS MEETING,
PRESIDENT BIDEN CHALLENGE McCARTHY TO LAY OUT HIS PLAN
FOR SPENDING CUTS OR AS HE TOLD REPORTERS...
>> SHOW ME YOUR BUDGET AND I'LL SHOW YOU MINE.
>> Stephen: HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
COOL IT DOWN, MR. PRESIDENT. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE AND
80-YEAR-OLDS FISCAL PACKAGE. HARRISON FORD MAY BE.
HARRISON FORD. SPEAKING OF THINGS NO ONE WANTS
TO SEE, GEORGE SANTOS. YESTERDAY SANTOS SAT DOWN FOR AN
INTERVIEW WITH ONE AMERICA NEWS NETWORK REPORTER CAITLIN
SINCLAIR WHO PUSHED SANTOS ON HIS APPARENT LACK OF REMORSE.
>> ARE YOU SORRY? >> I SAID I WAS SORRY MANY
TIMES. I'VE BEHAVED AS IF I WAS SORRY.
IF YOU WANT TO COMPARE EMOTIONS, PEOPLE SHOW EMOTIONS
DIFFERENTLY. >> Stephen: GEORGE SANTOS
KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE HE HAS PRETENDED TO BE A
LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE. BUT SANTOS ASSURES US HE IS DONE
BENDING THE TRUTH. >> I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON AND
YOU CAN -- I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT FROM
NOW ON, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE
ABOVEBOARD. IT'S LARGELY ALWAYS BEEN ABOVE
BOARD. >> Stephen: LARGELY ALWAYS?
THAT'S UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL TURN OF PHRASE WHICH REMINDS ME OF MY
FAVORITE WHITNEY HOUSTON SONG. >> ♪ AND I WILL.
IT >> LARGELY. >> ALWAYS LOVE YOU ♪
>> Stephen: FOR SO MANY REASONS.
THAT GETS ME RIGHT HERE. WE ARE ALSO LEARNING MORE ABOUT
SANTOS AND SOME OF THE -- FROM SOME OTHER PEOPLE IN HIS
PAST. ONE EX-BOYFRIEND RECALLED HIS
TALES OF DATING SUPERMODELS AND HOW THEY BEGGED HIM TO BECOME A
MODEL. THEY BEGGED HIM.
PLEASE, GEORGE, THE WORLD OF SUPER MODELING NEEDS YOU.
WHO WILL BE THE NEW FACE OF DIOR SOVAGE.
WHICH I AM TOLD IS SOMETHING. AS REGULAR VIEWERS OF LAST
NIGHT'S SHOW NO, SOMETIMES IN THE MONOLOGUE I LOVE TO EXPLAIN
ASKED FOR OF THE MYSTERIOUS WORLD OF MONKEYS AND TONIGHT I
TAKE YOU DOWN TO MONKEY TOWN. THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S MONKEY
MYSTERIES. >> STEPHEN COLBERT'S MONKEY
MYSTERIES. >> [CHEERING]
>> Stephen: PEOPLE REALLY LOVE MONKEY MYSTERIES.
THEY ARE SO GENEROUS. THEY LOVE THE MONKEY MYSTERIES.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT'S FIRST AND ONLY MONKEY MYSTERIES
COMES FROM JAPAN WHERE ZOOKEEPERS HAVE BEEN PUZZLED FOR
YEARS WITH THE QUESTION, HOW DID MOMO, AND GIVEN KEPT ALONE IN
HER CAGE GET PREGNANT? IT'S THE IMMONCULATE CONCEPTION.
HERE IS THE ENIGMA, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS KEPT IN ISOLATION, SHE
GAVE BIRTH IN 2021 YET UNNAMED MALE GIVEN WHICH RAISES ANOTHER
MYSTERY, HOW CAN IT TAKE TWO YEARS TO NAME A BABY MONKEY?
OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, MR. JINGLE JINGLE.
STINKY PETE, BARRY GIBBON, MONKEY BREWSTER.
ZOOKEEPERS PERFORMED A DNA TEST. THEY ANNOUNCED THE IDENTITY OF
THE FATHER. ITO, A 34-YEAR-OLD GIBBON FROM
THE SAME ZOO. WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE
ANNOUNCEMENT. >> YOU ARE THE FATHER!
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS HARRISON FORD. WHEN WE COME BACK, ANOTHER
INSTALLMENT OF MY TEXT SEGMENT "CYBORGASM."
>> Announcer: "THE LATE SHOW"
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT, SPONSORED BY AVEENO DAILY MOISTURIZING
LOTION.
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH, YEAH.
LEWIS, TONIGHT. I DON'T GET TO SAY THIS EVERY
DAY. AS AN INTERVIEW, I HAVE DONE
BIDS WITH THIS GENTLEMAN. I'VE HAD FUN WITH THIS GENTLEMAN
BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY, THE HONOR,
THE PRIVILEGE TO SAY I WILL BE INTERVIEWING MR. HARRISON FORD.
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT? HAS ANYBODY SEEN, HAS ANYBODY
SEEN THAT SHOW, THAT "1923" THAT HE IS IN WITH HELEN MIRREN.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT? IT'S OUT NOW.
THE MAN IS 80 YEARS OLD, TOUGH AS NAILS.
STILL MAKES A FANTASTIC COWBOY. HIM, HARRISON FORD, LOOKING AS
GOOD AS HE DOES MAKES ME THINK THAT MAYBE JOE SHOULD RUN AGAIN.
THEY ARE THE SAME AGE. WHY?
HARRISON IS A COWBOY. HE RIDES HORSES AND EVERYTHING
IN THIS. PRETTY GREAT.
ANYWAY. FOLKS, I LIVE IN FEAR THAT
MACHINES ARE ON THE VERGE OF RISING UP TO DESTROY US.
THAT'S WHY WHEN I'M NOT USING MY TOASTER, I PUT IT IN THE SHOWER
TO ASSERT DOMINANCE. ASKED MY MICROWAVE TO KEEP AN
EYE ON IT. I KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON ALL THE
ROBOTS AND THEIR BOUGHT STUFF IN MY TECH SEGMENT, "CYBORGASM."
>> OH! >> [CHEERING]
>> Stephen: I JUST FOUND OUT, THIS IS ONE OF THE LONGEST
CREDITS WE HAVE ON THE SHOW AND I WAS TALK ABOUT MAYBE WE SHOULD
CHANGE THE CREDITS. MAKE THEM SHORTER, CHANGE THEM
IN SOME WAY AND I JUST FOUND OUT DOWNSTAIRS THAT THERE WAS A TIME
WHEN WE WERE GOING TO NAME THE SEGMENT, WHICH WE HAVE DONE FOR
SEVEN YEARS, WE WERE GOING TO CALL IT BOT PLUG.
FOR REASONS THAT DEFY ME, WE DID NOT DO THAT.
FIRST UP, THE MACHINES HAVE BEGUN ACQUIRING ABILITIES THAT
HERETOFORE WERE ONLY IN THE REALM OF LIVING CREATURES
BECAUSE SCIENTISTS HAVE GIVEN A ROBOT A SENSE OF SMELL.
THIS ROBOT HERE CAN IDENTIFY A HANDFUL OF SMELLS WITH 10,000
TIMES MORE SENSITIVITY THAN SOME SPECIALIZED ELECTRONICS.
GOOD LORD. ROBOTS HAVE ACHIEVED
MOTHER-IN-LAW ENTERING YOUR HOUSE TECHNOLOGY.
I SEE WE ARE BACK ON OFF-BRAND DETERGENTS.
MY POOR GRANDCHILDREN. OH WAIT, I DON'T HAVE ANY OF
THOSE, DO I? SOME OF YOU SOUND LIKE THAT'S
BEEN SAID TO YOU AT A CERTAIN POINT.
NEXT UP, THE HOME SECURITY COMPANY RING HAS UNVEILED A
DRONE THAT FLIES AROUND YOUR HOUSE TO SHOW YOU WHAT'S GOING
ON IN DIFFERENT ROOMS WHILE YOU'RE OUT.
LET'S WATCH IT NOW. WOW, THAT IS SUCH EXCITING
TECHNOLOGY BECAUSE NOW WITH THE RING DRONE, YOU CAN SEE EVERY
ANGLE OF YOUR CAT HAVING A PSYCHOTIC BREAK.
[LAUGHTER] NEXT UP IN OUR CYBER FUTURE, WE
ARE ALL A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND A
COMPANY CALLED HANSON ROBOTICS BELIEVES THE KEY TO WINNING OVER
A SKEPTICAL PUBLIC SHOULD BE THIS FAMILY OF ROBOT SISTERS
BECAUSE THEY SAY IF YOU HAVE AN AI THAT YOU CAN LOOK IN THE EYE
AND IT SMILES AT YOU, THAT GIVES YOU A SUBJECTIVE FEELING OF
CONNECTION. WELL, I LOVE TO MAKE
CONNECTIONS. LET'S SEE THESE LOVELY AI
SISTERS. [SCREAMS]
DON'T KILL ME, NIGHTMARE MANNEQUIN HEADS.
I'LL TELL YOU THE LOCATION OF THE SUNGLASS HUT.
WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT? WHY?
THE ENGINEER BEHIND THESE WARM, COMFORTING DECAPITATED LADY SAYS
HE WANTED TO HUMANIZE THE ROBOTS BY GIVING THEM INDIVIDUAL
SKILLS. ONE OF THEM IS A MEMBER OF HIS
EXPERIMENTAL BAND, JAM GALAXY. HE PLAYS THE KEYBOARD WHILE THE
ROBOT IMPROVISES SPOKEN WORD POETRY AND BEFORE HE ASKS, I'M
SORRY, I HAVE PLANS THAT NIGHT. EITHER WAY, AI IS GOING TO NEED
ALL THE GOOD P.R. IT CAN GET SINCE WE ARE SEEING MORE AND
MORE HEADLINES LIKE BUZZFEED WILL USE AI TO WRITE ITS
ARTICLES AFTER FIRING 180 EMPLOYEES.
NOT GOING TO WORK, BUZZFEED, NO WAY THE DAY I CAN TELL ME WHICH
KIND OF HOT SAUCE I AM. OH, MY GOD.
I AM THE CHOLULA GIRL. IN FACT, ACCORDING TO EXPERTS,
90% OF ALL MY CONTENT COULD BE GENERATED BY AI BY 2025 WHICH
MEANS THAT HUMAN INTERNET PORN WILL CERTAINLY BE REPLACED WITH
AUTOMATED SLUT. WILL SOON BE REPLACED WITH
AUTOMATED SMUT LIKE THIS. ♪ ♪
>> OH, MMM, OH. >> Stephen: A ROBOTICS COMPANY
IS WORKING TO BUILD AI SYSTEMS FOR CHICKEN SUPPLIERS BY
CREATING 3D RENDERINGS OF CHICKEN PARTS.
THAT 3D RENDERINGS OF CHICKEN PARTS AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED
TIME ONLY AT THE BUFFALO WILD WINGS.
BUT AFTER ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN THE ROBOTS FOR FOOD PROCESSING,
THE COMPANY HAS REPORTED HOW SURPRISINGLY HARD IT IS FOR A
ROBOT TO PICK UP A CHICKEN WING. AHA.
WE FOUND THEIR WEAKNESS. ROBOTS, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO
OUR JOBS, MAKE OUR ART AND WRITE OUR POETRY AND HAVE SEX WITH OUR
LEAST DESIRABLE MEN BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT MAKES US UNIQUELY
HUMAN, THE INDEFINABLE SPARK THAT ALLOWS US TO POUND A PLATE
OF ATOMIC WINGS. ROBOTS, I'M ABOUT TO BLOW YOUR
MOTHERBOARDS. BEHOLD!
I AM A MAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND YOU MACHINES WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FEEL THE KIND OF A GRANT
I HAVE TOMORROW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
HARRISON FORD.
[CHEERING] >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
THANKS, FOLKS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME
BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." FOLKS, YOU ALL KNOW MY GUEST
TONIGHT BECAUSE HE'S THE STAR OF ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," HARRISON FORD.
♪ ♪ THERE YOU GO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING]
I WANT TO START BY SAYING WHAT THEY JUST DID, DITTO.
NICE TO HAVE YOU ON. >> Harrison: IT'S SWEET,
REALLY SWEET. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: REALLY NICE TO HAVE YOU.
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME.
YOU DON'T DO THIS A LOT. IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU ON
HERE. >> Harrison: I'M DELIGHTED TO
BE HERE. >> Stephen: YOU ALSO ARE A
BUSY MAN. YOU'VE GOT NOT ONE BUT TWO TV
SHOWS RIGHT NOW. YOU'VE GOT, LET'S START WITH
"1923". >> Harrison: OKAY.
>> Stephen: THEY ARE VERY EXCITED.
CHECK MY MATH ON THIS. "1923" IS A SEQUEL TO "1883"
WHICH IS A PREQUEL TO "YELLOWSTONE."
>> Harrison: THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.
YEAH. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
PEOPLE LOVE THE COWBOY ALL OVER AGAIN.
THEY LOVE THE WESTERNS ALL OVER AGAIN.
IT'S HAVING A REAL MOMENT. >> Harrison: YEAH AND IT'S, TO
ME, I WATCHED SOME OF "YELLOWSTONE."
"1883" CAME ALONG AND I WATCHED THAT AND THEN I GOT THIS
SUGGESTION THAT TAYLOR SHERIDAN MIGHT WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH
ME. BUT THERE WAS NO SCRIPT.
BUT HE HAD ALREADY TALKED TO HELEN.
>> Stephen: HELEN MIRREN. >> Harrison: HELEN MIRREN.
WHICH WAS A BIG DRAW FOR ME. AND THEN HE DEVELOPED A GREAT
SCRIPT. >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND HE
GOT YOU DOWN TO HIS PLACE IN TEXAS AND HE USED UNDERHANDED
MEANS TO GET YOU TO SAY YES WITHOUT ANY --
>> Harrison: NO, HE POURED OVERHAND.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT ANYTHING?
I'VE GOT A BAR BACK HERE. >> Harrison: NO, I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING. I WANT TO BE REALLY
PROFESSIONAL. >> Stephen: THAT MAKES ONE OF
US. >> Harrison: YEAH.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, CHIEF.
OKAY, THE SHOW FEELS LIKE -- LESS LIKE A SERIOUS AND MORE
LIKE AN EIGHT HOUR MOVIE. WAS THAT PART OF THE DRAW FOR
YOU? >> Harrison: YEAH, IT IS.
IT'S VERY AMBITIOUS FOR WHAT IT IS.
IT'S REALLY REMARKABLE THAT WE ARE SHOOTING IN AFRICA.
WE ARE SHOOTING IN MONTANA. IT'S A BIG, IT'S A BIG DEAL AND
I'M REALLY EXCITED TO BE PART OF IT.
>> Stephen: IT UNITES YOU, AS YOU SAID, WITH YOUR OLD FRIEND
HELEN MIRREN WHO WAS IN "THE MOSQUITO COAST" WITH YOU BACK IN
THE DAY OF 1986. THERE YOU GO.
SEXY AND STILL SEXY. >> Harrison: SHE IS STILL SE
SEXY. >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER MAKE
OUT WITH HELEN MIRREN? I ASK BECAUSE I HAVE MADE OUT
WITH HELEN MIRREN HERE SHE CAME ON HERE, FIRST TIME I EVER MET
HER, SHE CAME ON AND PLANTS A WET ONE ON ME.
REALLY GRABS MY HEAD. I WAS PARALYTIC FOR ABOUT
5 MINUTES. SHE'S.
>> Harrison: SHE IS OUT THERE. >> Stephen: SHE'S VERY HOT.
>> Harrison: YEAH. IT'S BEEN REMARKABLE TO WATCH
HER. THERE'S A LOT OF PHYSICAL ACTION
AND SHE JUST JUMPS RIGHT IN AND DO STUFF YOU DON'T IMAGINE HELEN
MIRREN WOULD DO. >> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> Harrison: DAME HELEN MIRREN.
>> Stephen: THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME.
I TELL YOU THAT. SO LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
WHAT WERE THE CONDITIONS OF DOING THIS BOOK?
THIS IS -- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MISSED OPPORTUNITY. >> Harrison: MONEY FOR
NOTHING. CHICKS FOR FREE.
>> Stephen: COMPARE THIS ENVIRONMENT TO SHOOTING IN
>> Audience: [CHANTING] BECAUSE THAT IS MONTANA IN THE
WINTER? WHAT WAS IT LIKE?
>> Harrison: IT WAS [BLEEP] TERRIBLE.
CAN YOU SAY THAT? >> Stephen: SURE.
>> Harrison: IT'S NICE IN THE SUMMER.
BUTTE, MONTANA, IS THE COLDEST CITY IN THE CONTIGUOUS U.S. 48
STATES. IT HAS BEEN FOR A LONG, LONG
TIME. >> Stephen: HARRISON FORD IS
GOING TO SAY, GUYS, CAN WE DO THIS ON THE GREEN SCREEN?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE OUT HERE IN THE COLD?
>> Harrison: NO. I KNEW WE WERE GOING TO --
>> Stephen: ROUGH IT. >> Harrison: DO IT THE RIGHT
WAY. THOSE ARE REAL HORSES.
>> Stephen: WOW. YOU DIDN'T GO WITH DIGITAL
HORSES? THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
>> Harrison: REAL COWBOY STUFF.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPREAD IN WYOMING I UNDERSTAND.
>> Harrison: I HAVE A PLACE. I HAVE A HOME IN WYOMING.
>> Stephen: SO I SHOULDN'T SAY "BREAD."
>> Harrison: IT'S A SCHMEAR. >> Stephen: ISN'T WORKING, DO
YOU GROW CERTIFIED GRASS OR CATTLE?
>> Harrison: DO WE GROW WHAT? >> Stephen: CERTIFIED GRASS.
>> Harrison: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
>> Stephen: HEY GRASS AND IT'S BUNDLED.
>> Harrison: I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS CERTIFIED GRASS.
>> Stephen: MAYBE IT'S NOT. AFTER ALL, YOU HAVE A SCHMEAR
AND I HAVE AN APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.
WE HAVE A PEER, YOU AS THE PATRIARCH JACOB DUNN, DO YOU,
HARRISON FORD, KNOW WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE?
JIM. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
>> DON'T YOU FORGET. I'M A MEMBER.
>> MEMBERSHIP DOES NOT MEAN IGNORE THE RULES.
YOU GRAZED DOWN ALL YOUR GRASS AND PUSHED HER FLOCK ON ANOTHER
MAN'S GRASS. >> THE LOCUSTS ATE MY GRASS.
>> LOCUSTS EIGHT EVERYBODY'S GRASS.
WE ARE ALL SUFFERING. TAKE YOUR FLOCK HIGHER.
THAT'S RANCHING FOR YOU. >> JACOB.
>> I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE OTHER 11.
JUST YOU. [APPLAUSE]
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BOAT WE ARE RIGHT
BACK WITH -- WE ARE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
HARRISON FORD. STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: AMAZING. USED TO GO OUT THERE ALL THE
TIME. HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE BACK HERE
WITH ONE OF THE STARS OF "SHRINKING" AND "1923",
MR. HARRISON FORD. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR OTHER TV
SHOW, "SHRINKING. QUICK WHAT YOU PLAY A THERAPIST,
YOU PLAY JASON SEGEL'S THERAPIST IN "SHRINKING."
>> Harrison: NO, I PLAY THE HEAD OF THE PRACTICE.
HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST. I AM A PSYCHIATRIST.
THIS IS MY PRACTICE. JASON IS ONE OF THE
PSYCHIATRISTS IN MY PRACTICE. >> Stephen: OH, I THOUGHT HE
COMES TO YOU FOR ADVICE AS WELL. >> Harrison: HE DOES.
>> Stephen: BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN THERAPY?
>> Harrison: YEAH. THAT'S JUST FREE ADVICE.
FROM YOUR BOSS. >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT ON THE
CLOCK, EXACTLY. HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT, WELL,
I'LL JUST TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID. HE POINTED OUT THIS HEADLINE
THAT HE GOT THIS NEW FROM THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW
THAT HARRISON FORD HAD NO IDEA WHO JASON SEGEL WAS BEFORE
SIGNING ON TO "SHRINKING." >> Harrison: NOT TRUE.
>> Stephen: RESPONSE FROM HARRISON FORD.
>> Harrison: NOT TRUE. I KNEW WHO HE WAS.
I HAD SEEN A COUPLE OF FILMS THAT HE WAS IN.
I HAD SEEN AT LEAST SOME OF -- I FORGOT.
"FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL." AND I HAD SEEN ANOTHER FILM HE
DID, REALLY FANTASTIC CALLED "END OF THE TOUR."
BEAUTIFUL. >> Stephen: YES.
DAVID FOSTER WALLACE. >> Harrison: I WATCHED IT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU LIKE IT? >> Harrison: I WATCH SARAH
MARSHALL AGAIN. I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY
FANTASTIC. THE PRODUCER ASKED ME WHAT I
THOUGHT AND I SAID, NICE PENIS. [LAUGHTER]
>> Stephen: FOR THOSE WHO MAY NOT KNOW, THERE'S A MOMENT AND
"FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL" FAIRLY EARLY ON WHERE HE'S FU
FULL -- PHEROMONES.
>> Harrison: SEEMED LIKE FOREVER.
>> Stephen: FULL FRONTAL. YOU SEE THE SEGEL.
[LAUGHTER] DOES YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF JASON
SEGEL'S PENIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE NAME OF THE SHOW,
"SHRINKING." IT'S NOT ON HERE.
I JUST MADE THAT UP. I MADE THAT UP TO GET THE JOB.
>> Harrison: NO. NOTHING.
NOTHING AT ALL. >> Stephen: OKAY.
NICE THAT YOU SAID NICE. THAT'S GREAT.
DID YOU TELL HIM NICE. THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL GREAT AS
A PERFORMER IF HARRISON FORD SAID HEY, STEPHEN, NICE PENIS.
LET'S MOVE ON. LET'S SEE.
HOW IS IT GOING SO FAR? ARE YOU HAVING AN OKAY TIME?
>> Harrison: HERE? FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: ME TOO. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
HARRISON FORD, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
RIGHT HERE. WE KNOW WHO THAT IS.
THAT IS HARRISON FORD, Y'ALL. "SHRINKING."
"1923". PEOPLE SAW THE IMAGE OF YOU IN
THE TRAILER. IT'S A NETWORK SHOW.
WE CAN AFFORD TO PRINT OUT PHOTOS.
IS IT SURPRISING TO YOU THAT WE HAVE THIS TECHNOLOGY?
>> Harrison: NO. YOU HAVE DONE A LOT OF WORK.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE HARRISON FORD.
OF COURSE WE ARE GOING TO DO A LOT OF WORK FOR HARRISON FORD.
THIS IS AN JASON SEGEL WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M JUST JOKING. I KNOW WHO HE WAS.
THIS IS YOU AS THE YOUNG INDIANA IN THE AGE REGRESSION STEP HERE.
DID THAT FREAK YOU OUT? WAS THAT WEIRD FOR YOU TO SEE?
>> Harrison: THAT IS MY ACTUAL FACE.
AT THAT AGE. THEY HAVE THIS ARTIFICIAL
INTELLIGENCE PROGRAM. IT CAN GO THROUGH EVERY FOOT OF
FILM, LUCASFILM OWNS BECAUSE I DID A BUNCH OF MOVIES FOR THEM.
THEY HAVE ALL THIS FOOTAGE, INCLUDING A FILM THAT WASN'T
PRINTED. THEY COULD MIND IT MINE IT FROM
WHERE THE LIGHT IS COMING FROM. THAT'S MY ACTUAL FACE.
I PUT LITTLE DOTS ON MY FACE AND I SEE THE WORDS AND THEY MAKE
IT. IT'S FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: DOESN'T FREAK YOU OUT TO SEE THIS?
OR THIS -- IN YOUR MIND THIS IS WHAT YOU
LOOK LIKE ALL THE TIME? >> Harrison: IT'S WHAT I SEE
WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I STILL SEE BROWN HERE.
>> Stephen: WE ARE GETTING THERE.
CONTRACTUALLY I AM OBLIGED TO ASK YOU ABOUT ONE OF THE NEXT
PROJECTS ARE GOING TO BE DOING BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE TAKEN
OVER AS THADDEUS THUNDERBOLT RAWSON NEXT YEAR'S
CAPTAIN AMERICA: NEW WORLD ORDE. CAN YOU, HARRISON FORD, TELL US
ANYTHING ABOUT IT? YOU ALLOWED TO?
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO TELL US ANYTHING?
>> Harrison: I AM ALLOWED TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW.
EVERYTHING. ASK ME ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: UH... >> Harrison: WHERE TO START?
>> Stephen: WHERE DOES IT TAKE PLACE?
>> Harrison: I DON'T KNOW. ASK ME SOMETHING I KNOW BECAUSE
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. >> Stephen: OKAY.
THE FIRST SCENE THAT. >> Harrison: I CAN'T TELL YOU.
BECAUSE I KNOW. I DO KNOW THAT.
BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU. >> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS IT SOMETHING YOU
DON'T KNOW. >> Harrison: YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO JUST MAKE SOME [BLEEP] UP
BECAUSE THEY WON'T KNOW. MAKE SOME [BLEEP] UP.
SO WHERE DO YOU GUYS MEET? WHERE DO YOU AND CAPTAIN AMERICA
MEET IN THE FIRST SCENE? >> Harrison: UM, AT A DISCO.
>> Stephen: WOW. IS IT MODERN OR A FLASHBACK?
>> Harrison: FLASHBACK. >> Stephen: STUDIO 54?
>> Harrison: YEAH. NOT IN THE --
>> Stephen: CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE IT'S A DIFFERENT --
WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BASEMENT? >> Harrison: NOTHING.
NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE BASEMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE ABOUT TO TELL ME YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES AT
STUDIO 54. I'VE SEEN PICTURES.
WITH ANDY AND BIANCA. THEY ARE BLACK-AND-WHITE.
YOU RODE IN TO THE STUDIO ON A HORSE.
>> Harrison: THAT WASN'T ME. >> Stephen: YOU COULD HAVE.
YOU'RE A COWBOY. >> Harrison: I WASN'T THEN.
>> Stephen: HARRISON FORD, THIS HAS BEEN A REAL PLEASURE.
I HOPE YOU'LL COME AGAIN SOMETIME.
>> Harrison: YEAH, ME TOO. >> Stephen: HARRISON.
>> Harrison: THANK YOU. >> Stephen: "SHRINKING" IS
TRIMMING OUT ON APPLE TV PLUS SIGN EPISODES OF "1923" RESUME
SUNDAY ON PARAMOUNT+. HARRISON FORD, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE PERFORMANCE BY VIC MENSA.
>> Stephen: PERFORMING HIS NEW SONG "STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON,"
WITH PHONY PPL AND MAETA, VIC MENSA.
>> ♪ DROP TOP, I GOT A DATE WITH THE SUNRISE ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUST LET RIDE YOU RIDE IF YOU ACT RIGHT ♪
♪ SAW THAT GOLD ROLLIE NO PYRITE ♪
♪ TWENTY-FOUR KARATS ♪ ♪ BEAUTIFUL
IN THE STREETLIGHTS ♪ ♪ STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪
♪ PARISIAN NIGHTS IN THE MOON ♪ ♪ OOH, HOW YOU SPEAK
WITH YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ MONEY AND THE FAME, AYY ♪
♪ THE GOALS WERE JUST YOUR TURN, AYY ♪
♪ THEY HATE YOU ♪ THEN THEY LOVE YOU
♪ THEY LOVE YOU THEN THEY HATE YOU AGAIN ♪
♪ VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHER ♪ YOU SWEET LIKE SHEA BUTTER TOO
AVEC MOI? ♪ ♪ SWEET LIKE, I LOVE MORE
♪ THE CREME BRULEE YOU SWEET LIKE HAAGEN-DAZS ♪
♪ SWEET LIKE BABY BASH AND FRANKIE J, SUGA,
THAT'S WAY TOO FLY ♪ ♪ JUDGIN' BY THE WAY
YOUR MAMA LOOK ♪ I BET YOU STAY THIS FINE,
THE WAY YOUR DNA DESIGNED ♪ ♪ LET'S WATCH LIVE JAZZ
COGNAC NEAT ♪ ♪ YOU ON MY BACKSEAT
SO I KNOW YOU DIGGIN' ME BLACKSTREET ♪
♪ EAST ATLANTA GIRL I NEED A LICK
OF THAT GEORGIA PEACH, UH ♪ ♪ FORGIVE ME IF I'M
OVERLY FORWARD BUT I'M LIKE MOWGLI FOR YOU
I WANNA LEARN ♪ MY LEARNIN' CURVE
ACCELERATE WHEN YOUR CURVES UP AGAINST ME ♪
♪ LOVE IS A HOUSE IN MY HOME ♪ ♪ AND I TREAT YOU SWEETER
THAN STOCKHOLM ♪ ♪ WE SHOULD BE IN THAT BEAMER
WITH THE TOP GONE ♪ ♪ DROP TOP,
I GOT A DATE WITH THE MOONLIGHT ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUST LET RIDE IF YOU ACT RIGHT ♪
♪ SAW THAT GOLD ROLLIE NO PYRITE ♪
♪ TWENTY-FOUR KARATS ♪ ♪ BEAUTIFUL
IN THE STREETLIGHTS ♪ ♪ STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪
♪ PARISIAN NIGHTS IN THE MOON ♪
♪ OOH, HOW YOU SPEAK WITH YOUR EYES ♪
♪ MONEY AND THE FAME, AYY ♪ ♪ THEY HATE YOU
♪ THEN THEY LOVE YOU THEY LOVE YOU
♪ THEN THEY HATE YOU AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M TALKING 'BOUT
STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪ ♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪ ♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪ YEAH, TALKING 'BOUT
♪ STRAWBERRY LOUIS VUITTON ♪
HEY, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ STRAWBERRY
LOUIS VUITTON ♪ YEAH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: VIC MENSA,
EVERYBODY. GOOD NIGHT.