>> EVEN WITH OFFICIAL PROMISING THE MUNICIPAL TAP WATER AND AIR
IN EAST PALESTINE ARE SAFE, QUESTIONS ARE STILL PILING UP.
>> IS IT SAFE FOR US TO LIVE IN OUR VERY OWN HOMES?
IS IT SAFE FOR US TO DRINK OUR WATER?
>> STATE AND FEDERAL OFFICIALS DRINK FROM THE TAP TO STRESS THE
WATER IS SAFE. >> BUT NOT EVERYONE IN EAST
PALESTINE, OHIO, IS CONVINCED. >> GREAT TO BE BACK HERE AT THE
GIGGLE HUT IN EAST PALESTINE, OHIO.
SAY HI TO MY DUMMY HERE, RICKEY. >> OH, FUNNY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE DUMMY. >> HEY!
RICKEY AND I ALWAYS LIKE TO START WITH A LITTLE SONG, SO WHY
DON'T YOU DRINK THIS WATER WHILE I SING?
>> WAIT, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO DRINK THE WATER WHILE I SING?
>> NOT THIS TIME. DRINK THE WATER, RICKEY.
>> I WON'T BE YOUR GUINEA PIG. >> THEY SAY THE WATER IS FINE.
NOW DRINK IT. ♪ CAMPTOWN LADIES SING THIS SONG
DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH ♪ SEE, THAT WASN'T SO BAD.
>> OH, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD. AHH!
>> DON'T WORRY. IT'S A CONTROLLED BURN.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT... CALIFORNIA FREEZIN'
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES... HANK AZARIA,
ISABEL WILKERSON, AND MUSICAL GUEST
DEPECHE MODE. FEATURING LOUIS CATO
AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT. ♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: HAPPY THURSDAY.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, FOLKS. WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE
LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO WAITED IN LINE TO GET IN HERE
HOW ABOUT THAT WEATHER? TONIGHT.
SERIOUSLY, WHA'S HAPPENING WITH THAT WEATHER?
I'M SCARED. SAM CHAMPION, HOLD ME.
SCARED. 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW,
MOST OF THE COUNTRY IS BEING BLASTED BY A COAST-TO-COAST,
3-DAY WINTER STORM, WHILE THE SOUTHEAST IS GETTING
RECORD HEAT. EVEN THE TV PEOPLE THINK
THE WEATHER IS STRANGE. >> JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT
FEBRUARY COULDN'T GET ANY WEIRDER, YESTERDAY'S BIZARRE
WEATHER PATTERN SLID THROUGH THE AREA.
>> THIS WID WEATHER. IT'S ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.
WHAT A WILD, YOU KNOW, SORT OF BIZARRO THING TO HAPPEN THIS
TIME OF YEAR. >> IT IS BIZARRO.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH ANOTHER DIMENSION,
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF SIGHT AND SOUND BUT OF MIND.
THERE'S A SIGNPOST UP AHEAD. YOUR NEXT STOP:
THE WEATHER CHANNEL. [TENSE MUSIC]
EXPERTS SAY THAT CLIMATE CHANGE IS MAKING
WINTER WEATHER WARMER AND WEIRDER.
WARMER AND WEIRDER. OF COURSE, A PHENOMENON
CLIMATE EXPERTS CALL "BACHELOR IN PARADISE."
HOW WEIRD? HOW WEIRD?
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 30 YEARS, THERE'S A BLIZZARD WARNING
FOR LOS ANGELES. THAT'S RIGHT.
THINGS ARE SO COLD IN LOS ANGELES,
KATY PERRY UPDATED HER SONG. ♪ CALIFORNIA GIRLS DON'T KNOW
♪ WHAT SNOW IS ♪ DAISY DUKES ARE THOSE GOOD
♪ FOR SNOW? ♪ IS THIS SNOW THAT'S THAT'S
♪ SHOOTING FROM MY BOOBIES? SNOOP DOGG FRO-OH-OH-OZE ♪
>> Stephen: EVERY BIT OF A BUFFALO IS WHAT THAT IS.
THE BAD WEATHER IS IMPACTING TRAVEL WITH MORE THAN 1600 U.S.
FLIGHT CANCELLATIONS AND ANOTHER 5,000 FLIGHTS DELAYED ACROSS THE
COUNTRY. BAD NEWS FOR TRAVELERS,
BUT GREAT NEWS FOR CHILI'S TOO. ADMIT IT.
YOU'VE GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. NACHOS, BABY.
SPEAKING OF TRANSIT, IT'S BEEN 20 DAYS SINCE THE HORRIFIC
TRAIN DERAILMENT AND CHEMICAL SPILL IN EAST PALESTINE, OHIO.
AND TODAY TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG
FINALLY VISITED THE SITE. 20 DAYS LATE.
I'M GLAD HE'S NOT AN EMT. "LET'S SEE.
TIME OF DEATH: 3 WEEKS AGO.
CLEAR!" LOOKS LIKE BUTTIGIEG
KNOWS HE ACTED TOO SLOWLY, ADMITTING THAT HE "COULD
HAVE SPOKEN OUT SOONER." ADDING, "AND I WOULD'VE BEEN
HERE EARLIER, BUT TRAFFIC WAS A MESS,
THE TRAINS ARE A DISASTER, AND ALL THE FLIGHTS WERE CANCELED.
SOMEONE SHOULD REALLY DEAL WITH THIS COUNTRY'S
TRANSPORTATION!" I HAD TO TAKE A CITY BIKE.
WHEN BUTTIGIEG DID SPEAK ABOUT THE TRAIN, HE MADE
A LITTLE OOPSY-DAISY. >> BOTH INFORMATION AND
MISINFORMATION INJECTED INTO THIS SITUATION, NONE OF WHICH IS
TO THE BENEFIT OF THE COMMUNITY WHEN IT COMES TO THAT
MISINFORMATION. SO I THINK -- SORRY I LOST
MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. >> Stephen: OH!
OH, NO! A TERRIBLE BRAIN DERAILMENT
IN EAST PALESTINE! IF ONLY HE'D UPDATED THOSE
MOUTH BRAKES. WELL.
BUT RESIDENTS OF EAST PALESTINE AREN'T WAITING FOR
VISITS FROM POLITICIANS. THEY'RE WAITING FOR ANSWERS
ON WHETHER IT'S SAFE TO STAY IN THEIR HOMES.
SO NATURALLY, VISITING POLITICIANS ARE REASSURING THEM
BY BARGING INTO THEIR HOUSES AND PERFORMATIVELY
DRINKING THE TAP WATER. HERE'S OHIO'S REPUBLICAN
GOVERNOR MIKE DEWINE AND EPA CHIEF MICHAEL REGAN
IN ONE RESIDENT'S HOUSE THIS WEEK.
>> HERE'S TO CAROLINE. >> HERE'S TO YOU.
>> THAT'S GOOD. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S REALLY COLD COMING
FROM THE TAP. >> Stephen: I'VE HEARD SOME BAD
WATER COOLER CONVERSATIONS, BUT THAT IS A NEW LEVEL.
"HMM, THIS WATER IS REALLY COLD FROM THE TAP.
I'M GETTING NOTES OF WET. FUN FACT: IT ALSO COMES IN
SOLID." DEWINE'S NOT ALONE.
MULTIPLE REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS WENT TO EAST
PALESTINE TO TAKE THE DRINK-A-GLASS-OF-WATER-CHALLENGE
AND CONVINCE RESIDENTS THAT THE WATER IS HEALTHY
AND THE AIR IS SAFE. BUT APPARENTLY, NO ONE TOLD
THAT THE G.O.P. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE, FOX NEWS.
>> THIS IS AN ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CONVINCE ME THAT THAT WATER IS HEALTHY
AND THAT AIR IS SAFE. >> LOCALS FEAR FOR THE FUTURE
OF THE PLACE THEY CALL HOME AFTER THAT TOXIC TRAIN
DERAILMENT. >> EAST PALESTINE, OHIO,
HAS BECOME LITTLE CHERNOBYL. >> THE PEOPLE IN CHERNOBYL
MIDWEST ARE ESSENTIALLY BEING NUKED RIGHT NOW.
>> THE TOWN OF EAST PALESTINE HAS EFFECTIVELY BEEN NUKED.
>> THE RAIL DISASTER IN OHIO MAY BE ONE OF THE WORST
ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS WE'VE SEEN IN YEARS.
>> Stephen: COME ON FELLAS, GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT!
IS THE WATER SAFE TO DRINK, OR WILL IT DISSOLVE YOUR ORGANS?
IT CAN'T BE BOTH. 'CAUSE THAT JOB'S TAKEN BY
BAJA BLAST MOUNTAIN DEW HARD SELTZER.
REMEMBER THEIR MOTTO: SEND IN THE EPA.
YOU KNOW, WE MAKE A LOT OF JOKES ON THIS SHOW ABOUT FOX NEWS,
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO GIVE THEM THEIR PROPS WHEN THEY
DESERVE IT. AND HERE'S THE THING.
IT'S A 24-HOUR NEWS CHANNEL AND THAT CAN BE HARD TO FILL.
AND I WANT TO SALUTE THEIR ABILITY TO JUST INVENT OUTRAGE
OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON A SLOW NEWS DAY.
AND THEY'VE DONE IT AGAIN. THEY'VE DUG DOWN DEEP,
TOSSED ASIDE ANY LAST SCRAPS OF JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY,
AND YANKED OUT A NEW DUMB THING TO PRETEND TO BE MAD AT.
AND BECAUSE I ALSO NEED SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT,
EVERY NIGHT, I'M GOING TO PRETEND TO BE MAD
AT THEM FOR PRETENDING TO BE MAD ABOUT IT.
THE LATEST TOTALLY NOT REAL PROBLEM?
LEGO HAS INTRODUCED NEW CHARACTERS WITH DIFFERENT
SKIN TONES, DISABILITIES, LIMB DIFFERENCE
AND VITI-LIGO. OR AS FOX NEWS PUT IT...
>> LEGO IS GOING WOKE. >> Stephen: OH!
OH! I'M SO MAD!
LEGO IS WOKE! HOW DARE THEY UPDATE THEIR TOYS!
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOTALLY NORMAL LEGOS FROM MY YOUTH,
LIKE BUNNY FROM HELL, TOM SELLECK TRAPPED IN CORN,
AND MY FAVORITE: WOMAN WITH TOO MANY BOOBS.
NO! SIX BOOBS, GET OUT OF HERE.
NOT SURE WHAT I'M MAD ABOUT. BUT FOX KNOWS WHAT THIS IS ALL
ABOUT: POLITICS. >> BUT WHAT'S SO FASCINATING
ABOUT THIS STORY IS THE DIVIDE IN THE COUNTRY.
REPUBLICANS THINK IT'S INSANE THAT THEY'RE FORCING IDENTITY
POLITICS INTO LEGOS. DEMOCRATS ARE UPSET
THAT THEY DIDN'T MAKE A DRAG QUEEN STRIPPER.
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, FIRST OF ALL, FELLA,
DEMOCRATS DON'T MAKE LEGOS. THEY'RE MADE BY A BUNCH OF NERDS
IN DENMARK. SO THEY'RE MADE BY SOCIALISTS!
SECOND, GET YOUR FACT STRAIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY FOX IS SO UPSET ABOUT SEEING
REPRESENTATION IN LEGOS. AFTER ALL, I'M PRETTY SURE
SEAN HANNITY IS ONE. WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
WHAT SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW? THE 2024 ELECTION
IS ONLY A LONG WAY AWAY. SO EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IT.
RIGHT NOW, THE MAN TO BEAT ON THE G.O.P. SIDE IS THE FORMER
PRESIDENT. BUT HE'S NOT INVINCIBLE.
ACCORDING TO A RECENT POLL, EVEN THOUGH 70% OF REPUBLICANS
HAVE A FAVORABLE VIEW OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT,
RON DESANTIS IS BEATING HIM 64% TO 36%.
ONE REPUBLICAN FOCUS GROUP WAS ASKED HOW THEY FEEL WHEN THEY
SEE THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AND THE MAJORITY PICKED WORDS
LIKE: "ANXIOUS," "FRUSTRATED," "NERVOUS," "OVERWHELMED,"
"FATIGUE," "EMBARRASSED," "ANNOYED," AND "MADDENING."
SIDE EFFECTS OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT INCLUDE
INSOMNIA, DIARRHEA, DRY MOUTH, WET MOUTH,
BOURBON IN MOUTH, PERSON, WOMAN,
MAN, CAMERA, TV. IT IS TIME TO WEIGH IN ON
AMERICA'S BIG MILK CONTROVERSY, SPECIFICALLY WHAT IS IT?
FOR A LONG TIME, BIG DAIRY HAS BEEN LOBBYING THE FDA
TO PREVENT MAKERS OF NON-DAIRY MILKS FROM CALLING IT MILK.
WELL, NOW, THE FDA HAS ISSUED GUIDANCE THAT SAYS PLANTBASED
BEVERAGES THAT BILL THEMSELVES AS MILK CAN OFFICIALLY KEEP
USING THE NAME. THAT'S A HUGE WIN FOR NON-DAIRY
MILKS. ESPECIALLY ALL THOSE ALMONDS
THEY KEEP ARTIFICIALLY PREGNANT. THEY KEEP 'EM IN THOSE
TINY PENS. SO CRUEL.
SO HARD TO GET THE LITTLE PUMPS ON TOO.
HOLD STILL. TRADITIONAL DAIRY PRODUCERS
HAVE THEIR CURDS IN A WHEY, SAYING THAT THIS RULING
ENABLES PRODUCTS TO MASQUERADE AS ANIMAL-BASED FOODS AND
CLOUD THE REAL MEANING OF MILK. OF COURSE, IN SUNDAY SCHOOL,
WE ALL LEARNED THE REAL MEANING OF MILK:
"BE KIND TO UDDERS." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE HANK AZARIA
AND PULITZER PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST ISABEL WILKERSON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GONNA TALK SCIENCE!
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK.
GIVE IT UP FOR "THE LATE SHOW" BAND.
LEWIS KATO. TONIGHT, COMING UP IN JUST A
MINUTE. JUST A MINUTE, WE HAVE FROM THE
NEW APPLE TV+ SHOW "HELLO TOMORROW!," HANK AZARIA IS GOING
TO BE OUT HERE. PULITZER PRIZE WINNER AND AUTHOR
OF THE NEW BOOK "CASTE: THE ORIGINS OF OUR DISCONTENTS,"
ISABEL WILKERSON WILL BE OUT OR JUST A MOMENT.
FASCINATING. WE RUN THE GAMUT HERE.
FOLKS, I LOVE SCIENCE. IN FACT I'M CURRENTLY RUNNING AN
EXPERIMENT RESEARCHING A LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF COMBINING
BOURBON AND CINNABONS.
AND I LIKE TO BRING YOU ALL THE LATEST SCIENCE NEWS
IN MY BRAND-NEW LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT.
>> THE SOUND OF SCIENCE. >> ♪ HELLO, SCIENCE,
MY OLD FRIEND ♪ >> Stephen: FIRST UP, GREAT
NEWS. SCIENTISTS FINALLY UNDERSTAND
"WHY MALE GIRAFFES DRINK POTENTIAL MATES' PEE."
UHHH. 'CAUSE THEY FREAKS?
NO? THAT WAS MY GUESS.
TURNS OUT, "MALE GIRAFFES STICK THEIR TONGUES IN A
FEMALE'S URINE STREAM TO CHECK FOR PHEROMONES WHICH TELL THEM
WHETHER A FEMALE IS READY TO MATE."
ONE OTHER CLUE THAT THE FEMALE IS READY TO MATE IS IF SHE LETS
A DUDE STICK HIS TONGUE IN HER URINE STREAM.
KEEP YOUR EYE PEELED FOR THAT. NEXT UP, AS RESEARCHERS CONTINUE
TO TRY TO NAIL DOWN EXACT DATES OF PREHISTORIC HUMAN
DEVELOPMENT, A "2.9-MILLION-YEAR-OLD TOOLKIT
IN KENYA HAS RAISED NEW QUESTIONS."
QUESTIONS LIKE "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA RETURN THOSE, ALAN?
IT'S BEEN FOR 2.9 MILLION YEARS! EITHER SKIN THAT WOOLLY MAMMOTH
OR GIVE 'EM BACK." NEXT UP, A NEW "RAPID CANCER
TEST CAN DIAGNOSE PATIENTS FROM JUST A SPLASH
OF YOUR URINE." THOUGH YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHO'S
COLLECTING THE SAMPLE. THERE YOU GO.
APPARENTLY, THE URINE SCAN WORKS BECAUSE THE DISEASE CHANGES
A PERSON'S METABOLISM, SO RESEARCHERS "FOCUSED ON THE
DIFFERENCES IN META-BOLO-MIC COMPONENTS THEN DEVELOPED A
SURFACE-ENHANCED RAMAN SCATTERING SENSOR WHICH
AMPLIFIES THE SIGNS OF THESE METABOLITES BY FORMING
A CORAL-SHAPED PLASMONIC NANOMATERIAL."
OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH. I MEAN, I'D HAVE GONE WITH
A NON-GAUSSIAN AGGLOMERATIVE CATABOLIC CLUSTERING AXON
TO GENERATE A HYPERPARAMETRIC BROWNIAN REFRACTOR INTERFERON
WHICH AMPLIFIES CHEMO-SYNTHESIS VIA FIBONACCI CYANO-BACTERIUM.
BUT YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
I MEAN, YOUR THING SOUNDS GOOD TOO.
NEXT UP, A RECENT STUDY SAYS THAT WORK-FROM-HOME HAS ITS
DOWNSIDES SINCE "THE DREADED COMMUTE TO WORK COULD BE
GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, BECAUSE IT CREATES A SO-CALLED
LIMINAL SPACE THAT ALLOWS YOUR BRAIN TO SWITCH OFF
AND RECHARGE." AND I CAN ATTEST TO THAT.
I LIKE TO TURN MY DRIVE HOME INTO A MINI-SPA TREATMENT.
I LIGHT SOME LAVENDER CANDLES, I PLAY SOME ENYA, AND PUT TWO
REFRESHING CUCUMBER SLICES OVER MY EYES.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S SO RELAXING,
I AM USUALLY SOUND ASLEEP BY THE TIME
THE PARAMEDICS GET THERE. NEXT UP, ACCORDING TO THE LATEST
RESEARCH, "NEARLY 1 IN 5 AMERICANS REGULARLY OR
OCCASIONALLY USE SLEEP MEDICATION."
WHILE THE OTHER 4 FALL ASLEEP THE OLD FASHIONED WAY:
OBSESSING FOR 2 HOURS ABOUT THE TIME THEY SAID
"NICE TO MEET YOU" TO BRENDA, WHO THEY'D ALREADY
MET TWICE. NEXT UP, I HOPE YOU'VE ALL BEEN
GOOD LATELY BECAUSE "SCIENTISTS JUST DISCOVERED
A LITERAL HELL." THAT HEADLINE AGAIN:
"SCIENTISTS JUST FLEW SPIRIT AIRLINES."
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS, YOU ASK?
WELL, IT'S "A LAYER OF MOLTEN ROCK HIDDEN UNDER
EARTH'S TECTONIC PLATES, EXCEEDING 2,600 DEGREES
FAHRENHEIT." OR JUST SLIGHTLY COOLER THAN
A MICROWAVED PIZZA ROLL. WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR THIS INSTALLMENT. UNTIL NEXT TIME,
THIS HAS BEEN... ♪ THE SOUND...
OF SCIENCE ♪ >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH HANK AZARIA.
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HELLO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME BACK, MY FRIENDS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
GUEST THIS EVENING IS A EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM THE BIRDCAGE, THE SIMPSONS, AND BROCKMEIER.
HE ST STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "HELLO TOMORROW!."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," HANK AZARIA.
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Hank: HI, THAT WAS VERY NICE.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU? >> Hank: BETTER NOW.
>> Stephen: IT FEELS A LITTLE BETTER WITH A LITTLE VALIDATION.
>> Hank: I CAN USE IT. I'VE BEEN HAVING HORRIBLE
PROBLEMS LATELY. >> Stephen: PERHAPS I CAN
HEL. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, HANK
AZARIA QUESTION MARKS BIJU I HAVE SOME SHAME AROUND IT
BECAUSE I SWORE I WOULDN'T DO THIS BUT I STARTED
WATCHING THE BACHELOR AGAIN. >> Stephen: REALLY?
>> Hank: FULL PATINO GODFATHER THREE.
THEY PULLED ME BACK IN. I HAVE A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE SHOW. I HAVE OCD RITUALS AROUND IT.
I COUNT THE LIKES, FOR EXAMPLE. LIKE, LIKE, LIKE PURE THE RECORD
IS 33 LIKES AND 2:22 CONVERSATION.
IT DRIVES ME INSANE. IT'S ALWAYS YOUNG LADY WITH A
VOCAL FRY. LIKE, I JUST WANTED TO LIKE,
TALK, LIKE BECAUSE WE HAD THIS, LIKE, CONNECTION AT FIRST.
LIKE NOW, LIKE, I KIND OF THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT.
I AM AFRAID YOU ARE, LIKE, NOT HERE FOR, LIKE, THE RIGHT
REASONS AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, LIKE, I DON'T JUST LIKE
YOU. I LIKE, LIKE, LIKE YOU.
>> Stephen: SEEMS LIKE A DANGEROUS DRINKING GAME.
>> Hank: EXACTLY. I DON'T DRINK ANYMORE BUT IF I
DID I WOULD DRINK EVERY TIME SOMEBODY SAID LIKE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS, YOUR LOVE OF
IMPRESSIONS. VOCAL STYLINGS.
YOU ARE FAMOUS FOR DOING THAT SORT OF THING.
IS THERE ANY IMPRESSION RIGHT NOW THAT YOU ARE PARTICULARLY
ENJOYING? PEOPLE CAN GET INTO LITTLE RUTS.
>> Hank: I DO NOTHING BUT OBSCURE OLD IMPRESSIONS NOBODY
CARES ABOUT ANYMORE. IT'S SO WEIRD.
ERIC ROBERTS FROM GREENWICH VILLAGE.
I WAS GOING TO BET ON THE RACEHORSE BUT THEY TOOK MY
[BLEEP] HE CURSES A LOT.
I DO YOUNG JACK, YOUNG JACK NICHOLSON.
HOLD THE CHICKEN SALAD, SWEETHEART.
IT'S DIFFERENT THAN OLD JACK WHICH GOT LOUDER AND GRUFFER.
ACTUALLY, TO CIRCLE BACK TO "THE BACHELOR" FOR A MOMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A PRO PROBLEM.
>> Hank: IT DOES INVOLVE AN OLD-SCHOOL IMPRESSION.
I WATCH IT FROM A CLINICAL STANDPOINT, LIKE, ALMOST LIKE A
SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. I HAVE A BACKGROUND.
I WAS A PSYCH MAJOR. I PLAY "SPOT THE DYSFUNCTION" AS
I WATCH IT. I REALLY DO.
CODEPENDENT. SHE'S AN ALCOHOLIC.
MAJOR TRUST ISSUES RIGHT THERE. IT BECOMES LIKE A NATURE
DOCUMENTARY ALMOST. SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH.
IF YOU NOTICE THE HORNED LIZARD EMERGES ONLY TWICE DURING THE
LUNAR CYCLE TO RISK A DRINK AT THE RIVER.
I WILL TURN THE SOUND DOWN AND WATCH WITH MY WIFE AND SAY "THE
YOUNG BLONDE WITH THE VOCAL FRY REACHES FOR THE SWORD MAY.
EACH TIME SHE EXPERIENCES THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF EMOTIONAL,
LIKE, DISCOMFORT. I HAD TO GET THAT OUT.
THERE'S ANOTHER OLD-SCHOOL ONE I USED TO DO IN MY STAND-UP ACT
THAT NEVER EVER GOT A LAUGH. SPIRO NO, LET'S HEAR IT.
>> Hank: WE CAN CUT IT OUT. DID YOU EVER HAVE JOKES YOU KNEW
WERE NOT GOING TO WORK BUT YOU LIKE THEM SO HE DID THEM ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: MANY, MANY TIMES. >> Hank: THIS IS ONE OF JOHNNY
CARSON. FOR YOU KIDS, JUST GOOGLE ME.
I WOULD DO JOHNNY CARSON DELIVERING ROCK 'N' ROLL SONG
LYRICS. INTERESTING ITEM IN THE PAPER
TODAY. HOW MANY OF YOU SAW THIS?
APPARENTLY THERE IS A LADY WHO IS SURE ALL THAT GLITTERS IS
GOLD. STAY WITH ME.
SHE'S BUYING A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.
IS THAT WEIRD? IS THAT SOME WACKY STUFF,
STEPHEN? >> Stephen: YES!
YES, SIR! >> Hank: THAT'S THE BEST I
EVER DID AND THAT WASN'T GREAT. IT WAS WEIRD.
WILDS. YOU NEED A PENCIL.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW APPLE TV+ SERIES, "HELLO
TOMORROW!." EVERYTHING ABOUT IT APPEALS TO
ME. I'M A HUGE PASS THROUGH TOMORROW
GUY. I LOVE THE VISION OF THE FUTURE
FROM THE 1950s. >> Hank: YOU LOVE THIS.
>> Stephen: EXPLAINED WITH THE IDEA IS.
>> Hank: A RETRO VISION OF THE FUTURE.
THE 50s MODERN FUTURE THAT WE WERE PROMISED BUT NEVER GOT, JET
PACKS AND HOVER CARS AND ROBOTS. IT'S LIKE A JETSONS WORLD.
>> Stephen: GREAT SUITS. >> Hank: RETRO 50s SUITS BUT
WITH WEIRD MODERN FUTURISTIC THINGS, SELF TYING TIES AND
WEIRD GADGETS. WE PLAY THIS "GLENGARRY
GLEN ROSS" TYPE SELLING CONDOS ON THE MOVE.
>> Stephen: REAL CONDOS OR ARE YOU TAKING PEOPLE FOR CASH?
>> Hank: SPOILER ALERT. YOU HAVE TO STAY TUNED.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP. >> Hank: MY CHARACTER, EDDIE,
HE'S A GAMBLING ADDICT, SPORTS BETTING ADDICT AND HE TRIES TO
GIVE HIS BUDDY SOME LOVE ADVICE BUT THIS IS HOW IT COMES OUT.
>> WOMEN, LIKE GAMES OF CHANCE, LIVE IN REALMS BEYOND REASON.
HUNCHES, OMENS, INSTINCTS. NOT AVALANCHES OF EXPLANATORY
BLATHER. >> IF I'M CLEAR AND OPEN WITH
HER AND SHE IS CLEAR AND OPEN WITH ME.
>> DISASTER. THAT'S A DISASTER.
WORKING HARD TO GET MY GIRL UP TO THE MOON RIGHT NOW.
DO I TALK TO HER EAR OFF ABOUT THAT, NOY DON'T.
DO I HEED CERTAIN AUSPICIOUS SIGNS?
ABSOLUTELY. WHICH HAVE COALESCED OVER AND
OVER AGAIN AROUND MILK AND DAIRY IN GENERAL.
LOOK. 3 ON THE MONEY LINE WITH 61
RINGERS. WHAT SIZE DO YOU BUY MILK IN?
64 OUNCES. SIMPLE MATH.
FIND YOUR MILK AND FOLLOW IT. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, HANK AZARIA. DON'T GO ANYWAY.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE. JUST GO.
I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. >> Hank: JUST GET OUT OF HERE.
>> Stephen: HEY!
ANYWAY YOU WENT, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK HERE.
WE ARE BACK WITH THE STAR "HELLO TOMORROW!" ON APPLE TV+, HANK
AZARIA. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A REGULAR
POKER GAME. BILLY CAUGHT UP AND OUR FRIEND
RICHARD KIND. >> Hank: HE'LL TELL YOU THAT
HE IS GREAT IF YOU ASK HIM. HE'S ALWAYS VERY HONEST,
BRUTALLY HONEST, BOWED HIS OWN WORK AND YOUR WORK AS WELL.
>> Stephen: HONEST AND BRUTAL. >> Hank: RETURNED HAVE BEEN IN
THE POKER GAME FOR YEARS AND HE SAYS SO MANY DELIGHTFUL THINGS
THAT WE TOOK TO WRITING DOWN HIS BEST SAYINGS ON POKER CHIPS TO
COMMEMORATE THEM. FOR EXAMPLE.
HE TOURED IN THE MUSIC MAN WHICH I GUESSED JUST CLOSE DOWN.
HIS SELF REVIEW, I WAS NOT A GREAT HAROLD HILL BUT I WAS A
LOT OF FUN TO WATCH. THAT WENT ON THE CHIP.
I WAS WITH RICHARD BACK IN THE LATE '80s THE DAY THAT I FOUND
OUT THAT MY SITCOM "HERMAN'S HEAD" WAS CANCELED.
KENNY CAMPBELL, THAT'S RIGHT. RICHARD SAID WELL, YOU CAN'T BE
SURPRISED. IT'S THE LOWEST RATED SHOW ON
TELEVISION. THAT WENT ON A CHIP.
ONE DAY HE WAS ORDERING PIZZA AND FROM THE OTHER ROOM, WE HEAR
REAL LOUD, "I DON'T KNOW THE [BLEEP]
CROSS STREET!" THAT WENT ON IN CAPS.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES ONE GET INVITED TO THE POKER GAME?
>> Hank: YOU ARE INVITED. DO YOU PLAY?
>> Stephen: YEAH. >> Hank: THEN YOU ARE REALLY
INVITED. >> Stephen: I'VE GOT A LOT OF
MONEY. "HELLO TOMORROW!" IS ON
APPLE TV+ NOW. IT IS HANK AZARIA, EVERY BUDDY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING JOURNALIST ISABEL
WILKERSON.
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, COMING UP RIGHT HERE ON THIS STAGE IN JUST
A MOMENT, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND BECAUSE NONE
OTHER THAN DEPECHE MODE WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
NEW ALBUM, NEW SONG. STICK AROUND FOR THAT.
BUT RIGHT NOW, MY NEXT GUEST
IS A PULITZER PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST AND AUTHOR OF
"THE WARMTH OF OTHER SUNS" AND "CASTE: THE ORIGINS OF OUR
DISCONTENTS." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," ISABEL WILKERSON! ♪ ♪
>> Isabel: HELLO. >> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE YOU
ON. >> Isabel: THANK YOU FOR
HAVING ME. >> Stephen: THE NEW BOOK IS
"CASTE: THE ORIGINS OF OUR DISCONTENTS."
IT CAME OUT TWO YEARS AGO BUT IT'S NOW OUT IN PAPER BOOK.
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" REVIEW CALLED IT "THE KEYNOTE
NONFICTION BOOK OF THE AMERICAN CENTURY THUS FAR."
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, EXPLAIN THE CONCEPT OF CASTE AND
HOW YOU PERCEIVE IT WHEN OUR OWN CULTURAL CONTEXT.
>> Isabel: CASTE IS AN ARBITRARY, ARTIFICIAL RANKING ON
A VALUE IN SOCIETY AND WE OFTEN THINK OF THAT WORD APPLIED TO
INDIA. THE MOST RECOGNIZABLE CASTE
SYSTEM IN THE WORLD AND IT TURNED OUT THAT OUR FOUNDING
FATHERS ACTUALLY REPLICATED OR CREATED A PARALLEL KIND OF
HIERARCHY. BUT WHAT THEY DID, YOU COULD USE
ANY NUMBER OF METRICS TO CREATE A CASTE SYSTEM.
YOU CAN USE RELIGION. YOU CAN USE ETHNIC CITY.
YOU COULD USE IMMIGRANT STATUS, LANGUAGE, ALL OF THAT.
IN OUR COUNTRY WITH THE COLONISTS CHOSE TO USE WAS THE
METRIC OF WHAT PEOPLE LOOK LIKE, MEANING RACE.
RACE WAS THE TOOL IT WAS USED TO DIVIDE TO DETERMINE WHO WOULD BE
SLAVE OR FREE. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THIS
METAPHOR TO SORT OF EXPLAIN LIVING WITHIN A CASTE SYSTEM.
>> Isabel: YEAH. ONE METAPHOR THAT I LOVE SO MUCH
AS THE METAPHOR OF THIS OLD HOUSE.
I SEE MYSELF AS THE BUILDING INSPECTOR OF THIS OLD HOUSE WE
CALL AMERICA. IF ANYONE HAS AN OLD HOUSE, THEY
NONE OF THE WORK IS NEVER DONE AN OLD HOUSE.
YOU'RE NEVER GET A NEW HOT WATER HEATER AND SAY I'LL NEVER HAVE
TO THINK ABOUT THAT. OWNERS OF OLD HOUSES.
YOU KNOW THAT THE WORK IS NEVER DONE AND YOU DON'T EXPECT IT TO
SO WHEN YOU HAVE A COUNTRY SUCH AS OURS, HIS COUNTRY AS OLD AS
OURS IS, WE SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTING THAT THE WORK IS
ALWAYS DONE AND ALL DONE. THE OTHER THING ABOUT A HOUSE IS
A METAPHOR FOR UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES IS THAT WHEN YOU TAKE
POSSESSION OF AN OLD HOUSE AND I'M THE BUILDING INSPECTOR
HANDING YOU THIS REPORT AND YOU TAKE POSSESSION OF THAT OLD
HOUSE, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO CREATED THOSE UNEVEN PILLARS AND
CHOICE. YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO CREATED
THE FRAYED WIRING IN THE CORRODED PIPES BUT ANYTHING THAT
HAPPENS GOING FORWARD IS ON YOU. ANY FURTHER DETERIORATION IS ON
YOU. WHEN YOU TAKE ON THE TASK OF
TAKING POSSESSION OF AN OLD HOUSE, YOU DON'T GET NECESSARILY
EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT. YOU MAY NOT LOVE WITH THE REPORT
IS SAYING BUT IT'S NOT PERSONAL. IT'S NOT ABOUT SHAME AND BLAME.
SIT ABOUT RECOGNIZING THAT THISS THE SITUATION WE ARE IN, OUR
INHERITANCE AS AMERICANS, INHERITANCE IF YOU TAKE
POSSESSION OF AN OLD HOUSE AND IT'S UP TO US TO ROLL UP OUR
SLEEVES AND GET TO WORK AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIX THIS
OLD HOUSE. LOOK AT ALL THOSE SYSTEMS.
OVERHAUL THE SYSTEMS, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES SO IT CAN
REMAIN STANDING FOR GENERATIONS TO COME.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: THERE IS AN ATTACK
ON TEACHING SOME OF OUR HISTORY RIGHT NOW ESPECIALLY ON SOME OF
THE FAR RIGHT, THOSE PEOPLE ARE ALSO LEADING PRESIDENTIAL
CONTENDERS. WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHAT WOULD YOU
WANT TO SAY TO THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING TO THROTTLE OR CONTROL
THE ACCESS TO INFORMATION ABOUT CERTAIN ASPECTS OF OUR HISTORY?
>> Isabel: LET ME GET BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THE BASEMENT AFTER A FLOOD, A RAIN
BUT IF YOU DON'T GO INTO THE BASEMENT, IT'S AT YOUR OWN
PERIL. WHATEVER IS LURKING IN THE
BASEMENT WILL BE THERE TO TALK TO YOU NO MATTER WHETHER YOU
KNOW IT OR NOT. IGNORANCE IS NO PROTECTION
AGAINST THE CONSEQUENCES OF INACTION.
NOT KNOWING IS NOT PROTECTING YOURSELF.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: YOU HAVE SAID THAT
THE MURDER OF TYRE NICHOLS REMINDS US THAT CASTE IS NOT
REALLY IN FACT ABOUT BLACK OR WHITE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ABOUT THAT? >> Isabel: WE ARE ACCUSTOMED
TO THE POLARITY OF BLACK VERSUS WHITE.
WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO SEEING IT WHEN THE PEOPLE INVOLVED LOOK A
CERTAIN WAY, AT THE EXTREMES OF THE POLAR CONFIGURATIONS IN OUR
COUNTRY. WHAT THE TYRE NICHOLS CASE SHOWS
US SO TRAGICALLY IS THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN THE DOMINANT
GROUP, THE DOMINANT CASTE IN ORDER TO DO ITS BIDDING.
WE ALL BEEN EXPOSED AND PROGRAMS TO RECOGNIZE WHAT THE HIERARCHY
IS, WHOSE LIVES ARE VALUED AND WHOSE LIVES ARE SO DEVALUED THAT
ANYONE IN ANY GROUP, INCLUDING ONE'S OWN, CAN ATTACK YOU.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. AND SO TO MAINTAIN A CASTE
SYSTEM OF THE HIERARCHIES OF WHERE EVERYONE IS POSITION AND
MAINTAIN THE SOCIAL ORDER THAT WE ARE SO ACCUSTOMED TO THAT IS
A 400-YEAR-OLD SOCIAL ORDER, THERE ARE SENTINELS.
IN THAT CASE, THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
THEY WERE ENFORCERS OF THE CASTE SYSTEM.
>> Stephen: YOUR FATHER WAS A ENGINEER HE BUILT BRIDGES.
YOU SAY THAT YOU WANT TO CARRY ON THAT LEGACY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? YOU ARE NOT AN ENGINEER.
>> Isabel: NO, HE WANTED ME TO BE AN ENGINEER BUT THAT WAS NOT
HAPPENING. HE FINALLY CAME AROUND AFTER A
WHILE. TO WHAT I CHOSE TO DO.
MY FATHER WAS TUSKEGEE AIRMEN. [APPLAUSE]
AND THESE WERE AMONG THE FINEST PILOTS OUR COUNTRY HAS EVER
PRODUCED. AND YET WHEN THE WAR ENDED AND
THEY WENT OUT LOOKING TO PURSUE THAT WHICH THEY HAD LOVED AND
HAD SO PROVEN THEMSELVES TO BE CAPABLE OF, IT TURNED OUT THAT
THEY WERE PROHIBITED FROM BEING ABLE TO WORK AS PILOTS.
SPEAKING OF RESTRICTIONS AND CASTE AND SO THEY WERE NOT ABLE
TO GET JOBS. NO ONE WOULD HIRE THEM AS
PILOTS. THEY HAD TO GO OUT AND REMAKE
THEMSELVES. SOME OF MY FATHER'S FRIENDS,
THEY WENT OFF AND GOT -- THEY BECAME DENTISTS, WENT INTO
LAW AND MY FATHER WENT BACK TO SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER DEGREE IN
CIVIL ENGINEERING, SO HE BECAME LITERALLY THE BUILDER OF
BRIDGES. AND SO I AM THE DAUGHTER OF A
BUILDER OF BRIDGES. I TAKE THAT ON IS MY LEGACY AND
EVERYTHING THAT I DO TO CONNECT OTHERWISE DISPARATE THINGS AND
TO SHOW THAT WHICH WE HAVE IN COMMON THAT WE MIGHT NOT
OTHERWISE BE SEEING. >> Stephen: ISABEL, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. LOVELY TO TALK TO YOU.
"CASTE" IS NOW AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK.
ISABEL WILKERSON, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY DEPECHE MODE.
>> Stephen: PERFORMING "GHOSTS AGAIN"
FROM THEIR UPCOMING ALBUM, "MEMENTO MORI," DEPECHE MODE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
>> ♪ WASTED FEELINGS ♪
♪ BROKEN MEANINGS ♪ ♪ TIME IS FLEETING ♪
♪ SEE WHAT IT BRINGS ♪ ♪ HELLOS, GOODBYES,
♪ A THOUSAND MIDNIGHTS ♪ ♪ LOST IN SLEEPLESS LULLABIES ♪
♪ HEAVEN'S DREAMING ♪ ♪ THOUGHTLESS THOUGHTS ♪
♪ MY FRIENDS ♪ ♪ WE KNOW WE'LL BE ♪
♪ GHOSTS AGAIN ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ SUNDAYS SHINING ♪
♪ SILVER LININGS ♪ ♪ WEIGHTLESS HOURS ♪
♪ ALL MY FLOWERS ♪ ♪ A PLACE TO HIDE THE TEARS ♪
♪ THAT YOU CRIED ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SAYS GOODBYE ♪
♪ FAITH IS SLEEPING ♪ ♪ LOVERS IN THE END ♪
♪ WHISPER WE'LL BE GHOSTS ♪ ♪ AGAIN ♪
♪ ♪
♪ HEAVEN'S DREAMING ♪ ♪ THOUGHTLESS THOUGHTS ♪
♪ MY FRIENDS ♪ ♪ WE KNOW WE'LL BE GHOSTS ♪
♪ AGAIN ♪ ♪ FAITH IS SLEEPING ♪
♪ LOVERS IN THE END ♪ ♪ WHISPER ♪
♪ WE'LL BE GHOSTS AGAIN ♪
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: CHECK OUT ANOTHER
PERFORMANCE ON ColbertLateShow.com.
DEPECHE MODE, EVERYBODY. JOIN US NEXT WEEK.
MICHELLE YEOH, DAMIEN LEWIS, AND ONCE AGAIN PRINCE HARRY TAKES
THE COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE. GOOD NIGHT.