IN A RECENT CAMPAIGN VIDEO, THE FORMER PRESIDENT PROPOSED
BUILDING TEN FUTURISTIC FREEDOM CITIES AS WELL AS FLYING CARS.
DOZENS OF MAJOR COMPANIES IN THE UNITED STATES AND CHINA ARE
RACING TO DEVELOP VERTICAL TAKEOFF AND LANDING VEHICLES
FOR FAMILIES AND INDIVIDUALS. I WANT ENSURE THAT AMERICA,
NOT CHINA, LEADS THIS REVOLUTION IN AIR MOBILITY.
["JETSONS" THEME MUSIC] ♪ ♪
♪ MEET DON TREASON ♪ ♪ HIS BOY, ERIC ♪
DAD! ♪ LAWYER RUDY ♪
♪ HIS THIRD WIFE ♪
♪ ♪ BING BONG!
Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT... JOE ME THE MONEY.
FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES... LILY TOMLIN AND JANE FONDA.
AND STEVEN SPIELBERG AND JOHN WILLIAMS.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
Stephen: OH! Stephen: HAPPY THURSDAY!
A, EVERYBODY. THANKS, EVERYBODY.
PLEASE HAVE-- PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT WAS A HUGE DAY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
BECAUSE AT LONG LAST, PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN HAS RELEASED
HIS NEW BUDGET, AND ON CAPITOL HILL, THE DRAMA WAS PALPABLE.
THE BUDGET OF JOE BIDEN IS OUT!
THE BUDGET IS OUT! BIDEN CALLS FOR CASH!
AND CONGRESS WILL ANSWER. Stephen: THE ANSWER IS "NO."
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" DESCRIBES BIDEN'S BUDGET AS
"DEAD ON ARRIVAL." "DEAD ON ARRIVAL" IS PRETTY
HARSH COMING FROM A NEWSPAPER. MY NEWSPAPER USED TO COME
DELIVERED IN A PLASTIC BAG. NOW IT COMES IN
A LITTLE CASKET. BUT IT'S TRUE.
THE G.O.P. QUICKLY REJECTED BIDEN'S BUDGET, BECAUSE
THEY PREFER "DEEP CUTS TO HEALTH CARE, FOOD ASSISTANCE
AND HOUSING PROGRAMS FOR POOR AMERICANS."
[BOOING] Stephen: NOW, NOW IT JUST
REFLECTS THE BEDROCK JUDEO-CHRISTIAN VALUES OF THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY AND ECHOES THE WORD OF OUR LORD.
"FOR I WAS HUNGRY AND YOU SAID, 'HEY, WHO GAVE YOU
THAT FREE FOOD? SLAP THAT FISH OUT
OF HIS DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH!'" SHUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH!
NOW, BIDEN KNOWS HIS PROPOSALS ARE UNPOPULAR WITH THE G.O.P.,
AND HE DON'T CARE. REPORTEDLY, THE WHITE HOUSE
SEES NO DOWNSIDE WHATSOEVER TO THROWING OUT THINGS THAT
WOULD NEVER PASS THE REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED HOUSE.
THE FIGHT IS THE POINT. "COME AT ME, GOP!
COME ON. THAT'S RIGHT.
COME ON. I TRAINED WITH ALL THE GREATS.
THE PENNSYLVANIA PUMMELER, THE SCRANTON SCRAPPER,
KAISER WILHELM. COME ON!
GET A KNUCKLE SANDWICH ON THE WHITEST BREAD
YOU EVER TASTED! COME ON, JACK DEMPSEY!"
THERE'S ALSO NEWS ABOUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT AND HIS
INSATIABLE NEED FOR CASH AND EXTERNAL VALIDATION.
BECAUSE HE'S ANNOUNCED PLANS TO PUBLISH A BOOK OF LETTERS.
WELL, I MEAN, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW HE'S FINALLY LEARNED HIS
LETTERS. ♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G
♪ PERSON-WOMAN-MAN ♪ ♪ CAMERA, TV ♪
IT'S ACTUALLY-- THANK YOU.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HALFWAY THERE. IT'S ACTUALLY A BOOK OF
CORRESPONDENCE WRITTEN TO HIM. SO, NATURALLY, THE COVER
FEATURES HIM WRITING A LETTER. SEEMS A LITTLE WEIRD BUT WRITING
LETTERS TO YOURSELF IS A LOST ART.
WE ALL REMEMBER THIS MOVING MOMENT IN KEN BURNS'
"CIVIL WAR." "MY DEAREST ME, I LONG TO SEE
YOUR SWEET FACE AGAIN, BUT MY MIRROR BROKE
THE OTHER DAY. HOW I MISS THE TENDER CARESS
OF YOUR FINGERS ON MY SKIN, BUT THERE'S TOO MANY OTHER
SOLDIERS IN THIS TENT, AND IT WOULD BE WEIRD.
FOREVER YOURS, YOU." Stephen: ALSO, JIM, CAN WE
PUT THAT COVER UP AGAIN? LOOK AT THAT LETTERING
IN THE TITLE. I BELIEVE THAT'S THE FIRST BOOK
WHOSE TITLE IS WRITTEN IN CHEEZ WIZ!
THE BOOK INCLUDES-- THE BOOK INCLUDES--
[APPLAUSE] SURE, WHY NOT?
THERE YOU GO. YOU MAY BE THINKING, STEVE, THIS
BOOK SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF OUR GREEDY EX-PRESIDENTS SHAMELESS
CASH GRABS AND YOU WOULD THINK REAL GOOD.
BECAUSE THIS BOOK HE DIDN'T WRITE COSTS $99.
SOUNDS EXPENSIVE, BUT HOW SHOULD HE KNOW?
HE'S NEVER BOUGHT A BOOK. SPEAKING OF...
[APPLAUSE] SPEAKING OF AMORAL GRIFTERS...
FOX NEWS. IT'S BEEN A BAD COUPLE OF WEEKS
FOR THE FOX FASCISTS AND FRIENDS.
IN THEIR LEGAL FILINGS, DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS REVEALED THAT THE
NETWORK'S UPPER MANAGEMENT AND HOSTS LIKE SEAN HANNITY
AND TUCKER CARLSON NEVER BELIEVED THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S
ELECTION LIES BUT PROMOTED THEM ANYWAY.
THEY EVEN MOCKED THE NETWORK'S OWN REPORTERS FOR CORRECTLY
CALLING THE 2020 ELECTION FOR BIDEN.
TURNS OUT, THOSE REPORTERS ARE "INCREDIBLY ANGRY"
THAT THESE REVELATIONS WILL FURTHER SULLY THE REPUTATION OF
THE NETWORK'S "STRAIGHT NEWS" JOURNALISTS.
REALLY? REALLY?
THAT'S LIKE THE PEOPLE AT TACO BELL WORRYING THAT
THE COOL RANCH AND FIERY DORITOS LOCOS TACOS
IS GOING TO FURTHER SULLY THE REPUTATION OF THEIR ASS-BLASTING
SALT POCKETS. NOW...
OH, I COULD GO FOR ONE. FOURTH MEAL.
ONE FOX STAFFER DESCRIBED THE REVELATIONS AS "SOUL-CRUSHING."
AW, IT'S NICE TO KNOW SOMEONE THERE STILL HAS A SOUL.
BECAUSE WE KNOW SO FEW OF THEM HAVE A BRAIN.
JIMMY, CAN WE ZOOM IN? [CARTOONISH MUSIC]
ANOTHER FOX EMPLOYEE COMMENTED ON THE LOW MORALE, SAYING,
"IT'S JUST A REALLY BAD TIME TO BE WORKING HERE."
YES, UNLIKE THE GOLDEN AGE THEIR JOURNALISM:
WARNING US ABOUT WOKE LEGOS AND LONGING FOR MR. POTATOHEAD'S
LOST PENIS. ALSO, THAT WAS AN EXCLUSIVE.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO IF IT'S A REALLY BAD TIME TO BE
WORKING AT FOX NEWS? YOU CAN QUIT.
IT'S LEGAL. YOU'RE NOT HANDCUFFED TO
A RADIATOR IN THE BASEMENT. UNLESS YOU ARE.
THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE FOX NEWS H.R. ONBOARDING VIDEO.
WELCOME TO FOX NEWS. I'VE CHAINED YOU
TO TUCKER CARLSON. AND THE KEY IS INSIDE
YOUR EYEBALL. THERE WILL BE CAKE
IN THE BREAK ROOM LATER. [LAUGHTER]
Stephen: WE'VE GOT A DOOZY OF A STORY OUT OF ARKANSAS,
THANKS TO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR AND LADY AT THE FUNERAL
GETTING READY TO FIGHT THE BODY, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS.
AND THIS STORY'S FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
BECAUSE EARLY THIS WEEK, HUCKAGOV SIGNED A LAW LOOSENING
CHILD LABOR PROTECTIONS. OH, GOOD.
CHILDREN HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE LABOR MARKET FOR TOO LONG.
TODAY'S KIDS DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHANGING BOBBINS
DOWN AT THE MILL. THEY'RE ALL LIKE, "I NEED TEN
FINGERS TO PLAY XBOX." NOW, FOR THE RECORD,
IT WAS ALREADY LEGAL FOR KIDS AS YOUNG AS 14
TO WORK IN ARKANSAS. BUT THIS LAW ELIMINATES
REQUIREMENTS FOR THE STATE TO VERIFY THE AGE OF CHILDREN
YOUNGER THAN 16 BEFORE THEY CAN TAKE A JOB.
ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN WHEN IT'S EASIER FOR A TEEN TO GET A JOB
AT A MEAT PROCESSING PLANT THAN GET INTO A BAR.
"HOLD ON, KID. CAN I SEE SOME I.D.?
I'M JUST PULLIN' YOUR LEG. WHAT IS THIS, APPLEBEES?
NOW TAKE THIS MACHETE AND BREAK DOWN THAT HOG CARCASS."
GO ON. COME ON, DON'T CRY.
GOVERNOR HUCKASANDS ISN'T THE ONLY REPUBLICAN HOPPING ON THE
PRO-CHILD LABOR BANDWAGON. A G.O.P. BILL IN OHIO WITH
BIPARTISAN SUPPORT WOULD ALLOW MINORS TO WORK YEAR-ROUND
UNTIL 9:00 P.M., AND IN IOWA, REPUBLICANS HAVE SPONSORED
A BILL THAT WOULD ALLOW 14- AND 15-YEAR-OLDS TO WORK
CERTAIN JOBS IN MEATPACKING PLANTS.
14 YEARS OLD! FOR REFERENCE, THIS IS ME
AT 14. WOULD YOU REALLY WANT THAT KID
MECHANICALLY SEPARATING YOUR CHICKEN PARTS?
REALLY? THESE BILLS LOOSEN PROTECTIONS
IN SOME OF THE MOST DANGEROUS WORKPLACES.
CASE IN POINT, IOWA'S BILL WOULD ALLOW STUDENTS TO WORK
IN PLACES LIKE MINES, IF THOSE JOBS ARE PART OF
A "WORK-BASED LEARNING" PROGRAMS.
YOU CAN LEARN A LOT BY WORKING IN THE MINES.
LIKE WHY WE USED TO HAVE LAWS TO KEEP KIDS FROM WORKING
IN MINES. THE IOWA BILL--
ABOUT 100 YEARS? THE IOWA BILL WOULD ALSO ALLOW
16- AND 17-YEAR-OLDS TO SERVE ALCOHOL.
NOT ONLY IS THAT DANGEROUS, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRUST
YOUR COCKTAIL TO A 16-YEAR-OLD BARTENDER?
"OH, HERE YA GO, SIR. BLUE GATORADE AND MY DAD'S GIN
SERVED IN A POLAND SPRING BOTTLE."
IF YOU KEEP THE CAP ON, YOU CAN SNEAK IT INTO THE GAME.
THESE BILLS ARE PART OF A NATION-WIDE PROBLEM.
A RECENT NEW YORK TIMES INVESTIGATION FOUND THAT
MIGRANT CHILD LABOR IS RUNNING RAMPANT.
AND THE DEPARTMENT OF LABOR HAS SEEN A NEARLY 70% INCREASE
IN CHILD LABOR VIOLATIONS SINCE 2018.
SO INSTEAD OF PENALIZING THOSE COMPANIES, REPUBLICANS DECIDED
TO JUST CHANGE THE RULES. IT'S A POLITICAL STRATEGY
CALLED, "PLAYING A BOARD GAME WITH A SIX YEAR-OLD."
"NO, YOU DIDN'T WIN, THERE'S A NEW RULE SAYS YOU
CAN ONLY WIN IF YOUR NAME IS DEVIN!
OKAY, MOM. WE'LL FINISH THIS GAME TOMORROW.
I GOTTA GO BREAK DOWN A HOG CARCASS."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE LILY TOMLIN JANE FONDA,
PLUS MORE OF MY INTERVIEW WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG
AND JOHN WILLIAMS. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
IT'S "MEANWHILE" Y'ALL! IT'S A LOT OF SHOW.
JOIN US.
♪ ♪ Stephen: RIGHT THERE, THAT
IS LOUIS CATO. DO I TELL HIM?
DO I TELL HIM ABOUT WEDNESDAY? ALL RIGHT, LOUIS.
I GOT SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS A LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE TONIGHT.
HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW LOVELY THEY ARE?
YOU CAN'T FAKE THAT. TONIGHT WE'VE GOT SOME FANTASTIC
GUESTS. OF COURSE WE HAVE THE TWO, THE
ONLY, JANE FONDA AND LILY TOMLIN WILL BE OUT HERE.
TOWERING FIGURES. MODERN ENTERTAINMENT.
WE ALSO HAVE A SPECIAL. NO ONE HAS SEEN THIS BEFORE,
SPECIAL EXTENDED INTERVIEW WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG AND JOHN
WILLIAMS IN JUST A LITTLE MOMENT.
AMAZING. HOW THEY--
HOW HE CAME UP WITH "JAWS," HOW HE CAME UP WITH "CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS." FANTASTIC INTERVIEW.
HERE'S THE THING. WE GET A LOT OF FANTASTIC
INTERVIEWS AROUND HERE. I HAVE AN AMAZING TEAM WHO BOOKS
THESE PEOPLE AND AN AMAZING AUDIENCE TO DO THE SHOW FOR.
INCREDIBLE BAND TO SHARE THE NIGHT WITH.
BUT NEXT WEDNESDAY, WE GOT A VERY SPECIAL GUEST,
VICE PRESIDENT, HARRIS WILL BE RIGHT THERE.
NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT. CHECK IT OUT, Y'ALL.
FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME IN THE NEWS MINES, SOURCING THE
PUREST STORY GOLD, HAND-SHAPING IT AND ADDING TURQUOISE
CABOCHONS, AND CIRCULAR-CUT DIAMONDS TO CREATE FOR YOU
THE GLORIOUS MID-CENTURY BOUCHERON NECKLACE THAT IS
MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I LAND
IN A DUMPSTER BEHIND A DEFUNCT RADIO SHACK
AFTER FALLING OUT OF THE WHEEL WELL OF THE COCAINE
SMUGGLER'S CESSNA I STOWED AWAY IN, FISH OUT A RUSTY TWIST-TIE
AND GUM-GLUE IT TO AN OLD TRANSISTOR,
THEN SNAP THE ANTENNA OFF AN ABANDONED BUICK
TO PUNCTURE MY AREOLA SO I CAN PARADE AROUND IN
THE HOBO NIPPLE RING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT,
"MEANWHILE." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I SWEAR, I COULD DO THIS ALL NIGHT.
I CAN'T SEE THAT TOO MANY TIMES. MEANWHILE, IT'S MARCH,
AND LIFESTYLE BLOGGERS ARE ASKING, "DO YOU WANT
TO SMELL LIKE ST. PATRICK'S DAY?"
IF THE ANSWER IS YES, I WISH YOU A SWIFT RECOVERY FROM GETTING
KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A POLICE HORSE.
BUT THANKS TO DEMETER FRAGRANCES, YOU CAN NOW BUY
COLOGNE CELEBRATING ST. PATRICK'S DAY WITH
SCENTS LIKE "IRISH CREAM," "CLOVER," AND THE ALLURINGLY
VAGUE "IRELAND." THAT LAST ONE IS HARD
TO DESCRIBE. IT EVOKES THE INTANGIBLE LONGING
WITHIN THE IRISH SOUL TO... POTATOES.
IT SMELLS LIKE POTATOES. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MEANWHILE, IN AUSTRALIA, A POPULAR BEER HAS BEEN RECALLED
FOR HAVING EXCESS ALCOHOL. THAT HEADLINE AGAIN:
"BEER RECALLED FOR BEING BEST BEER."
THE BEER IN QUESTION IS SOMETHING CALLED "YOUR-MATES,
A WATERMELON-FLAVORED SOUR BEER THAT WAS FOUND
TO CONTAIN "EXCESS ALCOHOL" DUE TO SECONDARY FERMENTATION.
AND WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING UPSETTING THE DELICATE FLAVOR
PROFILE OF YOUR WATERMELON SOUR BEER.
"MMM, I'M GETTING NOTES OF "GUMMI WORM STUCK IN
A 3-YEAR-OLD'S-HAIR." MEANWHILE, NINTENDO JUST
RELEASED A POKEMON-THEMED SLEEP TRACKER,
CALLED "POKEMON SLEEP." EVEN THOUGH "POKEMON GO TO BED"
WAS RIGHT THERE. IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT A
POKEMON-THEMED SLEEP TRACKER DOES, NINTENDO RELEASED THIS AD
THAT MIGHT HELP. [GENTLE MUSIC]
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪ Stephen: SO BASED ON THAT,
EITHER "POKEMON SLEEP" IS A NIGHTIME HEALTH TRACKER,
OR A HOOK-UP APP FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BLACK OUT AND WAKE
UP THINKING THEY DID IT WITH A CHARIZARD.
GOTTA BANG 'EM ALL. FULL DISCLOSURE:
I'VE BEEN TOLD BY MY STAFF THAT THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY
A CHARIZARD IN THE VIDEO. BUT IN MY DEFENSE:
I DON'T CARE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH LILY TOMLIN AND JANE FONDA.
♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY FIRST GUESTS ARE THE DYNAMIC DUO YOU KNOW FROM THE MOVIE
"9 TO 5" AND THE HIT COMEDY SERIES "GRACE AND FRANKIE."
THEY NOW STAR IN THE NEW FILM "MOVING ON."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
JANE FONDA AND LILY TOMLIN! ♪ WORKING 9 TO 5 ♪
♪ WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING ♪ ♪ BARELY GETTING BY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: HELLO. [CHEERING]
IT IS SO, AS YOU CAN TELL. EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY TO SEE
YOU, AS AM I. IT'S NICE TO SEE THAT AFTER 43
YEARS AFTER "9 TO 5" YOU TWO ARE STILL WORKING TOGETHER AND STILL
FRIENDS. JANE, I'LL START WITH YOU.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH LILY?
Jane: JUST SHORT OF INTIMATE.
NO, I MEAN, JUST THINK ABOUT IT. I HAVE MADE THREE FEATURE FILMS
WITH HER AND SEVEN YEARS IN "GRACE AND FRANKIE."
WORKING ALONGSIDE SOMEBODY WHO IS A GENUINE GENIUS.
I MEAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
Jane: YEAH. THERE IS NOBODY LIKE HER.
SHE DEFINED ONE WOMAN SHOW. DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME.
I'M BEING SERIOUS. Stephen: LILY, HOW WOULD
YOU DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JANE?
Lily: I TOO I'M SERIOUS WHEN I SAY "SOMEWHAT DISTANT."
Stephen: REALLY? Lily: THAT'S HOW YOU KEEP
THE LOVE ALIVE. Stephen: EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
TOGETHER, IT'S A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?
Lily: SOMEWHAT. YOU WITHHOLD A LITTLE BIT.
ALWAYS HOLDING SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS AND ASPIRE ASPIRATIVE
AND NOT DIVULGING EVERYTHING." Stephen: THIS IS PUBLIC
KNOWLEDGE, YOU HAVE DONE PEYOTE TOGETHER.
I WAS WONDERING. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MICRO-DOSING
AND STUFF LIKE THAT. WHAT WAS THAT EXPENSE LIKE?
Lily: I MIKE ROWE DOZED.
SHE IS NOT THAT ADVANCED. Stephen: ARE YOU
MICRO-DOSING RIGHT NOW? Lily: OF COURSE.
Stephen: WOULD YOU ALL RECOMMEND THE EFFECTS OF TOD?
Jane: I'VE ALWAYS HAD REALLY GOOD EXPERIENCES WITH
PEYOTE BUT THE TIME WE TOOK IT TOGETHER, IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I WAS TOTALLY PARANOID. IT WAS THE WORST.
I LOVE IT. BUT I WOULDN'T DO PEYOTE UNLESS
YOU'RE WITH A GUIDE OR SOMETHING.
Lily: A SHAMAN, AS I AM. Stephen: DO YOU THINK IT
WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME? DO YOU THINK IT WOULD LOOSEN ME
UP A LITTLE BIT? MESS UP MY PERFECT PART A LITTLE
BIT? Jane: I THINK YOU NEED A
LITTLE PEYOTE. I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE.
Lily: NO. Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
Lily: ARE YOU MARRIED? Stephen: AM I MARRIED?
Jane: OH, I KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED BECAUSE I KISSED YOU
ONCE. Stephen: YES.
Jane: I WAS SO SCARED TO GO ON HIS SHOW BECAUSE I HASN'T
BEEN REALLY IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS TO TALK ABOUT.
THIS IS HIS OLD SELF. WHEN HE WOULD BECOME SOMEBODY
ELSE. Stephen: THE COLBERT
REPORT. I PLAY THE CHARACTER.
Jane IT SCARED ME TO DEATH THAT I DO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND
HOW TO HANDLE YOU SO I WALKED IN AND SAT ON YOUR LAP AND KISSED
YOU AND THAT SHUT YOU UP. Stephen: YES IT DID.
Jane: AND THEN YOU MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WIFE.
Stephen: YES, MY WIFE WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT, JANE FONDA.
Jane: WELL SHE CERTAINLY WON'T BE HAPPY ABOUT ME GUIDING
YOU DOING PEYOTE. Stephen: OKAY.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
LILY TOMLIN AND JANE FONDA. STICK AROUND.
Stephen: I DO LIKE THE BLACK-AND-WHITE COMBO.
HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF THE
NEW MOVIE, "MOVING ON," LILY TOMLIN AND JANE FONDA.
JANE FONDA, I WILL START WITH YOU ON THIS ONE.
YOU'RE BOTH PROUD FEMINISTS BUT JANE, YOU HAVE SAID YOU ARE LATE
BLOOMERS TO FEMINISM. THAT IS SURPRISING TO ME.
YOU ARE NO SHRINKING FLOWER. YOU DON'T MIND STIRRING THE POT.
Jane: I HAD TO GET DIVORCED.
I COULD NOT BE MARRIED. I WAS MARRIED THREE TIMES.
I HAD TO GET THAT ALL OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE MY MARRIAGES WERE
NOT DEMOCRATIC. I COULDN'T BE A REALLY EMBODIED
FEMINIST. WHEN I WAS IN MY 30s AND I WAS
DRIVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY, A FRIEND OF MINE IN NEW YORK SAID,
I'M LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW AND I SEE 5,000 WOMEN MARCHING AND
PROTESTING IN THE STREETS FOR ABORTION RIGHTS AND I WROTE IN
MY JOURNAL "WHY IS THIS THE MOVEMENT?
WHY ARE THEY PROTESTING? IT'S SUCH A WASTE OF TIME.
WHEN THE WAR, THE WAR IS GOING ON."
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. BUT OVER THE YEARS, I GOT TO
KNOW GLORIA STEINEM AND ROBIN MORGAN AND FOUNDATIONAL
FEMINISTS. AND SO I MADE MOVIES THAT WERE
WOMEN CENTERED AND I WROTE BOOKS AND EVERYTHING.
BUT WHEN I WAS FINALLY DIVORCED, THANK GOD, FOR MY FAVORITE
EX-HUSBAND, I WENT AND SAW A PLAY "REGINA MONOLOGUES,"
"
AND SHE WAS PERFORMING IT AND SHE WAS PERFORMING THE WHOLE
THING. I WAS LAUGHING, I CAN FEEL MY
FEMINISM MOVING FROM MY HEAD TO MY BODY AND I BECAME A EMBODIED
FEMINIST. Stephen: LILY, WAS THERE OF
PROFOUND MOMENT WHEN YOU SORT OF UNDERSTOOD THE GOALS ARE THE
NEEDS FOR FEMINISM? Lily: YES BUT OF COURSE I
WAS MUCH YOUNGER. I WAS A CHARRETTE AT THE AVALON
THEATER IN DETROIT WHEN I WAS 14 AND I WAS WORKING ILLEGALLY.
A >> Stephen: NO CHILD LABOR LAWS OF THE AVALON THEATER.
Jane: MICHIGAN DETROIT. Lily: DETROIT, MICHIGAN,
RIGHT. Stephen: HOW IS THE PEYOTE,
JANE? GO AHEAD.
YOU ARE A USHERETTE. Lily: GENTLEMEN PREFER
BLONDES. ROSALYN RUSSELL.
NO, JANE RUSSELL. MARILYN MONROE.
THERE WAS A MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE LEAVING THE THEATER EARLY WHILE
THE FILM STILL WAS BEING EXHIBITED.
THE WIFE IS SAYING COME ON, LET'S GO.
THE HUSBAND IS DRIFTING BACK. HE HAS TO WATCH THE PICTURE
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND SHE SAYS COME ON, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY
TALENT ANYWAY. AND HE SENT, THEY DON'T NEED AN
ANY. Stephen: WHAT DID THAT MEAN
TO YOU AT 14? Lily: THAT HIT ME, I
FINALLY KNEW WHAT A CONSCIOUSNESS CLIQUE WAS AND IT
OPENED THE BALL TO ME AND I FELT OF COURSE THAT MEANT THAT THE
WOMEN WERE DIMINISHED. THEY WERE MARGINALIZED.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE-- JUST HOW THEY LOOKED WAS GOOD
ENOUGH. THAT WAS ALL THAT WAS IMPORTANT,
NOT WHAT THEY WERE DOING, HOW TALENTED THEY WERE OR WHAT GIFTS
THEY MIGHT HAVE OTHERWISE. JUST AS HUMAN BEINGS.
MORE THAN JUST SHAKING AND JIGGLING, WHICH THEY WERE DOING
PROFOUNDLY ON THE SCREEN AT THAT MOMENT.
Jane: I AM JUST POLITELY LISTENING.
Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT WOMEN AND TALENTS.
BECAUSE YOU ARE BACK ON SCREEN TOGETHER STARTING THE NEW MOVIE
"MOVING ON." LILY, I UNDERSTAND YOU CALLED OF
THE WRITER-DIRECTOR. Lily: PAUL WEITZ.
Stephen: IT'S HAD MAKE THIS MOVIE.
Lily: I SAID WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A MOVIE FOR ME AND MY
FRIEND. Jane: SIDEKICK.
Stephen: HE SAID SURE. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND HE WROTE
ONE. Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Lily: IT'S A REVENGE MOVIE KIND OF.
Stephen: YOU ARE THE REVENGER'S.
Lily: SHE IS WANTING TO BE THE REVENGER AND I AM KIND OF
THERE TO STOP HER AND POUNDED SOME SENSE INTO HER HEAD.
Jane: THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS.
Lily: I GET INTO GROOVE. ANYWAY, IT'S A BLACK COMEDY.
IT'S VERY FUNNY. Jane: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT
WAS A COMEDY. Stephen: THOSE ARE THE BEST
COMEDIES. THOSE ARE THE BEST COMEDIES.
Jane: I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T. WHEN I FIRST SAW THE MOVIE WITH
AN AUDIENCE, ORIGINALLY IN THE SCRIPT MY FIRST WORD WAS "I WANT
TO KILL YOU. I'M GOING TO DO IT THIS
WEEKEND." I MEAN, THERE WAS ANOTHER SCENE
IN THE FINAL MOVIE THAT COMES FIRST.
BUT YOU KNOW, WHEN I WENT TO THE THEATER AND I SAID THAT LINE IN
THE PLACE BURST INTO LAUGHTER. I THOUGHT, WELL, I HAVE FAILED.
Stephen: EVIDENTLY NOT. WE SHOULD ALL FAIL SO MUCH HERE
WE HAVE A CLIP. CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THIS CLIP. YOU BOTH ARE IN A CAR AND WHY?
Lily: A DOG WHO FIGURES IN MINIMALLY WAS BARKING AND
CARRYING ON AND THEY WERE TRYING TO LEAVE WHERE I LIVE, THERE WAS
A PARKING LOT AND THE DOG LEAPS OUT OF THE VAN FINALLY AND
JUMPED INTO HER ARMS AND KNOCKS HER DOWN AND BREAKS HER ARM.
Jane: SHE IS DRIVING ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
Stephen: THANK YOU FOR THAT TAG TEAM EXPLANATION.
THAT'S A PARTNERSHIP RIGHT THERE.
JIM. HOW IS YOUR HIP?
MY HIP IS FINE. SO IT'S JUST YOUR ARM?
YES, IT'S JUST MY ARM THAT SEEMS BROKEN.
I GUESS THAT'S LUCKY. I MEAN, FOR YOUR HIP.
COME GOD, BE CAREFUL. MY GOD.
THAT WAS A STOP SIGN. I CAN SEE THAT.
NOW. HOW LONG IS IT BEEN SINCE YOU
HAD A LICENSE? EIGHT YEARS.
Stephen: LILY, SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
Lily: IS THAT THE END OF IT?
Lily: IT IS THE END. JANE, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
"MOVING ON" WILL BE IN THEATERS MARCH 17.
IT'S JANE FONDA AND LILY TOMLIN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF MY INTERVIEW WITH
STEVEN SPIELBERG AND COMPOSER JOHN WILLIAMS.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LAST WEEK I HAD THE
EXTRAORDINARY OPPORTUNITY TO SIT DOWN WITH
STEVEN SPIELBERG AND COMPOSER JOHN WILLIAMS.
THIS PAIR HAS BEEN WORKING TOGETHER FOR OVER 50 YEARS,
AND THEIR MOST RECENT COLLABORATION,
"THE FABELMANS," IS UP FOR SEVEN ACADEMY AWARDS THIS SUNDAY,
INCLUDING BEST PICTURE, BEST DIRECTOR, AND BEST ORIGINAL
SCORE FOR WILLIAMS, WHICH WILL BE HIS 53RD
NOMINATION. WE WEREN'T ABLE TO FIT IN ALL
OF OUR CONVERSATION LAST WEEK, SO TONIGHT I AM PLEASED TO SHARE
THE REST OF MY CONVERSATION WITH THESE TWO HOLLYWOOD ICONS.
JIM. JOHN WILLIAMS, THANKS FOR
SITTING DOWN WITH US. IS THERE A FAVORITE SCORE FOR
STEVEN SPIELBERG THAT YOU HAVE DONE?
John: PROBABLY "E.T.." Stephen: IS THERE A REASON
WHY THAT ONE HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN YOUR HEART?
John: STRUCTURALLY, THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE MUSIC, THE
STRUCTURE WITH THE STORY WOULD BE MY ANSWER.
WE REMEMBER THE FILM ON THE BICYCLES TAKE OFF IT PRIOR TO
THE BICYCLES, YOU WOULD HEAR TWO OR THREE NOTES OF THE THING,
THAT'S ALL IN THE NEXT TIME YOU MAY HEAR THREE OR FOUR NOTES.
IT'S BEGINNING TO FORM IN YOUR MEMORY AS WE ARE GOING ALONG
WITH THE THING. AS THE BICYCLES TAKE OFF, YOU
HEAR ALL 12 OF THE NOTES ON THE MELODIES REALIZE AND FINISH.
[SOARING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC] ♪ ♪
I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT THE AUDIENCE HAS A SENSE OF
COMPLETION AND SOMETHING HAS BEEN MADE AURALLY THAT HAS
CREATED THAT VERY MOMENT. Steven: AND ALSO ITS GREAT
SHOWMANSHIP. Stephen: TO BUILD IT THAT
WAY? Steven: TO BUILD IT THAT
WAY. I CAN GET AN AUDIENCE TO THE
BRINK OF CRYING BUT JOHNNY'S MUSIC MAKES THE TEARS FALL.
HE TAKES IT THE REST OF THE WAY, WITHOUT BEING SENTIMENTAL ABOUT
IT. WITHOUT BEING MAUDLIN OR
MAWKISH. Stephen: LETS GO AWAY FROM
THAT EMOTION TO A DIFFERENT ONE. YOU SAID IN "E.T.," A NOTE HERE,
TOO NOTES THERE. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE TWO MOST
FAMOUS NOTES YOU'VE EVER PLAYED. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE "JAWS"
SOUNDTRACK. WHY THOSE TWO NOTES?
WAS THE BUDGET THAT TIGHT? Steven: I THOUGHT IT WAS A
JOKE WHEN JOHNNY PLAYED IT FOR ME ON THE PIANO.
HE CALLED ME UP AND SAID I HAVE THE THEME FOR "JAWS."
COME OVER AND LISTEN TO IT AND I WENT RUNNING OVER TO JOHNNY'S
HOUSE AND JOHNNY SAT DOWN AT THE PIANO AND HE WAS REALLY EXCITED
TO PREVIEW FOR IT FOR ME, AND HE TAKES TWO FINGERS.
HE DIDN'T NEED ALL TEN. HE GOES, "DUH-DUH, DUH-DUH."
I STARTED LAUGHING. JOHNNY HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR BUT
HE HAD NEVER TEASED ME BEFORE AND I THOUGHT IT'S A NEW SIDE OF
JOHNNY. WE HAD ONLY DONE ONE MOVIE
TOGETHER. NOW HE IS LOOSER.
WE ARE BUDDIES AND HE CAN TEASE ME.
HAND THEN SAY HERE'S THE REAL MUSIC AND HE SAID NO, I'M
SERIOUS. Stephen: WHAT DID YOU TAKE
OF HIS REACTION? John: HE DID SAY, YOU CAN'T
BE SERIOUS. I SAID WE'LL TRY IT.
CELLOS AND BASE. ONE NOTE.
Stephen: WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR YOU?
IT IS BOLD TO DO LESS. John: IT'S CERTAINLY A
CHALLENGE. IT'S A CHALLENGE, HE GIVES ME
THESE FILMS AND IT'S TERRIFYING. Stephen: WE HAVE BEEN
TALKING ABOUT THE VALUE OF ANXIETY.
WHAT IS THE VALUE OF ANXIETY FOR YOU?
John: IT DOES A LOT. IT TRIGGERS, BEFORE A
PERFORMANCE, CERTAIN ADRENALINE. Stephen: IF YOU'RE NOT
NERVOUS, THEN YOU'RE NOT TRYING. John: OUR PERFORMANCE
LEVELS WILL GO UP BEFORE A CONCERT, OR A FILM, RECORDING.
I WAS THINKING, WHAT COULD BE THE SIMPLEST POSSIBLE THING?
IT HAS TO BE LOW BECAUSE THE SHARK IS VERY DEEP.
IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT WHEN IT'S APPROACHING YOU, IT IS
COMPLETELY UNSTOPPABLE, THERE ISN'T A FORCE ON EARTH IT'S
GOING TO STOP A SHARK IN HIS ATTACK AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
IT'S MINDLESS BUT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THAT WILL SAY THAT THE
SHARK IS A VERY INTELLIGENT CREATURE AND NOT AT ALL
MINDLESS. ANOTHER BIG ISSUE WITH US WAS
THAT IF YOU PLAY THIS VERY SOFTLY AND SLOWLY, YOU ADVERTISE
OR YOU ADVANCE THE THOUGHTS. THE SHOCK IS THERE JUST BY
HEARING THE MUSIC. THERE IS NO SHARK NEARBY BUT IF
IT SPEEDS UP AND COMES CLOSER TO YOU AND GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER,
THIS SEEMED TWO NOTES. YOU'VE GOT AN ACTOR THAT YOU
CAN'T SEE AND A THREAT THAT BY SOME PRIMORDIAL INSTINCT YOU ARE
THREATENED BY, AS WE SHOULD BE BY A GREAT PREDATOR.
[MUSIC ACCELERATES] Steven: THE SHARK WASN'T
WORKING ANYWAY SO I DIDN'T HAVE SHARK.
THE SHARK WAS IN THE SHARK SHED GETTING FIXED SO ALL I COULD DO
WAS GO OFF AND FIGURE OUT, I'VE GOT TO MAKE MY MOVIE WITHOUT A
SHARK. SO I DID.
I SHOT A LOT OF SCENES WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A
SHARK BUT THERE WAS NO SHARK IN THE SCENE SO I STARTED MAKING
STUFF UP. LIKE THE PURE GETS PULLED OUT.
Stephen: YOU WANTED TO USE THE SHARK BUT YOU COULDN'T GET
IT? Steven: THE SHARK WAS
SCHEDULED BUT THE SHARK DIDN'T MAKE IT.
IT WAS GETTING FIXED ALL THE TIME.
JOHNNY SORT OF SAVED THE MOVIE BECAUSE HE BECAME THE SHARK AND
THEN MUSIC SUBSTITUTED FOR THE ABSENT SHARK WHICH MADE IT A
HELL OF A LOT SCARIER AND MORE SUSPENSEFUL THAN HAD I HAD THE
SHARK WORKING PERFECTLY. Stephen: WHAT ARE THOSE TWO
NOTES? John: ORIGINALLY THE E AND
F. THREE NOTES REALLY.
D. Stephen: I'M TERRIFIED JUST
HEARING IT. "CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD
KIND." FIVE NOTES THAT ARE CRUCIAL TO
COMMUNICATING WITH THE ALIENS. BUM-BUM-BUMBAH-BUM.
WHY THOSE FIVE NOTES? John: I HAVE PAGES OF
ATTEMPTS. KEPT COMING BACK TO THIS ONE.
WHY THOSE NOTES? [HUMMING]
IT'S OVER, THAT'S THE RESOL RESOLUTION.
NOW WE GO DO, SOL , IT IS LIKE "AND" OR "BUT," IT'S A
CONJUNCTION. Stephen: A CONTINUING ST
STORY. John: AFTER-THE-FACT
RATIONALIZATION. Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT
FEELS LIKE. John: THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS
LIKE. IN THE LATIN TRADITION.
I DON'T THINK I CAN SING IT. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS IT
SEEMS TO BELONG TO CIVILIZATION. BUT I THINK IF YOU END A
SENTENCE AND START SOMETHING ELSE WITH A SHORT CONJUNCTION OF
ONE OR TWO NOTES, WILL DRAW YOU IN RATHER THAN [HUMMING]
IT'S OVER. THAT'S A VENDING.
Steven: IT'S ALSO A CONVERSATION.
I CAN SEE IN THE SCRIPT THAT MUSIC IS HOW THEY FIRST MAKE
EACH OTHER'S ACQUAINTANCES, THROUGH MUSIC.
[DELICATE MUSIC] ♪ ♪
[BOLD MUSIC] Steven: I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THAT CAME FROM, PROBABLY MY FATHER WHO WAS A MATH GENIUS.
MY MOM WAS A MUSICAL GENIUS. Stephen: I READ THAT YOU
IMAGINE THAT MATH WOULD BE THE LANGUAGE.
Steven: MUSIC IS MATH IN THAT SENSE.
I DIDN'T WANT THEM PUTTING COMPLICATED EQUATIONS ON
BLACKBOARD SO THAT MUSIC WILL BE THE QUICKEST WAY TO THE HEART OF
THE AUDIENCE TO GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND THIS SORT OF FIRST
CONTACT BETWEEN AN EXTRAORDINARY EXTRATERRESTRIAL CIVILIZATION,
ADVANCED CIVILIZATION AND WE HERE ON EARTH.
Stephen: PEOPLE WERE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT
"THE FABELMANS" WOULD BE YOUR LAST SCORE AND THAT YOU'D BE
RETIRING BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT'S NOT NECESSARILY THE
CASE. IS THAT MAN TO BLAME?
IS HE ROPING YOU BACK IN? John: HE WOULD BE CERTAINLY
TO BLAME. I MUST'VE PUT MY FOOT IN MY
MOUTH SOMEWHERE HAVING SAID TH THAT.
STEVEN IS A LOT OF THINGS BUT HE IS A MAN THAT YOU CAN'T SAY NO
TO, THAT'S FOR CERTAIN. I WANTED TO SAY AT THE
BEGINNING, WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 50 YEARS WHICH IN ANY KIND OF
MEASURE, COSMIC MEASURE OR SPIRITUAL MEASURE, IT'S A VERY,
VERY SHORT TIME. WITH TIME.
Steven: EARTH TIME. John: I WANT TO THINK OF IT
AS A GOOD START. THAT WE CAN GO FROM HERE FOR
ANOTHER 50 YEARS. Stephen: THANKS AGAIN TO
STEVEN SPIELBERG AND JOHN WILLIAMS.
YOU CAN WATCH "THE FABELMANS" IN THEATERS AND AT HOME NOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE
REGE JEAN-PAGE, JOHN MAYER, AND VICE PRESIDENT
KAMALA HARRIS. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES.
GOOD NIGHT!