♪ ♪ THE CORNER.
Stephen: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
I CAN'T FOLLOW THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.
OF COURSE YOU CAN. Stephen: HUH?
STEPHEN, YOU'VE GOT TO DO YOUR SHOW.
Stephen: THE CAST OF "TED LASSO!"
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY DRESSING ROOM?
WE CAME HERE TO WATCH THE GAME ON YOUR TV.
YES, WE'RE ON APPLE TV+. THEY DON'T ALLOW US BROADCAST
CHANNELS. YEAH, THE ONLY CHANNEL WE GET
IS TIM COOK ANNOUNCING THE NEW iPHONE.
NOW IN YELLOW. OOH.
Stephen: OOH. OUR SHOW IS ABOUT SOCCER BUT
WE ARE ALL HUGE BASKETBALL FANS. BASKETBALL IS LIFE.
WAIT, NO, NO. REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID ABOUT
DOING CATCHPHRASES FOR FREE? OH, YES.
Stephen: YOU SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
EVERYONE IS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE GAME, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO WANT
TO WATCH MY STUPID COMEDY SHOW. COME ON.
OF COURSE WE WANT TO SEE YOUR SHOW.
YEAH. HOW ELSE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO
FALL ASLEEP AFTER ALL THAT EXCITEMENT?
Stephen: I'M SORRY, WHAT? YOU SEE, RIGHT NOW YOU'RE
CAUGHT IN A DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN SPORTS, COMEDY, AND
GENUINE HUMAN EMOTION. AND THAT'S AN AREA THAT
SCIENCE EXPERTS, OR SCIENTISTS, REFER TO AS THE TED LASSO ZONE.
Stephen: OH, I SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW, JASON.
YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, LIKE ON
YOUR SHOW. STEPHEN, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
WHEN THE INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH THAT YOU NEED HAS BEEN RIGHT IN
HERE ALL ALONG? DID THAT WORK?
Stephen: NO. SHOOT, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, I GOT NOTHING. YOU GUYS GOT ANYTHING FOR THIS
GUY? NO.
Stephen: I JUST LOOK AT THAT
AND I KNOW I CAN'T COMPETE. WHAT?
WHOA, WHOA, HEY, NO. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT WORD.
Stephen: WHAT WORD, "COMPETE?"
NO. Stephen: "I?"
NO. IT'S THE OTHER ONE, STEPHEN.
THE C WORD. Stephen: [BLEEP]
ALL: WHOA! YO.
STEPHEN. Stephen: OH, I'M SORRY.
"CAN'T?" YEAH.
THAT'S THE ONE. YEAH.
THAT'S THE WORD. YEAH, THAT YOU CAN SAY.
THAT'S FINE. BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.
OKAY? 'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT CAN'T IS
JUST A CAN FULL OF TEA. WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS JUST HOT
BROWN WATER. CATCHPHRASES FOR FREE.
REMEMBER. YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THANK YOU. Stephen: LOOK, GUYS, I
APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO.
THE FACT THE MATTER IS, I'M JUST GOING TO SIT OVER THERE, DROWN
MY SORROWS IN ICE CREAM WITH A REDDI-WIP CHASER.
WILL YOU STOP IT, STEPHEN?
THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. IT'S ABOUT US.
Stephen: THE CAST OF "TED LASSO?"
YES, STEPHEN. WE ARE ALL BEHIND YOU.
WE ARE A TEAM. YEAH, AND THERE IS THE SPORT
WE ALL CARE MOST ABOUT IN THE WORLD IS LATE NIGHT
COMEDY/VARIETY. STEPHEN, ON OUR SHOW, WE HAVE
A SIGN IN THE LOCKER ROOM THAT SAYS "BELIEVE."
SO I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A SIGN RIGHT HERE TO REMIND YOU OF
EVERYTHING THAT YOU, STEPHEN COLBERT, NEED TO GET OUT
THERE AND DO YOUR SHOW TONIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LET'S BRING IT IN.
♪ ♪ "LATE SHOW" ON THREE.
ONE, TWO, THREE. LATE SHOW ON THREE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
♪ YEAH, WE'VE GOT STEPHEN A. SMITH AND DYLAN
McDERMOTT ♪ ♪ YEAH, MUSICAL GUEST DAVIDO ♪
♪ YEAH, FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND ♪
♪ AND NOW YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT ♪
Stephen: HAPPY TO HAVE YOU!
HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME ONE AND ALL IN HERE, OUT
THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORD. WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW, I AM
YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT, WE ARE COMING TO YOU TONIGHT HOT
OFF CBS'S BROADCAST OF THE NCAA MEN'S BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP
GAME. WHAT A THRILLER!
NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: "STEVE, DON'T YOU TAPE THIS SHOW
AT 5:30, SO THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD HAVE SEEN THE GAME?"
AND TO THAT I SAY, "OH, YEAH?" THEN HOW WOULD I KNOW
- THAT THE CHAMPIONS ARE - -
INSERT WINNING TEAM. Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS TO
THEM. AS FOR THEIR OPPONENTS, THEY
FELL JUST SHORT AFTER A GREAT SEASON, AND THERE'S STILL SO
MUCH TO BE PROUD OF FOR INSERT LOSER.
Stephen: SO THERE YOU HAVE IT, THAT'S IT, FRIENDS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SO THAT'S A WRAP
ON MARCH MADNESS, JUST IN TIME FOR APRIL INSANITY!
BECAUSE JUST A FEW BLOCKS FROM THIS THEATER, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT IS BACK. HE IS HERE.
I KNOW, I KNOW. ALL THINGS TO LAST THURSDAY'S
NEWS THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAD BEEN INDICTED BY A MANHATTAN
GRAND JURY ON MORE THAN 30 COUNTS RELATED TO BUSINESS
FRAUD. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU CAN SEE IT ALL ON THE NEW HIT SHOW:
"LAW AND ORDER: HAHAHA!" SO IT'S A SAD, SAD,
HAPPY DAY FOR AMERICA. BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN OUR HISTORY, A PRESIDENT HAS BEEN INDICTED FOR PAYING OFF
A PORN STAR. HOW ARE WE GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT
TO OUR GRANDCHILDREN? HOPEFULLY IN THE BOOK
"DONALD AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD,
VERY BAD NDA." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER] SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
WHAT DOES HE PLEAD? WHEN IS THE TRIAL?
WHAT IF HE GOES TO JAIL? HE COULD END UP THE HEAD OF
A VIOLENT WHITE SUPREMACIST GANG...
BUT IN PRISON THIS TIME! [LAUGHTER]
WE DO KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE NEAR TERM.
BECAUSE THE FORMER PRESIDENT WILL BE ARRAIGNED IN
NEW YORK TOMORROW AFTERNOON. THAT MAKES TONIGHT
ARRAIGNMENT EVE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"THE COURTHOUSE WAS STIRRING, A BIG, BUSY THRONG
AWAITING THE MAN WITH THE MUSHROOM-SHAPED DONG...
[LAUGHTER] ALLEGEDLY."
THE PART OF THE STORY THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE FORGET, A LOT OF
PEOPLE FORGET TO DESCRIBE IT. TO MAKE HIS ARRAIGNMENT
TODAY, THE EX-PRESIDENT FLEW TO NEW YORK FROM FLORIDA.
A ROUTE KNOWN AS THE "REVERSE-GRANDMA."
AND CABLE NEWS WAS ALL OVER HIS JOURNEY.
THEY FOLLOWED HIS MOTORCADE TO THE AIRPORT.
THEY THEN FOLLOWED HIS PLANE TAXIING,
HIS PLANE TAKING OFF, HIS PLANE LANDING AT LA GUARDIA,
AND HERE HE IS, HIS WHITE BRONCO ON THE 405,
WITH HIS BEST FRIENDS AL COWLINGS AND RUDY GIULIANI.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?
GET OFF AT SUNSET, THAT'S WHERE YOU GET OFF ON.
HE'S ACTUALLY A LOT LIKE O.J., EXCEPT WITH THE EX-PRESIDENT,
EVERY GLOVE IS TOO BIG. [LAUGHTER]
ALVIN BRAGG BETTER GET THOSE THUMB CUFFS.
THEN, TOMORROW, THE MOMENT THE WORLD HAS BEEN WAITING FOR.
HE'LL HEAD INTO THE D.A.'S OFFICE, WHERE HE WILL RECEIVE
A BOOKING NUMBER AND BE FINGERPRINTED.
THEY WON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE INK. I'M PRETTY SURE THERE'S ENOUGH
KETCHUP ON THERE ALL THE TIME. ONE QUESTION A LOT OF PEOPLE
ARE ASKING IS WILL THERE BE A MUGSHOT?
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT OF HIM, BUT HERE IS MY MUG, AND I WILL
DEFINITELY BE DOING A FEW SHOTS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WORD IS, THERE MAY NOT BE A MUGSHOT, BECAUSE OFFICIALS ARE
CONCERNED THE PHOTO WOULD BE IMPROPERLY LEAKED, AND ARGUE
IT'S UNNECESSARY BECAUSE HIS APPEARANCE IS WIDELY KNOWN.
YEAH, YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE A NEW PHOTO TAKEN OF THIS GUY.
WE ALREADY HAVE TONS OF PICS THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT MUGSHOT.
LIKE THIS ONE
OR THIS ONE. ACTUALLY, NO.
IT'S GOTTA BE THIS ONE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JIMMY, CAN WE MAKE THAT INTO A MUGSHOT?
THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.
THEY DID SAY WIDELY KNOWN. OF COURSE ALL OF THE CRONIES ARE
ON TV HELPING THEIR BUDDY. CASE IN POINT,
SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND SAD LUNCH MEAT,
LINDSEY GRAHAM. GRAHAM WENT ON FOX NEWS
TO ENCOURAGE THE MAGAS TO SUPPORT THE EX-PREZ.
TO THE CONSERVATIVES OUT THERE, MAKE SURE YOU
VOTE. IF YOU GOT FRIENDS,
MAKE SURE THEY VOTE. IF YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS,
GO MAKE SOME FRIENDS. [LAUGHTER]
Stephen: "AND IF YOU CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS, THEN LOOK
INTO A MIRROR AND SAY, 'IT'S THEIR LOSS, LINDSEY',
THEN CLIMB INTO A BUBBLE BATH WITH A PINT OF HAAGEN DAAZS."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND A SNORKEL.
EVERYONE ON THE RIGHT IS OUTRAGED AND THEY HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY TO CITIZENS. IT'S NOT ABOUT TERM,
IT IS ABOUT EVERY AMERICAN BECAUSE IF THEY CAN DO IT TO
TRUMP, THEY CAN DO IT TO YOU. WITH THIS INDICTMENT,
I THINK IT'S AN INDICTMENT OF EVERYBODY IN AMERICA.
I MEAN, IF IT CAN HAPPEN TO HIM, IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU AND I.
IF THEY CAN DO THIS TO DONALD TRUMP, THEY CAN DO THIS TO YOU.
IF THIS IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO HIM, IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE.
IF THEY CAN DO THAT, THEY CAN GO AFTER YOU AND ME.
IF THIS INDICTMENT STANDS, THEN NO ONE WHO HAS THEIR
FIXER PAY SIX FIGURES IN HUSH MONEY TO THEIR PORN STAR
LOVER, THEN REIMBURSES THAT FIXER OUT OF A BUSINESS
ACCOUNTS, THEN FALSIFIES IT AS LEGAL FEES AND CONSPIRES WITH
THE PUBLISHER OF THE "NATIONAL ENQUIRER" TO CATCH AND KILL
STORIES ABOUT HIS OTHER EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS AS PART OF
ANOTHER ILLEGAL VIOLATION OF CAMPAIGN FINANCE LAWS
WILL BE SAFE. NONE OF US!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: NO, THIS IS SERIOUS.
FOLKS. YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING.
FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
AND I SAID NOTHING. BECAUSE HE IS SO [BLEEP] GUILTY.
[LAUGHTER] IF YOU THINK HIS CABLE NEWS
TOADIES' ARGUMENT CAN'T GET ANY DUMBER, YOU'VE NEVER MET
ERIC. THEY GO AFTER MY FATHER
FOR WHAT? A NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT WHICH
EVERY COMPANY IN THE WORLD, EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD DOES.
Stephen: WAIT. ERIC THINKS EVERY PERSON
IN THE WORLD HAS AN NDA? JUST CURIOUS.
SHOW OF HANDS. WHO HERE HAS AN NDA?
NOBODY. OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT,
OR YOU'LL VIOLATE YOUR NDA. THEN AGAIN, THIS IS ERIC
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, SO, TO HIM, IT MIGHT MEAN
SOMETHING DIFFERENT. "I WISH I COULD HAVE A HUG
BUT DAD MADE ME SIGN AN N.D.A.
NO DAD AFFECTION. [LAUGHTER]
HE SAYS EVERYBODY HAS ONE." FOX NEWS LEGAL EXPERT
BRIAN CLAYPOOL TRIED TO DEFEND THE FORMER PRESIDENT BUT DIDN'T.
IF THIS IS SUCH A TOUGH CASE FOR HIM TO MAKE, WHY IS HE
BRINGING IT? I THINK THERE'S NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT THAT HE WANTS TO HUMILIATE PRESIDENT FRAUD--
OR PRESIDENT TRUMP. [LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: OOPS, I BELIEVE
THAT'S CALLED A "FRAUDIAN" SLIP.
"YEAH, BRAGG JUST WANTS TO HUMILIATE PRESIDENT FRAUD,
I MEAN PRESIDENT PORN SEX, I MEAN THROW HIM JAIL.
I MEAN MY MOM'S BOOBS!" [LAUGHTER]
SO WHETHER ANYBODY LIKES IT OR NOT, THIS IS HAPPENING.
AND IT ALL KICKS OFF WHEN? DONALD TRUMP IS DUE FOR
ARRAIGNMENT TOMORROW. TOMORROW.
TOMORROW. ♪ TOMORROW, TOMORROW ♪
♪ HUSH MONEY ♪ ♪ PORN STAR-O ♪
♪ SHE SAID HE WAS ♪ ♪ A... ♪
♪ BAD... ♪ ♪ LAY! ♪
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE SPORTS COMMENTATOR STEPHEN A. SMITH
AND "FBI: MOST WANTED" STAR DYLAN McDERMOTT.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
IT'S "MEANWHILE!"
♪ ♪
Stephen: THERE YOU GO! WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, HAVE A SEAT.
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER-- THANKS TO THE CAST OF
"TED LASSO" FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT!
THEY'RE ALWAYS HERE, BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING ON CAMERA TONIGHT.
THANKS, YOU GUYS. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
SOURCING THE FINEST HIGHLAND NEWS BARLEY, FERMENTING IT
IN THE WATERS OF TARLOGIE SPRINGS AND HAVING IT
DISTILLED BY THE LEGENDARY "MEN OF TAIN" AND FINISHED
IN OAK CASKS TO CREATE THE DELICATELY COMPLEX
GLENMORANGIE GRAND VINTAGE SINGLE MALT THAT IS
MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES I SNAP AWAKE
IN A POND BEHIND AN ABANDONED MIDDLE SCHOOL CAFETERIA,
CRUSH UP SOME OLD BANANA PEELS AND SWEDISH FISH IN
A BROKEN "DORA THE EXPLORER" LUNCH PAIL WHICH I STEW
IN STORM DRAIN RUNOFF, THEN POUR INTO A DISCARDED
NIKE AIR MAX TO OFFER YOU THE SWAMP HOOCH OF NEWS
THAT IS MY SEGMENT ♪ ♪
"MEANWHILE." WEEO DOGGIE.
MEANWHILE, NEWS FROM FLORIDA'S POORLY WRITTEN FAN-FICTION,
ARIZONA, WHERE "A LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN IS ON THE HUNT FOR THEIR
MISSING RED SPOON STATUE." THE SPOON IS 15 FEET TALL AND
SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS CAUGHT TWO PEOPLE SEEN GRABBING IT
AND TAKING OFF ON A "SMALL MOTORBIKE."
WAIT A SECOND, WAS THE MOTORBIKE SMALL?
OR DID IT JUST SEEM THAT WAY 'CAUSE OF THE GIANT SPOON?
[LAUGHTER] MEANWHILE, OVER THE WEEKEND,
"HUNDREDS OF CASES OF BEER SPILLED IN A MONTANA
TRAIN DERAILMENT." WELL, I GUESS WE WERE DUE.
THE RULE IS, EVERY TEN TRAIN DERAILMENTS, WE GET
A FUN ONE. THE TRAIN SPILLED HUNDREDS OF
CASES OF BEER INTO THIS LOCAL RIVER, INCLUDING A WHOLE
BUNCH OF COORS LIGHT. BUT AUTHORITIES SAY THE WATER
IS FINE. AND SO IS THE RIVER.
[LAUGHTER] MEANWHILE, LEVI'S IS GOING
TO START USING A.I. MODELS. LEVI'S SAYS THEY'RE DOING THIS
TO "INCREASE THE NUMBER AND DIVERSITY OF MODELS
FOR THEIR PRODUCTS," ADDING "WE CAME THIS CLOSE TO ACTUALLY
HIRING AND PAYING DIVERSE MODELS, BUT THEN WE DECIDED
TO HAVE A MACBOOK PRO MAKE SOME. DON'T WORRY, WE GAVE A RAISE
TO THE WHITE GUY WHO THOUGHT OF IT."
[LAUGHTER] MEANWHILE, IN ROMANTIC NEWS,
AT LAST WEEK'S OPENING DODGERS GAME,
A FAN DECIDED TO PROPOSE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND BY RUNNING OUT
ONTO THE FIELD. THERE HE IS, IT'S ALL VERY
ROMANTIC, THE CROWD WAS CHEERING, AND...
OH! [LAUGHTER]
BACHELOR PARTY IN THE I.C.U.! DON'T WORRY, THEY FOUND
THE RING. THEY'RE STILL LOOKING
FOR HIS TEETH. MEANWHILE, IN GOOD SAMARITAN
NEWS, AFTER AN UBER DRIVER PICKED UP HIS CUSTOMER AT
A DIALYSIS CENTER AND HEARD THEIR STORY, THE DRIVER DONATED
HIS KIDNEY TO THE PASSENGER. WOW.
SOMEBODY REALLY WANTED FIVE STARS.
[LAUGHTER] MEANWHILE, IN MICHIGAN,
A BABY WAS BORN IN THE PARKING LOT OF A COSTCO.
JUST ONE? YOU'RE AT COSTCO.
GET TRIPLETS. OTHERWISE IT'S NOT A DEAL.
EVERYONE IS FINE. EVIDENTLY WHAT HAPPENED
WAS THE COUPLE WAS ON THEIR WAY TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN THEY
REALIZED THEY WOULD NOT MAKE IT IN TIME, SO THEY PULLED OVER
IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE COSTCO AND CONTACTED E.M.S.
THAT'S CRAZY. THEY FOUND PARKING AT COSTCO
ON A SATURDAY? [LAUGHTER]
MOM AND BABY ARE DOING WELL AND WERE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL
TO RECOVER, BUT ONLY AFTER A COSTCO ASSOCIATE CHECKED
THEIR RECEIPT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
SPORTS COMMENTATOR STEPHEN A. SMITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF
THE BIGGEST PERSONALITIES IN SPORTS TELEVISION AND RADIO.
HE'S THE STAR OF ESPN'S "FIRST TAKE" AND THE AUTHOR
OF THE NEW BOOK "STRAIGHT SHOOTER."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
STEPHEN A. SMITH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen A.: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
Stephen: WELCOME. Stephen A.: I HIT THE BIG
TIME. I DONE HIT THE BIG TIME.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, MAN? Stephen: I'M DOING VERY
WELL. Stephen A.: FIRST OF ALL,
BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
I KNOW IT'S YOUR SHOW. FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS.
STRONG EIGHT YEARS. I'M A FAN.
Stephen: THANKS VERY MUCH. WE DO BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
YOU'VE GOT A GREAT NAME. PH.
Stephen: AS GOD INTENDED. Stephen A.: THE V DOES NOT
WORK. Stephen: IT'S LAZY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THE P ON THE H?
Stephen A.: YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE TIME.
THE REAL STEPHENS OF THE WORLD. THEY CALL HIM STEPH CURRY BUT
IT'S A PH. SO IT'S ME, IT'S YOU, AND IT'S
STEPH.
I THINK WE ARE DOING WELL. Stephen: CALL US DOCTOR.
PH AND BIG D ENERGY. Stephen A.: THERE WE GO.
WE ARE GOING TOGO WITH THAT. Stephen: YOU'RE GOOD AT
HYPING YOUR SHOW, CAN YOU HAVE THIS CONVERSATION?
Stephen A.: THE CONVERSATION WITH
STEPHEN A. AND STEPHEN COLBERT, WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY.
HE DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
AND IF YOU THINK IT DOES! CHECK YOURSELF.
AND DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU TWICE.
IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH? [LAUGHS]
Stephen: THAT'S THE PROMO. THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL.
FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE, FOR THE FEW PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT BE
FAMILIAR, WHAT IS "FIRST TAKE"? Stephen A.: THE NUMBER ONE
SPORTS DEBATE SHOW ON TELEVISION.
11 AND A HALF YEARS AND COUNTING.
EVERY WEEK. EVERY MONTH, EVERY YEAR FOR THE
LAST 11 AND A HALF YEARS. WE HAVE BEEN NUMBER ONE.
I THINK THAT SAYS IT ALL. THAT MEANS PEOPLE ARE WATCHING.
Stephen: WHEN CAN I CATCH IT?
Stephen A.: 10:00 A.M. TO 12 NOON EASTERN STANDARD TIME
EVERY WEEKDAY MORNING ON ESPN. Stephen: ARE THESE PEOPLE
WERE SHIRKING THEIR DUTIES OR UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE?
Stephen A.: IT'S A COMBINATION.
THERE'S PEOPLE THAT'S UNEMPLOYED, PEOPLE THAT ARE
EMPLOYED BUT THEY ARE LAZY, NOT FOCUS.
PEOPLE ARE VERY LAZY. NOT VERY LAZY BUT VERY
COMMITTED, KNOW HOW TO MULTITASK.
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE RABID SPORTS FANS.
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO EXTEND BEYOND THE WORLD OF SPORTS AND
THEN THERE ARE ALSO PEOPLE THAT JUST WANT TO SEE ME.
I MEAN, WE WILL GO WITH THAT. THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING
TO IT. Stephen: THEY CAN STARE AT
THIS PHOTO HERE AND READ THE WORDS INSIDE.
THE NEW BOOK "STRAIGHT SHOOTER." ONE OF THOSE SECOND CHANCES WAS
AT ESPN. YOU WERE LET GO IN 2009.
WHAT HAPPENED? Stephen A.: I WANTED MORE
MONEY. THEY SAID NO.
I THOUGHT I WAS WORTHY OF MORE. THEY SAID GOOD LUCK, TRYING TO
PROVE OTHERWISE. THEY WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG.
Stephen: WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU MIGHT BE WRONG?
Stephen A.: HOW ABOUT A DAY LATER, IF I AM BEING TOTALLY
HONEST. IT KIND OF HELPED WHEN MY MOTHER
SAID, YOU KIND OF DESERVED IT. YOU ARE ACTING UP AND STUFF LIKE
THAT. PUT A MIRROR ON MY TRAY WHEN SHE
SERVED ME MY BREAKFAST AND SAID YOU KIND OF DESERVE IT.
HUMBLE YOURSELF, LOOK IN THE MIRROR.
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO BETTER THAN COME BACK AND TALK
TO ME. AND SO I LOOKED AT THAT.
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. AND I PLOTTED AND PLANNED AND
RECOGNIZED THAT THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE WAS THAT I DIDN'T
MASTER MY OWN BUSINESS. I THOUGHT I WAS WORTH MORE THAN
I WAS. I DIDN'T KNOW DEFINITIVELY.
SO IN THE YEARS TO FOLLOW, I MADE SURE I KNEW.
AS A RESULT OF KNOWING, I AM HERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: YOU SAID WHEN YOUR
MOM BROUGHT YOU YOUR BREAKFAST TRAY.
DID YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER AT THIS POINT?
Stephen A.: NO, NO, LISTEN, COME ON NOW.
Stephen: I'M JUST ASKING. IT'S PART OF THAT STORY.
MY RADAR WENT OUT. Stephen A.: I AM THE
YOUNGEST OF SIX. I HAVE FOUR OLDER SISTERS.
I LIVED ON MY OWN. OBVIOUSLY IT WAS RELATIVELY
SUCCESSFUL UP UNTIL THAT POINT. BUT LIKE ANY MAN, I MEAN, WHEN
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL MAMA AND THINGS GO AWRY, YOU GO HOME TO
MAMA. YOU DON'T GO HOME--
YOU DON'T GO HOME TO YOUR WOMAN BECAUSE SHE IS LOOKING AT YOU,
LIKE WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DON'T GO TO YOUR BOYS
BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE, WE DON'T CARE.
YOU DON'T GO TO FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS.
YOU DON'T DO THAT. YOU CERTAINLY DON'T GO HOME
ALONE. SO WHAT YOU DO IS YOU GO TO THAT
SAFETY NET, MAMA. NOW, MY PROBLEM WAS MY MOTHER,
GOD REST HER SOUL, WAS A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.
THAT'S THE TITLE OF THE BOOK DEDICATED TO HER AND SHE WAS A
PERSON THAT JUST LET ME KNOW, THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU NEED TO BE BETTER.
DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE DID.
TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. YOU ARE MY SON.
I KNOW HOW I RAISED YOU. YOU'RE NOT FESSING UP TO WHAT
YOU COULD'VE DONE BETTER. LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WHEN I WENT THERE.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE MY BAGELS, MY SCRAMBLE EGGS, LIE
HOT TEA WITH MILK AND SUGAR. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET A
HUG AND NOTHING BUT LOVE FROM MAMA.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
Stephen: YOU GOT TOUGH LOVE.
Stephen A.: IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TOUGH LOVE.
IT JUST FELT LIKE SOMETHING ELSE.
Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO
NOWHERE. WE WILL BE BACK WITH
STEPHEN A. SMITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
tephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT MAN IS THE
AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK RIGHT HERE, "STRAIGHT SHOOTER."
THE STRAIGHT SHOOTER HIMSELF, STEPHEN A. SMITH.
AS A SPORTS PUNDIT, YOU'RE CONSTANTLY MAKING THE CASE FOR
YOUR ARGUMENT, MAKING A CASE FOR SOMETHING, CALL ON THOSE POWERS
RIGHT NOW. SELL ME ON SPORTS.
I'M NOT AGAINST THEM. BUT I DON'T CATCH THEM IS
OFTEN-- Stephen A.: LET ME HELP YOU
OUT. YOU BELIEVE IN A MERITOCRACY, DO
YOU NOT? Stephen: UH.
Stephen A.: YES, YOU DO. Stephen: A LOADED PHRASE.
Stephen A.: I FEEL YOU ON THAT.
PEOPLE WHO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND EARN THEIR WAY IN A FAIR AND
EQUITABLE SYSTEM, THAT'S IDEAL FOR ALL OF US.
NOTHING COMES CLOSER TO THAT THAN SPORTS.
YOU ARE A SCRUB, YOU ARE A SCRUB AND I'M ALLERGIC TO SCRUBS.
IF YOU CAN'T PLAY, GOOD LUCK FINDING SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A KNICKS GAME, YANKEES GAME, YOU DON'T
WANT TO GO TO A GIANTS OR JETS GAME AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ISSUES AND ALL OF THIS OTHER STUFF AT THE
EXPENSE OF SHOWCASING WHAT YOU BRING TO THE TABLE.
WHEN TIP-OFF TIME ARRIVES IN BASKETBALL: KICKOFF ARRIVES IN
FOOTBALL, WHEN THEY START A BASEBALL GAME, LISTEN, SHOW UP
AND SHOW OUT OR MOVE ASIDE AND LET SOMEBODY ELSE IN.
THAT IS SPORTS. IF YOU CAN'T LOVE SPORTS, WHEN I
JUST BROKE THAT DOWN TO YOU, I'M GOING TO PRAY FOR YOU.
Stephen: PLEASE DO. WHAT'S THE GREATEST SPORT, IN
YOUR OPINION? Stephen A.: TO ME, THE
GREATEST SPORT, I LOVE BASKETBALL.
I MEAN, I JUST DO. I JUST DO.
I THINK THAT THOUGH THE GREATEST ATHLETES IN THE WORLD.
OBVIOUSLY FOOTBALL IS-- AMERICA LOVES IT.
NIGHT AND DAY, HE GETS ALL THAT. BASEBALL, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANYTHING. YOU CAN SIT IN THE OUTFIELD
CHEWING ON PUMPKIN SEEDS, YOU WAIT FOR THE BALL TO COMPLY TO
YOU. IT TAKES A LOT OF SKILL TO HIT A
95-MILE-PER-HOUR FASTBALL AND I GET ALL OF THAT BUT THERE ARE
OTHER ELEMENTS OF THE GAME THAT ARE ENTIRELY TOO SLOW WHICH IS
WHY THEY ARE BRINGING OTHER STUFF INTO THE MIX TRYING TO
SPEED UP THE GAME BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT BASKETBALL THE WAY
THEY RUN, THE WAY THEY JUMP, THEIR ATHLETICISM, SHOTMAKING
ABILITY, ACROBATIC PLAYS THEY EXECUTE.
Stephen: IT WAS YOUR GAME. Stephen A.: OF COURSE IT
IS. I LOVE BASKETBALL.
I LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN I LOVE BASKETBALL.
Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PUNCHED IN THE FACE?
Stephen A.: SURE. Stephen: IN A BOXING RING?
Stephen A.: WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I GOT PUNCHED IN
THE FACE. I WAS 19.
I GOT DROPPED BIG TIME BY THIS DUDE THAT WAS ABOUT 25 POUNDS
HEAVIER THAN ME I MUST ADMIT I CHEATED.
I HIT HIM LOW. I HIT HIM LOW.
I DIDN'T LIKE GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE.
MY GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME WAS THERE.
Stephen: I BOXED ONCE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
THERE'S A CERTAIN AGE WHERE THEY GO LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET THEIR
BLOOD LUST UP AND THEY HAVE YOU WRESTLE AND BOX ON THE SAME DAY.
Stephen A.: HOW DID YOU DO? Stephen: I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WHO RAISED HIS HAND TO SAY I'LL BOX.
BOXING WAS OPTIONAL. I WAS 1 OF 8 BOYS MY FAMILY.
I HAD TO BE ABLE TO BOX I RAISED MY HAND.
ONE OTHER GUY RAISED HIS HAND AND HE WAS A LARGE BOY.
WHO HAD MATURED BEFORE THE REST OF US.
HE WAS SHAVING IN EIGHTH GRADE AND HIS LITERAL NAME WAS ROCKY.
THE COACH PUT ME WITH THE THINGS ON THE GLOVES.
Stephen A.: WHY DIDN'T YOU RUN?
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TURN AROUND? Stephen: I SAID I WOULD DO
IT. Stephen A.: YOU COULD'VE
COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE. I AM SICK.
I'VE GOT A HEADACHE. MY MOTHER IS CALLING ME.
I'VE GOT TO GO HOME. YOU COULD HAVE COME UP WITH
ANYTHING. WHY DO YOU JUST RUN?
WHY? Stephen: HE WAS NOT GOING
TO HURT ME, HE WAS A FRIEND OF MINE TOO.
Stephen A.: DID YOU THINK ROCKY WAS GOING TO TAKE IT EASY
ON YOU? Stephen: I'VE NEVER SEEN
ROCKY THROW A PUNCH. Stephen A.: A DUDE NAMED
ROCKY IS NOT GOING IT TAKE IT EASY ON YOU.
Stephen: SO I HELD UP MY GLOVES LIKE THIS, AND
PUNCHED THIS GLOVE SO HARD THAT I KNOCKED MYSELF DOWN.
TRUE STORY. COACH GOES, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
I.
THEN WE MOVED ON. LOOK, WE'VE GOT TO GO HERE.
THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A PLEASURE. IT IS SO NICE TO TALK TO YOU.
"STRAIGHT SHOOTER" IS ON SALE NOW.
STEPHEN A. SMITH GUY EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
"FBI: MOST WANTED" STAR DYLAN McDERMOTT.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." FOLKS CAN ON MY NEXT GUEST
TONIGHT AS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE PRACTICE,"
"AMERICAN HORROR STORY," AND "LAW AND ORDER:
ORGANIZED CRIME." HE NOW STARS IN
"FBI: MOST WANTED." PLEASE WELCOME
TO "THE LATE SHOW," DYLAN MCDERMOTT.
♪ ♪ ♪ I WANT TO ROCK 'N' ROLL
ALL NIGHT AND PARTY EVERY DAY ♪ Dylan: OH, MAN.
SO GREAT TO BE HERE. Stephen: YOU PLAY DRAMATIC
CHARACTERS IN MOVIES AND TV SHOWS.
I UNDERSTAND, THIS SURPRISED ME BECAUSE I DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH
THIS. YOU START OFF DOING STAND-UP.
I ADMIRE THAT BECAUSE I'VE NEVER DONE STAND UP.
THIS IS LIKE STAND UP BUT I STARTED IN IMPROV.
IT'S LONELY UP THERE DOING IMPROV, I MEAN DOING STAND-UP.
WHY DID YOU STOP? Dylan: I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
I WAS AT "CATCH A RISING STAR," I WENT UP THERE AND I
KILLED IT. THEN I HAD A SHOW AT THE BITTER
END, THAT WENT WELL. AND THEN I THINK I WAS FEELING
MYSELF. I DECIDED TO GO TO THE COMEDY
CELLAR WHERE THEY THREW ME OFF THE STAGE.
Stephen: THEY HOOKED YOU? Dylan: THEY CAME UP AND
THEY PULLED ME OFF THE STAGE FOR NOT BEING FUNNY SO THAT WAS THE
END OF THAT CAREER. Stephen: ONE BAD SHOW?
Dylan: THAT'S ENOUGH, BELIEVE ME.
SOMEBODY PULLS YOU OFF THE STAGE.
Stephen: DO YOU THINK I'VE EVER BEEN PULLED OFF A STAGE
BEFORE? [LAUGHS]
I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE 1988.
SO, I WILL JUST BE A SUCCESSFUL ACTOR?
Dylan: THAT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE
BECAUSE ONCE YOU FAIL LIKE THAT, YOU'RE FREE.
WHAT WORSE CAN HAPPEN TO YOU THAN SOME GUY COMING AND PULLING
YOU OFF THE STAGE? AFTER THAT I WAS LIKE, OKAY.
WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO TO ME? Stephen: HOW DID YOU END UP
ACTING AT ALL? Dylan: LUCKILY MY DAD
MARRIED THE WOMAN WHO WROTE THE "VAGINA MONOLOGUES."
GOOD FORTUNE. I WAS A TROUBLED KID.
SHE CAME INTO MY LIFE, SHE GAVE ME BOOKS TO READ, POEMS TO READ,
TOOK ME TO PLAYS. SHE WROTE PLAYS FOR ME.
BEFORE SHE WROTE THE "VAGINA MONOLOGUES" SHE WROTE A
PLAY FOR ME WHERE STYROFOAM VAGINAS WOULD DROP FROM THE SKY
AND I WOULD WEAR THEM AS HATS. Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE
THE OPENING OF A BEAUTIFUL SONG. Dylan: RIGHT?
Stephen: [LAUGHS] GERSHWIN I THINK WROTE THAT.
SO NOW YOU ARE IN "FBI: MOST WANTED."
WE LOVE THE FBIs HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW."
THERE IS "MOST WANTED." THERE IS "INTERNATIONAL."
IT COMES WITH A CROISSANT AND AN ESPRESSO.
AND THEN THERE IS JUST THE FBI. THERE'S A BIG CROSSOVER, THREE
HOUR CROSSOVER EPISODES TOMORROW NIGHT.
HOW DOES THAT WORK? HOW DO YOU CROSS IT UP?
Dylan: WE HAVE TO TRAVEL TO ROME.
Stephen: THAT MUST BE HARD. Dylan: SORRY.
Stephen: THAT'S THE INTERNATIONAL PART.
Dylan: THREE SHOWS, THREE HOURS AND I DARE YOU TO TAKE
THREE BREATHS, THAT'S HOW EXCITING IT IS.
Stephen: THAT'S MY UNDERSTANDING.
THAT'S WHAT MY PRODUCER WAS SAYING.
Dylan: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF ACTION, DRAMA.
YOU HAVE A RUSSIAN, HIGH-RANKING RUSSIAN OFFICIAL.
HIS DAUGHTER IS KILLED AND HE BLAMES THE U.S. AND HE'S
PLANNING A TERROR ATTACK ON THE U.S. AND IT'S MY JOB TO STOP
HIM. Stephen: WHAT ARE WE
SEEING? WHAT TWO SHOWS ARE MERGING?
Dylan: THIS IS "FBI" AND "FBI: MOST WANTED."
TOGETHER. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.
♪ ♪ GOOD TO MEET YOU.
YOU TOO. I HEARD GOOD THINGS.
SO NIKO SABOLINKA. IT DOESN'T RING A BELL.
LET ME TALK TO MY SOURCES. APPRECIATE THAT.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, MAKE IT QUICK.
THERE'S A MAJOR TERROR EVENT OF THE WORKS.
HE IS LOOKING TO BUY C-4. THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE WHEN HE
GETS HIS HANDS ON THE STUFF, THIS GOES LIVE.
I WILL SEE IF MY FAX MACHINE STILL WORKS.
I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU. I WILL MAKE SOME CALLS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: FBI GUY DRIVES A
NICE CAR. ALFA ROMEO.
DID YOU START IN NEW YORK? Dylan: I DID.
Stephen: DID YOU EVER DO LAW AND ORDER?
LEGALLY EVERYONE HAS TO APPEAR. EVERYONE--
IT'S LIKE JURY DUTY. EVEN I WAS IN "LAW & ORDER."
I WAS A KILLER. Dylan: HAVE YOU GOT TO
CLIP? Stephen: JIM?
WERE YOU "LAW & ORDER?" Dylan: I WENT ON
EVENTUALLY. EVENTUALLY I WENT ON.
YOU HAVE TO. Stephen: SURE.
THEY COME AND GRAB YOU BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK.
Dylan: HE'S INCREDIBLE. "LAW & ORDER: ORGANIZED CRIME"
WAS SO MUCH FUN AND NOW "FBI: MOST WANTED."
Dylan: I LIKE THIS, EARLIER IN THE SEASON HE WENT UNDERCOVER
AS A PRIEST. FIRST OF ALL, FATHER WHAT A
WASTE, I BELIEVE WE CALL THIS. WERE YOU RAISED CATHOLIC?
Dylan: I SURE WAS. Stephen: WAS THERE A PRIEST
THAT YOU ARE MODELING THIS ON? Dylan: I HAD TO DO NO
RESEARCH. Stephen: YOU KNEW EXACTLY
WHAT THIS GUY WOULD BE LIKE? Dylan: I EVEN SPOKE LIKE
THE PRIEST THAT I GREW UP WITH. Stephen: YEAH.
AFTER MASS, OUT THERE. Dylan: I LOVE GOING
UNDERCOVER. THIS IS MY FAVORITE ROLE OF THE
SEASON. Stephen: IT'S A REALLY GOOD
LOOK IS THE THING. Dylan: IT'S THE BEST.
Stephen: YOU ARE ALWAYS IN A TUX.
IT'S FANTASTIC. Dylan: SO MUCH RESPECT.
Stephen: YOU GET A GOOD SEAT.
YOU HAVE BEEN STEADILY WORKING SINCE 1987 NOW.
ASIDE FROM GETTING YANKED OFF STAGE.
HERE'S THE THING, I SAID THIS TO SOMEBODY THE OTHER NIGHT, YOU
ARE A WORKING ACTOR, YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE ALWAYS WORKING. WHEN I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT
WORKING, I FEEL LIKE I'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN, EVEN AT THIS POINT.
DO YOU HAVE THAT FEELING EVEN AT THIS STAGE OF YOUR CAREER?
Dylan: YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER SURE WHEN YOUR TIME IS UP.
THAT'S THE THING ABOUT SHOW BUSINESS.
THEY NEVER TELL YOU. Stephen: NO.
THERE IS NO METER. Dylan: NO ONE SAYS YOUR
TIME IS UP. THE PHONE STOPPED RINGING AND
YOU STOP WORKING. YOU ARE LIVING ON HOPE THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO GET ANOTHER JOB, ANOTHER COMEBACK.
BUT YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. SO MY THEORY IS, LET'S DO THIS
TOGETHER, YOU AND I. LET'S LEAVE BEFORE THEY DO THAT.
BEFORE THE PHONE STOPS RINGING. Stephen: WHEN?
TONIGHT? HOW SOON?
I'VE GOT A BIG SHOW TOMORROW. BIG SHOW TOMORROW.
HOW MANY MORE YEARS DO WE DO THIS?
YOU CALL ME. IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT ME, I
HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU, WE WILL CALL EACH OTHER AND SAY
"GET OUT." FBI'S GLOBAL CROSSOVER EVENT
"IMMINENT THREAT" AIRS TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00 P.M. ON CBS.
DYLAN McDERMOTT, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY DAVIDO. ♪ ♪
Stephen: HIS ALBUM, "TIMELESS,"
CAME OUT ON FRIDAY. PERFORMING A MEDLEY OF
"FEEL" AND "UNAVAILABLE," DAVIDO.
♪ I BE ON THE PHONE ♪ ♪ CALLING YOU TONIGHT ♪
♪ I WAN' MAKE YOU SHOW ME ♪ ♪ MAKE WE NO DEY FIGHT ♪
♪ I NO WAN SLEEP ALONE ♪ ♪ WANNA HOLD YOU TIGHT ♪
♪ WATER FULL MY EYES ♪ ♪ BUT I'LL BE ALRIGHT ♪
♪ FOREVER ♪ ♪ O MA LATAN AYA ♪
♪ O MA GBA, O MA KE'TAN ♪ ♪ IBEBE IDI E, MO MAA SI TAN O ♪
♪ SAY DEM GO FEEL IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO RUN IT DOWN ♪
♪ DEM GO HOLD IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO ♪
♪ SAY DEM GO FEEL IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO RUN IT DOWN ♪
♪ DEM GO HOLD IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I BE ON THE PHONE ♪
♪ CALLING YOU TONIGHT ♪ ♪ I WAN' MAKE YOU SHOW ME? ♪
♪ MAKE WE NO DEY FIGHT ♪ ♪ I NO WAN SLEEP ALONE
NO WAN SLEEP ALONE ♪ ♪ WANNA HOLD YOU TIGHT ♪
♪ WATER FULL MY EYES ♪ ♪ BUT I'LL BE ALRIGHT ♪
♪ FOREVER ♪ ♪ O MA LATAN, AYAH ♪
♪ O MAA GBA, O MAA KE'TAN ♪ ♪ IBEBE IDI E, MO MAA SI TAN O ♪
♪ SAY DEM GO FEEL IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO RUN IT DOWN ♪
♪ DEM GO HOLD IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO ♪
♪ SAY DEM GO FEEL IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO RUN IT DOWN ♪
♪ DEM GO HOLD IT ♪ ♪ DEM GO ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ I'M UNAVAILABLE UNAVAILABLE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ I'M UNAVAILABLE UNAVAILABLE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ AND I SORRY FOR WHO WAN, WHO WAN ♪
♪ WHO WAN GBE MY MATTER S'ORI ♪ ♪ I'M ONLY HUMAN, HUMAN ♪
♪ SO MAKE NO BODY PARA OH ♪ ♪ SAY I CARRY WOMAN, WOMAN ♪
♪ SHEY NA MAN WEY I FOR CARRY? ♪
♪ [...] ALL THE RUMOURS ♪ ♪ ABI E GET WHEN I TALK
SEY I BE PASTOR ♪ ♪ HMM, YE, YE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ I'M UNAVAILABLE UNAVAILABLE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ I'M UNAVAILABLE UNAVAILABLE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
♪ I'M UNAVAILABLE UNAVAILABLE ♪
♪ DEM NO DEM SEE ME DEM NO DEY SEE ♪
MAKE SOME NOISE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: DAVIDO, EVERYBODY. THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]