1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:05,505 IN A NEW DISNEY DOCUMENTARY, POPE FRANCIS SAYS TINDER IS A 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,641 FINE WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND NORMAL. 3 00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:14,180 TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER LONGTIME BOYFRIEND HAVE BROKEN UP. 4 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:23,690 MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, MANKIND'S DEEPEST ASPIRATION IS 5 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:31,564 TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED, SO I WOULD LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT TO CHECK 6 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:35,368 OUT MY TINDER PAGE. I AM AVAILABLE. 7 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:42,742 I'M INFALLIBLE, AND I AM A CELEBRANT, SO NO PRESH. 8 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:48,481 IT ALSO SAYS THAT I'M 6'4" BUT I INCLUDED THE POINTY HAT. 9 00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:52,852 IN CONCLUSION, TO PARAPHRASE YOU, IT'S ME. 10 00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,789 HI. I'M THE PONTIFF. 11 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:59,058 IT'S ME. Announcer: IT'S 12 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,627 "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 13 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:04,364 TONIGHT... A LEAK OF THEIR OWN. 14 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:10,403 FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES BRIAN COX. 15 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:14,207 AND KERI RUSSELL. FEATURING LOUIS CATO 16 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:19,579 AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE 17 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,916 FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, 18 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:37,464 IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! Stephen: HEY! 19 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:48,241 BOOM. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 20 00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:55,715 EXPLOSIVE ENERGY. RIGHT OUT OF THE STARTING LINE. 21 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,117 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S RIGHT. 22 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:02,055 HAPPY MONDAY. HAPPY MONDAY, EVERYBODY. 23 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:02,922 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 24 00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,057 WELCOME, ONE AT ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 25 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:11,664 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I TELL YOU WHAT, I HAD A 26 00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:15,235 WONDERFUL HOLIDAY WEEKEND. DEPENDING UPON YUR BELIEFS, 27 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:16,769 I HOPE YOU FOUND EITHER THE AFIKOMEN, THE EASTER EGG, 28 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:21,641 OR TOP SECRET UKRAINIAN WAR PLANS. 29 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,743 THIS MORNING, THE WHITE HOUSE HELD ITS ANNUAL EASTER EGG ROLL. 30 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:26,079 IT'S A TRADITION GOING BACK OVER A CENTURY, 31 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,648 TO WHEN CHILDREN WERE INVITED TO SEARCH FOR TREATS IN 32 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:37,490 CHESTER A. ARTHUR'S MUTTONCHOPS. PRESIDENT BIDEN KICKED OFF THE 33 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:44,998 FESTIVITIES WITH BELOVED HOLIDAY CHARACTER AL ROKER. 34 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,134 AND WITH AL, BIDEN DROPPED SOME HINTS ABOUT 2024. 35 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:50,637 I WAS JUST WONDERING, MR. PRESIDENT, WILL YOU BE 36 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:55,608 TAKING PART IN THE EASTER EGG ROLLS, PLANNING ON AFTER 2024? 37 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:58,578 I PLAN ON AT LEAST THREE OR FOUR MORE EASTER EGG ROLLS. 38 00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,079 AT LEAST THREE OR FOUR MORE? MAYBE FIVE. 39 00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,781 MAYBE FIVE? MAYBE SIX, 40 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,816 WHAT THE HELL? I DON'T KNOW. 41 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:07,520 ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU WOULD BE TAKING PART IN OUR 42 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,291 UPCOMING ELECTION IN 2024? I'LL EITHER BE ROLLING AN EGG 43 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:18,197 OR BE THE GUY WHO'S PUSHING 'EM OUT. 44 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,500 Stephen: "THAT'S RIGHT, JACK! I GOT BIG EASTER NEWS: 45 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:27,907 JOE BIDEN CAN LAY EGGS. EASY AS PIE. 46 00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:30,977 I PUSH 'EM RIGHT OUT THE CLOACA. 47 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,580 SERVE 'EM UP SCRAMBLED, OR SIT ON 'EM FOR A WHILE, 48 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,715 RAISE A BEAUTIFUL FLOCK OF LITTLE BABY JOES. 49 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,517 PEEP, PEEP, PEEP. POINT IS, I AM MENTALLY FIT 50 00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,820 TO ONCE AGAIN RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 51 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,655 WHAT'S GOIN' ON? WHERE'S JILL? 52 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:51,130 MARCO! JILL-O!" 53 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:56,536 BUT IT'S NOT ALL... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 54 00:03:56,536 --> 00:04:00,340 BUT IT'S NOT ALL LAWN GAMES AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP 55 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:03,076 FOR THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH. ON THURSDAY, WE LEARNED 56 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,279 LEAKED TOP-SECRET PENTAGON DOCUMENTS ON THE UKRAINE WAR 57 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:09,582 HAD SUDDENLY APPEARED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. 58 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,884 SHOCKING, BUT NOT THE FIRST TIME CLASSIFIED BATTLE INTEL 59 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,320 WAS LEAKED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. WHO CAN FORGET THE 2003 60 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:19,926 MYSPACE POST. "ERMAHGERD SADDERM HURSEHRN 61 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:26,566 DEHRSN'T REHRLY HERVE W-M-DEHRS." 62 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,802 WE STILL DON'T KNOW THE ORIGIN OF THE LEAK, BUT A BIG CLUE IS 63 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,871 THAT IN ADDITION TO BEING POSTED ON TWITTER, IT SHOWED UP 64 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:35,842 ON TELEGRAM, A PLATFORM WITH MORE THAN HALF A BILLION 65 00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,878 USERS THAT IS WIDELY AVAILABLE IN RUSSIA. 66 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,547 OF COURSE RUSSIA'S BIGGEST SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM 67 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:46,919 IS POTATO. BUT TELEGRAM WASN'T THE FIRST 68 00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:50,356 PLACE THE DOCUMENTS POPPED UP. THEY ACTUALLY FIRST APPEARED 69 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:54,160 IN MARCH ON THE VIDEO GAME CHAT PLATFORM DISCORD. 70 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,729 AS ONE INVESTIGATOR PUT IT, "THIS STUFF WAS SITTING 71 00:04:56,729 --> 00:05:03,503 IN A MINECRAFT DISCORD SERVER FOR A MONTH AND NO ONE NOTICED. 72 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:08,741 SO NATIONAL SECRETS WERE ON A VIDEO GAME CHAT? 73 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,643 TURNS OUT THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES ARE "UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, 74 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:14,914 LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A, START." 75 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:21,487 THE FEDS ARE DESPERATELY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO THE LEAKER IS. 76 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,356 ONE CLUE HERE: THE LEAKED PAGES AREN'T ELECTRONIC FILES, 77 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:26,559 BUT RATHER PHOTOS OF CRUMPLED DOCUMENTS, 78 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:29,696 AS IF THEY HAD BEEN HASTILY FOLDED UP AND SHOVED INTO 79 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:34,701 FROM A SECURE LOCATION. THAT'S IT? 80 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:40,673 THE TECHNOLOGY WAS "PUT IN POCKET?" 81 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,009 THE MOVIES MAKE STEALING NATIONAL SECRETS LOOK SO MUCH 82 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:43,810 HARDER. GET READY FOR THE NEW TOM 83 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,479 CRUISE THRILLER: MISSION IMPOSSI-- 84 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:57,390 "WAIT, I JUST SHOVED IT IN MY PANTS." 85 00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:03,996 [APPLAUSE] I JUST REALIZED I DID THE LAST 86 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,898 THREE JOKES WITHOUT MY GLASSES ON. 87 00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:10,269 NO WONDER WHY THIS JOB IS SO HARD. 88 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:11,704 SO, A BIG TIME YIKES FOR THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH. 89 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,372 BUT IF IT MAKES THEM FEEL BETTER, THE JUDICIARY 90 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,409 IS A DISASTER RIGHT NOW. CASE IN POINT, SUPREME COURT 91 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:25,151 JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS. [BOOING] 92 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,653 Stephen: SEEING HEREAFTER THE PHOTOGRAPHER SAID "LET'S DO 93 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:37,430 A FUN ONE." AND NEW REPORTING REVEALS 94 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,531 THAT OVER MANY DECADES, CLARENCE THOMAS HAS SECRETLY 95 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:39,732 ACCEPTED LUXURY TRIPS FROM A MAJOR G.O.P. DONOR. 96 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,967 WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE CLARENCE THOMAS DID SOMETHING 97 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,502 INAPPROPRIATE," SAID A WOOLY MAMMOTH REANIMATED AFTER 98 00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:45,338 BEING FROZEN IN THE SIBERIAN PERMAFROST. 99 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,841 THE G.O.P. DONOR FUNDING ALL THESE TRIPS IS TEXAS REAL ESTATE 100 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:51,878 BILLIONAIRE HARLAN CROW, SEEN HERE QUIETLY AND FIRMLY 101 00:06:51,878 --> 00:07:03,923 REMINDING HIMSELF IT WAS DEFINITELY A DEER HE HIT 102 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,192 LAST NIGHT. CROW'S RELATIONSHIP WITH JUSTICE 103 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,860 THOMAS WAS MORE THAN JUST A FEW VOYAGES ON THE SS "MONEYBAGS." 104 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:11,531 THESE LUXURY TRIPS HAPPENED VIRTUALLY EVERY YEAR FOR MORE 105 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:16,269 THAN TWO DECADES, INCLUDING TRIPS AROUND THE WORLD ON CROW'S 106 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,373 SUPERYACHT, FLYING ON CROW'S G-5 JET, AND VISITS TO CROW'S 107 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,842 VARIOUS ESTATES, INCLUDING ONE IN THE ADIRONDACKS, WHICH HAS 108 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:26,612 A THREE-BOAT GARAGE. WELL, YEAH. 109 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:29,982 A BUSY FAMILY'S GOTTA HAVE THREE BOATS. 110 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:37,423 WHAT IF THE KIDS SLEEP LATE AND MISS THE SCHOOL YACHT? 111 00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:43,029 THOMAS CLEARLY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 112 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:49,101 IT'S ALL ABOUT EDUCATION. THESE PEOPLE LOVE EDUCATION. 113 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,137 JUSTICE THOMAS CLEARLY SPENDS A LOT OF TIME WITH CROW. 114 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,939 BECAUSE THAT SAME RESORT FEATURES THIS ACTUAL PAINTING& 115 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,942 SHOWING THE TWO SMOKING CIGARS WITH CONSERVATIVE OPERATIVES 116 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,210 UNDER A STATUE OF A NATIVE AMERICAN MAN 117 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:03,916 PRAYING FOR A FLASH FLOOD. IN RESPONSE, JUSTICE THOMAS HAS 118 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,086 EXPLAINED THIS WAS ALL JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING, SAYING 119 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:10,189 HE WAS ADVISED BY COLLEAGUES THAT "THIS SORT OF PERSONAL 120 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:14,694 HOSPITALITY FROM CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDS WHO DID NOT HAVE 121 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,596 BUSINESS BEFORE THE COURT WAS NOT REPORTABLE." 122 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,531 ADDING, "NOW I GOTTA GET BACK ON DECK BEFORE WE LOSE 123 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:31,944 LOSE THAT GOLDEN HOUR SUN. #YachtLife. 124 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,980 #SomeLikeItYacht." AND THOMAS INSISTS THAT THESE 125 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,015 GIFTS FROM CROW DON'T COUNT BECAUSE OF THEIR PERSONAL 126 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,116 RELATIONSHIP, SAYING: "WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 127 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,819 25 YEARS." OKAY, BUT YOU'VE BEEN ON THE 128 00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:44,056 SUPREME COURT FOR 31 YEARS! "OH, IT'S NOT A BRIBE. 129 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:49,095 HE'S MY FRIEND." "OH, HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET?" 130 00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:54,033 "OH, HE WAS BRIBING ME." [APPLAUSE] 131 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,503 SO, OKAY. I'LL BITE. 132 00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:01,207 HE'S YOUR CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT, 133 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,875 SO I GUESS IT WOULD BE REALLY EMBARRASSING TO LEARN THAT 134 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,177 HARLAN CROW HAS A COLLECTION OF ADOLF HITLER ARTIFACTS AND 135 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:12,084 NAZI MEMORABILIA, INCLUDING TWO PAINTINGS BY HITLER. 136 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:17,723 LADIES, TAKE NOTE. THAT S A RED FLAG. 137 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,492 THAT IS A RED FLAG. YOU NEVER WANNA HAVE TO TELL 138 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,993 YOUR GAL PALS, "SO I FINALLY SPENT THE NIGHT AT TODD'S. 139 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,429 IT WAS GOOD, BUT HE'S GOT THIS REALLY INTENSE GAMING SETUP. 140 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:31,170 AND TWO PAINTINGS BY HITLER. SHOULD I TEXT HIM BACK, OR?" 141 00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:33,072 WHAT DO I DO? CROW ALSO HAS A DISPLAY OF 142 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:37,276 SWASTIKA-EMBOSSED LINENS. YEAH, YEAH, IT ALL COMES WITH 143 00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:39,645 THE MONSTERS OF HISTORY FINE DINING SET. 144 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:43,449 YOU GET THE NAZI NAPKINS, THE POL POTS AND PANS, 145 00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:59,699 AND THE OSAMA BIN LADLE. ACT NOW. 146 00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,467 FOR ALL THAT, IT'S NOT JUST THE JUDCIAL BRANCH, THE LEGISLATIVE 147 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,169 HAS ITS SHARE OF PROBLEMS, ESPECIALLY IN STATE LEGISLATURES 148 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,738 LIKE TENNESSEE. 'CAUSE AFTER A WEEK OF LARGE 149 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:07,940 STUDENT-LED PROTESTS IN FAVOR OF GUN CONTROL, THE 150 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:12,979 REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED TENNESSEE HOUSE VOTED TO EXPEL 2 OF THE 3 151 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:17,116 DEMOCRATS WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE PROTEST. 152 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:21,087 ALL RIGHT, AUDIENCE. 153 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,489 LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE THREE 154 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:28,027 DEMOCRATS, AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHICH TWO THEY KICKED OUT. 155 00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:31,397 JIMMY, LET'S PUT 0.3 SECOND ON THE CLOCK. 156 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,932 GO! [BUZZER] 157 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:36,902 THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S THE TWO BLACK GUYS. 158 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,705 BUT THE G.O.P. SAYS THERE'S NOTHING RACIST ABOUT THIS, 159 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:42,008 EXPLAINING THE TWO EXPELLED LAWMAKERS, REPRESENTATIVES 160 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:45,511 JUSTIN JONES AND JUSTIN J. PEARSON, 161 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:49,081 BROKE THE CHAMBER'S RULES WHEN THEY LED GUN REFORM CHANTS FROM 162 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,450 THE HOUSE PODIUM WITH A MEGAPHONE. 163 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:54,253 WHILE REPRESENTATIVE GLORIA JOHNSON WASN'T EXPELLED SINCE 164 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:57,723 SHE DIDN'T SPEAK INTO THE MEGAPHONE. 165 00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:05,664 I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT EXCUSE IS PURE BULL...HORN. 166 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:14,440 NOW, BEFORE HIS EXPULSION, REPRESENTATIVE JONES 167 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:18,711 CALLED OUT THE G.O.P. HYPOCRISY. FOR YEARS, ONE OF YOUR 168 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,312 COLLEAGUES, WHO WAS AN ADMITTED CHILD MOLESTER SAT IN 169 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:24,683 THIS CHAMBER. NO EXPULSION. 170 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:28,621 WE HAD A FORMER SPEAKER SIT IN THIS CHAMBER WHO IS NOW UNDER 171 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,857 FEDERAL INVESTIGATION, NO EXPULSION. 172 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,492 WE HAD ANOTHER MEMBER PEE IN ANOTHER MEMBER'S CHAIR 173 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:37,096 IN THIS CHAMBER. NO EXPULSION. 174 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,899 Stephen: THAT'S HORRIBLE AND UNFAIR. 175 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,302 AND ALSO HOW CAN YOU EXPEL HIM BEFORE HE TELLS US MORE ABOUT 176 00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:52,378 THIS PEE THING? WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? 177 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,413 I DID NOT KNOW THAT. SO THIS IS TERRIBLE P.R. 178 00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,116 FOR THE TENNESSEE G.O.P., BUT AT LEAST IT'S ALSO POINTLESS 179 00:11:57,116 --> 00:12:04,723 BECAUSE JUSTIN J. PEARSON COULD BE REAPPOINTED ON 180 00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:09,762 WEDNESDAY. JUSTIN JONES, WE JUST LEARNED, 181 00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:16,268 HAS ALREADY BEEN REAPPOINTED TO THE SAME DAMN SEAT. 182 00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:18,104 FIRST DAY BACK. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 183 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:21,440 TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE BRIAN COX 184 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,976 AND KERI RUSSELL. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 185 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:26,879 "MEANWHILE"! JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 186 00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,544 ♪ ♪ Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE 187 00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:05,017 BAND, EVERYBODY. 188 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:12,791 I LIKE IT. TWO LOVELY GUESTS RETURNING TO 189 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:13,859 "THE LATE SHOW" TONIGHT. FROM "SUCCESSION," BRIAN COX IS 190 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:19,098 GOING TO BE HERE. OF THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED KERI 191 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:23,702 RUSSELL FROM THE NEW SHOW "THE DIPLOMAT." 192 00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:26,972 GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE. 193 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:35,514 THAT'S FUN. FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW, 194 00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:37,483 YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE NEWS 195 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,051 FACTORY, SHAPING THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL BRUSHED ALUMINUM 196 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,619 INTO A RESONANT STORY SHELL THAT IS WELDED, NOT CRIMPED, 197 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:43,889 THEN ADORNED WITH FINE SNARES TO BE PLAYED "EM SIMA" WITH MY 198 00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:49,261 BATUCADA AND PRODUCED FOR YOU THE PERFECTLY TUNED KAISHA 199 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,729 TAMBOR JEE SAMBATHAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 200 00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:53,332 BUT SOMETIMES I WAKE UP UNDER A HORSE IN A TRAVELING CIRCUS, 201 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,001 SNATCH SOME RUSTY SOUP POTS FROM THE FREAKS AND STRETCH 202 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,738 A SCRAP OF DISCARDED TENT OVER THEM TO WAIL AWAY ON 203 00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:06,612 THE UNWANTED VISITOR'S DOOM BONGOS OF NEWS THAT ARE MY 204 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:11,283 SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE." 205 00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:22,127 I DO MY BEST. "EM SIMA." 206 00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:27,366 MEANWHILE, IN GIANT BAKED BEAN NEWS, TWO MEN FROM LONDON HAVE 207 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:32,871 CREATED A GIANT BAKED BEAN. OH, NO. 208 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:34,673 NOW BRITISH FOOD MIGHT GET A REPUTATION FOR BEING 209 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:40,446 UNAPPEALING. THE PAIR WENT VIRAL FOR THEIR 210 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,114 BREAKFAST ABOMINATION WHICH IS MADE OF TWO TINS OF HEINZ 211 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,783 BAKED BEANS MASHED INTO ONE GIANT TOMATO SAUCE-SOAKED 212 00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:49,922 BAKED BEAN. THEIR SECRET INGREDIENT? 213 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:55,361 JUST ENOUGH WEED TO MAKE THIS SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA. 214 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,764 MEANWHILE, STAYING IN JOLLY OL' THE UNITED KINGDOM, 215 00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:02,601 KATE MIDDLETON HAS SHOCKED FANS WITH A RED EASTER MANICURE, 216 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:07,706 BREAKING ROYAL TRADITION. THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: 217 00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:13,412 THE BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY HAS STUPID TRADITIONS. 218 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:19,985 MEANWHILE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 219 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:23,188 DUMMY. YOU BIG DUMMY. 220 00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:24,690 MEANWHILE, SPEAKING OF EASTER, ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY BY 221 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,592 CONSUMER REPORTS, PEEPS MARSHMALLOW CANDIES CONTAIN 222 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,894 A KNOWN CARCINOGEN. BUT TO PROTECT CONSUMERS, 223 00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:34,333 THEY TASTE HORRIBLE. MEANWHILE, IN ALASKA, 224 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,635 HEALTH CARE WORKERS WERE SHOCKED WHEN A MOOSE 225 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,871 WANDERED INTO AN ANCHORAGE HOSPITAL. 226 00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:42,541 REALLY? SHOCKED? 227 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,410 I'LL BE SHOCKED IF HE WANDERED OUT WITHOUT FILLING OUT 228 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:54,720 TEN PAGES OF INSURANCE. [APPLAUSE] 229 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,589 MEANWHILE, OVER ON THE SPORT COURT, A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT 230 00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:01,093 CLIMATE CHANGE IS LEADING TO MORE MAJOR LEAGUE HOME RUNS, 231 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:05,164 ATTRIBUTING AT LEAST 500 ADDITIONAL HOMERS FROM 2010 232 00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:09,702 TO 2019 TO EARTH'S HUMAN-MADE WARMING. 233 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:16,408 AND I'M BEING TOLD THE NEW YORK YANKEES HAVE OFFERED 234 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:29,722 CARBON DIOXIDE A $400 MILLION CONTRACT. 235 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:34,293 [LAUGHTER] STOP IT. 236 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,628 BECAUSE WARM AIR IS LESS DENSE, IT'S SIMPLE PHYSICS THAT IN HOT 237 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:40,432 AIR, BASEBALLS CARRY FARTHER. SO THE STUDY PROJECTS THAT IF 238 00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:44,970 CURRENT CLIMATE TRENDS CONTINUE, THERE WILL BE 467 MORE HOME RUNS 239 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:49,808 PER SEASON BY THE YEAR 2100. THAT STAT COULD BE TEMPERED BY 240 00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:53,045 THE FACT THAT, BY 2100, MOST SPRING TRAINING WILL BE EITHER 241 00:16:53,045 --> 00:17:01,987 UNDERWATER OR ON FIRE. MEANWHILE. 242 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:05,824 [APPLAUSE] MEANWHILE, IN HONOR OF EASTER, 243 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,794 SUBWAY ANNOUNCED A LIMITED-TIME COLLABORATION CALLED 244 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:12,231 THE CADBURY CREME EGG EASTER SANDWICH. 245 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:21,774 LET'S TAKE A LOOK. YOU KNOW WHAT? 246 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:25,077 I THINK I'D RATHER HAVE THE CANCER PEEP. 247 00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,479 MEANWHILE, ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, GEN Z'S FAVORITE SNACK 248 00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:30,249 IS NOT WHAT YOU'D EXPECT. SO IT'S NOT A QUESADILLA STUFFED 249 00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:34,119 WITH TIDE PODS AND WHATEVER THE KIDS ARE DOING 250 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,854 ON "EUPHORIA"? TURNS OUT, IT'S CHEEZ-ITS 251 00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:39,491 AND GOLDFISH, A SNACK CATEGORY KNOWN AS 252 00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:44,163 "DRY SALTY ORANGE." WHILE WE MIGHT ASSOCIATE 253 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:47,466 TEENAGERS WITH BOLD AND FLASHY FRIED SNACKS, THE TAMER TASTE OF 254 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,636 GOLDFISH AND CHEEZ-ITS MIGHT BE PART OF THEIR APPEAL. 255 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:54,206 PLUS, CHEEZ-ITS PROVIDE 100% OF YOUR DAILY RECOMMENDED 256 00:17:54,206 --> 00:18:03,749 ALLOWANCE OF "IT." MEANWHILE. 257 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:07,186 "IT." MEANWHILE, IF YOU BOUGHT 258 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:12,458 A TREADMILL DESK DURING THE PANDEMIC, ARE YOU OKAY? 259 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:20,766 'CAUSE THAT'S WEIRD. ALSO, TOSS OUT THAT DINOSAUR, 260 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,135 GRANDPA, BECAUSE THE HOT NEW TREND IN WORKPLACE EXERCISE IS 261 00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,003 THE WALKING ROOM, A GIANT TREADMILL THAT CAN FIT 262 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:28,273 8 TO 10 PEOPLE. YES, IT'S ALL THE ANXIETY 263 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:32,144 OF A STAFF MEETING COMBINED WITH ALL THE CHAFING OF A LONG HIKE. 264 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,979 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE WALKING ROOM. 265 00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:38,016 OH, MY GOD, NO. LET'S SEE IT FROM ANOTHER ANGLE. 266 00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:42,988 WHAT'S WITH THE PEOPLE WALKING BEHIND THEM? 267 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,391 "OH, DON'T MIND ME. I HATE TO SEE YOU WORK 268 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:52,865 BUT I LOVE TO WATCH YOU WORK IT." 269 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,800 YEAH, YEAH. BUT IT WON'T BE TOO CROWDED 270 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,070 BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS DESCRIBED AS A TEN BY TWELVE FOOT 271 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:02,674 MOVING CARPET. A MOVING CARPET? 272 00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,510 WHY, IT SOUNDS SO MAGICAL! [MELODY FROM 273 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,812 "A WHOLE NEW WORLD"] ♪ I CAN SHOW YOU THESE FILES 274 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,349 TAKE YOU ♪ ♪ SPREADSHEET BY SPREADSHEET 275 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:17,489 ♪ BCC THE WHOLE C-SUITE ON THIS PRESENTATION SLIDE! ♪ 276 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,492 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRIAN COX. 277 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,928 ♪ A WHOLE NEW WORLD ♪ 278 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,116 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 279 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:48,754 WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 280 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,489 MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM 281 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:54,526 "SUPER TROOPERS," "TROY," AND "SUCCESSION." 282 00:19:54,526 --> 00:20:03,168 I THINK TODAY IS THE DAY I WILL TALK TO SID. 283 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:08,974 JERRY, FIND OUT WHEN HE HAS DONE IT. 284 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:18,717 JERRY IS GETTING IT. OKAY. 285 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:24,690 WE CAN BEGIN TO LET IT SEEP. SORT OF INCOMPETENCE OR 286 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,925 WORST? I THINK THE IDEA WOULD BE 287 00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:31,129 THAT SHE TOOK HER EYE OFF THE BALL. 288 00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:36,335 STRATEGICALLY FOCUSED. A BIT MORE AGGRESSIVE. 289 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:40,172 Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," BRIAN 290 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:56,622 COX. 291 00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:11,269 IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON. I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE I WOULD 292 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:15,607 RATHER HAVE ON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I WANT A LITTLE MORE BRIAN COX 293 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,510 AND NITIN BEING DENIED MY BRIAN COX. 294 00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:21,313 Brian: BECAUSE OF LAST NIGHT, SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT 295 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:25,517 OCCURRED TO ME. THERE WERE NO LAST RITES. 296 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:30,222 AND I THOUGHT THE ONLY WAY I CAN RECEIVE ANY KIND OF EXTREME 297 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:35,794 UNCTION IS TO BE WITH STEPHEN COLBERT, WHO IS A GOOD 298 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:41,800 CATHOLIC BOY. AND HE WOULD GIVE ME. 299 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,368 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 300 00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:48,940 I CAN NOW DEPART. Stephen: I'M GOING TO START 301 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:52,744 THIS INTERVIEW IN A WAY THAT I REALLY DO WITH A SPOILER ALERT 302 00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:57,315 EVERYBODY WAS WATCHING THIS. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN LAST NIGHT'S 303 00:21:57,315 --> 00:22:00,318 EPISODE OF "SUCCESSION," PAUSE THE SHOW, GO WATCH IT AND COME 304 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:06,558 BACK SOMETIME THE NEXT THREE DAYS SO THE RATINGS COUNT FOR 305 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:12,097 THIS EPISODE. WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? 306 00:22:12,097 --> 00:22:14,499 Brian: I WAS SUMMONED TO HEAD OFFICE AND I WAS GIVEN THE 307 00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:22,507 NEWS THAT HE WOULD BE DEPARTING. THEY DIDN'T SAY WHEN, DID THEY? 308 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:31,650 THEY DIDN'T. I SAID FINE. 309 00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:33,118 IT'S A JOB. THERE'S ANOTHER JOB. 310 00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:38,056 IT'S ONE OF MANY. I THINK I HAVE DONE OVER 209 311 00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:46,364 MOVIES AND STUFF OVER THE YEARS. SO I FELT-- 312 00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:51,002 AND LISTEN, IT'S ONE OF THE GREATEST ROLLS OF ALL TIME. 313 00:22:51,002 --> 00:22:53,605 YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT. IT'S BEEN FANTASTIC. 314 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:59,010 BUT I JUST KNEW THAT IT HAD TO COME TO A CLOSE AND I JUST 315 00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:02,981 ADMIRE, I ADMIRE JESSE ARMSTRONG SO MUCH BECAUSE IT WAS A BRAVE 316 00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:04,983 DECISION. AT THE PREMIERE PARTY, HE WAS 317 00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:08,787 SAYING "I'M SO SAD. IT WAS SO SAD BRINGING THIS TO 318 00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:11,289 AN END." AND THEN SOMEONE SAID WELL, IF 319 00:23:11,289 --> 00:23:15,794 IT WAS SO SAD, WHY DID YOU END THE [BLEEP] 320 00:23:15,794 --> 00:23:24,035 THING? WRITERS. 321 00:23:24,035 --> 00:23:27,239 Stephen: HAD TO EXPECT IT'S COMING. 322 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:31,243 THE SHOW IS CALLED "SUCCESSION." THERE HAS TO BE SUCCESSION THAT 323 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:35,113 A CERTAIN POINT. BESIDES BEING A GREATLY ADMIRED 324 00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:37,749 ACTOR, YOUR BELOVED PERSONALITY FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO SPEAK 325 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,919 YOUR MIND. HOW HARD PERSISTS FOR YOU TO 326 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,522 KEEP A SECRET? Brian: I'M HOPELESS AT 327 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:47,793 KEEPING SECRETS. IT WAS A TRIUMPH, AN ABSOLUTE 328 00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,895 TRIUMPH. Stephen: IF YOU DO SAY SO 329 00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:51,797 YOURSELF. Brian: I WAS VERY PROUD OF 330 00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,865 MYSELF. I USED TO CHECK MYSELF IN THE 331 00:23:53,865 --> 00:24:00,972 MIRROR AND SAY, WELL DONE. Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, 332 00:24:00,972 --> 00:24:03,508 OBVIOUSLY THERE IS AN EPISODE COMING UP WHERE THERE IS GOING 333 00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:06,812 TO BE A FUNERAL. WHILE WE ARE HERE, I WANT TO 334 00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:10,448 POINT OUT THAT WHEN WE MENTIONED THE CHARACTER DIED, YOU COULD 335 00:24:10,448 --> 00:24:13,752 HEAR THE "OH." NOT EVERYONE HERE HAS SEEN IT. 336 00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:18,790 BUT YOU GOT TO SEE BRIAN COX. SO THERE IS A FUNERAL. 337 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,959 THERE IS A FUNERAL COMING UP AND I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DID 338 00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:25,030 SOMETHING TO THROW PEOPLE OFF THE SCENT. 339 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:27,532 Brian: THEY ARE SILLY BURGERS, A LOT OF THE PEOPLE WHO 340 00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:31,236 MAKE THESE PROGRAMS. ANYWAY. 341 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:34,673 SO WHAT HAPPENED WAS, THEY INVENTED THIS SCENE THAT I WAS 342 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:42,214 SUPPOSED TO PLAY AT THE CHURCH. THE CHURCH WAS UPTOWN, FANCY, 343 00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:44,916 BEING CATHOLIC CHURCH. WHAT HAPPENED WAS I WAS ON MY 344 00:24:44,916 --> 00:24:50,488 WAY TO FILM THIS SCENE AND I GOT THE CALL SAYING WE ARE BEHIND. 345 00:24:50,488 --> 00:24:54,726 IT IS A SCENE I WILL NEVER-- THAT WILL NEVER BE USED BECAUSE 346 00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:57,929 IT'S YOUR FUNERAL, SO DON'T COME. 347 00:24:57,929 --> 00:25:06,938 I THOUGHT NO, I'VE GOT TO GO. I BETTER GOAL. 348 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:10,642 AS SOON AS I GOT OUT OF THE CAR THEY STARTED CLICKING AWAY SO 349 00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:13,678 MANY LAYERS ABLE TO PUT ON THE FACT IT WAS MY FUNERAL. 350 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:18,016 Stephen: HERE IT IS. "THE DAILY MAIL" SPECULATED 351 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:20,085 SINCE YOU ARE AT THE FUNERAL SCENE THAT YOU COULD BE THE 352 00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:29,127 WEATHER WAS DEAD. YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. 353 00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:31,730 Brian: IF I HADN'T DONE THAT, IT WOULD'VE BEEN RIGHT IN 354 00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,265 THE [BLEEP] , I TELL YOU. 355 00:25:33,265 --> 00:25:38,870 Stephen: HERE'S THE NICE THING, I LOVE, PEOPLE LOVE THIS 356 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:43,842 CHARACTER IN THE SHOW HAS BEEN ON FOR SEASONS. 357 00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:48,013 SUCH A CULTURAL IMPACT THAT THE "LOS ANGELES TIMES" WROTE AN 358 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:50,649 ACTUAL OBITUARY FOR YOUR CHARACTER. 359 00:25:50,649 --> 00:25:53,218 LOGAN ROY, CONSERVATIVE MEDIA MOGUL WHO SHAPED CONTEMPORARY 360 00:25:53,218 --> 00:26:00,992 POLITICS DIES AT 84. THAT'S A FANTASTIC LEGACY. 361 00:26:00,992 --> 00:26:04,596 Brian: I AM WORRIED PEOPLE MIGHT READ IT AND THINK IT'S MY 362 00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:08,033 OBITUARY. Stephen: OKAY. 363 00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:12,871 AS YOU SAID IT'S ALREADY THE FINAL SEASON. 364 00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:15,707 THE FINAL SEASON OF "SUCCESSION." 365 00:26:15,707 --> 00:26:22,614 DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS REASONS? Brian: YEAH. 366 00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:26,084 Stephen: CAN YOU WHISPER IT IN MY EAR? 367 00:26:26,084 --> 00:26:28,186 Brian: NO. Stephen: ALL RIGHT. 368 00:26:28,186 --> 00:26:33,625 Brian: NOBODY KNEW HOW IT WAS GOING TO END. 369 00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:37,595 SHE THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE GOING ON. 370 00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:41,099 I SAID YOU KNOW IT'S FINISHING. SHE SAID NO, IT'LL GO ON. 371 00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:45,203 WE WILL DO A FIFTH SEASON. I SAID I DON'T THINK WE WILL. 372 00:26:45,203 --> 00:26:48,873 SHE SAID I THINK WE WILL. ON THE VERY LAST READTHROUGH SHE 373 00:26:48,873 --> 00:26:52,644 STILL DIDN'T KNOW THE SHOW IS GOING TO END. 374 00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:55,013 Stephen: EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD BEEN TOLD. 375 00:26:55,013 --> 00:26:55,947 SHE WAS LIVING IN DENIAL. Brian: SHE WAS LIVING IN 376 00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:58,683 DENIAL. Stephen: ARE AUSTRALIANS 377 00:26:58,683 --> 00:27:01,286 BAD AT GOODBYES? Brian: APPARENTLY. 378 00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,454 Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 379 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,723 BUT STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE BRIAN 380 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:05,924 COX, EVERYBODY. 381 00:27:16,534 --> 00:27:19,404 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. IT IS THE STAR OF "SUCCESSION," 382 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:22,741 BRIAN COX. WE HAVE A FROM THE FINAL PREMIER 383 00:27:22,741 --> 00:27:29,481 PARTY. YOUR WIFE POSTED THIS. 384 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:49,367 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. Stephen: I LIKE YOU DANCING 385 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:53,972 TO "CALL ME MAY BE." DO YOU THINK THAT THE ROYS WOULD 386 00:27:53,972 --> 00:27:56,374 BE A NICER FAMILY IF THEY DANCED TOGETHER. 387 00:27:56,374 --> 00:27:58,610 Brian: YEAH. THE FAMILIES WHO DANCE TOGETHER 388 00:27:58,610 --> 00:28:02,280 STAY TOGETHER. Stephen: HAVE YOU WATCHED 389 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,215 THE EPISODE? Brian: NO. 390 00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:07,819 Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T? OH, IT'S FANTASTIC. 391 00:28:07,819 --> 00:28:10,455 IT'S EXTRAORDINARY. YOU ARE NOT IN IT SO IT IS THE 392 00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,957 ONE KNOCK AGAINST IT. Brian: I NEVER WATCH ANY OF 393 00:28:12,957 --> 00:28:18,063 IT IF I CAN POSSIBLY AVOID IT. BRIAN, BEHAVE YOURSELF. 394 00:28:18,063 --> 00:28:20,265 THERE ARE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE WATCHED. 395 00:28:20,265 --> 00:28:22,300 THERE ARE SEASONS I WATCH FOR THAT I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER 396 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:26,971 WATCHED A WHOLE EPISODE. Stephen: REALLY? 397 00:28:26,971 --> 00:28:29,908 Brian: MY VIEW IS IT'S BAD ENOUGH DOING IT WITHOUT HAVING 398 00:28:29,908 --> 00:28:31,843 TO WATCH IT. Stephen: YOU SHOULD CHECK 399 00:28:31,843 --> 00:28:33,912 IT OUT. BRIAN COX IS IN IT AND HE IS 400 00:28:33,912 --> 00:28:40,852 REALLY GOOD. I'LL KNOW IF YOU ARE A FAN. 401 00:28:40,852 --> 00:28:45,190 Brian: I ALWAYS THINK I LOOK LIKE THE ELEPHANT MAN. 402 00:28:45,190 --> 00:28:53,231 BODY DYSMORPHIA. I LOOK AT MYSELF AND I THINK 403 00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:57,068 "UGHHH." THE ON BRIAN COX, I WANT YOU TO 404 00:28:57,068 --> 00:29:01,873 KNOW YOU ARE A VERY ATTRACIVE MAN. 405 00:29:01,873 --> 00:29:04,742 Brian: THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME ALL 406 00:29:04,742 --> 00:29:07,879 DAY. Stephen: WHAT WILL YOU MISS 407 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:10,515 ABOUT PLAYING LOGAN ROY? Brian: I WILL MISS THE 408 00:29:10,515 --> 00:29:14,385 CAST, THE WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WONDERFUL CREW. 409 00:29:14,385 --> 00:29:19,491 WE HAVE A CREW. WE HAVE CAMERA OPERATORS. 410 00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:22,026 WE WOULD DO IT TAKE FOR THE CAMERA OPERATOR. 411 00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:32,470 THE OPERATOR, WE USED TO DO THIS FREEBIE FOR THE ACTORS. 412 00:29:32,470 --> 00:29:34,105 WE WOULD DO ONE FOR THE OPERATORS. 413 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:37,742 THEY WOULD PICK UP EXTRAORDINARY THINGS THAT WE GET USED IN THE 414 00:29:37,742 --> 00:29:38,843 SHOW. IT'S A REAL EGALITARIAN SHOW. 415 00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:42,514 THAT'S BEEN THE GREAT THING ABOUT IT. 416 00:29:42,514 --> 00:29:47,285 [APPLAUSE] THINK YOU >> Stephen: WAS IT 417 00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:52,357 EASIER TO WALK AWAY FROM LOGAN ROY KNOWING THAT YOU GOT THAT 418 00:29:52,357 --> 00:29:56,694 SWEET McDONALD'S VOICE-OVER MONEY? 419 00:29:56,694 --> 00:29:58,796 Brian: THAT MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING. 420 00:29:58,796 --> 00:30:00,565 Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE OUT THERE BUT IF YOU 421 00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:03,501 KNOW THE COMMERCIALS I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU ARE VOICING IT AND 422 00:30:03,501 --> 00:30:14,312 YOU GO BA-BAH-BAH-BAH-BAH. IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE LOGAN ROY 423 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:16,981 ENJOYS McDONALD'S. Brian: WELL, LOOK AT 424 00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:19,450 DONALD TRUMP. Stephen: I PREFER NOT TO. 425 00:30:19,450 --> 00:30:28,126 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Brian: CLEARLY YOU ARE A 426 00:30:28,126 --> 00:30:38,803 MAN OF TASTE. Y>> Stephen: YOU DID A CARPOOL 427 00:30:38,803 --> 00:30:42,307 KARAOKE WITH ALAN CUMMINS. WE ASK THE TOUGH QUESTIONS HERE. 428 00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:52,617 BRIAN COX, DO YOU OR DO NOT KNOW WHO THE SPICE GIRLS ARE? 429 00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:59,924 CAN YOU NAME ANY SPICE GIRLS? Brian: OLD SPICE. 430 00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:02,026 Stephen: I THINK THAT'S ALL YOU NEED. 431 00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:09,667 Brian: THEY ARE NOT QUITE MY GENERATION. 432 00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:12,670 WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT, WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU 433 00:31:12,670 --> 00:31:16,474 REALLY, REALLY WANT" IS SUCH A BOGUS NOTION. 434 00:31:16,474 --> 00:31:19,277 Stephen: WELL, DELIGHTFUL TO HAVE YOU ON. 435 00:31:19,277 --> 00:31:23,181 THE LAST THING I WANT TO ASK IS IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO 436 00:31:23,181 --> 00:31:25,617 GET OFF YOUR CHEST FOR THE LAST TIME AS LOGAN ROY? 437 00:31:25,617 --> 00:31:31,456 Brian: YEAH. I JUST WANT TO GET OFF ONE 438 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:33,191 THING. NOBODY UNDERSTOOD HIM. 439 00:31:33,191 --> 00:31:39,631 I FEEL VERY SAD ABOUT LOGAN. I THINK HIS FINAL MOMENT TO 440 00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:44,669 EVERYBODY IS A VERY, VERY DEAR IN GOOD AND KIND AND SWEET AND 441 00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:51,542 LOVING [BLEEP] OFF! Stephen: "SUCCESSION" AIRS 442 00:31:51,542 --> 00:31:54,812 SUNDAYS ON HBO. IT'S BRIAN COX, EVERYBODY. 443 00:31:54,812 --> 00:31:58,349 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE STAR OF "THE DIPLOMAT." 444 00:31:58,349 --> 00:32:00,251 KERI RUSSELL. STICK AROUND. 445 00:32:10,928 --> 00:32:17,035 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 446 00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:21,306 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" WITH ME. 447 00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:22,040 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST 448 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,908 FROM "FELICITY," "THE AMERICANS," 449 00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:25,977 AND THE HORROR COMEDY FILM "COCAINE BEAR." 450 00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:28,212 SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW NETFLIX SERIES "THE DIPLOMAT." 451 00:32:28,212 --> 00:32:39,590 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," 452 00:32:39,590 --> 00:32:53,137 KERI RUSSELL. HELLO. 453 00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:55,973 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. ALWAYS NICE TALKING TO YOU. 454 00:32:55,973 --> 00:32:59,544 I AM FASCINATED BY THIS SHOW. TALK ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS OF 455 00:32:59,544 --> 00:33:02,613 THE STATE DEPARTMENT AND THE DRAMA THERE BUT FIRST I NEED TO 456 00:33:02,613 --> 00:33:07,585 ASK YOU ABOUT COCAINE BEAR. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE PART OF A 457 00:33:07,585 --> 00:33:13,958 GENRE DEFINING MOVIE, THAT GENRE BEING COKED UP MEGAFAUNA. 458 00:33:13,958 --> 00:33:16,294 IT EXPLODED, THIS MOVIE.úNO ONE. EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT 459 00:33:16,294 --> 00:33:19,564 COCAINE BEAR. Keri: WHO KNEW? 460 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:24,602 THE WORLD IS HARD. SOMETIMES THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED. 461 00:33:24,602 --> 00:33:27,138 Stephen: I KNOW ACTORS DON'T LIKE TO TELL STORIES OUT 462 00:33:27,138 --> 00:33:31,943 OF SCHOOL AND WHAT HAPPENS ON THE SET STAYS ON THE SET, BUT 463 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:34,479 DID THE BEAR BRING ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY? 464 00:33:34,479 --> 00:33:38,149 YOU STAR IN THE SERIES "THE DIPLOMAT." 465 00:33:38,149 --> 00:33:43,154 CREATED BY THE FORMER WRITER AND PRODUCER FOR THE WEST WING. 466 00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:46,491 HOW MANY WALK AND TALKS ARE THERE? 467 00:33:46,491 --> 00:33:52,263 DID YOU HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE? Keri: YEAH. 468 00:33:52,263 --> 00:33:56,334 POLITICAL JARGON AND CITIES AND STATISTICS, YOU GET TO THE VERY 469 00:33:56,334 --> 00:34:02,206 END IN ONE PERSON MESSES UP ONE WORD. 470 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:03,641 GO AGAIN. HERE WE GO. 471 00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:06,911 Stephen: YOUR CHARACTER IS APPOINTED TO THE AMBASSADOR TO 472 00:34:06,911 --> 00:34:11,749 THE COURT OF ST. JAMES, TINGLING, OR THE U.K., RATHER. 473 00:34:11,749 --> 00:34:14,152 ANYTHING ABOUT THE STATE DEPARTMENT GOING INTO IT? 474 00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:16,988 I THINK THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS VERY MISUNDERSTOOD. 475 00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,656 Keri: IS FASCINATING. THAT IS DEBORA CAHN'S WHOLE 476 00:34:18,656 --> 00:34:22,693 THING, THE PEOPLE WHO, THEY ARE CIVIL SERVANTS FOR THEIR WHOLE 477 00:34:22,693 --> 00:34:25,663 LIFE. ONE OF THE INTERESTING THINGS, 478 00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:27,698 THEY DIDN'T VOTE. DID YOU KNOW THIS? 479 00:34:27,698 --> 00:34:30,635 Stephen: I DID NOT. WHY DON'T THEY VOTE? 480 00:34:30,635 --> 00:34:33,271 Keri: YOU HAVE TO SERVE WHATEVER LEADER IS IN. 481 00:34:33,271 --> 00:34:35,673 Stephen: PUT THE MILITARY VOTES. 482 00:34:35,673 --> 00:34:38,910 Keri: THAT'S INTERESTING. BUT THEY DO NOT. 483 00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:41,446 Stephen: MAYBE THEY ARE JUST LAZY. 484 00:34:41,446 --> 00:34:45,216 Keri: NO. THEY ARE DIFFERENT CLASS. 485 00:34:45,216 --> 00:34:48,486 THEY ARE FOR THE COUNTRY IN ALL SENSES. 486 00:34:48,486 --> 00:34:52,323 THEY GIVE UP THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. THEY ARE INCREDIBLE PEOPLE. 487 00:34:52,323 --> 00:34:54,992 USUALLY SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES, POSITIONED ALL OVER 488 00:34:54,992 --> 00:35:05,770 THE WORLD. THERE IS AN INCREDIBLE BOOK 489 00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:06,871 CALLED "THE AMBASSADORS. IT IS SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THESE 490 00:35:06,871 --> 00:35:08,573 AMBASSADORS, TWO TYPES OF AMBASSADORS. 491 00:35:08,573 --> 00:35:13,544 USUALLY THERE'S TWO PARTS. PARIS, ROME, LONDON. 492 00:35:13,544 --> 00:35:18,082 I AM STATIONED IN LONDON. THE OTHER ONES ARE STATIONED IN 493 00:35:18,082 --> 00:35:21,853 THE MIDDLE EAST AND THEY SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES. 494 00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:27,191 MY CHARACTER THAT SHE WROTE ABOUT, THAT DEBORAH WROTE ABOUT 495 00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:31,295 IS ONE OF THOSE AMBASSADORS THAT GETS DROPPED INTO THE LONDON 496 00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:33,264 SCENE. THEY ARE FASCINATING PEOPLE. 497 00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:37,835 Stephen: I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE IN A CONVERSATION BETWEEN 498 00:35:37,835 --> 00:35:41,639 WILLIE NELSON AND THE GREAT RICHARD HOLBROOK. 499 00:35:41,639 --> 00:35:44,542 HUGE FIGURE IN AMERICAN DIPLOMACY. 500 00:35:44,542 --> 00:35:46,244 WILLIE SAID, WE'VE GOT OF DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE AND 501 00:35:46,244 --> 00:35:49,413 DEFERMENT OF WAR, WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A DEPARTMENT OF PEACE? 502 00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:52,717 RICHARD HOLBROOK, WHO WAS VERY TALL AND WILLIE NELSON IS VERY 503 00:35:52,717 --> 00:35:54,685 SMALL. WITH THESE GIANT BARE HANDS ON 504 00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:57,221 HIS SHOULDERS AND SAID WILLIE, WE DO. 505 00:35:57,221 --> 00:36:00,525 IT'S CALLED THE STATE DE STATE DEPARTMENT. 506 00:36:00,525 --> 00:36:01,993 THEY ARE THERE SO THE WAR DOESN'T HAPPEN. 507 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:05,396 Keri: EXACTLY. THEY ARE THE FIRST IN BEFORE ANY 508 00:36:05,396 --> 00:36:06,597 SOLDIERS, ANY BOOTS ON THE GROUND. 509 00:36:06,597 --> 00:36:09,867 THEY ARE THE LAST TO LEAVE. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ORGANIZE 510 00:36:09,867 --> 00:36:11,636 EVERY LEADER. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE TO EAT& 511 00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:13,738 THEY KNOW WHO THEY NEED TO HANG OUT WITH. 512 00:36:13,738 --> 00:36:18,943 THEY INTRODUCED PEOPLE. IT'S A REALLY FASCINATING JOB 513 00:36:18,943 --> 00:36:21,512 THEN PEOPLE JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT. 514 00:36:21,512 --> 00:36:23,247 Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP. WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE? 515 00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:27,818 Keri: OH. COMPLICATED HUSBAND. 516 00:36:27,818 --> 00:36:30,721 Stephen: IS THERE ANOTHER TYPE OF HUSBAND? 517 00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:34,692 Keri: [LAUGHS] NO, THERE IS NOT. 518 00:36:34,692 --> 00:36:37,061 WE ARE-- THE PRESIDENT IS ABOUT TO LAND 519 00:36:37,061 --> 00:36:42,500 AND WE ARE IN A BIG ARGUMENT. Stephen: JIM. 520 00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:46,304 KATIE, COME ON. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT LATER. 521 00:36:46,304 --> 00:36:49,273 SPEAK I'M NOT DISCUSSING IT EVER AGAIN. 522 00:36:49,273 --> 00:36:52,143 THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO REACH CAL FIRST AND THEN YOU. 523 00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:57,481 UNLESS HE FORGETS. KATIE. 524 00:36:57,481 --> 00:36:58,849 I CAN'T LEAVE. I'M SO SORRY. 525 00:36:58,849 --> 00:37:01,319 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE. 526 00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:07,992 YOU CAN'T DIVORCE ME. WE DECIDED THAT MONTHS AGO. 527 00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:10,161 KATIE, THE VICE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO RESIGN AND THEY WANT 528 00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:24,342 YOU TO REPLACE HER. YOU CAN'T BE DIVORCED. 529 00:37:24,342 --> 00:37:33,384 CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. TURN YOUR HEAD. 530 00:37:33,384 --> 00:37:42,927 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU 531 00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:47,565 WERE HERE, YOU ARE ABOUT TO OPEN ON BROADWAY IN "BURN THIS" WITH 532 00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:53,137 ADAM DRIVER, RIGHT? I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE 533 00:37:53,137 --> 00:37:54,205 IT. HOW DID IT GO? 534 00:37:54,205 --> 00:38:00,511 Keri: OH, GOSH. THEY WERE AMAZING ACTORS IN IT. 535 00:38:00,511 --> 00:38:01,746 IT WAS TOUGH. 536 00:38:01,746 --> 00:38:07,184 IT WAS HARD. Stephen: WHAT WAS HARD? 537 00:38:07,184 --> 00:38:11,088 OBVIOUSLY ACTING AS A JOB ON BROADWAY, THE SCHEDULE IS 538 00:38:11,088 --> 00:38:13,290 INCREDIBLE. Keri: I DON'T KNOW HONESTLY 539 00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:16,894 WHAT DRUG I WAS ON WHEN I SAID YES TO IT. 540 00:38:16,894 --> 00:38:20,197 I AM A NERVOUS PERSON. I DON'T LIKE BEING IN FRONT OF 541 00:38:20,197 --> 00:38:21,432 PEOPLE. Stephen: YOU ARE AN 542 00:38:21,432 --> 00:38:25,770 ACTRESS. DON'T LIKE BEING IN FRONT OF 543 00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:27,371 PEOPLE? Keri: I DON'T. 544 00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:29,340 THIS IS A PROBLEM. Stephen: YOU HIDE IT REALLY 545 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:33,377 WELL. YOU ACT LIKE YOU DO. 546 00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:36,113 WHAT ISN'T, LITERALLY THE PROXIMITY OF A LIVE AUDIENCE? 547 00:38:36,113 --> 00:38:38,115 Keri: THEY ARE RIGHT THERE AND THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM. 548 00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:44,121 THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM. Stephen: THIS IS A BROADWAY 549 00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:49,660 HOUSE. THAT JUST MEANS, I THINK THAT 550 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,696 JUST MEANS THAT YOU SHOULD DO IT MORE OFTEN. 551 00:38:51,696 --> 00:38:58,202 Keri: OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT WAS A HUGE LEARNING 552 00:38:58,202 --> 00:39:01,105 EXPERIENCE. I THINK I WAS A LITTLE 553 00:39:01,105 --> 00:39:05,009 ILL-PREPARED. DO YOU KNOW WHO MARIAN WRIGHT 554 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:08,746 EDELMAN IS? SHE'S THIS INCREDIBLE WOMAN, 555 00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:10,948 CHILDRE'S DEFENSE FUND. SHE IS A FEW BOOKS. 556 00:39:10,948 --> 00:39:14,785 ONE IS THE MEASURE OF OUR SUCCESS AND IT'S CALLED-- 557 00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:17,388 SHE WROTE THESE LETTERS TO HER SONS ABOUT RULES. 558 00:39:17,388 --> 00:39:23,160 SHE TALKS ABOUT FEELING. I FEEL LIKE THAT EXPERIENCE WAS 559 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:28,399 SO HUMBLING FOR ME AND EMBARRASSING AT TIMES, TO BE NOT 560 00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:36,040 GREAT, YOU KNOW I MEAN? IT'S IMPORTANT TO FAIL. 561 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:40,211 IT WAS GOOD FOR ME. Stephen: IT COULD ALSO BE 562 00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:43,347 JUST AS IMPORTANT NOT TO BE SO [BLEEP] HARD ON YOURSELF. 563 00:39:43,347 --> 00:39:48,552 Keri: [LAUGHS] THAT'S TRUE. 564 00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:50,154 Stephen: KERI, LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 565 00:39:50,154 --> 00:39:52,690 "THE DIPLOMAT" PREMIERES APRIL 20TH ON NETFLIX. 566 00:39:52,690 --> 00:39:55,059 KERI RUSSELL, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 567 00:40:14,145 --> 00:40:15,146 Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 568 00:40:15,146 --> 00:40:17,248 TUNE IN TOMORROW. MY GUESTS WILL BE 569 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:19,083 JENNIFER GARNER AND CONGRESSWOMAN 570 00:40:19,083 --> 00:40:21,285 KATIE PORTER. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. 571 00:40:21,285 --> 00:40:23,721 ONLY 12 LEFT. GOOD NIGHT!