1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:04,504 THE EFFUSIVE, TRULY EFFUSIVE PRAISE FOR AUTHORITARIAN LEADERS 2 00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:06,439 FROM FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP DURING AN 3 00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:09,642 INTERVIEW LAST NIGHT ON FOX NEWS. 4 00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:15,081 HERE'S WHAT HE SAID. PRESIDENT XI IS A BRILLIANT 5 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,716 MAN. IF YOU WENT ALL OVER HOLLYWOOD 6 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:20,487 TO LOOK FOR SOMEBODY TO PLAY THE ROLE OF PRESIDENT XI, YOU, 7 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:21,388 COULDN'T FIND-- THERE'S NOBODY LIKE THAT. 8 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,858 THE LOOK, THE BRAIN, THE WHOLE THING. 9 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,461 WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:31,297 ♪ MUSCLES ON THAT MAN ♪ ♪ LIKE A MAJOR LEAGUER ♪ 11 00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:32,766 ♪ GUESS I'LL LOOK THE OTHER WAY ♪ 12 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,435 ♪ ON HOW HE'S TREATING UYGHURS ♪ ♪ THIRSTY FOR SOME JINPING ♪ 13 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:38,338 ♪ XI'S GOT THE LOOK ♪ THE LOOK, THE BRAIN, THE 14 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,306 WHOLE THING. ♪ HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSER ♪ 15 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,709 ♪ AUTOCRATIC ZADDY ♪ ♪ GOT FOMO WHEN I SAW HIM ♪ 16 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,545 ♪ FLAPJACKIN' WITH VLADDY ♪ ♪ PUTS THE "BAE" IN BEIJING ♪ 17 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,782 ♪ XI'S GOT THE LOOK ♪ THERE'S A GREAT CHEMISTRY. 18 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:54,020 ♪ XI'S GOT THE LOOK ♪ ♪ (XI'S GOT THE LOOK) ♪ 19 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:57,257 ♪ TOTALITARIANS TOTALLY MAKE ME SWOON ♪ 20 00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,893 WE GET ALONG SO WELL. ♪ THE MAN KNOWS JUST HOW TO 21 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,596 INFLATE ♪ ♪ MY SPY BALLOON ♪ 22 00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:04,864 I LIKE IT. ♪ STRAIGHT OUT OF 23 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:08,334 CHINA-NA-NA-NA ♪ XI'S GOT THE LOOK. 24 00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,470 Announcer: IT "THE LATE SHOW WITH 25 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:21,748 STEPHEN COLBERT"! PLUS STEPHEN WELCOME STEPHEN 26 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:28,655 YEUN AND JOAN BAEZ! FEATURING L LUIS KATO AND THE LE 27 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:33,927 SHOW BAND! NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM 28 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:39,933 NEW YORK CITY, IT IS STEPHEN COLBERT! 29 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:45,305 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 30 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:59,052 Stephen: 31 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,621 HELLO! GREAT TO SEE YOU! 32 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:09,896 HAPPY WEDNESDAY! HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! 33 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:12,899 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, IN HERE, OUT THERE, EVERYONE WATCHING 34 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:16,636 FROM LOW OVER IT TO "THE LATE SHOW," I'M YOUR HOST, 35 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:23,176 STEPHEN COLBERT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS ONLY 36 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:31,584 APRIL 12TH 2023, THE 2024 ELECTION IS STILL 573 DAYS AWAY. 37 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:36,222 SO LET'S GET INTO IT. TODAY, SO JUST TODAY, LAST NIGHT 38 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:39,759 WE LEARNED THAT CHICAGO WILL HOST THE HOST THE 2024 39 00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:42,161 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION! COME ON, BABY! 40 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,265 DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW? THIS IS GREAT NEWS BECAUSE 41 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:49,769 CHICAGO IS MY TOWN, BABY! I LOVE THE PEOPLE, THE LAKE, THE 42 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:52,171 PIZZA, LOOKS LIKE AN ABOVEGROUND POOL! 43 00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:56,242 I LOVE ANY PLACE WHERE IT'S OKAY TO PUBLICLY UTTER THE PHRASE I 44 00:02:56,242 --> 00:03:02,148 WANT MY BEEF WET. I WANT MY BEEF WET ACTUALLY. 45 00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:06,419 OF COURSE, THIS WILL NOT BE THE WINDY CITY'S FIRST DEMOCRATIC 46 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,454 CONVENTION. CHICAGO IS FAMOUSLY WHERE THE 47 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:11,758 DNC DEVOLVED INTO THE MOST DISTURBING SCENES OF POLITICAL 48 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:16,095 CHAOS IN HISTORY. OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE 49 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:26,105 1996 DNC BRUTAL MACARENA. ♪ ♪ 50 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,941 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WASH 51 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,744 MARK THEY ALSO TRY THAT AT THE C 52 00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:35,448 BUT THE DELEGATES WERE IMMEDIATELY DEPORTED. 53 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:39,452 SPEAKING-- I KNOW, SAD, IT'S VERY SAD. 54 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:43,590 AND SPEAKING OF CHICAGO, IRELAND WHERE PRESIDENT BIDEN IS ON A 55 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:47,493 DIPLOMATIC VISIT AND AS SOON AS HE LANDED IN DUBLIN, BIDEN 56 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:52,465 SHOWED OFF HIS GIFT OF GAB SHOWING OFF TO FIREFIGHTERS WITH 57 00:03:52,465 --> 00:04:00,807 THIS STORY. SAVED MY LIFE, SAVE MY WIFE. 58 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:05,945 MY CAT. AND MY CORVETTE. 59 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:09,015 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: I'LL TELL YO, LET 60 00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:14,087 ME TELL YOU, YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST, YOU FOLKS SAVED 61 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:21,194 EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS, LIFE, WIFE, CORVETTE. 62 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:25,198 LITTLE MR. FEBRUARY SAYS NOW COME ON THE OF ROOM, ROOM, GREAT 63 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,734 TO SEE YO, GOT TO GO MEET THE KING OF THE LEPRECHAUNS AND GO 64 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:33,840 STEAL HIS LUCKY CHARMS. BE RIGHT BACK. 65 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:40,980 I WAS GONE FOR AMENDMENT. WAS JOE BIDEN JUST HERE? 66 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,516 WELL, IS THERE TO MARK THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE 67 00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:46,119 GOOD FRIDAY AGREEMENT AND IN MANY WAYS A PERSONL TRIP TO A 68 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:50,690 PLACE HE LOVES AND IT TURNS OUT A FORMER PRESIDENT IS ALSO IN 69 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,726 HIS HAPPY PLACE. APPARENTLY ON FOX NEWS LAST 70 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:57,263 NIGHT, THE FORMER SAT DOWN WITH TUCKER CARLSON WHO THINKS TWO 71 00:04:57,263 --> 00:05:00,400 REVELATIONS FROM THE DOMINION LAWSUIT WE NOW KNOW HATES THE 72 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:04,671 PRESIDENT PASSIONATELY. PRIVATELY TEXTING THAT HE IS A 73 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:08,775 DEMONIC FORCE. HARSH. 74 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:14,313 ACCURATE WORDS. BUT LET'S SEE HOW TUCKER 75 00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:17,717 REFERRED TO THE DEMON LAST NIGHT. 76 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:21,254 FOR A MAN WHO'S CARICATURED AS AN EXTREMIST, YOU THINK WHAT 77 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:25,725 HE'LL FIND HE HAS TO SAY MODERATE, SENSIBLE, AND WISE. 78 00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:30,029 Stephen: THAT. THAT IS AN IMPRESSIVE FLIP-FLOP. 79 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:34,033 MANY CARICATURE CTHULHU AS A PREVIEW LOCALITY AND MONSTROSITY 80 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,301 EMERGE FROM 81 00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:39,172 THE BRINY DEEP TO DEVOUR MAN'S MIND BUT YOU WILL FIND HIS FACEE 82 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,109 MODERATE AND A CHANCE TO BRING AMERICA TOGETHER WITH HIS 83 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:48,114 MAW OF MADNESS. THE EX-PRESIDENT RAMBLED ABOUT A 84 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,883 LOT OF SUBJECTS LIKE THE WITHDRAWAL FROM AFGHANISTAN. 85 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:55,688 HE ATTACKED BIDEN'S DECISION-MAKING AND UNVEILED A 86 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,691 BRAND-NEW MILITARY ADVISOR. I DID A LITTLE SKIT WITH A 87 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:02,628 5-YEAR-OLD AND I SAID LET ME ASK YOU, HERE'S THE SITUATION AND 88 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,031 EXPLAIN THE SITUATION. WHEN YOU TAKE THE MILITARY OUT 89 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,233 FIRST OR WOULD YOU TAKE IT OUT LAST? 90 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:10,603 I TOOK IT OUT LAST. 5-YEAR-OLD. 91 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:17,009 Stephen: TOTALLY-- [LAUGHTER] 92 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:21,147 TOTALLY NORMAL CONVERSATION TO HAVE WITH A 5-YEAR-OLD. 93 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:25,251 WE ALL HAD THOSE CONVERSATIONS. REMINDS ME OF THE FAMOUS 94 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:29,589 DR. SEUSS BOOK " ONE FISH, TWO FISH, REDFISH, WHY DIDN'T 95 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:34,727 JOHNSON SEE THE TET OFFENSIVE COMING?" 96 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,864 HE HARPED ON THE DANGERS OF NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION. 97 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,065 AND SPEAK OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WE HAVE IN THE WHOLE WORLD 98 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:44,837 IT'S NUCLEAR ONE. 99 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:49,509 THEY NOW CONTROL OUR ARSENAL. THEY DON'T SEEM WORRIED ABOUT 100 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:54,080 THIS. THAT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T 101 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,315 UNDERSTAND LIFE, THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHATEVER IT IS THAT 102 00:06:56,315 --> 00:07:04,390 YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. [LAUGHTER] 103 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:11,631 Stephen: THAT IS A BROAD-- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 104 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:15,001 OH. THAT'S A FAIRLY ALL-ENCOMPASSING 105 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,703 PHILOSOPHY. THOSE ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE 106 00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:20,706 WORDS RENE DESCARTES, I THINK, THEREFORE I UNDERSTAND WHATEVER 107 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:24,343 IT IS I HAVE TO THINK. THERE IS NEWS ABOUT AMERICA'S 108 00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:30,483 FAVORITE TOPICS, GUNS. IT TURNS OUT A POPULAR HANDGUN, 109 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:34,487 P320 PISTOL FIRES WITHOUT ANYONE PULLING THE TRIGGER. 110 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:39,959 FINALLY, HANDS-FREE FIREARMS. IT SET MY ALARM TO GO OFF AT 111 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:46,532 6:00 A.M. AND SET MY GUN TO SHOOT MY ALARM. 112 00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:50,102 SHE'S ON IT. UNLIKE A LOT OF OTHER HANDGUNS 113 00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:53,506 ON THE MARKET, IT HAS NO EXTERNAL SAFETIES TO PREVENT IT 114 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:56,909 FROM FIRING IN CASES OF MALFUNCTION, IN OTHER WORDS IT'S 115 00:07:56,909 --> 00:08:01,347 BASICALLY COCKED AT ALL TIMES. ALSO THE NAME OF A POPULAR 116 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:06,352 PORNHUB CHANNEL. NO, DON'T ENCOURAGE! 117 00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:11,724 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NO! 118 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:21,801 SIRI, ERASE SEARCH HISTORY. I'M SORRY TOO. 119 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:26,038 IT TURNS OUT A GUN THAT'S ALWAYS READY TO FIRE IS A BAD IDEA, BUT 120 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,707 INSISTING THAT GUNS ARE NOT A PROBLEM. 121 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:31,143 THE RESPONSE TO PUBLIC QUESTIONS, THEY OFFERED A FEW 122 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,880 DEFENSES INCLUDING UNINTENTIONAL DISCHARGES ARE NOT UNCOMMON AND 123 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,917 THEY INCUR WITH SEVERAL TYPES OF FIREARMS BESIDES THE P320. 124 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:43,022 THAT'S NOT A GREAT DEFENSE. LOOK, I KNOW OUR GAS STATION 125 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,324 HOT DOGS BECAUSE VIOLENT INTESTINAL DISTRESS, BUT TO BE 126 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:49,562 FAIR, MOST GAS STATION HOT DOGS CAUSE VIOLENT INTESTINAL 127 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,264 DISTRESS. IF YOU WANT MINE, YELPED UP PRY 128 00:08:51,264 --> 00:09:02,608 IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD-- OH, GOT TO GO, GOT TO GO, GOT TO GO. 129 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:10,583 [CHEERING AND LAUGHTER] JOE BIDEN JUST HERE? 130 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:17,023 WAS JOE BIDEN JUST HERE? SO, THERE SOME DEFECTIVE GUNS 131 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,958 OUT THERE. ALL THE GOVERNMENT HAS TO DO IS 132 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:22,295 RECALL THEM, RIGHT? HA HA, NO. 133 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:25,331 IT TURNS OUT FIREARMS ARE THEY WON FEW PRODUCTS EXEMPT FROM 134 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,799 FEDERAL CONSUMER PRODUCTS A FEW REGULATIONS. 135 00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:31,904 BY DOING THAT, THEY ARE ADMITTING THAT BY THE EXISTENCE 136 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,574 OF A GUN, WE ARE THROWING OUR HANDS IN THE WHOLE SAFETY THINGS 137 00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:38,044 AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER PRODUCTS HAVE BEEN RECALLED FOR LESSER 138 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,579 REASONS THAN SPONTANEOUS SHOOTING PEOPLE. 139 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:46,185 IN 2013, A TOY CHICKEN WAS RECALLED FOR BEING TOO LOUD. 140 00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:50,556 IN 1998, PENCILS WITH THE SLOGAN "TOO COOL TO DO DRUGS" BECAUSE 141 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:54,927 WHEN SHARPENED, THE MESSAGE BECAME COOL TO DO DRUGS AND 142 00:09:54,927 --> 00:10:02,301 SIMPLY DO DRUGS. [CHEERING AND LAUGHTER] 143 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:05,938 THAT'S WRONG, THAT'S WRONG. NO, NO. 144 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:13,512 TO BE FAIR, IF YOU DO A WHOLE PENCILS WORTH OF MATH PROBLEMS, 145 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,816 YOU EARN IT. SPEAKING OF GUNS, WE HAVE AN 146 00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:20,653 UPDATE FROM TENNESSEE. YOU RECALL LAST THURSDAY THEY 147 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,723 EXPELLED TWO DEMOCRATS, JUSTIN JONES AND JUSTIN JAYNE PIERSON 148 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:27,927 FOR IT USING A MEGAPHONE ON THE HOUSE FLOOR IN SUPPORT OF AN 149 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,730 ANTI-GUN PROTEST THEATER MONDAY EVENING, THE METROPOLITAN 150 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:35,167 NATIONAL COUNCIL UNANIMOUSLY VOTED TO APPOINT JONES BACK TO 151 00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,202 HIS SEAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 152 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:43,342 YEAH, BABY! WHICH IS PRETTY GREAT. 153 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:46,746 THAT IS PRETTY NICE, ESPECIALLY NOW BECAUSE HE'S TECHNICALLY A 154 00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:51,350 NEW MEMBER, JONES CAN FILE UP TO 15 BILLS AND HE HAS SAID THAT 155 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:56,489 EACH OF THOSE BILLS HAVE TO DO WITH GUN REFORM. 156 00:10:56,489 --> 00:11:08,934 YES. EXCEPT FOR HIS FIRST ONE. 157 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:13,672 A FEW HOURS AGO, THE OTHER SURPRISE MEMBER OF THE TENNESSEE 158 00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:19,812 LEGISLATURE JUSTIN JAYNE PIERSON WAS ALSO REINSTATED. 159 00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:26,652 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S PRETTY NICE. 160 00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:33,793 THAT BREAKING HEADLINE AGAIN, JUSTIN, JUST IN. 161 00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,095 WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF JUSTIN JAYNE PIERSON AFTER HE WAS VOTED BACK 162 00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:40,800 IN BY THE COUNTY OF BOARD OF COMMISSIONERS. 163 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:48,808 GET BACK TO WORK! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 164 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:53,579 Stephen: NOW I'M NO BODY LANGUAGE EXPERT, BUT I THINK YOU 165 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:56,115 MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LITTLE EXCITED THERE. 166 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,517 SO GOOD WORK, TENNESSEE REPUBLICANS, YOU DID IN SILENCE 167 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,920 THESE GUYS. THEY'RE STILL IN LEGISLATURE, 168 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,389 YOU MADE THEM HEROES OF A MOVEMENT AND A NATIONAL 169 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,691 POLITICAL FIGURES. I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE NOT IN 170 00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:09,495 FAVOR OF GUN REFORM, BECAUSE YOU JUST SHOT YOURSELF IN THE NUTS. 171 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,531 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! 172 00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:18,037 MY GUESTS, OSCAR NOMINATED ACTOR STEVEN YEUN AND JOAN BAEZ! 173 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,106 AND WHEN WE COME BACK! ♪ ♪ 174 00:12:50,569 --> 00:13:00,846 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 175 00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,181 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 176 00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:05,818 WELCOME BACK AND GIVE IT UP FOR THE "THE LATE SHOW" BAND! 177 00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:10,623 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 178 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:16,128 IT'S TIME FOR A QUICK UPDATE ON THIS LINE OF POTATO MERCHANDISE, 179 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:21,200 ALL PROCEEDS GO TO WORLD'S CENTRAL KITCHEN WHERE FEEDING 180 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,637 THE DISPLACED PEOPLE OF UKRAINE. THANKS TO YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE, 181 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:32,077 WE HAVE RAISED $366,000 FOR THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE IN THEIR TIME 182 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,914 OF CRISIS! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND 183 00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:38,617 HERE, TAKE A MOMENT TO SINGLE OUT ONE VIEWER WHO DIDN'T EVEN 184 00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:42,888 BUY AND EMERGE AND THAT IS TONY HORTON, THE FOUNDER OF P90 X 185 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:46,625 SCENE HERE UPSETTING ME BY BEING SIX YEARS OLDER THAN I AM AND 186 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:50,429 LOOKING LIKE THAT. TONY SAW OUR CAMPAIGN AND 187 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:54,867 DONATED $100,000 TOWARDS CENTRAL KITCHEN. 188 00:13:54,867 --> 00:14:00,239 ON BEHALF-- ON BEHALF OF THE IS POTATO FUN. 189 00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:11,717 SO JIMMY, ADD TO THE TOTAL! $466,000! 190 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:15,387 THANK YOU, JIMMY! THANK YOU, JIMMY, THERE'S NO WAY 191 00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:17,423 I COULD HAVE DONE THAT MATH MYSELF. 192 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,825 AND THANK YOU, TONY, I'M NOT SURE WE'VE EVER MET. 193 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:23,662 TONY HAS NO CONNECTIONS TO THE SHOW AND HE DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY 194 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:27,499 ACKNOWLEDGMENT, HE JUST DID IT AND SO GENEROUS THEY MADE ME 195 00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:31,770 WANT TO BECOME A CLIENT OF P90 X AND I FOUND OUT IT IS EXERCISE 196 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:38,844 SO INSTEAD I'M GOING TO SEND YOU THIS $100,000 T-SHIRT RIGHT HE 197 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:39,878 HERE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 198 00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:44,850 WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND, WHAT AM I SAYING? 199 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:51,290 TONY HORTON WOULD NEVER WEAR THIS! 200 00:14:51,290 --> 00:15:07,406 [LAUGHTER] YOU GOT TO WORK! 201 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:13,545 [CHEERING AND LAUGHTER] YOU GOT TO WORK ON IT ANYWAYS! 202 00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:18,484 I'M EXHAUSTED! THERE YOU GO, TONY, WHERE IT 203 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,819 WITH PRIDE! THIS PICTURE OF A POTATO IS THE 204 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,088 CLOSEST YOU'VE BEEN TO A CARBON IN 30 YEARS. 205 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:30,362 HELP FEED THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE, SCAN THE QR CODE RIGHT THERE. 206 00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:34,166 FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME OVER THERE IN THE NEWS 207 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:38,537 WORKSHOP TEMPERING AND HEN SHAPING THE STORY BRASS INTO A 208 00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:48,047 TOPIC ACOUSTICAL BODY TO PRODUCE THE EXQUISITELY WARM TIMBERED 209 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:52,785 YET BALANCED ALTO SAXOPHONE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE, BUT SOMETIMES 210 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,721 WHILE FIGHTING RACCOONS OVER A BOTTLE OF FIREBALL IN A TRAILER 211 00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:58,924 PARK I RIPPED THE SIDE PANEL OFF IN THE BEEN AN RV AND ROLL IT 212 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:03,696 INTO A TUBE AND JAM A USED MATCHBOOK INTO THE END AS A READ 213 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,599 SO I CAN HONK THROUGH THE GREASY HOBO PHONE OF NEWS THAT IS MY 214 00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:18,610 SEGMENT. Announcer: "MEANWHILE." 215 00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:26,018 Stephen: THAT KILLS ME. THIS KILLS ME. 216 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,220 MEANWHILE, PAPA JOHN'S, THE REASON WHY ITALY WILL NOT 217 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:32,858 RESPOND TO OUR TEXTS. APPARENTLY THE PIZZA CHAIN IS 218 00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:37,763 EXPANDING WITH PLANS TO OPEN 600 NEW RESTAURANTS IN INDIA BY 219 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,165 2023. THAT'S AN INTERESTING MARKETING 220 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,167 CHALLENGE. I BET YOUR SICK OF DELICIOUS 221 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:46,739 TIKKA MASALA AND WHAT CAN I TELL YOU YOU COULD HAVE SOGGY BREAD 222 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:51,877 WITH PLASTIC MEAT COINS. THAT IS LEGALLY FOOD. 223 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:57,116 MEANWHILE IN THE NEW STUDY, SCIENTISTS FOUND OUT THAT HUMAN 224 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,650 MEMORY MAY BE UNRELIABLE AFTER A FEW SECONDS. 225 00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:13,265 THE HEADLINE AGAIN. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 226 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,368 MEANWHILE. TO AID IN RECOVERY, FANCY 227 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:21,573 MEDICAL PEOPLE HAVE DEVELOPED A SMART KNEE THAT TRANSMITS DATA A 228 00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:24,476 KNEE REPLACEMENT I TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR TO PREDICT SENSORS THAT 229 00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:27,246 WILL BE ADDED TO ARTIFICIAL HIPS, SHOULDERS, AND SPINAL 230 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,214 IMPLANTS. I BET THERE'S NOTHING THAT COULD 231 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,451 GO WRONG WITH BLUETOOTH ENABLED BODY PARTS. 232 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:38,190 HONEY, WHAT'S THE LOGIN FOR MY SPINE? 233 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,225 MY ELBOW GOT OUT OF THE WI-FI END. 234 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:46,231 MY ASS WITH THE PRINTER. 235 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:56,041 PAPER JAM! MEANWHILE, THE LATEST FAD AMONG 236 00:17:56,041 --> 00:18:00,546 THE GOURMETS IS BLENDING VODKA INTO YOUR BUTTERED TO CREATE THE 237 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:03,615 INVENTIVELY NAMED VODKA BUTTERS. SHEP SAY VODKA BUTTER PAIRS WELL 238 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,385 WITH SEAFOOD BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO ADD TOO MUCH 239 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:09,888 ABOUT THAT TO THE BUTTER UNLESS YOU'LL END UP WITH I CAN'T 240 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:19,298 BELIEVE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, RICK, I'M GOING TO TEXT BRENDA! 241 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:26,038 [CHEERING AND LAUGHTER] WHILE REGULAR VIEWERS WILL 242 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,141 RECALL I PREVIOUSLY BROKE THE STORY THAT AN ARIZONA 243 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:33,946 DAIRY QUEEN WAS ON THE HUNT FOR THE MISSING 15-FOOT RED SPOON 244 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,549 STATUE. WELL, HERE YOU, HEAR YOU, 245 00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:40,452 DAIRY QUEEN'S AND PEASANTS, IT'S A JOYFUL HEART I PROCLAIM UNTO 246 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,389 YE THAT THE GIANT SPOON HATH BEEN FOUND. 247 00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:46,959 GREAT WORK! GREAT WORK, ARIZONA POLICE 248 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,895 DEPARTMENT! MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE SEARCHING 249 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:53,265 FOR A 15-FOOT SPOON IN A HAYSTACK. 250 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:54,600 APPARENTLY. APPARENTLY. 251 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,402 THE SPOON WAS FOUND JUST 2 MILES FROM WHEREVER IT WAS STOLEN AND 252 00:18:57,402 --> 00:19:08,247 LAYING IN THE BASEBALL FIELD. WHY WAS IT TH? 253 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,983 WHY WAS THAT THEY ARE? MAYBE IT WAS TRYING TO REUNITE 254 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:15,420 WITH ITS FORBIDDEN LOVER, THAT TINY HEAD OF ICE CREAM. 255 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:19,258 YOU MAY BE WONDERING, HEY, STEVE, HOW DID HAWKEYE 256 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,361 DETECTIVES FIND A BRIGHT RED 15-FOOT SPOON? 257 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,997 LYING IN AN EMPTY BASEBALL FIELD? 258 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:30,469 WELL, ALAN, IT TURNS OUT IT WAS LARGELY THANKS TO POKEMON GO. 259 00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:34,139 MICHAEL FOSTER, 52, WAS PLAYING THE GAME WHEN HE SPOTTED THE 260 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:38,010 SPOON AROUND 7:00 A.M. AT WHICH POINT HE SENT A PICTURE TO HIS 261 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,980 WIFE. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT A 262 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,517 52-YEAR-OLD MAN WAS PLAYING POKEMON GO IN A BASEBALL FIELD? 263 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:51,723 AT 7:00 A.M.? AND STILL HAS A WIFE? 264 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:53,792 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STEPHEN YUAN 265 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:11,209 ♪ ♪ 266 00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:13,745 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, 267 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:19,284 EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY 268 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:23,155 FRIENDS! MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN 269 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,991 OSCAR-NOMINATED ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM THE WALKING DEAD AND 270 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:30,562 BURNING, HE NOW STARTS IN THE NEW NETFLIX SERIES "BEEF." 271 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:37,169 LIFE IS PRECIOUS, MAN. YOU CAN'T WASTE IT, TAKE ACTION. 272 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:43,442 IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, EAT A STEAK. LIKE LOOK, IT'S RIGHT THERE, YOU 273 00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:45,344 KNOW? SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE, BABY 274 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:52,050 GIRL, GO GET IT. YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE CONTROL, MAN. 275 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:56,688 WHAT'S YOUR PLAN THEN? I'M GOING TO GO PLAY BALL. 276 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:59,057 NO, LIKE IN YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW. 277 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:02,194 YOU'RE ONE PRECIOUS LIFE, WHAT IS YOUR PLAN? 278 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:05,797 I'M GOING TO BECOME A CRYPTO MILLIONAIRE, TRAVELED THE WORLD 279 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:08,700 WITH MY BOYS. OKAY, YOUR VOICE. 280 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,671 WHAT ARE YOU AND THE BOYS GOING TO DO? 281 00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:20,979 IT'S EASY. YOU'RE JUST SAYING HIGHER 282 00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:22,748 NUMBERS. Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME 283 00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:26,885 BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," STEVEN YEUN! 284 00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:39,064 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 285 00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:46,638 Steven: THAT'S SO NICE. Stephen: FOLKS ARE VERY 286 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:52,010 EXCITED TO SEE STEVEN YEUN. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, AS I WAS 287 00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:59,017 SAYING LAST STAGE, I INTERVIEWED YOU ON ZOOM BEFORE. 288 00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:01,687 Steven: THIS IS A PLEASURE, THANK YOU. 289 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:09,327 Stephen: AND WE ARE BOTH CITIES. 290 00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:10,295 I BUTCHERED 291 00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:13,098 THAT, THAT'S WHY THERE WERE THE WAY THEY WERE. 292 00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:20,505 THE NEW TV SERIES "BEEF." ABOUT A FIGHT THAT SPARKS AMONG 293 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:26,945 YOU, YOU AND ALI WONG IN THIS. ON THE SCALE OF 1-10, HOW RAGE 294 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:31,583 FILLED OF A DRIVER ARE YOU? HOW DO YOU REACT TO BEING CUT 295 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:35,620 OFF I GUESS? Steven: YOU KNOW, I USED TO 296 00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:39,157 BE PRETTY ANGRY. THESE DAYS, I'M NOT SO MUCH. 297 00:22:39,157 --> 00:22:42,060 I DO THIS WEIRD THING THAT I REALIZE IS WHEN I'M DRIVING AND 298 00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:45,330 NOBODY IS THERE, I'M PRETTY CHILL. 299 00:22:45,330 --> 00:22:46,932 Stephen: LIKE NO ONE'S IN THE CAR WITH YOU? 300 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,968 Steven: NO IT'S IN THE CAR, IF SOMEONE CUTS ME OFF LIKE I 301 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:52,604 UNDERSTAND I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE TOO. 302 00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:56,374 BUT IF SOMEONE'S CLOSE TO ME LIKE MY WIFE OR KIDS, THEY ARE 303 00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:59,578 IN THE CAR, LIKE I GET REALLY ANGRY AND LIKE WHY IS THAT? 304 00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:05,617 OH, I'M PERFORMING. BECAUSE SOMEONE I KNOW SAW ME 305 00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:10,756 GET SLIGHTED AND SO I HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL ABOUT IT. 306 00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:12,057 RIGHT? WHAT DOES THAT SAY? 307 00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,326 Stephen: IT SAYS YOU SHOULD LIVE ALONE. 308 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:19,998 YOU'RE MUCH BETTER BY YOURSELF. HOW FAST YOU DRIVE? 309 00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:25,270 KEEP IN MIND THAT LIKE ALL OF MY GUESTS, YOU ARE UNDER OATH. 310 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:31,009 Steven: I M A CONSISTENT 80. 311 00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:37,115 NOT ALWAYS! Stephen: CONSISTENT MEANS 312 00:23:37,115 --> 00:23:38,884 LIKE IN A SCHOOL ZONE, PARKING LOT. 313 00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:40,886 Steven: I'M GOING TO GET IN SUCH TROUBLE FOR THIS, BUT I'M A 314 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:46,358 LEFT LANE--YARD. I STAY 80s SO THAT I CAN STAY 315 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:49,861 IN THE LEFT LANE. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO-- I 316 00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:53,498 THOUGHT IT WAS FUN AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED 317 00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,401 TO IN AND OUT. Stephen: NOBODY'S DOING 80 318 00:23:56,401 --> 00:23:57,836 OVER THERE. Steven: THAT'S WHAT I'M 319 00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:00,405 SAYING! Stephen: YOU DON'T CRAWL UP 320 00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:04,509 ON PEOPLE'S-- Steven: NO, NO, I TRY TO GO 321 00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:09,047 IN THE FAST LANE. OKAY, IT'S COOL THEN. 322 00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:12,818 I'M GOING TO KEEP DOING THAT. Stephen: THE SHOW CAME OUT 323 00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:17,756 JUST LAST WEEK RIGHT? RAVE REVIEWS ALREADY, PEOPLE ARE 324 00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:22,027 DIGGING IT, "BEEF" IS YOU SEE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 325 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:27,599 Steven: BEEF IS JUICY. Stephen: CNN, BEEF TURNS A 326 00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:36,641 ROAD TO RAGE RUN INTO ONE OF THE YEAR'S JUICIEST SHOWS. 327 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:41,546 OKAY, SO, WHEN SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS AND I'M CURIOUS AS AN 328 00:24:41,546 --> 00:24:48,253 ACTOR LIKE YOU THINK I'VE GOT A LONG PERIOD OF WORK THAT I CAN 329 00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:50,789 LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR. OR ARE YOU ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT 330 00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:53,692 THE NEXT THING? Steven: YOU KNOW WHAT IT 331 00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:54,926 WAS? THIS PROJECT LIKE I'M JUST KIND 332 00:24:54,926 --> 00:24:59,064 OF ON THIS RIDE AND I HAD TO SHARE IT WITH THE PEOPLE THAT I 333 00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:02,200 LOVE, PEOPLE THAT I REALLY ADMIRE. 334 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:09,407 IN THE SHOW ITSELF WAS JUST LIKE ULTIMATE FACING ALL CRINGE AND 335 00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:16,081 GOING THROUGH THAT WAS LIBERATING AND ALSO IT FEELS 336 00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:19,317 LIKE LOOK AT YOU-- I'M JUST HAPPY FOR THE SUCCESS, BUT HATE 337 00:25:19,317 --> 00:25:23,889 IT OR LOVE IT, I FEEL LIKE IT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU MORE 338 00:25:23,889 --> 00:25:25,957 THAN IT DOES ABOUT ME. SO I'M CHILL. 339 00:25:25,957 --> 00:25:29,561 Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SAYS ABOUT SOMEBODY IF THEY 340 00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:31,162 HATE IT? Steven: MAYBE THEY DO NOT 341 00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:35,667 WANT TO SEE THEIR CRINGE. Stephen: IF THEY LOVE IT? 342 00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:38,703 Steven: THAN THEY ARE COOL WITH THE CRINGE. 343 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:39,971 Stephen: SO IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE. 344 00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:42,007 Steven: PRETTY COOL WITH THAT OF CRINGE. 345 00:25:42,007 --> 00:25:44,242 Stephen: DO YOU LIKE THE FEELING OF THE CRINGE? 346 00:25:44,242 --> 00:25:46,912 Steven: I DON'T LOVE THE FEELING OF THE CRINGE. 347 00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:50,715 BUT I HEARD THIS THING THAT SAYS DON'T KILL THE CRINGE, KILLED A 348 00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:58,690 PART OF YOU THAT CRINGES. Stephen: THAT SOUNDS DEEP. 349 00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:08,466 [LAUGHTER] I HAVE T-SHIRTS AND MUGS. 350 00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:12,904 OKAY, SO YOUR CHARACTER DANNY BECOMES A PART OF-- I'VE GOT IT 351 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:15,941 RIGHT HERE, YOUR CHARACTER BECOMES PART OF A KOREAN CHURCH 352 00:26:15,941 --> 00:26:19,911 IS BANNED. DID YOU GROW UP-- 353 00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,279 Steven: GOING TO CHURCH? YEAH. 354 00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:23,782 Stephen: WERE YOU IN THE BAND? 355 00:26:23,782 --> 00:26:27,519 DID YOU PLAY GUITAR? Steven: I DID, I DID PLAY 356 00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:31,289 GUITAR. NO, IT WAS LIKE SLOW WITH MY 357 00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:36,628 TAYLOR 710 ACOUSTIC GUITAR LIKE DOING THE WHOLE THING. 358 00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:42,133 SOMEONE SAID WOW, WHO GOT, YEAH? LIKE CHURCH PRAISE. 359 00:26:42,133 --> 00:26:47,605 [LAUGHTER] AND IT WAS JUST-- IT WAS A 360 00:26:47,605 --> 00:26:49,441 TIME. I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 361 00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:52,344 I ACTUALLY DON'T GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE, BUT I WAS A TIME. 362 00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:55,647 Stephen: ON THE CERTAIN LEVEL IT STICKS WITH YOU. 363 00:26:55,647 --> 00:26:57,682 YOU HAVE A FAVORITE VERSE IF I MAY ASK? 364 00:26:57,682 --> 00:27:00,018 Steven: I DO HAVE A FAVORITE VERSE. 365 00:27:00,018 --> 00:27:03,722 I WAS TAUGHT THIS IN SIXTH GRADE, IT WAS ROMANS 12: 366 00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:05,490 TWO. DO NOT CONFORM TO THE PATTERNS 367 00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:07,258 OF THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF 368 00:27:07,258 --> 00:27:17,602 YOUR MIND AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TEST. 369 00:27:17,602 --> 00:27:21,940 Stephen: THAT WAS BAD-- Steven:-- 370 00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:24,709 Steven: SOUNDING. THAT WAS TAUGHT TO ME AT THE 371 00:27:24,709 --> 00:27:29,080 TIME TO BE LIKE DON'T DO SECULAR THINGS, JUST TO CHRISTIAN 372 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,082 THINGS. THAT DOESN'T SOUND AT ALL LIKE 373 00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:34,419 WHAT THE VERSE SAID AND I'VE BEEN UNPACKING IT EVER SINCE. 374 00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:37,956 Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE WILL BE BACK 375 00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:40,025 WITH MORE STEVEN YEUN. TO STICK, EVERYBODY. 376 00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:48,700 ♪ ♪ 377 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:50,702 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 378 00:27:50,702 --> 00:27:53,738 LOOK AT THAT! IT'S THE START OF "BEEF," 379 00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:58,910 STEVEN YEUN! STEVEN, YOU'RE A GREAT GUEST OF 380 00:27:58,910 --> 00:28:03,415 CONAN O'BRIEN'S AND HE SAID OF YOU, THIS IS AN EXCELLENT 381 00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:05,350 COMPLEMENT. HE'S IMMUNE TO TAKING HIMSELF 382 00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:10,055 TOO SERIOUSLY. Steven: THAT'S A GREAT 383 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:11,689 COMPLEMENT. Stephen: IS THAT TRUE? 384 00:28:11,689 --> 00:28:16,094 Steven: THAT'S NOT TRUE. NO, NOT TRUE AT ALL, IF 385 00:28:16,094 --> 00:28:19,130 ANYTHING, IF MY GIFT IS ANYTHING, I'M JUST CONSTANTLY 386 00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:25,170 HUMILIATED WHEN I LIKE THEM FEELING MYSELF. 387 00:28:25,170 --> 00:28:28,740 WHENEVER I'M FEELING MYSELF, WHAM, I JUST GET IT. 388 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:29,874 Stephen: CAN YOU NAME A TIME? 389 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:35,080 Steven: JUST RECENTLY ON THE "BEEF" PREMIER, LIKE I'M 390 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:38,283 HAVING A GOOD TIME, AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M TRYING TO BE SO 391 00:28:38,283 --> 00:28:41,853 COOL AND BAM, RAN INTO THE GLASS DOOR. 392 00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:44,589 SO HARD. AND I'M LIKE ANYBODY SEE THAT? 393 00:28:44,589 --> 00:28:48,193 AND THEIR LIKE WE ALL SAW THAT. AND IF YOU SEE SOME OF THE 394 00:28:48,193 --> 00:28:53,031 INTERVIEWS, LIKE I'VE A SLOW'S T NOT. 395 00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:59,237 WHEN I WAS YOUNG TOO, I WAS SO SERIOUS ABOUT MAKING SURE THAT I 396 00:28:59,237 --> 00:29:03,475 WAS NOT THE ODD MAN OUT THAT I WOULD MAKE MYSELF THE ODD MAN 397 00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:06,177 OUT ON ACCIDENT. I WAS PART OF THE SCHOOL 398 00:29:06,177 --> 00:29:10,782 ORCHESTRA AND WE HAD THIS ONE NIGHT OF TROY COUNTRY FIDDLERS 399 00:29:10,782 --> 00:29:14,085 THING THAT WE HAD TO DO AND EVERYBODY'S LIKE ALL RIGHT, GET 400 00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:19,390 YOUR WESTERN GEAR AND COUNTRY GEAR AND COME TO THE CONCERT. 401 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:22,994 MOM, DAD, I HAVE TO HAVE WESTERN GEAR OR ELSE I'M GOING TO LOOK 402 00:29:22,994 --> 00:29:24,863 SO STUPID. I FORCED MY PARENTS TO TAKE ME 403 00:29:24,863 --> 00:29:30,068 TO THE GAP AND BUY ME OVERALLS AND A CHECKERED SHIRT WHICH WAS 404 00:29:30,068 --> 00:29:33,004 LIKE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN ANY CLOTHES I'VE EVER OWNED LIKE WE 405 00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:36,374 WEREN'T RICH OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 406 00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:39,144 I MADE THEM BUY THIS FOR ME BECAUSE I'M LIKE IT'S FOR SCHOOL 407 00:29:39,144 --> 00:29:43,281 AND I HAVE TO DO THIS. I ROLLED IN AND EVERYBODY'S 408 00:29:43,281 --> 00:29:48,419 WEARING JEANS AND A T-SHIRT AND I'M IN-- I LOOK LIKE A 409 00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:52,690 CARICATURE OF THE THING. I WAS A MASCOT OF THE THING. 410 00:29:52,690 --> 00:29:57,128 AND THE WORST PART IS THAT NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, THE WORST 411 00:29:57,128 --> 00:30:02,500 PART IS I WAS FIRST VIOLIN BUT I WAS LAST YEAR WHICH IS LIKE 412 00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:05,737 OUTSIDE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU. 413 00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:08,506 SO EVERYBODY IS DOING THEIR THING, TAKING A CHILL, AND I'M 414 00:30:08,506 --> 00:30:12,377 SITTING THERE LOOKING LIKE A SCARECROW. 415 00:30:12,377 --> 00:30:17,415 DOING A TERRIBLE JOB ON VIOLIN BECAUSE I WASN'T EVEN GOOD. 416 00:30:17,415 --> 00:30:22,053 NO, I WAS TRASH. Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU 417 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:26,658 FOR SHARING THAT. SO NICE TO TALK TO YOU, 418 00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:29,761 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. "BEEF" IS STREAMING ON NETFLIX. 419 00:30:29,761 --> 00:30:32,163 STEVEN YEUN, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 420 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:34,232 JOAN BAEZ! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 421 00:30:40,238 --> 00:30:46,244 ♪ ♪ 422 00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:48,279 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 423 00:30:48,279 --> 00:30:52,283 WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! 424 00:30:52,283 --> 00:30:59,023 FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A FOLK MUSIC ICON AND A ROCK 'N' ROLL 425 00:30:59,023 --> 00:31:02,026 HALL OF FAMER THAT'S BEEN A CHAMPION FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE FOR 426 00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:03,428 OVER 60 YEARS. PLEASE WELCOME TO 427 00:31:03,428 --> 00:31:10,401 "THE LATE SHOW," JOAN BAEZ! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 428 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:35,059 ♪ ♪ 429 00:31:35,059 --> 00:31:42,734 WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT A PLEASURE, JOAN BAEZ, I 430 00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:46,404 DON'T MEAN TO STARTLE YOU, BUT YOU ARE JOAN BAEZ. 431 00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:54,512 THIS IS. SULLIVAN THEATER. 432 00:31:54,512 --> 00:31:58,483 YOU ARE JOAN BAEZ, AND THIS IS. SULLIVAN THEATER, DID YOU EVER 433 00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:02,120 PLAYED HIS THEATER BACK IN THE DAY. 434 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,555 ON MR. SULLIVAN'S SHOW? Joan: YES, BUT YOU ARE 435 00:32:04,555 --> 00:32:07,892 STEPHEN COLBERT. Stephen: THE SUIT RIGHT 436 00:32:07,892 --> 00:32:11,963 THERE. Joan: OF MY FRIENDS I WATCH 437 00:32:11,963 --> 00:32:15,767 YOU FAITHFULLY, AND I SIT THERE AND I LOOK AT YOU AND THINK WHY 438 00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:19,637 AM I NOT IN THAT CHAIR? Stephen: I THINK THAT OFTEN 439 00:32:19,637 --> 00:32:24,542 TOO, WHY ISN'T JOAN BAEZ IN THAT CHAIR. 440 00:32:24,542 --> 00:32:30,048 ONE DOESN'T USUALLY THINK OF AN AIRPORT AS AN INSPIRING PLACE. 441 00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:32,817 Joan: NO WHERE? Stephen: WASN'T AWARE? 442 00:32:32,817 --> 00:32:37,088 ON SUNDAY, YOU MET ONE OF THE TWO JUSTIN'S IN THE TENNESSEE 443 00:32:37,088 --> 00:32:43,494 THREE, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Joan: I WAS POUTING BECAUSE 444 00:32:43,494 --> 00:32:48,800 I WAS IN NASHVILLE AND I WANTED TO BE AT THE CAPITOL. 445 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,503 I COULDN'T GO AND I COULDN'T GO IN THEN I'M IN THE AIRPORT AND 446 00:32:52,503 --> 00:32:56,007 MY EDITOR WAS STANDING NEXT TO ME AND GOES LIKE OH, MY GOD, AND 447 00:32:56,007 --> 00:32:59,310 BY THE TIME HE TURNED AROUND TO ME I HAD ALREADY SEEN JUSTIN.& 448 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:02,714 I WAS FLYING ACROSS THE ROOM. YOU KNOW, IT WAS JUST SO 449 00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:04,615 EXCITING. Stephen: YOU AND JUSTIN 450 00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:08,152 SANG TOGETHER RIGHT THERE IN THE AIRPORT AND THIS CLIP WENT 451 00:33:08,152 --> 00:33:23,101 VIRAL. ♪ ♪ 452 00:33:23,101 --> 00:33:25,203 VIRAL. 453 00:33:25,203 --> 00:33:30,675 ♪ ♪ 454 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:54,966 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THIS IS THE TENNESSEE THREE! 455 00:33:54,966 --> 00:34:08,379 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 456 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:12,150 Stephen: THIS AUGUST WILL BE THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OVER 457 00:34:12,150 --> 00:34:16,788 YOUR MARCH ON WASHINGTON. YOU FAMOUSLY PERFORMED "WE SHALL 458 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:19,791 OVERCOME," THERE YOU ARE WITH BOB, SAME DAY, RIGHT? 459 00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:34,672 THE SAME DAY. WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THAT 460 00:34:34,672 --> 00:34:36,808 DAY? Joan: THERE SOMETIMES WHEN 461 00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:41,979 YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE THE START, SOMETIMES YOU DON'T KNOW. 462 00:34:41,979 --> 00:34:46,150 BUT WITH 250,000 PEOPLE, THE LARGEST CROWD EITHER OF US HAD 463 00:34:46,150 --> 00:34:50,388 EVER SEEN, AND THEN THE PEOPLE SURROUNDING AROUND DR. KING, IT 464 00:34:50,388 --> 00:34:54,158 WAS ELECTRIC. FOR THE SPEECH, HE JUST TOOK 465 00:34:54,158 --> 00:34:58,262 OFF. HE PUT HIS NOTES DOWN AND I JUST 466 00:34:58,262 --> 00:35:00,031 WEPT. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME AROUND 467 00:35:00,031 --> 00:35:05,436 DR. KING IN TEARS BECAUSE HE WAS SO MOVING IN SUCH AN ORATOR OF. 468 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:07,572 Stephen: YOU ARE A FRIEND OF DR. KING'S AND SPENT A FAIR 469 00:35:07,572 --> 00:35:10,942 AMOUNT OF TIME WITH HIM. WHAT DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW ABOUT 470 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:12,543 HIM? Joan: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT 471 00:35:12,543 --> 00:35:16,948 HE HAD A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND BECAUSE HIS JOB WAS SO 472 00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:20,318 SERIOUS AND IF YOU MADE A LITTLE MISTAKE OR A JOKE, THAT 473 00:35:20,318 --> 00:35:23,855 EVERYBODY WOULD BE ON HIM. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING 474 00:35:23,855 --> 00:35:27,692 TO PIN ON HIM, SOMETHING NEGATIVE. 475 00:35:27,692 --> 00:35:31,362 I THINK THAT'S WHY HE COULDN'T DO IT PUBLICLY, BUT PRIVATELY HE 476 00:35:31,362 --> 00:35:36,634 WAS REALLY VERY FUNNY. ONE TIME I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO 477 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:41,072 GO PICK UP DR. KING AT THE AIRPORT WITH JESSE JACKSON AND 478 00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:45,042 ANDY YOUNG. I WAS THINKING I'M GOING TO HEAR 479 00:35:45,042 --> 00:35:53,050 HOW THEY PLAN A MARCH, AND THEY TOLD JOKES IN THE AIRPORT TO HIS 480 00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:57,321 FAVORITE LITTLE RESTAURANT, HAD FRIED CHICKEN AND OAK GROVE. 481 00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:59,891 THE WAITRESS SAID DR. KING, WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF 482 00:35:59,891 --> 00:36:02,527 APPLE PIE? HE SAID NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 483 00:36:02,527 --> 00:36:05,796 ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF THE APPLE PIE? 484 00:36:05,796 --> 00:36:11,569 YES, I BELIEVE I WILL. Stephen: WELL, ARE YOU 485 00:36:11,569 --> 00:36:16,307 SURPRISED-- HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SINGING "WE SHALL OVERCOME" 486 00:36:16,307 --> 00:36:21,145 IN AN AIRPORT 60 YEARS LATER AND IT'S STILL A FITTING SONG TO BE 487 00:36:21,145 --> 00:36:24,582 SINGING WITH JUSTIN JONES? WHAT'S YOUR EMOTIONAL REACTION 488 00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:29,220 HAVING BEEN THERE AND NOW 60 YEARS LATER TO BE SINGING THAT 489 00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,989 IN AN AIRPORT? Joan: WITH SOMEBODY REALLY, 490 00:36:31,989 --> 00:36:37,728 REALLY YOUNG. AN INTERESTED IN NONVIOLENCE, 491 00:36:37,728 --> 00:36:43,935 WE'VE WRITTEN A BOOK ON IT. IT WAS JUST SORT OF AMAZING THAT 492 00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:47,805 WE CONNECTED LIKE THAT. YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T HAPPEN 493 00:36:47,805 --> 00:36:51,776 EVERY DAY. Stephen: YOU'VE GOT A NEW 494 00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:52,810 BOOK. IT'S CALLED 495 00:36:52,810 --> 00:37:01,252 "AM I PRETTY WHEN I FLY?" THERE YOU GO. 496 00:37:01,252 --> 00:37:04,822 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND IT'S AN ALBUM OF UPSIDE DOWN 497 00:37:04,822 --> 00:37:07,291 DRAWING'S. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 498 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:09,894 DO YOU HANG UPSIDE DOWN-- Joan: I WAS GOING TO SAY, 499 00:37:09,894 --> 00:37:12,430 YOU'D BE THE PERSON TO GUESS THAT. 500 00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:14,031 Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I LITERALLY THOUGHT. 501 00:37:14,031 --> 00:37:17,168 Joan: NO, I WAS NOT STANDING ON MY HEAD AND DRAWING. 502 00:37:17,168 --> 00:37:20,838 IT'S WRONG SO THAT IF YOU WERE SEEING IT PROPERLY, I'M SEEING 503 00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:24,442 IT UPSIDE DOWN. Stephen: WOULD YOU DO ONE 504 00:37:24,442 --> 00:37:26,777 FOR ME? I WILL SHOW SOME OF THE DRAWINGS 505 00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:30,581 WHILE YOU DO THIS. Joan: WHY DID YOU START 506 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:33,718 DRAWING UPSIDE DOWN 507 00:37:33,718 --> 00:37:36,854 I THINK BECAUSE I WAS BORED WITH SCHOOL. 508 00:37:36,854 --> 00:37:43,628 Stephen: WHEN YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE YOU WERE YOUNG? 509 00:37:43,628 --> 00:37:45,429 Joan: I GUESS SINCE I WROTE BACKWARDS WROTE BACKWARDS. 510 00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:49,233 ASK ME WHEN YOU WROTE FOR A FUN? Joan: I FOUND LITTLE WAYS 511 00:37:49,233 --> 00:37:55,806 TO KEEP MYSELF IN COMFORT SO WHILE THE TEACHERS TEACH THE 512 00:37:55,806 --> 00:38:01,612 STUFF THAT BORED ME. SOMETHING I ENJOYED WITH MY LEFT 513 00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:07,018 HAND WRITING BACKWARDS. Stephen: SO HERE ARE 514 00:38:07,018 --> 00:38:09,687 EXAMPLES-- HERE ARE EXAMPLE OF SOME OF THE DRAWINGS. 515 00:38:09,687 --> 00:38:12,990 MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT YOU DO THE DRAWINGS AND THEN TURN IT 516 00:38:12,990 --> 00:38:18,396 RIGHT-SIDE UP AND LOOK AT IT AND DECIDE WHAT THE CAPTION OR THE 517 00:38:18,396 --> 00:38:21,999 DIALOGUE IS GOING TO BE. Joan: I USUALLY TURN AROUND 518 00:38:21,999 --> 00:38:25,870 AND HAVE A LITTLE PEEK IF IT'S WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE BUT I 519 00:38:25,870 --> 00:38:31,942 REALLY DON'T KNOW UNTIL I'M KIND OF DONE LIKE THIS. 520 00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:34,111 Stephen: THERE'S ALSO A DOCUMENTARY COMING OUT ABOUT 521 00:38:34,111 --> 00:38:40,418 YOUR LIFE CALLED "JOAN BAEZ I AM A NOISE." 522 00:38:40,418 --> 00:38:42,319 DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM YOUR OWN DOCUMENTARY? 523 00:38:42,319 --> 00:38:43,821 Joan: I DID, AND LEARNED A LOT. 524 00:38:43,821 --> 00:38:45,556 Stephen: WHAT DID YOU LEARN? 525 00:38:45,556 --> 00:38:51,095 Joan: I LEARNED I AM A NOISE AND I ALREADY KNEW IT BACK 526 00:38:51,095 --> 00:38:55,399 THEN. I JUST CARRIED ON. 527 00:38:55,399 --> 00:38:56,867 OOPS. Stephen: WHEN YOU SHOW THE 528 00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:59,303 PEOPLE OR DO YOU WANT TO CAPTION IT? 529 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:04,008 Joan: IT'S NOT VERY NICE. Stephen: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 530 00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,510 Joan: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU CAPTION IT. 531 00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:10,314 Stephen: HERE IT IS, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT. 532 00:39:10,314 --> 00:39:17,788 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Joan: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE 533 00:39:17,788 --> 00:39:22,860 THINKING, BUT DO SOMETHING ELSE. [LAUGHTER] 534 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:31,535 Stephen: I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT THIS BATHROOM WAS 535 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:34,238 EMPTY. [LAUGHTER] 536 00:39:34,238 --> 00:39:39,210 Joan: THAT'S IT. PERFECT. 537 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:45,483 Stephen: THANK YOU, JOAN. "AM I PRETTY WHEN I FLY?" IS 538 00:39:45,483 --> 00:39:49,320 AVAILABLE NOW AND THAT IS JOAN BAEZ, EVERYBODY! 539 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,388 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 540 00:40:08,606 --> 00:40:13,377 Steven: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY! 541 00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:16,180 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES! ONLY A FEW LEFT! 542 00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:18,249 GOOD NIGHT! ♪ ♪