1 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,069 >> FLORIDA GOVERNOR 2 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:06,339 RON DeSANTIS IS IN THE EARLY PRIMARY STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 3 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,575 SLAMMING WHAT HE CALLS THE WOKE MOB. 4 00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:10,510 >> THE GOVERNOR WAS JUST IN SOUTH CAROLINA, WHERE HE 5 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,313 MENTIONED THE WORD "WOKE" AND "WOKENESS" DOZENS OF TIMES 6 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:17,517 IN HIS SPEECH. >> BECAUSE THE WOKE WAGE A WAR 7 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,185 ON WOKE. WE FIGHT THE WOKE IN THE 8 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:21,388 SCHOOLS. WE FIGHT THE WOKE. 9 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:25,425 NEVER EVER SURRENDER TO THE WOKE MOB. 10 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:40,373 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:47,447 ♪ ♪ 12 00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,415 >> Announcer: IT'S 13 00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:50,850 "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 14 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:56,689 TONIGHT... YES WE CANNABIS. 15 00:00:56,756 --> 00:01:00,326 FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES RACHEL WEISZ 16 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:07,000 AND DANNY TREJO. FEATURING LOUIS CATO 17 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:12,405 AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE 18 00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:15,675 FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, 19 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:21,948 IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 20 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:36,896 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 21 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,164 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:44,237 >> Stephen: HAPPY THURSDAY, BABY. 23 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:49,609 HAVE A GOOD SHOW. HAVE A GOOD SHOW, BABY. 24 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,144 HER THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY KIND. 25 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:54,614 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE 26 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,384 WORLD TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 27 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:05,892 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I'M COMING TO YOU FROM THE DANK, 28 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,062 GROOVED-OUT WONDER-PLANET KNOWN AS "CHILLAXIA," 29 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:14,501 BECAUSE TODAY IS 4/20! SO SPARK IT UP, MY BONG BROS! 30 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:20,206 OR, MORE ACCURATELY, CONTINUE TAKING THAT 5 MILLIGRAM 31 00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:25,111 GUMMY RIGHT BEFORE YOU SLEEP. KEEP YOU OUT. 32 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,914 AS ALWAYS, THE LATE SHOW'S 4/20 COVERAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU 33 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,182 BY TACO BELL. TACO BELL: 34 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:36,856 WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE HIGH. 35 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:40,827 OF COURSE, ALL THE WAY-GONE CATS IN MY AUDIENCE ARE HEP 36 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,496 TO THE DOOBAGE. THESE PEOPLE JUST SPENT AN HOUR 37 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,398 IN TIMES SQUARE OUTSIDE A DRAGON-THEMED QUASI-LEGAL 38 00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:50,503 POT DISPENSARY. IT'S TRUE. 39 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:57,076 IT'S TRUE. SO THEY ARE FEELING GOOD. 40 00:02:57,143 --> 00:03:03,116 OR INCREASINGLY ANXIOUS. ONE RECENT STUDY ABOUT THE 41 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:06,719 WEED PROBABLY DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE CREATIVE. 42 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,721 REALLY? NOT CREATIVE? 43 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,089 TELL THAT TO THE FRESHMAN WHO'S HOME FOR BREAK AND FORGOT 44 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:13,426 THEIR BOWL. HE'S GONNA FIND A WAY TO MAKE 45 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:18,765 A BONG OUT OF A GRANDFATHER CLOCK. 46 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:23,469 SPEAKING OF LIGHTING UP AND BURNING DOWN, 47 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:27,807 TODAY, ELON MUSK'S SPACEX LAUNCHED THE MOST POWERFUL 48 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,475 STARSHIP AND SUPER HEAVY BOOSTER ROCKET. 49 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,144 JUST SHOWS WHAT SCIENTISTS CAN ACHIEVE WHEN THEY PUT 50 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:38,318 THEIR MINDS TO A COMMON GOAL: COMPENSATING FOR ELON MUSK'S 51 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:49,228 PENIS. WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK. 52 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:52,765 SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS, LET ME EMPHASIZE 53 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:56,469 "UN-MANNED" LAUNCH. THERE IT IS, ALL SYSTEMS 54 00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,105 NOMINAL. IT'S CLEARED THE LAUNCH PAD. 55 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:03,776 OKAY, TIME FOR THE BOOSTER TO SEPARATE AND... 56 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:07,780 OH! HOUSTON, WE HAVE A METAPHOR 57 00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:20,360 FOR TWITTER! YOU KNOW, I WANTED IT TO GO. 58 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:25,465 THERE'S NEWS ABOUT MY PILLOW CEO MIKE LINDELL. 59 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,735 >> [BOOING] >> Stephen: SEEN HERE GETTING 60 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:32,839 A SWIFT KICK IN THE DUST RUFFLE. 61 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:36,643 A COUPLE YEARS BACK, INDELL TRIED TO PROVE HIS KOOKY 2020 62 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:39,579 ELECTION CONSPIRACIES AT SOME SYMPOSIUM, 63 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:44,384 CLAIMING HE HAD DATA SHOWING CHINESE INTERFERENCE AND SAYING 64 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,687 HE WOULD PAY $5 MILLION TO ANYONE WHO COULD PROVE THE 65 00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,989 MATERIAL WAS NOT FROM THE 2020 ELECTION, ALL IN AN OFFICIAL 66 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:53,259 CONTEST CALLED "PROVE MIKE WRONG." 67 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:58,331 IT WAS THE EASIEST MAGA CONTEST SINCE "PROVE RUDY DRIPPY" 68 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:03,169 AND "PROVE ERIC SAD INSIDE!" WELL, NO SURPRISE, ONE OF THE 69 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:07,540 CONFERENCE ATTENDEES PROVED MIKE WRONG, AND NOW LINDELL 70 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:11,244 HAS BEEN ORDERED TO PAY $5 MILLION. 71 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:20,253 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] POOR MIKE. 72 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:22,288 BETWEEN THIS AND THE BILLION DOLLAR DOMINION LAWSUIT, HOW'S 73 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:30,463 HE GOING TO COME UP WITH THE CASH? 74 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:40,473 "LOOK. I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO SELL MY 75 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:45,812 MOST PRECIOUS MY PILLOW OF ALL: MY MY PILLOW. 76 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,980 LAST NIGHT WAS OUR FINAL EMBRACE. 77 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:52,185 SHE ABSORBED MY TEARS WITH GRACE AND SENSUALITY, AS WELL AS 78 00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:55,588 MY DROOL AND A LITTLE MUSTACHE FUNK. 79 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,990 GOODBYE, MY MY DARLING. MIKE'S GOING BACK TO WHAT 80 00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,892 HE USED TO SLEEP ON: A GARBAGE BAG FULL 81 00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:11,671 OF DAY-OLD HOT DOG BUNS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 82 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:25,451 NOT A BAD LOOK. CAPTAIN LIONEL. 83 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,919 I LIKE IT. THE MAN WHO PROVED MIKE WRONG 84 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:32,725 IS A COMPUTER FORENSICS EXPERT WHO EXAMINED LINDELL'S DATA 85 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,962 AND FOUND THAT IT CONTAINED NO ELECTION FRAUD PROOF AT ALL. 86 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,931 SPECIFICALLY, HIS LAWYER SAID THE DATA CONTAINED 87 00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:44,737 "NO RECOGNIZABLE DATA IN ANY KNOWN DATA FORMAT." 88 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:50,409 THAT'S NOT EASY, TO HAVE YOUR DATA CONTAIN NO DATA. 89 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:54,313 AND IT'S A BIT OF A RED FLAG. IT'S LIKE IF ARBY'S SLOGAN WAS 90 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,850 "ARBY'S: WE HAVE THE MEATS" WITH NO RECOGNIZABLE MEAT 91 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:10,730 IN ANY KNOWN MEAT FORMAT." IN LESS IMPORTANT LEGAL NEWS, 92 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,132 THE SUPREME COURT. PREVIOUSLY ON OUR JUSTICE 93 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,235 SYSTEM, YOU'LL RECALL, A TEXAS JUDGE BANNED THE 94 00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:20,039 ABORTION DRUG MIFEPRISTONE. AN APPEALS COURT IN LOUISIANA 95 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,608 STRUCK DOWN THAT RULING, BUT SAID THAT SOME FDA APPROVALS 96 00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:26,012 SHOULD BE HALTED, INCLUDING PERMISSIONS TO SEND THE PILLS 97 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,514 BY MAIL. I MEAN, IT'S 2023. 98 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:30,783 EVERYBODY GETS THEIR MEDICATION THROUGH THE MAIL. 99 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:36,956 THE ONLY REASON TO GO T CVS IS TO SHOPLIFT. 100 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:42,962 IN THE SEASONAL AISLE. THE CASE WAS APPEALED BY THE 101 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,198 BIDEN ADMINISTRATION TO THE SUPREME COURT. 102 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,900 THE SUPREMES WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DECIDED IT BY NOW, 103 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,036 BUT YESTERDAY, SAM ALITO ANNOUNCED THAT THE SUPREME COURT 104 00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:51,504 WAS DELAYING ITS DECISION UNTIL FRIDAY. 105 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,307 WELL, THEY HAD TO. CLARENCE THOMAS WAS TAKING 106 00:07:54,373 --> 00:08:00,746 A VACAY ON HARLAN CROW'S YACHT, THE S.S. "NOT A BRIBE." 107 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:04,250 IT'S NOT A BRIBE. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. 108 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:12,024 HOW COULD IT BE A BRIBE? ALITO PROMISES THE COURT WILL 109 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,660 RELEASE THEIR DECISION BY FRIDAY AT 11:59 P.M. 110 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:18,865 AND THAT IS EXACTLY THE TIME YOU RELEASE DECISIONS YOU KNOW 111 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:22,802 ARE GOING TO BE SUPER POPULAR. I'M GOING TO STAY UP LATE 112 00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:29,675 AND WATCH IT ON RYAN SEACREST'S HANDMAID'S ROCKIN' EVE. 113 00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,744 WE MISS YOU, DICK CLARK. WHATEVER THE COURT DECIDES, 114 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:35,181 THESE EXTREMELY UNPOPULAR POSITIONS ARE NOT HELPING 115 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,249 REPUBLICANS LIKE FLORIDA GOVERNOR AND CHIMP TRYING 116 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:40,953 TO FIGURE OUT THE WORDLE, RON DeSANTIS. 117 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:49,095 BANANA? NO B, NO N, NO A. 118 00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:59,538 BANANA? DeSANTIS IS NOT ONLY LOSING 119 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:02,208 SUPPORT, HE'S GETTING PUBLICLY HUMILIATED. 120 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,143 THIS WEEK, HE WENT UP TO CAPITOL HILL TO TRY AND GET REPUBLICAN 121 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,913 LAWMAKERS TO ENDORSE HIM. THE DeSANTIS CHARM WORKED ITS 122 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,448 MAGIC RIGHT AWAY, AS YOU CAN TELL BY THIS TWEET 123 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,717 FROM TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE LANCE GOODEN. 124 00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:15,354 "TODAY, AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION AND A POSITIVE 125 00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,290 MEETING WITH GOVERNOR DeSANTIS, I HAVE DECIDED TO ENDORSE 126 00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:22,094 THE FORMER PRESIDENT FOR 2024." OH! 127 00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:25,197 DAMN! RON! 128 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,666 ARE YOU A HISTORY BOOK IN FLORIDA? 129 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:33,372 'CAUSE YOU JUST GOT BURNED! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 130 00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,141 WOW. BOOM. 131 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:41,314 DeSANTIS CONTINUES TO MAINTAIN HIS CAMPAIGN PROMISE TO BE 100% 132 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:47,286 UNLIKEABLE, BECAUSE, AT HIS REQUEST, YESTERDAY, FLORIDA 133 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,956 EXPANDED THEIR "DON'T SAY GAY" POLICY THROUGH 12TH GRADE. 134 00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,926 THIS EXPANSION OF INTOLERANCE BANS LESSONS ON SEXUAL 135 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:56,295 ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY UNLESS REQUIRED BY EXISTING 136 00:09:56,362 --> 00:10:00,199 STATE STANDARDS OR AS PART OF REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH INSTRUCTION. 137 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,202 THAT MEANS THE ONLY PLACE STUDENTS CAN DISCUSS THESE 138 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,406 TOPICS WOULD BE SEX ED. "ALL RIGHT, KIDS, NOW I KNOW 139 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,542 YOU HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS. LIKE, WHAT IS SEX? 140 00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,511 WHY DO I HAVE THIS BANANA IN FRONT OF ME? 141 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:17,183 ARE BANANAS PART OF SEX? IS FRUIT SALAD AN ORGY? 142 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:18,651 WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY. ALL THOSE QUESTIONS WILL BE 143 00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:25,958 ANSWERED BY ME, YOUR ANGRIEST GYM TEACHER." 144 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:30,763 BANANA? DeSANTIS IS ALSO RAMPING UP HIS 145 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,798 FIGHT WITH THE FOLKS AT DISNEY. A FEW MONTHS AGO, HE APPOINTED 146 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:35,001 A SPECIAL BOARD TO TAKE OVER THE GOVERNANCE OF THE LAND 147 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,535 DISNEYWORLD SITS ON. DISNEY SAID, 148 00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:42,308 "HOLD MY $18 SOUVENIR CUP," AND STAGED A COUP THAT TOOK AWAY 149 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:46,345 ALL THE BOARD'S POWER. NOW DeSANTIS IS THREATENING TO 150 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,413 BUILD A STATE PRISON OR SOMETHING ABOUT AFFORDABLE 151 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,415 HOUSING. IT'S KIND OF VAGUE. 152 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,984 BUT THERE'S ANOTHER OPTION FOR THE MAGIC KINGDOM: 153 00:10:52,051 --> 00:11:00,893 THEY CAN LEAVE FLORIDA. THAT IDEA IS GETTING A BOOST 154 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,962 BECAUSE A NORTH CAROLINA LAWMAKER HAS FILED A BILL TO 155 00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,364 LURE DISNEY WORLD TO NORTH CAROLINA CALLED THE "MICKEY'S 156 00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:12,238 FREEDOM RESTORATION ACT." [CHEERING] 157 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:19,178 I LOVE IT. I LOVE HOW STUPID EVERYTHING IS. 158 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,515 WHICH COINCIDENTALLY IS THE TITLE OF THE MOST BORING DISNEY 159 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,283 MOVIE, RIGHT AFTER "STEAMBOAT WILLIE FAMILIARIZES 160 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:31,891 HIMSELF WITH MARITIME LAW." IF PASSED, THE NORTH CAROLINA 161 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,893 BILL WOULD GRANT $750,000 TO EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITY OF 162 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:38,564 LURING DISNEY ACROSS STATE LINES. 163 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,066 I COULD LURE DISNEY WORLD TO NEW YORK FOR A FRACTION 164 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,335 OF THAT. DISNEY, MEET ME AT THE 165 00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:47,873 MAGIC CAM-DOM. OKAY, HEAR ME OUT. 166 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:51,343 HEAR ME OUT, DISNEY. NEW YORK IS THE PERFECT PLACE 167 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:53,112 FOR DISNEY. THE SUBWAY IS BASICALLY A 168 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:58,517 URINE-SOAKED SPACE MOUNTAIN. SO TECHNICALLY IT'S ALSO SPLASH 169 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,519 MOUNTAIN. WE'VE GOT TONS OF TOURISTS, 170 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:04,523 OUR FOOD'S ALREADY OVER-PRICED, AND I'M PRETTY SURE THE RODENTS 171 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:09,128 HERE HAVE LEARNED TO WALK UPRIGHT AND SIGN AUTOGRAPHS. 172 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:14,533 THINK ABOUT IT. THINK ABOUT IT. 173 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,936 [CHEERING] WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 174 00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:20,172 TONIGHT MY GUESTS ARE RACHEL WEISZ 175 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,006 AND I'M COOKING WITH DANNY TREJO. 176 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:25,077 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"! 177 00:12:52,905 --> 00:13:06,085 ♪ ♪ 178 00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:10,356 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY. 179 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:19,131 LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND, EVERYBODY. 180 00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,599 [APPLAUSE] OH, LOUIS. 181 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:26,205 >> Louis: OH, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: TONIGHT WE ARE 182 00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:32,244 DELIGHTFUL PEOPLE. YOU KNOW DANNY TREJO. 183 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:36,081 CHARMING PROFESSIONAL ACTOR, TOUGH GUY, ALSO I DID NOT KNOW 184 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:39,118 THIS. HE'S A RESTAURATEUR. 185 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,153 HE'S GOT LIKE NINE RESTAURANTS IN L.A. 186 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,355 THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FANTASTIC AND HE'S GOT A 187 00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:46,525 COOKBOOK OUT HERE, ME AND DANNY TREJO ARE GOING TO BE COOKING A 188 00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,827 JUST A LITTLE WHILE, RIGHT OVER THERE. 189 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:52,398 THIS IS MY KIND OF FOOD. STUFF IS GOING TO BE WRAPPED IN 190 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,901 BACON. AND IN JUST A MOMENT, ONE OF MY 191 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:59,638 FAVORITE ACTRESSES, INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND A DELIGHTFUL 192 00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:01,173 PRESENCE, OSCAR-WINNER RACHEL WEISZ WILL BE OUT HERE JUST A 193 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,877 LITTLE WHILE. HOW DELIGHTFUL. 194 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:12,384 HOW DELIGHTFUL. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME 195 00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:15,554 IN THE NEWS KITCHEN, SLOWLY MELTING THE FINEST, MOST 196 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,357 TOPICAL BORDIER BUTTER TO SAUTEE STORY POTATOES AND SOME LEEKS 197 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:22,428 GROWN IN SOIL WITH A PH OF 6.5, BEFORE ADDING MARJORAM AND 198 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:28,200 THYME AND FINISHING WITH DANZEISEN CREAM 199 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:31,270 TO OFFER YOU THE DELICATE YET FULL-BODIED VICHYSSOISE 200 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:36,475 THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I AM PECKED AWAKE 201 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,545 BY A SEAGULL IN THE COMMISSARY OF AN ABANDONED OIL RIG 202 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,981 WHERE I CHUCK HALF A DISCARDED CORN DOG, AN APPLE CORE, 203 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,482 AND 19 STALE FRITOS INTO A SLOP SINK OF EXPIRED 204 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:48,621 YOOHOO TO SERVE UP THE SEASQUATTER'S WINO GOULASH OF 205 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:54,860 NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT. >> MEANWHILE! 206 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,562 SOMETIMES THAT'S ALL YOU NEED, BABY. 207 00:14:56,629 --> 00:15:05,437 COMFORT FOOD. MEANWHILE, A NEW RAPID TEST 208 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,573 COULD TELL YOU IF THERE'S SALMONELLA IN YOUR 209 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,574 CHICKEN. WE'VE ALREADY GOT A TEST 210 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:12,311 FOR WHETHER THERE'S SALMONELLA IN YOUR CHICKEN, 211 00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:20,452 AND LET ME TELL YOU, THE RESULTS COME OUT PRETTY RAPIDLY. 212 00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:24,690 STRAP IN. MEANWHILE, IN ORDER TO SCAN 213 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,226 THE CONTENTS WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM, RESEARCHERS BLASTED 214 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:33,032 ANCIENT EGYPTIAN LIZARD COFFINS WITH NEUTRONS. 215 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,769 HEY, SCIENTISTS, DO YOU WANT LIZARD ZOMBIES? 216 00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,372 'CAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU GET LIZARD ZOMBIES. 217 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,475 MEANWHILE, NETFLIX, HOME OF PRESTIGE TV LIKE 218 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:46,378 "LOVE IS BLIND," "TOO HOT TO HANDLE," 219 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:50,783 AND "HIMBO BEACH." WE MADE THAT LAST ONE UP. 220 00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:55,921 BUT DON'T YA KINDA WANNA WATCH IT? 221 00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,990 THIS WEEK WE LEARNED THAT NETFLIX IS ENDING ITS DVD 222 00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:00,893 MAILING SERVICE AFTER 25 YEARS. 223 00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:02,394 YEAH. REACHED FOR COMMENT, 224 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:07,166 BLOCKBUSTER SAID "VENGEANCE IS OURS." 225 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:12,705 OOH. A DISH SERVED COLD. 226 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:16,075 FOR ALL YOU YOUNG PEOPLE WATCHING, DVDs ARE LIKE LITTLE 227 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:20,646 METAL FRISBEES THAT PLAY LONG TIKTOKS, AND MAIL IS LIKE 228 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,682 EMAIL THAT YOU LICK BEFORE YOU SEND. 229 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:27,019 OH, AND EMAIL IS LIKE A LONG TEXT YOUR MOM SENDS TO MAKE SURE 230 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,954 YOU SAW THAT ARTICLE ABOUT HOW CRIME IS UP IN YOUR 231 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:33,559 NEIGHBORHOOD. MEANWHILE, IN OREGON, A MAN 232 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:36,895 THREW $200,000 IN CASH OUT OF A CAR WINDOW ONTO THE 233 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:39,164 INTERSTATE. BUDDY. 234 00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:45,771 JUST GET AN EZ PASS. MEANWHILE, IN BASEBALL NEWS, 235 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,407 THERE HAVE BEEN SOME UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF THE NEW 236 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,876 PITCH CLOCK, NAMELY, MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYERS 237 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,512 ARE FINDING THAT THERE'S LESS TIME FOR SMALL TALK. 238 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:57,015 AS ONE PLAYER EXPLAINED, "HOME PLATE USED TO BE A PLACE 239 00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,118 TO TOUCH BASE WITH CATCHERS AND UMPIRES, AND ASK THEM, 240 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,886 HOW'S THE FAMILY? WHAT'S UP? 241 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:06,091 THAT SORT OF THING. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RIVALS! 242 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,293 THAT'S GOTTA BE THE WORST TRASH TALK EVER! 243 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,497 "WE'RE GONNA DESTROY YOU! ALSO, YOUR CARROT CAKE 244 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,664 AT YOUR DAUGHTER'S FIRST COMMUNION WAS DELICIOUS! 245 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,434 CARDAMOM? I WOULD NEVER HAVE 246 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,302 THOUGHT OF CARDAMOM! GET YOUR WEAK-ASS PLAY 247 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:18,337 OUTTA MY HOUSE! BUT PLEASE BRING THAT 248 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:22,241 CAKE TO MY HOUSE. BRENDA WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU. 249 00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:27,146 I'M SO SORRY ABOUT SHANNON. SHE WAS A WONDERFUL WOMAN." 250 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:33,852 YEAH, I AGREE. MEANWHILE, UP IN CANADA, 251 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,088 A BLACK BEAR BROKE INTO A VEHICLE AND GUZZLED 252 00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:39,892 69 CANS OF POP. THAT'S INSANE. 253 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:46,532 THEY CALL IT "POP"? IT'S SODA. 254 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:51,069 IT'S NOT POP. WHAT IS THIS, ARCHIE COMICS? 255 00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,438 THE WOMAN SAYS SHE DID EVERYTHING SHE COULD 256 00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:56,308 TO SCARE THE BEAR AWAY, INCLUDING -- AND THIS 257 00:17:56,375 --> 00:18:03,849 IS A QUOTE-- "REASONING WITH HIM," AND WHEN 258 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:08,020 THAT DIDN'T WORK, SHE SAYS, "I TRIED PSYCHING HIM OUT 259 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:12,958 BY TELLING HIM I WAS A BEAR HUNTER." 260 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,360 REASONING? "TELLING HIM"? 261 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,730 WHAT WAS THIS CONVERSATION? "HEY, LET'S BE REASONABLE HERE, 262 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,165 SMOKEY. I'M A BEAR HUNTER." 263 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,367 "YEAH? WHAT'S YOUR HUNTING LICENSE 264 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,602 NUMBER?" "2961." 265 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,571 "AH-HA! HUNTING LICENSES HAVE NINE 266 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,506 DIGITS! YOU'RE NO HUNTER!" 267 00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,575 "YOU GOT ME!" "NO, I DIDN'T. 268 00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:32,110 THIS IS A HALLUCINATION YOU'RE HAVING WHILE BLEEDING OUT 269 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:35,814 'CAUSE YOU TRIED TO REASON WITH A BEAR. 270 00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:47,526 WANT SOME ORANGE POP?" WANT SOME POP?" 271 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,496 MEANWHILE, IN SCOTLAND, AN ULTRA-MARATHONER HAS BEEN 272 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:52,197 DISQUALIFIED FROM A RACE FOR USING A CAR DURING PART OF 273 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:56,835 THE ROUTE. I DON'T USUALLY SAY THIS, BUT 274 00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:57,703 I THINK I COULD BE AN ULTRA-MARATHONER. 275 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,639 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RACHEL WEISZ. 276 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:18,590 ♪ ♪ 277 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,392 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK. 278 00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:23,896 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING, I'M HAPPY TO 279 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:28,534 SAY IS AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING 280 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,235 ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "THE CONSTANT GARDENER," 281 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:33,071 "THE FAVOURITE," AND MARVEL'S "BLACK WIDOW." 282 00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,606 SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW LIMITED SERIES "DEAD RINGERS." 283 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:42,347 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," RACHEL WEISZ. 284 00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:56,828 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO. 285 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:59,698 ALWAYS LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON. HAVE YOU BEEN? 286 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:03,001 >> Rachel: I'VE BEEN OKAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU? 287 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,837 >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL. SPRING IS TREATING ME VERY WELL. 288 00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:07,439 >> Rachel: IT'S TREATING YOU WELL? 289 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,908 >> Stephen: SPRING HAS SPRUNG FOR ME. 290 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:13,679 YOU ARE, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, YOU'RE A MOVIE STAR, 291 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:16,348 OSCAR-WINNER, YOU ARE MARRIED TO DANIEL CRAIG. 292 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,818 HERE'S THE THING. YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY GLITTERY 293 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:23,855 COUPLE BUT YOU HAVE MANAGED TO LIVE A PRETTY NONCELEBRITY, 294 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:27,392 NORMAL, DOWN-HOME LIFE. LET'S END THAT RIGHT NOW. 295 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,795 >> Rachel: OKAY. >> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU DOING 296 00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:33,198 AT HOME THESE DAYS? >> Rachel: WELL, WHAT'S THE 297 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:37,669 BIGGEST NEWS FROM HOME? >> Stephen: JUST FOR FUN? 298 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:41,506 >> Rachel: DANIEL AND OUR DAUGHTER HAD BEEN WATCHING 299 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,842 "STAR WARS." >> Stephen: REALLY? 300 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,479 HOW OLD IS YOUR DAUGHTER? >> Rachel: NEARLY FIVE. 301 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:48,714 >> Stephen: PRETTY YOUNG FOR "STAR WARS." 302 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,415 >> Rachel: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 303 00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:54,453 IT WAS LIKE A FATHER DAUGHTER BONDING EXPERIENCE AND THEY 304 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:59,491 STARTED ON THE ORIGINAL ONES. IS IT RETURN OF THE JEDI? 305 00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,693 >> Stephen: "STAR WARS," STARTS WITH "STAR WARS." 306 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,395 THE FIRST ONE IS CALLED "STAR WARS." 307 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,497 THAT'S WHY THEY ARE CALLED "STAR WARS" MOVIES. 308 00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:08,300 >> Rachel: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. ARE YOU A FAN? 309 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,404 >> Stephen: AM I A FAN? I HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOR THE LAST 310 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:18,210 40 YEARS. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS 311 00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:21,179 CALLED "STAR WARS"? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN "STAR WARS"? 312 00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:26,251 >> Rachel: UM... >> Stephen: LET'S GET TO THAT 313 00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,587 IN A MINUTE. >> Rachel: I THINK AS A KID I 314 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,323 PROBABLY DID. I'M NOT DEEP INTO IT. 315 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:35,661 MY DAUGHTER AND HER DAD, MY DAUGHTER GOT OBSESSED. 316 00:21:35,727 --> 00:21:37,896 SHE KEPT SAYING, GOOGLE THIS. GOOGLE THIS. 317 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,299 WHAT IS DARTH VADER LOOK LIKE UNDER HIS MASK. 318 00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,669 >> Stephen: SHE WANTS TO JUMP THE GUN AND GET TO THE LAST 319 00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:44,970 EPISODE. >> Rachel: SHE WANTS TO KNOW 320 00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:51,410 EVERYTHING. I SAID TO HER DAD, I THINK THIS 321 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:56,014 IS TOO MUCH FOR HER. IT'S TOO INTENSE AND ALL THAT 322 00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:59,551 KIND OF STUFF AND SO HE DECIDED TO TELL HER THAT "STAR WARS" IS 323 00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:02,154 BROKEN. SO WE WERE IN LONDON WHEN THIS 324 00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,822 HAPPENED. SHE SAID -- 325 00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:07,192 DAD SAID "STAR WARS" IS BROKEN SO THEY CAN'T WATCH IT ANYMORE. 326 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:11,196 WE JUST GOT TO NEW YORK, AND SAID HIS "STAR WARS" BROKEN IN 327 00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:14,032 NEW YORK TOO? >> Stephen: SHE IS SMART. 328 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:17,269 PLAYING BANGLES. WAS HE HOPING TO GET HER ALL THE 329 00:22:17,335 --> 00:22:20,839 WAY THROUGH "THE FORCE AWAKENS" SO HE COULD POINT AT THAT ONE 330 00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:25,977 STORMTROOPER AND SAY THAT'S ME? >> Rachel: ACTUALLY DID SHOW 331 00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:29,748 HER THAT SCENE. HE DID. 332 00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:32,350 THAT WAS A MUCH MORE RECENT "STAR WARS." 333 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:36,088 >> Stephen: HOW MANY SHE WATCHED? 334 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:39,057 >> Rachel: I THINK THE FIRST THREE. 335 00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:41,259 THREE. >> Stephen: HOW MANY HAVE 336 00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:42,928 THERE BEEN? >> Rachel: [LAUGHS] 337 00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:44,196 >> Stephen: HOW MANY "STAR WARS" MOVIES HAVE THERE 338 00:22:44,262 --> 00:22:47,265 BEEN? >> Rachel: IT'S LIKE A PARLOR 339 00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:49,768 GAME. 12? 340 00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:54,005 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE PART OF THE MOVIE WHERE WE FIND OUT 341 00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:55,474 THAT YOU'RE THE ALIEN. OKAY. 342 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:58,977 >> Rachel: IT'S LIKE MORK AND MINDY. 343 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,180 >> Stephen: WHAT? "STAR WARS" IS VERY MUCH LIKE 344 00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:05,383 MORK AND MINDY. YOU ARE MORK AND I AM MINDY. 345 00:23:05,450 --> 00:23:09,187 >> Rachel: I MEAN MY LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF EARTHLY THINGS. 346 00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:11,123 >> Stephen: WILL MOVE ON. IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT BUT IT 347 00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:13,325 COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I'VE EVER ASKED YOU. 348 00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:17,095 TO SEE IF YOU KNOW THE FIRST "STAR WARS" MOVIE, IF I SAID THE 349 00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:21,032 PHRASE "THAT'S NO MOON," WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WAS REFERRING 350 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,835 TO? WHAT'S THE THING THEY'RE TRYING 351 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:30,475 TO DESTROY IN THE MOVIE? DON'T TELL HER. 352 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:32,043 >> Rachel: DARTH VADER? >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE THING 353 00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:38,717 THEY USE IN ORDER -- IT'S A SP SPIRITUAL THING. 354 00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:44,756 >> Rachel: THE FORCE. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 355 00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:48,760 ONTO THE NEXT ROUND. [LAUGHTER] 356 00:23:48,827 --> 00:23:54,533 YOU ARE STARRING IN AND PRODUCING THIS NEW LIMITED 357 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:58,637 SERIES CALLED "DEAD RINGERS," WHICH IS, IT'S A REIMAGINING OF 358 00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:04,109 THE 1988 DAVID KRONENBERG FILM. THAT WAS STARRING JEREMY IRONS. 359 00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:06,978 HAVE YOU SEEN THE ORIGINAL? >> Rachel: YES. 360 00:24:07,045 --> 00:24:08,046 >> Stephen: IT'S EXTRAORDINARY. 361 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:11,449 >> Rachel: IS A MASTERPIECE, ICONIC AND INCREDIBLE. 362 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:15,654 IT'S NOT A FILM, IT'S TELEVISION, TOO ICONIC TO REMAKE 363 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,189 AS A FILM. >> Stephen: YOU'VE REIMAGINED 364 00:24:17,255 --> 00:24:20,025 IT IN A NEW WAY WITH CHARACTERS THAT ARE BOTH YOU BECAUSE 365 00:24:20,091 --> 00:24:25,063 SPOILER ALERT: THE TWINS ARE THE LEADS AND YOU PLAY BOTH OF THEM. 366 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,899 >> Rachel: IDENTICAL TWINS. >> Stephen: EXACTLY, WHICH FOR 367 00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:31,336 THOSE OF US WHO ARE FANS OF RACHEL WEISZ, IT'S FANTASTIC 368 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:37,108 BECAUSE IT'S TWICE THE WEISZ, WHICH IS TWICE AS NICE. 369 00:24:37,175 --> 00:24:40,312 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DID NOT SEE THE MOVIE AND CAN STILL SLEEP AT 370 00:24:40,378 --> 00:24:43,715 NIGHT, TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT "DEAD RINGERS" IS ABOUT. 371 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:47,552 >> Rachel: IT'S ABOUT... [CLEARS THROAT] 372 00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:50,956 EXCUSE ME. TWO IDENTICAL TWINS WHO ARE 373 00:24:51,022 --> 00:24:56,928 OB-GYNs, THEY LIVE IN MANHATTAN. 374 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:59,664 THE MOVIE OR THE TV SHOW? >> Stephen: I WANT YOU TO TELL 375 00:24:59,731 --> 00:25:02,467 THEM WHAT YOUR SHOW IS ABOUT. >> Rachel: OKAY. 376 00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:04,569 >> Stephen: ACTUALLY, YOU SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT. 377 00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:09,541 >> Rachel: ANYTHING AT ALL. IN FRENCH? 378 00:25:09,608 --> 00:25:18,817 EN FRANCAIS? TWO IDENTICAL TWINS WHO LIVE IN 379 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,019 MANHATTAN. TOP OF THEIR GAME 380 00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:22,287 PROFESSIONALLY, THEY ARE BRILLIANT. 381 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,824 THEY ARE THE DOCTORS EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE TO DELIVER BABIES. 382 00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:29,194 >> Stephen: DR. CELEBRITIES. >> Rachel: YEAH, THEY ARE 383 00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:32,063 FABULOUS. DR. CELEBRITIES. 384 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:36,468 BUT THEIR PRIVATE LIVES ARE MASSIVELY DYSFUNCTIONAL. 385 00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:41,273 THEY ARE CODEPENDENT AND REALLY TWISTED, DYSFUNCTIONAL WAY, 386 00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:45,610 BEVERLY IS THE SHY INTROVERTED CAREFUL ONE WHO WANTS TO RAISE 387 00:25:45,677 --> 00:25:48,246 MONEY FOR BIRTHING CENTER. SHE HAS NOBLE DREAMS AND 388 00:25:48,313 --> 00:25:53,051 CHANGING THE WORLD FOR WOMEN. AND THEN HER SISTER IS KIND OF 389 00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:56,922 WILD, DOES A LOT OF DRUGS, SHE'S HUNGRY. 390 00:25:56,988 --> 00:26:00,659 HAS AN APPETITE. AN APPETITE FOR FOOD, SEX, MEN, 391 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,361 SHE'S NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN DELIVERING BABIES. 392 00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:06,798 SHE LIKES SCIENCE AND SHE WANTS PRIVATE FUNDING AND A PRIVATE 393 00:26:06,865 --> 00:26:10,702 LAB SO SHE CAN DO THINGS THAT ARE ESSENTIALLY NOT REGULATED BY 394 00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:14,339 THE FDA SO SHE IS DOING SOME CRAZY SCIENCE. 395 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,242 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 396 00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:18,777 WITH MORE RACHEL WEISZ, EVERYBODY. 397 00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:20,845 STICK AROUND. 398 00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:26,518 ♪ 399 00:26:26,584 --> 00:26:27,619 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 400 00:26:27,686 --> 00:26:31,056 LOOK AT THAT. IT'S RACHEL WEISZ, THE STAR OF 401 00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:33,224 THE NEW LIMITED SERIES "DEAD RINGERS." 402 00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:34,893 HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED TWINS BEFORE? 403 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,195 >> Rachel: I HAVEN'T. >> Stephen: IS IT DIFFICULT? 404 00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:39,564 I HAVE TO IMAGINE THESE CHARACTERS EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN 405 00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:44,669 VERY DIFFERENT WAYS. >> Rachel: NO. 406 00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:49,274 ALEX BURGE, WHO WROTE THE SCRIPT, SHE IS BRILLIANT, SHE 407 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,443 JUST WROTE ON THE PAGE TO RADICALLY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS 408 00:26:51,509 --> 00:26:57,415 WHO ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL DIFFERENT IN EVERY WAY. 409 00:26:57,482 --> 00:27:04,689 IT'S LIKE IN STREETCAR AND NAMED DESIRE, DID I GET CONFUSED 410 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:08,660 BETWEEN BLANCHE AND STELLA? >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU DO THE 411 00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:12,063 SCENES WITH YOURSELF? WOULD YOU SHOOT A DAY AS BEVERLY 412 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:13,932 AND A DAY AS ELLIOT? >> Rachel: NO. 413 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:18,336 IF WE WERE DOING THIS SCENE NOW, WE WOULD JUST FINISH, I HAD BEEN 414 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:21,306 ELLIOT THAT I WOULD RUN AND CHANGING TO BEVERLY AND THEN SIT 415 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:23,108 OVER THERE. >> Stephen: DID SOMEONE PLAY 416 00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:25,243 THE OTHER PERSON. >> Rachel: YES. 417 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:29,848 I HAD AN ACTING PARTNER, KATIE HAWTHORNE, WAGES, OUT OF DRAMA 418 00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:31,082 SCHOOL. BRILLIANT ACTRESS. 419 00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:33,318 >> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE HAVE FANTASIES WHEN THEY ARE YOUNGER 420 00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:37,455 THEY IDENTICAL TWIN TO THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH SHENANIGANS AND 421 00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:39,924 OTHER STUFF LIKE THAT. WOULD YOU WANT AN IDENTICAL 422 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:43,094 TWIN? >> Rachel: I MEAN, I THINK 423 00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:44,362 WHEN YOU'RE A KID, IT WOULD'VE BEEN FUN. 424 00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,798 IF YOU ARE BAD AT MATH I DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE A HISTORY EXAM, YOU 425 00:27:46,865 --> 00:27:52,037 COULD SEND HER SISTER, SWAP OUT. THE TWINS IN THE SHOW, 426 00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:54,239 "DEAD RINGERS," THEY HAD BEEN DOING THAT SINCE THEY WERE 427 00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:57,175 CHILDREN. NOW THEY ARE GROWN-UPS. 428 00:27:57,242 --> 00:27:59,577 BEVERLY IS SHY SO ELLIOTT PROCURES LOVERS FOR HER. 429 00:27:59,644 --> 00:28:04,182 ELLIOTT GOES AND GETS A LOVER FOR HER AND THEN THEY SWAP. 430 00:28:04,249 --> 00:28:06,918 THEY HAVE BEEN DECEIVING PEOPLE A LOT. 431 00:28:06,985 --> 00:28:09,421 NOT JUST IN HISTORY CLASSES KIDS, IT'S GOTTEN PRETTY INTENSE 432 00:28:09,487 --> 00:28:13,958 AS GROWN-UPS. >> Stephen: WOW. 433 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:14,726 >> Rachel: YEAH. [LAUGHS] 434 00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:17,028 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 435 00:28:17,095 --> 00:28:21,332 WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE? >> Rachel: WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE 436 00:28:21,399 --> 00:28:27,338 THE TWINS, ELLIOTT AND BEVERLY, GOING UPSTATE NEW YORK TO MEET 437 00:28:27,405 --> 00:28:31,743 SOME BILLIONAIRES. IT'S AN EPISODE TWO. 438 00:28:31,810 --> 00:28:34,512 THEY WANT $15 MILLION FOR THIS BIRTHING CENTER AND LAB IN THIS 439 00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:43,121 FAMILY THAT THEY ARE GOING TO SEE, IT'S KIND OF A SUCCESSION 440 00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:46,324 TYPE EPISODE. MONSTROUSLY RICH PEOPLE WHO HAVE 441 00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:49,260 NO MORAL FIBER OR BACKBONE BUT HAVE THE MOST DELICIOUS DIALOGUE 442 00:28:49,327 --> 00:28:52,030 AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THEM. 443 00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:54,065 THEY'RE GOING UPSTATE. BEVERLY IS BEING A NERD AND 444 00:28:54,132 --> 00:28:58,403 TRYING TO STUDY AND ELLIOTT IS GONE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU 445 00:28:58,470 --> 00:29:01,973 NERD? THAT'S BASICALLY THE CLIP. 446 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,443 >> WHAT IS THIS? >> HELLO? 447 00:29:05,510 --> 00:29:07,946 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING. >> TRYING TO GET HIS MONEY. 448 00:29:08,012 --> 00:29:11,483 >> THESE ARE PIE CHARTS AND BAR GRAPHS. 449 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:14,586 >> HELLO? >> HOW ARE YOU PLANNING ON USING 450 00:29:14,652 --> 00:29:17,755 THIS, YOU NERD? >> OH, MY GOSH, YOU STILL JUST 451 00:29:17,822 --> 00:29:23,194 THAT 14-YEAR-OLD WANKING INTO ALGEBRA HOMEWORK. 452 00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:28,533 IT >> THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. >> BASICALLY IT DID. 453 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:38,143 ELLIOTT! [APPLAUSE] 454 00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:40,211 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU'RE AN INCREDIBLY GIFTED 455 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:43,615 ACTRESS, OSCAR-WINNER AND YOUR PERFORMANCE IN THE CONSTANT 456 00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:45,884 GARDENER IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN BUT YOU 457 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:49,320 ARE SO FUNNY, REALLY FUNNY ACTRESS. 458 00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:59,731 BESIDES PEOPLE KNOW YOU FROM "THE MUMMY" MOVIES. 459 00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:03,334 DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU ADMIRE, FAVORITE COMEDIAN? 460 00:30:03,401 --> 00:30:06,237 >> Rachel: SOMEONE THAT I WOULD SAY THAT I'M NOT VERY LIKE 461 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:10,175 THAT WHO I VERY MUCH ADMIRE HIS WILL FERRELL. 462 00:30:10,241 --> 00:30:13,645 >> Stephen: SURE. I WOULD NOT MIX YOU UP. 463 00:30:13,711 --> 00:30:17,615 >> Rachel: VERY DIFFERENT SKILL SETS. 464 00:30:17,682 --> 00:30:22,854 YEAH, I LOVE OLD SCHOOL. FRANK THE TANK. 465 00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:26,457 >> Stephen: SURE, EXACTLY. >> Rachel: RUNNING NAKED DOWN 466 00:30:26,524 --> 00:30:29,994 THE STREET AND HIS WIFE. >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 467 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:31,863 NO GREATER COMPLEMENT YOU CAN GIVE A MAN THEN SANG THE 468 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:36,668 FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IS YOU NAKED. 469 00:30:36,734 --> 00:30:39,404 [LAUGHTER] WELL, RACHEL, AND LOVELY TO SEE 470 00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:41,806 YOU AGAIN. SO NICE. 471 00:30:41,873 --> 00:30:44,075 "DEAD RINGERS" PREMIERES TOMORROW ON PRIME VIDEO. 472 00:30:44,142 --> 00:30:48,846 IT'S RACHEL WEISZ, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DANNY 473 00:30:48,913 --> 00:30:50,915 TREJO. 474 00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:01,993 ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: LADIES AND 475 00:31:02,060 --> 00:31:05,063 GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 476 00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:09,701 FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS. FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST 477 00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:11,669 AS AN ACTOR FROM "HEAT," "SPY KIDS," AND "BREAKING BAD." 478 00:31:11,736 --> 00:31:15,440 BUT YOU MAY NOT KNOW HE'S ALSO A RESTAURANTEUR 479 00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:20,378 AND COOKBOOK AUTHOR. PLEASE WELCOME DANNY TREJO. 480 00:31:20,445 --> 00:31:24,015 DANI, GOOD TO S SEE YOU. AMAZING PEOPLE. 481 00:31:24,082 --> 00:31:27,485 DANNY, I WAS THRILLED TO HEAR THAT I'D BE COOKING WITH YOU FOR 482 00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:29,120 THE FIRST TIME WE WERE EVER TOGETHER. 483 00:31:29,187 --> 00:31:33,958 WHAT ARE WE STARTING OFF WITH? >> Danny: WE ARE STARTING OFF 484 00:31:34,025 --> 00:31:41,666 WITH WATERMELON OGLALA FRESCA. >> Stephen: TAKE ME THROUGH I 485 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:44,669 IT. >> Stephen: THIS IS FROM THE 486 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:50,808 BOOK "TREJO'S CANTINA." >> Danny: OUR SECOND BOOK. 487 00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:53,745 MY THIRD BOOK. I DID ONE CALLED "TREJO: MY LIFE 488 00:31:53,811 --> 00:31:56,848 OF REDEMPTION, CRIME, AND HOLLYWOOD." 489 00:31:56,914 --> 00:32:01,219 >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF YOU, THIS IS A NONALCOHOLIC COCKTAIL. 490 00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:03,988 >> Danny: WE PUT NONALCOHOLIC DRINKS IN THE RESTAURANT BECAUSE 491 00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:08,626 A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO DRINK I DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN 492 00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:14,732 WHY THEY AREN'T DRINKING. FIRST OFF, THE WATERMELON. 493 00:32:14,799 --> 00:32:21,439 >> Stephen: IN THE BLENDER? >> Danny: IN THE LENDER. 494 00:32:21,506 --> 00:32:31,215 >> Danny: THEN SUGAR. FRESH LIME. 495 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:35,586 >> Stephen: WE WILL DO THIS TO PROVE THAT IT'S FRESH LIME. 496 00:32:35,653 --> 00:32:40,858 HOW SPICY ARE GOING TO GET HERE? >> Danny: THAT SPOON CONFUSES 497 00:32:40,925 --> 00:32:48,733 ME. IT SAYS SERVING, GRANDMA 498 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,268 SERVING. >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL GRANDMA 499 00:32:50,335 --> 00:32:54,906 CAN HANDLE? HOW ABOUT ICE? 500 00:32:54,972 --> 00:33:01,779 ICE. >> Danny: HIT IT. 501 00:33:01,846 --> 00:33:03,348 OH, WAIT! [LAUGHTER] 502 00:33:03,414 --> 00:33:08,052 IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. 503 00:33:08,119 --> 00:33:10,254 >> Stephen: DO YOU DO THE COOKING AT THESE RESTAURANTS? 504 00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:16,027 >> Danny: ABSOLUTELY. THERE'S TIMES WHEN I SHOW UP. 505 00:33:16,094 --> 00:33:19,797 HEY! >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN! 506 00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:22,433 >> Danny: I'VE BEEN GREAT! THINGS ARE GREAT. 507 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:26,637 LOVE YOUR SHOW. >> Stephen: HERE, CHEERS. 508 00:33:26,704 --> 00:33:34,178 >> Danny: OOH. >> Stephen: IT'S REALLY 509 00:33:34,245 --> 00:33:39,917 FANTASTIC. >> Danny: IF YOU'RE IN 510 00:33:39,984 --> 00:33:44,489 LOS ANGELES, YOU'VE GOT A JOB. >> Stephen: I'LL BE THERE M 511 00:33:44,555 --> 00:33:51,696 MAY 2ND. NOW, DANNY, I UNDERSTAND YOU 512 00:33:51,763 --> 00:33:54,565 DESCRIBING YOURSELF 513 00:33:54,632 --> 00:33:55,967 YOU HAVE A DISTINCT WAY OF DESCRIBING YOURSELF. 514 00:33:56,033 --> 00:33:59,370 >> Danny: A THUG THAT HUGS. I USED TO BE BAD GUY AND I JUST 515 00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:07,478 LOVE UGGING PEOPLE. >> Stephen: I'LL DRINK TO 516 00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:10,014 THAT. ONE WAY MOVING ON TO? 517 00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:18,856 WHAT IS A DANGER DOG? >> Danny: DANGER DOG, HOT DOG. 518 00:34:18,923 --> 00:34:22,393 >> Stephen: HOT DOGS BY THEIR NATURE KIND OF DANGEROUS. 519 00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:23,461 THEY WON'T TELL US WHAT'S IN THEM. 520 00:34:23,528 --> 00:34:29,333 >> Danny: IT'S KIND OF, HOW DO YOU SAY IT, SECRET. 521 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,838 FIRST THING WE DO. WE WRAPPED THE HOTDOG IN BACON. 522 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:39,710 THIS IS, LIKE. >> Stephen: REALLY, DANNY? 523 00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,179 >> Danny: PART OF OUR HEALTH FOOD. 524 00:34:41,245 --> 00:34:45,016 >> Stephen: IT'S NOT A RECIPE, IT'S A CRY FOR HELP. 525 00:34:45,082 --> 00:34:49,187 NOW THE HOTDOG GOES IN. >> Danny: THE HOTDOG GOES IN. 526 00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:52,023 >> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD SOUND. 527 00:34:52,089 --> 00:34:55,993 >> Danny: THAT'S A GOOD SOUND. NOW, IT COMES OUT. 528 00:34:56,060 --> 00:35:01,032 >> Stephen: I WANT TO COOK MINE A BIT MORE. 529 00:35:01,098 --> 00:35:05,937 JUST A LITTLE BIT. [LAUGHTER] 530 00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:10,341 WHAT IS A LITTLE TRICHINOSIS AMONG FRIENDS? 531 00:35:10,408 --> 00:35:13,778 WE ALREADY HAVE COOKED ONES? THERE WE GO. 532 00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:20,418 NOW WHAT DO WE DO? >> Danny: WHAT WE DO IS WE GET 533 00:35:20,485 --> 00:35:22,920 OUR HOTDOG BUN. >> Stephen: PUT THE BUN RIGHT 534 00:35:22,987 --> 00:35:27,191 IN THERE? TOAST THAT BAD BOY UP. 535 00:35:27,258 --> 00:35:30,094 HOW DID YOU BECOME A RESTAURATEUR? 536 00:35:30,161 --> 00:35:33,130 EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM AS AN ACTOR. >> Danny: EVERYTHING GOOD 537 00:35:33,197 --> 00:35:35,299 THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME HAS HAPPENED AS A DIRECT RESULT OF 538 00:35:35,366 --> 00:35:40,605 HELPING SOMEONE ELSE. I HELPED THE DIRECTOR NAMED 539 00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:43,374 CRAIG MOSS WHO NEEDED A NAME FOR HIS MOVIE. 540 00:35:43,441 --> 00:35:46,811 I HAVEN'T HAVE A NAME. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE NAME? 541 00:35:46,878 --> 00:35:54,252 >> Danny: THE NAME OF THE MOVIE IS CALLED "BADASS." 542 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:59,123 HE SAW THAT I LIKED GOOD FOOD. I WON'T EAT THAT FOOD. 543 00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:00,958 I WON'T EAT PROCESSED -- >> Stephen: ONLY HOT DOGS 544 00:36:01,025 --> 00:36:03,494 WRAPPED WITH BACON. >> Danny: THAT'S A GOOD 545 00:36:03,561 --> 00:36:06,397 HOTDOG. THAT IS AN ALL MEAT HOTDOG. 546 00:36:06,464 --> 00:36:07,498 OKAY? [LAUGHS] 547 00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:09,667 >> Stephen: JUST MEET. LET'S NOT IDENTIFY WHAT MEET, 548 00:36:09,734 --> 00:36:12,603 JUST MEET. >> Danny: IF I COOK IT, I'LL 549 00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:14,839 EAT IT. >> Stephen: WHAT WE PUT ON 550 00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:20,845 THIS, DANIEL? >> Danny: HOTDOG RELAYS LIKE A 551 00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:22,880 TACO. YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING YOU WANT. 552 00:36:22,947 --> 00:36:26,250 I HAVE CAULIFLOWER TACOS AT MY WRIST ON PEOPLE LOVE THEM. 553 00:36:26,317 --> 00:36:33,724 IT WAS NUMBER ONE ON THE YIKES? WHAT IS IT? 554 00:36:33,791 --> 00:36:44,936 YELP. >> Stephen: I LIKE YIKES. 555 00:36:45,002 --> 00:36:49,774 JUST A WARNING, DON'T EAT AT ANY RESTAURANT REVIEWED ON YIKES. 556 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,977 OKAY. SO WHAT ARE WE PUT ON THIS? 557 00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:56,480 >> Danny: WHATEVER WE WANT. WE'VE GOT AVOCADO. 558 00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:59,717 >> Stephen: PICKLED ONION? I LOVE A LITTLE PICKLED ONION. 559 00:36:59,784 --> 00:37:03,521 >> Danny: JALAPENO IF YOU WANT A GOOD BITE. 560 00:37:03,588 --> 00:37:06,524 BEINGS. >> Stephen: MUSTARD? 561 00:37:06,591 --> 00:37:10,194 THE YELLOW STUFF. I'LL KEEP IT SIMPLE. 562 00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:12,964 I'LL KEEP IT SIMPLE. I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING 563 00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:16,500 BEFORE WE TAKE A BITE, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS PICTURE RIGHT 564 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:18,502 HERE. THIS IS THE TITLE PAGE PICTURE 565 00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:21,205 OF YOUR BOOK. WHERE SHOULD I SHOW THIS? 566 00:37:21,272 --> 00:37:32,049 RIGHT HERE? THERE YOU ARE. 567 00:37:32,116 --> 00:37:34,585 AND, I WANT TO POINT OUT TO EVERYBODY THAT YOU ARE 78 YEARS 568 00:37:34,652 --> 00:37:36,988 OLD. DO YOU GET A BODY LIKE THAT BY 569 00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:40,691 EATING BACON WRAPPED HOTDOGS? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 570 00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:45,763 AND DANNY, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY ARE THERE TWO DANNY TREJOS? 571 00:37:45,830 --> 00:37:50,234 IS THAT HOW YOU GET SO MUCH DONE? 572 00:37:50,301 --> 00:37:56,707 >> Danny: THIS IS AT MADAME TROUSSEAU, THE WAX FIGURE. 573 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:57,808 MADAME TUSSAUDS. >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. 574 00:37:57,875 --> 00:38:03,014 WHICH ONE OF YOU, I'M GOING TO SAY... 575 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:08,986 THAT'S YOU. THAT'S YOU. 576 00:38:09,053 --> 00:38:15,092 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Danny: THE ONE WITH THE 577 00:38:15,159 --> 00:38:24,135 TATTOOS. >> Stephen: DANNY, THIS IS A 578 00:38:24,201 --> 00:38:28,272 FAMILY SHOW. THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW. 579 00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:31,275 [LAUGHTER] ALL RIGHT, CAN I HIT THIS THING? 580 00:38:31,342 --> 00:38:36,647 >> Danny: ABSOLUTELY. I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU I BROUGHT 581 00:38:36,714 --> 00:38:41,018 YOU A CRYSTAL BUT I FORGOT IT. MY GIRLFRIEND HAS A CRYSTAL. 582 00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:42,453 >> Stephen: LIKE A SPIRITUAL CRYSTAL? 583 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:51,262 >> Danny: YEAH. A PLACE ARKANSAS. 584 00:38:51,328 --> 00:38:53,698 >> Stephen: LITTLE ROCK? >> Danny: OUTSIDE OF 585 00:38:53,764 --> 00:38:55,399 LITTLE ROCK. HOT SPRINGS. 586 00:38:55,466 --> 00:38:59,103 >> Stephen: WHAT WILL IT DO? >> Danny: SHE SENT ME A BUNCH 587 00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:04,608 AND IT'S MY WHOLE HOUSE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HOUSE? 588 00:39:04,675 --> 00:39:06,644 IT'S NOT GOOD VIBES. CRYSTALS ARE GOOD VIBES. 589 00:39:06,711 --> 00:39:21,158 REMEMBER THAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 590 00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:25,863 >> Stephen: THE MAN IS DANNY TREJO, THE COOKBOOK IS 591 00:39:25,930 --> 00:39:27,598 "TREJO'S CANTINA." IT'S AVAILABLE NOW. 592 00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:30,835 DANNY TREJO, EVERYBODY. 593 00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:38,042 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 594 00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:43,314 BEFORE WE GO, I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO GIVE A SHOUT 595 00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:45,783 OUT TO MY FELLOW LATE-NIGHT BROADCASTER JAMES CORDEN 596 00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:50,755 JAMES CORDEN. HIS LAST SHOW ON CBS IS A WEEK 597 00:39:50,821 --> 00:39:52,690 FROM TONIGHT, RIGHT, NEXT THURSDAY. 598 00:39:52,757 --> 00:39:55,593 BUT WE ARE NOT ON NEXT WEEK SO THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT I'M 599 00:39:55,659 --> 00:40:00,731 TOSSING TO HIM HERE ON CBS. ALL OF US HERE KNOW HOW MUCH 600 00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:04,502 WORK AND HOW MUCH CARE TAKES TO DO ONE OF THESE SHOWS. 601 00:40:04,568 --> 00:40:08,105 WHEN ALL OF US WANT TO EXTEND OUR CONGRATULATIONS TO JAMES AND 602 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:10,141 ESPECIALLY EVERYBODY THERE WHO WORKS SO HARD BEHIND THE SCENES 603 00:40:10,207 --> 00:40:14,845 TO MAKE THAT SHOW, WHICH WAS SO SUCCESSFUL AND MADE SUCH AN 604 00:40:14,912 --> 00:40:16,680 IMPACT IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. 605 00:40:16,747 --> 00:40:21,051 IT'S AN INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT. I HOPE ALL OF YOU ARE SO PROUD. 606 00:40:21,118 --> 00:40:22,353 JAMES, I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MOVIES. 607 00:40:22,419 --> 00:40:27,258 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. GOOD NIGHT. 608 00:40:27,324 --> 00:40:28,759 ♪ ♪