1 00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:03,044 >> THIS APRIL THE VACCINE WILL BE AVAILABLE TO THE ENTIRE 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:07,590 GENERAL POPULATION WITH THE EXCEPTION OF PLACES LIKE NEW 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,758 YORK STATE. 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,720 >> OH MY GOD, PRESIDENT TRUMP WITH THOSE COMMENTS ON FRIDAY 5 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:15,306 ABOUT WITHHOLDING A CORONAVIRUS VACCINE FROM NEW YORK STATE. 6 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,935 IT COMES AFTER GOVERNOR CUOMO SAID HE PLANNED TO HAVE A PANEL 7 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:22,605 OF EXPERTS REVIEW A VACCINE RATHER THAN TAKING THE WORD OF 8 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,189 THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. 9 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:46,254 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:53,636 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:53,720 --> 00:01:07,358 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 12 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:17,452 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 13 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,579 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 14 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,878 >> IT'S A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 15 00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:34,135 TONIGHT-- STEPHEN WELCOMES JAKE TAPPER. 16 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:40,517 AND MUSICAL GUEST BENNY FEATURING JON BATTISTE AND STAY 17 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,768 HOHMANN. 18 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:47,982 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, IT'S STEPHEN 19 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,150 COLBERT. 20 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:53,530 >> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO A LATE SHOW AND 21 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,824 PUPPET THEATER. 22 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,159 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT, THAT WILL MAKE SENSE LATER. 23 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,704 NOW I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD WEEKEND, NOT THAT I AM CONCEDING 24 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,875 THAT THERE WAS A WEEKEND, THAT IS FOR THE COURTS TO DECIDE, 25 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,920 THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND 26 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:12,549 I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN MY VIRAL SEGMENTS: 27 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,883 CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER. 28 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,595 >> HOT BLOODED, CHECK IT AND SEE. 29 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:25,562 YOU'LL HAVE A FEVER OF A 103! 30 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,188 HAHA, YEAH! 31 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:34,070 >> Stephen: GET OUT, GET OUT. 32 00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:37,282 >> Stephen: THE BAD IS GETTING WORSE. 33 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,283 THIS WEEK ALONE, THE U.S. ADDED ONE MILLION NEW CORONAVIRUS 34 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,493 CASES. 35 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,745 BUT TOP MAGA SCIENTISTS HAVE A SOLUTION: 36 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:43,913 >> STOP THE COUNT! 37 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:44,330 STOP THE COUNT! 38 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,917 STOP THE COUNT! 39 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,296 >> Stephen: AND THE WORST PART IS, THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE WORST, 40 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,923 BECAUSE THE HOLIDAYS ARE APPROACHING. 41 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,885 AS ONE HOSPITAL DIRECTOR WARNED: CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S EVE 42 00:02:56,968 --> 00:03:00,597 PARTIES COULD LEAD TO A "GIANT, INTERGENERATIONAL CLUSTER." 43 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,934 NORMALLY IF YOU WANT TO SEE A GIANT INTERGENERATIONAL CLUSTER, 44 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:13,443 YOU HAVE TO ASK SANTA FOR PORNHUB PREMIUM. 45 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,485 SO I'VE HEARD. 46 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,279 LOCAL OFFICIALS ARE SCRAMBLING TO STOP THE SPREAD. 47 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,239 LOS ANGELES MAYOR ERIC GARCETTI ISSUED A STATEMENT, TELLING 48 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,283 CITIZENS, "CANCEL THOSE VACATION PLANS RIGHT NOW. 49 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:24,162 DO NOT SNEAK IN OTHER HOUSEHOLDS FOR THANKSGIVING." 50 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:28,750 I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY THAT SECOND THING IS JUST GOOD ADVICE 51 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,335 UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 52 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,671 THERE'S A REASON YOU DON'T HEAR THIS AROUND THE HOLIDAY TABLE; 53 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:37,175 "OH, MY TURN? 54 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:40,303 UH, I GUESS I'M THANKFUL THAT YOU LEFT THE BASEMENT DOOR 55 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,387 UNLOCKED." 56 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,474 THANKFULLY, THERE'S ADVICE FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW STUFF. 57 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,433 FOR INSTANCE, THE C.D.C. IS SUGGESTING AMERICANS HAVE 58 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,351 THANKSGIVING OUTSIDE. 59 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,646 OKAY, LATE NOVEMBER COULD GET LITTLE NIPPY. 60 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:53,441 SO INSTEAD OF A TURKEY I RECOMMEND SERVING EACH GUEST TWO 61 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:56,861 CORNISH GAME HENS, ONE FOR EACH HAND. 62 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,280 NOW ONCE YOU ARE OUTSIDE, THE CDC HAS PLENTY OF ADDITIONAL 63 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:03,660 SAFETY RECOMMENDATIONS SUCH AS USE DISPOSABLE ITEMS. 64 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:04,285 LIKE UTENSILS. 65 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:08,331 I'M SORRY, WHY? 66 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:12,001 DO OTHER PEOPLE SHARE THEIR SILVERWARE AT THANKSGIVING. 67 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,505 NANA COULD YOU PASS THE PEAS, ALSO YOUR FORK, THESE CARROTS 68 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:20,259 AREN'T THE SAME WITHOUT THE SWEET ZING OF FIXODENT. 69 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,845 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT AT ALL. 70 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,474 I DON'T. 71 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,226 CDC ALSO RECOMMENDS BRING YOUR OWN FOOD. 72 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:32,522 SO JUST TELL YOUR AUNT YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF HER HOT FRUIT 73 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:36,025 CASSEROLE THIS YEAR BECAUSE IT IS DR. FAUCI'S ORDERS, NO OTHER 74 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,902 REASON, I LOVE HOT FRUIT. 75 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:42,365 THEY ALSO ADVISE USING SINGLE USE OPTIONS LIKE SALAD DRESSINGS 76 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,993 AND CONDIMENT PACKETS. 77 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,453 I KNEW TRA DREW I KNEW THAT DRAWER OF CONDIMENT 78 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,705 PACKETS WOULD COME IN HANDY. 79 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,540 "UNCLE CARL, HERE'S YOUR MASHED POTATOES AND A PACKET OF 80 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:54,085 TERIYAKI SAUCE FROM 1997. 81 00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:54,961 IT'S GOT A PICTURE OF FRASIER ON IT. 82 00:04:55,044 --> 00:05:02,218 REMEMBER FRASIER DAYS AT PANDA EXPRESS?" 83 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:05,263 SO, HOW DID THINGS GET SO BAD WITH COVID? 84 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:09,726 WELL, FOR STARTERS, THERE'S A COMPLETE VACUUM OF LEADERSHIP, 85 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,561 AND NOT JUST BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT SUCKS. 86 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:16,024 IT TURNS OUT HE HAS NOT ATTENDED A CORONAVIRUS TASKFORCE MEETING 87 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:24,949 IN "AT LEAST FIVE MONTHS." 88 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,576 OKAY, S IT'S NOVEMBER 16, FIVE MONTHS AGO WAS JUNE 16. 89 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,536 I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE OP-ED THAT THE HEAD OF THE 90 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,039 CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE MIKE PENCE WROTE IN "THE WALL STREET 91 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:35,126 JOURNAL?" "THERE ISN'T A CORONAVIRUS 92 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,169 SECOND WAVE." 93 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:42,592 NO, JUST ONE GIANT TSUNAMI OF CRIMINAL STUPIDITY. 94 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:48,931 DR. FAUCI TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT DR. FAUCI, EXCUSE ME, OH, THAT 95 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,808 JOKE BACKED UP ON ME. 96 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:54,312 DR. FAUCI TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT THE PRESIDENT IS STILL GETTING 97 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,105 VITAL INFORMATION, KIND OF SORT OF. 98 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,398 >> WHEN WE HAVE A TASK >> WHEN WE HAVE OUR TASKFORCE 99 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,567 MEETING, IT'S RUN, AS YOU KNOW, BY VICE PRESIDENT PENCE. 100 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,278 AND THE VICE PRESIDENT THEN TRANSLATES THAT TO THE PRESIDENT 101 00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:03,529 HIMSELF. 102 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,991 >> Stephen: GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL, OR ON THE 103 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,785 PENCE, WHEN HE TRIED TO TRANSLATE THIS INFORMATION. 104 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,535 (AS PENCE) "MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS DR. 105 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,829 BADNEWS BURGER. 106 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,749 HE HAS SOME INFORMATION TO SHARE WITH YOU." 107 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,710 (SILLY VOICE) "THIS IS AMERICA'S DARKEST HOUR! 108 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:25,301 HUH-OH-OH!" I'M DELICIOUS. 109 00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:29,680 >> Stephen: WE MIGHT NEED THIS AGAIN. 110 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,140 THAT WAS THE TOUGHEST PART. 111 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:35,645 THANKFULLY THERE IS SOME GOOD COVID NEWS. 112 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,523 THIS MORE-MING, PHARMACEUTICAL GIANT MODERNA ANNOUNCED THAT 113 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:43,694 ACCORDING TO PRELIMINARY RESULTS THEIR CORONAVIRUS VACCINE IS 114 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,946 94.5 PERCENT EFFECTIVE. 115 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:49,325 THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO COVID VACCINES ON THE 116 00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:50,576 HORIZON. 117 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:54,163 THE BAD NEWS IS THE PRESIDENT MAY NOT LET EVERY AMERICAN HAVE 118 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:54,872 THEM. 119 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:55,873 HERE IS WHAT HE SAID ON FRIDAY. 120 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,375 >> AS SOON AS APRIL THE >> AS SOON AS APRIL, THE 121 00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:00,336 VACCINE WILL BE AVAILABLE TO THE ENTIRE GENERAL POPULATION, WITH 122 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,463 THE EXCEPTION OF PLACES LIKE NEW YORK STATE. 123 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,507 >> Stephen: SO YOU'LL HAVE TO GET THE VACCINE IN NEW JERSEY, 124 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:08,386 BUT JUST PICK IT UP ON YOUR WAY BACK FROM GETTING YOUR NEW LEGAL 125 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:13,474 WEED, WHICH PRELIMINARY TESTS SHOW IS 94.5% DANK. 126 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,686 SO THE PRESIDENT IS THREATENING TO WITHHOLD A LIFE-SAVING 127 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,689 VACCINE FROM HIS HOME STATE, BUT DON'T WORRY, HE HAS A GOOD 128 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:20,898 REASON: GOVERNOR CUOMO HURT HIS FEELINGS. 129 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:25,528 >> FOR POLITICAL REASONS, THE GOVERNOR DECIDED, THEY SAY-- 130 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,405 AND, YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK IT'S GOOD, POLITICALLY; I THINK 131 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:31,409 IT'S VERY BAD FROM A HEALTH STANDPOINT-- BUT HE WANTS TO 132 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,535 TAKE HIS TIME WITH THE VACCINE. 133 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:36,873 HE DOESN'T TRUST WHERE THE VACCINE IS COMING FROM. 134 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:42,086 >> Stephen: WHAT THE GOVERNOR ACTUALLY SAID IS THAT NEW YORK, 135 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,672 LIKE CALIFORNIA, NEVADA, OREGON, AND WASHINGTON, WANTS TO VERIFY 136 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:45,882 THE FINDINGS. 137 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,926 FOR SOME REASON, CUOMO DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY TRUST THE GUY WHO 138 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:53,556 TOLD US TO DRINK BLEACH AND JAM SUNSHINE UP OUR BUTTS. 139 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,893 SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO WEEKS SINCE THE 140 00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,938 ELECTION, AND THE PRESIDENT STILL CAN'T FACE THAT HE LOST. 141 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,440 AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF OUR SEGMENT 142 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,609 THAT JUST WON'T LEAVE: >> YOU VOTED FOR ME! 143 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,402 YOU VOTED FOR ME! 144 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,570 YOU VOTED FOR ME! 145 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,448 YOU VOTED FOR ME! 146 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:14,076 >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE." 147 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,704 >> YOU VOTED FOR ME! 148 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:19,081 >> Stephen: WELL, IN A STUNNING RESULT THE PEACH STATE 149 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,418 GEORGIA HAS FINALLY BEEN CALLED MACKING THE ULTIMATE TALLY IN 150 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:28,090 THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE BIDEN WINNING WITH 306 TO 2326789 151 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,510 COINCIDENTALLY, THE EXACT SAME NUMBER OF ELECTORAL VOTES AS 152 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,970 20167. 153 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,097 SO, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THAT FINAL RESULT? 154 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,642 >> WE WON BY A LANDSLIDE. 155 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:38,434 A LANDSLIDE. 156 00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:38,809 A LANDSLIDE. 157 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,520 A LANDSLIDE. 158 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,606 A LANDSLIDE. 159 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,649 A TREMENDOUS LANDSLIDE. 160 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:53,616 >> Stephen: ♪ AND THE LANDSLIDE BROUGHT YOU DOWN ♪ 161 00:08:53,699 --> 00:09:04,502 ( LAUGHS ) ♪ I ALSO HAD SEX WITH-- THAT IS 162 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:09,131 RIGHT UP THERE -- WITHOUT IS THE GUITAR CHRISTIE McVEE. 163 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,509 >> SORRY LINDS SEE BUCKINGHAM I HAD SOMETHING W IT WAS VERY 164 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:18,349 DARK, IT WAS VERY DARK, ALL I KNOW IS MUK FLEETWOOD CAN KEEP 165 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,642 TIME, MAN. 166 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,354 BIDEN, BIDEN FLIPPED FIVE STARTS, GEORGIA, ORAZIETTI 167 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,065 ARIZONA, MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA AND WISCONSIN, JOE FLIPPED 168 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,858 STATES IN THE SUN BELT AND THE RUST BELT. 169 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:32,446 I GUESS THERE IS NOTHING SUBURBAN WOMEN LIKE MORE THAN A 170 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,489 REVERSIBLE BELT. 171 00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:34,991 FACED WITH THE OVERWHELMING WHAT T 172 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,826 FACED WITH THE OVERWHELMING "WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED," 173 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,536 YESTERDAY, THE NOW LAME-DUCK PRESIDENT QUACKED, OF JOE BIDEN, 174 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:41,539 "HE WON BECAUSE THE ELECTION WAS RIGGED." 175 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:45,042 YOU HAD ME AT "HE WON." 176 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,629 THE REST OF IT I JUST KIND OF GOT ALL WARM AND DREAMY FOR. 177 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:51,299 BUT THEN, THE DENIER-IN-CHIEF DECLARED BACKSIES, TWEETING, 178 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,634 "I WON THE ELECTION!" THAT IS THE DIGITAL EQUIVALENT 179 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:59,682 OF WAKING UP TO FIND GRANDPA SCREAMING ON THE LAWN. 180 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,851 SCREAMING ON THE LAWN IN HIS UNDERWEAR. 181 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,602 YOU CAN'T GIVE A STANDARD MENTAL COGNITION TEST BECAUSE THE FIRST 182 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,980 QUESTION IS WHO IS THE PRESIDENT. 183 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:10,026 NOW REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE SOON TO BE NOT PRESIDENT TWEETS, THE 184 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,862 ELECTION IS OVER AND THERE SHOULD BE NO DOUBT ABOUT THE 185 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,824 SECURITY AND FAIRNESS OF THE VOTING IN FACT FEDERAL AND STATE 186 00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,743 GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ISSUED A JOINT STATEMENT THURSDAY SAYING 187 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:24,206 THAT THIS YEAR'S ELECTION WAS THE MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN 188 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,041 HISTORY. 189 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,167 KIND OF IRONIC KIND OF IRONIC, SINCE IT 190 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,836 DEFEATED THE MOST INSECURE PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY. 191 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,671 BUT ONE MEMBER OF THE ADMINISTRATION IS COMING TO 192 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,674 THEIR SENSES: NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER AND ANDERSON STUPOR, 193 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,427 ROBERT O'BRIEN. 194 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:40,056 TODAY, O'BRIEN DARED TO SAY THIS ABOUT A POSSIBLE TRANSITION TO A 195 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,683 BIDEN ADMINISTRATION. 196 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,102 >> WE MAY HAVE POLICY DISAGREEMENTS, BUT, LOOK, IF 197 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,772 THE BIDEN-HARRIS TICKET IS DETERMINED TO BE THE WINNER AND 198 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:51,901 IT'S-- OBVIOUSLY THINGS LOOK THAT WAY NOW-- WE'LL HAVE A VERY 199 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:56,113 PROFESSIONAL TRANSITION FROM THE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL, 200 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,323 THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. 201 00:10:57,406 --> 00:11:00,284 >> Stephen: NO SURPRISE THAT O'BRIEN IS STARTING TO EASE THE 202 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,327 BIG MAN OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. 203 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,079 BEFORE SERVING AS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER, HE WAS 204 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,916 SPECIAL PRESIDENTIAL ENVOY FOR HOSTAGE AFFAIRS. 205 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:12,880 SO WE KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO END. 206 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:17,593 "SIR, LEAVE THE BUILDING NOW, AND WE WILL FULFILL YOUR LIST OF 207 00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:24,725 DEMANDS: LEGAL IMMUNITY, A HIGHLY INACCURATE BATHROOM 208 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,812 SCALE, A BOTTOMLESS BUCKET OF K.F.C., YOU GET TO MEET THE 209 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:33,109 COLONEL, A LETTER FROM YOUR DAD SAYING THAT HE LOVES YOU, A 210 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,695 LETTER FROM THE COLONEL SAYING THAT HE LOVES YOU, AND A SECOND 211 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:40,658 BOTTOMLESS BUCKET OF K.F.C., AND A SECOND EVEN FALLER 212 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:45,579 SKYSCRAPER IN NEW YORK WITH YOUR NAME ON IT THAT ALSO, IF I AM 213 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:56,132 READING THIS RIGHT, HAS-- HAS-- -- THINK ABOUT THIS, 214 00:11:56,215 --> 00:12:01,303 MEANWHILE INSTEAD OF ARGUING WITH A TOLDER, BIDEN IS CALMLY 215 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,140 PREPARING TO TAKE THE REIGNS OF THE GOVERNMENT, UNFORTUNATELY 216 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,476 THE GOVERNMENT HASN'T BEEN COMPANY RATING HE HAD HAS BEEN 217 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,439 DENIED OFFICE SPACE AND DIN-- WOMAN EXPLAINING WHY SHE 218 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:14,316 WILL CALL THE COPS ON THIS COOKOUTK EMILY MURPHY. 219 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,486 MURPHY WAS INSTALLED BY THE RESIDENT IN 2017 AND HAS 220 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,612 REMAINED A LOYALIST. 221 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:22,825 EVEN THOUGH BIDEN HAS AN INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD MURPHY HAS 222 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:26,996 SO FAR REFUSED TO CERTIFIED BIDEN AS THE ELECTIONS WINNER AS 223 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,956 THE PRESIDENT ATTEMPTS TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION RESULTS IN 224 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:29,832 COURT. 225 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,709 THAT COULTER THAT COURT CASE IS, OF COURSE, 226 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:32,960 SNOWBALL'S CHANCE V. HELL. 227 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:36,005 BUT MURPHY DOESN'T SEEM TO THINK THIS ADMINISTRATION WILL LAST 228 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,840 MUCH LONGER, BECAUSE A NEW REPORT SAYS THAT SHE RECENTLY 229 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:42,470 SENT A MESSAGE TO AN ASSOCIATE INQUIRING ABOUT EMPLOYMENT 230 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,680 OPPORTUNITIES IN 2021. 231 00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,390 THIS IS SO UNFAIR! 232 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:50,060 SHE WON'T LET AMERICA MOVE ON, BUT SHE'S SEARCHING FOR THE NEXT 233 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,353 JOB? 234 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,815 WELL, SHE SHOULD FIND SOMETHING SUITABLE ON EnableAMonster.com. 235 00:12:54,899 --> 00:13:00,571 THIS WEEKEND THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED THE "MILLION MAGA MARCH," 236 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,323 A PROTEST IN SUPPORT OF THE PRESIDENT'S FALSE CLAIM THAT HE 237 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,825 WAS CHEATED OUT OF AN ELECTION WIN. 238 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,869 NOW, THE THING ABOUT THE MILLION MAGA MARCH: IT WASN'T QUITE A 239 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,288 MILLION. 240 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,081 INSTEAD, ATTENDEES NUMBERED SOMEWHERE IN THE TENS OF 241 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,501 THOUSANDS RANGE. 242 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,837 10,000, A MILLION, THAT'S JUST HOW THEY COUNT. 243 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,923 YOU ROUND UP FOR MARCHES, ROUND DOWN FOR COVID DEATHS. 244 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:23,594 IT'S ALL IN THEIR TEXT BOOK, "BASIC ARITH-MAGA." 245 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,930 ONE PERSON CLEARLY NOT IN THE POCKET OF BIG REALITY: WHITE 246 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:30,351 HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY AND THIRD SISTER FROM "FROZEN" WHO 247 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:34,104 ACTUALLY WANTED THE TOWN TO DIE, KAYLEIGH McENANY. 248 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:38,400 McENANY TWEETED, "MORE THAN ONE MILLION MARCHERS FOR PRESIDENT 249 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,070 DESCEND ON THE SWAMP IN SUPPORT." 250 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:49,745 SO THE ADMINISTRATION ENDS AS IT BEGAN, LYING ABOUT CROWD SIZE. 251 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:50,371 THEY'VE COME FULL CIRCLE. 252 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,414 THAT'S JUST BASIC GEOM-MAGA. 253 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,542 OF COURSE, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARCH. 254 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:58,587 AND IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE TO WANT TO HAVE ONE LAST MAGA. 255 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,048 NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, IT'S NO FUN TO LOSE. 256 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:04,426 AND IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE HANGING UP YOUR MAGA HAT, HERE 257 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,929 ARE SOME TIPS THAT MIGHT HELP YOU COPE WITH YOUR LOSS, FROM 258 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:13,727 PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW IT FEELS: >> AND NOW A MESSAGE TO DONALD 259 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:18,107 TRUMP VOTERS FROM HILL RAE CLINTON VOTERS. 260 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,693 SO YOUR CANDIDATE LOST. 261 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,277 SORRY. 262 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,778 WE KNOW IT FEELS TERRIBLE. 263 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,613 WE HAVE BEEN THERE. 264 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,448 BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO MOVE ON. 265 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,952 SO HOWEVER YOU'RE FEELING, HERE ARE SOME COPING TIPS THAT HELPED 266 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,122 US GET THROUGH THE LAST FOUR YEARS. 267 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,957 YOU HAVE GOT TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. 268 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,458 WE KNOW IT IS EMBARRASSING. 269 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:42,339 SO FIND A SAFE SPACE LIKE MAYBE A BUFFALO WILD WINGS. 270 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:42,840 PRACTICE SELF-CARE. 271 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,091 TAKE A BUBBLE BATH. 272 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:48,929 MAYBE CRY WHILE YOU LISTEN TO WHATEVER PANDORA PLAYS WHEN YOU 273 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:54,143 SEARCH ACOUSTIC SAD. 274 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,312 ♪ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL. 275 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,563 ♪. 276 00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:58,439 >> PRACTICE DIRECT ACTION. 277 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,983 CONTACT YOUR GOVERNMENT REPRESENTATIVES. 278 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,069 FOR BEST RESULTS DON'T THREATEN TO KIDNAP THEM. 279 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,447 STILL CRUSHED? 280 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,115 THEN IT'S TIME TO BREAK OUT YOUR BLENDER. 281 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:12,953 WE RECOMMEND A BOTTLE OF BOURBON AND PINT OF FUDGE BROWNIE ICE 282 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,831 CREAM TO MAKE WHAT WE CALL BREAKFAST. 283 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:19,793 OR IF YOU ARE FEELING REALLY OVERWHELMED, JUST TWEET ANY 284 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:23,380 VAGUE STATEMENT OF HOPE FOLLOWED BY THE HASHTAG RESISTANCE. 285 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,508 WE WON'T BE NEEDING IT ANY MORE, SNOWFLAKE. 286 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,511 BY THE WAY, SNOWFLAKES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE. 287 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,096 NOT SURE HOW IT GOT TURNED INTO AN INSULT. 288 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,807 WE DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. 289 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,142 SO CHIB UP. 290 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:36,644 WE'LL SIGH YOU IN FOUR YEARS. 291 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:40,022 IN THE MEAN TIME, YOU CAN STILL DRINK FROM YOUR LIBERAL TEARS 292 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:40,856 MUG. 293 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:44,109 JUST REMEMBER NOW THEY'RE TEARS OF JOY. 294 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,403 >> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 295 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,988 MY GUEST IS JAKE TAPPER. 296 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,492 BUT WHEN WE RETURN I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT A COUNTRY THAT IS ALMOST 297 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:51,992 AS BAD AT HANDLING COVID AS WE ARE. 298 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,369 STUCK AROUND. 299 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,105 >> Stephen: I WAS JUST COMPLIMENTING WHOEVER WAS WORK 300 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:24,066 ON THE DESK WILE I WAS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND BECAUSE I GOT THE 301 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,025 BONE HERE WITH MY NAME ON IT. 302 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,778 AND THERE WERE SOME BONE MARKS ON THE DESK. 303 00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:29,071 ANG SOMEBODY CLEANED THE BONE SHADERS OFF PIE DESK. 304 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,280 IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. 305 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:34,702 A LOT OF THE NEWCOMERS IN THE LATE NIGHT WORLD HAVE TO KNOW, 306 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,079 YOU HAVE TO CLEAN ALL THE BONE SHADERS OFF YOUR DESK AT THE END 307 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,416 OF THE WEEK OR IT BUILDS UP, IT BUILDS UP. 308 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,585 HEY, EVERYBODY, WITH THAT BIT OF WISDOM OUT OF THE WAY LET'S SAY 309 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:47,089 HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE. 310 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,132 HELLO JON BATISTE. 311 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,133 >> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN COLBERT, GET THE BONE SHADERS 312 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,051 AWAY, COME ON. 313 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,512 >> Stephen: NOW JON, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND? 314 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:57,766 >> Jon: THE WEEKEND WAS BLESSED, I AM GLAD TO SEE A LOT 315 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,225 OF THINGS. 316 00:16:58,308 --> 00:16:59,393 I WILL SAY THAT. 317 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,479 >> Stephen: OKAY. 318 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:06,108 FOR VISION ITSELF OR JUST THE THINGS YOU ARE SEEING IN THE 319 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:06,525 WORLD. 320 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:07,651 >> Jon: BOTH. 321 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,904 I THINK THE THINGS I'M SEEING IN THE WORLD ARE PROMISING. 322 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,949 AND YOU KNOW, IT'S STILL A ROUGH TIME BUT I THINK WE ARE MOVING 323 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:14,783 OUT OF IT. 324 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,118 I'M GOING TO SPEAK THAT INTO EXISTENCE. 325 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,121 >> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD, THROW IT OUT THERE. 326 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:23,459 LIKE AN ANCHOR, PULL YOURSELF TOWARD IT ON THE ROPE OF YOUR 327 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:23,959 HOPE. 328 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,669 >> Jon: I LIKE THAT. 329 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,712 THAT IS DEECH. 330 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,715 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU, JON. 331 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,842 >> Jon: YES, INDEED. 332 00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:37,139 >> Stephen: SO FOLKS, IF THE PRESIDENT IS LISTENING TO A TASK 333 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,099 FORCE AND HE'S NOT, WHO IS ELISE ENING TO. 334 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:42,644 ENTER CORONAVIRUS ADVISOR AND VITAMIN SALESMAN EXPLAINING WHY 335 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:47,191 THIS ACTUALLY ISN'T A PYRAMID SCHEME, SCOTT ATLAS. 336 00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:51,153 UNLIKE EXPERTS LIKE DR. FAUCI AND DR. BIRX, ATLAS' PLAN IS FOR 337 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:55,699 AMERICANS TO INFECT EACH OTHER SO MUCH THEY ACHIEVE SOMETHING 338 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:59,161 CALLED HERD IMMUNITY. 339 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:03,791 HERTURD BECAUSE THERE IS A BILE PILE OF BEUL BEEP BLEEP. 340 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,795 A LOT OF PEOPLE DIE UNDER THE SCENARIO OF HE ARE, D IMMUNITY, 341 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:13,634 UNLIKE DR. FAUCI AND DR. BIRX, IS HE NOT AN IMNOL GUEST, IS HE 342 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,929 A NEURORADIOLOGIST THAT DOES NOT HAVE A BACKGROUND IN INFECTIOUS 343 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:20,224 DISEASES OR EPIDEMIOLOGY AN HASN'T PRACTICED MEDICINE IN 344 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,433 NEARLY A DECADE. 345 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:26,313 CALL ME A DREAMER BUT SLUNT THE PERSON CALLED TO LEAD IN THE 346 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,315 PANDEMIC BE AN EXPERT IN I DON'T KNOW, A PANDEMIC. 347 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:33,403 IF MY LAPTOP BREAKS I TAKE IT TO THE GENIUS BAR, NOT TO A 348 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:34,488 SEMIRETIRED PODIATRIST. 349 00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,697 SO WHERE DID THIS GUY COME FROM. 350 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:40,202 WELL, THE PRESIDENT BROUGHT ATLAS ABOARD LARGELY DUE TO HIS 351 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:43,330 FREQUENT FOX NEWS APPEARANCES IN WHICH HE DOWNPLAYED THE VIRUS. 352 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:46,834 SO HE IS AN AWFUL, AWFUL PICK FOR MEDICAL ADVISOR. 353 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:50,379 BUT SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN THE PRESIDENT'S SECOND CHOICE FROM 354 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,507 FOX NEWS DR. WALK-IN BATHTUB. 355 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,384 ATLAS HAS BEEN DOING WHAT ANY RESPONSIBLE PHYSICIAN DOES 356 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,927 DURING A PANDEMIC. 357 00:18:57,010 --> 00:19:01,056 INCITING VIOLENCE IN RESPONSE TO NEW LOCKDOWN MEASURES IN 358 00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:05,185 MICHIGAN, ATLAS TWEETED THE ONLY WAY THIS STOPS IS IF PEOPLE RISE 359 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,228 UP. 360 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:09,022 NO, THE ONLY WAY THIS STOPS IS IF PEOPLE STAY HOME. 361 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:12,359 THAT IS LIKE SAYING THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THE WAR ON DRUGS IS IF 362 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,902 PEOPLE DO ALL THE DRUGS. 363 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,362 THEN THERE WILL BE NO MORE DRUGS LEFT. 364 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:20,075 REMEMBER KIDS, JUST SAY BLOW. 365 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:23,245 BUT ATLAS DENIED TRYING TO START ANYTHING TWEETING HEY, I WAS 366 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:27,082 NEVER TALKING AT ALL ABOUT VIOLENCE. 367 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,126 NEVER WOULD I ENDORSE OR INCITE VIOLENCE. 368 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,296 NEVER, YES, HE DOESN'T WANT PEOPLE TO DIE FROM VIOLENCE. 369 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,298 HE JUST WANTS PEOPLE TO DIE. 370 00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:40,888 ONE PLACE THAT RESISTED LOCKDOWN AND GAVE HRKSZ ERD IMMUNITY A 371 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,097 WHIRL IS SWEDEN. 372 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,224 THEY HAVE BEEN SEEN AS SORT OF THE EXPERIMENTAL COUNTRY FOR ALL 373 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,392 OF THIS. 374 00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,853 I WILL TELL YOU REGARDLESS OF WHAT ATLAS SAYS, THE RESULTS 375 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:52,274 HAVE NOT BEEN GOOD, SWEDEN PER CAPITA DEATH RATE FROM THE 376 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:53,775 CORONAVIRUS IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST IN THE WORLD. 377 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:59,239 THAT MAKES SENSE, AFTER ALL DEATH DEATH IS SWEDISH. 378 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,618 WELL, THIS WEEKEND THERE WAS A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM SWEDEN'S 379 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:06,246 CHIEF EPIDIMIOLOGIST ANDERS HEADMEL SEEN HERE ON THE BACK 380 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:10,459 JACKET OF A CRIME NOVEL THAT WILL BE TURNED INTO A MINI 381 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,668 SERIES. 382 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:16,423 IN LIGHT OF A HUGE FIGHT IN HOVMENTIZATIONS HE ADMITTED THAT 383 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,217 SWEDEN'S LET THEM CATCH IT POLICY DIDN'T DO MUCH TO 384 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:23,305 INCREASE NATIONAL IMMUNITY ADDING WE SEE COMMUNITY SPREAD 385 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,307 IN MANY REGIONS SIMULTANEOUSLY RIGHT NOW. 386 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:32,147 WHICH THE SWEDISH GOVERNMENT EXPLAINED IN THIS HELPFUL PSA. 387 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,358 >> COVID-19, NO VACCINE. 388 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:38,195 ♪ GO BACK TO QUARANTINE. 389 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:44,493 >> Stephen: YOU GOT TO LAND IT, ADMITTING YOUR PUBLIC HEALTH 390 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:48,205 POLICY DID NOT WORK TAKES SOME BRASS LINGONBERRY. 391 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:51,792 I WANT TO SAY WE SHOULD NOT BE TAKING MEDICAL ADVICE FROM 392 00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:54,503 SWEDEN AS ATLAS SEEMS TO BE DOING. 393 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,131 THEY SEEM SMART BUT THEY ARE MOSTLY JUST BLOND AND TALL. 394 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:01,551 I WANT TO MAKE A LIST RIGHT NOW, I WILL TAKE SWEDEN TO TASK FOR 395 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,137 THE NUMBER OF THINGS THAT THEY HAVE SHANKED. 396 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,639 LET ME GET READY FOR IT. 397 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:09,351 HOLD ON. 398 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:15,065 HERE WE GO. 399 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:19,152 I WANT TO POINT OUT WHEN I PUT THIS ON. 400 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,488 ORIGINALLY IN THIS BIT I WAS GOING TO BE SWEDISH WITH THE 401 00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:22,739 ACCENT AND EVERYTHING. 402 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:27,202 AND THEN I CHANGED IT TO BE JUST YELLING IN SWEDEN AND DECIDED TO 403 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:33,333 KEEP THE OUTFIT CUZ IT'S DUMB, IT'S-- DO I LOOK DUMB? 404 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,378 >> NO, SIR. 405 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:36,837 >> NO. 406 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:43,218 THANK YOU, MARK. 407 00:21:43,301 --> 00:21:46,555 HERE SAY NUMBER OF THINGS THAT SWEDEN HAS SHANKED, NUMBER ONE 408 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:47,723 PICKLED HERRING. 409 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:51,560 WE HAVE HAD REFRIGERATION FOR A HUNDRED YEARS, STOP IT. 410 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:52,811 OKAY. 411 00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,732 HERE IS ANOTHER ONE MAYBE THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF ALL THE 412 00:21:56,815 --> 00:22:01,236 FURNITURE FROM HOME SHOULDN'T DEPEND ON WOODEN DOWELL AGE 413 00:22:01,319 --> 00:22:02,446 ALLEN WRENCH. 414 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:06,241 THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM, SHOULD NOT BE FUNDED BY THE SWEDISH 415 00:22:06,324 --> 00:22:07,492 GOVERNMENT. 416 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,245 I DON'T EVEN THINK BIKINI IS AN OLYMPIC SPORT, HEY SWEDES YOU 417 00:22:10,328 --> 00:22:15,709 NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY THE OLDEST SURVIVING ENGLISH LANGUAGE POEM 418 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:25,260 BEOWOLF TAKES PLACE IN SWEND-- SWEDEN I DE 419 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:30,932 WHICH-- BLACK LICORICE, TOUGH ENOUGH WITHOUT THE SALT. 420 00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:35,604 MEATBALLS, THEY'RE DELICIOUS, THEY SHOULD BE LARGER. 421 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:38,565 OKAY. 422 00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:45,906 MANY WITH THE LINGEN BERRY JAM TRK IS A WEIRD IMING, JAM AND 423 00:22:45,989 --> 00:22:50,619 MEATBALLS AND I AM A HUGE FAN OF THE SKARSGARD, YOU CAN'T HAVE 424 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:51,787 SKARSGARD AND-- PICK A LANE. 425 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:54,623 HAVE I ONE FINAL MESSAGE FOR YOU AND I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU IN 426 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:59,628 YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE. 427 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:00,587 ♪ I ASSUME ALL OF THAT WAS CURSING. 428 00:23:00,670 --> 00:23:03,507 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CNN'S JAKE TAPPER. 429 00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:22,818 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, JOINING 430 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,612 ME TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST AND 431 00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:30,450 AUTHOR WHO HOSTS THE LEAD AND STATE OF THE UNION ON CNN, 432 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,161 PLEASE WELCOME JAKE TAPPER. 433 00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:34,162 HELLO, JAKE. 434 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,789 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FROM THE NEWS CHAMBER. 435 00:23:35,872 --> 00:23:41,545 THAT IS A VERY-- ARE YOU IN A MUSEUM EXHIBIT RIGHT NOW? 436 00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:46,550 >> MY OFFICE IS DECORATED WITH THE POSTERS OF PEOPLE WHO RAN 437 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:47,467 FOR PRESIDENT AND LOST. 438 00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:48,969 AND DID NOT WIN. 439 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:50,345 AND DID NOT WIN. 440 00:23:50,428 --> 00:23:54,808 AND SO YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE THIS FELLOW, A MEMBER OF YOUR CHURCH. 441 00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:58,520 >> Stephen: OF COURSE, AL SMITH OF DINNER FAME. 442 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:00,981 >> AND WHO ELSE DO WE HAVE. 443 00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:03,525 >> Stephen: I SEE THE HILLRIES, I GOT THOSE. 444 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:07,571 >> YOU HAVE THE HILLRIES, JOHN ASHBROOK FOR PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT 445 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,157 RICHARD NIXON WAS TOO LIBERAL. 446 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,035 >> Stephen: GEORGE WALLACE. 447 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,287 DIXIE UP THERE. 448 00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:18,206 >> THERE SAY BIG STROM THURMOND OVER THERE THAT IS A COLLECTORS 449 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:23,587 EDITION BUT I FELT SO GROSS PUTTING IT UP, I STUCK A STOKELY 450 00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:27,632 CARMICHAEL ON IT TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD I'M NOT DOWN 451 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,800 WITH STROM. 452 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,553 >> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT THIS OFFICE, IS THIS YOUR 453 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,388 OFFICE AT CNN OR A HOME OFFICE. 454 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,515 >> NO, THIS IS MY-- MY WIFE WOULD NEVER LET ME HAVE THIS 455 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:36,641 STUFF AT HOME. 456 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:40,228 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN ALLOWED TO GO HOME THIS FALL? 457 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:44,399 BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS A FIVE DAY PERIOD THAT ANY TIME I TURNED ON 458 00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:45,525 THE TELEVISION YOU WERE AT THE DESK. 459 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:48,904 DID YOU-- DID YOU ACTUALLY LIKE SLEEP IN YOUR OFFICE OR 460 00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:49,988 SOMETHING? 461 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:52,199 DID YOU GO HOME AT ALL FOR THOSE FIVE DAYS AND YOU HAVE 462 00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:52,657 RECOVERED. 463 00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:53,909 >> I DID GO HOME. 464 00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:58,121 EVEN IF JUST LIKE GO HOME, EVERYBODY IS ASLEEP, WAKE UP 465 00:24:58,205 --> 00:25:01,249 BEFORE EVERYBODY WAKES UP WHICH IS WEIRD, RIGHT, IT'S WEIRD. 466 00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:02,417 >> Stephen: YEAH. 467 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:03,460 >> I AM STILL CATCHING UP WITH THE SLEEP. 468 00:25:03,543 --> 00:25:05,712 I'M STILL CATCHING UP. 469 00:25:05,795 --> 00:25:08,924 BUT I'M GOOD, I'M FAIRLY RECOVERED. 470 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:12,719 >> Stephen: DID YOU GUYS HAVE TO LOWER JOHN KING INTO LIKE AN 471 00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:16,264 ICE BATH EVERY DAY, HE NEVER SEEN SAT DOWN, YOU HAD A CHAIR. 472 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:21,895 >> JOHN IS ACTUALLY AN ANDROID, AS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE 473 00:25:21,978 --> 00:25:22,812 FAMILIAR. 474 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:26,483 >> Stephen: OH NO, ALL THE EVIDENCE IS THERE. 475 00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:27,609 >> WE'VE CONSTRUCTED HIM. 476 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:30,904 I MEAN HOW DO YOU THINK HE WORKS THAT MACHINE SO WELL. 477 00:25:30,987 --> 00:25:33,573 >> Stephen: NO EMOTION, ABSOLUTELY. 478 00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:34,741 >> YES, HE FINDS IT FUN. 479 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:39,454 >> Stephen: THERE HAVE BEEN FOUR AREAS OF NO SLEEP THOUGH. 480 00:25:39,537 --> 00:25:40,622 >> YES. 481 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,457 >> Stephen: I, I, I POINTED OUT THE OTHER DAY THAT SOMEONE 482 00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:45,126 HAD PUT UP A VERY LOVELY PHOTO OF YOU. 483 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:48,630 AND I SAID IT WAS VERY NICE FOR SOMEONE TO PUT UP YOUR PROM 484 00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:49,714 PHOTO IS WHEN CNN WON THE WEEK. 485 00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:52,676 HE SAID YES, THOSE FOUR YEARS HAVE AGED US. 486 00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:58,431 I WANT TO POINT OUT, THIS IS YOU, THIS IS YOU IN 2016. 487 00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:01,434 BEFORE ALL THIS MISHUGA. 488 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:05,814 AND THIS IS YOU TODAY, THIS IS-- OKAY. 489 00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:14,739 BY BEFORE YOU GET MAD AT ME FOR POINTING THIS OUT, THIS IS ME IN 490 00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:15,699 2016, OKAY. 491 00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:20,328 THIS IS ME TODAY, TWO ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS OF ME. 492 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:20,996 >> CAN I SAY. 493 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:22,289 >> Stephen: YEAH. 494 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:27,127 >> TO OUTGOING PRESIDENT TRUMP, CREDIT, HE LOOKS THE EXACT SAME. 495 00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:28,378 HE LOOKS THE EXACT SAME. 496 00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:31,673 HE IS THE ONLY PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY WHO HAS 497 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:33,133 NOT AGED A DAY. 498 00:26:33,216 --> 00:26:35,010 IT'S JUST WE ALL AGED 30 YEARS. 499 00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:38,680 >> Stephen: YES, WE'RE THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY T IS NOT 500 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:39,848 SUPPOSED TO WORK THAT WAY. 501 00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:45,812 >> LIKE BARACK OBAMA, WHEN HE STARTED HE WAS YOUNG, HE WAS 502 00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:52,360 LIKE A WILL SMITH, EIGHT YEARS LATER, MORGAN FREEMAN. 503 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:53,695 >> Stephen: YEAH, BUT VERY DISTINGUISHED. 504 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:54,529 >> IT HAPPENS. 505 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:59,242 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU READ HIS BOOK YET? 506 00:26:59,326 --> 00:26:59,868 >> NO. 507 00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:04,205 >> Stephen: 701, HOW MUCH? 508 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:05,707 700 AND PAGES, I LOVED IT, IT WAS GREAT. 509 00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:06,708 >> IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MEMOIR. 510 00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:10,545 AND NOW IT'S AT LEAST GOING TO BE TWO VOLUMES. 511 00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:11,838 MY GUESS IS IT WILL END UP BEING AT LEAST FIVE. 512 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:17,802 >> Stephen: IT IS LIKE HE IS HIS OWN ROBERT CARO. 513 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:22,057 NOW YOU, WE ARE STILL IN WEIRD LIMBO RIGHT NOW. 514 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,224 >> YEAH. 515 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,060 >> Stephen: WHERE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE GUY WHO IS LEAVING 516 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:31,524 IS GOING TO DO OR HOW HE'S GOING TO HANDLE THE PROSPECT OF 517 00:27:31,608 --> 00:27:32,734 LEAVING. 518 00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:34,736 WHAT IS THAT LIKE-- WHAT DOES THAT DO TO YOU JOURNALISTS WHO 519 00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:37,655 ARE ACTUALLY HAVING TO REPORT ON WHAT'S HAPPENING. 520 00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:41,576 >> WE KNOW HOW IS HE GOING TO HANDLE IT IN ONE SENSE, WE KNOW 521 00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:43,495 IT IS GOING TO BE POORLY. 522 00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:45,789 HE'S NOT DEALING WITH DEFEAT WELL. 523 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,082 HE'S NOT ACCEPTED IT. 524 00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:51,711 SO WHAT IS IT LIKE DEALING WITH IT, I MEAN I JUST THINK PART OF 525 00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:54,756 IT IS JUST EXPLAINING TO PEOPLE HE LOST. 526 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:56,633 THAT IS THE REALITY. 527 00:27:56,716 --> 00:28:04,599 THERE IS NO LEGAL PALT PATH, ALL OF THESE LAWSUITS WITH A COUPLE 528 00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:06,309 OF EXCEPTIONS ARE RIDICULOUS. 529 00:28:06,393 --> 00:28:09,771 THERE IS NO WAY HE IS GOING TO OVERTURN ENOUGH VOTES IN ENOUGH 530 00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:13,024 STATES IT IS JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 531 00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:14,776 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE GUESTS THAT COME ON AND SAY WELL, WE'LL 532 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,319 SEE. 533 00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:16,861 >> NO. 534 00:28:16,945 --> 00:28:17,570 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T? 535 00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:18,154 >> NO, I DON'T BOOKS TO GUESTS. 536 00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:20,240 >> Stephen: NOT ANY MORE. 537 00:28:20,323 --> 00:28:24,828 >> I STOPPED BOOKING JUST OUT AND OUT LIARS AWHILE AGO. 538 00:28:24,911 --> 00:28:31,626 BUT I MEAN YEAH, NO, JOE BIDEN WILL BE SWORN IN ON JANUARY 539 00:28:31,709 --> 00:28:33,294 20th, 2021. 540 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:33,795 PERIOD. 541 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:35,255 >> Stephen: WE'LL SEE. 542 00:28:35,338 --> 00:28:36,005 WE'LL SEE. 543 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:37,799 >> NO, THERE IS NO WE'LL SEE. 544 00:28:37,882 --> 00:28:41,386 >> Stephen: A LOT OF CURT CASES OUT THERE, JAKE. 545 00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:43,054 >> I LOOKED THAT A BUNCH OF THEM, YOU KNOW. 546 00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:43,847 >> Stephen: REALLY? 547 00:28:43,930 --> 00:28:45,265 >> AND THEY'RE NONSENSE. 548 00:28:45,348 --> 00:28:49,602 LIKE IT'S HONESTLY, IT'S LIKE-- BECAUSE THE STANDARD OF 549 00:28:49,686 --> 00:28:54,524 EVIDENCE IN A COURT ROOM SAY LITTLE HIGHER THAN ON TWITTER. 550 00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:55,775 >> Stephen: SURE. 551 00:28:55,859 --> 00:28:59,446 >> SO AS DONALD TRUMP SAYS, WE DON'T HAVE ANY OBSERVERS IN THAT 552 00:28:59,529 --> 00:29:01,281 PHILADELPHIA CONVENTION CENTER COUNTING ROOM. 553 00:29:01,364 --> 00:29:04,325 AND THEN SOMEBODY TRIES TO PRESENT THAT, IN COURT. 554 00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:07,495 AND THE JUDGE SAYS HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE. 555 00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:10,832 HOW MANY OBSERVERS AND THE LAWYER SHEEPISHLY SAYS WE HAVE 556 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:16,337 A, THIS SAY QUOTE, THERE IS A NONZERO NUMBER. 557 00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:17,380 A NONZERO NUMBER OF OBSERVERS. 558 00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:19,841 >> Stephen: SO SOME. 559 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:21,092 >> YEAH. 560 00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:23,845 >> Stephen: AND I BELIEVE THE JUDGE THEN SAID GET THE [BLEEP] 561 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:24,679 OUT. 562 00:29:24,762 --> 00:29:25,847 >> RIGHT, RIGHT. 563 00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:29,517 >> Stephen: BUT JAKE, I WANT TO HE ARE MIND YOU, I WANT TO 564 00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:32,854 REMIND YOU THAT RUDY GIULIANI IS IN CHARGE NOW, RUDY IS IN THE 565 00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:36,691 DRIVER'S SEAT NOW, ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN. 566 00:29:36,774 --> 00:29:40,987 PHYSICAL LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE NO LONGER APPLY IF RUDY IS GOING TO 567 00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:42,155 TAKE OVER THIS THING. 568 00:29:42,238 --> 00:29:45,366 >> I THINK ANYBODY WHO WATCHED THE PRESS CONFERENCE AT FOUR 569 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:51,748 SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING NORTH OF THE BRUJ RIGHT NEAR THE SEX 570 00:29:51,831 --> 00:29:55,919 SHOP AND ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE CREMATORIUM WHERE HE 571 00:29:56,002 --> 00:29:58,505 PRESENTED HIS EVIDENCE WHICH INCLUDED SOMEBODY FROM NEW 572 00:29:58,588 --> 00:30:01,633 JERSEY WHO WAS A REGISTERED SEX O FIPPEDDER, I THINK ANYBODY WHO 573 00:30:01,716 --> 00:30:04,719 SAW THAT WOULD THINK THIS IS THE CLARENCE DAR OWE OF OUR 574 00:30:04,802 --> 00:30:05,887 TIME-- DARROW OF OUR TIME. 575 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:07,972 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I 576 00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:12,227 WILL ASK JAKE ABOUT HIS KFERTIONZ WITH ANTHONY FAUCI 577 00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:15,230 ABOUT HOW THO LACK OF TRANSITION IS GOING TO SLOW DOWN COVID 578 00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:15,730 PREPAREDNESS. 579 00:30:15,813 --> 00:30:16,856 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 580 00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:30,912 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH JAKE TAPPER. 581 00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:34,582 YOU INTERVIEWED FAUCI YESTERDAY. 582 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:35,625 >> I DID. 583 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:38,670 >> Stephen: WHAT DID HE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE DELAYED 584 00:30:38,753 --> 00:30:39,879 TRANSITION? 585 00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:42,715 IS THAT GOING TO MAKE IT HARDER FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO DO THE 586 00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:43,550 DISTRIBUTION? 587 00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:46,427 ARE WE ALL LESS SAFE BECAUSE OF THAT? 588 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,011 >>. 589 00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:48,388 >> I MEAN YEAH, OF COURSE. 590 00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:52,559 HE SAID AS A PUBLIC HEALTH'S PERSPECTIVE OF COURSE IT WOULD 591 00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:56,896 BE BETTER TO BE WORKING WITH THE BIDEN-HARRIS TEAM TO BE ABLE TO 592 00:30:56,980 --> 00:31:00,608 PREPARE FOR THE TRANSITION AND PRESIDENT-ELECT BIEDEN SAID AS 593 00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:01,651 MUCH TODAY. 594 00:31:01,734 --> 00:31:04,237 I MEAN, THEY ARE GOING TO BE TAKING OVER. 595 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,072 THEY NEED TO BE READY TO GO. 596 00:31:06,155 --> 00:31:09,576 AND YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE PLANS ARE. 597 00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,619 THE WHITE HOUSE, SOME PRESS SECRETARY AT THE WHITE HOUSE 598 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:15,498 SAID HERE'S THE PLAN AND HE JUST, THERE WAS SOME LINK TO THE 599 00:31:15,582 --> 00:31:17,834 PUBLIC PLAN AS IF THAT IS ALL THAT IS NEEDED. 600 00:31:17,917 --> 00:31:19,085 YEAH, I MEAN. 601 00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:26,926 IT'S JUST-- IT IS HARD TO COME UP WITH A SENSE OF DISMAY THAT I 602 00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:30,805 FEEL COVERING THIS JUST BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE TRANSFER OF POWER. 603 00:31:30,888 --> 00:31:36,686 WE GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FOUR TO EIGHT YEARS. 604 00:31:36,769 --> 00:31:44,652 AND THIS KABOOKI, THIS PRETENSE THAT EVERYBODY SHOULD BE 605 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:47,822 CODDLING DONALD TRUMP'S FEELINGS LIKE HE IS A FIVE YEAR OLD WHOSE 606 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:49,157 PET TURTLE JUST DIED. 607 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,995 LIKE WE SHOULD ALL JUST WORRY ABOUT HIM AND NOT LIKE HAVE 608 00:31:54,078 --> 00:31:59,834 PEOPLE DOING WHAT IN THE MILL TARYL THEY CALL RIGHT SEAT LEFT 609 00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:02,045 SEAT WHICH IS PREPARING TO TAKE OVER. 610 00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:06,049 I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, THIS WILL 611 00:32:06,132 --> 00:32:09,052 BE OVER BY JANUARY 209, PRESUMABLY. 612 00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:12,347 >> Stephen: IN 2018 YOU TOLL ME YOU JUST WANT FACTS TO BE 613 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:14,015 RESPECTED AGAIN IN THIS COUNTRY. 614 00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:17,226 DO YOU SEE THAT HAPPENING, JAKE TAPPER. 615 00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:20,188 >> NO, IT'S EVEN WORSE TODAY THAN IT WAS IN 2018. 616 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:23,524 THAT IS ONE OF THE LESSONS OF THIS ENTIRE ERA IS NO MATTER HOW 617 00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:26,402 BAD ST ON IF I GIVEN DAY, TOMORROW WILL BE WORSE. 618 00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:29,030 >> Stephen: BUT DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE LIKE THAT COMES FROM 619 00:32:29,113 --> 00:32:32,867 THE TOP AND THAT SOMEBODY AT THE TOP NOW IS GOING LIKE YEAH, I 620 00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:35,662 ACCEPT THOSE FACTS. 621 00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:37,372 MIGHT ACTUALLY TRICKLE DOWN. 622 00:32:37,455 --> 00:32:39,040 >> THEY RECEIPTICALLY THAT IS THE HOPE FOR THOSE OF US WHO 623 00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:42,043 WILL IN THE FACT-LOVING BUSINESS. 624 00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:45,046 BUT YES, I MEAN LOOK, THE PRESIDENT IS LYING ABOUT TWO 625 00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:45,713 THINGS RIGHT NOW. 626 00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:48,007 ONE IS HOW BAD THE PANDEMIC IS. 627 00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:49,050 AND IT IS HORRIBLE. 628 00:32:49,133 --> 00:32:51,886 AND IT IS GETTING WORSE. 629 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:54,889 AND TWO IS THE ELECTION RESULTS. 630 00:32:54,972 --> 00:33:00,353 SO THESE ARE SERIOUS THINGS OF MAJOR CONSEQUENCE. 631 00:33:00,436 --> 00:33:04,607 AND TENSE OF MILLIONS OF AMERICANS BELIEVE HIS LIE. 632 00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:07,902 AND THAT IS JUST DISTRESSING. 633 00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:11,030 >> Stephen: LET'S MOVE ON TO SOMETHING MORE HAPPY, OKAY. 634 00:33:11,114 --> 00:33:11,948 >> YEAH. 635 00:33:12,031 --> 00:33:13,908 >> Stephen: HAPPIER, I THINK THEY CALL THAT. 636 00:33:13,991 --> 00:33:20,206 YOUR BOOK FROM-- YOUR NOVEL, IT WAS THE 2018 HELL FIRE CLUB, IS 637 00:33:20,289 --> 00:33:24,085 BEING A DAMENTED INTO A TV, IS IT A SERIES, IS IT. 638 00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:26,254 >> A TV SERIES, YEAH. 639 00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:30,550 >> Stephen: IT IS ALL ABOUT LIKE INTRIGUE IN WASHINGTON D.C. 640 00:33:30,633 --> 00:33:32,051 IN THE 1950S, RIGHT. 641 00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:34,011 >> 1950S, JOE McCARTHY. 642 00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:35,930 >> Stephen: SURE. 643 00:33:36,013 --> 00:33:38,975 >> ANY CHANCE FOR A TAPPER CAMIO? 644 00:33:39,058 --> 00:33:42,103 BECAUSE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAS AN ACUTE SENSE OF SMELL 645 00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:43,563 WHICH WE KNOW THAT YOU HAVE. 646 00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:44,772 >> THAT'S TRUE. 647 00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:48,276 BUT THAT CHARACTER IS THE HERO AND I AM NOT YOUNG, HANDSOME OR 648 00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:50,278 TALENTED ENOUGH TO BE THAT PERSON. 649 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:53,823 I MIGHT, I MIGHT DO A CAMIO BUT I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU, 650 00:33:53,906 --> 00:33:55,116 YOU ACTUALLY SHOULD BE IN IT. 651 00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:58,578 BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ACTUALLY HAVE ACTING CHOPS. 652 00:33:58,661 --> 00:34:05,752 AND THERE ARE SOME ROLES IN IT THAT, I MEAN WHAT ABOUT SENATOR 653 00:34:05,835 --> 00:34:07,962 ESTES KEYFAFFER FROM TENNESSEE. 654 00:34:08,045 --> 00:34:10,631 >> Stephen: ARE YOU KIDDING, HE WAS A VICE PRESIDENTIAL 655 00:34:10,715 --> 00:34:11,966 CANDIDATE, AT ONE POINT. 656 00:34:12,049 --> 00:34:12,759 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 657 00:34:12,842 --> 00:34:15,470 >> Stephen: WITH ICE, IN THE WITH. 658 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:16,262 >> >> Stephen: ADELAIDE 659 00:34:16,345 --> 00:34:16,929 STEVENSON. 660 00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:19,182 >> YOU WOULD BE GOOD AT THAT. 661 00:34:19,265 --> 00:34:20,308 YOU WOULD BE GOOD IN THAT ROLE. 662 00:34:20,391 --> 00:34:24,145 >> Stephen: PEOPLE HAVE OFTEN CALLED ME KEYFAWFERRESQUE. 663 00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:26,314 JAKE, WE HAVE TO GO, THANKS STO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY. 664 00:34:26,397 --> 00:34:28,775 I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO TELL 665 00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:29,942 PEOPLE. 666 00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:32,153 >> EVERY YEAR I HAVE AN AUCTION TO RAISE MONEY FOR WOUNDED 667 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:34,989 VETERANS TO BUILD HOMES FORCE THEM. 668 00:34:35,072 --> 00:34:39,327 YOU ALWAYS, YOU ALWAYS KICK IN WITH A VISIT TO THE SET AND A 669 00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:40,995 MEET AND GREET, IT VERY GENEROUS. 670 00:34:41,078 --> 00:34:43,831 THIS YEAR OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE OF THE PANDEMIC ARE YOU NOT DOING 671 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:44,999 THAT. 672 00:34:45,082 --> 00:34:50,463 YOU DONATED A ZANEIOUS SUIT, PEOPLE CAN GO TO eBAY.COM/HFOT 673 00:34:50,546 --> 00:34:55,176 HOMES FOR OUR TROOPS AND ALL OF YOUR STANDS, ALL OF THE COLBERT 674 00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:58,846 STANDS CAN BID ON YOUR SUIT AND GET THAT MONEY GOING FOR THE 675 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,056 WOUNDED VETERAN. 676 00:35:00,139 --> 00:35:02,725 >> Stephen: I SUIT I ACTUALLY WORE ON THE SHOW AND JUST MOILD 677 00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:04,977 MILDLY SOILED. 678 00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,020 WELL. 679 00:35:06,103 --> 00:35:07,522 >> WELL, I HOPE NOT TOO MUCH BECAUSE I'M ONE MUCH THE 680 00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:08,689 BIDDERS. 681 00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:10,691 >> Stephen: NO, IT IS DRY CLEANED, OBVIOUSLY, DRY CLEANED, 682 00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:12,026 JAKE, ALL BEEN STERILIZED. 683 00:35:12,109 --> 00:35:13,986 >> WITH THE BLOOD OF YOUR LEAST FAVORITE GUEST. 684 00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:17,198 >> Stephen: THE LEAD WITH JAKE TAPPER AIRS WEEKDAYS ON CNN. 685 00:35:17,281 --> 00:35:20,159 HIS NAME IS JAKE TAPPER, EVERYBODY. 686 00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:22,078 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY BENI. 687 00:35:22,161 --> 00:35:23,704 THANK YOU, JAKE. 688 00:35:33,631 --> 00:35:48,521 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 689 00:35:48,604 --> 00:35:50,147 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 690 00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:52,608 Stephen: A CELEBRATION AS PRESIDENT TRUMP'S MOTORCADE 691 00:35:52,692 --> 00:35:55,570 DROVE THROUGH DOWNTOWN WASHINGTON. 692 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:59,532 THE EVENT BILLED AS A MILLION MAGA MARCH. 693 00:35:59,615 --> 00:36:04,245 >> FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP WILE YOU CAN BECAUSE THE GUY HE PUT IN 694 00:36:04,328 --> 00:36:05,746 CHARGE OF THE COUP IS RUDY GIULIANI SO I GUARANTEE TRUMP 695 00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:06,289 WILL BE GONE IN TWO MONTHS. 696 00:36:17,174 --> 00:36:19,594 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 697 00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:21,304 PERFORMING "HAPPEN TO ME" FROM HER DEBUT ALBUM, "HEY U X," 698 00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:29,312 BENEE. 699 00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:31,439 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ HOPE I DON'T DIE 700 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:37,445 INSIDE A PLANE ♪ I'D LIKE TO DIE 701 00:36:37,528 --> 00:36:43,826 A BETTER WAY ♪ AND IF I LIVE 702 00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:50,166 TO AN OLD AGE ♪ I WOULD HAVE SEEN 703 00:36:50,249 --> 00:36:57,173 EVERYTHING CHANGE ♪ I UNDERSTAND 704 00:36:57,256 --> 00:37:02,345 WHY PEOPLE LEAVE ♪ BUT LEAVING SEEMS 705 00:37:02,428 --> 00:37:09,685 SCARY TO ME ♪ I THINK ABOUT THESE 706 00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:15,149 THINGS TOO MUCH ♪ MY MIND LIKES TO 707 00:37:15,232 --> 00:37:22,281 WIND ITSELF UP ♪ AND I DON'T GET 708 00:37:22,365 --> 00:37:28,788 A LOT OF SLEEP ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT IF THEY 709 00:37:28,871 --> 00:37:33,334 HAPPEN TO ME? 710 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:40,007 ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? 711 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:46,847 ♪ YEAH, WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? 712 00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:47,890 ♪ WHAT IF MY ROOM ♪ ♪ ♪ 713 00:37:52,311 --> 00:37:56,857 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 714 00:37:56,941 --> 00:38:00,319 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 715 00:38:00,403 --> 00:38:12,498 ♪ WHAT IF MY ROOM BURNS DOWN IN FLAMES? 716 00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:24,385 ♪ AND I DIE IN MY SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE 717 00:38:24,468 --> 00:38:31,434 ♪ YOU SAY I SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY 718 00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:37,398 ♪ BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN CHANGE 719 00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:43,362 ♪ I THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS TOO MUCH 720 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:50,745 ♪ MY MIND LIKES TO WIND ITSELF UP 721 00:38:50,828 --> 00:38:56,459 ♪ AND I DON'T GET A LOT OF SLEEP 722 00:38:56,542 --> 00:39:03,758 ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? 723 00:39:03,841 --> 00:39:09,305 ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? 724 00:39:09,388 --> 00:39:18,564 ♪ YEAH, WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? 725 00:39:18,647 --> 00:39:24,820 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 726 00:39:24,904 --> 00:39:29,450 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 727 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:38,667 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 728 00:39:38,751 --> 00:39:42,505 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 729 00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:48,969 ♪ I THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS TOO MUCH 730 00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:54,475 ♪ MY MIND LIKES TO WIND ITSELF UP 731 00:39:54,558 --> 00:40:01,982 ♪ AND I DON'T GET A LOT OF SLEEP 732 00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:09,698 ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT IF THEY HAPPEN TO ME? ♪ 733 00:40:09,782 --> 00:40:10,533 >> Stephen: BENEE, EVERYBODY. 734 00:40:10,616 --> 00:40:10,658 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 735 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,503 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 736 00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:26,465 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE FORMULA ONE CHAMPION 737 00:40:26,549 --> 00:40:28,509 LEWIS HAMILTON, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ANDREA BOCELLI. 738 00:40:28,592 --> 00:40:29,343 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 739 00:40:29,426 --> 00:40:29,552 GOOD NIGHT. 740 00:40:30,636 --> 00:40:32,138 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 741 00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:33,597 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org