1 00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:04,587 >> CINNABON IS SELLING ITS SIGNATURE CREAM CHEESE FROSTING 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,755 BY THE PINT. 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,050 THE TOPPING IS MOST RECOGNIZABLE FOR BEING DRIZZLED ON THE 4 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,051 CHAIN'S LINES OF CINNAMON ROLLS. 5 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,095 MMMM. 6 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:15,974 NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU CAN GET THE CINNABON FROSTING 7 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,100 SEPARATELY FOR $6 A PINT. 8 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:21,062 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ARE YOU DISTRESSED OVER THIS 9 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,106 PANDEMIC, WORN DOWN AFTER EIGHT MONTHS OF QUARANTINE AND 10 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:28,778 ISOLATION, AND ONLY A SECOND WAVE IN SIGHT? 11 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,280 WELL, THEN, IT'S TIME TO REACH FOR A PINT OF CINNABON FROSTING 12 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,450 BECAUSE FACE IT-- THAT'S WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW. 13 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,286 THE SAME FROSTING YOU HASTILY SHOVED INTO YOUR MOUTH WHILE 14 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:40,915 RUNNING THROUGH AN AIRPORT CAN NOW BE YOURS AT HOME IN A 15 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,125 GENEROUS TUB. 16 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,128 AFTER ALL, YOU MASTERED ALL THE OTHER QUARANTINE HOBBIES, LIKE 17 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:49,132 CAT PUZZLING, BAKING BREAD YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO EAT, AND 18 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:53,011 BINGING "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT." 19 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:57,140 BUT NOW, ALL THAT'S LEFT IS TO EAT A TUB OF FROSTING, BECAUSE 20 00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,518 WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, YOU MAKE LEMONADE. 21 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,186 BUT WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU A GLOBAL PANDEMIC THAT JUST WON'T END, 22 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,021 YOU EAT A BUCKET OF FROSTING. 23 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,273 MMMM! 24 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:06,399 WHAT PANDEMIC? 25 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,234 CINNABON FROSTING: GIVE UP. 26 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:09,819 UPON >> >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE 27 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,528 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 28 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:15,450 TONIGHT: THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE. 29 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:21,289 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES FORMULA ONE CHAMPION LEWIS 30 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:24,667 HAMILTON AND MUSICAL GUEST ANDREA BOCELLI 31 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:30,673 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN'. 32 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,801 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 33 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:36,095 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 34 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,514 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 35 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,058 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 36 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,476 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 37 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:44,020 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 38 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:44,646 EVY IS HERE TONIGHT. 39 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,940 THAT'S ALWAYS A GOOD SHOW. 40 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,484 THAT'S ALWAYS A LOT OF FUN. 41 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,861 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, 3450EU DARLING. 42 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:58,368 >> MY PLEASURE >> Stephen: IT'S TWO WEEKS TO 43 00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,994 THE DAY SINCE THE ELECTION, AND I'M BEGINNING TO BREATHE EASIER. 44 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,538 IT'S LIKE I'VE HAD A WEIGHT ON MY CHEST. 45 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,205 DOCTORS SAY IT WAS 239 POUNDS, BUT IT FELT HEAVIER. 46 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,373 ANYWAY, I'M FEELING GOOD. 47 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:07,001 BUT DOWN IN D.C., THE PRESIDENT IS SLOWLY, AGONIZINGLY GOING 48 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:11,005 THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES OF NARCISSIST GRIEF: DENIAL, 49 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:21,182 DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, AND DENIAL. 50 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,769 I KNOW THAT'S SIX, BUT RUDY IS DEMANDING A RECOUNT. 51 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:25,562 I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF MY 52 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,021 UNFORTUNATELY ONGOING SEGMENT: >> NA! 53 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:27,230 NA! 54 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:30,608 NA! 55 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:31,025 HEY! HEY! 56 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,362 I WON'T LEAVE! 57 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,406 >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE." 58 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:40,076 TELL THEM WHAT THEY'VE WON! 59 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:41,286 >> Stephen: RATHER THAN FINALLY FACING REALITY, ACCORDING 60 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:46,958 TO ADVISERS, "THE PRESIDENT IS MORE DUG INTO HIS POSITION THAN 61 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,920 HE WAS AT THE BEGINNING." 62 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,881 THIS AFTERNOON WE LEARNED THIS. 63 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:57,594 >> APPARENTLY, THE PRESIDENT IS CONSIDERING CANCELLING HIS TRIP 64 00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:03,099 TO MAR-A-LAGO. 65 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,350 >> Stephen: WELL, HISTORY IS FAMOUSLY KIND TO AUTOCRATS WHO 66 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:09,272 LOSE AND THEN RETREAT UNDERGROUND. 67 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,773 WHILE THE COMMANDER IN DOOF VOWS TO FIGHT ON, REPORTEDLY, "ALL OF 68 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,274 HIS PEOPLE ARE DESPONDENT." 69 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:11,774 WELCOME TO THE CLUB. 70 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:12,984 I DON'T BLAME THEM. 71 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,485 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT'S GOING TO BE FOR THEM TO GET 72 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:15,028 A JOB? 73 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,947 OR A SPITLESS BURGER? 74 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,909 SO FAR, THE CAMPAIGN'S LEGAL CHALLENGES ARE NOT GOING WELL. 75 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,077 SINCE FRIDAY, CASES CHALLENGING THE ELECTION RESULTS HAVE BEEN 76 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:27,081 DROPPED IN ARIZONA, MICHIGAN, GEORGIA, WISCONSIN, AND 77 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,292 PENNSYLVANIA. 78 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,253 TO BE CLEAR, DROPPED. 79 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,214 THOSE ARE WITHDRAWN CASES. 80 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,966 THEY DIDN'T EVEN LOSE THEM. 81 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,259 THEY PRE-LOST THEM. 82 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,093 IT'S LIKE COMING IN LAST IN THE INDY 500 BECAUSE YOU DECIDED NOT 83 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,386 TO BUY A CAR. 84 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,348 ( LAUGHTER ) MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE PRESIDENT 85 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:45,934 WAS FRUSTRATED THAT HIS CAMPAIGN LAWYERS WERE NOT APPEARING MORE 86 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,143 FREQUENTLY ON TELEVISION. 87 00:03:47,226 --> 00:03:49,520 HE WANTS HIS CLAIMS OF ELECTION FRAUD TAKEN ALL THE WAY TO THE 88 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:55,026 HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND: "HOT BENCH!" 89 00:03:55,109 --> 00:04:00,323 TO RECTIFY THIS SITUATION, THE PRESIDENT HAS NAMED RUDY 90 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,449 GIULIANI TO HEAD THE LEGAL TEAM. 91 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:03,159 AS ONE CAMPAIGN OFFICIAL NOTED, "IT'S REALLY MORE OF A 92 00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:04,285 PUBLIC-RELATIONS FIGHT NOW THAN A LEGAL ONE." 93 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,163 RUDY'S PERFECT FOR THIS JOB, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT 94 00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:13,503 PUBLIC RELATIONS, BUT HE'S AN OLD HAND AT PUBIC RELATIONS. 95 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,548 ( LAUGHING ) RUDY'S ALREADY GETTING ALL 96 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,133 LEGAL. 97 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,219 IN FACT, TODAY HE APPEARED IN "THE CAMPAIGN'S FEDERAL CASE IN 98 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:21,970 PENNSYLVANIA." 99 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,472 OF COURSE, HE WASN'T THERE ALONE. 100 00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:27,141 HE WAS ACCOMPANIED BY HIS LAW PARTNERS, ERNEST AND JULIO 101 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,142 GALLO. 102 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:32,522 THINGS HAVE GOTTEN CONTENTIOUS BEHIND THE SCENES. 103 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,565 AFTER THE CAMPAIGN DROPPED A LAWSUIT IN ARIZONA, ON 104 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:39,153 SPEAKERPHONE, RUDY CALLED THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN LAWYERS LIARS FOR 105 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,990 TELLING THE PRESIDENT HIS ODDS OF CHANGING THE OUTCOME OF THE 106 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,157 ELECTION WERE SLIM. 107 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:54,585 IN RESPONSE, ONE CAMPAIGN OFFICIAL CALLED RUDY A-- QUOTE-- 108 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:55,837 "(BLEEP) ASS (BLEEP)." 109 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,714 AND THE WINNER FOR NICEST THING EVER SAID ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI 110 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:58,047 IS... 111 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:58,715 IT'S THAT. 112 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,549 IT'S THAT. 113 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,425 IT'S THAT. 114 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,428 ( LAUGHING ) TURNS OUT, RUDY HAS TRIED TO 115 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:07,473 WRESTLE POWER AWAY FROM THE CURRENT LONGSTANDING CAMPAIGN 116 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:12,353 LEADERSHIP IN AN INTERNAL CAMPAIGN COUP. 117 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:17,400 WAIT, THEY ARE ATTEMPTING A COUP INSIDE THEIR COUP? 118 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,526 THAT IS COUP-COUP! 119 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:21,320 THAT JOKE SENT TO US BY LITTLE RICHIE DAHM, AGE EIGHT. 120 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,238 THANK YOU, RICHIE. 121 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:27,243 YOU'LL BE GETTING A COPY OF OUR HOME GAME. 122 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,912 ( LAUGHTER ) AND NOW A REPORT SAYS GIULIANI'S 123 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,415 ASKING THE PRESIDENT'S CAMPAIGN TO COUGH UP $20,000 A DAY FOR 124 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,666 HIS LEGAL WORK. 125 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,043 BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY PENNY FOR EXPERT LEGAL ARGUMENTATION LIKE 126 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,588 THIS: >> AND THEN YOU START DOING 127 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:50,308 BALLOTS LIKE THIS-- DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH. 128 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:51,476 >> Stephen: DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH. 129 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,393 THAT'S EITHER HIM COUNTING BALLOTS OR TRYING TO COLD START 130 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,436 HIS HAND-CRANK PACEMAKER. 131 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,605 WITH THEIR LEGAL CASES FLOUNDERING, SOME REPUBLICANS 132 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,648 ARE ENCOURAGING OTHER CLEARLY UNDEMOCRATIC MEANS TO KEEP THE 133 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,150 PRESIDENT IN OFFICE, LIKE SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND SURGEON 134 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:03,321 TRYING TO REMEMBER WHICH PATIENT HE LEFT THAT SCALPEL IN, 135 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,572 LINDSEY GRAHAM. 136 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,783 TURNS OUT, GEORGIA'S SECRETARY OF STATE BRAD RAFFENSPERGER SAYS 137 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,160 GRAHAM AND OTHER REPUBLICANS HAVE PRESSURED HIM TO TOSS LEGAL 138 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,078 BALLOTS. 139 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:14,499 WELL, THEY FINALLY FOUND SOME VOTER FRAUD! 140 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,460 AND IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK: IN THE MIRROR. 141 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:21,506 ACCORDING TO RAFFENSPERGER, SENATOR GRAHAM WAS CONCERNED 142 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:25,343 THAT HE WASN'T DISQUALIFYING ENOUGH OF GEORGIA'S MAIL-IN 143 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,261 BALLOTS BASED ON SIGNATURES THAT DON'T MATCH THE REGISTRATION, SO 144 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:31,265 GRAHAM HAD A SUGGESTION: >> SENATOR GRAHAM IMPLIED FOR US 145 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,518 TO AUDIT THE ENVELOPES AND THEN THROW OUT THE BALLOTS FOR 146 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:39,482 COUNTIES WHO HAD THE HIGHEST FREQUENCY ERROR OF SIGNATURES. 147 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:43,277 >> Stephen: SO, BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE HAVE SLOPPY SIGNATURES, 148 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,488 LINDSEY GRAHAM WANTS TO THROW OUT ALL OF THE VOTES FROM WHOLE 149 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:51,202 COUNTIES. THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "WELL, THIS DOOR HINGE IS 150 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:56,415 SQUEAKY, TH SIMPLEST THING IS TO JUST BURN THE HOUSE DOWN. 151 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,583 GRAHAM DENIED MAKING ANY UNCOMFORTABLE DEMANDS OF THE 152 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,334 SECRETARY. 153 00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,460 >> I THINK THAT'S JUST RIDICULOUS. 154 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,170 IF HE FEELS THREATENED BY THAT CONVERSATION, HE'S GOT A 155 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,171 PROBLEM. 156 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:02,922 I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD CONVERSATION. 157 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:03,714 >> Stephen: IN OTHER WORDS, IT WAS: 158 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,634 >> AN ABSOLUTELY PERFECT PHONE CALL. 159 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,470 >> Stephen: BUT IT'S NOT JUST GRAHAM. 160 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:13,432 RAFFENSPERGER ALSO SAID HE AND HIS WIFE, TRICIA, HAVE RECEIVED 161 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,517 DEATH THREATS IN RECENT DAYS. 162 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,521 OBVIOUSLY, THAT IS SAD AND HORRIFYING, BUT ACCORDING TO 163 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:22,358 RAFFENSPERGER, "IT'S ALSO VERY DISILLUSIONING, PARTICULARLY 164 00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,443 WHEN IT COMES FROM PEOPLE ON MY SIDE OF THE AISLE." 165 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,363 YEAH, YOU EXPECT THREATS FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BUT IT HURTS SO 166 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:30,366 MUCH MORE WHEN IT COMES FROM THE HEAVILY-ARMED YAHOOS WHOSE 167 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:35,371 UNLIMITED GUN RIGHTS YOU'VE BEEN PROTECTING YOUR ENTIRE CAREER. 168 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:39,375 RAFFENSPERGER ACTUALLY SAVED HIS HARSHEST LANGUAGE FOR GEORGIA 169 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:40,668 REPRESENTATIVE DOUGLAS A. 170 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,546 COLLINS, WHO IS LEADING THE PRESIDENT'S EFFORTS IN GEORGIA 171 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:50,428 AND WHO RAFFENSPERGER HAS CALLED A "LIAR" AND A "CHARLATAN." 172 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:51,345 OOH, A CHARLATAN! 173 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,513 WATCH OUT, COLLINS! 174 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,891 SOON HE'LL CALL YOU A SCALLAWAG, A MOUNTEBANK, A CHISLER, A 175 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,560 LILYWHACKER, A RAPSCALLION, A GRUMBLETONIAN, A FLIMFLAMMER, 176 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:58,728 AND A SHIBAROON. 177 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:03,399 THEY'RE ALL IN HIS NEW BOOK: "50 POLITE WAYS TO CALL DOUG 178 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:04,233 COLLINS A DICK." 179 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,403 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A BESTSALER. 180 00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,697 IT'S A BESTSELLER. 181 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,574 BUT SOME REPUBLICANS ARE STARTING TO FACE FACTS, LIKE 182 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,660 FLORIDA SENATOR AND VICE PRINCIPAL HOPING SOMEONE WILL 183 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,870 SHOW UP FOR ZOOM OFFICE HOURS, MARCO RUBIO. 184 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:19,916 RUBIO WAS ASKED ABOUT BIDEN'S POTENTIAL CHOICE FOR NATIONAL 185 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,084 INTELLIGENCE DIRECTOR, AND HE SAID THIS: 186 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,419 >> WELL, THAT WILL BE THE PRESIDENT-ELECT'S DECISION, 187 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,962 OBVIOUSLY. 188 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,547 >> YOU JUST SAID PRESIDENT-ELECT. 189 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,634 ARE YOU SAYING BIDEN IS THE PRESIDENT-ELECT NOW? 190 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,427 >> WELL, ULTIMATELY, THAT'S WHAT THE RESULTS, THE PRELIMINARY 191 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:37,892 RESULTS SEEM TO INDICATE. 192 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,435 >> Stephen: THAT IS SOME WEAK ACCEPTANCE OF THE INEVITABLE. 193 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,436 I'D HATE TO SEE THE G.O.P. 194 00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:41,103 VERSION OF "ANNIE." 195 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,813 ♪ THE SUN'LL COME OUT TOMORROW 196 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,815 ♪ ULTIMATELY THE PRELIMINARY RESULTS SEEM TO INDICATE 197 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,567 ♪ THERE'LL BE SUN JUST THINKIN' ABOUT, 198 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:55,618 TOMORROW ♪ THE MOON HAS THE LEGAL RIGHT 199 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,286 TOMORROW ♪ THE MOON HAS THE LEGAL RIGHT TO 200 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,412 PURSUE LEGAL CHALLENGES ♪ 'TIL ITS DONE 201 00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,413 ♪ IT'S A HARD FRAUD CASE TO BACK 202 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,541 ♪ BUT WE GOTTA SMOOCH HIS CRACK ♪ 203 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,461 ( LAUGHTER ) I STARTED BOTH OF THOSE SLIGHTLY 204 00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:08,589 HIGHER KEY THAN I'M COMFORTABLE WITH. 205 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,467 RUBIO-- YOU FELT THE EMOTION. 206 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,426 RUBIO ISN'T THE ONLY G.O.P. 207 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,471 OFFICIAL TAKING A BABY STEP TOWARD REALITY. 208 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:19,475 SO IS IDAHO SENATOR AND LATEST PUPPET CREATION FROM THE MIND OF 209 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,769 JEFF DUNHAM, JAMES RISCH. 210 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:26,107 RISCH ADMITTED TO REPORTERS THAT BIDEN WON, ADDING, "THIS IS MY 211 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,733 SECOND TRANSITION WHERE WE MOVE FROM ONE POLITICAL PARTY TO 212 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,820 ANOTHER IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 213 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,697 IT IS A CHANGE IN THE MUSIC THAT IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. 214 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,491 WE GO FROM HEAVY METAL TO CLASSICAL MUSIC IN ONE FELL 215 00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:38,995 SWOOP." 216 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:39,704 YES, GOOD-BYE TO THE PRESIDENT'S HEAVY METAL. 217 00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:43,499 THE LAST SONG ON HIS SET LIST? 218 00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,710 "ENTER BLANDMAN." 219 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:50,673 ♪ ♪ ♪ WOOO-OOO! 220 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:57,680 YESTERDAY, A REPORTER ASKED JOE BIDEN ABOUT THE REAL-WORLD COST 221 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:02,310 OF THE PRESIDENT'S OBSTRUCTION, AND THE TRANSITION, AND THE 222 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,519 PRESIDENT-ELECT DID NOT MINCE WORDS: 223 00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:04,854 >> WHAT DO YOU SEE AS THE BIGGEST THREAT TO YOUR 224 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,231 TRANSITION RIGHT NOW, GIVEN PRESIDENT TRUMP'S UNPRECEDENTED 225 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,526 ATTEMPT TO OBSTRUCT AND DELAY A SMOOTH TRANSFER OF POWER? 226 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:15,698 >> MORE PEOPLE MAY DIE IF WE DON'T COORDINATE. 227 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,825 >> Stephen: WE'RE DOOMED! 228 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:21,704 I MEAN, IS THIS A MAN WHO LOOKS COORDINATED? 229 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:27,501 BUT BIDEN WAS OPTIMISTIC: >> WE'RE MOVING ALONG KNOWING 230 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:31,422 WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE. 231 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,049 I FIND THIS MORE EMBARRASSING FOR THE COUNTRY THAN 232 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,051 DEBILITATING FOR MY ABILITY TO GET STARTED. 233 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,595 >> Stephen: OH, WE'RE WAY PAST EMBARRASSMENT, JOE. 234 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,722 AFTER A FULL TERM OF THIS PRESIDENT, WE COULD GET OUR 235 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:44,935 PERIOD IN GYM CLASS, ACCIDENTALLY CALL THE TEACHER 236 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,689 "MOM," TRIP IN THE HALLWAY IN FRONT OF OUR CRUSH, AND STILL BE 237 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,568 LIKE, "YEAH, BETTER THAN THE LAST FOUR YEARS." 238 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:53,903 LET'S MOVE ON TO PERHAPS THE BIGGEST NEWS OF THE DAY: THE 239 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,488 ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE HAS ARRIVED IN NEW YORK 240 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,240 CITY! 241 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,283 OKAY, IT'S COOL, NBC. 242 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,578 YOU GUYS HAVE YOUR OWN NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED HOLIDAY 243 00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:03,704 ICON. 244 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,748 MEANWHILE, NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT THE TIMES SQUARE CBS 245 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:09,752 CORNUCOPIA, EVEN THOUGH IT IS OVERFLOWING WITH FESTIVE 246 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:15,549 "60 MINUTES" CORRESPONDENTS! 247 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,761 HOWEVER, ONE CITY'S CHRISTMAS DECORATION DID NOT GO OFF 248 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,471 EXACTLY AS PLANNED, BECAUSE THE CHRISTMAS TREE IN CINCINNATI 249 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:27,061 WENT VIRAL FOR EMBODYING HOW WE FEEL IN 2020. 250 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:31,440 UH, OKAY, BUT I'M NOT SURE I BUY THAT. 251 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,776 CHRISTMAS TREES ARE CHEERFUL AND HAPPY! 252 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:38,280 HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY EMBODY HOW EVERYONE IS-- YEAH, OKAY. 253 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:38,823 YEAH, THAT'S ME. 254 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,324 THAT'S GOT THE FEELS. 255 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:43,494 THAT TREE LOOKS LIKE IT JUST WENT ON ITS LAST MARCH INTO 256 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:48,290 ISENGARD. 257 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:49,458 SO WHY DOES SAD TREE LOOK SAD? 258 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,793 WELL, OFFICIALS SAY MANY OF THE BRANCHES ARE STILL TIED WITH 259 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:51,419 TWINE. 260 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:52,169 OH, YEAH, IT'S THE TWINE. 261 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,796 CAN I START USING THAT EXCUSE, TOO? 262 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:57,800 I KNOW IT MAY LOOK LIKE I HAVEN'T EXERCISED SINCE MARCH, 263 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,803 BUT THAT'S JUST THE TWINE. 264 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,432 YOU UN-TWINE ME, AND I'M HARDER THAN A HEMSWORTH. 265 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,266 RIGHT, HONEY? 266 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,642 >> OH, ABSOLUTELY. 267 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,477 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY, THANK YOU. 268 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,687 AFTER THAT INITIAL PICTURE WENT VIRAL, CINCINNATI OFFICIALS KEPT 269 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:15,609 WORKING ON THE TREE AND RELEASED THIS AFTER-PHOTO: 270 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:16,318 AWWWW! 271 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,862 THAT SPRUCE GOT ALL SPRUCED UP! 272 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,613 SO IT STARTED OUT INCREDIBLY SAD AND PITIFUL, BUT SOMEHOW IN 273 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:22,491 EARLY NOVEMBER, IT TURNED THINGS AROUND AND RESTORED PEOPLE'S 274 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,659 HOPE? 275 00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:25,953 THIS TREE REALLY DOES EMBODY 2020, ESPECIALLY IN JANUARY, 276 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,623 WHEN WE GET TO THROW THE WHOLE THING IN A WOODCHIPPER. 277 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,126 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 278 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,003 FORMULA ONE CHAMPION LEWIS HAMILTON IS HERE. 279 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,798 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 280 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,008 JOIN US. 281 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:01,947 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 282 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:02,907 WELCOME BACK! 283 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:07,369 LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE. 284 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,496 HELLO, JON. 285 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:11,499 >> Jon: YOU GOTTA HAVE A VISION, A VISION, A REVELATION. 286 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,335 >> Stephen: I'M HAVING A VISION, A REVELATION FOR MONDAY. 287 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,961 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO MONDAY, JON? 288 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,214 >> OH, MY GOODNESS, I HEARD. 289 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:21,008 >> Stephen: I'M GOING DOWN TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO INTERVIEW 290 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:27,056 THIS MAN-- MR. BARACK OBAMA-- ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK "A PROMISE 291 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:27,723 LAND." 292 00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,266 I GOT SO MANY DECISIONS O MAKE. 293 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,101 OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM? 294 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,228 THAT'S A BIGGIE. 295 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,896 BUT WHAT DO I WEAR? 296 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,731 DO I WEAR A SUIT? 297 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:36,732 HE'S THE FORMER PRESIDENT. 298 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:37,858 DO I WEAR A SUIT? 299 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,277 EVY SAYS I WEAR A SUIT. 300 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,070 >> NO TIE. 301 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,906 >> Stephen: SUIT, NO TIE MARX SAYS. 302 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:44,990 WHAT DO YOU SAY. 303 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:52,206 >> Jon: I SAY SUIT, NO TIE, UNBUTTON THE TOP BUTTON. 304 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,207 CASUAL BUT FORMAL. 305 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,043 >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT NO SHIRT, GO HARRY STYLES. 306 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,295 >> Jon: THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO DO. 307 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,922 >> Stephen: ANYWAY, VERY EXCITED. 308 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:03,217 WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ME TO ASK HIM. 309 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,261 PLEASE, HIT ME, UP, OKAY. 310 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,055 >> Jon: ASK HIM ABOUT THAT JUMPER FROM THE CORNER? 311 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,765 YOU SEE HIM SINK THAT 3? 312 00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:11,433 >> Stephen: I WILL, I WILL. 313 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,060 >> Jon: HOW MANY TAKES. 314 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,104 >> Stephen: I THINK THAT'S WHY BIDEN WON. 315 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,438 I THINK THAT WAS IT. 316 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,899 >> Jon: OH, SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD. 317 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,943 >> Stephen: IT WAS MAGIC. 318 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:25,656 DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC TO SET THE SCENE FOR REST OF THE SHOW, SIR? 319 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:38,002 >> Jon: LET'S SEE... 320 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,379 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, 321 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,255 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 322 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:42,339 THANK YOU, JON. 323 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,424 >> Jon: YES, INDEED. 324 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:48,846 LAY IT ON. 325 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,348 >> FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRACKING THE 326 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,766 TEMPERATURE AND FLOWERING PATTERNS OF THE MAPLE TREE OF 327 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,352 TOPICAL STORIES SO THAT I CAN KNOW THE EXACT PEAK MOMENT TO 328 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,647 TAP IT WITH MY SPILE. 329 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,984 I CAREFULLY OBSERVE THE FLOW OF STORY SAP INTO THE BUCKET AND 330 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,320 THEN TRANSFER THE INITIAL RUN TO ANOTHER STORAGE UNIT USING 331 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,488 CHEESECLOTH TO FILTER OUT ANY FOREIGN MATERIAL. 332 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:10,743 I THEN DIG A SMALL OUTDOOR FIRE PIT AND BOIL THE STORIES UNTIL 333 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:14,455 THEY ARE GOLDEN IN COLOR, BRING THEM INSIDE FOR A SECOND BOIL, 334 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,749 WHICH I CAREFULLY MONITOR UNTIL IT REACHES 7 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT 335 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,292 PAST THE BOILING POINT OF WATER AT MY CURRENT ELEVATION. 336 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,878 THEN, THEN I REMOVE ANY SEDIMENT, FILTER IT ONE LAST 337 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:24,131 TIME, AND TRANSFER IT TO BLOWN GLASS BOTTLES TO CREATE THE 338 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,508 GRADE-A MAPLE NEWS SYRUP THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 339 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,344 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO JUST HEAD OUTSIDE WITH A FORK 340 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:32,973 AND SCRAPE SOME OF THE CRUSTED SAP OFF THE NEAREST PINE, MIX IT 341 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,143 WITH THE SODA AND BACKWASH LEFT IN A DENTED CAN OF FANTA ON THE 342 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,812 COUNTER, THEN DRIZZLE IT ON YESTERDAY'S PANCAKES TO CREATE 343 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:42,149 THE DRIFTER'S BREAKFAST TOPPING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 344 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:51,033 "QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ART 345 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,035 RESTORATION IN PALENCIA, SPAIN, HAS GONE TERRIBLY AWRY. 346 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,536 SEE THE LADY SMILING AT HER ANIMALS AND HARVEST FRUIT? 347 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,374 WELL, AFTER THE RESTORATION, SHE NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS: 348 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,167 WHAT'S SPANISH FOR "FRYING PAN FACE?" 349 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:03,253 IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SLAPPED A BUTTER SCULPTURE ON A HOT DAY. 350 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:06,006 THIS SEEMS TO BE A REAL PROBLEM IN SPAIN. 351 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:10,052 WE ALL REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY'S OTHER FAMOUSLY BOTCHED 352 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,096 RESTORATION JOB: POTATO JESUS. 353 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,056 WHAT EXACTLY IS THE VETTING PROCESS FOR ART RESTORERS IN 354 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,725 SPAIN? 355 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,187 "SORRY, ESTABAN, I'M AFRAID IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A MASTERS IN 356 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,189 FINE ART, BOTH YOUR HANDS AND EYES, AND YOU'VE SEEN THE 357 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,440 ORIGINAL PIECE. 358 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,402 THAT KIND OF THING MIGHT FLY IN FRANCE, BUT WE'VE DECIDED TO GO 359 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:33,742 WITH AN INSANE MACAQUE HOLDING A PAINTBRUSH IN ITS TAIL." 360 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,120 QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN BAD NEWS NEWS, MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE 361 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:40,207 TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID-19 ON A CRUISE SHIP IN THE CARIBBEAN. 362 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,084 THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: "THING EVERYONE KNEW WOULD HAPPEN, 363 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:46,088 HAPPENS." 364 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,717 ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, VIDEO HAS GONE 365 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,593 VIRAL OF A HELICOPTER CARRYING A HEART FOR A TRANSPLANT PATIENT 366 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,096 THAT CRASHED ON THE ROOF OF AN L.A. HOSPITAL. 367 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:58,225 NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY HURT, AND THE HEART WAS RECOVERED FROM THE 368 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:02,104 WRECKAGE AND HANDED OFF TO THIS DOCTOR, OKAY, WHO TREATED IT 369 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:12,990 WITH THE CARE AND CAUTION IT DESERVES-- THERE'S THE HANDOFF. 370 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,199 HE TRIPPED LIKE A CARTOON WAITER, SPILLING THE HEART ON 371 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,702 THE HELIPAD. 372 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:17,703 CALM DOWN! 373 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:18,120 CALM DOWN! 374 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:22,124 EVERYONE'S FINE. 375 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,501 GOOD NEWS: THE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS-- 376 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,919 >> IT WAS DIRTY. 377 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:29,506 >> Stephen: BUT IT WOULD BE FUN TO BE THAT PATIENT. 378 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:34,303 YOU'RE GETTING AHEAD OF MY PUNCH LINE. 379 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:35,679 ( AS DOCTOR ) "YOUR PROCEDURE WENT GREAT, 380 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:36,972 THANKS TO YOUR CARDIOLOGIST, LARRY, AND HIS ATTENDINGS, MOE, 381 00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:38,223 AND CURLY. 382 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:38,932 YOU MAY HAVE SOME DISCOMFORT IN YOUR CHEST, BUT THAT'S JUST THE 383 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,476 WET LEAVES AND HELICOPTER FUEL." 384 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:44,646 CAN'T ACTUALLY TALK. 385 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,857 YOU SAID ESSENTIALLY THE PUNCH LINE. 386 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:47,816 MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE IT. 387 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:54,156 ( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 388 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:58,202 QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE NEWS OF 389 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,287 MODERNA'S NEW VACCINE. 390 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,164 AND IT TURNS OUT "DOLLY PARTON PARTLY FUNDED MODERNA'S COVID 391 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:06,293 VACCINE RESEARCH." 392 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:10,172 WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE VACCINE ( TO TUNE OF "9 TO 5" ) 393 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:14,676 ♪ WORKING 95 PERCENT OF THE TIME. 394 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,180 JOKE IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 395 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:21,683 QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE TWITTER WORLD IS A-TWATTING OVER THE 396 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:22,851 NEWS THAT "TWITTER JUST INTRODUCED 'FLEETS,' 'FLEETING 397 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:26,188 TWEETS' THAT DISAPPEAR FOREVER AFTER 24 HOURS," THE PERFECT 398 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:29,525 OPTION FOR USERS WHO FEEL REMORSE ABOUT SOMETHING THEY 399 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,692 POSTED." 400 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,696 JUST WHAT TWITTER NEEDS: PEOPLE SAYING THINGS TOO AWFUL TO 401 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,906 REMAIN ON TWITTER. 402 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:38,200 NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT ENTHUSED ABOUT THE IDEA OF FLEETS, DON'T 403 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,537 WORRY, BECAUSE TWITTER SAYS ITS MAIN "GLOBAL TOWN SQUARE" 404 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,246 SERVICE REMAINS ITS MARQUEE PRODUCT. 405 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,207 REALLY? 406 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,252 I GOT TO SAY, TWITTER MAKES FOR A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN SQUARE. 407 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,879 "HEAR YE! 408 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,880 HEAR YE! 409 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,216 ( BELL RINGING ) TOASTER STRUDELS ARE BETTER THAN 410 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:58,846 POP TARTS. 411 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,347 AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES IS A LIBERAL CUCK. 412 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,725 AND NOW, ENJOY A PICTURE OF MY BUTT." 413 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:10,440 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS DAMN LOUD. 414 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,402 YOU CAN TALK ANY TIME YOU WANT DURING THIS. 415 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:17,906 I APOLOGIZE. 416 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:18,407 QUARANTINE-WHILE, CBS NEW YORK JUST BROKE THIS STORY RIGHT HERE 417 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,869 IN THE BIG APPLE. 418 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:25,956 >> ANOTHER ILLEGAL GATHERING IS BUSTED IN NEW YORK CITY. 419 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:26,915 THIS TIME, INVESTIGATORS SAY A SO-CALLED FIGHT CLUB WAS 420 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,585 OPERATING INSIDE OF A CROWDED BRONX WAREHOUSE. 421 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:30,919 >> Stephen: WELL, IT MAKES SENSE THAT THIS GOT OUT. 422 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:36,383 IT'S JUST LIKE TYLER DURDEN SAYS: 423 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:42,097 >> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS: 424 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,056 TELL CBS NEWS ABOUT FIGHT CLUB! 425 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:46,059 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT THE FIGHTING 426 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,436 ISN'T EVEN WHAT WILL SHOCK YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AT 427 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,562 FIGHT CLUB. 428 00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:52,399 >> INVESTIGATORS SAY THEY FOUND TWO HANDGUNS, DRUGS, AND 429 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:56,111 UNLICENSED ALCOHOL. 430 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:57,905 THEY ALSO SAY VERY FEW PEOPLE WERE WEARING MASKS. 431 00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,114 >> Stephen: PLEASE, EVERYONE. 432 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:04,286 THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WEAR A MASK WHILE YOU SMASH YOUR FELLOW 433 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:05,078 MAN'S FACE INTO A PULPY MUSH. 434 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:05,996 IT'S JUST COURTESY. 435 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:07,956 ALSO, NO BRINGING NANA TO FIGHT CLUB. 436 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,294 SHE'S IN A VULNERABLE GROUP. 437 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,962 QUARANTINE-WHILE, I'D LIKE TO MOVE ON TO MY ULTRA-RARE 438 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,633 QUARANTINE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT: "NAUGHTY POPE NEWS." 439 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:24,640 ( LAUGHTER ) TODAY'S NAUGHTY POPE NEWS: IT 440 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:31,146 APPEARS THE POPE JUST LIKED THIS PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM. 441 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,648 NOW, PEOPLE HAVE POINTED OUT THAT THE POPE DOES NOT 442 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,652 NECESSARILY CONTROL HIS OWN INSTAGRAM FEED, BUT FRANCIS 443 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:48,664 STILL OFFERED THIS COMPELLING EXPLANATION: 444 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:49,831 >> (translated): MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, 445 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,959 REGARDING MY RECENT INSTAGRAM INCIDENT, I WANT TO ASSURE YOU 446 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,335 THAT I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE. 447 00:20:53,418 --> 00:21:02,552 YOU OTHER BROTHERS-- BY WHICH I MEAN MONKS-- CAN'T DENY, WHEN A 448 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,179 GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR 449 00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:05,305 FACE, YOU MUST EXAMINE YOUR CONSCIENCE. 450 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,557 >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A LOOK AT THE VICE 451 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,351 PRESIDENT-ELECT'S FASHION. 452 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,227 SORT OF. 453 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:27,536 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS. 454 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:30,497 NOW THAT THE BIDEN-HARRIS ADMINISTRATION IS ON ITS WAY, 455 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:33,542 SOME IN THE MEDIA HAVE TURNED THEIR FOCUS TO SERIOUS QUESTIONS 456 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:37,713 LIKE, "WHAT ARE THEY WEARING?" WE'RE BARELY PAST THE ELECTION, 457 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:43,510 AND THE SARTORIAL THINK PIECES ARE ALREADY GETTING THUNKED, 458 00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:44,553 LIKE "KAMALA HARRIS WILL CHANGE POWER DRESSING FOREVER." 459 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,763 "FROM PEARL NECKLACES TO HIGH-TOP SNEAKERS, SEE VICE 460 00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,682 PRESIDENT-ELECT HARRIS' BOSS SENSE OF STYLE." 461 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:52,561 AND EVEN "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL" ASKS, "IS KAMALA 462 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,188 HARRIS'S FASHION HER SECRET WEAPON?" 463 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:56,064 COULD BE. 464 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,899 COULD ALSO BE HER SKILL AND EXPERIENCE. 465 00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,443 I DON'T KNOW. 466 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,862 CHECK "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL," THEY NORMALLY DON'T WRITE 467 00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,071 GARBAGE. 468 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,114 HERE TO DIVE DEEPER INTO OUR NEW OBSESSION WITH THE 469 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,115 VICE-PRESIDENTIAL FASHION, PLEASE WELCOME ONE OF MY 470 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:09,953 WRITERS, AND FASHION EXPERT, MICHAEL CRUZ KAYNE. 471 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:10,537 >> HI, STEPHEN. 472 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,539 >> Stephen: HI, MICHAEL. 473 00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:16,209 >> STEPHEN, AS YOU KNOW, KAMALA HARRIS BRINGS A LOT OF FIRSTS TO 474 00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:20,088 THE WHITE HOUSE: SHE'S A WOMAN, SHE'S BLACK, SHE'S SOUTH ASIAN, 475 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,381 BUT MOST OF ALL-- AND I HOPE PEOPLE DON'T MIND IF I 476 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:27,387 OBJECTIFY-- SHE'S GOT THE WHITE HOUSE'S FIRST HOT JEWISH 477 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,556 HUSBAND, DOUG EMHOFF. 478 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:34,436 AND WHEN I SAY "HUSBAND," I MEAN HUBBA-HUBBA HUSBAND. 479 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:38,440 HIS FASHION CHOICES ARE SETTING THE INTERNET ON ABSOLUTE FIRE. 480 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:41,860 PEOPLE DIG DOUG. 481 00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:42,402 >> Stephen: OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE TALKING 482 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:43,779 ABOUT HER FASHION. 483 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,405 >> UGH. 484 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:47,783 NO! 485 00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,409 WHAT AM I GOING TO TALK ABOUT, HER GLORIOUS SUITS, THE WAY SHE 486 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:53,246 ALIGHTS FROM A PLANE WEARING CONVERSE LIKE A BUSINESS CASUAL 487 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,123 ANGEL? 488 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,793 YAWN! 489 00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,920 STEPHEN, AREN'T WE A LITTLE BORED OF EVERY FASHION SEGMENT 490 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:01,254 BEING ABOUT WOMEN? 491 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,799 IT'S 2020. 492 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:10,263 IT'S TIME TO OBJECTIFY THE MEN! 493 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:11,807 I'LL TAKE TWO SCOOPS OF DOUG, AND HOLD THE SPRINKLES, BECAUSE 494 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,141 I WANT TO REALLY TASTE THE DOUG. 495 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:17,312 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S COOL, I 496 00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:18,146 GUESS. 497 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,149 SO, WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON HIS FASHION? 498 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,318 >> I MEAN, HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE? 499 00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:24,528 >> Stephen: NOT MUCH. 500 00:23:24,611 --> 00:23:29,282 >> FIRST OF ALL, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS TASTEFUL MUTED BLUE SUIT, 501 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:34,538 AND THIS ELEGANT MUTED BLUE SUIT. 502 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,165 AND, FOLKS, MAKE SURE YOUR DOG'S ON A LEASH BEFORE I SHOW YOU 503 00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:39,835 THIS ONE. 504 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:47,008 HERE'S HIM ROCKING AN ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPTIOUS MUTED BLUE SUIT. 505 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:48,260 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 506 00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:49,177 WHEN WE FINALLY GET BACK IN THE THEATER, MAYBE I SHOULD TRY A 507 00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:51,847 MUTED BLUE SUIT. 508 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:55,183 >> OH, STEPHEN, STEVE, STEVIE, MY MAN, YOU COULD NEVER PULL 509 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:55,851 THIS OFF. 510 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:59,354 YOU DON'T HAVE THE PHYSIQUE. 511 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:03,066 AS A JEW MYSELF, I KNOW THAT BODY, AND IT'S BUILT BY A STRICT 512 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:04,192 REGIMEN OF PASTRAMI AND VERY SLOWLY SWIMMING LAPS AT A 513 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,279 COMMUNITY POOL. 514 00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:10,866 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, DOES DOUG 515 00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:11,867 EMHOFF HAVE ANY OTHER LOOKS? 516 00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:15,036 >> OH, YEAH, HE DOES. 517 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:19,207 AND, PARENTS, TAKE YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE ROOM FOR THIS ONE. 518 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:23,879 I CALL THIS LOOK "OOPSIES, LOOKS LIKE ZADDY FORGOT HIS TIE." 519 00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:27,757 ALL BUTTONED UP, HE'S THE VICE PRESIDENT'S HUSBAND, BUT ONE 520 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:28,383 BUTTON UNDONE, AND HE'S "MR. 521 00:24:28,466 --> 00:24:31,219 EMHOFF, IF YOU'RE NASTY." 522 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:35,891 ALSO, NOTE THE DARING TOUCH OF A MUTED BLUE SUIT. 523 00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:39,895 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: LOOK, HE SEEMS LIKE 524 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,438 A NICE FELLA, REALLY SUPPORTIVE OF HIS WIFE, BUT IS THERE REALLY 525 00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:47,903 THIS MUCH ENTHUSIASM FOR DOUG EMHOFF'S FASHION? 526 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:54,576 >> STEPHEN, THIS IS AN HISTORICAL FIRST. 527 00:24:54,659 --> 00:24:55,911 THE FASHION WORLD HAS BEEN WAITING FOR FOR CENTURIES. 528 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:57,579 THE DOUG-BUGS AND THE EMHOFF-HEADS ARE GOING NUTS. 529 00:24:57,662 --> 00:25:00,207 SURE, WE'VE HAD OTHER VICE-PRESIDENTIAL SPOUSES. 530 00:25:00,290 --> 00:25:04,377 WHAT FOOL COULD FORGET THE DAZZLING JOAN MONDALE OR THE 531 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:07,297 INCANDESCENT LETITIA STEVENSON? 532 00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:13,303 BUT NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE HAVE A MAN WHO IS THE PERSON YOU 533 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:15,931 WON'T HEAR ABOUT WHO IS MARRIED TO THE PERSON WHO IS LARGELY 534 00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:17,599 POWERLESS IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 535 00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,476 AND, STEPHEN, THERE'S A WORD FOR THAT IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE. 536 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:23,939 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT? 537 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:25,273 >> ENGLISH. 538 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,484 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NO, WHAT IS THE 539 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:31,279 WORD? 540 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,908 >> IT'S PROGRESS, STEPHEN. 541 00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:35,617 IT'S PROGRESS... STEPHEN. 542 00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:36,618 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU WERE SAYING? 543 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,370 >> Stephen: THAT WAS ON ME. 544 00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:42,457 THAT WAS ON ME. 545 00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:43,625 MICHAEL CRUZ KAYNE EVERYONE. 546 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,876 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FORMULA ONE CHAMPION LEWIS HAMILTON. 547 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:01,810 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 548 00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:04,980 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A FORMULA ONE DRIVER WHO JUST BECAME A 549 00:26:05,063 --> 00:26:09,776 SEVEN-TIME WORLD CHAMPION, TYING THE RECORD HELD BY MICHAEL 550 00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:11,820 SCHUMACHER. 551 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:16,783 >> HE FIND HIMSELF ALONGSIDE MICHAEL SCHUMACHER AS TOP IN THE 552 00:26:16,866 --> 00:26:22,497 RECORD BOOKS, THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP RECORD, LEWIS 553 00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:32,549 HAMILTON WINS THE TURKISH GRAND PRIX. 554 00:26:32,632 --> 00:26:36,970 >> FOR ALL THE KIDS OUT THERE WHO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE, YOU 555 00:26:37,053 --> 00:26:40,473 CAN DO IT, TOO, MAN. 556 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:44,352 THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYONE, FOR YOUR SUPPORT. 557 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,730 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," LEWIS HAMILTON! 558 00:26:46,813 --> 00:26:48,481 LEWIS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 559 00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,817 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME. 560 00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:52,027 I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. 561 00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:55,822 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT FORMULA ONE, BUT I AM ALL 562 00:26:55,905 --> 00:26:57,907 SWEPT UP IN YOUR EMOTIONS THERE AT THE END OF THIS RACE. 563 00:26:57,991 --> 00:27:00,535 TELL ME WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD AT THAT MOMENT THAT WE 564 00:27:00,618 --> 00:27:01,578 SAW ON TAPE JUST NOW? 565 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:04,581 >> WELL, STEPHEN, I'VE BEEN RACING FOR 27 YEARS. 566 00:27:04,664 --> 00:27:07,459 I STARTED WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. 567 00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:11,838 THE DREAM WAS TO GET TO FORMULA ONE, AND I GREW UP WATCHING 568 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:16,509 MICHAEL SCHUMACHER WIN ALL OF THOSE RACES AND THOSE TITLES AND 569 00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:17,761 I'M FINALLY THERE. 570 00:27:17,844 --> 00:27:22,682 THE LAST THREE LAPS, I KNEW THAT I WAS COMING INTO THE WEAK END, 571 00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:25,727 AND IF I HAD WON THE RACE, I WOULD BE WORLD CHAMPION. 572 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:28,730 BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG SO, YOU KNOW, 573 00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:34,444 YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY AND STAY FOCUSED, NOT DROP BULL, AND I 574 00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:37,572 THINK AS I WAS GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER THOSE LAST THREE 575 00:27:37,655 --> 00:27:40,200 LAPS, REALIZING THAT IT MAY JUST BE A REALITY THAT IT'S REALLY 576 00:27:40,283 --> 00:27:41,409 GOING TO HAPPEN. 577 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:45,080 I THINK JUST ALL THE EMOTIONS FROM, YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE YEARS 578 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:51,586 OF MY DAD WORKING AT ONE TIME THREE, FOUR JOBS JUST TO KEEP ME 579 00:27:51,669 --> 00:27:52,962 RACING AND TRULY BELIEVING IN ME. 580 00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:54,172 I THINK ALL THOSE CAME THROUGH. 581 00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:58,802 THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE CRIED IN THE CAR, SO IT WAS REALLY 582 00:27:58,885 --> 00:27:59,969 EMOTIONAL. 583 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,431 >> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT KEEPING THAT CAR ON THE GROUND 584 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,768 IN THIS RACE. 585 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:12,565 THE RACETRACK IN ISTANBUL WAS SO SLICK, THE DRIVERS WERE SLIPPING 586 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:14,109 DURING PRACTICE WHEN THE WEATHER WAS FINE. 587 00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:16,820 BUT THEN THERE WAS RAIN OVER THE WEEKEND. 588 00:28:16,903 --> 00:28:18,780 WHAT WERE THOSE CONDITIONS LIKE FOR YOU. 589 00:28:18,863 --> 00:28:21,658 I MEAN, FOR THE PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND THIS SPORT, PEOPLE 590 00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:25,161 ARE MARVELING AT A LEVEL THAT I WANT TO BE ABLE TO APPRECIATE. 591 00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:27,789 EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THOSE CONDITIONS WERE LIKE. 592 00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:32,419 >> YES, SO THEY-- WE HADN'T BEEN TO THIS TRACK FOR MAYBE 10 593 00:28:32,502 --> 00:28:34,129 YEARS-- YEAH, NINE YEARS. 594 00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:38,633 SO THEY RESURFACED THE CIRCUIT, SO IT WAS NEW TARMAC THAT YOU 595 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:41,136 WOULD HAVE ON A HIGHWAY. 596 00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:43,805 BUT THERE'S BASICALLY, I DON'T KNOW WHY IT WAS SO DIRTY. 597 00:28:43,888 --> 00:28:47,642 AND USUALLY, LIKE, OVER THE WEEKEND IT GETS MORE AND MORE 598 00:28:47,725 --> 00:28:52,981 RUBBER FROM THE TIRES AND IT GETS BETTER AND BETTER, BUT IT 599 00:28:53,064 --> 00:28:54,149 WASN'T HAPPENING. 600 00:28:54,232 --> 00:28:56,693 >> Stephen: MAYBE THEY WERE RESURFACING IT WITH TEFLON. 601 00:28:56,776 --> 00:28:59,529 >> MAYBE IT WAS A CHEAP JOB. 602 00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:00,029 I DON'T KNOW. 603 00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:01,281 AND THEN IT RAINED. 604 00:29:01,364 --> 00:29:04,701 AND WHEN IT RAINS, IT'S USUALLY THE HARDEST CONDITIONS TO RACE 605 00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:06,411 IN, IN GENERAL. 606 00:29:06,494 --> 00:29:09,873 BUT AT THIS TRACK TIFS LIKE ICE. 607 00:29:09,956 --> 00:29:14,002 I DON'T THINK ANY OF US DRIVERS HAVE EXPERIENCED THAT, 608 00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:15,462 ESPECIALLY IN MY FORMULA ONE YAR. 609 00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:18,798 THE ATTENTION TO DETAIL, THE FOCUS YOU NEEDED TO HAVE WAS SO 610 00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:19,924 INTENSE. 611 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:21,342 I SLEPT MOST OF TODAY JUST TRYING TO RECOVER BECAUSE NOT 612 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:26,347 ONLY DO YOU LOSE, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF ENERGY ON THE MENTAL 613 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:28,183 SIDE, YOU CAN LOSE UP TO 10 POUNDS IN THE RACE. 614 00:29:28,266 --> 00:29:31,853 THIS ONE WAS COLD, SO I ONLY LOST, LIKE, FIVE POUNDS. 615 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:32,812 >> Stephen: JUST IN SWEAT? 616 00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:34,856 OR OTHER FLUIDS? 617 00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:37,525 >> ( LAUGHS ) 618 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:38,693 SWEAT. 619 00:29:38,776 --> 00:29:39,861 >> Stephen: BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD LOSE SOME WEIGHT DAMN 620 00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:44,699 QUICK IF I TOOK A CORNARTY 150 MILES AN HOUR. 621 00:29:44,782 --> 00:29:45,867 >> DEFINITELY, PUT ANOTHER WAY. 622 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:48,661 >> Stephen: YOU SAID YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 27 YEARS. 623 00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:51,331 YOU'VE DREAMED OF DOING FORMULA ONE WHEN YOU WERE JUST A KID. 624 00:29:51,414 --> 00:29:52,832 WE HAVE A CLIP HERE I WANT TO SHOW THE AUDIENCE. 625 00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:57,587 THIS IS-- DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD ARE YOU IN THIS CLIP? 626 00:29:57,670 --> 00:30:00,882 YOU WERE BEING INTERVIEWED BECAUSE YOU WERE CART RACING AT 627 00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:01,466 THE TIME. 628 00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:04,719 >> I THINK I WAS 10 OR 11. 629 00:30:04,802 --> 00:30:07,388 >> WE WENT TO BELGIUM, AND THE SPEED THEY WERE DOING. 630 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:11,059 IT WAS AMAZING, BECAUSE YOU DONT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT WHEN 631 00:30:11,142 --> 00:30:12,894 YOU'RE WATCHING THE TV. 632 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:18,900 AND MY CART FEELS REALLY POWERFUL WHEN I'M IN IT. 633 00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:20,818 BUT IMAGINE BEING IN A FORMULA ONE CAR. 634 00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:24,906 IT MUST BE VERY POWERFUL. 635 00:30:24,989 --> 00:30:28,535 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU SEE 636 00:30:28,618 --> 00:30:29,744 THAT FOOTAGE? 637 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:32,330 >> I-- I IMAGINE IT'S THE SAME FOR ANYONE WATCHING BACK WHEN 638 00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:32,789 THEY WERE A KID. 639 00:30:32,872 --> 00:30:33,414 IT'S EMBARRASSING. 640 00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:36,751 >> Stephen: NO, NOT AT ALL! 641 00:30:36,834 --> 00:30:37,961 YOU SEEM PRETTY SELF-POSSESSED AS A 10-YEAR-OLD. 642 00:30:38,044 --> 00:30:44,050 WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL THAT 10-YEAR-OLD KID NOW, THAT 643 00:30:44,133 --> 00:30:45,134 SEVEN-TIME WORLD CHAMPION? 644 00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:50,598 >> I THINK IT WOULD BE JUST TO NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF AND 645 00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:53,560 CONTINUE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF ALWAYS. 646 00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:55,436 AND, YOU KNOW, ULTIMATELY, I'M HUMAN, AND LIKE ALL OF US, WE 647 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,814 HAVE OUR UPS AND DOWNS. 648 00:30:57,897 --> 00:31:02,277 AD, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE CONSTANTLY BATTLING THE MIND IN TRYING TO-- 649 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,154 IN TRYING TO ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE. 650 00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:08,074 AND THERE ARE DAYS WHERE IT FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT NOT WORK. 651 00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:11,619 IT FEELS-- YOU KNOW, THOSE STAGES THROUGH MY CAREER THAT I 652 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,955 DIDN'T THINK-- THERE WERE DAYS I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOOD ENOUGH. 653 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,290 I WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT. 654 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:18,251 AND I WOULD GO OUT FOR A LONG RUN, GET BACK IN THE CAR, GET 655 00:31:18,334 --> 00:31:20,086 BACK ON THE HORSE AND KEEP PUSHING AND NEVER GIVE UP. 656 00:31:20,169 --> 00:31:24,299 AND, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS SOMETHING MY DAD INSTILLED IN 657 00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:25,800 ME, I THINK, AS A KID. 658 00:31:25,883 --> 00:31:27,927 >> Stephen: AND IT HAS BEEN CHALLENGING AT TIMES. 659 00:31:28,011 --> 00:31:33,975 YOU'RE THE FIRST BLACK DRIVER IN THE 70-YEAR HISTORY OF FORMULA 660 00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:34,892 ONE. 661 00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,978 AND PEOPLE WERE NOT ALWAYS WELCOMING TO YOU. 662 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,187 >> YUP. 663 00:31:38,271 --> 00:31:45,320 >> Stephen: AND YOU'VE RAISED AWARENESS OF BLACK LIVES MATTER. 664 00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:47,363 YOU'VE ADVOCATED FOR INCLUSIVITY. 665 00:31:47,447 --> 00:31:48,948 YOU SET UP SOMETHING CALLED "THE HAMILTON COMMISSION." 666 00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:51,826 WHAT IS THAT? 667 00:31:51,909 --> 00:31:56,831 >> YEAH, SO, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE 668 00:31:56,914 --> 00:32:02,545 CAN THE COOL RAINS" ALWAYS -- >> Stephen: WHICH ONE? 669 00:32:02,629 --> 00:32:04,047 >> "COOL RUNNINGS." 670 00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:05,298 >> Stephen: YES, I WAS. 671 00:32:05,381 --> 00:32:10,053 >> WHEN THEY ARRIVE AT THE TOP OF THE HILL, ALL THE BOBSLEDDERS 672 00:32:10,136 --> 00:32:12,055 STAY COMPLETELY SILENT AND THEY WONDER WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO 673 00:32:12,138 --> 00:32:13,264 BE DOING THERE. 674 00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:16,851 AND IT WAS THE SAME FOR ME AND MY DAD WHEN WE ARRIVED FOR THE 675 00:32:16,934 --> 00:32:20,355 FIRST TIME AT THE GO-CART TRACK. 676 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:24,067 THE GO-CART WAS FIFTH HAND. 677 00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:28,029 AND WE ARRIVED SCRUFFY, AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE, WHAT, ARE 678 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:31,491 THESE GUYS DOING HERE?" WE WERE THE ONLY BLACK PEOPLE 679 00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:32,700 THERE. 680 00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,036 OF COURSE WE WERE NOT ALWAYS WELCOME BUT MY DAD AS YOU SAID, 681 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:36,537 "DO YOUR TALKING ON THE TRACK." 682 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:37,664 THAT'S WHAT WE DID. 683 00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:40,667 WE KEPT OUR HEADS DOWN AND DID WHAT WE LOVED. 684 00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:46,714 AND I MEAN-- AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT-- FORMULA ONE, THERE 685 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:50,677 WAS AN IDEA OF WHAT A FORMULA ONE DRIVER WOULD LOOK LIKE AND 686 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:54,555 HOW THEY SHOULD BEHAVE AND WHAT THEY SHOULD BE LIKE. 687 00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:57,266 AND I NEVER REALLY FELT COMFORTABLE CONFORMING TO HOW 688 00:32:57,350 --> 00:32:58,476 PEOPLE WOULD EXPECT. 689 00:32:58,559 --> 00:33:02,772 BUT WHEN I GOT TO FORMULA ONE, I THOUGHT JUST US BEING THERE 690 00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:05,024 WOULD HELP SHIFT AND BREAK DOWN BARRIERS AND HELP MAKE THE SPORT 691 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:06,192 MORE DIVERSE. 692 00:33:06,275 --> 00:33:11,030 BUT I REALIZED AFTER 14 YEARS, LOOKING AT THE LAYOUT OF OUR 693 00:33:11,114 --> 00:33:12,740 SPORT, IT IS STILL NOT DIVERSE. 694 00:33:12,824 --> 00:33:16,411 IT IS STILL A MALE, WHITE-DOMINATED SPORT. 695 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:20,748 AND I WOULD ASK MY TEEM TEAM, "WHY AM I ONE OF THE ONLY 696 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:28,089 PEOPLE, OUT OF 2,000 PEOPLE IN MY TEAM, WHY AM I ONE OF ONLY A 697 00:33:28,172 --> 00:33:30,216 HANDFUL OF MINORITIES?" AND I PUT TOGETHER THE HAMILTON 698 00:33:30,299 --> 00:33:35,596 COMMISSION TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT BARRIERS ARE AND WHAT THE 699 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,433 ROOT OF THE CAUSE IS, AND THROUGH THOSE FINDINGS FIND A 700 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:43,229 WAY TO HELP ENCOURAGE YOUNG BLACK KIDS GETTING INTO STEM 701 00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:45,606 ROLES, INTO ENGINEERING IN THIS INDUSTRY. 702 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:48,943 AND I HOPE THAT-- YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT PEOPLE IN THE 703 00:33:49,026 --> 00:33:52,321 COMMISSION THAT ARE IN POLITICS ON THE GROUND, THAT CAN REALLY 704 00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:57,577 CHANGE THE LEGISLATION, RULES, AND PUSH ON THE GROUND IN 705 00:33:57,660 --> 00:34:00,580 COMMUNITIES TO HELP ENCOURAGE THESE KIDS. 706 00:34:00,663 --> 00:34:02,081 >> Stephen: I WANT TO-- WE HAVE TO GO IN A MOMENT, BUT I 707 00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:05,460 WANT TO ASK YOU ONE LAST QUESTION. 708 00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:08,463 I'M CURIOUS, WHENEVER I MEET SOMEONE WHO IS AT THE TOP OF 709 00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:11,591 THEIR GAME, IN WHATEVER THE SPORT SI'VE ASKED THIS QUESTION: 710 00:34:11,674 --> 00:34:17,889 IS THERE A MOVIE ABOUT YOUR SPORT THAT GET IT RIGHT? 711 00:34:17,972 --> 00:34:21,809 LIKE "FORD VERSUS FERRARI," "TALLADEGA NIGHTS?" 712 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:26,522 >> I'M A BIG FAN OF "TALLADEGA NIGHTS," PERSONALLY. 713 00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:27,732 WHEN HE'S ON FIRE. 714 00:34:27,815 --> 00:34:29,108 I LOVE THAT. 715 00:34:29,192 --> 00:34:33,070 I DON'T KNOW, I THINK THE RACING MOVIES ARE ALWAYS REALLY 716 00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,238 DIFFICULT. 717 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,115 I THINK THEY'RE VERY, VERY TRICKY FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND, 718 00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:37,158 I GUESS. 719 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:40,161 I GUESS IT'S A HARD SPORT FOR PEOPLE TO RELATE TO. 720 00:34:40,244 --> 00:34:45,291 BUT THE "FORD VERSUS FERRARI" I THINK THEY DID SUCH A GREAT JOB. 721 00:34:45,374 --> 00:34:48,878 THERE ARE TWO GREAT INCREDIBLE ACTORS. 722 00:34:48,961 --> 00:34:50,087 I LOVE THAT. 723 00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:53,174 IT ALMOST ENCOURAGED ME TO GO AND DRIVE SOME OF THOSE CARS. 724 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:56,636 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE SEVEN WORLD TITLES NOW. 725 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,097 YOUR CONTRACT WITH MERCEDES IS UP THIS YEAR. 726 00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:00,848 WHAT'S NEXT? 727 00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:04,060 >> I'VE GOT TO GET A NEW CONTRACT. 728 00:35:04,143 --> 00:35:06,479 NO, I BET -- >> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE TO 729 00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:09,148 BE SPONSORED BY A CBS TALK SHOW? 730 00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:10,900 >> UH... 731 00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:11,692 I'M INTERESTED. 732 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:12,276 I'VE GOT SPACE. 733 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,277 >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD. 734 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:16,697 ( LAUGHTER ) MY FACE ON YOUR HOOD. 735 00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:17,156 I'D BE HAPPY WITH THAT. 736 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:21,410 ( LAUGHTER ). 737 00:35:21,494 --> 00:35:24,372 >> THEY SELL THESE VISORS SO, I'M OPEN. 738 00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:25,164 >> Stephen: SO NICE TO MEET YOU. 739 00:35:25,248 --> 00:35:27,583 THANKS FOR BEING HERE, LEWIS. 740 00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:31,045 >> STEPHEN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME. 741 00:35:31,128 --> 00:35:33,214 >> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIS NEXT RACE ON NOVEMBER 29 ON ESPN. 742 00:35:33,297 --> 00:35:34,382 LEWIS HAMILTON, EVERYBODY. 743 00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:35,800 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ANDREA BOCELLI. 744 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:03,953 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> THERE'S A SNEAKING SUSPICION, 745 00:36:04,036 --> 00:36:10,418 ME AND A LOT OF AMERICANS, THAT JOE BIDEN WAS INSTALLED SOMEHOW, 746 00:36:10,501 --> 00:36:11,419 SOME WAY. 747 00:36:11,502 --> 00:36:14,255 AND I CAN'T PROVE THIS ALLEGATION, BUT IT'S A GUT 748 00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:15,298 FEELING. 749 00:36:15,381 --> 00:36:16,132 BUT THAT'S WHY YOU DO THESE KIND OF INVESTIGATIONS. 750 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:18,885 DO YOU KIND OF HAVE THAT FEELING, TOO? 751 00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:21,262 >> I ALSO HAVE THAT FEELING, TOO. 752 00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:24,724 YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THERE WAS A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, AND ONE 753 00:36:24,807 --> 00:36:26,267 OF THE CANDIDATES WON? 754 00:36:26,350 --> 00:36:28,728 SOMETHING'S NOT ADDING UP. 755 00:36:28,811 --> 00:36:30,563 AS FOR WHAT. 756 00:36:30,646 --> 00:36:32,690 THAT'S WHAT I INTEND TO FIND OUT. 757 00:36:32,773 --> 00:36:34,984 STICK AROUND FOR MORE HUGE DUMB-ASS DETECTIVE. 758 00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:44,619 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 759 00:36:44,702 --> 00:36:49,123 PERFORMING "I BELIEVE" FROM HIS NEW ALBUM, "BELIEVE," ANDREA 760 00:36:49,206 --> 00:36:53,085 BOCELLI. 761 00:36:53,169 --> 00:37:03,137 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 762 00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:08,267 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 763 00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:17,109 ♪ ONE DAY I'LL HEAR THE LAUGH OF CHILDREN 764 00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:25,034 ♪ IN A WORLD WHERE WAR HAS BEEN BANNED 765 00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:29,080 ♪ ONE DAY I'LL SEE ♪ OPEN YOU HEART 766 00:37:29,163 --> 00:37:37,088 TO THOSE WHO NEED YOU ♪ IN THE NAME OF 767 00:37:37,171 --> 00:37:44,220 LOVE AND DEVOTION ♪ ♪ ♪ 768 00:37:44,303 --> 00:37:56,357 ♪ YES I BELIEVE I BELIEVE IN THE PEOPLE 769 00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:01,153 ♪ OF ALL NATIONS TO JOIN AND CARE 770 00:38:01,237 --> 00:38:05,157 ♪ FOR LOVE I BELIEVE IN A WORLD 771 00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:13,165 ♪ WHERE LIGHT WILL GUIDE US AND GIVING OUR LOVE 772 00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:26,345 ♪ WE'LL MAKE HEAVEN ON EARTH ♪ ♪ ♪ 773 00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:37,106 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 774 00:38:37,189 --> 00:38:40,067 ♪ ♪ ♪ I BELIEVE IN THE PEOPLE 775 00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:44,363 ♪ OF ALL NATIONS TO JOIN AND CARE 776 00:38:44,447 --> 00:38:49,243 ♪ FOR LOVE I BELIEVE IN A WORLD 777 00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:56,417 ♪ WHERE LIGHT WILL GUIDE US AND GIVING OUR LOVE 778 00:38:56,500 --> 00:39:08,429 ♪ WE'LL MAKE HEAVEN ON EARTH ♪ ♪ YES I BELIEVE 779 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:14,435 I BELIEVE IN THE PEOPLE ♪ OF ALL NATIONS 780 00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:16,437 TO JOIN AND CARE ♪ FOR LOVE 781 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:22,359 I BELIEVE IN A WORLD ♪ WHERE LIGHT WILL GUIDE US 782 00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:32,411 AND GIVING OUR LOVE ♪ WE'LL MAKE HEAVEN ON EARTH 783 00:39:32,495 --> 00:39:42,463 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 784 00:39:42,546 --> 00:39:49,303 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 785 00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:51,514 ♪ I BELIEVE ♪ >> Stephen: ANDREA BOCELLI, 786 00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:53,307 EVERYBODY. 787 00:39:53,390 --> 00:39:54,183 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 788 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:04,902 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 789 00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:08,155 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY AND 790 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,199 CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER. 791 00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:10,741 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 792 00:40:10,825 --> 00:40:12,576 GOOD NIGHT. 793 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:14,787 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 794 00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:17,248 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org