>> THE C.D.C. RELEASING GUIDELINES FOR THANKSGIVING
TRAVEL THIS PAST THURSDAY.
THEY'RE SAYING STAY HOME, RESIST TRAVELING LONG DISTANCES FOR
LARGE FAMILY FEASTS.
>> THIS YEAR COVID 19 IS FORCING AMERICANS TO MAKE THE TOUGH
DECISIONS TO SKIP THEIR FAMILY'S THANKSGIVING GATHERINGS.
WHILE PUMPKIN PIE AND FOOTBALL CAN STILL BE ENJOYED FROM HOME,
THANKSGIVING ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT FAMILY.
INTRODUCING BLOW UP CRAZY UNCLE.
SIMPLY FILL HIM UP WITH AIR, ALONG WITH 10 OUNCES OF JIM
BEAM, AND LET CRAZY UNCLE DO THE REST.
>> WHY SHOULD GAGE BE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED WHEN WINDHAM WON'T
EVEN TALK TO ME IN LINE AT THE CAR WASH?
I PAID FOR THE HOT WAX.
>> THANKSGIVING JUST WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT QUIETLY
GRITTING YOUR TEETH AND PRAYING FOR IT TO BE OVER.
>> SO JOE BIDEN CAN CALL HIMSELF PRESIDENT-ELECT, BUT I CAN'T
CALL YOUR AUNT RONDA BECAUSE OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER?
DEEP STATE.
>> AND JUST LIKE YOUR ACTUAL CRAZY UNCLE, HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHEN TO LEAVE.
>> IT'S PRONOUNCED KAMALA.
CASA BLANCA?
NO, IT'S KAMA, THEN LA.
KOOKABURRA?
YAHTZEE.
>> THIS IS SETTLERS OF CATAN.
( BELCHES ) >> BLOWUP CRAZY UNCLE.
BECAUSE A FAMILY THAT INFLATES TOGETHER CELEBRATES TOGETHER.
>> YOU KNOW ANY FEMALE SEX DOLLS YOU CAN SET ME UP WITH?
HELL, GIVE ME A BEACH BALL.
I'M NOT PICKY.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT'S TRANSITION TO GREATNESS.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES GLENN CLOSE AND MUSICAL GUEST KANE
BROWN WITH SWAY LEE AND KHALID, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HOMIN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME!
HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE -- TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
I'M VERY EXCITED.
I'M ALSO A LITTLE TIRED BECAUSE I GOT UP WAY EARLY THIS MORNING
AND INTERVIEWED BARACK OBAMA TODAY.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME DRIVING NOW IS MY POST-OBAMA
HIGH, JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER AFTER A MAGA HANGOVER.
ALSO KNOWN AS A COMBOVER.
IT WAS A GREAT INTERVIEW, AND IN -- JUST FRIENDS HANGING OUT,
MAN!
( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS GOOD.
IN KEEPING WITH HIS LONG HISTORY OF PAUSES, I WILL BE AIRING
THAT INTERVIEW... UH...
TOMORROW.
BUT OF COURSE WE HAVE A CURRENT PRESIDENT THAT DOESN'T WANT TO
BE A FORMER PRESIDENT.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN ANOTHER EDITION OF OUR
NEVER-ENDING SEGMENT: >> NO! NO!
HELP ME RUDY WAN GIULIANI, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!
MAY THE FRAUD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS.
>> Stephen: THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE!
>> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S SLOW-MOVING COUP IS NOT GOING
WELL.
THIS AFTERNOON, THE MICHIGAN ELECTION BOARD CERTIFIED JOE
BIDEN'S WIN IN THAT STATE.
THEN, TONIGHT WE LEARNED THAT THE GENERAL SERVICES
ADMINISTRATION INFORMED PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE
BIDEN THE ADMINISTRATION IS READY TO BEGIN THE FORMAL
TRANSITION PROCESS, ACCORDING TO A LETTER FROM ADMINISTRATOR,
EMILY MURPHY.
SO IT'S OFFICIAL: OUR NEXT COMMANDER IN CHIEF WILL BE
PRESIDENT BIDEN.
WHICH MEANS SOMEWHERE, RUDY GIULIANI IS FILING A LAST-DITCH
LEGAL CLAIM THAT OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT'S NAME HAS ALWAYS BEEN
"JOE BIDEN."
EMILY MURPHY, WHO IS, AGAIN, THE HEAD OF THE G.S.A., WANTED TO
MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHE WAS NOBODY'S PATSY, WRITING, "I WAS
NEVER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY PRESSURED BY ANY EXECUTIVE
BRANCH OFFICIAL, INCLUDING THOSE WHO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE OR
G.S.A., WITH REGARD TO THE SUBSTANCE OR TIMING OF MY
DECISION."
ADDING, "ALSO, I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT A BAG OF ONION RINGS IN THE
BOTTOM DRAWER OF THE RESOLUTE DESK AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT SO
NOW THE WHOLE OVAL OFFICE SMELLS LIKE MOLDY
ONIONS."
THEN SOMETHING UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED, THE PRESIDENT MADE A
REASONABLE STATEMENT TWEETING, "I WANT TO THANK EMILY MURPHY AT
GSA FOR HER STEADFAST DEDICATION AND LOYALTY TO OUR COUNTRY.
I BELIEVE WE WILL PREVAIL!
NEVERTHELESS, IN THE BEST INTEREST OF OUR COUNTRY, I AM
RECOMMENDING THAT EMILY AND HER TEAM DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE
WITH REGARD TO INITIAL PROTOCOLS, AND HAVE TOLD MY TEAM
TO DO THE SAME.
TURNS OUT, THIS WHOLE TIME, ALL HE HAD TO DO TO SOUND
PRESIDENTIAL WAS JUST NOT BE PRESIDENT ANYMORE.
ELSEWHERES, IN GEORGIA, OFFICIALS HAVE JUST COMPLETED A
HAND RECOUNT OF THE ENTIRE STATE AND CONFIRMED THAT JOE BIDEN
WON.
SO THE PRESIDENT SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL AND GRACIOUSLY ASKED
GEORGIA FOR ANOTHER ELECTION RECOUNT.
HE WANTS THEM TO RECOUNT THE RECOUNT.
MR. PRESIDENT, THINGS DON'T NECESSARILY GET BETTER WHEN YOU
ASK FOR A DO-OVER.
LOOK AT ERIC.
I CAN'T REMEMBER A BIGGER SORE LOSER THAN THIS.
IT'S LIKE WHEN ALI KNOCKED OUT SONNY LISTON AND HE HELD UP THAT
SIGN THAT SAID, "I ACTUALLY WON.
BOXING FRAUD!" IN PENNSYLVANIA, A REPUBLICAN
FEDERAL JUDGE DISMISSED THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT SEEKING TO
THROW OUT NEARLY SEVEN MILLION PENNSYLVANIA VOTES, DECLARING
THAT THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS PRESENTED, "STRAINED LEGAL
ARGUMENTS WITHOUT MERIT AND SPECULATIVE ACCUSATIONS,
UNSUPPORTED BY EVIDENCE.
IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, THIS CANNOT JUSTIFY THE
DISENFRANCHISEMENT OF A SINGLE VOTER, LET ALONE ALL THE VOTERS
OF ITS SIXTH MOST POPULATED STATE."
DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE SURPRISED.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE, RIGHT ON THE PRESIDENT'S HAT.
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
EXCEPT YOU, PENNSYLVANIA.
SUCK IT WIT WHIZ!" DELICIOUS.
THIS LAWSUIT WAS ESSENTIALLY THE LAST MAJOR CASE SEEKING TO
THROW OUT OR BLOCK ENOUGH VOTES THAT COULD SWING A KEY STATE IN
THE PRESIDENT'S FAVOR.
BUT THE POTUS FOR NOT MUCH MO-TUS HAD THIS DEFIANT
STATEMENT: >> IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND.
>> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM IMMEDIATELY APPEALED
ON SUNDAY BUT LEGAL EXPERTS SAY THE APPEAL'S CHANCES OF SUCCESS
ARE INCONCEIVABLE.
COINCIDENTALLY, THAT WAS ALSO THE MOTTO OF HIS UNIVERSITY.
AFTER THE RULING, SEVERAL REPUBLICANS SAID IT WAS TIME FOR
THE PRESIDENT TO GIVE UP INCLUDING, PENNSYLVANIA SENATOR
PAT TOOMEY, SEEN HERE ON "BRING YOUR FOREHEAD TO WORK" DAY.
TOOMEY RELEASED A STATEMENT OVER THE WEEKEND DECLARING, "WITH
TODAY'S DECISION BY JUDGE MATTHEW BRANN, A LONGTIME
CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN WHOM I KNOW TO BE A FAIR AND UNBIASED
JURIST, TO DISMISS THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT, THE
PRESIDENT HAS EXHAUSTED ALL PLAUSIBLE LEGAL OPTIONS TO
CHALLENGE THE RESULT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE IN
PENNSYLVANIA."
ADDING, "THESE DEVELOPMENTS, TOGETHER WITH THE OUTCOMES IN
THE REST OF THE NATION, CONFIRM THAT JOE BIDEN WON THE 2020
ELECTION AND WILL BECOME THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES."
DID YOU HEAR THAT, REPUBLICANS?
HE SAID IT AND DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY BURST INTO FLAMES.
YOU CAN SUMMON THAT COURAGE TOO.
RESIST THE PEER PRESSURE, AND TELL THE WORLD ONCE AND FOR ALL
"I'M INTO DEMOCRACY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."
NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE YOU FOR IT.
HECK, THIS FOURTH OF JULY, YOU COULD EVEN MARCH IN THE
DEMOCRACY PRIDE PARADE.
TOOMEY WAS NOT ALONE.
YESTERDAY, WE ALSO HEARD FROM MICHIGAN REPRESENTATIVE AND MAN
WHO DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE A WOMAN LIKE YOU IN AN OFFICIAL PHOTO
LIKE THIS, FRED UPTON.
UPTON SAID IT'S TIME FOR HIS PARTY TO FACE FACTS.
>> NO ONE HAS COME UP WITH ANY EVIDENCE OF FRAUD OR ABUSE.
>> STEPHEN: I THINK RUDY HAS SEARCHED THAT TRUCK FROM TOP TO
BOTTOM BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S MOTOR OIL.
ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO SAYS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS MARYLAND
GOVERNOR AND WALLACE WHO ATE GROMIT, LARRY HOGAN.
HOGAN HAD HARSH WORDS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S ATTEMPT TO STEAL
MICHIGAN'S ELECTORAL VOTES BY BLACKMAILING THEIR LEGISLATIVE
LEADERS: >> I THOUGHT THE PRESSURING OF
THE LEGISLATORS TO TRY TO SOMEHOW CHANGE THE OUTCOME WITH
ELECTORS WAS COMPLETELY OUTRAGEOUS.
WE'RE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE WE'RE A BANANA REPUBLIC.
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE, WE DON'T LOOK LIKE A BANANA REPUBLIC.
IF ANYTHING, WE'RE A "J. COUP."
SLIGHT STRETCH, BUT I LIKE IT.
BUT THE BIGGEST NAME TO TURN ON THE PRESIDENT WAS CLEARLY,
FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR AND DEPRESSED FRED FLINTSTONE, CHRIS
CHRISTIE.
CHRISTIE SAID IT WAS TIME FOR THE PRESIDENT TO CONCEDE, AND HE
PUT THE BLAME ON THE WHITE HOUSE LEGAL TEAM:
>> THEY ALLEGE FRAUD OUTSIDE THE COURTROOM, BUT WHEN THEY GO
INSIDE THE COURTROOM, THEY DON'T PLEAD FRAUD AND THEY DON'T ARGUE
FRAUD.
THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM HAS BEEN A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.
>> STEPHEN: C'MON, CHRIS, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
HIS LAWYERS ARE RUDY "TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT" "INTERNATIONAL"
EMBARRASSMENT.
WELL, WITH SO MANY PEOPLE HUMILIATED BY THE ABSOLUTE
INCOMPETENCE OF HIS LEGAL TEAM, THE PRESIDENT DID WHAT HAD TO BE
DONE AND FIRED SOMEONE NAMED SIDNEY POWELL.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS CONGRATULATIONS, NOW YOU DON'T
HAVE TO KNOW.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU ANYWAY.
SHE WAS MICHAEL FLYNN'S LAWYER AND SHE'S BEEN FLOATING WILD
CONSPIRACY THEORIES LIKE THE PRESIDENT LOST GEORGIA
BECAUSE GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP HAS BEEN BRIBED BY A VENEZUELAN
FRONT COMPANY IN CAHOOTS WITH THE C.I.A. TO THROW ELECTIONS TO
COMMUNISTS, AND THAT AMONG OTHERS, THE GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR
RIGGING THE ELECTION WAS HUGO CHAVEZ.
ONE SLIGHT PROBLEM, HUGO CHAVEZ HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE 2013.
THOUGH HE STILL LOOKS HEALTHIER THAN MITCH MCCONNELL.
POWELL'S CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE SO OUT THERE THAT IT BECAME TOO
MUCH EVEN FOR RUDY GIULIANI TO TOLERATE.
NOT ONLY DID HE FIRE POWELL, HE TRIED TO WILL HER OUT OF
EXISTENCE.
IN A STATEMENT, HE AND POTUS LAWYER JENNA ELLIS SAID THAT
"SIDNEY POWELL IS PRACTICING LAW ON HER OWN."
ADDING, SHE "IS NOT A MEMBER OF THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM."
YES, SHE DOESN'T WORK WITH THEM AT ALL.
IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT DURING GIULIANI'S TWO HOUR PRESS
CONFERENCE, SHE WAS ON STAGE THE ENTIRE TIME.
SIMPLE MIX-UP.
THEY INVITED SIDNEY POWELL, BUT THEY 'MEANT' TO INVITE SIDNEY
POWELL TOTAL LANDSCAPING.
DESPITE THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION BEING UNWILLING
TO ACCEPT THE INEVITABLE, JOE BIDEN KEEPS ON DOING PRESIDENT
STUFF.
TODAY, HE NAMED HIS PICK TO HEAD THE STATE DEPARTMENT:
FORMER DEPUTY SECRETARY OF STATE AND AMBASSADOR TO SILVER
FOX-ISTAN, ANTONY BLINKEN.
ANOTHER BIDEN PICK WHO WE ALL KNOW FROM NEVER HAVING HEARD OF.
NOT THE C.E.O. OF AN OIL COMPANY, NOT A FORMER FOX NEWS
HOST, NOT EVEN A GUY KID ROCK RECOMMENDED FROM GUITAR CENTER.
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT RINGS A BELL ABOUT HIS NAME:
ANTONY BLINKEN.
HIS NAME IS A. BLINKEN.
"ABE LINCOLN!" A. BLINKEN WILL BE JOINED IN
BIDEN'S CABINET BY INTERIOR SECRETARY "JOE ORGEWASHINGTON"
AND ATTORNEY GENERAL "JAY EFFKAY."
BLINKEN'S RECORD IS SPOTLESS, EXCEPT FOR ONE RHINESTONE GLUED
IN THE CORNER, BECAUSE ON HIS TWITTER BIO, YOU'LL SEE HIS
TITLES FROM THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, HIS CO-FOUNDING
OF WEST-EXEC ADVISORS AND...
HOLD YOUR HORSES.
FOLLOW ABLINKEN ON SPOTIFY?
OH, YOU KNOW I WILL.
'CUZ OUR NEW SECRETARY OF STATE HAS HIS OWN ROCKIN' DAD BAND!
AND HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE, WITH THE MAN HIMSELF ON VOCALS:
♪ ♪
NOTE OH YEAH ♪ ♪ I GOT TO GOT TO GOT TO ♪
♪ I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO FEEL THE WAY I DO ♪
♪ THAT THIS LOVE IS FOR REAL ♪ >> Stephen: SORRY...
WHOA!
BABY!
THAT'S SOME FOGGY BOTTOM!
IF HIS DIPLOMACY ARE AS SMOOTH AS HIS HOT LICKS WE'RE BACK ON
THE WORLD STAGE BABY.
MY MAN IS GOING TO LOCK ISRAELI AND PALESTINIAN LEADERS IN A
ROOM AND WHEN THINGS GET TENSE, HE'S GONNA PULL OUT THAT GUITAR
AND SAY "YOU TWO GET TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, OR I'M GONNA
START 'STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.'" THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO
SURGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND I'LL -- THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL SHIFT
THERE.
SORRY.
TRY IT AGAIN.
DON'T CUT THIS PART OUT, I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THE SAUSAGE BEING
MADE.
THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE -- DID I MENTION I'M
TIRED?
THE COONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SUFFRAGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN
TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."
♪ ♪
>> I'M COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!
BUCKLE UP!
GET IT?
LIKE MY HAT!
DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU WITH MY BLUNDER VIRUS!
>> Stephen: OKAY, GET OUT BLUNDER VIRUS ISN'T EVEN CLOSE
TO A JOKE!
BLUNDER VIRUS?
DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, THE C.D.C.
IS BEGGING PEOPLE NOT TO TRAVEL FOR THANKSGIVING.
HERE'S HOW FORMER C.D.C.
DIRECTOR DR. TOM FRIEDEN PUT IT THIS WEEKEND:
>> WE'RE ALL SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS VIRUS BUT UNFORTUNATELY
IT IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL.
WHEN PEOPLE TRAVEL, THE VIRUS TRAVELS.
AND THIS THANKSGIVING COULD BE THE SUPER BOWL OF
SUPER-SPREADING EVENTS.
>> Stephen: DON'T PUT IT THAT WAY, PLEASE.
PEOPLE LOVE THE SUPER BOWL!
YOU HAVE TO COMPARE IT TO A PARTY CALL IT "THE AWKWARD
RETIREMENT PARTY FOR PATRICIA FROM ACCOUNTING WHO DOESN'T WANT
TO RETIRE BUT IS BEING FORCED TO BY THE COMPANY AND SHE IS CRYING
WHILE PACKING UP THE KITTEN FIGURINES ON HER DESK AND YOU
DON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO SHE
FEELS CLOSE TO NOW..." OF SUPER-SPREADING EVENTS.
FRIEDEN CONTINUED: >> IT'S BETTER TO HAVE A ZOOM
THANKSGIVING THAN AN I.C.U.
CHRISTMAS.
>> STEPHEN: THAT IS A SOBERING THOUGHT.
AND THE TITLE OF A VERY GRIM HALLMARK MOVIE.
THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, EVERY FAMILY NEEDS TO HAVE A COVID
PLAN.
ESPECIALLY THE FIRST FAMILY.
BECAUSE ON FRIDAY, WE LEARNED THAT DON JR. TESTED POSITIVE FOR
THE CORONAVIRUS.
OH MY GOD.
THAT'S SO SWEET.
DON JR. FINALLY GOT SOMETHING FROM HIS FATHER.
NOW, LET ME SAY, D.J.T.J. IS ASYMPTOMATIC, WHICH IS GREAT
NEWS, AND I WISH HIM A FULL AND LENGTHY RECOVERY.
BUT I ALSO WISH TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.
BECAUSE AFTER HIS DIAGNOSIS WENT PUBLIC, HE TOOK TO INSTAGRAM
FROM HIS QUARANTINE CABIN TO GIVE THIS VERY DUMB UPDATE:
>> HEY GUYS, DON JR. HERE.
YOU MAY HAVE SEEN IT BY NOW BUT APPARENTLY I GOT THE 'RONA.
>> STEPHEN: YES, "THE RONA"-- COMING THIS FALL TO CBS, DON JR.
IS: "BRO DOCTOR."
(AS DON JR.): "SO, UH, WE GOT YOUR TEST
RESULTS, AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THE TUBERCKS.
WHICH MEANS, FROM A MEDICAL P.O.V., YOUR PROGNOSIS SUCKS
ASS, DUDE.
SUCH A TRADG.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOUR OXYGEN SATURATION IS AT 69.
UP TOP."
ACCORDING TO DON JR., HE DOESN'T JUST FEEL GOOD, HE ALSO LOOKS
GOOD: >> I THINK YOU CAN TELL I
PROBABLY LOOK OKAY FOR ME.
YOU CAN SEE I DON'T HAVE THE RED EYES LIKE THEY CLAIMED I
HAD UH FOR APPARENTLY USING COCAINE PRIOR TO MY R.N.C.
SPEECH.
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, NO ONE CLAIMED YOU HAD RED EYES,
YOU HAD RED EYES.
AND NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.
METHINKS THE ALLEGED COKEHEAD DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.
(AS DON JR.) "I DON'T HAVE THE RED EYES.
OR THE POWDERDIPPED NOSTRILS.
AND MY DEALER'S TOTALLY NOT UPSTAIRS, CUTTING LINES ON A
TAXIDERMIED MOOSE HEAD.
TRENT, ARE YOU READY?" "I GOT THE RONA!"
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
GLENN CLOSE IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"!
JOIN US.
♪ ♪
♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HEY, JON!
>> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING?
YOU GOT TO GET IT IN.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT SHIRT A LOT.
>> Jon: THIS IS A GOOD VIBE.
IT FEELS LIKE FALL.
IT'S GREAT.
>> Stephen: YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT GOOD VIBE, I SPENT THE
MORNING TALKING TO PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
>> Jon: WOW.
>> Stephen: I WAS DOWN IN NICE TO SEE YOU TALKING TO HIM.
THAT IS A GOOD VIBE.
HE SEEMS GOOD, HAPPY, RELAXED.
>> Jon: OH, WOW.
HE'S GOT A LOT ON HIS PLATE.
THE BOOK, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: THE BOOK'S DONE.
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: ObamaCare DIDN'T GET TOSSED OUT BY THE SUPREME
COURT.
HIS GUY IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT.
HE'S GOT A SPRING IN HIS STEP, I TELL YOU THAT.
>> Jon: WOW.
HOW WAS THE CONVERSATION?
>> Stephen: FAR-RANGING, LIGHT, DEEP, IT HAD IT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO FIT IT INTO A SHOW.
MAYBE WE'LL DO TWO SHOWS.
MAYBE WE'LL DO AN EXTRA SHOW WITH IT.
>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY.
THAT'S ONE TO HAVE THE GREATEST LIVING HUMANS.
YOU'VE GOT TO SHOWCASE IT ALL.
WE NEED TO HEAR IT.
>> Stephen: JO JON, WE PLAYED WASTE BASKETBALL, YOU KNOW THE
BALL PAPER AND CHUTE.
>> Stephen: HE'S GOT THE LEFT-HANDED J.
>> Jon: HE DOES.
YOU'VE GOT TO STICK AROUND FOR THE GAME.
.>> Jon: WHO WON?
>> Stephen: I CAN'T GIVE THAT AWAY!
LET'S SAY WE DID WAGER.
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
I REMEMBER WHEN YOU PLAYED THAT WITH STEF AND YOU GOT A J.
I KNOW YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOU WITH THE SOCKS AND THE BUCKET.
>> Stephen: WHEN THE CAMERA TURNS ON AND THE ADRENALINE
FLOWS, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, JON YOU KNOW THAT.
>> Jon: YEAH, I'LL PUT YOU ON THE FREE-THROW LINE FOR THE
TECH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU GOT ANYTHING
COMING UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS?
ANYTHING FOR THANKSGIVING?
ANYTHING THAT PUTS YOU IN THE AUTUMNAL MOOD THAT MATCHES YOUR
SHIRT?
♪ ♪
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE --
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: NOW I WANT TO GO FOR A WALK IN CENTRAL PARK.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon: THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME TRAINING ON
THE MIGHTY STEED OF NEWS, DONNING
THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL ARMOR, AND SHARPENING THE LANCE OF
SATIRE FOR THE MEDIEVAL ROYAL JOUSTING TOURNAMENT THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE.
BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I DOWN A 40 OF BOURBON, RUN NAKED IN THE
PALE MOONLIGHT TO THE FARM TWO TOWNS OVER, AND STEAL A BABY
PONY TO STAGE THE FULL-FRONTAL ONE-MAN AMATEUR PRODUCTION OF
EQUUS OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
♪ ♪
>> QUARANTINE WHILE!
>> Stephen: I DON'T ALWAYS READ THESE AHEAD OF TIME.
IN THIS SCENARIO AM I HAVING SEX WITH A PONY?
IT'S A BABY PONY.
VERY UPSETTING.
I DO NOT APPROVE THAT INTRO, BUT I DID ENJOY IT.
QUARANTINE-WHIILE, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE QUESTION
EVERYONE IS ASKING TODAY: HAS SEX PISTOLS STAR JOHN LYDON BEEN
BITTEN BY A FLEA ON HIS PENIS AFTER BEFRIENDING SQUIRRELS?
GOOD NEWS: SEX PISTOL STAR JOHN LIEDEN WAS
BITTEN ON HIS PENIS AFTER BEFRIENDING THE SQUIRRELS.
IT SEEMS THE FLEA NEVER MINDED THE BOLLOCKS, AND WENT STRAIGHT
FOR THE SEX PISTOL.
GOD SAVE THE PEEN.
LYDON IS RECOVERING WELL, AND AUTHORITIES HAVE RELEASED THIS
PHOTO OF THE SUSPECTED PENIS-BITING FLEA.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING, "PERDUE HAS
RELEASED A LIMITED-TIME-ONLY ITEM CALLED "THANKSNUGGETS."
IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE SPENDING THIS THANKSGIVING ALONE,
WONDERING, "HOW CAN I MAKE THIS SADDER?"
ALSO, PRO TIP, DON'T GIVE YOUR PRODUCT A NAME THAT
AUTOMATICALLY SOUNDS LIKE SARCASM.
THANKS, NUGGETS.
THERE ARE TWO FLAVORS OF THANKS, NUGGETS: ONE INCLUDES
DARK TURKEY MEAT BLENDED WITH A CRANBERRY SAUCE AND STUFFING
FLAVOR, AND ONE FEATURES WHITE TURKEY MEAT "INSPIRED" BY
THE FLAVOR OF SWEET POTATO.
"INSPIRED" BY ACTUAL FOOD? OKAY, PICASSO.
(AS ARTIST) "AND OVER HERE YOU'LL SEE MY
NUGGETS THAT ARE LOOSELY INSPIRED BY THE CONCEPT OF
CHICKEN.
THEY INCLUDE AN HOMAGE TO NUTRITION AND OF COURSE A NOD TO
PROTEIN, BUT THE MEDIUM IS PRIMARILY SALT MIXED WITH
OIL AND BREAD CRUMBS."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, "FLORIDA OFFICIALS HAVE PROPOSED CULLING
THEIR INVASIVE PYTHON POPULATION BY EATING THEM."
THE ONLY THING THAT SURPRISES ME ABOUT THIS STORY IS THAT
FLORIDIANS WEREN'T "ALREADY" EATING PYTHONS.
UNTIL NOW, FLORIDA'S FISH AND WILDLIFE COMMISSION HAS
DISAPPROVED OF EATING THE INVASIVE PYTHONS BECAUSE
"A DECADE-OLD STUDY FOUND EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK PYTHONS
CARRIED ALARMING AMOUNTS OF MERCURY, A NEUROTOXIN THAT CAN
IMPAIR BRAIN FUNCTIONING."
AGAIN...
ARE WE "SURE" FLORIDIANS HAVEN'T ALREADY BEEN EATING THESE
SNAKES.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A STATE THAT KEEPS ELECTING A MAN WHO IS
CLEARLY PART PYTHON.
HE WILL UNHINGE HIS JAW!
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN MOVIE NEWS, IT HAS JUST BEEN REVEALED THAT
"MAHERSHALA ALI REFUSED TO DO A SEX SCENE IN 'BENJAMIN BUTTON'."
BUT THE WEIRD PART IS HE: HE FILMED THE MOVIE, "THEN" REFUSED
TO DO THE SEX SCENE, AND "THEN" AUDITIONED, AND THEN WAS
A BABY.
NEVER SEEN IT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, BEAR ATTACKS HAVE REACHED A FIVE YEAR HIGH IN
JAPAN, BUT ONE AREA HAS A NOVEL SOLUTION: THE JAPANESE
ISLAND OF HOKKAIDO HAS CALLED IN A 'MONSTER WOLF' TO SCARE OFF
WILD BEAR," HERE IT IS IN ACTION:
NOW THAT'S A HAPPY STORY.
THIS MONSTER WOLF HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR WORK EVER SINCE HE
GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CHUCK E.
CHEESE BAND FOR MURDERING HIS METH DEALER.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WHAT COULD GO WRONG NEWS, "SCIENTISTS MADE
MONKEY BRAINS DOUBLE IN SIZE BYSPLICING THEM WITH HUMAN
GENES."
COME ON!
WE'VE MADE MOVIE AFTER MOVIE ABOUT HOW THIS ENDS BADLY.
"JURASSIC PARK," "THE FLY," ALL THE "PLANET OF THE APES"
MOVIES, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN "EX MONKEY-NA?!"
IT'S GOOD. A MAZING WHAT THEY DID ON THAT
BUDGET.
AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE -- I'M GETTING WEIRD MIXTURE OF
FEELINGS LOOKING AT THAT MONKEY.
AFTER ALL, WE HEARD WHAT I DID WITH THE PONY AT THE BEGINNING
OF THIS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THE ACT IS PAINTING ME.
AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE MONKEYS' GENES "THEY FOUND THAT
THE PRIMATES' BRAINS SOON BECAME MORE HUMAN-LIKE."
SO MONKEYS CAN NOW FEEL WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HUMAN.
IN FACT, ONE MONKEY BECAME SO HUMAN LIKE THAT SHE BOUGHT A
PELOTON TO HELP HER GET THROUGH HER DIVORCE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GLENN CLOSE.
♪ ♪
♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AND TONY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS YOU
KNOW FROM "FATAL ATTRACTION," "DAMAGES," AND "THE WIFE."
HER LATEST FILM IS "HILLBILLY ELEGY."
>> I AIN'T GONNA LIVE FOREVER.
WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS FAMILY WHEN I'M GONE?
I THOUGHT YOUR MOMMA WAS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT, BE HAPPY, DO
GOOD, BUT SHE GOT TORE UP AROUND HERE.
SHE JUST UP AND QUIT.
SHE JUST STOPPED TRYIN'.
I KNOW.
I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER.
BUT YOU -- YOU'VE GOT TO DECIDE, YOU WANT TO BE SOMEBODY OR NOT.
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," GLENN CLOSE!
HI, GLENN, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> HI.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, IT'S WONDERFUL.
I WISH WE WERE IN THE SAME ROOM.
>> Stephen: SOON ENOUGH.
KNOCK WOOD.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU, I HAVE TO ASK, I WANT TO ASK THIS OF
ALMOST ALL MY GUESTS, ONE OF THE ONLY NICE THINGS ABOUT THIS
ENTIRE THING IS THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO
WORK WHERE THEY WANT TO RIGHT NOW.
WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE WE FINDING YOU?
>> YOU'RE FINDING ME IN MONTANA.
>> Stephen: LOVELY.
I HAVE BEEN HERE -- IT IS.
I HAVE BEEN VERY LUCKY.
I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE FEBRUARY.
I HAVE NOT GONE ANYWHERE EXCEPT A LITTLE BIT OUT OF TOWN WHERE I
CAN HIKE UP IN THE NATIONAL FOREST AND IT'S KEPT ME SANE.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO OCCUPY YOURSELF?
THERE'S VERY LITTLE PRODUCTION, VERY LITTLE LIVE THEATER.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO KEEP YOURSELF GOING?
>> WELL, PERIODICALLY, I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF LAUGH, SO I HAVE
THESE CHARACTERS THAT I HAVE INVENTED.
I'VE DONE A FEW OF THEM REALLY ACTUALLY ONE HAS BEEN KIND OF ON
INSTAGRAM, BUT OTHERWISE THEY'RE PRETTY UNKNOWN.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE JUST FOR YOU?
>> THEY'RE JUST -- THEY'RE JUST FOR ME AND CERTAIN FRIENDS.
>> Stephen: JUST TO WORK OUT MATERIAL OR KICK OUT THE JAMS.
I THINK WE HAVE A CLIP OF -- IS THIS DAG?
WHO IS DAG.
>> OH, DAR, DAR FROM BOCA.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
AND SHE'S ONE OF THE REAL -- HER EXPERTISE IS IN DARNELL
WIGS.
SHE HAS A LOT OF WIGS.
AND SHE ALSO LOVES TO SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A LOT OF -- TO HER
FRIENDS.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S A DARNELL WIG?
>> DARNELL WIG IS A WIG THAT ISN'T REAL HAIR.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: JIM, HIT IT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OH, MY GOD -- OH, MY GOD I HATE THAT!
I HATE THAT THING.
>> Stephen: DO YOU MAKE THESE FOR FRIENDS AND SEND THEM TO
THEM?
>> THAT IS FOR MY MANAGER CHRISTIAN.
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT CANDLE IS ONE OF THE HORRIBLE FAKE CANDLES
THAT KEEP COMING UP, SO IT'S REAL SURPRISE.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALSO QUITE DANGEROUS WHEN YOU'RE WEARING A
WIG THAT'S NOT REAL HAIR.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: I'M SURE YOU WERE AWARE YOU WERE WEARING PETROLEUM
PRODUCTS ON YOUR HEAD.
THE LOOK HAS A LITTLE BIT OF A CRUELLA DeVil TO HER.
>> THAT'S TRUE AND SHE LIKES ANIMAL PRINTS AND ALSO LIKES
CAMO.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE ONE OTHER CLIP.
YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A LITTLE CRUELLA DeVil RIGHT HERE.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH CRUELLA IN THIS FOOTAGE?
>> I WAS INVITED BY BETTE MIDLER WHO HAS THIS FANTASTIC NONPROFIT
IN NEW YORK, THE NEW YORK RESTORATION PROJECT TO BE PART
OF HER HULA WEAN AND SHE HAD WRITTEN ME THIS FUNNY, FUNNY
SKIT.
I PUT TOGETHER WHAT I COULD HAVE OF CRUELLA IN MY HOUSE.
I GOT ONLINE, GOT A CRUELLA WIG, BUT I PAINTED A CHOP STICK TO BE
MY CIGARETTE HOLDER, AND PUT BABY POWDER ON MY FACE -- NOT TO
GREAT EFFECT.
>> Stephen: YOU ACTUALLY WENT ONLINE AND BOUGHT A HALLOWEEN
COSTUME, SHOPPED CRUELLA DeVil WIG?
>> YES, AND THE LONG GLOVES WITH THE BLACK NAILS.
BUT THEN I REALIZE YOU COULDN'T SEE IT SO I CUT OFF THE TIPS OF
A PAIR OF RED GLOVES AND PUT THE BLACK NAILS THROUGH IT.
AND THEN I GOT -- OH, YEAH, I HAD EYELASHES, BUT I REALIZED
AFTER I GOT HOME THAT EDIDN'T HAVE GLUE, SO I JUST GOT ELMER'S
GLUE AND PUT ON MY LASHES.
MAYBE NOT THE SMARTEST THING IN THE WORLD.
BUT IT'd COME OFF OKAY.
AND AROUND MY NECK WAS A PAIR OF LONG UNDERWEAR THAT WAS A
LEOPARD PRINT, SILKY LONG UNDERWEAR.
THE COAT IS A COAT I WORE IN "THE WIFE."
>> Stephen: WE HAVE THE FINAL PRODUCT HEIGHT HERE, JIM.
>> THE DEVILLE FAMILY TREE, YOU WILL FIND -- MALICENT DEVILLE,
MY GREAT INDOOR MOMENTS GREAT -- MY GREAT, GREAT, GREAT,GREAT
LIVED IN SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS FROM 1643 TO 1692.
SHE WAS THE FIRST WOMAN TO BE WATER BOARDED FOR BEING A WITCH.
A CONSTANT SOURCE OF INSPIRATION!
( MANIACAL LAUGH ) >> Stephen: HOW MUCH -- HOW
MUCH DOES THE WARDROBE -- DOES THE COSTUME INFORM YOUR
CHARACTER?
IS IT THE FINAL CLOAK ON THE CHARACTER OR -- I KNOW SOME
PERFORMERS WHO ACTUALLY USE THE COSTUME LIKE -- WELL, LIKE THE
MASK ACTUALLY TRANSFORMS THEM.
I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE I UNDERSTAND IT, BUT I HEARD ABOUT
MASK AND TRANCE.
YOU WEAR THE MASK OR THE WARDROBE AND THAT INFORMS HOW
YOU FEEL AND YOU FOLLOW THE FEELING.
HOW DO YOU WORK?
>> WELL, I'VE PLAYED SEVERAL CHARACTERS OVER THE YEARS THAT
BY THE TIME YOU DO ALL THE MAKEUP, THE HAIR, THE COSTUME
AND YOU LOOK AND SAY, AH, THERE SHE IS.
MAWMAW IN "HILLBILLY ELEGY" WAS LEAK THAT AND CRUELLA WAS LIKE
THAT.
I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED A COSTUME DESIGNER TO BE AS IMPORTANT
COLLABORATOR AS THE DIRECTOR, AND I THINK IT'S AN ART, WHICH
REALLY GETS SHORT SHRIFT, SO I'VE KEPT ALL MY COSTUMES.
THEY'RE OUT AT THE INDIANA UNIVERSITY.
BUT SET ESPECIALLY FOR A CHARACTER LIKE MAWMAW WHICH IS
NOTHING LIKE ME, I BEGAN BY NOT WANTING TO BE DISTRACTED BY MY
OWN FACE.
THEN YOU DO VERY, VERY SUBTLE THINGS BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT
PEOPLE TO SAY, OH, THERE'S GLENN CLOSE WITH A BAD NOSE.
YOU TRY TO -- IT'S A VERY REFINED, CONCENTRATED PROCESS
THAT WE GO THROUGH TO JUST MAKE THE SUBTLE CHANGES THAT ALL OF A
SUDDEN YOU LOOK UP AND SAY, AH, THERE SHE IS.
>> Stephen: GLENN, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT STICK
AROUND, EVERYBODY.
BACK WITH MORE OF GLENN CLOSE.
♪ ♪
♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "HILLBILLY ELEGY," GLENN CLOSE.
TELL ME ABOUT MAWMAW.
THE MOVIE IS "HILLBILLY ELEGY."
WHAT ROLE DOES SHE PLAY.
MAWMAW IS THE GRANDMOTHER OF J.D. VANCE AND SHE STEPS IN WHEN
HE WAS IN DANGER OF GOING OFF THE TRACKS.
HE WAS A TEENAGER.
SHE SAID COME WITH ME.
SHE BASICALLY DISCIPLINED HIM, MADE HIM STUDY AND GET GOOD
GRADES.
INSPIRED HIM.
THEN HE WENT INTO THE MILITARY AND THEN TO YALE, AND IT CHANGED
THE CYCLE OF ABUSE AND POVERTY THAT HAD BEEN IN THAT FAMILY.
I THINK SHE'S AN ARC TYPAL CHARACTER.
THERE ARE MAWMAW'S ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO STEP IN AND SAY THIS
WILL NOT HAPPEN IN MY FAMILY.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.
YOUR FATHER PLAYED A KEY ROLE IN STOPPING THE SPREAD OF EBOLA.
THERE WAS ANT OUTBREAK IN ZAIRE IN THE 1970s.
WHAT DID YOUR FATHER DO?
WHAT WAS HIS OCCUPATION?
>> MY DAD WAS A DOCTOR.
HE WAS A TRAINED SURGEON, COLUMBIA, AND HE WAS -- HE WENT
TO AFRICA WITH A QUASI KIND OF MISSIONARY TYPE OF GROUP BUT
THEN BROKE AWAY WHEN THE MUTE ANY HAPPENED, WALKED INTO THE
BIG HOSPITAL IN, AT THE LEO LEOPOLDVILLE AND SAID I'M A
SURGEON, PUT ME TO WORK.
HE WORKED THROUGH THE MUTE ANY, STAYED 16 YEARS.
HE DID REMARKABLE WORK THERE.
THE LAST BIG EVENT OF HIS LIFE WAS TO HELP THE C.D.C., WHO CAME
TO RESEARCH -- TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS KILLING PEOPLE, HELPED THEM
GET TO YAMBUKU WHERE IS FIRST OUTBREAK WAS AND BASICALLY
ORGANIZED ALL THEIR TRANSPORTATION, HOW THEY GOT
EVERYTHING THERE AND, YEAH, HE WAS QUITE IMPORTANT.
THAT WAS THE FIRST OUTBREAK, THE FIRST TIME ANYBODY HAD EVER SEEN
OR HEARD OF EBOLA.
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER MEET ANYBODY AT THE C.D.C. WHO HAD
WORKED WITH YOUR DAD?
>> I MET A LOT OF THEM, AND THEY WERE SOME OF THE MOST IMPRESSIVE
PEOPLE I WILL HAVE EVER MET, AND IT JUST BOILS MY BLOOD THAT THE
C.D.C. HAS SOMEHOW GOTTEN THIS REPUTATION.
THEY WOULD GO AROUND THE WORLD TO PLACES WHERE PEOPLE WERE
DYING AND NOBODY KNEW WHY, AND THEY'D FIND OUT WHY, SOMETIMES
AT GREAT RISK.
I HAVE TO SAY, THE GUYS -- THOSE GUYS AT THE C.D.C., I'VE MET AND
LOVE A LOT OF THEM.
JOEL BRENNAN ON THAT TEAM GOING TO AFRICA, IN THE FIRST OUTBREAK
OF EBOLA.
HE CALLED ME THIS SPRING.
HE LOVES OUR FAMILY, AND HE WAS JUST CHECKING IN, BUT HE SAID,
YOU KNOW, IT WAS 40 YEARS AGO IN MAY ON THE STAGE WITH THE W.H.O.
IN GENEVA THAT WE ANNOUNCED THAT SMALLPOX HAD INDEED BEEN
ERADICATED FROM THE WORLD.
THESE ARE THE KINDS OF PEOPLE THEY ARE.
>> Stephen: WELL, GLENN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: STAY SAFE OUT IN THE BIG SKY.
"HILLBILLY ELEGY" IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND
PREMIERES ON NETFLIX TOMORROW.
GLENN CLOSE, EVERYBODY!
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY KANE BROWN.
>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.
PERFORMING "BE LIKE THAT" FROM HIS EP, "MIXTAPE VOLUME ONE,"
KANE BROWN FEATURING SWAY LEE AND KHALID!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ I MIGHT BE BETTER ON MY OWN
I HATE YOU BLOWING UP MY PHONE ♪ I WISH I NEVER MET YOU
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ BUT I'M NOT MYSELF THE NIGHTS
YOU'RE GONE ♪ THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M MOVING
ON ♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO NEED YOU BAD
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ WE BOTH WANNA LOVE
WE BOTH WANNA SLIDE ♪ WE BOTH WANNA ARGUE UNTIL
WE'RE BOTH RIGHT ♪ AND YOU WANT A HUG
I KISS YOU GOODNIGHT ♪ MAYBE WE'RE BOTH JUST OUT OF
OUR MIND ♪ YOU THROW TANTRUMS WHILE I'M
TWISTING UP ♪ NO MEDICINE IS FIXING US
CAN'T TELL YOU WHY ♪ BUT TELL YOU WHAT
YOU GOT ME THINKING ♪ I MIGHT BE BETTER ON MY OWN
I HATE YOU BLOWING UP MY PHONE ♪ I WISH I NEVER MET YOU
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ BUT I'M NOT MYSELF THE NIGHTS
YOU'RE GONE ♪ THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M MOVING
ON ♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO NEED YOU BAD
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ I CROSS THE SEAS WITH YOU
AYY ♪ WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE
WITH YOU ♪ YEAH
YEAH, AND IT GETS CRAZY ♪ IN THE NIGHT
I CANNOT SLEEP WITH YOU ♪ AND I COULD KEEP YOU NICE AND
WARM ♪ WON'T DO NO THINKING, I'M IN
LOVE ♪ IF I WAS TO GIVE YOU THE WORLD
YEAH ♪ THAT'S ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN
THINK OF ♪ YEAH
GOT TOO MUCH GOING TO BE UPSET ♪ I SWEAR I'D RATHER BE YOUR
FRIEND ♪ I SAID I'M GONNA BE RIGHT BACK
IT HURTS SOMETIMES ♪ IT BE LIKE THAT
I MIGHT BE BETTER ON MY OWN ♪ I HATE YOU BLOWING UP MY PHONE
I WISH I NEVER MET YOU ♪ SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT
BUT I'M NOT MYSELF ♪ THE NIGHTS YOU'RE GONE
THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M MOVING ON ♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO NEED YOU BAD
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ SOMETIMES WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU
FOUND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE ♪ NOW YOU'RE THINKING I'M JUST
ONE OF THOSE GUYS LEADING ON ♪ I CAN'T HELP WHEN YOU READ IT
WRONG ♪ DON'T KNOW WHY I TRIP ON US
YOU PUT ME DOWN, I PICK YOU UP ♪ CAN'T TELL YOU WHY, BUT TELL
YOU WHAT ♪ YOU GOT ME THINKING
I MIGHT BE BETTER ON MY OWN ♪ I HATE YOU BLOWING UP MY PHONE
I WISH I NEVER MET YOU ♪ SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT
BUT I'M NOT MYSELF ♪ THE NIGHTS YOU'RE GONE
THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M MOVING ON ♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO NEED YOU BAD
SOMETIMES IT BE LIKE THAT ♪ SOMETIMES WHEN YOU'RE FALLING
OFF TRACK ♪ BABY, DON'T YOU LEAVE ME LIKE
THAT ♪ DON'T CRY
'CAUSE WE'RE BOTH JUST OUT OF ♪ OUR MIND, YEAH
>> STEPHEN: KANE BROWN, SWAY LEE AND KHALID, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOODNIGHT!
♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪