>> AND NOW TO A DISCOVERY THAT'S
GOT EVERYBODY SCRATCHING THEIR HEAD.
PUBLIC SAFETY OFFICERS IN UTAH FOUND A MYSTERIOUS METAL
MONOLITH AT THE BOTTOM OF A REMOTE CANYON.
BETWEEN 10 AND 12 FEET LONG, THE ORIGINS OF THE STRUCTURE ARE
UNKNOWN.
>> COME, EXPERIENCE ALL UTAH HAS TO OFFER, FROM DESERT TO LAKES
TO CANYONS TO MOUNTAINS.
ENJOY OUR FIVE NATIONAL PARKS AND OVER 40 STATE PARKS.
DO NOT APPROACH THE MONOLITTLE, IT WILL BECKON.
UTAH HAS MORE SHORELINES THAN THE U.S. PACIFIC COAST.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
>> THE MONOLITH WILLS ITSELF.
IT IS NOT OURS TO QUESTION THE WAYS OF THE MONOLITH.
>> SO COME TO UTAH.
ENJOY EVERYTHING NATURE HAS TO OFFER.
AND THE MONOLITH.
>> YOU TAW-- COME FOR THE FUN, STAY BECAUSE THE MONOLITH
COMMANDS IT.
>> >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: HAPPY ZOOMS-GIVING.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES ROB CORDDRY
AND CHEF JOSE ANDRES AND A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY
JOHN LITHGOW FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HOMIN'.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HELLO, FRIENDS!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND, FOLKS, I AM STILL RIDING A NATURAL HIGH OFF OF LAST NIGHT'S
INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA.
IT WAS SUBSTANTIVE, SILLY, AND SOMEBODY BROUGHT THE ROCK TO THE
RIM.
DOESN'T MATTER WHO HAD THE LIQUID GRACE OF A MID-'90s
JORDAN.
THE IMPORTANT THING-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- THAT WAS
20 MINUTES OF INTERVIEW.
WE TALKED FOR 100 MINUTES.
THERE IS 80 MINUTES OF INTERVIEW JUST AS GOOD AS THAT, 35 MINUTES
OF WHICH WE WILL BE SHOWING ON ON'RE ON MONDAY?
ON MONDAY, FOR OUR EXCLUSIVE SPECIAL:
THE OTHER 45 MINUTES WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ETCHED ONTO A GOLDEN
DISK, WHICH THEN WILL BE SHOT INTO SPACE SO FUTURE
CIVILIZATIONS WILL KNOW WHEN TELEVISION PEAKED OR PUT IT OUT
ON LIKE 45 TIKTOKS.
BUT THAT WAS LAST NIGHT.
AND, TODAY, THE PRESIDENT STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT HAS BEGUN HIS TRANSITION, AND PEOPLE ARE BEING
ASKED TO CURTAIL THEIR THANKSGIVING PLANS BECAUSE THE
PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE.
SO I'M NOT GOING TO GET SHIEPY OBJECTS OUT THERE.
I'M GOING TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE STORY-- A WEIRD MONOLITH WAS
FOUND IN THE UTAH DESERT.
OOH, SHINY!
WHAT COULD IT MEAN?
IS IT ALIENS MAKING FIRST CONTACT?
IS IT A SITE-SPECIFIC ART INSTALLATION THAT EXAMINES THE
DYNAMIC TENSION BETWEEN MAN AND NATURE?
OR IS IT A REALLY POORLY INSTALLED STAINLESS STEEL
BACKSPLASH?
UTAH IS THE ULTIMATE OPEN-CONCEPT KITCHEN.
NOW, THERE'S A LOT OF SPECULATION ABOUT THIS MYSTERY
PLINTH, SO WE'RE GOING TO DIVE IN WITH OUR VERY FIRST
MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE, WHICH WE'RE CALLING
♪ ♪ ♪ >> THE MONO-LOGUE
>> Stephen: THAT IS ACTUALLY A LONGER INTRO THAN THE SPECIAL
WITH OBAMA ON MONDAY.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: A CREW FROM THE UTAH DIVISION OF
WILDLIFE RESOURCES WAS SURVEYING THE AREA, COUNTING BIGHORN SHEEP
BY HELICOPTER.
INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS JOB: YOU HAVE TO FLY THE CHOPPER,
COUNT THE SHEEP, AND NOT FALL ASLEEP.
WE'VE LOST A LOT OF GOOD SHEEP COUNTERS THAT WAY.
THESE PEOPLE IN THE HELICOPTER, THEY NOTICED THE MONOLITH,
BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO ONE UTAH WILDLIFE SPOKESMAN, "WE FLY
PRETTY LOW FOR THESE SURVEYS SO WE CAN IDENTIFY THE GENDER OF
THE SHEEP."
HANG ON.
YEAH, OKAY, ALIEN MONOLITH, BUT...
YOU CAN TELL A SHEEP'S GENDER FROM A HELICOPTER?
NOW WE KNOW WHY THEY'RE CALLED "BIG HORN!"
( LAUGHTER ) AH!
THE CREW LANDED FOR A CLOSER INSPECTION.
HERE THEY ARE, DOING THIS FOR SOME REASON.
AND WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF MAN'S FIRST CONTACT WITH THE MONOLITH.
>> OKAY, THE INTREPID EXPLORERS GO DOWN TO INVESTIGATE THE ALIEN
LIFE FORM.
( LAUGHS ) >> SO, THEY'VE CUT IT IN.
>> THEY'VE CUT IT IN?
>> OKAY, WHO DOES THIS KIND OF STUFF?
( LAUGHS ) >> HOLD ON.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOW.
THAT IS ONE LOW-KEY REACTION TO POTENTIALLY DISCOVERING ALIEN
LIFE.
"HUH, WHAT'S THAT?
A TRACTOR BEAM PULLING ME UP TO THE BELLY OF THE SHIP?
WHAT IS THAT A PROBE IN YOUR HAND?
GARY, ARE YOU SEEING THIS?
WHOOPS, MY BONES ARE LIQUID NOW."
TH THERE ARE NON-ALIEN THEORIES AS
TO HOW THIS MONOLITH GOT TO A REMOTE REGION OF UTAH'S DESERT
THAT'S CLOSED OFF TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
SOME THINK IT COULD'VE BEEN A ROGUE ARTIST OR A LEFTOVER MOVIE
PROP.
ACCORDING TO ONE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY SPOKESMAN, THE
MONOLITH APPEARED TO BE MADE OF STAINLESS STEEL, PUT TOGETHER
"WITH HUMAN-MADE RIVETS."
OKAY, BUT RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT HUMAN REFERS TO THEM AS
"HUMAN-MADE RIVETS?" WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT
SPOKESMAN, "NICK STREET?" CLEARLY A PANICKED GALACTIC
TRAVELER MAKING HIS NAME UP ON THE SPOT!
( ALIEN VOICE ) "MY NAME IS NICK...
STREET.
MY WIFE IS... HONDA...
MAILBOX.
SHE WEARS HUMAN-MADE SHOES."
WHAT MAKES THIS EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUS IS THAT AUTHORITIES
POINT OUT "THERE ARE ROADS CLOSE BY, BUT TO HAUL THE MATERIALS TO
CUT INTO THE ROCK AND HAUL THE METAL-- WHICH IS TALLER THAN 12
FEET IN SECTIONS-- TO DO ALL THAT IN THAT REMOTE SPOT IS
DEFINITELY INTERESTING."
"INTERESTING"?
IT'S MORE THAN INTERESTING!
THIS IS THE FIRST 15 MINUTES OF A SCI-FI MOVIE.
NEXT, WE'RE GOING TO MEET THE ATTRACTIVE YOUNG GEOLOGIST
PLAYED BY ZENDAYA, WHO GETS SENT OUT THERE TO STUDY THE MONOLITH
WITH CURMUDGEONLY PROFESSOR PAUL GIAMATTI AND A RUGGED, DISTANT,
YET KIND METALLURGIST PLAYED BY CHRIS PINE.
LOOK, I ALREADY-- I ALREADY HAVE HALF OF IT WRITTEN!
CALL ME, MONOLITH!
BY THE WAY, THE MONOLITH IS PLAYED BY VIN DIESEL.
IN POST-ELECTION ELECTION NEWS, REALITY KEEPS MOVING FORWARD.
WITH THE ARROW OF TIME.
YESTERDAY, OFFICIALS IN BOTH PENNSYLVANIA AND NEVADA
CERTIFIED THAT JOE BIDEN WON THEIR STATES.
EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE SEEMS TO BE RECEIVING THE MESSAGE, BECAUSE
THEY OFFICIALLY SIGNED OFF ON JOE BIDEN GETTING THE
PRESIDENT'S DAILY BRIEF.
WELL THAT'S GOING TO BE A NICE CHANGE OF PACE
FOR THE BRIEFERS TO GIVE A LIST OF NATIONAL SECURITY THREATS TO
A PRESIDENT WHO'S NOT ON IT.
BUT IT MIGHT BE TOUGH FOR BIDEN, BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT'S DAILY
BRIEFING IS OFTEN TAILORED TO THE PRESIDENT CURRENTLY IN
OFFICE.
WE ACTUALLY HAVE A COPY OF THE BRIEFING THAT WAS MADE FOR THE
CURRENT PRESIDENT: LET'S SEE THIS, JIM.
LET'S SEE, THIS ONE MEANS...
GREAT DANE-JER.
UN-REST IN EYE-RACK.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S FOR-- IT'S FOR THE PRESIDENT.
YOU GOT TO PUT THE BOOBS IN, OR HE WON'T PAY ATTENTION.
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO ENJOY ABUSING HIS
OFFICE RIGHT UP UNTIL THE BITTER END, BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON, HE
TWEETED, "IT IS MY GREAT HONOR TO ANNOUNCE THAT GENERAL
MICHAEL T. FLYNN HAS BEEN GRANTED A FULL PARDON.
CONGRATULATIONS TO @GENFLYNN AND HIS WONDERFUL FAMILY.
I KNOW YOU WILL NOW HAVE A TRULY FANTASTIC THANKSGIVING!"
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, BUT I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
KIND OF SUSPICIOUS ABOUT YESTERDAY'S TURKEY PARDON.
BUT THANKSGIVING IS A PERFECT DAY TO PARDON FLYNN.
AFTER ALL, IT'S ALL ABOUT TURKEY-- THE COUNTRY HE WAS
BEING PAID TO REPRESENT SECRETLY WHILE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
WORKING FOR AMERICA.
STILL, IT'S IN KEEPING WITH TRADITION WITH THE FIRST
THANKSGIVING, WHEN THE PILGRIMS AND NATIVE AMERICANS CAME
TOGETHER IN HARMONY TO ESTABLISH A SECRET BACK-CHANNEL WITH THE
RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR AND THEN LIE ABOUT IT TO THE F.B.I.
OR AS THEY CALLED IT, MAIZE.
THE PRESIDENT ISSUED THE PARDON DESPITE THE FACT THAT BACK IN
2017, HE TWEETED THIS: "I HAD TO FIRE GENERAL FLYNN
BECAUSE HE LIED TO THE VICE PRESIDENT AND THE F.B.I.
HE HAS PLED GUILTY TO THOSE LIES."
SURE, HE LIED TO THE F.B.I. AND PLEAD GUILTY TO IT, BUT CAN YOU
REALLY TRUST THAT CONFESSION?
THE GUY IS AN ADMITTED LIAR!
FLYNN HAD ILLEGAL CONVERSATIONS WITH THE RUSSIANS AND THEN LIED
TO THE F.B.I. ABOUT THEM.
TWO WRONGS MAY NOT MAKE A RIGHT, BUT THIS PRESIDENT IS DETERMINED
TO FIND OUT HOW MANY DO.
SO THE PRESIDENT IS CERTAINLY ACTING LIKE A GUY WHOSE DAYS ARE
NUMBERED, BUT HE HAS NOT CONCEDED.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST DETAILS OF THIS NEVER-CHANGING
STORY IN TONIGHT'S: >> GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
I SUSPECT FOWL PLAY!
GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
I'M PRESIDENT, AND THERE'S STUFFING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
GOBBLE, GOBBLE!" >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE!" >> Stephen: TODAY, THE PRESIDENT
WAS SUPPOSED TO ATTEND THE LATEST FRAUD-FEST STARRING
ALLEGED ATTORNEY AND PAGAN PRIEST SUMMONING THE NORSE GOD
OF DENTISTRY, RUDY GIULIANI.
GIULIANI WAS HOLDING AN EVENT WITH PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICAN
STATE SENATORS, BUT IT WASN'T AN OFFICIAL SENATE HEARING, BECAUSE
THEY WERE HOLDING IT AT A HOTEL, NOT AT THE STATE CAPITOL.
YEAH, IT'S NOT AN OFFICIAL EVENT.
IT WAS MORE OF A FRAUD-FAN CONVENTION.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALLED IT "ELECTION CON-CON."
THE PRESIDENT EXPRESSED STRONG INTEREST IN JOINING GIULIANI
FOR THE TRIP, HIS FIRST OUTSIDE OF THE WASHINGTON AREA SINCE
ELECTION DAY-- HIS FIRST, BUT NOT HIS LAST.
BUT THIS MORNING, AS EVERYONE WAS GETTING SET TO DEPART FOR
PENNSYLVANIA, THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED THAT THE TRIP HAD BEEN
CANCELED, POSSIBLY BECAUSE AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE CLOSE TO
GIULIANI HAVE CONTRACTED COVID-19.
NOW, NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW THE STAFFERS GOT THE VIRUS.
POSSIBLY THEY CAUGHT IT FROM SOMEONE IN THE PRESIDENT'S INNER
CIRCLE.
OR IT IS POSSIBLE THEY GOT IT BECAUSE IT WAS THE WILL OF THE
MONOLITH!
NOW, DESPITE THE POSITIVE TEST, GIULIANI WENT TO PENNSYLVANIA
ANYWAY, AND DURING THE "HEARING," THE PRESIDENT CALLED
JENNA ELLIS, ONE OF THE OTHER LAWYERS, AND SHE HELD HIM UP TO
THE MIC: >> I REALLY APPRECIATE BEING
ASKED TO SPEAK, AND I'M IN THE OVAL OFFICE RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S
VERY INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SAYING THE PRESIDENT HAS GIVEN UP ON THE
IDEA OF OVERTURNING THE ELECTION, BUT I WILL POINT OUT
HE IS LITERALLY PHONING IT IN.
AS I SAID, THIS IS OUR COUNTRY'S FIRST COVID THANKSGIVING, AND
THE EXPERTS ARE URGING US TO MAKE IT OUR SAFEST THANKSGIVING
EVER BY NOT GATHERING OR TRAVELING.
OR AS ONE CALIFORNIA OFFICIAL PUT IT: JUST SAY "NO" TO FAMILY
THANKSGIVING.
"JUST SAY NO"?
I WOULDN'T USE THE ANTI-DRUG SLOGAN.
NOW KIDS ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE THANKSGIVING IN SECRET UNDER THE
BLEACHERS.
THEY'RE GOING TO BE HUFFING STUFFING!
YOU CAN TELL FROM THE CRANBERRY RING.
ONE HOME WHERE THEY SHOULD BE REALLY CAREFUL THIS HOLIDAY
SEASON IS THE WHITE HOUSE.
EVER SINCE ELECTION DAY, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS BEEN CIRCULATING
TWO THINGS: FAKE CASES OF VOTER FRAUD AND REAL CASES OF
CORONAVIRUS.
SO FAR, AT LEAST 45 PEOPLE CONNECTED TO THE WHITE HOUSE
HAVE CONTRACTED THE VIRUS.
RECENT CASES INCLUDE MARK MEADOWS, BEN CARSON, COREY
LEWANDOWSKI, AND DON JR., ALL OF WHOM TESTED POSITIVE AFTER
ATTENDING AN ELECTION-NIGHT WATCH PARTY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
OBVIOUSLY, THEY ALL SHOULD HAVE WORN A MASK, AND KEPT A SIX-FOOT
DISTANCE BETWEEN THEIR LIPS AND THE PRESIDENT'S BUTT.
WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS LEARNED THEIR LESSON FROM THE
ELECTION-NIGHT PARTY: HAVE A DIFFERENT KIND OF PARTY,
BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE IS PLANNING HOLIDAY PARTIES INDOORS
DESPITE THE PANDEMIC.
WELL, THEY HAVE TO HAVE THE PARTIES!
RUDY'S ALREADY MADE A BATCH OF DELICIOUS HOLIDAY HEAD-NOG!
BUT THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE PRECAUTIONS.
FOOD WILL BE "INDIVIDUALLY PLATED BY CHEFS AT
PLEXIGLASS-PROTECTED FOOD STATIONS," AND "ALL PASSED
BEVERAGES WILL BE COVERED."
SO, THE C.D.C. HAS FINALLY ACHIEVED SIZZLER SALAD BAR AND
SIPPY CUP TECHNOLOGY.
BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY PRECAUTIONS THEY TAKE, THERE'S
ALWAYS SOME RISK.
SO THE WHITE HOUSE WARNED INVITEES THAT "ATTENDING THE
PARTIES WILL BE A VERY PERSONAL CHOICE."
YES, IT IS AN IMPORTANT PERSONAL CHOICE, REMINDS ME OF THAT
ROBERT FROST POEM: "TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A YELLOW WOOD, AND I
TOOK THE ONE WITHOUT COVID.
BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
OUR GUEST IS ROB CORDDRY.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I GET A VISIT FROM THE PRESIDENT'S
LAWYER.
STICK AROUND!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON ♪ PLEASE, SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE ♪
>> Stephen: AND SWALLOW THOSE BISCUITS TOO.
HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE BISCUITS?
HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD GOT THE BISCUITS IN LOSE?
>> Jon: WE GOT THE BISCUITS!
OH, MY GOODNESS!
I GOT MY SHM TODAY, AND I'M BAKING A LOT OF STUFF, BUT THE
BISCUIT IS KING.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO.
THEY USE SOME OF THAT SOUTHERN WITCHCRAFT IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
IT'S THE SALT WATER.
I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
PLEASE GIVE MY LOVE TO YOUR PARENTS.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED, MUCH LOVE.
THEY LOVED YOUR OBAMA INTERVIEW, SO MUCH MUTUAL RESPECT.
>> Stephen: TELL THEM TO CHECK OUT MONDAY.
WE HAVE ANOTHER 35-40 MINUTES ON MONDAY.
>> Jon: FOR SURE.
>> Stephen: HAPPY THANKSGIVING, STAY SAFE.
>> Jon: YOU, TOO, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVIE AND THE
WHOLE FAMILY.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, THE PRESIDENT MAY FINALLY BE ALLOWING THE PEACEFUL
TRANSITION OF POWER, BUT HE'S ALSO VOWED TO WIN HIS LEGAL
BATTLE TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THE PERSON IN CHARGE OF THAT LEGAL
FIGHT IS RUDY GIUILANI.
AND THIS HAS NOT EXACTLY BEEN RUDY'S MONTH.
FIRST, HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE "BORAT" SEQUEL DEMANDING ALL
RISE IN THE COURTROOM OF HIS PANTS.
THEN HE HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE AT A LANDSCAPING COMPANY NEXT TO
A PORN SHOP, FOLLOWED BY A LESS-THAN-STELLAR PERFORMANCE IN
COURT, WHERE, WHILE READING FROM THE COMPLAINT HE WAS FILING,
GIULIANI STOPPED TO SAY, "I'M NOT QUITE SURE I KNOW WHAT
"OPACITY" MEANS.
IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU CAN SEE, RIGHT?"
TO WHICH THE JUDGE SAID, "IT MEANS YOU CAN'T."
TO WHICH RUDY REPLIED, "BIG WORDS, YOUR HONOR."
OKAY, THEN I'LL USE SMALL ONES: WOW...
YOU...
SUCK...
AT...
LAW...
STUFF.
THEN, OF COURSE, THERE WAS HIS UNHINGED PRESS CONFERENCE LAST
WEEK, WHERE GIULIANI CITED "MY COUSIN VINNY" TO EXPLAIN THE
PRESIDENT'S LEGAL CHALLENGE, AND SPOUTED CONSPIRACY THEORIES
ABOUT U.S. VOTES BEING "COUNTED IN EUROPE BY A COMPANY OWNED BY
VENEZUELA'S SOCIALIST LEADERS," AND HOW BALLOTS COULD BE CAST BY
'A DEAD PERSON' OR 'MICKEY MOUSE.'"
AND IF THAT WASN'T EMBARRASSING ENOUGH, HE DELIVERED THAT PRESS
CONFERENCE WITH STREAMS OF HAIR DYE DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE.
SO THE ONLY EVIDENCE THAT RUDY HAS UNCOVERED IS THAT HE'S NOT A
NATURAL BRUNETTE.
AND AFTER ALL THAT, IT'S BEING REPORTED THAT THE PRESIDENT NOW
BELIEVES THAT RUDY AND HIS TEAM ARE "FOOLS THAT ARE MAKING HIM
LOOK BAD."
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THEY ARE FOOLS WHO, BY COMPARISON, ARE MAKING HIM LOOK
PRETTY GOOD.
SO NOW THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYER IS IN THE MIDST OF A LEGAL FIGHT HE
CAN'T WIN ON BEHALF OF A CLIENT WHO NO LONGER TRUSTS HIM.
HERE TO TELL US WHAT THIS ALL MEANS IS THE PRESIDENT'S
PERSONAL LAWYER HIMSELF, RUDY GIULIANI.
MR. MAYOR?
THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME, NOW, THERE'S A LOT TO TALK
ABOUT, SIR.
>> HOLD ON!
STOP!
BEFORE WE START THE INTERVIEW, I HAVE TO ASK: ARE YOU A BORAT?
BECAUSE, LEGALLY, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU'RE A BORAT!
>> Stephen: NO, MR. MAYOR, I AM NOT A BORAT.
>> GOOD.
LET ME TURN ON THE MICROPHONE I'VE HIDDEN IN MY PANTS.
HELLO?
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
>> Stephen: YES, I CAN HEAR YOU.
>> GOOD, THEN MY CROTCH IS WORKING.
>> Stephen: LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT, SIR: HAVE YOU LOST THE
PRESIDENT'S TRUST BY SPOUTING SO MANY UNFOUNDED CONSPIRACY
THEORIES?
>> I HAVEN'T LOST HIS TRUST!
IT WAS STOLEN!
JUST LIKE ALL THE VOTES THAT WERE STOLEN BY THE SOCIALISTS AT
EURO-DISNEY!
AND IT'S NOT JUST MICKEY MOUSE!
I HAVE A SIGNED AFFIDAVIT SWEARING THAT THERE WAS A SINGLE
DALMATIAN WHO VOTED 101 TIMES!
>> Stephen: BUT, SIR, SIR, ALL YOUR CLAIMS ABOUT VOTER FRAUD
HAVE BEEN DEBUNKED.
>> I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT "DEBUNK" MEANS.
IT PROBABLY MEANS IT'S "NOT" BUNK, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: NO.
IT MEANS THEY ARE BUNK.
>> BIG WORDS, STEPHEN!
NO LAWYER CAN UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF, NOT EVEN MY BRILLIANT
LEGAL PARTNER, ROBERT MONDAVI, ESQUIRE.
THANK YOU, COUNSEL.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF YOUR LEGAL PARTNERS, YOU EVEN FIRED
ONE OF THE ATTORNEYS FROM LAST WEEK'S PRESS CONFERENCE, SIDNEY
POWELL.
IS THERE ANYONE LEFT WHO IS HELPING YOU DEFEND THE
PRESIDENT?
>> OF COURSE.
WE'VE ALREADY REPLACED SIDNEY POWELL WITH AN EVEN BETTER
LAWYER: A YOUNG WOMAN NAMED ELLE WOODS WHO WENT TO HARVARD
LAW TO IMPRESS HER EX-BOYFRIEND.
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, I'M PRETTY SURE ELLE WOODS
IS REESE WITHERSPOON'S CHARACTER FROM "LEGALLY BLONDE."
YOU ALSO TALKED ABOUT "MY COUSIN VINNY."
ARE ALL YOUR LEGAL IDEAS JUST STOLEN FROM MOVIES?
>> STEPHEN, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE RIGGED VOTING MACHINES USED IN THIS
ELECTION WERE ACTUALLY ROBOTS SENT HERE FROM THE FUTURE?
IT'S ALL HERE IN MY LEGAL FILING: "T2: JUDGEMENT DAY."
SKYNET IS ON HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT?
HUGO CHAVEZ!
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, YOUR LEGAL ARGUMENTS CLEARLY AREN'T
WORKING.
SO AREN'T THESE CONTINUED CLAIMS OF ELECTION FRAUD JUST WEAKENING
FAITH IN OUR DEMOCRACY?
>> SORRY, STEPHEN.
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.
I WAS HAVING MY FIRST DRINK OF THE DAY.
>> Stephen: SIR, THAT I >> Stephen: SIR, THAT IS
CLEARLY NOT YOUR FIRST DRINK.
>> WELL, IF YOU'RE DISPUTING THE RESULTS, I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
ONE.
TWO.
THIS STATE IS GOING RED!
>> Stephen: MR. GIULIANI, YOU WERE ONCE A RESPECTED FIGURE IN
MORE THAN POLITICS AND LAW.
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT SACRIFICING YOUR REPUTATION FOR
A PRESIDENT WHO NOW SAYS YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
>> A FOOL!
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FOOL I'M COOL, CALM, AND COHERENT.
I'M AMERICA'S MAYOR, BABY!
>> Stephen: SIR, DO YOU HAVE HAIR DYE ON YOUR FACE AGAIN?
>> LIES!
I DON'T USE HAIR DYE.
WHEN I HIT CAPACITY, MY BODY EXCRETES MERLOT.
IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
IT'S CONVENIENT!
HERE NOW.
I'M GETTING NOTES OF LEATHER AND BLACKBERRY.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THIS EXACTLY THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR THAT HAS
MADE THE PRESIDENT DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM YOU?
>> THE PRESIDENT HASN'T DISTANCED HIMSELF.
HE'S BEING DRAGGED AWAY FROM ME INTO THE ETHEREAL REALM BY THE
GHOSTS OF DEAD VOTERS FROM PENNSYLVANIA.
I'M COMING, MR. PRESIDENT!
>> Stephen: RUDY GIULIANI, EVERYBODY!
>> THE RECOUNT CONTINUES!
ONE...
CONTINUES.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND
COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "THE DAILY SHOW," "BALLERS," AND "THE
UNICORN."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," MY FRIEND AND YOURS,
MR. ROB CORDDRY.
HELLO, CORDDRY.
>> OH, MAN!
WHAT'S UP.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: TALKING TO YOU IS LIKE A VACATION.
I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN A REAR.
I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN A YEAR.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN.
IT'S BEEN A YEAR.
>> HAS IT BEEN A YEAR.
OH, MY GOD.
>> Stephen: CATCH ME UP.
>> I'VE BEEN LOCKED DOWN.
THEY'VE BEEN KEEPING ME AWAY FROM YOU.
I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN MY HOUSE.
>> Stephen: THIS HAS ALL BEEN AN ELABORATE RUSE SO I WOULDN'T
HAVE TO SEE YOU.
I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
>> IT'S ALL ABOUT ME AND YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE AN EAGLE SCOUT, RIGHT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU PREPARED?
A LOT OF PEOPLE WEREN'T PREPARED FOR COVID.
DID YOU HAVE THE TOILET PAPER AND THE EXTRA BAGS OF RICE AND
CHICK PEAS.
WERE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS.
>> WE HAD A LOT OF TOILET PAPER.
THE EAGLE SCOUT BADGE DOESN'T QUITE-- IT'S NOT REALLY
APPLICABLE TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.
BUT I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU RECOGNIZE THIS SURVIVAL
IMPLEMENT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS A "DAILY SHOW"--" ARE THOSE BINOCULARS?
WHAT IS THAT?
OH, THAT'S THE RADIO!
>> THAT'S THE RADIO!
IN 2003 WE WERE GIFTED A RADIO.
>> Stephen: THIS WAS A HAND-CRANK RADIO.
>> THE HAND CRANKER.
YES, SO THIS IS, LIKE, THE ONLY WAY.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IF IT ALL GOES DOWN, WE'RE NO
INFORMATION ANYWHERE.
>> Stephen: IF THERE'S NO GRID, IF THERE'S NO GRID TO
POWER YOUR RADIO, SOMEHOW "THE DAILY SHOW" THOUGHT THERE WOULD
STILL BE RADIO STATIONS.
>> IT WAS SUCH AN OMINOUS GIFT.
>> Stephen: IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
>> IT WAS RIGHT AFTER 9/11.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> THERE WAS A BLACKOUT JUST HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
SO I-- I JUST DUG INTO THE INSTRUCTIONS, THOUGH.
THEY'RE FASCINATING.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'RE PART OF-- HOW ARE THEY FASCINATING?
ARE THEY FASCINATING IN THAT IT SAYS,"CRANK IT, SCBTS IT WORKS.
>> IT'S A SHORTWAVE RADIO.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN TALK TO RADIO MOSCOW WITH THAT THING.
>> YEAH, LIKE, I SMELL ANOTHER OBSESSION COMING ON FOR ME.
THIS THING HAS BEEN COLLECTING DUST FOR YEARS.
>> Stephen: I'VE USED MINE.
I'VE USED MINE.
YEAH.
>> ALL RIGHT, NO BIG DEAL.
>> Stephen: YEAH, HEY, WELCOME TO THE CBS FAMILY.
I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN HERE FOR A YEAR, BUT WELCOME BACK, I
GUESS, TO THE CBS FAMILY BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY BACK ON THE
AIR.
I'M SO THRILLED THAT WE HAVE SOME PRIME TIME FOR US.
SOME LEAD-IN HERE.
TELL US ABOUT THE "THE UNICORN."
HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING IT?
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT, MAN.
IT WAS A WEIRD TRANSITION AT FIRST.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WEIRD TO--
>> TRANSITION TO-- YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF COVID
PROTOCOLS.
>> Stephen: SURE YOU HAVE TO WEAR THE MASKS.
>> MASKS AND FACE SHIELDS AND, YOU KNOW, WHAT-- WHO YOU CAN
TALK TO AND WHAT-- EVERYBODY'S DIVIDED UP INTO ZONES.
SO IT'S PRETTY-- THEY'VE GOT IT PRETTY-- PRETTY TIGHT.
BUT IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN GREAT.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO HEAR IT.
GOOD TO HEAR THAT IT'S BEEN GREAT.
I UNDERSTAND YOU GUYS-- THERE'S AN EPISODE THAT YOUR CHARACTER
IS ACTUALLY-- FEELS BAD ABOUT HIS WHITE PRIVILEGE AND ACTUALLY
IS TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY GIVING-- GIVING YOUR FRIEND'S
SON?
>> ARE YOU ANSWERING THE QUESTION YOU ASKED ME THE WAY
YOU WANTED ME TO ANSWER IT?
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I'M JUST GOING AHEAD AND ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS AT THIS
POINT.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO CUT ALL THIS PART OUT, AREN'T YOU?
>> Stephen: NO, THIS IS THE PART WE'RE KEEPING.
THIS IS THE-- >> THIS IS TV GOLD RIGHT HERE.
>> Stephen: IT STARTS RIGHT HERE.
WE HAVE A CLIP.
SET UP THIS CLIP WE'VE GOT HERE.
WHAT' GOING ON.
>> YEAH, SO I BROUGHT A CLIP, IS WHAT ACTORS SAY.
AND -- >> Stephen: I'M JUST
STERILIZING.
>> AND THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT WE FOUGHT, OMAR AND I-- WE
DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT BUT WE THOUGHT WE WOULD.
"THE UNICORN" IS NOT ACKNOWLEDGED COVID, WHICH I
THOUGHT WAS GREAT BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING WE WANT THERE TO BE
A SENSE OF ESCAPISM, YOU KNOW.
THESE ARE STORIES YOU CAN ENJOY --
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
>> AFTER TAKING YOUR MASK OFF AND SITTING ON YOUR COUCH.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> BUT THERE IS-- BUT THE RACIAL STRIVE WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO US.
SO ON, MAR MILLER AND I WENT TO THE PRODUCERS AND SAID THIS IS
IMPORTANT TO US.
AND IMMEDIATELY, ONE OF THE WRITERS, HOWARD, HAD AN IDEA FOR
A STORY, AND THIS IS FROM FROM THE CLIP, YOU KNOW, THE CLIP
YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS FROM THAT EPISODE.
IT'S NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE, I BELIEVE.
>> Stephen: JIM, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> YOU BOUGHT NOAH A $300 GAMING SYSTEM.
>> $350.
WITH THE EXTENDED WARRANTY.
I GOT THAT BECAUSE HE'S SO CLUMSY.
>> YOU'RE DOING TOO MUCH, MAN.
>> I DON'T THINK I'M DOING ENOUGH!
I MEAN, TELL ME, WHAT BOOKS CAN I READ?
WHAT ORGANIZATIONS CAN I JOIN?
I WANT TO DO BETTER.
>> BUT THIS, WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW, THIS ISN'T BETTER.
COME ON, MAN!
YOU'RE PUTTING ALL YOUR GUILT ON ME BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!
>> I WOULDN'T PUT IT EXACTLY LIKE THAT BUT...
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT EASY TO MAKE THAT FUNNY.
>> YEAH, YEAH, AND THE REST OF THE SHOW, LIKE, THAT EPISODE
IS-- IT'S SOMETHING I'M-- I FELT REAL RESPONSIBILITY, A REAL
RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVING PITCHED-- YOU KNOW, HAVING
REQUESTED IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU AND I WORKED FOR "RESPONSIBILITY
CENTRAL" FOR MANY YEARS.
>> WE SURE DID, YUP, YEAH.
WE SURE DID.
( LAUGHS ).
>> Stephen: OMAR WAS ON "C.S.I.: MIAMI."
YOU EVER TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHETHER HE CAN DO ALL THAT LAB
STUFF?
DID HE LEARN ANYTHING?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: HE CAN DO ALL THAT.
>> OH, YEAH, HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
NO, HE IS A TRAINED LAB TECHNICIAN IN REAL LIFE AS WELL,
AND HE KNOWS ALL THOSE-- ALL THOSE TERMS HE SAID ON THE SHOW,
ALL THOSE THINGS IT'S REAL.
HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING.
>> Stephen: ROB, IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: HAVE A HAPPY THIS IS.
>> YOU, TOO, MAN.
>> Stephen: ROB CORDDRY, EVERYBODY!
"THE UNICORN" AIRS THURSDAY NIGHTS AT 9:30 ON CBS.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL BE UP ON THE ROOF COOKING WITH JOSEÉ
ANDREÉS.
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A CHEF AND HUMANITARIAN WHOSE CHARITY,
"WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN," HAS PROVIDED DISASTER RELIEF TO
MILLIONS ALL OVER THIS TROUBLED WORLD.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," CHEF JOSE ANDRES.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO DO IS HAVE THE FIRST COOKING
SEGMENT LIVE AND IN PERSON ON ANY LATE-NIGHT SHOW.
YOU READY TO DO IT?
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
THIS IS PERFECTLY RESPONSIBLE.
WE'RE OUTSIDE AND WE'RE OVER 10 FEET AWAY, OKAY?
>> >> I MEAN, NOBODY CAN EVER
UNDERSTAND MY ENGLISH WITHOUT THE MASK.
YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR AN IMMIGRANT LIKE ME TO BE
SPEAKING ENGLISH WITH A MASK?
NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING I TELL THEM!
IS THERE IT'S THE EMOTION THAT WE GET, EVEN IF WE DON'T
UNDERSTAND THE WORDS.
WE GET ALL THE LOVE, JOSE.
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
ARE YOU READY TO DO THIS?
>> OKAY, I HAVE LOVE FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: I HAVE LOVE FOR YOU, TOO.
>> I AM AN IMMIGRANT.
WHAT IS MY ROLE AS AN IMMIGRANT, TO HONOR THE TRADITIONS OF
AMERICA.
BUT ALSO TO PUSH THE BOUNDARIES.
WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW, I'M GIVING YOU ONE OF MY FAVORITE
INGREDIENTS, WHICH ARE SEA URCHINS FROM MAINE.
>> Stephen: SEA URCHINS, OKAY.
>> SEA URCHINS.
>> Stephen: THESE LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THAT TAKES OVER YOUR
BODY IN A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE.
>> IT IS, BUT IT ACTUALLY IS THE MOST DELICIOUS THING IN THE
HISTORY OF MANKIND.
>> Stephen: WAIT, SO THIS IS FOR THIS IS?
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M HAVING FOR THIS IS.
AND WHY WE SHOULD DO THAT.
>> Stephen: WHY?
>> BECAUSE SO MANY FISHERMEN, FARMERS, THAT THEY NEED OUR
SUPPORT AND AMERICA HAS SUCH A BOUNTY OF AMAZING THINGS THAT WE
SHOULD BE SUPPORTING THEM AS WE ADD NEW TRADITIONS TO OUR THIS
IS.
>> Stephen: SO HOW DO I EAT IT?
>> OKAY, HOW DO I GRAB THESE, YOUR PRODUCER --
>> Stephen: WE HAVE THESE.
WE HAVE ONE OF THESE.
WE HAVE GRABBERS.
>> LET'S GO.
I WILL OPEN SOME FOR YOU.
DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU HOW I OPEN ONE?
>> Stephen: I WANT TO SEE.
>> YOU'RE GOOD.
TAKE A LOOK.
WE HAVE SCISSORS HERE.
>> Stephen: SCISSORS?
>> SCISSORS.
>> Stephen: I RARELY-- I RARELY-- I RARELY HAVE TO GIVE
MY FOOT A HAIRCUT.
>> YOU WILL PUT THE SCISSORS THERE, CUT THROUGH THE MOUTH,
AND YOU WILL KEEP GOING AROUND, AROUND LIKE THIS, AND AT THE
END, MY FRIEND, LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE.
YOU OPEN THIS URCHIN, AND INSIDE YOU HAVE THE GONADS.
>> Stephen: THE GONADS?
>> THE GONADS.
THESE GIVE YOU POWERS.
THESE GIVE YOU SUPER POWERS.
>> Stephen: REALLY!
>> WITH THE GONADS PROBABLY WE CAN BEAT COVID.
WITH THE GONADS PROBABLY WE CAN DREAM OF A HAPPY TOMORROW.
LOOK AT THIS.
>> Stephen: THIS OWNER STUFF IN HERE IS THE GONADS.
>> IS THE MOST AMAZING THING.
>> Stephen: HE SHOULD DEFINITELY HAVE THESE CHECKED
OUT.
>> OH, MY GOD!
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
BUT IT'S PERFECT-- IT'S PERFECT FOR THE FALL.
>> HERE YOU WANT SOME-- I CAN'T.
IT'S COVERED.
>> Stephen: SOME OF THE SALTEST GONADS I'VE EVER HAD.
I HAVE TO SAY.
THEY'RE DELICIOUS.
>> THEY COME FROM THE OCEAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO DO.
THEY NEED TO BE SALTY.
THAT MEANS THEY'RE FRESH.
>> Stephen: I JUST ATE ONE OF THE SPIKES.
>> SPIT THEM, NOT MY DIRECTION BUT ANOTHER DIRECTION.
>> Stephen: FAN TASH.
JOSE, YOU'RE ONLY MY SECOND LIVE, IN-PERSON GUEST I HAVE HAD
SO FAR.
>> WHAT DO WE DRINK WITH SEA UNCHIN IN MY COUNTRY.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DRINK?
>> THIS IS SOMETHING WE LOVE IN AMERICA, CIDER.
HERE WE FROM AN AMERICAN CIDER AND A SPANISH CIDER AND I'M
GOING TO SHOW YOU THE TRADITION IN SPAIN.
WE BRING THE BOTTLE UP HERE.
AND WE BRING THE GLAZ DOWN HERE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND YOU HAVE TO LET IT FALL SLOWLY UNTIL IT HITS THE RIM OF
THE GLASS.
YOU SERVE A LITTLE BIT, TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE BUBBLES.
>> Stephen: HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
>> OH, MY GOD!
DO YOU IT SO GOOD!
>> Stephen: AND WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?
WHAT IS THIS-- WHAT IS THIS DOING FOR ME?
>> NEW YORK.
CLUB, CLUB!
HE'S AMAZING.
OKAY, THIS IS VERY GOOD.
BUT IN -- >> Stephen: WHY DO WE DO THIS?
>> BECAUSE TAKE A LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING, ALL THE BUBBLES.
>> Stephen: IT'S A MESS.
THIS WAS INVENTED BY SOMEONE WHO HAD EXCESS CIDER.
THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THIS IS MEALS I'VE EVER HAD ACTUALLY
RIGHT NOW UP HERE.
AGAIN ARE THIS IS TOTALLY SAFE BECAUSE WE'RE OUTSIDE.
THERE'S PLENTY OF VENTILATION.
I CAN BARELY SMELL THE GONADS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> YOU SEE, WE DON'T HAVE TURKEYS HERE.
WE DON'T HAVE TURKEY BECAUSE WE PARDON OUR TURKEYS, LIKE
PRESIDENT TRUMP.
HE-- YESTERDAY, HE PARDONED THE TURKEYS, AND YOU AND I, TAKE A
LOOK.
IT'S OVER THERE.
NO, OVER THERE!
OKAY, SO WE PARDONED THE -- >> Stephen: BUT THEY'RE
FLIGHTLESS.
THEY'RE FLIGHTLESS, JOSE.
>> I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU TO MAKE A VERY QUICK CAKE.
>> Stephen: A CAKE.
>> Jon: LET'S GO.
YOU GRAB THIS SPOON.
ONE SPOON FULL OF SUGAR.
>> Stephen: ONE SPOON FULL OF SUGAR.
>> PUT IT OVER HERE.
>> Stephen: HERE?
OKAY.
>> NOW, ONE SPOON FULL OF MAYONNAISE.
>> Stephen: OF MAYONNAISE.
>> THIS IS MAYONNAISE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS DEFINITELY AN AMERICAN RECIPE.
>> IT'S EGGS AND OIL.
AND THEN A SPOON FULL OF CREAM CHEESE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS CREAM CHEESE?
OKAY.
>> AND THEN ANOTHER SPOONFUL OF THIS KIND OF PUMPKIN MIX.
>> Stephen: THE FILLING, THE FILLING, SURE.
>> LIKE THE ONE YOU BUY IN THE STORE.
>> Stephen: LIBBY'S, EXACTLY.
>> AND ONE EGG, YOU CRACK ITED IN THE BOWL.
AND THEN YOU MICK THE WHOLE THING.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> LIKE THIS.
>> YOU MIX, MIX.
KEEP MIXING.
UNTIL IT BECOMES A PERFECT CREAM LIKE THIS.
YOU SEE.
>> Stephen: I GOT IT.
>> AND THEN WE HAVE THIS PART OVER HERE, YOU CAN BE USING
PYREX, YOU CAN BE USING TERRA COTTA, WHATEVER.
AND THEN YOU PUT A LITTLE BIT ON TOP.
ALREADY WE HAVE SOME IN HERE.
NO MORE.
>> Stephen: NO MORE, OKAY.
>> AND THEN YOU GO AND YOU PUT IT INSIDE THE MICROWAVE.
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND!
YOU ARE A TWO MICHELIN STAR CHEF, AND YOU USE A MICROWAVE?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LEGAL?
>> IT IS LEGAL.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT CHEFS FROWND ON MICROWAVES.
>> IN CASE ANY IMMIGRATION OFFICER IS LOOKING AT THIS SHOW,
THE MICROWAVE IS LEGAL.
PRESS "START."
AND NOW IT'S TWO MINUTES.
AND YOU WAIT.
>> Stephen: WHILE MY MAYONNAISE PIE IS COOKING, WE'RE
GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
CHEF JOSE ANDRES!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE HERE WITH CHEF JOSE ANDRES.
ALSO THE FOUNDER OF "WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN," COOKING A THIS
IS MEAL.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING, I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT "WORLD CENTRAL
KITCHEN."
I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES AND ALL
OVER THE WORLD DURING COVID.
YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN RESPONDING TO SOME HURRICANES LATELY.
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN HONDURAS AND WHAT YOUR WORK IS
DOWN THERE.
>> WORLD KITCHEN HAS DONE ALMOST 40 MILLION MEALS THROUGH THIS
PANDEMIC, AMAZING MEN AND WOMEN, THOUSANDS OF VOLUNTEERS, 3,000
RESTAURANTS IN AMERICA.
WE HAVE BEEN IN BEIRUT AFTER THE EXPLOSION IN LEBANON.
EVERY SINGLE HURRICANE, THE FIRES IN CALIFORNIA.
RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE TEAMS IN HONDURAS, IN GUATEMALA, IN
COLOMBIA.
MYSELF, I JUST CAME BACK FROM THERE, AND I'M SO PROUD THAT
AMERICA CAN BE SHOWING UP, MY PROFESSION SHOWING UP TO FEEL
PEOPLE IN AMERICA, BUT ALSO SHOWING UP IN COUNTRIES THAT
THEY NEED FOR US TO HELP THEM.
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, THE BIG PROBLEMS, THEY HAVE VERY SIMPLE
SOLUTIONS.
YOU SHOW UP, YOU START COOKING, A HUMBLE PLATE OF FOOD SHOWS
PEOPLE A BETTER TOMORROW.
YOU KNOW IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
WE GO AND WE TELL PEOPLE, "WE HAVE ONLY ONE MISSION: FEED THE
HUNGRY AND BRING WATER TO THE THIRSTY"
EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS THIS MESSAGE.
MINE HAS BEEPED GLI HAVE 30 SECONDS LEFT.
>> I WILL LEAVE IT MORE.
>> Stephen: SHOULD I ADD MORE.
>> A LITTLE BIT MORE BECAUSE EVERY MICROWAVE IT BEHAVES IN A
DIFFERENT WAY.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE LOVE TO THE MICROWAVE.
YOU HAVE TO SAY, "HEY, BABY, BEHAVE, DO GOOD.
BE NICE."
BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THEY HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL FACE.
THESE BEAUTIFUL EYES.
LOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS MICROWAVE IS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> SO YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO THE MICROWAVE.
YOU HAVE TO SAY, "HEY, BABY, I NEED YOU NOW.
I HAVE TO FINISH THIS SEGMENT OR HE'S GOING TO THROW ME OUT OF
THE BUILDING!" OKAY, THIS IS DONE, I THINK.
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENS.
TWO MINUTES.
LOK AT THIS AMAZING PUMPKIN, THE MAYONNAISE, THE PUMPKIN
PUREE.
>> Stephen: SHOULD I TELL-- HAVE I GOT TOO MUCH HERE?
AM I THERE?
>> I THINK YOU PUT TOO MUCH.
BUT THAT'S FINE.
KEEP GOING.
>> Stephen: WE'LL USE YOURS.
>> LOOK AT WHAT YOU DO NOW.
I HAVE COME AND I HAVE SOME CRACKERS.
>> Stephen: SOME WHAT?
>> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ENGLISH?
DO YOU HAVE COVID.
>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE EAR COVID.
I'M SORRY.
>> A BIG HAMMER.
>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE MY HAMMER.
HOLD ON.
>> I'LL GIVE YOU MINE.
( LAUGHTER ) YES!
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> CAN YOU TREAT FOOD WITH RESPECT?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: IT'S INSIDE THE BAG!
>> YOU PUT THE GRAHAM CRACKERS ON TOP OF THESE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND THEN-- VERY GOOD.
YOU PUT THEM ON A PLATE LIKE THAT.
UPSIDE DOWN.
DON'T BURN YOURSELF, OR YOUR PRODUCER WILL KILL ME.
OH, MY GOD!
I'M TELLING YOU, PEOPLE OF AMERICA, THIS RECIPE WORKS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS RECIPE WORKS.
BUT THE STEPHEN COLBERT NEVER GOT A SHOW ON THE COOKING
CHANNEL.
YOU CAN SEE WHY.
DON'T BURN YOURSELF.
LOOK IT.
OH, MY GOD!
LOOK AT THIS.
STEVE, LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT THIS.
IN THIS MOMENT, YOU PUT SOME PUMPKIN SEEDS THAT WE
KARMALIZED.
YOU GO AND YOU PUT SOME OLIVE OIL ON TOP LIKE THIS.
YOU GO AND YOU PUT SOME SALT.
AND, LADIES, PEOPLE OF AMERICA --
>> Stephen: THEN.
DON'T FORGET, JUST A LITTLE-- JUST A LITTLE--
( LAUGHTER ) JUST GET A LITTLE BIT FROM UP
HERE.
THERE YOU GO.
( LAUGHTER ) OH!
♪ ASTORIA ♪ THAT'S A SONG WE SING WHERE I
COME FROM WHEN WE POUR THE CIDER.
>> Stephen: WE'RE ALL VERY THANKFUL FOR YOU, JOSE.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT "WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN" GO TO wck.org.
CHEF JOSE ANDRES, EVERYBODY.
HAPPY THIS IS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
LATE SHOW."
JOIN US MONDAY FOR A SPECIAL "LATE SHOW" WITH ALL-NEW
NEVER-AIRED PARTS OF MY INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY.
STAY SAFE.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org