>> HOW DO YOU DISTRIBUTE MILLIONS OF PFIZER'S COVID 19
VACCINES ACROSS THE COUNTRY?
WIDESPREAD SHIPPING, OF COURSE, IS NOTHING NEW, BUT SUBZERO
WIDESPREAD SHIPPING, WE'VE NEVER DONE THAT.
>> THE PFIZER VACCINE REQUIRES STORAGE IN SPECIAL ULTRA-COLD
FREEZERS.
LEFT OUT TOO LONG AT ROOM TEMPERATURE, AND IT SPOILS.
( BELL RINGING ) >> HERE COMES MR. SOFTEE, THE
SOFT ICE CREAM MAN!
>> HEY, MR. SOFTEE, DO YOU THINK THEY'LL EVER COME UP WITH A CURE
FOR HAVING AN ICE CREAM CONE FOR A HEAD?
>> (LAUGHING) NO, LITTLE TIMMY, I DON'T, BECAUSE WHAT MR. SOFTEE
HAS ISN'T ANY SORT OF OF DISEASE.
WHAT MR. SOFTEE HAS IS -- ( SUSPENSFUL SOUNDS )
-- A CURSE.
( LIGHTNING AND THUNDER ) >> Announcer: IT'S A "LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, VACCINATION.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AND CHANCE
THE RAPPER, WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY LAURA BENANTI.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HOMIN."
NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO A "LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
HUGE NEWS-- JUST MOMENTS BEFORE TONIGHT'S TAPING, THE ELECTORAL
COLLEGE OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED THAT JOE BIDEN WON THE 2020
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
AGAIN!
HE DID IT!
HE'S STILL THE WINNER!
AT THIS POINT, JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE ELECTION SO MANY TIMES, HE'S
OUR 46TH THROUGH 51ST PRESIDENT.
THIS IS ALSO BIG NEWS, BECAUSE THIS MEANS-- AFTER SIX AGONIZING
WEEKS-- THE ELECTION IS FINALLY OVER.
STICK A FORK IN THE PRESIDENT HE'S DONE.
ALSO, KEEP THAT FORK HANDY BECAUSE POKING HIM IN THE BUTT
MIGHT BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST WHINING IN WHAT I HOPE IS THE FINAL
INSTALLMENT OF A FAR-TOO-LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT:
♪ WHEN HAIR DYE LEAKED FROM RUDY'S HEAD
♪ THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES DEPRESSED AND COVERED
♪ IN SPRAY TAN THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES
♪ GO DOWN PROUD BOYS BOOGALOO AND KU KLUX KLAN
♪ TELL OL' ALITO THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES ♪
>> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE."
>> Stephen: THESE ARE GETTING LONGER, AND I LOVE 'EM, LESS
WORK FOR ME, I'LL GRANT YOU THAT.
LOOKS LIKE THE PRESIDENT HAS FINALLY RUN THROUGH ALL THE
POSSIBLE WAYS HE CAN DESTROY OUR DEMOCRACY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
HIS MONTHS-LONG ASSAULT HASN'T DONE SOME DAMAGE.
I MEAN, JUST GETTING THE RUDY STAINS OUT OF THE CARPET ALONE
IS GOING TO TAKE SOME ELBOW GEASE.
I THINK THAT'S WHAT WAS RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE.
CASE IN POINT, THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTE ITSELF.
TODAY, THE MICHIGAN CAPITOL WAS CLOSED, ARIZONA ELECTORS MET AT
AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, AND THERE WAS A SECRET ENTRANCE IN
WISCONSIN TO KEEP ELECTORS SAFE.
THIS IS CRAZY.
THESE PEOPLE AREN'T POLITICIANS OR EVEN VOTERS.
THEY'RE MESSENGERS OF WHAT THE VOTERS SAID.
THIS IS WHAT THE PHRASE "DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGERS" WAS
INVENTED FOR!
BUT THANKS TO THE G.O.P., THAT SAYING IS NOW, "BUY THE
MESSENGERS SOME BULLETPROOF VESTS AND SNEAK 'EM IN THROUGH
THE BACK DOOR BECAUSE WE ARE COO-COO BANANAS AND WE GOT A LOT
OF GUNS!" THIS SHOULD ALL JUST BE BORING.
EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!
IT'S NOT NORMALLY NEWS!
IT'S LIKE ISSUING DEATH THREATS TO PAINT FOR DRYING.
THIS IS LIKE SIGNING UP FOR THE P.T.A. AND BEING TOLD,"OKAY,
YOU'RE ALL SIGNED UP.
HERE'S YOUR NUNCHUCKS AND YOUR FLAMETHROWERS.
WE'LL SEE YOU AT WEDNESDAY'S MEETING IN THE THUNDERDOME!
CAN YOU BRING SNACKS?" BUT IT WASN'T JUST THE DEATH
THREATS.
THE COVERAGE OF TODAY'S VOTE WAS ABSURDLY DRAMATIC.
JUST LOOK AT THIS URGENT MOMENT FROM CNN:
>> MORE VOTES, BY THE WAY, ARE COMING IN RIGHT NOW.
JUST MOMENTS AGO IN MISSOURI, THE ELECTORS CONFIRMED THEIR TEN
ELECTORAL VOTES FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP AND VICE PRESIDENT
MIKE PENCE.
>> STEPHEN: I'M SORRY, WOLF, WE HAVE TO CUT AWAY FROM THAT
DRAMATIC FOOTAGE BECAUSE WE HAVE JUST LEARNED THAT YOUR UNCLE
ALLEN HAS DECIDED TO IRON HIS SHIRT --
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) >> Stephen: WE WILL, OF
COURSE, CHECK BACK ON THAT STORY IF THERE ARE ANY NEW WRINKLES.
PERHAPS THE WORST RECENT ASSAULT AGAINST DEMOCRACY WAS THE
SUPER-DUMB LAWSUIT FILED BY TEXAS ATTORNEY-GENERAL AND
MUGSHOT YOU JUST FOUND OF YOUR GRANDMA'S NEW
BOYFRIEND, KEN PAXTON.
TEXAS WANTED TO INVALIDATE ALL THE VOTES IN WISCONSIN,
MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA, AND GEORGIA BECAUSE THOSE STATES
MADE IT EASIER TO VOTE DURING A PANDEMIC.
BUT TEXAS DOESN'T GET TO TELL OTHER STATES HOW TO DO THEIR
THING.
I MEAN, IF WE'RE LIVING BY THOSE RULES, LET'S KICK TEXAS OUT OF
THE UNION BECAUSE ALL OUR EXES LIVE THERE.
BUT THIS LAWSUIT WAS THE PRESIDENT'S LAST HOPE.
HE CALLED IT, "THE BIG ONE."
WELL, ON FRIDAY NIGHT, HE BIT "THE BIG ONE."
THE SUPREME COURT REJECTED THE TEXAS SUIT SEEKING TO SUBVERT
THE ELECTION.
THAT'S GOT TO STING.
THE PRESIDENT PERSONALLY STACKED THE COURT TO HAND HIM THE
ELECTION, AND THEN THEY WENT ALL REASONABLE ON HIS ASS.
THAT'S LIKE FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER GOING, "BRINGING ME BACK
FROM THE DEAD IS FRAUGHT WITH MORAL AND ETHICAL HAZARDS!
AND FOR THE RECORD, FIRE QUITE USEFUL WHEN USED WITH CAUTION!"
THE CASE WAS "DENIED FOR LACK OF STANDING."
NO SURPRISE THERE.
THE PRESIDENT STRUGGLES WITH STANDING, WALKING, AND EVEN
SITTING WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE HE'S ON THE TOILET.
WITH THE LOSS, THE PRESIDENT IS NOW ONE-IN-59 IN POSTELECTION
LITIGATION.
THAT IS SUCH A TERRIBLE RECORD, HE'S GETTING SYMPATHY CARDS FROM
THE NEW YORK JETS.
BUT IN THE FACE OF REALITY, THE PRESIDENT IS DEFIANT,
TWEET-YELLING, "WE HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!"
WELL, THEN YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE STARTED FIGHTING EARLIER,
BECAUSE YOU GOT YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU, AND IT'S OVER.
ON SATURDAY, BEFORE THE ARMY-NAVY GAME, THE PRESIDENT
HELD A FACE TO TOO CLOSE FACE INTERVIEW WITH BRIAN KILMEADE,
AND HAD A BIZARRE EXPLANATION FOR WHY HE
THINKS HE REALLY WON.
>> THE ELECTION WAS OVER AT 10:00 IN THE EVENING.
I HAD WON, IT WAS 97, 98%.
ALL OF THE BOOKIES ALL OVER THE WORLD WERE SAYING THE ELECTION'S
OVER.
THEY WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE BETS ON IT.
SNOWOH, YEAH, EVERYBODY KNOWS IT'S THE BOOKIES WHO PICKED THE
PRESIDENT.
THAT'S WHY IN 1932, HERBERT HOOVER SUFFERED A CRUSHING
DEFEAT AT THE HANDS OF PRESIDENT SEABISCUIT.
THE PRESIDENT WASN'T ALONE IN HIS FAILED WAR AGAINST
DEMOCRACY, BECAUSE A LEGAL BRIEF SUPPORTING TEXAS' TERRIBLE AND
STUPID AND WRONG AND DUMB LAWSUIT WAS SIGNED BY 126 HOUSE
REPUBLICANS.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, IF YOU PUT ALL 126 OF THOSE
CONGRESSMEN ON ONE RAFT GOING OVER NIAGARA FALLS, I'D WATCH.
FOLLOWING THE SCOTUS DECISION, MOST OF THESE GUYS STAYED
SILENT, BUT LOUISIANA REPRESENTATIVE MIKE JOHNSON
TWEETED THIS QUOTE BY JOHN QUINCY ADAMS:
"DUTY IS OURS, RESULTS ARE GOD'S."
OKAY, BUT I ANOTHER FAMOUS JOHN QUINCY ADAMS QUOTE:
"YOU LOST, MIKE JOHNSON!
SUCK MY SIDEBURNS!" SO, WHAT'S TO BE DONE WITH THESE
ANTIDEMOCRATIC CULT MEMBERS?
WELL, THERE'S AN INTERESTING IDEA PUT FORTH BY NEW JERSEY
CONGRESSMAN BILL PASCRELL, SEEN HERE STAYING PERFECTLY STILL
UNTIL HE REMEMBERS WHY HE CAME INTO THE KITCHEN.
PASCRELL SENT A LETTER TO SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI IN WHICH HE
POINTS OUT THAT THE 126 CONGRESSMAN HAVE VIOLATED A
CLAUSE IN THE 14TH AMENDMENT BARRING REBELLION AGAINST THE
CONSTITUTION, ADDING, "STATED SIMPLY, MEN AND WOMEN WHO WOULD
ACT TO TEAR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT APART CANNOT SERVE AS
MEMBERS OF THE CONGRESS."
THAT SEEMS LIKE THE BARE MINIMUM FOR GOVERNMENT SERVICE.
TO BE ELECTED, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN OUR ELECTIONS.
SAME WAY IN ORDER TO WORK AT ARBYS, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE
IT'S MEAT.
BUT BANNING 126 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS MAY BE TOO MUCH.
SO I HAVE MY OWN MORE LIMITED SUGGESTION FOR THE SPEAKER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BAR 126 REPUBLICANS, BUT 18 OF THEM COME
FROM THOSE FOUR STATES WHOSE ELECTIONS THEY CLAIMED WERE
FRAUDULENT.
WHICH IS A WEIRD SELF-OWN.
IT'S LIKE BEING AT THE ALTAR.
SHE SAYS, "I DO," AND YOU'RE LIKE, "REALLY?
WHY?" SO, I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT
THESE 18 EITHER RECOGNIZE THE ELECTION AS VALID OR BE
CONSISTENT AND SAY THAT THEIR WINS WERE FRAUDULENT.
PUT IT TO A FLOOR VOTE ON DAY ONE.
"RESOLVED: THE ELECTIONS IN PENNSYLVANIA, MICHIGAN, GEORGIA,
AND WISCONSIN WERE FREE AND FAIR.
THEREFORE, WE WILL SEAT OUR 18 COLLEAGUES."
THAT WAY, THE G.O.P. EITHER HAS TO VOTE THAT BIDEN WON FAIRLY,
OR VOTE THAT THESE 18 IDIOTS LOSE THEIR JOBS.
EITHER WAY, IT'S A WIN-WIN.
IN THE END, EVEN HAVING A SPINELESS LACKEY HEADING THE
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WASN'T ENOUGH TO LET THIS PRESIDENT
STEAL THE ELECTION.
BECAUSE MOMENTS AFTER BIDEN CLINCHED THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE,
THE PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED THAT ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR
RESIGNED.
IT'S A FITTING END TO MR TOADIE'S WILD LIES.
IN A BID FOR ATTENTION, THE PRESIDENT TWEETED, "BILL WILL BE
LEAVING JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS WITH HIS
FAMILY."
IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED "VACATION" SO YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO QUIT YOUR JOB IN THE ADMINISTRATION TO SEE YOUR
FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS.
HOPEFULLY, BARR WILL LEAVE OFFICE BY BEING SEIZED BY
ANONYMOUS FEDERAL AGENTS AND BEING STUFFED INTO AN UNMARKED
VAN.
THIS DOESN'T COME AS A HUGE SURPRISE.
SOURCES SAY THE PRESIDENT WAS FRUSTRATED WITH BARR OVER HIS
RECENT COMMENTS THAT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAD FOUND NO EVIDENCE
OF WIDESPREAD ELECTION FRAUD.
SO, BARR HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO DO WHAT THE PRESIDENT
WANTED.
A REWARD USUALLY RESERVED FOR HIS WIVES.
I HATE TO TELL YOU, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU CAN'T MAKE AN
ENTIRE CABINET LEVEL AGENCY DO YOUR BIDDING.
IT'S THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE, NOT JUST-YOU.
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING IF BILL BARR WOULD DISTANCE HIMSELF
FROM THE ADMINISTRATION, HIS RESIGNATION LETTER MAKES IT
CLEAR HE WON'T.
HE WRITES, "YOUR RECORD IS ALL THE MORE HISTORIC BECAUSE YOU
ACCOMPLISHED IT IN THE FACE OF RELENTLESS, IMPLACABLE
RESISTANCE.
FEW COULD HAVE WEATHERED THESE ATTACKS, MUCH LESS FORGE AHEAD
WITH A POSITIVE PROGRAM FOR THE COUNTRY.
YOU BUILT THE STRONGEST AND MOST RESILIENT ECONOMY IN AMERICAN
HISTORY."
ADDING "YOUR ASS IS THE SOFTEST AND SUPPLEST HEINIE MY LIPS HAVE
EVER SMOOCHED.
IT HAS A VELVETY RICHNESS WITH FAINT NOTES OF JACKBOOT AND
PEPPERMINT."
OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT ISN'T THE ONLY SCOURGE THAT'LL
HOPEFULLY BE GONE SOON.
THERE'S ALSO COVID, AND I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S
EDITION OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."
>> SURF'S UP, DUDE.
OH, NO!
I'M AFRAID OF NEEDLES!
AAH!
>> Stephen: HE'S GOT A NEEDLE AND TEETH.
WE'VE SPENT NINE MONTHS IN HIDING FROM A VIRUS
THAT CONTINUES TO DEVASTATE OUR COMMUNITIES, BUT FRIDAY NIGHT,
WE FINALLY GOT THE NEWS WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: THE F.D.A.
ANNOUNCED AN EMERGENCY USE AUTHORIZATION FOR THE FIRST
COVID-19 VACCINE.
AND, THIS MORNING, THE FIRST AMERICAN WAS VACCINATED: SANDRA
LINDSAY, A CRITICAL CARE NURSE IN QUEENS, WHICH WAS THE
EPICENTER OF THE PANDEMIC IN THE SPRING.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Stephen: THAT FEELS REALLY
GOOD TO SEE.
I MEAN, THAT IS MOVING.
THIS IS THE MOST EXCITED I'VE BEEN TO WATCH SOMEONE ELSE'S
DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT SINCE EVEL KNIEVEL GOT A ROUTINE
PHYSICAL OVER SNAKE RIVER CANYON.
NURSE LINDSAY HAD AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR AMERICANS.
>> I FEEL LIKE HEALING IS COMING.
I WANT TO INSTILL PUBLIC CONFIDENCE THAT THE VACCINE IS
SAFE.
WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC, AND SO WE ALL NEED TO DO OUR PART TO PUT
AN END TO THE PANDEMIC AND TO NOT GIVE UP SO SOON.
>> STEPHEN: ABSOLUTELY.
UNTIL THIS IS OVER FOR GOOD, WE CAN'T GIVE UP ON MASK WEARING
AND SOCIAL DISTANCING.
EVERYTHING ELSE, I'VE ALREADY GIVEN UP ON: EATING AT A TABLE,
WORKING AT A TABLE, WEARING PANTS BELOW THE TABLE.
PLUS, THEY UNVEILED THE BRAND NEW POST-SHOT STICKER: "CRUSHING
COVID-19, GOT MY VACCINE."
A MUCH BETTER RHYME THAN 1885'S "IMMUNE FROM CHOLERA, NOW BACK
TO A LIFE OF SQUALOR-A."
BEFORE YOU GET YOUR JAB, THERE ARE SOME GUIDELINES.
SPECIFICALLY, THE VACCINE IS ONLY RECOMMENDED FOR PEOPLE 16
AND OVER.
SO WHEN YOU TURN 16, YOU GET TO DRIVE AND YOU GET COVID
IMMUNITY.
IT'S SUCH A RITE OF PASSAGE, I LOOK FORWARD TO MTV'S "MY SUPER
SWEET VACCINE."
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IS HERE!
CHANCE THE RAPPER IS HERE!
MELANIA TRUMP IS HERE!
BUT BEFORE WE DO ANY OF THAT, NORMALLY
RIGHT NOW WE WOULD GO TO COMMERCIALS, BUT WE'RE GUESSING
YOU'D PREFER MORE SHOW IN A SEGMENT WE LIKE TO CALL "MORE
SHOW."
SO, INSTEAD OF A COMMERCIAL BREAK, WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT.
TONIGHT'S "MORE SHOW" IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOOGLE'S "YEAR
IN SEARCH."
THEIR ANNUAL SHORT FILM, THAT I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU IN A
MINUTE, WHICH EXPLORES THE PREVIOUS 12 MONTHS' TOP
GOOGLE SEARCH TRENDS.
EVERY YEAR, THERE'S ONE SEARCH TERM THAT STANDS OUT MORE THAN
OTHERS.
FOR INSTANCE, 2017 WAS THE YEAR OF PEOPLE SEARCHING "HOW?"
AND 2020 WAS THE YEAR OF PEOPLE SEARCHING "WHY?"
UNDERSTANDABLE.
WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH A LOT, AND THE "WHY" QUESTIONS THAT
TOPPED 2020 REFLECT THAT, LIKE: "WHY ARE FLIGHTS CANCELED?"
"WHY IS THE NBA POSTPONED?" "WHY ARE SCHOOLS CLOSED?" AND
"WHY IS TOILET PAPER SOLD OUT?" I HAVE A FOLLOW UP QUESTION: WHY
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF THE PANDEMIC?
AND HOW DO YOU SEARCH GOOGLE FROM UNDER THAT ROCK?
AND BECAUSE WE'RE DOING THIS GOOGLE THING, WE ASKED THEM WHAT
WERE THE TOP SEARCHES ABOUT ME.
TURNS OUT-- AND THIS IS REAL-- THE NUMBER ONE QUESTION ABOUT ME
IN 2020 WAS "HOW OLD IS STEPHEN COLBERT?"
COME ON!
THAT'S AN UNFAIR QUESTION THIS YEAR!
2020 HAS BEEN BRUTAL, BUT I STILL LIKE TO THINK I'M AGING
LIKE A BOTTLE OF FINE WINE-- OUT OF THE SUN, A LITTLE DUSTY, AND
FILLED WITH WINE.
ALL THESE QUESTIONS ARE KIND OF A COOL SNAPSHOT OF HUMANITY.
IT'S EASY TO FORGET THAT YOU CAN PULL A DEVICE OUT OF YOUR
POCKET AND SEARCH GOOGLE FOR LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF
INFORMATION EVER GENERATED BY CIVILIZATION LIKE "HOW DOES
CALCULUS WORK?" "WHAT IS CONSCIOUSNESS?"
"WHAT ARE THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS?"
THE THINGS WE SEARCH TRULY REFLECT WHO WE ARE.
"CATS DRESSED AS BOBA FETT."
(CHUCKLES) TRULY AN AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT.
SO, WHAT HAS THE REST OF THE WORLD BEEN SEARCHING ALL YEAR?
THAT'S WHAT GOOGLE'S "YEAR IN SEARCH" VIDEO IS FOR.
HERE'S A LOOK AT WHAT WAS ON OUR MINDS IN 2020.
>> THE MOST HUMAN TRAIT IS TO WANT TO KNOW WHY.
AND IN A YEAR THAT TESTED EVERYONE AROUND THE WORLD, "WHY"
WAS SEARCHED MORE THAN EVER.
( MULTIPLE LANGUAGES ) >> THE SPREAD OF THE CORONAVIRUS
HAS PASSED A SIGNIFICANT MILESTONE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> AND WHILE WE DIDN'T FIND ALL
THE ANSWERS, WE KEPT ASKING.
SOME QUESTIONS INSPIRED JOY.
OTHERS EXCITEMENT.
>> LIFE IN THE BUBBLE.
WHOO!
>> YOU LOVE ME?
>> YES.
>> YOU LOVE ME?
>> YES.
>> YOU LOVE ME?
>> YES.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT AN IMPROPER FRACTION IS.
>> KEEP ALL OF THOSE DISTRACTIONS OUT OF THE WAY.
>> WE FOUND TOILET TISSUE, Y'ALL.
>> PUT IT ON THERE AND START IT UP FOR ME.
>> WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?
>> IT'S STILL MARCH.
HOW MANY DAYS IN MARCH?
>> SOME QUESTIONS MADE US CRY.
>> YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH OUR UPS AND BEEN THROUGH OUR
DOWNS.
I THINK THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IS THAT WE ALL STAYED TOGETHER
THROUGHOUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LOVE YOU GUYS!
(CROWD CHANTING KOBE) >> SOME MADE US WORRY ABOUT THIS
SPINNING ROCK WE CALL HOME.
>> FIRES WERE DETECTED IN THE AMAZON RAINFOREST.
>> WHY WERE SO MANY LIVES LOST?
>> ALMOST 1.5 MILLION PEOPLE HAVE NOW DIED OF COVID-19
WORLDWIDE.
>> WHY ARE WE STILL ASKING THE SAME QUESTIONS?
>> GEORGE FLOYD REPEATEDLY TOLD THE OFFICERS THAT HE COULD NOT
BREATHE.
>> SO WHY DO WE STILL HAVE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE?
♪ ♪
>> I BELIEVE IN YOUR POWER.
I BELIEVE IN OUR POWER.
>> CHANTS OF "BLACK LIVES MATTER" ECHOED FROM THOUSANDS OF
PROTESTORS IN CITIES AROUND THE WORLD.
>> WHY ARE WE NOT DEFEATED?
>> WE HAVE MADE TOO MUCH PROGRESS, AND WE ARE NOT GOING
BACK, WE ARE GOING FORWARD!
>> PLANES ARE STARTING TO ARRIVE IN BEIRUT FULL OF INTERNATIONAL
AID.
>> FIREFIGHTERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARRIVING IN CALIFORNIA.
>> THERE ARE OVER 100 CORONAVIRUS VACCINES IN
DEVELOPMENT WORLDWIDE.
>> THIS IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES WHEN PEOPLE LOOK OUT FOR ONE
ANOTHER AND HAVE EACH OTHER'S BACKS.
>> WE KEPT GOING FOR THOSE WHO SHOWED US THE WAY.
>> THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO BE FOR YOUR
DAUGHTERS AND GRANDDAUGHTERS.
>> REMEMBER, THE STRUGGLES ALONG THE WAY ARE ONLY MEANT TO SHAPE
YOU FOR YOUR PURPOSE.
PRESS ON WITH PRIDE, AND PRESS ON WITH PURPOSE.
>> WHY IS IT THAT THIS YEAR SHOWED US ITS WORST, AND WE
STILL FOUND WAYS TO TRIUMPH?
>> AN INCREDIBLE FEAT FROM MAYA GABEIRA.
>> NAOMI OSAKA, U.S. OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP.
>> CAN'T LET CORONA STOP YOU.
CAN'T LET QUARANTINE STOP YOU.
>> SO, UNTIL WE GET TO EVERY ANSWER...
♪ WE WILL GET IT TOGETHER SOMEHOW ♪
>> ...WE'RE STILL SEARCHING.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, IT'S CHRISTMAS SEASON AT THE
WHITE HOUSE WHERE THIS WEEKEND THEY
CONTINUED TO THROW PACKED HOLIDAY PARTIES WITH UNMASKED
GUESTS.
I HOPE THEY MAKE THE MOST OF CHRISTMAS, BECAUSE NEW YEARS IS
GONNA BE A PARTY IN THE I.C.U.
OF COURSE, THE WHITE HOUSE ALREADY KICKED OFF THE HOLIDAYS
BY UNVEILING FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP'S CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS.
AND FOLLOWING YEARS OF CONTROVERSIAL CHOICES, THIS YEAR
SHE WENT WITH SOMETHING TRULY UNEXPECTED: CHRISTMAS
DECORATIONS.
AND THE FIRST LADY ALSO RELEASED HER USUAL HOLIDAY VIDEO WHERE
SHE WANDERS AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE, LOOKING AT DECORATIONS
ALL BY HERSELF.
IT'S LIKE A SCENE FROM A "HOME ALONE" MOVIE, BUT WITH FEWER
APPEARANCES BY THE PRESIDENT.
ANTICIPATION FOR THESE DECORATIONS WAS HIGHER THAN
USUAL THIS YEAR, BECAUSE THE DAY BEFORE SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH
COVID, A WOMAN WHO PRETENDED TO BE HER FRIEND RELEASED SECRETLY
RECORDED CONVERSATIONS IN WHICH THE FIRST LADY CHANNELS
HER INNER GRINCH.
>> THEY SAY I'M COMPLICIT.
I'M THE SAME LIKE HIM, I SUPPORT HIM.
I DON'T SAY ENOUGH, I DON'T DO ENOUGH--
>> NO, NOPE.
>> WHERE I AM.
I PUT-- I'M WORKING LIKE A-- MY ASS OFF AT--
>> I KNOW.
>> -- CHRISTMAS STUFF, THAT YOU KNOW WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) ABOUT
CHRISTMAS STUFF AND DECORATION?
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, SOUNDS BAD, BUT THE PRESIDENT WAS RIGHT:
WE'RE SAYING CHRISTMAS AGAIN.
SHE DIDN'T SAY "WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) ABOUT HAPPY HOLIDAY
STUFF."
SO, HAS THE FIRST LADY FOUND THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON?
HERE TO TELL US VIA SATELLITE FROM WASHINGTON, PLEASE WELCOME
MELANIA TRUMP!
MADAME FIRST LADY, THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME.
>> MERRY HELLO AND VERY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, STEPHEN!
>> STEPHEN: AND TO YOU.
I HAVE TO ASK ABOUT HOSTING ALL THESE HOLIDAY PARTIES AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
AREN'T YOU WORRIED YOUR GUESTS COULD GET SICK?
>> OH, WHO DOESN'T WAKE UP A LITTLE SICK AFTER A GOOD PARTY?
BESIDES, I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED NAUSEA A SIDE EFFECT OF SPENDING
AN EVENING WITH MY HUSBAND.
HEY-OH!
>> STEPHEN: OKAY.
GOOD.
( GAGGING ) >> Stephen: NOW I SEE YOUR
TREES THERE.
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WENT WITH MORE TRADITIONAL DECORATIONS THIS
YEAR?
>> YES, AFTER YEARS OF BUYING SPOOKY DECORATIONS FROM THE
HALLOWEEN STORE, I FINALLY WANTED TO EXPRESS THE REAL
MELANIA.
SO, I TOOK THESE BEAUTIFUL, PERFECTLY HAPPY TREES, DRAGGED
THEM INTO THE WHITE HOUSE, AND COVERED THEM IN GLITZ SO YOU
DON'T REALIZE THEY'RE SLOWLY DYING INSIDE.
>> STEPHEN: WELL, IT LOOKS GREAT.
AND I'M ACTUALLY CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON CHRISTMAS.
BECAUSE THAT TAPE OF YOU REALLY MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU DON'T
CARE FOR IT.
>> STEPHEN, THAT TAPE WAS JUST "LOCKER ROOM TALK."
BESIDES, I WAS JUST QUOTING FROM MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CAROL.
♪ WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) ABOUT CHRISTMAS?
♪ YES, WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) ABOUT CHRISTMAS?
OH, WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) ABOUT CHRISTMAS STUFF
AND DECOR-A-TIONS ♪ >> Stephen: AS BEAUTIFUL AS
THAT WAS -- AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY LOVELY -- I WANT TO
POINT OUT THOSE ARE NOT THE LYRICS TO THE SONG.
>> OH, REALLY?
THEN WHY IS IT ON MY ALBUM "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL SECRETLY
RECORDED CHRISTMAS!"?
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, SWITCHING GEARS: THERE ARE RUMORS THAT
YOU'RE TAKING MEETINGS WITH PUBLISHERS.
ARE YOU WRITING A BOOK?
>> YES, I AM HARD AT WORK ON MY WHITE HOUSE MEMOIR.
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME?
>> STEPHEN: UM...
>> "MY FAMILY LIVED IN THE SOUTH SHORE NEIGHBORHOOD OF CHICAGO,
IN A TIDY BRICK BUNGALOW THAT BELONGED--
>> STEPHEN: MADAM FIRST LADY, YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
THAT'S CLEARLY PLAGIARIZED FROM MICHELLE OBAMA'S MEMOIR
"BECOMING."
>> HOW DARE YOU!
THAT IS FROM MY BOOK: "HASHTAG-BE-BEST-COMING."
IT'S GOING TO BE A BE-BESTSELLER.
CALL ME, OPRAH BOOK CLUB!
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, NOW THERE ARE RUMORS THAT UNLIKE THE PRESIDENT
YOU'VE ACCEPTED THE ELECTION RESULTS AND JUST WANT TO MOVE
ON?
>> YES, STEPHEN.
IT'S LIKE I KEEP TELLING MY HUSBAND: DONALD, IT'S OVER.
WE BOTH KNOW IT ENDED AWHILE AGO. NOW WE JUST NEED TO ACCEPT
THAT AND KEEP GOING UNTIL THE PRENUP
RUNS OUT.
>> Stephen: VERY ROMANTIC.
IN THAT CASE, WITH JUST A FEW WEEKS LEFT IN
THE WHITE HOUSE, ARE THERE ANY OTHER FINAL THINGS YOU HOPE TO
ACHIEVE AS FIRST LADY?
>> PARDON ME, STEPHEN?
>> STEPHEN: I SAID, "ARE THERE ANY OTHER FINAL THINGS--"
>> NO, I HEARD YOU.
BEFORE LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE, I WANT MY HUSBAND TO PARDON ME.
I CAN'T GO TO JAIL!
I DON'T WANT TO SHARE A CELL CAN KAYLIE McINERNY!
>> STEPHEN: FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP, EVERYBODY!
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, STEPHEN!
SEE YOU AT THE PARTIES!
>> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.
YOU SHOULD HAVE THAT CHECKED OUT, MA'AM.
♪ >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.
JOINING ME NOW IS AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "THE DEER HUNTER," "PULP FICTION," AND "CATCH ME IF YOU
CAN."
HIS NEW FILM IS "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME."
PLEASE WELCOME, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE!
>> HI, STEPHEN.
GOOD THE SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, WE HAVE MET BEFORE, BRIEFLY, A FEW YEARS
AGO, BUT I NEVER HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO INTERVIEW YOU,
AND NOW I GET TO INTERVIEW YOU OVER ZOOM, WHICH I UNDERSTAND IS
A PARTICULAR RARITY BECAUSE IS IT TRUE YOU HAVE NEVER OWNED A
COMPUTER OR A CELL PHONE?
>> YEAH, SOMEBODY HAD TO COME AND SET THIS UP BECAUSE I DON'T
HAVE A CELL PHONE OR A COMPUTER.
>> Stephen: AND WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ONE?
ARE YOU MORALLY, PHILOSOPHICALLY, EMOTIONALLY
OPPOSED?
>> NO, NO.
I JUST GOT TO IT TOO LATE.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M RIGHT AT A CERTAIN AGE WHERE IT JUST PASSED
ME BY, AND I NEVER GOT INVOLVED IN IT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE
STRANGE TO HAVE, YOU KNOW, ANY TEN-YEAR-OLD BE MUCH BETTER AT
IT THAN I AM.
SO SO THE OTHER THING IS, CELL PHONES IS A BIT LIKE A WATCH, IF
YOU NEED IT, SOMEBODY HAS ONE.
PEOPLE ARE GOOD ABOUT LETTING ME BORROW THINGS.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE NEVER E-MAILED OR TEXTED.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON TWITTER?
>> NO, I HAVEN'T.
SOMETIMES ON A MOVIE THEY'LL GIVE ME A CELL PHONE, BUT IT'S
MORE SO THAT THEY CAN FIND ME.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE A TRACKING COLLAR?
>> A TRACKING COLLAR.
>> Stephen: A TAG LIKE JACQUES COUSTEAU, WE'RE GOING TO TRACK
YOUR MIGRATION?
>> AND IF I WANT TO USE IT, SOMEBODY HAS TO DIAL IT FOR ME,
THAT KIND OF THING.
>> Stephen: ARE WE CATCHING YOUT AT HOPEFUL RIGHT NOW?
>> YEAH.
I'M IN CONNECTICUT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ELSE SOMETHING PEOPLE MIGHT NOT
EXPECT TO FIND IN CHRISTOPHER WALKEN'S HOME?
>> WELL, I HAVE A SMALL ROOM WHERE I KEEP, YOU KNOW,
MEMORABILIA AND MEMENTOS AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED, AND I HAVE MOHAMED
ALI -- MOHAMED ALI, IN THE EARLY '70s, HIS TITLE WAS TAKEN
AWAY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IT, BUT HE DID OTHER THINGS.
HE APPEARED IN A BROADWAY SHOW, AND HE HAD KIND OF AN ACT WHERE
HE TOURED, AND I WAS WORKING IN A THEATER IN CANADA, AND HE CAME
THROUGH TOWN WITH HIS SHOW, AND HE LEFT HIS BOXING TRUNKS TO BE
AUCTIONED FOR CHARITY FOR THE THEATER, AND I WENT AND GOT THEM
AND I BROUGHT THEM FOR YOU TO SEE.
>> Stephen: SO YOU HAVE MOHAMED ALI'S BOXING TRUNKS FROM
THE PERIOD OF TIME THAT HE WASN'T ALLOWED TO BOX BECAUSE HE
WAS A CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR TO VIETNAM.
>> YES, AND HE INSCRIBED THEM MOHAMED ALI 1971, THE REAL
CHAMP.
>> Stephen: CAN I SEE?
DO YOU HAVE THEM?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: (LAUGHING) THAT'S FANTASTIC!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TEMPTED TO PUT THEM ON?
>> NO.
WHERE AM I?
( LAUGHTER ) NO.
WHEN I GOT THEM, THEY WERE -- I HAD THEM FRAMED, AND THEY HAVE
BEEN THERE EVER SINCE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER MEET ALI?
>> I DID.
I SAT NEXT TO HIM ONCE AT A MOVIE PREMIERE, AND I COULDN'T
BELIEVE I WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM.
AND THEN, WHEN IT WAS OVER, PEOPLE WERE KIND OF STANDING
AROUND, AND HE SAID TO ME, DO YOU BOX?
AND I SAID, NO, NOT AT ALL.
AND HE SAID, PRETTY BOY.
THAT'S A LONG TIME AGO, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: NOW, HE ACCUSED YOU OF BEING A PRETTY BOY?
>> YEAH, HE SAID I WAS A PRETTY BOY.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT ONE OF HIS GREAT CLAIMS WAS THAT I'M SO
PRETTY.
>> YEAH, HE WAS -- BUT MAYBE IT WAS A COMPLIMENT, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: TAKE IT AS SUCH.
THE NEW FILM IS CALLED "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME."
I BELIEVE WE HAVE A CLIP.
DO YOU KNOWT WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE?
>> I THINK IT'S SOMETHING WITH MY SON JAMIE DORNIN AND HIS
INHERITANCE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, JIM?
I DON'T SEE A CLEAR PATH FROM WHERE TO WHERE.
>> FROM ME TO YOU.
STOP.
IT HAS TO BE SAID.
YOUR FACE IS NOT RIGHT.
YOU COME UP FROM SOME OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU'RE MORE KELLY THAN RILEY.
>> IT'S TRUE, YOU'RE A KELLY IN THE FACE.
>> IN MY FACE.
HE LIKES TO FISH.
AS THE KELLIES, IT'S WELL KNOWN.
JOHN KELLY, HE WAS A FISH.
>> MY NAME IS RILEY.
I'M A RILEY.
>> NO, YOU'RE A KELLY.
YOU TAKE AFTER JOHN KELLY AND THAT MAN WAS MAD AS THE FULL
MOON.
DROWNED HIMSELF IN THE ROYAL CANAL.
>> E FELL IN.
HAD A ROCK TIED TO HIS NECK!
>> Stephen: DID YOU SHOOT THIS IN IRELAND, CHRISTOPHER?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHERE?
WHERE IN IRELAND?
>> WELL, A FEW HOURS OUTSIDE OF DUBLIN IN THIS BEAUTIFUL FARM
COUNTRY, AND I HADN'T, IN MY LIFE, BEEN TO IRELAND, AND I
DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN THERE, BUT IT REALLY IS
BEAUTIFUL.
>> Stephen: I HAVE.
YEAH.
IT WAS EVERYTHING THEY SAY, AND WHERE WE STAYED WAS AN OLD
ESTATE, AND THEY HAD A ROOKERY WHERE THEY RAISED THE HAWKS AND
OWLS AND FAULKENS, AND THE WHOLE THING WAS A LITTLE BIT MEDIEVAL.
>> Stephen: WAS IT APPEALING TO YOU, THE MEDIEVAL QUALITY OF
IT?
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE PHONES OR COMPUTERS BACK IN THE
MEDIEVAL TIMES EITHER.
>> NO, NO, REALLY, I'D LIKE TO GO BACK.
>> Stephen: EXCEPT THE HYGIENE, I NEED DENTISTS.
I WOULD LOVE TO GO BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES, TOO, BUT I LIKE
PENICILLIN AND DENTISTS.
>> THEY HAD LOTS OF THAT.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU MEAN GO BACK TO IRELAND?
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT GO BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES THERE.
>> NO, IRELAND.
I DON'T MEAN THE MIDDLE AGES.
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO GO BACK TO IRELAND, TOO.
NOW W "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME" IS ALSO, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,
IT'S ANT ENDURING LOVE, A SUBJECT WITH WHICH YOU ARE
FAMILIAR.
MY WIFE WILL BE THRILLED TO KNOW OF YOUR EXAMPLE.
YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO YOUR WIFE GEORGEANNE FOR 51 YEARS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SECRET IS TO AN ENDURING MARRIAGE?
>> WELL, LIKE A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE, I THINK THAT THERE'S A
BIG ELEMENT OF LUCK, YOU KNOW, KNOCK WOOD.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT SORT OF THING IS CERTAIN DEPUTY, IT'S
COPESETIC.
YOU KNOW, YOU JUST GET LUCKY SOMETIMES AND, YOU KNOW, THE
IDEA THAT YOUR WIFE MAY HAVE WALKED INTO THE ROOM WHEN YOU
WERE LOOKING WRONG WAY AND YOU NEVER MET, THOSE THINGS ARE
POSSIBLE.
I THINK IT HELPS IF BOTH PEOPLE ARE EASY TO GET ALONG WITH, AND,
OF COURSE, FRIENDSHIP, BEING FRIENDS IS VERY IMPORTANT, YOU
KNOW.
LIKING PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE WITH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH, CHRISTOPHER?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS EASY GOING?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY EASY
GOING THINK OF THEMSELVES AS EASY GOING?
OR DO YOU THINK THAT'S A WARNING THAT MAYBE YOU'RE NOT EASY GOING
BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A HIGH OPINION OF YOUR EASY GOING-NESS?
>> NO, I THINK SOME PEOPLE ARE MISTAKEN ABOUT THAT, BUT I'M
NOT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, CHRISTOPHER,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
SO NICE TO TALK TO YOU.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
IT'S A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME" IS OUT NOW.
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHANCE THE RAPPER.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED TO SIT DOWN WITH A THREE-TIME GRAMMY WINNING
MUSICIAN WHO HAS JUST RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED "MERRY
CHRISTMAS LIL MAMA: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING."
PLEASE WELCOME CHANCE THE RAPPER!
HELLO, CHANCE!
>> HI, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU?
PEACE, PEACE.
HERE'S THE THING -- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUT I GET SLIGHTLY
WEIRDED OUT WHEN IT'S THE SECOND TIME I'VE SPOKEN TO SOMEONE OVER
ZOOM DURING COVID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU GUYS HOLDING UP?
>> IT'S -- IT'S STILL GOING, STEPHEN.
IT HAS NOT STOPPED BEING A PANDEMIC, BUT WE'RE BANNING
TOGETHER, ME AND MY WIFE.
WE'RE TAKING TURNS WITH THE KIDS AND --
>> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE YOU SAID YOU AND YOUR WIFE
HOME WITH THE TWO DAUGHTERS, QUITE YOUNG, FIVE AND ONE,
THAT'S CHALLENGING.
YOU SAID THE KIDS ARE DEFEATING US.
HAS THE PLAYING FIELD LEVELED OUT AT ALL?
>> NO, IT'S STILL TWO-ZERO.
THEY'RE VERY ANIMATED KIDS.
MY YOUNGEST ONE, SHE DOESN'T SAY WORDS BUT SHE STILL TALKS AT
LOT.
THEY BOTH HAVE A LOT OF TALKING TO DOW DO THROUGHOUT THE DAY
WHICH CAN BECOME A JOB IN ITSELF JUST RESPONDING TO YOUR KIDS.
BUT IT'S BEEN GOOD OVERALL AND WE'VE GOT HOPE FROM OUR AWESOME
NANNY AND OUR FRIENDS AND PARENTS WHEN THEY'RE WILLING TO
WATCH THEM FOR A SECOND.
BUT WHEN YOU HAVE TWO KIDS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE 20 KIDS.
MORE THAN ONE IS -- >> Stephen: I'M HERE TO TELL
YOU BECAUSE I HAVE MORE THAN TWO KIDS AND THAT IS A LIE.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS, GUY
NAMED SCOTT WEARY, WHEN HE HAD THREE KIDS AND I ONLY HAD TWO
KIDS, HE SAID, MAN, YOU'VE GOT TO GO FOR THE THIRD, YOU'RE
ALREADY MAXIMALLY INCONVENIENCED, YOU CAN'T GET
MORE TIRED.
AND THEN WE HAD THE THIRD KID, AND I WENT, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, THIS IS SO MUCH HARDER!
HE SAID, YEAH, I LIED, WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE ONLY COUPLE THAT
HAD THREE KIDS.
SO I'LL LIE TO YOU.
GO FOR THE THIRD ONE.
DOESN'T GET HARDER.
GO TO A ZONE DEFENSE.
YOU WILL BE FINE.
I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS -- I'M VERY INTERESTED IN THIS --
YOU HAVE BEEN AN ONGOING PUBLIC CONVERSATION RECENTLY WITH DION
WARWICK.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SHE HAS TURNED INTO QUITE A MASTER OF TWITTER.
SHE TWEETED AT YOU, HI, CHANCE THE RAPPER, IF YOU ARE VERY
OBVIOUSLY A RAPPER WHY TID YOU PUT IT IN YOUR STAGE NAME?
I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS.
FIRST OF ALL, DION WARWICK!
"SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU"!
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU SAY THIS, HAD YOU MET HER BEFORE?
>> NO, I WAS SURPRISED SHE KNEW WHO I WAS.
IT'S STILL GOING.
WE'RE APPARENTLY WORKING ON A SONG.
>> Stephen: YOU AND DION WARWICK ARE DOING A SONG
TOGETHER?
>> YEAH, I KNOW, IT'S A HUGE, IMMENSE HONOR.
SHE SHOUTED ME OUT ON TWITTER AND I FREAKED OUT FOR A WHILE
AND HIT HER BACK, AND SHE STARTED CONTACTING ME IN REAL
LIFE.
IT'S A BLUR.
IT FEELS LIKE MY FIRST TASTE OF REAL THING.
>> Stephen: YOU FINALLY MADE IT.
YOU'RE ON DION WARWICK'S RADAR.
>> EXACTLY.
I WENT TO STARBUCKS THE OTHER DAY.
THEY'RE, LIKE, ARE YOU THE GUY THAT GOT TWEETED BY DION
WARWICK?
I'M, LIKE, IT'S ME, THE SAME GUY.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR EARLY BRUSHES WITH FAME.
2021 IS GOING TO BE THE TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF YOU RECORDING
YOUR DEBUT MIX TAPE "TEN DAY."
DOESN'T THAT SEEM FAST?
DOES IT SEEM LIKE YESTERDAY OR HAS THIS BEEN A LONG TEN YEARS
FOR YOU?
>> I GUESS SO.
MY HIGH SCHOOL REUNION IS NEXT YEAR.
IT WILL BE TEN YEARS SINCE I GOT MY SUSPENDED, SINCE I MADE MY
TEN-DAY SUSPENSION MIXED TAPE.
THAT'S CRAZY TO THINK ABOUT.
I FEEL LIKE, WHEN I FIRST STARTED, I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE TO RAP ABOUT OTHER THAN BEING SUSPENDED, SO I'M GLAD I'M
GROWN AND I CAN RAP ABOUT BEING MARRIED AND OTHER COOL THINGS
GOING ON IN MY LIFE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR EARLIEST MUSICAL MEMORY?
>> MY EARLIEST MUSICAL MEMORY?
THE FIRST TIME THAT I PERFORMED, I REMEMBER, IT WAS --
>> Stephen: HOW OLD WERE YOU?
IT WAS FIVE.
IT WAS AT MY KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION AND I ACTUALLY -- I
HAD MY OWN LINE IN THE PROGRAM.
IT WAS SAID CHANCELLOR BENNETT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, MICHAEL
JACKSON DANCE.
I DID A MICHAEL JACKSON IMPERSONATION WITH THE GLASSES
AND ALL.
>> Stephen: WAS IT BILLIE JEAN OR THRILLER OR WHAT WAS THAT?
>> I THINK YOU WERE THERE, IT WAS BILLIE JEAN.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH, I KILLED IT, THOUGH.
I WAS VERY POISED, CUTE KID, VERY INTO SINGING AND DANCING AT
THE TIME.
MIKE, OVERALL, SHAPED MY LOVE FOR MUSIC.
I HAD THE CASETTES AND THE VIDEOS AND WE WERE WATCHING AT
THE HOUSE.
HE VERY MUCH SO SHAPED MY LOVE FOR MUSIC AT A YOUNG AGE.
>> Stephen: YOU USED TO DEAL WITH RAP OPEN MICS WHEN YOU WERE
A KID.
YOU GOT ADVICE FROM A GUY NAMED BROTHER MIKE AFTER, LIKE, SECOND
OR THIRD TIME YOU WENT UP.
>> YEAH.
SO I USED TO DO THIS OPEN MICT AT A LIBRARY, AND MY MENTOR WAS
A GUY NAMED BROTHER MIKE.
HE PASSED AWAY.
HE WAS A GREAT, GREAT MAN, MENTORED A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT OF
CHICAGO, AT LOT OF PEOPLE THAT ARE ARTISTS NOW CAME OUT OF THE
SAME MUSIC PROGRAM.
BUT I WOULD GO UP THERE TO THE OPEN MIC AND I GARNERED MY OWN
FAN BASE AT THE OPEN MIC OF KIDS THAT CAME SPECIFICALLY TO SEE
ME, AND I WOULD DO THE SONG I CALLED BRAIN CELLS ABOUT SMOKING
WEED AND GETTING RID OF BRAIN CELLS, BUT I PERFORMED IT EVERY
WEEK.
THE KIDS LOVED IT.
IT WAS A FAN FAVORITE.
BROTHER MIC PULLED ME TO THE SIDE AND SAID IF YOU PERFORM
THAT AGAIN I WILL NEVER LET YOU PERFORM AGAIN.
IT WASN'T BECAUSE TO HAVE THE CONTENT.
HE WANTED ME TO EXPAND.
I GOT IN A COMFORT ZONE.
THAT WAS A SONG I KNEW THE WORDS THAT PEOPLE RESPONDED POSITIVELY
>> Stephen: THAT'S A VOTE OF CONFIDENCE IN YOU AS AN ARTIST.
>> YEAH, IT STUCK WITH ME AND MADE ME REALIZE IF I'M AN
ARTIST, I'VE GOT TO KEEP MAKING STUFF, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: CHANCE, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK ABOUT HIS NEW CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
STICK AROUND.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE HERE WITH CHANCE THE RAPPER.
JEREMIAH AND CHANCE, HERE IT IS.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS LIL MAMA: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING."
>> YES, SIR.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND JEREMIAH ACTUALLY HAD COVID.
HOW'S HE DOING?
>> SO, YEAH, THAT WAS A REALLY TOUGH THING WE WENT THROUGH THIS
YEAR.
I'VE KNOWN JEREMIAH FOR FIVE OR SIX YEARS NOW.
HE'S ONE OF MY REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.
WE'VE MADE CHRISTMAS SONGS IN THE POST AND WE GOT TOGETHER TO
MAKE MORE THIS YEAR AND HE CAME DOWN WITH COVID.
HE WAS REALLY NOT DOING SO WELL IN THE HOSPITAL FOR I THINK
THREE AND A HALF WEEKS.
>> Stephen: DAMN.
AND ON A VENTILATOR AND IT WAS, LIKE, THE FULL THING AND
REALLY HAD A MIRACULOUS GOD SEND OF A RECOVERY.
SO HE'S DOING MUCH STRONGER.
ACTUALLY JUST SAW HIM YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH.
YEAH, IT'S JUST A BLESSING.
HE IS DOING BETTER.
HE'S GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY.
HE'S BEEN DOING REHAB WORK FOR WALKING AND STUFF.
HE'S WALKING WITHOUT ASSISTANCE.
HE'S IN A GOOD SPACE.
I'M VERY, VERY PROUD OF MY GUY.
>> Stephen: WELL, IS THERE A FAVORITE SONG OFF OF THIS?
>> THERE IS, ACTUALLY.
YEAH, THERE'S A NEW SONG ON THERE CALLED WHO'S TO SAY.
IT'S THE OUTRO ON THE RECORD.
I MADE IT FOR MY FAMILY MORE THAN MYSELF.
IT'S ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND SOME OF THE HARD CONVERSATIONS WE
DON'T HAVE AS A FAMILY AND WE TRY TO MULL OVER DURING THE
HOLIDAYS.
AND, YEAH, I HAD -- AFTER THE RECORD DROPPED LAST FRIDAY, MY
FAMILY GROUP CHAT STARTED TALK ABOUT THE SONG AND WE JUST HAD A
REAL NICE, VERY RARE, CATHARTIC MOMENT IN A GROUP CHAT WHERE WE
TALKED AND TOLD EACH OTHER HOW MUCH WE LOVED EACH OTHER.
IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM MY FAMILY.
IT WAS VERY COOL.
I WAS PROUD OF THAT SONG SPECIFICALLY, BUT THE RECORD AS
A WHOLE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM MOST HOLIDAY ALBUMS.
YOU HAVE TO KIND OF -- ONCE YOU HEAR IT, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND,
YEAH.
>> Stephen: CHANCE, GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
>> ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: THE ALBUM IS "MERRY CHRISTMAS LIL MAMA: THE
GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING."
CHANCE THE RAPPER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SAY HI TO DION WARWICK FOR ME!
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW."
I WANT TO THANK LAURA BENANTI.
JUST FOR BEING THE WAY SHE IS.
HER NEW SERIES, "HOMESCHOOL MUSICAL: CLASS OF 2020," WILL BE
AVAILABLE ON HBO MAX THIS THURSDAY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE ANDERSON COOPER, ANDY
COHEN, AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪