Captioning sponsored by CBS
>> Reporter: IT'S AN ELECTION SCANDAL WITH ALLEGATIONS OF ILLEGAL VOTING AND THOUSANDS OF
BALLOTS BEING DUMPED IN THE DEAD
OF NIGHT.
NEW ZEALAND'S "BIRD OF THE YEAR"
COMPETITION HAS BEEN ROCKED WITH
REVELATIONS A SLEW OF FRAUDULENT
VOTES STREAMED IN OVERNIGHT FOR
THE LITTLE SPOTTED KIWI, WHICH
PUSHED IT INTO AN UNEXPECTED AND
FALSE LEAD.
( TRUMP SPEAKING )
>> WE'RE ALL DEEPLY DISTURBED
AND UPSET BY THE LYING,
CHEATING, ROBBING, STEALING
THAT'S GONE ON WITH OUR ELECTION
>> STOP THE STEAL!
STOP THE STEAL!
( TRUMP SPEAKING )
>> AND THEY'RE TRYING TO
CONVINCE US THAT WE LOST.
WE DIDN'T LOSE.
THEY FOUND A LOT OF BALLOTS IN
DEMOCRAT-RUN NESTS.
( BOOING )
AND THERE IS TREMENDOUS EVIDENCE
OF FRAUD.
WE HAVE A LITTLE VIDEO TO PLAY,
PLEASE.
>> IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT
EVERYBODY VOTE
>> BUT HOW DO YOU VOTE?
>> WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND
SEE,
>> OH, OKAY.
( TRUMP SPEAKING )
>> THEY GIVE THIS BIG BIRD
STATUS THAT HE DOESN'T DESERVE.
HE'S A FAKE BIRD.
THERE'S A MAN INSIDE OF THE BIRD
OUTFIT, OKAY.
IT'S ALL A LIE.
WHICH MEANS I WON "BIRD OF THE
YEAR" BY A LOT.
>> IT'S A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. KEEPING UP WITH THE KIWI, A LOOK
AT STEPHEN'S TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND
WITH AN ALL-NEW INTERVIEW WITH
PETER JACKSON.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HOMEIN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER'S OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "A LATE
SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AS YOU KNOW, WE ARE NOW IN MONTH
NINE OF THE CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN
HERE IN AMERICA, WHICH IS WHY
I'M STILL NOT BACK IN MY THEATER
AND DON'T HAVE AN AUDIENCE, AND
HAVE RESORTED TO USING OLD
SITCOM SOUND EFFECTS TO MAKE ME
FEEL LESS ALONE.
( OOOOH!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU,
SYMPATHETIC AUDIENCE FROM
"DESIGNING WOMEN" IN 1987.
YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE
DELTA BURKE.
AND I MIGHT NOT HAVE A REAL
AUDIENCE FOR A WHILE, BECAUSE
CORONAVIRUS INFECTIONS IN THIS
COUNTRY ARE AT THE HIGHEST
THEY'VE EVER BEEN.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, THERE ARE
STILL MASSIVE TRAVEL
RESTRICTIONS FOR AMERICANS
ALL AROUND THE GLOBE.
FOR EXAMPLE, WITHOUT A TEST, I'M
BANNED FROM ENTERING THE COUNTRY
OF CHILE.
AND I CAN'T GO TO MY LOCAL
CHILI'S.
AND I AM BANNED FROM EATING
CHILI.
THAT'S NOT COVID-RELATED.
THAT'S JUST AN AGREEMENT I HAVE
WITH MY CO-WORKERS.
ALL OF THESE TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS
GOT ME THINKING ABOUT MY LAST
BIG TRIP LAST YEAR, WHEN I
TRAVELED DOWN UNDER, THEN A BIT
OVER TO THE RIGHT, FOR MY
SPECIAL SERIES, "THE NEWEST
ZEALANDER."
AND I REALLY WISH I COULD BE
DOWN THERE NOW BECAUSE, AS YOU
MAY HAVE HEARD, THEY HAVE HAD
ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL
PANDEMIC RESPONSES IN THE WORLD.
WITH A POPULATION OF ROUGHLY
FIVE MILLION PEOPLE, SO FAR, NEW
ZEALAND HAS HAD JUST 25 DEATHS
AND ROUGHLY 2,000 CASES-- OR AS
AMERICA CALLS IT: A WHITE HOUSE
CHRISTMAS PARTY.
WELL, SINCE I CAN'T RETURN TO
NEW ZEALAND IN PERSON, TONIGHT,
I'M GOING TO RETURN IN MY
MEMORY.
AND, LUCKILY, MY MEMORY COMES
WITH A LOT OF VIDEOTAPE.
YOU SEE, AFTER LAST YEAR'S
TRIP, THERE WAS JUST TOO MUCH
EXCITING FOOTAGE TO SHOW IT ALL.
IN FACT, THERE WAS SO MUCH EXTRA
MATERIAL THAT EARLIER THIS YEAR,
WE BEGAN GATHERING NEW SEGMENTS
AND RECORDING BEHIND-THE-SCENES
FEATURES TO PUT TOGETHER A
SPECIAL.
BUT WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT, WE
HAD TO STOP DOWN AND SAVE ALL OF
THAT STUFF UNTIL THE TIME WAS
RIGHT TIME.
WHICH IS APPARENTLY... NEVER
GOING TO ARRIVE.
SO WE DECIDED TO DO IT TONIGHT.
WE'RE REVISITING THOSE BYGONE
TIMES AND CELEBRATING NEW
ZEALAND WITH A SPECIAL EPISODE
I'M CALLING "RETURN TO NEW
ZEALAND: A MAGICAL LAND WHERE
HUGS STILL HAPPEN."
KIA ORA!
NEW ZEALAND HAS SO SUCCESSFULLY
CONTAINED TRANSMISSIONS THAT
MUCH OF LIFE THERE HAS ALL BUT
RETURNED TO NORMAL, AND THEY ARE
EVEN SAFELY ATTENDING SPORTING
EVENTS AND CROWDED MUSIC
FESTIVALS.
BUT THIS IS STILL NEW ZEALAND,
SO THOSE CROWDS ARE MOSTLY
SHEEP.
SO, HOW HAS NEW ZEALAND
SUCCESSFULLY CONTAINED THE VIRUS
WHILE OTHER COUNTRIES STRUGGLED?
WELL, FOR STARTERS, THEY HAVE
AN ADVANTAGE OF BEING A SMALL,
REMOTE ISLAND NATION.
IT'S MUCH EASIER TO CONTROL
ENTRY WHEN YOU ONLY BORDER THE
OCEAN.
AND TRANSMISSION RATES ARE VERY
LOW AMONGST GIANT SQUID.
BUT A LOT OF THE SUCCESS HAS
COME DOWN TO NEW ZEALANDERS
THEMSELVES.
IN FACT, ACCORDING TO THE
MEDICAL JOURNAL "LANCET PUBLIC
HEALTH," THE KEYS TO NEW
ZEALAND'S SUCCESS HAVE BEEN
DECISIVE GOVERNANCE, EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION, AND HIGH
POPULATION COMPLIANCE-- THOUGH,
THE U.S. CAME CLOSE WITH JUST
ZERO OF THOSE THREE THINGS.
AND MUCH OF THE CREDIT FOR
DECISIVE GOVERNANCE GOES TO NEW
ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER AND
SEASHORE DETECTIVE, JACINDA
ARDERN.
OF COURSE, I'VE LONG BEEN A FAN
OF PRIME MINISTER ARDERN SINCE
SHE PERSONALLY INVITED ME TO
VISIT, PICKED ME UP AT THE
AIRPORT, DROVE ME AROUND
AUCKLAND, AND THEN INVITED ME TO
JOIN HER FAMILY-- AND LORDE--
FOR A BARBECUE.
THAT'S RIGHT, I WAS GREETED BY
THE PRIME MINISTER AND THE
NATION'S BIGGEST POP STAR.
YOUR MOVE, JUSTIN TRUDEAU AND
MICHAEL BUBLE.
SO, I WAS ALREADY IMPRESSED BY
THE PRIME MINISTER.
BUT MY ADMIRATION WENT UP A
NOTCH WHEN I LEARNED THAT SHE
HAD HANDLED THE PANDEMIC WITH A
STRATEGY THAT RELIES ON "SCIENCE
AND EMPATHY," BOTH THINGS OUR
CURRENT PRESIDENT CONSIDERS
A HOAX.
EARLY ON IN THE PANDEMIC, SHE
CLOSED NEW ZEALAND'S BORDERS TO
NEARLY ALL NONRESIDENTS AND
INSTITUTED "A LOCKDOWN SO SEVERE
THAT EVEN RETRIEVING A LOST BALL
FROM A NEIGHBOR'S YARD WAS
BANNED."
THAT'S HOW THOROUGH HER PLAN
WAS.
IT EVEN INCLUDED LAWS THAT ONLY
APPLY TO DENNIS THE MENACE.
NOW, IF YOU'RE THINKING THAT
AMERICA COULD LEARN SOMETHING
ABOUT DEALING WITH THE PANDEMIC
FROM NEW ZEALAND, YOU'RE NOT
ALONE.
LAST MONTH, PRIME MINISTER
ARDERN SAID SHE PUT
PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN IN TOUCH
WITH NEW ZEALAND'S HEALTH
OFFICIALS IN ORDER TO SHARE
TACTICS OF HOW TO BATTLE THE
PANDEMIC.
( AS BIDEN )
"THANKS FOR THE HELP, JACINDA
ARDERN.
WE SHOULD TEAM UP AND CALL
OURSELVES 'JOECINDA' OR
'BI-DERN' OR SOMETHING COOLER,
LIKE 'THE GO-GETTERS!'
COME ON!"
JAR, CINDA.
JACINDA ARDERN IS SO GOOD AT
MULTITASKING, SHE ACTUALLY GAVE
BIRTH TO A DAUGHTER WHILE SHE
WAS IN OFFICE.
AND THEN-- AND THIS IS THE
SHOCKING PART-- SHE DID NOT
IMMEDIATELY MAKE THAT CHILD
RESPONSIBLE FOR NEGOTIATING
MIDDLE EAST PEACE.
AND RECENTLY, HER HANDLING OF
THE PANDEMIC LEAD ARDERN TO AN
IMPRESSIVE LANDSLIDE REELECTION.
BUT EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE IS
THAT, DESPITE HAVING TO DELAY
THE ELECTION DUE TO COVID AND
HAVING A BALLOT REFERENDUM ON
EUTHANASIA, NEW ZEALAND'S
ELECTION SEASON WAS REPORTEDLY
"LOW KEY," "NOT A HORROR SHOW,"
AND "EVEN BORING."
OH, BORING... DOESN'T THAT SOUND
EXCITING?
HONESTLY, NEW ZEALAND SOUNDS
LIKE A PERFECT PLACE RIGHT NOW.
NOT ONLY IS IT SAFE AND HAS
COMPASSIONATE AND CAPABLE
LEADERS THEY'RE ALSO FILMING A
"LORD OF THE RINGS" SERIES THAT
MIGHT CONTAIN NUDITY.
OF COURSE, REAL "LORD OF THE
RINGS" FANS LIKE ME DON'T NEED
TO SEE THESE CHARACTERS NUDE
WHEN THEY'VE BEEN IMAGINING THEM
THAT WAY SINCE SMILD SCHOOL.
NICE ASS, SMEIGEL.
YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO
SAY SMEIGEL.
YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY
ARAGORN OR SOMEBODY EASY.
I AM HOPEFUL NEW ZEALAND MIGHT
BE OUR FUTURE, OUR NORMAL,
FULL-CONTACT FUTURE.
HERE'S A FUN FACT: THEY'RE
ACTUALLY 18 HOURS AHEAD OF US.
THEY ARE LITERALLY LIVING IN
TOMORROW.
AND ALSO THEY'RE HOPEFULLY
LIVING THE LIFE WE HERE IN
AMERICA COULD BE LIVING.
A MAGICAL LIFE OF CIVICKING FOR
THE COMMON GOOD.
LET'S HOPE WE CATCH UP ON THAT
ONE VERY SOON.
AS FOR NOW, LET'S RETURN TO NEW
ZEALAND BY THE MAGIC OF VIDEO.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER I BUNGEE
JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE LAST
OCTOBER.
TONIGHT I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE
BNBEHIND-THE-SCENES DRAMA OF MY
PRODUCERS TELLING ME I HAD TO DO
THAT BECAUSE NEW ZEALANDERS
INVENTED BUNGEE JUMPING.
UPON AND IT WAS A LIFE-CHANGING
EXPERIENCE.
I'M SORRY, A PANTS-CHANGING
EXPERIENCE.
JIM.
SO, MY PRODUCERS HAD IT IN THEIR
MIND THAT IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR
ME TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE WITH
RUBBER BANDS TIED TO MY ANKLES.
AND I SAW THE APPEAL OF THAT.
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT YOUR
STAR TO EVENTUALLY JUMP OFF A
140-METER BRIDGE DOWN TOWARD THE
GORGE, CAPTURE THE FEAR ON HIS
FACE FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF
THE-- OF THE-- OF THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE.
AND-- BUT I WARNED THEM THAT I
PROBABLY WASN'T GOING TO DO IT
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE
HEIGHTS.
OKAY.
THAT'S THE BUNGEE BRIDGE?
>> YEAH.
>> THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THAT'S-- THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE
ISN'T NECESSARY.
I JUST GET THIS CLUTCHING
FEELING IN MY GROIN, AND NOT THE
GOOD KIND.
JUST THIS TERRIBLE COLD, EMPTY
FEELING INSIDE MY BODY WHEN I
THINK ABOUT HEIGHTS.
SO WE LAND.
AND WE'VE GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL
VISTA FROM A DISTANCE TO LOOK AT
THE BRIDGE TO SEE WHERE I'M
GOING TO, YOU KNOW, SPEND MY
LAST FEW MOMENTS ON THIS PLANET.
AND JUST, CARDS ON THE TABLE,
I'M NOT A HUGE FAN OF HEIGHTS--
OR DROPS, REALLY.
I AM SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
THIS IS-- I-- THIS IS NOT AN
ACT.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M
LIKE WITHOUT THE CAMERAS ON,
THAT'S WHAT I'M LIKE.
VERY ANXIOUS.
OKAY.
LET'S GO, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
DON'T STOP ROLLING FOR ANY
REASON, PLEASE.
I JUST ASKED YOU GUYS TO NEVER
STOP ROLLING, YOU KNOW,
TO ESPECIALLY CAPTURE HOW MUCH I
DIDN'T LIKE IT AND MY
DISPLEASURE AT
HAVING TO DO IT.
JAKE, FOR YOUR PIECE, FOR THE
STRUCTURE OF THIS PIECE, IT
WOULD BE GOOD IF I JUMPED OFF
THIS BRIDGE, RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BIG CONCLUSION OF
THIS PIECE.
YOU AND PAIGE, WHO HAVE WORKED
SO HARD ON THIS TRIP, AND
EVERYBODY ELSE.
I'M NOT SAYING JUST THE TWO OF
YOU.
BUT IT WOULD BE GREAT, LIKE,
CLIMAX TO THIS IF I JUMPED OFF
THAT BRIDGE.
>> YES, BUT--
>> Stephen: I HAVE BEEN-- I HAVE
BEEN CLEAR WITH YOU, THOUGH, HOW
I FEEL ABOUT HEIGHTS, RIGHT?
>> YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE VERY
AFRAID OF THEM.
>> Stephen: HAVE I-- I HAVEN'T
PULLED MY PUNCHES AT ALL LIKE
THIS.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THANKS, JAKE.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> Stephen: I WAS AFRAID I
WOULD DO IT.
AND I WAS AFRAID THAT I
WOULDN'T DO IT THEN WE WOULDN'T
HAVE AN END TO THE PIECE.
>> WANT TO GET SIGNED IN AND
TAKE YOUR WEIGHT?
>> Stephen: YEP, GREAT, LET'S
GET OFF THE BRIDGE.
AND SO I CAME UP WITH A BACKUP
PLAN ON THE SPOT, WHICH IS, TO
HAVE SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT.
I THINK YOU GET TWO BITES OF THE
APPLE IF SOMEBODY ELSE JUMPS
WITH MY FLEECE ON OR SOMEBODY
THAT LOOKS LIKE ME.
WHY DON'T WE JUST DRESS SOMEBODY
UP IN MY OUTFIT AND THAT--
THAT-- THAT PERSON JUMPS
INSTEAD?
AND WE FAKE IT AND MAKE IT LOOK
LIKE ME.
AND CHRIS LICHT WAS RIGHT THERE.
AND I WENT, "HOW ABOUT YOU?"
HOW ABOUT YOU JUMP?
>> I'LL JUMP.
AND HE WAS TOTALLY READY TO DO
IT, SO HE DID IT.
THAT'S HOW YOU RUN A SHOW,
FOLKS.
GOT TO BE WILLING TO JUMP OFF A
BRIDGE.
>> FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
>> Stephen: WOW. THAT REALLY LOOKS LIKE I JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.
UGH. SO HE DID IT. SO, CHRIS JUMPED.
AND I SAID, "HOW WAS IT?"
AND HE SAID, "NOT THAT BAD."
AND I SAID, "OKAY."
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: AND SO THEY STRAPPED ME IN. THEY SIT YOU DOWN, AND THEY WRAP
YOUR ANKLE WITH A TERRY CLOTH
TOWEL.
I'M EXPECTING SOME SORT OF
KEVLAR BOOTY, OR SOMETHING LIKE
THAT.
THEY'RE JUST TAKING, LIKE,
SOMETHING FROM TARGET AND
WRAPPING IT AROUND YOUR ANKLES.
I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR: MY SAFE
WORD IS "PUMPKIN PATCH."
AND I ASSUME THEY KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE DOING.
ONE HAS TO ASSUME THAT THEY KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
SO, I STOOD UP.
I WENT TO THE GANGPLANK.
>> OKAY, THAT'S THE ONE.
>> Stephen: AND YOU'RE WAITING
UNTIL YOUR TOES ARE JUST BEYOND
THE EDGE.
AM I THERE?
>> HAND UP.
EYES UP ON THE BRIDGE.
ENJOY.
>> Stephen: AND THEY "FIVE,
FOUR, THREE--" AND ON, LIKE,
"THREE," THE GUY PUT HIS HANDS
ON MY BACK.
AND I SAID, "DON'T PUSH ME."
DON'T PUSH ME."
WE EDITED THAT OUT.
"DON'T PUSH ME."
AND THEN YOU LEAN FORWARD AND
GIVE A LITTLE-- A LITTLE-- A
LITTLE BUNNY HOP FORWARD.
AND THEN--
STRAIGHT DOWN.
♪ ♪ ♪
AS YOU ACCELERATE, 32 FEET PER SECOND, PER SECOND, THE JADE WATER STARTS TO RUSH.
AND YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES RIGHT
WHEN THE BUNGEE STARTS TO
ENGAGE.
AND THEN YOU STRETCH DOWN.
AND YOU POP UP.
AND AFTER THAT, WELL, IT'S-- YOU
KNOW EVERYTHING'S FINE.
YOU KNOW IT WORKED, AND YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO DIE.
OH, MY GOD.
I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO LAW
SCHOOL.
AND THEN THEY LOWER YOU INTO THE
RAFT.
AND THAT'S THE BEST MOMENT FOR
ME IS WHEN YOU'RE ON THE BOTTOM
OF THE RAFT AND YOU'RE UNTIED,
BECAUSE THE SIDES OF THE RAFT
ARE THESE TWO BIG, YELLOW ARMS
AROUND YOU, LIKE THEY'RE HUGGING
YOU.
AND, YOU KNOW, AS TERRIFYING AS
IT WAS TO CONTEMPLATE, ONCE I
DID IT, I DON'T EVER WANT TO DO
IT AGAIN.
THANKS, STEPHEN!
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL TAKE
YOU BEHIND THE SCENES OF MY EPIC
DAY SPENT FILMING A "LORD OF THE
RINGS" TRAILER WITH PETER
JACKSON!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK TO "RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A MAGICAL LAND WHERE
HUGS STILL HAPPEN."
IT'S TIME TO TAKE A LOOK BEHIND
THE SCENES AT ONE OF MY FAVORITE
THINGS I GOT TO DO IN NEW
ZEALAND-- OR IN MY LIFE, IN
GENERAL.
IF YOU'VE HEARD ME TALK FOR MORE
THAN FIVE MINUTES, YOU PROBABLY
KNOW THAT I AM ONE OF THE
BIGGEST FANS OF "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS" THAT YOU EVER WISHED YOU
HAD NOT ASKED ABOUT IT.
AND NEW ZEALAND IS WHERE ACADEMY
AWARD-WINNING WRITER AND
DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON FILMED
ALL OF THE MOVIES.
BECAUSE I'M SUCH A FAN, JACKSON
ACTUALLY CAST ME IN "THE HOBBIT:
THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG" AS THE
CHARACTER LAKETOWN SPY.
IT WAS THE LEAD ROLE OF THE
FILM'S... SIX SECONDS IN THE
MIDDLE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT MY FULL
PERFORMANCE.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: SHORT, BUT
IMPACTFUL.
IN FACT, THAT MOVIE CAME OUT
SEVEN YEARS AGO, AND TO THIS
DAY, PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND
SAY, "HEY, AREN'T YOU STEPHEN
COLBERT?"
BUT I ALWAYS FELT THERE WAS MORE
TO MY CHARACTER.
I MEAN, IF PETER JACKSON COULD
TURN "THE HOBBIT" INTO THREE
MOVIES, I FIGURED THE LAKETOWN
SPY HAD TO HAVE ENOUGH INTRIGUE
AND BACKSTORY TO WARRANT AT
LEAST NINE OF HIS OWN.
SO, WHILE I WAS DOWN IN NEW
ZEALAND, I CALLED UP P.J. AND
PITCHED HIM THE IDEA OF
DIRECTING A SPIN-OFF BASED ON MY
CHARACTER.
HE SAID ONE WORD: "ABSOLUTELY."
AND THEN A SECOND WORD:
"NOT."
BUT HE DID AGREE TO LET US USE A
BUNCH OF HIS SETS AND PROPS SO
WE COULD FILM OUR OWN TRAILER,
AND HE EVEN AGREED TO BE IN IT.
SO JOIN ME NOW FOR AN EXCLUSIVE
NEVER-BEFORE-BROADCAST
BEHIND-THE-SCENES JOURNEY INTO
MY DAY FILMING IN HOBBITON WITH
PETER JACKSON.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THE VILLAGE OF
HOBBITON THAT THEY HAVE CREATED
IS A PERFECT DEPICTION OF THE
SHIRE.
I NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE.
I CANNOT TELL YOU FROM WHNESS I
CAME OR WHAT MY ERRAND MAY BE.
KNOW ONLY THIS: I AM CALLED THE
LAKETOWN SPY.
HE IS A SPY MASTER, SO,
OBVIOUSLY WITH THE WAY HE LOOKS
IN THE LAKETOWN SPY GETUP CAN'T
BE WHO HE REALLY IS.
WHO WOULD HE BE?
WHAT WOULD MAKE SENSE?
LOOK AT ME.
HOW YOU WOULD TYPECAST ME?
AND I THOUGHT PROBABLY ARGON'S
BROTHER, GARL GORN.
THIS IS HIM.
THIS IS HIM, RIGHT?
I AM HALF ELF, DARRYLGORN IS
HALF ELF.
WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.
THIS IS BEHIND THE MUSIC OF
DARRYLGORN.
I WAS WEARING ARAGORN'S DOUBLE'S
OUTFIT, THE GUY WHO WAS THE
STUNT DOUBLE, AND IT KIND OF
FIT.
AND THE BEARD.
A BETTER BEARD THAN I COULD EVER
GROW.
AND I LOOKED, GOOD, MAN.
I THINK I LOOKED A LITTLE BIT
LIKE IAN ANDERSON FROM JETHRO
TULL.
♪ AQUALUNG, MY FRIEND.
DON'T YOU START AWAY UNEASY ♪
>> Stephen: AND THAT
UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLE.
KIND OF SEXY, RIGHT?
ITS OKAY, YOU'RE NOT ON CAMERA.
YOU CAN LET IT LOOSE.
TOTALLY SEXY.
IT'S ME!
I AM...
MY MANSERVANT WAS A CHARACTER NAMED "GRATUITOUS OF CAMEO," COME, LET US GO, GRATUITOUS.
>> I'M COMING!
>> Stephen: IN EVERY "LORD OF
THE RINGS" MOVIE THERE IS A
GRATUITOUS CAMEO PLAYED BY PETER
JACKSON
AND OUR MOVIES HAD TO BE AS
GREAT AS HIS MOVIES.
I THINK THE KEY TO THE CHARACTER
GRATUITOUS IS THAT HE DOESN'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT "LORD OF THE
RINGS."
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE
OR WHAT THEY ARE DOING, AND I
LOVE THE IDEA THAT PETER JACKSON
DOES NOT TAKE HIS CREATION AS
SERIOUSLY AS HIS FANS DO.
>> LET US JOURNEY ON TO THE LAND
KNOWN AS HOGWARTS, WHERE WE CAN
BE SORTED BY THE MAGIC HAT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S "HARRY
POTTER."
>> QUIDDITCH, THAT'S MIDDLE
EARTH.
SNOW.
NOTHING MADE ME HAPPIER THAN TO
MAKE P.J. NOT KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT "LORD OF THE RINGS."
>> CONCENTRATE, YOUNG PADAWAN,
USE THE FORCE.
>> Stephen: COME ON, MAN, THAT
IS "STARWARS"
>> THAT WEIRD GUY YODA, THAT IS
GOLLUM'S FATHER.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?
I'M NOT SURE HOW SURREAL IT MUST
HAVE BEEN FOR YOU FOLKS WHO
WERE DIRECTING PETER JACKSON ON
THE SET OF HOBBITON.
>> ACTION!
>> Stephen: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
TRULY SHOCKING.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT TO
GIVE PETER JACKSON A NOTE:
"NO, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SHOULD
ACT ON THE SET OF HOBBITON."
HE CAME UP WITH GOOD BITS!
>> THERE ARE BOOKS?
( LAUGHTER )
HAVE YOU NOT READ THE BOOK?
>> THERE ARE BOOKS?
>> Stephen: THANKS TO PETER, WE
HAD PEOPLE WORKING ON OUR SHOOT
WHO HAD WORKED ON THE FILM.
PROSTHETICS, MAKEUP, WARDROBE,
PROPERTY.
THE DUMB THINGS WE WERE DOING
WOULD ONLY WORK IF EVERYTHING
ELSE WAS TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THAT WAS WHY IT WAS SO
WONDERFULLY DUMB FOR ME, IS HOW
MUCH EFFORT HAD GONE IN TO MAKE
IT BEAUTIFUL.
OH, A TEXT FOR ME!
NO BIGGIE.
JUST A MESSAGE FROM MY BESTY
GANDALF, ASKING ME TO SAVE
MIDDLE EARTH AGAIN.
I WAS USING BY THE WAY--
THAT SWORD I AM USING IS
"GLAMDRING." THAT IS GANDALF'S
SWORD FROM THE MOVIES.
THE ACTUAL DAMN SWORD THAT IAN
McKELLAN WAS WHIPPING AROUND
IN THE MOVIES.
I WAS USING TO STAB TREE STUMPS.
>> AARRGHH!
TAKE THAT!
YAAARGGH!
>> Stephen: THERE SHOULD BE A
LAW-- I SHOULD HAVE TRAFQ DARTED
IN THE NECK.
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
DID I MESS THE BATTLE?
WE ALSO TOOK DARRYLGORN AS LAKETOWN SPY UP INTO THE MOUNTAINS AROUND QUEENSTOWN.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: RUNNING AS DARRYLGORN UP A HILL TRYING TO RECREATE A SCENE WHERE WE COULD
INSERT IT INTO THE SCENE WHERE
LEGOLAS AND ARAGORN AND GIMLI
ARE RUNNING ACROSS THE PLANES OF
ROHAN.
HEY, GUYS!
I REALLY GOT A FEELING THE
ADVENTURE IS DOWNHILL.
I HEAR DANGER THAT WAY.
I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS
PART OF THE MOUNTAIN.
YOU GUYS-- YOU GUYS GO ON.
I'M COOL.
I THINK THAT IS WHERE MY WATCH
RECORDED-- MY WATCH GOING UP TO
ITS HIGHEST.
I AM NOT A HEALTHY MAN.
IF YOU HAVEN'T GONE FOR A RUN
IN, LIKE, THREE YEARS, THAT IS
NOT THE FIRST RUN YOU WANT
TO DO.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS-- AND
ONE OF THE HAIRIER THINGS, TOO--
WAS TO FLY-- OH, YEAH-- TO THE
TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN THE
SOUTHERN ALPS.
I'VE DONE A LOT OF STUPID THINGS
IN MY LIFE, BUT DRESSING UP IN
THAT LAKETOWN SPY OUTFIT AND
BEING LEFT ALONE ON TOP OF A
GLACIER ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE WILDERLAND OF
THE SOUTH ISLAND IS MAYBE THE
STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.
AS A RESULT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
MY FAVORITE THING WE DID DOWN
THERE, BECAUSE IT WAS HARD TO
ACHIEVE, AND I THINK WE USED
FIVE SECONDS OF IT?
MAYBE FIVE SECONDS?
CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW EXPENSIVE
THIS SHOT LOOKS?
MOVIE MAGIC.
HERE'S A TIP: DON'T WALK NEAR
CLIFFS WITH ONLY ONE EYE.
THAT COULD BE 20 FEET AWAY.
THAT COULD BE 200 FEET AWAY.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ACTION!
>> Stephen: SO, ANYWAYS, A LOT
OF PEOPLE THINK THAT... NOTHING
COULD BE
FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
( LAUGHTER )
HERE'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
AS A PERFORMER, THERE IS NOTHING
I WANT MORE THAN TO TAKE
SOMEONE'S BEAUTIFUL WORK AND
MAKE IT STUPID.
AND I SAID, "BOROMIR, I HARDLY
KNOW HER."
IT'S A COMPLIMENT, THAT'S WORTH
MAKING STUPID!
YOU LIKE THAT ONE?
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
GUY WHO MILKS THE ENT?
YOU GUYS SMELL LIKE PEPPERMINT. >> THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: EVEN AS A DUMB JOKE
TO BE INSERTED INTO "THE LORD OF
THE RINGS," I HAVE PEAKED AS A
PERFORMER, AS A HUMAN, AS A
TOLKIEN FAN, AS A PETER JACKSON
FAN.
IT IS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
OOPS, SORRY.
WHEN WE COME BACK,
NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE FROM
MY INTERVIEW WITH PETER JACKSON,
AS MY CELEBRATION OF NEW ZEALAND
CONTINUES.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO
"RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A
MAGICAL LAND WHERE HUGS STILL
HAPPEN."
AS I CASUALLY MENTIONED EARLIER,
WHILE I WAS IN NEW ZEALAND, I
GOT TO SPEND TIME FILMING A
MOVIE TRAILER WITH ACADEMY
AWARD-WINNING WRITER-DIRECTOR
SIR PETER JACKSON.
CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE.
I STAYED AT HIS HOUSE.
WE HAD DINNER AT THE ORIGINAL
BAG END.
NO BIG DEAL.
WHICH IS ON HIS PROPERTY.
BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I
SPENT MY WHOLE TIME RUNNING
AROUND, NERDING OUT OVER "LORD
OF THE RINGS."
I SPENT PLENTY OF TIME SITTING
DOWN, NERDING OUT OVER "LORD OF
THE RINGS."
SO, HERE IS NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN
FOOTAGE FROM THAT RARE INTERVIEW
WITH SIR PETER.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING US
DOWN HERE AT YOUR STUDIO.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.
>> Stephen: NOW, WHERE ARE WE?
WHAT-- WHAT IS THIS ACTUAL SPACE
WE'RE IN RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, THIS IS-- THIS IS A
SECRET LOCATION SOMEWHERE IN NEW
ZEALAND.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, GOT THAT.
>> THERE'S NO G.P.S. TRACKING.
>> Stephen: NOPE.
ALL OF OUR PHONES HAVE BEEN
CONFISCATED.
>> HERE'S A SECRET LOCATION
SOMEWHERE-- SOMEWHERE IN NEW
ZEALAND THAT HOUSES OUR
MINIATURES.
MOST OF THEM ARE FROM "LORD OF
THE RINGS."
SO, MOST OF THESE ARE GETTING ON
FOR 20 YEARS OLD.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A SELF-TAUGHT
FILMMAKER.
YOU STARTED MAKING LOW-BUDGET
HORROR MOVIES LIKE "DEAD ALIVE."
WHAT WAS THE TRANSITION FROM
THAT TO ACCLAIMED OSCAR-WINNING
DIRECTOR? >> THE TRANSITION WAS I-- WELL, FRAN WAS-- FRAN, MY PARTNER--
WAS INTERESTED IN A NEW ZEALAND
MURDER CASE THAT HAPPENED IN THE
1950's.
AND SHE WAS-- AND SO, I STARTED
TO RESEARCH IT WITH HER, AND IT
BECAME "HEAVENLY CREATURES,"
WHICH IS KATE WINSLET'S FIRST
FILM.
SO-- AND THEN AFTER THAT WE DID
"THE FRIGHTENERS."
SO "THE FRIGHTENERS" WAS A VERY
EARLY C.G.I. FILM.
WE HAD ABOUT 30 COMPUTERS.
AND SO, WHEN THAT FILM FINISHED,
WE WERE STILL PAYING THESE
BILLS.
AND SO, WE-- WHAT CAN WE DO TO
KEEP THESE 30 COMPUTERS GOING?
SO, I THOUGHT, WELL, I WANT
THOSE FANTASY FILMS, BUT WITH
C.G.I. CREATURES.
BCAUSE "JURASSIC PARK" WAS
COMING OUT, AND WE HAD THE-- THE
COMPUTERS TO DO IT.
WE WONDERED WHO HAD RIGHT TO
"LORD OF THE RINGS."
>> Stephen: SINCE I GOT YOU, I
HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT "LORD
OF THE RINGS."
>> OH, MY.
>> JUST "THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE
RING."
WHAT WAS THE FIRST C.G.I. THING
THAT YOU CREATED FOR "LORD OF
THE RINGS"?
>> I KNEW I HAD TO DO BATTLE
SCENES.
YEAH, HUGE BATTLE SCENES.
AND IN HOLLYWOOD FILMS, EVEN
THOUGH, YOU KNOW, YOU SORT OF
SEE THESE BIG SPECTACULAR
EPICS-- WHEN IT-- WHEN IT GETS
TO THE BIG CROWDS, THERE'S
REALLY ONLY, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE AT THE MOST, 1,000 PEOPLE,
2,000 PEOPLE.
AND, I MEAN, TOLKIEN WRITES
ABOUT HELM'S DEEP, THERE'S,
LIKE, 10,000 URUK-HAI.
SO, THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT WAS
TO DO IT IN A COMPUTER.
AND SO, WE CREATED A SOFTWARE
CALLED "MASSIVE."
EACH OF THE COMPUTER PEOPLE HAD
THEIR OWN BRAIN.
7
THEY HAVE TO WALK AND DO THEIR
OWN THING AND MAKE THEIR OWN
CHOICES.
AND IT WAS FUNNY.
THE VERY FIRST TEST, WE HAD,
LIKE, 30-- 30 C.G.I. PEOPLE
RUNNING IT THROUGH, IS THAT HALF
OF THEM TURNED AND RAN-- RAN
AWAY.
( LAUGHS )
AND THEY WERE ACTUALLY THE SMART
ONES.
SO, WE HAD TO MUS-- SO WE HAD TO
DUMB THEM DOWN AND TELL THEM TO
STAY FIGHTING.
YOU DON'T TURN AROUND, JUST--
>> Stephen: SO YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW THE BATTLE'S GOING TO TURN
OUT?
>> NO, NO.
NO, YOU TEACH-- SO, IF YOU GOT--
IF YOU GOT ORCS FIGHTING ELVES,
YOU'VE GOT THE-- THESE C.G.I.
ORCS ARE TAUGHT HOW TO FIGHT
LIKE AN ORC.
THE C.G.I. ELVES ARE TAUGHT HOW
TO FIGHT LIKE AN ELF, WEAPONS
THEY USE, THE SORT OF STYLES
THEY USE.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE CAPTURING
THE ACTION, RATHER THAN, LIKE,
DIRECTING.
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
NO, YOU ARE LITERALLY NOT IN
CONTROL OF IT, NO, NO.
SO, YOU HAVE THESE HUGE BATTLE
SCENES WHERE THE-- WHERE THESE
HORSES, LIKE, IN "RETURN OF THE
KING," LIKE, SIX-- 6,000 HORSES
ARE PLOWING INTO THIS-- INTO
THIS FIELD OF ORCS.
AND THAT RENDERS FOR ABOUT THREE
DAYS, AND WE DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE.
AND WE-- WE WAIT AND--
( LAUGHS )
SEE, WHAT'S GOING TO-- BECAUSE
THEY'RE ALL-- THE HORSES ARE THE
RIDERS, THE ORCS, THEY'RE ALL
GONNA MAKE THEIR OWN MIND UP FOR
WHAT THEY DO--
>> Stephen: YOU'RE BAKING A
CAKE, AND YOU'RE NOT SURE HOW
IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT UNTIL IT
ACTUALLY--
>> NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: WELL, IS THERE-- OF
ALL THOSE THINGS, OF ALL THE--
OF THE MOMENTS THAT YOU CREATED
IN "LORD OF THE RINGS," AND IN
"THE HOBBIT," IS THERE A SCENE
THAT YOU, EVEN AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS OF LIVING WITH IT, YOU
GO-- YOU SAY TO YOURSELF, "I'D
LIKE TO GO BACK AND SEE THAT
AGAIN?"
>> I ALWAYS GET ASKED WHAT--
WHICH IS MY FAVORITE "LORD OF
THE RINGS" FILM?
WHICH YOU DIDN'T ASK, BECAUSE
YOU'RE SMARTER THAN THAT.
BUT WHAT YOU ASKED IS, WHAT WAS
MY FAVORITE SCENE?
WHICH IS, ACTUALLY, WHICH IS
WHAT I THINK ABOUT.
LIKE, I LOVE THE MINES OF
MORIA SEQUENCE FROM "THE
FELLOWSHIP."
YOU KNOW, WE MAKE-- GO THROUGH
THE DOOR AND RUN AWAY THROUGH
THE BRIDGE AND GET UPSTAIRS.
I THINK, I-- YOU KNOW, I JUST
LIKE THAT SEQUENCE, FOR SOME
REASON.
THE SCENE THAT I THINK CAPTURES
A LOT OF THE SPIRIT-- AND IT WAS
A SORT OF A LATE SCENE, IS THAT
WE WERE SHOOTING "TWO TOWERS,"
AND THAT WAS INTRODUCING GOLLUM.
AND A KEY THING WITH GOLLUM AS
MOST PEOPLE KNOW, IS THAT HE'S
SMEAGOL AND HE'S GOLLUM, AND
IT'S, LIKE, A SPLIT.
AND THEY-- BUT WE HAD GOT A
SCENE WHERE THEY REALLY-- WHERE
THAT GOT SOLD, WHERE YOU REALLY
GOT THE IDEA, AH, OKAY, THIS GUY
IS TWO PEOPLE.
SO, WE KNEW THAT WE NEEDED IT,
BUT WE HAD NO TIME TO SHOOT IT.
SO FRAN WROTE A SCENE WHERE--
SAM AND FRODO ARE ASLEEP.
SO THEY CAN BE JUST LUMPS IN THE
BED-- WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE
ELIJAH AND SEAN-- AND A LITTLE
SET.
AND WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE TO
DIRECT IT, SO I SAID TO FRAN,
"WELL, YOU WROTE IT.
YOU SHOULD GO AND SHOOT IT."
( LAUGHS )
SO, SHE WENT IN THERE FOR A
DAY, AND SHE WROTE AND DIRECTED
THE SCENE, WHICH HAS BECOME KIND
OF PRETTY FAMOUS NOW.
>> YOU'RE A LIAR.
AND A THIEF.
NO.
MURDERER!
>> Stephen: (WHISPERS)
"MURDER, MURDER."
>> YES, AND THAT WAS A LATE
THOUGHT, BECAUSE WE JUST
REALIZED THAT WE NEEDED IT TO
REALLY SELL THE IDEA TO THE
AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: IT WAS TWO OF THEM.
>> OF WHO THIS GUY IS.
AND FRAN WROTE IT, WROTE AND
SHOT IT WITH A TINY CREW.
>> Stephen: I RECENTLY SAT DOWN
WITH JACINDA ARDERN, YOUR PRIME
MINISTER.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND SHE REVEALED
THAT SHE AUDITIONED FOR "THE
LORD OF THE RINGS," AND DIDN'T
GET A PART.
IS THAT AWKWARD NOW WHEN YOU RUN
INTO HER?
>> NOW, DO YOU RECKON SHE WAS
TELLING THE TRUTH?
WAS THAT?
>> Stephen: SHE SAID-- I MEAN, I
HAVE NO REASON TO DOUBT--
>> NO, NO.
I--
>> Stephen: --THE LEADER OF YOUR
COUNTRY.
>> NO, NO, I-- IT CERTAINLY
WASN'T A JOKE.
>> Stephen: WE HAD HER-- WE HAD
HER AUDITION AGAIN.
>> YOU DID?
>> Stephen: YEAH.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HER
AUDITION?
>> OH, YEAH.
OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
>> Stephen: HERE WE GO.
>> IF YOU WANT HIM, COME AND
CLAIM HIM.
>> IF YOU WANT HIM, COME AND
CLAIM HIM.
>> Stephen: BOOM.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO APOLOGIZE?
PETER?
DO THE RIGHT THING.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT,
JACINDA.
AND, CLEARLY, 20 YEARS AGO, I
MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, YOU'RE A BIG
MAN, FOR SUCH A SMALL MAN.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: WHEN WE RETURN, MY
CELEBRATION OF NEW ZEALAND
CONTINUES, AND I GET TO
PARTICIPATE IN A TRADITIONAL
MAORI HAKA.
IT'S AMAZING!
I HAD BRUISES ON MY THIGHS FOR A
WEEK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A
MAGICAL LAND WHERE HUGS STILL
HAPPEN."
OF COURSE, I COULDN'T SPEND A
WEEK IN NEW ZEALAND WITHOUT
TRYING MY HAND AT THEIR NATIONAL
SPORT, RUGBY.
AND I'LL SUM UP HOW IT WENT IN
SIX SECONDS.
>> Stephen: WHAT I LEARNED THAT DAY IS THAT 90% OF THE GAME IS MENTAL-- BY WHICH I MEAN, NOW I
KNOW NOT TO PLAY RUGBY ANYMORE.
BUT I WAS PARTICULARLY EXCITED
AND HONORED TO BE COACHED BY
MEMBERS OF THE NEW ZEALAND "ALL
BLACKS," BECAUSE I'VE LONG
ADMIRED THE INTIMIDATING MAORI
HAKA DANCE THEY PERFORM TO
CHALLENGE THEIR OPPONENTS BEFORE
EACH MATCH.
AND WHILE WE AIRED MY RUGBY
LESSON, WHAT WE DIDN'T GET TO
SHOW YOU WAS SOMETHING EVEN MORE
MEMORABLE: THE INCREDIBLE
CEREMONIAL WELCOME THAT I
RECEIVED FROM THE MAORI PEOPLE.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: ON MY LAST DAY IN
NEW ZEALAND, I WAS HONORED TO BE
INVITED ONTO THE RUGBY PITCH
WITH A TRADITIONAL MAORI WELCOME
CELEBRATION KNOWN AS A POWHIRI.
>> Stephen: MAORI CULTURAL ADVISOR LUKE CRAWFORD WALKED ME THROUGH THE VARIOUS STEPS,
EXPLAINING ALONG THE WAY THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS INCREDIBLY
MOVING CEREMONY.
>> WELCOME, TO YOU, THE PEOPLE,
SHE'S SAYING."
>> Stephen: IT TURNED OUT TO BE
AN
EXTREMELY MEANINGFUL WAY TO
CONCLUDE MY TRIP.
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE
HONOR YOU HAVE GIVEN ALL OF US
HERE AT WANAKA.
ONCE PROPERLY WELCOMED BY THE
MAORI PEOPLE, I WAS READY TO
LEARN HOW TO PERFORM A HAKA.
MR. CRAWFORD, WHAT IS THE HAKA?
>> SO, HAKA, SIMPLY, "HA" IS
BREATH.
>> Stephen: HA.
>> BREATH.
"KA," TO SET ON FIRE, TO LIGHT,
TO IGNITE.
>> Stephen: SO, TO BREATHE FIRE?
>> TO BREATHE FIRE.
( RHYTHMIC SHOUTING )
>> Stephen: THE "ALL BLACKS,"
NEW ZEALAND'S RUGBY TEAM, HAVE
MADE THE CEREMONIAL DANCE KNOWN
AS "THE HAKA" FAMOUS AROUND THE
WORLD.
BEFORE EACH MATCH, THEY PERFORM
AN INTIMIDATING HAKA IN FRONT OF
THE OPPOSING TEAM.
>> IT'S IMPORTANT WE CONNECT TO
THE LAND, WE CONNECT TO OUR
PEOPLE AND THEN WE CONNECT TO
EACH OTHER.
THIS IS WHO WE ARE.
SO, HAKA IS SO MUCH A PART NOW
OF RUGBY, IT'S VERY HARD TO
SEPARATE THEM.
>> Stephen: GOT IT.
OKAY.
SO WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO TEACH
ME A BIT OF THE HAKA?
>> I'D BE ABSOLUTELY HONORED TO
TEACH YOU YOUR HAKA.
>> Stephen: I WILL DO MY BEST.
( LAUGHS )
WE STARTED WITH THE FOUNDATIONAL
BASICS: LEG SLAPPING AND FOOT
STAMPING.
>> AND THEN IT WILL BE WHY, WHY.
SO STAMP YOUR FOOT.
SO THAT'S THE FIRST PART THAT
GETS US READY.
>> Stephen: AND DO I SAY
ANYTHING, OR AM I LISTENING?
>> THE BIT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY
IS NOW.
AND THIS IS THE IMPORTANT
PART.
>> Stephen: GOT IT.
>> TO PERSONALIZE IT FOR YOU,
STEPHEN-- I'M GOING TO ISSUE A
COMMAND.
THE COMMAND WILL BE:
( FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
WHICH MEANS, "LET THIS AMERICAN
PARTY RESOUND, LET IT
RESOUND."
AND SO I'M GOING TO SAY THAT.
AND THE RESULTING CALL THAT
YOU'LL COME BACK TO IT WILL BE:
WILL BE DOING THIS, HERE'S THE
ACTION FOR IT:
( FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
NOW HERE'S THE ACTION.
( FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
OKAY.
THEN WE'RE BACK INTO THE FULL
BODY AND THE FOOT.
WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT THREE
TIMES.
>> tephen: AFTER GETTING THE
CALL AND RESPONSE DOWN, I WAS
TAUGHT ABOUT THE SPIRITUAL
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS THAT WE OFTEN
SEE DURING A HAKA.
>> WE HAVE WHAT'S CALLED:
( FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
IS EYES, EYES, EYES.
( FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
IS TONGUE PROTRUDING.
YES, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND, WITH THAT, I
HAD THE INCREDIBLE HONOR OF
PERFORMING MY VERY OWN HAKA.
>> Stephen: THANKS AGAIN TO LUKE CRAWFORD AND THE NEW ZEALAND "ALL BLACKS."
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL SHOW YOU
EVEN MORE OF ONE OF THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PLACES ON EARTH.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A
MAGICAL LAND WHERE HUGS STILL
HAPPEN."
FOLKS, THERE IS NO DENYING THE
SHEER BEAUTY OF NEW ZEALAND'S
NATURAL LANDSCAPE.
DURING MY VISIT, I GOT TO
EXPERIENCE NEARLY EVERY
GEOLOGICAL FEATURE ON THE
PLANET-- RUGGED MOUNTAINS AND
GRASSY HIGHLANDS; BEAUTIFUL
LAKES AND OCEAN SHORELINES; AND
EVEN STUNNING, PRISTINE
GLACIERS.
BUT THE ONLY THING THAT STRUCK
ME MORE THAN THE MAGNIFICENT
BEAUTY OF THE COUNTRY WAS THE
GRACIOUSNESS OF THE PEOPLE.
THE KIWIS I MET WERE NOT ONLY
WARM AND WELCOMING.
THEY WERE ALSO FUN-LOVING AND
CREATIVE, STRONG AND TALENTED.
AND, OF COURSE, THOUGHTFUL AND
DECISIVE.
THERE WERE TIMES DURING MY VISIT
THAT I HAD TO REMIND MYSELF OF
MY GOOD FORTUNE.
IN FACT, THERE WAS ONE MOMENT,
WHEN I WAS STANDING ON THE PEAK
OF AN 8,000-FOT MOUNTAIN,
LOOKING OUT AT THE LANDSCAPE
AND, ADMITTEDLY, HAVING JUST
DONE THREE SHOTS OF BOURBON--
IT'S A LONG STORY ABOUT HOW MUCH
I LIKE BOURBON-- THAT I FOUND
MYSELF SO OVERWHELMED WITH
GRATITUDE THAT I WISHED I COULD
SHARE IT WITH AN OLD FRIEND.
JUST IN CASE WE INVENT TIME
MACHINES I WANT THIS MESSAGE TO
BE SENT IN A CAPSULE BACK TO
MYSELF WHEN I WAS 29 AND HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ABOUT
CHOOSING TO BE A PERFORMER FOR A
LINK.
YOU DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE NOT
GOING TO LAW SCHOOL.
IT'S ALL GOING TO WORK OUT.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO THINGS WITH
YOUR FRIENDS, LIKE GO TO NEW
ZEALAND AND DO THIS, OKAY.
DON'T FREAK OUT.
GET OFF THE COUCH.
YOUR SKIN'S NOT ON FIRE.
THE XANAX WASN'T WORKING, BY THE
WAY.
TRUE STORY.
( LAUGHING )
THANKS, STEPHEN.
IF I COULD SEND A MESSAGE BACK
TO THAT SLIGHTLY YOUNGER VERSION
OF ME FROM THE END OF 2019, I'D
SAY, "DON'T LEAVE NEW ZEALAND.
THEY FIGURE OW OUT HOW TO
CONTAIN THIS THING THAT WILL
START SPREADING AROUND THE WORLD
IN ABOUT A MONTH.
I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT AND THIS SOUNDS
CRAZY, BUT BELIEVE ME, BUY
TOILET PAPER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
DOES IT FOR "RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A MAGICAL LAND WHERE HUGS STILL HAPPEN."
BEFORE WE GO, I WANT TO AGAIN
THANK PRIME MINISTER ARDERN AND
THE PEOPLE OF NEW ZEALAND FOR
YOUR HOSPITALITY.
AND I'D ALSO LIKE TO APPLAUD YOU
ALL FOR COMING TOGETHER IN THE
MIDST OF THIS CRISIS.
IT REALLY IS INSPIRING TO SEE.
AND I HOPE WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER
AGAIN SOON.
GOOD NIGHT.