>> PETER BAKER AND HIS COLLEAGUES AT THE "NEW YORK
TIMES" REPORT ON THE BLOWUP BETWEEN TRUMP AND PENCE LAST
WEDNESDAY, SHORTLY BEFORE PENCE HEADED TO THE CAPITOL.
>> THIS IS A QUOTE: "YOU EITHER GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS A PATRIOT
OR YOU CAN GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS A PUSSY.
>> I DEBATED ABOUT SAYING THIS, BUT I HAVE TO.
THIS IS THE NEWS.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LANGUAGE HERE BUT...
>> THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: IMPEACH ME BABY, ONE MORE TIME.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES.
SAMANTHA BEE AND PAUL MESCUL
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELL, HI THERE.
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO ADD A.
"A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
ASO, WELCOME TO THE AFTERSCAPE.
AND IT'S NOT EVEN A COOL AFTERSCAPE, WHERE SPICE TRIBES
IN FACE PAINT FIGHT EACH OTHER IN SUPED-UP MUSCLE CARS ACROSS
THE FORBIDDEN ZONE-- BUT WE ARE IN THE DYSTOPIA.
HERE'S THE SITUATION, FELLOW AMERICAN CITIZENS:
OVERNIGHT, MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL GUARD HAD TO SLEEP NEXT
TO THEIR WEAPONS ON THE FLOOR OF THE CAPITOL BUILDING.
NOW, THAT'S TERRIBLE TO SEE.
BUT WHAT'S ADDITIONALLY HEARTBREAKING ABOUT THIS IS THAT
SOME OF THESE SOLDIERS ARE SLEEPING NEXT TO A PLAQUE
"COMMEMORATING THE CIVIL WAR TROOPS THAT WERE QUARTERED IN
THE CAPITOL IN 1861, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE
LAST TIME TROOPS HAD TO SLEEP OVER TO PROTECT THE LEGISLATORS.
SO, TAKE HEART, NATIONAL GUARD.
YES, YOUR BODIES AND YOUR BRAVERY ARE THE PRIMARY DEFENSE
AGAINST A RAGING MOB OF HOMICIDAL YAHOOS.
AND, YES, SOME OF THE FOLKS YOU'VE SWORN TO DEFEND HAVE BEEN
ACTIVELY INCITING THOSE SEDITIONISTS.
BUT IF THE COUNTRY SURVIVES, THERE'S A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE
YOU'RE GETTING A PLAQUE.
IN FACT, THERE ARE SO MANY TROOPS GUARDING OUR CAPITOL
RIGHT NOW THAT THE 15,000 MOBILIZED FOR INAUGURATION
EQUALS THREE TIMES THE NUMBER OF U.S. TROOPS IN IRAQ AND
AFGHANISTAN COMBINED.
WELL, THE UNITED STATES IS KNOWN FOR SENDING IN TROOPS TO PROP UP
FAILED STATES.
HOPEFULLY, WE'LL GREET OURSELVES AS LIBERATORS.
AND WITH THIS MASSIVE MILITARY PROTECTION IN PLACE, TODAY, THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IMPEACHED THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
I FEEL LIKE I JUST TOOK DOWN MY DECORATIONS FROM THE LAST
IMPEACHMENT!
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF THE
REBOOT OF MY SEGMENT NO ONE WANTED BUT EVERYONE DESPERATELY
NEEDED, "DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE
FURIOUS."
>> DONALD TRUMP LOVES NAZIS.
VERY FINE PEACHES ON BOTH SIDES.
>> Stephen: TODAY'S VOTE IS HISTORIC, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST
TIME, A PRESIDENT HAS BEEN IMPEACHED TWICE.
MAKES SENSE.
THIS PRESIDENT LOVES HAVING SECONDS.
( RIM SHOT ) ALSO, HE'S A TRAITOR.
I'M JUST SAYING, THE MAN HAS AN APPETITE...
( RIM SHOT ) FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR
INSTITUTIONS.
THE IMPEACHMENT ARTICLE PASSED TODAY CHARGED THE PRESIDENT WITH
JUST ONE THING: "INCITING VIOLENCE AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT
OF THE UNITED STATES."
THAT IS A PURE DERELICTION OF DUTY, LIKE YOUR DOCTOR YANKING
OUT YOUR I.V., OR A LIFEGUARD DROWNING YOUR GRAMPA, OR THE
HOST OF YOUR BOOK CLUB FAILING TO BUY BOX WINE!
WE WERE COUNTING ON YOU, BRENDA!
READ THE CONSTITUTION!
NOW, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES INCITED HIS MOB TO ATTACK
THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.
IT REMINDS ME OF THE CLIMACTIC FINALE OF "STAR WARS."
>> FIRE AT WILL, COMMANDER.
AT US!
( EXPLOSION ) >> Stephen: IT HAS BEEN NOTED
THAT HIS IMPEACHMENT COMES JUST ONE WEEK BEFORE THE PRESIDENT'S
TERM EXPIRES.
DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD AT A JOB YOU HAVE TO BE TO GET FIRED WHILE
YOU'RE GETTING FIRED?
"I'M SORRY, MARK, IT'S NOT WORKING OUT.
WE APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE FOR THE COMPANY, AND YOU'RE
BUILDING A GALLOWS TO HANG ME.
OKAY, THERE GOES YOUR SEVERANCE, BUDDY!"
THE DEMS ALLEGE THAT THE PRESIDENT GRAVELY ENDANGERED THE
SECURITY OF THE UNITED STATES AND ITS INSTITUTIONS OF
GOVERNMENT, AND THAT HE THREATENED THE INTEGRITY OF THE
DEMOCRATIC SYSTEM.
IT'S TRUE.
AND THEN HE GOT ELECTED.
THE REPUBLICANS, FOR THE MOST PART, TALKED ABOUT HOW THE
PRESIDENT'S FOLLOWERS ATTACKING TO KEEP HIM IN POWER IS BAD, BUT
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
AND THEY REACHED A NEW HIGH AND LOW WITH CALIFORNIA REPUBLICAN
CONGRESSMAN AND GUY AT THE MALL WHO WONT LEAVE THE MASSAGE
CHAIR, TOM McCLINTOCK.
McCLINTOCK MADE A STATEMENT ABOUT CALIFORNIA'S LEADERSHIP
BEFORE HE EVEN OPENED HIS MOUTH, WITH A MASK THAT READ, "THIS
MASK IS AS USELESS AS OUR GOVERNOR."
WHICH I'M SURE HE MEANS AS A SLAM, BUT IF YOU READ THE
SCIENCE, IT'S ACTUALLY A COMPLIMENT.
GOVERNOR NEWSOM, CONGRATULATIONS.
HE BELIEVES YOU'RE 80% MORE EFFECTIVE THAN NO GOVERNOR!
THEN McCLINTOCK OPENED HIS MASK-HOLE AND TRIED TO PLAY DOWN
THE INSURRECTIONISTS.
>> IF WE IMPEACHED EVERY POLITICIAN WHO GAVE A FIERY
SPEECH TO A CROWD OF PARTISANS, THIS CAPITOL WOULD BE DESERTED.
THAT'S WHAT THE PRESIDENT DID.
THAT IS ALL HE DID.
HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE CROWD TO PROTEST PEACEFULLY AND
PATRIOTICALLY, AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM DID.
BUT EVERY MOVEMENT HAS A LUNATIC FRINGE.
>> Stephen: "LUNATIC FRINGE"?
THERE WERE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN THAT MURDEROUS MOB.
THE DAY AFTER THE RIOT, A POLL FOUND THAT 45% OF REPUBLICAN
VOTERS BACKED THE ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL BUILDING.
THAT'S NOT A FRINGE!
THAT'S ALMOST HALF THE OUTFIT!
IF YOU WORE A SUIT THAT WAS 45% FRINGE, YOU'D BE ARRESTED FOR
PUBLIC INDECENCY!
BUT AT LEAST WE'D BE ABLE TO SEE THROUGH YOUR PANTS TO KNOW YOU
DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS!
THE ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL WAS SO REPREHENSIBLE, MULTIPLE HOUSE
REPUBLICANS SUPPORTED IMPEACHMENT.
AND WASHINGTON REPUBLICAN JAIME HERRERA BUTLER SPELLED OUT
WHAT'S KEPT REPUBLICANS SILENT FOR FOUR YEARS: FEAR.
>> FEAR TELLS US WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR.
IT INCITES ANGER AND VIOLENCE AND FIRE.
BUT IT ALSO HAUNTS US INTO SILENCE AND INACTION.
>> Stephen: TO WHICH HER G.O.P.
COLLEAGUES RESPONDED, "SHH!
HE'LL HEAR YOU!" SHE TRIED TO REASSURE THEM.
>> TRUTH, TRUTH SETS US FREE FROM FEAR.
TRUTH DOESN'T GUARANTEE BAD THINGS WON'T HAPPEN, BUT IT
DOES PROMISE TO ALWAYS PREVAIL IN THE END.
IT HAS NO SHADOWS WHERE DARKNESS CAN HIDE.
WITH TRUTH COMES LOVE, AND WE COULD USE THAT RIGHT NOW.
MY VOTE TO IMPEACH OUR SITTING PRESIDENT IS NOT A FEAR-BASED
DECISION.
I AM NOT CHOOSING A SIDE.
I'M CHOOSING TRUTH.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT FEAR.
>> Stephen: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SO EXCITED TO HEAR SOMEBODY
SAY THAT THEY BELIEVE IN OBJECTIVE TRUTH.
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A REPUBLICAN, THE CONGRESSWOMAN IS STILL
WILLING TO ADMIT THE SKY IS BLUE.
AND MOST OF THE ELECTORAL MAP IS, TOO.
BY THE WAY, SHE'S RIGHT-- THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, UNLESS
YOU COMMITTED SEDITION.
THEN THE TRUTH WILL PUT YOU IN JAIL FOR A LONG TIME.
HERRERA BUTLER JOINED OTHER REPUBLICANS WHO HAD PREVIOUSLY
ANNOUNCED THEIR SUPPORT FOR REMOVING THE PRESIDENT FROM
OFFICE.
YESTERDAY, NEW YORK REPRESENTATIVE JOHN KATKO SAID,
"I CANNOT SIT BY WITHOUT TAKING ACTION.
I WILL VOTE TO IMPEACH THIS PRESIDENT."
ILLINOIS REPUBLICAN ADAM KINZINGER EXPLAINED, "THE
PRESIDENT BROKE HIS OATH OF OFFICE AND INCITED THIS
INSURRECTION.
I WILL VOTE IN FAVOR OF IMPEACHMENT."
AND MICHIGAN CONGRESSMAN FRED UPTON DECLARED, "I WOULD HAVE
PREFERRED A BIPARTISAN, FORMAL CENSURE RATHER THAN A DRAWN-OUT
IMPEACHMENT PROCESS.
I FEAR THIS WILL NOW INTERFERE WITH IMPORTANT LEGISLATIVE
BUSINESS AND A NEW BIDEN ADMINISTRATION.
BUT IT IS TIME TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
THUS, I WILL VOTE TO IMPEACH."
FORCEFULLY SAID.
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT STIRRING SCENE FROM "SPARTACUS."
>> I'M SPARTACUS!
>> I'M SPARTACUS >> I'M SPARTACUS!
>> I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED NOT TO HAVE TO BE SPARTACUS, GIVEN HOW
IMPORTANT MY OWN IDENTITY IS TO ME AND THE FEAR THAT WE MIGHT
ALL SUFFER PUNISHMENT AT A TIME WHEN ROME SHOULD JUST MOVE
FORWARD, BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
SO I, RELUCTANTLY, IS ALSO SPARTACUS.
I GUESS.
>> Stephen: BUT BY FAR, THE MOST SIGNIFICANT STATEMENT WAS THIS:
"THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A GREATER BETRAYAL BY A PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
I WILL VOTE TO IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT."
THAT, FROM LIZ CHENEY.
SHE'S THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE REPUBLICAN CAUCUS!
SHE'S THE THIRD-RANKING REPUBLICAN!
SHE'S THE SECOND-RANKING CHENEY!
THAT'S HOW AWFUL THIS PRESIDENT IS.
HE HAS MADE ME GRATEFUL TO LIZ CHENEY!
CAN WE IMPEACH HIM FOR THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> IT BURNS!
NOW, UNLIKE THE FIRST TIME TRUMP WAS IMPEACHED, THIS IMPEACHMENT
MIGHT NOT BE DEAD ON ARRIVAL IN THE SENATE, THANKS TO SENATE
MAJORITY LEADER AND GUY CREEPING OUT EVERYONE ELSE AT THE STRIP
CLUB MITCH McCONNELL.
REPORTEDLY, McCONNELL HAS TOLD ASSOCIATES IN PRIVATE THAT HE
BELIEVES THE PRESIDENT COMMITTED IMPEACHABLE OFFENSES AND IS
LEANING TOWARD CONVICTING HIM.
IT WILL ALL BE IN HIS MEMOIR "LEANING TOWARD COURAGE."
TURNS OUT, THE PRESIDENT UNLEASHING HIS SUPPORTERS TO
KILL CONGRESS WAS A BIT OF A TURNING POINT.
NOW THE SENATOR APPARENTLY "HATES" THE PRESIDENT, AND
NEVER PLANS TO SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN.
OH, DANG!
BEING IMPEACHED IS ONE THING, BUT GETTING THE SILENT TREATMENT
FROM MITCH McCONNELL?
THAT'S GOT TO STING.
IMAGINE SEEING YOUR OLD PAL MITCH AND NOT BEING GREETED WITH
THE USUAL SUNSHINE OF...
( AS McCONNELL ) "HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT."
McCONNELL'S APPARENT SUPPORT FOR IMPEACHMENT GIVES COVER FOR
OTHERS, MEANING A DOZEN REPUBLICAN SENATORS-- AND
POSSIBLY MORE-- COULD ULTIMATELY VOTE TO CONVICT THE PRESIDENT.
YES, AND AT LEAST A DOZEN, AND POSSIBLY MORE, IF THERE'S A SALE
AT BOB'S SPINE BARN.
THEY'RE VERTE-GREAT!
ONE REPUBLICAN HOUSE MEMBER WHO IS STICKING WITH THE PRESIDENT
IS ALABAMA REPRESENTATIVE AND MAN WHO WANTS YOU TO OVERTHROW
DEMOCRACY, MO BROOKS.
BROOKS ISN'T UPSET THAT THE PRESIDENT INCITED THE MOB,
BECAUSE HE WAS INCITEMENT'S OPENING ACT.
>> TODAY IS THE DAY AMERICAN PATRIOTS START TAKING DOWN NAMES
AND KICKING ASS.
( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: NOW, BROOKS REFUSES
TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT SPEECH, CLAIMING THAT WHEN HE SAID
"KICKING ASS," HE WAS TALKING ABOUT A DONKEY.
SAME WAY I'M TALKING ABOUT A CHICKEN WHEN I SAY "MO BROOKS IS
A COMPLETE COCK."
( LAUGHTER ) BROOKS HAS SINCE CHANGED HIS
STORY AND CLAIMED THAT HIS REMARKS WERE ABOUT WINNING THE
2022 AND 2024 ELECTION.
COME ON, MO.
YOU DON'T GET TO RILE UP A CROWD AND TELL THEM TO KICK ASS AT THE
CAPITOL AND THEN WHEN THEY DO, SAY IT WAS ABOUT VOTING IN TWO
YEARS FROM NOW.
THAT'S LIKE C&C MUSIC FACTORY CLAIMING THE SONG "EVERYBODY
DANCE NOW" IS ACTUALLY ABOUT GOING HOME AND GETTING SOME REST
SO YOU CAN BOOGIE TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT AT YOUR COUSIN'S
WEDDING NEXT SUMMER.
AND YOU'RE NOT INVITING MO.
HE IS IMPLICATED IN THE RALLY HIMSELF.
ALI ALEXANDER WENT ON THE INTERNET TO SHARE THE CREDIT.
>> I'M THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH JANUARY 6 WHEN I WAS TALKING
WITH THE CONGRESSMEN.
IT WAS TO BUILD MOMENTUM AND PRESSURE, AND ON THE DAY CHANGED
HEARTS AND MINDS OF CONGRESSPEOPLES, WHO WEREN'T YET
DECIDED OR SAW EVERYONE OUTSIDE AND SAID I CAN'T BE ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THAT MOB.
MOB.
>> Stephen: HE JUST IMPLICATED REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN PAUL
GOSAR, ANDY BIGGS, AND MO BROOKS, ALWAYS KNOWN AS THE
THREE COUP-GES.
THIS NAME, MO BROOKS, WILL GO DOWN IN INFAMIY.
LUCKY FOR HIM, ERIN BURNETT MICTS THE UP HER BROOKS.
>> CERTAINLY IN THE WORDS OF MEL BROOKS.
>> Stephen: COME ON!
MEL BROOKS?
MEL BROOKS.
BLAH HAS MEL BROOKS DONE TO APPEAL TO FASCISTS.
>> COME AND JOIN THE NAZI PARTY.
> OKAY, BUT UNLIKELET PROPERTY HE WAS JOKING.
ANOTHER PROFILE IN JELLO IS SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND
DENETHOR WITH A HAIRCUT, LINDSEY GRAHAM.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER WEDNESDAY'S VIOLENT PUTSCH, GRAHAM CAME BACK
OUT OF THE SENATE SAFE-BUNKER AND TOOK TO THE FLOOR TO LET
EVERYONE KNOW THAT HE'S AGAINST ALMOST BEING KILLED.
>> ALL I CAN SAY IS COUNT ME OUT.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: ( AS GRAHAM ) "I HAVE SEARCHED MY CONSCIENCE,
EXAMINED MY VALUES, AND I HAVE COME TO THE PROFOUND REALIZATION
THAT I ENJOY BREATHING.
GRAHAM OUT!" EXCEPT, GRAHAM BACK IN.
BECAUSE YESTERDAY, LINDSAY FLEW ON AIR FORCE ONE WITH THE
PRESIDENT TO HIS SPEECH.
SO, SIX DAYS AFTER TAKING WHAT SEEMED LIKE A STAND, HE HOPPED
ON THE PRESIDENT'S PLANE?
( AS GRAHAM ) "OKAY, SOMEBODY STUFF ME IN THE
OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT.
GOOD THING MY SPINE FOLDS SO EASILY AND I CONTAIN LESS THAN
THREE OUNCES OF COURAGE."
OH, HI.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE SAM BEE AND THE STAR OF "NORMAL PEOPLE," PAUL
MESCAL.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE!" STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: OH, HEY.
JUST KEEPING IT REAL.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON BATISTE.
IT IS AN HISTORIC DAY.
YET ANOTHER HISTORIC DAY HERE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, THE HOME
OF THE BRAVE.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> Jon: THEY JUST KEEP COMING.
THEY JUST KEEP COMING.
I'M FEELING VERY RAW, EXPOSED.
MY INNARDS ARE EXPOSED.
( LAUGHS ) IT FEELS...
IT FEELS LIKE I'M SEARCHING FOR MAGIC THAT IS LEFT IN THE WORLD
THAT I HAVE FAITH IS LEFT IN THE WORLD.
I'M SEARCHING FOR IT.
I WANT TO BALANCE OUT ALL THE RIFT OF THE STUFF THAT'S COMING
IN, WITH A LITTLE BIT MORE MAGIC TO KIND OF HEAL MYSELF, YOU
KNOW.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I SAW A LITTLE BIT OF MAGIC TODAY.
WE SAW SOME PEOPLE VOTING AGAINST THEIR OWN PERSONAL
POLITICAL INTERESTS FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY.
THAT WAS-- THAT WAS SATISFYING.
THAT MADE ME-- THAT GAVE ME SOME HOPE.
>> Jon: YEAH, BUT ISN'T IT KIND OF LATE A LITTLE BIT, YOU
KNOW?
>> Stephen: HEY, MAN, HEY MAN, THE 11th HOUR CONVERT GETS
THE SAME PAY THAT THE OTHER WORKERS IN THE VINEYARD DOES.
DO I HAVE TO SEND YOU A BOOK?
>> Jon: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> Stephen: JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PATRIOTIC AT YOUR
FINGERTIPS?
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
LET'S SEE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME LINING A PATH WITH THE
BRIGHTEST, MOST TOPICAL CHERRY BLOSSOMS, LAYING THEM BY THE
NEWSIEST BUBBLING BROOK AND CAREFULLY RAKING THE SANDS TO
CREATE THE JAPANESE ZEN GARDEN THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I LIKE TO DIG A SHALLOW PIT, LINE IT WITH
SOME TWO BY FOURS I FOUND BEHIND THE HOME DEPOT, FILL IT WITH
GRAVEL AND SAND I STOLE FROM THE SCRAPYARD, AND TOP IT ALL OFF
WITH SOME USED CAT LITTER TO ASSEMBLE THE DERELICT SANDBOX
OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, POLICE IN NEW JERSEY RESPONDED TO A 911 CALL
THAT "A FLOCK OF ANGRY CHICKENS WAS WREAKING HAVOC AT A
McDONALD'S DRIVE-THRU."
YOU CALLED 911?
YOU'RE IN A CAR.
THEY'RE CHICKENS.
"THE CHICKENS ARE COMING!
WHAT DO I DO?!
WHAT DO I-- I JUST DRIVE AWAY?
OKAY, I WILL DO THAT, THEN."
( LAUGHTER ) NO WORD ON WHOSE CHICKENS THEY
WERE, BUT WHEN ANIMAL CONTROL ARRIVED AT THE McDONALD'S, THEY
"SAW THE CHICKENS HARASSING AND CHASING CUSTOMERS, ALONG WITH
PECKING AT CAR TIRES."
FORTUNATELY, NO ONE WAS HURT, AND THE CHICKENS WERE ROUNDED UP
AND SAFELY GIVEN A NEW HOME.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN ROBOT NEWS, "THE PETIT QOOBO IS A CUSHIONED
ROBOT WITH A TAIL THAT WAVES GENTLY WHEN THE ROBOT IS PET."
AWW, IT'S LIKE SOMEONE WANTED TO DRAW A CAT BUT THEY STARTED AT
THE BUTT AND THEN LOST INTEREST.
ACCORDING TO THE COMPANY, THE QOOBO IS "DESIGNED TO OFFER
USERS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT."
COME ON.
REAL CATS DON'T EVEN DO THAT!
PLUS, YOU'LL NEED TO REGISTER IT WITH THE AUTHORITIES IF YOU WANT
TO TAKE IT ON A PLANE AS YOUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ROBOT CAT ASS.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S TIME FOR EVERYONE'S FAVORITE
GENITALIA-BASED QUARANTINE-WHILE SUB-SEGMENT: "PEEN-WHILE."
AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT'S ACTUALLY TIME FOR EVERYONE'S
FAVORITE PEEN-WHILE SUB-SUB-SEGMENT: "PEEN-JAIL."
PEEN-JAIL, "A HACKER TOOK CONTROL OF PEOPLE'S
INTERNETCONNECTED CHASTITY CAGES AND DEMANDED A RANSOM TO BE PAID
IN BITCOIN TO UNLOCK IT."
GETTING PAID IN BITCOIN?
THAT'S THE SECOND STUPIDEST IDEA I'VE HEARD!
NOW, JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR, A "CHASTITY CAGE" IS "A SEX TOY
THAT USERS PUT AROUND THEIR PENIS AND SOME OF THEM CAN BE
UNLOCKED REMOTELY."
NOT SURE HOW PEOPLE DO THAT LAST PART, BUT IT COULD EXPLAIN WHAT
THAT THIRD LIGHT SWITCH DOES IN MY GARAGE.
SO, APPARENTLY, THESE PEOPLE HOOKED UP THEIR DONG CAGES TO
THE 'NET, AND THEN THEY GOT HACKED, WHICH ACTUALLY LEADS TO
OUR PEEN-JAIL SUB-SUB-SUB-SEGMENT:
"WELL, YEAH."
WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING TO GIVE CONTROL OF YOUR DEPRIVATION BOX
TO A LOVED ONE, BUT IT'S QUITE A LEAP OF FAITH TO SAY, "LET'S
PUT MY JUNK IN THE CLOUD."
ANYWAY, OBVIOUSLY, WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHO IS LOCKED IN THESE
DEVICES, BUT IT'S PRETTY SCARY STUFF.
AND HERE TO DISCUSS THE MATTER IS MY WRITER WHO BROUGHT THIS TO
MY ATTENTION, DJANGO.
DJANGO, WHAT DO YOU THINK-- >> WE MUST MEET THESE HACKERS'
DEMANDS, STEPHEN.
WHATEVER THEY WANT, JUST GIVE IT TO THEM.
>> Stephen: BUT DON'T YOU THINK IT SETS A DANGEROUS PRECEDENT TO
JUST-- >> THE NEGOTIATIONS HAVE FAILED.
WE JUST NEED TO GIVE THESE CYBER-TERRORISTS THEIR INTERNET
MONEY SO THAT THIS NIGHTMARE CAN END.
>> Stephen: WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT IF WE APPEASE THESE
PEOPLE NOW, IT WILL JUST TEACH THEM THAT THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH
DOING IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.
>> THAT'S A GREAT THEORETICAL ARGUMENT, STEPHEN.
AND I CAN TELL THAT WHOEVER'S MAKING IT ISN'T LOCKED IN
SOLITARY RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: DJANGO, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST MOVE ON.
>> SURE, SURE, YOU'RE IN A POSITION WHERE YOU CAN SAY THAT.
BUT, YES, LET'S CHANGE TOPICS.
HEY, DO YOU LIKE MUSIC, STEPHEN?
>> Stephen: YEAH, OF COURSE I DO, DJANGO.
>> WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE FIONA APPLE ALBUM IS?
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> "FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS."
>> Stephen: THAT WAS A RAIL LONG WALK.
( LAUGHTER ) >> DO YOU ENJOY THE MUSIC OF
FIONA APPLE?
>> Stephen: SURE, SHE'S GOT SOME GOOD TUNES.
DJANGO, EVERYBODY!
>> I NEED OLIVE OIL, STAT!
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SAMANTHA BEE.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
JOINING ME NOW IS THE EMMY-WINNING HOST OF "FULL
FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE," SAMANTHA BEE.
SAMANTHA BEE, HELLO.
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, AS GOOD-- AS GOOD AS ANYBODY SHOULD
HAVE A HOPE TO RIGHT NOW.
>> NO ONE CAN REALLY TRULY ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
AT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I AM, EITHER.
>> Stephen: I HAVE-- I DON'T ACTUALLY IS HAVE A BONE TO PICK
WITH YOU.
I DO WANT TO POINT SOMETHING OUT TO YOU.
YOU'RE ALWAYS HERE FOR ENORMOUS NEWS.
YOU WERE HERE THE NIGHT THAT COMEY WAS FIRED.
YOU WERE HERE THE NIGHT OF THE RELEASE OF THE MUELLER REPORT.
Y WERE HERE FOR THE 2020 IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
AND TODAY, THE HOUSE MADE HISTORY BY IMPEACHING THE
PRESIDENT A SECOND TIME.
>> STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> YOU AND I ARE LIKE AMENTOSE AND A DIET COKE.
WE CANNOT-- WE CANNOT COME TOGETHER.
WE'RE LIKE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TOGETHER CAUSE SOCIETAL
COLLAPSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
IT'S LIKE -- >> Stephen: HOW-- SOMEBODY--
LIKE, WE HAVE SIMILAR JOBS.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: WE BOTH GO ON TV AND TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE
NATIONAL CONVERSATION IS RIGHT NOW.
AND, ALSO, KIND OF REFLECT BACK AT THE CAMERA OUR TAKE ON THE
NATIONAL MOOD.
HOW ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
HOW ARE YOU APPROACHING YOUR JOB?
>> WELL, I WILL SAY THIS, I WILL SAY THAT I WAS SO...
NEVER GOING TO HEAR ANOTHER PERSON SAY TO ME, "YOU MUST BE
SO HAPPY TO HAVE SO MUCH CONTENT TO TALK ABOUT."
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> BECAUSE I WANT THIS CHAPTER TO END.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DONALD TRUMP ANYMORE.
I WANT IT TO-- I WANT HIM TO GO AWAY.
SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHERE I'M AT.
I MEAN WE HAVE-- IT'S OUR FIRST SHOW TONIGHT OF OUR NEW SEASON
OF THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: MAZEL TOV.
>> AND IT-- OH, THANK YOU.
AND IT COMES RIGHT, YOU KNOW, ASTRIDE THIS, LIKE, HIDEOUS
MOMENT IN HISTORY.
SO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT ON THE SHOW.
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
WE'RE ACTUALLY-- I'M SURE IT'S THE SAME FOR YOU-- WE'RE KIND OF
PROCESSING THIS IN REAL TIME.
>> Stephen: AND HOW DO YOU FIT IT IN TO THE SHOW IS THE THING.
I KNOW-- SOMETIMES I'M JEALOUS OF YOU DOING, YOU KNOW, A
ONCE-A-WEEK SHOW THAT'S JUST PACKED WITH PENUTS.
BUT THIS IS-- I'M GRATEFUL TO BE ABLE TO DO A SHOW EVERY NIGHT
BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY BITES AT THE APPLE.
DO YOU EVER SAY TO YOURSELF, "OH, MY GOD, HOW I DO FIT WHAT
HAPPENED LAST WEEK INTO MY SHOW TONIGHT?"
>> WELL, SOMETIMES I'M ACTUALLY GRATEFUL THAT I DON'T HAVE TO--
THAT I CAN ACTUALLY JUST PROCESS AS A CITIZEN AND TAKE A STEP
BACK AND KIND OF WATCH THE STORY UNFOLD BEFORE WE REALLY DIVE IN
THERE.
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SITUATIONS.
WE DID NOT HAVE A SHOW LAST WEDNESDAY, AS THE CAPITOL WAS
BEING STORMED.
SO I GOT TO--...
SO I DID, YOU KNOW, PROCESS THAT AS, LIKE, A CITIZEN OF THE
UNITED STATES, LIKE, WATCHING IT ON MY TV SCREEN, JUST JAW ON THE
FLOOR, SO SAD, JUST AWFUL.
TODAY I'M HAPPY TO HAVE A SHOW BECAUSE WE CAN TALK ABOUT, YOU
KNOW, ALL OF THE ENABLERS WHO MADE THIS HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> SO, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US.
>> Stephen: YOU VOTED IN 2016, WHICH WAS THE FIRST YEAR THAT
YOU COULD VOTE AFTER YOU BECAME A CITIZEN OF THESE UNITED
STATES.
>> IT WENT GREAT.
FLAWLESS EXPERIENCE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO POINT OUT EVERY ELECTION UP UNTIL
THEN, WE DIDN'T HAVE A FARBANIST OFFICE.
I'M NOT BLAMING YOU!
I'M JUST SAYING, YOU KNOW, CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION,
BUT STILL.
HOW DID 2016 VOTING COMPARE TO 2020 VOTING FOR YOU?
>> 2020 VOTING WAS SO-- LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I-- I JUST, LIKE,
SKIP-HOPPED TO VOTE IN 2016.
I WAS SO EXCITED.
I'M GOING TO GET A STICKER!
I'M GOING TO VOTE!
I'M SO THRILLED!
I WAS SO-- JUST, LIKE, THERE WAS SUCH A BOUNCE IN MY STEP THAT
DAY.
AND THIS TIME AROUND JUST THE WEIGHT OF THE MOMENT WAS UPON
US.
I MADE SURE TO VOTE IN MORE THAN BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO HAVE
THAT REALLY TACTILE EXPERIENCE OF VOTING.
SO I STOOD OUT IN THE RAIN WITH MY UMBRELLA, AND I WAS, LIKE,
VERY STERN WITH A LOT OF OTHER REALLY STERN PEOPLE WITH OUR
UMBRELLAS AS THE RAIN POURED DOWN.
AND THEN WHEN I GOT TO THE VOTING BOOTH, I SPOKE-- I TALKED
TO MY BALLOT.
I WAS SO MAD AND SO SPECIFIC, AND I DID IT PERFECTLY.
I BROUGHT MY OWN PEN.
I WAS LIKE, "WE'RE DOING THIS AND WE'RE GOING TO DO IT RIGHT."
AND THEN I-- I-- I FLIPPED OFF MY BALLOT.
AND I SPOKE TO IT.
AND I TOLD IT TO... OFF.
I WAS LIKE -- >> Stephen: WOW.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
I HAD, LIKE, A PERSONAL MOMENT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> WITH MY BALLOT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S MIXED MESSAGES TO THE BALLOT.
BALLOT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL NOW.
>> THE BALLOT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL BUT I JUST NEEDED TO
SPEAK TO MY BALLOT.
I GAVE MYSELF SOME TIME AND SPACE TO DO THAT.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THIS PHOTOGRAPH SO MUCH INDEPENDENCE
YOU PRODUCING "FULL FRONTAL" OUT IN THE WILD WITH YOUR FAMILY AS
YOUR CREW.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: I 100% FEEL YOU, GIRL.
TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TO HAVE YOUR KIDS HOLDING THE--
THIS IS-- I ASSUME THIS IS, LIKE, PROMPTER OVER HERE FOR
YOUR-- >> YEAH.
I THINK IN THAT PHOTO, MY DAUGHTER'S HOLDING THE PROMPTER
UP.
IT'S LIKE-- IT'S REALLY ON AN iPAD, SO I WAS CONTROLLING THE
SPEED OF IT AND EVERYTHING.
SO SHE WAS JUST HOLDING IT.
AND THEN MY OTHER KIDS WERE HOLDING THE FLEX FILL, WHICH IS
LIKE THIS LITTLE FOIL THING THAT --
>> Stephen: THAT THING, YEAH.
>> THAT REFLECTS NICE LIGHT ON TO YOUR FACE.
THEY WERE VERY GUNG-HO WHEN WE STARTED.
WE STARTED PRETTY MUCH RIGHT AWAY FILMING BEHIND OUR HOUSE,
FILMING THE SHOW.
THEY WERE REALLY GUNG-HO AT FIRST BECAUSE I SAT THEM DOWN
AND I WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, GUYS, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.
WE'RE MAKING THE SHOW AT HOME NOW, AND THIS IS A FAMILY
BUSINESS, OKAY.
THIS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR.
SO EVERYBODY, WE'RE GOING TO NEED YOU TO PITCH IN.
IT'S JUST ME AND DADDY AND YOU GUYS AND WE'RE ALL IN THIS
TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF NICE IN A WAY.
THE SITUATION IS TERRIBLE BUT IT'S NICE TO GET THE FAMILY
INVOLVED.
>> YEAH, GET EVERYBODY INVOLVED AND THEY WERE INTO IT FIRST.
AND THEN THEY WERE LIKE, "ARE WE--" LITERALLY, THEY WERE LIKE,
"ARE WE GETTING PAID FOR THIS?
BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT PEOPLE DO THIS AS A JOB, AND THEY GET PAID
FOR IT."
I WAS LIKE, "ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YOUR PAYMENT IS YOUR LIFE THAT WE PROVIDE FOR YOU."
AND THEN THERE ARE CERTAIN SHOTS, THEN THEY SORT OF-- THEY
PETERED OUT.
THEY WERE LIKE, "WE DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.
WE HAVE HOMEWORK."
AND THEY PRETEND TO BE BUSY ALL THE TIME.
AND THERE IS SHOTS WHEN YOU CAN SEE BEAUTIFUL, GLOWING LIGHT ON
MY FACE.
AND AT SOME POINT THAT JUST FALLS AWAY.
AND IF YOU COULD SEE THE WIDE SHOT, IT'S BECAUSE MY TEENAGED
DAUGHTER JUST SAT DOWN.
SHE WAS LIKE, "THIS IS SO BORING.
I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE.
UGH."
AND SHE WOULD JUST, LIKE, SIT ON A STUMP, AND ALL THE LIGHT WAS
GONE FROM MY FACE.
I DON'T BLAME HER.
I DON'T BLAME HER AT ALL.
SHE REALLY -- >> Stephen: THIS IS THE THING
I REALLY WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID NOT KNOW THIS.
BUT WHO WOULD GUESS THAT SAMANTHA BEE KEEPS BEES.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE AN APIARY.
WHY IS IT-- DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAD TO BECAUSE ENOUGH PEOPLE
WERE SUGGESTING IT TO YOU?
THIS WOULD BE LIKE STEPHEN COLBERT REFRIGERATING GRIZZLIES.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I LOVE IT.
I THINK IT'S ADMIRABLE.
IS THIS NEW?
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?
>> PRETTY NEW.
I'VE ONLY BEEN DOING IT FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS NOW.
AND I DO THINK THAT IN SOME-- MY ANCESTRAL NAME IS ACTUALLY BEE.
IT'S NOT A MADE-UP NAME THAT I CAME TO HAVE.
SO I PROBABLY THINK THAT WELL BACK, MANY GENERATIONS BACK,
SOMEBODY IN MY FAMILY WAS, LIKE, WORKING ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S
PROPERTY AS THE BEEKEEPER, SO THEY SHORTENED IT TO BEE MOST
LIKELY.
SO MAYBE IT'S IN MY BLOOD AT SOME LEVEL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO GO.
BUT LET ME ASK YOU ONE QUESTION.
I'M AFRAID OF BEES.
ARE YOU EVER AFRAID OF YOUR BEES?
>> I'M NOT AFRAID OF THEM.
I FIND THEM VERY SOOTHING.
>> Stephen: BUT THEY HAVE STINGERS AND THEY CAN SWARM.
>> I TAKE A SOCIALLY DISTANCED BEEKEEPING CLASS, AND I DID GET
GREAT ADVICE.
WHEN YOU LIFT THE LID YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
YOU HAVE TO PUT A LITTLE SMOKE ON THEM.
YOU HAVE TO CALM THEM DOWN.
THE BEST ADVICE I GOT IS WHEN YOU OPEN UP THE LID TO DO STUFF
INSIDE, IF THEY ALL TURN TO LOOK AT YOU AT THE SAME TIME, YOU
SHOULD TAKE THE LID AND YOU SHOULD PUT IT BACK ON, AND THEN
YOU SHOULD COME BACK ANOTHER TIME.
BECAUSE THEY-- THEY REALLY DON'T WANT YOU INTERFERING WITH THEIR
PROCESS THAT DAY.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU GIVE ME-- I KNOW YOU'RE A BRILLIANT
ACTRESS.
YOU CAN GIVE ME THE LOOK A BEE MIGHT GIVE ME THAT TELLS ME TO
BUG OFF?
>> OKAY, SURE, OKAY, HERE WE WE GO.
>> Stephen: I'LL BE YOU, DA-DA-DA.
I WANT TO CHECK MY BEES.
( WHISTLES ) LID OFF.
OKAY I'M OUT OF HERE.
ANYONE LOOKS AT YOU-- AN ANIMAL, MAMMAL, LOOKS AT YOU, GET OUT OF
THERE!
>> GET AWAY, GET AWAY, GO HOME.
>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IF YOU ENJOYED THIS,
YOU CAN GET PLENTY MORE SAMANTHA BEE BY WATCHING SEASON SIXTH OF
"FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE" WEDNESDAYS ON TBS.
LOVELY TO SEE YOU, SAMANTHA.
SAMANTHA BEE, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE STAR OF "NORMAL PEOPLE," PAUL
MESCUL.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW AS CONNELL FROM THE HIT
SHOW "NORMAL PEOPLE."
>> I WAS JUST CALLING TO SAY THAT I'M-- THAT I MISS YOU.
I-- I CAN'T REALLY TALK TO ANYBODY THE WAY THAT I TALK TO
YOU.
YEAH, UM, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY, OTHER THAN THE FACT
THAT-- OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT I MISS YOU AND...
I REALLY LOVE YOU, MARIANNE.
AND...
YEAH, SORRY.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," PAUL MESCUL.
HI PAUL, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD.
I MEAN, I'M IN SID SYDNEY.
I FEEL TOTALLY BIZARRE CONSIDERING WHAT'S GOING ON IN
THE WORLD.
BUT I'M GOOD.
>> Stephen: THERE MUST BE A LOT OF BIZARRE FEELINGS.
THE WHOLE WORLD IS FEELING BIZARRE RIGHT NOW.
YOU HAVE A SPECIAL BIZARRE SITUATION, WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN
SCIALGLY IN LOCKDOWN WITH THE REST OF US, YOU HAVE BEEN PART
OF A PHENOMENON.
"NORMAL PEOPLE" IS HUGE ALL OVER THE WORLD, AND YET, YOU'VE BEEN
LOCKED IN AND HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GO OUT THERE AND SORT OF
ENJOY, IF YOU WILL ENJOY-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WILL-- ENJOY
BEING AS FAMOUS AS YOU HAVE BECOME.
HAVE YOU HAD ANY SENSE-- LIKE, WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT THIS
THING THAT YOU DID HAD BLOWN UP?
>> I SUPPOSE MORE RECENTLY, JUST LANDING IN AUSTRALIA, KIND OF ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD, KNOWING THAT AN AUDIENCE HAS
SEEN IT HERE WAS JUST TOTALLY BIZARRE.
I WAS AT THE BEACH, FIRST DAY OUT OF QUARANTINE HERE, I WAS
RUNNING WITH MY HEAD DOWN, GOING TO THE BEACH.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, BEING IRISH, I'M, I THINK, THE PALEST MAN IN
SYDNEY AT THE MOMENT.
AND I WAS GETTING READY-- AUSTRALIANS LOOCTD AT MY
PALESKIN AND WERE LIKE, "MAKE SURE YOU'RE WEARING SUNCREAM,
AND REALIZED I WAS IN THE SHOW AND THERE WAS A KIND OF AWKWARD
CHANGE WHERE I WAS JUST STANDING VERY UNCOMFORTABLY.
BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A HIGH-- LIKE, KNOWING THAT THE SHOW HAS
BEEN SEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD WAS KIND OF ONE OF
THOSE KIND OF PAIN MOMENTS IN MY HEAD WHERE I WAS LIKE, "WOW,
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY."
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT JUST A POPULAR SHOW.
IT IS ALSO PERHAPS THE MOST RISQUE SHOW IN THE BBC'S
HISTORY.
IT'S BEEN CALLED THE RAUNCHIEST EVER BBC SHOW.
I DON'T THINK IT'S RAUNCHY.
IT'S A BIT RISQUE.
RAUNCHY WOULD BE THERE WERE NO REDEEMING QUALITIES.
BUT THERE IS A LOT OF SKIN, A LOT OF PALE, PALE IRISH SKIN.
I SPEAK AS SOMEONE WHO IS 100% IRISH.
I FEEL LIKE A BEACHED BELUGA WHALE WHEN I TAKE OFF MY SHIRT.
YOU HAVE LET YOUR FAMILY SEE IT?
IS THERE ANY CAUTION TO YOUR MOM OR YOUR DAD OR ANY OLDER OF YOUR
FAMILY LIKE, "BRACE YOURSELF."
>> SO WITH MY PARENTS, I THINK THEY KIND OF KNEW WHAT THEY WERE
GETTING IN FOR TO A CERTAIN EXTENT.
I GOT JOB AND THEY REALIZED THERE ARE QUITE A BIT OF SEX
SCENES IN IT.
AND THEY WERE TOTALLY BEHIND IT.
I THINK IT WAS MORE SO KIND OF THE OUTER CIRCLES OF MY FAMILY.
I HAVE AN AUNTIE IN THE WEST COAST OF IRELAND.
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE, AND WE
WARNED HER THAT IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE IT MIGHT BE ENTERING THAT
TERRITORY, MAYBE GO AND MAKE A CUP OF TEA, REMOVE YOURSELF FROM
THE ROOM -- >> Stephen: SURE, VACUUM OR
SOMETHING.
>> I THINK SHE UNDERESTIMATED THAT SOME OF THOSE SCENES ARE
QUITE LONG, SO THERE WERE A COUPLE OF CUPS OF TEA MADE
DURING A COUPLE OF SCENES.
BUT, YEAH, NO, BUT GENERALLY, LIKE, I THINK, LIKE, MY FAMILY,
OBVIOUSLY, ARE ECSTATIC ABOUT THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
I-- I'VE-- NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED ME TO DO A NUDE SCENE, BUT I WAS
JUST CURIOUS, ONCE YOU'VE DONE ONE OF THESE-- AND, OBVIOUSLY,
THEY'RE FOR THE PLOT.
THEY'RE NOT GRATUITOUS.
IT'S QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S QUITE MOVING.
HOW DO YOU FEEL AS THE ACTOR-- ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE CAMERA
ANGLES THEY CHOSE?
ARE YOU SAYING TO YOURSELF, "I HAVE TO TALK TO THE-- SHALL WE
SAY-- HAIR AND MAKEUP TEAM TOMORROW?"
>> YEAH, WE HAD-- THERE WAS...
LOOK, IT'S A BIZARRE EXPERIENCE.
YOU KIND OF... IT'S SO HARD TO DESCRIBE, BECAUSE IT'S LIKE
THOSE SITUATION ARE TYPICALLY, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU'RE INTO,U
THEY'RE TYPICALLY VERY PRIVATE ENCOUNTERS.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU-- THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THAT QUALIFIER
ON IT.
WE DON'T WANT TO CINCH SHAME ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO LIKES TO
( BLEEP ) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHATEVER.
WE'RE ALL ADULTS.
OKAY?
>> BUT THEN WHEN YOU PUT IN 10 PEOPLE INTO THE ROOM AND --
>> Stephen: SURE.
BOOM OPERATOR.
>> YEAH, BOOM OPERATOR.
AND YOU'RE BEING DOUSED IN, LIKE, FAKE SWEAT.
IT'S JUST A REALLY DIFFICULT THING TO DESCRIBE.
BUT, OBVIOUSLY, WE HAD AN AMAZING TEAM.
LIKE AN INCREDIBLY SUPPORTIVE TEAM BEHIND IT THAT MADE THOSE
KIND OF SCENES FEEL LIKE THE LEAST AWKWARD THEY COULD
POSSIBLY FEEL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE PAUL MESCUL.
♪ ♪ ♪
IS THERE HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "NORMAL PEOPLE," PAUL MESCUL.
WE HAD SAOIRSE RONAN ON THE SHOW, AND SHOO GAVE ME A COUPLE
OF HINTS ON NOW THE NON-IRISH CAN GET AN AUTHENTIC IRISH
ACCENT.
CAN YOU GIVE ME ANY TIPS?
OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVE IT IN SPADES BECAUSE IT COMES NATURALLY TO
YOU.
WHAT DO WE GET WRONG WHEN THOSE OF US WHO AREN'T IRISH WHO LOVE
THE SOUND OF IT TRY IT.
>> I FEEL LIKE THAT A GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS WITH THE LIKE
"A" "ORs."
LIKE, YOU SAY "CAR, FAR," THAT'S ALL THE "ARs" I KNOW.
IT'S THAT KIND OF HARD "OR," ARE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
KAUR?
>> THAT'S CLOSE.
>> Stephen: TRY IT, TRY IT, I WANT TO LEARN.
>> SO SAY "THAT CAR IS FAR."
>> Stephen: "THAT CAR IS FAR."
OH, GOD YOU HATED THAT.
ARE YOU BEING NICE.
YOU ARE BEING SO NICE.
ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE.
>> OKAY.
I'LL SLOW IT RIGHT DOWN.
"THAT CAR IS FAR."
>> Stephen: THAT CAR IS FAR.
>> YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE AWFULLY NICE.
PAUL, LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.
MAKE SURE THEY KEEP THE ROOM WARM WHEN YOU'RE SHOOTING.
"NORMAL PEOPLE" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON HULU.
PAUL MESCUL, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THANKS SO MUCH.
♪ ♪ ♪
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU BE HERE AGAIN TOMORROW.
MY GUEST WILL BE SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS AND MUSICAL GUEST,
FINNEAS.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org