BLOCKED FROM APPEARING ON THE
RACHEL MADDOW SHOW.
>> I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO COME ON YOU SHOW FOR MONTHS AND
MONTHS.
YOU HAVE BEEN ASKING ME TO COME ON YOUR SHOW FOR MONTHS AND
MONTHS, AND IT'S JUST GOTTEN BLOCKED.
>> AND NOW DR. ANTHONY FAUCI GOES ON ALL THE PROGRAMS HE
WASN'T ALLOWED TO APPEAR ON DURING THE PREVIOUS
ADMINISTRATION.
>> THERE'S BEEN SOME CHANGE AT THE TOP IN WASHINGTON.
IT'S GREAT TO FINALLY HAVE YOU HERE, SIR.
IT'S A REAL HONOR.
>> WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO IN A POST-COVID WOR
WORLD.
>> BRAD PITT, OF COURSE.
YOU CAN EXPECT TO START TO SEE COOLER WEATHER IN THE UPPER
NORTHEAST CORRIDOR.
>> DON'T TELL ME YOU GET WHAT IT'S LIKE BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET
IT.
>> IF YOU'RE BEING A BITCH I'M GOING TO TELL YOU.
>> FUNDAMENTALS ARE NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
LOOK AT THE PA STROMY SANDWICH.
>> SHOTS, SHOTS.
100 MILLION SHOTS.
>> HERE, WHAT DO WE DO FIRST?
'S AWAKE!
ARE YOU AWAKE, DOCTOR.
>> TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE BRITS ARE
SAYING.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT VACS ON, VACS OFF.
TONIGHT STEPHEN WELCOMES SERENA WILLIAMS AND MUSICAL GUEST
DAYGLOW, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
NOW FROM THE ED O'KEEFE THEATER OFFICE BUILDING IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: I'M PERFECTLY FOCUSED!
LOOK AT MY HAIR!
I'M SO FOCUSED.
THE FOCUS IS BLOWING MY HAIR BACK!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOURSELF, DOCTOR.
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT.
I'M ALSO KIND OF HAPPY YOU DID.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS, THIS COUNTRY HAS JUST EMERGED FROM FOUR YEARS OF
HISTORIC CORRUPTION, STUNNING INCOMPETENCE ANDER CONSIDERING
MESSAGE.
BUT BIDEN'S BEEN PRESIDENT SIX DAYS, WHY HASN'T HE FIXED
EVERYTHING YET?
THE FIRST EVERYTHING HE HAS TO BE FIXED IS CORONAVIRUS, AND
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST EDITION OF CATCH A THIRD WAVE
ENDLESS BUMMER.
>> I HAVEN'T VACCINE IT ANYWHERE!
AIN'T I A LITTLE PRICK?
GET IT?
THAT STUFF IS TOXIC!
GET IT OUT OF HERE!
( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: YOU WIN THIS TIME, COVID!
THE UNITED STATES JUST PASSED 25 MILLION COVID-19 CASES.
THERE HAVEN'T BEEN THAT MANY CASES OF SOMETHING SINCE ANGELA
LANSBURY CLEANED UP THE MEAN STREETS OF CABOT COVE.
SO MANY MURDERERS IN NEW ENGLAND!
THE U.S. GOT ITS FIRST DIAGNOSED CASE ON JANUARY 21 OF LAST YEAR,
AND SINCE THEN HAS AVERAGED ONE NEW INFECTION EVERY 1.2 SECONDS.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, LOOK AT THE PERSON TO YOUR LEFT, NOW
LOOK AT THE PERSON TO YOUR RIGHT, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF
THERE BECAUSE IT'S BEEN THREE SECONDS, YOU'RE ALL INFECTED!
THE VACCINE HAS GIVEN PEOPLE HOPE, BUT SO FAR, DISTRIBUTION
HAS BEEN A DISASTER.
OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DISTRIBUTE THEIR VACCINES, SO
WHY IS IT SO MESSED UP IN AMERICA?
YOU GUESSED IT.
THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION DID A HORRIBLE JOB PLANNING IT.
HOW BAD?
THE NEW HEAD OF THE C.D.C.
DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY, SAYS WE'RE NOT EVEN SURE HOW BAD
THINGS ARE.
>> I WOULD SAY ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW I
CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH VACCINE WE HAVE.
>> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, WHEN THE EX-PRESIDENT ORDERED VACCINES,
UNDER THE AMOUNT, HE JUST WROTE "BIGGIE SIZE IT!"
WALLENSKY CONTINUED: >> THE FACT THAT WE DON'T KNOW
TODAY FIVE DAYS INTO THIS ADMINISTRATION AND WEEKS INTO
PLANNING HOW MUCH VACCINE THAT WE HAVE, JUST GIVES YOU A SENSE
OF WHAT THE CHALLENGE WE HAVE BEEN LEFT WITH.
>> STEPHEN: HOW WOULD YOU EVEN DESCRIBE COMING INTO OFFICE WITH
THAT SITUATION?
>> WE STARTED OFF WITH EMPTY CUPBOARDS.
THE LAST ADMINISTRATION LEFT US NOTHING.
>> STEPHEN: HE'S RIGHT ABOUT EMPTY CUPBOARDS.
THE BIDENS FOUND NO FOOD IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
JUST A NOTE THAT SAYS, "BAKING SODA IS THE WORST SODA."
I GOT THIS TO WORK NOW.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.
BUT IT'S NOT SILLY STRING ANYMORE.
IT'S NOW SILLY SPURT.
IT DOESN'T MAKE A STRING FORM.
ALL OF THIS WILL BE EDIT OUT, OBVIOUSLY.
>> OBVIOUSLY.
>> Stephen: PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS A PLAN TO
COMBAT THE PANDEMIC WITH MORE VACCINES AND TESTING, AS WELL AS
EMERGENCY FUNDING TO STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS, AND $1,400
CHECKS FOR AVERAGE AMERICANS.
IT'S THE $1.9 TRILLION AMERICAN RESCUE PLAN.
BUT THIS RELIEF PLAN IS ALREADY RUNNING INTO TROUBLE.
THIS WEEKEND, A BIPARTISAN GROUP OF SENATORS TOOK ISSUE WITH THE
BILL'S PRICE TAG, WITH MAINE'S ANGUS KING SAYING, "THIS ISN'T
MONOPOLY MONEY."
ALL RIGHT, SO LET ME PUT THIS IN A WAY ANGUS KING WILL
UNDERSTAND: NO IT'S NOT "MONOPOLY" MONEY, BUT HOLDING UP
THIS RELIEF "OPERATION" REALLY DOES "BOGGLE" THE BRAIN.
IT DOESN'T TAKE A "MASTERMIND" TO SEE THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
ARE IN "TROUBLE."
BECAUSE "LIFE" AIN'T NO "CANDY LAND" WHEN JUST GOING TO THE
GROCERY STORE IS A "RISK."
"JENGA!" OH, MY GOD I HAVE ALFEELING I
JUST TID SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE.
SNRRCHGHTS ONE HOLDOVER FROM THE PREVIOUS
ADMINISTRATION IS DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, AND AFTER JUST ONE DAY OF
WORKING FOR BIDEN, YOU COULD REALLY FEEL THE DIFFERENCE.
THAT'S HIM WORKING FOR THE FORMER PRESIDENT ON THE LEFT,
AND THAT'S HIM ON DAY ONE OF WORKING FOR BIDEN.
THAT'S THE FACE OF A MAN WHO NO LONGER HAS TO PRESENT HIS
FINDINGS VIA PUPPET SHOW AND SCRATCH AND SNIFF.
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH "THE NEW YORK TIMES," DR. FAUCI SAID THE
FORMER PRESIDENT WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO MINIMIZE THE GLOBAL
PANDEMIC, EXPLAINING, "I WOULD TRY TO EXPRESS THE GRAVITY OF
THE SITUATION, AND THE RESPONSE OF THE PRESIDENT WAS ALWAYS
LEANING TOWARD, 'WELL, IT'S NOT THAT BAD, RIGHT?'
AND I WOULD SAY, 'YES, IT IS THAT BAD.'"
ADDING, "THE PRESIDENT WOULD CALL ME UP AND SAY, 'WHY ARE YOU
SO NEGATIVISTIC?
BE MORE POSITIVE.'" IN FACT, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WAS SO COMMITTED TO STAYING POSITIVE, HE TESTED POSITIVE.
AND THEN SPREAD THAT POSITIVITY EVERYWHERE HE WENT.
IT'S ALL IN THE UPCOMING MOVIE "SPRAY IT FORWARD."
AMERICA'S EX WAS ALSO INTO WACKY CURES WITHOUT PROOF.
FAUCI REMEMBERS THE PRESIDENT WOULD GET CALLS FROM RANDOS AND
"HE WOULD TAKE JUST AS SERIOUSLY THEIR OPINION-- BASED ON NO
DATA, JUST ANECDOTE-- THAT SOMETHING MIGHT REALLY BE
IMPORTANT.
IT WASN'T JUST HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE, IT WAS A
VARIETY OF ALTERNATIVE-MEDICINE-TYPE
APPROACHES.
IT WAS ALWAYS, 'A GUY CALLED ME UP, A FRIEND OF MINE FROM BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH.'" THOUGH I'M SURE EVERYTHING THE
PRESIDENT RECOMMENDED WAS PEER-REVIEWED IN "THE NEW
ENGLAND JOURNAL OF YADA, YADA, YADA, YOU GET THE IDEA."
DR. FAUCI'S NOT THE ONLY ONE FROM THE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE
SPILLING THE COVID NINE-TEA.
SO IS FORMER WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS RESPONSE COORDINATOR
AND MED SCHOOL CHOIR DIRECTOR SAYING "YOUR FEVER SHOULD BE
DOWN HERE," DR. DEBORAH BIRX.
BIRX APPEARED ON FACE THE BRENNAN WITH MARGARET NATION AND
REVEALED THE EX-PRESIDENT WAS GETTING MORE THAN SUGGESTIONS
FROM OUTSIDE SOURCES.
>> THERE WAS PARALLEL DATA STREAMS COMING INTO THE WHITE
HOUSE THAT WERE NOT TRANSPARENTLY UTILIZED.
SO, I KNOW THAT SOMEONE-- OR SOMEONE OUT THERE OR SOMEONE
INSIDE WAS CREATING A PARALLEL SET OF DATA AND GRAPHICS THAT
WERE SHOWN TO THE PRESIDENT.
I SAW THE PRESIDENT PRESENTING GRAPHS THAT I NEVER MADE.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S GOT TO SUCK.
YOU SPEND ALL NIGHT PREPARING A SLIDE SHOW EXPLAINING U.S.
INFECTION RATES, THEN THE PRESIDENT GOES OUT AND SHOWS
EVERYONE A GRAPH RANKING HIS CHICKEN MCNUGGET DIPS IN ORDER
OF SAUCEOMENESS.
DR. BIRX ALSO PROVIDED A SUSPECT:
>> I KNOW NOW BY WATCHING SOME OF THE TAPES THAT CERTAINLY
SCOTT ATLAS BROUGHT IN PARALLEL DATA STREAMS.
>> STEPHEN: AND IF THE RUMORS ARE TRUE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WILL PAY EXTRA FOR STREAMS.
♪♪♪ UP.
>> Stephen: WE'LL SEE.
WE'LL SEE.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE EX-PRESIDENT IS IN DEEP
DOO-DOO, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S "DON AND
THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS."
>> OUR PRESIDENT IS INCITING EVIL.
THAT'S VERY STICKY.
>> STEPHEN: IN OUR LAST EPISODE, THE FORMER POTUS BECAME THE
FIRST PRESIDENT EVER TO BE IMPEACHED TWICE.
THOSE ARE THE ONLY TIMES HE'S WON THE POPULAR VOTE.
TONIGHT, MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OFFICIALLY
WALKED THE ARTICLE OVER TO THE SENATE.
THEY DID THIS ONCE BEFORE, BUT LAST TIME, THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO
STEP OVER AS MUCH SHATTERED GLASS AND POOP STREAKS.
BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HEARING A HEARING ANYTIME SOON,
'CAUSE THE SENATE HAS DECIDED TO HIT PAUSE FOR TWO WEEKS, BECAUSE
DEMS WANT PRESIDENT BIDEN TO BE ABLE TO FILL HIS CABINET AND
BEGIN WORK ON HIS AGENDA, AND REPUBLICANS WANT TO GIVE THE
FORMER PRESIDENT TIME TO PREPARE HIS DEFENSE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
RUDY GIULIANI NEEDS TIME TO EAT A BIG BOWL OF CHILI AND LOAD UP
ON HEAD-JUICE.
BUT MOST REPUBLICANS AREN'T EAGER TO CONVICT.
LIKE SOUTH DAKOTA SENATOR AND GUY ASKING IF YOUR DAD BAND
NEEDS A SECOND BASS PLAYER, MIKE ROUNDS.
YESTERDAY, ROUNDS WAS ASKED ABOUT IMPEACHMENT, AND HE HAD A
CREATIVE DODGE.
>> DO YOU BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP COMMITTED AN IMPEACHMENT
OFFENSE?
>> TO BEGIN WITH, I THINK IT'S A MOOT POINT, BECAUSE I THINK
RIGHT NOW DONALD TRUMP IS NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT.
HE IS A FORMER PRESIDENT.
>> STEPHEN: HE WANTS TO LET HIM OFF FOR INSURRECTION BECAUSE
HE'S NO LONGER IN POWER?
THAT'S LIKE ACQUITTING JEFFREY DAHMER 'CAUSE HE'S FULL.
ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO THINKS IMPEACHMENT IS A BAD MOVE IS
FLORIDA SENATOR AND MAN SHUNNED FROM THE COOL SENATORS' LUNCH
TABLE, MARCO RUBIO.
YESTERDAY, RUBIO SAID HE THINKS IMPEACHMENT IS DANGEROUS.
>> FIRST OF ALL, I THINK THE TRIAL IS STUPID.
I THINK IT'S COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.
ALREADY HAVE A FLAMING FIRE IN THIS COUNTRY AND IT'S LIKE
TAKING A BUNCH OF GASOLINE AND POURING IT ON TOP OF THE FIRE.
>> STEPHEN: SO, THERE'S A "FLAMING" FIRE, YOU STUPID
IDIOT?
BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HOLD THE ARSONIST ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE
YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'LL BE PRIMARIED BY THE KINDLING?
BUT ONE REPUBLICAN WHO HASN'T PAWNED HIS MORAL COMPASS IS
UTAH SENATOR AND MAGICIAN WATCHING HIS FAVORITE DOVE FLY
AWAY, MITT ROMNEY.
WHEN ASKED IF IMPEACHMENT WAS AN APPROPRIATE MEASURE, ROMNEY SAID
THIS: >> WELL, YES, I BELIEVE THAT
WHAT IS BEING ALLEGED AND WHAT WE SAW, WHICH IS INCITEMENT TO
INSURRECTION, IS AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE.
>> STEPHEN: GOOD FOR ROMNEY.
HE HAS THE COURAGE TO BREAK RANKS WITH HIS REPUBLICAN
COLLEAGUES AND TAKE THE BOLD STANCE THAT "TRYING TO MURDER US
IS BAD."
BUT DESPITE SOME SENATORS' OPEN-MINDEDNESS ABOUT
IMPEACHMENT, IT'S LARGELY GOING TO BE PARTISAN.
ONE REPUBLICAN SENATOR SAID "MANY VIEW IT AS A GAME OF
SHIRTS AND SKINS."
HMM, I WATCHED THE VIDEO OF THAT RIOT.
IT'S REALLY "SHIRTS AND SKIN-HEADS."
OVER THE WEEKEND, WE LEARNED YET ANOTHER REASON WHY THE FORMER
PRESIDENT SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM THE OFFICE HE'S ALREADY BEEN
REMOVED FROM.
ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORK TIMES," THE THEN-PRESIDENT
PLOTTED TO FIRE ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL AND MAN WHO JUST BURPED
IN HIS OWN MASK, JEFFREY ROSEN, THEN REPLACE HIM WITH JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT OFFICIAL, AND ELTON JOHN IF HE WENT TO LAW SCHOOL,
JEFFREY CLARK.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: FROM THE MOMENT BILL BARR ANNOUNCED HIS
RESIGNATION, THE THEN-PRESIDENT PRESSURED ROSEN TO USE THE POWER
OF THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TO INTERFERE IN THE ELECTION.
ROSEN REFUSED.
MEANWHILE, CLARK, SUCKING UP TO THE PRESIDENT LIKE A LAMPREY
STREETWALKER, DRAFTED A LETTER THAT HE WANTED ROSEN TO SEND TO
GEORGIA STATE LEGISLATORS THAT WRONGLY SAID THAT THE JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT WAS INVESTIGATING ACCUSATIONS OF VOTER FRAUD IN
THEIR STATE, AND THAT THEY SHOULD MOVE TO VOID BIDEN'S WIN
THERE.
AND IF THAT WORKED, THEY'D SEND GEORGIANS NEW STICKERS THAT SAID
"I VOTED, BUT THEN SOME GUY WROTE A LETTER, SO FORGET IT."
ROSEN, WHO OWNS A SPINE, REFUSED TO SEND THE LETTER, BUT CLARK
WENT STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT, WHO-- SURPRISE! --LOVED THE
IDEA.
SO ROSEN GOT A CALL FROM CLARK TELLING HIM THE PRESIDENT
INTENDED TO REPLACE ROSEN WITH CLARK, WHO COULD THEN TRY TO
STOP CONGRESS FROM CERTIFYING THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE RESULTS.
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW CLARK THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT,
BUT I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA WHAT HE WAS GOING TO WEAR.
CLARK THEN ADDED THAT ROSEN COULD STAY ON AS HIS DEPUTY
ATTORNEY GENERAL, LEAVING MR. ROSEN SPEECHLESS.
I WOULD BE SPEECHLESS, TOO.
THAT'S LIKE A HUSBAND SAYING "HONEY, I REALIZE YOU'RE NOT ON
BOARD WITH ME HAVING A SECRET AFFAIR WITH LORRAINE.
HOW ABOUT WE GET A DIVORCE, I OPENLY BANG LORRAINE, BUT NOW
YOU CAN WATCH?" NOT ONLY DID THE FORMER
PRESIDENT'S ATTEMPT TO STEAL THE 2020 ELECTION FAIL, GET HIM
IMPEACHED, AND LAND HUNDREDS OF VIOLENT MORONS IN JAIL, IT HAS
MADE BIG PROBLEMS FOR ATTORNEY AND REPLICANT FAILING THE
VOIGHT-KAMPFF TEST, RUDY GIULIANI.
THIS MORNING, RUDY WOKE UP TO SOME BAD NEWS.
THE MANUFACTURER OF THE VOTING MACHINES THAT RUDY CLAIMED STOLE
THE ELECTION FOR BIDEN, DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS, IS SUING HIM FOR
$1.3 BILLION OVER HIS BASELESS ELECTION CLAIMS.
RUDY, YOU'VE GOT TWO DIFFICULT CHOICES: A: LEARN HOW TO WIN A
LAWSUIT, OR B: COME UP WITH A WAY TO RAISE 1.3 BILLION
DOLLARS.
I'M JUST SAYIN', NEW YORK COULD ALWAYS USE A NEW BIKINI CAR
WASH.
MM-HMM.
AS YOU MAY RECALL FROM MEMORIES YOU'VE REPRESSED, RUDY SPENT
MONTHS ACCUSING DOMINION VOTING MACHINES OF RIGGING THE ELECTION
ON THE ORDERS OF THE GHOST OF VENEZUELAN STRONGMAN HUGO
CHAVEZ.
BUT AS THE LAWSUIT POINTS OUT: "DOMINION WAS NOT FOUNDED IN
VENEZUELA TO FIX ELECTIONS FOR HUGO CHAVEZ.
IT WAS FOUNDED IN 2002 IN TORONTO TO HELP BLIND PEOPLE
VOTE ON PAPER BALLOTS."
AHA!
BUT PERHAPS THE BLIND PEOPLE ONLY THOUGHT THEY WERE IN
TORONTO, BUT WERE REALLY LISTENING TO PRE-RECORDED MOOSE
MATING CALLS INSIDE CHAVEZ'S VENEZUELAN VOTE FARM, EH?
THE LAWSUIT CLAIMS THAT RUDY SPREAD HIS LIES TO ENRICH
HIMSELF THROUGH HIS PODCAST WHERE HE EXPLOITED ELECTION
FALSEHOODS TO MARKET GOLD COINS, SUPPLEMENTS, CIGARS AND
PROTECTION FROM 'CYBERTHIEVES.'" AND, OF COURSE, HIS MOST POPULAR
PRODUCT, GOLD-PLATED CYBER-SECURE BONER CIGARS.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS SERENA WILLIAMS.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I PREVIEW THE SUPER BOWL.
THAT'S RIGHT, THE ONE THEY PLAY.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
LET'S SAY HE TO THE YOUR FRIEND AND MINE MR. JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: YES, HELLO.
HOW YOU FEELING?
>> Stephen: I'M FEELING GOOD.
YOU KNOW WHY?
>> Jon: WHY'S THAT?
>> Stephen: I'M SPECIAL SO I GOT YOUR NEW ALBUM AHEAD OF TIME
"WE ARE" WHICH COMES OUT MARCH 19th, RIGHT?
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, MARCH 19th, WE'RE GOING TO HIT
THE STREETS.
>> Stephen: YOU ALREADY DROPPED A NEW SINGLE THIS
WEEKEND WHICH IS "I NEED YOU."
YOU CAN CHECK IT OUT ON YOUTUBE.
WHERE ELSE?
>> Jon: YouTube, THE MUSIC VIDEO IS THERE, LISTEN TO IT ON
STREAMING, ORDER THE VINYL, PRE-ORDER.
THE WORLD'S BEEN CRYING OUT FOR A LONG TIME, AFTER 2020, WE NEED
TO HAVE FUN, WE CAN'T FORGET ABOUT FUN.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU FIND TIME TO WRITE AN ALBUM?
WE'RE ALL VERY BUSY.
>> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAD A LOT OF STUFF GOING ON WHEN I
WAS WRITING THISLE A PUM.
I WAS IN MY DRESSING ROOM AT THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER WRITING MOST
TO HAVE THE ALBUM.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT PLACE.
>> Jon: YOU SEE, THAT THEATER HAS A LOT OF SPECIAL JUJU IN
THERE.
I THINK THAT, WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT SPACE, THERE'S A LOT THAT
YOU CAN PULL FROM.
SO, YOU KNOW, IN BETWEEN OUR REHEARSALS AND OUR SHOW, I JUST
PULL 'EM RIGHT OUT OF THE AIR, BOOM!
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, DO YOU HAVE ANY JUJU IN YOUR
FINGERS YOU CAN SHARE WITH US?
>> Jon: OH, I'VE ALWAYS GOT SOME.
I GOT A FEW.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
"WE ARE" IS AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDEREDDER NOW.
CHECK IT OUT.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, WE'RE ROLLIN'.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIGGEST STORY IN
AMERICA IS THAT THE SUPER BOWL MATCH UP IS SET!
FEBRUARY 7, SUPER BOWL LV, THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN MEN'S FOOTBALL!
THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO WATCH HURTLING SLABS OF MEAT IN SHINY
PANTS SELL CAR INSURANCE!
THE BIG GAME WILL PIT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AGAINST THE
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS.
PIRATES VERSUS NATIVE AMERICANS?
OKAY, NOW THEY'RE JUST RIPPING OFF MY UN-PRODUCED SCREENPLAY
THAT EVERYONE CALLED "DEEPLY PROBLEMATIC" AND "GEOGRAPHICALLY
INCONSISTENT," "DANCES WITH PARROTS."
TIME FOR COSTNER'S COMEBACK.
CALL ME, KEVIN.
BEST OF ALL, THIS YEAR'S SUPER BOWL IS ONLY ON CBS!
SO, STAY TUNED AFTER ALL THE KICKING, MAN-TACKLING ACTION FOR
A VERY SPECIAL "THE LATE SHOW: SUPER BOWL EDITION!"
THINK OF ME AS THE EIGHTH LAYER ON YOUR DIP.
THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK OF ME ON YOUR TIP.
I'LL WAIT.
THIS IS A QUARTERBACK MATCH UP FOR THE AGES.
FOR THE BUCCANEERS, YOU'VE GOT THE GREATEST Q.B. EVER TO PLAY
THE GAME, TOM BRADY.
BRADY PLAYED FOR THE PATRIOTS FOR 20 YEARS BEFORE SWITCHING TO
A YOUNGER TEAM THIS SEASON, SO IT'S BASICALLY A MID-LIFE
CRISIS.
"YEAH, I WAS KIND OF IN A RUT, SO I MOVED DOWN TO TAMPA BAY.
GOT A SWEET BEACH CONDO.
AND WHEN THE KIDS VISIT ME ON THE WEEKENDS, WE JUST HAVE TO
CLEAR UNCLE GRONK'S PAINTBALL STUFF OFF THE BUNK BEDS."
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FOOTBALL NET, YOU'VE GOT CHIEFS
Q.B. PATRICK MAHOMES, WHO'S GOING FOR HIS SECOND SUPER BOWL
RING AT JUST 25 YEARS OLD.
THE SAVVY VETERAN VERSUS THE YOUNG PHENOM-- IT'S A MATCH UP
THAT FOOTBALL FANS ARE COMPARING -- BASEBALL FANS ARE CALLING A
FOOTBALL GAME.
( LAUGHTER ) AS WELL THEY SHOULD!
BECAUSE IT IS A FOOTBALL GAME.
AND THE FOOTBALL FANS ARE COMPARING TO LeBRON AND JORDAN
PLAYING IN THE FINALS.
OF COURSE, JORDAN DOESN'T ACTUALLY PLAY
BASKETBALL ANYMORE, SO IT'S MORE LIKE LEBRON AND JORDAN GAMBLING
ON THE FINALS.
WHICH MAY BE HAPPENING ON THIS GAME.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I ANSWER THE AGE-OLD QUESTION: IS WATER
REALLY THAT IMPORTANT?
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪
♪
( THEME SONG PLAYING ) >> Stephen: WELL, HEY THERE,
EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK.
FOLKS, THERE ARE A LOT OF URGENT CONCERNS FACING AMERICANS RIGHT
NOW.
WILL THE PANDEMIC EVER END?
WHEN WILL WE GET THE CORONAVIRUS VACCINE?
ONCE "THE CROWN" CATCHES UP TO REALITY, WILL MEGHAN MARKLE PLAY
HERSELF?
I MEAN, SHE'S AN ACTRESS, BUT THEN DO ALL THE ROYALS PLAY
THEMSELVES?
I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO PRINCE ANDREW'S TAKE ON PRINCE
ANDREW.
THE PROBLEM WITH SO MANY BIG PROBLEMS IS THAT THERE ARE
SMALLER PROBLEMS THAT ARE STILL BIG PROBLEMS, BUT WE MIGHT MISS
THEM BECAUSE OF THE EVEN LARGER PROBLEMS, WHICH IS A BIG
PROBLEM.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEW UNFORTUNATE SEGMENT: "UH-OH!"
TONIGHT'S UH-OH: WHILE YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT THE PLANET-WIDE
COVID CRISIS, DON'T FORGET TO WORRY ABOUT A POSSIBLE DRINKING
WATER CRISIS, BECAUSE IT WAS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT
INVESTORS CAN NOW TRADE WATER FUTURES.
UH-OH.
I DON'T TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT SENTENCE, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A
HEADLINE IN A NEWSREEL AT THE BEGINNING OF "MAD MAX" BEFORE
YOU SMASH CUT TO ONE-ARMED CHARLIZE THERON DRIVING A TRUCK
FULL OF WARRIOR-CONCUBINES THROUGH THE DESERT.
HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING: RECENTLY, FUTURES TIED TO THE
CALIFORNIA WATER INDEX BEGAN TRADING ON THE CHICAGO
MERCANTILE EXCHANGE.
MEANING THAT, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, WATER WILL BE A COMMODITY,
LIKE GOLD OR OIL.
UH-OH!
THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.
THOSE ARE TWO THINGS THAT WE FAMOUSLY HAVE A FINITE AMOUNT
OF.
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE VALUABLE.
THERE'S A REASON WEDDING RINGS ARE MADE OF GOLD AND NOT BOTTLES
OF POLAND SPRING.
OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS!
HE WENT TO 7-ELEVEN!
THIS SOUNDS TROUBLING, BECAUSE THE BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
WATER AND... COMMODITIES IS THAT WE NEED WATER TO SURVIVE.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEW UH-OH SUBSEGMENT: "YIKES!"
NOW THAT WATER IS A COMMODITY AND CAN BE TRADED ON THE FUTURES
MARKET, IT COULD INVITE SPECULATION FROM FINANCIAL
PLAYERS, INCLUDING HEDGE FUNDS.
YIKES!
"HEDGE FUND SPECULATION" IS NEVER A GOOD THING.
JUST ASK ANYONE WHO HAD A SUBPRIME MORTGAGE IN THE EARLY
2000'S.
THEIR HOME LOAN IS CURRENTLY UNDER WATER, WHICH THEY'RE GOING
TO WANT TO START HOARDING 'CAUSE IT'S A HOT NEW COMMODITY!
THESE WATER FUTURES FOCUS SPECIFICALLY ON CALIFORNIA,
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR UH-OH YIKES SUB-SUBSEGMENT: "GULP!"
A LOOK HOW MANY BONES I HAVE.
CAN I SEE THAT AGAIN, JIM?
LOOK AT THAT!
THAT'S "THE LATE SHOW" PROMISE, UNLIMITED BONES!
THIS IMPACTS THE WHOLE NATION BECAUSE CALIFORNIA HAS A HUGE
AGRICULTURAL SECTOR, AND RECENTLY HAS MOVED TO POPULAR
HIGH-VALUE PERMANENT CROPS LIKE ALMONDS AND PISTACHIOS, WHICH
REQUIRE A LOT OF WATER FOR UPKEEP.
AND I HAWKED PISTACHIOS!
AM I PART OF THE PROBLEM?
I'M SORRY!
NOT FOR PROMOTING PISTACHIOS, THEY'RE A DELICIOUS SOURCE OF
PROTEIN, BUT FOR GIVING YOU THE NIGHTMARE FUEL THAT IS MY HEAD
AS A NUT.
BUT THE BIGGER ISSUE IS THAT CALIFORNIA HAS JUST HAD SEVERAL
YEARS IN A ROW OF HISTORIC WILDFIRES AND IS EMERGING FROM
AN EIGHT-YEAR DROUGHT.
GULP!
SO, WALL STREET IS NOW BETTING ON A RESOURCE THAT CALIFORNIA
DESPERATELY NEEDS TO SURVIVE AND CURRENTLY HAS A SHORTAGE OF.
THAT'S LIKE A LIFEGUARD GOING, "THE BAD NEWS IS YOUR HUSBAND IS
DROWNING!
THE GOOD NEWS IS, IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, THE VALUE OF MY
LIFE PRESERVER FRANCHISE IS GOING TO SKYROCKET!
WANT TO GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR?"
NOW, WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WITH
TRADING WATER ON WALL STREET, BY WHICH I MEAN WE KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
ACCORDING TO A CLIMATE JUSTICE EXPERT, "AS CLEAN, USEABLE WATER
IS BECOMING SCARCER, THE INCENTIVES IN CAPITALISM WORK TO
COMMODIFY IT, AND WORK TO ENSURE THAT THE SCARCITY IS AN
OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MONEY."
ADDING, "IT'S THE WAY IN WHICH CAPITALISM MAKES PROFITS FROM
HUMAN MISERY."
OF COURSE, COMMODITIES TRADERS NEVER GO ALL IN ON HUMAN MISERY.
THEY DIVERSIFY INTO GENERATIONAL SUFFERING, DESPAIR, ENNUI AND
OF COURSE, BITCOIN.
IN OTHER WORDS: UH-OH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SERENA WILLIAMS.
( THEME SONG PLAYING ) IN
( THEME SONG PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
SHE IS A SPORTS ICON WHO HAS WON 23 GRAND SLAM SINGLES TITLES AND
FOUR OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS.
SHE'S NOW PREPARING FOR THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN.
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," FROM ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA,
SERENA WILLIAMS.
SERENA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE!
>> HI, THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: HOW IS TOMORROW?
BECAUSE IT'S NOON THERE OR SOMETHING, ISN'T IT?
>> I KNOW.
TOMORROW IS GOOD.
YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE BIT IN THE FUTURE, SO I THINK IT'S
GOING TO BE GOOD.
>> Stephen: NOW, I HAVE HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO YOUR
HUSBAND MANY TIMES, ACTUALLY HAD HIM ON THE SHOW IN 2018, AND,
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE QUESTIONS EVERYBODY HAS IS YOU GUYS SEEM
LIKE A HAPPY LOVING COUPLE BUT NOBODY EXPECTED BUN TO HAVE THE
GREATEST ATHLETES OF ALL TIME TO MARRY A SELF-PROFESSED MEASURE
LIKE ALEXIS.
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
HE SAYS YOU'RE A NERD, TOO, A TRUE NERD.
WHAT'S YOUR NERD CRED?
>> I DO HAVE NERD CRED.
I HEAR YOU'RE INTO THE LORD OF HINGES, THE HOBBIT.
>> Stephen: I AM.
I'M KIND OF UP ON THAT.
SO THAT'S COOL.
I'M REALLY BIG INTO COMICS, THE MARVEL, D.C., THAT KIND OF
WORLD.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU WATCHING WANDA VISION?
ARE YOU ENJOYING THAT?
>> I'M A BINGE WATCHER, SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO PICK UP SOMETHING
WHEN THERE'S ONLY ONE SEASON, BUT I DID CRACK AND ACTUALLY
WATCHED IT YEPPED.
IT'S DEFINITELY TRIPPY.
>> Stephen: IT'S SUPER TRIPPY.
MY VERDICT IS OUT ON IT.
>> Stephen: AS A TOLKIEN FAN, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE CHARACTER
FROM "THE LORD OF THE RINGS"?
>> I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO NOT LOVE SAM, YOU KNOW.
I ACTUALLY, EVERY TIME I SEE THE FELLOWSHIP WITH A RING, THERE'S
A SCENE WHERE I ACTUALLY CRY BECAUSE SAM IS SO -- HIS
FRIENDSHIP IS UNBELIEVABLE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER.
YOU PASSED THE TEST!
YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA RIGHT NOW AS I WAS JUST TELLING THE PEOPLE
HERE.
WHAT'S THE QUARANTINE LIKE DOWN UNDER?
DO THEY HAVE STRICT QUARANTINE PROTOCOLS DOWN THERE?
>> YEAH, IT'S SURE SURE STRICT, BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD.
AUSTRALIA NOW, THE LAST I HEARD, THEY HAD ZERO CASES OF COVID.
>> Stephen: WOW!
O THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT?
THE WHOLE COUNTRY.
SO THAT IS REALLY AMAZING.
SO WHEN WE COME HERE IN AUSTRALIA, EVERYONE HAS TO
QUARANTINE IN A ROOM FOR 14 DAYS, AND IT'S INSANE AND SUPER
INTENSE BUT IT'S SUPER GOOD BECAUSE AFTER THAT YOU CAN HAVE
A NEW NORMAL LIKE WHAT WE WERE USED TO THIS TIME LAST YEAR IN
THE UNITED STATES.
SO THEY'RE DOING IT RIGHT.
IT'S DEFINITELY HARD WITH A 3-YEAR-OLD TO BE IN THE HOTEL
ALL DAY, BUT IT'S WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU WANT EVERYONE TO BE
SAFE AT THE END OF THE DAY.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU MENTIONED YOUR DAUGHTER.
WE ARE BIG FANS OF OLYMPIA.
>> YES, OLYMPIA.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT THAT PHOTOGRAPH.
SHE LOOKS LIKE A FIERCE COMPETITOR.
WHAT'S SHE LIKE ON THE COURT?
>> UM, SHE'S A PERFECTIONIST ON THE COURT.
NOT QUITE SURE WHERE SHE GOT THAT FROM, BUT, YEAH, SHE LOVES
TO -- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LET MY DAUGHTER PLAY TENNIS, BUT I'M
JUST, LIKE, DURING THIS PANDEMIC, IT WAS THE ONLY THING
THAT WE COULD DO SAFELY, AND, SO, I'M, LIKE, WELL, TENNIS IT
IS.
>> Stephen: AND WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT HER TO PLAY TENNIS,
BECAUSE IT'S JUST ALL CONSUMING?
>> IT'S ALL CONSUMING, IT'S STRESSFUL, IT'S A LOT OF WORK,
IT'S A HUGE COMMITMENT, AND IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT -- A
LITTLE DAB OF PRESSURE ON HER.
SO I'M, LIKE, I WOULDN'T ACTUALLY PUT HER IN IT, BUT IF
THAT WAS SOMETHING SHE WANTED TO DO, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY BE, LIKE,
OH, MY GOSH, YOU COULD DO THAT AND I WOULD SUPPORT HER BUT IT
WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT 23 GRAND SLAM TITLES.
DO YOU HAVE A GIANT TROPHY CASE OR DO YOU KEEP THEM IN THE
STORAGE LOCKER OR WHERE ARE THEY?
>> THAT IS THE QUESTION OF THE DOUBLE DECADE.
I DON'T -- LIKE, I KEEP THEM IN A LOT OF PLACES.
MY FIRST GRAND SLAM I LEFT AT MY DAD'S AT THE TIME.
AND I SAID I'M GOING TO GELT ANOTHER ONE.
AND THAT WAS AT THE U.S. OPEN.
AND, OF COURSE, I WAS ABLE TO GET ANOTHER ONE.
MY COACH HAS A FEW IN FRANCE.
THERE'S SEVERAL IN MY HOUSE.
I THINK ONE OR TWO OR THREE OR MISSING.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE REALLY VALUABLE, THOUGH.
THEY'RE STERLING -- THEY'RE TRAYS AND BIG CUPS AND STUFF
LIKE THAT.
>> THEY ARE.
HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE I HAD A HOUSE PARTY YEARS AGO AND
SOMEONE GOT A LITTLE TOO HAPPY AT IT, AND, LIKE -- I DON'T
KNOW, BUT I ALWAYS WONDER, WAIT, IS THAT WHERE ONE OF MY
WIMBLEDON TROPHIES WENT?
SO FORMERLY I'M NOT REALLY ATTACHED TO THINGS.
YOU KNOW, MY SAYING IS YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE.
>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, THAT MAKES ME THINK OF SOMETHING.
ARE THE CUPS AND THE TRAYS OR WHATEVER, THEY LOOK THE SAME BUT
IS IT A NEW ONE EVERY YEAR OR DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK IN FOR
THE NEXT PERSON LIKE THE STANLEY CUP?
>> YEAH, SO, YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP IT ALL.
THEY GIVE YOU A RUM CAY.
SO WHEN I FIRST STARTED PLAYING, THEY GAVE YOU A REALLY SMALL
REPLICA AND NOW A BIGGER REPLICA.
THEY'RE, LIKE, CAN I TRADE IN MY SMALLER REPLICAS FOR THE BIGGER
ONES?
THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.
>> NOT QUITE FAIR BUT, YEAH, IT'S COOL, NONETHELESS.
IT'S REALLY COOL.
SO YOU GET THE REPLICA.
>> Stephen: HOW NICE IS THE ONE?
WHAT'S THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN?
WHAT DO YOU GET?
>> YOU GET A GIANT REPLICA OF THAT ONE.
THAT ONE'S REALLY NICE.
I HAVE A FEW OF THOSE, TOO.
>> Stephen: IS IT A CUP OR A TRAY OR SOMETHING YOU COULD PUT
NACHOS ON?
>> IT'S THIS REALLY COOL TROPHY THAT YOU CAN OPEN IT UP AND --
YOU COULD PUT CHIPS IN THERE, I COULD SEE THAT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE IT AT A PARTY, AT LEAST PUT IT TO GOOD
USE FIRST.
>> IT'S REALLY PERFECT TIMING, ESPECIALLY, YOU KNOW, GETTING
READY FOR SUPER BOWL SEASON.
USUALLY WE'RE AT HOME FOR THAT, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING TO
DO.
>> Stephen: USE THAT, AND YOU'RE WELCOME, USE THAT AS A
LITTLE MOTIVATION WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING.
SAY I HAVE TO WIN THIS BECAUSE -- WHAT?
>> YEAH, IT WILL BE A LITTLE MOTIVATION TO HELP ME TO
CELEBRATE.
SO THAT WILL BE REALLY COOL.
>> Stephen: NOW, PEOPLE ARE FINDING -- WELL, THE PRESSURE OF
LOCKDOWN IS, WELL, MENTALLY TOUGH TO DO, AND YOU KNOW NOT
ONLY KNOWN FOR YOUR VISUAL PROWESS BUT YOUR MENTAL TOUGH
NECESSARY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR HOW TO GET THROUGH COVID LOCKDOWN,
QUARANTINING SOCIAL DISTANCING AND STAY MENTALLY SHARP.
>> FOR ME IT'S HOOKING AT THE BIG PICTURE.
I THINK 2020 WAS A TOUGH YEAR FOR EVERYONE, IT WAS SO INTENSE,
AND WE DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN.
SO JUST BEING CAREFUL AND CONSIDERATE AND LISTENING TO
PEOPLE THAT REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING, THE PEOPLE THAT
ARE ON THE FRONT LINE AND THE WORK, ARE SO IMPORTANT TO LISTEN
AND TO TAKE THAT FEEDBACK.
BUT IT'S A LOT OF MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
WE TALK ABOUT ATHLETES, HOW MENTALLY TOUGH IT IS.
ONE THING I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DON'T MENTION, ONE THING I'M
DOING FOR A SUPER BOWL ADD IS MICHELOB ULTRA WHERE WE TALK
ABOUT ULT STUFF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, IT'S INCREDIBLY A LOT OF
MENTAL WORK.
THIS SIX WEEKS IS SO MENTAL BUT IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT WHAT NO
ONE TALKS ABOUT IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO KIND OF RELAX AND
SAY, I DID ALL THIS MENTAL WORK, A LOT OF SUCCESS ISN'T JUST
ABOUT BEING PHYSICALLY FIT AND GOING INTO STUFF.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE A TIME FOR BALANCE AND LETTING GO.
SO I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT NEW SUPER BOWL AD I HAVE THAT
COMING OUT.
>> Stephen: PUT THAT IN THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN.
YOU CAN PROBABLY JAM A SIX-PACK IN THERE.
THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN STARTS FEBRUARY 8 -- THAT'S NOT THE
ONE.
THIS IS THE PHOTO.
THIS IS A REALLY SPECIAL PHOTO.
CAN YOU SEE THIS ON YOUR END?
CAN YOU SEE THIS PHOTO HERE?
>> I CAN.
>> Stephen: 23 YEARS AGO.
YEAH.
'98.
THAT'S INSANE, RIGHT?
I WAS STILL A BABY.
>> Stephen: THIS AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN AND IS THIS THE
FIRST TIME YOU PLAYED AGAINST YOUR SISTER PROFESSIONALLY?
>> I THINK IT WAS.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I PLAYED AGAINST HER AND IT WAS
UNFORTUNATE BECAUSE IT WAS SO EARLY WE PLAYED EACH OTHER SO
EARLY.
IT WAS INTENSE BUT IT WAS COOL.
IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE TO ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN MEAN TO YOU?
>> IT'S A LOT.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY PLAY RIGHT NOW FOR GRAND SLAMS, AND I LOVE
HAVING AN OPPORTUNITY TO EVEN STILL BE OUT HERE AND TO COMPETE
ON THIS LEVEL.
SO WHAT IT MEANS TO ME IS AN OPPORTUNITY, I THINK IT WAS
REALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE SLAMS GROWING UP.
JUST KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THE STATES.
I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS IN MELBOURNE, AND, SO, IT'S REALLY
NICE.
ANYTIME I WIN A GRAND SLAM MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, SO THEY ARE ALL
REALLY SPECIAL.
>> Stephen: YEAH, I LIKE IT WHEN I DO, TOO.
IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING WHEN I WIN A GRAND SLAM.
IT REALLY IS.
THE WORK WAS WORTH IT IS WHAT I THINK AT THE END OF THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS IS THE ONLY PHOTO I
HAVE OF ME EVER PLAYING TENNIS.
I WANT TO GET YOUR OPINION OF MY STYLE.
HERE YOU GO.
THIS IS ME WITH JAMES -- WHO AM I PLAYING AGAINST?
ME AGAINST JAMES BLAKE.
THAT'S ME ATTEMPTING TO JUMP OVER THE NET.
( LAUGHTER ) >> LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT CAUGHT UP
IN A FEW DIFFERENT WAYS.
HOPE YOU'RE OKAY.
>> Stephen: I'M FINE.
THE STYLE COULD BE MORE MODERN.
I'M ALWAYS ABOUT THE '80s.
LOOKS VERY '80s.
>> Stephen: I'M THE CLASSICS.
YOU COULD BE A LITTLE LOOSER.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE LOOSER?
A LITTLE LOOSER OBSERVE THE BOTTOM.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
OKAY.
WELL, SERENA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HER IN THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN WHICH STARTS
FEBRUARY # 8.
SERENA WILLIAMS.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY DAYGLOW.
( THEME SONG PLAYING )
>> Stephen: MAKING HIS LATE NIGHT TELEVISION DEBUT WITH,
"CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT?" FROM HIS ALBUM, "FUZZYBRAIN,"
DAYGLOW.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I FEEL CLOSE WELL, MAYBE I'M NOT
♪ HEAVEN KNOWS IT'S A SPOTLIGHT STUCK
♪ ON THE CEILING WHY ARE THESE THE THINGS
♪ THAT I'M FEELING?
THERE'S SO MUCH TIME ♪ FOR ME TO SPEAK UP
BUT I KEEP QUIET ♪ I'LL COMPLICATE THE MOST
OF THE MANTRA ♪ THE POWER IS OUT AND
I CAN'T TURN THE FAN ON ♪ SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT?
I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL
COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL?
♪ I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE
♪ JUST HOW I FEEL COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL
♪ ANYMORE?
'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ VOICE SO LOW
SNEAKING AROUND ♪ SO IT GOES
I ALWAYS TRY MY BEST TO LISTEN ♪ PICKING UP THINGS
THAT I CAN FIDGET ♪ CIRCLE SPEED, PACING AROUND
WATCHING MY FEET ♪ BATTERIES DRAIN
I GET THE MEMO ♪ I THINK THAT I MIGHT
HAVE TO LET YOU GO ♪ SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT?
I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL
COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL?
♪ I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE
♪ JUST HOW I FEEL COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL
♪ ANYMORE?
'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO
DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO, GO
SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT?
♪ I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND JUST HOW I FEEL
♪ COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL?
I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE ♪ NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE
JUST HOW I FEEL ♪ COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL
ANYMORE?
♪ 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ >> Stephen: DAYGLOW, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY
TUCCI, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ADRIANNE LENKER.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
( THEME SONG PLAYING ) ♪ ♪ ♪