1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,212 BLOCKED FROM APPEARING ON THE 2 00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:05,338 RACHEL MADDOW SHOW. 3 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:08,591 >> I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO COME ON YOU SHOW FOR MONTHS AND 4 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,801 MONTHS. 5 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:10,593 YOU HAVE BEEN ASKING ME TO COME ON YOUR SHOW FOR MONTHS AND 6 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:15,140 MONTHS, AND IT'S JUST GOTTEN BLOCKED. 7 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,600 >> AND NOW DR. ANTHONY FAUCI GOES ON ALL THE PROGRAMS HE 8 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,019 WASN'T ALLOWED TO APPEAR ON DURING THE PREVIOUS 9 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,104 ADMINISTRATION. 10 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,273 >> THERE'S BEEN SOME CHANGE AT THE TOP IN WASHINGTON. 11 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,985 IT'S GREAT TO FINALLY HAVE YOU HERE, SIR. 12 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,153 IT'S A REAL HONOR. 13 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:32,991 >> WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO IN A POST-COVID WOR 14 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:33,575 WORLD. 15 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:34,743 >> BRAD PITT, OF COURSE. 16 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:38,955 YOU CAN EXPECT TO START TO SEE COOLER WEATHER IN THE UPPER 17 00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:40,206 NORTHEAST CORRIDOR. 18 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,626 >> DON'T TELL ME YOU GET WHAT IT'S LIKE BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET 19 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,669 IT. 20 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,129 >> IF YOU'RE BEING A BITCH I'M GOING TO TELL YOU. 21 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,798 >> FUNDAMENTALS ARE NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. 22 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:53,470 LOOK AT THE PA STROMY SANDWICH. 23 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,972 >> SHOTS, SHOTS. 24 00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:59,017 100 MILLION SHOTS. 25 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:03,480 >> HERE, WHAT DO WE DO FIRST? 26 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:03,980 'S AWAKE! 27 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:07,108 ARE YOU AWAKE, DOCTOR. 28 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:10,195 >> TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE BRITS ARE 29 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,321 SAYING. 30 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,282 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 31 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:19,496 TONIGHT VACS ON, VACS OFF. 32 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:25,835 TONIGHT STEPHEN WELCOMES SERENA WILLIAMS AND MUSICAL GUEST 33 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:30,048 DAYGLOW, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 34 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:35,345 NOW FROM THE ED O'KEEFE THEATER OFFICE BUILDING IN NEW YORK 35 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,137 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 36 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:44,521 >> Stephen: I'M PERFECTLY FOCUSED! 37 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:45,522 LOOK AT MY HAIR! 38 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:46,272 I'M SO FOCUSED. 39 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:51,194 THE FOCUS IS BLOWING MY HAIR BACK! 40 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,070 YOU KNOW WHAT? 41 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:52,737 YOURSELF, DOCTOR. 42 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,198 I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT. 43 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,534 I'M ALSO KIND OF HAPPY YOU DID. 44 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,828 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 45 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,037 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 46 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:07,710 FOLKS, THIS COUNTRY HAS JUST EMERGED FROM FOUR YEARS OF 47 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,923 HISTORIC CORRUPTION, STUNNING INCOMPETENCE ANDER CONSIDERING 48 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,049 MESSAGE. 49 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:15,760 BUT BIDEN'S BEEN PRESIDENT SIX DAYS, WHY HASN'T HE FIXED 50 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:16,928 EVERYTHING YET? 51 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:21,099 THE FIRST EVERYTHING HE HAS TO BE FIXED IS CORONAVIRUS, AND 52 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:28,106 I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST EDITION OF CATCH A THIRD WAVE 53 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,858 ENDLESS BUMMER. 54 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,110 >> I HAVEN'T VACCINE IT ANYWHERE! 55 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:36,197 AIN'T I A LITTLE PRICK? 56 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,073 GET IT? 57 00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:38,408 THAT STUFF IS TOXIC! 58 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:48,209 GET IT OUT OF HERE! 59 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:53,548 ( BLEEP ). 60 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:59,262 >> Stephen: YOU WIN THIS TIME, COVID! 61 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:05,101 THE UNITED STATES JUST PASSED 25 MILLION COVID-19 CASES. 62 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:06,102 THERE HAVEN'T BEEN THAT MANY CASES OF SOMETHING SINCE ANGELA 63 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,771 LANSBURY CLEANED UP THE MEAN STREETS OF CABOT COVE. 64 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,150 SO MANY MURDERERS IN NEW ENGLAND! 65 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:17,113 THE U.S. GOT ITS FIRST DIAGNOSED CASE ON JANUARY 21 OF LAST YEAR, 66 00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:19,991 AND SINCE THEN HAS AVERAGED ONE NEW INFECTION EVERY 1.2 SECONDS. 67 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:27,790 TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, LOOK AT THE PERSON TO YOUR LEFT, NOW 68 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,584 LOOK AT THE PERSON TO YOUR RIGHT, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF 69 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:33,463 THERE BECAUSE IT'S BEEN THREE SECONDS, YOU'RE ALL INFECTED! 70 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:37,467 THE VACCINE HAS GIVEN PEOPLE HOPE, BUT SO FAR, DISTRIBUTION 71 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,135 HAS BEEN A DISASTER. 72 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,803 OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DISTRIBUTE THEIR VACCINES, SO 73 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,265 WHY IS IT SO MESSED UP IN AMERICA? 74 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,475 YOU GUESSED IT. 75 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,352 THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION DID A HORRIBLE JOB PLANNING IT. 76 00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,479 HOW BAD? 77 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,147 THE NEW HEAD OF THE C.D.C. 78 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,483 DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY, SAYS WE'RE NOT EVEN SURE HOW BAD 79 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,860 THINGS ARE. 80 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,153 >> I WOULD SAY ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW I 81 00:03:57,236 --> 00:04:01,366 CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH VACCINE WE HAVE. 82 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:04,118 >> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, WHEN THE EX-PRESIDENT ORDERED VACCINES, 83 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:07,997 UNDER THE AMOUNT, HE JUST WROTE "BIGGIE SIZE IT!" 84 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:12,669 WALLENSKY CONTINUED: >> THE FACT THAT WE DON'T KNOW 85 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,755 TODAY FIVE DAYS INTO THIS ADMINISTRATION AND WEEKS INTO 86 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,840 PLANNING HOW MUCH VACCINE THAT WE HAVE, JUST GIVES YOU A SENSE 87 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,926 OF WHAT THE CHALLENGE WE HAVE BEEN LEFT WITH. 88 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,552 >> STEPHEN: HOW WOULD YOU EVEN DESCRIBE COMING INTO OFFICE WITH 89 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,221 THAT SITUATION? 90 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:26,641 >> WE STARTED OFF WITH EMPTY CUPBOARDS. 91 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,351 THE LAST ADMINISTRATION LEFT US NOTHING. 92 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,979 >> STEPHEN: HE'S RIGHT ABOUT EMPTY CUPBOARDS. 93 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,564 THE BIDENS FOUND NO FOOD IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 94 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:40,321 JUST A NOTE THAT SAYS, "BAKING SODA IS THE WORST SODA." 95 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,865 I GOT THIS TO WORK NOW. 96 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:43,700 ISN'T THAT GREAT? 97 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,826 ISN'T THAT GREAT? 98 00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:45,576 IT'S KIND OF FUNNY. 99 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,704 BUT IT'S NOT SILLY STRING ANYMORE. 100 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,539 IT'S NOW SILLY SPURT. 101 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,041 IT DOESN'T MAKE A STRING FORM. 102 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:56,754 ALL OF THIS WILL BE EDIT OUT, OBVIOUSLY. 103 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,672 >> OBVIOUSLY. 104 00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:00,550 >> Stephen: PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS A PLAN TO 105 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,884 COMBAT THE PANDEMIC WITH MORE VACCINES AND TESTING, AS WELL AS 106 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,261 EMERGENCY FUNDING TO STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS, AND $1,400 107 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,220 CHECKS FOR AVERAGE AMERICANS. 108 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:07,890 IT'S THE $1.9 TRILLION AMERICAN RESCUE PLAN. 109 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:11,728 BUT THIS RELIEF PLAN IS ALREADY RUNNING INTO TROUBLE. 110 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,396 THIS WEEKEND, A BIPARTISAN GROUP OF SENATORS TOOK ISSUE WITH THE 111 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:17,692 BILL'S PRICE TAG, WITH MAINE'S ANGUS KING SAYING, "THIS ISN'T 112 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,236 MONOPOLY MONEY." 113 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:24,407 ALL RIGHT, SO LET ME PUT THIS IN A WAY ANGUS KING WILL 114 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:28,369 UNDERSTAND: NO IT'S NOT "MONOPOLY" MONEY, BUT HOLDING UP 115 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,246 THIS RELIEF "OPERATION" REALLY DOES "BOGGLE" THE BRAIN. 116 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:33,624 IT DOESN'T TAKE A "MASTERMIND" TO SEE THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE 117 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:41,424 ARE IN "TROUBLE." 118 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:45,595 BECAUSE "LIFE" AIN'T NO "CANDY LAND" WHEN JUST GOING TO THE 119 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,429 GROCERY STORE IS A "RISK." 120 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:57,607 "JENGA!" OH, MY GOD I HAVE ALFEELING I 121 00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:03,780 JUST TID SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE. 122 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,740 SNRRCHGHTS ONE HOLDOVER FROM THE PREVIOUS 123 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:17,627 ADMINISTRATION IS DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, AND AFTER JUST ONE DAY OF 124 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,253 WORKING FOR BIDEN, YOU COULD REALLY FEEL THE DIFFERENCE. 125 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,546 THAT'S HIM WORKING FOR THE FORMER PRESIDENT ON THE LEFT, 126 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,714 AND THAT'S HIM ON DAY ONE OF WORKING FOR BIDEN. 127 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,466 THAT'S THE FACE OF A MAN WHO NO LONGER HAS TO PRESENT HIS 128 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,675 FINDINGS VIA PUPPET SHOW AND SCRATCH AND SNIFF. 129 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,428 IN AN INTERVIEW WITH "THE NEW YORK TIMES," DR. FAUCI SAID THE 130 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,765 FORMER PRESIDENT WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO MINIMIZE THE GLOBAL 131 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:33,309 PANDEMIC, EXPLAINING, "I WOULD TRY TO EXPRESS THE GRAVITY OF 132 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,645 THE SITUATION, AND THE RESPONSE OF THE PRESIDENT WAS ALWAYS 133 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,521 LEANING TOWARD, 'WELL, IT'S NOT THAT BAD, RIGHT?' 134 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:40,066 AND I WOULD SAY, 'YES, IT IS THAT BAD.'" 135 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,317 ADDING, "THE PRESIDENT WOULD CALL ME UP AND SAY, 'WHY ARE YOU 136 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,486 SO NEGATIVISTIC? 137 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,321 BE MORE POSITIVE.'" IN FACT, THE FORMER PRESIDENT 138 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,616 WAS SO COMMITTED TO STAYING POSITIVE, HE TESTED POSITIVE. 139 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:52,537 AND THEN SPREAD THAT POSITIVITY EVERYWHERE HE WENT. 140 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:59,335 IT'S ALL IN THE UPCOMING MOVIE "SPRAY IT FORWARD." 141 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,338 AMERICA'S EX WAS ALSO INTO WACKY CURES WITHOUT PROOF. 142 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,674 FAUCI REMEMBERS THE PRESIDENT WOULD GET CALLS FROM RANDOS AND 143 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:09,011 "HE WOULD TAKE JUST AS SERIOUSLY THEIR OPINION-- BASED ON NO 144 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,346 DATA, JUST ANECDOTE-- THAT SOMETHING MIGHT REALLY BE 145 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,848 IMPORTANT. 146 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:12,723 IT WASN'T JUST HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE, IT WAS A 147 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,810 VARIETY OF ALTERNATIVE-MEDICINE-TYPE 148 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,061 APPROACHES. 149 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,480 IT WAS ALWAYS, 'A GUY CALLED ME UP, A FRIEND OF MINE FROM BLAH, 150 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,150 BLAH, BLAH.'" THOUGH I'M SURE EVERYTHING THE 151 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,569 PRESIDENT RECOMMENDED WAS PEER-REVIEWED IN "THE NEW 152 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:27,530 ENGLAND JOURNAL OF YADA, YADA, YADA, YOU GET THE IDEA." 153 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:32,660 DR. FAUCI'S NOT THE ONLY ONE FROM THE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE 154 00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:33,786 SPILLING THE COVID NINE-TEA. 155 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,873 SO IS FORMER WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS RESPONSE COORDINATOR 156 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:41,002 AND MED SCHOOL CHOIR DIRECTOR SAYING "YOUR FEVER SHOULD BE 157 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:44,046 DOWN HERE," DR. DEBORAH BIRX. 158 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,924 BIRX APPEARED ON FACE THE BRENNAN WITH MARGARET NATION AND 159 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,051 REVEALED THE EX-PRESIDENT WAS GETTING MORE THAN SUGGESTIONS 160 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,679 FROM OUTSIDE SOURCES. 161 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:56,684 >> THERE WAS PARALLEL DATA STREAMS COMING INTO THE WHITE 162 00:07:56,767 --> 00:08:03,858 HOUSE THAT WERE NOT TRANSPARENTLY UTILIZED. 163 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:08,070 SO, I KNOW THAT SOMEONE-- OR SOMEONE OUT THERE OR SOMEONE 164 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,741 INSIDE WAS CREATING A PARALLEL SET OF DATA AND GRAPHICS THAT 165 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,909 WERE SHOWN TO THE PRESIDENT. 166 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,786 I SAW THE PRESIDENT PRESENTING GRAPHS THAT I NEVER MADE. 167 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,954 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S GOT TO SUCK. 168 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:20,082 YOU SPEND ALL NIGHT PREPARING A SLIDE SHOW EXPLAINING U.S. 169 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,377 INFECTION RATES, THEN THE PRESIDENT GOES OUT AND SHOWS 170 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,129 EVERYONE A GRAPH RANKING HIS CHICKEN MCNUGGET DIPS IN ORDER 171 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:31,427 OF SAUCEOMENESS. 172 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:35,431 DR. BIRX ALSO PROVIDED A SUSPECT: 173 00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:38,434 >> I KNOW NOW BY WATCHING SOME OF THE TAPES THAT CERTAINLY 174 00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,728 SCOTT ATLAS BROUGHT IN PARALLEL DATA STREAMS. 175 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:44,732 >> STEPHEN: AND IF THE RUMORS ARE TRUE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT 176 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:48,736 WILL PAY EXTRA FOR STREAMS. 177 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:52,782 ♪♪♪ UP. 178 00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,581 >> Stephen: WE'LL SEE. 179 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,625 WE'LL SEE. 180 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,628 SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE EX-PRESIDENT IS IN DEEP 181 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,630 DOO-DOO, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S "DON AND 182 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:08,631 THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS." 183 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:12,802 >> OUR PRESIDENT IS INCITING EVIL. 184 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:19,141 THAT'S VERY STICKY. 185 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,685 >> STEPHEN: IN OUR LAST EPISODE, THE FORMER POTUS BECAME THE 186 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,479 FIRST PRESIDENT EVER TO BE IMPEACHED TWICE. 187 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:27,316 THOSE ARE THE ONLY TIMES HE'S WON THE POPULAR VOTE. 188 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,110 TONIGHT, MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OFFICIALLY 189 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:32,822 WALKED THE ARTICLE OVER TO THE SENATE. 190 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,199 THEY DID THIS ONCE BEFORE, BUT LAST TIME, THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO 191 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:39,161 STEP OVER AS MUCH SHATTERED GLASS AND POOP STREAKS. 192 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,289 BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HEARING A HEARING ANYTIME SOON, 193 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,792 'CAUSE THE SENATE HAS DECIDED TO HIT PAUSE FOR TWO WEEKS, BECAUSE 194 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:48,629 DEMS WANT PRESIDENT BIDEN TO BE ABLE TO FILL HIS CABINET AND 195 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:51,507 BEGIN WORK ON HIS AGENDA, AND REPUBLICANS WANT TO GIVE THE 196 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,800 FORMER PRESIDENT TIME TO PREPARE HIS DEFENSE. 197 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,136 THAT'S RIGHT. 198 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,804 RUDY GIULIANI NEEDS TIME TO EAT A BIG BOWL OF CHILI AND LOAD UP 199 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,848 ON HEAD-JUICE. 200 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,226 BUT MOST REPUBLICANS AREN'T EAGER TO CONVICT. 201 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,645 LIKE SOUTH DAKOTA SENATOR AND GUY ASKING IF YOUR DAD BAND 202 00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,565 NEEDS A SECOND BASS PLAYER, MIKE ROUNDS. 203 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:11,861 YESTERDAY, ROUNDS WAS ASKED ABOUT IMPEACHMENT, AND HE HAD A 204 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:12,945 CREATIVE DODGE. 205 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,741 >> DO YOU BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP COMMITTED AN IMPEACHMENT 206 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,534 OFFENSE? 207 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,745 >> TO BEGIN WITH, I THINK IT'S A MOOT POINT, BECAUSE I THINK 208 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:24,749 RIGHT NOW DONALD TRUMP IS NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT. 209 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,127 HE IS A FORMER PRESIDENT. 210 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,420 >> STEPHEN: HE WANTS TO LET HIM OFF FOR INSURRECTION BECAUSE 211 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:32,423 HE'S NO LONGER IN POWER? 212 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,426 THAT'S LIKE ACQUITTING JEFFREY DAHMER 'CAUSE HE'S FULL. 213 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,845 ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO THINKS IMPEACHMENT IS A BAD MOVE IS 214 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:40,765 FLORIDA SENATOR AND MAN SHUNNED FROM THE COOL SENATORS' LUNCH 215 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,517 TABLE, MARCO RUBIO. 216 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,728 YESTERDAY, RUBIO SAID HE THINKS IMPEACHMENT IS DANGEROUS. 217 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,773 >> FIRST OF ALL, I THINK THE TRIAL IS STUPID. 218 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,566 I THINK IT'S COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. 219 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:51,734 ALREADY HAVE A FLAMING FIRE IN THIS COUNTRY AND IT'S LIKE 220 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:56,739 TAKING A BUNCH OF GASOLINE AND POURING IT ON TOP OF THE FIRE. 221 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:57,865 >> STEPHEN: SO, THERE'S A "FLAMING" FIRE, YOU STUPID 222 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,451 IDIOT? 223 00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:02,912 BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HOLD THE ARSONIST ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE 224 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,081 YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'LL BE PRIMARIED BY THE KINDLING? 225 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,876 BUT ONE REPUBLICAN WHO HASN'T PAWNED HIS MORAL COMPASS IS 226 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,880 UTAH SENATOR AND MAGICIAN WATCHING HIS FAVORITE DOVE FLY 227 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,548 AWAY, MITT ROMNEY. 228 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,884 WHEN ASKED IF IMPEACHMENT WAS AN APPROPRIATE MEASURE, ROMNEY SAID 229 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,887 THIS: >> WELL, YES, I BELIEVE THAT 230 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,474 WHAT IS BEING ALLEGED AND WHAT WE SAW, WHICH IS INCITEMENT TO 231 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:24,892 INSURRECTION, IS AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE. 232 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,811 >> STEPHEN: GOOD FOR ROMNEY. 233 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,063 HE HAS THE COURAGE TO BREAK RANKS WITH HIS REPUBLICAN 234 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:32,858 COLLEAGUES AND TAKE THE BOLD STANCE THAT "TRYING TO MURDER US 235 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,902 IS BAD." 236 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,738 BUT DESPITE SOME SENATORS' OPEN-MINDEDNESS ABOUT 237 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,825 IMPEACHMENT, IT'S LARGELY GOING TO BE PARTISAN. 238 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,495 ONE REPUBLICAN SENATOR SAID "MANY VIEW IT AS A GAME OF 239 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:45,329 SHIRTS AND SKINS." 240 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,288 HMM, I WATCHED THE VIDEO OF THAT RIOT. 241 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,916 IT'S REALLY "SHIRTS AND SKIN-HEADS." 242 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:52,294 OVER THE WEEKEND, WE LEARNED YET ANOTHER REASON WHY THE FORMER 243 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,797 PRESIDENT SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM THE OFFICE HE'S ALREADY BEEN 244 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,090 REMOVED FROM. 245 00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:59,760 ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORK TIMES," THE THEN-PRESIDENT 246 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:04,306 PLOTTED TO FIRE ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL AND MAN WHO JUST BURPED 247 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,476 IN HIS OWN MASK, JEFFREY ROSEN, THEN REPLACE HIM WITH JUSTICE 248 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,311 DEPARTMENT OFFICIAL, AND ELTON JOHN IF HE WENT TO LAW SCHOOL, 249 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,940 JEFFREY CLARK. 250 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:16,944 HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: FROM THE MOMENT BILL BARR ANNOUNCED HIS 251 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:23,451 RESIGNATION, THE THEN-PRESIDENT PRESSURED ROSEN TO USE THE POWER 252 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,952 OF THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TO INTERFERE IN THE ELECTION. 253 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,705 ROSEN REFUSED. 254 00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:30,124 MEANWHILE, CLARK, SUCKING UP TO THE PRESIDENT LIKE A LAMPREY 255 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:33,502 STREETWALKER, DRAFTED A LETTER THAT HE WANTED ROSEN TO SEND TO 256 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,630 GEORGIA STATE LEGISLATORS THAT WRONGLY SAID THAT THE JUSTICE 257 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,342 DEPARTMENT WAS INVESTIGATING ACCUSATIONS OF VOTER FRAUD IN 258 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,928 THEIR STATE, AND THAT THEY SHOULD MOVE TO VOID BIDEN'S WIN 259 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,180 THERE. 260 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:47,057 AND IF THAT WORKED, THEY'D SEND GEORGIANS NEW STICKERS THAT SAID 261 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:52,897 "I VOTED, BUT THEN SOME GUY WROTE A LETTER, SO FORGET IT." 262 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,942 ROSEN, WHO OWNS A SPINE, REFUSED TO SEND THE LETTER, BUT CLARK 263 00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:00,988 WENT STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT, WHO-- SURPRISE! --LOVED THE 264 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,032 IDEA. 265 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,159 SO ROSEN GOT A CALL FROM CLARK TELLING HIM THE PRESIDENT 266 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:08,829 INTENDED TO REPLACE ROSEN WITH CLARK, WHO COULD THEN TRY TO 267 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,414 STOP CONGRESS FROM CERTIFYING THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE RESULTS. 268 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:14,502 I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW CLARK THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT, 269 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,963 BUT I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA WHAT HE WAS GOING TO WEAR. 270 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,383 CLARK THEN ADDED THAT ROSEN COULD STAY ON AS HIS DEPUTY 271 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:28,891 ATTORNEY GENERAL, LEAVING MR. ROSEN SPEECHLESS. 272 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,727 I WOULD BE SPEECHLESS, TOO. 273 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:32,978 THAT'S LIKE A HUSBAND SAYING "HONEY, I REALIZE YOU'RE NOT ON 274 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,523 BOARD WITH ME HAVING A SECRET AFFAIR WITH LORRAINE. 275 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:40,945 HOW ABOUT WE GET A DIVORCE, I OPENLY BANG LORRAINE, BUT NOW 276 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,154 YOU CAN WATCH?" NOT ONLY DID THE FORMER 277 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,949 PRESIDENT'S ATTEMPT TO STEAL THE 2020 ELECTION FAIL, GET HIM 278 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:48,953 IMPEACHED, AND LAND HUNDREDS OF VIOLENT MORONS IN JAIL, IT HAS 279 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:51,914 MADE BIG PROBLEMS FOR ATTORNEY AND REPLICANT FAILING THE 280 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,916 VOIGHT-KAMPFF TEST, RUDY GIULIANI. 281 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:57,002 THIS MORNING, RUDY WOKE UP TO SOME BAD NEWS. 282 00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:02,049 THE MANUFACTURER OF THE VOTING MACHINES THAT RUDY CLAIMED STOLE 283 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:09,098 THE ELECTION FOR BIDEN, DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS, IS SUING HIM FOR 284 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:13,269 $1.3 BILLION OVER HIS BASELESS ELECTION CLAIMS. 285 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:17,815 RUDY, YOU'VE GOT TWO DIFFICULT CHOICES: A: LEARN HOW TO WIN A 286 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:21,443 LAWSUIT, OR B: COME UP WITH A WAY TO RAISE 1.3 BILLION 287 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,653 DOLLARS. 288 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,072 I'M JUST SAYIN', NEW YORK COULD ALWAYS USE A NEW BIKINI CAR 289 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:32,413 WASH. 290 00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:33,622 MM-HMM. 291 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,873 AS YOU MAY RECALL FROM MEMORIES YOU'VE REPRESSED, RUDY SPENT 292 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,500 MONTHS ACCUSING DOMINION VOTING MACHINES OF RIGGING THE ELECTION 293 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:40,588 ON THE ORDERS OF THE GHOST OF VENEZUELAN STRONGMAN HUGO 294 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:41,755 CHAVEZ. 295 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,632 BUT AS THE LAWSUIT POINTS OUT: "DOMINION WAS NOT FOUNDED IN 296 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,595 VENEZUELA TO FIX ELECTIONS FOR HUGO CHAVEZ. 297 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,430 IT WAS FOUNDED IN 2002 IN TORONTO TO HELP BLIND PEOPLE 298 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:52,641 VOTE ON PAPER BALLOTS." 299 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,726 AHA! 300 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,353 BUT PERHAPS THE BLIND PEOPLE ONLY THOUGHT THEY WERE IN 301 00:14:56,437 --> 00:15:01,108 TORONTO, BUT WERE REALLY LISTENING TO PRE-RECORDED MOOSE 302 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:07,990 MATING CALLS INSIDE CHAVEZ'S VENEZUELAN VOTE FARM, EH? 303 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:11,327 THE LAWSUIT CLAIMS THAT RUDY SPREAD HIS LIES TO ENRICH 304 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,370 HIMSELF THROUGH HIS PODCAST WHERE HE EXPLOITED ELECTION 305 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,790 FALSEHOODS TO MARKET GOLD COINS, SUPPLEMENTS, CIGARS AND 306 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:21,003 PROTECTION FROM 'CYBERTHIEVES.'" AND, OF COURSE, HIS MOST POPULAR 307 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:25,132 PRODUCT, GOLD-PLATED CYBER-SECURE BONER CIGARS. 308 00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:29,136 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 309 00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,095 MY GUEST IS SERENA WILLIAMS. 310 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:33,140 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I PREVIEW THE SUPER BOWL. 311 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,518 THAT'S RIGHT, THE ONE THEY PLAY. 312 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,979 STICK AROUND. 313 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,898 ♪♪♪ 314 00:15:54,912 --> 00:16:04,838 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 315 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,345 WELCOME BACK. 316 00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:16,058 LET'S SAY HE TO THE YOUR FRIEND AND MINE MR. JON BATISTE. 317 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:16,558 HELLO, JON. 318 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,394 >> Jon: YES, HELLO. 319 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,520 HOW YOU FEELING? 320 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:20,896 >> Stephen: I'M FEELING GOOD. 321 00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:22,356 YOU KNOW WHY? 322 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,565 >> Jon: WHY'S THAT? 323 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,192 >> Stephen: I'M SPECIAL SO I GOT YOUR NEW ALBUM AHEAD OF TIME 324 00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,278 "WE ARE" WHICH COMES OUT MARCH 19th, RIGHT? 325 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,072 >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, MARCH 19th, WE'RE GOING TO HIT 326 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,115 THE STREETS. 327 00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:35,953 >> Stephen: YOU ALREADY DROPPED A NEW SINGLE THIS 328 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:39,081 WEEKEND WHICH IS "I NEED YOU." 329 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,709 YOU CAN CHECK IT OUT ON YOUTUBE. 330 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,876 WHERE ELSE? 331 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,296 >> Jon: YouTube, THE MUSIC VIDEO IS THERE, LISTEN TO IT ON 332 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,383 STREAMING, ORDER THE VINYL, PRE-ORDER. 333 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,428 THE WORLD'S BEEN CRYING OUT FOR A LONG TIME, AFTER 2020, WE NEED 334 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,222 TO HAVE FUN, WE CAN'T FORGET ABOUT FUN. 335 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:58,934 >> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU FIND TIME TO WRITE AN ALBUM? 336 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,144 WE'RE ALL VERY BUSY. 337 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:04,106 >> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAD A LOT OF STUFF GOING ON WHEN I 338 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,357 WAS WRITING THISLE A PUM. 339 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,111 I WAS IN MY DRESSING ROOM AT THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER WRITING MOST 340 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:09,862 TO HAVE THE ALBUM. 341 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,698 >> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT PLACE. 342 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:17,453 >> Jon: YOU SEE, THAT THEATER HAS A LOT OF SPECIAL JUJU IN 343 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,620 THERE. 344 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,456 I THINK THAT, WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT SPACE, THERE'S A LOT THAT 345 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,623 YOU CAN PULL FROM. 346 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:28,130 SO, YOU KNOW, IN BETWEEN OUR REHEARSALS AND OUR SHOW, I JUST 347 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:31,383 PULL 'EM RIGHT OUT OF THE AIR, BOOM! 348 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,261 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, DO YOU HAVE ANY JUJU IN YOUR 349 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,180 FINGERS YOU CAN SHARE WITH US? 350 00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,140 >> Jon: OH, I'VE ALWAYS GOT SOME. 351 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,476 I GOT A FEW. 352 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:50,152 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, 353 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,111 EVERYBODY. 354 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,280 "WE ARE" IS AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDEREDDER NOW. 355 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:53,989 CHECK IT OUT. 356 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:58,160 >> Jon: OH, YEAH, WE'RE ROLLIN'. 357 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:03,624 >> Stephen: FOLKS, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIGGEST STORY IN 358 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,000 AMERICA IS THAT THE SUPER BOWL MATCH UP IS SET! 359 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:10,005 FEBRUARY 7, SUPER BOWL LV, THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN MEN'S FOOTBALL! 360 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,549 THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO WATCH HURTLING SLABS OF MEAT IN SHINY 361 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,717 PANTS SELL CAR INSURANCE! 362 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,553 THE BIG GAME WILL PIT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AGAINST THE 363 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:20,599 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS. 364 00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:22,518 PIRATES VERSUS NATIVE AMERICANS? 365 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,478 OKAY, NOW THEY'RE JUST RIPPING OFF MY UN-PRODUCED SCREENPLAY 366 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,815 THAT EVERYONE CALLED "DEEPLY PROBLEMATIC" AND "GEOGRAPHICALLY 367 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:32,528 INCONSISTENT," "DANCES WITH PARROTS." 368 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,071 TIME FOR COSTNER'S COMEBACK. 369 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,198 CALL ME, KEVIN. 370 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,825 BEST OF ALL, THIS YEAR'S SUPER BOWL IS ONLY ON CBS! 371 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,202 SO, STAY TUNED AFTER ALL THE KICKING, MAN-TACKLING ACTION FOR 372 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:45,582 A VERY SPECIAL "THE LATE SHOW: SUPER BOWL EDITION!" 373 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:51,004 THINK OF ME AS THE EIGHTH LAYER ON YOUR DIP. 374 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:51,547 THINK ABOUT IT. 375 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:52,923 THINK OF ME ON YOUR TIP. 376 00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:55,175 I'LL WAIT. 377 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,261 THIS IS A QUARTERBACK MATCH UP FOR THE AGES. 378 00:18:57,344 --> 00:19:00,389 FOR THE BUCCANEERS, YOU'VE GOT THE GREATEST Q.B. EVER TO PLAY 379 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,558 THE GAME, TOM BRADY. 380 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,601 BRADY PLAYED FOR THE PATRIOTS FOR 20 YEARS BEFORE SWITCHING TO 381 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:08,355 A YOUNGER TEAM THIS SEASON, SO IT'S BASICALLY A MID-LIFE 382 00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:11,525 CRISIS. 383 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,902 "YEAH, I WAS KIND OF IN A RUT, SO I MOVED DOWN TO TAMPA BAY. 384 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,112 GOT A SWEET BEACH CONDO. 385 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,239 AND WHEN THE KIDS VISIT ME ON THE WEEKENDS, WE JUST HAVE TO 386 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:22,244 CLEAR UNCLE GRONK'S PAINTBALL STUFF OFF THE BUNK BEDS." 387 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:26,582 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FOOTBALL NET, YOU'VE GOT CHIEFS 388 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,667 Q.B. PATRICK MAHOMES, WHO'S GOING FOR HIS SECOND SUPER BOWL 389 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,586 RING AT JUST 25 YEARS OLD. 390 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:34,590 THE SAVVY VETERAN VERSUS THE YOUNG PHENOM-- IT'S A MATCH UP 391 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:43,348 THAT FOOTBALL FANS ARE COMPARING -- BASEBALL FANS ARE CALLING A 392 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,434 FOOTBALL GAME. 393 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,770 ( LAUGHTER ) AS WELL THEY SHOULD! 394 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:49,980 BECAUSE IT IS A FOOTBALL GAME. 395 00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:53,275 AND THE FOOTBALL FANS ARE COMPARING TO LeBRON AND JORDAN 396 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:54,109 PLAYING IN THE FINALS. 397 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:58,322 OF COURSE, JORDAN DOESN'T ACTUALLY PLAY 398 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,824 BASKETBALL ANYMORE, SO IT'S MORE LIKE LEBRON AND JORDAN GAMBLING 399 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:01,617 ON THE FINALS. 400 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,286 WHICH MAY BE HAPPENING ON THIS GAME. 401 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:09,458 WHEN WE COME BACK, I ANSWER THE AGE-OLD QUESTION: IS WATER 402 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,460 REALLY THAT IMPORTANT? 403 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,462 STICK AROUND. 404 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,671 ♪♪♪ 405 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,136 ♪♪♪ ♪ 406 00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:24,306 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) >> Stephen: WELL, HEY THERE, 407 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:24,681 EVERYBODY. 408 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:25,974 WELCOME BACK. 409 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:30,646 FOLKS, THERE ARE A LOT OF URGENT CONCERNS FACING AMERICANS RIGHT 410 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:31,313 NOW. 411 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,189 WILL THE PANDEMIC EVER END? 412 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,317 WHEN WILL WE GET THE CORONAVIRUS VACCINE? 413 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,528 ONCE "THE CROWN" CATCHES UP TO REALITY, WILL MEGHAN MARKLE PLAY 414 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:39,696 HERSELF? 415 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:43,158 I MEAN, SHE'S AN ACTRESS, BUT THEN DO ALL THE ROYALS PLAY 416 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,326 THEMSELVES? 417 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,328 I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO PRINCE ANDREW'S TAKE ON PRINCE 418 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,454 ANDREW. 419 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:50,999 THE PROBLEM WITH SO MANY BIG PROBLEMS IS THAT THERE ARE 420 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,335 SMALLER PROBLEMS THAT ARE STILL BIG PROBLEMS, BUT WE MIGHT MISS 421 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,462 THEM BECAUSE OF THE EVEN LARGER PROBLEMS, WHICH IS A BIG 422 00:20:55,545 --> 00:21:01,510 PROBLEM. 423 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:09,476 WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEW UNFORTUNATE SEGMENT: "UH-OH!" 424 00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:10,852 TONIGHT'S UH-OH: WHILE YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT THE PLANET-WIDE 425 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:11,937 COVID CRISIS, DON'T FORGET TO WORRY ABOUT A POSSIBLE DRINKING 426 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,523 WATER CRISIS, BECAUSE IT WAS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT 427 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:19,319 INVESTORS CAN NOW TRADE WATER FUTURES. 428 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,529 UH-OH. 429 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,322 I DON'T TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT SENTENCE, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A 430 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:26,702 HEADLINE IN A NEWSREEL AT THE BEGINNING OF "MAD MAX" BEFORE 431 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,829 YOU SMASH CUT TO ONE-ARMED CHARLIZE THERON DRIVING A TRUCK 432 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,373 FULL OF WARRIOR-CONCUBINES THROUGH THE DESERT. 433 00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:35,377 HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING: RECENTLY, FUTURES TIED TO THE 434 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,547 CALIFORNIA WATER INDEX BEGAN TRADING ON THE CHICAGO 435 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:39,798 MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. 436 00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:43,385 MEANING THAT, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, WATER WILL BE A COMMODITY, 437 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:46,680 LIKE GOLD OR OIL. 438 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:47,389 UH-OH! 439 00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,224 THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN. 440 00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:51,393 THOSE ARE TWO THINGS THAT WE FAMOUSLY HAVE A FINITE AMOUNT 441 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,436 OF. 442 00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:53,687 THAT'S WHY THEY'RE VALUABLE. 443 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:58,066 THERE'S A REASON WEDDING RINGS ARE MADE OF GOLD AND NOT BOTTLES 444 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:58,608 OF POLAND SPRING. 445 00:21:58,692 --> 00:21:59,109 OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS! 446 00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:03,405 HE WENT TO 7-ELEVEN! 447 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:07,242 THIS SOUNDS TROUBLING, BECAUSE THE BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 448 00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:10,162 WATER AND... COMMODITIES IS THAT WE NEED WATER TO SURVIVE. 449 00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:15,125 WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEW UH-OH SUBSEGMENT: "YIKES!" 450 00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:18,253 NOW THAT WATER IS A COMMODITY AND CAN BE TRADED ON THE FUTURES 451 00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:19,796 MARKET, IT COULD INVITE SPECULATION FROM FINANCIAL 452 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,383 PLAYERS, INCLUDING HEDGE FUNDS. 453 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,552 YIKES! 454 00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:27,387 "HEDGE FUND SPECULATION" IS NEVER A GOOD THING. 455 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:30,724 JUST ASK ANYONE WHO HAD A SUBPRIME MORTGAGE IN THE EARLY 456 00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:31,933 2000'S. 457 00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,810 THEIR HOME LOAN IS CURRENTLY UNDER WATER, WHICH THEY'RE GOING 458 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,731 TO WANT TO START HOARDING 'CAUSE IT'S A HOT NEW COMMODITY! 459 00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:41,943 THESE WATER FUTURES FOCUS SPECIFICALLY ON CALIFORNIA, 460 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:49,451 WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR UH-OH YIKES SUB-SUBSEGMENT: "GULP!" 461 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,953 A LOOK HOW MANY BONES I HAVE. 462 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,623 CAN I SEE THAT AGAIN, JIM? 463 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,501 LOOK AT THAT! 464 00:22:57,584 --> 00:23:01,588 THAT'S "THE LATE SHOW" PROMISE, UNLIMITED BONES! 465 00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:02,672 THIS IMPACTS THE WHOLE NATION BECAUSE CALIFORNIA HAS A HUGE 466 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:05,133 AGRICULTURAL SECTOR, AND RECENTLY HAS MOVED TO POPULAR 467 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:08,553 HIGH-VALUE PERMANENT CROPS LIKE ALMONDS AND PISTACHIOS, WHICH 468 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:13,350 REQUIRE A LOT OF WATER FOR UPKEEP. 469 00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:14,351 AND I HAWKED PISTACHIOS! 470 00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:15,477 AM I PART OF THE PROBLEM? 471 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,270 I'M SORRY! 472 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,481 NOT FOR PROMOTING PISTACHIOS, THEY'RE A DELICIOUS SOURCE OF 473 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:23,443 PROTEIN, BUT FOR GIVING YOU THE NIGHTMARE FUEL THAT IS MY HEAD 474 00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:26,279 AS A NUT. 475 00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:29,407 BUT THE BIGGER ISSUE IS THAT CALIFORNIA HAS JUST HAD SEVERAL 476 00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,660 YEARS IN A ROW OF HISTORIC WILDFIRES AND IS EMERGING FROM 477 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:34,788 AN EIGHT-YEAR DROUGHT. 478 00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:35,997 GULP! 479 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:39,209 SO, WALL STREET IS NOW BETTING ON A RESOURCE THAT CALIFORNIA 480 00:23:39,292 --> 00:23:42,129 DESPERATELY NEEDS TO SURVIVE AND CURRENTLY HAS A SHORTAGE OF. 481 00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:44,047 THAT'S LIKE A LIFEGUARD GOING, "THE BAD NEWS IS YOUR HUSBAND IS 482 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,215 DROWNING! 483 00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:47,467 THE GOOD NEWS IS, IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, THE VALUE OF MY 484 00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,511 LIFE PRESERVER FRANCHISE IS GOING TO SKYROCKET! 485 00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:51,513 WANT TO GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR?" 486 00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:55,517 NOW, WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WITH 487 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,521 TRADING WATER ON WALL STREET, BY WHICH I MEAN WE KNOW EXACTLY 488 00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:03,358 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 489 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,319 ACCORDING TO A CLIMATE JUSTICE EXPERT, "AS CLEAN, USEABLE WATER 490 00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:07,529 IS BECOMING SCARCER, THE INCENTIVES IN CAPITALISM WORK TO 491 00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:11,533 COMMODIFY IT, AND WORK TO ENSURE THAT THE SCARCITY IS AN 492 00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:13,410 OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MONEY." 493 00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:15,537 ADDING, "IT'S THE WAY IN WHICH CAPITALISM MAKES PROFITS FROM 494 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,205 HUMAN MISERY." 495 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,541 OF COURSE, COMMODITIES TRADERS NEVER GO ALL IN ON HUMAN MISERY. 496 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:24,045 THEY DIVERSIFY INTO GENERATIONAL SUFFERING, DESPAIR, ENNUI AND 497 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:31,553 OF COURSE, BITCOIN. 498 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:32,429 IN OTHER WORDS: UH-OH. 499 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:35,432 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SERENA WILLIAMS. 500 00:24:35,515 --> 00:24:36,099 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) IN 501 00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:50,906 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 502 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:54,576 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 503 00:24:54,659 --> 00:24:58,455 SHE IS A SPORTS ICON WHO HAS WON 23 GRAND SLAM SINGLES TITLES AND 504 00:24:58,538 --> 00:24:59,414 FOUR OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS. 505 00:24:59,497 --> 00:25:04,377 SHE'S NOW PREPARING FOR THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN. 506 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:07,589 PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," FROM ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA, 507 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:08,465 SERENA WILLIAMS. 508 00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:10,759 SERENA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE! 509 00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,135 >> HI, THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 510 00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:13,094 >> Stephen: HOW IS TOMORROW? 511 00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:15,722 BECAUSE IT'S NOON THERE OR SOMETHING, ISN'T IT? 512 00:25:15,805 --> 00:25:16,932 >> I KNOW. 513 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,099 TOMORROW IS GOOD. 514 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,143 YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE BIT IN THE FUTURE, SO I THINK IT'S 515 00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:22,270 GOING TO BE GOOD. 516 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,273 >> Stephen: NOW, I HAVE HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO YOUR 517 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:29,319 HUSBAND MANY TIMES, ACTUALLY HAD HIM ON THE SHOW IN 2018, AND, 518 00:25:29,402 --> 00:25:32,781 YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE QUESTIONS EVERYBODY HAS IS YOU GUYS SEEM 519 00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:36,534 LIKE A HAPPY LOVING COUPLE BUT NOBODY EXPECTED BUN TO HAVE THE 520 00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:39,579 GREATEST ATHLETES OF ALL TIME TO MARRY A SELF-PROFESSED MEASURE 521 00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:41,248 LIKE ALEXIS. 522 00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:43,750 HOW DOES THAT WORK? 523 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:46,503 HE SAYS YOU'RE A NERD, TOO, A TRUE NERD. 524 00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:50,632 WHAT'S YOUR NERD CRED? 525 00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:53,134 >> I DO HAVE NERD CRED. 526 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:56,638 I HEAR YOU'RE INTO THE LORD OF HINGES, THE HOBBIT. 527 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:57,806 >> Stephen: I AM. 528 00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:58,723 I'M KIND OF UP ON THAT. 529 00:25:58,807 --> 00:25:59,891 SO THAT'S COOL. 530 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:05,647 I'M REALLY BIG INTO COMICS, THE MARVEL, D.C., THAT KIND OF 531 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:06,523 WORLD. 532 00:26:06,606 --> 00:26:08,650 >> Stephen: ARE YOU WATCHING WANDA VISION? 533 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:11,236 ARE YOU ENJOYING THAT? 534 00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:14,739 >> I'M A BINGE WATCHER, SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO PICK UP SOMETHING 535 00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:19,202 WHEN THERE'S ONLY ONE SEASON, BUT I DID CRACK AND ACTUALLY 536 00:26:19,286 --> 00:26:19,786 WATCHED IT YEPPED. 537 00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:21,663 IT'S DEFINITELY TRIPPY. 538 00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:24,624 >> Stephen: IT'S SUPER TRIPPY. 539 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:25,834 MY VERDICT IS OUT ON IT. 540 00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:33,300 >> Stephen: AS A TOLKIEN FAN, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE CHARACTER 541 00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:34,384 FROM "THE LORD OF THE RINGS"? 542 00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:39,180 >> I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO NOT LOVE SAM, YOU KNOW. 543 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:43,184 I ACTUALLY, EVERY TIME I SEE THE FELLOWSHIP WITH A RING, THERE'S 544 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:47,689 A SCENE WHERE I ACTUALLY CRY BECAUSE SAM IS SO -- HIS 545 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:51,568 FRIENDSHIP IS UNBELIEVABLE. 546 00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:52,193 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. 547 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,695 THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER. 548 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:58,575 YOU PASSED THE TEST! 549 00:26:58,658 --> 00:27:04,205 YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA RIGHT NOW AS I WAS JUST TELLING THE PEOPLE 550 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:05,040 HERE. 551 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:06,583 WHAT'S THE QUARANTINE LIKE DOWN UNDER? 552 00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:11,046 DO THEY HAVE STRICT QUARANTINE PROTOCOLS DOWN THERE? 553 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:13,923 >> YEAH, IT'S SURE SURE STRICT, BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD. 554 00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:18,428 AUSTRALIA NOW, THE LAST I HEARD, THEY HAD ZERO CASES OF COVID. 555 00:27:18,511 --> 00:27:19,137 >> Stephen: WOW! 556 00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:20,847 O THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT? 557 00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:23,058 THE WHOLE COUNTRY. 558 00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:24,184 SO THAT IS REALLY AMAZING. 559 00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:27,395 SO WHEN WE COME HERE IN AUSTRALIA, EVERYONE HAS TO 560 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:30,607 QUARANTINE IN A ROOM FOR 14 DAYS, AND IT'S INSANE AND SUPER 561 00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:34,736 INTENSE BUT IT'S SUPER GOOD BECAUSE AFTER THAT YOU CAN HAVE 562 00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:38,448 A NEW NORMAL LIKE WHAT WE WERE USED TO THIS TIME LAST YEAR IN 563 00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:39,074 THE UNITED STATES. 564 00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:41,076 SO THEY'RE DOING IT RIGHT. 565 00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:43,745 IT'S DEFINITELY HARD WITH A 3-YEAR-OLD TO BE IN THE HOTEL 566 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:45,872 ALL DAY, BUT IT'S WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU WANT EVERYONE TO BE 567 00:27:45,955 --> 00:27:48,249 SAFE AT THE END OF THE DAY. 568 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:52,253 >> Stephen: NOW, YOU MENTIONED YOUR DAUGHTER. 569 00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:58,259 WE ARE BIG FANS OF OLYMPIA. 570 00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,052 >> YES, OLYMPIA. 571 00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:00,261 >> Stephen: LOOK AT THAT PHOTOGRAPH. 572 00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:02,639 SHE LOOKS LIKE A FIERCE COMPETITOR. 573 00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:06,059 WHAT'S SHE LIKE ON THE COURT? 574 00:28:06,142 --> 00:28:07,769 >> UM, SHE'S A PERFECTIONIST ON THE COURT. 575 00:28:07,852 --> 00:28:15,110 NOT QUITE SURE WHERE SHE GOT THAT FROM, BUT, YEAH, SHE LOVES 576 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:16,319 TO -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 577 00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:19,572 I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LET MY DAUGHTER PLAY TENNIS, BUT I'M 578 00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:21,574 JUST, LIKE, DURING THIS PANDEMIC, IT WAS THE ONLY THING 579 00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:24,661 THAT WE COULD DO SAFELY, AND, SO, I'M, LIKE, WELL, TENNIS IT 580 00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:25,787 IS. 581 00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:27,914 >> Stephen: AND WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT HER TO PLAY TENNIS, 582 00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:30,917 BECAUSE IT'S JUST ALL CONSUMING? 583 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:35,630 >> IT'S ALL CONSUMING, IT'S STRESSFUL, IT'S A LOT OF WORK, 584 00:28:35,713 --> 00:28:39,134 IT'S A HUGE COMMITMENT, AND IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT -- A 585 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,136 LITTLE DAB OF PRESSURE ON HER. 586 00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:44,806 SO I'M, LIKE, I WOULDN'T ACTUALLY PUT HER IN IT, BUT IF 587 00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:48,810 THAT WAS SOMETHING SHE WANTED TO DO, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY BE, LIKE, 588 00:28:48,893 --> 00:28:52,772 OH, MY GOSH, YOU COULD DO THAT AND I WOULD SUPPORT HER BUT IT 589 00:28:52,856 --> 00:28:54,315 WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO. 590 00:28:54,399 --> 00:29:01,322 >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT 23 GRAND SLAM TITLES. 591 00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:04,826 DO YOU HAVE A GIANT TROPHY CASE OR DO YOU KEEP THEM IN THE 592 00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:10,457 STORAGE LOCKER OR WHERE ARE THEY? 593 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:14,294 >> THAT IS THE QUESTION OF THE DOUBLE DECADE. 594 00:29:14,377 --> 00:29:21,134 I DON'T -- LIKE, I KEEP THEM IN A LOT OF PLACES. 595 00:29:21,217 --> 00:29:25,180 MY FIRST GRAND SLAM I LEFT AT MY DAD'S AT THE TIME. 596 00:29:25,263 --> 00:29:26,806 AND I SAID I'M GOING TO GELT ANOTHER ONE. 597 00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,766 AND THAT WAS AT THE U.S. OPEN. 598 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:31,811 AND, OF COURSE, I WAS ABLE TO GET ANOTHER ONE. 599 00:29:31,895 --> 00:29:33,021 MY COACH HAS A FEW IN FRANCE. 600 00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:34,689 THERE'S SEVERAL IN MY HOUSE. 601 00:29:34,772 --> 00:29:37,484 I THINK ONE OR TWO OR THREE OR MISSING. 602 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:40,695 >> Stephen: THEY'RE REALLY VALUABLE, THOUGH. 603 00:29:40,778 --> 00:29:43,573 THEY'RE STERLING -- THEY'RE TRAYS AND BIG CUPS AND STUFF 604 00:29:43,656 --> 00:29:44,324 LIKE THAT. 605 00:29:44,407 --> 00:29:45,450 >> THEY ARE. 606 00:29:45,533 --> 00:29:48,203 HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE I HAD A HOUSE PARTY YEARS AGO AND 607 00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,872 SOMEONE GOT A LITTLE TOO HAPPY AT IT, AND, LIKE -- I DON'T 608 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:57,754 KNOW, BUT I ALWAYS WONDER, WAIT, IS THAT WHERE ONE OF MY 609 00:29:57,837 --> 00:29:59,172 WIMBLEDON TROPHIES WENT? 610 00:29:59,255 --> 00:30:02,884 SO FORMERLY I'M NOT REALLY ATTACHED TO THINGS. 611 00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:06,721 YOU KNOW, MY SAYING IS YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE. 612 00:30:06,804 --> 00:30:09,349 >> Stephen: ACTUALLY, THAT MAKES ME THINK OF SOMETHING. 613 00:30:09,432 --> 00:30:13,520 ARE THE CUPS AND THE TRAYS OR WHATEVER, THEY LOOK THE SAME BUT 614 00:30:13,603 --> 00:30:16,898 IS IT A NEW ONE EVERY YEAR OR DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK IN FOR 615 00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:19,234 THE NEXT PERSON LIKE THE STANLEY CUP? 616 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:20,818 >> YEAH, SO, YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP IT ALL. 617 00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:23,196 THEY GIVE YOU A RUM CAY. 618 00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:27,742 SO WHEN I FIRST STARTED PLAYING, THEY GAVE YOU A REALLY SMALL 619 00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,744 REPLICA AND NOW A BIGGER REPLICA. 620 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:34,249 THEY'RE, LIKE, CAN I TRADE IN MY SMALLER REPLICAS FOR THE BIGGER 621 00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:34,791 ONES? 622 00:30:34,874 --> 00:30:35,875 THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR. 623 00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:38,419 >> NOT QUITE FAIR BUT, YEAH, IT'S COOL, NONETHELESS. 624 00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:39,087 IT'S REALLY COOL. 625 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:40,505 SO YOU GET THE REPLICA. 626 00:30:40,588 --> 00:30:42,423 >> Stephen: HOW NICE IS THE ONE? 627 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,133 WHAT'S THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN? 628 00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:45,426 WHAT DO YOU GET? 629 00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,929 >> YOU GET A GIANT REPLICA OF THAT ONE. 630 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:48,596 THAT ONE'S REALLY NICE. 631 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,765 I HAVE A FEW OF THOSE, TOO. 632 00:30:50,848 --> 00:30:55,228 >> Stephen: IS IT A CUP OR A TRAY OR SOMETHING YOU COULD PUT 633 00:30:55,311 --> 00:30:56,437 NACHOS ON? 634 00:30:56,521 --> 00:31:00,275 >> IT'S THIS REALLY COOL TROPHY THAT YOU CAN OPEN IT UP AND -- 635 00:31:00,358 --> 00:31:02,777 YOU COULD PUT CHIPS IN THERE, I COULD SEE THAT. 636 00:31:02,860 --> 00:31:04,028 >> Stephen: SURE. 637 00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:07,282 IF YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE IT AT A PARTY, AT LEAST PUT IT TO GOOD 638 00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:08,449 USE FIRST. 639 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:11,077 >> IT'S REALLY PERFECT TIMING, ESPECIALLY, YOU KNOW, GETTING 640 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,495 READY FOR SUPER BOWL SEASON. 641 00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:17,125 USUALLY WE'RE AT HOME FOR THAT, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING TO 642 00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:18,293 DO. 643 00:31:18,376 --> 00:31:22,463 >> Stephen: USE THAT, AND YOU'RE WELCOME, USE THAT AS A 644 00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:23,840 LITTLE MOTIVATION WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING. 645 00:31:23,923 --> 00:31:27,468 SAY I HAVE TO WIN THIS BECAUSE -- WHAT? 646 00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:29,846 >> YEAH, IT WILL BE A LITTLE MOTIVATION TO HELP ME TO 647 00:31:29,929 --> 00:31:30,471 CELEBRATE. 648 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:31,681 SO THAT WILL BE REALLY COOL. 649 00:31:31,764 --> 00:31:35,977 >> Stephen: NOW, PEOPLE ARE FINDING -- WELL, THE PRESSURE OF 650 00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:42,817 LOCKDOWN IS, WELL, MENTALLY TOUGH TO DO, AND YOU KNOW NOT 651 00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:47,989 ONLY KNOWN FOR YOUR VISUAL PROWESS BUT YOUR MENTAL TOUGH 652 00:31:48,072 --> 00:31:49,157 NECESSARY. 653 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:56,205 DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR HOW TO GET THROUGH COVID LOCKDOWN, 654 00:31:56,289 --> 00:31:58,791 QUARANTINING SOCIAL DISTANCING AND STAY MENTALLY SHARP. 655 00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:01,169 >> FOR ME IT'S HOOKING AT THE BIG PICTURE. 656 00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:05,673 I THINK 2020 WAS A TOUGH YEAR FOR EVERYONE, IT WAS SO INTENSE, 657 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,800 AND WE DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN. 658 00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:10,720 SO JUST BEING CAREFUL AND CONSIDERATE AND LISTENING TO 659 00:32:10,803 --> 00:32:15,850 PEOPLE THAT REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING, THE PEOPLE THAT 660 00:32:15,933 --> 00:32:18,853 ARE ON THE FRONT LINE AND THE WORK, ARE SO IMPORTANT TO LISTEN 661 00:32:18,936 --> 00:32:20,980 AND TO TAKE THAT FEEDBACK. 662 00:32:21,064 --> 00:32:25,818 BUT IT'S A LOT OF MENTAL TOUGHNESS. 663 00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:28,488 WE TALK ABOUT ATHLETES, HOW MENTALLY TOUGH IT IS. 664 00:32:28,571 --> 00:32:31,908 ONE THING I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DON'T MENTION, ONE THING I'M 665 00:32:31,991 --> 00:32:35,995 DOING FOR A SUPER BOWL ADD IS MICHELOB ULTRA WHERE WE TALK 666 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:40,208 ABOUT ULT STUFF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, IT'S INCREDIBLY A LOT OF 667 00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,417 MENTAL WORK. 668 00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:45,088 THIS SIX WEEKS IS SO MENTAL BUT IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT WHAT NO 669 00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:49,008 ONE TALKS ABOUT IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO KIND OF RELAX AND 670 00:32:49,092 --> 00:32:54,222 SAY, I DID ALL THIS MENTAL WORK, A LOT OF SUCCESS ISN'T JUST 671 00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:56,557 ABOUT BEING PHYSICALLY FIT AND GOING INTO STUFF. 672 00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:59,227 YOU HAVE TO HAVE A TIME FOR BALANCE AND LETTING GO. 673 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:05,983 SO I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT NEW SUPER BOWL AD I HAVE THAT 674 00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:06,901 COMING OUT. 675 00:33:06,984 --> 00:33:09,737 >> Stephen: PUT THAT IN THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN. 676 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,907 YOU CAN PROBABLY JAM A SIX-PACK IN THERE. 677 00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:16,160 THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN STARTS FEBRUARY 8 -- THAT'S NOT THE 678 00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:16,619 ONE. 679 00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:17,328 THIS IS THE PHOTO. 680 00:33:17,412 --> 00:33:18,913 THIS IS A REALLY SPECIAL PHOTO. 681 00:33:18,996 --> 00:33:20,039 CAN YOU SEE THIS ON YOUR END? 682 00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:23,418 CAN YOU SEE THIS PHOTO HERE? 683 00:33:23,501 --> 00:33:24,252 >> I CAN. 684 00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:26,003 >> Stephen: 23 YEARS AGO. 685 00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:27,422 YEAH. 686 00:33:27,505 --> 00:33:27,964 '98. 687 00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,257 THAT'S INSANE, RIGHT? 688 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,425 I WAS STILL A BABY. 689 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:33,052 >> Stephen: THIS AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN AND IS THIS THE 690 00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:36,013 FIRST TIME YOU PLAYED AGAINST YOUR SISTER PROFESSIONALLY? 691 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:37,098 >> I THINK IT WAS. 692 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,767 IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I PLAYED AGAINST HER AND IT WAS 693 00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:45,481 UNFORTUNATE BECAUSE IT WAS SO EARLY WE PLAYED EACH OTHER SO 694 00:33:45,565 --> 00:33:46,190 EARLY. 695 00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:46,899 IT WAS INTENSE BUT IT WAS COOL. 696 00:33:46,983 --> 00:33:48,443 IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE TO ME. 697 00:33:48,526 --> 00:33:52,488 >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN MEAN TO YOU? 698 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:53,740 >> IT'S A LOT. 699 00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:56,617 YOU KNOW, I REALLY PLAY RIGHT NOW FOR GRAND SLAMS, AND I LOVE 700 00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:59,787 HAVING AN OPPORTUNITY TO EVEN STILL BE OUT HERE AND TO COMPETE 701 00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:00,997 ON THIS LEVEL. 702 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,626 SO WHAT IT MEANS TO ME IS AN OPPORTUNITY, I THINK IT WAS 703 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,129 REALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE SLAMS GROWING UP. 704 00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:11,007 JUST KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THE STATES. 705 00:34:11,090 --> 00:34:15,636 I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS IN MELBOURNE, AND, SO, IT'S REALLY 706 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:16,888 NICE. 707 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:20,141 ANYTIME I WIN A GRAND SLAM MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, SO THEY ARE ALL 708 00:34:20,224 --> 00:34:21,058 REALLY SPECIAL. 709 00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:22,977 >> Stephen: YEAH, I LIKE IT WHEN I DO, TOO. 710 00:34:23,060 --> 00:34:25,188 IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING WHEN I WIN A GRAND SLAM. 711 00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:27,690 IT REALLY IS. 712 00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:31,277 THE WORK WAS WORTH IT IS WHAT I THINK AT THE END OF THAT. 713 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,988 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS IS THE ONLY PHOTO I 714 00:34:34,071 --> 00:34:35,990 HAVE OF ME EVER PLAYING TENNIS. 715 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:38,993 I WANT TO GET YOUR OPINION OF MY STYLE. 716 00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:40,036 HERE YOU GO. 717 00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:43,998 THIS IS ME WITH JAMES -- WHO AM I PLAYING AGAINST? 718 00:34:44,081 --> 00:34:45,291 ME AGAINST JAMES BLAKE. 719 00:34:45,374 --> 00:34:49,712 THAT'S ME ATTEMPTING TO JUMP OVER THE NET. 720 00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:51,172 ( LAUGHTER ) >> LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT CAUGHT UP 721 00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:53,716 IN A FEW DIFFERENT WAYS. 722 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,258 HOPE YOU'RE OKAY. 723 00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:57,887 >> Stephen: I'M FINE. 724 00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:59,680 THE STYLE COULD BE MORE MODERN. 725 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,474 I'M ALWAYS ABOUT THE '80s. 726 00:35:01,557 --> 00:35:02,141 LOOKS VERY '80s. 727 00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:05,520 >> Stephen: I'M THE CLASSICS. 728 00:35:05,603 --> 00:35:06,521 YOU COULD BE A LITTLE LOOSER. 729 00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:09,023 >> Stephen: A LITTLE LOOSER? 730 00:35:09,106 --> 00:35:10,858 A LITTLE LOOSER OBSERVE THE BOTTOM. 731 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,320 >> Stephen: OKAY. 732 00:35:14,403 --> 00:35:15,321 OKAY. 733 00:35:15,404 --> 00:35:16,405 WELL, SERENA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 734 00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:17,657 >> THANK YOU. 735 00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:20,201 >> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HER IN THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN WHICH STARTS 736 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:22,537 FEBRUARY # 8. 737 00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:23,287 SERENA WILLIAMS. 738 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,999 BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY DAYGLOW. 739 00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:27,375 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 740 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,694 >> Stephen: MAKING HIS LATE NIGHT TELEVISION DEBUT WITH, 741 00:35:54,777 --> 00:35:58,573 "CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT?" FROM HIS ALBUM, "FUZZYBRAIN," 742 00:35:58,656 --> 00:36:02,577 DAYGLOW. 743 00:36:02,660 --> 00:36:14,589 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 744 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:24,599 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 745 00:36:24,682 --> 00:36:30,605 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 746 00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:34,817 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 747 00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:41,157 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 748 00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:45,620 ♪ I FEEL CLOSE WELL, MAYBE I'M NOT 749 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:49,916 ♪ HEAVEN KNOWS IT'S A SPOTLIGHT STUCK 750 00:36:49,999 --> 00:36:52,960 ♪ ON THE CEILING WHY ARE THESE THE THINGS 751 00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,629 ♪ THAT I'M FEELING? 752 00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:58,633 THERE'S SO MUCH TIME ♪ FOR ME TO SPEAK UP 753 00:36:58,716 --> 00:37:02,303 BUT I KEEP QUIET ♪ I'LL COMPLICATE THE MOST 754 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:06,641 OF THE MANTRA ♪ THE POWER IS OUT AND 755 00:37:06,724 --> 00:37:13,439 I CAN'T TURN THE FAN ON ♪ SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT? 756 00:37:13,522 --> 00:37:18,653 I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL 757 00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:22,657 COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL? 758 00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:30,498 ♪ I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE 759 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:34,293 ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL 760 00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:35,127 ♪ ANYMORE? 761 00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:38,673 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ VOICE SO LOW 762 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:42,677 SNEAKING AROUND ♪ SO IT GOES 763 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,847 I ALWAYS TRY MY BEST TO LISTEN ♪ PICKING UP THINGS 764 00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:54,689 THAT I CAN FIDGET ♪ CIRCLE SPEED, PACING AROUND 765 00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:57,483 WATCHING MY FEET ♪ BATTERIES DRAIN 766 00:37:57,566 --> 00:38:02,697 I GET THE MEMO ♪ I THINK THAT I MIGHT 767 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:06,492 HAVE TO LET YOU GO ♪ SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT? 768 00:38:06,575 --> 00:38:14,709 I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL 769 00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:18,713 COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL? 770 00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:26,721 ♪ I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE 771 00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:30,725 ♪ JUST HOW I FEEL COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL 772 00:38:30,808 --> 00:38:34,729 ♪ ANYMORE? 773 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:45,448 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ ♪ ♪ 774 00:38:45,531 --> 00:38:48,367 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ DON'T GO 775 00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:50,745 DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO 776 00:38:50,828 --> 00:38:54,749 DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO 777 00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:57,376 DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO 778 00:38:57,460 --> 00:39:01,380 DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO 779 00:39:01,464 --> 00:39:04,800 DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO 780 00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:06,761 DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME ♪ DON'T GO 781 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:10,765 DON'T GO SO EASY ♪ DON'T GO, GO 782 00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:14,769 SO CAN I CALL YOU TONIGHT? 783 00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:22,777 ♪ I'M TRYING TO MAKE UP MY MIND JUST HOW I FEEL 784 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:25,446 ♪ COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL? 785 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:30,785 I HEAR YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE ♪ NOW I'M NO LONGER ALONE 786 00:39:30,868 --> 00:39:36,957 JUST HOW I FEEL ♪ COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S REAL 787 00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:38,793 ANYMORE? 788 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:46,801 ♪ 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW ♪ >> Stephen: DAYGLOW, EVERYBODY. 789 00:39:46,884 --> 00:39:49,136 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 790 00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:55,976 ♪ ♪ ♪ 791 00:39:59,855 --> 00:40:01,357 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 792 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,985 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY 793 00:40:05,069 --> 00:40:07,321 TUCCI, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ADRIANNE LENKER. 794 00:40:07,404 --> 00:40:09,323 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 795 00:40:09,406 --> 00:40:10,282 GOOD NIGHT. 796 00:40:11,408 --> 00:40:12,284 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 797 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:23,629 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 798 00:40:23,712 --> 00:40:31,345 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 799 00:40:31,428 --> 00:40:33,431 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) ♪ ♪ ♪