1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,544 >> FLORIDA'S CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER, JIMMY PATRONIS, WANTS 2 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:06,548 THE OLYMPIC COMMITTEE TO CONSIDER MOVING THE 2021 3 00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:07,882 OLYMPICS TO FLORIDA. 4 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,760 >> PART OF IT IS, IS WHAT FLORIDA HAS TO OFFER. 5 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,805 75% OF OUR REVENUES IN THS STATE ALREADY COME FROM TOURISM. 6 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:19,811 WE'RE WIRED TO DO BUSINESS THAT WAY, TO CATER TO THE OUTSIDE 7 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:22,605 VISITOR. 8 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,819 >> SUMMER 2021: THE OLYMPICS COME TO FLORIDA! 9 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:35,160 ♪ ♪ ♪ THE AMERICANS ARE OFF TO A 10 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,788 STRONG START IN THE 500-METER MOPED LEG-SHAVING SPRINT. 11 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,834 SKEET DAMONT SMASHING THE RECORD IN THE HIGHWAY BOAT RELAY. 12 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,002 THEY'RE INTO THE STRETCH IN THE 50-METER PAIRS SHOPPING CART 13 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:47,797 SHUFFLE. 14 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,801 LOOK AT THE DETERMINATION ON DELROY EUSTIS, URBAN JET SKIER. 15 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,096 ESTHER BONET IS GOING FOR THE GOLD! 16 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:59,017 THE TRAINING, THE PASSION, THE HEART-- OLYMPIC DREAMS DO COME 17 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:03,980 TRUE! 18 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,942 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 19 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:13,114 TONIGHT: CONVICTION FRICTION. 20 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:18,203 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES COLIN FIRTH 21 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:19,162 AND STANLEY TUCCI AND MUSICAL GUEST, ADRIANNE 22 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:23,625 LENKER FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 23 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,544 HUMAN. 24 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:28,296 AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 25 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:33,259 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 26 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:38,181 >> Stephen: WELL, HI THERE. 27 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,891 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 28 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:43,019 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 29 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:47,899 FOLKS, AFTER A FOUR-YEAR NATIONAL NIGHTMARE, WE ALL JUST 30 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,234 WANT TO MOVE ON WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE AT ALL BECAUSE OF 31 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,110 THE PANDEMIC. 32 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,530 BUT WE'VE STILL GOT A FEW LOOSE ENDS FROM THE LAST 33 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,865 ADMINISTRATION WE'VE GOT TO CLEAR UP, LIKE INCITING A 34 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,075 MURDEROUS MOB TO ATTACK THE CONGRESS AND OVERTHROW 35 00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,994 DEMOCRACY. 36 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,662 JUST BITS AND BOBS. 37 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,121 YOU KNOW, DUST BUT IT. 38 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,917 I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "DON AND THE GIANT 39 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:12,006 IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS." 40 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:18,263 >> IT'S PRETTY DISGUSTING, RIGHT? 41 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,098 >> Stephen: LAST NIGHT, HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS DELIVERED 42 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:24,018 THE ARTICLE OF IMPEACHMENT TO THE SENATE. 43 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:27,146 ALTHOUGH, IT'S SO FRESH, YOU'D SWEAR IT'S NOT DELIVERY. 44 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,690 IT'S DI-SEDITION. 45 00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:31,943 ONCE THEY GOT TO THE SENATE FLOOR, THE SINGLE CHARGE WAS 46 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:35,947 LAID OUT BY IMPEACHMENT MANAGER AND GUY WHOSE CARPET IS THE 47 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:40,535 DRAPES, JAIME RASKIN. 48 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,120 AND CONGRESSMAN RASKIN DIDN'T MINCE WORDS: 49 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:46,958 >> DONALD JOHN TRUMP ENGAGED IN HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS BY 50 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,084 INCITING VIOLENCE AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 51 00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:53,298 SECTION THREE OF THE 14th AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION 52 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:58,970 PROHIBITS ANY PERSON WHO HAS "ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION OR 53 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,013 REBELLION AGAINST THE UNITED STATES FROM HOLDING ANY OFFICE 54 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:05,935 UNDER THE UNITED STATES."█ç >> Stephen: THANK YOU. 55 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,937 WHEN YOU INCITE INSURRECTION AGAINST YOUR OWN GOVERNMENT, YOU 56 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,397 DON'T GET TO HOLD OFFICE AGAIN. 57 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,816 THAT'S WHY AFTER THE CIVIL WAR, CONFEDERATE PRESIDENT JEFFERSON 58 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:16,070 DAVIS HAD TO GET A JOB AT BEST BUY. 59 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,990 NOW, THE LAST IMPEACHMENT WAS PRESIDED OVER BY CHIEF JUSTICE 60 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,408 JOHN ROBERTS. 61 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:24,829 BUT, REPORTEDLY, ROBERTS DID NOT ENJOY THE FIRST TRIAL AND IS 62 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,999 OPTING OUT THIS TIME, AS NEW SENATE MAJORITY LEADER CHUCK 63 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,334 SCHUMER EXPLAINED. 64 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,628 >> SO IT WAS UP TO JOHN ROBERTS WHETHER HE WANTED TO PRESIDE█ç 65 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:36,049 WITH A PRESIDENT WHO'S NO LONGER SITTING. 66 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:40,011 AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT. 67 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:43,181 >> Stephen: WELL, AT LEAST HE HAS A SOUND CONSTITUTIONAL 68 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:46,976 REASON: HE DOESN'T WANT TO. 69 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,061 AS THE CONSTITUTION SAYS, "WHEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED 70 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:52,023 STATES IS TRIED, THE CHIEF JUSTICE SHALL PRESIDE UNLESS 71 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,192 HE'S NOT IN THE MOOD, IN WHICH CASE, WE WOULDN'T WANT TO 72 00:03:54,275 --> 00:04:00,114 INCONVENIENCE THE BIG BABY WITH SAVING THE REPUBLIC." 73 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,492 SO NOW THEY'VE DECIDED IT'S GOING TO BE OVERSEEN BY SENATE 74 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:06,496 PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE AND MAN PAT LEAHY OF VERMONT. 75 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,748 LEAHY, A DEMOCRAT, HAS ALREADY VOTED ONCE TO CONVICT THE 45th 76 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,627 PRESIDENT AND REMOVE HIM FROM OFFICE, SO REPUBLICANS SAY HE'S 77 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,003 NOT IMPARTIAL. 78 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,838 BUT LEAHY HAS PROVEN HE'S COMMITTED TO THE FIGHT FOR 79 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,883 JUSTICE, BECAUSE-- THIS IS TRUE-- HE'S BEEN IN FIVE 80 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:23,137 "BATMAN" MOVIES. 81 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,306 TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, HE'S BEEN IN MORE "BATMAN" MOVIES 82 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,642 THAN THE BAT-MEN! 83 00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,353 AND HE'S GOT EXPERIENCE WITH HEAVILY-MADE-UP CLOWNS SENDING 84 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,356 THEIR GOONS TO DESTROY THE CITY. 85 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,524 SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE PRESIDENTIAL CLOWN CAR MAY 86 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:38,903 EVENTUALLY BE PULLING UP TO THE CAPITOL, BECAUSE SENATE 87 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,698 PROCEDURE DICTATES THAT AN OFFICIAL SUMMONS FOR THE TRIAL 88 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:45,410 WILL ALSO BE SENT TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT. 89 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:48,204 NOW, THIS IS JUST A LEGAL DOCUMENT. 90 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:51,332 NORMALLY, TO SUMMON THE FORMER PRESIDENT, YOU HAVE TO DRAW A 91 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,335 PENTAGRAM MADE OF EXTRA CRISPY. 92 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,546 TODAY, FOR THE SECOND TIME IN AS MANY YEARS, SENATORS WERE SWOREN 93 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,382 IN AS JURORS, AND LEAHY LED THEM IN THE OATH: 94 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,343 >> WILL ALL SENATORS NOW RISE AND RAISE THEIR RIGHT HAND. 95 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:10,560 DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR-- >> SWEAR TO ME! 96 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,561 >> Stephen: BRUCE, PLEASE. 97 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,313 YOU'RE NOT HELPING. 98 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,566 ANYWAY, HE SWORE THEM IN. 99 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,192 NOW, TO GET A CONVICTION, THE HOUSE IS GOING TO HAVE TO 100 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:22,071 CONVINCE 17 REPUBLICAN SENATORS THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT 101 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,406 INCITED THE RIOT. 102 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,742 AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ALL HUSTLED OUT THROUGH SECRET 103 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:31,247 TUNNELS TO KEEP THEM FROM BEING MURDERED BY THE 104 00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,540 PRESIDENT'S OWN BLOODTHIRSTY, FASCIST SQUAD OF GOONS, THEY'RE 105 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,084 ON THE FENCE. 106 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:39,255 TAKE IOWA SENATOR AND DISNEY VILLAIN SAYING, "LET ME BE 107 00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:41,924 CLEAR: YOUR LITTLE PLAYGROUND WILL BE MY NEXT STRIP MINE," 108 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,426 JONI ERNST. 109 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,262 SHE WAS IN THE CAPITOL WHEN IT WAS ATTACKED, BUT DOESN'T BLAME 110 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:51,434 THE FORMER PRESIDENT, EXPLAINING, "HE EXHIBITED POOR 111 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,435 LEADERSHIP. 112 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,478 I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE WITH THAT. 113 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,438 BUT IT WAS THESE PEOPLE THAT CAME INTO THE CAPITOL. 114 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,733 THEY DID IT KNOWINGLY, SO THEY BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY." 115 00:05:58,816 --> 00:05:59,609 YES. 116 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:03,613 THAT'S HIS DEFENSE. 117 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:08,910 HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY GO WITH HIS CULT MEMBERS TO COMMIT MURDER, 118 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,286 SO HE'S NOT GUILTY. 119 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:11,370 I'M SORRY, THAT'S ACTUALLY CHARLES MANSON'S DEFENSE. 120 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,582 BUT I'M SURE CHARLIE WOULD FIT IN WITH THOSE RIOTERS. 121 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,876 HE'S GOT THE TEAM TATTOO. 122 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,420 NOW, IMPEACHMENT OR NO, IT'S A ROUGH TIME FOR THE FORMER 123 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,838 PRESIDENT. 124 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:24,842 WHEN HE GOT TO MAR-A-LAGO, HE WAS GREETED THERE WITH A 125 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,303 PRESIDENTIAL FLYOVER-- IN THIS CASE, PROP PLANES PULLING 126 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,472 BANNERS THAT READ, "YOU PATHETIC LOSER, GO BACK TO MOSCOW," AND 127 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,598 "WORST PRESIDENT EVER." 128 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:35,019 YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK, KEVIN SPACEY. 129 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:38,314 NOW, THINGS DIDN'T GET MUCH BETTER ONCE THE PRESIDENT 130 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,524 SETTLED INTO HIS NEW DIGS. 131 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,401 ACCORDING TO A SOURCE FAMILIAR WITH THE SITUATION, MAR-A-LAGO 132 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,530 HAS BECOME A "SAD" AND "DISPIRITED" PLACE SINCE THE 133 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,949 EX-PRESIDENT MOVED IN, AS OPPOSED TO BEFORE HE MOVED IN, 134 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:51,494 WHEN IT WAS HAILED AS THE NUMBER-ONE LUXURY COVID HOT SPOT 135 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,539 WHERE YOU CAN ENJOY ROOM-TEMPERATURE CHOWDER WHILE A 136 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:58,960 CHINESE SPY LOADS MALWARE ON YOUR PHONE. 137 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,504 BUT WITH THE EX-PRESIDENT BACK, THE MOOD HAS GOTTEN SO DARK THAT 138 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:06,008 "A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE QUIT MAR-A-LAGO." 139 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,846 FOR PETE'S SAKE! 140 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,055 HE'S BEEN THERE SIX DAYS! 141 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,890 IMAGINE WHAT A DONNY DOWNER HE MUST BE FOR PEOPLE TO ALREADY 142 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,100 THROW IN THE TOWEL. 143 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,685 "OKAY, HERE HE COMES. 144 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:19,730 HE LOOKS PRETTY SAD, BUT I'M SURE, YOU KNOW, HIS MOOD WILL 145 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:20,857 IMPROVE ONCE TIME HAS PASS-- AND HE'S YANKING THE CHOCOLATE 146 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,693 FOUNTAIN OFF THE BUFFET AND CARRYING IT INTO THE SAUNA. 147 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:27,196 YEAH, I'D LIKE MY DEPOSIT BACK." 148 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,658 ( LAUGHTER ) AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE 149 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,534 BREAKING COVID NEWS. 150 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:35,371 WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS ON COVID. 151 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:39,584 IT'S STILL OUT THERE. 152 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:43,588 SO, WE'RE STILL STUCK IN OUR HOMES, WATCHING TV, ON THE EDGE 153 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:47,550 OF OUR SEATS FOR THIS HOT WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY EVER 154 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,551 GIVE US A VACCINE ACTION. 155 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:53,389 THE TENSION IS LITERALLY KILLING US. 156 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,016 AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "CATCH A 157 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:55,600 THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER." 158 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:59,729 >> HELLO! 159 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:03,107 I'M THE BRITISH VARIANT! 160 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:10,740 I'M A SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-VIRU 161 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:16,746 CHIM, CHIMMENY, CHIM, CHIM ACHEW! 162 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,873 >> Stephen: OH, DAMN IT! 163 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,750 GOT TO RELODE! 164 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:21,918 OH, YOU'RE SO LUCKY. 165 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,754 THIS IS RIGHT HERE FOR THE REST-- THE REST OF THE 166 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,338 MONOLOGUE. 167 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,632 I'M PUTTING IT UP HERE. 168 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:35,681 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M GOING TO LOAD IT. 169 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:40,770 WITH A NEW PRESIDENT IN CHARGE, OVER TO CONGRESS. 170 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,438 NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENS THEN. 171 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:43,689 TODAY WE LEARNED THAT BIDEN WANTS CONGRESS TO PASS HIS COVID 172 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,652 RELIEF BILL BEFORE MARCH. 173 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:51,781 YES, IDEALLY, BEFORE LAST MARCH, WHICH I THINK THIS STILL IS. 174 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,951 IT GOES "30 DAYS HAS SEPTEMBER, IT'S BEEN MARCH SINCE I CAN'T 175 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,160 REMEMBER." 176 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,787 NOW, AMERICANS DESPERATELY NEED HELP, BUT THE BILL IS SLOWED 177 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,415 DOWN BY A COUPLE FACTORS, INCLUDING THE IMPEACHMENT AND 178 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,792 CONFIRMING BIDEN'S CABINET. 179 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,462 PLUS, BIDEN HAS BEEN TRYING TO WIN SUPPORT FROM REPUBLICANS FOR 180 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,797 HIS PROPOSAL, BUT SO FAR, NONE HAVE ENDORSED IT. 181 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,801 SO, DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH. 182 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:18,057 ALTHOUGH, ACTUALLY, HOLDING YOUR BREATH WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD 183 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,809 IDEA, BECAUSE THE VIRUS IS BECOMING EVEN MORE VIRAL. 184 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,560 TURNS OUT, THE CORONAVIRUS IS CHANGING FASTER THAN SCIENTISTS 185 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,313 THOUGHT, LEADING TO NEW VARIANTS, LIKE ONE IN BRITAIN 186 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,276 THAT'S UP TO 50% MORE CONTAGIOUS; A VARIANT IN SOUTH 187 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,320 AFRICA THAT MAY BE MORE ADEPT AT DODGING ANTIBODIES IN THE 188 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,657 BLOODSTREAM; AND A DEADLY NEW VARIANT FROM BRAZIL. 189 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:39,161 NOW, THAT ONE'S EASY TO IDENTIFY BECAUSE IT LOOKS FANTASTIC IN A 190 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:43,708 TWO-PIECE BECAUSE IT'S SMOOTH AS AN EEL DOWN THERE! 191 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,877 ( WHISTLE ) THERE YOU GO. 192 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:47,712 CUT THAT. 193 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:48,629 DON'T YOU DARE! 194 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:49,130 NO, NO! 195 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,716 OH, YOU'RE SO LUCKY! 196 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:58,472 ( LAUGHTER ) SENTENCELESS VIOLENCE. 197 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:03,185 UNLIKE PEOPLE, THESE MUTATIONSDO RESTRICTIONS. 198 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,063 THE VARIANT FROM BRAZIL WAS RECENTLY FOUND IN MINNESOTA. 199 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,065 IT'S THE MIDWEST'S MOST DANGEROUS BRAZILIAN IMPORT SINCE 200 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,358 FOGO DE CHAO. 201 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:13,362 HEY, I'M SPENDING 40 BUCKS ON MEAT. 202 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,867 I'M PACKING MY LUNGS WITH HOT BEEF! 203 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,702 NOW, VACCINE MAKERS SAY THAT THEIR SHOTS SHOULD BE EFFECTIVE 204 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:23,664 AGAINST MOST OF THE NEW STRAINS, THOUGH MODERNA SAYS IT MIGHT 205 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,874 TAKE A THIRD SHOT. 206 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,710 THE PROBLEM IS HOW DO YOU GET THE FIRST SHOT? 207 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:34,800 WELL, THERE'S GOOD NEWS, BECAUSE JUST BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR, 208 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:41,223 TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN CAME OUT WITH A BRAND NEW 209 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,725 ANNOUNCEMENT: HE ORDERED A BUNCH OF NEW VACCINES. 210 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,393 >> WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL SOON BE ABLE TO CONFIRM THE PURCHASE 211 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,853 OF AN ADDITIONAL 100 BILLION DOSES FOR EACH OF THE TWO 212 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:49,774 F.D.A.-AUTHORIZED VACCINES, PFIZER AND MODERNA. 213 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,734 THAT IS 100 MILLION MORE DOSES OF PFIZER AND 100 MILLION MORE 214 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,820 DOSES OF MODERNA. 215 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,155 200 MILLION MORE DOSES THAN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAD 216 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,406 PREVIOUSLY SECURED. 217 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:03,788 THAT INCREASES THE TOTAL VACCINE ORDER IN THE UNITED STATES BY 218 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:08,751 50%, FROM 400 MILLION ORDERED TO 600 MILLION. 219 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:14,590 IT WILL BE ENOUGH TO FULLY VACCINATE 300 AMERICANS TO BEAT 220 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:17,802 THIS PANDEMIC-- 300 MILLION AMERICANS. 221 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,220 >> Stephen: 200-MILLION MORE DOSES! 222 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,429 OOOOH, BABY. 223 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,139 AMERICA'S GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND, AND HE IS SPOILING US, AND WE 224 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,265 ARE LOVING IT. 225 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,225 AND BY "SPOILING US," I MEAN "NOT LEAVING US TO FEND FOR 226 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:27,395 OURSELVES IN THE FACE OF A DEADLY PANDEMIC." 227 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:33,943 AND BY "LOVING IT," I MEAN "LOVING IT." 228 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:39,782 BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE DESPERATE TO START THEIR VACCINATIONS. 229 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:43,786 AND IT TURNS OUT, STARS-- THEY'RE JUST LIKE US-- BECAUSE 230 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,454 THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE ARE IN A COVID-19 VACCINE SCRAMBLE, 231 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,748 LEVERAGING THEIR CLOUT AND CONNECTIONS TO BE THE FIRST TO 232 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:48,457 GET INOCULATED. 233 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,793 AS WELL THEY SHOULD! 234 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,629 IF THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE DON'T SURVIVE THIS, WHO WILL SING US 235 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:59,009 "IMAGINE" DURING THE NEXT PANDEMIC? 236 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,803 NOW, THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS FROM WASHINGTON. 237 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:05,141 YET ANOTHER THING IS RETURNING TO SOMEWHAT NORMAL BECAUSE ON 238 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:07,101 SUNDAY, PRESIDENTIAL DOGS RETURN TO THE WHITE HOUSE! 239 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:14,358 THE DOGS ARE BACK! 240 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,651 JIM! 241 00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:27,872 ( "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" IN DOG BARKS ) 242 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:38,007 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 243 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:43,846 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 244 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,515 PLAY BALL! 245 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,850 I KNOW THAT WASN'T THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, BUT SOMEBODY THROW THEM 246 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,019 A BALL! 247 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,521 THEY'VE GOT TO BE A LITTLE BORED. 248 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,191 I WANT TO POINT SOMETHING OUT HERE, I DID NOT KNOW I WAS GOING 249 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,901 TO BE ON CAMERA FOR THAT. 250 00:12:56,984 --> 00:13:00,154 WHEN I HEARD THAT IN REHEARSAL, I THOUGHT, "OH, MY GOODNESS! 251 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,322 I LOVE HOW LONG THAT IS! 252 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:07,703 I'VE GOT ALL THAT TIME TO DRINK COFFEE OR GO FOR A WALK." 253 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:08,871 DON'T CUT A SECOND OF IT. 254 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:14,168 DO NOT CUT A SECOND OF IT. 255 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:18,422 THE TWO VERY GOOD BOYS ARE 12-YEAR-OLD CHAMP BIDEN-- SEEN 256 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,925 HERE WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD 257 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,928 TO PICK UP HIS POOP-- AND TWO-YEAR-OLD MAJOR BIDEN, SEEN 258 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:29,850 HERE ON INAUGURATION DAY BEING TOLD HE MIGHT MEET J-LO. 259 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,894 THE CANINE BIDENS ALREADY HAVE THEIR OWN CHILDREN'S BOOK, 260 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,437 "CHAMP AND MAJOR: FIRST DOGS." 261 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,147 SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE CHILDREN'S BOOK ABOUT NIXON'S 262 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,106 DOG, "SHHH! 263 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:39,902 I THINK CHECKERS IS WEARING A WIRE." 264 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,570 I DO HAVE ONE QUIBBLE WITH IT. 265 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,198 STORYBOOK JOE BIDEN REALLY LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAD SOME WORK DONE. 266 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:49,745 HE LOOKS FANTASTIC. 267 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:53,916 MAN, I GOTTA GET A BETTER ILLUSTRATOR. 268 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,460 THE FIRST DOGS ARE ALREADY MAKING THEIR PRESENCE FELT. 269 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,964 YESTERDAY, DURING THE SIGNING OF AN EXECUTIVE ORDER LIFTING 270 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:03,551 THE BAN ON TRANSGENDER PEOPLE SERVING IN THE MILITARY, 271 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:11,141 WE HEARD THIS: ( BARKING ) 272 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,601 THAT'S NICE. 273 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,312 THEY'RE EITHER EXCITED FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE, OR THEY'RE 274 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,939 DESPERATE TO GET INTO THE OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS 275 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,984 OCCUPANT SOAKED EVERYTHING WITH BURGER JUICE. 276 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,988 BUT THE FIRST DOGS MAY NOT BE THE TOP DOGS FOR LONG, BECAUSE 277 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:27,992 JILL BIDEN HAS SAID THAT SHE WOULD "LOVE TO GET A CAT." 278 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:31,996 NOW, YOU MIGHT SAY THERE'S ALREADY ENOUGH FIGHTING LIKE 279 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:35,124 CATS AND DOGS IN WASHINGTON. 280 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:39,962 BUT, REMEMBER, PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS PROMISED UNITY. 281 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,464 HE'S GOING TO BRING THE CATS AND THE DOGS TOGETHER IN THE 282 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,966 SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE -- EVEN THOUGH SOME CATS ARE CLEARLY 283 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,553 FASCIST. 284 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:51,390 ALL THESE ANIMALS ARE ESPECIALLY EXCITING, BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS 285 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:55,144 FIRST FAMILY DID NOT HAVE ANY PETS FOR THE FOUR YEARS THEY 286 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,604 LIVED IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 287 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:59,857 THAT IS UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU COUNT LINDSEY GRAHAM. 288 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,151 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 289 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,652 COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI ARE HERE. 290 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,989 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 291 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,240 ♪ ♪ ♪ 292 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:31,889 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 293 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,057 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 294 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,058 YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. 295 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:38,687 IT'S TIME TO SAY HELLO TO MR. JON BATISTE. 296 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,023 JON, WHEN WE WERE IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK HERE BEFORE WE 297 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,859 CAME TO YOU, DID I SEE THIS CORRECTLY, DO YOU HAVE A 298 00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:45,527 BASKETBALL RIGHT THERE BETWEEN YOUR FEET? 299 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,236 >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH. 300 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,029 >> Stephen: JUST OUT OF SHOT. 301 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,365 >> Jon: YUP, YUP. 302 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,201 >> Stephen: YOU JUST-- YOU JUST KEEPING SHARP? 303 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,828 WHAT'S THE-- THE BALL IS THERE WITH THE PIANO? 304 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,871 THAT SEEMS DANGEROUS. 305 00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:57,081 >> Jon: YEAH, YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVE HOOP DREAMS. 306 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,040 I THINK I CAN MAKE IT. 307 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,876 I THINK I GOT IT. 308 00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:04,421 I'M GOING TO GO AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A SECOND PART TO MY CAREER. 309 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,215 I'M GOING TO BE IN THE N.B.A. 310 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,760 >> Stephen: YOU-- >> Jon: I'M GOING FOR IT. 311 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,596 >> Stephen: YOU WILL BE TO BASKETBALL WHAT MICHAEL JORDAN 312 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:13,555 WAS TO BASEBALL. 313 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,391 I BELIEVE IN YOU. 314 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,394 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, HE 315 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,061 WORKED REALLY HARD. 316 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:19,728 >> Stephen: HE DID. 317 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,396 >> Jon: HE WORKED REALLY HARD. 318 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,564 >> Stephen: HE DID, HE DID. 319 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,777 JON, WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF YOUR 320 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,029 FINGERS RIGHT NOW. 321 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,407 >> Jon: LET'S SEE. 322 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:41,542 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON. 323 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:42,418 ( LAUGHS ). 324 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,419 >> Jon: HAVE A GOOD ONE. 325 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:44,545 >> Stephen: YOU, TOO. 326 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:47,381 FOLKS, YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE, TOAST SOME 327 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:51,385 TOPICAL, ORGANIC ARBORIO RICE IN MY SATIRICAL SAUCEPAN, MELT IN 328 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,430 SOME FINE BORDIER BUTTER, PARMESAN CHEESE, AND FRESH, 329 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:59,601 HAND-PICKED PARSLEY OF INSIGHT, AND LOVINGLY WHIP IT UP INTO THE 330 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,104 VELVETY, JAMES BEARD AWARD-WORTHY RISOTTO THAT IS MY 331 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,440 MONOLOGUE. 332 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,234 BUT NOW AND THEN, I JUST SCRAPE THE LEFTOVER RICE OUT OF A 333 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:11,155 CARDBOARD CHINESE TAKE-OUT CONTAINER, STUFF IT IN A STALE 334 00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,073 TORTILLA WITH SOME CLICKBAIT BEANS, AND ROLL IT UP INTO THE 335 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:19,204 SEMI-RELEVANT HANGOVER BURRITO OF NEWS WE CALL: 336 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:23,167 >> "QUARANTINEWHILE!" >> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, 337 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,754 DUE TO GREATLY REDUCED FLIGHTS AND SUSPENDING ALCOHOL SERVICE 338 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:31,633 DURING COVID, "AMERICAN AIRLINES HAS SO MUCH EXTRA WINE THAT IT 339 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,762 IS STARTING A DELIVERY SERVICE." 340 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,138 "SO MUCH EXTRA WINE," HUH? 341 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,224 AND YET, FOR SOME REASON, I CAN'T GET A SEVENTH GLASS ON MY 342 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,144 REDEYE TO SAN DIEGO, EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE AT LEAST FIVE MORE 343 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,062 VERSES OF "AMERICAN PIE" LEFT TO SING. 344 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,024 IF YOU'VE GOT A HANKERING FOR SOME PLANE WINE, YOU CAN GRAB A 345 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:53,113 MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION PLAN THAT COSTS $99 PER MONTH. 346 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:57,159 AND I'M SURE THAT IS SOME TOP-NOTCH VINO. 347 00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:03,165 "MMM, MMMM, I'M GETTING NOTES OF ARMREST FOOT, NEGLECTED BABY 348 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,793 WITH A SOUPCON OF POORLY PRESSURIZED CABIN." 349 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:06,960 MY EARS ARE POPPING. 350 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:13,175 MY EARS ARE POPPING.█ç QUARANTINE-WHILE, A TORONTO 351 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,344 WOMAN WON A $60 MILLION LOTTERY AFTER SHE GOT THE WINNING 352 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:20,057 NUMBERS FROM HER HUSBAND'S DREAM. 353 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,976 THOSE WINNING NUMBERS? 354 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,478 4, 11, 13, 52, AND "I'M IN A BUMPER CAR WITH MY GYM TEACHER, 355 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,522 ONLY IT'S NOT MY GYM TEACHER. 356 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,981 BUT, LIKE, IT IS MY GYM TEACHER? 357 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:32,110 AND THEN A RACCOON WAS CHASING ME, AND THEN I WOKE UP." 358 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:35,072 QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CHINESE SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE THE KEY TO 359 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,073 DELAYING AGEING." 360 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,324 IS IT MINT CHIP ICE CREAM? 361 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,077 PLEASE SAY IT'S MINT CHIP ICE CREAM, BECAUSE I'VE PUT A LOT OF 362 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:45,374 RESEARCH INTO MINT CHIP ICE█ç CREAM, LATELY. 363 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,000 APPARENTLY, THEY DID IT THROUGH GENE MANIPULATION. 364 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:51,338 THE SCIENTISTS "INACTIVATED THE KAT-7 GENE IN THE LIVERS OF 365 00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:56,176 MICE," AND THAT "EXTENDED THEIR LIFESPAN FOR ABOUT 25%." 366 00:18:56,260 --> 00:19:02,015 "THE MICE SHOW OVERALL IMPROVED APPEARANCE AND GRIP STRENGTH." 367 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,141 GRIP STRENGTH?! 368 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:08,188 THAT'S WHAT WE NEED: IMMORTAL MICE WHO CAN STRANGLE US! 369 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:11,316 QUARANTINE-WHILE, COCAINE-STUFFED SHIPMENTS OF 370 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:16,196 BANANAS ENDED UP AT CANADIAN GROCERY STORES DUE TO A DRUG 371 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,241 TRAFFICKING MIX-UP. 372 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,742 HA-HA! 373 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,163 IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO GET 374 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,747 MURDERED. 375 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,416 "YOU SEE, BOSS, KIND OF A FUNNY STORY. 376 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:31,962 WHAT HAPPENED WAS-- AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS-- YOUR COCAINE 377 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,213 IS NOW IN THE FRUIT AISLE AT THE KROGER. 378 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,339 AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT, LIKE, 30 MIL, BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, 379 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,216 IT'S PRETTY FUNNY-- CAN I MAKE YA A SMOOTHIE-- AAAND I'M 380 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,553 BEING LOWERED INTO A SHARK TANK." 381 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:41,096 OKAY. 382 00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:44,141 QUARANTINE-WHILE, TIKTOK'S LATEST VIRAL TREND IS APPARENTLY 383 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:47,269 WOMEN SECRETLY FILMING THEIR PARTNERS REACTING TO SOMETHING 384 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,937 CALLED "BUTT-CRACK" LEGGINGS. 385 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,482 >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I GOT THE FAMOUS AMAZON LEGGINGS THAT ARE 386 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:56,236 GOING AROUND ON TIKTOK, AND I'M GOING TO GET MY HUSBAND'S 387 00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:02,993 REACTION. 388 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:03,368 THEY ARE AS AMAZING AS EVERYBODY SAYS TO MAKE YOUR BUTT LOOK 389 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:03,619 REALLY NICE. 390 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,163 WHAT? 391 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,248 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT?" ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW. 392 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:09,458 >> OH, MY GOD. 393 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,252 >> LOOK AT THEM. 394 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:16,256 DANG! 395 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:20,260 WHEN DID YOU GET THOSE PANTS? 396 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:24,264 WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT? 397 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:28,268 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: CAN WE PLEASE JUST 398 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:34,024 GO BACK TO TIKTOK SEA SHANTIES? 399 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,193 I MISS-- I MISS THE SEA SHANTIES. 400 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,362 I HAVE THE ASS FOR THAT. 401 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,238 QUARANTINE-WHILE, "COKE WITH COFFEE IS FINALLY HERE," 402 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,659 PERFECT FOR EVERYONE SAYING, "I WISH MY REFRESHING COLA MADE 403 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:44,826 ME MORE JITTERY. 404 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,371 YES, SURE, I'VE GOT THE HEART RATE OF A HUMMINGBIRD AND THE 405 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,457 BLOOD PRESSURE OF A PNEUMATIC JACK, BUT I DON'T QUITE FEEL 406 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,459 LIKE I COULD FLIP A MINIVAN." 407 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:56,296 COKE WITH COFFEE HAS BEEN "AVAILABLE FOR YEARS 408 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,091 INTERNATIONALLY," BUT NOT HERE BECAUSE THEY WERE "MAKING SURE 409 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,802 THAT THEY HAVE THE RIGHT PACKAGING." 410 00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,304 YOU ARE WAY OVER-THINKING THIS, COKE DUDE. 411 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:08,225 WE ALLOW OUR CHILDREN TO WALK INTO A 7-ELEVEN, SALLY UP TO ONE 412 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:12,312 OF THESE THINGS UNSUPERVISED, AND PULL THEMSELVES 44 OUNCES OF 413 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:15,565 SOMETHING CALLED A "QUAKE ENERGY BERRY BLAST SLURPEE," AND YOU 414 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:18,318 THINK YOU NEED "THE RIGHT PACKAGING" TO SELL 415 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:22,823 EXTRA-CAFFEINATED SODA IN AMERICA? 416 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,867 JUST FILL A GARBAGE BAG, AND WE WILL PAY ADMISSION TO PLUNGE OUR 417 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,328 STRAWS INTO IT LIKE CROWS PLUNGING THEIR BEAKS INTO A COW 418 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,371 CARCASS. 419 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:32,332 NOW GET TO WORK ON HUFFABLE NICOTINE POUND CAKE. 420 00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,334 WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO. 421 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:38,547 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI. 422 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,049 I DON'T KNOW WHY I SOUND MAD. 423 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,302 I'M VERY EXCITED THAT THEY'RE HERE. 424 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:48,348 ♪ ♪ ♪ 425 00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:59,568 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, 426 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:00,736 EVERYBODY. 427 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:02,279 MY GUESTS TONIGHT ARE TWO BELOVED ACTORS. 428 00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:03,363 ONE YOU KNOW FROM "LOVE ACTUALLY" AND HIS ACADEMY 429 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,533 AWARD-WINNING ROLE IN "THE KING'S SPEECH." 430 00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:11,371 THE OTHER YOU KNOW FROM "THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA," "BIG NIGHT," 431 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:12,748 AND "THE HUNGER GAMES." 432 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:13,749 THEY NOW STAR TOGETHER IN THE NEW FILM "SUPERNOVA." 433 00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:18,420 >> CAN I ASK YOU, DID YOU WANT ONE? 434 00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:20,047 AN AUTOGRAPH? 435 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,465 FROM HIM? 436 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:26,219 BECAUSE I SAW YOU LOOKING, AND I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WANTED ONE. 437 00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:26,678 >> NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 438 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,554 >> HE'S VERY SHY. 439 00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:31,558 DO YOU HAVE A PEN WITH YOU? 440 00:22:31,641 --> 00:22:32,559 ALL RIGHT. 441 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,561 BUT IF YOU WANT ONE, HE'LL SIGN ONE FOR YOU. 442 00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:37,105 SHE'S SHY, BUT HE WILL. 443 00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:41,777 EITHER ON THE NAPKIN, OR IF YOU HAVE ONE OF HIS PIANO ALBUMS. 444 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:42,611 >> THANKS. 445 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:43,403 >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 446 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:44,279 THANK YOU. 447 00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:45,072 IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU. 448 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:52,579 THANK YOU. 449 00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:54,122 HOW DID YOU COME TO BE THIS PERSON? 450 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,457 >> I DON'T KNOW. 451 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:58,627 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I DO IT BECAUSE IT REALLY ISN'T EVEN 452 00:22:58,710 --> 00:22:59,628 SATISFYING ANYMORE HALF THE TIME, ANYWAY. 453 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,797 >> SO WHY DO YOU DO IT? 454 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:07,636 >> BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF. 455 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:11,807 ( LAUGHS ) >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A 456 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,892 LATE SHOW," COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI. 457 00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:14,976 GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 458 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:15,769 >> THANK YOU. 459 00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:17,479 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. 460 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:20,107 >> Stephen: IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOU COULD TAKE THE TIME TO 461 00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:23,652 JOIN US FROM WHAT APPEARS TO BE SOME SORT OF ALLEGORICAL PLAY 462 00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:27,489 ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL, EITHER THAT OR YOU'RE PLAYING-- YOU'RE 463 00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:32,661 PLAYING-- YOU'RE PLYING "SPY VERSUS SPY" FROM "MAD MAGAZINE" 464 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:33,370 FROM MY CHILDHOOD. 465 00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:33,829 >> THAT'S A NEGATIVE. 466 00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,664 >> I'M SO SORRY. 467 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,457 WE'RE NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE WHEN IT COMES TO BACKGROUNDS. 468 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:43,547 >> THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP ( LAUGHS ). 469 00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:45,507 >> Stephen: YIN, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. 470 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,884 YANG, I'LL GET TO YOU LATER. 471 00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:51,304 YOU TWO OF YOU PLAY A COUPLE IN THE FILM "SUPERNOVA," BUT I 472 00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:52,681 UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 20 YEARS. 473 00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:53,932 >> YUP. 474 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,560 >> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE A FUN FRIENDSHIP. 475 00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:58,353 WHAT'S YOUR MEET CUTE? 476 00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:02,023 HOW DID YOU GUYS GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER? 477 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:06,862 >> WE WERE DOING A MOVIE ABOUT NAZIS -- 478 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,697 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, SOMETHING ABOUT NAZIS. 479 00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:09,531 YOU MET THROUGH NAZIS. 480 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,700 I DIDN'T CATCH SOME OF THAT. 481 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:12,868 WE HAD A BREAK-UP. 482 00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:15,078 >> I REALLY DO NEED TO CLARIFY. 483 00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:16,663 A FILM ABOUT NAZIS. 484 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:17,706 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 485 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:18,707 THAT'S MUCH BETTER. 486 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,585 YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL THESE DAYS. 487 00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,170 >> WE DO. 488 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,422 AND THIS WAS-- YEAH, WE WERE DOING A FILM ABOUT NAZIS, AND 489 00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:31,094 IT'S-- IT'S NOT THE MOST PROBABLY MEET CUTE, BUT, 490 00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:33,430 STANLEY, THERE WAS A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE, AND I WAS VERY DRAWN 491 00:24:33,513 --> 00:24:39,728 TO STANLEY, AND TO THIS DAY, HE'S THE NICEST NAZI I'VE MET. 492 00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:41,354 >> Stephen: THAT'S QUITE A COMPLIMENT. 493 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:42,063 >> YEAH. 494 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:42,731 >> YEAH, YEAH. 495 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,901 >> Stephen: IT'S A LOW BAR. 496 00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:47,068 >> YEAH. 497 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:50,739 >> Stephen: NOW, STANLEY, THE SCRIPT "SUPERNOVA," FOR THIS 498 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:56,745 FILM, CAME TO YOU FIRST, AND I UNDERSTAND YOU SORT OF 499 00:24:56,828 --> 00:24:59,539 SURREPTITIOUSLY SLID IT OVER TO COLIN, SO TO SPEAK. 500 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:02,709 THAT IS NOT NORMALLY HOW THINGS GO. 501 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:06,129 WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET THIS INTO HIS HANDS AS QUICKLY AS 502 00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:07,255 POSSIBLE? 503 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,548 >> WELL, IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SCRIPT. 504 00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:14,095 YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T OFTEN GET A SCRIPT THAT'S WRITTEN AS SUBTLY 505 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:17,724 AS THIS, WITH SUCH RESTRAINT AND TRUTH. 506 00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:23,104 AND WHEN HARRY GAVE IT TO ME, I THOUGHT-- ALL I COULD THINK OF 507 00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:25,941 IS, WELL, THE OTHER ROLE IS PERFECT FOR COLIN. 508 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:27,609 AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING-- WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING 509 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:30,946 TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME AGAIN. 510 00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:34,282 SO I, YOU KNOW, MET WITH HARRY, AND THEN I SAID, "I THINK COLIN 511 00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,993 WOULD BE GREAT FOR THIS." 512 00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:40,997 AND THEN, UNBEKNOWNST TO HARRY, I SLIPPED IT-- I HAD SLIPPED IT 513 00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:42,123 TO COLIN ALREADY. 514 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:45,126 AND COLIN HAD READ IT, AND HE SAID, "MY GOD. 515 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:45,669 IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL." 516 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:47,128 AND I SAID, I KNOW. 517 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:50,340 >> Stephen: COLIN, DID YOU HAVE TO ACT SURPRISED WHEN YOU 518 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:52,801 WERE CONTACTED BY THE PRODUCTION, LIKE, "OH, I'D LOVE 519 00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:55,804 TO READ IT?" >> IT WAS A BIT LIKE THAT. 520 00:25:55,887 --> 00:26:01,017 MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, THANK YOU, STANLEY, BUT AM I INVITED? 521 00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:04,604 AND WE HAD TO JUMP THROUGH A FEW HOOPS. 522 00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:10,652 MERCIFULLY, I THINK THE BRITISH ARE VERY POLITE, SO I THINK ONCE 523 00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:14,030 STANLEY HIT KNOW-- PUT THEM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION, I FELT, YOU 524 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:18,952 KNOW, THEY JUST DIDN'T-- THEY WEREN'T IN A POSITION TO SAY NO 525 00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:19,953 ANYMORE. 526 00:26:20,036 --> 00:26:22,789 AND THEN-- >> NO, IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE 527 00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:24,332 YOU'RE NOT BANKABLE. 528 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,501 >> Stephen: THEY WERE STUCK WITH AN ACADEMY AWARD WINNER. 529 00:26:26,584 --> 00:26:27,544 I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THEM. 530 00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:30,297 >> YEAH, YEAH. 531 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:33,216 WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GREAT INVERTED SNOBS, WHERE WE COME 532 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,342 FROM. 533 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,177 BUT, YOU KNOW, NOT TO LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, THE 534 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:38,680 FIRST THING WE DID WAS THEN ASK IF WE COULD SWITCH ROLES. 535 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:41,308 >> Stephen: THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE STORY IS 536 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,852 THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU PUT THEM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION BY 537 00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:45,562 SLIPPING HIM THE SCRIPT. 538 00:26:45,645 --> 00:26:48,356 HOW-- HOW LONG BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY WERE SUPPOSED TO START 539 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,068 SHOOTING DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD SWITCH? 540 00:26:52,152 --> 00:26:52,652 >> HOW LONG WAS IT? 541 00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:54,571 >> I DON'T KNOW. 542 00:26:54,654 --> 00:26:55,322 A FEW WEEKS. 543 00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:56,865 >> IT WAS A WHILE. 544 00:26:56,948 --> 00:27:02,078 WE DIDN'T-- WE DIDN'T THINK OF IT ON DAY ONE. 545 00:27:02,162 --> 00:27:04,706 >> WE DID-- BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW. 546 00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:08,585 AND THEN COLIN CAME TO ME ONE DAY, AND HE SAID, ", YOU KNOW, I 547 00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:11,004 THINK WE SHOULD SWITCH ROLES." 548 00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:13,715 AND I SAID, "WELL, ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING THE SAME 549 00:27:13,798 --> 00:27:14,716 THING." 550 00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:18,762 AND WE WENT TO HARRY, POOR█ç HARRY-- 551 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:20,513 >> Stephen: THE DIRECTOR. 552 00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:25,060 >> THE DIRECTOR, SORRY, JUCH JUS BLANCHED AND THOUGHT, "GOD, WHY 553 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:29,397 DID I HIRE THESE TWO PEOPLE?" THEN HE SAID, LET'S READ SOME 554 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:31,608 SCENES," AND WE READ SOME SCENES, AND THEN IT WAS OBVIOUS 555 00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:33,693 THAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE WAY IT ENDED UP. 556 00:27:33,777 --> 00:27:38,281 >> Stephen: HAD YOU ALREADY BEEN MEASURED FOR WARDROBE OR 557 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,282 ANYTHING? 558 00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:40,241 DID THEY HAVE TO LET OUT SOME PANTS. 559 00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,910 >> NOT UNTIL THE NEXT SIX WEEKS. 560 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:48,917 >> WE ACTUALLY AUDITIONED, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HARRY WASN'T 561 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,754 SO WE VOLUNTEERED TO READ FOR THE OTHER ROLES. 562 00:27:52,837 --> 00:27:56,132 , WHICH WAS AN ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING EXPERIENCE. 563 00:27:56,216 --> 00:28:00,053 I HAD ALWAYS BEEN CONVINCED STANLEY WOULD BE BETTER FOR 564 00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:02,305 TUSKER, THE ROLE HE EVENTUALLY PLAYED. 565 00:28:02,389 --> 00:28:07,477 I WASN'T NECESSARILY CONVINCED I WOULD BE BETTER FOR THE ROLE I 566 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:08,937 ENDED UP PLAYING. 567 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:11,940 BUT WE TRIED IT OUT, AND SURE ENOUGH, STANLEY WON THE AUDITION 568 00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,651 IN BOTH ROLES. 569 00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:17,070 >> COMPLETELY. 570 00:28:17,153 --> 00:28:19,781 >> Stephen: WHY DIDN'T YOU DO BOTH-- DID DIDN'T YOU DO BOTH, 571 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,324 STANLEY? 572 00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:22,659 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 573 00:28:22,742 --> 00:28:23,785 >> THEY HAD ALREADY HIRED HIM, SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? 574 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:25,745 ONE WOULD FEEL BADLY. 575 00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:27,914 >> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD. 576 00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,582 THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD. 577 00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:30,667 NOW, IS THIS TRUE YOU SHOT THIS IN THE LAKE DISTRICT, WHICH IS 578 00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:31,751 EXTRAORDINARILY BEAUTIFUL? 579 00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:33,294 >> YES. 580 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:34,087 >> YEAH. 581 00:28:34,170 --> 00:28:35,296 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE WORK. 582 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,757 THAT'S NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN GET IT. 583 00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,802 SO YOU'RE DEAR FRIENDS, YOU'RE SHOOTING TOGETHER ALL DAY. 584 00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:45,765 AND THEN WOULD YOU THEN HANG OUT AT NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE FINISHED 585 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:46,349 SHOOTING? 586 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:47,976 WERE YOU ALWAYS TOGETHER? 587 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,145 >> BASICALLY, YES. 588 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:51,980 >> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T GET SICK OF EACH OTHER. 589 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:55,692 >> WE WERE IN THE DISTRICT LIVING IN-- WHAT DO THEY CALL 590 00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:57,152 THEM, COLIN, THE HOLIDAY CAMPS? 591 00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:57,944 >> I DON'T KNOW. 592 00:28:58,027 --> 00:28:58,528 IT WAS A LODGE. 593 00:28:58,611 --> 00:29:01,156 IT WAS A LOT OF BUNGALOWS. 594 00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:03,783 A LOT OF HUTS TOGETHER. 595 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:06,870 AND WE WERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER. 596 00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:07,954 AND -- >> Stephen: HUTS? 597 00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:08,705 HUTS? 598 00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:09,998 >> THEY WEREN'T MADE OF STRAW. 599 00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:11,624 THEY WEREN'T MADE OF STRAW. 600 00:29:11,708 --> 00:29:12,500 >> THEY WERE WOODEN. 601 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,169 >> Stephen: WELL, THE FIRST ONE WAS STRAW. 602 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:16,713 THE SECOND ONE WAS STICKS, AND THE LAST ONE WAS BRICKS. 603 00:29:16,796 --> 00:29:17,839 >> RIGHT, AND WE WERE IN THE BRICK ONES. 604 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:19,340 >> Stephen: OKAY. 605 00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:21,468 >> YEAH, BUT, YEAH. 606 00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:25,346 NO, SO WE HAD THESE BUNGALOWS, WHICH WERE ACTUALLY QUITE 607 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:26,181 LOVELY, NEXT TO EACH OTHER. 608 00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:28,433 AND COLIN WOULD COME OVER FOR DINNER. 609 00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:33,146 I WOULD COOK, AND THEN WE'D GET UP THE NEXT DAY AND, YOU KNOW, 610 00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:34,355 FILM. 611 00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:36,983 THEN WE'D TYKE ON THE WEEKENDS WE'D TAKE THE TRAIN HOME, WHICH 612 00:29:37,066 --> 00:29:40,236 CAN TAKE FIVE HOURS TO GET BACK TO LONDON, TO BE WITH OUR 613 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:41,738 FAMILIES. 614 00:29:41,821 --> 00:29:44,032 AND WE'D SIT TOGETHER AND HAVE A BOTTLE OF WINE AND SOME CREDFUL 615 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,201 FAST FOOD OR SOMETHING. 616 00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:49,996 AND WE SEEMED TO NOT GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER. 617 00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:52,999 AND IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH INCREDIBLY BORING. 618 00:29:53,082 --> 00:29:54,918 AND MAYBE THAT'S WHY. 619 00:29:55,001 --> 00:29:55,877 AS YOU'RE FINDING OUT NOW IN THIS INTERVIEW. 620 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,671 >> Stephen: NOT AT ALL! 621 00:29:58,755 --> 00:29:59,964 NO, NOT AT ALL. 622 00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:03,259 I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE I'M TALKING TO TWO PEOPLE FROM THE 623 00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,511 AFTER-LIFE. 624 00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:08,181 I CAN'T GET OVER-- I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THE BLACK BACKGROUND 625 00:30:08,264 --> 00:30:10,225 AND THE WHITE BACKGROUND. 626 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:13,228 IT'S LIKE CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE. 627 00:30:13,311 --> 00:30:18,233 >> WE'VE BEEN MONOCHROME ALL OUR LIVES, BUT I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY 628 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:20,527 SEEN THIS PERFECTION OF SYMMETRY BEFORE. 629 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:21,236 WE DID NOT PLAN THIS. 630 00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,238 >> YEAH, IT IS PRETTY COOL. 631 00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:27,450 >> Stephen: NOW, BUT-- >> WE ARE-- I MEAN THE TRAIN 632 00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:28,952 JOURNEYS-- I ENJOYED THEM. 633 00:30:29,035 --> 00:30:31,079 BUT ANYBODY LISTENING IN WOULD HAVE GLAZED OVER. 634 00:30:31,162 --> 00:30:36,960 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I THINK-- AS A FUNDAMENTALLY BORING PERSON, I 635 00:30:37,043 --> 00:30:41,256 THINK ONE OF THE JOYS OF MEETING STANLEY IS IF YOU'RE BORING, 636 00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:44,551 IT'S, OBVIOUSLY, QUITE EXHAUSTING TO KEEP UP WITH FUN 637 00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:44,968 PEOPLE. 638 00:30:45,051 --> 00:30:46,427 >> Stephen: YES. 639 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,096 >> AND THE JOY OF MEETING STANLEY IS THAT THERE'S-- I 640 00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:50,265 DON'T HAVE THAT PRESSURE, REALLY. 641 00:30:50,348 --> 00:30:50,974 >> RIGHT. 642 00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:52,100 ( LAUGHTER ) WE JUST -- 643 00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:53,643 >> Stephen: SURE. 644 00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:54,769 YEAH. 645 00:30:54,852 --> 00:30:55,395 >> IT'S-- >> IT'S THE BEST RELATIONSHIP 646 00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:59,107 EITHER OF US HAVE EVER HAD. 647 00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:02,235 >> Stephen: DO YOUR WIVES KNOW? 648 00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:02,819 >> NO. 649 00:31:02,902 --> 00:31:04,028 >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD. 650 00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:05,113 WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL 651 00:31:05,196 --> 00:31:10,952 ASK COLIN IF HE HAS TASTED STANLEY'S FAMOUS NEGRONI. 652 00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:12,954 STICK AROUND. 653 00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:31,973 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 654 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:33,975 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 655 00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:37,979 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF THE NEW FILM "SUPERNOVA," STANLEY 656 00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:40,315 TUCCI AND COLIN FIRTH. 657 00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:44,319 NOW, STANLEY, YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN, NOT THAT YOU 658 00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:45,570 DON'T LOOK LIKE FUN, COLIN. 659 00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:49,157 BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN BECAUSE YOU SORT OF BLEW 660 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,867 UP THE INTERNET WITH YOUR NEGRONI COCKTAIL-MAKING LESSONS 661 00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:52,327 UNDER COVID. 662 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:55,163 THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE PUTTING UP, "I'LL SHARE MY 663 00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:56,497 PERSONAL LIFE WITH YOU." 664 00:31:56,581 --> 00:32:00,126 YOU SHARED YOUR RECIPE-- AND REALLY MORE THE STYLE WHEN YOU 665 00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:04,714 WERE MAKING YOUR NEGRONI BECAUSE YOU DID IT WITH PANACHE. 666 00:32:04,797 --> 00:32:06,507 HAVE YOU MADE A NEGRONI FOR COLIN FIRTH? 667 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:07,967 >> YES, OF COURSE I HAVE. 668 00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,010 >> Stephen: HOW ARE THEY? 669 00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:10,011 HOW ARE THEY? 670 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:11,971 THEY LOOK GOOD, COLIN. 671 00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,014 WHAT'S THE REPORT FROM THE GROUND? 672 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:14,807 >> I FEEL DRUNK WITH POWER HERE. 673 00:32:14,891 --> 00:32:18,061 BECAUSE THE INTERNET HAS NOT TASTED THE NEGRONI. 674 00:32:18,144 --> 00:32:19,854 I HAVE. 675 00:32:19,937 --> 00:32:20,688 YOU KNOW? 676 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,899 SO, YOU KNOW, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. 677 00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:24,025 IT'S EXQUISITE. 678 00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:31,032 IT'S WHAT KEPT ME COMING AROUND TO STANLEY'S BUNGALOW. 679 00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:32,033 AND -- >> Stephen: HIS LEAN-TO. 680 00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:34,160 HE WAS LIVING IN A LEAN-TO, WASN'T HE? 681 00:32:34,243 --> 00:32:38,539 >> YEAH, OR AN A-FRAME OR-- YEAH. 682 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:42,919 >> MY YUARE,URT. 683 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:46,714 >> Stephen: HIS SWEAT LODGE. 684 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:49,884 STANLEY, YOU'RE A-- I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE WORD "FOODY" BUT 685 00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:50,927 YOU'RE A FOOD ENTHUSE AFT. 686 00:32:51,010 --> 00:32:52,970 YOU HAVE ONE COOKBOOK OR TWO? 687 00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:54,931 HAVE YOU WRITTEN TWO COOKBOOKS? 688 00:32:55,014 --> 00:32:58,059 >> NO, THE FIRST COOKBOOK I PUT TOGETHER FOR MY PARENTS MANY 689 00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:02,897 YEARS AGO, AND THEN IT WAS REISSUED WITH A DIFFERENT TITLE 690 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:03,648 AND ALL THAT. 691 00:33:03,731 --> 00:33:06,067 >> Stephen: SAME COOKBOOK TWICE. 692 00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:07,568 >> SAME COOKBOOK TWICE. 693 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:11,072 >> Stephen: OF COURSE "BIG NIGHT" THE GREATEST SCRAMBLED 694 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:13,908 EGGS EVER MADE ON SCREEN DURING THAT FILM. 695 00:33:13,991 --> 00:33:14,575 >> THANK YOU. 696 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:15,743 >> Stephen: THE GREATEST. 697 00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,705 AND YOUR SERIES IN ITALY, WHERE YOU JUST GO AROUND AND EAT. 698 00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:19,580 I WANT YOUR LIFE. 699 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,249 NOW, COLIN-- >> YOU CAN HAVE IT. 700 00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:23,292 >> Stephen: COLIN, YOU'RE LIVING IN ITALY. 701 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:28,131 DID YOU GO VISIT HIM IN ITALY FOR YOUR NEW CNN SERIES? 702 00:33:28,214 --> 00:33:29,215 >> NO. 703 00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:31,926 NO, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. 704 00:33:32,009 --> 00:33:33,928 I WANTED TO SEE THE WHOLE THING PLAY OUT. 705 00:33:34,011 --> 00:33:37,098 WE ITALIANS ARE VERY, VERY SENSITIVE -- 706 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:40,560 >> Stephen: I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND YOU THROUGH YOUR 707 00:33:40,643 --> 00:33:41,102 THICK ITALIAN ACCENT, COLIN. 708 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:43,312 ( LAUGHTER ). 709 00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:44,981 >> SO STANLEY HAS A LOT TO PROVE TO THE LIKES OF US, YEAH. 710 00:33:45,064 --> 00:33:48,067 >> YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 711 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:49,485 YOU'RE RIGHT. 712 00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:50,111 >> Stephen: BUT YOU HAVE SPENT TIME TOGETHER IN ITALY. 713 00:33:50,194 --> 00:33:50,987 I HAVE TO ASSUME. 714 00:33:51,070 --> 00:33:52,697 >> WE HAVE. 715 00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:53,781 >> OH, YES. 716 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,158 >> WE DID A LITTLE MINI-ROAD TRIP IN ITALY. 717 00:33:55,241 --> 00:33:58,327 >> YEAH, WE DID. 718 00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:01,330 WE WENT TO ASSISI TOGETHER. 719 00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:05,960 COLIN WAS AT HIS HOUSE, AND WE WERE-- MY FAMILY AND I WERE 720 00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:07,420 STAYING NEARBY. 721 00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:09,672 AND WE TOOK A LITTLE ROAD TRIP TOGETHER A FEW YEARS AGO, AND IT 722 00:34:09,756 --> 00:34:10,757 WAS WONDERFUL. 723 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,800 >> Stephen: WHO IS THE BETTER DRIVER? 724 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:13,384 >> COLIN. 725 00:34:13,468 --> 00:34:15,261 >> STANLEY ( LAUGHING ) 726 00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:19,182 >> I'VE NEVER SEEN STANLEY DRIVE. 727 00:34:19,265 --> 00:34:22,810 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: REALLY? 728 00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:26,314 >> BUT HE COULD NOT BE A WORSE DRIVER THAN I AM. 729 00:34:26,397 --> 00:34:27,565 SO IT WAS CONJECTURE. 730 00:34:27,648 --> 00:34:31,778 >> Stephen: ARE YOU-- ARE BOTH OF YOU CONFIDENT NOUGH TO DRIVE 731 00:34:31,861 --> 00:34:32,862 IN ITALY? 732 00:34:32,945 --> 00:34:34,322 BECAUSE THAT REALLY DOES SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS 733 00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:36,991 TO BE DRIVING INTERCITY ITALY. 734 00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:40,828 LIKE, ROME, MY WIFE LITERALLY BURST INTO TEARS AS I TRIED TO 735 00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,998 DRIVE THROUGH ROME, AND BEGGED ME TO STOP. 736 00:34:44,081 --> 00:34:47,335 >> NO, IT'S A HARROWING EXPERIENCE, BUT I'RE DONE IT 737 00:34:47,418 --> 00:34:47,919 OFTEN. 738 00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,670 I DROVE STANLEY IN ITALY. 739 00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,174 BUT ALL THE TIMES I'VE CRASHED A CAR HAVE BEEN IN THE U.K., AND 740 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,051 STANLEY'S USUALLY BEEN IN THE CAR WHEN THAT'S HAPPENED. 741 00:34:55,134 --> 00:34:57,386 >> Stephen: OKAY. 742 00:34:57,470 --> 00:35:02,225 >> THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE >> Stephen: "SUPERNOVA" IS OUT 743 00:35:02,308 --> 00:35:04,685 ON FRIDAY. 744 00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:05,728 COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI ALL THE WAY FROM OVER THE POND, 745 00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:07,063 EVERYBODY. 746 00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:07,939 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ADRIANNE LENKER. 747 00:35:08,022 --> 00:35:09,816 THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN. 748 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:22,703 ♪ ♪ 749 00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:31,546 ♪♪ 750 00:35:36,467 --> 00:35:38,052 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 751 00:35:38,135 --> 00:35:40,471 HER BAND "BIG THIEF" IS NOMINATED FOR TWO GRAMMYS. 752 00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:48,563 PERFORMING, "ANYTHING" FROM HER ALBUM, "SONGS," ADRIANNE LENKER. 753 00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:55,194 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ STARING DOWN THE BARREL 754 00:35:55,278 --> 00:35:58,197 OF THE HOT SUN ♪ SHINING WITH THE SHEEN 755 00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:00,533 OF A SHOTGUN, SHOTGUN ♪ CAROL HAS A LITTLE 756 00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:03,244 IF WE NEED SOME ♪ JOA HAS A RIDE 757 00:36:03,327 --> 00:36:06,747 IF WE WANNA COME ♪ HANGING YOUR JEANS 758 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:08,541 WITH A CLOTHESPIN ♪ SKIN STILL WET 759 00:36:08,624 --> 00:36:12,461 STILL ON MY SKIN ♪ MANGO IN YOUR MOUTH 760 00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:15,423 JUICE DRIPPING ♪ SHOULDER OF YOUR 761 00:36:15,506 --> 00:36:17,300 SHIRTSLEEVE SLIPPING ♪ CHRISTMAS EVE WITH 762 00:36:17,383 --> 00:36:20,553 YOUR MOTHER AND SIS ♪ DON'T WANNA FIGHT 763 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:24,056 BUT YOUR MOTHER INSISTS ♪ DOG'S WHITE TEETH SLICE 764 00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:26,559 RIGHT THROUGH MY FIST ♪ DRIVE TO THE E.R. AND 765 00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,686 THEY PUT ME ON RISK ♪ GROCERY STORE LIST 766 00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:31,272 NOW YOU GET PISSED ♪ UNCHECKED CALLS 767 00:36:31,355 --> 00:36:34,192 AND MESSAGES ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE 768 00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,944 THE OWNER OF YOUR FANTASY ♪ I JUST WANNA BE A PART 769 00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,489 OF YOUR FAMILY ♪ AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT 770 00:36:40,573 --> 00:36:43,492 ANYTHING ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT 771 00:36:43,576 --> 00:36:44,785 ANYTHING ♪ I WANNA KISS 772 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:48,623 KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN ♪ WANNA WITNESS 773 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:52,293 YOUR EYES LOOKING ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT 774 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:55,254 ANYONE ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT 775 00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:57,298 ANYONE ♪ I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR 776 00:36:57,381 --> 00:37:00,635 WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING ♪ LAY IN YOUR LAP 777 00:37:00,718 --> 00:37:04,639 WHEN I'M CRYING ♪ CIRCLE OF PINE AND RED OAK 778 00:37:04,722 --> 00:37:08,601 CIRCLE OF MOSS AND FIRE SMOKE ♪ FAN ON THE CEILING 779 00:37:08,684 --> 00:37:12,480 LIKE A WHEEL SPOKE ♪ PUSH THE CLUTCH IN 780 00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,941 AND I PULL THE CHOKE ♪ WANNA LISTEN TO THE SOUND 781 00:37:15,024 --> 00:37:16,734 OF YOU BLINKING ♪ WANNA LISTEN TO YOUR 782 00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:20,613 HANDS SOOTHE ♪ LISTEN TO YOUR HEART 783 00:37:20,696 --> 00:37:24,492 BEATING ♪ LISTEN TO THE WAY YOU MOVE 784 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,703 AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING 785 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:29,664 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING 786 00:37:29,747 --> 00:37:32,625 I WANNA KISS ♪ KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN 787 00:37:32,708 --> 00:37:36,128 WANNA WITNESS ♪ YOUR EYES LOOKING 788 00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:39,006 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE 789 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,716 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE 790 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,679 I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR ♪ WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING 791 00:37:44,762 --> 00:37:48,683 LAY IN YOUR LAP ♪ WHEN I'M CRYING 792 00:37:48,766 --> 00:37:58,651 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 793 00:37:58,734 --> 00:38:00,695 ♪ WEREN'T WE THE STARS IN HEAVEN 794 00:38:00,778 --> 00:38:03,656 ♪ WEREN'T WE THE SALT IN THE SEA 795 00:38:03,739 --> 00:38:07,368 ♪ DRAGON IN THE NEW WARM MOUNTAIN 796 00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,369 ♪ DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE IN ME? 797 00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:12,164 YOU HELD ME THE ♪ WHOLE WAY THROUGH 798 00:38:12,248 --> 00:38:15,376 WHEN I COULDN'T SAY THE ♪ WORDS LIKE YOU 799 00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:18,170 I WAS SCARED INDIGO ♪ BUT I WANTED TO 800 00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:20,673 I WAS SCARED INDIGO ♪ BUT I WANTED TO 801 00:38:20,756 --> 00:38:23,801 AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING 802 00:38:23,884 --> 00:38:25,886 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING 803 00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:28,681 I WANNA KISS ♪ KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN 804 00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:32,393 WANNA WITNESS ♪ YOUR EYES LOOKING 805 00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:35,354 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE 806 00:38:35,438 --> 00:38:36,605 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE 807 00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:40,693 I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR ♪ WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING 808 00:38:40,776 --> 00:38:44,739 LAY IN YOUR LAP ♪ WHEN I'M CRYING ♪ 809 00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:55,708 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 810 00:38:55,791 --> 00:38:59,253 >> Stephen: ADRIANNE LENKER, EVERYBODY. 811 00:38:59,336 --> 00:39:00,755 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 812 00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:01,380 ♪ ♪ ♪ 813 00:39:09,972 --> 00:39:11,057 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 814 00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:15,394 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BILLY CRYSTAL AND 815 00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:17,438 REPRESENTATIVE JACKIE SPEIER. 816 00:39:17,521 --> 00:39:19,148 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 817 00:39:19,231 --> 00:39:19,440 GOOD NIGHT. 818 00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:22,693 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 819 00:39:24,236 --> 00:39:34,246 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 820 00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:41,504 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 821 00:39:41,587 --> 00:39:46,467 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 822 00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:53,474 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 823 00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:58,479 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 824 00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:02,483 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 825 00:40:02,566 --> 00:40:10,658 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 826 00:40:10,741 --> 00:40:14,537 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 827 00:40:14,620 --> 00:40:18,541 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 828 00:40:18,624 --> 00:40:26,549 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 829 00:40:26,632 --> 00:40:30,553 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 830 00:40:30,636 --> 00:40:32,596 ♪ ♪ ♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS