>> FLORIDA'S CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER, JIMMY PATRONIS, WANTS
THE OLYMPIC COMMITTEE TO CONSIDER MOVING THE 2021
OLYMPICS TO FLORIDA.
>> PART OF IT IS, IS WHAT FLORIDA HAS TO OFFER.
75% OF OUR REVENUES IN THS STATE ALREADY COME FROM TOURISM.
WE'RE WIRED TO DO BUSINESS THAT WAY, TO CATER TO THE OUTSIDE
VISITOR.
>> SUMMER 2021: THE OLYMPICS COME TO FLORIDA!
♪ ♪ ♪ THE AMERICANS ARE OFF TO A
STRONG START IN THE 500-METER MOPED LEG-SHAVING SPRINT.
SKEET DAMONT SMASHING THE RECORD IN THE HIGHWAY BOAT RELAY.
THEY'RE INTO THE STRETCH IN THE 50-METER PAIRS SHOPPING CART
SHUFFLE.
LOOK AT THE DETERMINATION ON DELROY EUSTIS, URBAN JET SKIER.
ESTHER BONET IS GOING FOR THE GOLD!
THE TRAINING, THE PASSION, THE HEART-- OLYMPIC DREAMS DO COME
TRUE!
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: CONVICTION FRICTION.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES COLIN FIRTH
AND STANLEY TUCCI AND MUSICAL GUEST, ADRIANNE
LENKER FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELL, HI THERE.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS, AFTER A FOUR-YEAR NATIONAL NIGHTMARE, WE ALL JUST
WANT TO MOVE ON WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE AT ALL BECAUSE OF
THE PANDEMIC.
BUT WE'VE STILL GOT A FEW LOOSE ENDS FROM THE LAST
ADMINISTRATION WE'VE GOT TO CLEAR UP, LIKE INCITING A
MURDEROUS MOB TO ATTACK THE CONGRESS AND OVERTHROW
DEMOCRACY.
JUST BITS AND BOBS.
YOU KNOW, DUST BUT IT.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "DON AND THE GIANT
IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS."
>> IT'S PRETTY DISGUSTING, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: LAST NIGHT, HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS DELIVERED
THE ARTICLE OF IMPEACHMENT TO THE SENATE.
ALTHOUGH, IT'S SO FRESH, YOU'D SWEAR IT'S NOT DELIVERY.
IT'S DI-SEDITION.
ONCE THEY GOT TO THE SENATE FLOOR, THE SINGLE CHARGE WAS
LAID OUT BY IMPEACHMENT MANAGER AND GUY WHOSE CARPET IS THE
DRAPES, JAIME RASKIN.
AND CONGRESSMAN RASKIN DIDN'T MINCE WORDS:
>> DONALD JOHN TRUMP ENGAGED IN HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS BY
INCITING VIOLENCE AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
SECTION THREE OF THE 14th AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION
PROHIBITS ANY PERSON WHO HAS "ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION OR
REBELLION AGAINST THE UNITED STATES FROM HOLDING ANY OFFICE
UNDER THE UNITED STATES."█ç >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
WHEN YOU INCITE INSURRECTION AGAINST YOUR OWN GOVERNMENT, YOU
DON'T GET TO HOLD OFFICE AGAIN.
THAT'S WHY AFTER THE CIVIL WAR, CONFEDERATE PRESIDENT JEFFERSON
DAVIS HAD TO GET A JOB AT BEST BUY.
NOW, THE LAST IMPEACHMENT WAS PRESIDED OVER BY CHIEF JUSTICE
JOHN ROBERTS.
BUT, REPORTEDLY, ROBERTS DID NOT ENJOY THE FIRST TRIAL AND IS
OPTING OUT THIS TIME, AS NEW SENATE MAJORITY LEADER CHUCK
SCHUMER EXPLAINED.
>> SO IT WAS UP TO JOHN ROBERTS WHETHER HE WANTED TO PRESIDE█ç
WITH A PRESIDENT WHO'S NO LONGER SITTING.
AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, AT LEAST HE HAS A SOUND CONSTITUTIONAL
REASON: HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
AS THE CONSTITUTION SAYS, "WHEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES IS TRIED, THE CHIEF JUSTICE SHALL PRESIDE UNLESS
HE'S NOT IN THE MOOD, IN WHICH CASE, WE WOULDN'T WANT TO
INCONVENIENCE THE BIG BABY WITH SAVING THE REPUBLIC."
SO NOW THEY'VE DECIDED IT'S GOING TO BE OVERSEEN BY SENATE
PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE AND MAN PAT LEAHY OF VERMONT.
LEAHY, A DEMOCRAT, HAS ALREADY VOTED ONCE TO CONVICT THE 45th
PRESIDENT AND REMOVE HIM FROM OFFICE, SO REPUBLICANS SAY HE'S
NOT IMPARTIAL.
BUT LEAHY HAS PROVEN HE'S COMMITTED TO THE FIGHT FOR
JUSTICE, BECAUSE-- THIS IS TRUE-- HE'S BEEN IN FIVE
"BATMAN" MOVIES.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, HE'S BEEN IN MORE "BATMAN" MOVIES
THAN THE BAT-MEN!
AND HE'S GOT EXPERIENCE WITH HEAVILY-MADE-UP CLOWNS SENDING
THEIR GOONS TO DESTROY THE CITY.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE PRESIDENTIAL CLOWN CAR MAY
EVENTUALLY BE PULLING UP TO THE CAPITOL, BECAUSE SENATE
PROCEDURE DICTATES THAT AN OFFICIAL SUMMONS FOR THE TRIAL
WILL ALSO BE SENT TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
NOW, THIS IS JUST A LEGAL DOCUMENT.
NORMALLY, TO SUMMON THE FORMER PRESIDENT, YOU HAVE TO DRAW A
PENTAGRAM MADE OF EXTRA CRISPY.
TODAY, FOR THE SECOND TIME IN AS MANY YEARS, SENATORS WERE SWOREN
IN AS JURORS, AND LEAHY LED THEM IN THE OATH:
>> WILL ALL SENATORS NOW RISE AND RAISE THEIR RIGHT HAND.
DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR-- >> SWEAR TO ME!
>> Stephen: BRUCE, PLEASE.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING.
ANYWAY, HE SWORE THEM IN.
NOW, TO GET A CONVICTION, THE HOUSE IS GOING TO HAVE TO
CONVINCE 17 REPUBLICAN SENATORS THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT
INCITED THE RIOT.
AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ALL HUSTLED OUT THROUGH SECRET
TUNNELS TO KEEP THEM FROM BEING MURDERED BY THE
PRESIDENT'S OWN BLOODTHIRSTY, FASCIST SQUAD OF GOONS, THEY'RE
ON THE FENCE.
TAKE IOWA SENATOR AND DISNEY VILLAIN SAYING, "LET ME BE
CLEAR: YOUR LITTLE PLAYGROUND WILL BE MY NEXT STRIP MINE,"
JONI ERNST.
SHE WAS IN THE CAPITOL WHEN IT WAS ATTACKED, BUT DOESN'T BLAME
THE FORMER PRESIDENT, EXPLAINING, "HE EXHIBITED POOR
LEADERSHIP.
I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE WITH THAT.
BUT IT WAS THESE PEOPLE THAT CAME INTO THE CAPITOL.
THEY DID IT KNOWINGLY, SO THEY BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY."
YES.
THAT'S HIS DEFENSE.
HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY GO WITH HIS CULT MEMBERS TO COMMIT MURDER,
SO HE'S NOT GUILTY.
I'M SORRY, THAT'S ACTUALLY CHARLES MANSON'S DEFENSE.
BUT I'M SURE CHARLIE WOULD FIT IN WITH THOSE RIOTERS.
HE'S GOT THE TEAM TATTOO.
NOW, IMPEACHMENT OR NO, IT'S A ROUGH TIME FOR THE FORMER
PRESIDENT.
WHEN HE GOT TO MAR-A-LAGO, HE WAS GREETED THERE WITH A
PRESIDENTIAL FLYOVER-- IN THIS CASE, PROP PLANES PULLING
BANNERS THAT READ, "YOU PATHETIC LOSER, GO BACK TO MOSCOW," AND
"WORST PRESIDENT EVER."
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK, KEVIN SPACEY.
NOW, THINGS DIDN'T GET MUCH BETTER ONCE THE PRESIDENT
SETTLED INTO HIS NEW DIGS.
ACCORDING TO A SOURCE FAMILIAR WITH THE SITUATION, MAR-A-LAGO
HAS BECOME A "SAD" AND "DISPIRITED" PLACE SINCE THE
EX-PRESIDENT MOVED IN, AS OPPOSED TO BEFORE HE MOVED IN,
WHEN IT WAS HAILED AS THE NUMBER-ONE LUXURY COVID HOT SPOT
WHERE YOU CAN ENJOY ROOM-TEMPERATURE CHOWDER WHILE A
CHINESE SPY LOADS MALWARE ON YOUR PHONE.
BUT WITH THE EX-PRESIDENT BACK, THE MOOD HAS GOTTEN SO DARK THAT
"A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE QUIT MAR-A-LAGO."
FOR PETE'S SAKE!
HE'S BEEN THERE SIX DAYS!
IMAGINE WHAT A DONNY DOWNER HE MUST BE FOR PEOPLE TO ALREADY
THROW IN THE TOWEL.
"OKAY, HERE HE COMES.
HE LOOKS PRETTY SAD, BUT I'M SURE, YOU KNOW, HIS MOOD WILL
IMPROVE ONCE TIME HAS PASS-- AND HE'S YANKING THE CHOCOLATE
FOUNTAIN OFF THE BUFFET AND CARRYING IT INTO THE SAUNA.
YEAH, I'D LIKE MY DEPOSIT BACK."
( LAUGHTER ) AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE
BREAKING COVID NEWS.
WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS ON COVID.
IT'S STILL OUT THERE.
SO, WE'RE STILL STUCK IN OUR HOMES, WATCHING TV, ON THE EDGE
OF OUR SEATS FOR THIS HOT WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY EVER
GIVE US A VACCINE ACTION.
THE TENSION IS LITERALLY KILLING US.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "CATCH A
THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."
>> HELLO!
I'M THE BRITISH VARIANT!
I'M A SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-VIRU
CHIM, CHIMMENY, CHIM, CHIM ACHEW!
>> Stephen: OH, DAMN IT!
GOT TO RELODE!
OH, YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
THIS IS RIGHT HERE FOR THE REST-- THE REST OF THE
MONOLOGUE.
I'M PUTTING IT UP HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M GOING TO LOAD IT.
WITH A NEW PRESIDENT IN CHARGE, OVER TO CONGRESS.
NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENS THEN.
TODAY WE LEARNED THAT BIDEN WANTS CONGRESS TO PASS HIS COVID
RELIEF BILL BEFORE MARCH.
YES, IDEALLY, BEFORE LAST MARCH, WHICH I THINK THIS STILL IS.
IT GOES "30 DAYS HAS SEPTEMBER, IT'S BEEN MARCH SINCE I CAN'T
REMEMBER."
NOW, AMERICANS DESPERATELY NEED HELP, BUT THE BILL IS SLOWED
DOWN BY A COUPLE FACTORS, INCLUDING THE IMPEACHMENT AND
CONFIRMING BIDEN'S CABINET.
PLUS, BIDEN HAS BEEN TRYING TO WIN SUPPORT FROM REPUBLICANS FOR
HIS PROPOSAL, BUT SO FAR, NONE HAVE ENDORSED IT.
SO, DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
ALTHOUGH, ACTUALLY, HOLDING YOUR BREATH WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD
IDEA, BECAUSE THE VIRUS IS BECOMING EVEN MORE VIRAL.
TURNS OUT, THE CORONAVIRUS IS CHANGING FASTER THAN SCIENTISTS
THOUGHT, LEADING TO NEW VARIANTS, LIKE ONE IN BRITAIN
THAT'S UP TO 50% MORE CONTAGIOUS; A VARIANT IN SOUTH
AFRICA THAT MAY BE MORE ADEPT AT DODGING ANTIBODIES IN THE
BLOODSTREAM; AND A DEADLY NEW VARIANT FROM BRAZIL.
NOW, THAT ONE'S EASY TO IDENTIFY BECAUSE IT LOOKS FANTASTIC IN A
TWO-PIECE BECAUSE IT'S SMOOTH AS AN EEL DOWN THERE!
( WHISTLE ) THERE YOU GO.
CUT THAT.
DON'T YOU DARE!
NO, NO!
OH, YOU'RE SO LUCKY!
( LAUGHTER ) SENTENCELESS VIOLENCE.
UNLIKE PEOPLE, THESE MUTATIONSDO RESTRICTIONS.
THE VARIANT FROM BRAZIL WAS RECENTLY FOUND IN MINNESOTA.
IT'S THE MIDWEST'S MOST DANGEROUS BRAZILIAN IMPORT SINCE
FOGO DE CHAO.
HEY, I'M SPENDING 40 BUCKS ON MEAT.
I'M PACKING MY LUNGS WITH HOT BEEF!
NOW, VACCINE MAKERS SAY THAT THEIR SHOTS SHOULD BE EFFECTIVE
AGAINST MOST OF THE NEW STRAINS, THOUGH MODERNA SAYS IT MIGHT
TAKE A THIRD SHOT.
THE PROBLEM IS HOW DO YOU GET THE FIRST SHOT?
WELL, THERE'S GOOD NEWS, BECAUSE JUST BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR,
TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN CAME OUT WITH A BRAND NEW
ANNOUNCEMENT: HE ORDERED A BUNCH OF NEW VACCINES.
>> WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL SOON BE ABLE TO CONFIRM THE PURCHASE
OF AN ADDITIONAL 100 BILLION DOSES FOR EACH OF THE TWO
F.D.A.-AUTHORIZED VACCINES, PFIZER AND MODERNA.
THAT IS 100 MILLION MORE DOSES OF PFIZER AND 100 MILLION MORE
DOSES OF MODERNA.
200 MILLION MORE DOSES THAN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAD
PREVIOUSLY SECURED.
THAT INCREASES THE TOTAL VACCINE ORDER IN THE UNITED STATES BY
50%, FROM 400 MILLION ORDERED TO 600 MILLION.
IT WILL BE ENOUGH TO FULLY VACCINATE 300 AMERICANS TO BEAT
THIS PANDEMIC-- 300 MILLION AMERICANS.
>> Stephen: 200-MILLION MORE DOSES!
OOOOH, BABY.
AMERICA'S GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND, AND HE IS SPOILING US, AND WE
ARE LOVING IT.
AND BY "SPOILING US," I MEAN "NOT LEAVING US TO FEND FOR
OURSELVES IN THE FACE OF A DEADLY PANDEMIC."
AND BY "LOVING IT," I MEAN "LOVING IT."
BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE DESPERATE TO START THEIR VACCINATIONS.
AND IT TURNS OUT, STARS-- THEY'RE JUST LIKE US-- BECAUSE
THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE ARE IN A COVID-19 VACCINE SCRAMBLE,
LEVERAGING THEIR CLOUT AND CONNECTIONS TO BE THE FIRST TO
GET INOCULATED.
AS WELL THEY SHOULD!
IF THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE DON'T SURVIVE THIS, WHO WILL SING US
"IMAGINE" DURING THE NEXT PANDEMIC?
NOW, THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS FROM WASHINGTON.
YET ANOTHER THING IS RETURNING TO SOMEWHAT NORMAL BECAUSE ON
SUNDAY, PRESIDENTIAL DOGS RETURN TO THE WHITE HOUSE!
THE DOGS ARE BACK!
JIM!
( "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" IN DOG BARKS )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
PLAY BALL!
I KNOW THAT WASN'T THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, BUT SOMEBODY THROW THEM
A BALL!
THEY'VE GOT TO BE A LITTLE BORED.
I WANT TO POINT SOMETHING OUT HERE, I DID NOT KNOW I WAS GOING
TO BE ON CAMERA FOR THAT.
WHEN I HEARD THAT IN REHEARSAL, I THOUGHT, "OH, MY GOODNESS!
I LOVE HOW LONG THAT IS!
I'VE GOT ALL THAT TIME TO DRINK COFFEE OR GO FOR A WALK."
DON'T CUT A SECOND OF IT.
DO NOT CUT A SECOND OF IT.
THE TWO VERY GOOD BOYS ARE 12-YEAR-OLD CHAMP BIDEN-- SEEN
HERE WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD
TO PICK UP HIS POOP-- AND TWO-YEAR-OLD MAJOR BIDEN, SEEN
HERE ON INAUGURATION DAY BEING TOLD HE MIGHT MEET J-LO.
THE CANINE BIDENS ALREADY HAVE THEIR OWN CHILDREN'S BOOK,
"CHAMP AND MAJOR: FIRST DOGS."
SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE CHILDREN'S BOOK ABOUT NIXON'S
DOG, "SHHH!
I THINK CHECKERS IS WEARING A WIRE."
I DO HAVE ONE QUIBBLE WITH IT.
STORYBOOK JOE BIDEN REALLY LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAD SOME WORK DONE.
HE LOOKS FANTASTIC.
MAN, I GOTTA GET A BETTER ILLUSTRATOR.
THE FIRST DOGS ARE ALREADY MAKING THEIR PRESENCE FELT.
YESTERDAY, DURING THE SIGNING OF AN EXECUTIVE ORDER LIFTING
THE BAN ON TRANSGENDER PEOPLE SERVING IN THE MILITARY,
WE HEARD THIS: ( BARKING )
THAT'S NICE.
THEY'RE EITHER EXCITED FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE, OR THEY'RE
DESPERATE TO GET INTO THE OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS
OCCUPANT SOAKED EVERYTHING WITH BURGER JUICE.
BUT THE FIRST DOGS MAY NOT BE THE TOP DOGS FOR LONG, BECAUSE
JILL BIDEN HAS SAID THAT SHE WOULD "LOVE TO GET A CAT."
NOW, YOU MIGHT SAY THERE'S ALREADY ENOUGH FIGHTING LIKE
CATS AND DOGS IN WASHINGTON.
BUT, REMEMBER, PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS PROMISED UNITY.
HE'S GOING TO BRING THE CATS AND THE DOGS TOGETHER IN THE
SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE -- EVEN THOUGH SOME CATS ARE CLEARLY
FASCIST.
ALL THESE ANIMALS ARE ESPECIALLY EXCITING, BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS
FIRST FAMILY DID NOT HAVE ANY PETS FOR THE FOUR YEARS THEY
LIVED IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
THAT IS UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU COUNT LINDSEY GRAHAM.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI ARE HERE.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.
IT'S TIME TO SAY HELLO TO MR. JON BATISTE.
JON, WHEN WE WERE IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK HERE BEFORE WE
CAME TO YOU, DID I SEE THIS CORRECTLY, DO YOU HAVE A
BASKETBALL RIGHT THERE BETWEEN YOUR FEET?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: JUST OUT OF SHOT.
>> Jon: YUP, YUP.
>> Stephen: YOU JUST-- YOU JUST KEEPING SHARP?
WHAT'S THE-- THE BALL IS THERE WITH THE PIANO?
THAT SEEMS DANGEROUS.
>> Jon: YEAH, YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVE HOOP DREAMS.
I THINK I CAN MAKE IT.
I THINK I GOT IT.
I'M GOING TO GO AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A SECOND PART TO MY CAREER.
I'M GOING TO BE IN THE N.B.A.
>> Stephen: YOU-- >> Jon: I'M GOING FOR IT.
>> Stephen: YOU WILL BE TO BASKETBALL WHAT MICHAEL JORDAN
WAS TO BASEBALL.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, HE
WORKED REALLY HARD.
>> Stephen: HE DID.
>> Jon: HE WORKED REALLY HARD.
>> Stephen: HE DID, HE DID.
JON, WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF YOUR
FINGERS RIGHT NOW.
>> Jon: LET'S SEE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
( LAUGHS ).
>> Jon: HAVE A GOOD ONE.
>> Stephen: YOU, TOO.
FOLKS, YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE, TOAST SOME
TOPICAL, ORGANIC ARBORIO RICE IN MY SATIRICAL SAUCEPAN, MELT IN
SOME FINE BORDIER BUTTER, PARMESAN CHEESE, AND FRESH,
HAND-PICKED PARSLEY OF INSIGHT, AND LOVINGLY WHIP IT UP INTO THE
VELVETY, JAMES BEARD AWARD-WORTHY RISOTTO THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE.
BUT NOW AND THEN, I JUST SCRAPE THE LEFTOVER RICE OUT OF A
CARDBOARD CHINESE TAKE-OUT CONTAINER, STUFF IT IN A STALE
TORTILLA WITH SOME CLICKBAIT BEANS, AND ROLL IT UP INTO THE
SEMI-RELEVANT HANGOVER BURRITO OF NEWS WE CALL:
>> "QUARANTINEWHILE!" >> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE,
DUE TO GREATLY REDUCED FLIGHTS AND SUSPENDING ALCOHOL SERVICE
DURING COVID, "AMERICAN AIRLINES HAS SO MUCH EXTRA WINE THAT IT
IS STARTING A DELIVERY SERVICE."
"SO MUCH EXTRA WINE," HUH?
AND YET, FOR SOME REASON, I CAN'T GET A SEVENTH GLASS ON MY
REDEYE TO SAN DIEGO, EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE AT LEAST FIVE MORE
VERSES OF "AMERICAN PIE" LEFT TO SING.
IF YOU'VE GOT A HANKERING FOR SOME PLANE WINE, YOU CAN GRAB A
MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION PLAN THAT COSTS $99 PER MONTH.
AND I'M SURE THAT IS SOME TOP-NOTCH VINO.
"MMM, MMMM, I'M GETTING NOTES OF ARMREST FOOT, NEGLECTED BABY
WITH A SOUPCON OF POORLY PRESSURIZED CABIN."
MY EARS ARE POPPING.
MY EARS ARE POPPING.█ç QUARANTINE-WHILE, A TORONTO
WOMAN WON A $60 MILLION LOTTERY AFTER SHE GOT THE WINNING
NUMBERS FROM HER HUSBAND'S DREAM.
THOSE WINNING NUMBERS?
4, 11, 13, 52, AND "I'M IN A BUMPER CAR WITH MY GYM TEACHER,
ONLY IT'S NOT MY GYM TEACHER.
BUT, LIKE, IT IS MY GYM TEACHER?
AND THEN A RACCOON WAS CHASING ME, AND THEN I WOKE UP."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CHINESE SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE THE KEY TO
DELAYING AGEING."
IS IT MINT CHIP ICE CREAM?
PLEASE SAY IT'S MINT CHIP ICE CREAM, BECAUSE I'VE PUT A LOT OF
RESEARCH INTO MINT CHIP ICE█ç CREAM, LATELY.
APPARENTLY, THEY DID IT THROUGH GENE MANIPULATION.
THE SCIENTISTS "INACTIVATED THE KAT-7 GENE IN THE LIVERS OF
MICE," AND THAT "EXTENDED THEIR LIFESPAN FOR ABOUT 25%."
"THE MICE SHOW OVERALL IMPROVED APPEARANCE AND GRIP STRENGTH."
GRIP STRENGTH?!
THAT'S WHAT WE NEED: IMMORTAL MICE WHO CAN STRANGLE US!
QUARANTINE-WHILE, COCAINE-STUFFED SHIPMENTS OF
BANANAS ENDED UP AT CANADIAN GROCERY STORES DUE TO A DRUG
TRAFFICKING MIX-UP.
HA-HA!
IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO GET
MURDERED.
"YOU SEE, BOSS, KIND OF A FUNNY STORY.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS-- AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS-- YOUR COCAINE
IS NOW IN THE FRUIT AISLE AT THE KROGER.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT, LIKE, 30 MIL, BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT,
IT'S PRETTY FUNNY-- CAN I MAKE YA A SMOOTHIE-- AAAND I'M
BEING LOWERED INTO A SHARK TANK."
OKAY.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, TIKTOK'S LATEST VIRAL TREND IS APPARENTLY
WOMEN SECRETLY FILMING THEIR PARTNERS REACTING TO SOMETHING
CALLED "BUTT-CRACK" LEGGINGS.
>> ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I GOT THE FAMOUS AMAZON LEGGINGS THAT ARE
GOING AROUND ON TIKTOK, AND I'M GOING TO GET MY HUSBAND'S
REACTION.
THEY ARE AS AMAZING AS EVERYBODY SAYS TO MAKE YOUR BUTT LOOK
REALLY NICE.
WHAT?
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT?" ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> LOOK AT THEM.
DANG!
WHEN DID YOU GET THOSE PANTS?
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: CAN WE PLEASE JUST
GO BACK TO TIKTOK SEA SHANTIES?
I MISS-- I MISS THE SEA SHANTIES.
I HAVE THE ASS FOR THAT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, "COKE WITH COFFEE IS FINALLY HERE,"
PERFECT FOR EVERYONE SAYING, "I WISH MY REFRESHING COLA MADE
ME MORE JITTERY.
YES, SURE, I'VE GOT THE HEART RATE OF A HUMMINGBIRD AND THE
BLOOD PRESSURE OF A PNEUMATIC JACK, BUT I DON'T QUITE FEEL
LIKE I COULD FLIP A MINIVAN."
COKE WITH COFFEE HAS BEEN "AVAILABLE FOR YEARS
INTERNATIONALLY," BUT NOT HERE BECAUSE THEY WERE "MAKING SURE
THAT THEY HAVE THE RIGHT PACKAGING."
YOU ARE WAY OVER-THINKING THIS, COKE DUDE.
WE ALLOW OUR CHILDREN TO WALK INTO A 7-ELEVEN, SALLY UP TO ONE
OF THESE THINGS UNSUPERVISED, AND PULL THEMSELVES 44 OUNCES OF
SOMETHING CALLED A "QUAKE ENERGY BERRY BLAST SLURPEE," AND YOU
THINK YOU NEED "THE RIGHT PACKAGING" TO SELL
EXTRA-CAFFEINATED SODA IN AMERICA?
JUST FILL A GARBAGE BAG, AND WE WILL PAY ADMISSION TO PLUNGE OUR
STRAWS INTO IT LIKE CROWS PLUNGING THEIR BEAKS INTO A COW
CARCASS.
NOW GET TO WORK ON HUFFABLE NICOTINE POUND CAKE.
WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I SOUND MAD.
I'M VERY EXCITED THAT THEY'RE HERE.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
MY GUESTS TONIGHT ARE TWO BELOVED ACTORS.
ONE YOU KNOW FROM "LOVE ACTUALLY" AND HIS ACADEMY
AWARD-WINNING ROLE IN "THE KING'S SPEECH."
THE OTHER YOU KNOW FROM "THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA," "BIG NIGHT,"
AND "THE HUNGER GAMES."
THEY NOW STAR TOGETHER IN THE NEW FILM "SUPERNOVA."
>> CAN I ASK YOU, DID YOU WANT ONE?
AN AUTOGRAPH?
FROM HIM?
BECAUSE I SAW YOU LOOKING, AND I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WANTED ONE.
>> NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> HE'S VERY SHY.
DO YOU HAVE A PEN WITH YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
BUT IF YOU WANT ONE, HE'LL SIGN ONE FOR YOU.
SHE'S SHY, BUT HE WILL.
EITHER ON THE NAPKIN, OR IF YOU HAVE ONE OF HIS PIANO ALBUMS.
>> THANKS.
>> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.
THANK YOU.
HOW DID YOU COME TO BE THIS PERSON?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I DO IT BECAUSE IT REALLY ISN'T EVEN
SATISFYING ANYMORE HALF THE TIME, ANYWAY.
>> SO WHY DO YOU DO IT?
>> BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF.
( LAUGHS ) >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A
LATE SHOW," COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI.
GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
>> Stephen: IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOU COULD TAKE THE TIME TO
JOIN US FROM WHAT APPEARS TO BE SOME SORT OF ALLEGORICAL PLAY
ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL, EITHER THAT OR YOU'RE PLAYING-- YOU'RE
PLAYING-- YOU'RE PLYING "SPY VERSUS SPY" FROM "MAD MAGAZINE"
FROM MY CHILDHOOD.
>> THAT'S A NEGATIVE.
>> I'M SO SORRY.
WE'RE NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE WHEN IT COMES TO BACKGROUNDS.
>> THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP ( LAUGHS ).
>> Stephen: YIN, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
YANG, I'LL GET TO YOU LATER.
YOU TWO OF YOU PLAY A COUPLE IN THE FILM "SUPERNOVA," BUT I
UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 20 YEARS.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE A FUN FRIENDSHIP.
WHAT'S YOUR MEET CUTE?
HOW DID YOU GUYS GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER?
>> WE WERE DOING A MOVIE ABOUT NAZIS --
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, SOMETHING ABOUT NAZIS.
YOU MET THROUGH NAZIS.
I DIDN'T CATCH SOME OF THAT.
WE HAD A BREAK-UP.
>> I REALLY DO NEED TO CLARIFY.
A FILM ABOUT NAZIS.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL THESE DAYS.
>> WE DO.
AND THIS WAS-- YEAH, WE WERE DOING A FILM ABOUT NAZIS, AND
IT'S-- IT'S NOT THE MOST PROBABLY MEET CUTE, BUT,
STANLEY, THERE WAS A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE, AND I WAS VERY DRAWN
TO STANLEY, AND TO THIS DAY, HE'S THE NICEST NAZI I'VE MET.
>> Stephen: THAT'S QUITE A COMPLIMENT.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S A LOW BAR.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: NOW, STANLEY, THE SCRIPT "SUPERNOVA," FOR THIS
FILM, CAME TO YOU FIRST, AND I UNDERSTAND YOU SORT OF
SURREPTITIOUSLY SLID IT OVER TO COLIN, SO TO SPEAK.
THAT IS NOT NORMALLY HOW THINGS GO.
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET THIS INTO HIS HANDS AS QUICKLY AS
POSSIBLE?
>> WELL, IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SCRIPT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T OFTEN GET A SCRIPT THAT'S WRITTEN AS SUBTLY
AS THIS, WITH SUCH RESTRAINT AND TRUTH.
AND WHEN HARRY GAVE IT TO ME, I THOUGHT-- ALL I COULD THINK OF
IS, WELL, THE OTHER ROLE IS PERFECT FOR COLIN.
AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING-- WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING
TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME AGAIN.
SO I, YOU KNOW, MET WITH HARRY, AND THEN I SAID, "I THINK COLIN
WOULD BE GREAT FOR THIS."
AND THEN, UNBEKNOWNST TO HARRY, I SLIPPED IT-- I HAD SLIPPED IT
TO COLIN ALREADY.
AND COLIN HAD READ IT, AND HE SAID, "MY GOD.
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL."
AND I SAID, I KNOW.
>> Stephen: COLIN, DID YOU HAVE TO ACT SURPRISED WHEN YOU
WERE CONTACTED BY THE PRODUCTION, LIKE, "OH, I'D LOVE
TO READ IT?" >> IT WAS A BIT LIKE THAT.
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, THANK YOU, STANLEY, BUT AM I INVITED?
AND WE HAD TO JUMP THROUGH A FEW HOOPS.
MERCIFULLY, I THINK THE BRITISH ARE VERY POLITE, SO I THINK ONCE
STANLEY HIT KNOW-- PUT THEM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION, I FELT, YOU
KNOW, THEY JUST DIDN'T-- THEY WEREN'T IN A POSITION TO SAY NO
ANYMORE.
AND THEN-- >> NO, IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT BANKABLE.
>> Stephen: THEY WERE STUCK WITH AN ACADEMY AWARD WINNER.
I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THEM.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GREAT INVERTED SNOBS, WHERE WE COME
FROM.
BUT, YOU KNOW, NOT TO LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, THE
FIRST THING WE DID WAS THEN ASK IF WE COULD SWITCH ROLES.
>> Stephen: THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE STORY IS
THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU PUT THEM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION BY
SLIPPING HIM THE SCRIPT.
HOW-- HOW LONG BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY WERE SUPPOSED TO START
SHOOTING DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD SWITCH?
>> HOW LONG WAS IT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
A FEW WEEKS.
>> IT WAS A WHILE.
WE DIDN'T-- WE DIDN'T THINK OF IT ON DAY ONE.
>> WE DID-- BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW.
AND THEN COLIN CAME TO ME ONE DAY, AND HE SAID, ", YOU KNOW, I
THINK WE SHOULD SWITCH ROLES."
AND I SAID, "WELL, ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING THE SAME
THING."
AND WE WENT TO HARRY, POOR█ç HARRY--
>> Stephen: THE DIRECTOR.
>> THE DIRECTOR, SORRY, JUCH JUS BLANCHED AND THOUGHT, "GOD, WHY
DID I HIRE THESE TWO PEOPLE?" THEN HE SAID, LET'S READ SOME
SCENES," AND WE READ SOME SCENES, AND THEN IT WAS OBVIOUS
THAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE WAY IT ENDED UP.
>> Stephen: HAD YOU ALREADY BEEN MEASURED FOR WARDROBE OR
ANYTHING?
DID THEY HAVE TO LET OUT SOME PANTS.
>> NOT UNTIL THE NEXT SIX WEEKS.
>> WE ACTUALLY AUDITIONED, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HARRY WASN'T
SO WE VOLUNTEERED TO READ FOR THE OTHER ROLES.
, WHICH WAS AN ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING EXPERIENCE.
I HAD ALWAYS BEEN CONVINCED STANLEY WOULD BE BETTER FOR
TUSKER, THE ROLE HE EVENTUALLY PLAYED.
I WASN'T NECESSARILY CONVINCED I WOULD BE BETTER FOR THE ROLE I
ENDED UP PLAYING.
BUT WE TRIED IT OUT, AND SURE ENOUGH, STANLEY WON THE AUDITION
IN BOTH ROLES.
>> COMPLETELY.
>> Stephen: WHY DIDN'T YOU DO BOTH-- DID DIDN'T YOU DO BOTH,
STANLEY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
>> THEY HAD ALREADY HIRED HIM, SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
ONE WOULD FEEL BADLY.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
NOW, IS THIS TRUE YOU SHOT THIS IN THE LAKE DISTRICT, WHICH IS
EXTRAORDINARILY BEAUTIFUL?
>> YES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE WORK.
THAT'S NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN GET IT.
SO YOU'RE DEAR FRIENDS, YOU'RE SHOOTING TOGETHER ALL DAY.
AND THEN WOULD YOU THEN HANG OUT AT NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE FINISHED
SHOOTING?
WERE YOU ALWAYS TOGETHER?
>> BASICALLY, YES.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T GET SICK OF EACH OTHER.
>> WE WERE IN THE DISTRICT LIVING IN-- WHAT DO THEY CALL
THEM, COLIN, THE HOLIDAY CAMPS?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS A LODGE.
IT WAS A LOT OF BUNGALOWS.
A LOT OF HUTS TOGETHER.
AND WE WERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
AND -- >> Stephen: HUTS?
HUTS?
>> THEY WEREN'T MADE OF STRAW.
THEY WEREN'T MADE OF STRAW.
>> THEY WERE WOODEN.
>> Stephen: WELL, THE FIRST ONE WAS STRAW.
THE SECOND ONE WAS STICKS, AND THE LAST ONE WAS BRICKS.
>> RIGHT, AND WE WERE IN THE BRICK ONES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> YEAH, BUT, YEAH.
NO, SO WE HAD THESE BUNGALOWS, WHICH WERE ACTUALLY QUITE
LOVELY, NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
AND COLIN WOULD COME OVER FOR DINNER.
I WOULD COOK, AND THEN WE'D GET UP THE NEXT DAY AND, YOU KNOW,
FILM.
THEN WE'D TYKE ON THE WEEKENDS WE'D TAKE THE TRAIN HOME, WHICH
CAN TAKE FIVE HOURS TO GET BACK TO LONDON, TO BE WITH OUR
FAMILIES.
AND WE'D SIT TOGETHER AND HAVE A BOTTLE OF WINE AND SOME CREDFUL
FAST FOOD OR SOMETHING.
AND WE SEEMED TO NOT GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER.
AND IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH INCREDIBLY BORING.
AND MAYBE THAT'S WHY.
AS YOU'RE FINDING OUT NOW IN THIS INTERVIEW.
>> Stephen: NOT AT ALL!
NO, NOT AT ALL.
I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE I'M TALKING TO TWO PEOPLE FROM THE
AFTER-LIFE.
I CAN'T GET OVER-- I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THE BLACK BACKGROUND
AND THE WHITE BACKGROUND.
IT'S LIKE CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE.
>> WE'VE BEEN MONOCHROME ALL OUR LIVES, BUT I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY
SEEN THIS PERFECTION OF SYMMETRY BEFORE.
WE DID NOT PLAN THIS.
>> YEAH, IT IS PRETTY COOL.
>> Stephen: NOW, BUT-- >> WE ARE-- I MEAN THE TRAIN
JOURNEYS-- I ENJOYED THEM.
BUT ANYBODY LISTENING IN WOULD HAVE GLAZED OVER.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I THINK-- AS A FUNDAMENTALLY BORING PERSON, I
THINK ONE OF THE JOYS OF MEETING STANLEY IS IF YOU'RE BORING,
IT'S, OBVIOUSLY, QUITE EXHAUSTING TO KEEP UP WITH FUN
PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND THE JOY OF MEETING STANLEY IS THAT THERE'S-- I
DON'T HAVE THAT PRESSURE, REALLY.
>> RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) WE JUST --
>> Stephen: SURE.
YEAH.
>> IT'S-- >> IT'S THE BEST RELATIONSHIP
EITHER OF US HAVE EVER HAD.
>> Stephen: DO YOUR WIVES KNOW?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL
ASK COLIN IF HE HAS TASTED STANLEY'S FAMOUS NEGRONI.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF THE NEW FILM "SUPERNOVA," STANLEY
TUCCI AND COLIN FIRTH.
NOW, STANLEY, YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN, NOT THAT YOU
DON'T LOOK LIKE FUN, COLIN.
BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN BECAUSE YOU SORT OF BLEW
UP THE INTERNET WITH YOUR NEGRONI COCKTAIL-MAKING LESSONS
UNDER COVID.
THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE PUTTING UP, "I'LL SHARE MY
PERSONAL LIFE WITH YOU."
YOU SHARED YOUR RECIPE-- AND REALLY MORE THE STYLE WHEN YOU
WERE MAKING YOUR NEGRONI BECAUSE YOU DID IT WITH PANACHE.
HAVE YOU MADE A NEGRONI FOR COLIN FIRTH?
>> YES, OF COURSE I HAVE.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE THEY?
HOW ARE THEY?
THEY LOOK GOOD, COLIN.
WHAT'S THE REPORT FROM THE GROUND?
>> I FEEL DRUNK WITH POWER HERE.
BECAUSE THE INTERNET HAS NOT TASTED THE NEGRONI.
I HAVE.
YOU KNOW?
SO, YOU KNOW, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
IT'S EXQUISITE.
IT'S WHAT KEPT ME COMING AROUND TO STANLEY'S BUNGALOW.
AND -- >> Stephen: HIS LEAN-TO.
HE WAS LIVING IN A LEAN-TO, WASN'T HE?
>> YEAH, OR AN A-FRAME OR-- YEAH.
>> MY YUARE,URT.
>> Stephen: HIS SWEAT LODGE.
STANLEY, YOU'RE A-- I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE WORD "FOODY" BUT
YOU'RE A FOOD ENTHUSE AFT.
YOU HAVE ONE COOKBOOK OR TWO?
HAVE YOU WRITTEN TWO COOKBOOKS?
>> NO, THE FIRST COOKBOOK I PUT TOGETHER FOR MY PARENTS MANY
YEARS AGO, AND THEN IT WAS REISSUED WITH A DIFFERENT TITLE
AND ALL THAT.
>> Stephen: SAME COOKBOOK TWICE.
>> SAME COOKBOOK TWICE.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE "BIG NIGHT" THE GREATEST SCRAMBLED
EGGS EVER MADE ON SCREEN DURING THAT FILM.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THE GREATEST.
AND YOUR SERIES IN ITALY, WHERE YOU JUST GO AROUND AND EAT.
I WANT YOUR LIFE.
NOW, COLIN-- >> YOU CAN HAVE IT.
>> Stephen: COLIN, YOU'RE LIVING IN ITALY.
DID YOU GO VISIT HIM IN ITALY FOR YOUR NEW CNN SERIES?
>> NO.
NO, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
I WANTED TO SEE THE WHOLE THING PLAY OUT.
WE ITALIANS ARE VERY, VERY SENSITIVE --
>> Stephen: I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND YOU THROUGH YOUR
THICK ITALIAN ACCENT, COLIN.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> SO STANLEY HAS A LOT TO PROVE TO THE LIKES OF US, YEAH.
>> YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU HAVE SPENT TIME TOGETHER IN ITALY.
I HAVE TO ASSUME.
>> WE HAVE.
>> OH, YES.
>> WE DID A LITTLE MINI-ROAD TRIP IN ITALY.
>> YEAH, WE DID.
WE WENT TO ASSISI TOGETHER.
COLIN WAS AT HIS HOUSE, AND WE WERE-- MY FAMILY AND I WERE
STAYING NEARBY.
AND WE TOOK A LITTLE ROAD TRIP TOGETHER A FEW YEARS AGO, AND IT
WAS WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THE BETTER DRIVER?
>> COLIN.
>> STANLEY ( LAUGHING )
>> I'VE NEVER SEEN STANLEY DRIVE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: REALLY?
>> BUT HE COULD NOT BE A WORSE DRIVER THAN I AM.
SO IT WAS CONJECTURE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU-- ARE BOTH OF YOU CONFIDENT NOUGH TO DRIVE
IN ITALY?
BECAUSE THAT REALLY DOES SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS
TO BE DRIVING INTERCITY ITALY.
LIKE, ROME, MY WIFE LITERALLY BURST INTO TEARS AS I TRIED TO
DRIVE THROUGH ROME, AND BEGGED ME TO STOP.
>> NO, IT'S A HARROWING EXPERIENCE, BUT I'RE DONE IT
OFTEN.
I DROVE STANLEY IN ITALY.
BUT ALL THE TIMES I'VE CRASHED A CAR HAVE BEEN IN THE U.K., AND
STANLEY'S USUALLY BEEN IN THE CAR WHEN THAT'S HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE >> Stephen: "SUPERNOVA" IS OUT
ON FRIDAY.
COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI ALL THE WAY FROM OVER THE POND,
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ADRIANNE LENKER.
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
♪ ♪
♪♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
HER BAND "BIG THIEF" IS NOMINATED FOR TWO GRAMMYS.
PERFORMING, "ANYTHING" FROM HER ALBUM, "SONGS," ADRIANNE LENKER.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ STARING DOWN THE BARREL
OF THE HOT SUN ♪ SHINING WITH THE SHEEN
OF A SHOTGUN, SHOTGUN ♪ CAROL HAS A LITTLE
IF WE NEED SOME ♪ JOA HAS A RIDE
IF WE WANNA COME ♪ HANGING YOUR JEANS
WITH A CLOTHESPIN ♪ SKIN STILL WET
STILL ON MY SKIN ♪ MANGO IN YOUR MOUTH
JUICE DRIPPING ♪ SHOULDER OF YOUR
SHIRTSLEEVE SLIPPING ♪ CHRISTMAS EVE WITH
YOUR MOTHER AND SIS ♪ DON'T WANNA FIGHT
BUT YOUR MOTHER INSISTS ♪ DOG'S WHITE TEETH SLICE
RIGHT THROUGH MY FIST ♪ DRIVE TO THE E.R. AND
THEY PUT ME ON RISK ♪ GROCERY STORE LIST
NOW YOU GET PISSED ♪ UNCHECKED CALLS
AND MESSAGES ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE
THE OWNER OF YOUR FANTASY ♪ I JUST WANNA BE A PART
OF YOUR FAMILY ♪ AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING ♪ I WANNA KISS
KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN ♪ WANNA WITNESS
YOUR EYES LOOKING ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT
ANYONE ♪ I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT
ANYONE ♪ I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR
WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING ♪ LAY IN YOUR LAP
WHEN I'M CRYING ♪ CIRCLE OF PINE AND RED OAK
CIRCLE OF MOSS AND FIRE SMOKE ♪ FAN ON THE CEILING
LIKE A WHEEL SPOKE ♪ PUSH THE CLUTCH IN
AND I PULL THE CHOKE ♪ WANNA LISTEN TO THE SOUND
OF YOU BLINKING ♪ WANNA LISTEN TO YOUR
HANDS SOOTHE ♪ LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
BEATING ♪ LISTEN TO THE WAY YOU MOVE
AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING
I WANNA KISS ♪ KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN
WANNA WITNESS ♪ YOUR EYES LOOKING
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE
I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR ♪ WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING
LAY IN YOUR LAP ♪ WHEN I'M CRYING
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WEREN'T WE THE STARS IN HEAVEN
♪ WEREN'T WE THE SALT IN THE SEA
♪ DRAGON IN THE NEW WARM MOUNTAIN
♪ DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE IN ME?
YOU HELD ME THE ♪ WHOLE WAY THROUGH
WHEN I COULDN'T SAY THE ♪ WORDS LIKE YOU
I WAS SCARED INDIGO ♪ BUT I WANTED TO
AND I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYTHING
I WANNA KISS ♪ KISS YOUR EYES AGAIN
WANNA WITNESS ♪ YOUR EYES LOOKING
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ♪ ANYONE
I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CAR ♪ WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING
LAY IN YOUR LAP ♪ WHEN I'M CRYING ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: ADRIANNE LENKER, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BILLY CRYSTAL AND
REPRESENTATIVE JACKIE SPEIER.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS