1 00:00:01,751 --> 00:00:04,379 >> PEOPLE CLOSE TO FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP INDICATE THAT HE 2 00:00:04,462 --> 00:00:06,965 WAS FURIOUS YESTERDAY WATCHING HIS LEGAL TEAM PRESENT THEIR 3 00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:09,426 CASE. 4 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,053 THE PRESIDENT-- FORMER PRESIDENT NEARLY YELLING AT HIS TELEVISION 5 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:15,056 WATCHING BRUCE CASTOR MEANDER AND RAMBLE THROUGH HIS 6 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,391 PRESENTATION. 7 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:20,395 >> MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR. 8 00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,981 I AM THE LEAD PROSECUTOR-- LEAD COUNSEL FOR THE 45th PRESIDENT 9 00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,442 OF THE UNITED STATES. 10 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,403 I KEEP SAYING "PROSECUTOR," BUT I DO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE, 11 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:31,239 MR. RASKIN. 12 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,908 REPRESENTATIVE SO-AND-SO SEEKS TO WALK BACK COMMENTS ABOUT-- 13 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,243 I FORGET WHAT IT WAS. 14 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:39,247 SOMETHING THAT BOTHERED HER. 15 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:43,084 I THOUGHT THAT THE HOUSE MANAGERS WHO SPOKE EARLIER WERE 16 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:47,255 BRILLIANT SPEAKERS ( HUMMING ) 17 00:00:47,338 --> 00:01:01,519 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'LL BE 18 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,479 FRANK. 19 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:07,317 THE PROSECUTION REALLY NAILED IT. 20 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,986 HATS OFF. 21 00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:11,154 MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR. 22 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,823 I AM A DEFENSIVE TACKLE-- I MEAN, DEFENSE ATTORNEY. 23 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:18,203 I CHASED A SQUIRREL INTO THE BUILDING, AND THAT IS WHY I'M 24 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,663 HERE TODAY. 25 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:26,795 THE POINT IS, MY CLIENT-- WHAT'S HIS FACE-- SEEKS TO PROVE-- I 26 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:27,837 FORGOT WHAT IT WAS-- AND SO ON. 27 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,341 IN MY BRIEFCASE, I HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT I LOVE 28 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,176 FUDGE. 29 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,344 YOU'RE ALL WELCOME TO A PIECE. 30 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:39,349 ( PASSES GAS ) PLEASE EXCUSE ME. 31 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:43,311 I HAD CHILI FOR LUNCH! 32 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:47,315 IN THE NAME OF GOD, SHAKE YOUR BOOTY! 33 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:51,402 NOW, LET'S EAT FUDGE. 34 00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:55,323 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 35 00:01:55,406 --> 00:02:01,204 TONIGHT: Trial and terror. 36 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:06,292 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES: KRISTIN WIGG 37 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,419 AND FROM "CLARICE" REBECCA BREEDS 38 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:13,424 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 39 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,760 AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 40 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:19,389 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 41 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:23,393 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 42 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,395 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 43 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,479 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 44 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:30,400 IT IS DAY TWO OF THE SECOND IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF THE 45 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,194 SAME EX-PRESIDENT AND, TURNS OUT, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN WE 46 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,947 THOUGHT. 47 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:39,200 I GOT TO TELL YOU, I CAME INTO THIS WITH MY "IT'S PRETTY BAD" 48 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,202 SEPTIC TANK ALREADY BRIMMING OVER. 49 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,956 BUT TODAY, POINT BY POINT, WITH NEW VIDEO AND AUDIO AND MAPS, 50 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,792 DEMOCRATIC HOUSE MANAGERS LAID OUT-- IN HORRIFYING, CLINICAL 51 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:52,881 DETAIL-- THE TRAGIC STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE 52 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,633 EX-PRESIDENT'S RALLY AND AT THE U.S. CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6, WHEN 53 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,052 THE SEAT OF OUR GOVERNMENT AND OUR DEMOCRACY ITSELF WAS 54 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,973 ATTACKED BY THE EX-PRESIDENT'S VIOLENT MOB, ALL BECAUSE ONE 55 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:05,268 SAD, ANGRY OLD MAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT THAT HE LOST. 56 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:08,646 SO, LET'S DO SOME JOKES! 57 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,065 WE'LL GIVE YOU THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE LOW LIFES IN TONIGHT'S 58 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:16,112 "DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS." 59 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,280 >> DID I HIT IT LONG? 60 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:21,826 IS TRUMP STRONG? 61 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:25,914 >> LOOK OUT! 62 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:26,164 JEEPERS! 63 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:26,497 WHOA! 64 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:33,254 LOOK OUT! 65 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,841 I DON'T WEAR A TOUPEE! 66 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,928 >> Stephen: AFTER PLAYING A VERY EMOTIONALLY AFFECTING VIDEO 67 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,472 RECAP OF THE JANUARY 6 ATTACK TO LEAD OFF YESTERDAY'S SESSION, 68 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,266 TODAY, HOUSE MANAGERS PROMISED NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE SECURITY VIDEO 69 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,937 OF THE CAPITOL RIOT. 70 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,229 THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S EVEN MORE HARD-TO-WATCH VIDEO. 71 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,150 NEXT UP, DELETED SCENES FROM "CATS." 72 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,277 AT THE START OF TODAY'S TRIAL, THE HOME AUDIENCE RECEIVED A 73 00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,448 WARNING FROM HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGER JAMIE RASKIN. 74 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:01,616 >> BECAUSE THE INSURRECTION BROUGHT SHOCKING VIOLENCE, 75 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:06,204 BLOODSHED, AND PAIN IN THE NATION'S CAPITOL, AND WE WILL BE 76 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:10,833 SHOWING RELEVANT CLIPS OF THE MOB'S ATTACK ON POLICE OFFICERS 77 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:15,213 AND OTHER INNOCENT PEOPLE, WE DO URGE PARENTS AND TEACHERS TO 78 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:18,841 EXERCISE CLOSE REVIEW OF WHAT YOUNG PEOPLE ARE WATCHING HERE. 79 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,468 AND PLEASE WATCH ALONG WITH THEM IF YOU ARE ALLOWING THEM TO 80 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:21,302 WATCH. 81 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,512 >> Stephen: ( AS ERIC ) 82 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,889 "YOU HAVE TO WATCH WITH ME, DAD! 83 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,140 THE IMPEACHMENT MAN SAID SO! 84 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,475 HEY, LOOK, DAD! 85 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:29,978 THEY'RE SHOWING VIDEO OF YOUR FRIENDS BREAKING WINDOWS AND 86 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:33,314 CHANTING YOUR NAME, JUST LIKE YOU WANTED 'EM TO! 87 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:39,070 STOP THE STEAL! 88 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:39,487 HUG ME ONCE! 89 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:43,908 JUST ONCE." 90 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,493 HOUSE MANAGERS LEFT NO DOUBT ABOUT WHO WAS TO BLAME FOR THE 91 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,413 CAPITOL RIOT, AS RASKIN EXPLAINED. 92 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,372 >> THE EVIDENCE WILL SHOW YOU THAT EX-PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS NO 93 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:53,251 INNOCENT BYSTANDER. 94 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:57,380 THE EVIDENCE WILL SHOW THAT HE CLEARLY INCITED THE JANUARY 6 95 00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,800 INSURRECTION. 96 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:04,929 IT WILL SHOW THAT DONALD TRUMP SURRENDERED HIS ROLE AS 97 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:14,022 COMMANDER IN CHIEF AND BECAME THE "INCITER IN CHIEF." 98 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,190 >> Stephen: THAT'S A NICE TURN OF PHRASE. 99 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,400 I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH "COUP-MANDER IN CHEAT." 100 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,777 BUT POTATO, P-FASCIST. 101 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,405 RASKIN SAID THIS CASE WAS MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SOMEBODY YELLING 102 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,407 "FIRE" IN A CROWDED THEATER. 103 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:29,078 >> IT'S MORE LIKE LIKE A CASE WHERE THE TOWN FIRE CHIEF, WHO 104 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,040 IS PAID TO PUT OUT FIRES, SENDS A MOB NOT TO YELL "FIRE" IN A 105 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,374 CROWDED THEATER, BUT TO ACTUALLY SET THE THEATER ON FIRE. 106 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:45,762 AND WHO THEN, WHEN THE FIRE START FLOODING INTO THE FIRE 107 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,222 DEPARTMENT ASKING FOR HELP, DOES NOTHING BUT SIT BACK, ENCOURAGE 108 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,432 THE MOB TO CONTINUE ITS RAMPAGE, AND WATCH THE FIRE SPREAD ON TV 109 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:53,227 WITH GLEE AND DELIGHT. 110 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,437 >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S A VERY GOOD METAPHOR. 111 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,231 I WOULD ONLY ALSO ADD THAT THE FIRE STEALS A BUNCH OF PROPERTY 112 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,274 AND POOPS ON THE RUG. 113 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:01,444 THEN WE GOT TO HEAR FROM COLORADO REPRESENTATIVE JOE 114 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,614 NEGUSE, WHO LAID OUT HOW CLEARLY THE PRESIDENT TELEGRAPHED THE 115 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,948 ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL. 116 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,952 >> HE DIDN'T JUST TELL THEM TO "FIGHT LIKE HELL." 117 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,456 HE TOLD THEM HOW, WHERE, AND WHEN. 118 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:18,252 HE MADE SURE THEY HAD ADVANCED NOTICE, 18 DAYS' ADVANCE NOTICE. 119 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:21,464 HE SENT HIS "SAVE THE DATE" FOR JANUARY 6. 120 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:25,468 >> Stephen: YES, HE SENT A "SAVE THE DATE" FOR HIS INSURRECTION. 121 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:30,431 PLUS, HE REGISTERED AT BED, BATH, AND BE ARMED. 122 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,976 NEGUSE MADE ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR. 123 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,478 >> THE PRESIDENT HAD EVERY REASON TO KNOW THAT THIS WOULD 124 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,439 HAPPEN, BECAUSE HE ASSEMBLED THE MOB, HE SUMMONED THE MOB, AND HE 125 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,817 INCITED THE MOB. 126 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,360 >> Stephen: WORD IS HE HAS ALSO GOT A LOT OF CONNECTIONS TO THE 127 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:45,655 MOB, BUT THE MANHATTAN D.A. WILL 128 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:46,906 LOOK INTO THAT. 129 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,492 THEN WE HEARD FROM CONGRESSWOMAN MADELEINE DEAN, WHO INTRODUCED 130 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,787 HERSELF COMPLETELY. 131 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:53,663 >> I AM LAWYER. 132 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,332 I'M A FORMER PROFESSOR OF WRITING. 133 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,000 I'M A SISTER. 134 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:58,417 I'M A WIFE. 135 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,504 I'M A MOTHER. 136 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:05,508 I'M A GRANDMOTHER TO THREE WITH FOURTH ON HER WAY. 137 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,218 I AM A PERSON OF FAITH. 138 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,094 AND I AM AN AMERICAN. 139 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,388 >> Stephen: ( AS DEAN ) 140 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:13,391 I'M A JOKER, I'M A SMOKER, I'M A MIDNIGHT TOKER 141 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:17,395 SOME PEOPLE CALL ME THE SPACE COWBOY. 142 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:20,648 SOME CALL ME THE GANGSTER OF LOVE 143 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:26,863 SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE, TO WHICH I SAY "REEREEAAWRR! 144 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,573 ( LAUGHTER ) THEN THE HOUSE MANAGERS TOOK IT 145 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:32,326 INTO OVERDRIVE WITH SECURITY VIDEO THAT HASN'T BEEN SEEN BY 146 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,411 THE PUBLIC BEFORE. 147 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,997 FIRST UP WAS VIRGIN ISLAND DELEGATE STACY PLASKETT. 148 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,540 SHE HIGHLIGHTED THE ACTIONS OF OFFICER EUGENE GOODMAN, WHO 149 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:41,377 FAMOUSLY MOVED THE RIOTERS AWAY FROM THE UNPROTECTED SENATE 150 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:42,753 CHAMBER, SAVING LIVES. 151 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,547 BUT SHE ALSO REVEALED ANOTHER HEROIC MOVE BY GOODMAN THAT DAY 152 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:49,594 THAT WE HADN'T KNOWN ABOUT BEFORE. 153 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:53,389 >> IN THIS SECURITY FOOTAGE, YOU CAN SEE OFFICER GOODMAN RUNNING 154 00:07:53,472 --> 00:08:00,938 TO RESPOND TO THE INITIAL BREACH. 155 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,356 OFFICER GOODMAN PASSES SENATOR MITT ROMNEY AND DIRECTS HIM TO 156 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,941 TURN AROUND IN ORDER TO GET TO SAFETY. 157 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,610 >> Stephen: KEEP IN MIND, THOSE MANIACS WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE 158 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:08,946 GOTTEN THEIR HANDS ON MITT ROMNEY, WHO VOTED TO IMPEACH THE 159 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,908 FORMER PRESIDENT THE LAST TIME HE DESERVED IT. 160 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,618 SO IT'S HARD TO SEE IN THAT VIDEO, BUT GOODMAN ACTUALLY 161 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:18,372 SAVED TWO PEOPLE IN THAT MOMENT: MITT ROMNEY AND 162 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,708 PIERRE DELECTO. 163 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,584 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN LOOK IT UP. 164 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:22,543 THAT'S TRUE. 165 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,587 AND YOU'LL GO, "WHY IS THAT TRUE?" 166 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:29,091 BUT IT'S TRUE. 167 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:29,592 DELEGATE PLASKETT SHOWED JUST HOW CLOSE THE MOB GOT TO MIKE 168 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:34,222 PENCE. 169 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,558 >> WHILE ALL OF THIS WAS GOING ON, VICE PRESIDENT PENCE WAS 170 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:46,609 STILL IN THE ROOM NEAR THE SENATE CHAMBER. 171 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:49,612 IT WAS NOT UNTIL 2:26 THAT HE WAS EVACUATED TO A SECURE 172 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,280 LOCATION. 173 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,407 YOU CAN SEE VICE PRESIDENT PENCE AND HIS FAMILY QUICKLY MOVED 174 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,784 DOWN THE STAIRS. 175 00:08:54,867 --> 00:09:01,666 THE VICE PRESIDENT TURNS AROUND BRIEFLY AS HE IS HEADED DOWN. 176 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:09,674 AS PENCE WAS BEING EVACUATED, RIOTERS STARTED TO SPREAD 177 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:12,343 THROUGHOUT THE CAPITOL. 178 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:17,848 THE MOB WAS LOOKING FOR VICE PRESIDENT PENCE BECAUSE OF HIS 179 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:22,436 PATRIOTISM, BECAUSE THE VICE PRESIDENT HAD REFUSED TO DO WHAT 180 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,106 THE PRESIDENT DEMANDED AND OVERTURN ELECTION RESULTS. 181 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:29,652 >> Stephen: THIS IS A STRANGE AND DISTURBING DAY IN OUR 182 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,446 NATION'S HISTORY, NOT JUST BECAUSE REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE 183 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:36,993 WILLING TO IGNORE A NEAR-FATAL ATTACK ON THEIR OWN VICE 184 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:37,660 PRESIDENT, BUT BECAUSE TODAY, IT'S POSSIBLE TO BE GRATEFUL TO 185 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:41,998 MIKE PENCE. 186 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,332 DELEGATE PLASKETT ALSO SHOWED THIS VIDEO OF A MAGA RIOTER 187 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,668 CALLING OUT THE VICE PRESIDENT. 188 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:50,214 >> PENCE LIED TO US. 189 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,382 HE'S A TOTAL TREANSONOUS PIG, AND HIS NAME WILL BE MUD 190 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,676 FOREVER. 191 00:09:53,759 --> 00:10:01,684 NOW THE REAL BATTLE BEGINS, AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE AMERICAN 192 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,812 PEOPLE ARE VERY PISSED. 193 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:05,146 SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. 194 00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:06,022 PEACE OUT. 195 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,859 >> PEACE OUT. 196 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,235 >> Stephen: PEACE OUT, DURING A VIOLENT ATTACK ON OUR SEAT OF 197 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,737 GOVERNMENT. 198 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,698 CAN YOU IMAGINE A MORE CASUALLY FASCIST WAY TO ADDRESS THAT MOB? 199 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,700 OH, RIGHT. 200 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,660 THANKS, KID HITLER. 201 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,163 NOT MINE. 202 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,415 I WISH IT WAS. 203 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:25,708 DESPITE THE POWERFUL EVIDENCE SUPPLIED BY THE HOUSE MANAGERS 204 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:29,879 AND OBJECTIVE REALITY, MANY G.O.P. SENATORS SEEMED TO BE 205 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,255 BARELY PAYING ATTENTION. 206 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:38,387 INSTEAD, THEY WERE SEEN EXPLICITLY NOT LISTENING: 207 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,264 FEET UP ON THEIR DESKS, READING BOOKS, AND READING BRIEFING 208 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,599 PAPERS ON OTHER TOPICS. 209 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:42,725 YES, OTHER, MORE INTERESTING TOPICS LIKE "HOW DOES HISTORY 210 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,353 TEND TO REMEMBER COWARDLY, FASCIST-ENABLING, WORTHLESS 211 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:48,272 PIECES OF GARBAGE?" SPEAKING OF WHICH-- MISSOURI 212 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,400 SENATOR JOSH HAWLEY, SEEN HERE SITTING WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS. 213 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:57,740 HAWLEY, OF COURSE, HELPED INCITE THE JANUARY 6 MOB BY BEING THE 214 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:02,119 FIRST SENATOR TO OPPOSE THE CERTIFICATION OF THE ELECTORAL 215 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,748 BALLOTS, WHICH IS WHY IT WASN'T TOTALLY SURPRISING THAT, DURING 216 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,874 THE HOUSE'S PRESENTATION, HE WAS SEEN SITTING UP IN THE GALLERY 217 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,709 WITH HIS FEET UP ON THE SEAT IN FRONT OF HIM, REVIEWING 218 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:09,710 PAPERWORK. 219 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:13,756 HE HAD HIS FEET UP ON THE FURNITURE? 220 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,925 WELL, GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. 221 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:19,553 SO DO REALLY DUMB ONES. 222 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,263 HAWLEY DEFENDED HIS REMOVED POSITION, SAYING, "I'M SITTING 223 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,598 UP THERE: A., BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE LESS CLAUSTROPHOBIC THAN 224 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,599 ON THE FLOOR. 225 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,768 BUT B., I'VE ALSO GOT A STRAIGHT SHOT." 226 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,772 MAYBE NOT THE BEST CHOICE OF WORDS TO CONVINCE US THAT YOU 227 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:33,776 WEREN'T ENCOURAGING THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF YOUR 228 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,487 COLLEAGUES. 229 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:37,947 "I'M JUST SITTING UP HERE BECAUSE I'VE GOT A STRAIGHT SHOT 230 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,949 FROM THE BALCONY, OR A BOOK DEPOSITORY, OR A GRASSY KNOLL! 231 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,326 ANYWAY, I'M JUST SCOPIN' IT OUT." 232 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,619 CONGRESSWOMAN DEAN CLOSED BY EXPLAINING THAT SHE KNOWS WHO 233 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:46,122 INCITED THAT INSURRECTION, BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE TO 234 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,331 WITNESS IT. 235 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:56,465 >> JUST AFTER 2:10, AN HOUR AFTER PRESIDENT TRUMP ENDED HIS 236 00:11:56,549 --> 00:12:02,012 SPEECH, THE INSURRECTIONIST MOB OVERWHELMED CAPITOL SECURITY AND 237 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,807 MADE IT INSIDE THE HALLS OF CONGRESS, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, 238 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:09,812 THIS ATTACK NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED BUT FOR DONALD TRUMP. 239 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:17,820 AND SO THEY CAME, DRAPED IN TRUMP'S FLAG, AND USED OUR FLAG, 240 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:25,828 THE AMERICAN FLAG, TO BATTER AND TO BLUDGEON. 241 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,037 AND AT 2:30, I HEARD THAT TERRIFYING BANGING ON THE HOUSE 242 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,832 CHAMBER DOORS. 243 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:37,548 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MORE THAN 200 YEARS, THE SEAT OF OUR 244 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:41,844 GOVERNMENT WAS RANSACKED ON OUR WATCH. 245 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:46,682 >> Stephen: I FEEL FOR REPRESENTATIVE DEAN AND ALL THE 246 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,018 HOUSE MANAGERS, BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID THEY WITNESS THE CAPITOL 247 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,520 UNDER ATTACK BY A MAGA-SUPPORTING MOB ON JANUARY 6 248 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,814 BUT ALSO BECAUSE TODAY, THEY HAD TO PRESENT EVIDENCE AND BEAR 249 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:57,526 PERSONAL WITNESS TO THAT ATTACK IN FRONT OF REPUBLICAN SENATORS 250 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:03,699 DESPERATELY TRYING TO IGNORE THAT TRUTH AND DESPERATELY 251 00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:07,244 TRYING TO TREAT IT LIKE IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME.█ç 252 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:10,080 BUT IT'S NOT A WASTE OF TIME, BECAUSE WHETHER OR NOT THE 253 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,874 EX-PRESIDENT IS IMPEACHED, AND WHETHER OR NOT THEY VOTE TO 254 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,834 DO THE RIGHT THING TO KEEP HIM FROM HOLDING OFFICE AGAIN, IT IS 255 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:19,757 IMPORTANT THAT ONE TIME, AS A NATION, WE LOOK THIS STRAIGHT 256 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,259 IN THE FACE, AND AS IT IS LAID OUT DEFINITIVELY, FOR THE 257 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,721 UNPRECEDENTED AND PRE-MEDITATED VIOLATION THAT IT IS. 258 00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:27,264 BECAUSE ONLY BY FACING THIS TRUTH WILL WE HAVE ANY HOPE OF 259 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:32,645 STOPPING IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN. 260 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,855 ALSO, I'M PRETTY CONVINCED IT WASN'T ANTIFA NOW. 261 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,941 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 262 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:41,904 MY GUESTS ARE KRISTEN WIIG, AND CLARICE OF "CLARICE," REBECCA 263 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:42,863 BREEDS. 264 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,908 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, MORE MONOLOGUE. 265 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,743 MORE STUFF HAPPENED. 266 00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,912 STICK AROUND. 267 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,958 ♪ ♪ ♪ 268 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:13,811 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, 269 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:17,273 EVERYBODY. 270 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,442 TODAY WE HEARD ONLY FROM THE HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS. 271 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,405 THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS HAD THE DAY OFF, AND THEY 272 00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,864 NEEDED IT, BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL IN RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY FROM 273 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,117 PUNCHING THEMSELVES IN THE FACE FOR TWO HOURS YESTERDAY. 274 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,413 THEY'RE SWEEPING UP TEETH LIKE CHICKLETS. 275 00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,165 THE REVIEWS ARE IN, AND THEY ARE TERRIBLE, ESPECIALLY FOR LEAD 276 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,751 DEFENSE ATTORNEY AND MAN BOMBING THIS AUDITION FOR BILLY FLYNN IN 277 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:40,254 "CHICAGO," BRUCE CASTOR. 278 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:43,966 THE CRITICISM WAS ESPECIALLY HARSH FROM REPUBLICANS. 279 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,634 TEXAS SENATOR JOHN CORNYN SAID CASTOR "JUST RAMBLED ON AND ON 280 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,012 AND ON." 281 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,807 MAINE'S SUSAN COLLINS SAID SHE WAS "PERPLEXED." 282 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,642 AND LISA MURKOWSKI ADDED, "I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE HE WAS 283 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,477 GOING. 284 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:59,440 HE SPENT 45 MINUTES GOING SOMEWHERE, BUT I DON'T THINK HE 285 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,650 HELPED WITH US BETTER UNDERSTANDING WHERE HE WAS 286 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,152 COMING FROM." 287 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,154 "PERPLEXED," RAMBLED," "COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE HE WAS COMING 288 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,614 FROM"? 289 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,450 IS THIS AN IMPEACHMENT OR CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S "TENET"? 290 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,453 JUST MAKE A LINEAR MOVIE FOR ONCE, CHRIS! 291 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:17,666 A THING HAPPENS, ANOTHER THING HAPPENS BECAUSE OF THE FIRST 292 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:22,463 THING, AND THEN PEOPLE FEEL SOME WAY ABOUT THOSE THINGS 293 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:22,838 HAPPENING. 294 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,131 ROLL CREDITS. 295 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,342 MAYBE PUT SOME BLOOPERS IN THE CREDITS, OKAY? 296 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,343 WORKED FOR BURT REYNOLDS! 297 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,594 IT WILL WORK FOR YOU. 298 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:29,720 THE HARSHEST REVIEW CAME FROM LOUISIANA REPUBLICAN AND MAN AT 299 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,389 WORK REALIZING HE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS KIDS TO SCHOOL, BILL 300 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:33,682 CASSIDY. 301 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,310 ( LAUGHTER ) CASSIDY HAD VOTED IN SUPPORT OF 302 00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:39,229 RAND PAUL'S EARLIER MOTION THAT IT'S UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO IMPEACH 303 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,690 A FORMER PRESIDENT, BUT HE SWITCHED SIDES YESTERDAY AND 304 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,108 EXPLAINED WHY. 305 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,527 >> IT WAS DISORGANIZED, RANDOM, HAD NOTHING. 306 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:49,823 THEY TALKED ABOUT MANY THINGS, BUT THEY DIDN'T TALK ABOUT 307 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,368 THE ISSUE AT HAND. 308 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:57,706 AND SO, IF I'M AN IMPARTIAL JUROR AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE A 309 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,710 DECISION BASED UPON THE FACTS AS PRESENTED ON THIS ISSUE, THEN 310 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,673 THE HOUSE MANAGERS DID A MUCH BETTER JOB. 311 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:09,426 >> Stephen: WOW, A REPUBLICAN SENATOR LOOKED AT EVIDENCE AND 312 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,594 ACTED ACCORDINGLY. 313 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:17,685 IT'S A LOW BAR, BUT RIGHT NOW, IT'S THE ONLY ONE WE'VE GOT. 314 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,061 CHEERS, SENATOR! 315 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,522 MMM ( WHISTLES ) 316 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,857 THERE WAS ONE PERSON WHO DIDN'T THINK BRUCE CASTOR DID A BAD 317 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,442 JOB: BRUCE CASTOR. 318 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,237 ASKED ABOUT CASSIDY'S FLIP TO THE OTHER SIDE, CASTOR CROWED: 319 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,074 "WE ONLY LOST ONE, SO I BELIEVE WE HAD A GOOD DAY." 320 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,200 HOT TIP: NEVER HIRE BRUCE CASTOR AS YOUR LAWYER OR YOUR 321 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:38,414 BABYSITTER. 322 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,331 "LOOK, JUST PUT EVERYONE TO BED. 323 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,625 KACIE AND MAGGIE ATE ALL THEIR VEGETABLES. 324 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:45,671 WE ONLY LOST ONE KID, BUT TREVOR WAS PRETTY MOUTHY, SO I THINK 325 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,923 WE HAD A GOOD DAY!" AT THE END OF THE DAY, CASTOR 326 00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:51,051 DIDN'T SEEM TO THINK THE BAD REVIEWS WERE A BIG DEAL. 327 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,637 "YOU PUT 100 PEOPLE IN THE SAME ROOM, YOU'RE GOING TO GET 100 328 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:57,766 DIFFERENT OPINIONS." 329 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,352 YEAH, MAYBE SO, BUT PRETTY SURE THE OBJECTIVE OF A TRIAL IS TO 330 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,271 GET THE WHOLE JURY TO HAVE THE SAME OPINION. 331 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,357 NAMELY, THAT YOUR CLIENT DIDN'T DO IT. 332 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,483 THAT'S WHY THE MOVIE ISN'T CALLED "12 MEN WHO ALL FEEL 333 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:10,112 DIFFERENTLY." 334 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,449 THE ONE MAN WHO REALLY DID NOT ENJOY CASTOR'S PERFORMANCE WAS 335 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,618 HIS CLIENT, BECAUSE, REPORTEDLY, DURING CASTOR'S OPENING 336 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,330 STATEMENT, THE USED-POTUS WAS "ALMOST SCREAMING" AT 337 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,331 THE TV. 338 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,626 WHEN HAS HE EVER "ALMOST" SCREAMED? 339 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:29,757 BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TVs HAD SO MUCH SPITTLE ON THEM, 340 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,800 THEY CAME WITH WIPER BLADES. 341 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,470 NOW, THE IMPEACHMENT, STRANGELY IS ACTUALLY THE SECOND BIGGEST 342 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:38,474 STORY FROM THE LEGAL WORLD, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, THIS FOOTAGE 343 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,310 WENT VIRAL OF A TEXAS COURT HEARING WHERE ONE OF THE 344 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,812 LAWYERS GOT STUCK BEHIND A ZOOM FILTER. 345 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,649 SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHICH ONE: >> MR. PONTON, I BELIEVE YOU 346 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:53,822 HAVE A FILTER TURNED ON IN THE VIDEO SETTINGS. 347 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,826 YOU MIGHT WANT TO, UH-- >> AH! 348 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,661 WE'RE TRYING TO-- WE'RE TRYING TO-- CAN YOU HEAR ME, JUDGE? 349 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,370 >> I CAN HEAR YOU. 350 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,205 I THINK IT'S A FILTER. 351 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,040 >> IT IS. 352 00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:05,334 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REMOVE IT. 353 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:05,834 I'VE GOT MY ASSISTANT HERE. 354 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,797 SHE'S TRYING TO, UH... 355 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,966 I'M PREPARED TO GO FORWARD WITH IT. 356 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:13,801 I'M HERE LIVE. 357 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,846 I'M NOT-- I'M NOT A CAT. 358 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,431 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OBJECTION, YOUR 359 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,474 HONOR! 360 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,393 THE OPPOSING COUNSEL IS CLEARLY A CAT! 361 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,813 I MOVE TO HAVE HIM DISBARRED AND DE-CLAWED! 362 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:28,982 THIS IS THE ULTIMATE VIRAL VIDEO FOR THE PANDEMIC, BECAUSE AT 363 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:32,319 THIS POINT, I'VE ALSO TURNED INTO A CAT. 364 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:37,825 I SLEEP 18 HOURS A DAY, I EAT EVERYTHING OUT OF A BOWL WITH MY 365 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:38,492 FACE, AND I BATHE SLIGHTLY LESS THAN A CAT, ONLY BECAUSE MY 366 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,578 TONGUE WON'T REACH EVERYWHERE! 367 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:50,254 THE NAME OF THE LAWYER IN THAT VIDEO IS ROD PONTON. 368 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,589 "PAWWWWN-TON?" REALLY, MISTER "I'M NOT A 369 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,757 CAT"? 370 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:57,886 THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH? 371 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,222 "UH, MY NAME? 372 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,890 IT'S, UHH, ROD... 373 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,226 PAWNTON. 374 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,894 I MEAN, PHIL LITTER BOX. 375 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:11,108 I MEAN, CHASE LASER POINTER!" ALSO, NOTICE THAT THE ZOOM HAS A 376 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:14,695 WARNING THAT SAYS "RECORDING OF THIS HEARING IS PROHIBITED. 377 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,906 VIOLATION MAY RESULT IN A JAIL TERM OF UP TO 180 DAYS." 378 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,575 AND I WANT TO SALUTE WHOEVER RISKED JAIL TO BRING US THIS 379 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,492 MOMENT OF JOY. 380 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:24,621 "WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?" "MULTIPLE HOMICIDE." 381 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:28,250 WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?" "FUNNY CAT LAWYER." 382 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,877 "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE." 383 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,504 STILL, AS AWKWARD AS THIS WAS, THIS MAY BE THE ONLY WAY TO 384 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:37,885 IMPROVE THE EX-PRESIDENT'S IMPEACHMENT DEFENSE. 385 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,763 >> MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR. 386 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:45,100 I AM THE LEAD PROSECUTOR-- LEAD COUNSEL FOR THE 45th PRESIDENT 387 00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:45,893 OF THE UNITED STATES. 388 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,603 >> Stephen: NAH, HE STILL SUCKS. 389 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:52,816 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KRISTEN WIIG. 390 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,610 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 391 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:04,453 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 392 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,413 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 393 00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:10,292 MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR AND WRITER YOU KNOW FROM 394 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,920 "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," "WONDER WOMAN 1984," AND "BRIDESMAIDS." 395 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:16,131 PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," KRISTEN WIIG! 396 00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:16,840 HEY, KRISTEN. 397 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:17,966 >> HI, HI! 398 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,801 >> Stephen: HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU. 399 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,886 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 400 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:24,306 >> I'M SO-- I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE, VERY EXCITED. 401 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,141 >> Stephen: I'M EXCITED BECAUSE I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS 402 00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:29,311 FOR A LONG TIME BUT WE HAVEN'T MET-- I DON'T THINK WE MET 403 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:32,189 CASUALLY AT ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU CASUALLY RUN INTO 404 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,608 PEOPLE WHO DO THE SAME JOB. 405 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:36,652 IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE. 406 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,363 YOU'RE LOOKING VERY CHIC AND FLORAL. 407 00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,365 >> THANKS. 408 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,492 I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY AND WEAR SOMETHING HAPPY. 409 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:44,701 >> Stephen: IT IS GOOD. 410 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,828 WE NEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER, MORE THAN EVER. 411 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:50,165 THAT'S WHY I HAVE BROWN WALLPAPER. 412 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,709 THAT'S MY WAY TO TRY TO RAISE AMERICA'S SPIRITS. 413 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:56,171 YOU ARE PARTICULARLY-- I'M PARTICULARLY IMPRESSED BY YOU 414 00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:58,465 BEING SO PUT TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF TWO SMALL 415 00:20:58,548 --> 00:20:59,675 CHILDREN. 416 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,342 >> YES. 417 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,301 >> Stephen: OF THE BABIES. 418 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:06,181 LIKE LESS THAN A YEAR OLD, LIKE BABY-BABIES. 419 00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:07,015 >> BABY-BABY-BABIES. 420 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,644 YES, THEY'RE TINY LITTLE, LOUD BABY S. 421 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,521 >> Stephen: ARE WE CRUISING AT THIS POINT? 422 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,564 >> WE'RE CRUISING, CRAWLING. 423 00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:19,027 THEY'RE VERY CLOSE TO-- TO STARTING TO REALLY WALK AROUND. 424 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,320 >> Stephen: THEY CAN FIGHT BACK. 425 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:20,988 THEY CAN FIGHT BACK. 426 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,406 >> YEAH, THEY CAN FIGHT BACK. 427 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,573 >> Stephen: VERY SOON. 428 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,033 AND THERE ARE TWO OF THEM. 429 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:25,867 AND THERE ARE TWO OF THEM. 430 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,743 >> YES. 431 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:27,577 >> Stephen: AND THEY'LL TEAM UP. 432 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:31,164 >> AND THEIR TWINS SO THEY'LL GANG UP. 433 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:33,166 >> Stephen: THEY HAVE THE LANGUAGE. 434 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,210 YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND A THING THEY SAY. 435 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:40,674 WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A YOUNG PARENT WITH TWO KIDS DURING 436 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:41,883 COVID. 437 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:42,426 "A," YOU WANT TO SHOW THEM TO PEOPLE AND YOU CAN'T REALLY DO 438 00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:43,844 THAT TOO MUCH. 439 00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:45,053 >> YEAH. 440 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,430 >> Stephen: BUT, "B," YOU'RE TRAPPED INSIDE. 441 00:21:46,513 --> 00:21:46,847 >> WE'RE TRAPPED. 442 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:47,723 WE'RE TRAPPED. 443 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,559 AND, I MEAN-- WELL, WE TAKE THEM OUTSIDE. 444 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,854 WE DON'T JUST LEAVE THEM-- WE GO FOR WALKS. 445 00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:57,858 BUT THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT. 446 00:21:57,941 --> 00:22:01,236 AND THEY-- YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE QUARANTINE BABIES. 447 00:22:01,319 --> 00:22:02,446 THEY DON'T-- THEY DON'T SEE PEOPLE. 448 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:08,577 AND WHEN THEY DO SEE PEOPLE, THEY'RE JUST LIKE... 449 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:12,414 LIKE SOMEONE RODE A BIKE BY US, AND THEY WERE JUST LIKE-- THEIR 450 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:13,457 BRAINS EXPLODED. 451 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:17,210 THEY'RE LIKE, "THERE ARE MORE OF OF US! 452 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,253 ." 453 00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:18,545 >> Stephen: WE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONLY BIG ONES. 454 00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:20,797 >> YEAH. 455 00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:22,424 >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT A-- THE NEW MOVIE "BARB AND STAR GO TO 456 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:26,094 VISTA DEL MAR." 457 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,097 I-- I-- THE PEOPLE I TRUST MOST IN THE WORLD EYE HAVEN'T HAD A 458 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:32,726 CHANCE TO SEE IT YET MYSELF, JUST CARDS ON THE TABLE, BUT 459 00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:33,935 PEOPLE-- >> I APPRECIATE IT. 460 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:37,647 >> Stephen: THE PEOPLE I TRUST MOST IN THE WORLD THINK THIS IS 461 00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:39,441 ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER MADE. 462 00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:45,405 THE JOKE-PER-MINUTE RATIO AND QUALITY JOKES AND SURREAL AND 463 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:47,908 STRANGE AND FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME. 464 00:22:47,991 --> 00:22:49,117 PERFECT FOR COVID. 465 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:57,125 YOU WROTE WITH THIS YOUR COWRITER, M MUMOLO. 466 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,293 HOW DID THIS IDEA COME TO YOU? 467 00:22:58,376 --> 00:23:01,922 >> WE STARTED DOING THESE CHARACTERS SPECIFICALLY WHEN WE 468 00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:03,507 WERE WRITING "BRIDESMAIDS." 469 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:10,138 IT WAS KIND OF, LIKE, MAYA'S CHARACTER IS MOM, AND WE WROTE 470 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:13,475 ALL THESE SCENES WITH HER MOM TALKING TO HER FRIENDS ABOUT, 471 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:18,313 YOU KNOW, GOING TO COSCO AND YOU CAN BUY CLOTHES THERE. 472 00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:19,689 AND THESE REALLY LONG SCENES. 473 00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:23,735 AND WE WOULD TURN THEM IN, AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE, "GUYS, THIS 474 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:24,986 HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE." 475 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:29,449 BUT WE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH THESE LADIES AND WE KIND OF JOBD 476 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,493 AROUND LIKE, "MAYBE ONE DAY WE'LL WRITE SOMETHING." 477 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:36,164 AND THEN WE KIND OF THOUGHT ABOUT THE TITLE FIRST, WHICH 478 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,500 PROBABLY ISN'T THE WAY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT. 479 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,001 BUT. 480 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:40,418 >> Stephen: SURE. 481 00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:42,170 ASK YOU'RE STAR. 482 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:44,172 >> I'M STAR AND SHE'S BARB. 483 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:47,175 >> Stephen: AND ANNIE IS BARB. 484 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:50,554 STAR IS SHORT FOR, OF COURSE, STARBRA. 485 00:23:50,637 --> 00:23:52,722 >> Stephen: AND BARB IS? 486 00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:53,265 >> JUST BARB. 487 00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:54,516 >> Stephen: JUST BARB. 488 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:56,184 NOT SHORT FOR ANYTHING. 489 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,520 HOW DID YOU-- YOU'VE GOT A GREAT MIDWESTERN ACCENT IN THIS. 490 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:03,191 HOW DID YOU-- WHERE DID YOU GET IT? 491 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,484 DO YOU HAVE ANY MIDWESTERN CRED? 492 00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,361 >> NO, I DON'T. 493 00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:10,323 ACTUALLY-- WELL, I'M FROM-- I MOVED TO ROCHESTER, NEW YORK, 494 00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,701 WHEN I WAS IN, LIKE, EIGHTH GRADE. 495 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:18,540 AND THERE ARE PARTS OF ROCHESTER THAT HAVE THAT SORT OF, LIKE, 496 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:21,877 THAT "A." 497 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,336 LIKE CAHR. 498 00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:24,421 JUST LIKE DOING THOSE CHARACTERS, I DON'T KNOW, THIS 499 00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:28,383 SORT OF MIDWESTERN ACCENTS, YOU KNOW,. 500 00:24:28,466 --> 00:24:29,718 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A MIDWESTERN HOOK. 501 00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:34,222 DO YOU HAVE A THING YOU HAVE TO SAY TO GET YOU INTO IT? 502 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,724 >> JUST BARB. 503 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,726 UNFORTUNATELY, HERS IS STAR, SO WE JUST START TALKING LIKE THAT. 504 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:38,393 I DON'T KNOW. 505 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:39,728 >> Stephen: SO WHAT HAPPENS? 506 00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:41,229 WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 507 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:45,567 >> WELL, IT'S ABOUT THESE TWO MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN WHO ARE FROM 508 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:52,449 THIS VERY SMALL TOWN, SOFT ROCK, NEBRASKA. 509 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:57,245 AND THEY ARE... THINGS HAPPEN IN THEIR LIFE WHERE THEY'RE SORT 510 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,748 OF, LIKE, FORCED TO QUESTION WHAT THEY'RE DOING, AND THEY 511 00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:02,417 DECIDE TO GO ON THE FIRST VACATION THAT THEY'VE EVER HAD. 512 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:07,422 AND THEY GO TO THIS PLACE CALLED VISTA DEL MAR IN FLORIDA. 513 00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:10,675 AND THEY GET KIND OF INVOLVED IN THIS VILLAIN'S PLOT TO KILL 514 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:14,387 EVERYONE IN THE TOWN ( LAUGHS ) 515 00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,096 IT'S HILARIOUS! 516 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:20,268 >> Stephen: AND JAIME DORNAN, O. 517 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,269 >> YES. 518 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,772 >> Stephen: IS YOUR COSTAR IN THIS. 519 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:27,442 >> JAIME DORNAN, WE'RE SO EXCITED FOR PEOPLE TO SEE HIM IN 520 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,611 THIS MOVIE BECAUSE HE IS EYE MEAN, WE ASKED HIM TO DO A LOT 521 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:31,613 OF REALLY CRAZY THINGS. 522 00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:32,614 AND HE'S SO FUNNY. 523 00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:37,452 HE SINGS IN THE MOVIE. 524 00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:39,663 HE'S... HE'S JUST, LIKE, WAS A DREAM TO WORK WITH. 525 00:25:39,746 --> 00:25:40,413 HE WAS AMAZING. 526 00:25:40,497 --> 00:25:42,290 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 527 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:45,627 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND JAIME DORNAN? 528 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:49,506 >> OH, I THINK THIS IS WHERE I'M LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM. 529 00:25:49,589 --> 00:25:50,131 I THINK. 530 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:53,260 IS THIS THE CLIP YOU HAVE? 531 00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:54,427 >> Stephen: I THINK IT IS. 532 00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:58,598 WHY WERE YOU LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM, STAR? 533 00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:01,685 >> I THINK I'M LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM AND I THINK HE'S GOING TO 534 00:26:01,768 --> 00:26:02,560 ASK ME SOMETHING ROMANTIC. 535 00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:05,814 >> Stephen: OKAY, JIM. 536 00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:08,108 >> LOOK, STAR, I... 537 00:26:08,191 --> 00:26:10,944 I REALLY LIKE YOU. 538 00:26:11,027 --> 00:26:12,904 >> YES, I WILL! 539 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:14,698 >> WHAT? 540 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:18,201 >> HM? 541 00:26:18,285 --> 00:26:18,868 OH, OH, NOTHING, NEVER MIND. 542 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:21,663 I THOUGHT YOU WERE-- IT'S NOT. 543 00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:22,455 IT'S OKAY. 544 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:23,331 NEVER MIND. 545 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:28,962 -- MY HEAD IS JUST A LITTLE... 546 00:26:29,045 --> 00:26:31,548 ( PHONE RINGING ) >> THAT'S MY CELL PHONE. 547 00:26:31,631 --> 00:26:32,966 >> OH. 548 00:26:33,049 --> 00:26:33,591 >> IT'S WORK. 549 00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:34,843 I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THIS. 550 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:36,303 >> OKAY. 551 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:38,346 >> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME THAT RELATIONSHIP PAYS OFF. 552 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,348 >> I'M NOT GIVING ANY SPOILERS. 553 00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:44,185 >> Stephen: OKAY, I'M JUST TRYING-- I'M JUST TRYING TO PUT 554 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:45,478 ASSES IN THE SEAT. 555 00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:48,648 THAT'S ALL-- >> THERE ARE SOME HOT, STEAMY -- 556 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,859 >> Stephen: "50 SHADES" KIND OF ACTION GOING ON? 557 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:51,651 >> YEAH. 558 00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:53,486 >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD, GOOD. 559 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:59,326 IT'S ABOUT A VACATION GONE WRONG, AND HAVE YOU HAD BAD 560 00:26:59,409 --> 00:27:00,493 VACATION EXPERIENCES? 561 00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:03,371 HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANYTHING GO SIDEWAYS OW? 562 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:06,750 >> SIDEWAYS, YES. 563 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:11,379 MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME, AVI, WE WENT TO CHILI. 564 00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:15,342 HE HAS A LOT OF FAMILY, SO WE WENT TO SANTIAGO. 565 00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:16,384 WE TRAVELED AROUND. 566 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,762 IT WAS, LIKE, ONE OF THE BEST TRIPS OF MY LIFE. 567 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:22,766 AND WE WERE HIKING WITH A GUIDE, AND HE HAD ACTUALLY BEEN WITH US 568 00:27:22,849 --> 00:27:25,727 ALL WEEK, AND IT WAS OUR LAST DAY. 569 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:29,564 AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT-- SPEAKING OF THAT CLIP-- I 570 00:27:29,647 --> 00:27:34,069 ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO ME BECAUSE 571 00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:35,362 THE GUIDE WAS ALWAYS WITH US. 572 00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:39,574 AND HE WAS JUST LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T YOU GUY GOES ON 573 00:27:39,657 --> 00:27:42,786 THIS HIKE, JUST THE TWO OF YOU, AND I'LL MEET YOU ON THE OTHER 574 00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:43,328 SIDE. 575 00:27:43,411 --> 00:27:44,954 IT'S LIKE 40 MINUTES. 576 00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:46,623 I'LL GIVE YOU MY WALKIE. 577 00:27:46,706 --> 00:27:48,917 IT WILL BE FINE." 578 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,752 I WAS LIKE OKAY, THAT'S WEIRD, HE'S NOT COMING WITH US. 579 00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:54,547 FULLY THINKING I'M GETTING PROPOSED TO. 580 00:27:54,631 --> 00:27:57,759 SO WE'RE WALKING AND IT IS THE MOST, LIKE, BEAUTIFUL-- LIKE 581 00:27:57,842 --> 00:27:58,885 WILD HORSES COMING UP TO US. 582 00:27:58,968 --> 00:28:03,765 >> Stephen: WHERE IS THIS AGAIN? 583 00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:10,605 >> LI HIKE A HUGE NATIONAL FORES >> Stephen: IN PATAGONIA. 584 00:28:10,688 --> 00:28:11,189 >> YES. 585 00:28:11,272 --> 00:28:13,942 THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE. 586 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:16,611 WE'RE WALKING DOWN THIS PATH AND I'M LIKE, YOU KNOW... 587 00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:20,448 AND I SEE THIS, LIKE, HEAD POP OUT OF THE GRASS, LIKE THIS KIND 588 00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:21,950 OF HEAD. 589 00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:27,330 AND I'M, LIKE, OH, IT'S A LARGE PUMA, LIKE A VERY LARGE PUMA. 590 00:28:27,414 --> 00:28:31,584 >> Stephen: LIKE A MOUNTAIN LION? 591 00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:33,253 >> YES. 592 00:28:33,336 --> 00:28:36,589 LIKE, 360, THERE'S NO ONE, WE COULD SCREAM-- WHICH I DID-- AND 593 00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:38,091 NO ONE WOULD HEAR US. 594 00:28:38,174 --> 00:28:42,971 AND WE WERE TOLD IF YOU SEE A PUMA-- YOU PROBABLY WON'T. 595 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:45,974 PEOPLE COME THERE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TO PUMA WATCH AND A 596 00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:48,017 LOT OF THEM GO HOME, THEY DON'T SEE ONE. 597 00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:50,812 IF YOU HEAR ONE-- OR IF YOU SEE ONE, CLAP YOUR HANDS, MAKE A LOT 598 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:55,150 OF NOISE, DON'T RUN, DON'T TURN AROUND, WHATEVER. 599 00:28:55,233 --> 00:29:00,655 SO THIS PUMA IS WALKING TOWARDS US, LIKE, JUST WALKING TOWARDS 600 00:29:00,738 --> 00:29:01,865 US. 601 00:29:01,948 --> 00:29:03,491 AND WE'RE BACKING UP AND WE'RE CLAPPING AND SCREAMING. 602 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:06,995 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT-- I WAS LIKE, "GET OUT OF HERE! 603 00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:10,498 LEAVE US ALONE!" I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYING. 604 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:11,749 AND THIS IS IT. 605 00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:15,670 I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE MY LIFE-- I IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING GOING 606 00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:16,171 DOWN. 607 00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:17,338 >> Stephen: RIGHT. 608 00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:18,882 >> AND OVER THE HILL, WE SEE THESE PEOPLE COMING OVER, AND 609 00:29:18,965 --> 00:29:21,718 I'M LIKE, "HELP! 610 00:29:21,801 --> 00:29:22,719 HELP! 611 00:29:22,802 --> 00:29:24,637 PUMA!" SCREAMING AND THEY'RE RUNNING 612 00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,848 TOWARDS US AND THEY HAVE CAMERAS. 613 00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,683 THEY WERE, LIKE, PUMA WATCHING. 614 00:29:28,766 --> 00:29:29,976 THEY WERE TRYING TO SEE PUMAS ON THIS TRIP. 615 00:29:30,059 --> 00:29:33,396 AND THEY COME DOWN AND THEY'RE LIKE, "SHUT UP! 616 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,650 YOU'RE GOING TO SCARE THE PUMA" AND THE PUMA GETS, LIKE, MAYBE 617 00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:41,905 EIGHT FEET AWAY AND IS JUST LIKE... AND JUST TURNS AND GOES 618 00:29:41,988 --> 00:29:43,490 THE OTHER DIRECTION. 619 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:47,660 WE ARE-- I'M CRYING, MY BOYFRIEND IS, LIKE, SHAKING, AND 620 00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:50,914 THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST RUNNING AFTER IT TAKING PICTURES. 621 00:29:50,997 --> 00:29:54,042 AND BASICALLY PUMAS DON'T ATTACK PEOPLE THERE, BUT WE DIDN'T-- 622 00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:56,211 YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT. 623 00:29:56,294 --> 00:29:59,547 PFS, LIKE, A SIX-FOOT, FIVE-FOOT PUMA. 624 00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:00,924 >> Stephen: ANY SIZE IS PRETTY BIG. 625 00:30:01,007 --> 00:30:03,009 >> ANY SIZE IT BIG, AND NO ONE WAS THERE. 626 00:30:03,092 --> 00:30:06,846 AND, I MEAN, NEEDLESS TO SAY, HE DIDN'T PROPOSE TO ME. 627 00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:07,889 >> Stephen: WHAT? 628 00:30:07,972 --> 00:30:10,558 DID YOU-- >> NO, IT DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT. 629 00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:12,852 >> Stephen: BECAUSE THE PUMA DIDN'T SHOW UP? 630 00:30:12,936 --> 00:30:15,188 WAS IT IN THE CARDS AND THE PUMA RUINED IT? 631 00:30:15,271 --> 00:30:17,815 >> NO, THERE WERE A COUPLE OF TIMES ON THE TRIP I THOUGHT, 632 00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:21,319 "OH, THIS IS HAPPENING," AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. 633 00:30:21,402 --> 00:30:25,865 >> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT, EARLIER YOU SAID, "MY 634 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:26,950 FORMER-- MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME," YOU SAID. 635 00:30:27,033 --> 00:30:31,204 >> OH, NO, NO, I MEANT BECAUSE HE'S NOW MY HUSBAND. 636 00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:32,205 WE DID GET MARRIED. 637 00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:33,248 >> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW. 638 00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:35,208 I JUST WANTED TO CLEAR UP EVERYTHING. 639 00:30:35,291 --> 00:30:36,292 >> OH, NO, NO, NO. 640 00:30:36,376 --> 00:30:37,544 IT WASN'T A DIFFERENT PERSON. 641 00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:42,215 >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD, ALL RIGHT. 642 00:30:42,298 --> 00:30:43,424 "BARB AND STAR GO TO VISTA DEL MAR" IS AVAILABLE ON FRIDAY 643 00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:45,593 WHERE YOU RENT MOVIES. 644 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,387 KRISTEN WIIG, EVERYBODY. 645 00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:53,685 WE'LL BE BACK WITH "CLARICE" ON CBS, REBECCA BREEDS. 646 00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:03,111 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 647 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:08,449 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 648 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,076 Y NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS WHO NOW STARS AS ICONIC F.B.I. AGENT 649 00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:17,000 CLARICE STARLING ON CBS'S NEW SHOW "CLARICE." 650 00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:26,342 >> IT'S A SOFT COLLAR. 651 00:31:26,426 --> 00:31:27,594 REAL TASTEFUL. 652 00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:37,437 SAME STAB WOUNDS AND BITE MARKS AS THE OTHER VICTIM. 653 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:41,441 >> LET'S SET HER FREE. 654 00:31:41,524 --> 00:31:44,819 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," REBECCA BREEDS! 655 00:31:44,902 --> 00:31:48,615 HEY, REBECCA, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 656 00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:49,324 >> HI! 657 00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:50,825 THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 658 00:31:50,908 --> 00:31:53,161 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ON, "A," ON THIS SHOW. 659 00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:55,038 YOU'VE BEEN A WORKING ACTRESS FOR YEARS, AND PEOPLE ALREADY 660 00:31:55,121 --> 00:32:00,376 KNOW YOUR WORK, BUT THIS IS A VEY HIGH-PROFILE GIG. 661 00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:01,794 IT'S ADVERTISED EVERYWHERE. 662 00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:04,005 HOW DOES IT FEEL, "A," TO BE SEEING YOUR ADVERTISE AMES ALL 663 00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:07,175 OVER THE SUPER BOWL-- 100 MILLION PEOPLE GETTING READY FOR 664 00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:09,385 YOU TO DO THIS PART? 665 00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:11,471 >> THE SUPER BOWL WAS UNREAL. 666 00:32:11,554 --> 00:32:12,972 THAT ACTUALLY BLEW MY MIND. 667 00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:17,393 AND JUST THE LITTLEST THING I SAW MY SECOND LITTLE POSTER OF 668 00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:22,649 MY LITTLE HEAD ON A BIG OLD BILLBOARD THIS MORNING, I DID 669 00:32:22,732 --> 00:32:26,152 LIKE A LITTLE GIRL HIGH SQUEAL. 670 00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:27,487 I CAN'T HELP IT. 671 00:32:27,570 --> 00:32:30,031 IT'S THIS PHYSICAL REACTION THAT COMES OUT OF ME. 672 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:30,865 IT'S SO LAME. 673 00:32:30,948 --> 00:32:32,200 IT WAS PRETTY AMAZING. 674 00:32:32,283 --> 00:32:34,869 YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S-- YEAH, I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT. 675 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:36,162 IT'S AMAZING. 676 00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:39,540 >> Stephen: WELL, AS I SAID, YOU'VE WORKED FOR YEARS, BUT 677 00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:43,753 THIS IS A-- A LEAD ROLE ON A U.S., YOU KNOW, BROADCAST 678 00:32:43,836 --> 00:32:44,754 NETWORK. 679 00:32:44,837 --> 00:32:48,591 WHAT-- WHERE DID YOU FIND OUT YOU GOT THIS GIG? 680 00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:55,431 >> IT WAS LIKE A MASSIVE WEEK PROCESS OF, LIKE, FOUR-HOUR-LONG 681 00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,475 AUDITIONS, FULL HAIR AND MAKEUP. 682 00:32:57,558 --> 00:33:02,063 CBS AND MGM WERE NOT MESSING AROUND WITH THIS ONE. 683 00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:05,692 AND AFTER ABOUT A WEEK OF THIS, I KNEW I WAS GOING TO FIND OUT-- 684 00:33:05,775 --> 00:33:07,193 IT WAS AD IT. 685 00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:09,404 HE WAS WAITING TO FIND OUT ABOUT A ROLE AS WELL AND WE WERE GOING 686 00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:13,074 OUT OF OUR MIND AND I SAID LET'S GO FOR A RIDE. 687 00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:17,078 WE DRIVE TO MALIBU AND WE SIT DOWN AT A RESTAURANT AND WE KNEW 688 00:33:17,161 --> 00:33:22,667 WE WERE GOING TO HEAR AND MY HEART WAS RACING. 689 00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,544 THE WAITRESS SAID, "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?" 690 00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:29,215 AND I SAID IT'S CHAMPAGNE OR WATER." 691 00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:32,427 AND THE PHONE RANG, AND THERE'S JUST SILENCE ON THE PHONE UNTIL 692 00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:36,055 THEY FINALLY SAY, "HELLO, CLARICE." 693 00:33:36,139 --> 00:33:42,061 AND I JUST-- I-- I FELL TO MY KNEES ON THE P.C.H., LIKE, ON 694 00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:43,438 THE SIDEWALK. 695 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:45,773 LKE, "WHAT IS HAPPENING!" SO IT WAS PRETTY SPECIAL. 696 00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:48,776 I RAN BACK INSIDE, AND WE ORDERED THE CHAMPAGNE. 697 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,945 IT WAS VERY SPECIAL. 698 00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:55,783 TO MAKE A SPECIAL DAY EVEN MORE SPECIALER, WHICH I'M GOING TO 699 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:58,661 SAY THAT AND I'M GOING TO OWN IT, AT THE END OF THE MEAL, THE 700 00:33:58,745 --> 00:34:02,915 WAITER COMES UP TO US AND HE SAYS, "OH, YOUR CHAMPAGNE HAS 701 00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:03,833 BEEN TAKEN CARE OF." 702 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:06,753 LIKE, "WHAT?" HE SAID, "THERE'S THIS LOVELY 703 00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:08,588 MAN OVER HERE, MIKE PETTY." 704 00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:13,009 SO I JUST WANT TO SHOUT OUT RIGHT NOW, MIKE PETTY IN MALIBU. 705 00:34:13,092 --> 00:34:16,804 I SAID, "NO, NO, NO, HE CAN'T DO THAT. 706 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,139 WE CAN AFFORD IT NOW. 707 00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:20,641 LET US PAY FOR THE CHAMPAGNE." 708 00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:24,103 AND HE SAID, "NO, THIS IS MIKE PETTY AND HE ALWAYS DOES THIS" 709 00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:28,983 HE CAME OVER AND HE SAID, "I SAW YOU GUYS CELEBRATING AND I'M 710 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:31,152 JUST REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I WANT TO SAY THE CHAMPAGNE IS ON 711 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:32,570 ME." 712 00:34:32,653 --> 00:34:33,321 AND HE BAILED. 713 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:34,530 AND I WAS LIKE WHAT HAPPENED. 714 00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:36,032 HE WAS AN ANGEL HUMAN. 715 00:34:36,115 --> 00:34:39,660 WHEN THE WORLD STARTS AGAIN AND THE WORLD STARTS AGAIN MY 716 00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:42,997 HUSBAND AND I ARE GOING TO DO THE MIKE PETTY AND KEEP A 717 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:47,627 LOOKOUT FOR PEOPLE CELEBRATING AND PAY IT FORWARD AND BUY THEM 718 00:34:47,710 --> 00:34:48,336 CHAMPAGNE. 719 00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:49,670 SO THANK YOU, MIKE PETTY. 720 00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:50,671 >> Stephen: DID HE KNOW WHAT YOU WERE CELEBRATING? 721 00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:54,509 >> NO, HE DIDN'T ASK, HE DIDN'T, LIKE, DIVE IN. 722 00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:58,179 HE WAS JUST LIKE, "GOOD FOR YOU GUYS." 723 00:34:58,262 --> 00:35:00,640 HE WAS JUST A LOVELY HUMAN. 724 00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:01,724 HE DOES THAT. 725 00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:03,017 >> Stephen: IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING. 726 00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:06,187 "I JUST HEARD THE HIT MAN KILLED MY EX-BOYFRIEND!" 727 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,064 RIE RIGHT. 728 00:35:08,147 --> 00:35:09,649 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 729 00:35:09,732 --> 00:35:13,528 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FROM THE STAR OF "CLARICE," 730 00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:15,029 REBECCA BREEDS. 731 00:35:15,112 --> 00:35:19,033 ♪ ♪ ♪ 732 00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:32,713 ♪ ♪ ♪ 733 00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:45,351 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 734 00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:50,231 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW CBS DRAMA "CLARICE," REBECCA 735 00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:51,732 BREEDS. 736 00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:54,735 NOW, I WANT TO COMPLIMENT YOU ON SOMETHING, BECAUSE YOU ARE 737 00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:56,237 AUSTRALIAN AS THE PEOPLE AT HOME CAN HEAR. 738 00:35:56,320 --> 00:36:00,366 BUT MY WIFE AND I ARE BOTH FROM THE SOUTH, AND WE'VE GOT A REAL 739 00:36:00,449 --> 00:36:04,620 EAR FOR SOUTHERN ACCENTS, EVEN AMERICANS DOING SOUTHERN ACCENTS 740 00:36:04,704 --> 00:36:09,542 OFTEN SHANK IT AND DO A SOMEWHAT VAGUE SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF THE 741 00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:10,918 MASON-DIXON LINE ACCENT. 742 00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:14,130 YOU REALLY HAVE CLARICE'S WEST VIRGINIA ACCENT DOWN. 743 00:36:14,213 --> 00:36:15,381 HOW DID YOU DO THAT? 744 00:36:15,464 --> 00:36:18,759 I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, BEING TALENTED. 745 00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:21,262 WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS THE CHALLENGE THERE? 746 00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:27,727 >> WELL, I MEAN, THE TRUTH IS, I'VE GOT A BIT OF A MUSHAL EAR, 747 00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:30,438 SO I DO THE OLD "LISTEN AND REPEAT." 748 00:36:30,521 --> 00:36:32,440 BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MY TRICK? 749 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:35,151 LIKE, IF I'M HAVING A TRICKY DAY AND I REALLY NEED TO GET INTO 750 00:36:35,234 --> 00:36:41,782 THE ACCENT, I WALK AROUND AND I JUST SAY TO MYSELF, "DR. LECTER, 751 00:36:41,866 --> 00:36:42,742 DR. LECTER, DR. LECTER." 752 00:36:42,825 --> 00:36:45,578 YOU JUST SAY "CONSIDER LECTER" ENOUGH TIMES. 753 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,413 YOU COULD DO IT FOR SURE. 754 00:36:47,496 --> 00:36:49,206 DO YOU WANT TO TRY? 755 00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:50,791 >> Stephen: SURE. 756 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:51,959 >> DR. LECTER. 757 00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:53,336 >> Stephen: DR. LECTER. 758 00:36:53,419 --> 00:36:53,961 >> SEE! 759 00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:55,296 >> Stephen: WOW. 760 00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:59,008 I CAN-- I CAN HEAR THE SCREAMING OF THE LAMBS RIGHT NOW. 761 00:36:59,091 --> 00:37:01,969 >> ISN'T IT HORRIBLE. 762 00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:08,184 IF YOU WANT TO ADD TO IT, "DR. LECTER AND "S "CLARICEESE" 763 00:37:08,267 --> 00:37:10,478 STARLING AND YOU ADD THE END TO IT." 764 00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:12,188 IT'S AS EASY AS THAT. 765 00:37:12,271 --> 00:37:14,398 I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL MY SECRETS. 766 00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:18,611 >> Stephen: YOU ALREADY GOT THE-- YOU ALREADY GOT THE PART, 767 00:37:18,694 --> 00:37:19,195 KID. 768 00:37:19,278 --> 00:37:20,154 YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. 769 00:37:20,237 --> 00:37:20,947 NOBODY IS AFTER YOUR BACK. 770 00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:22,990 DID YOU HAVE A BACKUP PLAN? 771 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:26,661 WAS THERE A FALL-BACK POSITIONING, OR WAS THIS IT? 772 00:37:26,744 --> 00:37:29,664 >> NO, I ABSOLUTELY-- AT FIRST I WANTED TO BE AN ACTRESS, AND 773 00:37:29,747 --> 00:37:32,375 THEN I WANTED TO BE A MUSICIAN, AND THEN I WANTED TO PLAY SOCCER 774 00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:34,335 FOR AUSTRALIA. 775 00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:36,837 AND THEN I WANTED TO BE A MUSICAL THERAPIST. 776 00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,297 AND THEN I WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. 777 00:37:38,381 --> 00:37:43,052 AND THEN I ALSO STUDY NUTRITION, BECAUSE I'M A BIG BIOLOGY NERD. 778 00:37:43,135 --> 00:37:44,345 AND I JUST LOVE IT. 779 00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:48,057 SO, YEAH, I JUST-- I JUST WENT WITH WHAT I WAS PASSIONATE 780 00:37:48,140 --> 00:37:49,558 ABOUT. 781 00:37:49,642 --> 00:37:52,353 SO I JUST KIND OF FOLLOWED ROADS THAT I LOVE AND SEE WHICH THINGS 782 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,355 WORK OUT. 783 00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:56,649 AND RIGHT NOW -- >> Stephen: OKAY, YOU STUDIED 784 00:37:56,732 --> 00:37:57,108 NUTRITION. 785 00:37:57,191 --> 00:37:58,859 >> YEAH. 786 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,403 >> Stephen: DO YOU EAT WELL? 787 00:38:00,486 --> 00:38:01,070 >> I DO. 788 00:38:01,153 --> 00:38:04,323 >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR CHEAT? 789 00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:07,326 >> OH, I-- I HAVE BRITISH PARENTS, AND I CANNOT-- I 790 00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:11,205 CANNOT-- LIKE EVERYONE IS LIKE, "I QUIT SUGAR." 791 00:38:11,288 --> 00:38:12,081 I CAN'T! 792 00:38:12,164 --> 00:38:14,250 BECAUSE I NEED A CUP OF TEA AND A BISHIT. 793 00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:21,048 SORRY, FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK BISCUITS ARE LIKE THESE SCONE 794 00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:23,300 KIND OF STRUCTURES, FOR ME IT'S LIKE A COOKIE. 795 00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:28,347 I NEED TO DUNK -- >> Stephen: A DIGESTIVE 796 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:28,806 BISCUIT. 797 00:38:28,889 --> 00:38:29,890 >> YES. 798 00:38:29,974 --> 00:38:31,183 >> Stephen: MAYBE ONE SIDE IS CHOCOLATE. 799 00:38:31,267 --> 00:38:31,684 >> DO YOU DO DARK CHOCOLATE OR MILK CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVE. 800 00:38:31,767 --> 00:38:32,351 >> Stephen: MILK. 801 00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:33,894 >> YES! 802 00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:35,438 WE CAN HAVE CUPS OF TEA. 803 00:38:35,521 --> 00:38:36,731 >> Stephen: IT'S DONE. 804 00:38:36,814 --> 00:38:40,276 I LEARNED IT FROM MY LIFE. 805 00:38:40,359 --> 00:38:44,780 SHE'S AN ANGLOFILE AND WE HAVE DIGESTIVE BISCUITS AT THE HOUSE. 806 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:50,536 >> I ALWAYS HAVE THE ONE AND HAVE THE BACKUP READY TO SWITCH 807 00:38:50,619 --> 00:38:52,955 OUT WHEN I FINISH. 808 00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,458 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE ONE BISCUIT THERE, AND THE BACKUP 809 00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:56,417 WHEN YOU FINISH THE FIRST ONE. 810 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:57,960 YOU HAVE AN UNDERSTUDY. 811 00:38:58,044 --> 00:38:59,045 >> YES. 812 00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:03,090 I HAVE THE UNDERSTUDY DIGESTIVE PACKETS, YES, I DO. 813 00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:03,549 I'M ALWAYS PREPARED. 814 00:39:03,632 --> 00:39:06,427 >> Stephen: GOOD. 815 00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:10,389 VERY IMPORTANT "CLARICE" PREMIERES TOMORROW 816 00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:12,099 NIGHT AT 10:00, ONLY ON CBS. 817 00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:14,393 REBECCA BREEDS, EVERYBODY. 818 00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:15,561 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 819 00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:18,439 REBECCA, LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 820 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,326 LATE SHOW." 821 00:39:30,409 --> 00:39:31,952 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE COUNTRY MUSIC STAR BLAKE 822 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:32,745 SHELTON. 823 00:39:32,828 --> 00:39:34,246 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 824 00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:34,497 GOOD NIGHT. 825 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:36,373 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 826 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:38,250 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 827 00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:38,918 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 828 00:39:39,001 --> 00:39:39,585 >> WANT TO SAY HI TO MY WIFE. 829 00:39:39,668 --> 00:39:41,796 MY WIFE IS-- THIS IS MY WIFE. 830 00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:43,255 LEAN INTO THE CAMERA RIGHT HERE. 831 00:39:43,339 --> 00:39:43,756 >> HI! 832 00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:44,256 >> HI! 833 00:39:44,340 --> 00:39:45,466 >> NICE TO MEET YOU! 834 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:49,303 >> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS-- IT'S THE ONLY AUDIENCE I GET THESE 835 00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:54,183 DAYS, AND SHE'S THE BEST AUDIENCE, ANYWAY.