>> Oprah: FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A
FAIRY TALE.
THEY BECAME ONE OF THE MOST-TALKED-ABOUT COUPLES IN THE
MEDIA.
THEN...
>> THERE'S BEEN AN ALMOST-SHOCKINGLY QUICK
TURNAROUND.
>> SOURCES TELL CNN THE DOGS WERE REMOVED FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE YESTERDAY AFTER A BITING INCIDENT INVOLVING A MEMBER OF
THE SECURITY TEAM.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING
TO ASK.
SA AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR
THIS INTERVIEW.
SO, YOU READY?
ANY REGRETS?
WERE YOU SILENT OR WERE YOU SILENCED?
BUT HOW DOES THAT WORK?
OH.
SO WHEN YOU SAY THE REVERSE HAPPENED, EXPLAIN TO US WHAT YOU
MEAN BY THAT.
WOW.
( MAILBOX SQUEEKS ) >> WHAT?
( GROWLING ) ( SCREAMING )
>> WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK, Y'ALL.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: BUCKINGHAM MALICE.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES RIZ AHMED
AND MUSICAL GUEST JANELLE MONAE FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME, WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT WAS 63 DEGREES IN NEW YORK TODAY, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY!
AND I SPENT THE WHOLE THING INSIDE IN A SERIES OF DARK,
DIRTY ROOMS TO HAVE TONIGHT'S SHOW PREPARED FOR YOU.
BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT, AMERICA!
AND THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
LET'S GET RIGHT TO TONIGHT'S BIG, BREAKING STORY.
♪ ♪ ♪ THIS JUST IN: THERE WAS AN
INTERVIEW FROM FEBRUARY THAT AIRED TWO DAYS AGO.
EVERYONE-- AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ONE OF THE "EVERY"-- IS
STILL TALKING ABOUT OPRAH'S EXCLUSIVE SIT-DOWN WITH THE DUKE
AND DUCHESS OF NETFLIX, HARRY AND MEGHAN, WHO ACCUSED MEMBERS
OF THE ROYAL FAMILY OF BEING RACIST.
TOUGH CHARGE.
I'M SURE THAT MADE THEIR HACKLES RISE.
ONE OF THE SIGNS OF INBREEDING IS A RISEN HACKLE.
PALACE SOURCES SAY THAT THE WINDSORS WERE BLINDSIDED BECAUSE
THEY THOUGHT, AT WORST, THE INTERVIEW WOULD MAKE THEM LOOK
OUT OF TOUCH, BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE THING THE PALACE
SURROUNDED BY IRON SPIKES LOOKED LIKE BEFORE, IT WAS "IN TOUCH."
NOW, REMEMBER TO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE LADY WHOSE
FACE IS ON THE COINS.
FOR DAYS, THE ROYALS WERE SILENT, BUT THIS AFTERNOON,
THE PALACE ISSUED THIS STATEMENT:
( CLEARS THROAT ) ( BELL RINGING )
"HEAR YE, HEAR YE.
A STATEMENT FROM HER-- HOLD ON.
( LAUGHTER ) A STATEMENT--
( BELL RINGING ) A STATEMENT FROM HER MAJESTY,
THE QUEEN."
BUT FIRST, TO ALLOW ME TO FORGET I'M AN AMERICAN WHO DOES NOT
GIVE A DAMN...
( LAUGHTER ) "THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SADDENED TO
LEARN THE FULL EXTENT OF HOW CHALLENGING THE LAST FEW YEARS
HAVE BEEN FOR HARRY AND MEGHAN.
THE ISSUES RAISED, PARTICULARLY THAT OF RACE, ARE CONCERNING.
WHILE SOME RECOLLECTIONS MAY VARY--"
OH, YEAH, "RECOLLECTIONS MAY VARY."
YOU BETTER HOPE NO ONE RECOLLECTS ANY OF THIS.
MAY I RECOMMEND THE FORGETTING WRENCH.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE-- EVERYONE FROM LOONY TOONS FOR
LEFT-HANDING US THIS.
( LAUGHTER ) THE STATEMENT CONTINUES, "THEY
ARE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY, AND WILL BE ADDRESSED BY THE FAMILY
PRIVATELY."
OH, NO DOUBT.
I HEAR PRINCE ANDREW HAS AN ISLAND HE GOES TO TO ADDRESS HIS
PRIVATES.
IT ROYALS ON, "HARRY, MEGHAN AND ARCHIE WILL ALWAYS BE MUCH LOVED
FAMILY MEMBERS."
WHICH IS NICE, BUT THEN, IN ALL-CAPS IT SAYS, "ENDS."
THAT SOUNDS OMINOUS, BUT TO BE FAIR, THAT'S HOW THEY SAY GOOD
NIGHT IN THE ROYAL FAMILY.
"I HOPE YOU'VE HAD A LOVELY DAY, DARLING.
ENDS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT ACTUALLY HURTS, BY THE WAY.
AFTER THE INTERVIEW HIT THE AIRWAVES, FANS OF THE ROYAL
FAMILY DUMPED A CRUMPET IN THEIR KNICKERS, ESPECIALLY TV ORGANISM
PIERS MORGAN, SEEN HERE GETTING HIS TALLYWHACKER WHACKED.
MORGAN DEFENDED A ROYAL FAMILY MEMBER ASKING HARRY ABOUT HIS
BABY'S SKIN COLOR BY SAYING THIS:
>> CAN I PUT TO YOU JUST A SCENARIO THAT MAY HAVE
HAPPENED-- AND I WONDER WHETHER YOU FIND THIS-- YOU WOULD
AUTOMATICALLY THINK THIS IS OFFENSIVE AND RACIST.
IF YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS, ONE IS WHITE AND ONE IS BLACK, AS IN
MEGHAN'S CASE, AND SHE'S PREGNANT AND GOING TO HAVE A
BABY, IS IT RACIST AND OFFENSIVE FOR A FAMILY MEMBER TO SAY, "OH,
WHAT COLOR MIGHT THE BABY BE?" >> Stephen: UH, I KNOW THE
ANSWER: YOU'RE A SPOTTED DICK.
PIERS ALSO RESPONDED TO MEGHAN MARKLE'S VERY PERSONAL
REVELATIONS ABOUT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH AT BUCKINGHAM
PALACE.
>> MEGHAN HAS, WITHIN THIS INTERVIEW, SAID IT GOT SO
BAD THAT SHE WAS SUICIDAL.
>> I'M SORRY, I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS, MEGHAN MARKLE.
>> Stephen: ( AS PIERS MORGAN ) "HELLO, SUICIDE HOTLINE, PIERS
SPEAKING.
OH, REALLY?
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU'RE SAYING.
OH, YOU'RE ON THE BRIDGE RIGHT NOW?
REALLY?
WELL, IF YOU'RE SO MISERABLE, WHY DON'T YOU PROVE IT?
HELLO?
ANOTHER HANG UP.
THIRD LIAR OF THE WEEK."
AS MUCH AS PIERS LOVES TO DISH OUT THE CRITICISM, HE SURE CAN'T
TAKE IT.
>> I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'VE GOT A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH
MEGHAN MARKLE, OR HAD ONE, AND SHE CUT YOU OFF.
SHE'S ENTITLED TO CUT YOU OFF IF SHE WANTS TO.
HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU SINCE SHE CUT YOU OFF?
I DON'T THINK SHE HAS, BUT YET YOU CONTINUE TO TRASH HER--
>> OKAY, I'M DONE WITH THIS.
>> NO, NO, NO!
>> SORRY, NOPE.
NOPE, SORRY.
YOU CAN TRASH ME, MATE, BUT NOT ON MY OWN SHOW.
>> OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
NO, NO, NO, I'M BEING SERIOUS.
>> SEE YOU LATER.
SORRY, CAN'T DO THIS.
>> Stephen: PIERS MORGAN IS SUCH A BABY, SOMEONE AT BUCKINGHAM
PALACE JUST ASKED WHAT COLOR HE'S GOING TO BE.
PIERS DIDN'T JUST STORM OFF THE SET IN SLOW-MOTION TWIT SNIT. HE
STORMED OFF THE WHOLE SHOW, BECAUSE A FEW HOURS AGO, HIS
NETWORK ANNOUNCED "PIERS MORGAN HAS DECIDED NOW IS THE TIME TO
LEAVE 'GOOD MORNING BRITAIN.'" CONGRATULATIONS.
TOMORROW'S GOING TO BE A GREAT MORNING, BRITAIN.
BACK STATESIDE-- ( BELL RINGING )
AND WE LEAVE ENGLAND!
BACK STATESIDE, IN THE LATEST COVID NEWS, THERE MIGHT BE A DAY
WHERE I CAN STOP SAYING "IN THE LATEST COVID NEWS!"
BECAUSE U.S. CORONAVIRUS CASES HAVE POSTED THEIR SLOWEST SPREAD
SINCE THE PANDEMIC BEGAN.
I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HAPPY ABOUT A SLOW SPREAD SINCE THAT GUY WAS
PEEING IN MY SUBWAY CAR.
PEOPLE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO SEE SIGNS THAT LIFE IS TRICKLING
BACK.
THANKS TO NEW C.D.C. GUIDELINES, VACCINATED GRANDPARENTS CAN ONCE
AGAIN VISIT ADULT CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.
THIS MEANS SO MUCH FOR SENIORS WHO'VE BEEN ISOLATED.
GRANDKIDS, TIME TO PUT ON A SNORKEL, BECAUSE THE FORECAST
CALLS FOR EXTENDED BOSOM HUGS.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
ISN'T THAT GREAT.
WE CAN HUG OUR PARENTS AGAIN.
LEAVE RIGHT NOW AND GO DOWN THERE!
THE C.D.C. ALSO SAYS THAT VACCINATED ADULTS MAY BEGIN TO
PLAN MASK-FREE DINNERS WITH VACCINATED FRIENDS.
DINNERS!
WITH FRIENDS!
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
ALTHOUGH, AFTER A YEAR IN LOCKDOWN, I'M NOT SURE IF I WANT
TO MAKE MY FRIENDS SEE HOW I EAT NOW.
"MY MUG OF RANCH DRESSING IS RUNNING LOW!
AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT MY STRING-CHEESE DRY?"
THESE VACCINES ARE CHANGING SENIORS' LIVES.
ONE NEW YORK WOMAN TOLD REPORTERS THAT WHEN SHE'S
ALLOWED TO BE WITH FAMILY, "SHE INTENDS TO RE-CELEBRATE EVERY
MISSED HOLIDAY, STARTING WITH HANUKAH AND WORKING HER WAY BACK
THROUGH THE CALENDAR."
SAME HERE!
BUT I'M GOING TO GET THEM ALL IN AT ONCE:
THANKS-FATHER'S-EASTER-HANNUKA- TINES DAY OF JULY!
I'M GOING TO EAT A TURKEY STUFFED WITH CANDY HEARTS AND
DREIDELS, AND ALL THE KIDS WILL RUN AROUND THE YARD WITH THEIR
STOCKINGS LOOKING FOR PAINTED FIREWORKS LEFT BY THE PASSOVER
BUNNY.
OUR NEW LEASE ON LIFE IS ALL THANKS TO IMPROVED VACCINATION
RATES.
IN FACT, THE ROLLOUT IS GOING SO WELL, THAT IN THE NEXT TWO
MONTHS, THE U.S. IS EXPECTED TO HAVE 500 MILLION DOSES, WHICH IS
ENOUGH TO FILL A 55,000-GALLON SWIMMING POOL-- THOUGH I THINK
IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT IT IN THE SYRINGES.
OTHERWISE, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET INOCULATED SCROOGE McDUCK
STYLE.
OH, THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS: EXPERTS ARE PREDICTING THAT THE
ECONOMY COULD SURGE THANKS TO THE VACCINE ROLLOUT AND BIDEN'S
COVID STIMULUS PLAN, WHICH WILL SEND MILLIONS OF AMERICANS.
$1,400 CHECKS.
I HAVE A FEELING A LOT OF MAGA FOLKS ARE ABOUT TO ACCEPT THE
ELECTION RESULTS.
JOE'S NOT PUTTING HIS NAME ON THE CHECKS LIKE THE LAST GUY,
BUT THEY ARE GOING TO SAY, "WHO'S SLEEPY NOW, BEEEOTCH?"
THIS STIMULUS IS DESPERATELY NEEDED SO, NATURALLY, SENATE
REPUBLICANS VOTED UNANIMOUSLY AGAINST IT.
TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE BUSY FIGHTING FOR OTHER ISSUES
AMERICANS CARE DEEPLY ABOUT, LIKE ENSURING THAT MR. POTATO
HEAD KEEPS HIS BEAUTIFUL PENIS.
EVEN THOUGH 77% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT THE STIMULUS PLAN, IT
GOT SLAMMED BY SENATE MINORITY LEADER AND GRANDPA ABOUT
TO PUT A CHILD'S IMAGINARY FRIEND OUT OF ITS MISERY, MITCH
McCONNELL.
WHEN THE BILL PASSED, McCONNELL SAID THIS:
>> THE SENATE HAS NEVER SPENT.
$2 TRILLION IN A MORE HAPHAZARD WAY.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
McCONNELL IS CLEARLY FORGETTING WHEN THE NEW DEAL BAILED OUT
DUST BOWL FARMERS VIA MONEY BOOTH.
McCONNELL'S ALSO CONVENIENTLY FORGETTING THE REPUBLICAN TAX
CUT THAT ADDED NEARLY $2 TRILLION TO THE FEDERAL DEBT.
AND THAT MONEY OVERWHELMINGLY WENT TO CORPORATIONS AND RICH
FOLKS, LIKE MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHO I'M SURE JUST BLEW IT ON
LUXURIES LIKE FANCY HAIRCUTS AND SUNSCREEN.
I THINK THAT WAS ZUCKERBERG.
WAS THAT ZUCKERBERG?
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A PHOTO FROM THE NEW CBS
HIT PROCEDURAL, HIGH SEAS MIME CRIME "SILENT AND DEADLY."
BY CONTRAST, BIDEN'S COVID RELIEF PLAN-- WHICH, AGAIN, NOT
ONE DAMN REPUBLICAN VOTED FOR-- TARGETS LOW-INCOME EARNERS SO
EFFECTIVELY THAT IT WILL LIFT MORE THAN 13 MILLION PEOPLE FROM
POVERTY THIS YEAR AND CUT CHILD POVERTY NEARLY IN HALF, TO WHICH
PIERS MORGAN ASKED, "WHAT COLOR MIGHT THESE CHILDREN BE?"
SPEAKING OF THE PRESIDENT, YESTERDAY, HE HELD AN EVENT
HONORING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, WHERE HE NOMINATED TWO
FEMALE GENERALS TO FOUR-STAR COMMANDS.
IT WAS SO INSPIRING FOR ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS OUT THERE WHO DREAM
OF GROWING UP AND LAUNCHING AIR STRIKES ON SYRIA.
BUT THE EVENT WASN'T WITHOUT SOME OF THAT CLASSIC BIDEN GAFFE
MAGIC, BECAUSE IT SURE SEEMED LIKE HE FORGOT THE NAME OF HIS
OWN SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, GENERAL LLOYD AUSTIN:
>> I WANT TO THANK THE SEC-- THE FORMAL GENERAL-- I KEEP CALLING
HIM "GENERAL," BUT MY-- THE GUY WHO RUNS THAT OUTFIT OVER THERE.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE WE THANK THE SECRETARY FOR ALL HE'S DONE.
>> Stephen: ( AS BIDEN ) "I WANNA THANK THE GUY...
WITH THE JOB, OLD JOHNNY MONEY GUNS OVER THERE WITH THE BOOM
BOOM AND THE PEW PEW!
HE DOES GREAT WORK FOR THE WHOLE OUTFIT!
WITH THE UNIFORMS AND EVERYTHING.
I WANT TO THANK MY SECRETARY OF TRAINS AND PLANES, LITTLE
MAYOR TOOT-TOOT!
AND OVER IN EDUCATION, SECRETARY TEACH-'EM-UPS!
THANKS, TEACH!
THEY'RE ALL FANTASTIC!
C'MON, JACK!
IS IT JACK?
IS IT SECRETARY JACK McJACK, JACK?"
OF COURSE, THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE SLIP-UP.
THE SCANDAL BLOWING WASHINGTON OPEN TODAY INVOLVES PRESIDENTIAL
DOG, MAJOR BIDEN.
LAST WEEK, THE FIRST DOG REPORTEDLY WAS A BIT
"AGGRESSIVE" AND AS A RESULT, WAS "SENT BACK TO DELAWARE."
NOW, BEFORE YOU WORRY, THE DOG IS FINE.
HE WASN'T SENT TO A FARM UPSTATE IN DELAWARE, BECAUSE DELAWARE
DOESN'T HAVE AN UPSTATE.
IT BARELY HAS A STATE.
APPARENTLY, THE THREE-YEAR-OLD GERMAN SHEPHERD HAD A "BITING
INCIDENT" WITH A MEMBER OF WHITE HOUSE SECURITY.
YOU CAN'T BLAME MAJOR.
HE WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE PRESIDENT'S EXAMPLE.
RUH-ROH!
I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT WE'RE A MONTH AND A HALF INTO
THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION, AND THE FIRST SCANDAL IS LITERALLY
"DOG BITES MAN."
AND MAJOR ISN'T THE FIRST FIRST PET TO MISBEHAVE IN THE WHITE
HOUSE.
WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN SUNNY OBAMA KNOCKED OVER A KID, OR WHEN
BARNEY BUSH LIED ABOUT W.M.D.s IN IRAQ.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
RIZ AHMED IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
JOIN US.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW WHO'S HERE IS JON BATISTE.
HEY, JON.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH
YOU?
>> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN A LITTLE CLUB AGAIN.
THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO IN THE CITY IS JUST GO
DOWN TO A LITTLE CLUB, SEE YOU PLAY, HAVE A LITTLE ADULT-- A
LITTLE ADULT BEVERAGE WITH MY LOVELY LADY.
AND THEN JUST-- IT'S THE MOST ELEVATING, ILLUMINATING,
RELAXING, ENERGIZING NIGHT.
YOUR MEDICINE, JON.
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK?
PREDICT IT.
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU'RE PLAYING IN A CLUB AGAIN?
>> Jon: WOOO"H" I'LL PROBABLY GIVE IT... I'M GOING TO SAY BY
THE END OF THE SUMMER WE'LL BE IN THERE, WE'LL BE SHABIN.
>> Stephen: I'LL TAKE THAT BET.
I'LL TRY TO BEAT THAT BET.
I'LL GO MIDSUMMER, I HAVE NO PLANS.
MAYBE EVEN THE BEGINNING OF THE SUMMER, WHO KNOWS.
BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GET OUT OF HERE, JON.
IT'S GETTING TIME TO BE OUT OF HERE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE CELEBRATING THIS FRIDAY--
CELEBRATING IS NOT THE RIGHT WORD.
MARKING, WE'RE MARKING THIS FRIDAY.
>> Jon: WHAT'S THAT.
>> Stephen: THIS FRIDAY IS ONE YEAR SINCE WE HAD TO BUG OUT OF
THE SULLIVAN TO GET AWAY FROM COVID AND EACH OTHER.
A YEAR, JON, THIS FRIDAY MARKS A YEAR.
>> Jon: MAN.
>> Stephen: ONE OF US DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OLDER.
>> Jon: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS LONGER THAN A
YEAR AGO.
IT FEELS MUCH, MUCH LONGER THAN A YEAR.
>> Stephen: I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE AN
AUDIENCE, OTHER THAN EVIE.
>> Jon: THAT'S A GOOD AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: THERE IS NO BETTER AUDIENCE THAN EVIE, BUT I WISH
THERE WERE 400 OF YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
JON, DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC-- WHAT COMES TO YOU WHEN YOU THINK
OF A YEAR OF THIS?
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
A YEAR...
♪ ♪ ♪ ( "AULD LANG SYNE" ).
>> Stephen: AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND.
>> Jon: NEVER, NEVER.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANKS JON.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW I SPEND A LOT OF TIME FELLING THE
STURDIEST, MOST TOPICAL NEWS TREES, SHAVING THE FINEST OAK
PLANKS, RAISING THE TALLEST MAST, AND CAREFULLY DRAWING THE
PERFECT CAMBER ON THE SAILS TO CREATE FOR YOU THE MIGHTY VIKING
LONGBOAT OF NEWS THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I STUMBLE ONTO A DIRTY
BEACH WHILE ON THE RUN AFTER GETTING CAUGHT MATCH-FIXING AT
AN UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB, SO I GRAB SOME HALF-EMPTY PLASTIC
BOTTLES, A TOWEL I STOLE FROM AN UNSUSPECTING RETIRED COUPLE,
THEN RIP SOME ELECTRICAL WIRE OUT OF A MOTEL SHUTTLE BUS,
WHICH I USE TO BIND IT ALL TO AN AIR MATTRESS I FISHED OUT OF THE
DUMPSTER BEHIND THE TWISTICREAM TO ASSEMBLE THE UNSEAWORTHY
CASTAWAY RAFT OF NEWS THAT.
IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN BLASTING AWAY AT CREATURES
IN "HALO" AND THOUGHT, "I WISH I COULD EAT THEM," GREAT NEWS:
PRINGLES AND MICROSOFT HAVE ANNOUNCED A "NEW 'HALO' POTATO
CHIP THAT TASTES LIKE SPACE OSTRICH."
NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD TASTE LIKE, BUT HOPEFULLY
THIS WILL BE A MORE SUCCESSFUL GAME CHARACTER FOOD PROMOTION
THAN WHITE CASTLE'S YOSHI SLIDERS.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CRIME NEWS, FOOTAGE OF A VERY DRAMATIC ART
THEFT IN NEW YORK CITY CAME OUT THIS WEEK.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> THIS IS A WEIRD ONE.
NEW VIDEO SHOWS SUSPECTS SETTING UP A LADDER OUTSIDE A BRONX BAR
TO STEAL A PORTRAIT.
YOU SEE THEM HERE OUTSIDE ALFIE'S PLACE ON EAST 177th
STREET ON FEBRUARY 20.
POLICE SAY THE ONLY THING THEY TOOK WAS THIS HAND-PAINTED
PORTRAIT OF A DOG HANGING OUTSIDE THE BAR.
>> Stephen: HOW IN GOD'S NAME COULD THIS HAPPEN?
WHY WASN'T THERE A HIGH-TECH LASER SECURITY SYSTEM SET UP TO
PROTECT THIS PRICELESS MASTERPIECE OF A... SHEEPDOG
POUNDING JAMISON.
THE POLICE ARE ON THE OUTLOOK FOR THIS MAN.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN SEA SLUG NEWS, "THESE SEA SLUGS CAN
SELF-DECAPITATE AND GROW A NEW BODY."
SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.
I'M SORRY.
AM I KEEPING YOU WEAK?
SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.
DURING THE QUARANTINE, THEY THEY CAN POUND DOWN THE
SOURDOUGH AND DRINK NUTELLA, RIGHT OUT OF THE JAR, AND THEN
JUST CHOP OFF THEIR OWN HEAD AND LEAVE THEIR GARGANTUAN ASSES
BEHIND.
AT LEAST SCIENCE HAS FINALLY EXPLAINED WHY SEA SLUGS ARE ALL
SUCH SMOKE SHOWS.
MMMM, BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT-- SPECIFICALLY, THE HEAD.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A DUTCH INVENTOR HAS CREATED A TEST
WHERE PARTICIPANTS STEP INTO AN AIR-LOCKED CABIN AND SCREAM.
PERFECT!
BEING CONFINED AND SCREAMING IS ALL I'VE DONE FOR A YEAR!
WHEN THE SCREAMING IS DONE, AN INDUSTRIAL AIR PURIFIER COLLECTS
ALL THE PARTICLES EMITTED, WHICH ARE THEN ANALYZED FOR THE VIRUS.
THE TEST CAN ALSO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOU RECENTLY HAD
GARLIC KNOTS.
CURRENTLY, THE TEST IS BEING CONDUCTED IN A BOOTH ON THE
OUTSKIRTS OF AMSTERDAM.
OH, I THINK I'VE SEEN THOSE BOOTHS.
DOES THE TEST ONLY WORK IF YOU'RE WEARING THIGH-HIGH BOOTS
AND A PINK WIG?
NO?
DIFFERENT BOOTH.
MY APOLOGIES.
ONE DUTCH PARTICIPANT RAVED, "IT'S ALWAYS VERY NICE TO SCREAM
WHEN NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU, THOUGH."
WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO THE SLOGAN FOR THE POORLY
TRANSLATED DUTCH VERSION OF "ALIEN."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT MALE FROGS TRYING TO
ATTRACT MATES ARE "SUPER, SUPER LOUD," "BELTING OUT SERENADES
THAT CAN REGISTER AT MORE THAN 100 DECIBELS APIECE-- CLOSE TO
WHAT YOU'D HEAR AT A ROCK CONCERT OR A ROWDY NIGHTCLUB."
SO, HOW DO FEMALE FROGS DEAL WITH IT?
WELL, THEY CAN IGNORE THEM BECAUSE FROG LUNGS ARE BASICALLY
NOISE-CANCELING HEADPHONES, WHICH IS WHY I NEVER TAKE A LONG
FLIGHT WITHOUT THESE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, CHIPOTLE IS LAUNCHING A MAKEUP COLLECTION.
GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO'S LOOKED AT A BURRITO AND THOUGHT,
"BOY, I WISH MY FACE LOOKED LIKE THAT."
THE NEW MAKEUP WILL INCLUDE A 12-COLOR EYE SHADOW PALETTE
INSPIRED BY CHIPOTLE INGREDIENTS.
SO, MOVE OVER, SMOKEY EYE, AND HELLO, BEAN BROW.
ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $16.
PLUS, AN EXTRA TWO BUCKS FOR THE GUAC MASK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I MAKE AN OFFER TO SMALL BUSINESSES
THROUGHOUT AMERICA.
THAT I HOPE THEY DON'T REFUSE.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THE SUPER BOWL WAS JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.
AND IF YOU DO REMEMBER, GOOD FOR YOU, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE TOM
BRADY DOESN'T.
AND YOU MAY ALSO REMEMBER THAT AFTER THE GAME, "A LATE SHOW"
HAD A SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.
AND WHILE THE SUPER BOWL IS KNOWN FOR MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR
ADS FOR MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR COMPANIES, WE KNEW THAT SMALL
BUSINESSES WERE THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN MOST AFFECTED BY THIS
PANDEMIC.
SO WE DECIDED TO GIVE ONE SMALL BUSINESS, FOGGY PINE BOOKS IN
BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA, THEIR VERY OWN STAR-STUDDED COMMERCIAL
DURING OUR SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.
HERE'S A TASTE.
♪ FOGGY PINE BOOKS ON KING STREET IN BOONE, BETWEEN THE
BAPTIST CHURCH AND THE BOONE SALOON.
♪ FOGGY PINE, FOGGY PINE FOGGY PINE!
>> YOUR ADVENTURE AWAITS.
>> Stephen: LITTLE KNOWN FACT: TOM HANKS IS LEGALLY REQUIRED TO
HELP SMALL BOOKSTORES SINCE HE SPENT SO MUCH TIME TRYING TO
DESTROY THEM IN "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
NOW, WE RECENTLY CHECKED IN WITH THE OWNER OF FOGGY PINE BOOKS,
MARY RUTHLESS, AND THEY TOLD US THAT IN THE MONTH SINCE WE AIRED
THAT AD, FOGGY PINE HAS RECEIVED MORE THAN 2,000 NEW ORDERS,
ALMOST TRIPLING THEIR AVERAGE MONTHLY SALES.
AND THEY HAVE EVEN HAD TO HIRE FIVE NEW STAFFERS TO KEEP UP
WITH DEMAND.
WELL, WITH STATS LIKE THAT, I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE REAL
WINNER OF THE SUPER BOWL WAS MARY RUTHLESS.
TIME TO PUT THAT NAME ON A JERSEY.
AND THE SUCCESS OF FOGGY PINE BOOKS JUST MADE ME WONDER IF WE
COULD HELP OUT OTHER BUSINESSES BY GIVING THEM THE PATENTED
COLBERT SMALL-BUSINESS BUMP.
SO, IF YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS THAT COULD USE A BOOST, PLEASE
POST TO SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
"COLBERT-SMALL-BIZ-BUMP."
TELL US YOUR BUSINESS' NAME, LOCATION, AND WHAT MAKES IT
SPECIAL.
YOU CAN EVEN INCLUDE A SHORT VIDEO IF YOU'D LIKE.
AND WE MAY FEATURE IT HERE ON "A LATE SHOW."
WE'RE EXCITED TO HEAR FROM YOU, WHETHER YOU'RE A MOM-AND-POP-
OPERATED PET SALON, OR A PET-OPERATED MOM-AND-POP SALON.
GIVE US A SHOUT, AND YOU COULD GET THE BUMP!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RIZ AHMED.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "A
LATE SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND RAPPER
YOU KNOW FROM "NIGHTCRAWLER," "ROGUE ONE," AND "THE NIGHT OF."
HE NOW STARS IN THE FILM "SOUND OF METAL."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," RIZ AHMED.
RIZ, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, MAN.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> Stephen: RIZ, FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BAFTA
NOMINATION.
THAT WAS JUST THIS MORNING, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, YEAH, IT WAS.
THANK YOU, THANKS A LOT.
WE GOT A COUPLE OF NOMINATIONS FOR "SOUND OF METAL" AND "MOOGLE
MOGLI" THAT ISN'T OUT IN THE U.S. BUT CAME OUT IN THE U.K. SO
IT WAS COOL.
>> Stephen: I LIKE HEARING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE HEARD THEY GOT
THE NOMINATION?
WERE YOU EXPECTING IT?
WERE YOU WAITING TO FIND OUT, OR IT WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE AND YOU
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS WAS HAPPENING TODAY?
>> I MEAN, YOU CAN'T REALLY BE EXPECTING IT.
THERE ARE NO PROMISES IN LIFE ANYMORE, RIGHT.
EVERYTHING IS SO UNPREDICTABLE.
BUT IT'S-- YOU KNOW, IT WAS LIKE ON LONDON TIME, AND I'M OUT ON
THE WEST COAST, SO IT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
SO IT WAS KIND OF GOOD IN A WAY.
YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THE ANXIETY, AND YOU WAKE UP AND SEE
IF THERE'S A BUNCH OF TEXT MESSAGES ON YOUR PHONE.
>> Stephen: SO YOU LOOK AT YOUR PHONE, AND IT'S JUST
STACKED WITH MESSAGES AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING GOOD MUST HAVE
HAPPENED?
>> SOMETHING GOOD OR SOMETHING REALLY BAD.
THAT'S THE ISSUE, RIGHT?
LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE YOU SEE ALL THESE NOTIFICATIONS AND
YOU'RE LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO LOOK AT THAT.
IT COULD GO EITHER WAY."
>> Stephen: THIS HAS BEEN A TOUGH YEAR.
I WAS JUST SAYING EARLIER TODAY, THIS FRIDAY WILL BE A YEAR SINCE
WE HAD TO LEAVE OUR THEATER BECAUSE OF COVID INFECTIONS HERE
IN THE UNITED STATES.
AND THIS YEAR HAS BEEN AN EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFICULT FOR SO
MANY PEOPLE, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY BROUGHT YOU AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT
OF SUCCESS AND GOOD NEWS.
YOU RELEASED A NEW ALBUM, TWO FILMS, YOU'RE WORKING WITH THE
OBAMAS ON A FILM ADAPTATION.
YOU SIGNED AN AMAZON PRODUCTION DEAL, AND, BEST OF ALL, YOU GOT
MARRIED.
HOW DID YOU MAKE SENSE OF-- OF THE MANY UPS AND THE DOWNS OF
THIS YEAR FOR YOU?
>> IT'S CRAZY, ISN'T IT?
BECAUSE ON THE ONE HAND, YEAH, IT HAS BEEN A REALLY DIFFICULT
YEAR.
AS YOU CAN TELL, I'M A BIT OF A WORKAHOLIC.
I HAVE TROUBLE SITTING STILL.
I ALWAYS WANT TO BE DOING SOMETHING.
THE TOUGHEST THING FOR ME THIS YEAR WAS SITTING BY MYSELF AND
KIND OF BEING FORCED TO DO SOMETHING, WHICH IS IN SOME WAYS
A PRIVILEGE THAT I'M NOT OUT THERE LIKE THESE DOCTORS AND
NURSES SAVING LIVES, SO I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT.
ONE OF THE THINGS THE QUIET BROUGHT ME IS THE CLARITY ON
WHERE WE SPEND OUR TIME AND ENERGY.
I THINK A LOT OF US HAD THE REALIZATION THAT WE SPEND A LOT
OF TIME CHASING STUFF WHICH IN THE END DOESN'T MATTER.
WHAT MATTERS IS YOUR WELL-BEING, YOUR HEALTH, AND YOUR CONNECTION
TORGS AND IT HAS GIVEN ME MORE CLARITY ON THE KIND OF WORK I
WANT TO BE DOING.
EVEN THOUGH IT STOPPED ME IN MY TRACTION, IT GAVE ME A LOT OF
CLARITY AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH ON THAT AND MAKE A BUNCH OF WORK
THAT REPRESENTS WHERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S GREAT ABOUT MUSIC IS YOU
CAN DO IT ANYWHERE.
YOU CAN DO IT BY YOURSELF.
YOU CAN DO IT IN COLLABORATION, BY SENDING FILES TO EACH OTHER.
WERE YOU ABLE TO PUT SOME OF YOUR FOCUS INTO THAT BECAUSE
NORMAL TELEVISION OR FILM PRODUCTION WAS SO CURTAILED?
>> THAT WAS A PART OF IT, YEAH.
ONE OF THE THINGS I WAS GOING TO DO WAS TOUR MY ALBUM, "THE LONG
GOOD-BYE."
OBVIOUSLY, COVID SHUT THAT DOWN.
WE DID A LIVE STREAM PERFORMANCE FROM AN ABANDONED THEATER IN SAN
FRANCISCO AND I FILMED IT MYSELF.
WE ENDED UP-- SOMETIMES THE LIMITATIONS MAKE YOU INNOVATIVE.
I MADE A ONE-MAN SHOW, KIND OF A GIG, KIND OF LIKE A SHORT FILM,
BECAUSE WE FILMED IT.
SO, YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF INTERESTING.
BUT FOR ME, THE THING THAT, YOU KNOW, THIS YEAR KEPT BRINGING ME
BACK TO IS LIKE, REALLY, WHAT'S POINT?
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A WHOLE BIG PICTURE THAT'S SO SCARY RIGHT
NOW.
LIKE, YOU BETTER BE MAKING WORK THAT YOU THINK MAKES SOME KIND
OF DIFFERENCE OR MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU.
AND FOR ME, YOU KNOW, BOTH "SOUND OF METAL" OR "LONG
GOOD-BYE" THEY'RE TRYING TO REMIND US THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS "US" AND "THEM," WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO IN SUCH
A DIVIDED TIME.
IT'S JUST US.
THAT'S WHAT ALL STORIES REMIND YOU, YOU START OFF WATCHING A
CHARACTER THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T RELATE TO AND IS SO
DIFFERENT FROM YOU, AND AT THE END OF IT, YOU REALIZE THERE'S A
KIND OF CORE OF EMOTION AND HUMANITY THAT WE ALL SHARE.
AND SO, I GUESS I FEEL REALLY CLEAR THAT I WANT TO BE MAKING
WORK LIKE THAT THAT REMINDS US WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT "SOUND OF METAL."
YOUR PERFORMANCE, AS I SAID, THE BAFTA NOMINATION THIS MORNING,
IS GETTING GREAT PRAISE.
WHO DO YOU PLAY?
AND WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> YEAH, IT WAS A PROJECT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART, SO LUCKY TO
BE A PART OF.
IT'S BY A FIRST-TIME DIRECTOR CALLED DARIUS MARDER, WHO IS A
LEGIT GENIUS.
AND THE MOVIE IS THE STORY OF RUBEN WHO IS KIND OF A PUNK
METAL DRUMMER WHO SUDDENLY LOSES HIS HEARING.
AND WHEN HE LOSES HIS HEARING, HE LOSE HIS IDENTITY, HIS JOB,
AND HIS RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE HIS BANDMATE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND.
THEY LIVE TOGETHER IN A MOBILE STUDIO RV.
HIS WORLD FALLS APART.
AND KIND OF WHAT WE HAVE BEEN GOOG THROUGH WITH COVID, THE
HEALTH CRISIS FORCES HIM INTO A KIND OF LOCKDOWN AND GOES TO A
REHAB CENTER AND FORCES HIM TO REASSESS WHAT MATTER S.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON GEE YEAH, SO THIS IS THE POINT
IN THE MOVIE WHERE RUBEN IS TRYING TO GET A COCHLEAR IMPLANT
SURGERY, WHICH STIMULATES YOUR BRAIN AND HE PUT A LOT ON THE
LINE TO TRY TO GET HIS HEARING BACK.
>> Stephen: JIM.
>> Stephen: YOU-- YOU SPENT SEVEN MONTHS PREPARING FOR THIS
FILM, LEARNING AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE.
WHAT WAS THAT PROCESS LIKE?
AND WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU LEARNED ABOUT THE DEAF
COMMUNITY?
>> IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST ENRICHING AND MIND-BLOWING
EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE.
I'M SO GRATEFUL TO MY SIGN INSTRUCTOR, JEREMY LEE STONE,
WHO WAS MY MENTOR AND INTRODUCING ME TO DEAF CULTURE.
THE BIG TAKEAWAY FOR ME IS DEAFNESS ISN'T A DISABILITY.
IT'S A CULTURE.
IT'S A WAY OF BEING IN THE WORLD.
YOU KNOW, DEAF PEOPLE AREN'T HEARING IMPAIRED.
WE'RE IMPAIRED BECAUSE WE DON'T SPEAK SIGN LANGUAGE.
SIGN LANGUAGE IS SUCH A-- SUCH A RICH FORM OF EXPRESSION.
I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE THE DEAF COMMUNITY TAUGHT ME THE TRUE
MEANING OF LISTENING.
LISTENING ISN'TI ISN'T SOMETHING WITH YOUR EARS YOU DO IT WITH
YOUR ENERGY AND HOLDING SPACE FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S ENERGY.
JEREMY TAUGHT ME THERE'S A SAYING IN THE DEAF COMMUNITY,
HEARING PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED BECAUSE WE HIND BEHIND
WORDS.
WE USE WORDS TO HIDE OUR FEELINGS.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT UNTIL I BECAME MORE FLUENT
IN SIGN LANGUAGE, AND I TEARED UP WITH SIGN LANGUAGE.
WHEN YOU'RE SPEAKING IN SIGN IT'S SO MUCH MORE CONNECTED AND
VISCERAL, AND YOU EMBODY WHAT YOU'RE COMMUNICATING.
I LEARNED SIGN LANGUAGE, BUT I ALSO LEARNED WHAT REAL
COMMUNICATION IS WHAT REAL LISTENING IS FROM THE DEAF
COMMUNITY, AND I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH FACILITY YOU HAVE FOR
LANGUAGES, BUT TAKING UP ANOTHER LANGUAGE, ESPECIALLY THAT HAS A
DIFFERENT FORM OF VOCABULARY THAN THOSE OF US NOT IN THE DEAF
COMMUNITY ARE USED TO.
DID YOU MAKE MISTAKES?
I MEAN, WERE THERE ANY EPIC MESS-UPS?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
MY SIGN NAME WAS SOMETHING GIVEN BY THE DEAF COMMUNITY, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU AFTER A WHILE, MY SIGN NAME IS ( BLE
( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: AND HOW WOULD YOU SIGN THAT?
HOW WOULD YOU SIGN THAT?
>> THE SIGN FOR ( BLEEP ) IS LIKE THIS.
SO YOU KIND OF GOT THESE, AND YOU'RE LIKE ( BLEEP ).
AND WHAT I KEPT DOING IS I DIDN'T KNOW THE SIGN FOR, LIKE,
"UHM, I'M THINKING," WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF WORDS.
YOU CAN GO LIKE THAT, OR MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING.
BUT I JUST EYE DIDN'T HAVE EVEN THE VOCABULARY FOR THAT.
EVERY TIME I RAN OUT OF WORDS I WOULD BE LIKE...
AND CHRISTINE SUN KIM, THE DEAF ARTIST, KIND OF CLOCKED THAT AND
WENT, YOU KNOW, WHAT?
THAT'S YOUR NAME.
YOU'RE PLAYING THE DRUMS.
YOU'RE ALWAYS ( BLEEP ), AND R-I-Z.
SO YOUR SIGN NAME IS...
AND IT JUST SHOWS YOU HOW AMAZING AND ELEGANT A LANGUAGE
IS.
YOU'VE GOT THE DRUMS.
YOU HAVE R-I-Z, AND YOU HAVE ( BLEEP ), AND THAT'S MY SIGN
NAME.
I'LL WEAR IT WITH PRIDE, THAT'S ME.
>> Stephen: WHICH WAS HARDER, LEARNING AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE
OR THE DRUMS?
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD TO LEARN THE DRUMS FOR THE PART.
>> YEAH, I MEAN, SIGN LANGUAGE WAS INTENSE.
YOU KNOW, IT WAS SEVEN MONTHS, MANY HOURS EVERY DAY.
BUT THE DRUMS WAS THE SAME.
BUT I FEEL LIKE THE DRUMS WAS HARDER FOR ME, MUCH HARD
EBECAUSE I STUPIDLY THOUGHT I WOULD BE GOOD AT THE DRUMS
BECAUSE I'M A RAPPER AND I'VE GOT SOME IDEA OF RHYTHM.
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
THERE IS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RHYTHM AND COORDINATION, AND MY
DRUM TEACHER HAS THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT.
AND REALLY, IT GOT PRETTY PSYCHOLOGICAL, MAN.
TWO DUDZ JUST IN A WEIRD BASEMENT STUDIO IN BROOKLYN IN
THE HEAT OF THE SUMMER JUST USUALLY STRIPPED DOWN TO
UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS, JUST, LIKE, STARING AT EACH OTHER SMASHING
DRUMS.
IT GOT PRETTY INTENSE.
IT GOT A LITTLE BIT "APOCALYPSE NOW" IN THERE.
I THINK THE THING WITH THE DRUMS.
YOU DON'T PLAY THE DRUMS.
YOU HAVE TO LET THEM PLAY YOU.
AND THAT'S WHAT I KIND OF LEARNED IN THE END.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A DRUMMER IN OUR FAMILY AND HE DOESN'T GO
ANYWHERE WITHOUT SOME SORT OF EAR PRODUCTION IN CASE HE SITS
IN.
HE HAS EITHER THE FULL HEADPHONE OR THE EAR PLUGS ON HIS CHE KEY
CHAIN.
DID YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR EARS?
>> YOU HAVE TO.
IT'S PART OF WHAT THE FILM IS ABOUT.
IT BACKFIRED ON ME.
I GOT SO USED TO WEARING THESE EAR PLUGS, THAT I KIND OF
STOPPED BEING ABLE TO SLEEP.
YOU KNOW, I WAS PREPARING IN NEW YORK WITHOUT EAR PLUGS BUT I
KEPT SLEEPING THROUGH MY ALARM.
SO THEN I STARTED GETTING LATE FOR WORK, SO THEN I COULDN'T
SLEEP OUT OF ANXIETY FOR THAT.
SO THE WHOLE FIRST COUPLE OF WEEKS OF SHOOTING, I KEPT BUYING
NEW MATTRESSES.
FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT MAYBE THE PROBLEM WAS WITH THE
MATTRESS I WAS SLEEPING ON.
A WHOLE WORMHOLE OF NEUROSES OPENED UP AROUND THOSE.
IT WAS AN INTENSE PROCESS, MAN.
YOU HAD TO BE THERE AT THE TIME.
>> Stephen: RIZ RIZ IT WAS GREAT TO SEE YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE A NATIVE OF THE U.K., ARE YOU OKAY WITH WHAT
HAPPENED WITH PIERS MORGAN THAT HE HAD TO QUIT "GOOD MORNING
BRITAIN"?
ARE YOU OKAY HE'S GOI NOT GOING BE THERE ANYMORE?
>> HONESTLY, NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM MY MIND THAN PIERS
MORGAN.
>> Stephen: THEN YOU'LL BE OKAY.
"SOUND OF METAL" IS ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO NOW.
RIZ AHMED, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JANELLE MONAE.
♪ ♪ ♪ JAW-DROPPING MOMENT, THE FIRST
ONE, ABOUT THE COLOR OF THE BABY'S SKIN.
>> HE DID NOT SHARE THE IDENTITY WITH ME, BUT HE WANTED TO MAKE
SURE THEY KNEW AND IF I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE IT, THAT IT
WAS NOT HIS GRANDMOTHER NOR HIS GRANDFATHER.
>> SEE, IT WAS AN ISOLATED INCIDENT, NOT AICISM OMENT OF A
LARGER SOCIETAL ROT.
SURE, THE BRITISH PUT ME IN JAIL AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
SCREW IT?
OPRAH CALL ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I COULD BE IN MONT CITO TOMORROW
AND I HAVE ( BLEEP ) STORIES ON EVERYBODY.
BUCKINGHAM PALACE IS GOING DOWN.
YOUR RATINGS ARE GOING UP.
PIERS MORGAN.
♪ ♪ ♪
QSPERFORMING HER SONG "TURNTABLES" FROM THE
DOCUMENTARY "ALL IN: THE FIGHT FOR DEMOCRACY" STARRING STACEY
ABRAMS, JANELLE MONÁE.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ TURN, TURN
♪ ♪ ♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN TURN, TURN, TURN
>> WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A REVOLUTION RIGHT NOW.
SHOUT OUT TO STACEY ABRAMS.
ALL IN THE FIGHT FOR DEMOCRACY!
SHOUT-OUT TO EVERYBODY FIGHTING.
FOR THE RIGHTS OF OUR PEOPLE.
ALL IN.
BECAUSE THE ♪ THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN
I SAID THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN ♪ THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN
I'VE BEEN FLIPPING ♪ THROUGH MY TIMELINE
TRYING TO GET MY MIND RIGHT ♪ MY CITY CRY-Y
I GOT TO COOL DOWN ♪ BUT I'M UNDER PRESSURE
LOOK AT WHERE MY CHRIS GO ♪ LOOK AT WHERE MY FIST GO
I RENEGADE WHEN I'M IN A RAGE ♪ I GOT TO COOL DOWN
BUT I'M UNDER PRESSURE ♪ I KEEP MY HANDS DIRTY
MY MIND CLEAN ♪ GOT A NEW AGENDA
WITH A NEW DREAM ♪ I'M KICKING OUT THE OLD REGIME
LIBERATION, ELEVATION, EDUCATION ♪ I SAID AMERICA, YOU A LIE
BUT THE WHOLE WORLD ♪ 'BOUT TO TESTIFY
I SAID, THE WHOLE WORLD ♪ 'BOUT TO TESTIFY
AND THE TABLES 'BOUT TO TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ AIN'T NO STOPPIN' 'TIL THEY TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ NO STOPPIN' 'TIL NOW IT'S TIME TO
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ WE CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ YEAH, THE TABLES 'BOUT TO TURN WOO!
IT'S A BOOMERANG ♪ BOOMING BACK, YEAH
YOU LAID THE EGG ♪ NOW IT'S 'BOUT TO HATCH, YEAH
YOU GASLIGHT AND 'BOUT ♪ TO MEET YOUR MATCH
YOU-- UP THE KITCHEN ♪ THEN YOU SHOULD DO THE DISHES
BURNING DOWN PLANTATIONS ♪ AIN'T NO PARKING
I DON'T NEED NO VALIDATION ♪ I LIKE SAGE WHEN I'M IN A RAGE
I DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪ I GOT MY INTUITION
KEEP MY HANDS DIRTY ♪ MIND CLEAN
♪ GOT A NEW AGENDA WITH A NEW DREAM.
WE KICKING OUT THE OLD REGIME ♪ LIBERATION, ELEVATION
EDUCATION ♪ I SAID "AMERICA
YOUSA LIE" ♪ BUT THE WHOLE WORLD
'BOUT TO TESTIFY ♪ I SAID THE WHOLE WORLD
'BOUT TO TESTIFY ♪ WE GONNA WATCH THE TABLE
NOW WE GONNA WATCH THE TABLE ♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
THE TABLES GOT TO ♪ THAT'S RIGHT
TURN, TURN, TURN TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ WE SEE IT ALL NOW WE TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ SAID THE TABLES GOT TO TURN TURN TABLES TURN
♪ TURN TABLES TURN TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN >> Stephen: JANELLE MONÁE,
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE EMMANUEL ACHO AND GINA
YASHERE.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.