1
00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:03,253
>> Oprah: FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT
LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A
2
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:04,337
FAIRY TALE.
3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,964
THEY BECAME ONE OF THE
MOST-TALKED-ABOUT COUPLES IN THE
4
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:06,589
MEDIA.
5
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,716
THEN...
6
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:10,385
>> THERE'S BEEN AN
ALMOST-SHOCKINGLY QUICK
7
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:11,511
TURNAROUND.
8
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:12,971
>> SOURCES TELL CNN THE DOGS
WERE REMOVED FROM THE WHITE
9
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,098
HOUSE YESTERDAY AFTER A BITING
INCIDENT INVOLVING A MEMBER OF
10
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,600
THE SECURITY TEAM.
11
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:24,649
♪ ♪ ♪
>> YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING
12
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,442
TO ASK.
13
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,943
SA
AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR
14
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,238
THIS INTERVIEW.
15
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,450
SO, YOU READY?
16
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,242
ANY REGRETS?
17
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:42,292
WERE YOU SILENT OR WERE YOU
SILENCED?
18
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,043
BUT HOW DOES THAT WORK?
19
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,632
OH.
20
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:53,762
SO WHEN YOU SAY THE REVERSE
HAPPENED, EXPLAIN TO US WHAT YOU
21
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:54,387
MEAN BY THAT.
22
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,933
WOW.
23
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:06,483
( MAILBOX SQUEEKS )
>> WHAT?
24
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,194
( GROWLING )
( SCREAMING )
25
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:13,364
>> WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK,
Y'ALL.
26
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:16,367
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
27
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:21,831
TONIGHT:
BUCKINGHAM MALICE.
28
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,292
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES
RIZ AHMED
29
00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,127
AND MUSICAL GUEST JANELLE MONAE
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
30
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,590
HUMAN.
31
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:36,346
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
32
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:40,725
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
33
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,518
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
34
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,977
WELCOME, WELCOME TO "A LATE
SHOW."
35
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,395
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
36
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,690
IT WAS 63 DEGREES IN NEW YORK
TODAY, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
37
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,902
NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY!
38
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,530
AND I SPENT THE WHOLE THING
INSIDE IN A SERIES OF DARK,
39
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,031
DIRTY ROOMS TO HAVE TONIGHT'S
SHOW PREPARED FOR YOU.
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00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:57,826
BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT, AMERICA!
41
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,703
AND THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK
ABOUT.
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00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,706
LET'S GET RIGHT TO TONIGHT'S
BIG, BREAKING STORY.
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00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:08,169
♪ ♪ ♪
THIS JUST IN: THERE WAS AN
44
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,214
INTERVIEW FROM FEBRUARY THAT
AIRED TWO DAYS AGO.
45
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,217
EVERYONE-- AND I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M ONE OF THE "EVERY"-- IS
46
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:18,930
STILL TALKING ABOUT OPRAH'S
EXCLUSIVE SIT-DOWN WITH THE DUKE
47
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:22,517
AND DUCHESS OF NETFLIX, HARRY
AND MEGHAN, WHO ACCUSED MEMBERS
48
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,226
OF THE ROYAL FAMILY OF BEING
RACIST.
49
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,561
TOUGH CHARGE.
50
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,563
I'M SURE THAT MADE THEIR HACKLES
RISE.
51
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:30,400
ONE OF THE SIGNS OF INBREEDING
IS A RISEN HACKLE.
52
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,945
PALACE SOURCES SAY THAT THE
WINDSORS WERE BLINDSIDED BECAUSE
53
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:36,573
THEY THOUGHT, AT WORST, THE
INTERVIEW WOULD MAKE THEM LOOK
54
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:41,244
OUT OF TOUCH, BECAUSE IF THERE
IS ONE THING THE PALACE
55
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,954
SURROUNDED BY IRON SPIKES LOOKED
LIKE BEFORE, IT WAS "IN TOUCH."
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00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:46,249
NOW, REMEMBER TO NOT MAKE EYE
CONTACT WITH THE LADY WHOSE
57
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:47,375
FACE IS ON THE COINS.
58
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:53,214
FOR DAYS, THE ROYALS WERE
SILENT, BUT THIS AFTERNOON,
59
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,925
THE PALACE ISSUED THIS
STATEMENT:
60
00:02:56,009 --> 00:03:05,143
( CLEARS THROAT )
( BELL RINGING )
61
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:08,771
"HEAR YE, HEAR YE.
62
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,565
A STATEMENT FROM HER-- HOLD ON.
63
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,942
( LAUGHTER )
A STATEMENT--
64
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,154
( BELL RINGING )
A STATEMENT FROM HER MAJESTY,
65
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,907
THE QUEEN."
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00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:24,829
BUT FIRST, TO ALLOW ME TO FORGET
I'M AN AMERICAN WHO DOES NOT
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00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,456
GIVE A DAMN...
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00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:30,251
( LAUGHTER )
"THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SADDENED TO
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00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,295
LEARN THE FULL EXTENT OF HOW
CHALLENGING THE LAST FEW YEARS
70
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:38,301
HAVE BEEN FOR HARRY AND MEGHAN.
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00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:42,680
THE ISSUES RAISED, PARTICULARLY
THAT OF RACE, ARE CONCERNING.
72
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,849
WHILE SOME RECOLLECTIONS MAY
VARY--"
73
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,518
OH, YEAH, "RECOLLECTIONS MAY
VARY."
74
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,688
YOU BETTER HOPE NO ONE
RECOLLECTS ANY OF THIS.
75
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:56,945
MAY I RECOMMEND THE FORGETTING
WRENCH.
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00:03:57,028 --> 00:04:01,366
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE--
EVERYONE FROM LOONY TOONS FOR
77
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,533
LEFT-HANDING US THIS.
78
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:07,330
( LAUGHTER )
THE STATEMENT CONTINUES, "THEY
79
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,540
ARE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY, AND
WILL BE ADDRESSED BY THE FAMILY
80
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,166
PRIVATELY."
81
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,834
OH, NO DOUBT.
82
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:18,007
I HEAR PRINCE ANDREW HAS AN
ISLAND HE GOES TO TO ADDRESS HIS
83
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,717
PRIVATES.
84
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,304
IT ROYALS ON, "HARRY, MEGHAN AND
ARCHIE WILL ALWAYS BE MUCH LOVED
85
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,472
FAMILY MEMBERS."
86
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:29,227
WHICH IS NICE, BUT THEN, IN
ALL-CAPS IT SAYS, "ENDS."
87
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,897
THAT SOUNDS OMINOUS, BUT TO BE
FAIR, THAT'S HOW THEY SAY GOOD
88
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,609
NIGHT IN THE ROYAL FAMILY.
89
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,027
"I HOPE YOU'VE HAD A LOVELY DAY,
DARLING.
90
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,196
ENDS."
91
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:51,916
( LAUGHTER )
( LAUGHTER )
92
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,377
>> Stephen: THAT ACTUALLY
HURTS, BY THE WAY.
93
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:58,381
AFTER THE INTERVIEW HIT THE
AIRWAVES, FANS OF THE ROYAL
94
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:02,427
FAMILY DUMPED A CRUMPET IN THEIR
KNICKERS, ESPECIALLY TV ORGANISM
95
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:06,222
PIERS MORGAN, SEEN HERE GETTING
HIS TALLYWHACKER WHACKED.
96
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,058
MORGAN DEFENDED A ROYAL FAMILY
MEMBER ASKING HARRY ABOUT HIS
97
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,186
BABY'S SKIN COLOR BY SAYING
THIS:
98
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,897
>> CAN I PUT TO YOU JUST A
SCENARIO THAT MAY HAVE
99
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,859
HAPPENED-- AND I WONDER WHETHER
YOU FIND THIS-- YOU WOULD
100
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,360
AUTOMATICALLY THINK THIS IS
OFFENSIVE AND RACIST.
101
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:23,406
IF YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS, ONE IS
WHITE AND ONE IS BLACK, AS IN
102
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,075
MEGHAN'S CASE, AND SHE'S
PREGNANT AND GOING TO HAVE A
103
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:30,371
BABY, IS IT RACIST AND OFFENSIVE
FOR A FAMILY MEMBER TO SAY, "OH,
104
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,540
WHAT COLOR MIGHT THE BABY BE?"
>> Stephen: UH, I KNOW THE
105
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:33,583
ANSWER: YOU'RE A SPOTTED DICK.
106
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:34,667
PIERS ALSO RESPONDED TO MEGHAN
MARKLE'S VERY PERSONAL
107
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,253
REVELATIONS ABOUT WHAT SHE
WENT THROUGH AT BUCKINGHAM
108
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:42,008
PALACE.
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00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,428
>> MEGHAN HAS, WITHIN THIS
INTERVIEW, SAID IT GOT SO
110
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,889
BAD THAT SHE WAS SUICIDAL.
111
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,099
>> I'M SORRY, I DON'T BELIEVE A
WORD SHE SAYS, MEGHAN MARKLE.
112
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:54,103
>> Stephen: ( AS PIERS MORGAN )
"HELLO, SUICIDE HOTLINE, PIERS
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00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:54,437
SPEAKING.
114
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,271
OH, REALLY?
115
00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,774
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU'RE
SAYING.
116
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,318
OH, YOU'RE ON THE BRIDGE RIGHT
NOW?
117
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:01,444
REALLY?
118
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:01,694
WELL, IF YOU'RE SO MISERABLE,
WHY DON'T YOU PROVE IT?
119
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:01,944
HELLO?
120
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,738
HELLO?
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00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,449
ANOTHER HANG UP.
122
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,035
THIRD LIAR OF THE WEEK."
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00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,954
AS MUCH AS PIERS LOVES TO DISH
OUT THE CRITICISM, HE SURE CAN'T
124
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,623
TAKE IT.
125
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:18,461
>> I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'VE GOT
A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH
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00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:22,965
MEGHAN MARKLE, OR HAD ONE, AND
SHE CUT YOU OFF.
127
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,092
SHE'S ENTITLED TO CUT YOU OFF IF
SHE WANTS TO.
128
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,802
HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU
SINCE SHE CUT YOU OFF?
129
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:30,306
I DON'T THINK SHE HAS, BUT YET
YOU CONTINUE TO TRASH HER--
130
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:30,807
>> OKAY, I'M DONE WITH THIS.
131
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,265
>> NO, NO, NO!
132
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:31,641
>> SORRY, NOPE.
133
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,810
NOPE, SORRY.
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00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,978
YOU CAN TRASH ME, MATE, BUT NOT
ON MY OWN SHOW.
135
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:36,771
>> OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
136
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,064
NO, NO, NO, I'M BEING SERIOUS.
137
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:38,606
>> SEE YOU LATER.
138
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,816
SORRY, CAN'T DO THIS.
139
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,443
>> Stephen: PIERS MORGAN IS SUCH
A BABY, SOMEONE AT BUCKINGHAM
140
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,612
PALACE JUST ASKED WHAT COLOR
HE'S GOING TO BE.
141
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:52,161
PIERS DIDN'T JUST STORM OFF THE
SET IN SLOW-MOTION TWIT SNIT. HE
142
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,123
STORMED OFF THE WHOLE SHOW,
BECAUSE A FEW HOURS AGO, HIS
143
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,833
NETWORK ANNOUNCED "PIERS MORGAN
HAS DECIDED NOW IS THE TIME TO
144
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:00,002
LEAVE 'GOOD MORNING BRITAIN.'"
CONGRATULATIONS.
145
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:06,467
TOMORROW'S GOING TO BE A GREAT
MORNING, BRITAIN.
146
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:10,388
BACK STATESIDE--
( BELL RINGING )
147
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,181
AND WE LEAVE ENGLAND!
148
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,225
AND WE LEAVE ENGLAND!
149
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:16,477
BACK STATESIDE, IN THE LATEST
COVID NEWS, THERE MIGHT BE A DAY
150
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,062
WHERE I CAN STOP SAYING "IN THE
LATEST COVID NEWS!"
151
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,857
BECAUSE U.S. CORONAVIRUS CASES
HAVE POSTED THEIR SLOWEST SPREAD
152
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,859
SINCE THE PANDEMIC BEGAN.
153
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,028
I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HAPPY ABOUT
A SLOW SPREAD SINCE THAT GUY WAS
154
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,865
PEEING IN MY SUBWAY CAR.
155
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,993
PEOPLE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO
SEE SIGNS THAT LIFE IS TRICKLING
156
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:33,411
BACK.
157
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:38,833
THANKS TO NEW C.D.C. GUIDELINES,
VACCINATED GRANDPARENTS CAN ONCE
158
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,711
AGAIN VISIT ADULT CHILDREN AND
GRANDCHILDREN.
159
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:48,843
THIS MEANS SO MUCH FOR SENIORS
WHO'VE BEEN ISOLATED.
160
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:53,389
GRANDKIDS, TIME TO PUT ON A
SNORKEL, BECAUSE THE FORECAST
161
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:56,017
CALLS FOR EXTENDED BOSOM HUGS.
162
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,059
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
163
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:57,768
ISN'T THAT GREAT.
164
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,854
WE CAN HUG OUR PARENTS AGAIN.
165
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,565
LEAVE RIGHT NOW AND GO DOWN
THERE!
166
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,860
THE C.D.C. ALSO SAYS THAT
VACCINATED ADULTS MAY BEGIN TO
167
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,570
PLAN MASK-FREE DINNERS WITH
VACCINATED FRIENDS.
168
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,405
DINNERS!
169
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:10,615
WITH FRIENDS!
170
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,782
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
171
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,536
ALTHOUGH, AFTER A YEAR IN
LOCKDOWN, I'M NOT SURE IF I WANT
172
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:21,417
TO MAKE MY FRIENDS SEE HOW I EAT
NOW.
173
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,545
"MY MUG OF RANCH DRESSING IS
RUNNING LOW!
174
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,422
AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT MY
STRING-CHEESE DRY?"
175
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,715
THESE VACCINES ARE CHANGING
SENIORS' LIVES.
176
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:31,886
ONE NEW YORK WOMAN TOLD
REPORTERS THAT WHEN SHE'S
177
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,639
ALLOWED TO BE WITH FAMILY, "SHE
INTENDS TO RE-CELEBRATE EVERY
178
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,600
MISSED HOLIDAY, STARTING WITH
HANUKAH AND WORKING HER WAY BACK
179
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,728
THROUGH THE CALENDAR."
180
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,272
SAME HERE!
181
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,233
BUT I'M GOING TO GET THEM ALL IN
AT ONCE:
182
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,443
THANKS-FATHER'S-EASTER-HANNUKA-
TINES DAY OF JULY!
183
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:48,736
I'M GOING TO EAT A TURKEY
STUFFED WITH CANDY HEARTS AND
184
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,989
DREIDELS, AND ALL THE KIDS WILL
RUN AROUND THE YARD WITH THEIR
185
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,741
STOCKINGS LOOKING FOR PAINTED
FIREWORKS LEFT BY THE PASSOVER
186
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:56,285
BUNNY.
187
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,121
OUR NEW LEASE ON LIFE IS ALL
THANKS TO IMPROVED VACCINATION
188
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,289
RATES.
189
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,042
IN FACT, THE ROLLOUT IS GOING SO
WELL, THAT IN THE NEXT TWO
190
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:09,006
MONTHS, THE U.S. IS EXPECTED TO
HAVE 500 MILLION DOSES, WHICH IS
191
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,759
ENOUGH TO FILL A 55,000-GALLON
SWIMMING POOL-- THOUGH I THINK
192
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:15,429
IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT IT IN
THE SYRINGES.
193
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,473
OTHERWISE, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO GET INOCULATED SCROOGE McDUCK
194
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,435
STYLE.
195
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,105
OH, THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS:
EXPERTS ARE PREDICTING THAT THE
196
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:28,025
ECONOMY COULD SURGE THANKS TO
THE VACCINE ROLLOUT AND BIDEN'S
197
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,194
COVID STIMULUS PLAN, WHICH WILL
SEND MILLIONS OF AMERICANS.
198
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,779
$1,400 CHECKS.
199
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,907
I HAVE A FEELING A LOT OF MAGA
FOLKS ARE ABOUT TO ACCEPT THE
200
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,117
ELECTION RESULTS.
201
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,662
JOE'S NOT PUTTING HIS NAME ON
THE CHECKS LIKE THE LAST GUY,
202
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:45,501
BUT THEY ARE GOING TO SAY,
"WHO'S SLEEPY NOW, BEEEOTCH?"
203
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:49,005
THIS STIMULUS IS DESPERATELY
NEEDED SO, NATURALLY, SENATE
204
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:56,637
REPUBLICANS VOTED UNANIMOUSLY
AGAINST IT.
205
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,223
TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE BUSY
FIGHTING FOR OTHER ISSUES
206
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,767
AMERICANS CARE DEEPLY ABOUT,
LIKE ENSURING THAT MR. POTATO
207
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:02,935
HEAD KEEPS HIS BEAUTIFUL PENIS.
208
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,688
EVEN THOUGH 77% OF AMERICANS
SUPPORT THE STIMULUS PLAN, IT
209
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,482
GOT SLAMMED BY SENATE MINORITY
LEADER AND GRANDPA ABOUT
210
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,360
TO PUT A CHILD'S IMAGINARY
FRIEND OUT OF ITS MISERY, MITCH
211
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,445
McCONNELL.
212
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:16,032
WHEN THE BILL PASSED, McCONNELL
SAID THIS:
213
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,242
>> THE SENATE HAS NEVER SPENT.
214
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,035
$2 TRILLION IN A MORE HAPHAZARD
WAY.
215
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,704
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT.
216
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,540
McCONNELL IS CLEARLY FORGETTING
WHEN THE NEW DEAL BAILED OUT
217
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:29,378
DUST BOWL FARMERS VIA MONEY
BOOTH.
218
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:34,717
McCONNELL'S ALSO CONVENIENTLY
FORGETTING THE REPUBLICAN TAX
219
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,094
CUT THAT ADDED NEARLY
$2 TRILLION TO THE FEDERAL DEBT.
220
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:41,265
AND THAT MONEY OVERWHELMINGLY
WENT TO CORPORATIONS AND RICH
221
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:46,854
FOLKS, LIKE MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHO
I'M SURE JUST BLEW IT ON
222
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:47,980
LUXURIES LIKE FANCY HAIRCUTS AND
SUNSCREEN.
223
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,899
I THINK THAT WAS ZUCKERBERG.
224
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,400
WAS THAT ZUCKERBERG?
225
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,735
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A PHOTO
FROM THE NEW CBS
226
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:58,199
HIT PROCEDURAL, HIGH SEAS MIME
CRIME "SILENT AND DEADLY."
227
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,952
BY CONTRAST, BIDEN'S COVID
RELIEF PLAN-- WHICH, AGAIN, NOT
228
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:06,457
ONE DAMN REPUBLICAN VOTED FOR--
TARGETS LOW-INCOME EARNERS SO
229
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:09,460
EFFECTIVELY THAT IT WILL LIFT
MORE THAN 13 MILLION PEOPLE FROM
230
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:15,716
POVERTY THIS YEAR AND CUT CHILD
POVERTY NEARLY IN HALF, TO WHICH
231
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,095
PIERS MORGAN ASKED, "WHAT COLOR
MIGHT THESE CHILDREN BE?"
232
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,723
SPEAKING OF THE PRESIDENT,
YESTERDAY, HE HELD AN EVENT
233
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:26,602
HONORING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S
DAY, WHERE HE NOMINATED TWO
234
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:30,231
FEMALE GENERALS TO FOUR-STAR
COMMANDS.
235
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,441
IT WAS SO INSPIRING FOR ALL THE
LITTLE GIRLS OUT THERE WHO DREAM
236
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,777
OF GROWING UP AND LAUNCHING
AIR STRIKES ON SYRIA.
237
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:39,281
BUT THE EVENT WASN'T WITHOUT
SOME OF THAT CLASSIC BIDEN GAFFE
238
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,618
MAGIC, BECAUSE IT SURE SEEMED
LIKE HE FORGOT THE NAME OF HIS
239
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,869
OWN SECRETARY OF DEFENSE,
GENERAL LLOYD AUSTIN:
240
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:51,335
>> I WANT TO THANK THE SEC-- THE
FORMAL GENERAL-- I KEEP CALLING
241
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:56,507
HIM "GENERAL," BUT MY-- THE GUY
WHO RUNS THAT OUTFIT OVER THERE.
242
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,301
I WANT TO MAKE SURE WE THANK THE
SECRETARY FOR ALL HE'S DONE.
243
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:06,809
>> Stephen: ( AS BIDEN )
"I WANNA THANK THE GUY...
244
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:09,603
WITH THE JOB, OLD JOHNNY MONEY
GUNS OVER THERE WITH THE BOOM
245
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,479
BOOM AND THE PEW PEW!
246
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,815
HE DOES GREAT WORK FOR THE WHOLE
OUTFIT!
247
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,818
WITH THE UNIFORMS AND
EVERYTHING.
248
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,486
I WANT TO THANK MY SECRETARY OF
TRAINS AND PLANES, LITTLE
249
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,487
MAYOR TOOT-TOOT!
250
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:18,988
AND OVER IN EDUCATION, SECRETARY
TEACH-'EM-UPS!
251
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:19,989
THANKS, TEACH!
252
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:20,656
THEY'RE ALL FANTASTIC!
253
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:21,031
C'MON, JACK!
254
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:21,824
IS IT JACK?
255
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:28,706
IS IT SECRETARY JACK McJACK,
JACK?"
256
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:32,877
OF COURSE, THAT WAS JUST A
LITTLE SLIP-UP.
257
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,879
THE SCANDAL BLOWING WASHINGTON
OPEN TODAY INVOLVES PRESIDENTIAL
258
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:35,838
DOG, MAJOR BIDEN.
259
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:39,008
LAST WEEK, THE FIRST DOG
REPORTEDLY WAS A BIT
260
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:43,220
"AGGRESSIVE" AND AS A RESULT,
WAS "SENT BACK TO DELAWARE."
261
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,847
NOW, BEFORE YOU WORRY, THE DOG
IS FINE.
262
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,724
HE WASN'T SENT TO A FARM UPSTATE
IN DELAWARE, BECAUSE DELAWARE
263
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:49,518
DOESN'T HAVE AN UPSTATE.
264
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,021
IT BARELY HAS A STATE.
265
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:55,733
APPARENTLY, THE THREE-YEAR-OLD
GERMAN SHEPHERD HAD A "BITING
266
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:58,110
INCIDENT" WITH A MEMBER OF
WHITE HOUSE SECURITY.
267
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,862
YOU CAN'T BLAME MAJOR.
268
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,822
HE WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE
PRESIDENT'S EXAMPLE.
269
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,492
RUH-ROH!
270
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,703
I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT
WE'RE A MONTH AND A HALF INTO
271
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:10,873
THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION, AND
THE FIRST SCANDAL IS LITERALLY
272
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,833
"DOG BITES MAN."
273
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,877
AND MAJOR ISN'T THE FIRST FIRST
PET TO MISBEHAVE IN THE WHITE
274
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,921
HOUSE.
275
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:20,883
WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN SUNNY OBAMA
KNOCKED OVER A KID, OR WHEN
276
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,552
BARNEY BUSH LIED ABOUT W.M.D.s
IN IRAQ.
277
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,888
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
278
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:26,889
RIZ AHMED IS HERE.
279
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,933
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE!"
280
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:32,895
JOIN US.
281
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,063
♪ ♪ ♪
282
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,878
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
283
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,255
EVERYBODY.
284
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,923
YOU KNOW WHO'S HERE IS JON
BATISTE.
285
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:01,799
HEY, JON.
286
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:06,053
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH
287
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:07,263
YOU?
288
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:11,267
>> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO
SEE YOU IN A LITTLE CLUB AGAIN.
289
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:15,604
THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
TO DO IN THE CITY IS JUST GO
290
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:20,276
DOWN TO A LITTLE CLUB, SEE YOU
PLAY, HAVE A LITTLE ADULT-- A
291
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,860
LITTLE ADULT BEVERAGE WITH MY
LOVELY LADY.
292
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:28,576
AND THEN JUST-- IT'S THE MOST
ELEVATING, ILLUMINATING,
293
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,743
RELAXING, ENERGIZING NIGHT.
294
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,078
YOUR MEDICINE, JON.
295
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,454
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK?
296
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,455
PREDICT IT.
297
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,624
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU'RE PLAYING
IN A CLUB AGAIN?
298
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:41,338
>> Jon: WOOO"H" I'LL PROBABLY
GIVE IT... I'M GOING TO SAY BY
299
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:45,968
THE END OF THE SUMMER WE'LL BE
IN THERE, WE'LL BE SHABIN.
300
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,721
>> Stephen: I'LL TAKE THAT
BET.
301
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:52,516
I'LL TRY TO BEAT THAT BET.
302
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,643
I'LL GO MIDSUMMER, I HAVE NO
PLANS.
303
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:55,519
MAYBE EVEN THE BEGINNING OF THE
SUMMER, WHO KNOWS.
304
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,979
BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GET OUT OF
HERE, JON.
305
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,815
IT'S GETTING TIME TO BE OUT OF
HERE.
306
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:02,234
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE
CELEBRATING THIS FRIDAY--
307
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,820
CELEBRATING IS NOT THE RIGHT
WORD.
308
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:05,863
MARKING, WE'RE MARKING THIS
FRIDAY.
309
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,114
>> Jon: WHAT'S THAT.
310
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:10,367
>> Stephen: THIS FRIDAY IS ONE
YEAR SINCE WE HAD TO BUG OUT OF
311
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,869
THE SULLIVAN TO GET AWAY FROM
COVID AND EACH OTHER.
312
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,997
A YEAR, JON, THIS FRIDAY MARKS A
YEAR.
313
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:15,998
>> Jon: MAN.
314
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,708
>> Stephen: ONE OF US DOESN'T
LOOK A DAY OLDER.
315
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:22,921
>> Jon: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT
FEELS LIKE IT WAS LONGER THAN A
316
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:23,797
YEAR AGO.
317
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,716
IT FEELS MUCH, MUCH LONGER THAN
A YEAR.
318
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,844
>> Stephen: I DON'T REMEMBER
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE AN
319
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:31,013
AUDIENCE, OTHER THAN EVIE.
320
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,057
>> Jon: THAT'S A GOOD
AUDIENCE.
321
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,933
>> Stephen: THERE IS NO BETTER
AUDIENCE THAN EVIE, BUT I WISH
322
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,144
THERE WERE 400 OF YOU.
323
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,730
THAT'S ALL.
324
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:43,025
JON, DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC--
WHAT COMES TO YOU WHEN YOU THINK
325
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,819
OF A YEAR OF THIS?
326
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:46,153
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
327
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,029
A YEAR...
328
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:56,914
♪ ♪ ♪
( "AULD LANG SYNE" ).
329
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,875
>> Stephen: AND NEVER BROUGHT
TO MIND.
330
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:00,668
>> Jon: NEVER, NEVER.
331
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,920
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
332
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:03,295
THANKS JON.
333
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,339
>> Jon: YES.
334
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:06,507
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW I SPEND A
LOT OF TIME FELLING THE
335
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,008
STURDIEST, MOST TOPICAL NEWS
TREES, SHAVING THE FINEST OAK
336
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:12,388
PLANKS, RAISING THE TALLEST
MAST, AND CAREFULLY DRAWING THE
337
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:16,016
PERFECT CAMBER ON THE SAILS TO
CREATE FOR YOU THE MIGHTY VIKING
338
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:25,067
LONGBOAT OF NEWS THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE.
339
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,235
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES,
FOLKS, I STUMBLE ONTO A DIRTY
340
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,863
BEACH WHILE ON THE RUN AFTER
GETTING CAUGHT MATCH-FIXING AT
341
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,409
AN UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB, SO I
GRAB SOME HALF-EMPTY PLASTIC
342
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,620
BOTTLES, A TOWEL I STOLE FROM AN
UNSUSPECTING RETIRED COUPLE,
343
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:37,913
THEN RIP SOME ELECTRICAL WIRE
OUT OF A MOTEL SHUTTLE BUS,
344
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,082
WHICH I USE TO BIND IT ALL TO AN
AIR MATTRESS I FISHED OUT OF THE
345
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:43,210
DUMPSTER BEHIND THE TWISTICREAM
TO ASSEMBLE THE UNSEAWORTHY
346
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:43,961
CASTAWAY RAFT OF NEWS THAT.
347
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:50,592
IS MY SEGMENT:
"QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
348
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,637
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU'VE EVER
BEEN BLASTING AWAY AT CREATURES
349
00:16:53,721 --> 00:17:00,477
IN "HALO" AND THOUGHT, "I WISH I
COULD EAT THEM," GREAT NEWS:
350
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,230
PRINGLES AND MICROSOFT HAVE
ANNOUNCED A "NEW 'HALO' POTATO
351
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,442
CHIP THAT TASTES LIKE SPACE
OSTRICH."
352
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,736
NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
WOULD TASTE LIKE, BUT HOPEFULLY
353
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,071
THIS WILL BE A MORE SUCCESSFUL
GAME CHARACTER FOOD PROMOTION
354
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:16,618
THAN WHITE CASTLE'S YOSHI
SLIDERS.
355
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,748
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CRIME NEWS,
FOOTAGE OF A VERY DRAMATIC ART
356
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:21,749
THEFT IN NEW YORK CITY CAME OUT
THIS WEEK.
357
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,459
TAKE A LOOK.
358
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,794
>> THIS IS A WEIRD ONE.
359
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:29,131
NEW VIDEO SHOWS SUSPECTS SETTING
UP A LADDER OUTSIDE A BRONX BAR
360
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:36,180
TO STEAL A PORTRAIT.
361
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,974
YOU SEE THEM HERE OUTSIDE
ALFIE'S PLACE ON EAST 177th
362
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,142
STREET ON FEBRUARY 20.
363
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,268
POLICE SAY THE ONLY THING THEY
TOOK WAS THIS HAND-PAINTED
364
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,269
PORTRAIT OF A DOG HANGING
OUTSIDE THE BAR.
365
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:45,606
>> Stephen: HOW IN GOD'S NAME
COULD THIS HAPPEN?
366
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,150
WHY WASN'T THERE A HIGH-TECH
LASER SECURITY SYSTEM SET UP TO
367
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:57,159
PROTECT THIS PRICELESS
MASTERPIECE OF A... SHEEPDOG
368
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,037
POUNDING JAMISON.
369
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:07,878
THE POLICE ARE ON THE OUTLOOK
FOR THIS MAN.
370
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:09,630
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN SEA SLUG
NEWS, "THESE SEA SLUGS CAN
371
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:10,506
SELF-DECAPITATE AND GROW A NEW
BODY."
372
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,049
SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.
373
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,759
I'M SORRY.
374
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,637
AM I KEEPING YOU WEAK?
375
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,679
SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.
376
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,056
DURING THE QUARANTINE, THEY
THEY CAN POUND DOWN THE
377
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:29,191
SOURDOUGH AND DRINK NUTELLA,
RIGHT OUT OF THE JAR, AND THEN
378
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,692
JUST CHOP OFF THEIR OWN HEAD AND
LEAVE THEIR GARGANTUAN ASSES
379
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:31,860
BEHIND.
380
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,028
AT LEAST SCIENCE HAS FINALLY
EXPLAINED WHY SEA SLUGS ARE ALL
381
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,196
SUCH SMOKE SHOWS.
382
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,324
MMMM, BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF
THAT-- SPECIFICALLY, THE HEAD.
383
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,202
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A DUTCH
INVENTOR HAS CREATED A TEST
384
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,161
WHERE PARTICIPANTS STEP INTO AN
AIR-LOCKED CABIN AND SCREAM.
385
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,329
PERFECT!
386
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:45,374
BEING CONFINED AND SCREAMING IS
ALL I'VE DONE FOR A YEAR!
387
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:51,338
WHEN THE SCREAMING IS DONE, AN
INDUSTRIAL AIR PURIFIER COLLECTS
388
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,257
ALL THE PARTICLES EMITTED, WHICH
ARE THEN ANALYZED FOR THE VIRUS.
389
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,384
THE TEST CAN ALSO DETERMINE
WHETHER OR NOT YOU RECENTLY HAD
390
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,552
GARLIC KNOTS.
391
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,263
CURRENTLY, THE TEST IS BEING
CONDUCTED IN A BOOTH ON THE
392
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,390
OUTSKIRTS OF AMSTERDAM.
393
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:06,061
OH, I THINK I'VE SEEN THOSE
BOOTHS.
394
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,396
DOES THE TEST ONLY WORK IF
YOU'RE WEARING THIGH-HIGH BOOTS
395
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:07,604
AND A PINK WIG?
396
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,399
NO?
397
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,191
DIFFERENT BOOTH.
398
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,901
MY APOLOGIES.
399
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:17,531
ONE DUTCH PARTICIPANT RAVED,
"IT'S ALWAYS VERY NICE TO SCREAM
400
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:18,657
WHEN NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU,
THOUGH."
401
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,034
WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO
THE SLOGAN FOR THE POORLY
402
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,746
TRANSLATED DUTCH VERSION OF
"ALIEN."
403
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,375
QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS SAY
THAT MALE FROGS TRYING TO
404
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:32,421
ATTRACT MATES ARE "SUPER, SUPER
LOUD," "BELTING OUT SERENADES
405
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:36,300
THAT CAN REGISTER AT MORE THAN
100 DECIBELS APIECE-- CLOSE TO
406
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:39,303
WHAT YOU'D HEAR AT A ROCK
CONCERT OR A ROWDY NIGHTCLUB."
407
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:44,099
SO, HOW DO FEMALE FROGS DEAL
WITH IT?
408
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,059
WELL, THEY CAN IGNORE THEM
BECAUSE FROG LUNGS ARE BASICALLY
409
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,313
NOISE-CANCELING HEADPHONES,
WHICH IS WHY I NEVER TAKE A LONG
410
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:53,233
FLIGHT WITHOUT THESE.
411
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,988
QUARANTINE-WHILE, CHIPOTLE IS
LAUNCHING A MAKEUP COLLECTION.
412
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,115
GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO'S
LOOKED AT A BURRITO AND THOUGHT,
413
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:03,452
"BOY, I WISH MY FACE LOOKED LIKE
THAT."
414
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,287
THE NEW MAKEUP WILL INCLUDE A
12-COLOR EYE SHADOW PALETTE
415
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:10,083
INSPIRED BY CHIPOTLE
INGREDIENTS.
416
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:14,338
SO, MOVE OVER, SMOKEY EYE, AND
HELLO, BEAN BROW.
417
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,339
ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY
$16.
418
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:20,302
PLUS, AN EXTRA TWO BUCKS FOR
THE GUAC MASK.
419
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,930
WHEN WE COME BACK, I MAKE AN
OFFER TO SMALL BUSINESSES
420
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:23,972
THROUGHOUT AMERICA.
421
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:24,348
THAT I HOPE THEY DON'T REFUSE.
422
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,475
STICK AROUND.
423
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,226
♪ ♪ ♪
424
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,989
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
425
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,326
WELCOME BACK.
426
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,328
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THE SUPER
BOWL WAS JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.
427
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,164
AND IF YOU DO REMEMBER, GOOD FOR
YOU, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE TOM
428
00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:50,332
BRADY DOESN'T.
429
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:54,211
AND YOU MAY ALSO REMEMBER THAT
AFTER THE GAME, "A LATE SHOW"
430
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:55,379
HAD A SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.
431
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,214
AND WHILE THE SUPER BOWL IS
KNOWN FOR MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR
432
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:00,342
ADS FOR MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR
COMPANIES, WE KNEW THAT SMALL
433
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,512
BUSINESSES WERE THE ONES WHO
HAVE BEEN MOST AFFECTED BY THIS
434
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,763
PANDEMIC.
435
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:09,893
SO WE DECIDED TO GIVE ONE SMALL
BUSINESS, FOGGY PINE BOOKS IN
436
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,688
BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA, THEIR
VERY OWN STAR-STUDDED COMMERCIAL
437
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:13,605
DURING OUR SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.
438
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:23,865
HERE'S A TASTE.
439
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,200
♪ FOGGY PINE BOOKS ON KING
STREET IN BOONE, BETWEEN THE
440
00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:29,663
BAPTIST CHURCH AND THE BOONE
SALOON.
441
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:30,706
♪ FOGGY PINE, FOGGY PINE
FOGGY PINE!
442
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:31,915
>> YOUR ADVENTURE AWAITS.
443
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:35,002
>> Stephen: LITTLE KNOWN FACT:
TOM HANKS IS LEGALLY REQUIRED TO
444
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,045
HELP SMALL BOOKSTORES SINCE HE
SPENT SO MUCH TIME TRYING TO
445
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,423
DESTROY THEM IN "YOU'VE GOT
MAIL."
446
00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:43,051
NOW, WE RECENTLY CHECKED IN WITH
THE OWNER OF FOGGY PINE BOOKS,
447
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:47,014
MARY RUTHLESS, AND THEY TOLD US
THAT IN THE MONTH SINCE WE AIRED
448
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:54,438
THAT AD, FOGGY PINE HAS RECEIVED
MORE THAN 2,000 NEW ORDERS,
449
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:55,731
ALMOST TRIPLING THEIR AVERAGE
MONTHLY SALES.
450
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:56,440
AND THEY HAVE EVEN HAD TO HIRE
FIVE NEW STAFFERS TO KEEP UP
451
00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:57,733
WITH DEMAND.
452
00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:00,569
WELL, WITH STATS LIKE THAT, I AM
HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE REAL
453
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:01,403
WINNER OF THE SUPER BOWL WAS
MARY RUTHLESS.
454
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:05,574
TIME TO PUT THAT NAME ON A
JERSEY.
455
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,576
AND THE SUCCESS OF FOGGY PINE
BOOKS JUST MADE ME WONDER IF WE
456
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:11,580
COULD HELP OUT OTHER BUSINESSES
BY GIVING THEM THE PATENTED
457
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,749
COLBERT SMALL-BUSINESS BUMP.
458
00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:17,210
SO, IF YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS
THAT COULD USE A BOOST, PLEASE
459
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,588
POST TO SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE
HASHTAG
460
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,548
"COLBERT-SMALL-BIZ-BUMP."
461
00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:22,382
TELL US YOUR BUSINESS' NAME,
LOCATION, AND WHAT MAKES IT
462
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,760
SPECIAL.
463
00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:29,389
YOU CAN EVEN INCLUDE A SHORT
VIDEO IF YOU'D LIKE.
464
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:31,266
AND WE MAY FEATURE IT HERE ON
"A LATE SHOW."
465
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,643
WE'RE EXCITED TO HEAR FROM YOU,
WHETHER YOU'RE A MOM-AND-POP-
466
00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:37,606
OPERATED PET SALON, OR A
PET-OPERATED MOM-AND-POP SALON.
467
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,441
GIVE US A SHOUT, AND YOU COULD
GET THE BUMP!
468
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:42,611
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
RIZ AHMED.
469
00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,363
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
470
00:22:54,372 --> 00:23:00,921
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "A
471
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,089
LATE SHOW."
472
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,507
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY
AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND RAPPER
473
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:06,301
YOU KNOW FROM "NIGHTCRAWLER,"
"ROGUE ONE," AND "THE NIGHT OF."
474
00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:12,224
HE NOW STARS IN THE FILM "SOUND
OF METAL."
475
00:23:12,307 --> 00:23:13,433
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW," RIZ AHMED.
476
00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:14,434
RIZ, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
477
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,479
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, MAN.
478
00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:18,939
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
479
00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:22,484
>> Stephen: RIZ, FIRST OF ALL,
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BAFTA
480
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:23,276
NOMINATION.
481
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,028
THAT WAS JUST THIS MORNING,
RIGHT?
482
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:25,987
>> YEAH, YEAH, IT WAS.
483
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,989
THANK YOU, THANKS A LOT.
484
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:35,372
WE GOT A COUPLE OF NOMINATIONS
FOR "SOUND OF METAL" AND "MOOGLE
485
00:23:35,455 --> 00:23:38,834
MOGLI" THAT ISN'T OUT IN THE
U.S. BUT CAME OUT IN THE U.K. SO
486
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,001
IT WAS COOL.
487
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,962
>> Stephen: I LIKE HEARING
ABOUT HOW PEOPLE HEARD THEY GOT
488
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:42,546
THE NOMINATION?
489
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:44,005
WERE YOU EXPECTING IT?
490
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:47,008
WERE YOU WAITING TO FIND OUT, OR
IT WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE AND YOU
491
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,010
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS WAS
HAPPENING TODAY?
492
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:50,720
>> I MEAN, YOU CAN'T REALLY BE
EXPECTING IT.
493
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,140
THERE ARE NO PROMISES IN LIFE
ANYMORE, RIGHT.
494
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:55,016
EVERYTHING IS SO UNPREDICTABLE.
495
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,186
BUT IT'S-- YOU KNOW, IT WAS LIKE
ON LONDON TIME, AND I'M OUT ON
496
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:00,981
THE WEST COAST, SO IT HAPPENED
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
497
00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:02,691
SO IT WAS KIND OF GOOD IN A WAY.
498
00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:05,986
YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THE
ANXIETY, AND YOU WAKE UP AND SEE
499
00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:08,405
IF THERE'S A BUNCH OF TEXT
MESSAGES ON YOUR PHONE.
500
00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:10,615
>> Stephen: SO YOU LOOK AT
YOUR PHONE, AND IT'S JUST
501
00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:13,994
STACKED WITH MESSAGES AND YOU
KNOW SOMETHING GOOD MUST HAVE
502
00:24:14,077 --> 00:24:14,870
HAPPENED?
503
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:16,121
>> SOMETHING GOOD OR SOMETHING
REALLY BAD.
504
00:24:16,204 --> 00:24:18,039
THAT'S THE ISSUE, RIGHT?
505
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,834
LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE YOU SEE
ALL THESE NOTIFICATIONS AND
506
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:25,088
YOU'RE LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW IF
I'M GOING TO LOOK AT THAT.
507
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,131
IT COULD GO EITHER WAY."
508
00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:27,382
>> Stephen: THIS HAS BEEN A
TOUGH YEAR.
509
00:24:27,465 --> 00:24:30,051
I WAS JUST SAYING EARLIER TODAY,
THIS FRIDAY WILL BE A YEAR SINCE
510
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:34,556
WE HAD TO LEAVE OUR THEATER
BECAUSE OF COVID INFECTIONS HERE
511
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:35,724
IN THE UNITED STATES.
512
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,226
AND THIS YEAR HAS BEEN AN
EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFICULT FOR SO
513
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,562
MANY PEOPLE, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY
BROUGHT YOU AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT
514
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,398
OF SUCCESS AND GOOD NEWS.
515
00:24:43,481 --> 00:24:47,777
YOU RELEASED A NEW ALBUM, TWO
FILMS, YOU'RE WORKING WITH THE
516
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:49,362
OBAMAS ON A FILM ADAPTATION.
517
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:53,950
YOU SIGNED AN AMAZON PRODUCTION
DEAL, AND, BEST OF ALL, YOU GOT
518
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:55,160
MARRIED.
519
00:24:55,243 --> 00:25:00,790
HOW DID YOU MAKE SENSE OF-- OF
THE MANY UPS AND THE DOWNS OF
520
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:02,751
THIS YEAR FOR YOU?
521
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:04,461
>> IT'S CRAZY, ISN'T IT?
522
00:25:04,544 --> 00:25:08,381
BECAUSE ON THE ONE HAND, YEAH,
IT HAS BEEN A REALLY DIFFICULT
523
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:09,299
YEAR.
524
00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:11,760
AS YOU CAN TELL, I'M A BIT OF A
WORKAHOLIC.
525
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,595
I HAVE TROUBLE SITTING STILL.
526
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,804
I ALWAYS WANT TO BE DOING
SOMETHING.
527
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:18,099
THE TOUGHEST THING FOR ME THIS
YEAR WAS SITTING BY MYSELF AND
528
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,311
KIND OF BEING FORCED TO DO
SOMETHING, WHICH IS IN SOME WAYS
529
00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:23,939
A PRIVILEGE THAT I'M NOT OUT
THERE LIKE THESE DOCTORS AND
530
00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:26,733
NURSES SAVING LIVES, SO I'M
GRATEFUL FOR THAT.
531
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:30,946
ONE OF THE THINGS THE QUIET
BROUGHT ME IS THE CLARITY ON
532
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,906
WHERE WE SPEND OUR TIME AND
ENERGY.
533
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:35,992
I THINK A LOT OF US HAD THE
REALIZATION THAT WE SPEND A LOT
534
00:25:36,076 --> 00:25:38,912
OF TIME CHASING STUFF WHICH IN
THE END DOESN'T MATTER.
535
00:25:38,995 --> 00:25:41,665
WHAT MATTERS IS YOUR WELL-BEING,
YOUR HEALTH, AND YOUR CONNECTION
536
00:25:41,748 --> 00:25:45,126
TORGS AND IT HAS GIVEN ME MORE
CLARITY ON THE KIND OF WORK I
537
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:46,378
WANT TO BE DOING.
538
00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:49,798
EVEN THOUGH IT STOPPED ME IN MY
TRACTION, IT GAVE ME A LOT OF
539
00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:51,132
CLARITY AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH
ON THAT AND MAKE A BUNCH OF WORK
540
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,301
THAT REPRESENTS WHERE I'M AT
RIGHT NOW.
541
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,136
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT'S GREAT ABOUT MUSIC IS YOU
542
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,179
CAN DO IT ANYWHERE.
543
00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:58,014
YOU CAN DO IT BY YOURSELF.
544
00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:03,144
YOU CAN DO IT IN COLLABORATION,
BY SENDING FILES TO EACH OTHER.
545
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,981
WERE YOU ABLE TO PUT SOME OF
YOUR FOCUS INTO THAT BECAUSE
546
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:09,442
NORMAL TELEVISION OR FILM
PRODUCTION WAS SO CURTAILED?
547
00:26:09,526 --> 00:26:10,819
>> THAT WAS A PART OF IT, YEAH.
548
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:16,658
ONE OF THE THINGS I WAS GOING TO
DO WAS TOUR MY ALBUM, "THE LONG
549
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:17,367
GOOD-BYE."
550
00:26:17,450 --> 00:26:18,660
OBVIOUSLY, COVID SHUT THAT DOWN.
551
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:20,745
WE DID A LIVE STREAM PERFORMANCE
FROM AN ABANDONED THEATER IN SAN
552
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:22,664
FRANCISCO AND I FILMED IT
MYSELF.
553
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:27,627
WE ENDED UP-- SOMETIMES THE
LIMITATIONS MAKE YOU INNOVATIVE.
554
00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:30,672
I MADE A ONE-MAN SHOW, KIND OF A
GIG, KIND OF LIKE A SHORT FILM,
555
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:31,673
BECAUSE WE FILMED IT.
556
00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:34,843
SO, YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF
INTERESTING.
557
00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:37,512
BUT FOR ME, THE THING THAT, YOU
KNOW, THIS YEAR KEPT BRINGING ME
558
00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:39,681
BACK TO IS LIKE, REALLY, WHAT'S
POINT?
559
00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:43,435
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A WHOLE BIG
PICTURE THAT'S SO SCARY RIGHT
560
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:46,479
NOW.
561
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,566
LIKE, YOU BETTER BE MAKING WORK
THAT YOU THINK MAKES SOME KIND
562
00:26:49,649 --> 00:26:51,192
OF DIFFERENCE OR MEANS SOMETHING
TO YOU.
563
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:55,322
AND FOR ME, YOU KNOW, BOTH
"SOUND OF METAL" OR "LONG
564
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:56,698
GOOD-BYE" THEY'RE TRYING TO
REMIND US THERE'S NO SUCH THING
565
00:26:56,781 --> 00:27:01,536
AS "US" AND "THEM," WHICH IS
IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO IN SUCH
566
00:27:01,619 --> 00:27:03,038
A DIVIDED TIME.
567
00:27:03,121 --> 00:27:04,247
IT'S JUST US.
568
00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:07,500
THAT'S WHAT ALL STORIES REMIND
YOU, YOU START OFF WATCHING A
569
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:10,211
CHARACTER THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU
CAN'T RELATE TO AND IS SO
570
00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:13,214
DIFFERENT FROM YOU, AND AT THE
END OF IT, YOU REALIZE THERE'S A
571
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:15,675
KIND OF CORE OF EMOTION AND
HUMANITY THAT WE ALL SHARE.
572
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:20,680
AND SO, I GUESS I FEEL REALLY
CLEAR THAT I WANT TO BE MAKING
573
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:23,058
WORK LIKE THAT THAT REMINDS US
WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.
574
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,226
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT
"SOUND OF METAL."
575
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:29,522
YOUR PERFORMANCE, AS I SAID, THE
BAFTA NOMINATION THIS MORNING,
576
00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:30,774
IS GETTING GREAT PRAISE.
577
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:31,274
WHO DO YOU PLAY?
578
00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:32,901
AND WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
579
00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,404
>> YEAH, IT WAS A PROJECT SO
CLOSE TO MY HEART, SO LUCKY TO
580
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:37,864
BE A PART OF.
581
00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:41,743
IT'S BY A FIRST-TIME DIRECTOR
CALLED DARIUS MARDER, WHO IS A
582
00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:42,911
LEGIT GENIUS.
583
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:47,540
AND THE MOVIE IS THE STORY OF
RUBEN WHO IS KIND OF A PUNK
584
00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:50,085
METAL DRUMMER WHO SUDDENLY LOSES
HIS HEARING.
585
00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:53,755
AND WHEN HE LOSES HIS HEARING,
HE LOSE HIS IDENTITY, HIS JOB,
586
00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:57,467
AND HIS RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE
HIS BANDMATE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND.
587
00:27:57,550 --> 00:28:00,720
THEY LIVE TOGETHER IN A MOBILE
STUDIO RV.
588
00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:01,888
HIS WORLD FALLS APART.
589
00:28:01,971 --> 00:28:05,433
AND KIND OF WHAT WE HAVE BEEN
GOOG THROUGH WITH COVID, THE
590
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,937
HEALTH CRISIS FORCES HIM INTO A
KIND OF LOCKDOWN AND GOES TO A
591
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:11,606
REHAB CENTER AND FORCES HIM TO
REASSESS WHAT MATTER S.
592
00:28:11,689 --> 00:28:13,400
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP
HERE.
593
00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:14,984
CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON
GEE YEAH, SO THIS IS THE POINT
594
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:21,616
IN THE MOVIE WHERE RUBEN IS
TRYING TO GET A COCHLEAR IMPLANT
595
00:28:21,699 --> 00:28:27,122
SURGERY, WHICH STIMULATES YOUR
BRAIN AND HE PUT A LOT ON THE
596
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:30,250
LINE TO TRY TO GET HIS HEARING
BACK.
597
00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:43,471
>> Stephen: JIM.
598
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:16,546
>> Stephen: YOU-- YOU SPENT
SEVEN MONTHS PREPARING FOR THIS
599
00:29:16,629 --> 00:29:19,132
FILM, LEARNING AMERICAN SIGN
LANGUAGE.
600
00:29:19,215 --> 00:29:20,341
WHAT WAS THAT PROCESS LIKE?
601
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,969
AND WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING YOU LEARNED ABOUT THE DEAF
602
00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:24,012
COMMUNITY?
603
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:28,141
>> IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
ENRICHING AND MIND-BLOWING
604
00:29:28,224 --> 00:29:29,267
EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE.
605
00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:33,021
I'M SO GRATEFUL TO MY SIGN
INSTRUCTOR, JEREMY LEE STONE,
606
00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:36,483
WHO WAS MY MENTOR AND
INTRODUCING ME TO DEAF CULTURE.
607
00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:40,487
THE BIG TAKEAWAY FOR ME IS
DEAFNESS ISN'T A DISABILITY.
608
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:41,196
IT'S A CULTURE.
609
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:42,197
IT'S A WAY OF BEING IN THE
WORLD.
610
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,699
YOU KNOW, DEAF PEOPLE AREN'T
HEARING IMPAIRED.
611
00:29:44,782 --> 00:29:46,868
WE'RE IMPAIRED BECAUSE WE DON'T
SPEAK SIGN LANGUAGE.
612
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:51,831
SIGN LANGUAGE IS SUCH A-- SUCH A
RICH FORM OF EXPRESSION.
613
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:56,586
I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE THE DEAF
COMMUNITY TAUGHT ME THE TRUE
614
00:29:56,669 --> 00:29:58,004
MEANING OF LISTENING.
615
00:29:58,087 --> 00:30:05,720
LISTENING ISN'TI ISN'T SOMETHING
WITH YOUR EARS YOU DO IT WITH
616
00:30:05,803 --> 00:30:08,848
YOUR ENERGY AND HOLDING SPACE
FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S ENERGY.
617
00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:11,434
JEREMY TAUGHT ME THERE'S A
SAYING IN THE DEAF COMMUNITY,
618
00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:16,940
HEARING PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONALLY
REPRESSED BECAUSE WE HIND BEHIND
619
00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:17,732
WORDS.
620
00:30:17,815 --> 00:30:20,902
WE USE WORDS TO HIDE OUR
FEELINGS.
621
00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:25,240
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANT UNTIL I BECAME MORE FLUENT
622
00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:29,911
IN SIGN LANGUAGE, AND I TEARED
UP WITH SIGN LANGUAGE.
623
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:33,248
WHEN YOU'RE SPEAKING IN SIGN
IT'S SO MUCH MORE CONNECTED AND
624
00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:35,416
VISCERAL, AND YOU EMBODY WHAT
YOU'RE COMMUNICATING.
625
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,378
I LEARNED SIGN LANGUAGE, BUT I
ALSO LEARNED WHAT REAL
626
00:30:38,461 --> 00:30:41,714
COMMUNICATION IS WHAT REAL
LISTENING IS FROM THE DEAF
627
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:44,259
COMMUNITY, AND I'M SO GRATEFUL
FOR THAT.
628
00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:46,761
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW HOW
MUCH FACILITY YOU HAVE FOR
629
00:30:46,844 --> 00:30:50,473
LANGUAGES, BUT TAKING UP ANOTHER
LANGUAGE, ESPECIALLY THAT HAS A
630
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:54,060
DIFFERENT FORM OF VOCABULARY
THAN THOSE OF US NOT IN THE DEAF
631
00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:55,395
COMMUNITY ARE USED TO.
632
00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:56,479
DID YOU MAKE MISTAKES?
633
00:30:56,563 --> 00:31:01,109
I MEAN, WERE THERE ANY EPIC
MESS-UPS?
634
00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:03,945
>> YEAH, YEAH.
635
00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:07,991
MY SIGN NAME WAS SOMETHING GIVEN
BY THE DEAF COMMUNITY, YOU KNOW,
636
00:31:08,074 --> 00:31:16,040
PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU AFTER A
WHILE, MY SIGN NAME IS ( BLE
637
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:16,916
( BLEEP ).
638
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:17,792
>> Stephen: AND HOW WOULD YOU
SIGN THAT?
639
00:31:17,875 --> 00:31:18,960
HOW WOULD YOU SIGN THAT?
640
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:22,422
>> THE SIGN FOR ( BLEEP ) IS
LIKE THIS.
641
00:31:22,505 --> 00:31:25,633
SO YOU KIND OF GOT THESE, AND
YOU'RE LIKE ( BLEEP ).
642
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:32,974
AND WHAT I KEPT DOING IS I
DIDN'T KNOW THE SIGN FOR, LIKE,
643
00:31:33,057 --> 00:31:35,310
"UHM, I'M THINKING," WHEN YOU
RUN OUT OF WORDS.
644
00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:36,978
YOU CAN GO LIKE THAT, OR MAYBE
YOU'RE THINKING.
645
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:41,482
BUT I JUST EYE DIDN'T HAVE EVEN
THE VOCABULARY FOR THAT.
646
00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:45,278
EVERY TIME I RAN OUT OF WORDS I
WOULD BE LIKE...
647
00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:49,657
AND CHRISTINE SUN KIM, THE DEAF
ARTIST, KIND OF CLOCKED THAT AND
648
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:50,450
WENT, YOU KNOW, WHAT?
649
00:31:50,533 --> 00:31:51,034
THAT'S YOUR NAME.
650
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:55,538
YOU'RE PLAYING THE DRUMS.
651
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,499
YOU'RE ALWAYS ( BLEEP ), AND
R-I-Z.
652
00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,501
SO YOUR SIGN NAME IS...
653
00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:04,464
AND IT JUST SHOWS YOU HOW
AMAZING AND ELEGANT A LANGUAGE
654
00:32:04,547 --> 00:32:05,006
IS.
655
00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:06,174
YOU'VE GOT THE DRUMS.
656
00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:11,804
YOU HAVE R-I-Z, AND YOU HAVE
( BLEEP ), AND THAT'S MY SIGN
657
00:32:11,888 --> 00:32:12,597
NAME.
658
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,515
I'LL WEAR IT WITH PRIDE, THAT'S
ME.
659
00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:16,559
>> Stephen: WHICH WAS HARDER,
LEARNING AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE
660
00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:17,685
OR THE DRUMS?
661
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:18,561
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD TO LEARN
THE DRUMS FOR THE PART.
662
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,980
>> YEAH, I MEAN, SIGN LANGUAGE
WAS INTENSE.
663
00:32:21,064 --> 00:32:23,358
YOU KNOW, IT WAS SEVEN MONTHS,
MANY HOURS EVERY DAY.
664
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:24,692
BUT THE DRUMS WAS THE SAME.
665
00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:28,237
BUT I FEEL LIKE THE DRUMS WAS
HARDER FOR ME, MUCH HARD
666
00:32:28,321 --> 00:32:30,031
EBECAUSE I STUPIDLY THOUGHT I
WOULD BE GOOD AT THE DRUMS
667
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:34,577
BECAUSE I'M A RAPPER AND I'VE
GOT SOME IDEA OF RHYTHM.
668
00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:35,787
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM
THE TRUTH.
669
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:39,082
THERE IS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
RHYTHM AND COORDINATION, AND MY
670
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:42,502
DRUM TEACHER HAS THE PATIENCE OF
A SAINT.
671
00:32:42,585 --> 00:32:45,922
AND REALLY, IT GOT PRETTY
PSYCHOLOGICAL, MAN.
672
00:32:46,005 --> 00:32:50,051
TWO DUDZ JUST IN A WEIRD
BASEMENT STUDIO IN BROOKLYN IN
673
00:32:50,134 --> 00:32:53,638
THE HEAT OF THE SUMMER JUST
USUALLY STRIPPED DOWN TO
674
00:32:53,721 --> 00:32:57,392
UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS, JUST, LIKE,
STARING AT EACH OTHER SMASHING
675
00:32:57,475 --> 00:32:57,892
DRUMS.
676
00:32:57,975 --> 00:32:59,268
IT GOT PRETTY INTENSE.
677
00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:03,398
IT GOT A LITTLE BIT "APOCALYPSE
NOW" IN THERE.
678
00:33:03,481 --> 00:33:05,066
I THINK THE THING WITH THE
DRUMS.
679
00:33:05,149 --> 00:33:05,733
YOU DON'T PLAY THE DRUMS.
680
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:07,402
YOU HAVE TO LET THEM PLAY YOU.
681
00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:09,404
AND THAT'S WHAT I KIND OF
LEARNED IN THE END.
682
00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:12,407
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A DRUMMER
IN OUR FAMILY AND HE DOESN'T GO
683
00:33:12,490 --> 00:33:16,119
ANYWHERE WITHOUT SOME SORT OF
EAR PRODUCTION IN CASE HE SITS
684
00:33:16,202 --> 00:33:17,412
IN.
685
00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:22,917
HE HAS EITHER THE FULL HEADPHONE
OR THE EAR PLUGS ON HIS CHE KEY
686
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:23,626
CHAIN.
687
00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:24,085
DID YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR EARS?
688
00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:24,877
>> YOU HAVE TO.
689
00:33:24,961 --> 00:33:26,045
IT'S PART OF WHAT THE FILM IS
ABOUT.
690
00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:27,171
IT BACKFIRED ON ME.
691
00:33:27,255 --> 00:33:32,051
I GOT SO USED TO WEARING THESE
EAR PLUGS, THAT I KIND OF
692
00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:34,429
STOPPED BEING ABLE TO SLEEP.
693
00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:38,599
YOU KNOW, I WAS PREPARING IN NEW
YORK WITHOUT EAR PLUGS BUT I
694
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:39,767
KEPT SLEEPING THROUGH MY ALARM.
695
00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:42,103
SO THEN I STARTED GETTING LATE
FOR WORK, SO THEN I COULDN'T
696
00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:44,480
SLEEP OUT OF ANXIETY FOR THAT.
697
00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:49,569
SO THE WHOLE FIRST COUPLE OF
WEEKS OF SHOOTING, I KEPT BUYING
698
00:33:49,652 --> 00:33:50,862
NEW MATTRESSES.
699
00:33:50,945 --> 00:33:54,198
FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT MAYBE
THE PROBLEM WAS WITH THE
700
00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:55,283
MATTRESS I WAS SLEEPING ON.
701
00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:59,036
A WHOLE WORMHOLE OF NEUROSES
OPENED UP AROUND THOSE.
702
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,247
IT WAS AN INTENSE PROCESS, MAN.
703
00:34:01,330 --> 00:34:03,458
YOU HAD TO BE THERE AT THE TIME.
704
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:07,253
>> Stephen: RIZ RIZ IT WAS
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
705
00:34:07,336 --> 00:34:10,089
I KNOW YOU'RE A NATIVE OF THE
U.K., ARE YOU OKAY WITH WHAT
706
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:16,596
HAPPENED WITH PIERS MORGAN THAT
HE HAD TO QUIT "GOOD MORNING
707
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:17,638
BRITAIN"?
708
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:21,100
ARE YOU OKAY HE'S GOI NOT GOING
BE THERE ANYMORE?
709
00:34:21,184 --> 00:34:26,689
>> HONESTLY, NOTHING COULD BE
FURTHER FROM MY MIND THAN PIERS
710
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:27,440
MORGAN.
711
00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:28,399
>> Stephen: THEN YOU'LL BE
OKAY.
712
00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:30,693
"SOUND OF METAL" IS ON AMAZON
PRIME VIDEO NOW.
713
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:31,819
RIZ AHMED, EVERYBODY.
714
00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:34,071
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY JANELLE MONAE.
715
00:34:46,375 --> 00:34:51,589
♪ ♪ ♪
JAW-DROPPING MOMENT, THE FIRST
716
00:35:02,141 --> 00:35:03,851
ONE, ABOUT THE COLOR OF THE
BABY'S SKIN.
717
00:35:03,935 --> 00:35:07,105
>> HE DID NOT SHARE THE IDENTITY
WITH ME, BUT HE WANTED TO MAKE
718
00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:10,733
SURE THEY KNEW AND IF I HAD AN
OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE IT, THAT IT
719
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:14,529
WAS NOT HIS GRANDMOTHER NOR HIS
GRANDFATHER.
720
00:35:14,612 --> 00:35:18,491
>> SEE, IT WAS AN ISOLATED
INCIDENT, NOT AICISM OMENT OF A
721
00:35:18,574 --> 00:35:20,326
LARGER SOCIETAL ROT.
722
00:35:20,409 --> 00:35:24,705
SURE, THE BRITISH PUT ME IN JAIL
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
723
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:25,957
SCREW IT?
724
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,668
OPRAH CALL ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE
I COULD BE IN MONT CITO TOMORROW
725
00:35:28,751 --> 00:35:31,587
AND I HAVE ( BLEEP ) STORIES ON
EVERYBODY.
726
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:33,047
BUCKINGHAM PALACE IS GOING DOWN.
727
00:35:33,130 --> 00:35:35,007
YOUR RATINGS ARE GOING UP.
728
00:35:35,091 --> 00:35:36,050
PIERS MORGAN.
729
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,635
♪ ♪ ♪
730
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:47,103
QSPERFORMING HER SONG
"TURNTABLES" FROM THE
731
00:35:47,186 --> 00:35:50,273
DOCUMENTARY "ALL IN: THE FIGHT
FOR DEMOCRACY" STARRING STACEY
732
00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:55,236
ABRAMS, JANELLE MONÁE.
733
00:35:55,319 --> 00:36:05,288
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TURN, TURN
734
00:36:05,371 --> 00:36:14,589
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TURN, TURN
735
00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:24,765
♪ ♪ ♪
TURN, TURN, TURN
736
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:31,647
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
737
00:36:31,731 --> 00:36:36,903
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
♪ ♪ ♪
738
00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:44,660
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
739
00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:48,956
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
740
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,793
>> WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A
REVOLUTION RIGHT NOW.
741
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:56,797
SHOUT OUT TO STACEY ABRAMS.
742
00:36:56,881 --> 00:37:02,428
ALL IN THE FIGHT FOR DEMOCRACY!
743
00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:05,348
SHOUT-OUT TO EVERYBODY FIGHTING.
744
00:37:05,431 --> 00:37:07,767
FOR THE RIGHTS OF OUR PEOPLE.
745
00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:11,187
ALL IN.
746
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:15,316
BECAUSE THE
♪ THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN
747
00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:21,822
I SAID THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN
♪ THE TABLE ABOUT TO TURN
748
00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:23,324
I'VE BEEN FLIPPING
♪ THROUGH MY TIMELINE
749
00:37:23,407 --> 00:37:27,828
TRYING TO GET MY MIND RIGHT
♪ MY CITY CRY-Y
750
00:37:27,912 --> 00:37:31,499
I GOT TO COOL DOWN
♪ BUT I'M UNDER PRESSURE
751
00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:36,003
LOOK AT WHERE MY CHRIS GO
♪ LOOK AT WHERE MY FIST GO
752
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:39,548
I RENEGADE WHEN I'M IN A RAGE
♪ I GOT TO COOL DOWN
753
00:37:39,632 --> 00:37:42,843
BUT I'M UNDER PRESSURE
♪ I KEEP MY HANDS DIRTY
754
00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:44,470
MY MIND CLEAN
♪ GOT A NEW AGENDA
755
00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:50,059
WITH A NEW DREAM
♪ I'M KICKING OUT THE OLD REGIME
756
00:37:50,142 --> 00:37:55,481
LIBERATION, ELEVATION, EDUCATION
♪ I SAID AMERICA, YOU A LIE
757
00:37:55,564 --> 00:37:57,316
BUT THE WHOLE WORLD
♪ 'BOUT TO TESTIFY
758
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:04,323
I SAID, THE WHOLE WORLD
♪ 'BOUT TO TESTIFY
759
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:06,367
AND THE TABLES 'BOUT TO
TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
760
00:38:06,450 --> 00:38:12,206
♪ AIN'T NO STOPPIN' 'TIL THEY
TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
761
00:38:12,289 --> 00:38:15,835
♪ NO STOPPIN' 'TIL
NOW IT'S TIME TO
762
00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:19,005
♪ TURN, TURN,
TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
763
00:38:19,088 --> 00:38:20,923
♪ WE CAN'T WAIT FOR IT
TURN, TURN, TURN
764
00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:25,886
♪ YEAH, THE TABLES 'BOUT TO TURN
WOO!
765
00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:26,887
IT'S A BOOMERANG
♪ BOOMING BACK, YEAH
766
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:29,724
YOU LAID THE EGG
♪ NOW IT'S 'BOUT TO HATCH, YEAH
767
00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:33,227
YOU GASLIGHT AND 'BOUT
♪ TO MEET YOUR MATCH
768
00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:35,479
YOU-- UP THE KITCHEN
♪ THEN YOU SHOULD DO THE DISHES
769
00:38:35,563 --> 00:38:38,733
BURNING DOWN PLANTATIONS
♪ AIN'T NO PARKING
770
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:42,945
I DON'T NEED NO VALIDATION
♪ I LIKE SAGE WHEN I'M IN A RAGE
771
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:46,407
I DON'T NEED PERMISSION
♪ I GOT MY INTUITION
772
00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:52,413
KEEP MY HANDS DIRTY
♪ MIND CLEAN
773
00:38:52,496 --> 00:38:54,373
♪ GOT A NEW AGENDA WITH A NEW
DREAM.
774
00:38:54,457 --> 00:38:56,083
WE KICKING OUT THE OLD REGIME
♪ LIBERATION, ELEVATION
775
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,418
EDUCATION
♪ I SAID "AMERICA
776
00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,587
YOUSA LIE"
♪ BUT THE WHOLE WORLD
777
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:02,673
'BOUT TO TESTIFY
♪ I SAID THE WHOLE WORLD
778
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:05,926
'BOUT TO TESTIFY
♪ WE GONNA WATCH THE TABLE
779
00:39:06,010 --> 00:39:09,305
NOW WE GONNA WATCH THE TABLE
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
780
00:39:09,388 --> 00:39:12,475
THE TABLES GOT TO
♪ THAT'S RIGHT
781
00:39:12,558 --> 00:39:23,277
TURN, TURN, TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
782
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,446
♪ WE SEE IT ALL NOW
WE TURN, TURN, TURN
783
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:31,452
♪ SAID THE TABLES GOT TO TURN
TURN TABLES TURN
784
00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:38,125
♪ TURN TABLES TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
785
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:42,963
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
TURN, TURN, TURN
786
00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:53,140
♪ TURN, TURN, TURN
>> Stephen: JANELLE MONÁE,
787
00:39:53,224 --> 00:39:54,016
EVERYBODY.
788
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:55,184
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
789
00:39:55,267 --> 00:39:56,393
♪ ♪ ♪
790
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:04,693
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
791
00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:07,154
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE EMMANUEL ACHO AND GINA
792
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,115
YASHERE.
793
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:10,324
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
794
00:40:10,407 --> 00:40:11,242
GOOD NIGHT.